1 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,244 ♪ ♪ 2 00:00:32,552 --> 00:00:34,554 ♪ ♪ 3 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,882 ♪ ♪ 4 00:01:24,437 --> 00:01:26,523 BOIMLER: Ensign Boimler, personal log, 5 00:01:26,606 --> 00:01:28,983 stardate 57601.3. 6 00:01:29,067 --> 00:01:31,861 The Cerritos is in orbit around Mixtus III to assist 7 00:01:31,945 --> 00:01:34,489 in a controlled demolition of an unstable moon. 8 00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:35,990 We're providing support to the Vancouver, 9 00:01:36,074 --> 00:01:38,201 a Parliament-class ship which focuses 10 00:01:38,284 --> 00:01:41,329 on complex, large-scale engineering projects. 11 00:01:42,288 --> 00:01:44,541 Welcome, Captain. Take it in. 12 00:01:44,624 --> 00:01:47,544 One day you could be in command of a vessel like the Vancouver. 13 00:01:47,627 --> 00:01:51,506 Thank you, Captain. This is truly a humbling experience. 14 00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,632 You're welcome. (sighs) 15 00:01:52,715 --> 00:01:55,760 Unfortunately, we might have to cancel the demolition. 16 00:01:55,844 --> 00:01:57,720 -What? Why? -Is the moon too dense? 17 00:01:57,804 --> 00:02:00,223 No, it's more of a diplomatic issue. 18 00:02:00,306 --> 00:02:02,892 Diplomatic? Isn't the moon going to plummet into the planet 19 00:02:02,976 --> 00:02:06,229 -and ignite the atmosphere? -And, you know, kill everyone? 20 00:02:06,312 --> 00:02:08,273 I've told them that many times, but they simply don't care. 21 00:02:08,356 --> 00:02:10,275 (indistinct arguing) 22 00:02:10,358 --> 00:02:11,901 -You don't know what you're talking... -Of all the moons we pray to, 23 00:02:11,985 --> 00:02:13,778 that's one of the most important! 24 00:02:13,862 --> 00:02:15,738 It controls the tides for our summer crop. 25 00:02:15,822 --> 00:02:18,575 My family has lived on that moon for generations. 26 00:02:18,658 --> 00:02:19,909 Moons can't plummet. That's something the government 27 00:02:19,993 --> 00:02:22,412 -made up to control us. -(arguing continues) 28 00:02:22,495 --> 00:02:24,581 Ooh, boy. 29 00:02:24,664 --> 00:02:27,417 BOIMLER: So the moon's decaying orbit could cause catastrophic 30 00:02:27,500 --> 00:02:28,918 blah, blah, blah, blah, blah-- okay, okay. 31 00:02:29,002 --> 00:02:31,754 The real news is I get to have lunch with the coolest, 32 00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:35,258 smartest officer in Starfleet, Barbara Brinson, 33 00:02:35,341 --> 00:02:39,262 who also happens to be my girlfriend. 34 00:02:39,345 --> 00:02:40,805 That's right. Ugh! 35 00:02:40,889 --> 00:02:42,724 We met a month ago and it's just been magical. 36 00:02:42,807 --> 00:02:44,767 Ooh, boy, here we go. 37 00:02:44,851 --> 00:02:46,936 Log number one million about Girlfriend Barb. 38 00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:48,771 You know, I am sorry, but I'm starting to think 39 00:02:48,855 --> 00:02:50,440 that Barb might not actually exist. 40 00:02:50,523 --> 00:02:52,317 Oh, she's real. 41 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:55,069 She's as real as a hopped-up Q on Captain Picard Day. 42 00:02:55,153 --> 00:02:56,779 Let me guess, when we meet her, 43 00:02:56,863 --> 00:02:58,990 it'll weirdly have to be on the holodeck. 44 00:02:59,073 --> 00:03:00,950 Hey. I don't do that anymore. 45 00:03:01,034 --> 00:03:03,286 -Okay? -Sure you don't, man. But just so you know, 46 00:03:03,369 --> 00:03:05,455 -I am still gonna try waving my hand through her. -Please don't. 47 00:03:05,538 --> 00:03:06,956 -I'm gonna. -You're gonna hit skin. 48 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,083 Well, if I do, it's the cost of doing business. 49 00:03:10,418 --> 00:03:12,587 Ooh. You smell that, Tendi? 50 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:15,590 Each ship on the fleet has its own scent. 51 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,091 I think the Cerritos smells like 52 00:03:17,175 --> 00:03:18,801 toasting marshmallows on a cool night. 53 00:03:18,885 --> 00:03:20,511 (sniffs) Is that a plasma fire? 54 00:03:20,595 --> 00:03:21,971 Huh? Oh-- uh, uh... 55 00:03:22,055 --> 00:03:23,848 The D53 probably sparked again. 56 00:03:23,932 --> 00:03:25,600 (chuckles) They're so buggy. 57 00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,101 Yeah, the whole ship's kind of falling apart. 58 00:03:27,185 --> 00:03:29,729 Yep, this old girl's seen a lot of light-years. 59 00:03:29,812 --> 00:03:31,022 You know, Kula told me the Vancouver 60 00:03:31,105 --> 00:03:32,523 has fluidic processors 61 00:03:32,607 --> 00:03:33,983 that self-replicate their own silicas. 62 00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:35,360 (gasps) Nuh-uh! 63 00:03:35,443 --> 00:03:36,819 And he said they had tritanium hull brackets. 64 00:03:36,903 --> 00:03:39,489 -And get this: T88s. -That can't be right. 65 00:03:39,572 --> 00:03:40,990 -T88s aren't even out yet. -I know. 66 00:03:41,074 --> 00:03:43,451 It's a starship, not heaven. 67 00:03:44,619 --> 00:03:46,371 I can't believe it. 68 00:03:46,454 --> 00:03:48,957 This is the greatest ship I've ever seen. 69 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:51,376 Are you kidding me? This is amazing. 70 00:03:51,459 --> 00:03:54,712 Uh, guys? It's basically, like, the same ship as the Cerritos. 71 00:03:54,796 --> 00:03:57,507 -(both laugh) -Yeah, right. 72 00:03:57,590 --> 00:03:59,008 Ooh, let's go look at their thermal mesh. 73 00:03:59,092 --> 00:04:00,468 I bet it's a double lattice! 74 00:04:00,551 --> 00:04:01,970 -Double lattice! -(whooping, laughing) 75 00:04:02,053 --> 00:04:04,681 (sighs) Where's Barb? She said she'd meet me here. 76 00:04:04,764 --> 00:04:06,599 Oh, this is too sad. Hey, look. 77 00:04:06,683 --> 00:04:08,685 I can set you up with somebody great on the Cerritos. 78 00:04:08,768 --> 00:04:09,894 There's that Phylosian in tactical. 