[bright instrumental music playing]
-[lock clicks] -Fuck!
-Farhad? -Oh, hey!
Hey.
-You're evicting me? -No way, Kim. I would never.
My dad is, since he's the landlord.
I don't understand. I've been a great tenant.
That's what I told him.
But he was like, "She hasn't paid her rent in three months."
It's so unfair, and I'm totally Team Kim.
Look, I-I… I'm gonna pay. I'm just going through a hard time.
Don't do this to me. Please.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe I made out with you once.
It was twice.
I love the gym, but why does everything that's good for you
feel so bad in the beginning?
I don't know.
I'm determined to get rid of my wine cellar
and have my post-breakup revenge body.
Yeah, sounds like a great idea.
You seem so Les Misérables today. What's going on?
I'm sorry. I am just distracted by all the shit I have to do.
I'm moving.
Oh.
That's good. That black mold was making you feel lightheaded. Where are you going?
Back to my parents'.
It'll help me save money and get my debt under control.
Are you okay with that?
Yeah.
[man] Oh, uh…
Hey. Sorry to bother you.
I see you at the gym, and just wanted to say hey.
Oh, hi.
I'm Ryan, and, um, it's always nice to meet a fellow fitness enthusiast.
[man] I'm Jeremy.
We should definitely hang out sometime.
Okay. Sure. [chuckles]
I'd love to interview you for my podcast.
It's super inspiring to see you give it your all,
despite your limitations.
Keep it up.
[flat] Thank you.
-[Jeremy] Bye. -[Kim] Bye.
You want me to beat him up? I have some excess rage today.
[jaunty instrumental music playing]
What are you doing here, diva? I thought I fired you.
Um, not that I know of.
Oh, that was the other gay guy.
I need to stop getting you two confused.
Well, you're fired.
What? Olivia, no.
Look, I know my work has been less than stellar lately,
but I have an idea. I'm gonna write about this disabled meet-up group.
They call themselves The Crips.
Funny. But I don't care.
Well, I mean, it's gonna be about more than that.
I haven't spent much time with my disabled brethren--
Since my cousin with the big dick?
He's engaged, by the way.
To a guy with an even bigger dick.
-[Olivia chuckles] -Yeah. That's nice.
Um, so really it's kind of like,
do I have no disabled friends because of my internalized ableism,
or is it just because I haven't found the right group of people?
Hmm. Sounds hysterical.
Your job is safe.
For now.
[Kim, brightly] Olivia!
Wow, you look amazing. That color really brings out your…
soul.
Um, can we have a moment alone?
[scoffs] I'm flattered, really,
but I'm with my lover, Rae.
I'm not hitting on you, sicko.
Um, actually, I need a raise.
I mean, my posts are responsible for 40% of Eggwoke's traffic.
I gave you a raise two months ago.
-I want another? -[scoffs] Fat chance.
Sorry. Curvy, body positive chance.
Look, I'm just gonna level with you.
I'm having some financial issues.
It's temporary. I just need some money to cover me. Please.
Look, I almost would, but we're cash poor right now.
I had to give Samantha a raise because she saw something--
[upbeat electronic music playing]
Hi!
[Samantha sighs happily]
I just had to give her a raise.
Anyway, you're just gonna have to be a big girl and figure it out.
[scoffs] Sorry. Beautiful, voluptuous girl.
This is centered.
[Ryan] Thank God! You're such a perfectionist.
Ordinarily, I'd be triggered by the fact that you're redecorating the house
and removing every single photo of me,
but that Demi Moore pregnancy photo is major.
I'm not removing every photo. It was like a shrine.
Ry, next photo, please.
Like a beautiful shrine.
No, this goes in the credenza.
Mom, I, uh, have a Q for you.
[Mom] Yes?
Did I have, like, any disabled friends growing up?
Oh, you had the-- the people in physical therapy.
[Ryan] Yeah, but we weren't friends.
We were like a sports team, and our rival was life.
Well, when you played with other disabled kids,
you were so high functioning,
and it just made you feel bad.
Why? Did I do something wrong?
No, no. You didn't do anything wrong.
