Hey. Hi. Ooh!
How are you? Pandora!
DOG YAPS Pandora! Pandora!
What you need to do is get control of Pandora.
BARKING
JOANNA SCANLAN: If dogs go wild...
BARKING They are absolutely nuts.
Is the dog around?
SHARP BARK, OVERLAPPING BARKING
I can't control 'em.
Come on now, big boy.
Nathan thinks he can read. Sure he can.
He can't. He's a dog. He can. Course he can.
..and get up... Oh, here we go.
No. Get down. ..to no good...
Oh, it's me now, is it? I'm honoured.
..or down... Oh, no.
..and dirty... He loves a big, large crap.
DOG SNARLS Oh.
Tank likes to rub his boy parts.
What is going on with you, Tank?
..when pups... Wonder what we're gonna learn today.
..need to be schooled...
Three, two, one. And sit.
Fantastic. Look at that.
DOG FARTS
..or if your pooch... He's dropped one.
Have you got a whiff? ..has a personal problem...
Some dogs have bacterias that are gas-producing.
Just in case.
..one man... Hey, look at that!
..will give it his all...
Jack, oi!
Leave it.
..and get answers... DOG BARKS
I think I might know what's going on, and it's not what you think.
..to any doggy dilemma.
Yeah, that's next-level, innit?
This week...
Heavenly Father, we thank you for the pets that share our lives.
..a furry fallen angel...
As per usual, my dog is being the loudest.
..interrupts the Word of God...
I really struggled to hear what was being said.
..for the word of dog.
Not a good thing to be going home from church,
then we're deafened by barking.
Can't help feeling they're not gonna wanna come back too soon.
A fiddling Frenchie...
You've got a rather embarrassing problem. Well, I don't.
BOTH LAUGH
..needs expert help.
I've got a few videos.
Oh, OK. All right.
There's a dog on the other side.
And a dangerous game... Get behind this van.
..of hide and seek... We're taking cover, are we?
..ruins... BARKING
..a retirement.
I wanted to share everything with him, and we can't do that.
It's so sad.
First up, Graeme's travelled to the capital.
I'm in South London today - Catford, to be precise.
There's a joke there, in't there? Coming to see a dog in Catford.
But I'm not gonna go there cos that would be cheesy.
And I'm never cheesy, am I?
But the problem I'm gonna see strikes right at the heart
of this community.
ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS
Hey, it's good to see you again.
Aw. Oh. He's had a calling...
This must be the queue for the service, then.
Hello. You all right?
..to St John the Baptist Church...
Hi, good to see you. Morning, Rev. Nice to meet you.
I won't give you a treat. No. Thank you very much.
There's a lot of dogs. Come and join us.
..where Reverend Peter is leading...
It's always nice to not be the only one in church with a dog collar on.
..one of his pet-blessing services.
Heavenly Father, we thank you for the pets that share our lives.
We pray for the dogs, we bless the dogs with holy water,
and we remind ourselves that pets are a gift from God.
'It's an opportunity for reaching out to the wider community.
'Sometimes, it's the first time
'people have set foot into the church.'
And we pray, Lord, that you may enable us.
But instead of encouraging newcomers...
BARKS
..to join his flock...
I'll do my best to be heard over Lilah.
..six-year-old Frenchie Lilah...
..leaves congregants praying for an exodus.
As per usual, my dog is being the loudest,
so I have to yell to be heard over her.
BARKING AND YOWLING Shh! Lilah.
OK. It's his dog, innit?
Oh, the naughtiest dog in church is the rev's. Ha!
Apologies for the noise, especially Lilah, all the way through.
Calm down. It's OK. LILAH BARKS
Pet service isn't her favourite thing.
It's not... not a good thing to be going home from church,
then we're deafened by barking.
I can't help feeling they're not gonna wanna come back too soon.
And obviously, that reflects a bit on me as well,
which is why it's embarrassing.
I really struggled to hear what was being said.
I could see the vicar's lips moving,
but I couldn't hear much because we were sat right behind his dog.
DOORBELL RINGS And Lilah also rains shame...
Hi, Peter. Hello. You all right?
..down on her holy father when parishioners visit his rectory.
Can I come in?
You can, just keep your fingers to yourself. Will do.
BARKING
You can have a variety of visitors during the day
to arrange things like funerals, baptisms.
Coming round to meet Peter can be quite nerve-wracking.
It would be much nicer
if you weren't met with a welcome like that.
If somebody's coming and they're upset,
the last thing they want to be is barked at by a loud dog.
