1 00:00:01,865 --> 00:00:04,769 - Chapter 10: Connor's money could solve a lot of problems. 2 00:00:04,869 --> 00:00:07,532 Unfortunately, it couldn't guarantee him success in love. 3 00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:09,775 He'd recently been dumped, but thankfully he had 4 00:00:09,875 --> 00:00:11,937 a foolproof plan for finding his next girlfriend. 5 00:00:12,037 --> 00:00:15,582 - Lupe, could you grab that box marked "cool hats"? 6 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,865 The one with the--the fedoras and the fuzzy visors, 7 00:00:17,965 --> 00:00:19,947 and all the other cool hats? 8 00:00:20,047 --> 00:00:22,150 Look, my mistake with Lindsay was that 9 00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:24,432 I was trying too hard to be someone I'm not. 10 00:00:24,532 --> 00:00:26,795 So I'm going back to the place where I've always had 11 00:00:26,895 --> 00:00:30,039 my best romantic success, the club. 12 00:00:30,139 --> 00:00:31,361 Noice! 13 00:00:31,461 --> 00:00:32,922 - Ooh, which club? 14 00:00:33,022 --> 00:00:34,765 - Noice. That's the name of the club. 15 00:00:34,865 --> 00:00:36,407 - Wait, what? - No, Wait What is a club 16 00:00:36,507 --> 00:00:38,489 on the east side. 17 00:00:38,589 --> 00:00:41,172 Tom, do you want to come? I need a wingman. 18 00:00:41,272 --> 00:00:44,336 - Tom--Sorry. Me, Tom? 19 00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:45,858 - I need another guy by my side, 20 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,339 and you are my number-one guy. 21 00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:49,182 - I'll go. I need a night out. 22 00:00:49,282 --> 00:00:51,504 I'm in this ongoing fight with another room mum 23 00:00:51,604 --> 00:00:53,707 from Camila's class. - Kirsten again? 24 00:00:53,807 --> 00:00:55,069 - Uh, yeah. I've mentioned her before? 25 00:00:55,169 --> 00:00:56,751 - She comes up quite a bit. - Yeah. 26 00:00:56,851 --> 00:00:58,513 - Cool, well, Lupe can babysit 27 00:00:58,613 --> 00:01:00,155 she's been hounding me for extra hours. 28 00:01:00,255 --> 00:01:02,157 - Can Sarah and I get in on this? 29 00:01:02,257 --> 00:01:03,519 - Hmm? - When was the last time 30 00:01:03,619 --> 00:01:04,800 we went out without the kids? 31 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:06,162 - We went out, like, two nights ago. 32 00:01:06,262 --> 00:01:07,604 - You mean when we went to CVS for lightbulbs? 33 00:01:07,704 --> 00:01:10,207 - It's after sunset, so... 34 00:01:10,307 --> 00:01:12,850 - I don't know about a club. I mean, it's always so loud. 35 00:01:12,950 --> 00:01:15,413 There's nowhere to sit. I get headaches. 36 00:01:15,513 --> 00:01:16,975 And I have, like, a back thing. 37 00:01:17,075 --> 00:01:19,858 - Tom, we're gonna be rollin' VIP the whole way. 38 00:01:19,958 --> 00:01:22,461 Okay? I'm talking black car, bottle service, 39 00:01:22,561 --> 00:01:24,464 ample seating with lumbar support. 40 00:01:24,564 --> 00:01:26,226 - Oh, yeah, well, I mean everyone's going. 41 00:01:26,326 --> 00:01:28,789 - Wow, Tom, he got you on lumbar support. 42 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:32,433 - Dope. I wanted a wingman, I got a whole flight crew. 43 00:01:32,533 --> 00:01:35,797 Why don't you guys, uh, drop off the kids tonight, 44 00:01:35,897 --> 00:01:38,801 and we'll head to the spot around 9:00? 45 00:01:38,901 --> 00:01:41,283 - 9 o'clock? - P.M.? 46 00:01:41,383 --> 00:01:43,646 - You're right. That's way too early. 47 00:01:43,746 --> 00:01:46,490 10:00. - Noice! 48 00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:47,851 - Bam! 49 00:01:47,951 --> 00:01:50,074 - ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 50 00:01:54,359 --> 00:01:55,821 - God, I can't believe I agreed to this. 51 00:01:55,921 --> 00:01:57,222 I mean, you know I hate clubs. 52 00:01:57,322 --> 00:01:59,325 - Just wear what you have on, Tom. 53 00:02:01,808 --> 00:02:03,590 - The Kirsten drama continues, I see. 54 00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,632 - You know what she wants to get Camila's teacher? 55 00:02:05,732 --> 00:02:08,235 A succulent. - Oh, no. 56 00:02:08,335 --> 00:02:10,278 Why don't you just give him cash? 57 00:02:10,378 --> 00:02:12,360 - He doesn't run a butcher shop in New Jersey, Tom. 58 00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,243 We don't slip teachers envelopes of money. 59 00:02:14,343 --> 00:02:16,445 We slip them gift cards. 60 00:02:16,545 --> 00:02:17,667 - Then why don't you just give him a gift card? 61 00:02:17,747 --> 00:02:19,489 - I would, but when Kirsten says, 62 00:02:19,589 --> 00:02:21,731 "Gift cards are so impersonal, Marina," 63 00:02:21,831 --> 00:02:24,375 ooh, we really know what she's really saying, right? 