1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:04,523 FOOTSTEPS, SPURS JANGLE 2 00:00:04,523 --> 00:00:06,163 CROWS CAW 3 00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:11,403 DOOR CREAKS 4 00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:13,123 DOOR SLAMS 5 00:00:13,123 --> 00:00:19,163 MUSIC: Roll The Dice by SHY FX ft Stamina MC & Lily Allen 6 00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:26,163 MUSIC GETS CLEARER 7 00:00:27,443 --> 00:00:29,203 MUSIC MUFFLES 8 00:00:30,963 --> 00:00:32,283 MUSIC GETS CLEARER 9 00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,523 DOOR SLAMS, MUSIC STOPS 10 00:00:33,523 --> 00:00:34,883 Where's the castle, bruv? 11 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:39,243 Mate, this is the postcode you gave me, you know. 12 00:00:39,243 --> 00:00:42,803 Hello there! And who might we be having here? 13 00:00:42,803 --> 00:00:45,043 Fabio and Grooverider. DJs for the wedding. 14 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:48,043 And are you looking for the fantasy castle? Yeah, mate. 15 00:00:48,043 --> 00:00:49,963 You and the rest of London, lads. 16 00:00:49,963 --> 00:00:52,963 Park up there with the others. HE LAUGHS 17 00:00:54,443 --> 00:00:57,603 What's the matter with this guy? This is a madness, bruv. 18 00:00:57,603 --> 00:01:01,643 MUSIC: Chopper (SHY FX Remix) by Ray Keith 19 00:01:22,923 --> 00:01:25,683 Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please? 20 00:01:25,683 --> 00:01:28,843 We're now ready for take-off, so please fasten your seat belt. 21 00:01:28,843 --> 00:01:31,883 MUSIC CONTINUES 22 00:01:42,763 --> 00:01:44,083 You're late. 23 00:01:45,283 --> 00:01:47,683 Where is she? My Jodie Simone is missing. 24 00:01:47,683 --> 00:01:49,963 What's happened to you? What's this? What's happened? 25 00:01:49,963 --> 00:01:51,603 That nut job, Martin, head-butted me. 26 00:01:51,603 --> 00:01:52,963 Sensitive Martin Fudd did that? 27 00:01:52,963 --> 00:01:55,083 When I see him, I want a straightener in the car park. 28 00:01:55,083 --> 00:01:56,603 What car park? Any car park. 29 00:01:56,603 --> 00:01:59,163 No medics, no tools. I will do time if necessary. 30 00:01:59,163 --> 00:02:01,163 I don't need this, mate. I really don't. 31 00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,763 What caused it all? What happened? 32 00:02:02,763 --> 00:02:05,563 He is jealous of me. He is full of hate of me. 33 00:02:05,563 --> 00:02:07,643 Well, you have made your bed, pal. 34 00:02:07,643 --> 00:02:10,323 My blood is boiling with you 35 00:02:10,323 --> 00:02:13,763 and, usually, I would have you banished from these parts, 36 00:02:13,763 --> 00:02:16,403 but I have a far greater punishment. 37 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:20,003 You shall lead the reparation of these ruins 38 00:02:20,003 --> 00:02:21,643 and save my wedding for me. 39 00:02:21,643 --> 00:02:25,403 Lead these merry men into your retribution, Winkle. 40 00:02:25,403 --> 00:02:29,083 I shall find Jodie Simone before word of your violence spreads, 41 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,803 you wretched little fool. 42 00:02:31,803 --> 00:02:33,403 SHE YAWNS 43 00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:40,603 Do you know what, babe? I was so worried about the hangover. 44 00:02:40,603 --> 00:02:42,643 Now, I don't know if it's the excitement, 45 00:02:42,643 --> 00:02:45,283 the charcoal tabs or the four glasses of Prossie I've just necked 46 00:02:45,283 --> 00:02:46,843 but I feel like a million bucks. 47 00:02:46,843 --> 00:02:49,483 Oh, my God, I'm hanging like a horse's helmet. 48 00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:52,003 MOBILE RINGS 49 00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:55,963 So weird, I keep getting withheld number. 50 00:02:55,963 --> 00:02:57,843 I suppose it could be my dad. 51 00:02:57,843 --> 00:03:01,843 Right, you, sunshine, up on your feet, let's get you over there, 52 00:03:01,843 --> 00:03:02,923 OK, darling? 53 00:03:02,923 --> 00:03:05,323 Kay, babe, come here. Right, what we're going to do, right, 54 00:03:05,323 --> 00:03:07,483 is we're going to pretend to have such a laugh, right, 55 00:03:07,483 --> 00:03:10,283 but we're just going to keep saying the word honey over and over again 56 00:03:10,283 --> 00:03:12,683 cos, like, honey is the best word for, like, the best smile. 57 00:03:12,683 --> 00:03:15,483 All right? So come on, babe. Come on, cos I need you in the shot. 58 00:03:15,483 --> 00:03:19,003 "Honey"? So look, watch this, watch this, so we go, honey. 59 00:03:19,003 --> 00:03:20,323 Honey. 60 00:03:20,323 --> 00:03:22,803 No, with a smile - honey. 61 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,683 Honey. No, honey. 62 00:03:25,923 --> 00:03:28,763 Honey. Babe, why can't you do this? It's so simple. 63 00:03:28,763 --> 00:03:30,163 Honey. Honey. 64 00:03:30,163 --> 00:03:32,443 That's so weird, why are you doing that with your teeth? 65 00:03:32,443 --> 00:03:34,323 Just go like that, honey. Smile with the eyes. 66 00:03:34,323 --> 00:03:36,843 What am I doing with my teeth? Smile with the attitude, honey. 67 00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:38,963 Oh, my God, can't do it babe, honey. Honey? Honey. 68 00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:40,923 Babe, it's really weird that you can't do it. 69 00:03:40,923 --> 00:03:43,643 OK, I'm trying, I'm trying. All right, just sit down, all right? 