1 00:00:26,069 --> 00:00:28,724 The lizard men will no longer be subject to rat oppression! 2 00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:31,727 Aw, they're not oppressed. 3 00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:32,815 We raise them as food. 4 00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:33,816 They-they like it. 5 00:00:33,859 --> 00:00:35,209 Well, we are delicious. 6 00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:37,559 No. You should be free to do whatever you want. 7 00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:40,692 What do lizards like to do? Mm, bask? 8 00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:43,565 Okay. Then you should bask without fear of being eaten. 9 00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:44,827 Well, that does sounds nice. 10 00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,394 This will not stand! 11 00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,483 Buddy, my captain's on the way right now. 12 00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:49,124 It's funny. 13 00:00:49,126 --> 00:00:50,920 Normally, I'm, like, a huge disappointment to her, 14 00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:52,313 but this time she's gonna be pumped 15 00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,097 that I rooted out injustice. 16 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,446 And here comes the praise, 17 00:00:55,490 --> 00:00:57,361 in five... Attention, everyone. 18 00:00:57,405 --> 00:01:00,277 I'm afraid my ensign has made a huge mistake. 19 00:01:00,321 --> 00:01:01,974 What? Starfleet is forbidden 20 00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:04,151 from interfering in your planetary politics. 21 00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:06,153 You will be free to determine your future 22 00:01:06,196 --> 00:01:07,937 without our influence. 23 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:11,027 What? How could you... Oh, screw the Prime Directive! 24 00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,029 Hey. 25 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,857 You are way out of bounds here. 26 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,076 They're eating those guys. 27 00:01:16,119 --> 00:01:17,207 What am I supposed to do? 28 00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:18,687 Report it to me. 29 00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:21,298 Now I have to explain why there's an inter-species war 30 00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,648 on a planet that was peaceful yesterday! 31 00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,737 Oh, so you're yelling at me for spreading freedom 32 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,957 because you don't feel like filing a report? 33 00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:31,700 Mariner, I swear, if you weren't my daughter, 34 00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:33,136 you'd be off the Cerritos. 35 00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,398 If I wasn't your daughter, 36 00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:35,878 you wouldn't be such a bitch all the time! 37 00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:37,793 That's it. That's it! When we get back to the ship, 38 00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:39,795 you are going straight to... Yeah, yeah, I know. 39 00:01:39,838 --> 00:01:41,362 Straight to the brig. Shocker. 40 00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,407 Oh, you're not going to the brig. 41 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:45,279 You're going to therapy. 42 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,716 What?! You think I need therapy? 43 00:01:47,759 --> 00:01:49,065 What? That's... No! 44 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,197 It's the '80s, dude. 45 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,763 We don't have psychiatric problems. 46 00:01:51,807 --> 00:01:53,156 You're a loose cannon. 47 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,158 I don't care how many lizards you save. 48 00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:57,421 You need professional help. 49 00:01:57,465 --> 00:02:00,250 Dr. Migleemo? Oh, he's the worst counselor in the fleet! 50 00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:02,861 He just tosses out nonstop food metaphors! 51 00:02:02,905 --> 00:02:04,254 That's an order, Ensign. 52 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:05,473 Freeman to Cerritos. 53 00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:06,474 One to beam up. 54 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:08,432 I don't need therapy! 55 00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:11,827 Okay, look, will you stop eating these guys 56 00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,568 if we give you food replicators? 57 00:02:13,611 --> 00:02:15,700 Ha. I don't know. Can they make nutrient pellets? 58 00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:16,962 Yes! 59 00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:30,340 Mariner, this report is 60 00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:33,387 a veritable fruit salad of insubordination. 61 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:34,736 I don't want to be here. I broke the rules. 62 00:03:34,779 --> 00:03:36,216 I'm supposed to be in the brig. 63 00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,434 Sorry. Captain's orders. 64 00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:39,523 She wants us to meet every week, 65 00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:41,177 cooking up some healthy strategies 66 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,441 to marinate you into the officer she knows you can be. 67 00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:45,660 I don't want your help! 68 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:46,835 I want to show the captain that she's wrong 69 00:03:46,878 --> 00:03:48,837 and then get put... in... the... brig! 70 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,665 Full stop, Beckett. 