64 00:02:24,475 --> 00:02:27,498 - [laughing] Right. Ugh. 65 00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:28,860 But, uh, why don't you just go ahead and tell me? 66 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,862 - That's she not just a better "room parent," 67 00:02:30,962 --> 00:02:32,825 she's a better parent parent. - Ah... 68 00:02:32,925 --> 00:02:34,467 - I put so much effort into this, 69 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:36,929 and all Kirsten does is criticise and undermine me. 70 00:02:39,212 --> 00:02:40,554 It's fine, okay? You don't have to care. 71 00:02:40,654 --> 00:02:42,076 - I do care. 72 00:02:42,176 --> 00:02:43,718 It's just that, you know, I think a plant is a nice gift. 73 00:02:43,818 --> 00:02:45,239 - Well, it isn't. 74 00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:48,483 - Come on, I've gotten you tons of plants. 75 00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,646 As a joke because they're terrible, of course. 76 00:02:50,746 --> 00:02:52,288 Yeah, bleh. 77 00:02:52,388 --> 00:02:55,732 - Sleepover at Uncle Connor's. Who's excited? 78 00:02:55,832 --> 00:02:59,737 - mum, clogs to the club? - Yeah. 79 00:02:59,837 --> 00:03:02,500 Clubs are filled with maniacs and spike heels. 80 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:03,982 Plus, aren't clogs, like, in again? 81 00:03:04,082 --> 00:03:05,704 - In the trash maybe. - That's mean. 82 00:03:05,804 --> 00:03:08,307 - Has anyone seen my full-length denim skirt? 83 00:03:08,407 --> 00:03:10,349 It's got a frog giving the peace sign on the butt pocket. 84 00:03:10,449 --> 00:03:12,752 - You guys have gone out before, right? 85 00:03:12,852 --> 00:03:15,355 - [laughs] Please, Kel. 86 00:03:15,455 --> 00:03:17,758 We were on a gay Frisbee golf team in college. 87 00:03:17,858 --> 00:03:19,440 - The Frisbea Arthurs. 88 00:03:19,540 --> 00:03:21,723 [laughter] 89 00:03:21,823 --> 00:03:23,565 I realise now that you're too young to know that reference. 90 00:03:23,665 --> 00:03:27,129 - Oh, oh, what was that insane club that we used to go to, 91 00:03:27,229 --> 00:03:28,571 the one with the waterfall? 92 00:03:28,671 --> 00:03:32,175 - Oh, that was, uh, Rainforest Cafe at the mall. 93 00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:33,537 - Oh, okay. 94 00:03:33,637 --> 00:03:37,021 Point is we partied, but then we got married. 95 00:03:37,121 --> 00:03:38,943 And then the two of you came into our lives. 96 00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:42,788 And now this is the coolest club there is. 97 00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:45,791 [soft music] 98 00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:48,474 ♪ ♪ 99 00:03:48,574 --> 00:03:50,917 - Wow, Daddy, you look like that guy 100 00:03:51,017 --> 00:03:53,160 that talks about movies on hotel TVs. 101 00:03:53,260 --> 00:03:56,244 - Mario Lopez? Thanks, baby. 102 00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:58,847 - Here's that terrible thing you asked me to make. 103 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,208 - What is that? 104 00:04:00,308 --> 00:04:01,970 - It's a mixture of Gatorade and espresso. 105 00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:04,333 Hydrates as it caffeinates. 106 00:04:04,433 --> 00:04:06,436 Give you a little glow, and then you're good to go. 107 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,382 [groans] Good to go. 108 00:04:11,482 --> 00:04:14,065 - Are you nervous, Daddy? - Me? [chuckles] 109 00:04:14,165 --> 00:04:16,187 Come on, Gretchen, am I ner-- No. 110 00:04:16,287 --> 00:04:19,191 All right, Lupe, Hit me with that body spray. 111 00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:22,635 [electronic music] 112 00:04:22,735 --> 00:04:28,041 ♪ ♪ 113 00:04:28,141 --> 00:04:31,005 - ♪ Tsunami, jump ♪ 114 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,248 - All right, these wristbands get you in and out of the VIP. 115 00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:36,091 Do not lose them, okay? - Do these go any tighter? 116 00:04:36,191 --> 00:04:38,093 Mine looks like it was made for a thigh. 117 00:04:38,193 --> 00:04:39,855 - That's just 'cause you have little bird wrists. 118 00:04:39,955 --> 00:04:42,058 - I'll double-knot it for you, baby. 119 00:04:42,158 --> 00:04:44,221 ♪ ♪ 120 00:04:44,321 --> 00:04:45,782 - ♪ Jump ♪ 121 00:04:45,882 --> 00:04:47,344 ♪ ♪ 122 00:04:47,444 --> 00:04:49,827 - Wow, this is the densest concentration 123 00:04:49,927 --> 00:04:51,469 of heterosexuals I've ever seen. 124 00:04:51,569 --> 00:04:53,912 And I'm including both times I went to the Vans Warped Tour. 125 00:04:54,012 --> 00:04:56,035 - Well, there has to be some gay people. 126 00:04:56,135 --> 00:04:58,397 I mean, this is San Francisco. - Well, thankfully 127 00:04:58,497 --> 00:05:00,920 your mum taught me her tricks on how to identify lesbians. 128 00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:03,043 Although I'm not seeing any corduroy vests. 