70 00:03:43,643 --> 00:03:45,083 I'm doing it, my jaw hurts. 71 00:03:45,083 --> 00:03:47,963 Sit down and practise it for later when we have the photos, all right? 72 00:03:47,963 --> 00:03:51,243 OK, but you, mate, you keep on that like a dog on a rabbit all day, OK? 73 00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:53,243 But always concentrating on moi, yeah? 74 00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:55,323 The main event, who is actually paying you, OK? 75 00:03:55,323 --> 00:03:56,683 PHONE RINGS 76 00:03:55,323 --> 00:03:56,683 Honey. 77 00:03:56,683 --> 00:03:59,323 So listen, I'm going to get that now, is that OK with you? 78 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:01,403 And you just keep snapping away, all right? 79 00:04:01,403 --> 00:04:03,683 Getting all those backstage mementos, 80 00:04:03,683 --> 00:04:06,483 so follow me over by the window while I take this OK? 81 00:04:06,483 --> 00:04:08,843 Honey. Honey. Keep going, honey. 82 00:04:08,843 --> 00:04:11,523 Hello? Yes, speaking. 83 00:04:11,523 --> 00:04:12,883 QUIETLY: Honey. 84 00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:15,643 What?! 85 00:04:16,883 --> 00:04:18,163 Er... 86 00:04:18,163 --> 00:04:22,963 No, no, no, no, I'm, I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what's happened there. 87 00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,403 Do you know what? Can I just speak to the wedding planner 88 00:04:25,403 --> 00:04:27,563 and then I'll get her to call you straight back? 89 00:04:27,563 --> 00:04:30,083 No, my apologies. All right? 90 00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:31,363 Thank you. 91 00:04:31,363 --> 00:04:32,803 What is it? 92 00:04:32,803 --> 00:04:35,803 Fabio and Grooverider are stuck in a farmer's field. 93 00:04:35,803 --> 00:04:39,563 Hello? Why are they stuck in a farmer's field? 94 00:04:39,563 --> 00:04:41,083 You'd best talk to Gary. 95 00:04:41,083 --> 00:04:44,083 It's the morning of my wedding, babe, I can't talk to Gary, can I? 96 00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,083 What is going on? Please, mate, please. 97 00:04:48,123 --> 00:04:51,203 Gary sacked me. He did what now? 98 00:04:51,203 --> 00:04:54,203 Why would anyone sack a wedding planner on the day of the wedding? 99 00:04:54,203 --> 00:04:56,923 I don't know, it was just, like, a difference of opinions. 100 00:04:56,923 --> 00:04:58,163 Right. 101 00:04:58,163 --> 00:05:01,203 Well, I'm unsacking you, all right? So you can get your arse downstairs, 102 00:05:01,203 --> 00:05:03,083 find Gary and you can both sort this. 103 00:05:03,083 --> 00:05:05,923 Terri, I feel sick. Kay, I swear to God I'm going to... 104 00:05:05,923 --> 00:05:08,203 Well, just let me go for a poo first. I don't care. 105 00:05:08,203 --> 00:05:10,283 I feel like I'm going to be sick. 106 00:05:10,283 --> 00:05:12,123 Oh! 107 00:05:12,123 --> 00:05:13,963 What was he thinking, the mug? 108 00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:16,923 Everyone knows the light trouser is a young man's game. 109 00:05:16,923 --> 00:05:18,683 Oh, no, Mickey drips? 110 00:05:18,683 --> 00:05:20,923 Of course Mickey drips. 111 00:05:20,923 --> 00:05:22,683 He's done me here, the plum. 112 00:05:22,683 --> 00:05:24,923 I can't wear these for a day on the shant, 113 00:05:24,923 --> 00:05:26,683 I've got a hyperactive bladder. 114 00:05:26,683 --> 00:05:29,123 Well, so does Gary, like a broken tap. 115 00:05:29,123 --> 00:05:32,523 See? He's missing the minor details, surrounded by yes men. 116 00:05:32,523 --> 00:05:35,523 He's surrounded by wallies, and now I'm paying the price. 117 00:05:35,523 --> 00:05:38,523 What am I going to do, Den? Well, there's nothing else for it. 118 00:05:38,523 --> 00:05:40,843 I'm not going to let you go out there and disgrace us both. 119 00:05:40,843 --> 00:05:43,483 You look like you've eaten a kebab off your lap, it's disgusting. 120 00:05:43,483 --> 00:05:44,723 Denise is stepping in. 121 00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:47,083 Tell him I am not leaving the room like this. 122 00:05:47,083 --> 00:05:48,763 I'm on it. 123 00:05:48,763 --> 00:05:49,843 Gah! 124 00:05:57,243 --> 00:05:58,723 You all right? 125 00:05:58,723 --> 00:06:01,163 I ain't talking to you. Well, I am talking to you, 126 00:06:01,163 --> 00:06:03,803 but just so you remember, we ain't talking. 127 00:06:03,803 --> 00:06:07,803 Fabio and Grooverider are stuck in a farmer's field. 128 00:06:07,803 --> 00:06:09,963 So what are they playing at? What are they doing? 129 00:06:09,963 --> 00:06:16,083 You haven't given anyone the new address, you massive giant Fraggle. 130 00:06:16,083 --> 00:06:20,883 Seriously - caterers, the florists, 131 00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:22,563 even Des Curly. 132 00:06:22,563 --> 00:06:25,843 Mr King, your guests were running riot last night 133 00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:28,523 that they drank the trust bar dry and they haven't paid, 134 00:06:28,523 --> 00:06:31,803 they were night swimming, and I found a condom in the hot tub. 135 00:06:31,803 --> 00:06:34,643 Honestly, Miss Manageress person lady, honestly at the moment, 136 00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:37,563 just can you...? Let's just get like a queuing system of problems, so... 137 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:39,723 I am going to need somebody to settle this bill. 138 00:06:39,723 --> 00:06:41,563 Can you just join the queue of problems 139 00:06:41,563 --> 00:06:45,243 because at the moment, I'm on an urgent mission to find Jodie Simone, 140 00:06:45,243 --> 00:06:47,923 because Winkle and Big Fat Martin Fudd had a fight last night. 