I just, um… I'm going to this disabled meetup thing,
and I've just never done that before, been with so many disabled people.
That is wonder-- I'm so happy. Is… Is Henry going with you?
-Mm-hmm. -Oh, that's nice.
I haven't heard you talk about Tanner in a while.
That's a good thing, I'm guessing?
Yeah. I guess.
I haven't heard you talk about Grandma in a while.
Is that a good thing?
I don't know what that is.
I slept with Phil.
[chuckles nervously] Oh…
Oh, is that weird? [laughs] Is that weird?
Cause I know-- Oh God, boundaries are a new thing.
No, no, I-I fully support a sleeping with Phil journey.
-Just as long as it's what you want. -[intensely] It was.
Okay, the boundaries are going back up. [laughs]
-[laughs] -[Ryan] Calm down.
I just-- No, just for that moment.
But now I, um, I need to be alone.
God, Mom,
you had such a fun life before I came along and just destroyed it.
-You did destroy it. -Yeah.
-Sorry. -I just keep thinking about this girl.
Who she is,
what she wanted.
You've been listening to a lot of Brené Brown lately?
[Mom] In the car, yeah.
Oh, she is just a lovely woman.
[Ryan] Liking The Velvet Underground was my personality from ages, like, 14 to 17.
[both laugh]
[chuckles] Wait, what are you doing?
I'm trying not to step on the crack. Bad luck, babe.
Okay.
So these people that we're meeting today, they're, like, fun and cool, right?
I mean, they're disabled, but they're fun. And cool.
Not to say that you can't be both, or whatever--
Babe, they're so fun, so cool.
We have this whole initiation ritual where we beat you with our canes and walkers.
But don't worry. You're gonna love!
Um…
Confused? I'm stimming, honey.
Self-stimulatory behavior is occasionally a symptom of people like me
that were diagnosed with Asperger's, but that term is now problematic,
because, whoops, it was coined by Nazis,
so technically now we're all just somewhere on the autistic spectrum.
Neurodiverse if ya nasty.
[shouts] But I mostly identify as hot!
Wow!
I wish I identified as hot.
[both chuckle]
[door opens]
[distant chatter]
[shouts] Hello?
I've arrived!
[distant chatter continuing]
[laughing]
-Hi, darling! -Hi, beta!
Wow. [chuckles] I know you guys are excited to see me,
but this is too much.
-Ah-ah! No! -No, no, no, honey. That's not for you.
You have to wait.
Scusi? Who's it for, then?
Ooh, Dev and Anisha just got engaged. [laughs excitedly]
Just now! He proposed at brunch!
And with you being here, it will be a shaadi ka ghar.
A marriage house? Delightful.
Come, come, come! Oh!
Oh, hey, have you lost weight? I can finally get my arms around you.
-What up, family? -Hey!
[Mom laughs] There they are!
[delighted squealing]
Didi!
[flat] Hi.
[Anisha] So tasteful, right?
Wow, Dev. You save up working at the cell phone kiosk at the mall?
We have a real store now. Yeah.
Living that flagship life. So why don't you eat my ass?
-Never. -[Dad] Stop it.
-This is a happy time. -[Mom] Mmm.
-Where should I put my stuff? -In your old room. Where else?
My old room is the pooja room now.
There's an air mattress in there, so go blow it up.
-I have a bad back. -[Mom] There we go.
To the happy couple. One for you, one for me.
[Mom laughs]
Oh, Mom, you look hot.
[all except Kim] Cheers!
[laughing]
[woman] So a cop pulled me over for casually doing 50 in a 35 zone.
He asked me to get out of my car, I said I had to get my wheelchair,
and he got all flustered and basically told me I was doing a great job.
Was it condescending? Yes.
Did my disability also save my ass hundreds of dollars?
-Also, yes. -[Ryan chuckles]
Bonus, he didn't murder me. Which was very off-brand.
-[cheering] -Yay, no murdering!
Uh, Ryan, you want to share?
Oh. Um…
Okay. Yeah. Uh…
Hello, I'm Ryan, and I'm a Crips virgin.