After an ear-splitting service... DOORBELL RINGS
..to understand why Lilah
has no space in her heart for potential parishioners...
There we go. Hello. Hide your fingers, Graeme, hide your fingers.
Oh, right. OK. Yes.
..Graeme wants to meet the rest of her holy household.
Anne-Marie. Anne-Marie.
Peter. Peter.
Quinn. Quinn.
Luke. Luke. All right. Great.
Tell me about the pet blessings.
Wh... You know, what was the thinking behind that?
Most of the people who were there today don't come on a Sunday. Oh.
It's a good chance for them to experience church.
Yeah. There's only one little fly in the ointment, and it's...
There is. It's her, innit?
Yes, it is a bit off-putting.
She wasn't very pleased to see me at the door, was she?
Afraid not, no. She doesn't welcome guests, I'm afraid.
We had a couple last week who came to see me about a funeral,
and I had to reassure them
there was no way the dog was gonna get to them
and, you know, don't panic.
So it's a problem in the church
and a problem when you're back at home as well? Yes.
I mean, she is nervous. We're her third owners. Ah.
The first owner wasn't particularly kind to her,
to say the least. Oh, right.
Her first owner used her for backyard breeding.
Ah. So no real sort of love and affection or any of that.
So a rescue dog, very much. Yeah. Yeah.
And is there anything that you do that makes it better, do you think?
Putting her upside down.
You grab her and you tip her upside down, and then she's just like...
Right.
There's a very good reason why Delilah is acting the way she is.
She is nervous and scared,
and that's because her first owners were breeders
who just had her as a breeding machine.
And she had a really good reason to be scared
of anybody she didn't know.
And also, a congregation of people,
a big group of strangers to her - terrifying.
Shh! Lilah.
BARKS
Coming up... No!
..a retirement...
I broke my hand, and I've broken ribs.
..stuck in the trenches. It's so sad.
I don't get to enjoy it with my best friend.
An awkward habit...
I was just wondering if you had any advice on...
He's doing it now.
BARKS And can Graeme...
Just about to praise her, and she starts again. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I feel your pain.
..bring peace to the parish?
Well, I think this is gonna take a while.
JOANNA SCANLAN: In South London, at St John the Baptist Church...
Heavenly Father, we thank you for the pets that share our lives.
..Reverend Peter testifies...
BARKS
As per usual, my dog is being the loudest.
..trespasses against his rescue dog, Lilah...
Her first owner used for backyard breeding.
So no real sort of love and affection.
..have made her so nervous around strangers,
people are not joining his flock.
Can't help feeling they're not gonna wanna come back too soon.
And her unholy din also makes...
Hi, Peter. Hello.
..a visit to his rectory hellish.
Somebody's coming and they're upset,
the last thing they want to be is barked at by a loud dog.
BARKING
And it's an amen from Graeme.
I think her background explains the problem you've got.
All she knows is strangers are bad news.
The only question, I suppose,
is there anything you're doing that might be making it worse?
You've got this method of, like...
well, we put her upside down, and it is the feeling of being cuddled,
so she feels that that's very rewarding, right?
But what about the timing of that?
She's like, "If I feel uncomfortable,
"I can bark, and I might get a little cuddle,
"and I like being cuddled,
"so I'll do more barking when I'm uncomfortable."
A-ha. That make sense?
Yeah. Addicted to the cuddles.
Yeah, kind of, I think. Yeah. PETER CHUCKLES
But there was a moment when I heard you say to her, "Lilah."
Lilah. Good girl.
'That's all it was.'
And she went, "Oh, sorry, Dad."
But it might just need a nudge now and again, you know,
"Er, Lilah."
Makes sense.
Lilah is anxious, really nervous.
She doesn't like strangers. Sees them as dangerous, I suppose.
And we've got to get her over that.
We've got to get her used to understanding
that, actually, people are fine.
'How do we do that? Bit by bit.
'I don't wanna drop her in the deep end
'by trying to do some training
'with a full congregation of people in there.
'Let's introduce them bit by bit, one at a time.'
To teach Lilah
that only when she lets parishioners into her life...
Yay! Clever girl. Yay!
..will she receive the love she craves,
Graeme's brought her to church.
So, here's my plan.
I've got a whole load of your congregation round the corner.
They're gonna come over. We'll say hello and chat to them.
If she's barking, then we can deploy her quick.
You know, "Lilah."
If that nudge is enough for her to go, "Yeah, OK, sorry,"
then she gets a little cuddle from one or both of you.
The most important thing is rewarding good behaviour.
And in this case, praise be to dog.
Oh. Nice.
GRAEME CHUCKLES Nice.
