- Thank you. - All right, see you later.
Dear Diary, I...
Fucked Stanley Barber!
You fucked Stanley Barber?
Y-You don't have to keep repeating it.
- Liam is right there. - I'm sorry,
I'm just processing.
So, how was it?
Honestly, having sex with Stan was really awkward.
- It was... great. - Really?
Something just didn't feel right.
Really. I mean...
so good at going down on me, I was like, "Whoa!"
So you wanna hook up again?
I really don't want a boyfriend. Just wanna hang out with Dina
and for all this weird shit to stop happening
and for everything to go back to normal.
One hundred percent.
I'm worried about Brad. He's in a lot of pain.
Dina, he's acting like he's lost a leg.
We were supposed to go to Ricky Berry's birthday party tonight,
but I don't think he's up for it.
Oh, you got invited to that?
Um...
Yeah, I guess I sort of got invited.
- Right. Cool. - I don't know.
I don't... think I'm gonna go, though, so...
What? Go take care of Brad?
I mean...
Fuck it. Why don't we just go together, you and me?
Please say yes.
Ye... Okay.
Yeah, let's do it.
Okay, Syd!
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --
Hey, girls. Good breakfast?
- Yes. Thanks so much, Mrs. Miller. - Don't worry, hon. It's on me.
- Thank you. - How come you always make me pay?
Because Dina is nicer to me than you are,
and I like her better than you.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Bye!
Okay, so, here's the deal.
Karen's dog got diarrhea.
- Ew. - So I have to stay a few more hours.
So that means what?
It means you can stay here and marry some ketchups for me...
Okay. No sale.
... or you can take your brother home...
without being an asshole about it.
Yeah, okay. I'll take Liam home.
Thank you.
Syd?
Yeah?
Where did Stan go?
What do you mean?
You said that Stan was going down somewhere.
No! No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did. - No, I really didn't.
You told Dina that Stan was going down somewhere
and that he was really good at it.
Yup. Uh, he's, um... he's going down south to Mexico,
and he's, uh, really good at it
'cause he's such a great, uh... traveler.
He's a very efficient packer.
- That's cool. - Yeah.
There he is now.
Oh, yeah. Huh.
- What's he doing? - Just wait.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hi.
So, it's good to see you again.
Yeah.
Yeah, you too.
So, do you wanna... do you wanna, like, do somethin' later tonight
or somethin'?
Oh, God, what have I done?
You know, I would, but Dina and I are going to Ricky Berry's party.
No shit? I'll be there too.
- Oh, you will? - Yeah.
Ah. Okay, right.
So, I guess I'll see you there.
And we gotta go. Right now.
Okay? It's... It's...
Bye.
Cool.
Don't drop the ball, you idiot.
Can we go the other way instead?
I want to walk back by the train tracks.
Think you can catch it?
- That's the long way. - I know.
- It's good exercise. Uh... - Let's go, now.
- Uh, Liam, wait. Goob, what's wrong? - The kid can't catch.
That's Richard Rynard.
Can you throw a little bit harder?
That's the kid who might kick your ass?
- Catch it. - Uh-huh.
Throw it to him, not me.
Syd! Wait, stop!
Please don't.
Hey, Richard!
- Yeah? - You see my little brother?
Do you mean the one hiding because he's so scared?
Well, you're gonna leave him alone.
Got it?
Yeah, sure thing.
Go choke on a tampon, freak.
You know what? So what if I really am a freak?
I could be okay with that.
I mean, if I really can make a nose bleed with my brain,
then maybe it can be used for good.
Um... Are you okay?
- Bet you feel like a badass, huh? - Kinda.
Well, let me tell you something.
One day, it's all gonna go downhill, buddy.
Your life will be so pathetic, you'll attend high school reunions,
because you know what?
Nothing else is ever gonna happen for you in your entire life.
Yeah, you won't even have a dog!
Now what do you wanna do?
I don't know. I was sorta thinkin'...
What?
We could maybe, uh... do a puzzle?
The puzzles are downstairs...
in the basement... where my dad killed himself.
And I haven't been down there since.
Is there really nothing else you wanna do?
Cartoons?
Prank call the neighbors?
You know, Ms. Johnson is really nice. That's kinda mean.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay.
Hang tight.
It's just a basement.
Just a room in a house.
Every Sunday morning, Dad and Liam would work on a puzzle
after breakfast.
It was kinda their thing.
But Dad and I...
To me, it felt like everything was our thing.
But he used to spend hours down here
doing I don't know what.
I wish I understood him better.
Mom was the one who found him.
He didn't even leave a note.
Never explained anything.
Why the hell didn't he leave a note?
I mean, did he really have no idea I was gonna be such a freak?
I mean, did he think I wouldn't need him around?
I mean, why would he do that?
Liam, are you okay? What happened?
It's Banana.
I... I think he's...
Fuck me.
