1
00:00:09,030 --> 00:00:11,032
[upbeat music playing]

2
00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:20,124
-[grunts]
-[music stops]

3
00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:22,084
Do you need help?

4
00:00:22,501 --> 00:00:24,211
I can go get my parents for you.

5
00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:25,671
[sighs]

6
00:00:26,338 --> 00:00:27,173
Nope.

7
00:00:27,965 --> 00:00:28,841
I'm fine.

8
00:00:33,054 --> 00:00:35,181
Hey, you're walking funny.

9
00:00:35,848 --> 00:00:37,600
You need to go to the hospital, mister.

10
00:00:39,435 --> 00:00:40,936
That's not from my fall.

11
00:00:41,812 --> 00:00:42,772
I have a thing.

12
00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:46,150
It's called cerebral palsy.

13
00:00:46,692 --> 00:00:47,610
What's that?

14
00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:51,280
Cerebral palsy is a disability
resulting from damage to the brain

15
00:00:51,363 --> 00:00:53,574
before, during, or shortly after birth,

16
00:00:53,657 --> 00:00:56,702
and outwardly manifested
through muscular incoordination.

17
00:00:58,579 --> 00:01:02,374
[high-pitched scream]

18
00:01:07,296 --> 00:01:09,173
The kid screamed at me.

19
00:01:09,632 --> 00:01:11,759
Usually when I tell people I have CP
they're just like,

20
00:01:12,176 --> 00:01:14,512
"Gross," and then they're Gone Girl.

21
00:01:14,595 --> 00:01:17,056
People don't really understand
your disability.

22
00:01:17,556 --> 00:01:18,891
It looks different on everybody.

23
00:01:19,391 --> 00:01:20,684
Simon says straighten.

24
00:01:21,644 --> 00:01:23,521
[Ryan sighs] That ass is everything to me.

25
00:01:23,604 --> 00:01:25,564
Hey, hey, focus.

26
00:01:26,023 --> 00:01:26,899
Yeah.

27
00:01:27,399 --> 00:01:28,734
Save that for Grindr.

28
00:01:28,818 --> 00:01:32,029
I love that you think I have enough
self-esteem to be on Grindr.

29
00:01:32,530 --> 00:01:34,698
What would my profile even say?

30
00:01:34,782 --> 00:01:36,867
"I'm gay and disabled.

31
00:01:37,284 --> 00:01:39,495
But I promise not to drool on you
until the third date."

32
00:01:39,578 --> 00:01:43,165
There are plenty of drool
fetishists out there.

33
00:01:43,666 --> 00:01:44,917
[Simon] Flex your foot.

34
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,128
I'm so fucking jealous of Bob.

35
00:01:48,129 --> 00:01:48,963
Hey!

36
00:01:49,547 --> 00:01:50,381
[Simon] Ryan...

37
00:01:51,173 --> 00:01:53,175
Bob has to use a catheter to pee.

38
00:01:53,259 --> 00:01:54,552
I know, I just...

39
00:01:55,010 --> 00:01:56,512
It must be freeing to be...

40
00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:58,472
so disabled.

41
00:01:58,973 --> 00:02:01,642
Sometimes I feel like having a mild case
is like being biracial.

42
00:02:01,725 --> 00:02:05,521
You're saying, like, 15 different
offensive things right now.

43
00:02:05,604 --> 00:02:07,857
I'm just saying I'm in limbo, okay?
It's like...

44
00:02:08,649 --> 00:02:11,402
I'm not able-bodied enough
to be hanging in the mainstream world,

45
00:02:11,485 --> 00:02:15,197
but I'm not disabled enough
to be hanging out with the cool PT crowd.

46
00:02:16,991 --> 00:02:19,076
At least Bob knows where he belongs.

47
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,035
[Simon] I hear ya.

48
00:02:21,036 --> 00:02:22,329
But you need to hear me.

49
00:02:23,539 --> 00:02:24,415
You're lucky.