71 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,233 We need to find an outlet for all that rage. 72 00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,235 Have you ever made paella? 73 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,326 Nice shot, da Vinci! 74 00:03:59,369 --> 00:04:01,110 Grazie. Hey, guys. 75 00:04:01,153 --> 00:04:02,111 Do you mind if I take over the deck? 76 00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,286 I've got a big evaluation 77 00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,592 with Captain Freeman this afternoon. 78 00:04:04,635 --> 00:04:06,028 She's selecting eager to please candidates 79 00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:07,638 for her advanced diplomacy workshop. 80 00:04:07,682 --> 00:04:09,727 Problem is, I don't know how eager to please. 81 00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:11,294 Ugh, I got to practice. 82 00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:13,775 Computer, load program Boimler seven. 83 00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,168 Ciao, da Vinci. Ciao, Tendi. 84 00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,304 Ugh, you simulated the crew? 85 00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:22,871 Yeah, that way, I can pre-interview 86 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,873 so I don't make any mistakes when it's for real. 87 00:04:24,916 --> 00:04:26,440 I uploaded seven years of entries 88 00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:27,963 from the entire crew's private logs... 89 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:29,051 Aren't those private? 90 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,574 ...and it algorithmically created 91 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:32,620 a perfect simulation of everyone on the Cerritos. 92 00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:35,362 They'll respond exactly the way they would in real life. 93 00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:36,363 Ah. 94 00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:37,451 Hey, buddy. How's it going? 95 00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,104 Don't talk to me! I'm pissed off! 96 00:04:39,148 --> 00:04:39,865 Whoa! Amazing! 97 00:04:39,867 --> 00:04:42,020 We had that exact same conversation an hour ago. 98 00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,980 Yeah. Ah. All I got to do is feed it a scenario. 99 00:04:45,023 --> 00:04:47,548 Then the simulated crew fills in the blanks. 100 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,289 It'll give me an edge in my interview. 101 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,769 Ahoy, Cap'n. "Ahoy"? 102 00:04:51,813 --> 00:04:54,163 See? I just learned not to say that. 103 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,339 Congrats on the brown-nosing program, butt-kisser. 104 00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,036 Only you would... Wait. 105 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,212 This is a perfect simulation? 106 00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:02,476 What was that? 107 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,651 Hey, hey, what are you doing? 108 00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,653 "Interior. Rickety metal catwalk. Night"? 109 00:05:05,696 --> 00:05:07,481 Mariner! You can't write that about the captain. 110 00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,483 Why waste this on some dumb interview prep? 111 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:11,485 I'm putting in my own parameters. If Freeman sees this, 112 00:05:11,528 --> 00:05:12,529 you'll get court-martialed. 113 00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:13,530 What did she ever do to you? 114 00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:14,531 You say I need therapy? 115 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:15,880 Okay, I'll go to therapy. 116 00:05:15,924 --> 00:05:17,708 Mariner, don't touch my code! Don't touch my... 117 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,449 Therapy...! 118 00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:23,148 What the hell? What did you do to my program? 119 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:24,628 I made it into an awesome movie. 120 00:05:24,672 --> 00:05:26,630 Oh, I'm gonna work some out. 121 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,459 All right! 122 00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:31,156 Ooh, nice font. 123 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,463 No, no, what are you talking about? A movie? 124 00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,726 What, you wrote out a whole script in two seconds? 125 00:05:35,770 --> 00:05:37,946 I just, like, hit the act breaks, 126 00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:39,600 couple set pieces. Set pieces? 127 00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:40,775 The computer's filling in the rest. 128 00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,342 I made parts for the crew and all of us! 129 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,343 It's gonna be great! 130 00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,562 I don't want to do a movie! 131 00:05:45,606 --> 00:05:47,259 That's okay. You were kind of a Xon, to be honest. 132 00:05:47,303 --> 00:05:48,565 You probably weren't gonna make final cut. 133 00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,393 Who's Xon? Exactly. 134 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:51,916 Ooh, I've always wanted to be in a movie! 