141 00:06:47,923 --> 00:06:50,243 A fight? Fighting? I'll add that to the bill. 142 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,843 Gary, a word. Honestly, Mum, there's 143 00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:53,803 a queuing system at the moment. I'm not queuing. 144 00:06:53,803 --> 00:06:56,083 Well, my plate is getting very stacked, as it happens, 145 00:06:56,083 --> 00:06:58,723 so if you could...? Well, isn't that why she's here. He sacked me. 146 00:06:58,723 --> 00:07:03,123 I have Fabio and Grooverider stuck in a farmer's field at the moment. 147 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,803 Who are Fabio and Grooverider? 148 00:07:04,803 --> 00:07:06,843 They basically invented jungle. 149 00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,083 We need a serious chat now about these Mickey drips. 150 00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:11,643 What Mickey drips? The light trouser isn't going to work. 151 00:07:11,643 --> 00:07:13,803 I'm going to buy navy trousers for all the groomsmen. 152 00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:16,283 Urgh! Urgh to navy! That's disgust... 153 00:07:16,283 --> 00:07:19,723 Even the thought of navy at my wedding 154 00:07:19,723 --> 00:07:22,923 makes me want to heave, Mother. Heave, I tell ya. 155 00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:25,163 I have a sophisticated colour palette 156 00:07:25,163 --> 00:07:27,323 and navy will never be a part of that. 157 00:07:27,323 --> 00:07:29,443 Honestly, if I was to see navy at my wedding, 158 00:07:29,443 --> 00:07:32,163 I'd just turn around and walk out and I'd jump off a cliff. 159 00:07:32,163 --> 00:07:33,683 Oi-oi, Gal boy! 160 00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,323 What, pray tell, is this? 161 00:07:35,323 --> 00:07:37,643 We said sun-kissed, John, we said sun-kissed, 162 00:07:37,643 --> 00:07:40,443 and you've gone too tan. You over egged it, mate, you've gone too tan. 163 00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:42,883 I wanted to stand out, Gal, peacock for the ladies. 164 00:07:42,883 --> 00:07:45,283 Seriously, mate, you're like an old pub table. 165 00:07:45,283 --> 00:07:47,243 Why are you picking me out? Eh? 166 00:07:47,243 --> 00:07:49,483 It wasn't me who was romping in the hot tub, was it? 167 00:07:49,483 --> 00:07:53,323 Oh, no, silly legs, what did I do? I had an early night as instructed. 168 00:07:53,323 --> 00:07:55,403 I've had just about enough of this, as it goes. 169 00:07:55,403 --> 00:07:57,803 I feel like I'm always walking onto an uppercut with you, 170 00:07:57,803 --> 00:07:59,843 every time. I'm sick of it. 171 00:07:59,843 --> 00:08:01,683 You done? I haven't even started. 172 00:08:01,683 --> 00:08:04,243 I realise you're having a little double teapot moment here. 173 00:08:04,243 --> 00:08:06,163 I do, John. I really realise that, mate. 174 00:08:06,163 --> 00:08:08,003 But seriously, I ain't having it, John, 175 00:08:08,003 --> 00:08:09,563 I have the Premier League of problems 176 00:08:09,563 --> 00:08:11,843 and you ain't even sniffing about relegation, mate, 177 00:08:11,843 --> 00:08:13,683 cos you're not in the same league, mate, 178 00:08:13,683 --> 00:08:15,883 you're a Conference problem, so know your place 179 00:08:15,883 --> 00:08:17,683 and just be a pal for me, OK? 180 00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:19,563 I need a pal, John. Need a mate, mate. 181 00:08:21,123 --> 00:08:24,043 Yeah, all right, mate. You're right, Gal, sorry, mate, 182 00:08:24,043 --> 00:08:26,043 I don't know... don't know what come over me. 183 00:08:26,043 --> 00:08:27,923 Who was romping in the hot tub last night? 184 00:08:27,923 --> 00:08:29,403 No-one likes a grass, Gal. 185 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,123 Stuart, Stuart Williams. Of course it was. 186 00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:38,083 Hot Shot Stu. That new nickname has gone to his head 187 00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,003 and made him dizzy with sexual desire, 188 00:08:40,003 --> 00:08:41,963 the filthy little underpant gnome. 189 00:08:41,963 --> 00:08:46,083 I will deal with him and retribution shall be struck out and just. 190 00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:50,363 For the meantime, Kay, you tell Tel to go and find her mother 191 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:54,443 and, Miss Manageress lady, I will do all the payments accordingly 192 00:08:54,443 --> 00:08:56,523 and settle up, OK? OK. 193 00:08:56,523 --> 00:08:59,323 John, strip this back, mate. I need less Wotsit on this, mate. 194 00:08:59,323 --> 00:09:02,163 Honestly, come down a shade or two, go more Quaver than Wotsit, boy. 195 00:09:02,163 --> 00:09:04,243 OK? Got it, Gal. And the Mickey drips? 196 00:09:04,243 --> 00:09:07,563 There's no such thing as Mickey drips, honestly, ha! 197 00:09:14,563 --> 00:09:17,203 Oh, this is me then, handsome. OK. OK. 198 00:09:17,203 --> 00:09:18,483 LIFT: Doors opening. 