- Chapter 21:
After Denise's bombshell announcement
on Valentine's Day that she wanted to get pregnant,
everyone in the family was excited about the idea.
- Aww, they look like little train conductors.
Choo-choo!
- Everyone except Sarah.
- All aboard the train to baby town, population: us.
Woo!
- I'll start saving these outfits for you.
You'll have an extra pair of everything.
- Yeah, unless you have twins. [laughs]
Do not have twins.
- I'm sending this to Jojo.
- How's her work trip?
- Great. Yeah, yeah,
she's like live streaming
a butterfly migration sponsored by Lunchables.
Yeah, it was a huge get.
- Oh, I've always wanted to see one of those.
We should make a list of things to do before the baby.
- Yeah, like a bucket list.
- We're not dying. - Oh, right.
No, of course, nothing like that.
Okay, let's go back to Mommy. Yeah, here we go.
Good job.
- Hey, you know those baby on board signs?
- Yeah. - I'm starting to get the vibe
you're not on board with baby. - Is it obvious?
I've been fake smiling so much my face hurts.
- Don't worry, as a writer I'm more perceptive than most.
It's a gift, but... it's also very much a curse.
- Well, I never thought that we would have more kids, you know?
I thought we were good.
But Denise is so excited.
How do you tell the woman that you love
that she shouldn't have a baby?
I was just really looking forward
to having some more time on our hands.
You know, Kelvin and Shamiah are finally
a little more independent,
and we can actually go out and do stuff.
- You're preaching to the choir.
After Marina's pregnancy scare, I immediately signed up
for a vasectomy. - Really?
- [popping lips]
- Wow. Are you nervous?
Because you don't have much of a pain tolerance.
- Yeah I do. Ow, what the--
- It'll be way worse than that.
♪ ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- [speaking Spanish]
- Sí, por favor.
- Lupe was smiling.
She never smiles, what's that?
- Yeah, she's excited about her salsa contest.
- Oh, she's gonna crush that. She fire roasts the peppers.
It frickin' rips. - Are you--are you serious?
She's salsa dancing.
In her amateur salsa club.
- With her boyfriend. - Alphonse.
- Oh...tay.
Didn't Lupe was dating anyone. Get it, Lupe!
- She's been dating him for the past four months.
Do you know anything about the woman
that takes care of your house and your kid?
- And strains the pulp out of your orange juice
because it tickles your throat?
- Yeah, even I knew that Lupe was in a salsa competition,
and she does not like me.
- Look, guys, I know plenty of things about Lupe, okay?
i.e...she's from Colombia.
- What town in Colombia?
- Colombia City, Colombia.
- Not a place. - Does she have any kids?
- Yes. - How many?
- Two...
to five.
- Veronica, Inez, and Diego.
- So I was right.
- I assumed you two were closer.
Didn't you watch all of the "Transformers" movies together?
- Yeah, but you don't talk during those.
You'd miss all the nuance.
Look, I consider Lupe more than an employee, okay?
I consider her a friend.
We just don't talk about, like, our past,
or our feelings, or anything personal.
- Yeah, you sound like real besties.
[all exclaiming]
[speaking Spanish]
- I still have to cover it in rhinestones.
- Alphonse is gonna love it.
- Right, Alphonse.
- Your boyfriend of four months.
Not to be confused with your three kids...
um, all of whom have beautiful names.
♪ ♪
- There she is. Lupe!
Loop there it is!
What do you say to some drinks?
- Protein shake, orange juice no pulp?
- Oh no, I meant drinks, like, for the...
two of us, as friends.
- Are you dying?
- No. No, I just wanna...
hang.
I'll make you your favourite cocktail, what is it?
- Canelazo.
- All right, coming right up.
Um, quick question...
what is that, how do you make that,
and where do we keep our drink making stuff?
- I'll get us some beers. - Great.
Just two friends sippin' on some suds.
So, salsa.
How long you been, uh, burning up the dance flo'?
- We don't have to talk about this.
- Come on, I want to know.
Can I--can I come to this contest?
- I'm not doing it anymore.
Alphonse broke up with me.
- Oh, um...
I'm sorry.
I'll get you a tissue.
Where do we keep the tissues?
- What the!? What? No, no, no, no, no, oh.
- You Googled vasectomy, didn't you?
- No...
I went on Reddit. - Tom!
- There's a thread about the side effects
from the procedure. Donotsnip83 says he still
feels a burning sensation when he pees.
