1
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[indie rock music playing]

2
00:00:14,535 --> 00:00:16,912
♪ Oh, I wish I had a boyfriend ♪

3
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♪ I wish I had a loving man in my life ♪

4
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♪ I wish I had a father ♪

5
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♪ Maybe then I would've turned out right ♪

6
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-[fabric rips]
-♪ But now I'm just crazy ♪

7
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-♪ I'm totally mad ♪
-[fabric rips]

8
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[button drops]

9
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♪ And maybe if I really tried
With all of my heart ♪

10
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♪ Then I could make a brand new start ♪

11
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♪ In love with you ♪

12
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♪ Oh, I wish I had a suntan ♪

13
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♪ I wish I had a pizza
And a bottle of wine ♪

14
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♪ I wish I had a beach house ♪

15
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♪ And we could make a big fire
Every night ♪

16
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♪ And maybe if I really try
With all of my heart ♪

17
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-♪ Then I could make a brand new start ♪
-Yeah!

18
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♪ In love with you ♪

19
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[music fades]

20
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[Kim] I'm just a sucker for a trend.

21
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Right now, I'm intermittent fasting.

22
00:01:26,148 --> 00:01:29,401
So I have to eat for 16 hours
and then fast for eight.

23
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I don't think that's how that works.

24
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I know what I'm doing.
Are we still on for tonight?

25
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Yes! We're gonna finish
the greatest story ever told.

26
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Dawson's motherfucking Creek.

27
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Five seasons in two weeks. We are--

28
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Disappointments.

29
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Crushing disappointments.

30
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Big news, you guys.

31
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The FDA's considering labeling
our recent content as a sleep aid.

32
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Ryan, it's weeks
since you wrote about your disability,

33
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,762
aka, anyone cared what you had to say.

34
00:01:56,846 --> 00:01:57,972
What are you working on?

35
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I'm actually kind of having a…
a writer's block moment right now.

36
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But our new work space has
an inspiration tepee.

37
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Have you not been?

38
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Oh, yes, many times.
I-I love it there. I just, um…

39
00:02:11,235 --> 00:02:14,905
I guess it's just true what they say.
It's harder to create when you're happy.

40
00:02:14,989 --> 00:02:15,948
You're not happy.

41
00:02:16,031 --> 00:02:18,784
Um, no, I am. I'm-- I'm very happy.

42
00:02:18,868 --> 00:02:21,579
Really? It's been two months
since you spoke to your mother.

43
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-How do you know?
-Samantha told me.

44
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-She tells me everything.
-You don't see me, but I see you.

45
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-So are you okay? Do you miss Mommy?
-I'm fine.

46
00:02:31,839 --> 00:02:34,008
-Oh, you don't need Mommy?
-Drop it, Olivia.

47
00:02:34,091 --> 00:02:37,469
Why don't you
just write about your disability again?

48
00:02:37,553 --> 00:02:40,347
You could be like the new,
hot, marginalized group of people.

49
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:43,809
I would, but I just feel
like I've already done that, you know?

50
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I don't know what else there is to say.
I guess my CP is just kind of, um, NBD.

51
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[groans]

52
00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:51,901
Okay then. Who's getting laid?

53
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Willful, Graceless, I know you're not.
All you do is hang out with each other.

54
00:02:58,657 --> 00:03:00,492
-That's not true.
-That's not true. No.

55
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-[scoffs] We have very full, happy lives.
-Mm-hmm.

56
00:03:03,662 --> 00:03:06,081
Sure. Enjoy Dawson's Creek, lovers.

57
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Spoiler alert!

58
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:08,709
Jen dies at the end.

59
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-She's the best part.
-I love her.

60
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Oh! Those are for me.

61
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[flat tone] Oh my God.  So sweet.
I'm overcome with emotion.

62
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Yes, it's true.

63
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I've taken a new lover. Rae.

64
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Please stop asking me about it.
No, seriously.

65
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Please stop.

66
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Please respect my privacy
at this thrilling time.

67
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Olivia has a boyfriend?

68
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Samantha's getting laid?

69
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L-O-actual hell.

70
00:03:48,916 --> 00:03:50,668
I guess tonight we should--

71
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Yeah. We're going out.

72
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[indistinct chatter]

73
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[laughter]

74
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Okay, let's play a game.

75
00:04:06,225 --> 00:04:08,018
Gay or Just Has Kind Eyes?

76
00:04:08,102 --> 00:04:11,563
Ry, why do we even have to be here?
Jen Lindley waits.

77
00:04:11,647 --> 00:04:14,024
Kim, Jen Lindley is dead.

78
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Just like our love lives.

79
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Mine's by choice. I'm not interested
in dating my oppressors.

80
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Okay, fine.
Then I'll just speak for myself.

81
00:04:22,283 --> 00:04:26,287
I've been in a major dick drought.
I haven't had a man's touch since Carey.

82
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Am I totally pathetic for thinking
me and him could've been together?

