1 00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:02,803 - Chapter 14. 2 00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,604 There was nothing Tom enjoyed more than stories 3 00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:06,165 of traveling to distant lands, 4 00:00:06,265 --> 00:00:08,127 and there was nothing that Tom enjoyed less 5 00:00:08,227 --> 00:00:09,648 than actually traveling. 6 00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:11,049 I can't find my khakis. 7 00:00:11,149 --> 00:00:12,930 - The one with the side pocket for sunscreen? 8 00:00:13,030 --> 00:00:14,291 - Mm-mm. 9 00:00:14,391 --> 00:00:16,293 - He needs to re-apply every 15 minutes. 10 00:00:16,393 --> 00:00:18,575 The dermatologist said he'll literally catch on fire. 11 00:00:18,675 --> 00:00:21,697 - Tom, you are the most nervous traveler. 12 00:00:21,797 --> 00:00:23,378 Do you have to go to Puerto Rico? 13 00:00:23,478 --> 00:00:24,719 - Sofía wants me to see the village she grew up in 14 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,061 so I can write 15 00:00:26,161 --> 00:00:28,342 about her impoverished childhood in the memoir. 16 00:00:28,442 --> 00:00:30,304 Now, how many umbrellas do you think I'll need? 17 00:00:30,404 --> 00:00:32,666 - One to none? 18 00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,107 - I thought this trip was gonna be a few days. 19 00:00:34,207 --> 00:00:36,148 - Yeah, but it's pretty humid down there. 20 00:00:36,248 --> 00:00:38,590 You got to expect at least three pairs of socks per day. 21 00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:39,911 - Ew. 22 00:00:40,011 --> 00:00:41,272 - If you're this anxious about going, 23 00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:42,753 I can take your place. 24 00:00:42,853 --> 00:00:44,795 - Although Sofía might be more of a handful than the twins. 25 00:00:44,895 --> 00:00:46,116 - No. You know, working on that book 26 00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:47,117 hasn't been all bad. 27 00:00:47,217 --> 00:00:48,318 Thanks to Sofía, 28 00:00:48,418 --> 00:00:49,759 I've learned that I'm a ceviche guy. 29 00:00:49,859 --> 00:00:51,000 - What? 30 00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,041 I've been pushing you to try ceviche for years. 31 00:00:53,141 --> 00:00:55,643 You said eating raw fish makes you feel like a pelican. 32 00:00:55,743 --> 00:00:57,485 - Well, technically, ceviche isn't raw fish. 33 00:00:57,585 --> 00:00:59,827 It's cured in acid. Sofía taught me that. 34 00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:02,969 - Can I go to the movies after this? 35 00:01:03,069 --> 00:01:04,650 - Sure, sweetie. Who all's going? 36 00:01:04,750 --> 00:01:06,752 - Just some friends from school. 37 00:01:07,593 --> 00:01:11,215 - Oof, cold. I was like that at her age... 38 00:01:11,315 --> 00:01:12,857 which means you're in trouble. 39 00:01:12,957 --> 00:01:15,699 - Oh, all right. Let me just kind of... 40 00:01:15,799 --> 00:01:17,220 Come on. 41 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,661 - First she ditches us on Halloween, 42 00:01:18,761 --> 00:01:20,222 now this attitude. 43 00:01:20,322 --> 00:01:21,664 Teen years are starting off rough. 44 00:01:21,764 --> 00:01:23,625 - I hope Gretchen stays my little girl forever. 45 00:01:23,725 --> 00:01:26,507 Maybe she'll be a late bloomer like Tom and require 46 00:01:26,607 --> 00:01:28,189 a medical intervention to kickstart puberty. 47 00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:29,670 - Come on. 48 00:01:29,770 --> 00:01:30,991 - Maybe it never kicked in. 49 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,192 - I wonder if something more is going on with her, 50 00:01:33,292 --> 00:01:35,034 because she's been especially cagey with us lately. 51 00:01:35,134 --> 00:01:36,515 - I wouldn't sweat it. 52 00:01:36,615 --> 00:01:38,617 She's probably just nervous to see Cayden. 53 00:01:39,297 --> 00:01:40,758 - Who's Cayden? - Cayden. 54 00:01:40,858 --> 00:01:42,880 The boy she likes, 55 00:01:42,980 --> 00:01:45,042 whose ass I'll kick if he breaks her heart? 56 00:01:45,142 --> 00:01:48,244 - Oh, my God, her first crush. Why didn't she tell us? 57 00:01:48,344 --> 00:01:50,046 - Yeah. And why did she tell you? 58 00:01:50,146 --> 00:01:52,167 - Because I'm the cool uncle that she can confide in. 59 00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:53,368 - Oh, please. Like you understand 60 00:01:53,468 --> 00:01:55,690 the emotional life of a teenage girl. 61 00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:58,132 - We have a very active text thread, okay? 62 00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:01,094 Our memes are so crazy, I don't even understand them. 63 00:02:01,194 --> 00:02:03,376 - Okay, well, Shamiah will come to us 64 00:02:03,476 --> 00:02:04,897 when it's something worth sharing. 65 00:02:04,997 --> 00:02:06,618 - Yes, of course. Absolutely. 66 00:02:06,718 --> 00:02:09,080 - And... done. Got it. 67 00:02:12,643 --> 00:02:13,624 [upbeat music] 68 00:02:13,724 --> 00:02:15,545 - Are those mittens? 69 00:02:15,645 --> 00:02:17,647 ♪ ♪ 70 00:02:20,689 --> 00:02:22,591 - But if the gardener couldn't have been 71 00:02:22,691 --> 00:02:24,792 the Hothouse killer, then who was? 72 00:02:24,892 --> 00:02:26,894 - It was the brother-in-law, Steven. 