1 00:00:02,262 --> 00:00:03,363 - Ahh. 2 00:00:03,463 --> 00:00:05,044 [upbeat music] 3 00:00:05,144 --> 00:00:08,408 Chapter eight, Tom's family had gotten used to the idea 4 00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:10,489 that he was writing a novel about them. 5 00:00:10,589 --> 00:00:12,371 And now it felt like the Hayworths were entering 6 00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:15,094 a new season together-- 7 00:00:15,194 --> 00:00:16,735 stronger, connected, 8 00:00:16,835 --> 00:00:19,056 more devoted than ever. - Oh, sorry, I got to take this. 9 00:00:19,156 --> 00:00:21,179 Business call. - But this is a family brunch. 10 00:00:21,279 --> 00:00:24,182 - And this is a business call. 11 00:00:24,282 --> 00:00:25,543 Frank! 12 00:00:25,643 --> 00:00:26,444 - All right, what do you guys want to do 13 00:00:26,524 --> 00:00:27,625 the rest of the weekend? 14 00:00:27,725 --> 00:00:29,105 I promised Marina I wouldn't work on the book. 15 00:00:29,205 --> 00:00:31,668 - Isn't hanging out with us kind of like research for you? 16 00:00:31,768 --> 00:00:32,869 - What? No. 17 00:00:32,969 --> 00:00:34,110 No, come on, this is family time. 18 00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:35,192 This isn't research. 19 00:00:35,292 --> 00:00:37,234 Does anyone else want a drink? 20 00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:38,674 Add a beat where everyone's suspicious 21 00:00:38,774 --> 00:00:41,076 that Tom's secretly recording everything for his book. 22 00:00:41,176 --> 00:00:42,958 ♪ ♪ 23 00:00:43,058 --> 00:00:45,361 - Family time, so precious. 24 00:00:45,461 --> 00:00:49,324 ♪ ♪ 25 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:51,486 - Can we do something tomorrow that's not too pricey? 26 00:00:51,586 --> 00:00:53,928 Like going to the park. - Fine by me. 27 00:00:54,028 --> 00:00:55,850 I mean, speaking as an under-employed American. 28 00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:56,931 Plus, I really don't want the kids 29 00:00:57,031 --> 00:00:58,612 to get used to Connor's lifestyle. 30 00:00:58,712 --> 00:01:01,655 - Yeah, last week Camila asked me where we were summering. 31 00:01:01,755 --> 00:01:03,337 - Question for the table, 32 00:01:03,437 --> 00:01:05,058 who wants to see a 49ers game? 33 00:01:05,158 --> 00:01:06,700 [kids cheer] 34 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,421 - Oh, uh, actually, we were just saying that-- 35 00:01:08,521 --> 00:01:10,663 - Shut up, Tom. In a luxury suite. 36 00:01:10,763 --> 00:01:12,224 [kids cheer] 37 00:01:12,324 --> 00:01:15,668 [kids chanting] Connor, Connor, Connor, Connor! 38 00:01:15,768 --> 00:01:18,850 - ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪ 39 00:01:20,011 --> 00:01:21,313 - So I'm closing a deal with this guy, Frank-- 40 00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:22,754 huge Niners fan. 41 00:01:22,854 --> 00:01:24,716 He's got this luxury suite at Levi's Stadium, 42 00:01:24,816 --> 00:01:26,037 and he wants to bring me to a game. 43 00:01:26,137 --> 00:01:27,598 - What kind of deal? - Frank's got his own hedge fund 44 00:01:27,698 --> 00:01:29,279 but he's got this pool of money 45 00:01:29,379 --> 00:01:31,081 he's looking to sidecar with my firm for some more private 46 00:01:31,181 --> 00:01:32,403 small-cap investment typ-- - You know what? 47 00:01:32,503 --> 00:01:34,725 Stop. It's too boring. - Right? 48 00:01:34,825 --> 00:01:36,326 - Gretchen. 49 00:01:36,426 --> 00:01:38,608 Look, the problem is, Frank only has five tickets 50 00:01:38,708 --> 00:01:40,089 to the suite, which means, including the kids, 51 00:01:40,189 --> 00:01:41,130 I can't bring everyone. 52 00:01:41,230 --> 00:01:42,492 Obviously, Marina's coming. 53 00:01:42,592 --> 00:01:44,594 - That we will. 54 00:01:45,515 --> 00:01:47,976 - Why obviously? - Because Marina's a fan. 55 00:01:48,076 --> 00:01:50,258 She's the only one here who knows the 49ers 56 00:01:50,358 --> 00:01:52,020 average time of possession last season. 57 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,582 - 31 minutes. - I knew that. 58 00:01:53,682 --> 00:01:56,043 - Yeah, I was gonna say 31. - Possession like spirits? 59 00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,428 - Guys, look, it's a schmooze situation. 60 00:02:00,528 --> 00:02:01,869 Emily used to have my back at these things 61 00:02:01,969 --> 00:02:03,110 but now that we're split, you know, 62 00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:05,031 I need someone who knows what she's talking about. 63 00:02:05,131 --> 00:02:06,793 - What happened to going to the park? 64 00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:08,795 - The park's gonna be there next week. 65 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:11,598 Luxury suite, Tom. - [chuckles] Okay. 66 00:02:11,698 --> 00:02:14,160 I guess if Marina's going, then I'm going. 67 00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:16,201 [tense music] 68 00:02:16,301 --> 00:02:18,323 - Because? - Because I like football. 