[cheering]
Okay.
Um…
I have to admit, uh, I actually thought I was done dealing with my CP,
but it still trolls me all the time.
Um, Uber drivers ask what's wrong with me. [laughs nervously]
Strangers come up to me at the gym and congratulate me simply for exercising.
[woman] Ew.
Inspiration porn.
Is that what that is?
Yeah, that makes sense. [laughs]
And then, um…
Well, whatever, I went on a date with a guy a few weeks ago,
and he was super cute, an actor.
I mean, Hallmark movies, but, you know, still.
The whole time I was thinking, "What is he doing with me?"
I mean, I know I'm not gay Grendel, but you know.
Anyway, we were, um, hooking up,
and he was just so focused on my disability.
It was very clear that it turned him on.
And it made me feel
not great.
And, of course, part of me was just like, "Oh."
"This is why he was into me. It makes sense now."
So,
anyway. [chuckles]
[Henry] Wait.
Hallmark movies?
If you're gonna get fetishized,
you can't give it up to anyone below, like, B-list movie star.
[laughing]
Okay, next up, an announcement about the theme for Crip Prom.
After much consideration,
we've decided that Arabian Nights was 100% problematic.
So we decided on
Under the Sea.
[groaning]
-No. -Why?
What? The oceans are filled with plastic, and we have to honor them while we can.
Do it for Greta.
Gerwig?
[woman] Thunberg.
That's how you say it, right?
-[man] I thought it was-- -[man 2] I don't know.
-[woman] "Thune." -[woman 2] "Thurn."
[distant laughing]
[distant laughing and chatting continues]
[distant cheering]
-[loud pop] -[air hissing]
[Ryan] Kit is such a loller.
Yeah, she's the best.
She does stand-up. Actually, she calls it sit-down comedy.
-We should go sometime. -Yeah, I would love that.
[both laugh]
Well, I'm glad you had fun.
Are you kidding? It was amazing.
-Thank you for bringing me. -No problem.
Wait.
-I'm sorry. Did I-- -I'm sorry.
-Did I misread the vibe? -No, no, I was just surprised, that's all.
-But I liked it. -[chuckles]
That was good.
Well, brace yourself, because
I'm about to ask you out.
Will you go on a date?
Okay, sure!
Yeah.
[both chuckle]
Um…
I don't know if this matters,
but you are, um, fully standing on a crack, so…
It was worth it.
[knocking at door]
[sighs]
Hi.
[music playing from cell phone]
Okay, so it turns out Sky Ferreira and I have the same acupuncturist,
and Sky absolutely promised me she was going to be here today
and sing "Everything Is Embarrassing,"
but then she texted an hour ago that she had a head cold.
Which, what? How dare you? It was very annoying--
Okay, none of that is true--
It's true, none of that is true, but I was trying to make a grand gesture.
"Everything Is Embarrassing" is a perfect song,
and I wanted to do something perfect to show that I've missed you,
and not like, "This kinda sucks, but I'll just eat ice cream,
listen to some Slowdive and get over it."
Ryan.
When we first met,
I wasn't looking for anything, because--
Well, you know why.
But you are so yourself, and…
you look at everything like you're seeing it for the first time,
and I haven't been around that in, well, ever.
[Tanner] I just feel like--
Tanner, I just-- I can't do this again.
I broke up with Richard.
[chuckles softly]
[Tanner] And I wanna do this. Like, really, really do this.
I'm sorry. You were supposed to be getting this big romantic gesture,
and instead you're just getting this boy who is realizing that…
he loves you.
[chuckles]
[Kim] He said, "I love you"?
Wow.
I told him I need time to think about it. Am I a monster?
No, you're behaving rationally.
Unlike Tanner, who… [groans]
I don't know, Ry.
It just seems really fast.
Do you love him?
I think so.
I mean, how do you know if you love someone?
Ooh, I know I love that dress. Do not throw it out.
Ry, you're here to maintain my sanity during family dinner,
not play Project Runway judge.
Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just, isn't selling your clothes a little extreme?
You're not paying rent. That should cover some of your debt.
I want a fresh start.