135 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,135 Can I be the voice of the ship? 136 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:54,615 "Red alert! Red alert!" 137 00:05:54,658 --> 00:05:56,181 No, no, I got the perfect part for you. 138 00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:57,574 You're gonna love it. Guys! 139 00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:59,184 This is an important work tool, 140 00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:00,751 not a fun thing to have a good time with. 141 00:06:00,795 --> 00:06:02,579 Boimler, pipe down. Shh. Come on, the credits. 142 00:06:02,623 --> 00:06:04,015 I don't want this. 143 00:06:04,059 --> 00:06:05,408 I just want to prep. Well, tough. 144 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:06,931 You're just gonna have to wait till it's over. 145 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,759 Come on, come on, come on, let's go get into costume. 146 00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:09,847 Okeydokey! 147 00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,022 I'm not getting in anything. 148 00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:13,634 Mariner! I want these credits gone now! 149 00:06:13,677 --> 00:06:15,026 Hmm. 150 00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,159 Wha? 151 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:21,424 Yeah! 152 00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,078 Happy birthday, Captain! 153 00:06:23,121 --> 00:06:24,819 I might be getting up in years, 154 00:06:24,862 --> 00:06:27,212 but I still hold the hydroscoot speed record 155 00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,475 back at the Academy! 156 00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:30,868 Captain out! Whoa! 157 00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:32,392 Get him, Captain! 158 00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:33,393 Shut up! 159 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,785 I'll kill you! I... 160 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,961 Oh, I can't stay mad. 161 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,443 Good one, Cap'n! 162 00:06:40,487 --> 00:06:41,444 I don't remember giving you permission 163 00:06:41,488 --> 00:06:42,663 to scoot with us, Ensign. 164 00:06:42,706 --> 00:06:44,142 Yeah, actually, I need to borrow the cap'n 165 00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:46,188 for a quick interview. It's her birthday! 166 00:06:46,231 --> 00:06:47,537 Um, can I at least ask what she likes more, 167 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:50,453 when bridge officers arrive early or stay late? 168 00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:51,976 A question like that makes me think 169 00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:54,152 you're asking the wrong questions. 170 00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:55,545 Good... to... know. 171 00:06:55,589 --> 00:06:56,720 Sorry to interrupt your vacation. 172 00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:58,243 This isn't a vacation. 173 00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,420 It's important scientific research. 174 00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:02,726 Vacation's over. 175 00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:05,947 Sorry for the short notice, Captain Freeman. 176 00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,470 Not a problem at all, Admiral. 177 00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,341 How can we help? We've received a bizarre message 178 00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:10,865 from the leaders of Idlocana 6. 179 00:07:10,908 --> 00:07:12,475 Their president wanted to thank us 180 00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:13,998 for a wonderful second contact 181 00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:15,478 with the crew of the San Clemente. 182 00:07:15,522 --> 00:07:16,871 So? What's wrong with that? 183 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:19,700 Starfleet doesn't have a San Clemente. 184 00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:23,486 Whoever second-contacted them wasn't our ship. 185 00:07:23,530 --> 00:07:24,966 What a mystery. 186 00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,489 Uh, whose boy is this? 187 00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:27,751 Ensign Brad Boimler, sir. 188 00:07:27,795 --> 00:07:29,623 Here to learn. 189 00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,015 This impostor... 190 00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:33,017 you want the Cerritos to investigate? 191 00:07:33,061 --> 00:07:35,280 Get in, get me Intel, then get out. 192 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,587 And, Freeman, stick to the plan this time. 193 00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,111 If this was actually happening, they'd send the Enterprise. 194 00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:41,896 But, you know, artistic license. 195 00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,376 Luckily, the Cerritos just went through some upgrades. 196 00:07:44,420 --> 00:07:47,641 We should be more than suitable for the task. 197 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:52,559 The Cerritos is ready to launch whenever you are. 198 00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,125 Oh. 199 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:55,692 There she is. 200 00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:53,924 She never fails to take my breath away. 201 00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:56,492 I wish I could kiss her and squeeze her. Excuse me? 202 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:59,582 Uh, uh, the Cerritos is a handsome lady. 203 00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,671 You're damn right about that, Boimler. 