69 00:02:18,423 --> 00:02:20,806 [laughter] 70 00:02:20,906 --> 00:02:22,207 - What? 71 00:02:22,307 --> 00:02:24,649 [laughter] 72 00:02:24,749 --> 00:02:26,851 - Okay, yeah, look, maybe not as much as Marina, 73 00:02:26,951 --> 00:02:30,214 but I like watching the old...pigskin fly. 74 00:02:30,314 --> 00:02:32,617 [laughter] - That's funny. 75 00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,337 You gotta put stuff like that in the book. 76 00:02:34,437 --> 00:02:37,020 - I'm serious. - Tom, you're a lot of things. 77 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,502 Okay? But you're not a sports guy. 78 00:02:39,602 --> 00:02:41,785 When we were kids, no one wanted to pick you for their teams. 79 00:02:41,885 --> 00:02:44,186 - Because they said I was a good scorekeeper. 80 00:02:44,286 --> 00:02:45,588 Yeah, now hearing that back, it kind of seems like 81 00:02:45,688 --> 00:02:46,749 maybe they didn't need a scorekeeper. 82 00:02:46,849 --> 00:02:48,551 - No, that's an important position. 83 00:02:48,651 --> 00:02:50,713 - Okay, are you guys forgetting that I was a jock? 84 00:02:50,813 --> 00:02:52,715 Freshman year, remember? 85 00:02:52,815 --> 00:02:55,637 I used to get up at 5:30 a.m. every morning 86 00:02:55,737 --> 00:02:57,799 to shave my legs. 87 00:02:57,899 --> 00:03:00,121 - Diving team. 88 00:03:00,221 --> 00:03:01,683 - That tracks. 89 00:03:01,783 --> 00:03:02,803 - But then he had an "injury" 90 00:03:02,903 --> 00:03:04,885 that ended his "athletic career." 91 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:08,088 - I hit the water at an extremely dangerous angle. 92 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,009 - Mm. - Sometimes I can still feel 93 00:03:09,109 --> 00:03:10,611 the water in my ear. 94 00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,692 - Okay, fine, Tom, you can come. 95 00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:14,213 - Thank you. - What about me? 96 00:03:14,313 --> 00:03:15,895 - Us. - What about us? 97 00:03:15,995 --> 00:03:17,196 - Just kind of figured you guys wouldn't want to come 98 00:03:17,276 --> 00:03:18,738 given the fact that you think anything 99 00:03:18,838 --> 00:03:19,899 with the word "luxury" in it 100 00:03:19,999 --> 00:03:21,860 is automatically evil. 101 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,263 - Yeah, well, I also like to be included. 102 00:03:25,363 --> 00:03:27,265 Plus the NFL said that football is gay now. 103 00:03:27,365 --> 00:03:30,188 So we are everywhere. 104 00:03:30,288 --> 00:03:31,789 - Well, Connor, what about these kids? 105 00:03:31,889 --> 00:03:33,630 all: Please, please, please, 106 00:03:33,730 --> 00:03:35,432 please, please, please. 107 00:03:35,532 --> 00:03:38,035 - Okay, too much. - Okay, fine. How about this? 108 00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:40,117 I'll buy some reg ticks in the stands. 109 00:03:40,217 --> 00:03:41,677 Alejandro, Esteban, 110 00:03:41,777 --> 00:03:43,239 you guys are gonna have to sit this one out, okay? 111 00:03:43,339 --> 00:03:44,801 You're clearly Packers fans. 112 00:03:44,901 --> 00:03:45,962 And the rest of you, 113 00:03:46,062 --> 00:03:47,403 can take turns in the luxury suite. 114 00:03:47,503 --> 00:03:48,805 Everybody happy? 115 00:03:48,905 --> 00:03:51,406 [cheering] Yeah! Ooh! 116 00:03:51,506 --> 00:03:53,728 [kids chanting] Connor, Connor, Connor-- 117 00:03:53,828 --> 00:03:55,931 - Are you ready for some football? 118 00:03:56,031 --> 00:04:00,714 ♪ ♪ 119 00:04:01,916 --> 00:04:03,898 - Garoppolo! 120 00:04:03,998 --> 00:04:05,299 all: Garoppolo. 121 00:04:05,399 --> 00:04:07,782 - Go 49ers! 122 00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:09,303 - Tom, you're trying too hard, man. 123 00:04:09,403 --> 00:04:11,624 Also, come on, what is this? 124 00:04:11,724 --> 00:04:13,867 - Cool kids wear it with the tags on. 125 00:04:13,967 --> 00:04:15,428 - At least he's trying to belong. 126 00:04:15,528 --> 00:04:17,470 - What are you talking about? I belong. 127 00:04:17,570 --> 00:04:19,872 How else would I know that the special teams unit 128 00:04:19,972 --> 00:04:21,633 is responsible for all kicking plays? 129 00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:23,916 - It's so cute, this morning he was on the Wikipedia page 130 00:04:24,016 --> 00:04:25,717 for "American Football." 131 00:04:25,817 --> 00:04:27,679 - Really? He sounded so natural. 132 00:04:27,779 --> 00:04:29,680 - All right, the luxury suite's up this way. 133 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:32,243 Kelvin, Shamiah, you sure you guys are good in the stands? 134 00:04:32,343 --> 00:04:34,485 - Can we get on the Jumbotron if we're in the luxury suites? 135 00:04:34,585 --> 00:04:36,647 - I don't think so. - Then we'll be in the stands. 136 00:04:36,747 --> 00:04:39,649 [upbeat music] 137 00:04:39,749 --> 00:04:42,933 ♪ ♪ 138 00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,734 - Welcome to Levi's Stadium, 139 00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:46,296 home of your San Francisco 49ers. 140 00:04:46,396 --> 00:04:49,058 - Whoo. Look at this place. 