I've been dying to say that all day. Have you got out your system now?
Yeah, I have. PETER LAUGHS
Have you forgiven me? Just.
But only cos it's my job. Yeah.
THEY LAUGH
Good. Once she's calmed down, seems OK with the person,
we'll let them in the church.
And then next person, next person.
And then she joins, and away you go.
Can we have our first visitor, please?
But if Peter and Anne-Marie...
Hello. You're nice. Oh, we're full of excitement.
..don't follow Graeme's commandment...
There you go. Lilah. OK.
..to withhold their warm embrace...
No. No.
Lilah! No.
Yeah. Careful, cos you'll be cuddling up with her
for being naughty if you... Yeah. Yeah.
..instead of accepting new worshippers...
We've just gotta be patient.
..she'll continue...
Lilah. ..to drive them away.
Lilah!
I think this is gonna take a while.
I mean, she is really persistent. Lilah!
I think we have to wait it out. We've gotta keep the faith.
Good girl. Good girl. LILAH BARKS
Just about to praise her, and she starts again. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I feel your pain. Yeah. Lilah!
By keeping the faith, Reverend Peters proved...
Good girl. That's better. Good girl.
That's it, now she can get a cuddle.
..good things come to those that wait.Good girl.
Very nice. Good girl. Wanna go upside down?
Little baby. That's it.
She's like, "Oh, everybody still loves me, then."
Yeah, course we do. Yeah.
I think you could go into the church now, please.
Thank you. There we go.
Down you go again. Ooh, look at you.
But has Lilah...
Can we have our next person, please?
..seen enough of the light... Good girl.
..to accept all creatures?
There we go. Oh. There's a person with a... Oh.
Oh, that was a good start. Yeah, nice and easy.
Oh, that's really good. Right.
Would you like to go inside the church, please?
What's started to happen is she's ignoring the people...
Nice to see you. Good girl, Lilah.
..and pay more attention to Mum and Dad, and I'm fine with that.
Earning cuddles...
Good. Good. Lovely.
..and even treats...
Lilah, good girl. That's lovely.
Yeah. Oh, that was very good.
..for heavenly welcomes.
Not a peep. Yeah.
Will her conversion...
Maybe the penny's dropped. ..sustain...
What if we had two people and two dogs all at once?
..when worshippers arrive two by two?
OK, come on over. Put it to the test.
That happens, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah.
They don't all come one by one. No. No.
Aw! That's it.
Hasn't even noticed yet. Hello, hello. You all right?
Oh, that's lovely, look. You're looking a bit nervous, bless.
This is nice. This is how it's meant to be.
GRAEME LAUGHS
Ah, happy days.
Lilah might be greeting strangers at the church door...
Very good.
..but her greatest sins are committed inside it,
where she drowns out the word of God.
Apologies for the noise, especially Lilah, all the way through.
To bring lasting peace,
Graeme will need to pull off a miracle.
Graeme's devoted his career...
See what we've got here, then.
..to fixing our furry friends.
Oh. That's puzzling.
But he gets inundated with queries not just about their behaviour.
I get a lot of questions from people about dog's wellbeing
that isn't strictly to do with training.
So he wants to help all dogs... Good boy, Sidney.
..be as happy and healthy as possible.
Hello, buddy.
To do it... I'm just gonna zoom in.
..he's gathered a team of professionals
working in veterinary medicine...
Good result.
..grooming... Good girl, Princess.
..and pet nutrition.
This is a probiotic powder.
We can introduce this and actually get his gut starting to reset.
Well, I've been getting quite a few inquiries this week
from people with itchy dogs.
And there's one here from a lady called Milly.
She's in Manchester, and she's got a Frenchie
with what I think is an itchy problem,
but it's a bit different, this one.
'Hi, Graeme, I'm Milly, and this is Tank.'
And Tank likes to touch and rub his private area.
And I'm not really sure what to do about it,
so I was just wondering if you had any advice on...
He's doing it now.
..how you could help.
TANK SNORTS Really?
GRAEME CHUCKLES Darling.
I really just need to do this. Awkward.
Oh. GRAEME CHUCKLES
All right, I see your problem. Is he itchy? What else is going on?
For an irresistible doggy itch, a vet check is recommended,
and Graeme's heading to Oldham to consult one,
who will investigate why Tank tackles his tackle.
What's interesting is that Frenchies,
to some extent, need to use their paws to clean down there.
And, yeah, it can cause a certain amount of embarrassment
with people who are onlooking
cos, you know, you wouldn't understand that, would you?
But before he introduces vet May to Tank...