73 00:02:27,735 --> 00:02:29,736 Oh, I've heard this one already. 74 00:02:31,698 --> 00:02:33,199 - Hi, honey. 75 00:02:33,299 --> 00:02:36,121 - Are you in the jungle? Have you been kidnapped? 76 00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:37,482 We don't have the money to pay ransom. 77 00:02:37,582 --> 00:02:38,923 - What? No. 78 00:02:39,023 --> 00:02:40,364 No, I just want to call you 79 00:02:40,464 --> 00:02:41,966 before I jump off this 40-foot waterfall. 80 00:02:42,066 --> 00:02:43,807 What? Oh, he did it! 81 00:02:43,907 --> 00:02:45,168 - What? 82 00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:47,970 You're terrified of heights and water. 83 00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,491 - Yeah, I know. This was Sofía's idea. 84 00:02:49,591 --> 00:02:51,013 She said it'd a fun way to cap off our trip 85 00:02:51,113 --> 00:02:52,134 before we head to the airport. 86 00:02:52,234 --> 00:02:54,015 - Well, you could just tell them 87 00:02:54,115 --> 00:02:55,376 you have diarrhea. 88 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:56,497 - No, I'm gonna go for it. 89 00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:57,818 She's got this crazy way 90 00:02:57,918 --> 00:02:59,179 of pushing me out of my comfort zone. 91 00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,660 An hour ago, I let an iguana sit 92 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,702 on my head. 93 00:03:02,802 --> 00:03:04,743 What? Hey, how are the kids? 94 00:03:04,843 --> 00:03:06,224 Are Alejandro and Esteban asleep? 95 00:03:06,324 --> 00:03:09,747 - "Es-tay-ban." Wait, you said it correctly. 96 00:03:09,847 --> 00:03:11,889 - Yeah. Sofía has been helping me with my Spanish. 97 00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:15,271 Don't worry, it's not like that. 98 00:03:15,371 --> 00:03:17,113 She's actually sleeping with our driver. 99 00:03:17,213 --> 00:03:19,835 It's--it's really awkward. 100 00:03:19,935 --> 00:03:21,556 - Tomás, vámonos. 101 00:03:21,656 --> 00:03:23,158 - "Tomás"? 102 00:03:23,258 --> 00:03:24,759 - Oh, yeah, it's what Sofía started calling me. 103 00:03:24,859 --> 00:03:26,560 It's Spanish for Tom. 104 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:28,962 Okay, I'm gonna go. It's my turn to jump. 105 00:03:29,062 --> 00:03:29,823 I don't want to keep them waiting. 106 00:03:29,903 --> 00:03:31,164 - Yeah, yeah, I'd hate for you 107 00:03:31,264 --> 00:03:32,565 to be inconsiderate. 108 00:03:32,665 --> 00:03:34,246 - Okay. Love you. Bye. 109 00:03:34,346 --> 00:03:35,407 I'm coming! 110 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,288 [screams] [phone beeps] 111 00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:40,251 - It was the brother-in-law, Steven. 112 00:03:40,351 --> 00:03:45,094 ♪ ♪ 113 00:03:45,194 --> 00:03:46,896 - Wait, who is Sue? 114 00:03:46,996 --> 00:03:49,278 I thought Abby Wambach was in love with Glennon. 115 00:03:50,879 --> 00:03:52,780 Oh, I see. We swapped books. 116 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,502 You were reading Megan Rapinoe. 117 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,583 - Oh... Well, I'm invested now. 118 00:03:56,683 --> 00:03:58,305 - Yeah. 119 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,406 Oh, hey, sweetie. How was the park? 120 00:04:01,607 --> 00:04:03,188 - Is everything okay? 121 00:04:03,288 --> 00:04:05,190 - It's fine. 122 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:07,672 - Okay, clearly, not everything's fine. 123 00:04:07,772 --> 00:04:09,773 - Yeah, did it look like she's been crying? 124 00:04:11,535 --> 00:04:13,597 - Whoa. 125 00:04:13,697 --> 00:04:15,478 - Shamiah, are you hungry? 126 00:04:15,578 --> 00:04:17,159 Should I make you a tofu scramble? 127 00:04:17,259 --> 00:04:18,520 - Yeah, we can eat it while we watch 128 00:04:18,620 --> 00:04:20,682 "High School Musical: The Musical: The Series." 129 00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:21,843 Wow, I finally got the title right. 130 00:04:21,943 --> 00:04:24,125 [upbeat music playing] 131 00:04:24,225 --> 00:04:25,806 Great. She's literally tuning us out. 132 00:04:25,906 --> 00:04:27,848 - I bet this has something to do with that boy she likes. 133 00:04:27,948 --> 00:04:29,489 I don't get it. 134 00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:30,550 She knows she can talk to us about anything. 135 00:04:30,630 --> 00:04:31,891 This is a safe space. 136 00:04:31,991 --> 00:04:33,612 - Yeah, it says so right there. 137 00:04:33,712 --> 00:04:35,533 ♪ ♪ 138 00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:37,795 - We do know someone she feels comfortable talking to. 139 00:04:38,636 --> 00:04:40,177 - No, no way. 140 00:04:40,277 --> 00:04:41,698 - We need cool uncle Connor. 141 00:04:41,798 --> 00:04:43,380 - Okay, first of all, do not call him that, 142 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,221 and also, I don't like the idea of Connor 143 00:04:45,321 --> 00:04:47,182 being Shamiah's confidant. Okay? 144 00:04:47,282 --> 00:04:49,024 In high school, he went to nine proms. 145 00:04:49,124 --> 00:04:50,825 There was a write-up about it in the paper. 146 00:04:50,925 --> 00:04:52,827 - So he's experienced. 