199 00:09:23,003 --> 00:09:25,083 Alison. I'll message you when I get to my room. 200 00:09:25,083 --> 00:09:27,243 You really don't have to. So funny! 201 00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:32,603 Proud of yourself? 202 00:09:32,603 --> 00:09:35,043 Look, Gary, I don't need this, OK? I've barely had any sleep. 203 00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:36,443 Oh, don't, please. 204 00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:39,043 I do not want to hear your disgusting locker room antics. 205 00:09:39,043 --> 00:09:41,763 Look, I don't want my personal life to be the gossip of this wedding, 206 00:09:41,763 --> 00:09:44,163 thank you very much. Oh, you should have thought about that 207 00:09:44,163 --> 00:09:46,123 before you started running round this hotel 208 00:09:46,123 --> 00:09:48,563 like a fanny-crazed teenager. What? Doors Opening. 209 00:09:48,563 --> 00:09:51,203 Sorry, guys, we've commandeered this lift for quite a serious 210 00:09:51,203 --> 00:09:53,683 and intense meeting between just two people, so... 211 00:09:53,683 --> 00:09:55,043 Doors closing. 212 00:09:55,043 --> 00:09:57,483 Look, Gary, this isn't going to work, having a chat in a lift. 213 00:09:57,483 --> 00:09:59,843 I have a question for you, sir. I have a question, Stuart. 214 00:09:59,843 --> 00:10:02,163 Did you make love to Alison in the hot tub? What? 215 00:10:02,163 --> 00:10:04,803 No, I did not have sex in a hot tub. It's incredibly unsanitary. 216 00:10:04,803 --> 00:10:06,203 Oh, shut up. 217 00:10:06,203 --> 00:10:08,563 Hot shot Stu would drop his bags anywhere he can. 218 00:10:08,563 --> 00:10:10,443 He's a pervert. Doors opening. 219 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,323 Honestly, guys, stop pressing the button, just take the stairs, 220 00:10:13,323 --> 00:10:15,723 cos this is running long and it's going to... 221 00:10:15,723 --> 00:10:18,803 You do not need to see this. Go on. Sorry, sorry. 222 00:10:18,803 --> 00:10:21,163 Don't apologise, you creep. 223 00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:22,563 Gary, what am I going to do? 224 00:10:22,563 --> 00:10:26,203 Honestly, mate, you are not going to ruin mine and Terri's wedding 225 00:10:26,203 --> 00:10:28,883 with your filthy flirting and your swordsman antics. 226 00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:30,843 Doors opening. That's the rule, mate. 227 00:10:32,163 --> 00:10:33,523 Have you seen my darling? 228 00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:34,643 What are you...? 229 00:10:34,643 --> 00:10:37,283 Get back the ruins, mate. Get to the ruins! 230 00:10:47,883 --> 00:10:49,683 Mum? 231 00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,723 You in there? 232 00:10:51,723 --> 00:10:53,483 Hello, Mum? 233 00:10:55,603 --> 00:10:59,043 Oh, this is all I need. This is making my tits itch! 234 00:10:59,043 --> 00:11:01,443 Babe, anything, please, from Crabbie? 235 00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:07,323 Um, nada, nah, no, there's nothing on the WhatsApp group neither. 236 00:11:07,323 --> 00:11:09,283 It's all going bandy, babe. 237 00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:11,723 Shh, shh, shh, shh. 238 00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:11,723 FAINT MUSIC 239 00:11:11,723 --> 00:11:14,683 What? Shh! Shh, shh, shh, shh. 240 00:11:19,003 --> 00:11:21,763 Can you hear that? 241 00:11:19,003 --> 00:11:21,763 MUSIC CONTINUES 242 00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:24,803 Like a throbbing. 243 00:11:24,803 --> 00:11:27,403 BASS BUILDS 244 00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,243 Dull thud. 245 00:11:30,643 --> 00:11:35,563 Oh, yeah, got a little rhythm to it. Yeah, I feel you, girl. 246 00:11:39,563 --> 00:11:41,203 Hello, baseline. 247 00:11:43,243 --> 00:11:45,483 Definite bassline. 248 00:11:45,483 --> 00:11:49,363 She's a dirty, dirty, old bassline, aren't you, babe? 249 00:11:50,883 --> 00:11:52,163 Filthy. 250 00:11:53,323 --> 00:11:57,003 Utter, rankamondo bassline. 251 00:11:59,123 --> 00:12:02,003 How many floors this gaff got, babe? 252 00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:06,323 I don't know. God, I'm so didgy I don't know how many floors I've got. 253 00:12:06,323 --> 00:12:11,403 That's an Afrobeat. Late '80s, South African House maybe. 254 00:12:11,403 --> 00:12:13,483 Oh, no, take it back. 255 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:16,723 That's an 'Orse Meat Disco number if ever I heard it. 256 00:12:19,563 --> 00:12:26,643 Whatever the weather, that is proper, proper afterparty vibes. 257 00:12:26,643 --> 00:12:29,563 SHE SNIFFS 258 00:12:38,243 --> 00:12:39,443 Gotcha. 259 00:12:42,483 --> 00:12:44,483 You've actually gone mental, babe. 260 00:12:44,483 --> 00:12:47,723 MUSIC CONTINUES 261 00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,323 Oh, well, lookie here, we've got ourselves a little space cadet. 262 00:12:53,323 --> 00:12:56,163 Party's over, sunshine, I'm shutting this down, 263 00:12:56,163 --> 00:12:58,243 I want everyone out immediately. 264 00:12:58,243 --> 00:12:59,923 Let's go, let's go, chop-chop. 265 00:12:59,923 --> 00:13:01,363 How long have we been in here? 266 00:13:01,363 --> 00:13:03,003 Oh, my God. 267 00:13:03,003 --> 00:13:06,563 I cannot believe you Arthur P'd without me. Sorry, babe. 268 00:13:06,563 --> 00:13:08,243 Come on, let's keep it moving, people. 