Morning. Hiya. Milly, yeah? Hi. Yeah.
Nice to meet you. Hi, you OK?
..he wants to find out...
You've got a rather embarrassing problem - or he has. Well, I don't.
BOTH LAUGH
..how this Frenchie's fiddling affects Milly.
In what sort of situations does he do it?
I'm a stay-at-home dog mum on the internet.
You're a what? Stay-at-home dog mum on the internet.
So, we do social media. Oh, yeah.
So we vlog our day-to-day life.
Oh, I see. It does get views.
Every time I post a video of him doing it, it will go viral.
But I also don't want to be known and don't want him to be known
as the pornographic dog. Yeah.
BOTH CHUCKLE
As well as a vet, May Yean...
Oh, I know, you're so brave.
..is a pet health vlogger.
Have we got Tank and Milly? Ah, May. Hi.
Go on in. Come on in.
There's so much misinformation on the internet, on social media,
so it is important to have more vets
spreading the correct, evidence-based advice
to help out pet owners.
This is Tank. He's got a bit of an embarrassing problem, May. OK.
So, essentially, Tank likes to fiddle and rub his boy parts.
OK. Mm-hm.
Now, my issue is, is he doing it for attention,
or has he got an infection?
I've got a few videos.
Oh, OK. All right.
Oh, bless him. OK. MILLY LAUGHS
The first thing to rule out...
Check your pulse. Good boy.
..is infection.
It can be normal for dogs to have a bit of discharge.
So, just retract the sheath. Oh.
And in both male and female dogs... Good boy. Mm.
..discoloured nasal, eye and genital discharge...
The discharge is quite greenish.
..can provide vital clues.
If it's yellowish, milky colour, it can be normal,
but this just gives off a little bit of... ..green.
That's not good, is it?
This could be normal for him... OK.
..but the only way to know is to send it off to the lab... Mm-hm.
..to see if it's an actual infection.
I would also advise to start on a course of anti-inflammatories...
OK. ..waiting for the results
to see if we need any antibiotics, basically. I see. OK.
So maybe he's not just an attention seeker.
Difficult to say
because him messing with it can also lead to an infection. OK, yeah.
So did the inflammation cause him to be scratching it,
or did the scratching cause the inflammation? We don't know.
OK. Right. But we do know we can treat it.
Yes, we do know we can treat it.
Thank you so much. Right. All the best.
Thank you. Bye. Bye. Take care, now. Bye-bye, now.
While Milly waits for Tank's test results,
Graeme's heading 90 miles south
for an out-of-hours appointment in Northampton.
Well, it's early in the morning -
a lot earlier than I normally come and see a client,
but the people I'm off to see...
Head in.
..they try and get their dog walk out the way before anybody's about.
And it sounds like it's quite the military operation.
In.
When retired firefighter Pete and wife Debbie...
It looks like he's going to war.
..take deerhound-borzoi-cross Boris out...
The leads are double-linked.
..he's dressed for riot control.
All looks pretty clear.
But as soon as he sees another canine...
BARKS
..it's the three-year-old who causes a public disturbance.
No. No. Oi, oi, oi!
If he goes on his hindquarters, that is well over six foot.
'That's frightening to watch.'
Holding onto their 50-kilo combatant...
Oi! Enough.
..is a two-soldier job.
BORIS BARKS No.
I do the front lead now, don't I? Yeah, and I'm the anchor.
Just give that extra weight if he does do something.
Pete hoped to spend his retirement...
This really is my happy place.
..on his allotment with Boris. Oh, look at that.
'I just wanna share it.'
But that's not in Boris' battle plan.
'Everyone looks forward to retiring.'
I wanted to share everything with him, and we can't do that.
I can't bring him, and just... it's so sad.
So I don't get to enjoy it with my best friend.
Morning. Hello. Morning. Morning.
Oh, this must be Boris, is it? Yes, this is Boris.
Are you friendly? Are you gonna be all right?
Oh, hello. You're sweet.
And yet he's tacked up like a war horse.
Well, we're on the lookout all the time for... Ah, right.
..other dogs cos he reacts.
But it's like Jekyll and Hyde. Mm.
Yeah. Come on, then. Oh, there's a dog.
BARKING
Wow. Crikey. Yeah, OK.
Slow down.
Stop. Walking Boris to Pete's allotment...
Dog to the left. To the left. OK. Seen it.
..has become a dangerous game.
Dog in front. Good boy.
..of hide-and-seek.
We can get behind this van.
We're taking cover, are we? Just stay... Yes.
Stay here. He won't see him - hopefully. Right.
