1 00:00:01,289 --> 00:00:02,590 2 - Chapter 22. 2 00:00:02,690 --> 00:00:04,553 Sarah had her heart set on directing 3 00:00:04,653 --> 00:00:06,515 the spring musical at Windmount Academy, 4 00:00:06,615 --> 00:00:09,038 so she volunteered to host the art department fundraiser 5 00:00:09,138 --> 00:00:10,760 at Connor's house to help her get the job. 6 00:00:10,860 --> 00:00:13,243 Despite the pressure, she was handling things well. 7 00:00:13,343 --> 00:00:15,525 - So everyone remember for tonight, 8 00:00:15,625 --> 00:00:17,488 the dress code is smart casual. 9 00:00:17,588 --> 00:00:19,330 - Does that mean I can wear a-- - No hoodie. 10 00:00:19,430 --> 00:00:20,972 - Okay. - Sorry. 11 00:00:21,072 --> 00:00:22,814 I just--I really want tonight to be perfect, that's all. 12 00:00:22,914 --> 00:00:25,777 - I had no idea you loved musicals so much. 13 00:00:25,877 --> 00:00:27,299 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 14 00:00:27,399 --> 00:00:29,782 You know, I know my "Follies" from my "Fantasticks." 15 00:00:29,882 --> 00:00:32,986 But by the ninth grade, our mother, the great thespian, 16 00:00:33,086 --> 00:00:35,609 had critiqued all of the joy out of it. 17 00:00:35,929 --> 00:00:40,154 So directing this show is my chance to reclaim that glory. 18 00:00:40,254 --> 00:00:41,636 - I bet you were a cute Peter Pan. 19 00:00:41,736 --> 00:00:43,037 - Oh. 20 00:00:43,137 --> 00:00:44,239 I was breathtaking. 21 00:00:44,339 --> 00:00:45,220 - Remember when Mom made us audition 22 00:00:45,300 --> 00:00:46,201 for "Annie Get Your Gun"? 23 00:00:46,301 --> 00:00:48,123 - I've blocked it out. 24 00:00:48,223 --> 00:00:49,084 - [whispering] Matching outfits. 25 00:00:49,184 --> 00:00:50,927 - Blocked it out, Tom. 26 00:00:51,027 --> 00:00:53,349 Also, fair warning: Mom and Dad will be there. 27 00:00:53,710 --> 00:00:55,292 - Oh, no. Why? 28 00:00:55,392 --> 00:00:56,253 - I mentioned it. 29 00:00:56,353 --> 00:00:57,534 Mom heard musical theater, 30 00:00:57,634 --> 00:00:59,737 Dad heard unlimited pigs in a blanket, 31 00:00:59,837 --> 00:01:01,058 and now there's no stopping them. 32 00:01:01,158 --> 00:01:04,262 [baby crying] 33 00:01:04,362 --> 00:01:05,944 [crying stops] 34 00:01:06,044 --> 00:01:08,046 - [sighs] 35 00:01:08,487 --> 00:01:10,870 - So have you decided how you're gonna get pregnant 36 00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:13,072 and forever alter the course of your lives? 37 00:01:13,172 --> 00:01:14,274 - Well, it's still early, 38 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,316 but we are looking at sperm donors. 39 00:01:16,416 --> 00:01:18,078 The clinic lets you scroll through 40 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,000 and look at exactly what you want. 41 00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,402 - Ooh. - Huh. 42 00:01:21,502 --> 00:01:22,964 - Yeah, it's like Build-A-Bear but for dads. 43 00:01:23,064 --> 00:01:26,168 Check out our top pick. - A multilingual bassoonist. 44 00:01:26,268 --> 00:01:29,892 - 130 IQ, left-handed, ample body hair. 45 00:01:29,992 --> 00:01:32,094 - Oh, uh, we'll probably keep looking. 46 00:01:32,194 --> 00:01:33,216 - Yeah. 47 00:01:33,316 --> 00:01:35,919 - ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 48 00:01:38,522 --> 00:01:39,783 - You can just put that right down the hall, 49 00:01:39,883 --> 00:01:40,905 next to the bathroom. 50 00:01:41,005 --> 00:01:42,346 Thank you so much. Ladies, hi! 51 00:01:42,446 --> 00:01:44,188 Can you put those in the center of the tables? 52 00:01:44,288 --> 00:01:46,191 Thank you so... 53 00:01:46,291 --> 00:01:47,232 much. 54 00:01:47,332 --> 00:01:49,194 Lupe? - Hmm? 55 00:01:49,294 --> 00:01:50,676 - Is that how he's arranging those? 56 00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:52,778 - Don't worry, I got it. - [whispering] Thank you. 57 00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:55,942 - You're on door duty. 58 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:58,605 - So the goal for tonight 59 00:01:58,705 --> 00:02:00,848 is to impress Allison, the head of school. 60 00:02:00,948 --> 00:02:03,050 Should we go over your lines one more time 61 00:02:03,150 --> 00:02:04,052 before she arrives? 62 00:02:04,152 --> 00:02:05,894 - I think we're good, right? 63 00:02:05,994 --> 00:02:09,137 Oh, um, wow, that Sarah sure can handle 64 00:02:09,237 --> 00:02:10,379 responsibility. - [mouthing words] 65 00:02:10,479 --> 00:02:12,622 - That Sarah is a creative dynamo. 66 00:02:12,722 --> 00:02:14,904 - Is there such a thing as raising too much money? 67 00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:18,028 - Well, I guess we'll find out with that Sarah in charge. 68 00:02:18,128 --> 00:02:19,469 - Very natural. Good, I feel good. 69 00:02:19,569 --> 00:02:20,871 That's good. - Oh, by the way, 70 00:02:20,971 --> 00:02:22,553 you can forget about the hairy bassoonist. 71 00:02:22,653 --> 00:02:24,475 We have fallen for a travel writer 72 00:02:24,575 --> 00:02:26,157 who speaks five languages. 73 00:02:26,257 --> 00:02:27,599 - Oh. 74 00:02:27,699 --> 00:02:30,522 - Two of those languages are Dothraki and Elvish. 75 00:02:30,622 --> 00:02:31,604 - Dothraki? - Yikes. 76 00:02:31,704 --> 00:02:33,366 Yeah. - Mm, yeah, swipe left. 77 00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:34,767 - I don't think it works that way. 78 00:02:34,867 --> 00:02:37,210 Oh, no, it does. - Everything does these days. 79 00:02:37,310 --> 00:02:38,652 - It's too bad they don't have the technology 80 00:02:38,752 --> 00:02:41,255 to just mash two eggs together to make a baby. 81 00:02:41,355 --> 00:02:43,337 - Ooh, like a lesbian omelet. - Gross. 