147 00:04:52,927 --> 00:04:54,468 Look, she's shutting us out for some reason. 148 00:04:54,568 --> 00:04:55,469 We're gonna need his help. 149 00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:56,870 - Okay, I can talk to kids. 150 00:04:56,970 --> 00:04:58,972 Right? It's my job. 151 00:05:00,653 --> 00:05:01,714 'Sup, girl? 152 00:05:01,814 --> 00:05:03,755 Can we come in 153 00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:07,318 and just hang on the floor, like, listen to some music? 154 00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:10,080 Oh, is that the new Lizzo? 155 00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:13,463 Yas queen, I love that, that bus'ing beat. 156 00:05:13,903 --> 00:05:16,045 - Just leave me alone! 157 00:05:16,145 --> 00:05:17,246 - Fine. 158 00:05:17,346 --> 00:05:22,089 [cell phone rings] 159 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:23,370 - What's up, Sarah? 160 00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:25,612 - Hey, Connor, what's going on? 161 00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:27,173 - Just finishing up a little workout sesh. 162 00:05:27,273 --> 00:05:28,655 Just benched three hundy 163 00:05:28,755 --> 00:05:31,116 for the first time, kind of an emotional day. 164 00:05:31,557 --> 00:05:33,218 - Please let me hang up. - Keep going. 165 00:05:33,318 --> 00:05:36,060 - Congrats. That's a lot of hundys. 166 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,662 Hey, if you're in the neighborhood later, 167 00:05:37,762 --> 00:05:40,364 we could use your help with our garbage disposal. 168 00:05:41,244 --> 00:05:43,926 I'm getting to it. It's making a weird sound. 169 00:05:45,648 --> 00:05:47,029 - Ooh, just got a text from Shamiah. 170 00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,270 She wants me to come over. 171 00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,832 She used punctuation. It's a hot one. 172 00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:52,673 I'm on my way. And call a plumber. 173 00:05:52,773 --> 00:05:54,595 What do I know about garbage disposals? 174 00:05:54,695 --> 00:05:59,759 ♪ ♪ 175 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,640 - Hola. 176 00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:04,702 - Tom? You're back. 177 00:06:06,544 --> 00:06:09,046 And dressed like you're in a tequila ad. 178 00:06:09,146 --> 00:06:11,288 - Yeah, it's crazy, right? The airline lost my luggage, 179 00:06:11,388 --> 00:06:13,329 so I had to get all new clothes in San Juan. 180 00:06:13,429 --> 00:06:15,371 - After all your stress about what to bring... 181 00:06:15,471 --> 00:06:18,213 That bag had three of your five favorite hoodies. 182 00:06:18,313 --> 00:06:20,815 - It's just stuff. Yeah. It turns up, It turns up. 183 00:06:20,915 --> 00:06:23,697 - I'm sorry, who are you? And what's with the gold chain? 184 00:06:23,797 --> 00:06:25,338 - Oh, you like? 185 00:06:25,438 --> 00:06:27,660 Sofía said it screamed "Tomás." 186 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,942 Puerto Rico was incredible. 187 00:06:30,042 --> 00:06:33,024 I rode a horse. I ate ant eggs. 188 00:06:33,124 --> 00:06:34,385 We even trespassed into an abandoned castle 189 00:06:34,485 --> 00:06:35,867 to drink rum at sunset. 190 00:06:35,967 --> 00:06:37,468 - Wow, for someone who didn't want to go, 191 00:06:37,568 --> 00:06:38,909 you sure had a great time. 192 00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:42,432 - Yeah, well, Sofía has got this saying, 193 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,233 "You only live once." 194 00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,994 - That's a very common saying. - Yeah. 195 00:06:46,094 --> 00:06:47,956 Well, I guess I just never really understood it before. 196 00:06:48,056 --> 00:06:49,317 Hey, how was your week? 197 00:06:49,417 --> 00:06:51,799 - Well, Alejandro has an impacted stool. 198 00:06:51,899 --> 00:06:53,120 Camilla called me a monster 199 00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:54,641 when I didn't let her watch "Gossip Girl." 200 00:06:54,741 --> 00:06:56,122 And even though I've been doing laundry 201 00:06:56,222 --> 00:06:58,404 non-stop, this pile never gets smaller. 202 00:06:58,504 --> 00:07:00,406 - Well, you'll be happy to know that these clothes 203 00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:02,127 are dry clean only, so... 204 00:07:02,227 --> 00:07:05,770 - Ha-ha. 205 00:07:05,870 --> 00:07:08,732 - Yeah, you know, it must have been really hard 206 00:07:08,832 --> 00:07:10,573 staying here all week, 207 00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:12,455 with me at work, having to take care 208 00:07:12,555 --> 00:07:13,896 of all this stuff. 209 00:07:13,996 --> 00:07:15,177 Why don't we go out tomorrow night? 210 00:07:15,277 --> 00:07:16,738 We'll go to Gianno's. They have a new special. 211 00:07:16,838 --> 00:07:18,580 - Chicken parm, I know. 212 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,721 It's been their new special for the last three years. 213 00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:24,744 - Okay. Well, then we'll just order in, and watch a movie. 