83
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It's not your fault
Carey moved to New York

84
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to try and become the next Ronan Farrow.

85
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Okay. You know what?
I'm meeting a guy tonight.

86
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And I suggest you do the same.

87
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[groans] Fine.

88
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Here we go. [sighs]

89
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[she breathes deeply]

90
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What are you--

91
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-[she grunts]
-What are you doing?

92
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Prepping for war.

93
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And break!

94
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Okay.

95
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Oh! Oh my God, I'm sorry. Got you there.

96
00:05:02,239 --> 00:05:04,366
Hello! How are you?

97
00:05:07,619 --> 00:05:09,121
Don't feel bad. He's straight.

98
00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:11,957
How do you know?

99
00:05:12,541 --> 00:05:14,585
I overheard him telling a woman to smile.

100
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:17,588
Ugh! Tale as old as time.

101
00:05:17,671 --> 00:05:18,672
[chuckles]

102
00:05:18,756 --> 00:05:21,925
Well, reviews said this space was mixed.
Gay, straight, but…

103
00:05:22,593 --> 00:05:26,263
I don't know, judging by our posture,
I'd say we're the only two queers here.

104
00:05:26,347 --> 00:05:28,265
[laughs] It used to be mixed,

105
00:05:28,349 --> 00:05:30,934
but as with San Francisco and rimming,

106
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the straights took it over
and made it theirs.

107
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-Ugh, I hate that! It's appropriation!
-Oh, so annoying.

108
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Maybe we should stage a protest
by making out. Right here. Right now.

109
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I've always been an activist.

110
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[upbeat music playing]

111
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[groaning]

112
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-[Ryan] Sorry.
-It's okay.

113
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FYI, I have a boyfriend.

114
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[music stops]

115
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-What?
-We're open. Totally aboveboard.

116
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Okay.

117
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[music continues]

118
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[crockery clatters]

119
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-Hello.
-Good morning.

120
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[chuckles] What are you…
You don't have to tidy up. I mean--

121
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I have a rule. Always leave people
better than how you met them.

122
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Okay.

123
00:06:47,219 --> 00:06:48,053
So…

124
00:06:48,137 --> 00:06:49,138
So.

125
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Last night, it was, um, it was super fun.

126
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It was so fun. [chuckles]

127
00:06:55,269 --> 00:06:58,605
Yeah. Definitely in the top ten
of guys that I've taken home.

128
00:06:59,606 --> 00:07:02,317
And, um, you know…
And, you know, had intercourse with.

129
00:07:02,401 --> 00:07:03,235
-Right.
-Yeah.

130
00:07:03,318 --> 00:07:04,570
First time, huh?

131
00:07:06,738 --> 00:07:08,157
Is it that obvious?

132
00:07:08,782 --> 00:07:10,951
No. You did great.

133
00:07:11,910 --> 00:07:16,373
There is no food in your house.
Not to be weird, but I checked.

134
00:07:16,457 --> 00:07:19,042
Oh, that's just because cooking
isn't really my journey.

135
00:07:19,626 --> 00:07:22,004
I have a solve for that.
Let's get breakfast.

136
00:07:26,592 --> 00:07:29,136
Wait, your diva of choice is Sky Ferreira?

137
00:07:29,219 --> 00:07:32,055
Yes. "Everything Is Embarrassing"
is a perfect pop song.

138
00:07:32,139 --> 00:07:34,141
Which, in its own way,
is kinda embarrassing.

139
00:07:34,224 --> 00:07:35,893
Yeah. I guess you're right.

140
00:07:35,976 --> 00:07:39,021
No! Don't back down. Defend your diva!

141
00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,314
Okay, fine.

142
00:07:40,397 --> 00:07:43,233
I think her voice is incredible,
she's never put out bad work,

143
00:07:43,317 --> 00:07:46,737
and yes, she may be a little unreliable
when promising new music,

144
00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:49,406
but criticism of her
often feels rooted in misogyny.

145
00:07:49,907 --> 00:07:52,701
Okay, go off, gay feminist.
I'm fully hard.

146
00:07:55,829 --> 00:07:58,582
So, yeah, I was a backup dancer
for a couple music videos,

147
00:07:58,665 --> 00:08:00,876
including Ciara! Don't be jealous.

148
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:03,504
-No, that's actually really cool.
-Thanks.

149
00:08:03,587 --> 00:08:06,298
But the work dried up,
and now I teach a dance class

150
00:08:06,381 --> 00:08:08,300
a couple of times a week
at a sweat circle.

151
00:08:08,383 --> 00:08:10,469
You know what they say,
"Those that can't do

152
00:08:10,552 --> 00:08:13,180
teach complicated dance choreography
to hot people." What?

153
00:08:13,263 --> 00:08:14,473
[they laugh]

154
00:08:14,556 --> 00:08:15,474
What do you do?

155
00:08:15,557 --> 00:08:18,936
Oh, I, um…
I write for this blog called Eggwoke.