82 00:02:43,437 --> 00:02:44,859 But yeah, I mean, it'd be nice 83 00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:46,821 if we both shared DNA with the baby. 84 00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:49,024 - Well, some people do use family members 85 00:02:49,124 --> 00:02:51,847 as donors, which we could try. 86 00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:55,411 That would mean Tom or Connor stepping up. 87 00:02:58,695 --> 00:03:00,697 - Huh. 88 00:03:01,899 --> 00:03:03,901 - So we'd have to... 89 00:03:04,221 --> 00:03:05,483 - Oh, sex is not involved. 90 00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:06,724 - Okay, yeah, no sex. 91 00:03:06,824 --> 00:03:09,067 Yeah, obviously sex is not involved. 92 00:03:09,548 --> 00:03:11,770 - Wait, so-- so Tom or Connor would be 93 00:03:11,870 --> 00:03:14,173 the father/uncle to their 94 00:03:14,273 --> 00:03:16,215 son/daughter/nephew/niece. 95 00:03:16,315 --> 00:03:17,657 - Whew, that's a lot of slashes. 96 00:03:17,757 --> 00:03:19,619 - Yeah, so many slashes. Too many? 97 00:03:19,719 --> 00:03:21,221 - I mean, it's a lot to process. 98 00:03:21,321 --> 00:03:23,023 It'd be kind of... 99 00:03:23,123 --> 00:03:24,505 amazing. - Complicated--amazing! 100 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:25,706 - Right? - Yes. 101 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,308 - I mean, my sperm, Denise's egg. 102 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,030 That kid'd be unstoppable. 103 00:03:29,130 --> 00:03:30,072 - Totally. 104 00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:31,393 And that would--that would-- 105 00:03:31,493 --> 00:03:34,116 wow, that would be such a beautiful act. 106 00:03:34,216 --> 00:03:35,998 But, oh! You-- 107 00:03:36,098 --> 00:03:37,440 Tom got a vasectomy. 108 00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:40,323 So no more gas in that tank. 109 00:03:40,423 --> 00:03:41,565 - No, honey, remember? 110 00:03:41,665 --> 00:03:42,806 Before the procedure, the doctor froze 111 00:03:42,906 --> 00:03:44,288 some samples for us, just in case. 112 00:03:44,388 --> 00:03:46,451 - Right. Thank you so much for reminding all of us. 113 00:03:46,551 --> 00:03:49,054 - Either way, that would be a mute point, 114 00:03:49,154 --> 00:03:52,458 because Sarah and Denise would obviously go with my sperm. 115 00:03:52,558 --> 00:03:54,220 - Oh, would they? Well, first of all, 116 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,341 it's not a mute point. 117 00:03:55,441 --> 00:03:56,823 It is a moot point, 118 00:03:56,923 --> 00:03:58,665 which is exhibit A as to why the superior choice 119 00:03:58,765 --> 00:04:00,547 would obviously be my sperm. 120 00:04:00,647 --> 00:04:01,868 - Can we stop using that word? 121 00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:04,171 - Fine, because the choice is clear. 122 00:04:04,692 --> 00:04:06,694 It would be me and my s-- 123 00:04:07,615 --> 00:04:08,636 spice. 124 00:04:08,736 --> 00:04:09,638 My spice. 125 00:04:09,738 --> 00:04:11,159 - Okay, guests are arriving, 126 00:04:11,259 --> 00:04:12,681 so can we argue about this later 127 00:04:12,781 --> 00:04:14,243 or never? - Yeah. 128 00:04:14,343 --> 00:04:16,485 - ♪ I'm so happy that my sweetie ♪ 129 00:04:16,585 --> 00:04:18,768 ♪ Said that she'll be ♪ 130 00:04:18,868 --> 00:04:20,690 ♪ Said that she'll be ♪ 131 00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:24,895 ♪ Mine forever ♪ 132 00:04:24,995 --> 00:04:26,257 [cheers and applause] 133 00:04:26,357 --> 00:04:28,219 - They were very pitchy. 134 00:04:28,319 --> 00:04:31,663 - Let's hear it for the Windmount Alumni Singers, huh? 135 00:04:31,763 --> 00:04:33,465 Chills, I have chills! 136 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:35,347 Quite an event, Sarah. 137 00:04:35,447 --> 00:04:37,470 Brava. - It's not about me, though. 138 00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:38,952 It's about the school. 139 00:04:39,052 --> 00:04:42,556 By the way, I heard that you need a director 140 00:04:42,656 --> 00:04:44,718 for the spring musical. - Yes. 141 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,922 Sweet, dear Mrs. Agatone is finally retiring. 142 00:04:48,022 --> 00:04:49,684 - Well, that--that directing job, it sounds like a-- 143 00:04:49,784 --> 00:04:52,127 like a really exciting opportunity. 144 00:04:52,227 --> 00:04:54,169 - That's what Mr. Zarrow said too. 145 00:04:54,269 --> 00:04:55,491 - Mr. Zarrow. - Mm-hmm. 146 00:04:55,591 --> 00:04:56,812 - The algebra teacher? 147 00:04:56,912 --> 00:04:59,135 - Yes, he played Tevye in an off-Broadway 148 00:04:59,235 --> 00:05:00,617 production of "Fiddler on the Roof." 149 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,979 In fact, he's auctioning off that fiddle tonight. 150 00:05:03,079 --> 00:05:03,981 - Super. 151 00:05:04,081 --> 00:05:05,142 Super. Cool, cool. 152 00:05:05,242 --> 00:05:08,986 Uh, the truth is, I wanted to... 153 00:05:09,086 --> 00:05:10,268 [with Cockney accent] Throw my chapeau 154 00:05:10,368 --> 00:05:13,031 in the ole ring-a-ding as well. 155 00:05:13,131 --> 00:05:14,313 [normally] I wanted-- 156 00:05:14,413 --> 00:05:15,594 my ring--the ring-- 157 00:05:15,694 --> 00:05:16,535 I wanted to throw my hat in the ring. 158 00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:18,317 - Oh! [laughs] How fun. 159 00:05:18,417 --> 00:05:20,560 - You know, I did some performing back in the day. 160 00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:21,641 I don't know if you're familiar 161 00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:23,443 with the Sacramento Playhouse? 