1
00:00:09,030 --> 00:00:10,114
[theme song playing]

2
00:00:25,629 --> 00:00:27,882
Oh, hey. I thought you left.

3
00:00:28,758 --> 00:00:29,592
[Karen sighs]

4
00:00:30,676 --> 00:00:32,261
I forgot the end table. [sighs]

5
00:00:32,762 --> 00:00:35,347
Get off of your phone and help me.

6
00:00:35,431 --> 00:00:38,434
Sorry, I'm just texting an invite
for my housewarming party.

7
00:00:38,642 --> 00:00:39,935
And...

8
00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:42,146
-sent.
-Housewarming? Ooh!

9
00:00:42,438 --> 00:00:43,689
You can't come.

10
00:00:44,273 --> 00:00:45,399
I'm keeping it small.

11
00:00:45,858 --> 00:00:48,652
I'm going to invite Stephanie,
Rachel, Nora.

12
00:00:49,445 --> 00:00:51,322
Didn't they drop you after college?

13
00:00:51,947 --> 00:00:52,990
Drop me? No.

14
00:00:53,365 --> 00:00:55,451
-Huh.
-I mean, we may have drifted a little,

15
00:00:55,534 --> 00:00:57,620
but that's because they got
apartments in LA,

16
00:00:57,703 --> 00:00:59,497
and I stayed in Disturbia with you.

17
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:01,040
There is nothing wrong with that.

18
00:01:01,123 --> 00:01:03,167
Yes, there is. It's tragic.

19
00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:05,628
But look at this place.

20
00:01:06,295 --> 00:01:07,755
They're gonna be obsessed.

21
00:01:22,686 --> 00:01:23,979
Ryan, stop.

22
00:01:24,063 --> 00:01:25,815
Look, are you sure you want to do this?

23
00:01:26,482 --> 00:01:27,399
Mom.

24
00:01:27,691 --> 00:01:29,193
Yes, I'm sure.

25
00:01:29,985 --> 00:01:33,447
There's just so much stuff
that you don't know how to do.

26
00:01:34,490 --> 00:01:36,617
At least let me do the end table.

27
00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:37,660
[Ryan] No! God.

28
00:01:37,743 --> 00:01:39,578
I don't need your help.
I can figure it out.

29
00:01:39,662 --> 00:01:41,789
Even normal people ask for help.

30
00:01:43,833 --> 00:01:45,084
Oh, I'm sorry,

31
00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:46,418
am I not normal?

32
00:01:46,877 --> 00:01:49,213
No, I didn't mean that, honey.
You know that.

33
00:01:49,797 --> 00:01:51,006
I'm gonna be okay.

34
00:01:52,967 --> 00:01:55,553
-It's your journey that's a little TBD.
-TBD?

35
00:01:55,845 --> 00:01:56,846
Yes!

36
00:01:57,721 --> 00:02:01,183
Mom, promise me you're not gonna
just be sitting at home, watching TV,

37
00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:04,186
and refreshing the Neighborhood Watch page
with news about

38
00:02:04,270 --> 00:02:06,063
that new neighbor with the gross,
porny name.

39
00:02:06,147 --> 00:02:07,106
Phil?

40
00:02:07,857 --> 00:02:08,691
Yeah.

41
00:02:09,066 --> 00:02:09,942
Phil.

42
00:02:11,193 --> 00:02:12,611
If you're okay, I'm okay.

43
00:02:14,697 --> 00:02:16,157
If you say so.

44
00:02:17,575 --> 00:02:19,368
["I'm Gonna Steal Your Boyfriend" playing]

45
00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:47,104
[knocking on door]

46
00:02:50,149 --> 00:02:51,525
Hey, I'm Trevor.

47
00:02:51,609 --> 00:02:52,610
Hi, I'm Ryan.

48
00:02:53,068 --> 00:02:54,069
Welcome to my home.

49
00:02:54,278 --> 00:02:55,237
Thanks.

50
00:02:55,779 --> 00:02:57,031
Where's the furniture?

51
00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:58,782
It's in the box.

52
00:02:59,366 --> 00:03:00,242
Oh.

