[bright instrumental music playing]
♪ I don't even have to try ♪
♪ When I'm with you ♪
♪ All the stupid things I say ♪
♪ You know they're true… ♪
-[knocking at door] -Morning.
Morning.
♪ I don't believe I could ever be without you ♪
[Kim] I wanna do a piece about the link between social media and credit card debt.
Targeted ads on Instagram have literally ruined my credit, and it's like,
"All I have to show for it is this ill-fitting romper?"
Hmm. Yes. Rompers.
-[man 1] Powerful. -[man 2] Yeah, love it.
But let's get straight to the point.
We are big fans, and we think you would be an amazing addition to Listicool.
You'd be editing our lifestyle vertical, and you'd be supervising other writers.
What do you say?
I-I still have to think about it.
[clears throat] This would be…
your…
starting salary.
♪ I want it ♪
♪ Give it to me, I love it ♪
[energetic rock music playing]
Hey, Olivia. Just want to let you know I quit, but I'll see ya at your wedding.
Wait. Kim, no, I can't afford to lose you.
You're our only triple threat. Not white, not a man, not skinny.
Whatever they offer, we'll match it.
It's $100,000 a year.
Well, this new opportunity sounds like it's meant to be. Best of luck.
[Kim] Hey, Ry.
So I guess this is it, you know, since we're only work friends and whatever.
Well, best of luck with everything, and add me on LinkedIn.com.
[whimpers]
[Kim groans happily]
I am so, so happy for you.
And, you know, a little devastated for me.
I mean, who am I gonna hang out with here?
Ryan.
I just binged Atypical, and I feel like I finally get you.
Lunch tomorrow?
[Olivia laughs]
[sadly] Oh.
[sighs softly]
So, did you like it?
Oh, sorry, I was just rereading my prenup.
[Olivia chuckles]
I did love your piece, though. Great job, diva.
Really? Thank you.
It's a shame we can never run it.
Wait, what?
Ryan, what you have written is an incredible, searing account
of what it's like to be disabled in an ableist society.
But it's also sad. And angry.
Well, yeah. That's because I am sad and angry.
Look, I understand oppression, okay?
I'm a redhead.
[Olivia] But this?
It's just gonna depress people.
Can't you just end the piece with you accepting your disability
and, I don't know, climbing Mount Everest or something?
Olivia, I accept my disability,
but I still have to live in a world that doesn't know what to do with me, and…
that's super painful and shitty.
I don't want to sugarcoat it.
Look, maybe you can condense some of this into a funny listicle.
Like what? Top Ten Times I Fell Down?
Ooh, yes! Perfect. Write it.
No to the car. You are not getting that. I'll tell you that much right now.
Ry, can I talk to you?
Oh my God. What are you doing on the floor?
The bed seemed insurmountable.
Oh.
Hey.
Mom,
remember when I was 15 and we went to the doctor's because I was only five feet?
Oh yeah.
And he said you would not grow anymore.
[chuckling]
Proved him wrong, the bastard.
Yeah, well, I think that's the last time I defied anyone's expectations.
Did Olivia not like the article you wrote?
No, she liked it. It just, um…
It wasn't right for the site.
Ah.
You know, I really thought I could have all the things everyone else has, but…
I'm not sure I can.
Sometimes I wonder if life was easier when it was just you and me.
Oh, everybody meet our new team member, Kim.
Kim, this is Joey, Adam, Gabe, and Benjamin.
-[man] What's up? -There he is.
Oh, hello! Female energy. I'm Kim.
Oh, that's Tracy, our water girl. Sorry!
Water woman. Don't cancel me.
[laughing]
[chuckles warily]
So, uh, I'm, uh…
-It's all dudes and me? -[man 2] Uh, yeah.
We haven't been great about diversity. But we are trying to change.
Adam is gay and he's from the Philippines, and we think that's awesome.
It's true. I'm super fucking gay.
Hell yeah, dude. All right, let's dive into it, yeah?
Benjamin, you're up first. Here we go.
Seventeen Ways the Patriots' Offense Is Offensively Good This Year.
Rad. I love that. Keep it going. Here we go.
[grunts] Okay, no. Um…
I want to do a funny listicle called
Ten Times AOC Has Been Cut Off By Her Male Colleagues Dur--
That sounds great, because it caters to the female experience,
which all of your pieces should do.
I thought I was doing content for the lifestyle vertical.
Yeah. Girl stuff.
Dude.
Woman stuff.
[chuckles awkwardly]
[Ryan] Hi.
Hi.
Okay, not safe for work. What are you looking at?
Ry, stop.
Well, let me see.
-Ry! -Okay, let it go.
Oh, houses in Carmel. Are you going back there?
-Ry. -Wait.
Mom, did you meet someone?
A boy?
[gasps] A girl?
Oh my God, Mom, please be gay so we can be gay together.