141 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:51,160 Wow. 142 00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,103 - Connor. - Frank. 143 00:04:54,203 --> 00:04:55,504 Thanks again for the tickets, man. 144 00:04:55,604 --> 00:04:57,905 - Oh, my pleasure. Say, this is my wife, Georgia. 145 00:04:58,005 --> 00:04:59,627 She never misses a game. 146 00:04:59,727 --> 00:05:01,189 How about your wife? Did you bring her? 147 00:05:01,289 --> 00:05:03,351 - Oh, no, I'm actually, uh, 148 00:05:03,451 --> 00:05:06,234 freshly divorced, but I brought the next best thing. 149 00:05:06,334 --> 00:05:07,315 My brother, Tom-- 150 00:05:07,415 --> 00:05:09,036 uh, Tom, move out of the way-- 151 00:05:09,136 --> 00:05:12,479 My brother Tom's wife, Marina. - Oh, hi. 152 00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,881 I am so used to watching these games at home. 153 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,843 I just--I cannot believe 154 00:05:16,943 --> 00:05:20,366 that I get to watch Fred Warner crush somebody in person. 155 00:05:20,466 --> 00:05:23,969 - So, you're a football widow, too? 156 00:05:24,069 --> 00:05:25,611 - No, what? 157 00:05:25,711 --> 00:05:28,913 No. I love the gridiron. [chuckles] 158 00:05:30,995 --> 00:05:33,618 - Let's have shrimp. - Some--okay. 159 00:05:33,718 --> 00:05:34,619 - ♪ Hit it ♪ 160 00:05:34,719 --> 00:05:35,820 ♪ ♪ 161 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:40,023 - Check out those moves. - [screams] 162 00:05:40,123 --> 00:05:42,786 - Okay, sure, they're fun to watch and their moves are fire. 163 00:05:42,886 --> 00:05:44,548 I think I used that correctly. 164 00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:46,349 But they're only here to support the men on the field. 165 00:05:46,449 --> 00:05:47,550 - That's not true. 166 00:05:47,650 --> 00:05:48,991 They're athletes in their own right. 167 00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:51,194 And they do community outreach. 168 00:05:51,294 --> 00:05:54,597 Alexis and Marissa visited a children's hospital last week. 169 00:05:54,697 --> 00:05:57,399 I follow their Instagram. - Really? 170 00:05:57,499 --> 00:05:59,601 - I also follow Kaley Cuoco's dog. 171 00:05:59,701 --> 00:06:01,002 I follow a lot of people, okay? 172 00:06:01,102 --> 00:06:03,325 Anyway, can we just, for once, pretend to like 173 00:06:03,425 --> 00:06:04,966 normal American things? 174 00:06:05,066 --> 00:06:06,687 - Yes, yes, of course. 175 00:06:06,787 --> 00:06:10,411 Okay, I will go get us some normal American vegan nachos. 176 00:06:10,511 --> 00:06:12,052 - That's the spirit. - Okay. 177 00:06:12,152 --> 00:06:14,234 - 49ers first down. 178 00:06:16,716 --> 00:06:21,381 - So, um, cheerleading isn't Mom's vibe? 179 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,543 - She has a very particular vibe. 180 00:06:23,643 --> 00:06:27,866 - It's just there was this cheerleading thing at school, 181 00:06:27,966 --> 00:06:30,829 and I was thinking-- 182 00:06:30,929 --> 00:06:32,551 - Of trying out? 183 00:06:32,651 --> 00:06:34,151 - No. 184 00:06:34,251 --> 00:06:36,754 Never mind, forget it. Don't tell Mom. 185 00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:41,559 ♪ ♪ 186 00:06:41,659 --> 00:06:45,762 - So I said, "Uh, yeah, maybe if I were a Jets fan." 187 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:48,004 [laughter] 188 00:06:48,104 --> 00:06:50,046 - Yo, Marina, you're killing me. 189 00:06:50,146 --> 00:06:52,088 - Thanks 24KGoldn. - Your wife is a riot. 190 00:06:52,188 --> 00:06:55,611 - Oh, no, she's actually, um-- 191 00:06:55,711 --> 00:06:58,774 Yeah, she really is. - Oh! 192 00:06:58,874 --> 00:07:00,135 - The doctor said the water's still in there. 193 00:07:00,235 --> 00:07:01,817 It's--yeah. 194 00:07:01,917 --> 00:07:03,117 You know, sometimes I can still hear it sloshing around. 195 00:07:03,197 --> 00:07:06,260 [laughter] - Stop it. 196 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:07,942 - Oh, let them have their fun. 197 00:07:08,042 --> 00:07:11,305 If it's not for you, it's not for you. 198 00:07:11,405 --> 00:07:14,187 - I guess it's always kind of been this way. 199 00:07:14,287 --> 00:07:16,750 Connor would bond with our dad over sports 200 00:07:16,850 --> 00:07:19,993 and make fun of me for not being able to catch a ball. 201 00:07:20,093 --> 00:07:22,595 But it's different now. I mean, we're older. 202 00:07:22,695 --> 00:07:24,757 I could be a sports guy if I want to. 203 00:07:24,857 --> 00:07:26,399 - Well, here comes your chance. 204 00:07:26,499 --> 00:07:28,561 - I've got Georgia on my mind. 205 00:07:28,661 --> 00:07:31,484 - [laughs] Oh, Jerry, that gets me every time. 206 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,605 Meet my new friend, Tom. 207 00:07:33,705 --> 00:07:35,326 - Tom, how you doing? Nice to meet you. 208 00:07:35,426 --> 00:07:37,288 - He's a big football fan. - Hm. 209 00:07:37,388 --> 00:07:40,011 - Well, you know, I guess I dabble. 210 00:07:40,111 --> 00:07:41,371 How about yourself? 211 00:07:41,471 --> 00:07:42,973 - I guess I know a little about football. 