214 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:26,306 There's a voter suppression documentary 215 00:07:26,406 --> 00:07:28,107 that Sarah has been raving about. 216 00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:30,589 - Those are my options? Why can't I have adventure? 217 00:07:30,689 --> 00:07:33,071 Why can't I have Tomás, 218 00:07:33,171 --> 00:07:35,192 the man who jumps off waterfalls, 219 00:07:35,292 --> 00:07:36,513 who doesn't blink at losing his luggage. 220 00:07:36,613 --> 00:07:38,635 Why don't I get that side of you? 221 00:07:38,735 --> 00:07:40,477 - We went on a haunted hayride once. 222 00:07:40,577 --> 00:07:43,079 - I've been pushing you for years to try new things. 223 00:07:43,179 --> 00:07:45,120 Like the nude beach. 224 00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:47,322 - Those seagulls were, like, weirdly aggressive. 225 00:07:47,422 --> 00:07:48,923 - For our anniversary, I said we should get 226 00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,285 wedding band tattoos, and you got physically ill. 227 00:07:51,385 --> 00:07:53,246 - Yeah, well, what if I got an infection? 228 00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:55,528 I can't afford to lose a finger. 229 00:07:55,628 --> 00:07:56,889 These are my moneymakers. 230 00:07:56,989 --> 00:07:59,251 - Around Sofía Salazar, nothing seems to scare you. 231 00:07:59,351 --> 00:08:02,053 Heights, eating ants, rum. 232 00:08:02,153 --> 00:08:03,775 - Come on. I drank rum for work. 233 00:08:03,875 --> 00:08:06,056 - [scoffs] - Wha--okay. 234 00:08:06,156 --> 00:08:07,377 Look, it's different around you. 235 00:08:07,477 --> 00:08:08,818 I can be myself. 236 00:08:08,918 --> 00:08:10,099 I don't have to try so hard. 237 00:08:10,199 --> 00:08:12,301 - Oh. 238 00:08:12,401 --> 00:08:14,923 So you put in the effort for Sofía, but not for me? 239 00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:19,347 I'm gonna go take my first shower in three days. 240 00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:26,212 ♪ ♪ 241 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,676 - Seriously? 242 00:08:31,776 --> 00:08:33,317 - They've been in there for, like, a half hour. 243 00:08:33,417 --> 00:08:34,418 I need to know what they're talking about. 244 00:08:34,498 --> 00:08:35,799 - You're being ridiculous. 245 00:08:35,899 --> 00:08:37,320 - You're right. 246 00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:39,122 I need a glass. 247 00:08:39,222 --> 00:08:40,723 - That's not what I meant. 248 00:08:40,823 --> 00:08:42,945 Also, the glass thing only works in the movies. 249 00:08:45,227 --> 00:08:47,228 - I think I hear something. - Wait, it works? 250 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:53,293 - Wow, not cool, Denise. 251 00:08:53,393 --> 00:08:54,694 And the glass thing only works in the movies. 252 00:08:54,794 --> 00:08:57,136 - So what's going on? - Yeah, what happened? 253 00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:59,418 - Don't worry, everything's fine. 254 00:08:59,518 --> 00:09:01,099 - And... 255 00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:02,820 - And what? - And anything. 256 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:06,303 - Oh, you guys want the deets. 257 00:09:06,403 --> 00:09:07,584 - Yes, obviously the deets. 258 00:09:07,684 --> 00:09:09,465 - Sorry, it's a no-can-do. 259 00:09:09,565 --> 00:09:11,067 I'd be breaking uncle/niece code. 260 00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,548 - What about brother/sister code? 261 00:09:12,648 --> 00:09:13,468 - That's not a thing. 262 00:09:13,568 --> 00:09:14,669 - Connor, please. 263 00:09:14,769 --> 00:09:16,271 We're worried. She was so upset. 264 00:09:16,371 --> 00:09:18,192 - Look, it's just teenage boy drama, okay? 265 00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,273 She likes him. 266 00:09:19,373 --> 00:09:20,374 She's worried he doesn't like her back. 267 00:09:20,454 --> 00:09:21,995 And I'm already telling you too much. 268 00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:23,796 Okay. Don't rat on me. 269 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,917 - I hate this. 270 00:09:25,017 --> 00:09:26,198 Your first crush is an important milestone. 271 00:09:26,298 --> 00:09:27,279 And I wanna be a part of it. 272 00:09:27,379 --> 00:09:29,321 - Me too. 273 00:09:29,421 --> 00:09:31,522 I can't believe she'd open up her heart to you over us. 274 00:09:31,622 --> 00:09:32,923 You're like the jock in every teen movie 275 00:09:33,023 --> 00:09:34,565 who dates the dorky girl on a bet. 276 00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:36,566 - Hey, that was one time. 277 00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:38,248 And when Gwen took her glasses off, 278 00:09:38,348 --> 00:09:40,709 she was stunning, so joke's on you. 279 00:09:41,430 --> 00:09:43,091 I'm just trying to help. Okay? 280 00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,332 I told Shamiah to talk to you guys about it, 281 00:09:44,432 --> 00:09:45,773 but she said you won't understand. 282 00:09:45,873 --> 00:09:47,975 - Why wouldn't we understand? 