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Dear Diary...
2
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go fuck yourself.
3
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Just kidding. I don't know what to write
in this stupid thing.
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♪ I won't take all of the hand-me-downs ♪
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Anyway, hi.
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My name is Sydney.
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I'm a boring 17-year-old white girl.
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I'm not special,
is what I'm trying to say,
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and I'm okay with that.
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♪ 'Cause I'm not like everybody else ♪
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-♪ I'm not like everybody else ♪
-We moved to Pennsylvania two years ago.
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♪ I'm not like everybody else ♪
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And not, like, a cute part
of Pennsylvania either,
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but corn and cabbage and shit.
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Like, my town's won the grand prize
for most polluted air in America
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for a bunch of years in a row now, so...
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-♪ 'Cause I'm not like everybody else ♪
-...yippee.
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♪ I'm not like everybody else ♪
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Ms. Cappriotti made me promise to do this.
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Promise you'll do this.
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She said it might help with my moods.
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It might help with your moods.
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I keep losing my temper.
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♪ Like everybody else ♪
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-♪ Like everybody else ♪
-I don't want to, but it just spills out.
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It's 'cause my dad
sort of died... last spring.
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So I'm supposed to write... what, now?
I don't get it.
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Anything. Everything.
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Whatever comes to mind.
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And now no one knows what to say to me.
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Think of it like
you're just talking to yourself
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and no one will ever read it but you.
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Not even the guidance counselor.
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Can I just...
35
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use my phone?
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Hmm... Your phone'll be distracting.
Don't you think?
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I'd like you to have something
a little more...
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therapeutic.
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These things are never easy,
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but I do want you to at least attempt
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to have a normal high school experience.
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I mean, she's pretty all right, I guess.
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Even if she does smell like an old hippie.
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Anyway, here's to
a normal high school experience,
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whatever the fuck that means.
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And yes, during arousal, there is
an increase in all sorts of things,
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including adrenaline
and, of course, blood flow,
48
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and the blood flow continues down
49
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and then gets trapped within
the corpora cavernosa.
50
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The penis expands,
and this is how the Homo sapien male
51
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is able to hold an erection.
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Yes.
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From my experience, Mr. File,
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the holding of an erection
is far more successful
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in the hands of a Homo sapien female.
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Very funny, Mr. Lewis.
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Just talkin' science.
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Moving on.
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When a female gets sexually excited,
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there is also increased blood flow
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-to the genitals...
-Ah. Oh, come on, fire crotch.
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-Laugh. That was funny.
- ...proceeds to swell.
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Why is all this happening?
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-Your scrotum looks different than others.
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That's an asymmetrical scrotum.
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- My best friend is Dina.
-Having one is not at all unusual.
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♪ From the moment I laid eyes on you ♪
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She's such a badass.
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Normally, I don't think
she'd choose me as a friend,
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but we both moved here
around the same time.
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Both the new kids in town, you know,
so, guess I kinda lucked out.
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♪ To make me happy ♪
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Before Dina, I mostly just kept to myself.
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I'm not the kind of person
that likes attention, really,
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but she has this way about her that...
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she just makes me feel different.
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She was with me
when I found out about my dad.
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Okay. You ready?
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-She held my hand.
-One, two...
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We cried.
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And now, since then, she keeps me laughing
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when all I wanna do
is melt into the floor.
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Which sort of made me realize
I've never had a best friend before.
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♪ Because I see it ♪
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-♪ And then I ♪
-♪ I like it ♪
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-♪ And then I ♪
-♪ And I want it ♪
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-♪ Yes, I do ♪
-♪ Yes, I do ♪
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So, I'm standing there,
trying to get by, and he's all like,
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"Oh, who's the new girl in town?"
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And I'm like, "Shut up. It's me, Dina."
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Wait, this is Brad... Lewis?
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Yeah.
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He's sort of sweet, you know?
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And then he asked me to homecoming.
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Wait, and... and you accepted?
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No. I told him to take his washboard abs
and chiseled jawline
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and get out of my face.
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Yeah, of course I said yes.
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Uh-- Oh, my God.
You had sex with him, didn't you?
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-Holy shit.
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No way! Holy shit!
102
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You gave Bradley Lewis your P-card?
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Shh...
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-Tell me he used a condom, because--
-Yes, of course.
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I know.
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Dina just got her braces off,
and her boobs suddenly arrived.
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So, of course, golden boy Bradley Lewis
takes notice.