156
00:08:19,686 --> 00:08:21,438
Or I did.

157
00:08:21,939 --> 00:08:24,358
I'm very late, and I might be very fired.

158
00:08:24,441 --> 00:08:25,526
I got you.

159
00:08:26,401 --> 00:08:30,781
"I will be working from home today
and writing a listicle called

160
00:08:30,864 --> 00:08:35,244
Five Reasons Why Having Sex With This Guy
Named Tanner Is Better Than Going To Work.

161
00:08:35,327 --> 00:08:37,829
I should attach a picture of my butt,
right?

162
00:08:37,913 --> 00:08:40,332
A lot of people are visual learners.
Could be helpful?

163
00:08:40,415 --> 00:08:42,876
-No! You cannot write any of that.
-It's all true!

164
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,212
No, it doesn't matter! You can't do it.

165
00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:50,467
What?

166
00:08:51,468 --> 00:08:52,302
Nothing.

167
00:08:52,928 --> 00:08:54,805
You're just, like, really cool.

168
00:08:56,974 --> 00:08:58,767
You're, like, really cool too.

169
00:09:06,149 --> 00:09:09,278
I'm missing Law and Order because of you.

170
00:09:09,987 --> 00:09:13,031
[groans] I'm sorry.
I should never have bought this.

171
00:09:13,115 --> 00:09:14,074
[woman] Call Ryan.

172
00:09:14,741 --> 00:09:17,828
He's a young person.
He's better at these things.

173
00:09:17,911 --> 00:09:21,248
Mom, I told you many times,
Ryan and I aren't speaking.

174
00:09:21,331 --> 00:09:23,875
-What happened?
-We got into a fight.

175
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:25,836
Oh, what did you do?

176
00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:31,258
Why do you always assume
that it's me who screwed up?

177
00:09:31,341 --> 00:09:34,761
Listen,
remember when we didn't speak for a year?

178
00:09:34,845 --> 00:09:36,805
Yes. You do?

179
00:09:36,888 --> 00:09:41,393
Of course. It was terrible.
And over something so inconsequential.

180
00:09:41,476 --> 00:09:44,646
You did accuse me
of killing the family dog.

181
00:09:44,730 --> 00:09:49,651
Well, you let Abracadabra
eat chocolate-covered popcorn,

182
00:09:49,735 --> 00:09:51,862
two things that kill a dog, together.

183
00:09:51,945 --> 00:09:56,366
I did not let him.
He ate it when I wasn't looking.

184
00:09:56,450 --> 00:09:57,367
[hesitates]

185
00:09:57,451 --> 00:09:59,411
-Never mind. You were saying?
-Look.

186
00:09:59,911 --> 00:10:04,916
The point is,
we are never gonna get that time back.

187
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:08,295
We wasted it
because we were both too stubborn.

188
00:10:09,171 --> 00:10:10,922
And I regret that.

189
00:10:13,634 --> 00:10:17,137
Oh my God! Ryan!

190
00:10:18,388 --> 00:10:19,431
Is this you?

191
00:10:19,514 --> 00:10:20,932
[Ryan chuckles] Oh God.

192
00:10:21,016 --> 00:10:22,559
-Yes.
-[laughs]

193
00:10:22,643 --> 00:10:25,020
I brought a picture of Lil' Kim
to my hairdresser

194
00:10:25,103 --> 00:10:26,980
and said, "Make me look like this."

195
00:10:27,564 --> 00:10:30,317
Lil' Ryan! You were adorable!

196
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:33,612
No. I was just tragic and closeted.

197
00:10:33,695 --> 00:10:34,821
When did you come out?

198
00:10:35,322 --> 00:10:37,074
Seventeen. Um…

199
00:10:37,157 --> 00:10:40,327
Yeah, actually,
I made this coming-out video for my mom,

200
00:10:40,410 --> 00:10:44,206
but it was before YouTube was a thing,
so I couldn't, you know, monetize it, but…

201
00:10:44,289 --> 00:10:47,042
My mom flipped. She was…
She was just so happy for me.

202
00:10:47,584 --> 00:10:48,502
What about you?

203
00:10:49,753 --> 00:10:51,171
Oh, it was horrible.

204
00:10:51,254 --> 00:10:52,464
[chuckles]

205
00:10:54,966 --> 00:10:58,470
You know what? We've been laying in bed
far too long. Let's get some exercise.

206
00:10:59,137 --> 00:11:00,972
Oh, I don't do that.

207
00:11:01,473 --> 00:11:05,310
No, I'll teach you one of my routines.
It will be cute and super easy.

208
00:11:05,852 --> 00:11:07,771
Okay, this is really simple choreography.

209
00:11:07,854 --> 00:11:10,649
You just bring your right arm up
and your left foot back.

210
00:11:10,732 --> 00:11:14,069
Your… Oh, wait. Okay.
Right arm and then… Wait, okay. Sorry.