79 00:04:09,978 --> 00:04:11,062 She seems like a nice plant person. 80 00:04:11,145 --> 00:04:12,522 BARB: (gasps) Brad! 81 00:04:13,564 --> 00:04:14,691 (gasps) 82 00:04:14,774 --> 00:04:18,027 Uh, wha-- Uh, c-computer, end program. 83 00:04:18,111 --> 00:04:20,029 (both laugh) 84 00:04:20,113 --> 00:04:22,073 I missed you so much. 85 00:04:22,156 --> 00:04:23,491 -(both smooching) -Ugh. 86 00:04:23,574 --> 00:04:25,034 -(groaning) -Mmm. 87 00:04:25,118 --> 00:04:27,495 -We kissed, did you see? -Hi. Sorry. 88 00:04:27,578 --> 00:04:30,498 It's been a long month. I'm Lieutenant Barbara Brinson. 89 00:04:30,581 --> 00:04:32,041 Um, yeah-- I'm, uh, I'm Beckett Mariner, 90 00:04:32,125 --> 00:04:34,544 -and this is Boimler. -(laughs): Yeah, I know. 91 00:04:34,627 --> 00:04:36,087 Oh! I can't wait to show you everything. 92 00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:37,547 Come on. 93 00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:39,549 She's a lieutenant? 94 00:04:39,632 --> 00:04:41,426 BARB: You know, whatever, it was no big deal. 95 00:04:41,509 --> 00:04:42,593 I managed to reverse the polarity 96 00:04:42,677 --> 00:04:44,053 and reboot the time stream. 97 00:04:44,137 --> 00:04:47,056 Good thing, too, 'cause, oof, 1920s Chicago? 98 00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:49,058 -Nobody's washing their hands. -(laughs) 99 00:04:49,142 --> 00:04:51,060 Oh, I love that story, bun-bun. 100 00:04:51,144 --> 00:04:53,813 -Mwah, mwah. -Wow, all that's so amazing. 101 00:04:53,896 --> 00:04:55,898 And now you date Brad. 102 00:04:55,982 --> 00:04:58,818 Ugh, I know. I swore I'd never do long-distance. 103 00:04:58,901 --> 00:05:01,779 But then I met this goofball on Vendu last month. 104 00:05:01,863 --> 00:05:05,616 He radiates a primal confidence. I'm sure you've felt it. 105 00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:07,577 No, I try not to feel anything around Brad. 106 00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,412 -Barbasaurus Rex! -Jet? 107 00:05:09,495 --> 00:05:11,039 Get up here. We're gonna be working together. 108 00:05:11,122 --> 00:05:13,207 -Ah! Whoa. (laughs) -Uh... 109 00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:15,501 -Really? -Okay, you can maybe put her down now. 110 00:05:15,585 --> 00:05:17,211 -Like, anytime. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 111 00:05:17,295 --> 00:05:19,088 Did you hear some purple people are throwing a tantrum? 112 00:05:19,172 --> 00:05:20,757 Implosion's been postponed. 113 00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:23,426 We got to recalibrate the whole goddamn containment field. 114 00:05:23,509 --> 00:05:24,927 Oh, Boim-Boim. 115 00:05:25,011 --> 00:05:26,929 Looks like I can't do lunch on the Cerritos. 116 00:05:27,013 --> 00:05:28,890 Oh, no, it's fine. It's not like I programmed 117 00:05:28,973 --> 00:05:30,558 a ten-course meal or anything. 118 00:05:30,641 --> 00:05:31,893 Hey. See you in Engineering. 119 00:05:31,976 --> 00:05:34,228 And I'll try not to bring it downtown. 120 00:05:34,312 --> 00:05:35,772 -(both laugh) -Shut up. 121 00:05:35,855 --> 00:05:37,607 -No, you shut up. -Shut up. -Huh? 122 00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,150 Ow. Ow, no, you shut up. Stop. 123 00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:40,902 Wait, how do you know Jet? 124 00:05:40,985 --> 00:05:43,112 He's, like, the second coolest person on the Cerritos. 125 00:05:43,196 --> 00:05:44,947 Ugh, we dated, like, a billion years ago. 126 00:05:45,031 --> 00:05:47,784 -What? -But he's nothing compared to my Bradward. 127 00:05:47,867 --> 00:05:50,953 (laughs): Oh! Your real name is Bradward? 128 00:05:51,037 --> 00:05:52,955 Yeah, I'm a Bradward. There's Bradleys, there's Bradwards. 129 00:05:53,039 --> 00:05:56,125 (inhales deeply) It feels so good to be near you. 130 00:05:56,209 --> 00:05:59,003 -BOTH: Mwah! -(laughs) 131 00:05:59,087 --> 00:06:01,631 Well, I got to hand it to you. You were right. 132 00:06:01,714 --> 00:06:03,132 Barb is great. 133 00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:05,843 A little too great. 134 00:06:06,677 --> 00:06:08,763 Hey. Ron Docent. Welcome aboard 135 00:06:08,846 --> 00:06:09,806 the Vancouver. 136 00:06:09,889 --> 00:06:11,182 She's a beaut, isn't she? 137 00:06:11,265 --> 00:06:12,183 -Oh, yeah. -(panting) 138 00:06:12,266 --> 00:06:13,768 So, the captain, your captain, 139 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,978 has ordered us to look for alternatives to implosion. 140 00:06:16,062 --> 00:06:17,688 I'm gonna have you two run diagnostics 141 00:06:17,772 --> 00:06:19,065 on the simulation mainframe. 142 00:06:19,148 --> 00:06:21,234 You both comfortable using T88s? 143 00:06:21,317 --> 00:06:22,193 Yes, sir. So comfortable. 144 00:06:22,276 --> 00:06:23,528 Super comfortable. 145 00:06:23,611 --> 00:06:25,071 -(chuckles) -Ha. I like that enthusiasm. 146 00:06:25,154 --> 00:06:26,697 Tell you what, whoever finishes first 147 00:06:26,781 --> 00:06:28,991 gets their very own T88. 148 00:06:29,075 --> 00:06:30,535 Wait. You mean, like, we get to keep them? 149 00:06:30,618 --> 00:06:31,577 Or-or is this, like, a borrow thing? 150 00:06:31,661 --> 00:06:33,204 Like, we're gonna have to give them back, right? 151 00:06:33,287 --> 00:06:35,665 Nope. I mean keep, like "you keep it." 152 00:06:35,748 --> 00:06:36,791 -Ah! -Sorry, sir. 153 00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,543 Just checking if this is a dream. 154 00:06:38,626 --> 00:06:40,002 I've got a bad feeling about Barb. 155 00:06:40,086 --> 00:06:42,171 I know. I can't believe she used to date Jet! 156 00:06:42,255 --> 00:06:44,757 That guy's like a Kirk sundae with Trip Tucker sprinkles. 157 00:06:44,841 --> 00:06:45,842 I'm not messing around. 158 00:06:45,925 --> 00:06:47,844 Barb is way, way, way out of your league. 