53
00:03:01,202 --> 00:03:02,036
Great.

54
00:03:03,245 --> 00:03:04,163
Okay. [sighs]

55
00:03:05,456 --> 00:03:06,332
[chuckles]

56
00:03:06,665 --> 00:03:08,626
Looks like someone was biting the box.

57
00:03:08,792 --> 00:03:10,836
[chuckles nervously] I have a dog!

58
00:03:11,086 --> 00:03:12,421
-Oh, really?
-Yeah.

59
00:03:12,630 --> 00:03:14,965
Yeah, Simba's at obedience school
right now.

60
00:03:15,049 --> 00:03:16,759
It's... for the biting.

61
00:03:17,218 --> 00:03:18,344
Obviously, so...

62
00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:20,971
-Yeah.
-That's, yeah, for the best.

63
00:03:21,222 --> 00:03:23,057
Okay, well, good luck.

64
00:03:23,432 --> 00:03:24,433
Thanks.

65
00:03:29,688 --> 00:03:31,690
[rock music playing on speakers]

66
00:03:39,281 --> 00:03:40,199
[notification sound]

67
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:43,369
[notification sound]

68
00:03:45,704 --> 00:03:46,622
[notification sound]

69
00:03:48,082 --> 00:03:48,958
[notification sound]

70
00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:50,417
Yas!

71
00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:51,335
What?

72
00:03:52,461 --> 00:03:54,088
Oh, that wasn't directed at you.

73
00:03:54,838 --> 00:03:56,090
Keep up the good work, though.

74
00:04:06,892 --> 00:04:08,227
Mom, you're late!

75
00:04:08,602 --> 00:04:10,729
The girls are going to be here,
like, really soon.

76
00:04:11,438 --> 00:04:12,648
Excuse me!

77
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:14,233
I was at your grandma's.

78
00:04:14,316 --> 00:04:15,526
And you should be grateful,

79
00:04:15,609 --> 00:04:18,445
making me set up for a party
I'm not even invited to.

80
00:04:18,529 --> 00:04:19,488
Rude.

81
00:04:20,239 --> 00:04:21,282
I'm sorry, Mom.

82
00:04:21,532 --> 00:04:22,408
Thank you.

83
00:04:22,825 --> 00:04:24,076
Not accepted.

84
00:04:24,618 --> 00:04:28,205
Hey, Mom, do you know how to, like,
stick a balloon to a wall?

85
00:04:32,001 --> 00:04:33,085
[theme song playing]

86
00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:44,972
[Karen] Hey!

87
00:04:45,055 --> 00:04:48,142
I saw you put the table together
in the bedroom!

88
00:04:48,225 --> 00:04:49,643
I'm so impressed! [clapping]

89
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:51,854
Oh, I told you I'd figure it out.

90
00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:52,771
Yeah.

91
00:04:53,105 --> 00:04:54,565
Where are the crackers?

92
00:04:54,815 --> 00:04:56,859
[gasps] Shoot.

93
00:04:56,942 --> 00:04:58,360
I think I forgot them.

94
00:04:58,444 --> 00:04:59,403
Wait, what?

95
00:05:00,195 --> 00:05:02,197
Calm down, I can go to the store.

96
00:05:02,281 --> 00:05:04,783
No. There's no time. They're gonna be here
in, like, ten minutes.

97
00:05:04,867 --> 00:05:05,826
All right.

98
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:08,162
Wait. Maybe you should go to the store.

99
00:05:08,996 --> 00:05:11,206
Okay, I'll go to the store.

100
00:05:11,957 --> 00:05:13,334
[phone chimes and vibrates]

101
00:05:17,463 --> 00:05:18,339
[notification sound]

102
00:05:20,924 --> 00:05:21,759
[notification sound]

103
00:05:24,178 --> 00:05:25,012
[notification sound]

104
00:05:28,599 --> 00:05:29,433
Wait.

105
00:05:29,516 --> 00:05:31,226
What? Do you want me to go or not?

106
00:05:32,519 --> 00:05:33,354
No.

107
00:05:33,645 --> 00:05:34,521
I got it.

108
00:05:34,605 --> 00:05:36,565
-All right.
-Thank you for your help.