211
00:11:14,152 --> 00:11:15,821
-It's okay. Just do it again.
-Sorry.

212
00:11:15,904 --> 00:11:17,531
-Right arm up.
-Okay. Right.

213
00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:20,283
-[Tanner] Left foot back.
-Wait. Okay.

214
00:11:20,367 --> 00:11:23,286
Wait. Sorry. I'm sorry.
I-I actually can't do this.

215
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:24,705
Literally anyone can do this.

216
00:11:24,788 --> 00:11:27,332
[exasperated] Yeah, well,
I'm not everybody. Okay?

217
00:11:28,792 --> 00:11:30,460
I have cerebral palsy.

218
00:11:32,045 --> 00:11:32,879
Okay.

219
00:11:33,672 --> 00:11:34,715
I was gonna ask.

220
00:11:35,924 --> 00:11:37,300
What-- what is that?

221
00:11:38,009 --> 00:11:42,472
You know, I actually… I wrote about it,
so you can just Google it. Okay?

222
00:11:42,556 --> 00:11:44,182
Okay. It's no big deal.

223
00:11:45,434 --> 00:11:46,935
We can do something else.

224
00:11:47,936 --> 00:11:49,479
-You pick.
-Okay.

225
00:11:50,105 --> 00:11:53,358
Okay, okay, okay!
I'm gonna pick! I'm gonna pick!

226
00:12:01,658 --> 00:12:02,993
You're Mommy!

227
00:12:03,702 --> 00:12:04,786
Oh! [chuckles]

228
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,496
I, uh-- Excuse me?

229
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:10,125
I could tell by the beaten-down look
in your eyes. You're Ryan's mother!

230
00:12:10,208 --> 00:12:12,544
Oh! I'm… I-I am, but--

231
00:12:12,627 --> 00:12:15,630
Olivia!
Um, your mother's actually on line two.

232
00:12:15,714 --> 00:12:18,425
Wow.
Violating the restraining order yet again.

233
00:12:20,761 --> 00:12:23,346
-Ms. Hayes! Hi! Oh!
-[laughs]

234
00:12:24,222 --> 00:12:25,056
Kim!

235
00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:27,225
Um, what are you doing here?

236
00:12:27,309 --> 00:12:29,895
I'm looking for Ryan. Is he here?

237
00:12:29,978 --> 00:12:33,482
Actually, he's not in today, I guess.

238
00:12:33,565 --> 00:12:35,400
Oh. Ah…

239
00:12:35,484 --> 00:12:39,654
This jury summons came for him.
I wanted to make sure that he got it.

240
00:12:39,738 --> 00:12:42,741
Oh, well, you can give it to me.
I'll make sure he gets it.

241
00:12:42,824 --> 00:12:45,952
Oh… No, it's okay.
I'll give it to him later.

242
00:12:46,036 --> 00:12:48,038
[laughs nervously] Thank you.

243
00:12:48,622 --> 00:12:50,248
I feel so silly.

244
00:12:50,832 --> 00:12:54,795
I went and bought all this food
to make stuffed shells because

245
00:12:55,962 --> 00:12:58,840
they're Ryan's favorite, and, uh…
[chuckles]

246
00:12:58,924 --> 00:13:02,177
…I thought he might come over,
but, anyway, he's not here.

247
00:13:02,677 --> 00:13:03,512
So…

248
00:13:05,597 --> 00:13:09,059
Kim, do you wanna come over for dinner
tonight?

249
00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:12,479
Because otherwise
the food will just go to waste.

250
00:13:13,605 --> 00:13:17,818
I-I would, um,
but I don't know if Ryan would love that.

251
00:13:18,401 --> 00:13:19,319
Huh.

252
00:13:24,074 --> 00:13:25,784
-Screw it. I'm in!
-Oh!

253
00:13:25,867 --> 00:13:27,369
Yeah! Pasta, pasta!

254
00:13:27,452 --> 00:13:28,370
[both laugh]

255
00:13:28,453 --> 00:13:29,830
[Kim] Yay! Okay.

256
00:13:29,913 --> 00:13:31,873
[Ms. Hayes] Ciao! Yeah!

257
00:13:31,957 --> 00:13:33,291
[Ryan] Whee!

258
00:13:33,375 --> 00:13:34,543
[Tanner laughs]

259
00:13:34,626 --> 00:13:36,837
-[Ryan] Reach for the sky! Come on.
-Okay.

260
00:13:37,337 --> 00:13:38,839
[both] Whee!

261
00:13:39,798 --> 00:13:40,882
Wait, this is adorable,

262
00:13:40,966 --> 00:13:44,135
but how does an adult gay man
develop a late-in-life swing addiction?

263
00:13:44,219 --> 00:13:45,053
[Ryan sighs]

264
00:13:45,637 --> 00:13:47,472
I was going through some family stuff,

265
00:13:47,556 --> 00:13:49,808
and I thought it'd be kinda meditative.