Wait till she comes past. Yeah.
So, we have the enemy under observation. Yeah.
Come on. I think we're safe to go now.
Yeah. Advance.
Good boy. Good boy. Good boy. Wow.
That's it. Stay there. Keep going.
Well, we can't cos there's dogs up there.
Go on. We'd better cross the road, I suppose.
Come on, then. Let's go. All right. Come on. Come on.
Good boy. Good boy.
Pete used to walk Boris solo.
Good boy.
I was walking him on my own. Until then, I did.
But a serious skirmish forced a doubling of the guard.
We saw a little puppy across the road.
He then went... He pulled me like Superman,
one inch off the ground, right across the pavement,
right across the road and onto their drive. Blimey.
Yeah. I broke my hand, and I've broken ribs.
Bashed my head. So, yeah... Blimey. Wow.
It wasn't good. I was... come back with blood, didn't I? Yeah, you did.
And you haven't walked him on your own since? No.
We've been out for about an hour,
and we ain't got to the allotment yet.
It's over there. Just across the road...
Blimey. ..and we're there.
If you weren't walking him,
it would've taken 30 seconds to walk there. Exactly.
Dog coming.
Right.
Good boy. No. BORIS BARKS
Hey!
Stop! What do you want?
Come on. Come on, Boris. Off you go.
All right, Mr Angry. God! Come on, Boris.
All right, hang on. Come on. That's it. Good boy.
To try and broker a ceasefire...
This is for my onions and shallots. Oh, yeah.
They'll go in the end of the week.
..Graeme needs to understand...
And that small one's gonna be garlic.
..why Boris went to war.
So, what was going on in your life when you... when you got him?
Well, I was coming up to retirement. Ah, yeah.
I was a firefighter for 15 years and then went into working with the NHS.
Oh, did you? Interesting. Yeah.
Debbie works, and she can be working for the next few years.
Right. So I wanted my own dog, my friend, to come with me always.
Yeah. So that was the dream. He was brilliant.
And it was the dream come true.
It was working so well. Right.
Something changed, did it?
Something changed with me. Unfortunately, I became very ill.
Found out that I've got a bowel disease. Oh, dear.
Well, I was very unwell. I was in bed for a long time. Right.
And then he'd... forever smelling my breath. OK.
In the morning, wasn't it? First thing in the morning.
You think the smelling the breath was significant,
he could smell something different going on inside?
Then what happened when you got out and about again?
That was it. He suddenly...
He was reactive, and he'd never been reactive.
I really believe that he's protecting me.
I think he's decided that,
"I've gotta protect my dad cos he's not well."
'You've got to feel for Peter, haven't you?
'I mean, a whole lifetime given over to public service.'
And then he retires and thinks,
"All right, you know, I'll have a dog as a companion."
'And then...' BORIS BARKS
..the dream's turned into a nightmare, hasn't it?
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it - it's dangerous.
Every single walk could end in a 999 call.
Whoa! Boris! No! No!
DOORBELL RINGS Coming up...
Can I come in? Will Lilah...
You can, just keep your fingers to yourself. Will do.
..stop being a pain in the rectory?
It would be much nicer
if you weren't met with a welcome like that.
The thing about Raffa is... We call it Velcro fur.
It's electric at the groomers'.
The longer the hair, the more static it creates. OK.
And can Graeme...
Put your legs apart, bit of that if you like.
That's it. Oh. That's it. Now you look the part.
..get Boris to... BORIS BARKS
Stand down. Stand down.
JOANNA SCANLAN: In Northampton... He looks like he's gonna war.
..after Boris noticed...
He's forever smelling my breath.
Wait.
..Pete was seriously unwell...
I became very ill, and suddenly, he was reactive. Really?
BARKING
..he became so combative...
I broke my hand and ribs, bashed my head.
..it's ruined Pete's peaceful retirement plans.
I would love to take him to the allotment.
The only problem is,
it's a dangerous walk to go just round the block.
He believes Boris is defending him because of his illness.
I think he's decided that,
"I've gotta protect my dad cos he's not well."
But Graeme does not.
I actually think there's a good chance
he just thought you wouldn't protect him.
Right. You see what I mean?
Yes, I do. Yeah.
I think he's probably gone, "I don't think he's gonna defend.
' "Maybe I need to defend myself."
'So he's like, "All right, stand back. I can deal with this.
' "I can make myself big and horrible." '
BARKING
'Right, yes.' 'Yeah.'
So we need to reassure him that you've got this now.
You know, you're recovering now. You're a lot better.
