- Chapter 15.
The Hayworth siblings usually had Thanksgiving
with their parents in Sacramento,
but this year, they were hosting,
and the pressure was on.
Their mother had seemed down lately,
so they were going above and beyond
to create the perfect day.
- I love that Connor hired a caterer, huh, guys?
- Yeah. It's going to be so easy!
- I mean, it's a little weird that someone else is cooking,
but I guess the real tradition of Thanksgiving is eating.
- The real tradition of Thanksgiving is smallpox
and stolen land. - Yeah.
I guess I kind of walked right into that one, huh?
- Not all facts are fun, Tom. - Okay.
- Ah, two bottles of mezcal? Oh, your sister's coming.
- Yeah. It'll be fine.
It'll be great because it's Thanksgiving,
and she's my sister, and it'll be great.
And I'll be fine.
- Yeah. See? Denise gets it.
Thanksgiving is about family.
It's about traditions. It's about--
[steel drums playing gently]
- Steel drums?
♪ ♪
- What is happening?
- Welcome to the Caribbean! Pilgrim colada?
- Connor, I don't get what happened here.
You thought "traditional Thanksgiving"
and went straight to... Caribbean?
- Well, this is all for Mom, right?
She hasn't been herself lately,
really ever since I had to cancel
that trip to Turks and Caicos
because you guys wanted to be all together
as a family or whatever.
- Yeah, kind of the point of the holiday.
- So I thought to myself,
"If I can't bring Mom to the Turks and the Caicos,
might as well bring the Turks and the Caicos to her."
Mixing it up on the skillet! We got my man, JP.
- It is Jean Pierre.
- He's the best private Caribbean chef in town.
He cooks for Christian Bale. JP, hit them with the menu.
- We have conch fritters in a tomato vinaigrette,
followed by a slow-roasted jerk turkey
and a simple goat water.
- Connor, this is so, so great.
And, Jean Pierre, thank you for sharing your culture with us.
- Mm.
- Merci.
- We're not doing regular turkey?
What about Mom's creamed onion casserole?
We wanna do all mom stuff, you know, the classics.
- Okay, yeah, no, I'm a little conflicted here
because I do like moving away from Euro-centric paradigm--
- This guy was really hard to book, okay?
He cooks for Christian Bale! - Why is that a selling point?
- Yeah, how many times a week does Christian Bale
eat Caribbean food?
- Can we just try to enjoy this day?
For Mom.
- Totally. I'm easy. Yup.
- For Mom. - Cool.
- Okay.
- Hey, Jean Pierre. Hey, buddy.
I noticed you got
a couple spare onions kicking around here.
- What about cooking those grits
in a plant-based oil, huh?
- I do things a certain way.
- Totally. - Yeah.
No, well, we respect that.
- Understood. Yeah.
- But do you have any marshmallows?
You got to have yams with marshmallows, right?
- [growls]
- [slurps drink]
I am loving this Thanksgiving!
No cooking, alcohol in a pineapple.
Viva Turks and Caicos.
Do you wanna go walk barefoot in the sand?
It's basically a free pedicure.
Denise? Free pedi?
- Sorry. I was just mentally preparing for Joanne.
- Oh, I thought her name was JoJo?
- The Internet calls her JoJo, which is a child's name.
I didn't even want her to be here.
Usually she just goes back to Tampa,
but our parents are on another Jimmy Buffett Cruise,
so they asked me to invite her.
- Come on. It's Thanksgiving.
Maybe this is a perfect time for you two to clear the slate.
Wouldn't it feel great to repair that family bond?
- Don't you have a brother you never call?
- That's different. He's awful.
[doorbell rings]
- Oh, God.
- Easy there.
You're gonna get a brain freeze.
- That's what I'm going for.
- [screams] Denise!
Sara! Look at my two gorgeous gay sisters!
- Oh. You can just say sisters.
- Joanne, also known as JoJo,
was Denise's carefree younger sister.
Emphasis on the carefree.
She called herself a travel influencer,
whatever that meant.
Like most siblings,
Denise loved her sister,
but she didn't always like her.
- Oh, wow. That's so nice.
You didn't have to bring anything.
- Hmm? Oh!
This is just trash from my car. Can you do something with it?
- Hi. - Aloha!
- Hey! - Hello, Hayworth clan.
It has been years!
Connor, Tom, looking fine as ever.
- Happy Thanksgiving. - Welcome to the islands.
- And, Marina, you look so good,
I thought Tom left you and married a younger woman!
- Oh, stop!
I mean, thank you so much, Joanne.
- Auntie! - Up here!
- Kelvin? Shamiah?
When did you two get so grown?