269 00:13:08,243 --> 00:13:10,363 Whoa, where do you think you're going? You can stay. 270 00:13:10,363 --> 00:13:12,483 Come on, let's move it, people, haven't got all day, 271 00:13:12,483 --> 00:13:15,163 I'm actually getting married today if anyone gave a rat's behind. 272 00:13:15,163 --> 00:13:16,803 Come on, boys, Stevo, Carl. 273 00:13:16,803 --> 00:13:19,763 Whoa. Uncle Stef, really? At your age, mate? 274 00:13:19,763 --> 00:13:21,323 You should be ashamed of yourself, 275 00:13:21,323 --> 00:13:23,123 Auntie Elaine's going to be in pieces, 276 00:13:23,123 --> 00:13:25,843 I'll tell her, by the way. One word for you, mate - divorce, think on. 277 00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:28,123 Pauline, put a bra on, disgraceful. 278 00:13:28,123 --> 00:13:30,803 You've got two hours to get some shuteye and a shower, 279 00:13:30,803 --> 00:13:32,723 and has anyone seen my mother? 280 00:13:32,723 --> 00:13:34,363 No? Right. 281 00:13:34,363 --> 00:13:36,323 Think that's everyone. 282 00:13:37,723 --> 00:13:40,643 Just need to carry out a little nervous check first all right, babe? 283 00:13:40,643 --> 00:13:42,443 Keep close, keep close. 284 00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:48,003 You're off your tits, mate. Shh-shh-shh. 285 00:13:58,203 --> 00:13:59,363 I knew it. 286 00:14:00,803 --> 00:14:03,363 Can never resist an afterparty. 287 00:14:04,923 --> 00:14:06,883 It's not my fault. 288 00:14:06,883 --> 00:14:10,523 I went over on my ankle last night, I think I dis-colated it. 289 00:14:10,523 --> 00:14:14,323 Oh, yeah, a likely story, Mother. So, what, you dis-colated your ankle 290 00:14:14,323 --> 00:14:17,563 and just had to stay up all night partying, did you? 291 00:14:17,563 --> 00:14:19,403 Jodie! 292 00:14:19,403 --> 00:14:21,763 Please forgive me for what I have done. 293 00:14:24,003 --> 00:14:25,203 I do. 294 00:14:25,203 --> 00:14:28,243 Oh, it's all right, sweetheart, it's all right. 295 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:31,283 Yeah, yeah, really happy for you both, really happy. 296 00:14:31,283 --> 00:14:34,523 It's all turned out roses for you, Mum, hasn't it, once again. 297 00:14:34,523 --> 00:14:37,123 Just the-the rest of the world that has to suffer while it does. 298 00:14:37,123 --> 00:14:39,803 Oi, Winkle, what happened with Martin? 299 00:14:39,803 --> 00:14:41,683 I heard he proper mugged you off. 300 00:14:41,683 --> 00:14:43,083 He blindsided me. 301 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,283 I mean, what are you both playing at? 302 00:14:45,283 --> 00:14:49,883 Well, we got... we got a bit fruity in the hot tub last night 303 00:14:49,883 --> 00:14:54,363 and Winkle had to rub Martin's nose in it, 304 00:14:54,363 --> 00:14:56,723 then it all kicked off. 305 00:14:56,723 --> 00:15:01,563 I had to get away from it all. I felt really bad about the dramas. 306 00:15:01,563 --> 00:15:04,083 What, so you just thought you'd get off your tits to fix it, 307 00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:05,763 stay up all night chewing your face off? 308 00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:08,723 Look, I've got a... I've got a lot on my mind. 309 00:15:08,723 --> 00:15:11,803 Oh, what, like how to be the centre of attention, eh? 310 00:15:11,803 --> 00:15:13,443 It's your dad, babe. 311 00:15:13,443 --> 00:15:16,563 He text me, he's not coming. 312 00:15:16,563 --> 00:15:18,283 Couldn't get his day release. 313 00:15:19,643 --> 00:15:22,163 I couldn't face telling you last night, 314 00:15:22,163 --> 00:15:24,483 then one drink led to another. 315 00:15:24,483 --> 00:15:25,963 No, it's... 316 00:15:25,963 --> 00:15:28,323 ..much better you tell me on the morning of our wedding, 317 00:15:28,323 --> 00:15:30,363 so much better. Oh, sorry, Tel, babe. 318 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,483 Oh, that's all right, mate, I'm used to it. Oh... 319 00:15:32,483 --> 00:15:35,163 SHE SOBS 320 00:15:35,163 --> 00:15:37,123 Don't get upset. 321 00:15:37,123 --> 00:15:40,643 I'm fine, look, I'm all right, come here, come here. 322 00:15:40,643 --> 00:15:44,003 It's all right. Come here, come here, come here. 323 00:15:47,883 --> 00:15:51,443 Guess I'll be taking a bowl down the aisle on my lonesome then, eh? 324 00:15:51,443 --> 00:15:53,923 I could do it. Yeah? 325 00:15:53,923 --> 00:15:55,563 No, I should. 326 00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:56,923 As your mother's lover 327 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,203 and the closest thing you have to a father here. 328 00:15:59,203 --> 00:16:00,603 I don't know, Wink. 329 00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:03,443 Terri! I would be honoured. 330 00:16:10,123 --> 00:16:11,643 Everything sorted? 331 00:16:11,643 --> 00:16:14,883 Yes, Mother, everything is smashing. 332 00:16:14,883 --> 00:16:18,123 Honestly, the boys at the ruins have done a fabulous job, to be fair. 333 00:16:18,123 --> 00:16:19,683 I'm very, very proud of them all. 334 00:16:19,683 --> 00:16:22,523 You look mustard, Gal. You look like a movie star, mate. 335 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,643 Thank you, John. 336 00:16:23,643 --> 00:16:25,363 What time do they cross the cobbles? What? 337 00:16:25,363 --> 00:16:28,163 Do you think we need to move the wedding to accommodate the punch-up? 338 00:16:28,163 --> 00:16:30,203 Nah. Are you Team Winkle or Team Martin, Gal? 339 00:16:30,203 --> 00:16:34,043 Nah, I'm Team I'm Getting Married Today, There Will Be No Fighting. 