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So, what, are you guys, like,
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suddenly girlfriend and boyfriend
or something?
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I mean,
we haven't put a label on it yet, but...
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I really like him, okay?
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This is the worst.
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Yeah. Oh, yeah. No. Sure, I get it.
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Just give him a chance.
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Oh, come on, there's gotta be someone
you sort of like. Just a little.
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I don't know. I just guess
I haven't really thought about it.
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Well, think about it.
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And then maybe we can all go to homecoming
together, like a double date thing.
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-Hey, babe.
-Hey!
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Sorry I'm late.
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-All good, babe.
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Ugh. They both call each other "babe."
Kill me right now.
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Hey, Syd.
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Bradley.
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Do you think your mom could hook us up
with some burgers?
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They're just so great here.
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Huh. She's not working today.
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I was just asking.
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Okay.
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Want a burger, Brad?
Let's get a burger.
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I've got some cash.
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- Yeah?
-Yeah.
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-Wanna share one, babe?
-Yeah. Oh, ketchup.
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Help yourself.
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So...
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Dina's just great, isn't she?
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Mm-hmm.
138
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Jesus, do you ever smile?
139
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Not today.
140
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So, what have we decided?
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Whatever you want, babe.
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-Please. Please stop.
-You gotta try one of these fries.
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-I wish you would just stop talking.
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Wipe that smug smile
off his stupid, stupid face.
145
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-Oh, shit.
- Oh, my God.
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Oh, fuck.
147
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:47,737
- Are you okay?
-Wait. What?
148
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Yeah, fine. Just give me a minute.
149
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- Take a tissue.
- Gimme a minute, all right?
150
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So, here's the deal.
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Today, I almost convinced myself
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that I made Bradley Lewis's nose bleed
153
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with my mind.
154
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Right.
155
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Mostly, I just need to chill out more.
156
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I am not losing my first and only
very best friend ever.
157
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I'm happy for Dina,
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and if dating Bradley Dickhead Lewis
makes her happy,
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then I guess I'm okay with it.
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Oh, hey, Syd!
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Hey.
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Stanley Barber.
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He lives down the street from me.
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Where I feel shitty about
basically everything about myself,
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Stan is the master of zero fucks.
166
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Oh, my leg fell asleep. One sec.
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Aah.
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Can I walk with you?
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Sure. Why not?
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Cool.
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Cool.
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Stan is kind of... weird.
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You okay?
174
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Shoes. Who needs 'em?
175
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,779
Uh... so, Bloodwitch, am I right?
176
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What?
177
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:11,574
Bloodwitch. You like their music?
178
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,907
That's a... terrible name for a band.
179
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Nah. Perfect.
180
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Bet they sound like shit.
181
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Well, I mean, I have--
I have 'em on vinyl...
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00:08:23,836 --> 00:08:26,626
limited edition, gatefold and stuff,
183
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if you wanna... come over,
and we can listen sometime.
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00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:31,298
Oh.
185
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We can get high.
186
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I have never been high before.
187
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Yeah, maybe.
188
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I mean, you don't have to.
189
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I was-- I was just, you know...
190
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,610
We-- You know, we live so close,
and we've never really hung out before.
191
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,700
Uh, no, I guess we haven't.
192
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,497
But, yeah. Uh, maybe we should.
193
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,159
Yeah.
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00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:00,959
Cool. Uh...
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Let me know.
196
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:10,169
What a world we live in, Sydney.
197
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I live with my mom and little brother.
198
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,777
Sydney! Is that you?
199
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,570
Mom and I haven't been
getting along lately.
200
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,244
Nope. It's an axe murderer.
Good thing you asked.
201
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,583
Ha-ha! Very funny.
202
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:42,866
Hey. So apparently, Karen's dog
ran through a screen door or something,
203
00:09:42,957 --> 00:09:45,537
so she had to go to an emergency vet.
204
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:48,545
-Okay.
-So I'm gonna pick up her shift tonight,
205
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:52,629
which is fine 'cause I owe her two shifts
from the time Liam ate all that cheese.
206
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:56,643
Well, thanks for telling me
your life story, Mom.
207
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,351
No. Wait, come back here.
I'm not done yet. Eyes on me.
208
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:03,096
Okay. Question. Big question.
209
00:10:03,185 --> 00:10:04,685
Have you seen my stockings?
210
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:07,520
They were in the bathroom.
They were hanging over the shower curtain?
211
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,030
Oh, sorry. I thought they were dirty.
