1 00:00:09,030 --> 00:00:10,531 [theme music playing] 2 00:00:19,623 --> 00:00:20,541 Wow. 3 00:00:21,083 --> 00:00:23,294 There are a lot of assholes on here. 4 00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:43,647 [door opens] 5 00:00:43,731 --> 00:00:44,565 Mom! 6 00:00:44,648 --> 00:00:45,608 [murmurs] 7 00:00:46,484 --> 00:00:47,318 [Ryan] Hey. 8 00:00:47,902 --> 00:00:48,778 [Ryan] Rear Window. 9 00:00:49,570 --> 00:00:50,738 What are you doing over there? 10 00:00:50,821 --> 00:00:53,074 [chuckles] The Neighborhood Watch Committee 11 00:00:53,157 --> 00:00:55,367 posted this thing about the new guy next door. 12 00:00:55,451 --> 00:00:57,828 You have to stop with this Neighborhood Watch journey. 13 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,915 It's like a high school cafeteria for old people. 14 00:01:01,457 --> 00:01:02,500 You're right. 15 00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,752 All right, let's get out of here. 16 00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:06,504 You want to go to the farmers' market? 17 00:01:06,587 --> 00:01:10,049 I would, but I'm going to Olivia's birthday party with Kim. 18 00:01:10,132 --> 00:01:13,886 Oh, you are already hanging out with the boss. [chuckles] 19 00:01:13,969 --> 00:01:15,346 Chic, right? 20 00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:18,808 Well, the farmers' market's kind of our thing. 21 00:01:19,725 --> 00:01:21,852 I guess I'll stay here and catch up on some reading. 22 00:01:22,561 --> 00:01:25,314 Oh, hey, hey, hey. Did you finish that article already? 23 00:01:25,606 --> 00:01:27,733 Oh, no, not yet. But I'll let you know. 24 00:01:28,192 --> 00:01:32,071 I am so proud of you for writing about your cerebral palsy. 25 00:01:32,154 --> 00:01:33,656 You are so brave. 26 00:01:38,911 --> 00:01:39,870 [upbeat music playing] 27 00:01:42,832 --> 00:01:43,749 [Ryan] Hey, Kim. 28 00:01:43,999 --> 00:01:45,334 Oh, hi. I'm Ryan. 29 00:01:45,417 --> 00:01:48,003 Oh, don't worry about him, he's my Roadsy passenger. 30 00:01:48,629 --> 00:01:50,631 Oh, you drive for Roadsy. 31 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,008 Does Eggwoke not pay you enough, or...? 32 00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,427 Oh, I just do it for the stories. 33 00:01:55,511 --> 00:01:58,180 Last week, two girls legit fucked in my backseat. 34 00:01:58,264 --> 00:01:59,140 [Kim] It was hot. 35 00:01:59,765 --> 00:02:02,476 Yikes. This is like straight-up suburbs out here. 36 00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:05,396 Shouldn't you be, like, living it up in the city? 37 00:02:05,646 --> 00:02:07,606 Oh, I was. I mean, I just, um... 38 00:02:07,690 --> 00:02:10,317 you know, moved back in with my mom for a second after my accident, 39 00:02:10,401 --> 00:02:12,361 You know, she's obsessed with me, so... 40 00:02:12,444 --> 00:02:15,656 Yeah. Gay sons and their moms, it's a thing, I get it. [chuckles] 41 00:02:15,906 --> 00:02:17,741 But, like, how do you hook up? 42 00:02:18,492 --> 00:02:19,869 Oh, well, you know. 43 00:02:19,952 --> 00:02:22,371 When there's a will, there's a gay way. 44 00:02:22,454 --> 00:02:24,331 -Who are you hooking up with? -No one. 45 00:02:24,415 --> 00:02:27,168 Straight men are literal trash. Seriously. 46 00:02:27,251 --> 00:02:29,879 -There should be some hotties at Olivia's. -[passenger] Ooh! 47 00:02:30,588 --> 00:02:32,506 -[in deep voice] Can I come? -Jesus! 48 00:02:32,590 --> 00:02:34,008 Is that seriously your real voice? 49 00:02:34,925 --> 00:02:35,926 Okay, Daddy. 50 00:02:38,762 --> 00:02:40,598 [pop music playing] 51 00:02:45,728 --> 00:02:46,770 [Olivia] I'm already drunk. 52 00:02:46,854 --> 00:02:48,522 It's 'cause I haven't had anything to eat. 53 00:02:48,606 --> 00:02:51,108 Great party, you guys. Thanks for coming. It's my party. 