And I think we need to get you back into that position
of, well, leadership, in effect.
Graeme's theory is the opposite that we've always believed,
but it makes so much sense.
It could be the other way round, really. It could be.
Go on, then. Come on. Go on. Good boy.
I need to show Boris that actually, Peter, his dad,
he's got his energy back, and he's back to his old self.
To convince Boris Pete's fighting fit...
Lovely, right.
..Graeme will start this training exercise.
It's a nice little spot, this, isn't it? Yes.
..in a demilitarised zone.
This is Kate, and she's got Bibi with her.
Want to get a bit nearer?
Well, we have to, don't we?
If we don't get closer, we won't train him, will we?
No. You're right.
So, you and I, Debbie, are gonna keep hold of Boris just in case.
And then, Peter, I'm gonna have you in front
because it's a natural leadership position.
Not from behind, out the front. Stood there looking the part.
It's gonna be a bit like this. A bit of a wide stance.
That looks like somebody who knows what he's doing.
Yeah. So, if you're Boris, I'm gonna be like this, right?
And if you misbehave, it's like, "Stand down." OK.
If he's a good boy, we can tell him he's a good boy.
So we're rewarding him for seeing a dog and doing nothing.
Graeme hopes a commanding stance...
Put your legs apart. A bit of that, if you like.
That's it. Oh, that's it. Now you look the part.
..and a crystal clear order... Stand down.
..will show Boris Pete can protect him...
You're in charge.
..and lead from the front.
Come on.
Oh, this is good. OK.
Blimey. He's feeling brave.
Deep into no man's land...
Just here. Stop.
Yeah. Good boy.
Hey. Good boy. That's better.
..Boris appears to be trusting his drill sergeant.
See the difference? Yes.
And come on.
But will Pete remember his orders...
Good boy. Slow down a bit.
..when Boris comes face to face with his foe?
Ah-ah-ah-ah. No. LOW-PITCHED BARKS
Now, that was just... I think that was just frustrating.
OK. No, no. Stand down!
Stand down. Stand down. Well done.
Well done, Peter, you took control there.
You stepped in. You really looked the part.
You know, it's like, "Stand down," and he went... "Oh, right."
Good boy.
'Peter was really good.'
Good boy.
He's beginning to look like a man who's taken back control.
Boris is learning his platoon leader has his back.
Well, I've upped the ante.
But these manoeuvres are about to get tougher.
'Norman's an American bulldog.'
The sort of dog that would create a reaction.
Yes. Oh, yes, definitely.
I mean, he's clocked him.
He's seen him. Yeah.
All right, well, you're in charge.
Right. Come on, then. Yeah.
Good lad.
As one unit... And stop.
..closes in on the other...
Come on.
..can Pete keep control...
I'm gonna stop here. Stop. Yeah, super.
..if the big guns sound off?
No, that's it. Yeah. Stand down.
BARKING INTENSIFIES Stand down.
Stand... Stand down. Well done.
Stand down! That's it. Stick...
No.
Stick to your guns. No. No.
Well done. Good boy.
Good boy. Hey. Good boy. That's it. That's better.
Well done. You did well there.
Cos he's got a big bark on him as well.
As soon as he barked...
BARKING It's all right. Good boy.
Well done. No, no.
Boris. Boris!
That is brilliant.
He just went, "All right. I'll take your word for it, Dad."
Oh, hello.
'I'm really pleased with the way it's gone in the field.'
However, I think we need to take this back to the real world.
Peter's got a problem walking down his own street.
BARKING
On a two-year tour of duty...
..marching Boris round the corner to Pete's allotment...
Dog in front. Good boy.
..has been a dangerous mission.
We're taking cover, are we?
Behind enemy lines.
We've been out for about an hour,
and we ain't got to the allotment yet, is it?
It's over there. Just across the road.
That's it. That's better, innit?
BARKING Stand down.
Oh, well done. Stand down.
..Pete might get... Come on, keep going.
That's a good boy.
..the R&R in his retirement...
All right. Well done, you. Well done.
..he's dreamt of.
He's seen that dog.
ALL:Good boy.
No reaction. Fantastic. Good boy.
Lovely.
I really think he's seen you in a different light now, Peter.
I'm looking forward to retirement now. Yeah.
And also taking my best friend out on my own. Happy days.
I'm off now. I'm going. I've gotta go.
HE CHUCKLES I know. I love you, too.
Good boy. Right. He's a lovely lad, isn't he?
Bye-bye. Bye.
Bye. Thank you. See you.
That's it.
Leaving Pete to enjoy his retirement,
Graeme's busy keeping the UK's dogs happy and healthy.