266
00:13:50,308 --> 00:13:52,227
-[Tanner] It is.
-Okay, look away.

267
00:13:52,310 --> 00:13:55,105
We may be older,
but we have every right to be here.

268
00:13:59,276 --> 00:14:00,360
-Is he gone?
-He's gone.

269
00:14:00,443 --> 00:14:02,529
Thank God. Okay. What about you?

270
00:14:02,612 --> 00:14:04,030
Are you close with your family?

271
00:14:04,114 --> 00:14:07,450
Not close, no. Very far away, actually.

272
00:14:07,534 --> 00:14:10,328
I'd tell you, but you'll think
I'm damaged goods or something.

273
00:14:10,412 --> 00:14:12,873
What? No. I won't judge. I promise.

274
00:14:13,915 --> 00:14:16,418
You know I told you
my coming-out story was horrible?

275
00:14:17,335 --> 00:14:20,380
Well, I came out sorta late, 24,

276
00:14:21,047 --> 00:14:23,091
and my family, they're super religious,

277
00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:26,678
and they basically said, "It's either
being gay or being our child."

278
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,933
And as you can tell by my colorful socks

279
00:14:32,017 --> 00:14:34,561
and the fact that I blew you
a couple of hours ago,

280
00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:35,729
yeah, I chose gay.

281
00:14:36,688 --> 00:14:39,941
Jesus. That's fucked up. I'm sorry.

282
00:14:41,985 --> 00:14:45,614
Um, excuse me. It's our turn.

283
00:14:45,697 --> 00:14:49,701
I'm telling him about the time my parents
disowned me, so show some sensitivity.

284
00:14:49,784 --> 00:14:51,411
[Tanner] Scram! Get outta here!

285
00:14:53,455 --> 00:14:55,206
-I love children.
-It shows.

286
00:14:55,290 --> 00:14:58,043
[chuckles] Wait,
what's the deal with your family stuff?

287
00:14:58,543 --> 00:15:01,046
Oh, it's Herbie: Fully Loaded as well.

288
00:15:01,129 --> 00:15:02,130
Um…

289
00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:05,133
My dad left when I was a baby,
so I never met him,

290
00:15:05,216 --> 00:15:06,968
and my mom and I are close.

291
00:15:07,052 --> 00:15:08,094
Or we were.

292
00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:10,513
We got into this insane fight
two months ago,

293
00:15:10,597 --> 00:15:12,933
and we haven't spoken since.

294
00:15:13,516 --> 00:15:15,226
Not to make this the trauma Olympics,

295
00:15:15,310 --> 00:15:17,479
but I haven't heard from my parents
in years.

296
00:15:17,562 --> 00:15:20,607
Which is crazy,
because how do you ghost your own child?

297
00:15:20,690 --> 00:15:22,025
And the worst thing is

298
00:15:23,610 --> 00:15:24,694
I still miss them.

299
00:15:25,528 --> 00:15:27,656
Even after everything.
Isn't that fucked up?

300
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:32,035
Hey, um,

301
00:15:32,827 --> 00:15:36,456
do you wanna go back to my place
and maybe order some food or something?

302
00:15:36,539 --> 00:15:37,415
I'd love that.

303
00:15:39,209 --> 00:15:40,043
Okay.

304
00:15:40,543 --> 00:15:42,003
Come on. Whee!

305
00:15:42,629 --> 00:15:44,381
-[Tanner laughs]
-Get into it!

306
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:51,096
[instrumental music playing]

307
00:15:51,179 --> 00:15:53,181
[inaudible]

308
00:15:57,852 --> 00:15:59,145
Damn, Karen.

309
00:15:59,229 --> 00:16:01,398
These stuffed shells done fucked me up.

310
00:16:01,898 --> 00:16:04,526
I love it
when carbs act as a vehicle for dairy.

311
00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:06,778
I'm so glad you liked them.

312
00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:08,947
-Ryan's loss.
-[Kim chuckles]

313
00:16:09,531 --> 00:16:10,907
How is he, by the way?

314
00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:12,909
He's good.

315
00:16:12,993 --> 00:16:15,620
I feel kinda weird going into specifics.

316
00:16:16,287 --> 00:16:18,456
-You understand, yeah?
-Oh, right, no.

317
00:16:18,540 --> 00:16:21,001
Of course. I understand.

318
00:16:22,377 --> 00:16:24,546
I-I didn't mean to put you in the middle.

319
00:16:25,505 --> 00:16:26,464
[car door closes]

320
00:16:27,757 --> 00:16:28,591
[Kim gasps]

321
00:16:30,385 --> 00:16:32,595
Oh my God. Silver fox alert!

322
00:16:32,679 --> 00:16:33,596
[gasps] Wait!

323
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:36,057
Is that your boyfriend?
Ryan said he was hot.

324
00:16:36,766 --> 00:16:37,684
Is that weird?

325
00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:39,394
Extremely.