283 00:09:48,075 --> 00:09:49,416 Because it's about a boy? 284 00:09:49,516 --> 00:09:51,858 - And she thinks we can't relate because we're gay? 285 00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,780 - That can't be it, can't it? 286 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,541 - She likes boys and we don't. 287 00:09:55,641 --> 00:09:56,742 - We do not. 288 00:09:56,842 --> 00:09:57,983 - Yeah, it's pretty obvious. 289 00:09:58,083 --> 00:10:00,625 You have a k.d. lang cookbook. 290 00:10:00,725 --> 00:10:02,226 - "Constant Cravings" has some solid recipes. 291 00:10:02,326 --> 00:10:04,348 - I was so afraid that this might happen. 292 00:10:04,448 --> 00:10:06,149 We need to make it clear to Shamiah 293 00:10:06,249 --> 00:10:07,790 that we understand what she's going through. 294 00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:09,512 Otherwise, she's just gonna shut us out completely. 295 00:10:09,612 --> 00:10:12,234 [cell phone chimes] 296 00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,555 - That's Shamiah. 297 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,076 Cayden just posted his new kicks on the 'gram, 298 00:10:15,176 --> 00:10:17,178 and she needs my help with a comment. 299 00:10:18,058 --> 00:10:20,140 It's a delicate dance, might take a while. 300 00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:25,564 Oh, she did ask me to tell you guys just one thing. 301 00:10:25,664 --> 00:10:27,666 - What is it? 302 00:10:28,626 --> 00:10:30,628 - She wants tacos for dinner. 303 00:10:32,990 --> 00:10:35,052 - Can I please watch "Gossip Girl?" 304 00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:36,933 - Why, I didn't realize you were an adult. 305 00:10:37,033 --> 00:10:40,456 Do you wanna go to jury duty and pay taxes too? 306 00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,797 [car horn honks] 307 00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:50,223 ♪ ♪ 308 00:10:50,323 --> 00:10:51,905 - Tom? - No. No, no. 309 00:10:52,005 --> 00:10:53,105 It's Tomás, 310 00:10:53,205 --> 00:10:56,148 and I'm here to show you a wild night. 311 00:10:56,248 --> 00:10:57,389 - Really? 312 00:10:57,489 --> 00:10:59,310 And where did Tomás get such a sexy car? 313 00:10:59,410 --> 00:11:01,032 - Well, Tomás knows a guy in private equity. 314 00:11:01,132 --> 00:11:02,873 Has a mansion, 315 00:11:02,973 --> 00:11:04,474 kind of a mean housekeeper-- it's Connor. 316 00:11:04,574 --> 00:11:05,375 I don't know if you guessed yet. 317 00:11:05,455 --> 00:11:06,756 It's Connor. 318 00:11:06,856 --> 00:11:07,997 I borrowed his car. Tell you what? 319 00:11:08,097 --> 00:11:09,318 The babysitter gets here any minute. 320 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:10,919 Why don't you go inside, change into something sexy, 321 00:11:11,019 --> 00:11:14,282 and then get into this sexy car... sexy? 322 00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,523 - Oh. 323 00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:18,605 I like the way Tomás thinks. 324 00:11:18,705 --> 00:11:20,407 - Well, get used to it, 325 00:11:20,507 --> 00:11:21,487 because one-- oh, it's in neutral. 326 00:11:21,587 --> 00:11:22,608 I think I left it in neutral. 327 00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:23,649 Go ahead, you change. 328 00:11:23,749 --> 00:11:26,051 And I'll take care of this. 329 00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:30,574 It'll be fine. As long as I... I think I left the keys inside. 330 00:11:30,674 --> 00:11:32,536 It's good. Go ahead. Go inside. It's fine. 331 00:11:32,636 --> 00:11:38,060 ♪ ♪ 332 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,162 It's all good. It's fine. It's fine. 333 00:11:44,685 --> 00:11:48,148 - So where is Tomás taking me? 334 00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:51,551 - How does a seaplane around the Bay sound? 335 00:11:51,651 --> 00:11:54,633 - Wild but expensive. 336 00:11:54,733 --> 00:11:57,115 - Money means nothing to Tomás. 337 00:11:57,215 --> 00:12:00,357 Although he does know his way around a Groupon. 338 00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,879 We'll be sipping champagne and taking the sights 339 00:12:02,979 --> 00:12:05,401 from 1,500 feet above sea level. 340 00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:07,323 - Oh. That's pretty high up. 341 00:12:07,423 --> 00:12:10,485 - Yes, Tomás is doing his very best 342 00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:12,127 not to think about that. 343 00:12:12,227 --> 00:12:13,888 [engine guns haltingly] 344 00:12:13,988 --> 00:12:17,491 - Oh. Is that a good sound? 345 00:12:17,591 --> 00:12:20,133 - I'm just still kind of getting the feel of it. 346 00:12:20,233 --> 00:12:22,174 Took it pretty slow on the way over to our house. 347 00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,736 [car console ringing] 348 00:12:23,836 --> 00:12:24,977 Oh, you know what? 349 00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,097 I'm gonna let this go to voicemail. 350 00:12:26,197 --> 00:12:27,218 He's probably just making sure 351 00:12:27,318 --> 00:12:29,100 I'm taking care of his baby. 352 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,341 - Tom, what are you doing? 