109
00:05:36,857 --> 00:05:37,816
You're welcome.

110
00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:38,817
Be safe.

111
00:05:39,443 --> 00:05:41,153
-Have a good time.
-Love you.

112
00:05:42,529 --> 00:05:43,364
Really?

113
00:05:45,991 --> 00:05:46,825
[door closes]

114
00:05:48,202 --> 00:05:49,244
[theme song playing]

115
00:06:02,549 --> 00:06:03,550
[music stops]

116
00:06:14,311 --> 00:06:15,145
Hey.

117
00:06:15,562 --> 00:06:16,855
What are you doing tonight?

118
00:06:17,398 --> 00:06:19,691
-[pop music playing in the background]
-Whoa.

119
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:21,485
Happy housewarming.

120
00:06:21,568 --> 00:06:23,404
You finally have your own place again.

121
00:06:23,487 --> 00:06:24,321
Aw. Thank you.

122
00:06:24,405 --> 00:06:27,491
I can't believe you did all of this
for just me.

123
00:06:27,991 --> 00:06:30,619
Oh, it's just a meat and cheese plate.

124
00:06:30,702 --> 00:06:32,037
And champagne.

125
00:06:32,121 --> 00:06:33,664
It's not even New Year's Eve!

126
00:06:33,956 --> 00:06:35,916
Well, what can I say?

127
00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:37,543
You're worth it.

128
00:06:38,627 --> 00:06:39,670
I'm gonna go pee.

129
00:06:39,753 --> 00:06:40,629
Okay.

130
00:06:40,838 --> 00:06:41,839
Thanks for the info.

131
00:06:46,760 --> 00:06:47,678
[phone vibrates]

132
00:07:10,075 --> 00:07:11,034
[doorbell rings]

133
00:07:21,795 --> 00:07:22,671
Hi.

134
00:07:23,505 --> 00:07:24,339
Hi.

135
00:07:27,468 --> 00:07:28,385
Sorry I'm late.

136
00:07:29,052 --> 00:07:30,762
-Mm-hmm.
-Traffic was terrible.

137
00:07:31,096 --> 00:07:34,016
Ah, next door neighbor humor.
I like it.

138
00:07:35,642 --> 00:07:36,518
I like you.

139
00:07:37,186 --> 00:07:38,187
Thanks.

140
00:07:38,979 --> 00:07:40,606
But that isn't necessary.

141
00:07:46,737 --> 00:07:47,654
[Karen chuckles]

142
00:07:50,699 --> 00:07:51,658
[knocking on door]

143
00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:58,499
Listen, I'm not trying to sound paranoid
or whatever, but...

144
00:08:02,336 --> 00:08:03,837
Was this party meant for someone else?

145
00:08:04,171 --> 00:08:05,714
[scoffs] What?

146
00:08:06,048 --> 00:08:07,341
Saw a text from your mom.

147
00:08:07,674 --> 00:08:09,843
Said to say hi to Stephanie and the girls.

148
00:08:14,932 --> 00:08:15,807
Oh, my God.

149
00:08:16,391 --> 00:08:18,519
You totally friend recycled this party.

150
00:08:19,811 --> 00:08:20,687
Ah.

151
00:08:20,938 --> 00:08:23,565
I didn't friend recycle this party, okay?

152
00:08:24,316 --> 00:08:25,150
I just...

153
00:08:29,154 --> 00:08:30,572
No, you know what? That's...

154
00:08:30,781 --> 00:08:32,199
That's exactly what I did.

155
00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:34,993
Okay.

156
00:08:35,369 --> 00:08:36,370
Now I'm just scared.

157
00:08:36,870 --> 00:08:38,372
Are you one of those grifter types?

158
00:08:38,455 --> 00:08:40,040
No! God.

159
00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:45,462
I've never lived on my own before.

160
00:08:46,088 --> 00:08:46,922
Okay?

161
00:08:48,131 --> 00:08:49,091
My mom,

162
00:08:49,383 --> 00:08:52,261
she's overprotective, it's strange,
I know,

163
00:08:52,344 --> 00:08:55,013
and I thought I had these friends
from college, but...