162 00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:25,045 Once upon a time, I trod the boards 163 00:05:25,145 --> 00:05:27,488 in a little ole show called "Les Mis." 164 00:05:27,588 --> 00:05:30,091 - Oh, that was a dream. 165 00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:32,494 Mother and daughter in the classic tale 166 00:05:32,594 --> 00:05:34,536 of justice and redemption. 167 00:05:34,636 --> 00:05:38,100 I played Fantine, Sarah was young Eponine. 168 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,623 She didn't have any lines and a wee bit of stage fright, 169 00:05:40,723 --> 00:05:43,386 but she really sang the loudest. 170 00:05:43,486 --> 00:05:45,629 - [laughs awkwardly] Thank you for that, Mom. 171 00:05:45,729 --> 00:05:47,631 Should we take a lap? Let's take a lap. 172 00:05:47,731 --> 00:05:49,554 - [sighs] 173 00:05:49,654 --> 00:05:50,875 - Hey. - Hey. 174 00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:52,637 - How do you feel about the spice thing? 175 00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:54,159 I don't know. It seems kinda wrong. 176 00:05:54,259 --> 00:05:56,041 - It's incredibly wrong. - Thank you. 177 00:05:56,141 --> 00:05:57,243 - I mean, how could they even consider 178 00:05:57,343 --> 00:05:58,764 choosing Connor over me? It's crazy. 179 00:05:58,864 --> 00:06:00,847 - Right? Of course, that. 180 00:06:00,947 --> 00:06:02,969 But also, um, 181 00:06:03,069 --> 00:06:04,331 I just don't love the idea. 182 00:06:04,431 --> 00:06:05,973 You'd be the father of your sister's child. 183 00:06:06,073 --> 00:06:07,655 Their kid would be your kid. 184 00:06:07,755 --> 00:06:09,016 Where would the boundaries be? 185 00:06:09,116 --> 00:06:11,119 - Yeah, I guess it'd be complicated. 186 00:06:11,799 --> 00:06:13,742 I mean, it'd be such an amazing gift to them. 187 00:06:13,842 --> 00:06:15,824 - There are so many other gifts we could get them-- 188 00:06:15,924 --> 00:06:17,106 a gravity blanket. 189 00:06:17,206 --> 00:06:18,707 - Oh, my God, I love those. 190 00:06:18,807 --> 00:06:20,890 Feels like you're getting a warm hug. 191 00:06:22,051 --> 00:06:23,994 - I would just hate to disappoint her. 192 00:06:24,094 --> 00:06:25,916 - Well, look, nothing has to be decided tonight, okay? 193 00:06:26,016 --> 00:06:27,358 Just try to keep an open mind. 194 00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:28,839 - Right, I'll try and be supportive. 195 00:06:28,939 --> 00:06:31,322 So freakin' supportive. - That's the spirit. 196 00:06:31,422 --> 00:06:33,685 - Hey, guys. Hey! 197 00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:35,647 Have you said hello to Allison yet? 198 00:06:35,747 --> 00:06:37,249 - Hey. - Hi, it's good to see you. 199 00:06:37,349 --> 00:06:39,772 - [mouthing words] - Oh, and yeah, we were just 200 00:06:39,872 --> 00:06:41,053 talking about you, Sarah. 201 00:06:41,153 --> 00:06:42,375 Weird that you... - Oh, weird. 202 00:06:42,475 --> 00:06:43,737 - Just walked up, 'cause I was saying that 203 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,579 my favorite quality about you is your... 204 00:06:45,679 --> 00:06:46,580 stick-to-itiveness. 205 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,142 - And I was like, "Really? 206 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:50,825 'Cause for me, it's all about her creative vision." 207 00:06:50,925 --> 00:06:53,067 - Guys, stop it. 208 00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:54,229 You're embarrassing me. 209 00:06:54,329 --> 00:06:56,351 That's so nice and so unexpected. 210 00:06:56,451 --> 00:06:58,554 Thank you. 211 00:06:58,654 --> 00:07:00,516 - Look, of course I'd be Sarah and Denise's choice. 212 00:07:00,616 --> 00:07:01,717 Look at my SAT scores. 213 00:07:01,817 --> 00:07:03,359 Plus, I mean, I was on "Jeopardy!" 214 00:07:03,459 --> 00:07:04,681 - "Teen Jeopardy!" - Still counts. 215 00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:06,363 - I'm the complete package, all right? 216 00:07:06,463 --> 00:07:08,045 Looks, personality. 217 00:07:08,145 --> 00:07:09,607 I got in early on Tesla. 218 00:07:09,707 --> 00:07:11,369 I got out of GE at its peak. 219 00:07:11,469 --> 00:07:13,211 I clearly have the better DNA. 220 00:07:13,311 --> 00:07:14,492 - Okay. 221 00:07:14,592 --> 00:07:15,774 What does DNA stand for? 222 00:07:15,874 --> 00:07:17,876 - What does DN-- [scoffs] 223 00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:20,860 Definitely nice abs. 224 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,863 - Thanks, Magic Mike. It's deoxyribonucleic acid. 225 00:07:23,963 --> 00:07:25,425 -Let's see those abs, come on. Whip 'em out. 226 00:07:25,525 --> 00:07:27,027 - No, come on. I haven't worked out lately. I was sick. 227 00:07:27,127 --> 00:07:27,848 - You've been sick your whole life? 228 00:07:27,928 --> 00:07:29,390 - I'm sick of you. 229 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,552 - Are you talking about that ridiculous donation idea? 230 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,754 - How do you know about that? 231 00:07:32,854 --> 00:07:34,115 - Even in a crowded party, 232 00:07:34,215 --> 00:07:35,757 your mother homes in on the best gossip. 233 00:07:35,857 --> 00:07:37,359 She hears a word like "sperm" and, 234 00:07:37,459 --> 00:07:38,961 fwwt, like a bat. 235 00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:40,883 - Spice. We're calling it spice now. 236 00:07:40,983 --> 00:07:42,205 - I don't care what you call it. 237 00:07:42,305 --> 00:07:43,526 It's perverse. - Well, Mom, 238 00:07:43,626 --> 00:07:45,128 there wouldn't be any sex involved, okay? 239 00:07:45,228 --> 00:07:46,570 Denise was clear about that. 240 00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:48,091 - Yeah, I don't think it's an issue, sweetie. 