♪ Every time you go ♪
♪ Away ♪
- Dear Diary, I murdered a hedgehog. - ♪ You take a piece of me ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ Every time you go ♪
♪ Away ♪
♪ You take a piece of me with you... ♪
How old do you think Banana was? In, like, hedgehog years?
Super old, man.
Like, 94.
Banana was only 12 in hedgehog years.
I murdered a tween.
- Really? - Definitely.
Could you say a few words? I'm too sad.
Uh...
Banana...
you were very cute.
So much fun.
That hedgehog didn't do shit.
We both love you.
Do you think that, um... Banana...
is with Dad now?
Yeah. Dad will take good care of him.
I just...
I wish I was there for you at the end.
Had we known that you... needed help,
we would have given it to you.
This just isn't fair.
You're gone now, and there's nothing we can do about it.
We both miss you s... so much.
Everything's so different without you around.
Oh, God.
When does this get easier?
Dear Diary...
... things are maybe getting a little out of control.
First, Brad's stupid nose.
Then, Liam's adorable hedgehog.
Diary, I feel like I'm racking up a body count here.
You know, I probably shouldn't be allowed outside,
but now I have to take my psycho ass to a party.
Okay, I'm so stressed out.
Which one do you like better?
The blue one is kind of all about the boobs.
The red one helps out my ass a little bit, though.
Which one should I wear?
Both?
You are useless.
Okay, if we wanna be fashionably late, we should leave in a few,
so hurry up and get ready.
I... I'm ready.
Wait. Are you wearing that to the party?
What's wrong with my sweater?
Um... Nothing. It's just... very comfortable.
But, okay, what if, um...
what if you wore this instead?
- No, thank you? - Oh, come on.
Don't you think it's time for the world premiere
of Sydney Novak's cleavage?
You'd look so hot in it.
Dina always makes me feel brave.
Okay, fine.
Okay. Okay, awesome.
Oh, now it's time for your makeup.
- I'm sorry. - What?
I feel like I've been so distracted lately.
- ♪ I was standing in your room ♪ - Oh, that's okay.
- ♪ Without my boots ♪ - No, Syd, it's not.
You had sex for the very first time last night,
and that wasn't even on my radar.
It still blows my mind.
How long have I known you? And you seriously never talk about boys.
Well, now I have.
Anything else earth-shattering you wanna tell me?
♪ And my skin is red ♪
Well, I... I don't... To be honest, I don't know. There's this thing.
♪ Arm to arm ♪
♪ And thigh to thigh ♪
- I, um... - ♪ Even though there's plenty of room ♪
... think there might be something wrong with me.
What do you mean?
♪ Just like an owl ♪
- I just feel different lately. - Oh, my God. No, same.
Me too.
Yeah, right.
No, seriously. Like, the other day,
I made a joke about The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
No one got it.
I had to explain the plot to Brad's friends.
They just looked at me like I was batshit crazy.
♪ Well, I don't think I'll be bitter ♪
- Yeah, well, they're all idiots. - Oh, I know, right?
But seriously, everybody feels like a freak sometimes.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay. Finishing touch... lipstick.
Absolutely not.
- Lip gloss. - Nope.
Cherry ChapStick.
Fine.
♪ Yeah, keep that sweatshirt ♪ ♪ Wait outside ♪
- ♪ We've only ever talked ♪ - Amazing.
Come on.
♪ For what? ♪
Shit.
Okay, I'm scared, but fun scared.
Like we're about to skydive for the first time or something.
Well, I'm not fun scared.
Feels like we're about to be eaten by wolves, like...
really drunk, judgmental wolves.
We're gonna be fine.
I just wish I could inject vodka directly into my veins first.
I do have this.
Oh, my God. You're my hero.
- You good? - Good.
Good.
So, I did it.
I finally went to a high school party.
- Hi! - It's awesome.
It was terrifying.
So awesome.
I was so afraid I'd do something fucked up.
Dina!
Welcome to the madness!
Hey.
Hey. Hey.
Oh, gosh, don't tell me. I know it. I know this one.
- Sydney. - Right!
I thought it started with an S, yeah.
Well, you guys go enjoy, all right?
Ignore him.
So, should we, like, get in there?
There's...
Can we please stick together?
Duh!
- I'd never leave you. - ♪ Then don't tell me we're lost ♪
♪ 'Cause I've been waiting for you ♪
♪ Don't tell me we're lost ♪
♪ 'Cause I've been ♪ ♪ Waiting for you tonight ♪
♪ Just don't tell me we're lost ♪
Yeah!
♪ 'Cause I've been waiting for you ♪
♪ I've been waiting for you tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause I've been waiting for you ♪
Stan!
So, Stan...
Yeah?
I just feel like you and I have never really talked.
I... I guess not.
So you and Syd are, like, neighbors.
Like, close neighbors, right?
Uh... I mean,
we're, like, a... we're, like, a few blocks away from each other.
- So, I'd say... we're moderately close. - Cool.