204 00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:05,545 Call the ship a handsome lady. 205 00:09:14,815 --> 00:09:16,730 Hmm. 206 00:09:18,209 --> 00:09:21,386 Captain, we're ready for your command. 207 00:09:21,430 --> 00:09:24,694 Mm, time to take this puppy off its leash. 208 00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,845 The selenium rings are disrupting the sensors, Captain. 209 00:09:44,888 --> 00:09:46,847 I'm not detecting any Federation... 210 00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:48,500 Hold on. 211 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,459 Enemy vessel decloaking! Raise shields! 212 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:58,554 Like a rat to the bait, Freeman. 213 00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:01,557 Predictable as always. 214 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,690 Who is this marauder, Captain? I don't know. 215 00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:07,084 I am Vindicta, vengeance personified! 216 00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,869 At last, Freeman. 217 00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:11,349 I will bathe in your blood. 218 00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:13,613 Oh, boy, somebody's really laying it on thick. 219 00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,616 Behold my three henchmen of the apo... 220 00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:18,530 of the Vin-pocalypse. 221 00:10:18,574 --> 00:10:21,446 Tendi, my savage warrior queen 222 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:26,234 who comes from a long line of thieving Orion pirates. 223 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,671 Yeah, nobody messes with Orions. 224 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:31,805 I'll steal from anyone and never give it back. Theft! 225 00:10:31,848 --> 00:10:33,284 And, uh, 226 00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:34,677 B-Bionic 5, 227 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:37,724 half man-meat, half robot-meat, all pain. 228 00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,943 100% pain. 229 00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:44,078 Tremble at the sight of the great Vindicta! 230 00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,819 And Shempo. 231 00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:48,996 I'm Shempo. I was supposed to be played by Boimler. 232 00:10:49,039 --> 00:10:50,780 Okay, come on. I don't sound like that. 233 00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:53,435 I love my captain, and I don't want to be doing this. 234 00:10:53,478 --> 00:10:55,219 All right, that's not too far off. 235 00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:57,439 You're posing as Starfleet. Why? 236 00:10:57,482 --> 00:11:00,050 Because I do what I want! Ugh, you're a jerk, Freeman. 237 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:02,270 You're nothing but a propped up errand girl, 238 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:05,752 blindly licking Starfleet's boot and begging for heel. 239 00:11:05,795 --> 00:11:07,884 Oh! Vindicta got your ass. 240 00:11:07,928 --> 00:11:10,321 Look, there's no need for theatrics, all right? 241 00:11:10,365 --> 00:11:13,324 I'm sure you're a reasonable... Shempo got you tea, master. 242 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,718 This is coffee! 243 00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,546 I was Shempo. 244 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,200 That poor Shempo! 245 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:21,506 You didn't have to do that. Are you out of your mind? 246 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,726 Freeman, you disgust me. 247 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:25,946 You're a coward who hides behind rank. 248 00:11:25,989 --> 00:11:27,382 You can't even appreciate 249 00:11:27,425 --> 00:11:29,079 your most valuable, creative thinkers. 250 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:31,342 I am Vindicta! Today you die. 251 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,562 This Vindicta is all over the place. 252 00:11:33,605 --> 00:11:35,564 "Hell is empty, and all the devils are here. 253 00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,914 Our revels now are ended." 254 00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,916 Wait, is she quoting The Tempest? 255 00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,574 "Hell is empty, and all the devils are... 256 00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:47,184 "Hell is empty, and all the devils 257 00:11:47,228 --> 00:11:48,577 are here." Wait, this is a recording. 258 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,231 It's a distraction. 259 00:11:50,274 --> 00:11:51,667 Winger? 260 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,321 Hi. I'm Lieutenant Lemonts. 261 00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,758 Your one-man show took my breath away. 262 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:57,151 Thank you. Thank... 263 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,333 Freeman! Bring me Free... 264 00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,945 ...God, these stupid capes. So much fabric. 265 00:12:12,557 --> 00:12:15,343 Bring me Freeman, and I'll let you live. 266 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,692 Never, witch! 267 00:12:18,389 --> 00:12:19,782 Wow. 268 00:12:19,826 --> 00:12:21,001 Boimler did a good job. 269 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,437 Chief Lundy's accent was spot-on. 270 00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,265 Yeah, and the way his face was all blotchy? 271 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:26,746 Wait, do you think Billups is in here? Eh, probably. 