129 00:05:03,143 --> 00:05:05,005 - I'm Bianca, your server. 130 00:05:05,105 --> 00:05:06,687 Let me know if you guys need anything. 131 00:05:06,787 --> 00:05:08,249 - Yeah, is there something you can do about the music? 132 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:12,334 It's pretty loud. - Aw, you're cute. 133 00:05:12,434 --> 00:05:15,017 I'll take extra care of this one tonight. 134 00:05:15,117 --> 00:05:16,699 - I think she was flirting with you. 135 00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:18,701 - Because that's her job. - Yuck. 136 00:05:18,801 --> 00:05:21,505 - No, she's also here to make sure we have a good time 137 00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:23,147 and to round up dimes who are gonna 138 00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:25,349 want to come over here for free drinks. 139 00:05:25,449 --> 00:05:27,912 - I think dimes are perfect 10s. 140 00:05:28,012 --> 00:05:29,674 - Yuck again. 141 00:05:29,774 --> 00:05:31,757 - Okay, ladies, let's leave these nickels here 142 00:05:31,857 --> 00:05:33,859 and take a lap. 143 00:05:34,941 --> 00:05:38,365 - Hey, I know you were joking about looking out 144 00:05:38,465 --> 00:05:41,729 for my husband, but could you look out for my husband? 145 00:05:41,829 --> 00:05:44,132 - You got it. 146 00:05:44,232 --> 00:05:46,975 - Is this just the same song over and over again? 147 00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:48,897 - Oh, yeah, wait for the... - ♪ Tsunami, jump ♪ 148 00:05:48,997 --> 00:05:50,699 ♪ ♪ 149 00:05:50,799 --> 00:05:52,061 - Love that. 150 00:05:52,161 --> 00:05:54,344 - I'm just gonna check in on our kids. 151 00:05:54,444 --> 00:05:56,346 Oh, my God. - What? 152 00:05:56,446 --> 00:05:57,748 - Something happen to your kids? 153 00:05:57,848 --> 00:06:00,511 - Kirsten just texted me, "Marina, you seem busy. 154 00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:03,074 Let me take this gift thing off of your plate." 155 00:06:03,174 --> 00:06:07,479 Plate emoji. Smiley face. - History's greatest monster. 156 00:06:07,579 --> 00:06:09,281 - We thought our children were dead. 157 00:06:09,381 --> 00:06:10,963 - She's trying to squeeze me out. 158 00:06:11,063 --> 00:06:13,486 It's the gym teacher's divorce sympathy card all over again. 159 00:06:13,586 --> 00:06:15,489 - Okay, I work at a school, 160 00:06:15,589 --> 00:06:17,291 and this is what Day Denise has to deal with. 161 00:06:17,391 --> 00:06:19,013 Right now I'm Night Denise. Okay? 162 00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,977 - Okay. Hey, Night Denise and I are going to go dance. 163 00:06:22,077 --> 00:06:23,578 Do you want to join us? 164 00:06:23,678 --> 00:06:24,800 - I'm just gonna convince her that she's wrong 165 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,502 and we're obviously gonna do the gift card. 166 00:06:26,602 --> 00:06:28,985 - Obviously. Okay. - We'll see you out there. 167 00:06:29,085 --> 00:06:31,548 ♪ ♪ 168 00:06:31,648 --> 00:06:33,230 - This isn't that bad. 169 00:06:33,330 --> 00:06:35,593 I kind of forget why I was so down on clubs. 170 00:06:35,693 --> 00:06:37,595 - Incoming shorties, 9 o'clock. Time to peacock. 171 00:06:37,695 --> 00:06:38,676 - Yeah, now I remember. 172 00:06:38,776 --> 00:06:40,759 - Hey, is it cool if we hang out? 173 00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,281 - Yeah, sure. 174 00:06:42,381 --> 00:06:46,966 ♪ ♪ 175 00:06:47,066 --> 00:06:50,570 - I'll just kind of stand here. I didn't want to sit anyway. 176 00:06:50,670 --> 00:06:53,294 - So you guys been in the VIP section before? 177 00:06:53,394 --> 00:06:55,837 - [laughs] Yeah. - Cool. 178 00:06:59,881 --> 00:07:03,466 - So, uh, are you guys, like, uh, BFFs? 179 00:07:03,566 --> 00:07:06,589 Or are you more, like, besties? [laughter] 180 00:07:06,689 --> 00:07:08,432 - We work together. - Where? 181 00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:10,854 At, like, a hotness farm? 182 00:07:13,658 --> 00:07:15,900 - No, at an escrow company. 183 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:21,567 - So, uh, we're brothers. 184 00:07:21,667 --> 00:07:23,209 Yeah, hard to tell, though, right? 185 00:07:23,309 --> 00:07:26,974 Like Captain America before and after the super serum. 186 00:07:27,074 --> 00:07:28,856 [laughter] 187 00:07:28,956 --> 00:07:31,099 He's like the Rock, and I'm like the twig. 188 00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:33,581 [laughter] - Oh, you're so cute. 189 00:07:33,681 --> 00:07:34,623 I want to, like, put you in my purse. 190 00:07:34,723 --> 00:07:37,666 - Well, I'd fit. [laughter] 191 00:07:37,766 --> 00:07:38,828 - So what do you do? 192 00:07:38,928 --> 00:07:41,231 - Tom's actually a professional nerd. 193 00:07:41,331 --> 00:07:45,876 - Oh, well, yeah, I'm a writer. - Oh, like, uh, you write code? 194 00:07:45,976 --> 00:07:46,877 - No, he writes novels. 