Okay.
So, look, should I get back together with Tanner,
or should I explore things with Henry? I really need your help.
I don't know, Ry.
I think you really just need to listen to your heart.
And a little bit of your penis, but mostly your heart.
Now, let's go to happy hour.
I need two to seven drinks before family dinner.
[slurping]
I gotta say, Anisha, I don't really know you,
but you look like the type of person that's always on day three of a cleanse,
so congrats on that, and welcome to the family.
[sweetly] Oh my God, thank you.
And I just want you guys to know that I will not be pulling a bridezilla.
Honestly, I've seen people go crazy with their weddings.
-I just want ours to be simple. -This is why I fucking love her.
[laughing]
250 people max, and a destination wedding, but to a place with direct flights.
-Perfect. -Yeah.
Beta, put your napkin on your lap.
[Mom] Oh, here.
[chuckles]
-There you go. -Thank you, Mommy.
We're all so excited about the wedding, we have lost our manners.
We have another big development in our household.
Oh, yes. Kim is finally introducing us to Ryan!
[Mom chuckles]
We have read all your articles on Eggyolk. You're very talented.
It's Eggwoke, Mom.
I don't-- [hesitates] That doesn't make sense.
You guys are very sweet,
but really, it's Kim who taught me everything I know, so…
So happy to have our Karishma back home, and, Ryan, so lovely to finally meet you.
[Dad] Cheers.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
-So lovely too. -Cheers.
Mmm…
And beta, thank you so much for donating those clothes. It was very generous.
-What? -I told you I was going to the Goodwill.
I took that bag, the one you left on the stairs, yeah?
Those were the clothes I was gonna sell!
Yikes.
That was a lot of designer stuff.
It must have been worth a lot.
I-I'm sorry, darling.
Truly, I-I… I didn't know.
-[clattering] -Seconds?
I'm-- I'm stuffed. [chuckles]
Um, how did you two meet?
Oh… [chuckles]
-Do you want me-- Okay. -You tell it.
-Okay, I'll try not to cry. -[chuckles]
We, um… We met-- I was deejaying at the WeWork,
you know, making those tech dollars, and then I saw her.
And I was like, "Yo, you look almost as beautiful as my mother."
-And she was like, "Who are you?" -"Who are you?"
-[Mom] Oh! -[Anisha chuckles]
-Yeah. -[Kim] Wow.
Woman uproots entire life for DJ. [sarcastically] Sounds promising.
Karishma.
What, Mom? You triggered? How about this?
[groans loudly]
Oh my God, it's so good.
Mmm, I can feel my buttons getting tighter.
Oh, it's so good!
Oh God, my eyelids are gaining so much weight I can barely keep it open.
I love being fat.
And you know what? Why is everyone at this table so goddamn thin?
-Maybe there's something wrong with you. -Show me to the bathroom?
Yeah, let me get my fat ass up before I break this goddamn chair.
Time to go. Come on. We'll be right back.
I love food!
Okay, what the hell is going on?
It's turning into August: Osage County out there.
Also, is your brother trying to fuck your mom?
We don't talk about that.
And I'm fine.
Okay, you and I, we love a truthful bathroom moment,
so do not lie to me.
Oh, fine.
[sighs] Truth? I didn't move home to save money.
I moved home because I got evicted, and I literally have nowhere else to go.
Honey, why didn't you tell me?
I thought I could fix it.
And, Truth Bader Ginsburg, rest in power--
I miss her every day.
Now that my mom donated all those clothes, which in total were worth like six grand,
I'm basically here indefinitely.
Well, you can always stay with me.
Oh, Ry.
I've come too far to be a straight girl sleeping on her gay friend's couch.
-[chuckles] -Thank you.
-[knock at door] -[door opens]
Hey, guys.
Are you doing coke in here?
[Henry] I'm just saying, sometimes I wish I was a lesbian
so Kristen Stewart could destroy my life for six weeks.
Yes! Personal Shopper is lesbian and gay culture.
Lesbian and gay culture, thank you, thank you!
I've been saying this for so long. [chuckles]
By the way, I am loving your mesh shirt-skirt combo.