Hey, you wanna watch me make a TikTok?
- Yes! - Yeah!
- Oh, we try to limit their social media.
- Oh, me too. 12 hours a day max.
Now, where can I get one of those pineapples?
- Right this way.
- So, remember, it's just one day.
And today is supposed to be about family.
- Yes. - So... oh, my God.
Stupid Connor and his stupid sand!
What was I saying?
- Family. - Right. Family. So important.
- So important. Yeah. - Yeah.
- What up, Japes? We almost done with the...
Oh, what's that smell?
Is that creamed onion casserole?
- That is the smell of tradition... and onions.
I asked him to make that.
- I thought you said you were good.
- I was good. Now I'm great
since we're adding some of the Hayworth stuff in the mix.
- It's just, Connor, we agreed to catering,
not necessarily Caribbean catering.
Although, we love your culture and appreciate the diversity
we're adding to our holiday.
- Mm.
- Look, I paid for JP,
which means I'm in charge here, okay?
JP, can we throw in some, maybe some pineapples in here?
- You know what? His name is Jean Pierre.
And that's gross.
- Creamed onion casserole is gross.
- So because it's your money we don't get a say
in our own family traditions? That's gross!
- Hey, Sarah. - Connor!
- This is embarrassing!
- Let go. Your being ridiculous.
- Hey, you're being--stop it. Stop.
- You're both being ridiculous! - I'm being ridiculous?
I'm--I'm trying to help!
- Oh!
[doorbell rings]
all: Mom.
- Okay. So sorry.
Sorry. Sorry.
- So sorry.
- Connor's ruining Thanksgiving.
- These two are being so annoying.
- Okay, first, let me say,
cultural diversity is essential, but--
- It's all over for me.
- Your mother got some bad news.
- Mom, what's going on? - I can't talk about it.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's got melanoma.
She sits outside in the sun like a raisin.
Of course, she's got melanoma.
- Why would your mind immediately go there?
It's probably her colon. - Guys, stop fighting!
The important thing is, Mom is dying!
- It's none of those things. It's worse!
I didn't get menopause!
- We're going to have a baby brother?
- The musical.
I wasn't cast in "Menopause: The Musical!"
- Oh, my God, Mom.
- Mom, we thought you were dying.
- It's the death of my career!
I'm too old for "Menopause"? Then there are no roles left.
Who am I if I'm not treading the boards?
- I think it's trodding?
- Mom, look, Turks and Caicos!
- I'm not in the mood. - Come here.
- Well, should we return the sand?
- Forget about the sand.
- I wish I could. It's 2,000 pounds of sand.
- Guys, this is serious. She's in a really bad place.
We need to make today great for Mom.
- Okay. Yeah.
I mean, normally Thanksgiving is our special day of fighting,
but I say we just put that aside for today.
- Agreed. - Mm-hmm.
- Now, if you two can stop bickering about the food
and let Jean Pierre do his job, we can comfort Mom.
- Okay. Can we-- - Hey, but you're the one--
- Ah-bap-bap-bap.
- Oh-- - Bap.
[light music]
Mom.
♪ ♪
- Hey, sweetie. You seen the chef?
- He left out the back.
He said you were the worst people he's ever cooked for,
and he cooked for Christian Bale.
- Okay. This is fine.
- Not a big deal. We can handle this.
- We can cook dinner ourselves.
I mean, he left us all the ingredients.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- We're worse than Christian Bale?
- So, basically, what I'm doing now is a mix
of, like, product ambassador,
content creator and, like, overall multi-hyphenate.
- Ah! So many roles.
So it pays well?
- Well, it's not always money per se.
It's usually perks like offer codes,
party invites, free diet soup.
- Oh.
So you're still being subsidized by Mom and Dad?
- I'm building my brand, Denise.
- She's building her brand.
- Oh, yeah? And that's the brand of...
I'm sorry. What skill do you possess?
I know it's not graphic design,
because you dropped out of school after one semester.
- Hey, is the drummer playing Chaka Khan?
- It's the skill of building an audience.
And Mom and Dad aren't subsidizing me,
they're investing in me.
- Oh. Wanna know the last time
Mom and Dad spent money on me?
I was 11, and I wanted a soda.
- Speaking of childhood, should we go check in on the kids?
- Yeah. I'll go.
- I know. Clear the slate.
It just drives me crazy
how much our parents enable her.
And it's not like they have money to spare.
Mm! - Brain freeze?
- Yes! Finally.
- Okay. Connor, you chop vegetables.
Sarah, gravy?
- Okay. Yeah.
[upbeat music]
- Oh!
- Oh, yeah.