212 00:07:43,073 --> 00:07:44,134 - Oh, okay. 213 00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:46,236 Do you know about the special teams? 214 00:07:48,118 --> 00:07:51,420 - Oh, God. Is that Jerry Rice? - Uh-huh. 215 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,222 - Yeah, and he's talking to Tom. 216 00:07:53,322 --> 00:07:54,744 Oh, God. 217 00:07:54,844 --> 00:07:57,787 - At the end of the day, it's all about yards. 218 00:07:57,887 --> 00:08:00,510 You know, which team has the most yards-- 219 00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:03,632 and downs. - Really? 220 00:08:03,732 --> 00:08:06,034 - Oh, yeah. - Tom doesn't know who he is? 221 00:08:06,134 --> 00:08:07,716 - No, not a clue. - Yeah. 222 00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:10,237 - If I had to pick my favorite down, I'd say 3rd down. 223 00:08:10,337 --> 00:08:13,480 Yeah, no, yeah, 3rd down. What's your favorite down? 224 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:14,882 - Touchdown. 225 00:08:14,982 --> 00:08:17,204 - Huh, I didn't know that was an option. 226 00:08:17,304 --> 00:08:19,206 - I'll go over there. - Okay, honey. 227 00:08:19,306 --> 00:08:21,207 - Ooh, stopped at the line. 228 00:08:21,307 --> 00:08:23,169 [screaming] 229 00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:24,771 - Over here. 230 00:08:24,871 --> 00:08:26,212 [cheering] 231 00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:27,453 - They don't have vegan nachos here. 232 00:08:27,553 --> 00:08:28,695 Can you believe that? 233 00:08:28,795 --> 00:08:30,455 - Oh, crazy. - Yeah. 234 00:08:30,555 --> 00:08:32,097 - Uh, so, I have something important to tell you. 235 00:08:32,197 --> 00:08:33,418 - [gasps] Did we win? Is it over? 236 00:08:33,518 --> 00:08:35,300 - No, it's still very early in the game. 237 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:36,942 - Oh. - But while you were gone, 238 00:08:37,042 --> 00:08:39,143 Kelvin told me that he's interested in trying out 239 00:08:39,243 --> 00:08:40,665 for the cheerleading squad at school. 240 00:08:40,765 --> 00:08:41,946 - What? - Yeah. 241 00:08:42,046 --> 00:08:44,068 What do you think about that? 242 00:08:44,168 --> 00:08:46,791 - Wow, I guess I'm... 243 00:08:46,891 --> 00:08:48,673 proud of him. 244 00:08:48,773 --> 00:08:50,433 Way to push against the gender norms. 245 00:08:50,533 --> 00:08:51,434 - Yeah. - Good for Kelvin. 246 00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:53,436 Good for you, Kelvin. 247 00:08:53,536 --> 00:08:56,199 - Yeah, yeah, totally. I'm on the same page. 248 00:08:56,299 --> 00:08:57,761 So, what if I told you that it was actually Shamiah 249 00:08:57,861 --> 00:09:00,082 who said that? - Huh? What? Who? 250 00:09:00,182 --> 00:09:02,484 So not Kelvin? - No. 251 00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,567 - Well, with Shamiah 252 00:09:05,667 --> 00:09:07,810 it is a totally different situation 253 00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:09,971 because she's-- - Oh, I see. 254 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:13,534 Okay, so if your son is a cheerleader, that's progressive, 255 00:09:13,634 --> 00:09:15,636 but if your daughter's a cheerleader, that's regressive? 256 00:09:17,358 --> 00:09:20,060 Admit it, I got you. Ya burnt. 257 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,381 - I'm not burnt. I remain unburnt. 258 00:09:21,481 --> 00:09:23,183 - Ya burnt. - Okay, you know 259 00:09:23,283 --> 00:09:24,945 that cheerleaders are viewed a certain way. 260 00:09:25,045 --> 00:09:26,947 - By you, yes, you made that very clear 261 00:09:27,047 --> 00:09:28,467 and that's why Shamiah didn't want to tell you. 262 00:09:28,567 --> 00:09:30,109 She thought you'd be all judgy. 263 00:09:30,209 --> 00:09:32,071 - That's ridiculous, I'm not judgy. 264 00:09:32,171 --> 00:09:33,352 You know, calling someone judgy, 265 00:09:33,452 --> 00:09:35,674 that is a form of judgment. - Mm. 266 00:09:35,774 --> 00:09:36,815 - You know that there are different standards 267 00:09:36,895 --> 00:09:38,156 for girls and boys. 268 00:09:38,256 --> 00:09:40,278 That's like Feminism 101. - I thought feminism was 269 00:09:40,378 --> 00:09:41,719 being allowed to do whatever you want. 270 00:09:41,819 --> 00:09:45,443 - Ooh, she got you there, bro. - Okay, thank you. 271 00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,204 - You are not part of this discussion, sir. 272 00:09:47,304 --> 00:09:48,725 - Okay. - Okay. 273 00:09:48,825 --> 00:09:51,368 - Whoo! - Whoo. 274 00:09:51,468 --> 00:09:54,131 - See, a lot of people think a touchdown's worth seven points. 275 00:09:54,231 --> 00:09:55,372 It's really just six. 276 00:09:55,472 --> 00:09:57,413 The seven is like a-- 277 00:09:57,513 --> 00:09:59,215 an extra point, if you will. 278 00:09:59,315 --> 00:10:01,898 Or there's what we call a two-point conversion. 279 00:10:01,998 --> 00:10:04,901 I know. It can be a little confusing. 280 00:10:05,001 --> 00:10:07,622 - Hey, big fan. Excuse us for a second. 