50
00:02:25,207 --> 00:02:26,375
You're privileged.

51
00:02:27,501 --> 00:02:28,711
You need to get over it.

52
00:02:28,794 --> 00:02:29,670
Trust me.

53
00:02:30,588 --> 00:02:31,547
I want to.

54
00:02:33,632 --> 00:02:35,301
But it's hard out here for a gimp.

55
00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:38,095
[instrumental music playing]

56
00:02:42,183 --> 00:02:43,475
[car engine starts]

57
00:02:47,396 --> 00:02:48,314
[music stops]

58
00:02:48,397 --> 00:02:49,356
[grunts]

59
00:02:51,859 --> 00:02:53,944
[upbeat pop music playing on headphones]

60
00:02:54,028 --> 00:02:56,030
♪ It takes a long time ♪

61
00:02:56,113 --> 00:03:01,076
♪ To find a love that feels so magic ♪

62
00:03:01,535 --> 00:03:03,704
♪ So have a good time ♪

63
00:03:03,787 --> 00:03:08,500
♪ Because the world can be so tragic ♪

64
00:03:11,378 --> 00:03:13,255
♪ You will realize ♪

65
00:03:13,339 --> 00:03:15,132
♪ You will realize ♪

66
00:03:15,216 --> 00:03:16,967
♪ You will realize ♪

67
00:03:17,051 --> 00:03:20,346
♪ You will realize ♪

68
00:03:20,596 --> 00:03:25,100
♪ It takes a long damn time ♪

69
00:03:28,229 --> 00:03:31,523
♪ It takes a long damn time... ♪

70
00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:33,108
-Oh, shit.
-[woman] Oh, my God!

71
00:03:33,192 --> 00:03:34,860
Oh, my God! You're bleeding!

72
00:03:34,944 --> 00:03:35,903
What is... [sighs]

73
00:03:36,403 --> 00:03:37,488
Are you okay?

74
00:03:37,571 --> 00:03:40,282
I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

75
00:03:40,574 --> 00:03:43,452
This is not the way you want to look
for the first day of your internship.

76
00:03:43,535 --> 00:03:45,871
Don't you just want to stay home
with me instead?

77
00:03:45,955 --> 00:03:48,207
No, I'm not bailing on Eggwoke.

78
00:03:48,332 --> 00:03:50,167
Who even reads that site?

79
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:52,461
It's just--
It's a bunch of silly articles.

80
00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:54,088
It's not silly, okay.

81
00:03:54,171 --> 00:03:56,340
It's brilliant, millennial, LOLzy satire.

82
00:03:56,423 --> 00:03:57,758
And it's a big deal.

83
00:03:57,841 --> 00:03:59,218
It's unpaid.

84
00:03:59,301 --> 00:04:00,219
Rude!

85
00:04:00,302 --> 00:04:01,762
I'm sorry. I just...

86
00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,974
I've just been a bit worried about you
since the accident.

87
00:04:05,391 --> 00:04:07,685
Mom, I fractured an elbow, okay?

88
00:04:07,768 --> 00:04:10,271
As far as car accidents go,
it was pretty chill.

89
00:04:10,771 --> 00:04:12,606
Yeah... What about your CP?

90
00:04:12,690 --> 00:04:15,484
Because they're gonna ask you
to do these difficult things,

91
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,403
like-- like faxing and printing.

92
00:04:17,486 --> 00:04:20,698
Yeah, well, thank God no one's faxed
since the '90s.

93
00:04:20,781 --> 00:04:22,241
-[woman chuckles]
-Here.

94
00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:24,910
Mom, it's time for me to challenge myself.

95
00:04:25,661 --> 00:04:27,371
Be more of an independent woman.

96
00:04:27,454 --> 00:04:29,540
I mean, imagine if I had died
when that car hit me.

97
00:04:29,832 --> 00:04:31,959
[gasps] No, I'm not going there.

98
00:04:32,042 --> 00:04:35,754
I'm just saying, my obituary
would've been Bleak Lively, okay?

99
00:04:36,338 --> 00:04:37,548
I'm 28 years old and...

100
00:04:38,590 --> 00:04:40,134
I haven't done a goddamn thing.

101
00:04:41,176 --> 00:04:42,261
I just...

102
00:04:42,636 --> 00:04:44,346
love you so much!

103
00:04:44,888 --> 00:04:47,182
-[cooing]
-[Ryan] Okay.

104
00:04:47,433 --> 00:04:48,309
I love you.

105
00:04:49,685 --> 00:04:51,603
[electronic music playing]

106
00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:55,190
Okay, you guys, listen up.

107
00:04:55,274 --> 00:04:57,526
I need viral content now.

108
00:04:58,152 --> 00:04:59,903
Samantha, remember when you told everyone

109
00:04:59,987 --> 00:05:02,573
about the unexpected orgasm you had
during your abortion?

110
00:05:02,656 --> 00:05:04,700
Um... Actually that was just to you

111
00:05:04,783 --> 00:05:06,994
and it was in complete confidence.

112
00:05:07,703 --> 00:05:08,954
[woman] Oh, my God.

113
00:05:09,288 --> 00:05:10,372
Oops?

114
00:05:10,664 --> 00:05:14,209
Um... Okay, well, now that I've freed you
from the shame of your secret,

115
00:05:14,293 --> 00:05:15,461
can you, like...

116
00:05:16,045 --> 00:05:17,880
Can you write about it? Or...

117
00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:23,385
Sorry, hun.
Cedar-Sinai's around the corner.

118
00:05:23,886 --> 00:05:25,387
This is, uh,  Eggwoke, right?

119
00:05:27,639 --> 00:05:28,557
I'm Ryan.

120
00:05:28,849 --> 00:05:29,725
The intern.

121
00:05:31,393 --> 00:05:32,227
Sit.

122
00:05:38,359 --> 00:05:39,318
Excuse me.

123
00:05:40,944 --> 00:05:42,154
[Ryan clears throat]

124
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:48,994
All right.

125
00:05:49,328 --> 00:05:50,662
Give me a story pitch.

126
00:05:51,038 --> 00:05:51,872
Oh. Already?

127
00:05:53,791 --> 00:05:54,625
Okay.

128
00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,377
How about...

129
00:05:56,502 --> 00:05:57,336
um...

130
00:05:57,753 --> 00:05:58,587
this.

131
00:05:59,213 --> 00:06:00,923
"Local depressed barista

132
00:06:01,006 --> 00:06:03,801
found living in the Mason jar."

133
00:06:04,385 --> 00:06:06,470
You know, like the hipster version.

134
00:06:08,222 --> 00:06:09,223
Of The Bell Jar.

135
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,516
Sad.

136
00:06:10,849 --> 00:06:12,059
I'm putting you on mail duty.

137
00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:13,811
-Listen, Cheyenne.
-Ryan.

138
00:06:13,894 --> 00:06:17,022
Eggwoke is undergoing
a little creative face-lift right now.

139
00:06:17,481 --> 00:06:19,149
So, the humor pieces were cute,

140
00:06:19,233 --> 00:06:21,985
but they didn't resonate
with a larger audience of basics.

141
00:06:22,069 --> 00:06:24,488
So instead we've started publishing
confessional essays,

142
00:06:24,571 --> 00:06:26,323
like "50 Ways to Hate Myself,"

143
00:06:26,407 --> 00:06:29,159
or "Why Do I Keep Finding Things 
Inside My Vagina?"

144
00:06:30,744 --> 00:06:33,664
So, does anyone else have anything
we can write about?

145
00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:39,837
Kim, hun, can you just write another post
about loving your curves or whatever?

146
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,713
Anything for you, Olivia.

147
00:06:41,797 --> 00:06:43,173
Okay, everyone,

148
00:06:43,257 --> 00:06:45,592
pay attention and get jealous of Kim.

149
00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:48,512
Her posts always have the most traffic.
And why? 

150
00:06:48,595 --> 00:06:50,639
Oh, because I'm a talented, badass bitch

151
00:06:50,722 --> 00:06:52,891
who's changing the way
we talk about women's bodies.

152
00:06:52,975 --> 00:06:54,810
And don't you forget it, hun.

153
00:06:55,227 --> 00:06:56,353
[Olivia clears throat]

154
00:07:00,065 --> 00:07:00,899
Back to work.

155
00:07:12,077 --> 00:07:13,412
Hey, new girl.

156
00:07:13,954 --> 00:07:14,830
You need some help?

157
00:07:14,955 --> 00:07:15,789
[cell phone ringing]

158
00:07:15,873 --> 00:07:17,207
Oh, I'm fine. Thank you.

159
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:23,213
Okay, well, how about we take a break
and go to lunch, huh?

160
00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:26,091
Like, together?

161
00:07:27,176 --> 00:07:29,678
I mean, I guess you could walk
five paces behind me

162
00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:31,555
if you don't want the office to talk.

163
00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:32,806
I'm Kim.

164
00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:34,766
Hi.

165
00:07:35,392 --> 00:07:36,310
I'm Ryan.

166
00:07:36,935 --> 00:07:38,020
I like that shirt.

167
00:07:38,187 --> 00:07:39,855
It's very picnic chic. [chuckles] 

168
00:07:40,314 --> 00:07:41,231
Thank you.

169
00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:42,858
Let's go.

170
00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:46,904
I'm just so confused.

171
00:07:47,404 --> 00:07:50,407
I mean, I had no idea that my job
depended on exposing my life

172
00:07:50,491 --> 00:07:52,493
to these Marlon Randos on the internet.

173
00:07:52,576 --> 00:07:55,412
Well, I haven't totally hated
the new editorial vibe.

174
00:07:55,496 --> 00:07:58,790
I mean, it's gross and Olivia is
definitely exploiting us for pageviews.

175
00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:00,709
Thanks.

176
00:08:00,792 --> 00:08:03,212
[Ryan] Oh, did you already pay?
'Cause I can put money down.

177
00:08:04,254 --> 00:08:05,088
Please.

178
00:08:05,964 --> 00:08:06,924
You're an intern.

179
00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:08,634
You get paid in yogurt. [chuckles]

180
00:08:09,468 --> 00:08:10,302
Thank you.

181
00:08:10,636 --> 00:08:11,470
Listen,

182
00:08:11,553 --> 00:08:15,516
I know writing personal shit is scary,
but it can actually be kind of healing.

183
00:08:15,766 --> 00:08:19,269
It's like once you just own everything,
no one can take anything away from you.

184
00:08:19,353 --> 00:08:20,938
Yeah, well, I don't know.

185
00:08:21,146 --> 00:08:22,397
I lease, so...

186
00:08:23,148 --> 00:08:24,608
Besides, my life is...

187
00:08:25,442 --> 00:08:27,611
really, really boring. Okay?

188
00:08:27,694 --> 00:08:28,529
I mean,

189
00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:30,531
I don't know what I'd write about.

190
00:08:30,906 --> 00:08:33,033
Oh, there's things, there's always things.

191
00:08:33,534 --> 00:08:35,494
Oh! I was hit by a car.

192
00:08:35,869 --> 00:08:36,912
Oh, my God.

193
00:08:38,622 --> 00:08:39,540
That makes sense.

194
00:08:40,666 --> 00:08:42,292
So, are you okay?

195
00:08:42,376 --> 00:08:43,293
Uh-huh.

196
00:08:43,794 --> 00:08:45,379
Well, what happened?

197
00:08:45,462 --> 00:08:46,922
Oh, it just grazed my elbow.

198
00:08:47,005 --> 00:08:48,006
And then I survived.

199
00:08:48,257 --> 00:08:49,466
And then it was the end.

200
00:08:49,550 --> 00:08:51,510
See? Even that's boring.

201
00:08:53,262 --> 00:08:55,847
Should we go?
I don't want Olivia to be mad at me.

202
00:08:56,932 --> 00:08:58,100
-Sure.
-Okay.

203
00:09:03,522 --> 00:09:04,648
[indistinct chatter]

204
00:09:05,357 --> 00:09:06,191
Do you mind?

205
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:07,109
Oh, it's okay.

206
00:09:07,693 --> 00:09:08,569
I'm sorry.

207
00:09:11,446 --> 00:09:12,614
Okay, off to work.

208
00:09:14,366 --> 00:09:16,285
Yeah, this actually used to be
a meat factory

209
00:09:16,368 --> 00:09:17,744
and now it's our office. [chuckles]

210
00:09:18,036 --> 00:09:20,956
Did Edward Scissorhands open my mail?
What is wrong with you?

211
00:09:21,748 --> 00:09:24,543
I'm sorry, Olivia. 
I promise you I know how to open mail.

212
00:09:24,626 --> 00:09:26,086
It's just, I have a...

213
00:09:26,169 --> 00:09:28,505
dexterity issue.

214
00:09:28,589 --> 00:09:29,840
Were you homeschooled?

215
00:09:31,216 --> 00:09:32,134
[scoffs]

216
00:09:34,011 --> 00:09:35,012
Don't let her get to you.

217
00:09:35,095 --> 00:09:37,347
There's a half-eaten Luna Bar
where her heart should be.

218
00:09:37,598 --> 00:09:39,641
[chuckles nervously] I'm not. 
It's gonna be fine.

219
00:09:43,937 --> 00:09:44,771
Okay.

220
00:09:57,159 --> 00:09:58,243
Hey, Ry. 

221
00:09:58,744 --> 00:10:00,203
Ry, why don't you take a break?

222
00:10:00,287 --> 00:10:02,831
Because you don't really need
to learn how to do that.

223
00:10:02,914 --> 00:10:03,874
Yes, I do.

224
00:10:03,957 --> 00:10:05,792
My boss already thinks
something's wrong with me

225
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:08,378
because I don't know how to do
basic shit like open...

226
00:10:09,296 --> 00:10:10,130
mail.

227
00:10:10,213 --> 00:10:12,299
Why don't you tell her about your CP?

228
00:10:12,716 --> 00:10:14,051
I'm sure she'll give you a break

229
00:10:14,134 --> 00:10:16,303
and then you can focus on
pitching articles.

230
00:10:16,511 --> 00:10:19,014
[scoffs] I don't think writing
a confessional essay about the time

231
00:10:19,097 --> 00:10:22,309
I ditched school to play mini golf with
my mom will set the internet on fire.

232
00:10:22,392 --> 00:10:23,727
That was fun!

233
00:10:23,810 --> 00:10:24,686
I know.

234
00:10:25,103 --> 00:10:26,813
Those fucking corn dogs they sell there.

235
00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:28,815
[squeals] Better than they need to be. 

236
00:10:28,899 --> 00:10:29,775
[chuckles]

237
00:10:30,609 --> 00:10:31,735
I have an idea.

238
00:10:32,486 --> 00:10:35,614
Why don't you write an article
about your disability?

239
00:10:36,031 --> 00:10:36,948
No.

240
00:10:37,199 --> 00:10:38,617
Write about CP?

241
00:10:39,993 --> 00:10:41,203
Mom, you don't get it.

242
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:43,955
My whole life, CP has been
like the main course,

243
00:10:44,289 --> 00:10:46,667
when really,
it just needs to be like an appetizer.

244
00:10:47,125 --> 00:10:50,462
Or, better yet, just taken off the menu
altogether.

245
00:10:51,380 --> 00:10:53,382
Your disability is part of you.

246
00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,133
It's what makes you...

247
00:10:55,217 --> 00:10:56,218
Special.

248
00:10:57,260 --> 00:10:59,388
I know. And I should embrace it.

249
00:11:00,347 --> 00:11:01,181
I know.

250
00:11:03,016 --> 00:11:03,934
[woman] Ugh.

251
00:11:10,982 --> 00:11:13,235
It's called a "receptionist,"
not a "deceptionist."

252
00:11:13,318 --> 00:11:15,112
Stop fucking lying to me.

253
00:11:15,195 --> 00:11:16,196
[cell phone chimes]

254
00:11:16,279 --> 00:11:17,114
Hey, Olivia.

255
00:11:17,906 --> 00:11:19,491
Um... Nice outfit.

256
00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:21,201
I know. That's why I wore it.

257
00:11:23,036 --> 00:11:26,873
Listen, I've been thinking about
what it is that I can write about here

258
00:11:26,957 --> 00:11:29,292
and, um, I have something.

259
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:32,254
It's very personal,
but it's hard for me to--

260
00:11:32,337 --> 00:11:33,338
Hold on a sec.

261
00:11:33,839 --> 00:11:37,884
I owe you such a big apology
for acting like a heinous bitch yesterday.

262
00:11:38,593 --> 00:11:40,637
Oh. That's fine.

263
00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:41,596
No.

264
00:11:41,680 --> 00:11:43,473
Kim told me about you
getting hit by a car,

265
00:11:43,557 --> 00:11:46,476
and as a fellow victim,
I'd like to offer my condolences.

266
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:47,853
God, you were hit by a car, too?

267
00:11:47,936 --> 00:11:49,271
God, no. [chuckles] 

268
00:11:49,354 --> 00:11:51,148
But I could be. We all could be.

269
00:11:51,773 --> 00:11:52,983
Especially Samantha.

270
00:11:53,066 --> 00:11:54,609
She has zero spatial awareness.

271
00:11:55,318 --> 00:11:57,571
Anyway, it all makes so much sense now. 

272
00:11:57,654 --> 00:12:00,115
Your inability to open mail,
your sad limp.

273
00:12:00,198 --> 00:12:02,701
-Oh, my limp is actually kind of--
-Are you ever gonna get better?

274
00:12:02,784 --> 00:12:05,620
Or is this just, like, it for you?

275
00:12:14,254 --> 00:12:15,088
Yeah.

276
00:12:16,131 --> 00:12:17,215
This is it for me.

277
00:12:18,842 --> 00:12:20,886
All from the getting hit by a car.

278
00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:22,345
Wow.

279
00:12:22,929 --> 00:12:25,015
Everybody! Come hug Ryan!

280
00:12:25,098 --> 00:12:28,101
He was hit by a car
and now he has a weird, sad limp forever!

281
00:12:29,436 --> 00:12:30,395
Thank you so much.

282
00:12:30,896 --> 00:12:31,730
Thank you.

283
00:12:32,564 --> 00:12:33,774
I hope you don't mind.

284
00:12:33,857 --> 00:12:36,985
I couldn't just let Olivia punish you
for something you couldn't do.

285
00:12:37,068 --> 00:12:38,904
Kim, it's fine.

286
00:12:39,237 --> 00:12:40,071
Okay.

287
00:12:41,531 --> 00:12:42,449
Thank you.

288
00:12:42,824 --> 00:12:43,909
Thanks so much.

289
00:12:44,826 --> 00:12:47,120
Okay, that's great. That's enough.
Thank you. Back to work.

290
00:12:48,455 --> 00:12:50,540
You need to write about
getting hit by car.

291
00:12:50,624 --> 00:12:53,001
Pieces about traumatic experiences
do amazing.

292
00:12:53,084 --> 00:12:54,085
Absolutely.

293
00:12:54,795 --> 00:12:56,004
Let the healing begin.

294
00:12:57,380 --> 00:12:58,465
[instrumental music playing]

295
00:12:59,591 --> 00:13:01,176
[inaudible]