326
00:16:39,978 --> 00:16:41,521
And he's not my boyfriend.

327
00:16:42,022 --> 00:16:44,524
It was this whole thing with Ryan.

328
00:16:44,607 --> 00:16:47,235
He didn't like Phil and… [hesitates]

329
00:16:47,318 --> 00:16:50,739
Anyway, it doesn't matter.
It seems like he found someone new.

330
00:16:50,822 --> 00:16:53,616
Wait, did Ryan make you break up with him?

331
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,035
No.

332
00:16:55,118 --> 00:16:56,161
Not exactly.

333
00:16:57,620 --> 00:17:00,248
Okay.
Do I have permission to speak freely?

334
00:17:00,331 --> 00:17:01,583
Yeah, of course.

335
00:17:01,666 --> 00:17:03,543
You two are totally codependent.

336
00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:07,380
Like, Norman Bates-type shit,
except you haven't been murdered. Yet.

337
00:17:08,381 --> 00:17:09,924
I don't think he'd kill me.

338
00:17:10,008 --> 00:17:13,344
Look, Indians invented codependency.

339
00:17:13,887 --> 00:17:16,222
I bet you
another serving of stuffed shells

340
00:17:16,306 --> 00:17:18,558
that his room
still looks exactly the same.

341
00:17:23,646 --> 00:17:26,274
So there is a vacancy at the Bates Motel.

342
00:17:30,612 --> 00:17:32,947
-Put this into a box.
-I'll-- I'll do it later.

343
00:17:34,491 --> 00:17:36,659
What about you? Are you dating?

344
00:17:37,327 --> 00:17:38,661
I date. I date all the time.

345
00:17:39,329 --> 00:17:43,583
It's Friday night, and you're packing
your gay best friend's room with his mom.

346
00:17:44,084 --> 00:17:46,044
Wow, Karen. Drag me.

347
00:17:46,127 --> 00:17:47,003
[Karen chuckles]

348
00:17:47,087 --> 00:17:49,464
Okay, you know what? We're going out.

349
00:17:49,547 --> 00:17:51,758
Oh, that's sweet, but I'm fine.

350
00:17:51,841 --> 00:17:53,843
Listen, this is only 20% for you.

351
00:17:54,344 --> 00:17:58,098
As much as I hate to admit it, it's time
for me to come out of my retirement

352
00:17:58,181 --> 00:18:00,558
and get my Kimojo back.

353
00:18:00,642 --> 00:18:04,646
But I need you, Karen,
to be my wing woman! Come on.

354
00:18:04,729 --> 00:18:08,983
Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll go.
I just have to make a quick call first.

355
00:18:09,067 --> 00:18:10,110
To Ryan?

356
00:18:10,193 --> 00:18:13,738
Kim, I'm going with you to the bar.
That's your win.

357
00:18:13,822 --> 00:18:15,615
[gasps] Oh damn.

358
00:18:15,698 --> 00:18:17,408
Boundaries, we love to see it.

359
00:18:17,492 --> 00:18:19,619
-We're still packing this shit up.
-Mmm.

360
00:18:25,917 --> 00:18:29,754
Hi, you've reached Ryan Hayes.
Please leave a message at the beep.

361
00:18:30,255 --> 00:18:35,301
[pop music playing]

362
00:18:35,385 --> 00:18:37,846
Karen, welcome to the fuccboi zoo.

363
00:18:37,929 --> 00:18:40,348
Don't touch the animals
unless you're wasted.

364
00:18:40,431 --> 00:18:42,433
I think I hate this place.

365
00:18:47,188 --> 00:18:48,982
I'm taking the hot one, sorry.

366
00:18:50,066 --> 00:18:50,900
Oh…

367
00:18:59,159 --> 00:19:04,747
Okay, so, I don't usually eat pad thai
in front of people I've just had sex with,

368
00:19:04,831 --> 00:19:06,666
but what the hell.

369
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:09,794
Fuck, I can't stay.
Richard just texted me.

370
00:19:09,878 --> 00:19:12,338
-His plane landed way early.
-Who's Richard?

371
00:19:12,422 --> 00:19:13,423
My boyfriend.

372
00:19:14,048 --> 00:19:17,302
He just came in from Berlin,
and I have to pick him up. It's our thing.

373
00:19:17,802 --> 00:19:19,762
Eight years together,
and we solemnly swear

374
00:19:19,846 --> 00:19:22,891
to still like each other enough
to pick the other one up from the airport.

375
00:19:22,974 --> 00:19:25,643
-Oh.
-Sorry. This was so much fun.

376
00:19:25,727 --> 00:19:27,896
Seriously, what an unexpected delight.

377
00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:32,567
Bye.

378
00:19:36,696 --> 00:19:38,239
[cell phone vibrates]

379
00:19:45,705 --> 00:19:47,165
[Karen] Hi, Ry.

380
00:19:47,248 --> 00:19:50,460
It's Mom. I got a jury summons,

381
00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:53,630
and I wanted to set up a time
for you to come to get it.

