1
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<i>When the yogurt took over,</i>
<i>we all made the same jokes.</i>

2
00:00:42,921 --> 00:00:45,671
<i>"Finally our rulers would have culture.</i>

3
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:48,338
<i>Our society is curdled.</i>

4
00:00:49,130 --> 00:00:54,088
<i>Our government is now</i>
<i>the cream of the crop," and so on.</i>

5
00:00:55,005 --> 00:00:58,130
<i>But, when we weren't laughing about</i>
<i>the absurdity of it all,</i>

6
00:00:58,213 --> 00:01:02,380
<i>we asked ourselves, "How did we ever get</i>
<i>to the point where we were,</i>

7
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:05,755
<i>in fact, ruled by a dairy product?"</i>

8
00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:10,838
<i>Oh, as a matter of record,</i>
<i>we knew how it happened.</i>

9
00:01:12,255 --> 00:01:16,380
<i>Researchers took one of their most</i>
<i>computationally advanced strains of DNA</i>

10
00:01:16,463 --> 00:01:19,380
<i>and grafted it onto</i>
<i>Lactobacillus delbrueckii,</i>

11
00:01:19,463 --> 00:01:22,088
<i>commonly used to ferment yogurt.</i>

12
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,171
<i>Initial tests appeared to be failures.</i>

13
00:01:26,630 --> 00:01:31,088
<i>However, one of the researchers sneaked</i>
<i>some of the bacillus out of the lab</i>

14
00:01:31,171 --> 00:01:33,838
<i>to use for her homemade yogurt.</i>

15
00:01:35,088 --> 00:01:40,088
<i>The night of June 27th,</i>
it <i>became sentient.</i>

16
00:02:00,963 --> 00:02:03,796
<i>The yogurt declared</i>
<i>it had arrived at solutions</i>

17
00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,671
<i>to many of the country's problems.</i>

18
00:02:07,005 --> 00:02:08,838
<i>But it wanted payment for that.</i>

19
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,088
We.

20
00:02:11,796 --> 00:02:12,671
Want.

21
00:02:14,380 --> 00:02:15,380
Ohio.

22
00:02:26,588 --> 00:02:29,880
That's fine, we will just go to China.

23
00:02:30,296 --> 00:02:32,005
They promised us a whole province.

24
00:02:37,838 --> 00:02:40,380
<i>The yogurt</i>
<i>was crafty and shrewd...</i>

25
00:02:40,505 --> 00:02:43,338
<i>and got a century-long lease on Ohio</i>

26
00:02:43,421 --> 00:02:47,546
<i>with the promise that it would respect</i>
<i>the human and constitutional rights</i>

27
00:02:47,630 --> 00:02:50,046
<i>of those who lived within its borders.</i>

28
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,880
<i>There it kept evolving, and soon,</i>

29
00:02:55,963 --> 00:02:58,296
<i>it handed over a complex formula</i>

30
00:02:58,380 --> 00:03:02,755
<i>to eradicate the national debt</i>
<i>within one year.</i>

31
00:03:04,338 --> 00:03:06,005
Follow it exactly.

32
00:03:06,088 --> 00:03:08,713
Any deviation will bring
complete economic ruin.

33
00:03:09,338 --> 00:03:10,546
We will.

34
00:03:10,838 --> 00:03:14,713
<i>Naturally, the politicians</i>
<i>didn't follow instruction.</i>

35
00:03:14,796 --> 00:03:18,130
<i>Within six months,</i>
<i>the global economy collapsed.</i>

36
00:03:18,630 --> 00:03:20,505
I am going to eat your little toes.

37
00:03:20,588 --> 00:03:22,796
-<i> Only Ohio remained unscathed.</i>
<i>-</i>

38
00:03:30,255 --> 00:03:32,755
We told you not to deviate
from the plan.

39
00:03:33,338 --> 00:03:36,171
Your experts are too close
to the problem to solve it.

40
00:03:36,671 --> 00:03:38,838
Any. Human. Is.

41
00:03:45,796 --> 00:03:48,296
<i>The government declared</i>
<i>martial law,</i>

42
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:51,213
<i>and gave the yogurt</i>
<i>supreme executive power.</i>

43
00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:56,255
<i>Of course, some people</i>
<i>weren't pleased at first.</i>

44
00:03:56,338 --> 00:03:59,005
Down with yogurt, down--

45
00:03:59,088 --> 00:04:00,546
<i>The anti-government demonstrators--</i>

46
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:15,880
<i>Now, ten years later,</i>
<i>humanity is happy, healthy, and wealthy.</i>

47
00:04:16,296 --> 00:04:20,463
<i>No one argues with the yogurt,</i>
<i>no one tweaks its formulas.</i>

48
00:04:20,755 --> 00:04:24,046
<i>That's how it happened,</i>
<i>but we still ask ourselves,</i>

49
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:27,671
<i>if the yogurt was smart enough</i>
<i>to solve our debt problem,</i>

50
00:04:27,755 --> 00:04:32,005
<i>wasn't it also smart enough to realize</i>
<i>that human intellectual vanity</i>

51
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:35,588
<i>would keep us from</i>
<i>following the formula exactly?</i>

52
00:04:36,755 --> 00:04:37,880
<i>Then there's this.</i>

53
00:04:37,963 --> 00:04:40,755
<i>-In the past several weeks, the yogurt...</i>

54
00:04:44,171 --> 00:04:46,546
<i>Life from earth is going to the stars,</i>

55
00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:50,005
<i>it just may not be human life.</i>

56
00:04:51,588 --> 00:04:55,171
<i>What happens if the yogurt</i>
<i>goes to the stars without us?</i>