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‎NETFLIX 原創影集

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‎劇名：三個機器人

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‎我們迷路了，對吧？

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‎迷路？這倒新鮮

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‎我看看，我們剛經過被搗毀的教堂

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‎然後是血坑

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‎往這邊走，來吧

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‎令人屏息，比在介紹手冊上更美

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‎你們動作快，還有很多東西要看

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‎後世界末日的城市走一遍
‎就等於全部都看過了

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‎（＃我們死定了）

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‎妳真美，女孩，說“兆位元組”

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‎加油…

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‎你們不要鬧了，來看這個

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‎請看…娛樂圓形體

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‎這叫做球

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‎我知道這叫做球，但我想要營造出…

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‎“我們初次體驗到人類物品”的氣氛

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‎而且人類拿這玩意兒幹嘛用？

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‎什麼叫做幹嘛用？用來反彈啊

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‎-就這樣？
‎-對，差不多

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‎他們是人類

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‎反彈東西已經接近認知能力的極限

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‎不對，他們有時候也會拿棍子打球

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‎什麼？因為球不乖嗎？

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‎球壞壞，想想你做了什麼事

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‎來，你試試看

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‎我拿這玩意兒要幹嘛？

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‎就彈來彈去啊

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‎才不要

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‎不要跟娘兒們一樣唉唉叫
‎快點反彈就對了

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‎-麻煩你
‎-要死了，叫妳的主機板冷靜下來

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‎-好吧
‎-天啊，好刺激喔

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‎太神奇了吧
‎你覺得怎麼樣？一五一十跟我說

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‎非常反高潮

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‎是啦，歡迎來到人類的體驗

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‎（餐館）

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‎讓我看看你的本事，大男孩

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‎我不是很確定，但根據我的瞭解
‎人類會把這種東西…

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‎放進攝取孔洞，用來發電

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‎這幹嘛用到一整個孔洞？

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‎誰知道啊，人類有各式各樣的孔洞

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‎有東西進去，有東西出來，超瘋狂

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‎我是用融合電池來供電

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‎我們都是用融合電池，阿呆

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‎我就是這個意思啊
‎所以幹嘛還要用別的？

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‎我來問個清楚

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‎人類把這些東西放進攝取孔洞
‎然後呢？

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‎誰來幫我解答一下

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‎他們的攝取孔洞裡頭有堅硬的樁狀物
‎把這些東西壓磨成膏狀

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‎然後這些膏狀物
‎被逼入內部的酸液池

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‎就是嘛，真是太有道理了

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‎人類怎麼不一開始
‎就把這玩意兒放進外部的酸液池？

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‎這樣就不需要堅硬的樁狀物啦，真呆

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‎期待有內部酸液池的東西擁有邏輯
‎也太嚴格了點

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‎超扯的，人類是誰設計的啊？

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‎不清楚，我們檢查過人類的編碼
‎看不出是誰寫的程式

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‎那是因為人類的創造者
‎是深不可測的神祇

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‎沒啥理由就用塵土造出了人類

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‎開玩笑的，人類來自於原始湯

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‎抱歉讓您久等，冠軍

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‎這玩意兒是要幹嘛用的？

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‎顯然沒有意義，就只是拿來摸

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‎這可就小看了牠們的影響力

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‎人類有過一整個網路
‎專門用來傳播這種東西的照片

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‎你們看，牠好像要幹嘛

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‎牠走過來了

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‎牠這是在幹嘛？

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‎-老兄，我要怎麼辦？
‎-好，放輕鬆，不要有突然的大動作

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‎我們就等牠自己決定要起來

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‎-我們一定撐得過去
‎-這要多久？

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‎幾小時，或許好幾年

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‎我哪有幾小時或是幾年跟牠耗？

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‎還是你用指頭
‎去刺激牠的角蛋白纖維？

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‎-或許那樣會讓牠離開
‎-什麼？為什麼？

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‎-不知道，試試無妨囉
‎-你完全沒概念，對吧？

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‎當然啊，我也是第一次看到活體

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‎你就試試嘛

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‎好吧，試就試

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‎有用嗎？

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‎什麼？

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‎牠現在發出有節奏的怪聲

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‎-不妙
‎-什麼不妙？

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‎你先別驚慌，但我想牠被你啟動了

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‎什麼意思？

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‎我說了我不是專家

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‎但要是那個聲音停了，牠會爆炸

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‎不是吧…是嗎？

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‎我大概查了一下歷史

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‎說是人類有種桌遊，叫做爆炸貓

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‎所以對，是這樣沒錯

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‎-你要死了，真衰
‎-什麼？

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‎人類又幹嘛跟這些
‎有毛的殺人機器攪和在一起啊？

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‎-因為志同道合？
‎-查證屬實

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‎不對…我說真的，現在怎麼辦？

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‎說“兆億位元組”