241 00:07:48,191 --> 00:07:49,813 Look, Denise isn't a blood relative. 242 00:07:49,913 --> 00:07:51,736 And I know for a fact that we 243 00:07:51,836 --> 00:07:54,038 Hayworth men are top-notch donors. 244 00:07:56,081 --> 00:07:57,302 - How do you know that, Dad? 245 00:07:57,402 --> 00:07:59,224 - Oh-ho-ho, my swimmers have been tested. 246 00:07:59,324 --> 00:08:00,626 Remarkable motility. 247 00:08:00,726 --> 00:08:02,788 Yeah, I may be old, but... 248 00:08:02,888 --> 00:08:04,430 the spice can still cook. 249 00:08:04,530 --> 00:08:06,032 - Great. I'm never gonna... - Gross. 250 00:08:06,132 --> 00:08:08,135 - Stop throwing up. 251 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:09,316 - Hey. 252 00:08:09,416 --> 00:08:11,118 - Oh, hey, anything good? 253 00:08:11,218 --> 00:08:12,440 - That ski trip looked great, 254 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:14,282 if you wanna take out a 30-year loan. 255 00:08:14,382 --> 00:08:15,683 - [laughs] - Hey, thanks again 256 00:08:15,783 --> 00:08:18,767 for being so open to the whole spice thing. 257 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:20,809 I know it was probably like, "Whoa." 258 00:08:20,909 --> 00:08:23,693 - "Whoa, that's awesome." 259 00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,094 - Okay. - Yes! 260 00:08:25,194 --> 00:08:26,616 - I mean, even though it's a hypothetical, 261 00:08:26,716 --> 00:08:28,979 I'm still moved by the idea that the baby could be 262 00:08:29,079 --> 00:08:31,262 genetically half me and half Sarah. 263 00:08:31,362 --> 00:08:33,905 - Me too. And we really wanna help. 264 00:08:34,005 --> 00:08:38,150 Tom would be the father and uncle to the same child. 265 00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,192 How many guys can say that, huh? 266 00:08:40,292 --> 00:08:43,756 I'd be the aunt/stepmother. 267 00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,558 [mimics explosion] 268 00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:48,441 - Well, Sarah and I would obviously be the moms. 269 00:08:48,541 --> 00:08:49,683 - Yes. - But... 270 00:08:49,783 --> 00:08:52,126 we would want you to play a big part. 271 00:08:52,226 --> 00:08:53,848 - It'd be weird if we didn't, right? 272 00:08:53,948 --> 00:08:56,050 I mean, we're already such a big happy family. 273 00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:57,973 It'd be like that, just... 274 00:08:58,073 --> 00:08:59,334 times a million. 275 00:08:59,434 --> 00:09:00,736 - Times a million. 276 00:09:00,836 --> 00:09:02,217 Yeah. Okay. 277 00:09:02,317 --> 00:09:04,660 - ♪ When I was a lad, I served a term as ♪ 278 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,543 ♪ Office boy to an attorney's firm ♪ 279 00:09:06,643 --> 00:09:08,585 ♪ I cleaned the windows, and I swept the floor ♪ 280 00:09:08,685 --> 00:09:10,387 ♪ And I polished up the handle of the big front door ♪ 281 00:09:10,487 --> 00:09:12,469 - ♪ He polished up the handle of the big front door ♪ 282 00:09:12,569 --> 00:09:14,392 - ♪ I polished up the handle so carefully ♪ 283 00:09:14,492 --> 00:09:16,754 ♪ That now I am the ruler of the queen's navy ♪ 284 00:09:16,854 --> 00:09:20,439 - You're a smooth operator, aren't ya, algebra man? 285 00:09:20,539 --> 00:09:21,720 - Hey. - Yeah? 286 00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:23,642 - Uh, I know I'm the one who brought it up. 287 00:09:23,742 --> 00:09:25,124 But I'm having second thoughts 288 00:09:25,224 --> 00:09:26,966 about using your brothers as donors. 289 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,408 Just, like, second thoughts, third thoughts, 290 00:09:28,508 --> 00:09:30,530 a lot of thoughts. - Okay. It was just an idea. 291 00:09:30,630 --> 00:09:32,292 We haven't even talked it through. 292 00:09:32,392 --> 00:09:34,455 And I don't wanna do anything that you're uncomfortable with. 293 00:09:34,555 --> 00:09:35,897 - Yeah, I just-- 294 00:09:35,997 --> 00:09:38,279 I'm just worried about having the donor so... 295 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:39,621 present. 296 00:09:39,721 --> 00:09:41,864 But Marina is really into it. 297 00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:44,026 She's, like, so freakin' supportive. 298 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,308 But how do you tell someone you're not sure 299 00:09:45,408 --> 00:09:46,509 if you wanna have her husband's baby? 300 00:09:46,609 --> 00:09:48,191 - Well, that sounds like a really 301 00:09:48,291 --> 00:09:51,415 tough conversation that you probably shouldn't have here. 302 00:09:51,935 --> 00:09:53,037 - I'm sorry, am I distracting you? 303 00:09:53,137 --> 00:09:54,598 - Honestly, yes. I love you so much, 304 00:09:54,698 --> 00:09:55,960 but right now, I'm just worried 305 00:09:56,060 --> 00:09:57,322 that I'm losing this directing gig. 306 00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:58,923 - Well. just get onstage and sing. 307 00:09:59,023 --> 00:10:01,406 You're better than this guy. - Oh, no, no, I'm not. 308 00:10:01,506 --> 00:10:02,648 - I mean, he's really good. 309 00:10:02,748 --> 00:10:04,530 - No, you're right. I am. 310 00:10:04,630 --> 00:10:06,412 - This whole thing's so stupid. 311 00:10:06,512 --> 00:10:08,454 I mean, how could we prove who's superior anyway? 312 00:10:08,554 --> 00:10:10,096 - There's no way to measure it. - Yeah. 313 00:10:10,196 --> 00:10:12,339 Hypothetically, how can we even figure out who's better? 