Mm.
- Sounds pretty close to me. - Okay. Just ignore her, okay?
Holy shit! That's Jenny Tuffield.
Didn't her mom just send her to rehab?
Yeah, but I guess 'cause she's here, it totally worked,
and she's all better now?
Yeah, right.
Oh, my God, I love this song.
- ♪ Jessie is a friend, yeah ♪ - We have to dance to this,
like, right now, right this second.
- Come on. - ♪ He's been a good friend of mine ♪
♪ But lately, somethin's changed ♪ ♪ And it ain't hard to define ♪
- Go for it. I'm good. - ♪ Jessie's got himself a girl ♪
♪ And I wanna make her mine ♪
♪ And she's watchin' him with those eyes ♪
♪ And she's lovin' him with that body ♪ ♪ I just know it ♪
♪ And he's holdin' her in his arms ♪ ♪ Late, late at night ♪
♪ You know ♪ ♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
- ♪ Where can I find a woman like that? ♪ - Now take this thing off.
♪ I play along with the charade ♪
- I felt super awkward. - ♪ There doesn't seem to be ♪
- Like everyone would look at me. - ♪ A reason to change ♪
♪ You know, I feel so dirty ♪ ♪ When they start talking cute ♪
But you know what? The only one looking at me was Dina.
♪ 'Cause she's watchin' him ♪ ♪ With those eyes ♪
♪ And she's lovin' him with that body ♪ ♪ I just know it ♪
♪ And he's holdin' her in his arms ♪ ♪ Late, late at night ♪
♪ You know ♪ ♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
- Bra-a-ad! You made it. - ♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
- Dude, I had to come. - It's not a party until you're here.
Hey, everyone! Bradley Lewis in the house!
- Speech! Speech! - Quiet down. Now, quiet down.
- He said be quiet! - Pipe down!
Eighteen years and nine months ago today,
George Reginald Berry and his sweet wife Carol...
That's not their names.
They were drinkin' a little bit of pinot grig',
and they were blastin' some Neil Diamond.
And then, nine months later, Richard "Dickwad" Berry was born.
And thank God for that because the Berrys' birthday parties
are the fucking best!
To Ricky, everybody!
To Ricky!
Hi!
You made it.
Yeah, babe. I've been trying to call you.
Thought we were gonna chill.
Oh, I haven't checked my phone.
Okay.
Looks like you guys are havin' fun.
That dress, though, is...
You like it?
Phew. Damn. Yeah.
Baby, you look so good.
We should go hang.
Oh, we are hanging. You should dance with us.
My ankle's killing me right now, babe.
Oh...
Yeah, sure. Just let me finish this song.
♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
Sure, yeah, that's fine.
Keep dancin'.
Okay.
I should... go...
just to make sure he's okay.
What? Don't worry about him. He said he's fine.
I'll be right back. I promise.
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Wow.
That was impeccable.
So...
what you... what you doin' out here?
- Just mountains of cocaine. - Oh.
You do realize that the entire cheerleading squad
are actually doing lines of cocaine in the upstairs bathroom?
Oh, my God. Is... is that why they have so much energy?
Oh, totally. Totally, yeah.
Okay, so I have... I have a question for you,
and there's, like, absolutely no pressure or anything.
Okay.
Okay. Uh...
Would you...
... ever, you know, would you ever wanna go to homecoming?
Uh...
M-Maybe. I guess I'll see how I feel on the day.
Oh.
Um, no, I mean...
If... Okay. If you don't have plans yet,
and if you don't totally hate the idea,
would you wanna go with me?
I mean, yes.
- Homecoming is an outdated tradition. - I just have to be harsh.
Tell Stan I don't like him in that way.
Deeply problematic...
- I should like him that way, but I don't. - But still...
- Why don't I? Ugh. - If you...
Okay, sure. Why not?
I am pathetic.
Great!
Great, uh...
So...
- So, I'm gonna go find Dina. - Yeah.
Uh, talk... See you later.
Nice. Yes. Okay.
Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug! Chug, chug, chug, chug!
Yeah!
Oh.
- Hey. - Hey.
Are you crying because...
there's a dead animal hanging above your head?
Okay, talk to me.
What happened?
Um...
It's just Brad.
We got in this huge fight,
and I honestly don't even know what it was about.
That happens with me and my mom a lot.
And then he asked me for his jacket back.
Well,
look on the bright side.
At least you won't have to wear that hideous jacket ever again.
I guess you're stuck with me.
I wanna be stuck with you.
So, I finally figured it out...
the reason I don't like Stan.
Uh...
Syd, we're just drunk.
Oh, yeah.
Sure, I... I didn't mean...
Um...
It's just not...
Yeah, no. No, totally.
It's fine.
It's fine, really. I'm just...
I gotta... I... I... Uh, I'm getting a ride home from Stan.
So...
Um... Okay.
Wait. Syd.
Fuck!
- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --