[Kid] Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
[Doc Goomentarian] How much must a hero sacrifice?
Born of humble beginnings,
the Global Heroes gave up their safe, ordinary lives to defend the defenseless.
Left the comfort of their home planet to stand for the Earth amongst the cosmos.
Put their lives on the line
to save the galaxy from the dreaded Planet Killer Erodious.
Even now, with Erodious shattered like so many broken dreams,
the detritus of its plenitude rains down upon the Earth,
each stone granting untold powers to the wicked.
Fortunately,
fate has gifted the Global Heroes with those very same powers.
Powers that they, unfortunately, are about to lose.
Stuck in the clutches of…
Doc Goomentarian!
Yes, perfect. Show me the depths of your sorrow.
Never! Tuna, how do we beat this guy?
I can't see nothing!
Must find a solution!
Wait, that's it!
A solution of sodium chloride and polysaccharide!
What?
Salt and cornstarch!
Ah-ha. What?
Time to stop this…
[both] Hardened criminal!
Yeah, exactly!
[groaning]
Carla, spin like the wind!
Wait! Stop! Cut! Cut!
[upbeat electronic music plays]
Ramona, lay on the heat.
No!
And bake until fully cooked.
[electricity crackles]
And so a goo-man's hubris is the arbiter of his unmaking.
Way to dough, Jo!
Thanks, it's the "yeast" I could do.
[laugh track]
Wow! What a fight!
If you're just joining us, I don't have to tell you who these guys are.
They're the Global Heroes!
[audience cheers]
Portal Girl, clutch thinking out there.
How did you know the exact chemical compound to stop the Doc?
Well, Kid said we needed a solution,
and the answer just sort of magically popped into my head.
So I really don't know how I knew that.
[laughs] Oh!
That interview was straight fire!
But, Joe, things got a little dicey out there.
Insecure self-doubt isn't really on-brand.
But what is on-brand are the continued threats we are facing.
More nefarious ne'er-do-wells have been charging themselves
with multiple powers at locations where Stones of Power have landed.
Areas we call "Stone Zones."
-So cool! -So cool!
Very marketable name.
[IRIS] Fantastic Flo, Go-Go Granny,
and Nowhere Man are scouting a Stone Zone in the Alps.
Señor Frio, Señora Fuega, Quarter Pounder, and Curly Fry are following smaller leads.
Meanwhile, we are working on something special
to help you take care of larger threats.
We get a robot now?
While you six have the most important job of all:
Casting the actors playing you in the Global Heroes cinematic universe!
[Kid] What?
This-- This is…
-Awesome! -Awesome!
…weird.
Papa G, doesn't something feel off?
Yeah, I don't think that fella playing me has strong enough cheekbones.
Well, yeah, I guess, but… No!
I mean, all this stuff is nuts.
Robots, movies, Travis?
Not to mention, exactly how did I know how to beat that goo monster?
The way I figure it is we've been trying to be heroes for so long,
it makes sense that we finally got good at it, right?
"Us"? No.
Kid, don't you think all of this is--?
[panting and gasping]
[dramatic sting]
Skippy!
-Who? -Kid Cosmic's pal, Skippy Olsen.
We came up through P.P.G. training together.
We joined the P.P.G. last week.
And Skippy's been his best bud ever since.
Stay with me, Skip. What happened?
Tried to find it myself.
Wanted to be just like you, Kid.
Find what, Agent Olsen?
There is a fourteenth Stone…
[groaning]
[dramatic sting]
Fourteenth Stone?
Since when is there a fourteenth Stone?
An undocumented category of Stone?
Who knows what terrible powers it may possess.
It could do anything. It could be anywhere!
Then we'll scour every Stone Zone on Earth and claim it.
For Skippy.
[all] For Skippy!
[camera shutters click]
Ooh, this'll play huge on social.
[IRIS] Analyzing sand in Agent Olsen's left shoe.
Composition matches a Stone Zone outside Cairo.
Hold on. The Stone thing is a huge revelation.
-Shouldn't we take a minute to--? -No time! To Egypt!
What? Hey--
[thrilling music playing]
Great! Everyone, keep your eyes peeled for anything suspicious.
Like a sudden fourteenth Stone?
-Exactly! -Exactly!
Mummy!
-Rosa, your mom's on another mission. -No, look!
Tremble before the Undead Reign of Queen Teleknitti!
[mummies groaning]
Portal Girl, Pain Drain, search for clues to the Stone.