340 00:16:34,043 --> 00:16:37,203 And what, pray tell, are they you wear upon your legs, Dad? 341 00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:38,803 They're...they're flares, mate. 342 00:16:38,803 --> 00:16:40,323 Flares? Don't talk silly. 343 00:16:40,323 --> 00:16:42,683 Look at them, Dad, they're all flarey at the bottom, 344 00:16:42,683 --> 00:16:45,883 everything has to be tapered, Dad. It must be fitted. 345 00:16:45,883 --> 00:16:48,443 It will take me two minutes to taper them. 346 00:16:48,443 --> 00:16:51,803 Sorry, Gal, these trousers are a nightmare for Mickey drips. 347 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:55,483 The trousers are a magnet for the Mickey drips - they reveal all. 348 00:16:55,483 --> 00:16:58,483 I don't get Mickey drips. Everyone gets Mickey drips. 349 00:16:58,483 --> 00:16:59,643 I don't, mate! 350 00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:02,123 You know what I do, is I shake my willy when I'm finished, 351 00:17:02,123 --> 00:17:03,763 it's that easy. Gal? 352 00:17:03,763 --> 00:17:04,883 Yes, John, mate? 353 00:17:04,883 --> 00:17:08,043 I've been thinking, I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry 354 00:17:08,043 --> 00:17:11,003 about earlier, you know, me little double teapot moment. 355 00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:15,323 John, mate, honestly, apology accepted from you. Apology accepted. 356 00:17:15,323 --> 00:17:17,443 It's a very small part of the day, very small. 357 00:17:17,443 --> 00:17:19,963 What's this? Why are you holding your jacket like that, John? 358 00:17:19,963 --> 00:17:22,883 Like what? This is very mannered in the way you're holding this, John. 359 00:17:22,883 --> 00:17:25,203 Come on, put it away. Oh, my God. 360 00:17:25,203 --> 00:17:27,003 It's just a few drips, Gal. It'll dry off. 361 00:17:27,003 --> 00:17:29,483 It's falling out of you, it's flooding out of you! 362 00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,323 You look like you're wearing leopard print! 363 00:17:31,323 --> 00:17:32,963 Let's all go for the navy trouser. 364 00:17:32,963 --> 00:17:36,483 I am not having navy trousers at my wedding. 365 00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:38,963 Have you even been to the lavatory, Gary, to see? 366 00:17:38,963 --> 00:17:41,003 I mean, you don't know until you go yourself. 367 00:17:41,003 --> 00:17:42,403 Gary, you've got to go in there 368 00:17:42,403 --> 00:17:45,043 and get this whole Mickey drips thing sorted for once and for all. 369 00:17:45,043 --> 00:17:47,163 I'm not getting bullied into going to the toilet. 370 00:17:47,163 --> 00:17:51,003 Just go! Ahem! Oh. 371 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:53,523 Oh, wow, wow. 372 00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:55,363 How do I look, Dad? 373 00:17:55,363 --> 00:17:57,123 Like a million bucks, son. 374 00:17:57,123 --> 00:18:00,123 I think we best be going, it's a good 20 minutes' drive 375 00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,083 and we can't be too careful with the traffic. 376 00:18:03,403 --> 00:18:05,923 Top best man, isn't it? That is top best manning, that. 377 00:18:05,923 --> 00:18:08,163 Look at that, what a best man. Oh, Gal. 378 00:18:08,163 --> 00:18:11,083 Yes, mate? Yeah, I forgot - 379 00:18:11,083 --> 00:18:12,603 Terri's dad can't make it. 380 00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:15,443 That's... 381 00:18:15,443 --> 00:18:18,403 That's explosive news! That's... 382 00:18:18,403 --> 00:18:19,963 But you drop it so casual. 383 00:18:19,963 --> 00:18:21,443 Yeah, he's not coming, mate. 384 00:18:21,443 --> 00:18:24,083 He's just lying there, breaking news. 385 00:18:24,083 --> 00:18:27,843 It's like a big ginger tabby cat full up of sardines and secrets. 386 00:18:27,843 --> 00:18:30,443 Gal, who's going to walk her down the aisle? 387 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,003 Probably Winkle would be best. Makes sense. 388 00:18:33,003 --> 00:18:34,363 It what? 389 00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,563 Well, he's the closest thing to father of the bride, 390 00:18:36,563 --> 00:18:39,443 makes total sense. It makes no sense! 391 00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:44,203 It's literally like saying the alphabet is 4, 5, 7, 2, 392 00:18:44,203 --> 00:18:48,003 H, B, J, 7, :, -, 393 00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:52,403 G, 4, 2, B, F, G, 5, 2, 394 00:18:52,403 --> 00:18:55,643 :, !, 1, 0, 395 00:18:55,643 --> 00:18:57,283 Z, G, F. 396 00:18:57,283 --> 00:18:59,123 Makes no sense! 397 00:18:59,123 --> 00:19:01,843 Right, I'm going to deal with this. Teddy, you take over. 398 00:19:01,843 --> 00:19:03,123 All right, Dad. 399 00:19:19,683 --> 00:19:20,963 Babe, it's me. 400 00:19:20,963 --> 00:19:23,563 Oh, no, Gal. We can't see one another, it's really bad luck. 401 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:26,803 I'm not risking any bad luck but I need to talk to you, darling, 402 00:19:26,803 --> 00:19:29,123 I need to talk to ya, 403 00:19:29,123 --> 00:19:32,243 so put your hands over your eyes and come out here. 404 00:19:32,243 --> 00:19:34,483 I'll do the same. 405 00:19:34,483 --> 00:19:35,803 OK. Give me a tick. 406 00:19:41,643 --> 00:19:45,083 Seriously, Gal, no peeping, OK? 407 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:48,003 I'm not going to peep, wouldn't even chance a peep. 408 00:19:48,003 --> 00:19:50,563 I don't want to see a shadow or a silhouette. OK. 409 00:19:52,043 --> 00:19:55,523 Babe, why on earth did you sack Kay? 410 00:19:55,523 --> 00:19:57,163 Cos she was useless. 