You'd think that washing a dog would be easy, wouldn't you?
But it's really important to do it in the right way
because one bad bathing experience can leave them
with serious anxieties for the rest of their life.
You could end up with a dog who's afraid of water
or even being touched, and you can see how that would have
a really big impact on everyday life.
To learn the correct way to wash a dog, Graeme's headed to Surrey...
Lovely here.
..to introduce Malcolm, Patrick
and their pack of three standard poodles...
Come on, boys.
..to Costin Stoica, an award-winning groomer...
Good morning.
..who knows about bathing any breed of dog with any type of coat.
COSTIN:And who we have here?
Roger. Roger?
Yeah.
This is Raffa, isn't it? Raffa. My God, a hairy monster.
And Andy.
The hairy monster, as you call him, Raffa, is in a grooming competition.
Oh, is it? Oh, that's my expertise, then.
So we're keeping his hair long. Yes.
No pressure, Costin.
But the other thing about Raffa is, we call it Velcro fur.
OK. So, whenever we go on a walk, he attracts the leaves.
Roger - just falls off him. Nothing touches him.
It's because the longer the hair, the more static it creates.
It's like the old thing of two balloons.
You rub them together and everything sticks to them. Yes.
I do recommend to be bathed once a week.
Once a week? Shall we get washing dogs?
To keep your dog calm in the bath...
So, you have the button here? Yeah.
..get them used to the water...
We go a little low - not that much pressure, yeah?
OK.
..by keeping the shower flow low.
I always start - wet the jacket, and then the last will be the head.
And wet their bodies first...
Yeah. There we go, buddy. There we go.
Bottom up. Good boy. Yeah.
Head now or not? Head now, yeah, and the ear.
..before working your way up...
Always avoid the nose.
..taking special care around the face.
Good boy.
You're used to this, aren't you, eh? He's a good boy. Perfect.
When it comes to lathering shampoo and conditioner...
You want that conditioner
and you want that shampoo to really go into the skin.
..don't be afraid to get hands-on...
So, you are like this, like, fluffy. But you need to be like this.
Right. OK. All right. Yeah?
..which can relax them.
It's a massage.
It's like a spa treatment. Yeah.
And so will reassuring communication.
Come on, bubba. Good boy.
Who's a good boy? Wagging your tail.
Positive reinforcement is really important.
I talk with my dogs all the time in the bath.
A thorough rinsing...
If you leave any conditioner or any shampoo,
they can have skin problems.
..prevents products from irritating their skin.
So, what you do, you hold it like a pen.
And what I do... Oh, right.
You see? OK.
I don't splash the water.
And with this, and I scrub everything, everything, everything.
To keep them zen...
My first towel that I'm gonna use.
..a correctly applied shammy speeds drying.
You don't rub, you pat.
I never do this with the cloth
because I think it's the worst thing to do to a dog.
Cos they're gonna become really matted.
And then we're gonna use a micro towel.
Because of their sensitive hearing...
The worst part for dogs is when you dry them.
..blow drying can be where it all goes wrong.
Right, so, we're gonna give one to Malcolm. Yeah.
Thank you.
To muffle the dryer's din...
Make sure the ear canal is covered.
..use an ear snood...
Perfect. Good boy! GRAEME CHEERS
..which also helps them feel safer.
It's the feel of cuddle.
It's very fetching. You look very nice.
A slow and steady technique...
Good boy.
..will help avoid tangles.
So, the idea is to not do this because if you do this...
Make it matted. Matted, yeah.
So we have to be really slow. Right.
And for home, the process is exactly the same.
So, now I wanna put him on the table.
OK. Perfect.
Follow these steps...
Right. Good boy.
..and you should end up with a calm...
There's one we did earlier. He's looking beautiful.
..clean and easy-to-comb dog.
Voila. Bam, bam. Feel that, Malcolm.
I know. It's like a cloud, innit? It's amazing, yeah.
He's produced three pristine poodles,
but until Lilah can hold her peace in church...
As per usual, my dog is being the loudest.
..and allow Reverend Peter to grow his flock...
Can I come in? You can.
Just keep your fingers to yourself. Will do.
..Graeme's week is far from done.
DOG BARKS
CHUCKLING:Hello. Hiya.
JOANNA SCANLAN: Before resting on the Sabbath,
Graeme must finish God's work in Catford...
BARKING Lilah!
No.
..where after he realised...
Careful, cos you'll be cuddling her for being naughty.
..Lilah was barking for attention...
Good girl.
Now she can get a cuddle.