281 00:10:07,722 --> 00:10:08,843 Also, check out the chocolate strawberries, 282 00:10:08,923 --> 00:10:11,546 they're delicious, yeah. 283 00:10:11,646 --> 00:10:12,868 What are you doing? - I'm schmoozing, you know? 284 00:10:12,968 --> 00:10:14,429 Talking sports. 285 00:10:14,529 --> 00:10:17,071 - You just tried to explain football to Jerry Rice. 286 00:10:17,171 --> 00:10:18,432 - Who's Jerry Rice? 287 00:10:18,532 --> 00:10:21,435 - Tom, he's the best receiver of all time. 288 00:10:21,535 --> 00:10:24,518 - [laughs] - Oh. 289 00:10:24,618 --> 00:10:26,519 - This is why I didn't want to bring you up here, Tom. 290 00:10:26,619 --> 00:10:28,801 These are important people for my business. 291 00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:30,843 Okay, you don't fit in here. 292 00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:33,927 - Oh, well, I'm sorry if I'm screwing everything up for you. 293 00:10:34,027 --> 00:10:36,208 If I'm not luxury suite material, like my wife. 294 00:10:36,308 --> 00:10:39,011 - Whoa. If anyone asks, she's my wife. 295 00:10:39,111 --> 00:10:42,174 - What? Both: Faithful to the Bay! 296 00:10:42,274 --> 00:10:44,775 - That's right, honey. Love you. 297 00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:46,537 Hey, why don't you go switch with Sarah? 298 00:10:46,637 --> 00:10:47,898 - Are you kidding? 299 00:10:47,998 --> 00:10:50,381 ♪ ♪ 300 00:10:50,481 --> 00:10:52,943 Yeah, you know what? I'd rather be in the stands. 301 00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,905 You know, with the real sports fans. 302 00:10:56,005 --> 00:10:58,108 - Ooh, on second thought, can you send Denise? 303 00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,210 [groans] 304 00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:03,912 - I don't know, Sarah, sounds like you're proposing 305 00:11:04,012 --> 00:11:06,675 a false choice between female empowerment 306 00:11:06,775 --> 00:11:08,677 and sex positivity. 307 00:11:08,777 --> 00:11:11,280 - He's got a point. - Mm-hmm. 308 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,681 - All right, who wants the luxury suite? 309 00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:15,323 - Oh, you can go. - [sighs] 310 00:11:15,423 --> 00:11:16,764 Just in time. 311 00:11:16,864 --> 00:11:18,646 I've had enough of Gloria Steinem over here. 312 00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:21,529 - Hey, Phil gets it. - [burps] 313 00:11:21,629 --> 00:11:24,010 - And he gave me the finger. 314 00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:25,572 - How's it going down here? 315 00:11:25,672 --> 00:11:27,894 - Oh, you know, just philosophical discussions 316 00:11:27,994 --> 00:11:30,297 about progressive parenting. Football stuff. 317 00:11:30,397 --> 00:11:32,778 - Right. - Go Niners! 318 00:11:32,878 --> 00:11:34,880 - Could you not? It's my diving ear. 319 00:11:37,323 --> 00:11:39,145 Maybe Connor's right. 320 00:11:39,245 --> 00:11:41,106 I'm not a fan. 321 00:11:41,206 --> 00:11:43,628 Definitely not a jock. 322 00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:45,830 I just embarrass everyone by pretending otherwise. 323 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:48,913 - Hey, you don't embarrass me. 324 00:11:49,013 --> 00:11:50,435 I know you're a straight-up nerd. 325 00:11:50,535 --> 00:11:52,156 - [chuckles] 326 00:11:52,256 --> 00:11:53,637 - Ladies and gentlemen, 327 00:11:53,737 --> 00:11:56,400 get ready for our halftime kick contest. 328 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:59,483 One lucky fan will come down to try and kick a field goal. 329 00:11:59,583 --> 00:12:01,043 - Probably should've just stayed at home. 330 00:12:01,143 --> 00:12:04,166 - And that fan is seated in section C214. 331 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:07,590 Row 16, seat 7. 332 00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:11,933 - Tom. 333 00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:13,255 Tom! 334 00:12:13,355 --> 00:12:15,217 - Sorry it's like high tide in there. 335 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,299 What's up? 336 00:12:17,399 --> 00:12:19,301 - All I'm saying is, why not make 337 00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:21,342 all the stands luxury suites? 338 00:12:21,442 --> 00:12:23,424 You know, so that everybody has access to them. 339 00:12:23,524 --> 00:12:25,386 - Mm, so Denise didn't want to come or-- 340 00:12:25,486 --> 00:12:27,147 - Hey, Connor, isn't that your brother? 341 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:31,150 ♪ ♪ 342 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:33,252 - Ay, dios mio. - What's happening? 343 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,256 - This oughta be good. 344 00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:44,002 - And sign here, and you're all set for your big kick. 345 00:12:44,102 --> 00:12:46,284 - Oh, okay, great. Can you feel my heart? 346 00:12:46,384 --> 00:12:48,286 It's weird. My heart feels weird, right? 347 00:12:48,386 --> 00:12:50,007 - That's the adrenaline. This is actually good. 348 00:12:50,107 --> 00:12:51,609 - How is this good? 349 00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:53,571 I have to go kick that ball in front of 70,000 people. 