353 00:12:30,441 --> 00:12:32,302 - Oh, okay. I meant to hang up. 354 00:12:32,402 --> 00:12:34,984 I'm just gonna say what's up bro? 355 00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:36,826 - What's up is, you stole my car. 356 00:12:36,926 --> 00:12:38,307 Lupe just texted me. 357 00:12:38,407 --> 00:12:40,228 - No, no, I didn't. 358 00:12:40,328 --> 00:12:42,070 The Post-It note I left 359 00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,552 clearly states that I'm borrowing it. 360 00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:46,153 - You don't even know how to drive a stick. 361 00:12:46,253 --> 00:12:48,074 - Yeah, I do. I learned in high school. 362 00:12:48,174 --> 00:12:50,356 - You stalled on a hill and rolled backwards 363 00:12:50,456 --> 00:12:51,837 into Katie French's lemonade stand. 364 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:54,639 - So I'll avoid hills. 365 00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:57,642 - We live in San Francisco. It's nothing but hills, man. 366 00:12:57,742 --> 00:12:59,443 - Hi Connor. I'm here too. 367 00:12:59,543 --> 00:13:02,085 We will bring your car back in one piece, I promise. 368 00:13:02,185 --> 00:13:03,566 - Oh hey, Marina. 369 00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:04,687 At least there's one adult in the car. 370 00:13:04,787 --> 00:13:06,689 Just tell Dom Toretto over here 371 00:13:06,789 --> 00:13:08,850 to back off on the gas when he shifts. 372 00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:10,492 - Right, that's it. Okay. 373 00:13:10,592 --> 00:13:13,414 Good talking to you, man. Let you go. 374 00:13:13,514 --> 00:13:15,335 Jeez. Freak out much? 375 00:13:15,435 --> 00:13:16,697 - I'm still on, Tom. 376 00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,178 - Right, okay. Bye for realsies. 377 00:13:18,278 --> 00:13:19,499 [laughs] 378 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:22,341 All right, let's get this wild night back on track. 379 00:13:22,441 --> 00:13:24,843 - Was it off track? I didn't notice. 380 00:13:26,244 --> 00:13:28,105 - You know what? 381 00:13:28,205 --> 00:13:32,669 Let's open this baby up, see what she can really do. 382 00:13:32,769 --> 00:13:35,151 - Ooh. 383 00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:36,872 Maybe a little fast though? 384 00:13:36,972 --> 00:13:39,634 - For Tomás, there are no speed limits. 385 00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:41,716 [siren wailing] 386 00:13:41,816 --> 00:13:43,437 - Well, legally, there are. 387 00:13:43,537 --> 00:13:50,543 ♪ ♪ 388 00:13:52,424 --> 00:13:53,965 - Why are you replacing our lesbian memoirs 389 00:13:54,065 --> 00:13:55,727 with the Twilight books? 390 00:13:55,827 --> 00:13:57,888 - To demonstrate to Shamiah that we honor hetero culture. 391 00:13:57,988 --> 00:13:59,610 - And that includes vampires? 392 00:13:59,710 --> 00:14:03,253 - I just think it would help if we straighten up the place. 393 00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:04,373 Get it, "straighten up"? 394 00:14:04,473 --> 00:14:05,374 - Oh, I got it. 395 00:14:05,474 --> 00:14:06,895 I just chose not to react. 396 00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:09,257 - Okay. Is Jane Austen gay? 397 00:14:09,357 --> 00:14:12,099 - She never married. - [laughs] Goodbye. 398 00:14:12,199 --> 00:14:15,142 What about this large ceramic owl? 399 00:14:15,242 --> 00:14:16,503 - Clearly gay. 400 00:14:16,603 --> 00:14:18,384 Sarah, I want Shamiah to come talk to us 401 00:14:18,484 --> 00:14:19,745 just as much as you do, 402 00:14:19,845 --> 00:14:21,387 but I don't think this is the best way to go about it. 403 00:14:21,487 --> 00:14:22,547 - But we need to show her 404 00:14:22,647 --> 00:14:24,789 that we understand straight relationships. 405 00:14:24,889 --> 00:14:27,291 So we're gonna watch "The Bachelorette." 406 00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:31,434 - [laughs] - Just follow my lead, okay? 407 00:14:31,534 --> 00:14:35,758 - And then Tom was like, "I'll avoid hills." 408 00:14:35,858 --> 00:14:38,079 - Hey guys, was ice cream fun? 409 00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:40,842 Do you want to come and sit, watch some TV with us? 410 00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:42,723 - Oh, you guys are a part of Bachelor Nation? 411 00:14:42,823 --> 00:14:44,605 You could have been in my fantasy league this whole time. 412 00:14:44,705 --> 00:14:45,845 - Yeah, it's, like, one of our favorite shows. 413 00:14:45,945 --> 00:14:47,447 Right, Lulu? - Watch it every Thursday. 414 00:14:47,547 --> 00:14:48,928 - Tuesday. - Tuesday. 415 00:14:49,028 --> 00:14:51,370 - I've literally never seen you watch it before. 416 00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:52,931 - What do you think we do when you go to bed, 417 00:14:53,031 --> 00:14:54,812 just, like, sit around and knit? 418 00:14:54,912 --> 00:14:58,255 Come sit. 419 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,699 Come on in here. 420 00:15:02,799 --> 00:15:03,979 Oh, I hope she picks this guy 421 00:15:04,079 --> 00:15:06,622 because he has the most-- the best muscles. 422 00:15:06,722 --> 00:15:07,742 - You're nailing it. - [softly] Thank you. 423 00:15:07,842 --> 00:15:11,625 - Joe... 424 00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:13,227 - Oh, wouldn't. 425 00:15:13,327 --> 00:15:15,548 It's just so many hunks to choose from. 426 00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:18,150 You know, how is she gonna pick? 427 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,192 I bet she wishes she could talk to her parents about it. 428 00:15:20,292 --> 00:15:21,673 - That's what the hometown visits are for. 429 00:15:21,773 --> 00:15:23,435 - I think I've got homework. 