195 00:07:46,977 --> 00:07:48,319 If he wrote code, 196 00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:49,761 he might actually have just a little bit of money. 197 00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:50,842 [laughter] 198 00:07:50,942 --> 00:07:52,944 My boy is broke. 199 00:07:54,787 --> 00:07:57,450 - Straight. Straight. 200 00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:59,612 Doesn't know yet, but give it time. 201 00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:02,376 - Oh, look, undercut, nose ring. 202 00:08:02,476 --> 00:08:04,058 - They just kissed. - Go, go, go. 203 00:08:04,158 --> 00:08:06,781 ♪ ♪ 204 00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:10,786 - Um, excuse me? Are you by any chance LGBT? 205 00:08:10,886 --> 00:08:13,389 - Uh, I prefer the term "queer," actually, 206 00:08:13,489 --> 00:08:15,792 but, uh, I mostly date women, so... 207 00:08:15,892 --> 00:08:18,915 - Yeah? Hey, us too. We're gay. - Oh, word? 208 00:08:19,015 --> 00:08:21,558 We were just wondering if any of our people were here. 209 00:08:21,658 --> 00:08:24,162 - Well, you found us. - Hey. 210 00:08:24,262 --> 00:08:27,485 - Denise, Sarah. - Uh, I'm Mel. They're Jenna. 211 00:08:27,585 --> 00:08:29,588 - Oh, word? 212 00:08:30,909 --> 00:08:33,092 So, how long have you been together? 213 00:08:33,192 --> 00:08:34,974 - Uh, we don't really use the word "together." 214 00:08:35,074 --> 00:08:36,536 - Oh, yeah. Neither do we. 215 00:08:36,636 --> 00:08:39,059 - Yeah, we've been hanging out, like--like, six weeks. 216 00:08:39,159 --> 00:08:40,701 How about you two? 217 00:08:40,801 --> 00:08:44,946 - Oh, well, we've been hanging out for, like, 15 years. 218 00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:46,628 - We actually moved in together at six weeks. 219 00:08:46,728 --> 00:08:49,752 - Oh, whoa. - I guess we're a cliché. 220 00:08:49,852 --> 00:08:52,595 - Nah, you're cool, you know, old school. 221 00:08:52,695 --> 00:08:56,159 Like--like Sarah's shoes. - [gasps] Thank you. 222 00:08:56,259 --> 00:08:59,523 Ha! In your face, Shamiah. 223 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:01,005 - Shamiah's our child. 224 00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,928 - Oh. 225 00:09:03,028 --> 00:09:05,030 - Unbelievable. 226 00:09:06,031 --> 00:09:08,033 - I bet. 227 00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:09,936 - I'm sorry, who are you? 228 00:09:10,036 --> 00:09:12,499 - Oh, just a guy wondering what could be on that phone 229 00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:14,601 to capture such a beautiful woman's interest. 230 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:19,267 - Well, if you really want to know, 231 00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:22,711 I'm locked in a power struggle with a mum at my kid's school. 232 00:09:22,811 --> 00:09:24,994 And I will not stop until I win, because even though 233 00:09:25,094 --> 00:09:28,238 Kirsten wears pigtails and I went to law school, 234 00:09:28,338 --> 00:09:30,400 she still makes me feel like a failure. 235 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,724 - She called you a failure? - The last thing she says was, 236 00:09:33,824 --> 00:09:36,648 "What will $50 even buy at the Nike Store?" 237 00:09:36,748 --> 00:09:38,970 - That's cold. - I keep typing witty responses 238 00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:42,174 and then deleting them. I-- - Oh, no, no, no, stop, stop. 239 00:09:42,274 --> 00:09:44,577 Don't type till you have the perfect comeback. 240 00:09:44,677 --> 00:09:45,898 When she sees the dots, she's gonna know 241 00:09:45,998 --> 00:09:47,420 that you're flailing, and people like Kirsten, 242 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,863 they love the dots. - Wow. 243 00:09:49,963 --> 00:09:52,586 Okay, thanks. That was actually really helpful. 244 00:09:52,686 --> 00:09:56,151 - I have a Kirsten, too. My stepdad. 245 00:09:56,251 --> 00:09:58,834 And every Kirsten has a weak spot. 246 00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:01,237 What's Kirsten's? 247 00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:02,638 - And then after college, 248 00:10:02,738 --> 00:10:04,761 Tom moved back in with our parents. 249 00:10:04,861 --> 00:10:06,803 - A lot of people move home after graduation. 250 00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:09,446 - But our dad had already converted his room 251 00:10:09,546 --> 00:10:11,889 into the model train room, so Tom still flinches 252 00:10:11,989 --> 00:10:14,052 every time he hears a whistle. [whistles] 253 00:10:14,152 --> 00:10:15,574 - Well, at least I didn't cry when mum got rid 254 00:10:15,674 --> 00:10:16,855 of my big-boy bed. 255 00:10:16,955 --> 00:10:18,898 - Tom cried at the end of "50 First Dates." 