350 00:12:53,671 --> 00:12:55,773 - Plus 15 million watching on TV. 351 00:12:55,873 --> 00:12:58,376 - What are you--no. That's not helping. 352 00:12:58,476 --> 00:13:00,777 - Listen, you are going to succeed, okay, 353 00:13:00,877 --> 00:13:03,099 because if you do, we'll get tickets for the luxury suite 354 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,140 for another game. 355 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:06,142 - Oh, well, fantastic. 356 00:13:06,242 --> 00:13:08,784 - Yeah, Dad, I can't go back to sitting in the regular seats. 357 00:13:08,884 --> 00:13:11,226 The luxury suite's nicer than our house. 358 00:13:11,326 --> 00:13:13,909 - Listen, why don't you go run around in the end zone. 359 00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:15,391 - I'm such an idiot. 360 00:13:15,491 --> 00:13:17,192 I tried to pass myself off as a jock for one day 361 00:13:17,292 --> 00:13:19,073 and now I'm gonna fail in front of-- 362 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,915 literally the entire world. 363 00:13:21,015 --> 00:13:23,438 Just like I failed in front of Jerry... 364 00:13:23,538 --> 00:13:24,799 - Rice. - Rice, yeah. 365 00:13:24,899 --> 00:13:26,521 I knew it had something to do with starch. 366 00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:28,482 - Listen, babe, you don't have to do this, okay. 367 00:13:28,582 --> 00:13:30,203 - Look, if I bail now, 368 00:13:30,303 --> 00:13:32,365 Connor's gonna make fun of me for the rest of my life, 369 00:13:32,465 --> 00:13:33,687 but-- 370 00:13:33,787 --> 00:13:35,969 I mean if I go out there, 371 00:13:36,069 --> 00:13:37,329 I--it's gonna be worse. 372 00:13:37,429 --> 00:13:38,731 I don't want this to be the first thing 373 00:13:38,831 --> 00:13:40,152 that Alejandro and Esteban see when they Google me. 374 00:13:40,232 --> 00:13:41,614 - Es-te-ban. - I want it to be 375 00:13:41,714 --> 00:13:43,035 that book review from the Sarasota Herald Tribune 376 00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,377 that said my writing was... promising. 377 00:13:45,477 --> 00:13:47,218 - Listen to me, everything's going to be fine 378 00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,820 as long as you keep your body square. 379 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,101 You plant your foot. 380 00:13:50,201 --> 00:13:51,503 Aim for the sweet spot. 381 00:13:51,603 --> 00:13:52,984 Connect to the top of your laces, 382 00:13:53,084 --> 00:13:55,707 and follow through. - Got it. 383 00:13:55,807 --> 00:13:57,227 Wait, what was the second thing? 384 00:13:57,327 --> 00:14:00,110 - I love you, no matter what happens. 385 00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,472 - No matter what happens? 386 00:14:02,572 --> 00:14:03,834 What could happen? 387 00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:05,235 - ♪ 'Cause I like to chill out ♪ 388 00:14:05,335 --> 00:14:06,475 ♪ Maxin' with the latest fashion ♪ 389 00:14:06,575 --> 00:14:08,157 ♪ And the ladies gasping ♪ 390 00:14:08,257 --> 00:14:10,479 - I can't believe Uncle Tom's gonna kick the ball. 391 00:14:10,579 --> 00:14:12,802 What if they ask him to join the team? 392 00:14:12,902 --> 00:14:14,483 - Yeah, I don't see that happening. 393 00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:16,725 ♪ ♪ 394 00:14:16,825 --> 00:14:20,769 - ♪ Can you feel the music? ♪ 395 00:14:20,869 --> 00:14:21,770 ♪ Can you feel ♪ 396 00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:23,571 - Okay, 49er fans, 397 00:14:23,671 --> 00:14:25,133 please welcome to the field 398 00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:30,297 our halftime field goal kicker, Tom Hayworth. 399 00:14:30,397 --> 00:14:32,579 - 50 bucks he misses this field goal. 400 00:14:32,679 --> 00:14:34,581 - 50 bucks says he misses the ball. 401 00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:35,982 [laughter] 402 00:14:36,082 --> 00:14:37,664 How are you guys brothers? 403 00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:39,265 He doesn't even look like 404 00:14:39,365 --> 00:14:42,068 he could throw the ball through the uprights. 405 00:14:42,168 --> 00:14:44,030 - Well, you know, he's got his own skill set. 406 00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:46,271 - What? Getting wedgied? 407 00:14:46,371 --> 00:14:49,394 [laughter] 408 00:14:49,494 --> 00:14:51,036 - Doesn't even make sense, Frank. 409 00:14:51,136 --> 00:14:53,118 - Looks like a shrimp snuck off the buffet. 410 00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:55,760 ♪ ♪ 411 00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:57,561 - Go, go, go, go, Tom. 412 00:14:57,661 --> 00:15:00,244 Go. Go, go, Tom, go. 413 00:15:00,344 --> 00:15:02,526 Go, Tom! 414 00:15:02,626 --> 00:15:04,848 Oh, my God. Ow, ow, ow, ow. 415 00:15:04,948 --> 00:15:06,369 Ow, ow, ow, ow. 416 00:15:06,469 --> 00:15:08,451 - Mom, what are you doing? 