272 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:29,096 So I can say whatever I want to my boss 273 00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,967 with no consequences? 274 00:12:33,143 --> 00:12:35,711 Hey, wait! We have to Hench! Tendi, come on. 275 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,191 Pirate it up. Take some slaves. 276 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:40,368 Oh, uh, you know the whole "Orions taking slaves" thing? 277 00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:42,413 It's not something I really like to... 278 00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:44,067 Dirty Orion. 279 00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:45,112 Lundy! 280 00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:51,074 Give me Freeman! 281 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,598 Attack formation Raptor. 282 00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:55,470 This isn't my first overpowered space warlord, 283 00:12:55,513 --> 00:12:57,472 and it won't be my last. 284 00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:01,737 Ransom, you think you're better than me? 285 00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,826 Better at being the captain's little dick wig. 286 00:13:03,870 --> 00:13:05,959 You can talk the talk, but can you... Ow! 287 00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:07,656 Walk the walk! She can do both! 288 00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,614 Oh, she's walkin' and talkin'. Sir, quick, 289 00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,289 what's the captain's favorite type of cookie? 290 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:11,834 What?! 291 00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:13,531 Tell me before you succumb to the pain. 292 00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:14,837 If I were to bake her cookies, 293 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:16,970 what would be my best bet? 294 00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,363 Cap's got a sweet tooth. Cookies are a good move. 295 00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,452 I've done it myself. But watch out. 296 00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:23,498 She's allergic to... 297 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,240 Allergic to what? Ransom! 298 00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:28,851 Allergic to what?! 299 00:13:28,895 --> 00:13:30,244 At your stations, people. 300 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:31,636 This is not a drill. 301 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:34,552 Billups! Show yourself! 302 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:35,771 Sir, get down! 303 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:41,037 Engineering, evacuate! 304 00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:45,912 Andy Billups! 305 00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:49,002 You think you're the best engineer in the fleet. 306 00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:50,699 Well, I've wanted to say something to you 307 00:13:50,742 --> 00:13:53,049 for a long time. 308 00:13:53,093 --> 00:13:54,877 You are the best engineer in the fleet! 309 00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:57,314 Huh? I love how you program subroutines. 310 00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:58,533 It's breathtaking. 311 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,796 It feels so good to say it. 312 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,798 Warning. Hydron levels critical. 313 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,365 Damn it! We don't have much time. 314 00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:06,671 Rerouting the vent system would take a whole team. 315 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,151 If we bypass the inda controls 316 00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,283 and suppress the sativents, 317 00:14:09,326 --> 00:14:10,719 it should function as a... 318 00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,547 Rudimentary plasma filter. 319 00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:15,637 Wow, for a random space marauder, 320 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,769 you really know your way around a starship. 321 00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,075 Aw, thanks. 322 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,861 Intruder! 323 00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,211 When you get to hell, 324 00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,213 tell the Pah-wraiths that Shaxs sent you! 325 00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,955 Special delivery straight from Bajor! 326 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,131 Ah, shut up. 327 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:41,054 Borg head? 328 00:14:41,097 --> 00:14:43,360 Explosive. 329 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,191 Oh, look! 330 00:14:48,235 --> 00:14:50,454 Oh, Shaxs's earring. You have to wear it. 331 00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,108 Come here. Come here. Uh, I-I don't know. 332 00:14:52,152 --> 00:14:53,414 Isn't there, like, religious significance? 333 00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,155 I mean, some of his ear's still on it. 334 00:14:55,198 --> 00:14:56,983 Come on, dude. Orions are pirates! 335 00:14:57,026 --> 00:14:58,288 Pillaging's your whole thing. 336 00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,943 Okay, stop! It is not my whole thing. 337 00:15:00,987 --> 00:15:03,206 And for your information, many Orions haven't been pirates 338 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:04,991 for over five years! 339 00:15:05,034 --> 00:15:08,255 Okay, sorry. Look, you can just be my generic warrior henchman. 