- That sounds like an STD.
- Well, definitely anti-condom.
- And stop scaring yourself.
You, like hundreds of other men, are gonna get a vasectomy
tomorrow, and everything is gonna be fine.
It certainly won't hurt more than pushing out a baby.
- Well, according to Charizard27,
the pain is comparable to giving birth.
- [speaking Spanish] - Charizard said it, not me.
- [speaking Spanish]
Hi Connor. - Hey.
So, uh, after you went on and on
about me not being close with Lupe, I--
I had this like weird feeling in my stomach.
- Mm-hmm, it's called guilt.
- Yeah. So I asked her a few questions,
and turns out her boyfriend broke up with her.
And now she's out of the salsa competition.
- Oh no, is she okay?
[vacuum buzzing]
- Yeah, I don't think so.
- Well, have you tried talking to her?
- That's what got me in this mess to begin with.
- Okay, I'm coming by. You're in over your head.
- Oh my God, they stick a whole needle in there?
How? Oh God, now I know how.
- The truth is we were growing apart.
I was hoping dancing would bring us closer.
- Dancing can do that.
I got pregnant with the twins while watching
"Step Up 2: The Streets." - [sighs]
We had been practicing for weeks.
I was so excited.
Now it's all for nothing.
- I know how you feel.
I was in a salsa club in high school and I was obsessed,
and my dad made me quit because he thought
it was distracting me from my studies.
- I'm so embarrassed.
I invited all of my friends and family to watch.
- It's a bummer.
I bet your three kids, Veronica, Inez, and Diego,
were so excited to watch you dance.
- You know what, Connor?
You could step in as her partner.
- Me? - Him?
- Yeah, you were in that break-dancing crew in college.
- The Con Artists? Yeah, we were incredible.
But I don't know how to salsa dance,
and Lupe probably doesn't want to dance with me anyways.
- It's a lot of choreography to learn in two days.
And I would still have to bedazzle my dress.
- So we agree, it's impossible.
- No, nothing is impossible with the right coach.
Me! I'll be your coach!
And as far as the bedazzling, Sarah and Denise can help.
- I don't know... - Oh, come on.
Your family deserves to see all of your hard work.
And look, it might not be perfect,
but it'll be something.
And it will be perfect.
- I guess if Optimus Prime and Bumblebee
can team up to defeat the Decepticons,
- Huevo!
- So we're doing this?
Awesome.
- So on the baby front,
I've been doing some preliminary research.
It's mostly pictures of babies napping.
- Mm-hmm. - I got all distracted.
Have you called your insurance to see if they cover spouses?
- Oh, uh, you know what? It totally slipped my mind,
so I will call first thing on Monday.
- Okay. - Okay.
- It's just--that's the third time I've asked.
- Yeah, and it's the third time I've forgotten.
- Is everything okay? - Well, I just um...
[phone rings]
Hey Marina! Hi!
- Hey, I have a huge favour to ask.
- You got it. I'm ready.
- Do you want to know what it is first?
It's pretty involved, and there's a time crunch.
- Perfect. Yes, yes, yes. We'll help you.
- Here's a post vasectomy ice pack for your crotch.
- [laughing]
You said crotch.
- What's wrong with Dad?
- [imitating guns]
- Well, the doctors, they gave him
a little something for his anxiety before his procedure,
and then he gave him a little something for his pain
after the procedure.
- Guys, are my arms always this heavy?
- He's a little loopy. - Okay, how do I put 'em down?
- Hey!
- Hi! - Hi.
- Rawr! [laughing]
- Thank you for helping out while I coach the dance team.
Tom can't watch the twins on his own.
- I cannot watch the twins.
- Sounds like he really freaked out.
- I freaked out. - The nurse took a video.
He's gonna be in a training film.
- But don't worry, they promised to blur out my face...
and my penis.
- Okay, I have you set up for the bedazzling over here.
The competition is tomorrow,
and we want Lupe sparkling from head to toe.
- This is a lot of rhinestones. - Yes, exactly 3,000.
- And they're all supposed to end up on Lupe's dress?
- But, good news--Connor's costume only has 1,000.
- No problem. We are up for the task.
- Honey, I can do it, I'm fine.
Look, I'm rocking Esteban to sleep right now.
- Let's get you back on the couch.
- Shh--oh, support the head. [laughing]
You gotta support the head.