417 00:15:08,551 --> 00:15:11,454 - I'm cheerleading, obviously. Just come here. 418 00:15:11,554 --> 00:15:13,376 Look, 419 00:15:13,476 --> 00:15:17,339 I know that I have strong opinions about some things, 420 00:15:17,439 --> 00:15:19,541 but they're just opinions, and they're just my opinions. 421 00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:21,583 They don't have to be yours, so if you want to join 422 00:15:21,683 --> 00:15:24,545 the cheer squad, I will be your number one fan. 423 00:15:24,645 --> 00:15:28,589 I will be out there screaming the loudest for you. 424 00:15:28,689 --> 00:15:30,751 - I'll make sure she doesn't scream that loud. 425 00:15:30,851 --> 00:15:33,793 - Come here, baby. I'm proud of you. 426 00:15:33,893 --> 00:15:35,475 I love you. - I love you, too. 427 00:15:35,575 --> 00:15:37,838 - [chuckling] 428 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,759 - And you know if you're doing a herkie, 429 00:15:39,859 --> 00:15:42,801 you want to keep one leg bent. - Hmm. 430 00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:45,804 So you're an expert already. Okay. 431 00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,446 ♪ ♪ 432 00:15:47,546 --> 00:15:49,808 - Yeah, this feels right. This is the move. 433 00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,010 I'll just get in the car and start driving. 434 00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:54,172 The road will be my home. 435 00:15:54,272 --> 00:15:57,695 ♪ ♪ 436 00:15:57,795 --> 00:16:00,518 Yes, follow through, I know. Thank you. 437 00:16:02,599 --> 00:16:05,822 - Did Daddy go home? - Of course not, mi amor. 438 00:16:05,922 --> 00:16:08,465 He's probably just throwing up somewhere. 439 00:16:08,565 --> 00:16:10,567 - Tom! 440 00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:14,670 - What'd you come down here to mock me again? 441 00:16:14,770 --> 00:16:16,192 - No, if I wanted to mock you, I would've brought 442 00:16:16,292 --> 00:16:17,873 Frank and Jerry, they're really 443 00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:19,475 having a field day up there in the suite. 444 00:16:19,575 --> 00:16:22,317 No, I came down here to, you know, help you. 445 00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:24,239 - What about your big business deal? 446 00:16:24,339 --> 00:16:25,961 - Frank's a jerk. I just want to make sure 447 00:16:26,061 --> 00:16:28,063 you get the ball through those uprights. 448 00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:30,325 The pole things. 449 00:16:30,425 --> 00:16:32,606 - Oh, come on, man. Come on. 450 00:16:32,706 --> 00:16:34,248 You know that's not gonna happen. 451 00:16:34,348 --> 00:16:35,469 You've been making fun of me about this stuff my entire life. 452 00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:36,770 - Tom. - You and Dad used to bond 453 00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:39,173 over sports-- 454 00:16:39,273 --> 00:16:40,533 I was on the outside for a reason. 455 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,894 - Tom, if I made fun of you as a kid, 456 00:16:41,994 --> 00:16:44,177 it was just to make myself feel better. 457 00:16:44,277 --> 00:16:45,818 All right? 458 00:16:45,918 --> 00:16:47,140 Not like I was gonna bond with Dad 459 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,062 over science stuff 460 00:16:49,162 --> 00:16:51,703 or, like, bioengineering. 461 00:16:51,803 --> 00:16:52,864 - Oh, my God, he was a chemical engineer. 462 00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:55,107 - Sports were all we had in common. 463 00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:57,229 Okay, and yes, you sucked at throwing. 464 00:16:57,329 --> 00:16:58,230 And hitting. 465 00:16:58,330 --> 00:16:59,910 And catching. 466 00:17:00,010 --> 00:17:02,353 Thankfully, 'cause you were so good at everything else. 467 00:17:02,453 --> 00:17:04,875 I mean you said you wanted to be writer when you were what? 468 00:17:04,975 --> 00:17:07,638 In middle school? 469 00:17:07,738 --> 00:17:10,280 You actually did that, man. 470 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:13,643 You believed that people would care to read what you, 471 00:17:13,743 --> 00:17:16,085 of all people, have to say. 472 00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:18,128 ♪ ♪ 473 00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:22,291 - Well, I guess the Sarasota Herald Tribune said I had a... 474 00:17:22,391 --> 00:17:25,574 relatable voice. - You are who you are, man. 475 00:17:25,674 --> 00:17:27,776 All right, you're not gonna be a jock 476 00:17:27,876 --> 00:17:30,097 no matter how many Wikipedia pages you read. 477 00:17:30,197 --> 00:17:31,979 And what happens on that field 478 00:17:32,079 --> 00:17:35,423 is not gonna change the way I feel about you. 479 00:17:35,523 --> 00:17:38,665 Even if you split your pants and crap yourself. 480 00:17:38,765 --> 00:17:39,946 - Well, I didn't know that was a possibility, 481 00:17:40,046 --> 00:17:41,788 but now that's in my head. 482 00:17:41,888 --> 00:17:43,149 - It's definitely a possibility, 483 00:17:43,249 --> 00:17:44,871 but I do think you can do it. 484 00:17:44,971 --> 00:17:46,993 It's only, like, 20 yards. 