430 00:15:23,535 --> 00:15:25,716 - No. Homework? No, we're talking hotties. 431 00:15:25,816 --> 00:15:28,278 You know, your mom and I were just talking about 432 00:15:28,378 --> 00:15:30,960 which Chris is the foxiest. 433 00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,402 And I think Hemsworth, and then Evans. 434 00:15:33,502 --> 00:15:35,324 What do you think, Lulu? 435 00:15:35,424 --> 00:15:37,986 - Chris...toph Waltz? 436 00:15:38,666 --> 00:15:40,087 - Pratt. 437 00:15:40,187 --> 00:15:41,889 Ah, but there's Pine. 438 00:15:41,989 --> 00:15:44,191 - This is officially weird. I'm going to my room. 439 00:15:45,151 --> 00:15:47,974 - Okay. 440 00:15:48,074 --> 00:15:49,535 You'd think I'd be better at this. 441 00:15:49,635 --> 00:15:51,696 I pretended to be straight for 18 years. 442 00:15:51,796 --> 00:15:54,378 - Oh, that's what you were doing. 443 00:15:54,478 --> 00:15:55,619 I mean, yeah. Yeah. 444 00:15:55,719 --> 00:15:57,341 You guys--you crushed it. 445 00:15:57,441 --> 00:15:58,982 For a second, I was like, 446 00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:00,904 "Did I walk into a sorority house?" 447 00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:03,906 - Have you guys ever met a straight person before? 448 00:16:04,006 --> 00:16:06,388 ♪ ♪ 449 00:16:06,488 --> 00:16:10,411 - My apologies, officer, but Tomás is a rule breaker. 450 00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:15,275 But not Tom, who's very, very sorry. 451 00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,317 And an organ donor, if that helps me with anything over... 452 00:16:18,417 --> 00:16:20,519 No. Okay. 453 00:16:20,619 --> 00:16:22,360 Man, the seaplane leaves in ten minutes. 454 00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:23,801 We're going to miss it. I'm sorry. 455 00:16:23,901 --> 00:16:25,042 - It's fine. 456 00:16:25,142 --> 00:16:26,884 The high-speed chase was exciting. 457 00:16:26,984 --> 00:16:28,205 - No! Come on. 458 00:16:28,305 --> 00:16:30,166 I promised you a wild night, and I'm gonna deliver. 459 00:16:30,266 --> 00:16:31,367 What about this place? 460 00:16:31,467 --> 00:16:33,729 It seems badly lit and potentially dangerous. 461 00:16:33,829 --> 00:16:35,170 - Seriously? 462 00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:37,372 You wanna just walk in without checking the Yelp reviews? 463 00:16:37,472 --> 00:16:38,813 There's a guy passed out in the curb. 464 00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:41,655 - Just one guy? Perfecto. 465 00:16:41,755 --> 00:16:44,337 - Tomás! - Stay close. 466 00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,098 No idea what's behind those doors. 467 00:16:46,198 --> 00:16:47,700 - [softly] Ay-yi-yi. 468 00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,482 ♪ ♪ 469 00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:52,904 - Cash only? 470 00:16:53,004 --> 00:16:54,945 It's 2021. Who even uses cash anymore? 471 00:16:55,045 --> 00:16:57,467 - I always tell you to carry some just in case. 472 00:16:57,567 --> 00:16:59,569 - Okay, first of all, germs. 473 00:17:00,449 --> 00:17:02,351 Second, it makes it harder to track expenses. 474 00:17:02,451 --> 00:17:05,073 I'm not keeping paper receipts. 475 00:17:05,173 --> 00:17:06,554 They're also covered in germs. 476 00:17:06,654 --> 00:17:07,675 - It's fine. 477 00:17:07,775 --> 00:17:09,877 I appreciate that you tried. I really do. 478 00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:12,919 Let's go home and watch "Love It or List It." 479 00:17:13,019 --> 00:17:15,021 - Or... 480 00:17:16,902 --> 00:17:20,525 - Pfft. Yeah, right. 481 00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:22,567 No. 482 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,668 - Sí. 483 00:17:28,431 --> 00:17:30,653 - Check out this meme. 484 00:17:30,753 --> 00:17:32,975 - Oh, my God. You're savage. 485 00:17:33,075 --> 00:17:34,136 - I know. 486 00:17:34,236 --> 00:17:35,777 - If Shamiah won't confide in us, 487 00:17:35,877 --> 00:17:36,898 at least there's someone in her life 488 00:17:36,998 --> 00:17:39,700 she feels comfortable talking to. 489 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,461 - Yeah, I guess you're right. 490 00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,623 I could've used a cool uncle growing up. 491 00:17:43,723 --> 00:17:46,185 Mine was in an all-synthesizer band. 492 00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:48,227 - Mine made his own yogurt. 493 00:17:48,327 --> 00:17:50,268 - Gross. 494 00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:51,949 Hey, guys. Can we talk? 495 00:17:52,049 --> 00:17:53,431 - What's up? Pizza rolls ready? 496 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:56,273 - They're cooling. I just want to say, 497 00:17:56,373 --> 00:17:58,675 we're sorry about all the weirdness earlier. 