159 00:06:47,927 --> 00:06:49,303 Not out of Jet's league. I... 160 00:06:49,387 --> 00:06:51,681 Uh, I-I got to get jacked. Here we go. 161 00:06:51,764 --> 00:06:53,808 Brad, when a Starfleet relationship 162 00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,226 -seems too good to be true, then... -(exhales, grunts) 163 00:06:55,309 --> 00:06:56,853 red alert, man-- it probably is. 164 00:06:56,936 --> 00:06:58,312 (panting) You think she's cheating on me?! 165 00:06:58,396 --> 00:07:01,023 No! I think she's a secret alien who's gonna eat you 166 00:07:01,107 --> 00:07:03,317 or a Romulan spy or a salt succubus 167 00:07:03,401 --> 00:07:04,652 or an android or a changeling 168 00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:06,320 or one of those sexy people in rompers 169 00:07:06,404 --> 00:07:08,072 that murders you just for going on the grass! 170 00:07:08,156 --> 00:07:09,657 Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry, you're saying 171 00:07:09,740 --> 00:07:11,826 that because Barb is awesome and hot and dating me 172 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:12,910 that she's an alien? 173 00:07:12,994 --> 00:07:14,036 That is messed up, Mariner! 174 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:15,204 That is not cool. 175 00:07:15,288 --> 00:07:16,330 This is real, Bradward. 176 00:07:16,414 --> 00:07:18,040 I have seen stuff, man. 177 00:07:18,124 --> 00:07:21,711 Like back when I was serving on the Quito... 178 00:07:21,794 --> 00:07:23,629 (laughter) 179 00:07:23,713 --> 00:07:25,173 You guys... 180 00:07:25,256 --> 00:07:27,341 Ooh, you hear what happened on the Enterprise? 181 00:07:27,425 --> 00:07:29,218 Apparently, Data's got an evil twin brother 182 00:07:29,302 --> 00:07:30,845 who teamed up with the Borg. 183 00:07:30,928 --> 00:07:32,054 -Crazy, right? -(chuckles) 184 00:07:32,138 --> 00:07:35,224 What? Man, it's like a new thing every week with those guys. 185 00:07:35,308 --> 00:07:37,560 Right. Like, leave some unknown for the rest of us. 186 00:07:37,643 --> 00:07:39,687 (laughing) 187 00:07:39,770 --> 00:07:41,898 Aw, you guys are such a great couple. 188 00:07:41,981 --> 00:07:42,899 Oh, what can I say? 189 00:07:42,982 --> 00:07:44,358 I found the perfect guy. 190 00:07:44,442 --> 00:07:46,068 Look, I'm not perfect, okay? 191 00:07:46,152 --> 00:07:48,029 But I do have the perfect friends. 192 00:07:48,112 --> 00:07:50,239 Uh, no, Niko, you are the nicest, smartest, 193 00:07:50,323 --> 00:07:52,074 handsomest guy on this ship. 194 00:07:52,158 --> 00:07:52,909 I mean, it's either that 195 00:07:52,992 --> 00:07:54,911 or you're a Harvongian shape-changer. 196 00:07:54,994 --> 00:07:56,078 -(laughing) -(hissing) 197 00:07:56,162 --> 00:07:58,998 I mean, you're too handsome. (laughs) 198 00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:00,625 -(snarling) -Niko? 199 00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:03,211 -(shouts) -(groaning) 200 00:08:03,294 --> 00:08:04,253 (screeching) 201 00:08:04,337 --> 00:08:05,379 -(screams) -No! 202 00:08:05,463 --> 00:08:08,090 Shape-changer! 203 00:08:08,174 --> 00:08:09,091 Angie! 204 00:08:09,175 --> 00:08:10,760 No...! 205 00:08:10,843 --> 00:08:13,095 I'm not gonna sit around and let a face get melted. 206 00:08:13,179 --> 00:08:14,263 Not again. 207 00:08:14,347 --> 00:08:15,389 You're not leaving my sight, mister. 208 00:08:15,473 --> 00:08:16,933 Every minute Barb spends with Jet 209 00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:18,142 puts me closer to losing her. 210 00:08:18,226 --> 00:08:19,310 I got to do something. 211 00:08:19,393 --> 00:08:22,188 And so do I. 212 00:08:28,194 --> 00:08:29,904 (overlapping arguing) 213 00:08:29,987 --> 00:08:32,114 Okay, listen up! We will relocate 214 00:08:32,198 --> 00:08:34,617 three tons of moon dust for people to worship. 215 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:36,994 The farmers will have gravity systems installed for the tides. 216 00:08:37,078 --> 00:08:39,080 And you three, your ancestral homes 217 00:08:39,163 --> 00:08:41,123 will be relocated to the sixth moon, 218 00:08:41,207 --> 00:08:43,793 which will now technically be the fifth anyway. 219 00:08:43,876 --> 00:08:45,628 Does that work for everyone? 220 00:08:45,711 --> 00:08:47,797 -Yeah. -It works for me. -Okay. 221 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:49,298 (indistinct chatter) 222 00:08:49,382 --> 00:08:51,300 No, you don't understand. 223 00:08:51,384 --> 00:08:53,886 This moon blocks pollution from Mixtus III 224 00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:55,680 from reaching my people on Mixtus II. 225 00:08:55,763 --> 00:08:58,266 Without this moon, we'll perish. 226 00:08:58,349 --> 00:08:59,350 But if we don't destroy it, 227 00:08:59,433 --> 00:09:01,310 the folks on Mixtus III will perish. 228 00:09:01,394 --> 00:09:03,980 I know. It's an impossible problem. 229 00:09:04,063 --> 00:09:05,940 (sighs) Well, we're Starfleet. 230 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,984 Figuring out impossible problems is what we do, 231 00:09:08,067 --> 00:09:11,028 so let's just keep calm and, uh, try 232 00:09:11,112 --> 00:09:13,322 -to think of a solution. -No! If you blow up that moon, 233 00:09:13,406 --> 00:09:15,324 you're murderers! You'll have blood on your hands! 234 00:09:15,408 --> 00:09:17,201 Shut up and let me think! 235 00:09:18,244 --> 00:09:19,996 All right, listen up, everybody. 236 00:09:20,079 --> 00:09:22,331 Each of our orbital platforms will maintain 237 00:09:22,415 --> 00:09:24,667 -a tractor spread to control lunar debris. -Ha! 238 00:09:24,750 --> 00:09:27,003 "Da Brie"? What is this, a cheese party? 239 00:09:27,086 --> 00:09:29,755 (chuckles) Hey, babe, it's me. Whoop. 240 00:09:29,839 --> 00:09:32,049 Okay, okay. Yep. 241 00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:34,343 -Okay. -Hey, don't worry, buddy. I got it. 242 00:09:34,427 --> 00:09:36,137 All right. 243 00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:38,347 -Thank you, Jet. -No worries. 