485 00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:49,034 ♪ ♪ 486 00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,476 Nice catch. 487 00:17:50,576 --> 00:17:52,157 Looking like a football player already. 488 00:17:52,257 --> 00:17:53,719 - Yeah, well, you know, 489 00:17:53,819 --> 00:17:55,681 clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose. 490 00:17:55,781 --> 00:17:56,921 - That's a football reference. 491 00:17:57,021 --> 00:17:58,122 - You don't have to love football 492 00:17:58,222 --> 00:17:59,684 to love "Friday Night Lights" right? 493 00:17:59,784 --> 00:18:02,126 - Coach Taylor, right? - Oh, my God, Kyle Chandler. 494 00:18:02,226 --> 00:18:03,608 It's insane. - That's my guy. 495 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,251 - So good. - That's my guy. 496 00:18:06,351 --> 00:18:08,752 - Shouldn't they get started? What happened to Tom? 497 00:18:10,394 --> 00:18:12,856 - Wait, look. 498 00:18:12,956 --> 00:18:15,819 [uplifting music] 499 00:18:15,919 --> 00:18:22,805 ♪ ♪ 500 00:18:28,049 --> 00:18:30,512 - Whoo! - Hey, there, 49 fans, 501 00:18:30,612 --> 00:18:32,394 please welcome to the field 502 00:18:32,494 --> 00:18:36,076 our halftime field goal contest kicker, Tom Hayworth. 503 00:18:36,176 --> 00:18:38,238 - [chuckles] 504 00:18:38,338 --> 00:18:41,181 [cheers and applause] 505 00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:46,205 - Hey. 506 00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:49,969 No one else here. Okay? 507 00:18:50,069 --> 00:18:52,071 Just me and you in our backyard. 508 00:18:53,432 --> 00:18:56,254 ["Come Sail Away" by Styx] 509 00:18:56,354 --> 00:19:03,241 ♪ ♪ 510 00:19:12,489 --> 00:19:14,230 - Whoa! 511 00:19:14,330 --> 00:19:17,554 ♪ ♪ 512 00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:21,958 [whistle blows] - Oh! 513 00:19:22,058 --> 00:19:24,720 [screaming] 514 00:19:24,820 --> 00:19:27,723 [cheering] 515 00:19:27,823 --> 00:19:32,768 [horn blows] - Whoo! 516 00:19:32,868 --> 00:19:35,489 - ♪ Come sail away, come sail away ♪ 517 00:19:35,589 --> 00:19:39,033 ♪ Come sail away with me ♪ 518 00:19:43,957 --> 00:19:46,059 - It also air broils at the same time. 519 00:19:46,159 --> 00:19:48,021 - I did it. Did I do it? I did it, right? 520 00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:50,023 - You did it. You did-- [laughs] 521 00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:51,865 - Ah, I'm in so much pain. Can you believe it? 522 00:19:51,965 --> 00:19:53,706 - No, not really. How did you do it? 523 00:19:53,806 --> 00:19:57,029 - I--I don't know. - Ooh-hoo-hoo! 524 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,351 Yeah! 525 00:19:59,451 --> 00:20:01,613 - [sighs] That guy stole our Gatorade. 526 00:20:05,216 --> 00:20:09,040 [upbeat music] 527 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:12,963 - Hey, do you have feeling back in your...ass? 528 00:20:13,063 --> 00:20:14,965 - It's, uh, still pretty sore but 529 00:20:15,065 --> 00:20:16,887 good news is, 530 00:20:16,987 --> 00:20:18,568 the water, it's gone. 531 00:20:18,668 --> 00:20:21,370 - Oh, great. 532 00:20:21,470 --> 00:20:24,013 [dynamic rock music] - Guys, it's on. 533 00:20:24,113 --> 00:20:28,177 - And a final note, at yesterday's 49ers game 534 00:20:28,277 --> 00:20:31,419 one lucky fan got to attempt a field goal during halftime. 535 00:20:31,519 --> 00:20:33,541 - Look at that, sweetie, he called you a fan. 536 00:20:33,641 --> 00:20:35,623 - Now, the approach looks decent, 537 00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:38,346 he connects and look at that form. 538 00:20:38,446 --> 00:20:41,068 Somebody picked a fight with gravity and lost. 539 00:20:41,168 --> 00:20:43,390 A little too much follow through. 540 00:20:43,490 --> 00:20:45,873 - But they're not even showing my kick go through the--the-- 541 00:20:45,973 --> 00:20:47,554 - Uprights. - The uprights. 542 00:20:47,654 --> 00:20:48,876 - Hey, but at least you made it. 543 00:20:48,976 --> 00:20:50,436 They can't take that away from you. 544 00:20:50,536 --> 00:20:52,759 - You're right, I scored a field goal at Levi's Stadium. 545 00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:54,400 How many other people can say that? 546 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:56,722 - And it turns out, our star kicker has quite 547 00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:59,824 the athletic history. - Oh, my God, no. 548 00:21:07,752 --> 00:21:09,613 [laughter] 549 00:21:09,713 --> 00:21:12,696 - I feel badly for the water. 550 00:21:12,796 --> 00:21:15,059 Well, I guess he shaved his legs for nothing. 551 00:21:15,159 --> 00:21:16,220 Which is a shame. - Oh, my God. 552 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,182 How did they get this footage? 553 00:21:18,282 --> 00:21:20,503 - I don't know. - It's more kind of falling. 554 00:21:20,603 --> 00:21:21,865 If you look closely, right there 555 00:21:21,965 --> 00:21:24,407 at the bottom of the pool, you can see his dignity.