♪
Hey, Boims, what are you doing here?
What's up, Mariner? Yeah, I've got a research mission to go on.
Really? So do I.
Oh, awesome. I feel like, since we got promoted,
we never get paired up anymore.
-Ah! -[gasps]
-[laughter] -No way!
You guys are on the away team, too?
Aah! It's a Beta shift reunion!
Yes. Oh, it's been too long.
This is gonna be great. What's the mish?
Researching moss in a cave.
What? A cave? No.
Yes! It'll be fun.
I hate ca...
...aves.
[Rutherford and Tendi giggling]
Ugh. Stupid cave mission.
I feel like I've been in this cave a hundred times.
Huh. Caves do all kind of look the same, don't they?
Yeah, 'cause they're all made by
-soluble minerals! -Soluble minerals!
Ugh.
[Tendi gasps]
This moss is even less osmotic than I thought it would be.
So thrilling. Yeah, okay, let's hurry it up.
Nothing good ever comes from a cave mission.
I like a good cave-- the flat floors, the weird smell.
-[Tendi sniffs loudly] -[sniffs loudly] Cavey.
What? They're always full of creepy creatures,
and sometimes, you get stuck under rubble.
It feels like a third of all our missions are in caves.
Come on. They're so peaceful and quiet
and just the right amount of moist.
RANSOM [over comms]: Away team, get out of there.
We're detecting tremors. Hold tight.
Try to get a signal.
[indistinct chatter over comm]
MARINER: Ah, yes. So peaceful.
BOIMLER: Stupid cave mission.
♪
-[debris rumbling] -[Rutherford groans softly]
-Everyone okay? -Yup.
-Yeah. -Trapped in a cave
with no way to communicate. Wow, what a surprise.
Can't wait to find out what's lurking around.
Any, uh, unspeakable evils in here?
Can we just... can we skip past the waiting
and just attack us now?
Will you stop it? I'll just call for an evac.
[staticky clicking]
Bunch of rocks always beats
centuries of technological progress.
-[grunts] -[whooshing] -Whoa.
You see that? The moss reacted to your little tantrum.
-Not a tantrum. -Guess I don't need this.
Well, the entrance is blocked.
A phaser blast could bring the entire place down.
No natural stairs or hidden passageways
from secret societies.
Yeah, we're boxed in.
-[hissing] -[Mariner whimpering]
Guys, I think the moss is following me?
Aw. It's probably just naturally drawn to your body heat,
like it's looking for a warm hug.
-Aah! -Aah! Not a hug.
[whimpering] It's eating my boot!
[Mariner grunts]
It's carnivorous moss? Are you kidding me?
So, okay, you want your "I told you so's"
one at a time or all at once?
At the rate it's growing, we only have a couple of hours.
We've all been stuck in caves before.
One of us has to know a way out of this.
Oh, yeah. Like the time we all got stuck together
right after that rage virus outbreak on the ship.
The power was fluctuating, and...
Tendi, I love you, but that wasn't a cave.
It was a turbolift.
Totally different type of thing to get trapped in.
-Right. Sorry. -BOIMLER: Wait.
I just got stuck in a cave with Lieutenant Levy
and we used gammanite to boost our comm badge distress call.
Levy. Ugh. One of the worst guys to get stuck in a cave with.
-Did he go on and on about his conspiracies? -Oh, yeah.
It started as a regular dilithium survey,
but then an ion storm blew in out of nowhere.
[echoing]: Nowhere. Nowhere.
[thunder claps]
-Oh, man. That was close. -[panting]
-Ooh. -Damn it.
The storm must be interfering with comms.
Oh, really? You know why they don't make comms
that can't be interfered with?
The technology isn't advanced enough to...
[quietly]: Because of what they don't want us to hear.
Sure, Levy. Whatever.
We need to find a way out of here.
Oh, can't we just wait for the storm to pass?
Yeah, right. They can last years.
Did you read the briefing?
Uh, I'd rather take in the mission with my own two eyes.
Once I beam down, make my own conclusions.
-[debris clinks] -[both gasp]
-Something's in here with us. -Yeah.
Pretty convenient storm.
This has Vendorian written all over it.
What? Vendor Prime's in the Beta Quadrant.
There's no reason for Vendorians to be here.
That's what they want you to think.
They're shapeshifters. Trust me.
-Vendorians are setting us up. -[beep]
I'm picking up a faint energy signal.
-It could be a way out. -[groans]
What are you doing?
Checking the energy source?
That's exactly what the Vendorians want us to do.
There are no Vendorians, man.
And just because they sound scary doesn't mean
you should believe that stereotype.
[scoffs] Being controversial
is what makes them so good at tricking their prey.
[sighs] Fine. Wait here then.
Yeah, right. That would play right into their tentacles.
Whoa. Someone must have abandoned this
on a previous away mission.
All-terrain treads, partial charge and ionic shielding?
Yes! We can use this to get to the shuttle.
It's our ticket out of here.
Huh. Only one seat, though.