256 00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,580 - On a plane. I was on a plane. - Okay. 257 00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:22,662 - So, no, there's less oxygen. Your emotions get a little-- 258 00:10:22,762 --> 00:10:24,024 Why are we even talking about this? 259 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,265 - He's a little sensitive. 260 00:10:25,365 --> 00:10:26,947 We're just tellin' stories, man, chill. 261 00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,030 - Okay, I got a story. You guys like stories? 262 00:10:29,130 --> 00:10:31,072 It's about a divorced jerk who's trying to win 263 00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:32,874 women over with an $800 bottle of vodka. 264 00:10:32,974 --> 00:10:36,639 - Uh, we're gonna go to the bathroom. 265 00:10:36,739 --> 00:10:38,741 We'll definitely be back, though. 266 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:42,806 - What the hell, man? 267 00:10:42,906 --> 00:10:44,848 - What the hell yourself, man? Why'd you even bring me here? 268 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,410 - I brought you here to be my wingman. 269 00:10:46,510 --> 00:10:48,413 - Really? Or do you just need some idiot 270 00:10:48,513 --> 00:10:50,695 to treat like crap and make yourself look better. 271 00:10:50,795 --> 00:10:52,457 - That's literally what a wingman is, Tom. 272 00:10:52,557 --> 00:10:54,180 I thought you might actually want to help me out 273 00:10:54,280 --> 00:10:55,701 and, I don't know, maybe have a good time for once. 274 00:10:55,801 --> 00:10:57,543 - You know what? Why don't you have a good time. 275 00:10:57,643 --> 00:10:59,626 Okay? All by yourself. - Cool. 276 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:03,791 ♪ ♪ 277 00:11:03,891 --> 00:11:05,873 My friends are just in the bathroom. 278 00:11:05,973 --> 00:11:08,476 I'm not here by myself. 279 00:11:08,576 --> 00:11:10,439 - "Marina, it's getting late. 280 00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,361 Should we continue this tomorrow?" 281 00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,444 - Ah, no. Kirsten wishes. 282 00:11:14,544 --> 00:11:16,806 - I feel like we finally got the drop on this sociopath. 283 00:11:16,906 --> 00:11:19,490 Give me a napkin. Let's workshop our reply. 284 00:11:19,590 --> 00:11:21,532 - Sorry, I've been listening for a while now, 285 00:11:21,632 --> 00:11:22,693 and I don't think that's the play. 286 00:11:22,793 --> 00:11:24,335 - Speak on that. 287 00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:27,179 - You need your responses to be shorter than Kirsten's. 288 00:11:27,279 --> 00:11:29,341 Here, look. 289 00:11:29,441 --> 00:11:31,664 You want the ratio blue to gray to fall in your favour. 290 00:11:31,764 --> 00:11:33,466 - It's a power move. - God, I did not know that. 291 00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:35,148 Thank you. 292 00:11:35,248 --> 00:11:37,871 - My Kirsten is named Tammy, and she's the reason 293 00:11:37,971 --> 00:11:39,874 why you never meet a new roommate under a pier. 294 00:11:39,974 --> 00:11:43,678 ♪ ♪ 295 00:11:43,778 --> 00:11:45,040 - What are you guys doing later? 296 00:11:45,140 --> 00:11:46,522 - Later than this? 297 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,124 - Yeah, we're heading 298 00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:50,526 to this, like, huge queer warehouse rave thing. 299 00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:52,729 Do you want to come? - Yeah, sure. 300 00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:55,332 - Great. We'll meet you out front. 301 00:11:55,432 --> 00:11:57,334 - Okay. [giggles] 302 00:11:57,434 --> 00:11:59,777 A warehouse party? - Why not? 303 00:11:59,877 --> 00:12:01,179 - I don't know, because we're at the age 304 00:12:01,279 --> 00:12:03,502 where the best part about going out is going home. 305 00:12:03,602 --> 00:12:06,505 I miss our bed. - Right, sure, but... 306 00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:09,549 you and me, we settled down very young. 307 00:12:09,649 --> 00:12:12,913 And I wouldn't change a thing, but we kind of skipped 308 00:12:13,013 --> 00:12:16,257 over our huge queer warehouse rave days. 309 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,803 - Okay. Fine. Let's go party. 310 00:12:21,903 --> 00:12:23,445 [both laugh] 311 00:12:23,545 --> 00:12:25,167 Besides, these shoes were made for dancing. 312 00:12:25,267 --> 00:12:26,970 - They were actually made for nurses working a double, 313 00:12:27,070 --> 00:12:30,674 but, yes, let's go party. - Let's party! 314 00:12:32,196 --> 00:12:34,098 - Oh, no, you're not leaving, are you? 315 00:12:34,198 --> 00:12:36,581 - Yeah, I kind of have a headache. 