Nice.
- Hey hey hey!
- That's not-- both: Oh.
[oven bell dings] - Oh!
- Moment of truth.
- Oh! - Smells good.
- Guys, are we pulling this off?
- These yams look, dare I say, delicioso.
- I think I'm, like, a legit chef.
- Mom's going to love this. Mom, you're going to love this!
- Coming.
It's hard to hustle with one foot in the grave.
What is it?
- Ta-da!
- It's a work in progress, but...
- You did all this yourselves?
- Just the three of us.
- We made Thanksgiving on our own!
- First the theater doesn't need me,
and now my own children.
I'm useless. Useless!
[sobbing]
- Muriel, come on, now.
- What--what are you doing?
- Two generations of hotties on a beautiful beach?
This is premium content!
Okay. I see you, Muriel.
Turn up. Sad girl fall.
Hmm, this is so tragic.
- You may think you and your sister have nothing in common,
but you share one key thing.
- Ready to reject whatever this is.
- You both have good hearts.
- Maybe.
She is trying to cheer Muriel up,
which is more than what we're doing.
- Just talk to her.
It would be nice to have
at least one heartwarming family moment today.
- Hey-o. What's clucking, turkeys?
- I don't think it's going to come from Marshall.
- Yeah.
- Mind if we switch over to the game?
- Not now. The toy group is about to go on.
- Yeah, Shamiah, honey,
Thanksgiving tradition is clear.
We watch football.
This is not a day to watch...
oh, the most cuddly ball of fur I've ever seen.
- It's an Affenpinscher. - You've got to be
affin' kidding me.
Oh, I just want to hug that little guy.
[steel drums playing moodily]
♪ ♪
- Hey, man, maybe play something a little more upbeat?
[playing upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Okay. Maybe just take a five?
- Mom, we're sorry we upset you.
- Yeah, we just wanted to make you proud.
- It's not your fault. And I am proud of you.
I raised three beautiful, self-sufficient children
who don't need me and won't miss me when I die.
- Mom... - No, thank you.
I don't need it. - No, let us...
- I don't need it! Thank you.
- Oh, no. I hate when she does this.
- We did too good a job. We made her feel unnecessary.
- Almost like she would have been happier
if we just ruined Thanksgiving.
- I think the Pilgrims ruined it just fine.
- The Pilgrims invented Thanksgiving.
- Not now. How do we make her feel better?
- Wait a second.
What if we did ruin Thanksgiving?
We trash one dish, tell her we screwed up.
She has to swoop in, fix it, save the day.
- I love that! Okay.
So which dish should we ruin?
- Uh... - No! Not my green beans.
Come on, what about Tom's gross casserole?
- Yeah, that's fine by me. That thing is gross.
- It's incredibly gross, but it's tradition.
[light tense music]
♪ ♪
- Get out--no!
Stop it, Thomas!
♪ ♪
- Hey, can we talk for a second?
- What, are you upset because Mom and Dad gave me their car?
- They gave you their car?
Mm. [breathes deeply]
Okay. Uh, Joanne, I...
JoJo, I feel like I've been unfair.
I know that I'm super critical of you and your lifestyle
and your career and your relationships...
- You can just say et cetera.
- Well, I just wanted to say I'm...
Sorry.
Hmm.
- What are you doing?
- Shh!
I'm bringing people together.
- I just feel like we're so different.
[cell phone chimes]
We just have, um, different paths in life...
[cell phone chimes]
And different...
[cell phone chimes]
Values. [cell phone chiming]
- Do you need to get that? - No.
I mean, if you don't mind.
Oh, my God!
- What? Did Dad have a heart attack?
- Kelvin and Shamiah are going viral!
- Viral how? - I made a video of them
going to town in Gretchen's candy room.
You need to monetize these likes.
- You want me to monetize my children?
- Yeah. Deadass. Tweens make bank on TikTok.
- I can't believe you posted my kids online
without my permission!
- We were just having fun. What is the big deal?
- The big deal is that you don't think about anyone else,
and I'm sick of it.
I can't believe I was apologizing to you...
deadass!
- That's not how you use that.
Ugh, this is typical Denise.
Always judgy. Always uptight.
- You think I want to get this uptight?
You think I wouldn't love to just be on a pier all day
learning how to play the mandolin?
I would love to play the mandolin!
- It's a lute, and I'm getting really good.
- Well, I can't do that because I'm a grown-up,
and have responsibilities.
And unlike you, I have a little think called shame.
- Damn, Denise, if this is really how you feel,
why did you even invite me here?
- Because Mom and Dad made me, and I should have said no.
- Wow.