54 00:02:51,192 --> 00:02:52,902 It's mine. [chuckles] 55 00:02:52,985 --> 00:02:54,278 Hey! 56 00:02:54,361 --> 00:02:55,779 What is the intern doing here? 57 00:02:55,863 --> 00:02:56,989 He's my plus-one. 58 00:02:57,239 --> 00:02:58,616 Back off, birthday demon. 59 00:02:59,074 --> 00:03:00,576 I can-- I can just go. 60 00:03:00,659 --> 00:03:02,411 [Kim] Uh, no, you're staying. 61 00:03:03,245 --> 00:03:05,915 Olivia, take the Valium I know you have stashed 62 00:03:05,998 --> 00:03:07,791 in your swimsuit right now and chill. 63 00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:09,335 It's a strawberry Klonopin wafer, 64 00:03:09,418 --> 00:03:11,503 I already took it and I'm radiating with rage, 65 00:03:11,587 --> 00:03:12,838 so he's gotta go. 66 00:03:13,214 --> 00:03:14,506 Fine. [sighs] 67 00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:16,634 But if I develop a sudden case of writer's block 68 00:03:16,717 --> 00:03:18,636 and can't produce any hits at work next week, 69 00:03:18,719 --> 00:03:19,970 don't be surprised. 70 00:03:20,054 --> 00:03:21,972 Fine. Just keep him away from the pool. 71 00:03:22,056 --> 00:03:24,975 Some guy died in there last week and I don't need another lawsuit. 72 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,895 Come on, guys. [scoffs] 73 00:03:28,729 --> 00:03:31,023 Sorry. I thought she'd be, like, ten percent more chill. 74 00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:33,484 It's okay. I can really just go. 75 00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:35,736 No, it's gonna be fun, trust me. 76 00:03:35,819 --> 00:03:37,029 Look, there's an open bar 77 00:03:37,112 --> 00:03:39,365 and an amazing cake I guarantee no one's gonna eat. 78 00:03:39,448 --> 00:03:40,407 Let's go change. 79 00:03:58,842 --> 00:03:59,677 [Ryan] Wow. 80 00:04:00,052 --> 00:04:01,512 [Ryan] You look fantastic. 81 00:04:02,012 --> 00:04:03,180 I know, right? [chuckles]  82 00:04:03,264 --> 00:04:05,140 [Ryan] Wait,  you got a little price tag moment. 83 00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:06,809 [gasps] I got it. [chuckles] 84 00:04:07,309 --> 00:04:09,019 Always the epitome of glamour. [chuckles] 85 00:04:09,853 --> 00:04:11,689 Um... where's your suit? 86 00:04:11,772 --> 00:04:15,776 Oh, I'm not really a water baby, I'm more of like a land adult. 87 00:04:15,859 --> 00:04:16,944 Uh-huh. 88 00:04:17,027 --> 00:04:20,239 You don't want to take your shirt off in front of all those hot people. Got it. 89 00:04:20,322 --> 00:04:21,782 No, that's not it. 90 00:04:21,865 --> 00:04:25,953 Ryan, trust me, I have been here before and I know what you need to do. 91 00:04:26,370 --> 00:04:29,373 Take off all your clothes and tell me everything you love about your body. 92 00:04:29,456 --> 00:04:30,624 That's a pass. 93 00:04:30,708 --> 00:04:32,042 Come on! 94 00:04:32,376 --> 00:04:33,544 I love my boobs. 95 00:04:33,627 --> 00:04:34,837 They're bouncy and playful, 96 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,381 and my nipples have a very strong female POV. 97 00:04:37,464 --> 00:04:39,925 Like, they could basically have their own Netflix special. 98 00:04:41,468 --> 00:04:42,511 Now your turn. 99 00:04:42,886 --> 00:04:44,555 You'll feel better, I promise. 100 00:04:46,390 --> 00:04:47,224 Okay. 101 00:04:48,475 --> 00:04:51,145 -This is really rude, by the way. -I know. 102 00:04:52,354 --> 00:04:53,230 Okay. 103 00:04:53,397 --> 00:04:54,273 Um... 104 00:04:54,356 --> 00:04:55,691 I guess I like my nipples, too. 105 00:04:55,774 --> 00:04:59,111 Because they're nipples and they pretty much look the same on everyone. 106 00:04:59,194 --> 00:05:00,029 Great. 107 00:05:00,112 --> 00:05:01,488 Symmetry is in. 108 00:05:02,197 --> 00:05:04,491 I love my feet. They always stay the same size. 109 00:05:04,950 --> 00:05:06,160 I hate my feet. 110 00:05:06,243 --> 00:05:08,704 Hey, no talking shit on yourself. 