244 00:09:38,431 --> 00:09:40,433 Uh, Brad, um, what are you doing here? 245 00:09:40,516 --> 00:09:44,312 Oh, you know, just wanted to see my girlfriend do her thang. 246 00:09:44,395 --> 00:09:46,063 Yeah, we're together. 247 00:09:46,147 --> 00:09:48,149 Uh, anyway, getting back to the demo... 248 00:09:48,232 --> 00:09:49,191 -(tone blaring) -Aah! 249 00:09:49,275 --> 00:09:50,860 (grunts) Aah! 250 00:09:50,943 --> 00:09:52,361 Whoa, whoa, stop it! Stop it! 251 00:09:52,445 --> 00:09:53,863 Turn it off. What are you doing?! 252 00:09:53,946 --> 00:09:55,364 Whoopsies! Sorry. New tricorder. 253 00:09:55,448 --> 00:09:57,033 Okay, she's not an android, 'cause that tone 254 00:09:57,116 --> 00:09:58,868 would have disrupted her positronic brain. 255 00:09:58,951 --> 00:10:01,245 Whatever she is, she's organic. Okay, I have to get a sample. 256 00:10:01,329 --> 00:10:02,872 -Okay, we're gonna... You're gonna leave now. -I got to... 257 00:10:02,955 --> 00:10:04,874 Sorry, guys. Mariner was just leaving. 258 00:10:04,957 --> 00:10:07,043 Actually, maybe you should go with her. 259 00:10:07,126 --> 00:10:08,044 We've just got a lot to cover. 260 00:10:08,127 --> 00:10:11,005 Oh. But I didn't get to see you do your thang. 261 00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,840 So sweet of you to come by. 262 00:10:12,923 --> 00:10:14,383 I'll meet you later in the mess, okay? 263 00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:15,885 Yeah, yeah, no, the mission comes first. 264 00:10:15,968 --> 00:10:17,720 -Totally. I'll just, you know... -(Barb and Jet laugh) 265 00:10:17,803 --> 00:10:19,388 -JET: What I'm talking about. -BARB: Oh. 266 00:10:19,472 --> 00:10:22,224 (chuckles) I hope we never blow up that moon. 267 00:10:22,308 --> 00:10:24,226 These T88s are amazing. 268 00:10:24,310 --> 00:10:25,436 Yeah, they're, like, crazy fast. 269 00:10:25,519 --> 00:10:27,063 How many diagnostics have you run? 270 00:10:27,146 --> 00:10:29,231 15. Oh, when I come back with this baby, 271 00:10:29,315 --> 00:10:31,233 the guys in Engineering are gonna flip. 272 00:10:31,317 --> 00:10:33,361 ♪ ♪ 273 00:10:34,528 --> 00:10:36,739 (scoffs) Yeah, right. It's gonna be me who takes this back. 274 00:10:36,822 --> 00:10:38,282 I'm gonna blow their minds in Medical. 275 00:10:38,366 --> 00:10:40,284 ♪ ♪ 276 00:10:40,368 --> 00:10:41,369 RUTHERFORD: Nope. 277 00:10:41,452 --> 00:10:43,746 -16. -22. 278 00:10:43,829 --> 00:10:44,872 -(grunts) -(whirs) 279 00:10:44,955 --> 00:10:46,290 (groans) 17. 18. 280 00:10:46,374 --> 00:10:47,750 -19. 20. 21. -N-N-No! 281 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:48,918 -Hey, don't you use your implant. -22. 282 00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:49,835 -That's not fair! -Ooh, 23! 283 00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:52,254 I got to figure this out. I got to... Wait! 284 00:10:52,338 --> 00:10:54,882 Okay, okay, okay. So, Barb's not a Dauphin, 285 00:10:54,965 --> 00:10:55,758 but I haven't ruled her out 286 00:10:55,841 --> 00:10:57,426 as a surgically altered Cardassian spy 287 00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:58,886 or a transporter clone or-- 288 00:10:58,969 --> 00:11:00,388 bear with me, bear with me-- a Suliban. 289 00:11:00,471 --> 00:11:02,098 (chuckling): Right? Right? A Suliban? 290 00:11:02,181 --> 00:11:04,266 Mariner, stop it. Barb's not a Suliban. 291 00:11:04,350 --> 00:11:07,311 -But how do you know? -She's nothing but a great human lady. 292 00:11:07,395 --> 00:11:08,896 You need to stop spinning out 293 00:11:08,979 --> 00:11:10,272 and accept people for who they are. 294 00:11:10,356 --> 00:11:12,066 Now be quiet. I got to change everything about me 295 00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:14,068 to trick her into thinking I'm something I'm not. 296 00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:15,820 Computer, analyze the coolest people 297 00:11:15,903 --> 00:11:17,947 in Earth history and replicate me an outfit, 298 00:11:18,030 --> 00:11:20,324 boys size small. 299 00:11:20,408 --> 00:11:22,451 ♪ ♪ 300 00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:26,455 (Tendi and Rutherford grunting) 301 00:11:26,539 --> 00:11:29,291 Jet. Ugh, he thinks he's all that. 302 00:11:29,375 --> 00:11:32,294 Well, I can be twice as that. I can be even thatter. 303 00:11:32,378 --> 00:11:34,004 (hums) 304 00:11:35,047 --> 00:11:37,967 Hey, Barb! Get up in here, girl. 305 00:11:38,050 --> 00:11:40,094 -(grunts, groans) -Uh, uh... 306 00:11:40,177 --> 00:11:41,470 How's the view? 307 00:11:41,554 --> 00:11:43,139 -(grunts, panting) -That was weird. 308 00:11:43,222 --> 00:11:44,974 Sup, shippies? Anyone want to partake 309 00:11:45,057 --> 00:11:46,976 in a little liquid luncherino? 310 00:11:47,059 --> 00:11:48,185 What are you talking about? 311 00:11:48,269 --> 00:11:49,478 Sip it up. 312 00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:51,981 Replicator, beer, big, hot. 313 00:11:52,064 --> 00:11:54,358 -I mean, cold. Get... Make it cold. -BARB: Um, 314 00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:56,485 we're still on duty. What's gotten into you? 315 00:11:56,569 --> 00:11:58,904 This is the real Boimler, baby. Guess you didn't know 316 00:11:58,988 --> 00:12:00,990 you were dating a dude dog who loves-- Whoa! 317 00:12:01,073 --> 00:12:02,324 -(all gasp) -Brad! 318 00:12:02,408 --> 00:12:03,993 Oh, oh! Oh, no. 319 00:12:04,076 --> 00:12:05,494 Oh. Mariner, no! 320 00:12:05,578 --> 00:12:08,831 Ow! What the (bleep)? Did you just pull my hair? 321 00:12:08,914 --> 00:12:11,167 Yeah! D... Yeah, did you just pull her hair? 322 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,960 That is messed up, bro. Get out of here 323 00:12:13,043 --> 00:12:15,004 -before I do a citizen's court-martial. -JET: Come on, 324 00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:16,505 -Brad, let me give you a hand. -Don't touch me, 325 00:12:16,589 --> 00:12:17,840 -you big hunk hottie. -Okay, 326 00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:19,341 I don't know what's going on right now. 327 00:12:19,425 --> 00:12:21,469 First, you come in looking sexy as hell, 328 00:12:21,552 --> 00:12:23,596 but then you ruin it by acting all weird. 