- When it comes to salsa, my philosophy is:
it's all about fun. - Hey, fun sounds good.
I can do fun. - No.
F-U-N.
Frame, unity, never look at your feet.
- Well, that was misleading. - Shh, listen to Coach.
- Time is not our friend here.
She is a cruel mistress who wants to see us fail.
I have 24 hours to turn you
into salsa dancing champions.
So face each other.
Look into each other's eyes.
You are now one. Unity.
Connor join your left hand onto Lupe's right!
- Other left hand.
- I don't like these odds, Coach.
- Hey, here's a fresh ice pack for your...you know.
- Come on, Denise, we're both adults.
You can call it my wee-wee. - I'd prefer not to.
- Kay, Duh-nise.
Duh-nise, Duh-nise, Duh-nise. [laughing]
Your name's kind of fun to say.
Duh-niiise...DUH-nise! [laughing]
- [laughs awkwardly] [baby cooing]
Aww, she's so sweet with them.
- Yeah, Sarah has always been great with babies.
It's too bad she doesn't want one.
- What?
Why do you say that? - 'Cause she told me.
But she's afraid to tell you. That's why you don't know.
So, shh, don't tell, Duhniiise. [laughs]
Duh-nise. De-noice!
- Okay.
Now that we know our laterales from our cruzados,
let's get sweaty.
[salsa music]
♪ ♪
Whoo!
♪ ♪
Remember, Connor,
she's the picture, you're the frame.
Don't let the book fall.
Make eye contact with Lupe.
Stop looking at your feet.
- Aah!
Ay diablo!
- Connor! - That's why I look at my feet!
- You need to lead Lupe.
Guide her where you want her to go.
- And where do I want her to go?
- Ay, not there.
- Let's take a break. Gretchen!
- Not cool, Gretch.
- Twins are finally asleep.
Listening to Terry Gross did the trick.
- Good to know. I'll try to keep my voice down
during the argument we're about to have.
- About the bedazzling?
I'm trying, but I'm not as fast as you.
- No, Tom told me that don't wanna have a baby.
Is that true? - What?
You can't trust Tom, he's high as a kite right now.
- Whoa, whoa, guys?
Where'd my feet go? Oh, yeah, there they are.
False alarm.
- Okay...
maybe I'm a little unsure about the whole thing.
I just didn't want to disappoint you.
- This is a major decision.
We have to be honest with each other.
- Then, if we're being honest,
I'm worried that it would be a lot.
We just started saving for a new apartment,
and we're finally at a place with Kelvin and Shamiah
where we can actually relax for once.
Don't you remember what it was like raising little kids?
- Of course I do.
I have like eight cups of coffee to get through the day.
- You still drink eight cups of coffee.
- I teach second graders.
- Okay, well then a newborn would be--
I don't know if I could handle it.
I don't know if you could handle it.
Can we just continue this conversation later,
because it's getting late, and those costumes
are nowhere near done. - I wonder whose fault that is.
- I'm sorry, I have slow fingers.
- Guys I spilled my soup.
- Did we give him soup?
- No, I think he peed.
- What are you doing up? - We saw you needed help.
- So we're helping.
- I'm mainly eating Cheetos, but I'm here for moral support.
- Uh, guys, I'm not sure this is soup.
- Yeah, that's all you - Okay.
[brassy salsa music]
- That cross-body lead was sloppy.
- Don't even get me started with the triple spin.
Connor, she's not a dreidel.
Let's take five--Gretchen and I need to strategise.
[Connor exhaling]
You havin' F-U-N, yet? - [laughs]
Marina's tough, but nothing like my first salsa teacher
in Colombia. - She was a monster?
- She was my mother. - Oh wow.
- She and my dad used to go to the salsa clubs every week.
That's where I met my husband.
He saw me on the dance floor, asked me to dance,
a few months later, asked me to marry.
My parents never liked him.
- Emily's parents never liked me either.
At the wedding, they kept referring to it
as Emily's first wedding.
- Oof.
- Yeah. - In the end, they were right.
The jerk cheated on me.
- Raising one kid as a divorced parent has been hard enough.
I can't even imagine what it was like for you.
- They were less of a handful than you are.
- Oh ho ho! - [laughs]
- We had an inspiration.
Seeing as Connor isn't picking things up fast enough,
Lupe will have to back lead.
Connor you just let Lupe do everything.
- So kind of the way things work around the house.