111 00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:10,289 Go on. 112 00:05:15,711 --> 00:05:16,587 [Ryan] Okay. 113 00:05:17,004 --> 00:05:18,881 I guess I like my legs. 114 00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:20,883 I mean, except for my scars. 115 00:05:21,342 --> 00:05:23,927 I've had them forever, but they still dark me out. 116 00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:25,929 Okay, now you're just being a drama queen. 117 00:05:26,013 --> 00:05:28,223 Didn't you get hit by a car like three months ago? 118 00:05:28,766 --> 00:05:30,684 Yes, I did. It just, um... 119 00:05:31,268 --> 00:05:33,479 I guess it just feels like forever, you know? 120 00:05:33,562 --> 00:05:34,396 Uh-huh. 121 00:05:34,772 --> 00:05:35,814 Anything else you like? 122 00:05:35,898 --> 00:05:36,815 No. 123 00:05:37,066 --> 00:05:38,776 All right, well, we did it! 124 00:05:39,234 --> 00:05:41,695 ♪ Our bodies, we love them It's crazy ♪ 125 00:05:42,404 --> 00:05:43,280 Do you feel better? 126 00:05:43,947 --> 00:05:44,782 No. 127 00:05:44,865 --> 00:05:46,408 Well, get the fuck over it. 128 00:05:46,825 --> 00:05:48,994 Now, put on your swim trunks and let's go. 129 00:05:49,953 --> 00:05:51,205 I need to be seen. 130 00:05:54,124 --> 00:05:59,505 [Olivia] ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪ 131 00:05:59,588 --> 00:06:01,757 -Blair, pay attention. -Okay. 132 00:06:02,007 --> 00:06:04,468 ♪ Happy birthday ♪ 133 00:06:04,551 --> 00:06:08,514 -♪ Dear Olivia ♪ -[mouthing silently] 134 00:06:08,889 --> 00:06:15,145 ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪ 135 00:06:15,229 --> 00:06:17,856 [applauding and scattered cheering] 136 00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:21,235 [applauding] 137 00:06:22,152 --> 00:06:23,278 Mmm. 138 00:06:24,196 --> 00:06:25,030 I'm full. [chuckles] 139 00:06:25,531 --> 00:06:27,241 Okay, thank you, guys. Good night. 140 00:06:28,659 --> 00:06:30,160 [electronic dance music playing] 141 00:06:30,661 --> 00:06:31,995 See? I told you. 142 00:06:32,496 --> 00:06:33,831 No one's eating that shit. 143 00:06:33,914 --> 00:06:36,458 I'm going to jump in the pool before it turns into human soup. 144 00:06:39,628 --> 00:06:41,672 [cheering] 145 00:06:42,548 --> 00:06:43,924 [man] Hey, uh, come here. 146 00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:46,218 Do you mind taking a photo of us? 147 00:06:46,301 --> 00:06:47,469 Oh, sure. 148 00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:56,145 [camera shutter clicking] 149 00:06:56,228 --> 00:06:57,229 Are you done? 150 00:06:57,938 --> 00:06:58,856 Sorry. 151 00:07:00,566 --> 00:07:01,525 Here. 152 00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:02,568 Thanks. 153 00:07:05,654 --> 00:07:07,239 Excuse me. Sorry. 154 00:07:08,907 --> 00:07:11,160 [hip-hop music playing] 155 00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:15,497 [both chuckling] 156 00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:17,875 Hey, Judge Judys. 157 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:21,462 If you're gonna stare at my cellulite, you might as well get me a drink. 158 00:07:21,545 --> 00:07:22,463 Okay. 159 00:07:22,838 --> 00:07:24,089 How about some guac, too? 160 00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:26,467 Sure. 161 00:07:30,929 --> 00:07:31,972 And a cake! 162 00:07:34,808 --> 00:07:36,393 What's going on, man? What can I get you? 163 00:07:36,477 --> 00:07:38,645 [Ryan] How about a... 164 00:07:40,063 --> 00:07:41,064 banana daiquiri. 165 00:07:44,443 --> 00:07:46,528 -Right. -A banana daiquiri? 166 00:07:47,279 --> 00:07:48,489 That's bold. 167 00:07:50,365 --> 00:07:52,326 I'm more of a Sex On the Beach guy, myself. 168 00:07:52,910 --> 00:07:54,661 I'm sorry, that was so cheesy. 