329 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:26,015 -I have to go back to work. -I-I'll walk you there. 330 00:12:26,098 --> 00:12:27,975 No! I can walk myself. 331 00:12:28,058 --> 00:12:30,186 Come on, Jet. Walk me. 332 00:12:30,269 --> 00:12:33,189 -(sighs) -Okay, good news. Maybe bad news. 333 00:12:33,272 --> 00:12:35,941 I am, like, 99.8% sure she's a reptoid. 334 00:12:36,025 --> 00:12:38,360 Gah, will you just drop it?! Barb is not anything. 335 00:12:38,444 --> 00:12:41,322 -I mean, other than a great lady. -She said you looked sexy. 336 00:12:41,405 --> 00:12:43,199 No, there's no way she's human. That's her tell. 337 00:12:43,282 --> 00:12:45,201 That is a huge tell. Look, if she's a reptoid, 338 00:12:45,284 --> 00:12:46,494 she's gonna need to find a male partner. 339 00:12:46,577 --> 00:12:47,578 Jab with her reptoid tail. 340 00:12:47,661 --> 00:12:49,330 Implant her reptoid spawn. Stay close. 341 00:12:49,413 --> 00:12:51,123 You're safe with me. 342 00:12:51,207 --> 00:12:54,084 Brad! No! Brad! 343 00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:57,213 Sir, the platforms aren't rated for low altitudes. 344 00:12:57,296 --> 00:12:58,547 They'll have to be operated manually. 345 00:12:58,631 --> 00:13:00,341 Maybe the captain's making progress. 346 00:13:00,424 --> 00:13:03,052 You're all murderers! No, you madmen! You'll have blood 347 00:13:03,135 --> 00:13:05,596 -on your hands! -She's doing great. 348 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,932 BARB: There you go, Jet. That's it. 349 00:13:08,015 --> 00:13:09,892 -Keep pushing it in. -(Jet grunts) 350 00:13:09,975 --> 00:13:11,227 -JET: Are you sure it'll fit? -Huh? 351 00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:13,229 -BARB: We'll make it fit. -Aha! 352 00:13:13,312 --> 00:13:15,105 -(all scream) -You're not... 353 00:13:15,189 --> 00:13:16,565 Sex? I heard sex. 354 00:13:16,649 --> 00:13:18,609 -What? -(groans) -(grunting) 355 00:13:18,692 --> 00:13:19,985 (both grunt) 356 00:13:20,069 --> 00:13:21,570 You have been a jerko all day, 357 00:13:21,654 --> 00:13:23,531 and now you accuse me of cheating? 358 00:13:23,614 --> 00:13:25,241 I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. 359 00:13:25,324 --> 00:13:27,076 I was freaking out because you're so smart 360 00:13:27,159 --> 00:13:29,578 and pretty and funny, and I'm... I'm just me. 361 00:13:29,662 --> 00:13:31,121 You should be with a guy like Jet. 362 00:13:31,205 --> 00:13:32,581 That's what this has been about? 363 00:13:32,665 --> 00:13:34,959 Bradward, nothing is happening with Jet. 364 00:13:35,042 --> 00:13:38,045 Oh, no, I ruined everything! No! No, no, no! 365 00:13:38,128 --> 00:13:39,588 It's all dissolving. It's all dissolving. 366 00:13:39,672 --> 00:13:42,258 Look, I fell for you because you're you. 367 00:13:42,341 --> 00:13:46,428 A sweet, nervous, dainty-hipped nugget. 368 00:13:46,512 --> 00:13:48,222 Let's try to start today over. 369 00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,474 Watch out for the tail! (grunts) 370 00:13:50,558 --> 00:13:52,351 -(all gasp) -Mariner! 371 00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:54,270 -What's your problem? -Where's-where's the tail? 372 00:13:54,353 --> 00:13:56,105 Reptoids implant with a barbed tail. They... 373 00:13:56,188 --> 00:13:57,439 (gasps) Her name is Barb! 374 00:13:57,523 --> 00:14:00,109 Mariner, what the hell? I told you. 375 00:14:00,192 --> 00:14:01,110 I just... I thought... 376 00:14:01,193 --> 00:14:02,611 -I thought there was a tail. -(combadge chirps) 377 00:14:02,695 --> 00:14:03,946 RANSOM: Lieutenant Brinson, 378 00:14:04,029 --> 00:14:05,114 report to Orbital Platform Gamma. 379 00:14:05,197 --> 00:14:06,156 We need manual activation. 380 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:07,283 Right away, Commander. 381 00:14:07,366 --> 00:14:09,159 -Hey, come with me? -Love to. 382 00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:10,953 Seems like a good way to start the day over. 383 00:14:11,036 --> 00:14:13,622 With my human girlfriend! 384 00:14:13,706 --> 00:14:15,958 (sighs) How was I so wrong? 385 00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:18,419 -(groans) -(crunches) 386 00:14:18,502 --> 00:14:20,296 Huh? Ugh. 387 00:14:20,379 --> 00:14:21,964 Oh, what? 388 00:14:22,047 --> 00:14:23,966 Exoskeletal husk? 389 00:14:24,049 --> 00:14:25,634 I wasn't wrong! Barb's a parasite! 390 00:14:25,718 --> 00:14:28,429 Bradward! Bradward, wait! 391 00:14:28,512 --> 00:14:30,139 Bradward! (grunts) Get out of my way. 392 00:14:30,222 --> 00:14:31,307 -Move! Move, Jennifer. -(screams) 393 00:14:31,390 --> 00:14:33,350 -Bradward! Bradward, wait! -(Tendi and Rutherford grunting) 394 00:14:33,434 --> 00:14:34,977 Bradward! 395 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:37,980 -Where's Ron? I want my T88. -You wouldn't even know what 396 00:14:38,063 --> 00:14:40,149 to do with a T88. Besides, they're way better for medical. 397 00:14:40,232 --> 00:14:41,984 -What? That's not true. -You know what I could do with that? 398 00:14:42,067 --> 00:14:43,277 -You know what I could do with it? -I could solve problems. 399 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,069 I could figure out when people are sick. 400 00:14:44,153 --> 00:14:44,862 Oh, yeah? I could solve problems. 401 00:14:44,945 --> 00:14:47,281 -I could... -This is great work. 402 00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,283 And you finished at the exact same time. 403 00:14:49,366 --> 00:14:51,410 Looks like you're both joining the Vancouver. 404 00:14:51,493 --> 00:14:53,120 -Congratulations! -Wait. 405 00:14:53,203 --> 00:14:54,705 What do you mean, joining the Vancouver? 