1
00:00:34,296 --> 00:00:35,338
[electronic buzz]

2
00:00:38,130 --> 00:00:39,963
[narrator] <i>Welcome to Multiversity,</i>

3
00:00:40,046 --> 00:00:43,213
<i>America's leading</i>
<i>Alternative History Research App.</i>

4
00:00:43,588 --> 00:00:46,671
<i>Multiversity lets you modify</i>
<i>any historical fact</i>

5
00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:50,630
<i>and witness virtual simulations</i>
<i>of how history would change.</i>

6
00:00:50,713 --> 00:00:53,755
<i>Take, for example,</i>
<i>one of our most popular requests:</i>

7
00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:55,630
<i>the death of Adolf Hitler.</i>

8
00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:58,130
<i>Now, let's change the date.</i>

9
00:00:58,213 --> 00:00:59,755
<i>Six alternate time lines</i>

10
00:00:59,838 --> 00:01:01,880
<i>are included on this welcome demo.</i>

11
00:01:01,963 --> 00:01:03,338
<i>We hope you enjoy.</i>

12
00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,880
<i>Death scenario number one.</i>
[whistling]

13
00:01:11,255 --> 00:01:12,463
Argh! Ugh!

14
00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:19,255
[yells in German]

15
00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:27,255
[screams]

16
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:32,380
[narrator] <i>Killed during a brawl on</i>
<i>the steps of the Academy of Fine Arts.</i>

17
00:01:32,463 --> 00:01:34,671
<i>-Result: World War I proceeds.</i>
-[soldiers yell]

18
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:37,921
<i>The Weimar Republic begins late.</i>

19
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:40,921
<i>World War II delayed until 1948.</i>
-[soldiers yell]

20
00:01:41,546 --> 00:01:44,921
<i>-US drops atomic bomb on Berlin in 1952.</i>
-Yee-ha!

21
00:01:47,213 --> 00:01:48,213
<i>Neil Armstrong,</i>

22
00:01:48,296 --> 00:01:51,088
<i>-first man on the moon, 1969.</i>
-["The Star-Spangled Banner"<i> </i>plays ]

23
00:01:53,338 --> 00:01:55,338
<i>Death scenario number two.</i>

24
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,880
[whistles]

25
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:00,630
[yells in German]
[horse neighs]

26
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:04,463
[whimpers]

27
00:02:05,171 --> 00:02:08,630
[narrator] <i>Killed by run-away</i>
<i>horse-drawn wagon filled with bratwurst.</i>

28
00:02:08,713 --> 00:02:11,921
<i>Result: Vienna passes tough</i>
<i>horse-drawn vehicle laws,</i>

29
00:02:12,005 --> 00:02:14,421
<i>prompting the quick acceptance</i>
<i>of automobiles.</i>

30
00:02:14,505 --> 00:02:17,213
<i>Austria becomes</i>
<i>automotive industrial powerhouse.</i>

31
00:02:17,796 --> 00:02:19,338
<i>-World War I proceeds.</i>
-[evil laugh]

32
00:02:19,421 --> 00:02:22,921
<i>Germany and allies win</i>
<i>thanks to technological advances.</i>

33
00:02:23,005 --> 00:02:25,338
<i>-The '30s worldwide depression averted.</i>
-[evil laugh]

34
00:02:26,296 --> 00:02:30,296
<i>Willy Brandt, first man on the moon, 1958.</i>

35
00:02:32,338 --> 00:02:34,088
<i>Death scenario number three.</i>

36
00:02:35,296 --> 00:02:37,796
[whistles]

37
00:02:38,588 --> 00:02:39,713
[yells in German]

38
00:02:39,838 --> 00:02:41,005
[horse neighs]

39
00:02:46,130 --> 00:02:47,046
[yells in German]

40
00:02:50,088 --> 00:02:51,338
[chuckles]

41
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,505
-[laughs]
-[bird sings]

42
00:02:54,463 --> 00:02:55,296
[yells in German]

43
00:02:56,963 --> 00:03:00,338
[narrator] <i>Killed by suffocation</i>
<i>when encased in a block of gelatin.</i>

44
00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:03,255
<i>Hitler is the random victim of</i>
<i>a gelatin-encasing weapon</i>

45
00:03:03,338 --> 00:03:05,588
<i>-developed by the Russian aristocracy.</i>
-["Kalinka" playing]

46
00:03:05,671 --> 00:03:09,255
<i>Result: The gelatin-encasing weapon</i>
<i>is subsequently used </i>

47
00:03:09,338 --> 00:03:11,796
<i>to eliminate enemies of Tsar Nicholas II.</i>

48
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:15,755
<i>World War I begins with</i>
<i>the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand.</i>

49
00:03:15,838 --> 00:03:18,546
<i>World War I quickly ends in 1915.</i>

50
00:03:19,046 --> 00:03:21,338
<i>Russia becomes sole superpower.</i>

51
00:03:21,421 --> 00:03:22,796
<i>Vladimir Putin,</i>

52
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,380
<i>-first </i>real <i>man on the moon, 1988.</i>
-[sings after final note of "Kalinka"]