Ry,
I'm selling the house.
What?
I'm sorry. I just-- I didn't know how to tell you.
It's time for a… a fresh start.
Grandma's gone, and you're--
You moved out.
[hesitates] I'm here. I'm here right now.
But you're only staying a few days, right?
Right, but you just redecorated the place.
It doesn't make sense for you to go now. I don't--
It doesn't matter how much I change it. I'm still trapped in Agoura Hills
with no friends, or any kind of community.
I'm lonely.
I-I hear you, but this is a really big decision.
You really need to consider it.
I have considered it, Ryan.
I… need to go to work.
I am shaken by this news,
but ultimately I am happy for you.
Hey, Ry.
What are we doing tonight? I got my mom's car.
We could go to the movies, get some ice cream,
slash some bitch's tires.
[upbeat music playing]
[Ryan] Why is there no Sky Ferreira?
I don't know.
Blondie.
Ooh, "Call Me."
Which is kinda what I was hoping you would do, you little brat.
Okay, I'm sorry. I know I went M.I.A. "Paper Planes" for a second there,
but I went through a breakup.
And the rumors are true, breakups fucking suck.
Oh yeah. Well, I'm just glad you called.
Yeah. Me too.
You know, I have a plus one to a very fancy wedding.
[Henry] Ooh!
A wedding for a second date?
Ryan, bold move.
Well, I mean, I don't know. Are we attempting a date scenario here?
I don't know.
Are we?
[Ryan] Oh.
-Fuck. -Hmm?
Oh, shit.
They say New York's gonna be underwater in 20 years.
-Bummer. -Hmm.
Goodnight, my angels.
Mom, privacy!
Come on. I know when you're having sex.
I've known about it for the last ten years.
-Wow. That's impressive. -[Mom] Mm.
I told your mom about it in 2012.
I asked her, "Should we say something?"
But she said, "No, no, no, no, Bina. Let it bloom like a beautiful flower."
-Mom, can you go? -[Mom] Okay.
[mutters]
Good night.
[sighs] Sorry, I don't think I can have sex after that.
I already thought sex was off the table when we had burritos for dinner.
[sighs]
I can't believe I've been at Listicool for one day and I'm already stress eating.
-Don't look at me all judgy! -I was--
Yes, Listicool sucks.
And, yes, they only hired me because I'm a girl, and brown, and fat,
which means that, yet again, I am being tokenized.
And, yes, if anyone's gonna profit off my trauma, it should be me, bitch.
And, yeah, my overhead is practically zero since I'm living at home
and I could just freelance,
but this job will get rid of my debt and help me move out.
Okay.
So, you know what?
Just let one part of my life be not great, 'kay?
You got some stuff on your mind, and I wanna support you,
so I'm gonna let you ruminate on that, and I'm gonna go downstairs,
and I'm gonna get some of that good cheese from your mama's fridge, okay?
And guess what?
I'm gonna bring some back for you.
[upbeat indie music playing]
Okay, I'm over this game of gay chicken.
-I'm gonna go get another drink. -Well, I'll go with you.
Uh-uh. No.
You need to handle that.
It's a major boner-killer, babe. [kisses]
[Ryan laughs nervously]
-[brightly] Hi. -Hi.
We really should've picked who got custody of this place.
[Ryan chuckles]
Ew, why am I being cute? I don't like you very much right now.
That's fair.
How are you?
Good. I'm back with Richard, if that's what you're asking.
[chuckles] It wasn't, but, um, good for you?
Rude. Why the question mark?
Well, nothing. I guess I'm just, um, confused,
because you said the two of you were unhappy, so…
We weren't unhappy. It was just--
You know, he's family. Besides, it's not like you're dancing on your own.
You wasted no time getting together with Henry.
And I'm sure you've spent every night with your mom since the breakup
doing your weird Grey Gardens cosplay.
Henry and I are friends.
And she just told me she was moving to Carmel,
and I very lovingly supported her decision.
[Tanner] Uh-huh. Sure.
Look… don't judge me for getting back together with Richard.
I've had enough surprises in my life.
It's good to know that, even if things aren't great or exciting,
they'll always be fine. That's enough for me.
Tanner, I don't want to do this, okay?
Let's be real.
I totally freaked out when my mom told me she was moving.
Yeah, of course you did. [chuckles softly]
Do we know each other better than we thought we did?
I don't know.
We'll never find out, so…
Well, at least you didn't break your rule.
Oh, Ryan,
we broke plenty of rules.
No, I mean, you left me better than how you found me.
So thank you.
See you around, Ry.
I'll see you around. [chuckles softly]
But, uh, I was here first, so…
So this is bedroom number two. It was my son's room until recently.
We left the growth chart up.
-[Karen] Look how tall he is. -[woman] Oh, that's so cute.
We're actually not having any children.
Oh.