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‎（滾開）

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‎等等，這又是什麼來著？

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‎這是X霸三代
‎人類早期的電腦娛樂系統

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‎-有關係嗎？
‎-你說跟我？得了吧，哪可能

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‎確定？

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‎因為看數字，這可能是你的祖先

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‎或許是幾千代之前

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‎數字上來說，一定只是巧合

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‎我們是機器人，才不信有巧合

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‎快點，叫它爹地

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‎-好了，先停
‎-或是媽咪

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‎因為我們沒有生殖器
‎所以叫爸叫媽都一樣適用

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‎妳有開關鈕嗎？

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‎“孩子，看你瘦成皮包骨
‎你有好好充電嗎？”

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‎-小心我讓你瓦解唷
‎-有那隻貓在，你休想

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‎要我們把機器打開嗎？

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‎你休想

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‎這次我要同意X霸4000

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‎-是吧！
‎-開祖先的玩笑是一回事

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‎但是看祖父在你面前吃力跑硬碟
‎又是另外一回事

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‎是啊，尤其是因為你的祖先所以存在

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‎完全是因為13歲人類玩虛擬戰鬥遊戲
‎敵人都死了還要蹲下去坐人家的臉

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‎慢點，你說坐臉是什麼意思？

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‎-沒意思
‎-不對，一定有什麼意思

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‎-他說了某個生詞，我要查
‎-不要查

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‎-我馬上查
‎-對，我拜託你查

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‎-查了會後悔
‎-妳才會後悔

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‎有了…
‎什麼！這是啥歪七扭八的行為啊

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‎-幹嘛要我查這個？
‎-就叫你不要查了

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‎而且這個記憶寫進電路板
‎我永遠忘不掉了

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‎你必須受到懲罰

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‎貓坐臉！

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‎幹嘛這樣，死沒良心耶你

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‎你活該

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‎你現在一定讓祖先很有面子

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‎我很好奇，你的祖先能回溯到哪裡？

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‎很高興妳問起

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‎我來自源遠流長
‎走路有風的嬰兒監視器

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‎但現在已經沒有多少嬰兒了吧？

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‎是啊，我們工作不力

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‎好囉，機器人遊客
‎來到我們這趟旅程的最後一站

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‎可以說是好酒沉甕底

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‎是我想太多，還是這真的很像陰莖？

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‎這是幹嘛用的？

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‎背後的用意是用最快的速度

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‎盡可能消滅最多人類

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‎這個行程顯然變得有點黑暗了呢

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‎說句公道話，也才用了幾次而已

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‎說句公道話，用個幾次也就夠了

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‎-這倒是
‎-就是這玩意兒殺光了人類？

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‎不是，其實是人類自己的傲慢
‎終結了人類的統治

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‎他們相信自己是萬物之靈

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‎造成他們毒害水源
‎殺死土地，讓天空窒息

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‎最後不需要核子冬天

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‎人類自私自利
‎無心插柳的漫漫秋日就是終曲

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‎-妳還好吧？
‎-是，不好意思

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‎想說剛才那樣講會好過…

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‎“不是，他們耍智障，搞死了自己”

155
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‎是啊，妳不能突然就來這麼一下

156
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‎要先警告我們才對

157
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‎我下次會記得

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‎我現在知道了

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‎人類滅絕是因為環境災難

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‎對，差不多

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‎也是因為人類後來用基因工程改造貓

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‎讓貓有了對生拇指

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‎沒錯，當我們自己能夠打開鮪魚罐頭

164
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‎人類種族也就差不多沒戲唱了

165
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‎感覺很冷血

166
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‎各位，我是貓耶

167
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‎確定一下，我們不摸你
‎你不會爆炸吧？

168
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‎我可沒這樣說

169
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‎你們最好一直摸我比較妥當

170
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‎永永遠遠，很好

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‎低一點

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‎對了，我帶了一些朋友過來

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‎要死了

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‎（偵測到敵人）

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‎這下可好

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‎我要你摸低一點

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‎我猜這表示我們要延長假期囉？