314 00:10:12,439 --> 00:10:14,441 [chuckles] 315 00:10:15,923 --> 00:10:18,586 [energetic music] 316 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:25,694 ♪ ♪ 317 00:10:31,461 --> 00:10:31,922 Two. 318 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:37,368 ♪ ♪ 319 00:10:37,468 --> 00:10:38,369 - Ooh. 320 00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:39,531 [glass tings] 321 00:10:39,631 --> 00:10:42,554 ♪ ♪ 322 00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:46,018 Come on. 323 00:10:46,118 --> 00:10:48,581 [foot thuds] Come on. 324 00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:50,683 No, I got it! I got it. 325 00:10:51,124 --> 00:10:53,126 [grunts] 326 00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:55,069 - One. - Whoo. 327 00:10:55,169 --> 00:10:57,592 - Now, you like math, so let's see, I did ten. 328 00:10:57,692 --> 00:11:00,155 - Okay, yes, you can bench-press more than me. 329 00:11:00,255 --> 00:11:02,477 And you beat me at arm wrestling 330 00:11:02,577 --> 00:11:03,478 even though my elbow slipped. 331 00:11:03,578 --> 00:11:04,640 - Your elbow did not slip. 332 00:11:04,740 --> 00:11:06,041 - But I destroyed you at trivia. 333 00:11:06,141 --> 00:11:07,643 The app rated me an Einstein. 334 00:11:07,743 --> 00:11:08,845 What did you get? Let's see. 335 00:11:08,945 --> 00:11:10,607 Oh, yeah, "Thanks for playing." 336 00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:13,770 That's just the app being nice. - So you know nerd facts. 337 00:11:13,870 --> 00:11:16,053 Big deal. "Oh, oh, I'm Tom. Look at me. 338 00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,655 I know that Benjamin Franklin 339 00:11:17,755 --> 00:11:19,817 wasn't 'technically' a president." 340 00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:20,859 - Stop saying "technically." 341 00:11:20,959 --> 00:11:22,501 He just--he wasn't. 342 00:11:22,601 --> 00:11:24,603 - Technically. 343 00:11:25,163 --> 00:11:26,465 - What? Okay. 344 00:11:26,565 --> 00:11:28,788 Look, Sarah and Denise-- this isn't about them 345 00:11:28,888 --> 00:11:30,350 anymore, okay? It's about you and me. 346 00:11:30,450 --> 00:11:31,831 It's about how you're always trying to make me feel 347 00:11:31,931 --> 00:11:33,393 like I'm less of a man. 348 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,235 - No, it's about how you always roll your eyes at me 349 00:11:35,335 --> 00:11:37,198 every time I don't know something. 350 00:11:37,298 --> 00:11:38,279 Yeah, just like that. 351 00:11:38,379 --> 00:11:39,480 You just did it, 352 00:11:39,580 --> 00:11:40,802 and with the little head shake too. 353 00:11:40,902 --> 00:11:42,924 [chuckles] The full Tom. 354 00:11:43,024 --> 00:11:44,126 - [growls] 355 00:11:44,226 --> 00:11:45,567 - I think you would love. 356 00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,289 It'd probably go for a lot of money, though, 357 00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:48,571 so you might want to get on that. 358 00:11:48,671 --> 00:11:51,134 - Hey, this is quite the fundraiser. 359 00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:53,336 I would even call it a fun-raiser. 360 00:11:53,436 --> 00:11:57,221 - So happy to support the arts at Windmount. 361 00:11:57,321 --> 00:12:00,825 I'll do anything to help out these rich kids. 362 00:12:00,925 --> 00:12:02,107 - Oh, are you a parent at the school? 363 00:12:02,207 --> 00:12:03,628 - Hmm? 364 00:12:03,728 --> 00:12:05,070 Oh, no, I was just avoiding 365 00:12:05,170 --> 00:12:06,632 an awkward conversation. Sorry. 366 00:12:06,732 --> 00:12:09,135 - [vocalizing] 367 00:12:14,180 --> 00:12:16,163 - Are you going to sing tonight? 368 00:12:16,263 --> 00:12:18,045 - I am, I think, maybe. 369 00:12:18,145 --> 00:12:20,488 - It doesn't quite sound like you've settled on a key. 370 00:12:20,588 --> 00:12:22,410 - Mom, I'm doing my best. - Hey, I'm not criticizing. 371 00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:24,132 - That's exactly what you're doing. 372 00:12:24,232 --> 00:12:26,375 - Oh, pardon me for trying. 373 00:12:26,475 --> 00:12:29,018 - Mother pheasant plucker plucks mother. 374 00:12:29,118 --> 00:12:31,701 ["When the Saints Go Marching In" playing] 375 00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:34,304 - So how do you rank the kids at Windmount, 376 00:12:34,404 --> 00:12:35,946 you know, to figure out which one's the best? 377 00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,908 - It's gotta be, like, academic ability, right? 378 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,311 - No, no, probably, like, a all-around thing, 379 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,153 you know, which kids just got it. 380 00:12:42,253 --> 00:12:45,237 - I can assure you we would never rank our students. 381 00:12:45,337 --> 00:12:46,558 - Mm. - I know you have to say that 382 00:12:46,658 --> 00:12:48,761 to the parents, but between us, come on. 383 00:12:48,861 --> 00:12:51,884 - If this is about Gretchen, she's doing very well. 384 00:12:51,984 --> 00:12:53,366 - Oh, no, that's cool. 385 00:12:53,466 --> 00:12:54,648 But no, this is this about him and I. 386 00:12:54,748 --> 00:12:56,370 - It's "him and me." - Very good, Tom. 387 00:12:56,470 --> 00:12:57,811 - Damn it. - Nice. 388 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:01,095 - Hey, hey. Guys, what is happening? 389 00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:03,097 Allison, have you tried the crab cakes, by the way? 390 00:13:03,197 --> 00:13:04,379 Because they are going like hotcakes. 391 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:05,821 So you better go get some, girl. 392 00:13:05,921 --> 00:13:07,022 - Okay. Yeah. - Yeah. 393 00:13:07,122 --> 00:13:09,265 Head on--head on over there. Guys? 394 00:13:09,365 --> 00:13:10,286 - What, we're just trying to figure out 395 00:13:10,366 --> 00:13:11,307 which one of us is the best. 396 00:13:11,407 --> 00:13:13,229 - Yeah, for the spice thing. 