382
00:19:53,713 --> 00:19:56,216
Or I can just leave it by the TV.

383
00:19:56,299 --> 00:19:57,342
Uh…

384
00:19:57,425 --> 00:20:00,178
Okay, uh, call me back. Bye.

385
00:20:04,933 --> 00:20:08,311
Can I buy you another drink?
Happy hour's still going on, right?

386
00:20:08,895 --> 00:20:13,274
Wow, a half-price drink just for me?
What a gentleman.

387
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:15,026
[chuckles] Let me guess.

388
00:20:15,109 --> 00:20:19,948
Derek, you say you like to read,
but you think Barstool Sports counts,

389
00:20:20,031 --> 00:20:22,617
and you live in Culver City,

390
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,911
which you swear is getting cool.

391
00:20:24,994 --> 00:20:27,288
I live in the Hollywood Hills, actually.

392
00:20:27,372 --> 00:20:32,043
Sure you do. Look, you don't have to lie.
We're definitely gonna have sex later.

393
00:20:32,126 --> 00:20:35,964
But, first, you're going to buy
my friend and I drinks,

394
00:20:36,047 --> 00:20:37,799
not off the half-price menu, okay?

395
00:20:37,882 --> 00:20:39,133
Thank you.

396
00:20:39,217 --> 00:20:43,638
You can only get away with this because
you are so hot. You know that, right?

397
00:20:45,848 --> 00:20:46,766
[chuckles]

398
00:20:47,267 --> 00:20:48,643
God, you're beautiful.

399
00:20:49,811 --> 00:20:51,187
Wow. [chuckles]

400
00:20:51,271 --> 00:20:52,480
Thank you.

401
00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:54,941
You are young.

402
00:20:55,024 --> 00:20:57,193
I'm not that young, actually. Uh…

403
00:20:57,902 --> 00:21:01,781
Got this intern at my office, you know?
He doesn't even remember 9/11.

404
00:21:02,615 --> 00:21:04,492
I'm relieved that you do.

405
00:21:04,575 --> 00:21:08,037
Yeah, I was at school, actually,
and my teacher, Mrs. Stadler,

406
00:21:08,121 --> 00:21:11,207
she was trying to find a TV,
and she couldn't find a TV.

407
00:21:11,291 --> 00:21:15,044
Uh, so we didn't know what was happening,
'cause Twitter didn't exist yet.

408
00:21:15,128 --> 00:21:17,046
My mom picked me up. I love my mom.

409
00:21:18,506 --> 00:21:19,424
Uh-huh.

410
00:21:20,341 --> 00:21:22,719
-Would you excuse me for a minute--
-Absolutely.

411
00:21:24,512 --> 00:21:25,596
I'm gonna go.

412
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,141
I just need a second.
I'm about to lock this shit down.

413
00:21:28,641 --> 00:21:31,686
I'm getting a strong
"I have three roommates" energy from you.

414
00:21:31,769 --> 00:21:32,729
True or false?

415
00:21:33,563 --> 00:21:34,689
I live alone.

416
00:21:34,772 --> 00:21:36,566
In the Hollywood Hills, right.

417
00:21:37,066 --> 00:21:39,902
Well, just make sure
your roommates are out of the living room

418
00:21:39,986 --> 00:21:41,362
by the time we get home.

419
00:21:41,446 --> 00:21:44,532
And if you sleep on a mattress
on the floor, I'm walking.

420
00:21:45,033 --> 00:21:46,576
Life's too short, Derek.

421
00:21:48,077 --> 00:21:51,414
Uh, I'm gonna head out,
but you should stay.

422
00:21:51,497 --> 00:21:55,209
-Oh, no, no, we're ready. Right, Derek?
-Again, my name is not Derek.

423
00:21:55,293 --> 00:21:57,795
But we can give you a ride.
I have a corporate account.

424
00:21:57,879 --> 00:22:01,674
Corporate account? Okay, yeah, use
your corporate account, Michael Clayton.

425
00:22:02,175 --> 00:22:03,634
Thank you. [chuckles]

426
00:22:03,718 --> 00:22:05,011
Uh…

427
00:22:05,094 --> 00:22:07,764
-Well, good evening.
-It was so nice to meet you, Karen.

428
00:22:07,847 --> 00:22:09,974
Oh, uh-- [hesitates] It's Ms. Hayes.

429
00:22:13,770 --> 00:22:14,729
[door opens]

430
00:22:17,482 --> 00:22:18,316
Mom?

431
00:22:20,443 --> 00:22:21,486
You home?

432
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:23,529
I come in peace.

433
00:22:35,917 --> 00:22:39,295
[instrumental music playing]

434
00:22:53,184 --> 00:22:54,936
[car motor revs]

435
00:23:01,150 --> 00:23:03,069
-[he chuckles]
-[Kim] Is this your house?