340 00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:10,431 Come on! Come on, let's go torture the cat doctor. 341 00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:11,954 Like, really torture the hell out of her. 342 00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,521 Her name is Dr. T'Ana. 343 00:15:13,564 --> 00:15:16,176 You're way too into this. This is messed up. 344 00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:18,091 It's the holodeck. It's not real. 345 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:20,093 Die! Die! 346 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,662 What is with you today? This is not healthy. 347 00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,229 Can we stop the movie? No! 348 00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:27,752 No, I'm fine. This is feeling good. 349 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,102 Come on, let me just take down the captain, 350 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:30,407 and then we can grab tacos. 351 00:15:30,451 --> 00:15:32,235 I don't want to watch you phaser the captain. 352 00:15:32,279 --> 00:15:34,107 Phaser? 353 00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:37,327 Oh, it's going to be way worse than that. 354 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:39,721 I am out of here. Arch. 355 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,592 Hey, come on. 356 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:43,203 This isn't you. 357 00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,639 It is, too! 358 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:50,862 Ransom. Shaxs. Anyone, come in. 359 00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:55,650 No one left to hide behind, Captain. 360 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,479 It's just me and you. 361 00:15:58,522 --> 00:15:59,915 And-and these guys. 362 00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:05,703 You'll never take my ship. 363 00:16:05,747 --> 00:16:07,314 I don't want your ship. 364 00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:09,272 I want you to stop treating me 365 00:16:09,316 --> 00:16:10,882 like I'm the bad guy all the time. 366 00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,145 You are the bad guy. 367 00:16:12,188 --> 00:16:14,799 No, I'm not. Why don't you ever side with me? 368 00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,236 I don't even know you. 369 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,846 Exactly! 370 00:16:17,889 --> 00:16:20,501 Oh, my God. You're-you're crazy. 371 00:16:20,544 --> 00:16:23,373 No, this is crazy. 372 00:16:23,417 --> 00:16:25,158 Sir, her ship. 373 00:16:25,201 --> 00:16:27,290 The warp core's gone critical. Brace for impact! 374 00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:02,717 Warning. Warning. 375 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:06,286 The ship has crashed. Warning. 376 00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:14,033 Oh, damn it. 377 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,907 All surviving crew, emergency evacuation protocol: 378 00:17:18,950 --> 00:17:20,909 Delta Echo. 379 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:23,259 I'll keep systems functional for as long as possible. 380 00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:26,001 You can do this. We can do this. 381 00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:27,742 Cerritos strong! 382 00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,483 Oh, when are you going to give up 383 00:17:29,526 --> 00:17:31,746 the "loving captain" act? It's not an act! 384 00:17:31,789 --> 00:17:33,617 I'm overflowing with love and affection! 385 00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,532 Oh, shut up! You shut up! 386 00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:39,493 Sir, are you okay? 387 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,929 I'll live, 388 00:17:40,972 --> 00:17:43,236 but the rest of the crew... Will be fine. 389 00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:46,021 I initiated a rapid repeating emergency transport sequence 390 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,067 and beamed the entire crew before we crashed. 391 00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,503 What? But that's not possible. 392 00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:51,026 No, it's a movie. You can beam whatever you want. 393 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,854 You can do all sorts of beaming stuff in a movie! 394 00:17:52,897 --> 00:17:54,377 What?! That is amazing! 395 00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:56,684 I learned it from you, sir. Uh... okay. 396 00:18:05,867 --> 00:18:07,782 What is your problem?! 397 00:18:07,825 --> 00:18:09,436 You've been a jerk since I was eight! 398 00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:11,525 Why do you have to be so hard on me?! 399 00:18:11,568 --> 00:18:13,614 What? I don't know you! 400 00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:42,730 Get off my mom, you bitch. 401 00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,602 Oh! Wait. What? 402 00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:48,344 You simulated me in here, too? Not cool, man! 403 00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:50,607 I got private stuff in those logs! 404 00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:53,262 Emergency transport on signal now! 405 00:18:53,306 --> 00:18:54,611 Beckett, no! 406 00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:57,962 Oh, great. Well, now it's just us. 407 00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,703 Yeah, thanks for ruining the awesome captain-murder 408 00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:01,444 this was all building to. 409 00:19:01,488 --> 00:19:03,925 We were supposed to fight on a rickety metal catwalk. 