316 00:12:36,681 --> 00:12:38,663 And it turns out my brother only brought me along 317 00:12:38,763 --> 00:12:40,826 as his personal punching bag. 318 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:44,951 - I'm sorry. Well, my job is to make sure you have a good time. 319 00:12:45,051 --> 00:12:46,953 Let me give you something for your head. 320 00:12:47,053 --> 00:12:49,196 - Oh, thank you so much. You're a lifesaver. 321 00:12:49,296 --> 00:12:51,198 ♪ ♪ 322 00:12:51,298 --> 00:12:53,962 Hey, was it aspirin or an ibuprofen? 323 00:12:54,062 --> 00:12:55,964 I'm only asking 'cause, no big deal, but 324 00:12:56,064 --> 00:12:58,647 aspirin gives me reflux. - I can't hear you. 325 00:12:58,747 --> 00:13:01,971 - What did you just give me? - It was ecstasy. 326 00:13:02,071 --> 00:13:04,254 - Wait, what? You're kidding, right? 327 00:13:04,354 --> 00:13:05,776 That wasn't just ecstasy, was it? 328 00:13:05,876 --> 00:13:08,659 - It was aspirin. - What? 329 00:13:08,759 --> 00:13:11,562 - She said it was. 330 00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:14,826 - Oh, no. 331 00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:17,089 Oh, my God, she wanted me to have a good time. 332 00:13:18,691 --> 00:13:19,712 Whoa, are you joking? 333 00:13:19,812 --> 00:13:21,594 You just let me in there. I'm VIP. 334 00:13:21,694 --> 00:13:23,837 - I don't see a bracelet. 335 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:26,861 - Oh, no. Stupid bird wrists. 336 00:13:32,627 --> 00:13:37,653 - "Web M.D., effects of ecstasy." 337 00:13:37,753 --> 00:13:40,297 And my phone's dead. I knew it. 338 00:13:40,397 --> 00:13:42,339 I should've brought my phone charger with me to the club. 339 00:13:42,439 --> 00:13:44,021 ♪ ♪ 340 00:13:44,121 --> 00:13:48,506 Hey, uh, sweaty guy. - What's up, bro? 341 00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:52,471 - Can you tell me what happens when you take, uh, ecstasy? 342 00:13:52,571 --> 00:13:55,074 - Oh, man, you're in for a treat. 343 00:13:55,174 --> 00:13:57,517 It starts with some mild confusion, 344 00:13:57,617 --> 00:13:59,680 teeth grinding, sweatiness. 345 00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:01,121 - Yeah, how is that a treat? 346 00:14:01,221 --> 00:14:03,724 - Then you feel ecstasy. 347 00:14:03,824 --> 00:14:06,528 - Okay, well, I'm definitely feeling confused, 348 00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,530 a little sweaty. 349 00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,292 Teeth aren't doing too great. 350 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,696 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm on ecstasy. 351 00:14:13,796 --> 00:14:16,900 - You'll be okay, man. Just give in to the night. 352 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:18,983 ♪ ♪ 353 00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,905 - Yeah, I don't know how to do that. 354 00:14:21,005 --> 00:14:23,868 - Hey, just ran into your brother. 355 00:14:23,968 --> 00:14:26,672 Hope he's okay. - Why? Was he journaling? 356 00:14:26,772 --> 00:14:28,954 - No, but he looked miserable. 357 00:14:29,054 --> 00:14:31,077 I gave him an extra-strength aspirin. 358 00:14:31,177 --> 00:14:33,239 - That can't be good for his reflux. 359 00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:35,762 Mm, hey, you're back. Thought you ditched me. 360 00:14:35,862 --> 00:14:37,765 - What? Why would I ditch you? 361 00:14:37,865 --> 00:14:41,369 - Ah, you just came back for the phone. 362 00:14:41,469 --> 00:14:43,752 - No, I, um-- - Want to have another drink? 363 00:14:46,795 --> 00:14:49,419 - I officially have no idea where we are. 364 00:14:49,519 --> 00:14:51,181 - So, uh, I hate to ask, 365 00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:53,343 but what time is Shamiah's cheerleading tomorrow? 366 00:14:53,443 --> 00:14:55,746 - In about five hours. - Oh, so it's already tomorrow. 367 00:14:55,846 --> 00:14:58,069 - Yeah. - Oh, my God, I love this song. 368 00:14:58,169 --> 00:15:01,032 - Wow, Jenna, we get it. You're poly. 369 00:15:01,132 --> 00:15:02,915 You have to flirt with the driver right in front of me? 370 00:15:03,015 --> 00:15:05,838 - The driver? God, no. Are you even a Marxist? 371 00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:09,803 Her name is... Kia Sorento. 372 00:15:09,903 --> 00:15:11,765 - [hiccups] - Are you gonna vom? 373 00:15:11,865 --> 00:15:13,247 - Oh, please don't. - Especially since 374 00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:15,289 we called the car and there's a big fee if you vom. 375 00:15:15,389 --> 00:15:17,412 - I dry-heave a lot, but I rarely wet-heave. 376 00:15:17,512 --> 00:15:19,514 [hiccups] 377 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:25,622 - I can get through this. 378 00:15:25,722 --> 00:15:28,185 I can get through this. I just need to find Marina. 379 00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:31,288 Go straight to the hospital and then, I guess, rehab. 