397 00:13:13,329 --> 00:13:14,831 The sperm. - Yeah, spice is sperm. 398 00:13:14,931 --> 00:13:16,833 - I know. Look, neither of you is better. 399 00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:19,276 Now, leave Allison alone, and stop screwing up my fundraiser. 400 00:13:19,376 --> 00:13:20,958 - Sorry. - Fine. 401 00:13:21,058 --> 00:13:23,060 - If you want to be of use, go help Lupe with the dishes. 402 00:13:24,302 --> 00:13:26,304 Go! 403 00:13:26,905 --> 00:13:29,088 [sighs] 404 00:13:29,188 --> 00:13:30,409 - Sarah said we should help you. 405 00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:32,511 - Oh, great... 406 00:13:32,872 --> 00:13:33,933 Thank you, Sarah. 407 00:13:34,033 --> 00:13:35,215 - I can load the dishwasher. 408 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,456 - Nah, I'll do it. I'm faster. 409 00:13:36,556 --> 00:13:38,058 - Come on, man, it's not about speed. 410 00:13:38,158 --> 00:13:39,860 Seeing how many dishes you can load in a dishwasher 411 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,962 is a good test of spatial reasoning. 412 00:13:43,404 --> 00:13:45,727 - So it's a test of the mental and the physical. 413 00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:48,270 You go first. I'll time you. 414 00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:49,231 - Let's do this. 415 00:13:49,331 --> 00:13:51,714 [dishes clattering] 416 00:13:51,814 --> 00:13:52,835 - Done. 417 00:13:52,935 --> 00:13:54,637 - 4:16. - Oh! 418 00:13:54,737 --> 00:13:56,359 A tie, really? Come on. 419 00:13:56,459 --> 00:13:58,462 - Best two out of three? - Yeah. 420 00:13:59,343 --> 00:14:02,086 [dishes clattering] 421 00:14:02,186 --> 00:14:03,568 - Are you taking dirty dishes 422 00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:05,089 out of the dishwasher? 423 00:14:05,189 --> 00:14:07,452 - Uh, it's complicated. 424 00:14:07,552 --> 00:14:08,694 - Get out of my kitchen. 425 00:14:08,794 --> 00:14:09,855 [water spraying] Out, out! 426 00:14:09,955 --> 00:14:11,497 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 427 00:14:11,597 --> 00:14:13,619 - So having a dish-loading race 428 00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:16,102 to see who's got the strongest spice. 429 00:14:16,202 --> 00:14:18,065 - No. 430 00:14:18,165 --> 00:14:19,146 both: Yeah. - Yeah. 431 00:14:19,246 --> 00:14:20,147 Well, there's no point in that. 432 00:14:20,247 --> 00:14:21,348 There's a science to this. 433 00:14:21,448 --> 00:14:22,910 You know, back when I was at MIT, 434 00:14:23,010 --> 00:14:24,592 my frat brothers and I got to wondering 435 00:14:24,692 --> 00:14:27,275 which one of us is the best genetic specimen. 436 00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:29,278 - [chuckles] Frat life. - Yeah. 437 00:14:29,378 --> 00:14:32,882 So we came up with the Higgs-Nathanson Reflex Test. 438 00:14:32,982 --> 00:14:35,084 It's a measure of both mental and physical acuity 439 00:14:35,184 --> 00:14:36,166 to help you determine 440 00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:38,488 superior DNA. - How's it work? 441 00:14:38,588 --> 00:14:41,572 - [chuckles] Well, try to follow me here. 442 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:44,295 Subject one extends his extremities 443 00:14:44,395 --> 00:14:45,777 in a rigid position, like so. 444 00:14:45,877 --> 00:14:47,979 Subject two extends his extremities 445 00:14:48,079 --> 00:14:50,742 palms up underneath subject one's. 446 00:14:50,842 --> 00:14:53,305 Subject two then attempts to make forceful contact 447 00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:56,149 with subject one prior to subject one retracting. 448 00:14:56,249 --> 00:14:58,031 [exhales forcefully] 449 00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,394 Brains, brawn, it takes them both. 450 00:15:00,494 --> 00:15:03,918 - Yeah...Dad, that's slapsies. - You say what? 451 00:15:04,018 --> 00:15:05,279 - You just described slapsies. 452 00:15:05,379 --> 00:15:06,761 It's a game kids have been playing forever. 453 00:15:06,861 --> 00:15:09,244 - [chuckling] I don't think so. 454 00:15:09,344 --> 00:15:11,426 We got a research grant for this. 455 00:15:12,428 --> 00:15:14,430 Yeah. 456 00:15:16,873 --> 00:15:17,854 - Oh. - Oh. 457 00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:19,015 - Oh, hey. - Hey. 458 00:15:19,115 --> 00:15:20,337 - Hi. - Hi. 459 00:15:20,437 --> 00:15:22,019 - [laughs] - Where have you been? 460 00:15:22,119 --> 00:15:24,702 - Oh, just mingling. - Yeah, me too. 461 00:15:24,802 --> 00:15:27,946 Funny story, I put in a bid for the wine weekend in Napa. 462 00:15:28,046 --> 00:15:28,987 - Ah! - Yeah. 463 00:15:29,087 --> 00:15:30,629 But I'm having second thoughts. 464 00:15:30,729 --> 00:15:32,431 You know when something seems like 465 00:15:32,531 --> 00:15:34,233 it's a great idea at first, but then you think about it, 466 00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,396 and you're not so sure? 467 00:15:36,496 --> 00:15:37,677 Has that ever happened to you? 468 00:15:37,777 --> 00:15:40,400 - Uh, well, not with wine. 469 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,162 But are you having second thoughts about 470 00:15:42,262 --> 00:15:44,265 the spice donor thing? 471 00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:49,090 - No. 472 00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:51,974 Nope. I'm all in. - Great. Same. 473 00:15:52,074 --> 00:15:54,176 - Hey-o. both: Hey-o! 474 00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:55,778 - So I got this great app for the kids. 475 00:15:55,878 --> 00:15:58,101 It combines faces, right? 