411 00:19:57,163 --> 00:19:59,843 Listen, darling, that is very much a six-hour-ago problem 412 00:19:59,843 --> 00:20:01,843 and I am dealing in the present right now. 413 00:20:01,843 --> 00:20:04,123 I can't have Winkle walk you down the aisle. 414 00:20:04,123 --> 00:20:06,803 Even the thought of his gnarly little face there 415 00:20:06,803 --> 00:20:09,923 when I'm in the most important day of my life, that just drives me mad. 416 00:20:09,923 --> 00:20:11,923 Winkle? No! Joking ain't you? 417 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,123 No, I'm going to get Teddy to walk me down the aisle. 418 00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:17,803 Pfft! 419 00:20:17,803 --> 00:20:21,043 Pfft! Pfft! 420 00:20:21,043 --> 00:20:22,563 Oh, that would be beautiful. 421 00:20:22,563 --> 00:20:25,963 Yeah. Be the best, won't it? 422 00:20:25,963 --> 00:20:28,083 Take my hand, I need to feel your strength. 423 00:20:28,083 --> 00:20:29,843 Babe, we shouldn't, really. 424 00:20:29,843 --> 00:20:31,403 Just quickly then. 425 00:20:31,403 --> 00:20:33,243 I need your strength. There you are. 426 00:20:35,243 --> 00:20:38,203 Miss those big hands. Oh, I miss you. 427 00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:40,563 Tell you something for nothing, 428 00:20:40,563 --> 00:20:43,123 do you ever feel like you don't like your friends that much? 429 00:20:43,123 --> 00:20:45,483 You know, like, they're all a bit too hard work. 430 00:20:46,883 --> 00:20:48,683 Every day. 431 00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:52,403 But I suffer them because I've got you in my life 432 00:20:52,403 --> 00:20:55,763 and I feel so, so lucky just to have you, Tel. 433 00:20:55,763 --> 00:20:58,163 Don't, babe, cos you're going to really make me go. 434 00:20:58,163 --> 00:21:01,363 I can't wait to see you out there. Me too. 435 00:21:01,363 --> 00:21:02,843 Gal. Mm? 436 00:21:02,843 --> 00:21:06,763 I love you so much. Oh, love you so much more. 437 00:21:08,123 --> 00:21:10,363 I am going to go now. OK. 438 00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:23,683 Sorry. The door was broken, I couldn't get in so... 439 00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,723 You heard all of that, did you? Yeah. 440 00:21:25,723 --> 00:21:28,363 So beautiful, he loves you so much. 441 00:21:28,363 --> 00:21:30,403 Yeah, love him, that's why I'm getting married. 442 00:21:30,403 --> 00:21:32,443 So lovely. Can't get in? 443 00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:34,163 Sorry, it's locked. 444 00:21:35,763 --> 00:21:38,443 Oh, one of those doors, sorry. Yeah. 445 00:21:45,203 --> 00:21:49,163 # There's a light 446 00:21:49,163 --> 00:21:52,963 # A certain kind of light 447 00:21:52,963 --> 00:21:56,963 # Never shone on me 448 00:21:59,723 --> 00:22:03,643 # But what does it bring? 449 00:22:03,643 --> 00:22:06,803 # If I ain't got you 450 00:22:06,803 --> 00:22:10,803 # I ain't got you, baby 451 00:22:10,803 --> 00:22:16,563 # You don't know what it's like 452 00:22:16,563 --> 00:22:22,603 # Baby, you don't know what it's like 453 00:22:22,603 --> 00:22:29,203 # To love somebody To love somebody 454 00:22:29,203 --> 00:22:33,283 # The way I love you 455 00:22:33,283 --> 00:22:36,643 # Yeah! 456 00:22:36,643 --> 00:22:41,563 # You don't know what it's like 457 00:22:41,563 --> 00:22:48,163 # Baby, you don't know what it's like 458 00:22:48,163 --> 00:22:49,843 # To love somebody 459 00:22:49,843 --> 00:22:52,083 # You don't know what it's like 460 00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:54,723 # Love somebody 461 00:22:54,723 --> 00:23:00,723 # You don't know... ooooh! 462 00:23:00,723 --> 00:23:03,603 # To love somebody 463 00:23:03,603 --> 00:23:04,963 # The way I love you... # 464 00:23:04,963 --> 00:23:07,523 You look beautiful, bub. Honestly, so gorgeous. 465 00:23:07,523 --> 00:23:09,003 It's a different castle. 466 00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:11,803 Hey, don't worry about it. Honestly, don't worry. I love you. 467 00:23:11,803 --> 00:23:12,963 Love you. 468 00:23:12,963 --> 00:23:15,763 Friends and family, the bride and groom 469 00:23:15,763 --> 00:23:19,283 have each prepared vows that they will read now. 470 00:23:19,283 --> 00:23:20,443 Please be seated. 471 00:23:21,643 --> 00:23:23,043 Oh! 472 00:23:28,323 --> 00:23:34,923 I, Gary Gary King, take thee, Terri Rachel Grumble, 473 00:23:34,923 --> 00:23:36,963 to be my wife. 474 00:23:36,963 --> 00:23:40,283 I love your beauty and your creativity, 475 00:23:40,283 --> 00:23:44,043 and the fact you don't even give two Wotsits about anything. 476 00:23:44,043 --> 00:23:49,483 I love you have this tough exterior, but also the most gentlest of heart 477 00:23:49,483 --> 00:23:53,963 and you care about people so much and you give so much to others, 478 00:23:53,963 --> 00:23:57,843 so your interior is, like, soft and just, like, delicious. 