[playfully] Oh, me? Ryan, you shouldn't have. Thank you.
-[Ryan laughs] -Yeah, I totally fuck with skirts.
Well, I think it's also because growing up, people would stare at me,
and a part of me was like, "If you're gonna do that,
I might as well give you something to look at." [laughs]
I'm jealous.
Oh my God, no. You can pull off a skirt.
Oh, no. I mean, thank you, but, with me, it's kind of always been the opposite.
It's always been like, you know, blend in, don't draw attention to your disability.
Okay.
Not to speak in bumper sticker here, but you can fight who you are,
but that's a fight you ain't ever gonna win,
so you might as well embrace it.
Yeah. No, I mean, I'm getting there. It's just a journey. You know?
You're doing great.
-Aw, thank you. -[Henry chuckles]
I've been on a lot of dates--
Okay, bragging.
No, no, no. And I swear, that's not bragging at all.
Most of the guys have been so sketchy or kind of flaky, but this…
this has been awesome.
[chuckles] It's been awesome for me too.
Which is, um,
annoying and inconvenient.
Henry, I'm kind of in a weird boy situation right now.
Oh.
Twist. Okay.
I-I don't mean to be, like, vague or Etch A Sketch or whatever. I just--
Can you give me, like, a beat to figure it out?
Yeah.
No, totally okay.
Don't worry. We're all good.
-Okay. -Don't worry.
-Cool. -It's cool.
[message alert tone]
[new message tone]
[sighs] This is stupid.
[phone rings out]
Hey.
Do you want to come over?
Hey, I made you some lunch, even though technically it's almost dinnertime.
Thanks, Dad.
Beta, why were you behaving so hostile last night?
I just feel like
I'm in The Twilight Zone or something.
All you and Mom care about are Dev and the wedding.
He didn't even graduate college,
but because he got engaged, he's some sort of golden god.
Beta, it's because, growing up, you were always so
scrappy and independent.
You knew where you were going,
and Dev didn't.
He was unfocused, a little lazy, and--
Don't forget the unearned confidence.
The dude sells vanity cell phone cases. He should not have that much self-esteem.
I'm just saying this is the first time he's made a decision that is positive
and shows some semblance of maturity.
Dev needs an Anisha.
You don't. You have you.
[emotional instrumental music playing]
I'm $46,000 in credit card debt.
[silence]
[knocking at door]
Hi.
"Hello, Tanner. Thank you for coming."
"I hope there wasn't too much traffic on the way here."
"Would you want to come in?"
Uh, please sit anywhere you like.
[sighs]
[Ryan] Okay.
[inhales and mutters quietly]
-[cards flipping] -[Ryan clears his throat]
[sighs]
You know what? Fuck it.
Um, I wrote a whole speech, but I am just gonna say what I'm thinking.
And, um, what I'm thinking is, is that, you know,
ever since I met you, I have felt different.
It's crazy, 'cause we haven't really even known each other that long,
but, like, when we're together, it's like, wow, we are together. You know?
So, are you trying to say, and you can be honest,
or you don't have to be, or whatever you--
I-- What are you try-- What?
[sighs]
People always think of me as this boy in the bubble.
And when I met you, it just, like, the bubble burst.
And it was scary as shit, until it wasn't.
Tanner, when I'm with you, everything is just so alive and exciting,
and I just feel like everything is just finally possible for me.
I love you.
I love you too.
[electronic pop music playing]
♪ Maybe if you let me be your lover ♪
♪ Maybe if you tried Then I would not bother ♪
♪ Telling me that basically You're not looking out for me ♪
♪ Everything is true to me Never words where you would see ♪
♪ Maybe if you let me be your lover ♪
♪ Maybe if you tried Then I would not bother ♪
♪ Maybe if you let me be your lover ♪
♪ Maybe if you tried Then I would not bother ♪
♪ Telling me that basically You're not looking out for me ♪
♪ Everything is true to me Never words where you would see ♪
♪ I've been hating everything Everything that could have been ♪
♪ Could have been my anything Now everything's embarrassing ♪