53
00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:29,463
<i>Death scenario number four.</i>

54
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:34,546
[yells in German]

55
00:03:37,546 --> 00:03:38,713
[chuckles]

56
00:03:38,838 --> 00:03:39,713
-[laughs]
-[bird sings]

57
00:03:39,796 --> 00:03:40,963
[wolf whistle]

58
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,880
[striptease music plays]

59
00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:48,046
[panting]

60
00:03:51,088 --> 00:03:53,088
["William Tell Overture" plays]
[panting heavily]

61
00:03:57,713 --> 00:04:01,963
[narrator] <i>Killed by marathon fornication</i>
<i>with four Viennese prostitutes.</i>

62
00:04:02,046 --> 00:04:04,713
<i>Result: The prostitutes are all arrested,</i>

63
00:04:05,463 --> 00:04:07,838
<i>only to be revealed</i>
<i>as libidinous travelers</i>

64
00:04:07,921 --> 00:04:10,213
<i>from a very sexy parallel dimension...</i>

65
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:14,505
<i>who teach the Viennese their</i>
<i>multi-dimensional ways of astro-pleasure.</i>

66
00:04:18,171 --> 00:04:23,130
<i>Janine Lindemulder,</i>
<i>first woman on the moon, 1996.</i>

67
00:04:24,338 --> 00:04:26,171
<i>Death scenario number five.</i>

68
00:04:28,838 --> 00:04:30,213
[wolf whistle]

69
00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:32,630
-[striptease music playing]
-[panting]

70
00:04:36,671 --> 00:04:37,630
[gasps]

71
00:04:38,713 --> 00:04:41,421
<i>Killed by a meteor strike</i>
<i>square on the head.</i>

72
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,671
<i>The meteor was a precursor to</i>
<i>a massive asteroid cruising towards Earth.</i>

73
00:04:46,005 --> 00:04:48,213
<i>It makes impact a few hours later.</i>

74
00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:52,796
<i>Result: Humanity wiped out,</i>
<i>along with 93% of all species.</i>

75
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:58,546
<i>A society of rats rises, evolves,</i>
<i>becomes a perfect democracy...</i>

76
00:04:59,463 --> 00:05:01,338
<i>only to discover nationalism</i>

77
00:05:01,421 --> 00:05:04,005
<i>-and develop weapons of mass destruction,</i>
-[yelling]

78
00:05:04,713 --> 00:05:07,296
<i>which work as intended,</i>
<i>destroying the world...</i>

79
00:05:07,796 --> 00:05:08,671
<i>again...</i>

80
00:05:10,963 --> 00:05:14,338
<i>allowing the rise of</i>
<i>a peaceful squid civilization.</i>

81
00:05:15,713 --> 00:05:17,046
<i>Gluugsnergluug.</i>

82
00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:21,963
<i>First squid on the moon 2,973,412.</i>

83
00:05:23,338 --> 00:05:25,296
<i>Death scenario number six.</i>

84
00:05:27,338 --> 00:05:28,671
[wolf whistle]

85
00:05:28,755 --> 00:05:29,796
[gasps]

86
00:05:29,921 --> 00:05:30,838
[electronic buzz]
[all] Hi, Hitler.

87
00:05:34,546 --> 00:05:36,421
-[laughs]
-[electronic buzz]

88
00:05:37,088 --> 00:05:38,463
-[shouts] Die!
-[guns cocking]

89
00:05:38,713 --> 00:05:40,046
[narrator] <i>Caught in the crossfire</i>

90
00:05:40,130 --> 00:05:43,171
<i>between time-traveling anti-Nazis</i>
<i>sent to back to kill him</i>

91
00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:46,880
<i>and time-traveling Nazis sent back</i>
<i>to prevent his assassination...</i>

92
00:05:55,963 --> 00:05:58,671
<i>-finally saved by his future self,</i>
-[laughs]
<i>Hitler forgets</i>
<i>the first rule of time travel:</i>

93
00:06:01,546 --> 00:06:03,255
<i>"Never touch your doppelganger."</i>

94
00:06:03,505 --> 00:06:05,296
<i>Killed by space-time paradox.</i>

95
00:06:06,963 --> 00:06:11,296
[narrator's voice distorting] <i>Result:</i>
<i>Causality loop annihilates time and space</i>

96
00:06:11,380 --> 00:06:13,088
<i>and destroys all life in the uni--</i>

97
00:06:16,255 --> 00:06:17,088
[clicks]

98
00:06:17,171 --> 00:06:21,630
[narrator] <i>Oops! Sorry about that.</i>
<i>Thank you for choosing Multiversity!</i>

99
00:06:21,713 --> 00:06:24,338
<i>Now, it's your time to make history.</i>