498 00:17:58,775 --> 00:18:02,157 We were just being silly and feeling a little jealous 499 00:18:02,257 --> 00:18:04,619 because Uncle Connor knew about Cayden and we didn't. 500 00:18:05,580 --> 00:18:08,682 - You told them about Cayden? You broke the code. 501 00:18:08,782 --> 00:18:10,884 - No, I didn't mean to. It just slipped out. 502 00:18:10,984 --> 00:18:12,485 - Okay. 503 00:18:12,585 --> 00:18:15,488 We just want to say that we're always here to listen, 504 00:18:15,588 --> 00:18:17,489 even if you think that maybe we can't relate 505 00:18:17,589 --> 00:18:19,991 to what you're going through because we're gay. 506 00:18:20,952 --> 00:18:22,773 - Wait, what? 507 00:18:22,873 --> 00:18:24,875 Why would I care about that? I'm Gen Z. 508 00:18:26,036 --> 00:18:29,018 - Oh, then what is it? 509 00:18:29,118 --> 00:18:30,739 - I didn't wanna talk to you about stuff 510 00:18:30,839 --> 00:18:32,661 because you're my parents. 511 00:18:32,761 --> 00:18:36,404 And you're, like, cringe. 512 00:18:37,004 --> 00:18:39,106 - Oh, that's it? 513 00:18:39,206 --> 00:18:41,588 We're just cringe. We're cringe. 514 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:44,110 - Like all the other parents, we're cringe. 515 00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,472 both: We're cringe, we're cringe, we're cringe. 516 00:18:46,572 --> 00:18:48,953 - See? - Yeah, it's hard to watch. 517 00:18:49,053 --> 00:18:51,115 both: Cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe, cringe... 518 00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:52,316 - Oh man. 519 00:18:52,416 --> 00:18:54,358 - Sorry. We're just so relieved. 520 00:18:54,458 --> 00:18:55,879 - Yeah. 521 00:18:55,979 --> 00:18:58,361 Now about Cayden, 522 00:18:58,461 --> 00:19:01,203 just remember that you are perfect just the way you are. 523 00:19:01,303 --> 00:19:02,604 Okay? 524 00:19:02,704 --> 00:19:04,646 Don't feel any pressure to change yourself 525 00:19:04,746 --> 00:19:06,007 to make a boy like you back. 526 00:19:06,107 --> 00:19:07,608 - Uncle Connor said the same thing. 527 00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:10,330 - Well, you're lucky to have such a cool uncle. 528 00:19:10,430 --> 00:19:12,772 - He also said I have to step up my sneaker game 529 00:19:12,872 --> 00:19:14,653 since boys love cool kicks. 530 00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:16,695 So he's buying me a pair of Pump Omnis. 531 00:19:16,795 --> 00:19:19,817 - Yeah. 532 00:19:19,917 --> 00:19:21,699 - Whoa, okay. Okay, whoa. 533 00:19:21,799 --> 00:19:24,021 I just didn't know it was gonna hurt this much. 534 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,823 I--I can't look. Is he almost done? 535 00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:30,946 - Ah, he's only on the R of "Marina." 536 00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:32,907 - Come on. Come on. 537 00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,789 - Are you sure you can handle the rest? 538 00:19:34,889 --> 00:19:38,992 - No, you're worth it. You are so worth it. 539 00:19:39,092 --> 00:19:41,234 And just--why is there so much blood? 540 00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:43,035 - Hey, hey, hey. 541 00:19:43,135 --> 00:19:45,197 Listen, I know tonight didn't go as you planned, 542 00:19:45,297 --> 00:19:46,758 but it means the world to me 543 00:19:46,858 --> 00:19:48,279 that you put in the effort, okay? 544 00:19:48,379 --> 00:19:50,281 And this is a really nice surprise. 545 00:19:50,381 --> 00:19:54,244 - Look, I promise to be more into trying new things. 546 00:19:54,344 --> 00:19:56,526 And I know I'm not the sexiest guy in the world. 547 00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:59,328 - Honey, I know who I married, okay? 548 00:19:59,428 --> 00:20:00,889 I love Tomás, 549 00:20:00,989 --> 00:20:03,091 and I would not mind seeing him again, 550 00:20:03,191 --> 00:20:05,312 but I am happy to go home with Tom. 551 00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:12,898 In fact, I've changed my mind. 552 00:20:12,998 --> 00:20:15,100 I want to get "Tom" instead of "Tomás." 553 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,502 - Because she loves me just as I am. 554 00:20:17,602 --> 00:20:19,604 - Absolutely. 555 00:20:20,284 --> 00:20:22,746 And it's two letters shorter. That looks very painful. 556 00:20:22,846 --> 00:20:24,828 - Ahh! 557 00:20:24,928 --> 00:20:26,749 Oh, here's the bone. He's at the bone! 558 00:20:26,849 --> 00:20:28,711 He's on the bone. [muffled grunt] 559 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:30,812 Ah! 560 00:20:33,975 --> 00:20:35,916 [heavy percussive music] 561 00:20:36,016 --> 00:20:37,638 [engine revs] 562 00:20:37,738 --> 00:20:40,320 ♪ ♪ 563 00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:43,362 [engine revs] 564 00:20:43,462 --> 00:20:45,463 ♪ ♪ 565 00:20:52,109 --> 00:20:53,970 - You've been sitting in my driveway for 30 minutes. 566 00:20:54,070 --> 00:20:57,533 You're gonna return the car, or... 567 00:20:57,633 --> 00:20:59,674 - Just have a minute to say goodbye? 568 00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:03,958 - Sure, Tom. 569 00:21:05,959 --> 00:21:07,060 - Privately? 570 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,202 - [sighs] 571 00:21:15,247 --> 00:21:18,269 ♪ ♪ 572 00:21:18,369 --> 00:21:20,611 - [laughs] 573 00:21:23,253 --> 00:21:25,895 [imitating engine]