380 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:34,112 God, I really can't let go, 381 00:15:34,212 --> 00:15:36,635 even when I'm rolling my face off. 382 00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:40,159 ♪ ♪ 383 00:15:40,259 --> 00:15:43,603 ♪ This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this ♪ 384 00:15:43,703 --> 00:15:46,647 ♪ This, this, this, this, this, this, this, this ♪ 385 00:15:46,747 --> 00:15:53,214 ♪ ♪ 386 00:15:53,314 --> 00:15:55,137 ♪ Drop, drop, drop the bass ♪ 387 00:15:55,237 --> 00:16:01,504 ♪ ♪ 388 00:16:01,604 --> 00:16:02,585 - You're feeling it! 389 00:16:02,685 --> 00:16:04,788 - I'm feeling it, man! - Yeah! 390 00:16:04,888 --> 00:16:09,634 Get him up. Get him up. - Whoa. 391 00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:13,799 I'm giving in to the night! [laughs] 392 00:16:13,899 --> 00:16:17,003 - And after my HUD-1 form was approved, I closed. 393 00:16:17,103 --> 00:16:18,805 - Yeah, that's pretty standard. 394 00:16:18,905 --> 00:16:20,367 - That's the end of my escrow stories. 395 00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:22,089 - Well, you had a lot. - Yeah, sorry. 396 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:23,650 You probably deal with this all day. 397 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,813 Listen, you can--you can go. You don't have to hang. 398 00:16:25,913 --> 00:16:29,377 I-I'd rather fly solo anyways. - I-I-I didn't mean-- 399 00:16:29,477 --> 00:16:32,221 - I just--I haven't been to the club in so long. 400 00:16:32,321 --> 00:16:34,383 You know, I think I just kind of forgot how to-- 401 00:16:34,483 --> 00:16:36,546 how to do this. - Can I make a suggestion? 402 00:16:36,646 --> 00:16:37,907 - Yeah. - Even escrow people 403 00:16:38,007 --> 00:16:38,989 don't want to talk about escrow. 404 00:16:39,089 --> 00:16:40,791 - I get that. - And... 405 00:16:40,891 --> 00:16:42,713 maybe lay off your brother. 406 00:16:42,813 --> 00:16:44,976 Tom seems like a nice guy. 407 00:16:46,137 --> 00:16:48,840 - He is a nice guy. 408 00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:50,122 - Okay, I'm gonna say it. 409 00:16:50,222 --> 00:16:51,924 It's time to turn on read receipts. 410 00:16:52,024 --> 00:16:55,328 - Now? Won't that seem weird? - No, no way. 411 00:16:55,428 --> 00:16:57,651 Let her see that we got her text and that we don't care. 412 00:16:57,751 --> 00:17:00,094 - Ooh, I got it. I have a killer response. 413 00:17:00,194 --> 00:17:02,096 Does she wear a hat? Because it only works if she wears a hat. 414 00:17:02,196 --> 00:17:05,620 - Oh, my God, that's my husband. 415 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,303 ♪ ♪ 416 00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:10,106 Tom's having the time of his life. 417 00:17:10,206 --> 00:17:12,709 Tom! 418 00:17:12,809 --> 00:17:15,392 And what am I doing? - Um, defeating Kirsten. 419 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,594 - Yeah, and through her, defeating all our Kirstens. 420 00:17:17,694 --> 00:17:19,437 - You guys don't know my husband, but if he's having 421 00:17:19,537 --> 00:17:23,241 a blast at a club and we're not, 422 00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:26,765 then our Kirstens have already won. 423 00:17:26,865 --> 00:17:30,370 ♪ ♪ 424 00:17:30,470 --> 00:17:32,772 Tom? 425 00:17:32,872 --> 00:17:35,015 - All right, so you don't get the actual, like, address 426 00:17:35,115 --> 00:17:37,658 of a warehouse party until five seconds before the doors open. 427 00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:40,221 - [hiccups] Ooh, could you stop braking so hard? 428 00:17:40,321 --> 00:17:42,945 It's not helping my heaves. - Don't tell Kia how to drive. 429 00:17:43,045 --> 00:17:46,709 - Stop defending her. - Stop controlling me. 430 00:17:46,809 --> 00:17:48,631 - Oh! - Jenna! 431 00:17:48,731 --> 00:17:50,994 - Are they okay? Did I manifest that? 432 00:17:51,094 --> 00:17:52,476 - I think they're fine. 433 00:17:52,576 --> 00:17:54,318 They just got in line at the grilled cheese truck. 434 00:17:54,418 --> 00:17:57,482 - I'm never gonna find love. - Oh, sure you will. 435 00:17:57,582 --> 00:18:01,707 - Oh. [vomits] - It just takes time. 436 00:18:03,108 --> 00:18:05,111 - Unless you're really, really lucky. 437 00:18:06,512 --> 00:18:08,375 I'm actually cool with how we spent our youth. 438 00:18:08,475 --> 00:18:09,816 I don't miss... - [vomits] 439 00:18:09,916 --> 00:18:11,979 - That. 440 00:18:12,079 --> 00:18:15,383 - Yeah, you know, even though we did miss our 20s, 441 00:18:15,483 --> 00:18:17,065 the good thing about being young parents 442 00:18:17,165 --> 00:18:21,310 is that our 50s are gonna slap. - I love you... 443 00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:23,993 and our kids and our bed. 444 00:18:24,093 --> 00:18:26,276 - If we leave right now, we can see that bed. 445 00:18:26,376 --> 00:18:28,278 - I can see the party. We made it. 446 00:18:28,378 --> 00:18:30,161 - Uh, I think we're actually gonna head home. 447 00:18:30,261 --> 00:18:32,203 - Yeah, you have fun, though. - Okay. 448 00:18:32,303 --> 00:18:33,525 If you're sure. - Okay. We're sure. 449 00:18:33,625 --> 00:18:37,029 - Yeah, we are. - Okay. Oh, my--Okay. 450 00:18:39,391 --> 00:18:41,454 - Tom, I've never seen you like this. 451 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,556 - I've never seen you like this. 452 00:18:45,078 --> 00:18:46,620 You're so beautiful. 