212
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,529
-No, they were drying.
-Well, I found them in the bathtub.
213
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,362
D-- Well, where are they?
They're my last pair.
214
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:17,534
I sort of...
215
00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:19,204
washed 'em.
216
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,905
Wait. In the washer?
217
00:10:20,995 --> 00:10:24,165
Yeah, and I guess they sort of ended up
in the dryer, so...
218
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,537
Oh, great.
219
00:10:29,545 --> 00:10:32,415
Now I get to feel like sausage
while I'm serving it.
220
00:10:32,506 --> 00:10:35,836
You don't really have to wear 'em,
do you? No one wears 'em anymore.
221
00:10:35,926 --> 00:10:37,886
-Like, since the '90s.
- Can you--
222
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,270
Can you just make sure that Liam
does his homework and eats some dinner?
223
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:43,601
Isn't he old enough to make sure himself?
224
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:49,824
Sydney, can you just do something for me,
anything, just once, without questioning?
225
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,402
Here I thought I was being so charming.
226
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,106
Nope. Not even a little bit.
227
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,820
Really doesn't matter
what we're talking about.
228
00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:00,027
-Mom and I could sit in silence
229
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:03,537
for the rest of our lives,
and she'd still annoy the crap out of me.
230
00:11:09,877 --> 00:11:11,917
Hey, Goob. Done your homework yet?
231
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:12,924
Hours ago.
232
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,089
Soon as I got home. What about you?
233
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,472
Uh... I'll get to it.
234
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:24,271
Come on, Syd. Mom says you have
to work hard if you're gonna succeed.
235
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:29,731
Yeah, well, the plan's always been for me
to sit back and watch you succeed, Goob.
236
00:11:30,314 --> 00:11:31,654
Oh, hey, who knows?
237
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,942
Maybe one day,
if you really work hard enough,
238
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,204
you get to be the one
to pay for my funeral.
239
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:40,489
-How was school today?
-Well, um...
240
00:11:42,159 --> 00:11:44,329
Richard Rynard
punched Toby Gardner in the face,
241
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,832
and he got sent to Mr. Coffee's office.
242
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:47,794
Oh, yeah?
243
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:52,836
Yup, and I think I might be next, so...
I'm devising a plan. Check it out.
244
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:56,590
Holy shit, Goob. Is that for you?
245
00:11:56,674 --> 00:11:58,434
Yup. Designed it myself.
246
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:01,179
Breastplate, shin guards, spiked gloves...
247
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,762
But I'm not so sure about
the helmet situation just yet,
248
00:12:03,848 --> 00:12:06,728
'cause I don't wanna block
my peripherals, you know, just in case.
249
00:12:07,435 --> 00:12:09,935
It's really cool, man.
It's some of your best work yet.
250
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,610
Yeah, it's basically my Mark One,
251
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,859
and the first suit's
always the hardest to design,
252
00:12:13,941 --> 00:12:15,901
so it's still a work in progress.
253
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,200
And, sorry, what was the plan again?
254
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:21,279
Well, I'm gonna build the suit
and kick Richard Rynard's ass.
255
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,658
Oh. Vengeance.
256
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,663
Got it.
257
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:29,669
My family.
258
00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:32,209
I guess we've never had a lot of money.
259
00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:35,963
Like, every place we moved,
and we've moved a lot,
260
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,716
it's always some place like this.
261
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:39,882
It's like a lottery, I guess.
262
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:43,176
Some kids win big time
the moment they're born.
263
00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,512
The rest of us,
264
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:49,765
we're all stuck with scratch-offs
and bottle caps and shit.
265
00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,364
♪ You would do ♪
266
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,741
♪ Do your utmost ♪
267
00:12:58,277 --> 00:12:59,897
-♪ To destroy that feeling ♪
-Liam?
268
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:00,907
Yeah?
269
00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:03,565
♪ That feeling for me ♪
270
00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,617
If Richard Rynard ever touches you...
271
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:08,697
before you get your suit built
to kick his ass,
272
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,956
I'll pull his throat out...
273
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,422
with my bare hands
right in front of Mr. Coffee.
274
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,090
Really?
275
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:18,921
Yeah. Yeah, like this.
276
00:13:20,216 --> 00:13:21,676
-You are so weird.
277
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,089
Yeah, I know.
278
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,264
Okay, so... confession.
279
00:13:27,681 --> 00:13:29,931
I started getting these zits on my thighs.
280
00:13:30,017 --> 00:13:31,937
-I am straight up disgusting.