164
00:08:55,556 --> 00:08:58,141
maybe I'm Dean & Delusional
because they all bailed.

165
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,061
And that's when I called you.

166
00:09:03,438 --> 00:09:04,481
I'm a loser, Kim.

167
00:09:06,441 --> 00:09:08,443
I'm a loser that's been masquerading...

168
00:09:08,986 --> 00:09:09,945
as a non-loser.

169
00:09:10,946 --> 00:09:11,989
You're not a loser.

170
00:09:12,239 --> 00:09:13,115
Okay?

171
00:09:13,532 --> 00:09:17,536
We all put a Valencia filter on our life
to make it seem better than actually is.

172
00:09:17,703 --> 00:09:18,704
But you don't.

173
00:09:19,037 --> 00:09:19,871
I mean,

174
00:09:20,122 --> 00:09:22,374
your whole brand is, like, honesty.

175
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:24,626
Eww. "Brand"? Go to jail.

176
00:09:24,835 --> 00:09:25,877
I'm just saying.

177
00:09:26,628 --> 00:09:27,796
You don't give a shit.

178
00:09:28,672 --> 00:09:30,299
Oh, I give multiple shits.

179
00:09:30,674 --> 00:09:31,633
Oh, really?

180
00:09:31,883 --> 00:09:32,759
About what?

181
00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:36,513
[sighs] Okay, look.

182
00:09:37,139 --> 00:09:40,350
In the spirit of bonding
and cementing our friendship,

183
00:09:40,434 --> 00:09:42,144
I'm going to tell you something,

184
00:09:42,227 --> 00:09:44,021
but you have to promise
not to say anything.

185
00:09:44,313 --> 00:09:45,647
Okay, I promise.

186
00:09:48,191 --> 00:09:49,151
I'm broke.

187
00:09:49,776 --> 00:09:50,694
Ta-da.

188
00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:53,280
Broke?

189
00:09:54,031 --> 00:09:56,617
Babe, you're wearing a DVF dress
right now.

190
00:09:57,159 --> 00:09:57,993
Exactly.

191
00:09:58,410 --> 00:10:01,121
You can't afford this shit
on a blogger's salary.

192
00:10:02,748 --> 00:10:04,583
Look, I love clothes

193
00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:06,251
and looking glam

194
00:10:06,335 --> 00:10:08,795
and hashtag-goals, all the time, trust.

195
00:10:09,463 --> 00:10:11,423
But sometimes I just feel like,

196
00:10:11,798 --> 00:10:14,301
as a non-skinny, non-white girl,

197
00:10:14,384 --> 00:10:15,802
I got to work overtime.

198
00:10:16,553 --> 00:10:19,097
It's like, "Hey, I'm a voluptuous
brown girl,

199
00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:22,726
but I'm wearing a $448 dress
and I got a blowout,

200
00:10:22,809 --> 00:10:24,936
so I'm safe! Accept me!"

201
00:10:26,146 --> 00:10:27,272
It's exhausting.

202
00:10:27,856 --> 00:10:28,899
And expensive.

203
00:10:29,483 --> 00:10:30,692
I'm in so much debt.

204
00:10:31,652 --> 00:10:32,486
Is that...

205
00:10:32,986 --> 00:10:34,237
why you drive for Roadsy?

206
00:10:34,529 --> 00:10:35,447
[Kim] Yeah.

207
00:10:35,989 --> 00:10:37,574
Point is, I get why you lied.

208
00:10:38,283 --> 00:10:40,869
'Cause this isn't exactly my truth either.

209
00:10:41,828 --> 00:10:44,665
Let's just promise not to lie
to each other again, okay?

210
00:10:44,748 --> 00:10:46,625
That's not how we want to do
this friendship.

211
00:10:48,210 --> 00:10:49,127
I promise.

212
00:10:52,089 --> 00:10:53,090
Can we hug now?

213
00:10:53,882 --> 00:10:54,716
Okay.

214
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,552
But don't wrinkle my dress.
I got to return it tomorrow.

215
00:11:00,639 --> 00:11:01,473
Mm.