436
00:23:04,612 --> 00:23:07,573
Oh, I get it. You live with your parents.
We'll be quiet.

437
00:23:07,657 --> 00:23:08,658
[he sighs]

438
00:23:08,741 --> 00:23:09,575
Follow me.

439
00:23:11,577 --> 00:23:12,829
Okay, damn.

440
00:23:13,621 --> 00:23:15,331
Drown me in your pool, Daddy.

441
00:23:19,168 --> 00:23:20,837
It even smells nice in here.

442
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:24,215
Like privilege
fucked some fig and vanilla.

443
00:23:27,677 --> 00:23:29,303
My name is not Derek.

444
00:23:30,012 --> 00:23:30,930
It is Harrison.

445
00:23:31,931 --> 00:23:36,519
And when I was 22, I invented this app
that helped organize all your other apps.

446
00:23:36,602 --> 00:23:38,438
I know, sounds lame,

447
00:23:38,521 --> 00:23:43,025
but, uh, it filled a hole in the market
and made me millions of dollars.

448
00:23:43,776 --> 00:23:44,819
I'm a Taurus.

449
00:23:45,570 --> 00:23:47,113
I like to eat, but, uh,

450
00:23:47,196 --> 00:23:49,532
I love myself too much
to identify as a foodie.

451
00:23:50,741 --> 00:23:52,493
And, uh… [sighs]

452
00:23:52,577 --> 00:23:54,287
…as you may have already noticed,

453
00:23:55,496 --> 00:23:58,040
my penis is really, really pretty.
[chuckles]

454
00:23:59,375 --> 00:24:00,293
[murmurs]

455
00:24:01,294 --> 00:24:02,628
Now let me guess. You…

456
00:24:03,629 --> 00:24:07,049
You work in fashion or PR.

457
00:24:07,925 --> 00:24:11,804
And on the weekends you hit SoulCycle,
and then, to reward yourself,

458
00:24:11,888 --> 00:24:14,182
you go for bottomless mimosa brunch
with the girls,

459
00:24:14,265 --> 00:24:17,602
but, you know,
most of them you don't actually like.

460
00:24:17,685 --> 00:24:19,270
Wow. [scoffs]

461
00:24:19,353 --> 00:24:21,439
Wrong. So wrong.

462
00:24:21,522 --> 00:24:22,732
Okay, all right.

463
00:24:22,815 --> 00:24:23,774
[chuckles]

464
00:24:23,858 --> 00:24:25,318
Let me try again. Uh…

465
00:24:26,360 --> 00:24:27,778
Well, you got good taste.

466
00:24:28,738 --> 00:24:29,947
Nice Louboutins.

467
00:24:30,031 --> 00:24:31,240
My sister wears 'em.

468
00:24:33,242 --> 00:24:34,619
Well, thank you, Harrison.

469
00:24:36,871 --> 00:24:38,498
Say my name again.

470
00:24:38,581 --> 00:24:39,707
Harrison.

471
00:24:40,208 --> 00:24:41,125
Uh-huh.

472
00:24:42,376 --> 00:24:43,211
Again.

473
00:24:44,587 --> 00:24:45,588
[whispers] Harrison.

474
00:24:46,088 --> 00:24:47,006
[she gasps]

475
00:25:00,102 --> 00:25:00,937
Ry.

476
00:25:02,522 --> 00:25:03,356
Ry?

477
00:25:04,690 --> 00:25:05,566
Ry?

478
00:25:18,246 --> 00:25:19,455
[knocking at door]

479
00:25:25,628 --> 00:25:29,632
So I realized
on the 40-hour drive to and from LAX

480
00:25:30,132 --> 00:25:32,885
that, uh,
I left you worse than how I met you.

481
00:25:33,928 --> 00:25:36,138
-Oh.
-And that's against my rules.

482
00:25:37,265 --> 00:25:38,891
That's… That's okay.

483
00:25:38,975 --> 00:25:41,894
I mean, you told me
you have a boyfriend, so…

484
00:25:41,978 --> 00:25:43,813
I know. I still do.

485
00:25:43,896 --> 00:25:45,940
He's currently passed out with jet lag.

486
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,651
But I'd really like to see you again.

487
00:25:50,486 --> 00:25:52,029
Is that even allowed?

488
00:25:52,613 --> 00:25:55,199
Yep.
I mean, only if you want to, obviously.

489
00:25:56,409 --> 00:25:57,868
Do you? Want to?

490
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:05,334
I do.

491
00:26:06,586 --> 00:26:07,461
I want to.

492
00:26:07,545 --> 00:26:08,462
-Yeah?
-Yeah.

493
00:26:16,679 --> 00:26:18,306
That's my fucking pad thai.

494
00:26:19,849 --> 00:26:21,183
Pretty sure it's mine.

495
00:26:22,518 --> 00:26:24,145
I'm pretty sure you were late.

496
00:26:24,729 --> 00:26:28,691
[instrumental music playing]