169 00:07:56,246 --> 00:07:57,539 It's... It's okay. 170 00:07:57,623 --> 00:07:59,875 I, uh, brought some Lactaid, 171 00:07:59,958 --> 00:08:02,127 so we can handle the cheese together. 172 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,047 Oh, he's got jokes. 173 00:08:06,548 --> 00:08:07,382 Okay. 174 00:08:15,224 --> 00:08:16,808 We are fresh out of bananas. 175 00:08:18,268 --> 00:08:19,770 -Vodka soda. -[chuckles] That's perfect. 176 00:08:19,853 --> 00:08:22,731 That's actually just what I wanted. Okay, bye, nice meeting you, goodbye. 177 00:08:22,814 --> 00:08:23,732 Okay. 178 00:08:24,566 --> 00:08:25,734 French 75. 179 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,445 I'm just fucking with you. Just a vodka soda. 180 00:08:30,906 --> 00:08:33,158 [Kim] Thing is, I am a woman, but I'm more like a goddess-- 181 00:08:33,242 --> 00:08:34,660 Kim, I need to talk to you. 182 00:08:37,496 --> 00:08:39,957 -What's up? -I just ran into this cute guy I know. 183 00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,584 Well, I don't actually know him, we met on Grindr. 184 00:08:42,668 --> 00:08:44,795 But now we had this really nice moment IRL and I'm like, 185 00:08:44,878 --> 00:08:47,172 -"Where do you go from here?" -Go have sex with him. 186 00:08:47,256 --> 00:08:49,091 My answer to everything is go have sex with him. 187 00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:50,259 Oh, I can't do that. 188 00:08:50,342 --> 00:08:51,176 Why not? 189 00:08:51,552 --> 00:08:52,427 Because. 190 00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:55,264 I'm... super into dying alone. 191 00:08:55,347 --> 00:08:58,475 Ryan, that is very unhealthy. I'm gonna need you to go talk to him. 192 00:08:58,559 --> 00:08:59,393 No. 193 00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:01,562 Go! You can do this! 194 00:09:01,812 --> 00:09:03,730 Go on. Fly, honey. 195 00:09:03,814 --> 00:09:05,524 [Kim] Get that juicy booty over there. 196 00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:07,150 [Kim] You'll thank me later. 197 00:09:07,234 --> 00:09:08,777 [Kim] Hasta mañana. 198 00:09:14,032 --> 00:09:14,950 GETMEOFFofhere. 199 00:09:15,826 --> 00:09:16,660 What? 200 00:09:16,743 --> 00:09:19,162 I'm Takeoffyourmasc. 201 00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:22,791 Otherwise known as... Ryan. 202 00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:24,501 Grindr. 203 00:09:28,130 --> 00:09:28,964 Come on. 204 00:09:29,590 --> 00:09:30,424 Let's go. 205 00:09:36,805 --> 00:09:37,764 [Kim gasps] 206 00:09:38,348 --> 00:09:39,266 [Kim] Yah! 207 00:09:43,395 --> 00:09:44,813 -[Kim] Move. -Oh, of course. 208 00:09:46,356 --> 00:09:47,482 -Hi. -Hi. 209 00:09:52,529 --> 00:09:54,448 Would you like another margarita, Kim? 210 00:09:55,782 --> 00:09:57,367 Okay, what's with all the niceties? 211 00:09:57,451 --> 00:10:00,078 You're supposed to be telling me that if I lost 20 pounds, 212 00:10:00,162 --> 00:10:02,372 Mindy Kaling could maybe play me in a movie. 213 00:10:05,459 --> 00:10:06,376 We are... 214 00:10:06,835 --> 00:10:09,087 huge fans of your writing. 215 00:10:09,463 --> 00:10:11,757 That article you wrote about how you loved your body 216 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,717 before, like, the world told you not to 217 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,052 changed my life. 218 00:10:15,969 --> 00:10:17,304 -Really? -[both women] Uh-huh. 219 00:10:17,888 --> 00:10:20,265 Shit. That makes me so happy. [chuckles] 220 00:10:20,349 --> 00:10:22,851 Like, for so long, everyone used to make fun of me 221 00:10:22,934 --> 00:10:24,227 for my bony arms. 222 00:10:24,394 --> 00:10:25,270 Same! 223 00:10:25,354 --> 00:10:26,897 I was always too thin. 224 00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:29,232 [woman 1] They called me "Bony Bonnie." 225 00:10:29,316 --> 00:10:31,318 [woman 2] They called me "Clavicle Katie." 