281
00:13:32,019 --> 00:13:35,109
-♪ I should not be ♪
282
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,569
-♪ Thinking of you ♪
283
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,440
♪ Nor should you be... ♪
284
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:43,528
I've tried zit cream and soap
and all sorts of junk.
285
00:13:44,031 --> 00:13:44,991
Nothing helps.
286
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,741
-They're not even that fun to pop.
287
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,537
Stop!
288
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,079
It's probably just puberty.
289
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:56,751
I don't know.
290
00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:17,269
So, Stanley Barber texted me.
291
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,937
-He made me listen to Bloodwitch.
-
292
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,866
♪ Let me hear your voice ♪
293
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,949
♪ To bring me down ♪
294
00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,752
♪ Waitin' for your lips ♪
295
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,832
♪ To bring me round ♪
296
00:14:39,753 --> 00:14:42,723
♪ My life's shame and sorrow ♪
297
00:14:42,798 --> 00:14:44,798
♪ Falling back ♪
298
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,507
♪ Lead me from my head ♪
299
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,598
♪ Down underground ♪
300
00:14:55,769 --> 00:15:00,269
♪ Lying down until my soul turned flat ♪
301
00:15:04,445 --> 00:15:07,525
Sometimes at night,
I want to touch myself,
302
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,199
but I don't.
303
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:14,542
Peanut butter helps.
304
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,748
...always in a fast-food rut,
305
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,924
or buying and not cooking it.
306
00:15:21,003 --> 00:15:22,673
Millions have discovered the secret...
307
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,545
The later Mom gets home,
the more wine she drinks.
308
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,466
What are we watching?
309
00:15:29,428 --> 00:15:30,428
Don't know.
310
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,812
...to the original...
311
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:35,599
We haven't talked about Dad
since he killed himself in the basement.
312
00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,523
AC's broken.
313
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:41,023
The unit's probably just... overheated.
314
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,654
It's hot as balls in this house.
315
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,650
Open a window.
316
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,405
It's that heavy thing
we're all too afraid to talk about.
317
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:53,583
I got called in...
to the counselor's office.
318
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:56,371
-Why? What did-- what did you do?
-Nothing.
319
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,120
She just...
320
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:05,007
She wants me to have, like...
an outlet or something.
321
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:07,967
An outlet for what?
322
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,433
Just, sometimes it feels like...
323
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,694
the people I love don't love me back.
324
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:26,778
Well...
325
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,534
Maybe you're aiming too high, hon.
326
00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,625
She's such a bitch sometimes.
327
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:45,589
Dad would have understood,
328
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:47,460
but he hung himself,
329
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,295
so I guess I'm on my own.
330
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,393
♪ Run, run away, run, run away ♪
331
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:55,309
♪ Run away
Show 'em that your color is black ♪
332
00:16:55,389 --> 00:16:57,429
Sometimes I wonder why he did it,
333
00:16:57,975 --> 00:16:59,765
and why we never talk about it...
334
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:03,855
...and what the hell is going on with me.
335
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:08,823
Why sometimes I feel like
I'm boiling inside.
336
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,116
'Cause maybe...
337
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:21,416
...I am way more fucked up than I thought.
338
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:33,802
♪ Bad things happen
To the people you love ♪
339
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:38,306
♪ And you'll find yourself prayin'
Up to heaven above ♪
340
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,810
♪ But honestly
I've never had much sympathy ♪
341
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:45,814
♪ 'Cause those bad things
Always saw them comin' for me ♪
342
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:49,818
♪ I'm gonna run, run away, run, run away ♪
343
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:53,822
♪ Run away, run away and never come back ♪
344
00:17:54,948 --> 00:17:57,828
♪ Run, run away, run, run away ♪
345
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:01,580
♪ Run away
Show 'em that your color is black ♪
346
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:06,585
♪ Bad things happen
To the people you love ♪
347
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:11,048
♪ And you'll find yourself prayin'
Up to heaven above ♪
348
00:18:11,131 --> 00:18:14,841
♪ But honestly
I've never had much sympathy ♪
349
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:19,097
♪ 'Cause those bad things
Always saw them comin' for me ♪
350
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,851
♪ It would take some time
Just to see me shine ♪
351
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:27,855
♪ For the whole world to see me here
With all of my light ♪
352
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,610
♪ But honestly
I've never had much sympathy ♪
353
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:36,623
♪ 'Cause next time
They'll probably be comin' for me ♪