216
00:11:02,307 --> 00:11:04,643
[sighs] Now can I invite
some of my friends over?

217
00:11:04,726 --> 00:11:07,020
I don't want that yum-yum cheese
to go to waste.

218
00:11:07,979 --> 00:11:09,690
Or this soap.

219
00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:11,191
It cost $40.

220
00:11:11,274 --> 00:11:13,235
Bitch, I know.
I got the body wash. [scoffs]

221
00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:15,153
[indistinct chatter]

222
00:11:15,237 --> 00:11:16,697
[pop music playing in the background]

223
00:11:17,364 --> 00:11:19,825
[Kim] I bet you had no idea
I was this popular.

224
00:11:20,450 --> 00:11:22,744
-I had a blurry watercolor of an idea.
-[Kim chuckles]

225
00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:27,040
-Hey, yay!
-Carey!

226
00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:31,128
Ry, meet one of my bests, Carey.

227
00:11:31,211 --> 00:11:32,587
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi.

228
00:11:32,671 --> 00:11:33,672
Happy home.

229
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:34,881
Oh, thank you.

230
00:11:34,965 --> 00:11:39,010
Carey actually works in our building
at a fancy-schmancy print mag.

231
00:11:39,094 --> 00:11:42,264
Oh, yeah, we're so fancy
we can't even afford pens. [both laugh]

232
00:11:42,848 --> 00:11:43,807
Hey!

233
00:11:43,890 --> 00:11:45,350
What are we, in junior high?

234
00:11:45,434 --> 00:11:47,436
Who the fuck told you to bring a hookah?

235
00:11:47,769 --> 00:11:49,521
-I'll be right back, boys.
-Go get 'em.

236
00:11:52,566 --> 00:11:54,109
This is a big place.

237
00:11:57,195 --> 00:11:58,447
Yeah, it's nice, minimal.

238
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,910
[chuckles nervously] Yeah.

239
00:12:07,539 --> 00:12:08,707
Where's the bathroom?

240
00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:10,500
Oh, it's...

241
00:12:12,085 --> 00:12:13,545
-I can show you.
-Okay.

242
00:12:13,628 --> 00:12:15,338
Show me. Which way we're we going?

243
00:12:15,547 --> 00:12:16,840
Oh, is this the bedroom?

244
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:18,300
-Yeah.
-Uh-oh.

245
00:12:22,429 --> 00:12:23,263
Well,

246
00:12:23,764 --> 00:12:24,723
here you are.

247
00:12:25,432 --> 00:12:26,933
Okay. Thanks, Ryan.

248
00:12:34,775 --> 00:12:35,901
We got the same soap.

249
00:12:36,443 --> 00:12:37,277
Yay.

250
00:12:38,361 --> 00:12:39,196
Yay.

251
00:12:45,827 --> 00:12:46,912
[piano music playing]

252
00:13:03,970 --> 00:13:05,138
["Deceptacon" playing]

253
00:13:14,606 --> 00:13:17,025
No one cares, Ry! Just do it!

254
00:13:18,652 --> 00:13:21,947
Kim, are you telling me to dance
like nobody's watching?

255
00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:22,989
Yes!

256
00:13:24,533 --> 00:13:25,367
Okay.

257
00:13:25,617 --> 00:13:27,619
♪ Every day and night ♪

258
00:13:27,953 --> 00:13:30,831
♪ I can see your disco disco dick ♪

259
00:13:30,914 --> 00:13:33,834
♪ Is sucking my heart out of my mind ♪

260
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,586
♪ One, two, three, four ♪

261
00:13:36,795 --> 00:13:39,381
♪ You got what you been asking for ♪

262
00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:41,132
♪ You're so policy free and♪

263
00:13:41,216 --> 00:13:44,219
♪ Your fantasy wheels
and everything you think ♪

264
00:13:44,302 --> 00:13:45,637
♪ And everything you feel ♪

265
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,641
♪ Is alright, alright,
alright, alight, alright ♪

266
00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:06,491
♪ I take you home,
now watch me get you hot ♪

267
00:14:06,575 --> 00:14:09,119
♪ You're just a parrot
when you're screaming ♪