I respect that.
And we respect the planet, so… [laughs]
-Um, what color do you call this? -Oh, that's my-- This is "tomato bisque."
But I created it. It's a-- Yeah, it was a--
[gasps] Wait, we could totally knock down this wall and make a giant master.
-This one? -Wait, you can't do that.
This is a two-bedroom home.
But it could be a giant one-bedroom.
[gasps] Oh, babe, you know what? We could tear up those rose bushes.
Put in a rock garden.
-Love that. -I know.
A rock garden?
Yeah.
I need you to leave.
[door opens]
Well, we could keep the rose bushes if they're irrigated.
It's not a problem.
Aww, when are we getting married?
Oh, honey, I don't believe in straight marriage, no.
No phones?
Ooh, a power move.
-Okay. -Ping!
She's going to steal all of our identities.
-For real? -[Kim laughs]
Okay, I thought this was gonna be a 500-person wedding,
but it's V, V intimate.
Oh no. Are we secretly Olivia's closest friends?
[Ryan gasps]
["Wedding March" playing]
[quietly] Who is that?
I guess it's Olivia's wife?
[Ryan] Oh, she's marrying someone with a limp?
We have no choice but to support.
♪ Here comes the bride ♪
♪ All dressed in black ♪
Um…
I didn't invite you here, Mom, but, hi, I guess.
♪ Sweetly serene ♪
♪ In the soft glowing light ♪
Rae, when I hit you with my car,
I was definitely going to leave you for dead.
But then I saw your beautiful face, and I thought, "Twist. Maybe I'll stay."
[chuckles]
Okay.
[Rae] Okay. [clears throat]
Olivia,
I'm so glad that you didn't drive off that day.
Partially because I would've bled out.
[Rae] There are a lot of haters out there.
They'll say it's head trauma.
But it's not.
You are a unique and special person.
I now pronounce you wives.
[whooping and applause]
["Wedding March" playing]
[cheering and laughing]
[applause and cheering continues]
Damn. Even the weird weddings get me all fucked up.
[uptempo rock music playing]
-Adderall spritz? -[all exclaim]
[Ravi] Okey-dokey.
Mmm, we love a playful wedding amphetamine moment.
-Cheers, babe. -Cheers.
Ryan, I read your falling listicle.
It was the exact fun fluff our audience of sweet dummies will eat up.
I'll post it on Monday.
You know, now that Kim's gone, you can be my number one boy.
Yay. [laughs nervously]
Oh, look, my ex. Hi, Elon.
-Hey, you okay? -Yeah.
I would, uh, love some food though.
Oh, there is none.
Olivia didn't want to see people chewing on the happiest day of her life.
Well, I got nuts.
-Ravi! -Ew, toxic masculinity.
No, I literally have nuts. Would you like one?
He's so thoughtful.
[glass clinking]
Oh God.
[Olivia] Welcome, cherished friends,
and in what some cultures call family. [chuckles]
Now is the time in the wedding where you get to praise us.
Oh, sorry.
Olivia… [chuckles]
…your friendship has changed my life.
I would've never gotten that six-figure payout if I hadn't walked in on you--
Thank you so much, Samantha.
Uh, Ryan?
-What? -Ry.
-[Ryan] No, I'm good. -Go, buddy.
-Oh my God. -I'm fine.
[sparse applause]
Um… What is there to say? [laughs awkwardly]
Um…
You are always someone who gets exactly what she wants.
-[laughs] So true. -And you've pushed me.
In ways that are good for me, and, um, in ways that are not so good.
[Ryan chuckles]
It's been a lot of the latter though, lately, and, um…
I can't write watered-down bullshit for you anymore.
I'm not really interested in making people feel comfortable with my existence.
[Ryan] Um…
I've been doing that my entire life,
and, uh, I've never asked myself for one moment, like,
"Am I comfortable?"
"How the fuck do I feel?"
So I quit.
[crowd murmurs]
[Ryan] Anyways, um,
happy bride, happy life, happy wedding.
Thank you.
Okay.
[applause]
-Okay. Thank you. -[guest whoops]
Oh my God, my naughty boy!
Boss moves.
-Good for you, babe. -[Ryan groans]
I can't believe I just did that. Is it the Adderall?
No, it came from the heart.
What are you gonna do now?
I don't know. I guess I'll just publish my disability article somewhere else.
I'll tell you where you'll publish it.
-The New York Times. -Ravi!
You're gonna publish it on the website you and I will launch together.
Huh?
I'm done working for people that don't get me.
And I'm definitely done trying to fit my fine, juicy ass
into the tiny chair they're giving me at their boring, stupid table.
I'm gonna build my own goddamn table. Ravi was right. I'm an entrepreneur.
I never said that, but I do agree.
[Kim] Whatever. The point is,
I'm betting on myself. What do you think?
-No. -Huh?