Everybody else, you're with me!
Okay. Yes. Totally. Focus on the job.
This isn't weirder than anything else that's happened to us. Right?
[mewling]
Now, get ready for some serious mind power, Teleknitti!
Foolish child.
Your mind power is no match for my power!
[yells]
Ah!
Jo, look! I found something.
Okay, that does look like a Stone of Power, but…
Hold on, are those--?
Coordinates! Kid, we know where the fourteenth Stone is.
Yes!
[swinging upbeat music plays]
Hyah!
[screams]
[mummies groan]
Let's go get that fourteenth Stone! Woo-hoo!
Hold on, wait, I'm confused.
How did ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics have numerical coordinates
that point to Boise, Idaho?
[shutters thumping]
[owl hooting]
[distant giggling]
[ghostly laughter]
[laughter continuous]
-[sudden sting] -[all] Ah!
Tell us the location of the fourteenth Stone!
Never!
You've had them baked, hashed, boiled, and fried.
So now we feel it's time you died.
[childish laughter resumes]
[all grunt]
Hey! Don't make us frog stick you O'Connors and fry you up in motor oil!
He speaks the forbidden tongue of the truck stop.
[all scream]
Now, tell us the location of the fourteenth Stone!
From inky dark the Stone did go to a different world far below.
"Inky dark"? "Far below"? What does that even mean?
[calypso music plays]
The Lost City of Atlantis? How is this even real?
[Kid] Oh, noble King Subquatos, Sovereign of the Seven Seas,
we humble ourselves before you in our quest
for the fabled fourteenth Stone.
Unfortunately, Subquatos does not know the Stone of which you speak,
but legend tells of the--
No, no, no. No more legends, clues, mummies, or creepy tater tots!
Kid, don't you think something really, really, really weird is going on here?
What do you mean?
Yeah, what are you getting at, Jo?
It's time I told you the truth.
[all] The truth?
All of this is fake.
The mummies, the tater tots, the fourteenth Stone.
Ha! Knew the Stone was fake!
Yes. It was all a complicated ruse contrived by Agent Skippy and myself
in the hopes of finally bringing you here so I could present you with this stone,
my love.
[all] What?
[sweeping majestic music plays]
Stop!
This is ridiculous!
But isn't it, like, every girl's dream to be a mermaid queen?
Yeah, it may have been my dream when I was a kid but--
Jo, what's the matter? Don't you want to be the--?
♪ Mermaid Queen ♪
No! No singing!
Kid, listen, I think there's something really weird about this.
[alarms blaring]
[IRIS] Danger! Danger! All Global Heroes return to headquarters.
We have an omega-level threat. Repeat, omega-level threat.
[rock music plays]
[IRIS] Powered by the Stones of Power, fueled by justice,
with Earth's Most Elite Heroes at the helm.
The Head.
The Chest.
The Arms.
The Shoulders. The Thumbs.
Uh, maybe you want someone with thumb-having experience.
-[IRIS] The Legs. -Yes! Oh yes!
[IRIS] The Heart.
The Spleen.
What does the spleen do? What does the spleen do?
-[IRIS] The Pe-- -Hey! Not in polite company.
[IRIS] And the Rear.
Seriously?
[all] Kid Cos-Mech! Activate!
[alarm blaring]
[upbeat electronic music plays]
[Kid laughing]
Oh yes! This is more fun than I could have imagined!
You said it, Kid.
So, what kind of unbelievable danger are we up against this time, IRIS?
[footsteps crashing]
[IRIS] Only the one who started it all.
Your greatest foe, and an unexpected blast from the past…
[electricity crackles]
The Biker in black.
You alien-loving freaks just had to drag your weird, evil space powers back here,
infecting the whole Earth!
So once again, I had to step in.
It can't be.
But we beat him! It was over.
He has returned.
Wait, what? Let me see!
[Biker in black] Sent you off around the globe
while I tracked the real fourteenth Stone
to a location somewhere in this city.
And once I get the Stone,
I'll use its power to wipe out all the Stones.
No more powers,
no more alien invasions,
no more playing hero.
Playing? Oh, we're not playing.
We're the real deal. And you…
are really going down!
Ha-ha! Good one! I don't know how you come up with this stuff, Kid!
Hyah!
Ready, Global Heroes?
[all] Ready!
-I'm ready. -Ready!
-Ready!
Ready…
to get to the bottom of this weird world.
Ah!
Wait, what the--?