- Daaaamn!
Getting roasted out here, tonight.
- All right, let's go, let's go!
Tonight's gonna be a late night!
[salsa music]
♪ ♪
- Huh.
They call that a dip?
- Well, this is an amateur competition.
- I know.
That's why we're gonna crush them.
- Hey, sorry we're late. We were bedazzling in the car.
- Oh, wow!
I love it!
Oh, thank you so much, all of you.
- It's so sparkly.
- We need you to change, okay?
Vamos, vamos!
- Honestly cannot believe that we just pulled that off,
right Lulu? Yay us!
- Yup...
Gonna take the kids to the vending machine
to get some chips.
- [muttering] Okay.
- Uh...it's just kind of coming back to me now,
but when I was out of it, did I tell Denise--
- That I'm scared to have a baby?
Sure did. - And is she--
- Mad at me for not telling her my true feelings?
Yep, big time.
- I'm so sorry, Sarah.
It was the pills talking.
- It's okay. Honestly, I take comfort
in knowing that you're in a lot of pain right now.
- Actually, I'm getting kind of a...
range of motion back in my hips.
- Eww, stop making eye contact with me.
- What? - [laughs]
[cheering and applause]
- Que maravillosa!
- I'm kind of vibing off this deep V.
Good thing today was chest day. All right.
Ready to do this, Lupe? - Mm-hmm.
- Now dancing, Alphonse Ruiz and Luna la Lucci.
[cheers and applause]
- Alphonse...
oh, he moved on quick.
And with a much younger partner.
- Hey, so did you.
- She's amazing
[gasps] Look at that triple spin!
- Uh, that's what that's supposed to look like?
♪ ♪
- I can't do this.
I can't go out there and dance in front of him.
- Hey, Lupe, stop. Come on.
- I can't. It's too much pressure.
- Hey, when your husband Gustavo
left you for his podiatrist,
did you cry into your sancocho de gallina?
No! You were strong enough to leave Cartagena
and start a new life.
You came here with nothing but three children.
But you thrived!
If you can do that, you can go out there
in front of your dumb ex-boyfriend and pull this off!
- Up next: Lupe Marino and Connor Hayworth.
- Lupe, your whole family came here to see you.
Both of your families.
Don't let stupid Alphonse take this moment away from you.
- You're right.
Come on, let's crush that payaso!
[giggling]
Vamos!
[cheering and applause]
Vamos! - Whoo!
[salsa music]
♪ ♪
[cheering and applause]
- [whistling]
♪ ♪
- Shimmy!
[salsa instrumental and vocal]
♪ ♪
[cheering and applause]
♪ ♪
- Yes!
♪ ♪
[crowd exclaiming]
[cheering and applause]
[crowd chanting] Lupe! Lupe! Lupe! Lupe!
♪ ♪
- Fourth place? These judges are blind!
- I just care that Alphonse came in fifth.
Only victory I need! [laughs]
- Showed him what he's missing.
- Thank you so much for helping.
It was a nice thing to do...
for a friend.
[laughs]
- Hey, look!
They scored a nine on their costumes.
All thanks to you! - Oh, it was a team effort.
The kids deserve most of the credit.
- I appreciate it.
- Hey, um...
I'm sorry for not telling you my real feelings.
You were just so excited. - Yeah, I'm excited,
but I want you to be excited too.
I'm not doing this without you.
I know you weren't expecting this, and I wasn't either.
I guess I...
just love having kids with you.
- Well, we do raise really awesome kids.
I mean, they killed it this week.
- Everyone did.
I know raising two little kids on our own was tough,
but this time we'd have a whole village helping us.
- That's true. - And there's no rush.
We still have a lot to figure out,
and a lot of money to save up.
- Okay? [laughs awkwardly]
Like a lot? - Let's not ruin this moment.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Honey congrats, they crushed it.
- They really did.
I'm just sad it's all over. - Well...
hey, maybe you could be like a part-time salsa coach.
Is that even a thing?
- No, it's not that I missed the dancing.
I just miss being passionate about something.
And you know this legal job pays bills, but...
I need to find what makes me happy, you know,
what's my new salsa?
- Well, look, if it exists, I know you will find it.
And hey, the pain down there, it's almost gone.
Shall we?
- I'll back lead.
[salsa music]
♪ ♪
- Mira, Marina! - Oh! Whoa!
[upbeat music, Spanish vocals]
♪ ♪