I don't wanna run a website, you know?
And this should be your vision and your baby.
I will gladly work for you though.
I'll take it.
-[Ryan] Aw. -I'm your boss now, bitch!
Come here.
[Ravi] Aw, let us in.
-Oh, okay. -Let it happen.
-[cork pops] -[dance music playing]
-[Henry laughs] -Oh, hi.
Hi.
Okay. We gotta decide what we're doing here.
You and I? There's a vibe.
There's always been a vibe, but we either need to commit to that vibe or not.
No more emotional blue balls.
Okay, yes, there is definitely a vibe.
[chuckles]
Henry, I just…
I can't have a boyfriend right now.
[Ryan] I'm sorry.
But I could have a best friend.
If you'd be willing?
[playfully] Okay.
That sounds kinda nice. [chuckles]
[Henry] I'd like that.
-Good. -[Henry] It might be for the best.
I think we're both bottoms.
Ooh, that's tough, yeah.
-May I have this dance? -Oh, um…
-I'm actually-- -[Henry] I'll go get another drink.
Oh, okay.
I'll miss you.
Aww, Olivia. [chuckles] I just--
[shushes]
Don't speak.
Also…
[whispers] I'm a top.
-[music playing] -[laughing]
Remember this?
[Kim laughs]
Oh, man, seeing you lean in today?
Oh, first of all, it rattled my fragile male ego,
but it also turned me the fuck on.
I am so happy for you.
I'm happy for me too.
Except for the part where I keep living with my parents.
But everything else.
Um, speaking of which, this means I'll be in LA for the foreseeable future.
This is where I know people, where I can raise money.
Yeah. I-I totally understand that.
Yeah, and long distance sucks,
so if you don't want to deal with that, I…
I would suggest you move to LA.
And why is that?
Don't make me say it.
Uh, no, I need to hear it, okay?
That flight from Oakland to LA is 28 very long minutes.
-So if you-- -Okay, fine.
Because…
I love you.
And I wanna be around you all the time.
[laughing]
-Is that what you wanted to hear, freak? -Yes.
I love you too.
[whooping]
-[Ryan] Oh! -Hey!
S'up!
-You… You guys! -[Ryan] What?
-We're engaged! -No!
I'm pregnant!
-[Ryan] Oh my God! -[Ravi] Whoa!
[laughing]
[cheering]
Hey, Mom. That wedding was psycho.
They confiscated our phones. And they didn't serve us any food.
Do you want me to make you something to eat?
I got it.
[Ryan] So what's up?
-Is everything okay? -I'm sorry.
I'm not moving to Carmel. [chuckles] I'm gonna stay here.
What? No, you should go.
-Do you want mustard? -Uh…
Yeah.
Look, Mom, I was being a little bitch earlier, okay?
I mean, you have every right to want a life.
I have a life. Here.
No, you don't. I mean, you told me you don't.
I-I was there for a weekend. It's absurd.
What if I get there and this whole magical thing
that I thought was going to happen just doesn't?
Mom, I get why you're freaked out, okay?
Us living together, you cooking for me?
It felt, like, all cozy and safe and…
a part of me was wondering, like, "God…" [scoffs]
"…why did I even go chasing waterfalls?"
"I could've stuck to the rivers and lakes that I was used to," but…
Fuck that.
We both deserve big, gorgeous lives.
Here.
Thank you.
What a beautiful waterfall metaphor.
[grunts]
This is marvelous.
I've learned some things.
Ry, did we forget anything?
[Ryan] Uh…
I don't think so. God, empty houses are such drama.
The empty space, the echoing. It's like somebody needs attention.
[chuckles]
Shall we say goodbye?
Yeah.
Not here though. I don't wanna be upstaged.
[Karen] Here.
[emotional instrumental music playing]
[Ryan chuckles softly]
[emotionally] I'll call you when I get there.
Okay.
I love ya.
I love you.
[motor starts]
[softly] Bye.
[cell phone ringing]
-Hi. -Where's your article, bitch?
It's coming. God. I just had to say goodbye to my mom, okay?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna need you to circle back
and close the loop on those action items, okay?
Okay, now you're just speaking this weird office jargon
that I don't completely understand--
[tires screech]
[scoffs]
[angrily] Hello!
[quietly] Jesus fucking Christ.
Hello?
[Kim] Ry, you okay?
Hi. I'm fine. [exhales]
Um, can I call you later?
[sighs]
♪ Cool my brains and soothe my head ♪
♪ Stimulate me, my Co-co-co ♪
♪ Sneak into my empty bed ♪
♪ And educate me, my Co-co-co ♪
♪ In the summer, in the spring ♪
♪ In public places, my Co-co-co ♪
♪ On an island far away ♪
♪ Lemonade with my Co-co-co ♪
♪ My Coco ♪
♪ Yeah, my Coco ♪