453 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,722 God, I don't tell you that enough. 454 00:18:53,288 --> 00:18:55,290 - Hey, let's go home. - Yeah. 455 00:18:57,893 --> 00:19:00,036 Oh, no, Connor. 456 00:19:00,136 --> 00:19:01,718 I can't leave him here like this. Look at him. 457 00:19:01,818 --> 00:19:03,360 He's so beautiful. 458 00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:06,043 God, I don't tell him that enough. 459 00:19:06,143 --> 00:19:10,048 - Tom, what's wrong with you? - I'm on drugs, and I love you. 460 00:19:10,148 --> 00:19:11,570 - Wait, what? 461 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:14,273 - No, that's another club on the east side. 462 00:19:17,797 --> 00:19:20,220 - No bracelet, no entry. - Tom, what are you doing? 463 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,723 - I'm being your wingman. - Wait, he's with me. 464 00:19:26,287 --> 00:19:28,029 - Oh, okay. 465 00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:29,431 - Hey. - Hey. 466 00:19:29,531 --> 00:19:31,233 - I know why you're making fun of me. 467 00:19:31,333 --> 00:19:33,756 It's okay. I'm not mad at you. - You're not? 468 00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:36,479 - No. Look, I always think of you as being so rich 469 00:19:36,579 --> 00:19:38,402 and good-looking that... 470 00:19:38,502 --> 00:19:40,804 I don't think you can be insecure, 471 00:19:40,904 --> 00:19:43,888 but when I do that, it's like I'm not seeing you. 472 00:19:43,988 --> 00:19:46,531 - It's just, trying to date after so long, 473 00:19:46,631 --> 00:19:48,053 it's got me all in my head. 474 00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:50,055 You know, and you started making all those girls laugh. 475 00:19:50,155 --> 00:19:51,938 I-I felt like I had to put you down-- 476 00:19:52,038 --> 00:19:54,340 - No. Shh. - Oh, okay. 477 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,343 - It's my fault. 478 00:19:56,443 --> 00:19:59,547 I should've been your wingman helping you soar to the sun. 479 00:19:59,647 --> 00:20:02,710 Instead, I was blocking out your light. 480 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:06,194 - What are you talking about? Look, it's my fault. 481 00:20:06,294 --> 00:20:07,876 I shouldn't have treated you like that. 482 00:20:07,976 --> 00:20:10,259 - Come here. - Oh. 483 00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:12,882 All right. - Okay, how's he doing? 484 00:20:12,982 --> 00:20:14,284 - Little handsy. 485 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:15,726 - I just talked to the waitress, 486 00:20:15,826 --> 00:20:19,731 and she gave Tom an aspirin, but he thinks he's on drugs. 487 00:20:19,831 --> 00:20:23,255 - That explains a lot. - Wingman for life, right? 488 00:20:23,355 --> 00:20:25,357 [laughter] 489 00:20:29,882 --> 00:20:31,144 [upbeat dance music] 490 00:20:31,244 --> 00:20:33,187 - Club Lupe, can I get a vibe check? 491 00:20:33,287 --> 00:20:36,150 [all cheering] 492 00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:38,112 - So Kirsten just gave up? - Yeah. 493 00:20:38,212 --> 00:20:39,834 I guess ignoring her worked. 494 00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:42,037 I woke up to, like, 1,000 messages. 495 00:20:42,137 --> 00:20:45,161 The last one said, "You win. Let's do the gift card." 496 00:20:45,261 --> 00:20:47,483 - Oh, yes. - Now comes the tough part-- 497 00:20:47,583 --> 00:20:49,286 approval from the booster committee. 498 00:20:49,386 --> 00:20:51,388 - Nope. Mm-mm. 499 00:20:52,309 --> 00:20:53,971 - So that's it? You're just done with clubs? 500 00:20:54,071 --> 00:20:55,693 - I think I was just trying to force the dating thing. 501 00:20:55,793 --> 00:20:56,935 - Mm. 502 00:20:57,035 --> 00:20:58,777 - I just need to move at my own speed, 503 00:20:58,877 --> 00:21:01,780 and right now that speed is Club Lupe. 504 00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,382 ♪ ♪ 505 00:21:03,482 --> 00:21:07,147 - Lupe, Lupe, fresh beats, so yeet. 506 00:21:07,247 --> 00:21:09,610 Do me a favour, can you play "Like A G6" after this? 507 00:21:11,532 --> 00:21:13,635 You're an artist. I respect that. 508 00:21:13,735 --> 00:21:17,159 ♪ ♪ 509 00:21:17,259 --> 00:21:19,041 All right, all right, get on up on the dance floor. 510 00:21:19,141 --> 00:21:22,044 Come on, show us what you got. [girls scream] 511 00:21:22,144 --> 00:21:25,348 Oh, oh. Here it is.