226 00:10:31,401 --> 00:10:33,070 [woman 1] But reading about someone like you 227 00:10:33,153 --> 00:10:34,946 finding things to love about your body? 228 00:10:35,030 --> 00:10:37,532 I mean, clearly we have no excuse. 229 00:10:37,616 --> 00:10:38,742 If you can do it, 230 00:10:39,076 --> 00:10:39,951 so can we. 231 00:10:40,035 --> 00:10:40,869 Yes. 232 00:10:43,872 --> 00:10:44,748 Excuse me. 233 00:10:48,877 --> 00:10:50,504 [woman 2] Oh, my God. I love her. 234 00:10:52,756 --> 00:10:54,383 Hey, you're shaking like a leaf. 235 00:10:55,092 --> 00:10:57,302 Oh, that's-- that's, um... the AC. 236 00:10:57,678 --> 00:10:58,720 I'm freezing. [chuckles] 237 00:10:58,804 --> 00:10:59,971 Oh, okay. 238 00:11:05,936 --> 00:11:06,770 Better? 239 00:11:11,066 --> 00:11:11,942 Much. 240 00:11:12,734 --> 00:11:14,111 Okay, come on, your turn. 241 00:11:16,863 --> 00:11:17,823 Yeah, there you go. 242 00:11:18,156 --> 00:11:19,282 [both chuckle] 243 00:11:25,205 --> 00:11:26,039 What's wrong? 244 00:11:26,581 --> 00:11:27,416 Nothing. 245 00:11:28,709 --> 00:11:30,335 Hey, cool scar. 246 00:11:31,044 --> 00:11:32,170 Oh, shut up. 247 00:11:32,254 --> 00:11:34,214 No, no, no. Don't. Scars are awesome. 248 00:11:34,715 --> 00:11:36,174 Look. I've got one too, see? 249 00:11:37,843 --> 00:11:39,803 Oh, wow. How'd you get it? 250 00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:43,014 Being a drunk idiot at Bears in Space. 251 00:11:44,141 --> 00:11:45,434 It's a party at Akbar. 252 00:11:46,351 --> 00:11:47,269 Akbar? 253 00:11:47,644 --> 00:11:48,562 Yeah, the gay bar? 254 00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:50,814 Have you never been? 255 00:11:52,733 --> 00:11:53,984 Wow. 256 00:11:54,735 --> 00:11:55,819 You're like some... 257 00:11:56,445 --> 00:11:58,155 You're like some gay alien. 258 00:12:00,699 --> 00:12:01,575 I love it. 259 00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:02,743 [chuckles] 260 00:12:05,495 --> 00:12:06,872 [soft moaning] 261 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,793 Okay. Okay. 262 00:12:11,877 --> 00:12:12,878 Interesting kisser. 263 00:12:12,961 --> 00:12:14,004 -Was that bad? -No. 264 00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:15,338 No, not bad. Just... 265 00:12:16,465 --> 00:12:17,549 Just go slower this time. 266 00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:19,134 -Slower. -Mm-hmm. 267 00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:20,594 Yeah, I can do that. 268 00:12:20,677 --> 00:12:21,720 -Okay. -Okay. 269 00:12:38,361 --> 00:12:39,529 You want to go for a swim? 270 00:12:40,322 --> 00:12:41,198 Let's go. 271 00:12:44,493 --> 00:12:45,786 [door opens] 272 00:12:45,911 --> 00:12:46,995 [instrumental music playing] 273 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:48,079 [door shuts] 274 00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:55,754 So then I went to Penney's 275 00:12:55,837 --> 00:12:58,465 to find a little outfit for the nurses' luncheon. 276 00:12:58,548 --> 00:12:59,466 [chuckles] 277 00:12:59,549 --> 00:13:01,551 I don't want to even go. It's never fun.  278 00:13:01,635 --> 00:13:03,094 They serve the worst food. 279 00:13:03,178 --> 00:13:05,180 Remember what I told you they had last year? 280 00:13:05,263 --> 00:13:07,349 Baked clams. Disgusting. 281 00:13:07,432 --> 00:13:08,475 You need a knife. 282 00:13:08,934 --> 00:13:10,685 So I did not find anything, 283 00:13:10,769 --> 00:13:14,773 and I came back here and I just put my feet up and relaxed. 284 00:13:14,856 --> 00:13:16,650 And I realized in that moment 285 00:13:16,733 --> 00:13:21,404 that we have not spent a Saturday apart in, like, forever. 286 00:13:22,197 --> 00:13:23,490 And then I thought... [scoffs] 287 00:13:24,699 --> 00:13:25,617 I miss you. 288 00:13:28,995 --> 00:13:29,830 [music stops] 289 00:13:29,913 --> 00:13:31,748 Mom, I'm moving out.