406 00:14:54,788 --> 00:14:57,666 I told you, whoever finished first would get to keep the T88 407 00:14:57,750 --> 00:15:00,002 and use it here. On the Vancouver. 408 00:15:00,085 --> 00:15:02,379 We-we thought we'd get to take it back to the Cerritos. 409 00:15:02,463 --> 00:15:04,173 Hang tight. I'm gonna write up the transfer. 410 00:15:04,256 --> 00:15:06,675 Don't worry, the admiral used to be my grandma's neighbor. 411 00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:09,011 Quiet guy. He'll push it right through. 412 00:15:09,094 --> 00:15:11,055 (beeping) 413 00:15:11,138 --> 00:15:12,389 (panting) 414 00:15:12,473 --> 00:15:14,016 Computer, locate Boimler. 415 00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:16,018 Oh, crap, crap, crap, crap. 416 00:15:16,101 --> 00:15:18,312 Requesting emergency transport to Platform Gamma. 417 00:15:18,395 --> 00:15:20,230 Authorization, uh, Mariner 8. 418 00:15:20,314 --> 00:15:22,191 MAN (over combadge): Request denied. Is that a made-up code? 419 00:15:22,274 --> 00:15:24,735 -Who is this? Clear this channel! -Aah! 420 00:15:26,403 --> 00:15:27,655 Bradward. 421 00:15:27,738 --> 00:15:30,449 Bradward! Bradward, wait! (grunts) 422 00:15:31,617 --> 00:15:33,327 (grunts, panting) Oh, no. 423 00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:35,454 Oh, no, I got to get to Bradward. (grunting) 424 00:15:39,458 --> 00:15:42,044 Oh, no. Oh, no, Bradward. 425 00:15:42,127 --> 00:15:43,420 (panting) 426 00:15:43,504 --> 00:15:45,381 Captain's log. Long-range sensors 427 00:15:45,464 --> 00:15:47,383 have located a very sexy... (screams) 428 00:15:47,466 --> 00:15:49,218 -Mariner! Aah! Stop looking at me! -Oh, no! Definitely, no! 429 00:15:49,301 --> 00:15:50,803 -Stop looking at me! -No. No to this and also that. 430 00:15:55,307 --> 00:15:56,433 (screaming) 431 00:15:59,269 --> 00:16:00,729 Get out of here! Barb'll be back any second. 432 00:16:00,813 --> 00:16:02,481 This is me sex time, okay? 433 00:16:02,564 --> 00:16:05,067 Look at this! It's the husk of a neural parasite. 434 00:16:05,150 --> 00:16:07,236 -I don't care! I'm naked. -You're not listening! 435 00:16:07,319 --> 00:16:10,114 Barb is a parasite. She's a-a creature of some sort. 436 00:16:10,197 --> 00:16:13,117 -All right. Two for emergency... Hey, give it back! -(grunts) 437 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,078 You'd rather make a fake husk than admit that you were wrong? 438 00:16:16,161 --> 00:16:18,580 Terrible! Shame on you. 439 00:16:18,664 --> 00:16:21,125 It has been a long time since I've taken a lover, 440 00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,085 let alone a lover like Barb. 441 00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:24,420 I am staying here, 442 00:16:24,503 --> 00:16:26,255 and I am making love to my lover. 443 00:16:26,338 --> 00:16:28,257 Oh, please stop saying "lover." 444 00:16:28,340 --> 00:16:29,758 COMPUTER: Warning. Platform approaching 445 00:16:29,842 --> 00:16:31,301 -critical altitude. -Whoa! 446 00:16:31,385 --> 00:16:33,303 -(alarm blaring) -Boimler! 447 00:16:35,806 --> 00:16:37,057 -(gasps) -(gasps) 448 00:16:37,141 --> 00:16:38,058 BOTH: Stay away from him! 449 00:16:38,142 --> 00:16:39,685 (both grunt) 450 00:16:39,768 --> 00:16:42,062 The Vancouver is awesome. 451 00:16:42,146 --> 00:16:45,065 The fluidic processors, the tritanium hull brackets, 452 00:16:45,149 --> 00:16:46,108 the door whoosh. 453 00:16:46,191 --> 00:16:47,276 BOTH: Whoosh. 454 00:16:47,359 --> 00:16:49,570 Honestly, the Cerritos might be falling apart, 455 00:16:49,653 --> 00:16:51,113 but that's kind of awesome, too. 456 00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:52,531 It's our job to keep it together. 457 00:16:52,614 --> 00:16:54,283 Yeah, and the way that she shakes and creaks 458 00:16:54,366 --> 00:16:55,576 and moans at Warp 7? 459 00:16:55,659 --> 00:16:56,744 I bet the Vancouver doesn't do that. 460 00:16:56,827 --> 00:16:57,786 With those inertial dampers? 461 00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:59,288 (chuckles) You got to be kidding me. 462 00:16:59,371 --> 00:17:00,539 And you know what the Vancouver doesn't have? 463 00:17:00,622 --> 00:17:03,083 -All our friends. -We have to tell Ron we're staying here. 464 00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:04,209 What if, what if he gets mad at us? 465 00:17:04,293 --> 00:17:07,129 He's a professional. Professionals don't get pissed. 466 00:17:07,212 --> 00:17:09,757 -What?! -I'm sorry, but we want to stay on the Cerritos. 467 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,717 Tough! I already wrote up the transfer. 468 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,344 As soon as I click this button, it's going through. 469 00:17:14,428 --> 00:17:16,764 Wait a second, you can't just transfer us against our will! 470 00:17:16,847 --> 00:17:18,640 (sputters) Watch me. Do I need to remind you 471 00:17:18,724 --> 00:17:20,350 who my grandma's neighbor was? 472 00:17:20,434 --> 00:17:22,269 I guess I do-- it was the admiral! 473 00:17:22,352 --> 00:17:23,771 -And he's a psycho. -(grunts) 474 00:17:23,854 --> 00:17:25,773 -Hey, you can't do that! -(grunts) 475 00:17:25,856 --> 00:17:27,775 Don't kick me PADD! That's an order! 476 00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:29,318 -Aah! -(grunts) 477 00:17:29,401 --> 00:17:30,360 Hey, got it! 478 00:17:30,444 --> 00:17:32,446 -(shouts) -Get back here! 479 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:33,614 Don't kill my people! 480 00:17:33,697 --> 00:17:35,157 You're the Federation! 481 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,450 You're the good guys! 482 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,285 Remember the Prime Directive? 