476 00:15:58,201 --> 00:16:00,904 I mean, they usually use it with themselves and the cat. 477 00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:04,588 How would you like to see maybe Tom's and your kid? 478 00:16:04,688 --> 00:16:05,790 - That's okay. - Oh, I don't think anyone 479 00:16:05,890 --> 00:16:06,731 wants to see that. [phone chimes] 480 00:16:06,811 --> 00:16:08,633 all: Oh. 481 00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:12,838 - Okay. How about Connor's and Denise's kid? 482 00:16:12,938 --> 00:16:14,920 - Uh, no, thanks. - Please, no one wants this. 483 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:16,162 [phone chimes] - Oy. 484 00:16:16,262 --> 00:16:18,765 - Oh. - That's really bad. 485 00:16:18,865 --> 00:16:21,107 I paid $1.99 for this damn thing. 486 00:16:23,710 --> 00:16:25,713 - Did you just-- 487 00:16:26,073 --> 00:16:28,476 you just--you just said, "No one wants this." 488 00:16:28,836 --> 00:16:32,020 - Um, I know your heart was set on it. 489 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,622 And it would be such a noble act. 490 00:16:33,722 --> 00:16:34,863 But I have been thinking about it, 491 00:16:34,963 --> 00:16:37,547 and I'm not sure I wanna do it. 492 00:16:37,647 --> 00:16:38,828 - Oh, my God. 493 00:16:38,928 --> 00:16:40,350 Me neither. - You don't? 494 00:16:40,450 --> 00:16:42,592 - No, it's a bad idea. - It's the worst idea! 495 00:16:42,692 --> 00:16:44,755 - Oh, my God! I'm sorry! I love you! 496 00:16:44,855 --> 00:16:46,958 - I love you too. 497 00:16:47,058 --> 00:16:48,559 I just didn't wanna hurt your feelings. 498 00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:50,321 - I didn't wanna hurt your feelings. 499 00:16:50,421 --> 00:16:51,843 - From now on, 500 00:16:51,943 --> 00:16:53,966 let's promise to always hurt each other's feelings. 501 00:16:54,066 --> 00:16:54,807 - [whispering] Always. 502 00:16:54,907 --> 00:16:56,529 - Attention, everyone. 503 00:16:56,629 --> 00:16:58,611 I am proud to announce that we raised 504 00:16:58,711 --> 00:17:01,054 more money than ever before! 505 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:02,295 [cheers and applause] 506 00:17:02,395 --> 00:17:04,698 Huh? Take that, last year 507 00:17:04,798 --> 00:17:06,100 and every other year. 508 00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:08,543 And on a personal note, I just wanna say 509 00:17:08,643 --> 00:17:11,026 that I have been so inspired watching 510 00:17:11,126 --> 00:17:12,748 all these performers here tonight. 511 00:17:12,848 --> 00:17:15,410 It just reminds me that... 512 00:17:17,533 --> 00:17:18,634 [jaunty music playing] 513 00:17:18,734 --> 00:17:19,636 - Here we go. 514 00:17:19,736 --> 00:17:20,757 - Oh, boy. - Oh, no. 515 00:17:20,857 --> 00:17:23,600 - ♪ I'm just a Broadway baby ♪ 516 00:17:23,700 --> 00:17:25,522 - Smile. Yeah. 517 00:17:25,622 --> 00:17:27,845 - ♪ Walkin' off my tired feet ♪ 518 00:17:27,945 --> 00:17:29,487 - Breathe through the diaphragm. 519 00:17:29,587 --> 00:17:31,890 - ♪ Pounding 42nd Street ♪ 520 00:17:31,990 --> 00:17:36,896 ♪ To save on my dough-oh ♪ 521 00:17:36,996 --> 00:17:38,658 - Dad's a trip, huh? 522 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:40,179 - Kinda makes you doubt MIT. 523 00:17:40,279 --> 00:17:41,421 - [chuckles] 524 00:17:41,521 --> 00:17:45,706 - ♪ Learning how to sing and dance ♪ 525 00:17:45,806 --> 00:17:47,668 - Oh, we doin' this? - Oh, we're doing this. 526 00:17:47,768 --> 00:17:49,110 Unless you're chicken. 527 00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,072 - Chicken like a fox. 528 00:17:51,172 --> 00:17:53,074 - What? - I-I don't know. 529 00:17:53,174 --> 00:17:54,836 [hands slap] - ♪ Oh, gee ♪ 530 00:17:54,936 --> 00:17:56,679 ♪ I'd like to be ♪ 531 00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:58,721 ♪ On some marquee ♪ 532 00:17:58,821 --> 00:18:00,883 ♪ All twinklin' lights ♪ 533 00:18:00,983 --> 00:18:02,285 - My turn. 534 00:18:02,385 --> 00:18:04,287 [hands slap] Yeah. 535 00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:06,170 - ♪ I don't need a lot ♪ 536 00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:07,331 ♪ Only what I got ♪ 537 00:18:07,431 --> 00:18:08,452 [hands slap] - Ow! 538 00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:09,734 - ♪ Plus a tube of greasepaint ♪ 539 00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,376 ♪ And a follow spot ♪ 540 00:18:11,476 --> 00:18:12,937 ♪ I'm just a Broadway baby ♪ 541 00:18:13,037 --> 00:18:14,699 - Ah, I get a freebie. 542 00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:16,301 [hand slaps] Ooh. 543 00:18:16,401 --> 00:18:19,265 - ♪ If I stick it long enough ♪ - Are you serious? 544 00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:22,869 - ♪ I may get to strut my stuff ♪ 545 00:18:22,969 --> 00:18:23,830 [rustling] 546 00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:24,871 - Oh! [items crash] 547 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,633 - Ooh. 548 00:18:26,733 --> 00:18:27,795 - I'm okay. 549 00:18:27,895 --> 00:18:29,437 - Tevye's fiddle. 550 00:18:29,537 --> 00:18:32,080 - Oh, uh, sorry. 551 00:18:32,180 --> 00:18:34,182 I'm gonna pay the highest bid. 552 00:18:34,542 --> 00:18:35,844 Actually, Connor's gonna pay the highest bid. 553 00:18:35,944 --> 00:18:37,526 - [holding note] ♪ Show ♪ 554 00:18:37,626 --> 00:18:39,008 - Whoo! [applause] 555 00:18:39,108 --> 00:18:40,570 - Okay, Sarah. - Thank you. 556 00:18:40,670 --> 00:18:41,611 Thank you so much. 557 00:18:41,711 --> 00:18:43,012 And that's a good night 558 00:18:43,112 --> 00:18:44,814 on the Windmount fundraiser. 559 00:18:44,914 --> 00:18:47,898 [upbeat music] 560 00:18:47,998 --> 00:18:49,540 - Look, obviously it goes without saying 561 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,502 that we're so sorry. 