479 00:23:59,443 --> 00:24:03,283 I love that sometimes you're unpredictable, 480 00:24:03,283 --> 00:24:06,403 and other times you're not actually unpredictable 481 00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:09,443 and I can't work you out and that's why I love you, 482 00:24:09,443 --> 00:24:12,843 cos, after all these years, I don't ever really want to work you out, 483 00:24:12,843 --> 00:24:15,203 I just, I do... 484 00:24:15,203 --> 00:24:18,323 And I just know that I love you with every dot inside my heart. 485 00:24:19,843 --> 00:24:24,443 I promise always I will treat you nicely, Tel, 486 00:24:24,443 --> 00:24:28,403 I'll hold your hand every night when we go to sleep, 487 00:24:28,403 --> 00:24:31,323 and we'll meet each other in our dreams. 488 00:24:31,323 --> 00:24:35,403 Most of all, of all the promises that I give you, 489 00:24:35,403 --> 00:24:38,843 is, I will love you, Terri, forever and ever in my life. 490 00:24:41,403 --> 00:24:42,763 Lovely. 491 00:24:45,363 --> 00:24:51,443 I, Terri Rachel Grumble, take thee, Gary Gary King, 492 00:24:51,443 --> 00:24:52,963 to be my husband. 493 00:24:54,403 --> 00:24:58,203 You are my soulmate, you are my best mate, 494 00:24:58,203 --> 00:25:00,483 you are more my most beautiful dream. 495 00:25:01,563 --> 00:25:05,643 You will never truly know how deep my love is for you, 496 00:25:05,643 --> 00:25:08,963 and the massiveness of my faith in everything you smash through. 497 00:25:10,243 --> 00:25:13,523 I vow to support you, 498 00:25:13,523 --> 00:25:16,563 tell you every day that I love you, 499 00:25:16,563 --> 00:25:20,243 and to remain by your side for all of the days of our lives. 500 00:25:21,883 --> 00:25:24,643 There will always be a big piece of you inside of me. 501 00:25:26,083 --> 00:25:28,523 Oh, I hope so, I hope so, I really hope so. 502 00:25:28,523 --> 00:25:31,203 The bride and groom will now exchange rings 503 00:25:31,203 --> 00:25:34,403 as a symbol of love and commitment to each other. 504 00:25:48,643 --> 00:25:52,083 And it is my honour and delight to declare you married. 505 00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:54,963 You may seal this declaration with a kiss. 506 00:25:56,043 --> 00:25:59,043 MUSIC: Sweet Love by M-Beat 507 00:26:30,163 --> 00:26:36,803 # With all my heart, I love you, baby 508 00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:41,443 # Stay with me and you will see 509 00:26:41,443 --> 00:26:48,123 # My arms will hold you, baby 510 00:26:48,123 --> 00:26:54,043 # Never leave cos I believe I'm in love 511 00:26:54,043 --> 00:26:56,683 UPBEAT DRUMS BEGIN 512 00:26:56,683 --> 00:26:58,803 # Sweet love 513 00:26:58,803 --> 00:27:02,523 # Hear me calling out your name 514 00:27:02,523 --> 00:27:07,443 # I feel no shame, I'm in love 515 00:27:07,443 --> 00:27:10,123 # Sweet love 516 00:27:10,123 --> 00:27:11,843 # Don't you ever go away... # 517 00:27:11,843 --> 00:27:14,203 Will we remember this day one day 518 00:27:14,203 --> 00:27:17,923 as the day that me and Smoochy fell in love? Won't we? 519 00:27:17,923 --> 00:27:19,043 Yeah. 520 00:27:19,043 --> 00:27:22,443 It's the day an invisible thread just finally brought us together. 521 00:27:22,443 --> 00:27:25,443 I'm so proud of you, Terri! You two! I love you. 522 00:27:25,443 --> 00:27:28,243 Everything, aren't they? I love them, proud. I love you, Gal. 523 00:27:28,243 --> 00:27:30,363 I love you, Terri. I love you. 524 00:27:30,363 --> 00:27:31,883 Is it on? 525 00:27:31,883 --> 00:27:34,643 The beef was dry, the potatoes were cold. 526 00:27:34,643 --> 00:27:36,763 My dessert arrived late. 527 00:27:36,763 --> 00:27:40,083 Sharon and Glen's didn't even arrive at all with theirs. 528 00:27:40,083 --> 00:27:43,443 I love Gary, I was almost a bit jealous when he met Tel, 529 00:27:43,443 --> 00:27:46,083 but just like here's... here's a toast. 530 00:27:46,083 --> 00:27:48,123 HE SOBS 531 00:27:49,963 --> 00:27:53,203 We've had the best day. Oh, my God, it's been perfect hasn't it, Winkle? 532 00:27:53,203 --> 00:27:54,443 Yeah. 533 00:27:54,443 --> 00:27:57,283 You look stunning! We're so proud of you, babe! 534 00:27:57,283 --> 00:27:58,843 Ain't we, Wink? 535 00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:01,723 Congratulations, congratulations. 536 00:28:01,723 --> 00:28:05,723 It was the most beautiful day ever. 537 00:28:05,723 --> 00:28:07,123 So proud. 538 00:28:07,123 --> 00:28:09,843 Gravy was lumpy an' all. It was disgusting. 539 00:28:09,843 --> 00:28:12,123 Honestly, thank you for everyone that's come, 540 00:28:12,123 --> 00:28:13,843 it's been an amazing day, like everyone, 541 00:28:13,843 --> 00:28:16,643 the musicians and everyone, it's just been a beautiful thing. 542 00:28:16,643 --> 00:28:17,923 What you got down you, babe? 543 00:28:17,923 --> 00:28:20,563 Don't worry about it, don't worry about it, don't worry about it. 544 00:28:20,563 --> 00:28:22,403 Oh. All right, babe. It's fine. 545 00:28:22,403 --> 00:28:24,883 Oh, no, it's been, like, the most amazing day of my life. 546 00:28:24,883 --> 00:28:27,363 So many perfect people in one place, it's just lovely. 547 00:28:27,363 --> 00:28:31,923 And next up is just, like, baby number two, I guess. 548 00:28:31,923 --> 00:28:33,323 What you talking about? 549 00:28:33,323 --> 00:28:35,883 It's what's next on the agenda, baby number two. 550 00:28:35,883 --> 00:28:37,643 I didn't know, we hadn't discussed it. 551 00:28:37,643 --> 00:28:39,763 Well, I have discussed it in my head, so... 552 00:28:42,523 --> 00:28:48,643 # How sweet How sweet 553 00:28:48,643 --> 00:28:52,643 # How sweet... #