[punchy music]
♪ ♪
- [quietly] Go, go.
[all groan]
- Come on! What kind of call was that?
If that Boxer snout is not breed standard,
I don't know what is!
- I told you Sanchez has a bias against working dogs.
- Yeah, well, 50 bucks says the Brussels Griffon
is going to take Best in Show.
- I'll take your money, old man.
- Nope. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Okay. Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Let's just... let's just settle this like adults.
- Yes, let's relax and calmly destroy this meal for Mom.
- Whoa. Hey! No.
Look, if anything, we should destroy the casserole, right?
That's what made Mom cry. - No, No, no, no, no, no, no.
- You and your stupid traditions!
- Your only tradition is criticizing other traditions!
Look, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
- What?
- Is--you smell something burning?
- Oh, God! - Oh, no, no, no!
- Oh! All right...
Uh...
- Okay... - Aah!
- Oh!
- Oh, God! It got worse! - It's so much worse!
- Uh, look, uh, Lupe said
there's a fire extinguisher somewhere.
- Okay. What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?
- What do we do? What do we do? - You're the oldest!
- Sand! Get as much as you can!
- Okay!
- Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on!
- Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh my God.
- Why isn't it going out? Mom!
- Coming in hot!
♪ ♪
[smoke alarm beeping]
Yeah!
Whoo!
[smoke alarm beeping]
- What have you done?
- Sorry, Mom.
[gentle music]
♪ ♪
- Okay. Mom's in charge now.
Come on, everyone, we have a dinner to produce.
Tom, you're on silverware. Sarah, find me
whatever spices you have in this tiny little kitchen.
- Mom's back.
- So you were right.
The Pomeranian dominated. College fund.
- Okay, I got this, I got this, okay?
- Special day of drinking? - Special day of drinking.
♪ ♪
- What exactly is this?
- Spaghetti casserole with a vegan corn dog crust.
We have limited options.
- It smells great, Mom.
- Hey, I'm sorry about your kitchen.
- Lupe's going to kill me. - Stop the chit-chat, people!
Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it! Come on! Let's go! Go!
Get the lead out!
♪ ♪
- Hey.
- [groans] Don't worry. I am heading out soon.
I'm just seeing if any Black Friday deals
have started.
- Um, look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
For real this time.
I guess a part of me is jealous of your life
because you get to do whatever you want.
Even when we were kids,
our parents never asked anything of you.
- Because they never expected anything from me.
You're their golden child.
Yes, I can get into whatever club I want,
I get free bikinis sent to me,
I've literally never paid for brunch...
- I hope this is heading somewhere.
- But I have always been jealous of you.
- For what?
- Because you have everything that matters.
A beautiful family, a meaningful job,
a loving wife and crap.
But I don't have any of that.
I'm just... broke and single.
Hot, broke and single.
- Well, in the spirit of Thanksgiving...
- In the spirit of Thanksgiving.
- Oh! - Oh.
- Sorry.
Sorry, I just wanted some, uh--some fresh air.
Okay.
[whispering] We got our heartwarming family moment.
- [whispering] We did. I'm going to go back to it now.
- She's fun. - She's fun. Yeah.
Hey, Jo, if you're free around Christmas,
maybe you could come back and visit us?
- I would love to stay through Christmas!
- Through?
I--uh, not through Christmas. I didn't say through.
- Okay. Here's the thing.
This brand deal I had with Courtyard by Marriott
fell through, so I was kind of homeless-ish.
But now I'm not!
- Now you're not! Because you're staying...
- Here.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Well... of course! - Yay!
- Yeah. Yeah.
- It's going to be so much fun. - So much fun.
- Yay!
- Tom was right. Traditions are important.
Just not the ones he thought.
All his mom wanted was to feel like there
was still a role for her. So they made that happen
by upholding
the most important tradition of all,
turning Thanksgiving into their special day of fighting.
- Tom, are you going to help us clean up
or just let the women do it?
- Yeah, Tom. - Same goes for you, Connor.
- I'm not done eating.
- You always say that to get out of cleaning up.
- I have a very healthy appetite!
- And you always say you have a very healthy appetite...
- You clearly just put more on your plate when we started--
- My beautiful babies. - You're not even chewing!
- Tom, you have to wash both sides of the plate!
- I've washed a dish before.
- Have you, though?
- Oh, man. Mom took down our video.
Dang it! We were going to be famous.
- JoJo tagged me in a selfie, and I got six new followers!
I'm a viral!
- Hey, yo, Steve, can you play some dishwashing music?
[playing steel drums gently]
♪ ♪
- Come on, Tom, give us a shimmy.
Give us a shimmy. Give us a shimmy!