562 00:18:51,602 --> 00:18:52,744 - Slapsies, really? 563 00:18:52,844 --> 00:18:53,905 - Well, technically, it's called 564 00:18:54,005 --> 00:18:55,227 the Higgs-Nathanson Reflex Test. 565 00:18:55,327 --> 00:18:57,349 - Hey, at least your singing was amazing. 566 00:18:57,449 --> 00:18:59,271 - Okay. I wanna hear more about that later. 567 00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:01,914 But right now, I have to go say goodbye to Allison and... 568 00:19:02,014 --> 00:19:03,476 probably this directing job. 569 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:06,360 - God, I can't believe we broke the dishwasher. 570 00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:08,562 - This is so stupid. 571 00:19:08,662 --> 00:19:11,165 Sarah and Denise could pick either of our spices. 572 00:19:11,265 --> 00:19:12,367 The kid'd turn out fine. 573 00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,609 - Yeah. I mean, we both have great kids. 574 00:19:14,709 --> 00:19:16,131 - Yeah. [laughs] 575 00:19:16,231 --> 00:19:18,053 I can't believe how much you can bench. 576 00:19:18,153 --> 00:19:19,295 - I can't believe how much information 577 00:19:19,395 --> 00:19:20,936 you can store in that brain of yours. 578 00:19:21,036 --> 00:19:22,658 You're like a human Google. 579 00:19:22,758 --> 00:19:24,981 - Well, you know, Google doesn't house information. 580 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:25,902 It just kinda searches for-- 581 00:19:26,002 --> 00:19:27,264 Yeah, no. Thank you. 582 00:19:27,364 --> 00:19:28,425 - It's crazy, we spent our whole lives 583 00:19:28,525 --> 00:19:29,907 competing against one another. 584 00:19:30,007 --> 00:19:32,470 - Yeah, it's like we define ourselves 585 00:19:32,570 --> 00:19:33,671 against each other. 586 00:19:33,771 --> 00:19:34,712 - Why are we like this? 587 00:19:34,812 --> 00:19:35,954 - There they are! 588 00:19:36,054 --> 00:19:38,357 My big strong jock and my boy genius. 589 00:19:38,457 --> 00:19:40,459 - Did you guys figure out who's the better man? 590 00:19:41,821 --> 00:19:43,643 - Well... 591 00:19:43,743 --> 00:19:45,765 asked and answered. 592 00:19:45,865 --> 00:19:46,847 - Oh, Allison. 593 00:19:46,947 --> 00:19:48,288 I'll see you at school. 594 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,811 And I'm sorry again about everything. 595 00:19:50,911 --> 00:19:51,932 - Oh. [chuckles] 596 00:19:52,032 --> 00:19:53,214 We made a lot of money. 597 00:19:53,314 --> 00:19:55,256 And that's what's important. 598 00:19:55,356 --> 00:19:57,699 By the way, if you want to direct the spring musical, 599 00:19:57,799 --> 00:19:59,421 the job's yours. - Wait, really? 600 00:19:59,521 --> 00:20:01,263 Even after all that? - Absolutely. 601 00:20:01,363 --> 00:20:03,186 You showed me you can definitely handle 602 00:20:03,286 --> 00:20:04,547 a kids' musical. 603 00:20:04,647 --> 00:20:07,150 I mean, dealing with out-of-control children, 604 00:20:07,250 --> 00:20:08,392 overbearing parents. 605 00:20:08,492 --> 00:20:09,873 Plus, I liked how you directed 606 00:20:09,973 --> 00:20:12,316 your entire family to say nice things about you. 607 00:20:12,416 --> 00:20:14,038 - Oh, you noticed. 608 00:20:14,138 --> 00:20:16,141 - Good night. - Good night. 609 00:20:16,861 --> 00:20:18,563 Good night, Mr. Zarrow. 610 00:20:18,663 --> 00:20:20,666 Good seeing you. 611 00:20:22,228 --> 00:20:23,769 I'm directing the musical! 612 00:20:23,869 --> 00:20:25,772 [all cheering] 613 00:20:25,872 --> 00:20:27,494 - [laughs] 614 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:28,575 - That's great. 615 00:20:28,675 --> 00:20:30,677 - You're welcome! 616 00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:33,261 - Hey, so what do I have to do 617 00:20:33,361 --> 00:20:35,363 to get Gretchen a lead role in this play? 618 00:20:38,326 --> 00:20:40,569 - You know, I'm not the only performer in the family. 619 00:20:41,410 --> 00:20:43,633 - Huh. Do you remember what song 620 00:20:43,733 --> 00:20:45,034 your mom made you audition with? 621 00:20:45,134 --> 00:20:46,396 - Well, it was just-- it was so long ago. 622 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,757 Yeah, and we were both so young. 623 00:20:47,857 --> 00:20:48,759 - Yeah. 624 00:20:48,859 --> 00:20:50,721 Are you chicken? Because... 625 00:20:50,821 --> 00:20:53,544 ♪ Anything you can do, I can do better ♪ 626 00:20:53,904 --> 00:20:56,387 ♪ I can do anything better than you ♪ 627 00:20:57,909 --> 00:20:59,411 - No, you can't. - Oh! 628 00:20:59,511 --> 00:21:00,973 - ♪ Yes, I can ♪ - ♪ No, you can't ♪ 629 00:21:01,073 --> 00:21:02,254 - ♪ Yes, I can ♪ 630 00:21:02,354 --> 00:21:03,335 - ♪ No, you can't ♪ - ♪ Yes, I can ♪ 631 00:21:03,435 --> 00:21:05,498 ♪ Yes, I can, yes, I can ♪ 632 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,140 - Yes, you can, Tom. 633 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,983 - ♪ Anything you can be, I can be greater ♪ 634 00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:12,266 ♪ Sooner or later, I'm greater than you ♪ 635 00:21:12,366 --> 00:21:13,748 - ♪ No, you're not ♪ - ♪ Yes, I am ♪ 636 00:21:13,848 --> 00:21:15,309 - ♪ No, you're not ♪ - Yes, I am. 637 00:21:15,409 --> 00:21:16,671 - No, you're not. - Yes, I am. 638 00:21:16,771 --> 00:21:17,712 - Not. - I am. 639 00:21:17,812 --> 00:21:18,874 - Oh, yeah? - I really am. 640 00:21:18,974 --> 00:21:19,895 - I've never been more embarrassed 641 00:21:19,975 --> 00:21:21,156 to share DNA with them. 642 00:21:21,256 --> 00:21:22,318 - We've been going over this all day. 643 00:21:22,418 --> 00:21:23,279 - Why don't you prove it? - Okay. 644 00:21:23,379 --> 00:21:25,381 hand slaps] - Okay.