410 00:19:03,968 --> 00:19:05,579 Oh. Let me make it up to you. Double punch! 411 00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,363 Double block. 412 00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,539 Whoa. How did you...? I know all your moves 413 00:19:09,583 --> 00:19:11,411 and everything about you. 414 00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,848 I know you dressed up like Toby Targ every Halloween, 415 00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:17,982 even when you were too old. 416 00:19:18,026 --> 00:19:20,420 And I know you actually love the warp core! 417 00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,204 Take that back. The warp core's lame! 418 00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,687 You only break rules because you know 419 00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:29,516 that's what everyone expects you to do! 420 00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:30,908 If you really were a badass, 421 00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:32,693 you'd do the hard thing and just be 422 00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:34,216 a good officer. 423 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,961 They're not casting you as the villain. You are! 424 00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:49,100 Hey, I know you might be a psychotic space raider 425 00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,015 whose boss just destroyed my ship, 426 00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,975 but you... are all right in my book. 427 00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:56,760 That's a book I'd read cover to cover. 428 00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,894 Sir, you're the only person who can see past my mask, 429 00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,852 and knows deep down, I just want 430 00:20:01,896 --> 00:20:04,812 to replace a toranium ops module with ionizing sub-circuits. 431 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,477 I know this is crazy, but do you want to just... 432 00:20:06,479 --> 00:20:07,031 I don't know... 433 00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:09,077 run away together, and we could get our own ship, 434 00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:10,861 and we can buffer the phase coil whenever we want 435 00:20:10,905 --> 00:20:13,255 or... or realign the matrix. 436 00:20:13,299 --> 00:20:16,606 We can fix the warp engines on our time. 437 00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:18,347 It would be an honor, sir. 438 00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:23,396 Godspeed, you crazy fucks. 439 00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,180 Ugh. Cap'n, I know you've been through a lot today, 440 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,051 but I made you a platter of chocolate chip cookies, 441 00:20:27,095 --> 00:20:28,879 and I just want to know what you think before I give it 442 00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:30,794 to the real you in real life, so if you could... 443 00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:33,057 The captain's allergic to chocolate. Assassin! 444 00:20:34,581 --> 00:20:36,147 Great work, Jet! 445 00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:37,540 That's the kind of assassin-tackling 446 00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:39,150 that'll land you a promotion. 447 00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,587 Oh, hell yeah, Jet! 448 00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,284 Wait, wait. Cap'n, Cap'n, where do you want me 449 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:43,981 to see myself in five years? 450 00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:45,679 Don't answer that, Captain. He's playing mind games! 451 00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:46,854 You're the man, Jet. 452 00:20:46,897 --> 00:20:48,508 Get him out of here. Let's go. 453 00:20:48,551 --> 00:20:50,074 How can I be the man, Cap'n? 454 00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:51,598 I want to be the man! 455 00:21:00,868 --> 00:21:02,652 That's it. Keep up the act. 456 00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:05,264 Oh, you know so much about me, 457 00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:07,962 but you missed one big thing. 458 00:21:08,005 --> 00:21:10,878 Oh, yeah, here we go... time for one of your snarky jokes. 459 00:21:10,921 --> 00:21:12,967 Yeah, I may hate protocol, 460 00:21:13,010 --> 00:21:15,186 but I don't hate this ship. 461 00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,797 I don't hate the crew. I work with my best friends. 462 00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:19,974 The captain's my mom. I would do anything for her. 463 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:21,584 Oh, come on. No, you hate the captain. 464 00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:23,151 You complain about her nonstop. 465 00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:24,544 It's like your whole thing! 466 00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,372 Yeah, I mean, she's hard on me, right? 467 00:21:26,415 --> 00:21:28,243 She's the captain, and I'm a pain in the ass. 468 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,766 But if she kicked me off the Cerritos, 469 00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:31,551 I would be done in Starfleet. 470 00:21:31,594 --> 00:21:33,901 She's watching out for me the only way she knows how: 471 00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:36,120 in a fucked up, overbearing, mom way. 472 00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:38,601 Oh, please. The only person you care about is yourself. 