483 00:17:38,368 --> 00:17:40,120 What? That doesn't even apply here! 484 00:17:40,204 --> 00:17:42,122 Captain, we're running out of time. 485 00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:43,332 The flooding has already started and the platforms 486 00:17:43,415 --> 00:17:45,209 weren't designed for this. 487 00:17:47,252 --> 00:17:48,462 (both grunting) 488 00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:50,839 I'm not letting you hurt Boimler! 489 00:17:50,923 --> 00:17:52,633 I'm protecting him! 490 00:17:52,716 --> 00:17:54,718 -From what? -Hyah! 491 00:17:54,802 --> 00:17:58,722 From you! You really think I'd buy you guys are best friends? 492 00:17:58,806 --> 00:18:00,307 He's mousey, sweet and soft 493 00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:02,184 and you're a badass space adventurer! 494 00:18:02,267 --> 00:18:04,311 -(grunts) -I knew there was something wrong 495 00:18:04,394 --> 00:18:05,479 from the moment I met you. 496 00:18:05,562 --> 00:18:07,773 -Yeah, no, something's wrong with you. -(grunts) 497 00:18:07,856 --> 00:18:11,151 First, I thought you were a rogue holodeck character. 498 00:18:11,235 --> 00:18:13,862 Then, because of the way you were lurking around all day, 499 00:18:13,946 --> 00:18:17,157 I thought you were a Breen infiltrator. (grunts) 500 00:18:17,241 --> 00:18:19,701 What? That wasn't lurking-- that was protecting! 501 00:18:19,785 --> 00:18:23,163 Finally I realized you're probably a parasite! 502 00:18:23,247 --> 00:18:24,331 (both grunt) 503 00:18:24,414 --> 00:18:25,332 Bitch, you're the parasite! 504 00:18:25,415 --> 00:18:29,336 Exactly what a parasite would say, parasite! 505 00:18:29,419 --> 00:18:30,337 (both panting) 506 00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:31,839 (gasps) 507 00:18:31,922 --> 00:18:33,590 -Give me back my PADD! -Let's go! 508 00:18:33,674 --> 00:18:35,300 (both grunt) 509 00:18:35,384 --> 00:18:38,262 Do not get on that turbolift! 510 00:18:40,264 --> 00:18:41,598 Here's the plan-- I'll reroute the turbolift controls. 511 00:18:41,682 --> 00:18:43,392 You try to guess his passcode! 512 00:18:43,475 --> 00:18:44,560 RON: Give me back my PADD! 513 00:18:44,643 --> 00:18:47,896 The impact on our environment would affect both of us! 514 00:18:47,980 --> 00:18:49,898 We'd have to move our whole civilization! 515 00:18:49,982 --> 00:18:51,567 I know! But how can...? 516 00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:53,694 Wait, "both"? What do you, what do you mean "both"? 517 00:18:53,777 --> 00:18:55,737 How many people are in your civilization? 518 00:18:55,821 --> 00:18:58,740 -Me and my wife. -There are two (bleep) people 519 00:18:58,824 --> 00:19:01,243 on your whole (bleep) planet?! 520 00:19:01,326 --> 00:19:03,370 Well, yes, we're, uh, we're rich. 521 00:19:03,453 --> 00:19:04,872 Implode the moon. 522 00:19:04,955 --> 00:19:06,707 -Yes, Captain. -You maniacs! 523 00:19:06,790 --> 00:19:09,543 We just redid the floors! 524 00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:18,260 (huffs, spits) 525 00:19:18,343 --> 00:19:19,344 This isn't over. 526 00:19:19,428 --> 00:19:20,762 You don't know Boimler like I do. 527 00:19:20,846 --> 00:19:22,222 He will figure you out. 528 00:19:22,306 --> 00:19:23,599 I mean, sometimes it takes him a minute. 529 00:19:23,682 --> 00:19:25,559 Hell, on Sendu IV, it took him a week to realize 530 00:19:25,642 --> 00:19:28,312 he was peeing in their species' sinks and not their toilets, 531 00:19:28,395 --> 00:19:29,730 but you know what, he gets there eventually. 532 00:19:29,813 --> 00:19:30,939 Wait, that was him? 533 00:19:31,023 --> 00:19:32,733 He told me that happened to a friend. 534 00:19:32,816 --> 00:19:33,650 Yeah, he wishes. 535 00:19:33,734 --> 00:19:35,277 No, someone came in to wash their hands, 536 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,237 and just caught him going right in the sink. 537 00:19:37,321 --> 00:19:38,405 (laughs) 538 00:19:38,488 --> 00:19:40,324 You know what? On our second date, 539 00:19:40,407 --> 00:19:43,660 he "shook hands" with a Lortian's egg sac. 540 00:19:43,744 --> 00:19:46,288 (laughing): Oh, stop! 541 00:19:46,371 --> 00:19:47,623 It was so pissed. 542 00:19:47,706 --> 00:19:51,543 (both laughing) 543 00:19:51,627 --> 00:19:53,962 Okay, and then, and then Sqill looked at Boimler 544 00:19:54,046 --> 00:19:56,465 and said, "That's my dorsal." 545 00:19:56,548 --> 00:19:58,258 (both laughing) 546 00:19:58,342 --> 00:20:00,469 You guys have been through a lot together. 547 00:20:00,552 --> 00:20:03,597 Yeah, I mean he is a dork, for sure. 548 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:05,265 But he's my dork. 549 00:20:05,349 --> 00:20:06,975 Well, you're clearly not a parasite, 550 00:20:07,059 --> 00:20:09,645 or you wouldn't have let him (bleep) in front of the admiral. 551 00:20:09,728 --> 00:20:11,480 Uh, well, thanks, and, you know, 552 00:20:11,563 --> 00:20:13,857 you're not seeming so much like a parasite, either, by the way. 553 00:20:13,941 --> 00:20:16,652 Hey, if it's gonna make you feel better, just scan me. 554 00:20:16,735 --> 00:20:17,653 (scanner trilling) 555 00:20:17,736 --> 00:20:19,863 You are a human, yep. 556 00:20:19,947 --> 00:20:21,448 Man, I mean, you ever get those feelings 557 00:20:21,531 --> 00:20:22,658 like you are just sure about something? 558 00:20:22,741 --> 00:20:23,784 Like, I was sure you were a parasite. 559 00:20:23,867 --> 00:20:24,826 But you're actually a very nice, 560 00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:25,953 attractive human woman. 561 00:20:26,036 --> 00:20:28,914 (scanner blipping) 562 00:20:28,997 --> 00:20:30,290 Uh-oh. 563 00:20:30,374 --> 00:20:31,291 (whimpering) 564 00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:33,377 -Aah! -This isn't me! 565 00:20:33,460 --> 00:20:34,836 I don't want to stun you. 566 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:36,838 -Then don't! -Come on, come on! 567 00:20:36,922 --> 00:20:38,465 Give me back my PADD! 568 00:20:38,548 --> 00:20:39,967 Look, just hand me the phaser-- ow! 569 00:20:40,050 --> 00:20:41,802 Oh, my God, you made me stun you! 570 00:20:41,885 --> 00:20:43,303 I can't feel my hand! 571 00:20:43,387 --> 00:20:45,806 Oh, God, oh, God! What have I done? 572 00:20:45,889 --> 00:20:47,891 -Ow! -I got the password-- it was "Riker." 