[Doc Goomentarian] How much must a hero sacrifice?
[audio tape rewinds]
How much must a hero sacrifice?
[audio tape rewinds]
How much must a hero sacrifice?
[audio tape rewinds]
How much must a hero sacrifice?
[audio tape rewinds]
How much must a hero sacrifice?
Oh no.
Oh yes!
Curly Fry, Quarter Pounder, activate Shoulder Blades!
[both tittering]
[electricity crackles]
Not today, Kid Cosmic!
[snarls]
[both scream]
-[tires squeal] -[engine revs]
That's so cool.
Get ready to jump!
Okay. Jump? How to jump?
Great job, Pain Drain!
What? Did I do something?
Jo, now's our chance! Fire! Fire! Fire!
Portal Girl, report!
Jo? Jo, are you there? Jo!
[mysterious music plays]
[gasps]
[electronic beeping]
"Must find a solution… That's it!
"A solution of sodium chloride and polysaccharide."
"Simple salt and cornstarch."
"That's what I need to stop this criminal"?
Rex Rocket Issue 408, "Goo Be Gone."
And you should be gone too, Jo.
What are you doing in the Kid's secret Fortress of Cosmitude?
Papa G! I…I just had to find out--
Find out what?
Why everything feels so off.
Why we're suddenly these amazing heroes who keep winning no matter what.
Every adventure we've had on Earth has been straight from one of--
Kid's old comics.
Yes! Look at this, this is exactly how I knew how to defeat Doc Goomentarian.
Must've read it back when Kid had these things laying around…
Back home.
Exactly.
Papa G, I don't think we are home.
We're in some childhood fantasy come true. I don't think any of this is real!
It's not, but it's everything the Kid ever wanted.
-And you're not gonna tell him. -What?
Issue 332, "The Corrupted Clone!"
Ah!
No, Jo, I'm not--
[laughing]
-Kid, it's all a lie! -[Papa G] Please, don't!
[all yelp]
Kid!
Jo.
Oh, man.
[yells]
[all scream]
[upbeat electronic music plays]
Jo, I'm the OG!
Papa G!
[suspenseful music plays]
[grunts and sighs]
[panting] How long have you known?
Since day one.
The battle with Big Boss.
Then why didn't you tell us the truth?
Well, because the Kid's comics were all mine once.
And if all this other weird stuff is coming true, then…
well, maybe this will, too!
Rex Rocket Issue 500, "A Family Reunion"?
The Kid's-- We've both lost so much.
But maybe here, we could all…
Well, this place is supposed to give us what we want. Well…
all I want is for the Kid to be happy.
[sighs]
Me too, but…
[Kid] Hey, Jo, if you're not busy, could you maybe--?
-[loud crashes] -[Kid screams]
[cackles]
[Biker in black] Say goodbye, Kid Cosmic!
[all] Fire! Fire! Fire!
Giant Robo Biker fight!
Relax, it's not like this place is gonna let us lose or anything.
Oh yeah.
[Jo] Boop.
[Biker in black] Curse you, Cosmic! I'll see you in--
Woo-hoo!
[all cheer]
We did it! Great job, Jo!
Great job, all of you!
We may not have found the fourteenth Stone…
But we neutralized an omega-level threat.
And lived to fight another day!
And someone else wants to congratulate you!
[audience cheering]
[Kid] Dr. Fang and the Gang?
This one goes out to our favorite hero, Kid Cosmic!
One, two, three, four…
[band playing upbeat rock music]
This is too good to be true!
Global Heroes, let's party!
Okay, Papa G.
You win. I'm not gonna tell him.
Oh, thank you, Jo! You have no idea--
It's not my place.
It's yours. You need to tell him.
But his parents--
Are gone.
I'm sorry, Papa G, I really am.
But do you think this ridiculous dream world
is gonna conjure up something that can take their place?
Or will the whole fantasy just end up hurting Kid all over again?
You need to tell him the truth, Papa G.
You're his family, the only real family he has left.
Heroes help, not hurt. Remember?
Meanwhile, I'm gonna figure a way out of this fantasy.
No matter how perfect everything seems to be.
[sighs]
-[audience cheering distantly] -[rock music blaring]
[upbeat rock music plays]
♪ Kid Cosmic ♪
♪ Is he a man or machine? ♪
♪ Kid Cosmic ♪
♪ He's powered by a super team ♪
♪ Kid Cosmic ♪
♪ Oh yeah! ♪
♪ Kid Cosmic ♪