473 00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:42,997 Okay, well, then why did I let you kick my ass 474 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,651 to buy time for everyone to get off the ship 475 00:21:44,694 --> 00:21:47,480 before the self-destruct timer went off? 476 00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:49,873 Wait. What? 477 00:21:54,182 --> 00:21:57,141 No, no, no, no. No, no, no! Aah! 478 00:21:57,185 --> 00:21:59,230 No! 479 00:22:02,886 --> 00:22:05,628 Wow. I can't believe I just got my ass kicked by myself 480 00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:07,369 and just... Wait. 481 00:22:07,413 --> 00:22:08,936 I guess I like working on the ship and... 482 00:22:08,979 --> 00:22:12,156 Oh, my God. Therapy works. Guys, therapy works! 483 00:22:15,464 --> 00:22:17,640 Honestly, that was way more therapeutic 484 00:22:17,684 --> 00:22:19,381 than I thought it would be. I worked through a lot. 485 00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:21,557 I feel great, too. I just wish 486 00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:23,385 I could tell the real Billups how I feel about him. 487 00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:25,082 Why don't you, man? He's right there. 488 00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:27,258 Nah, I wouldn't want to bother him. I mean, 489 00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:32,176 look at him. Dude's a stone-cold badass. 490 00:22:32,220 --> 00:22:34,962 Hey, T. I owe you an apology. 491 00:22:35,005 --> 00:22:37,094 The whole Orions-pirate thing. 492 00:22:37,138 --> 00:22:39,532 I-I feel really bad. I'm sorry if I put you in a weird spot. 493 00:22:39,575 --> 00:22:42,056 Thanks. I appreciate it, and the truth is, 494 00:22:42,099 --> 00:22:44,754 a lot of Orions are capitalist, hyper-libertarian, 495 00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:47,061 gangster pirates, just not this one. 496 00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:48,628 That's why I'm here. Oh, well, thanks 497 00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:50,760 for having my back in there. I owe you one. 498 00:22:50,804 --> 00:22:52,893 Um, so, do you want to maybe go sit 499 00:22:52,936 --> 00:22:54,285 and look at the warp core with me? 500 00:22:54,329 --> 00:22:56,331 Wow, so lame. Yes. Let's do it. 501 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,812 We talking warp core? Ooh, baby, I'm in. 502 00:23:02,729 --> 00:23:05,427 Mariner. Hey, Cap. Sorry about earlier today. 503 00:23:05,471 --> 00:23:07,647 I was way out of line. Thanks for looking out. 504 00:23:08,691 --> 00:23:09,910 Later, skater. 505 00:23:11,781 --> 00:23:14,218 "Later skater"? I know she's up to something! 506 00:23:14,262 --> 00:23:15,568 What did she tell you? 507 00:23:15,611 --> 00:23:17,178 Captain, you know I can't share 508 00:23:17,221 --> 00:23:18,571 what your crew tells me. 509 00:23:18,614 --> 00:23:20,573 That'd be a real ethical pickle. 510 00:23:20,616 --> 00:23:21,965 What?! If she's planning something, 511 00:23:22,009 --> 00:23:23,967 I have a right to know. Carol, 512 00:23:24,011 --> 00:23:25,578 you're being a pineapple right now. 513 00:23:25,621 --> 00:23:28,363 Ugh! Stop referencing foods! 514 00:23:30,365 --> 00:23:31,888 Okay. No more distractions. I just need to know 515 00:23:31,932 --> 00:23:33,368 what to wear to the interview. 516 00:23:33,412 --> 00:23:34,761 Computer, continue program. 517 00:23:34,804 --> 00:23:36,458 Hey, Cap'n, do you like turtlenecks 518 00:23:36,502 --> 00:23:38,765 or just standard uniform? Against insurmountable odds. 519 00:23:38,808 --> 00:23:40,462 Oh, sorry. You got something going on here. I'll wait. 520 00:23:40,506 --> 00:23:43,247 As captain, it was an honor serving beside her. 521 00:23:43,291 --> 00:23:46,773 As a mother, it was a privilege to call Mariner my daughter. 522 00:23:46,816 --> 00:23:48,862 Wait. What? That's right. 523 00:23:48,905 --> 00:23:50,646 Mariner was my daughter the whole time. 524 00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:52,779 It's a secret we didn't want anyone to know. 525 00:23:52,822 --> 00:23:54,433 Uh, uh... And if someone had ever 526 00:23:54,476 --> 00:23:55,695 found out she was my baby girl, 527 00:23:55,738 --> 00:23:58,001 I don't know what I would have done. 528 00:23:58,045 --> 00:23:59,873 Probably kicked them off the ship, 529 00:23:59,916 --> 00:24:01,744 maybe even court-martialed them right out of Starfleet. 530 00:24:01,788 --> 00:24:03,311 I was being crazy. 531 00:24:03,354 --> 00:24:04,791 Thank goodness 532 00:24:04,834 --> 00:24:07,141 nobody ever found out. Computer, end program! 533 00:24:09,752 --> 00:24:11,798 Ooh! 534 00:24:11,841 --> 00:24:13,495 Hey, nerd, we're going to go stare at the warp core. 535 00:24:13,539 --> 00:24:15,454 You want to...? Whoa. You okay? 536 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:17,934 Yeah. All right, whatevs. Hey. 537 00:24:17,978 --> 00:24:19,980 Good luck with the interview. You're gonna do great. 538 00:24:22,939 --> 00:24:24,375 So, you're interested 539 00:24:24,419 --> 00:24:26,073 in the advanced diplomacy workshop. 540 00:24:26,116 --> 00:24:28,771 Where do you see yourself negotiating peace in five years? 541 00:24:28,815 --> 00:24:30,817 I... uh... 542 00:24:30,860 --> 00:24:33,733 Just take a breath and say the first thing that comes to mind. 543 00:24:33,776 --> 00:24:35,517 Mariner. Mariner what?! 544 00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:38,477 Uh... is hot? Excuse me?! 545 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:41,610 Uh, I don't know! She's not hot! She's nasty! 546 00:24:45,440 --> 00:24:48,703 Ensign Boimler didn't bother to prepare for interview. 547 00:24:48,705 --> 00:24:49,792 Terrible. 548 00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:04,590 Revenge! 549 00:25:04,633 --> 00:25:06,548 Not-a today. 550 00:25:06,592 --> 00:25:09,725 Not-a on-a da Vinci's watch. 551 00:27:04,187 --> 00:27:06,146 Chirp.