573 00:20:47,975 --> 00:20:49,309 No, no, no, no, no! Don't read that! 574 00:20:49,393 --> 00:20:50,394 What the heck? 575 00:20:50,477 --> 00:20:53,021 You're transferring yourself to the Cerritos? 576 00:20:53,105 --> 00:20:54,815 I thought we could swap places. 577 00:20:54,898 --> 00:20:56,733 You don't know what it's like here! 578 00:20:56,817 --> 00:20:58,735 It's so stressful! It's so epic! 579 00:20:58,819 --> 00:21:00,529 It's all, "Tow this space station," 580 00:21:00,612 --> 00:21:01,780 and, "Calibrate the Dyson sphere!" 581 00:21:01,863 --> 00:21:04,866 "Go back in time and kill the guy that was worse than Hitler!" 582 00:21:04,950 --> 00:21:07,035 I just want to be back on a smaller ship, 583 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:08,662 doing simpler work. 584 00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:11,331 (crying): I don't want to be epic anymore! 585 00:21:11,415 --> 00:21:14,584 Geez, working on the Vancouver screws you up. 586 00:21:14,668 --> 00:21:16,378 I'm sorry I phasered you. 587 00:21:16,461 --> 00:21:18,839 This is not Ron Emmanuel Docent, Jr. 588 00:21:18,922 --> 00:21:21,008 Can we just keep this between us? 589 00:21:21,091 --> 00:21:23,885 You'll delete the transfer order? 590 00:21:23,969 --> 00:21:25,512 There. Done. 591 00:21:25,595 --> 00:21:28,348 And, um, throw in a T88 for each of us. 592 00:21:28,432 --> 00:21:30,350 Hey, now, that I can't do. 593 00:21:30,434 --> 00:21:32,352 Oh, that's cool. It wasn't like I was using my implant 594 00:21:32,436 --> 00:21:34,730 to record all this as evidence for your court-martial. 595 00:21:34,813 --> 00:21:36,690 (chuckles) I was. 596 00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:39,693 Okay, a couple of T88s coming right up. 597 00:21:39,776 --> 00:21:41,778 (scanner blipping) 598 00:21:47,826 --> 00:21:49,077 Ooh! Ugh! 599 00:21:49,161 --> 00:21:50,912 It's squishy! Give me a hand! 600 00:21:50,996 --> 00:21:52,581 Oh, my God! 601 00:21:52,664 --> 00:21:55,542 Stop! Don't! Lover! Lover! 602 00:21:55,625 --> 00:21:58,003 Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover! 603 00:21:58,086 --> 00:21:59,046 Oh, God. 604 00:21:59,129 --> 00:22:00,630 Aah! What the hell was that? 605 00:22:00,714 --> 00:22:02,799 It was always me, Barb. 606 00:22:02,883 --> 00:22:04,426 I'm going to treat you to dinner. 607 00:22:04,509 --> 00:22:06,053 Let me out! Let me out! 608 00:22:06,136 --> 00:22:07,929 Hmm, apparently, this species reproduces 609 00:22:08,013 --> 00:22:10,557 by making their host chemically irresistible 610 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:11,892 to potential mates. 611 00:22:11,975 --> 00:22:13,477 So Boimler must have picked it up... 612 00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,103 Right before he met me, exactly. 613 00:22:15,187 --> 00:22:17,064 Wait. Wait. 614 00:22:17,147 --> 00:22:19,566 So are you saying you only liked me because of the parasite? 615 00:22:19,649 --> 00:22:21,401 Please. I'm a Starfleet officer. 616 00:22:21,485 --> 00:22:23,570 You think I'd be into a guy just because of his pheromones? 617 00:22:23,653 --> 00:22:25,989 Oh, thank God. I was worried you were gonna break up with me. 618 00:22:26,073 --> 00:22:28,450 Yeah, listen, Brad, you're sweet, 619 00:22:28,533 --> 00:22:31,578 but right now, I need to put all my energy into my job. 620 00:22:31,661 --> 00:22:33,455 Specifically, studying this fascinating parasite. 621 00:22:33,538 --> 00:22:34,956 Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover! 622 00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,416 -Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover! -Mwah. 623 00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:37,459 -Lover! Lover! Lover! Lover! -Aw. 624 00:22:37,542 --> 00:22:39,419 She did break up with me. 625 00:22:39,503 --> 00:22:40,796 Hey, you'll find someone who loves you 626 00:22:40,879 --> 00:22:42,756 without a googa attached to your skull. 627 00:22:42,839 --> 00:22:44,091 You're just saying that. 628 00:22:44,174 --> 00:22:45,967 No, I'm not. You're a catch, man. 629 00:22:46,051 --> 00:22:48,512 -You're real. -I am real. 630 00:22:48,595 --> 00:22:51,098 Hey, Mare, see you next month at the M'tari tournament? 631 00:22:51,181 --> 00:22:55,769 Oh, you know it, and I'll try not to bring it downtown. 632 00:22:55,852 --> 00:22:58,146 -(laughing) -Oh, shut up. 633 00:22:58,230 --> 00:22:59,940 Wait. You guys made plans? 634 00:23:00,023 --> 00:23:01,441 We bonded while you were knocked out. 635 00:23:01,525 --> 00:23:03,652 -Over what? -Nothing. Just girl stuff. 636 00:23:03,735 --> 00:23:05,821 So you shook a Lortian's egg sack? 637 00:23:05,904 --> 00:23:08,198 Wait, how did...? Oh. Oh, no! Oh, no! 638 00:23:10,075 --> 00:23:11,618 Aah. 639 00:23:11,701 --> 00:23:13,120 The Cerritos might be falling apart, 640 00:23:13,203 --> 00:23:14,830 but it's nice to be back home. 641 00:23:14,913 --> 00:23:17,999 Yeah, I missed that smoky smell. (chuckles) 642 00:23:18,083 --> 00:23:20,460 So, uh, hey, um, before we left the Vancouver, 643 00:23:20,544 --> 00:23:23,672 I got you something. 644 00:23:23,755 --> 00:23:24,840 (chuckles) You shouldn't have! 645 00:23:24,923 --> 00:23:26,633 Well, I figured the Cerritos could use them 646 00:23:26,716 --> 00:23:27,968 -a lot more than... -No, no, no. 647 00:23:28,051 --> 00:23:30,470 I mean, look, I stole a bunch, too. 648 00:23:30,554 --> 00:23:31,930 -(laughs) -Yup, this... 649 00:23:32,013 --> 00:23:33,682 this is why we're friends. 650 00:23:33,765 --> 00:23:37,018 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 651 00:25:03,897 --> 00:25:05,315 (man imitates weapons firing) 652 00:25:07,317 --> 00:25:08,318 Chirp.