..she allowed worshippers to cross the threshold...
I think you could go into the church now, please.
..at her reverend father's church.
Thank you. There we go.
Now Lilah must perform another miracle
that would have been impossible before...
A congregation of people, a group of strangers, to her, terrifying.
..to stay saintly silent inside church,
surrounded by worshippers.
The lives that we've shared with them as well.
All creation praises you, Lord.
Earlier, Lilah rained down such a deafening din...
And your faithful servants bless you.
..instead of the word of God.
As per usual, my dog is being the loudest.
The congregation only received...
I have to yell to be heard over her.
..the word of dog.
I could see the Vicar's lips moving...
Apologies for the noise.
..but I couldn't hear much because we were sat right behind his dog.
BARKING
I can't help feeling they're not gonna wanna come back too soon.
But can Peter ride the storm...
I thought it would be nice just to celebrate by singing together.
..and deny her the attention she covets...
Sit or stand as you feel comfortable as we sing together.
..until she holds her peace?
ALL:# All things bright And beautiful
# All creatures great and small
# All things wise and wonderful
# The Lord God made them all
# The cold wind... #
Lo and behold, it's a biblical turnaround.
# How great is God Almighty
# Who has made all things well?
# All things bright and beautiful
# All creatures great and small
# All things wise and wonderful
# The Lord God made them all. #
HE CHUCKLES
Hey-hey! Hey.
Fantastic. Not a peep. Not a peep.
That went well.
Yes. It was beautifully quiet.
It was, yeah. Amazing.
Next time we have a pet service,
I'll be able to focus on the service a lot more,
which will make life a lot easier.
The way Delilah was while we were singing the hymn was...
It was a proper hallelujah moment, it was brilliant.
BARKING
However, there is another problem.
Peter has a very important part of his job looking after people,
talking to people one to one in the rectory.
The last thing you want is a dog who's barking or lunging at you,
and that's exactly what's happening.
Hello, hello. Are you all right?
Lilah's loving her neighbours at church.
This is nice. This is how it's meant to be.
CHUCKLING Yeah, yeah.
But will she allow them into her heart at home?
'I'm gonna suggest that we get her in the room
'with the person who comes to visit.
'However, I think we get them in first, get them sat down.
'They're less imposing.'
Hi, Glenn. All right, Peter, how are you?
Not bad. Come on through.
Hello, Glenn. Grab a seat. Thank you.
Right, let's go for it, Peter.
Again, Reverend Peter must follow Graeme's holy order...
Here we go.
..and ignore any aggy attention-seeking.
There. Hello, you. Good girl.
Up you come. Oh, OK.
Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl, Lilah?
Well, that is a turn up for the books.
Good girl. Good girl.
She's like, "Yeah, whatever."
Wanna say hello? She's checking you out.
Good girl. Yeah.
It's another miracle.
How's this compare to normal, then? This is like a step change.
I mean, she feels really calm.
Amazing. Happy days. Good girl.
For the last three years, Lilah's sinful ways...
Can I come in? You can.
Just keep your fingers to yourself.
..have made visits to the rectory hellish.
Want a treat?
Dare I try and give her one? Lilah. Here's a good one.
Now she may have opened her heart...
Look at these. Oh, you are honoured.
Look at that. ..to all God's creatures.
Miracles can happen. Yeah, you see?
How do you feel about that, Peter? Relieved.
Yeah, that's fair. Yeah.
Yeah, it's gonna make a real difference. Amazing.
I'm like, "Where did this come from?"
Was it important to keep the faith with the process?
Yeah. Do you know what?
Today of all days, yes, that was true.
In Northampton... Hi, Graeme.
..Pete is now top dog...
You gave me the confidence to be the alpha
and take control of him instead of letting him control me.
..and Boris's walking is slowly improving.
Really, really appreciate what you did for us.
Thank you. Thanks very much.
In London, Raffa made it to the dog show.
Unfortunately, Raffa didn't get placed.
But we've now got the skills
to ensure that we can keep Raffa and Roger
and, of course, baby Andy immaculate.
In Cheshire...
Hi, Graeme.
The test results came back positive for an infection,
and we treated that with antibiotics.
Sadly, the behaviour fiddling with the boy parts has stayed the same,
so it's completely behavioural, attention-seeking naughtiness.
And in Catford...
PETER:All quiet at the back at the moment.
..Lilah continues to be angelic.
I thought she was asleep, but, no, she's just being really quiet.
Miraculous.
If you think your badly behaved dog could do with Graeme's help,
then why not get in touch?
Details can be found at...
MAN:Ziggy, no.