One of us will have to stay behind.
-Out of the way, Boimler. -[gasps]
What are you doing? Aah!
What the [bleep], Levy? Now we're trapped.
There's a dream vehicle just sitting
in the middle of a cavern with only one seat?
Yeah, that's a classic Vendorian morality test.
Ugh. Vendorians don't care about human morality.
Look, I know you're some outside-the-box math genius,
but do you ever wonder why you've been stuck
at the same rank for, like, a decade?
No wild, unfounded theories on that? Huh?
Well, it's because you're insufferable.
Wolf 359 was a tragedy,
Q exists, Picard isn't some hologram,
and Voyager'sEMH is!
[sighs] Do you know who benefits from us
being stuck in this cave? Everyone!
Because they don't have to deal with you.
I... I just want help.
Your cruelty displeases us.
You have failed our morality test.
-Aah! Vendorians. -Whoa! No way!
I-I... I knew it.
Please let us go.
I thought you were just a paranoid anxiety
made up by people who needed an imagined enemy
to simulate order on unrelated disasters
so life doesn't feel so random and chaotic!
Ha! That is what we wanted you to think.
[Boimler yells]
Rather than work together to escape,
you have chosen to denigrate and bicker.
-You shall be punished. -BOIMLER: Uh,
I-I'm already feeling pretty punished.
They're gonna tie us together face-to-face
and lay brood pods in our necks
so we have to look at each other in the eye
while their young burst out of our chests.
You know of our customs?
Oh, yeah. Uh, Levy's a huge Vendorian fan.
Well, I-I wouldn't call myself a fan.
-[grunts] -I mean,
I do love all the lurking,
the brood podding, the flappy arms.
Wow. Most people find us preachy and unsettling.
How do you have such knowledge?
Oh, I'm on a couple of subspace forums
where like-minded people make up...
I mean, uh... I mean that we share information.
Subor, go find Tarmax.
He would get a kick out of this.
What else have you heard about us?
Oh, tons. I mean, where to start?
Oh! Obelisks, right?
So, whenever we find a mysterious...
...off about how you guys falsified data
that going warp speed damages subspace.
Your knowledge is artfully mixed with hyperbole and fiction.
We did not, as you put it,
"do the Klingon civil war." [laughs]
Mmm. Agree to disagree.
But I got to say, after sharing these delicious crickets,
you don't seem as dangerous as everyone says.
We do lay brood pods in throats.
Right. I mean, besides that.
Well, Levy, you're still a crackpot with dangerous beliefs,
but I guess I've learned not to--
I don't know-- yell at you? I don't know.
Oh, I'm glad we're pals, too, Boimler.
-Ah, I wouldn't say we're... -Huzzah!
Enemies have become friends.
What? No, not what I said.
Our morality gambit worked.
-[cheering] -[laughs] Vendorians.
[laughs] Yeah. [whoops]
So, the Vendorians ended up setting us free. They even
taught me how to use gammanite to boost my comm signal
so the Cerritos could beam us out of there.
MARINER: Ugh. This isn't working.
Also, I can't believe you bonded with Levy.
Power of caves. They can make you friends with jerks.
Aw, Steve's not so bad.
He just wants everything to be special.
We've actually hung out in the holodeck a few times.
What? Like, without us?
-It's not a big deal. -MARINER: Sure.
Yeah, hang out with a guy who thinks
we'rein the evil mirror universe.
Sometimes being stuck together can result
in surprising conversations.
You know, like that time when we all got trapped
-in that turbolift. -Tends, that wasn't a cave.
We need ideas on how to get out of this sitch.
Uh, guys, I think we need to hurry.
[all gasping]
Way to waste bones.
Dumb moss.
-Did you find gammanite? -No.
But there's traces of trigammanite.
Which would have a similar effect.
We'd have to find a way to separate it
from the rock, though.
-Quick, Boimler, take off your pants. -On it.
Wow. You just straight-up did that, no questions asked, huh?
We're roommates.
The fiber should weaken the phaser beam just enough.
Mariner, fire at the wall so it reflects through the pants.
Probably could've used my jacket, but...
Voilà! Now we just have to do the delicate work
of separating the trigammanite.
-How'd you know how to do that? -Oh.
I guess I learned how to solve problems like that
when Dr. T'Ana and I were trapped
in that cave with our kid.
-I'm sorry. Your what?! -Oh, yeah.
I had a cave baby with Dr. T.
Did I not tell you guys about that?
Oh, yeah, yeah, you sure did.
No, you didn't tell us!
It was a few weeks back when Billups came down
with Porgian swamp rash.
I got assigned to go with Doc
to gather some medicinal ferns on Balkus 9.
[echoing]: Nine. Nine. Nine.
The ferns are in this alcove over here, Doctor.
Good. Can't replicate molecular fungo-sites
and they're the only thing that cures swamp rash.
It has been an honor guiding you.
I take great pleasure in gaining your knowledge
-and sharing mine. -[scoffs] Whatever.
The ferns are just under the surface of the water.
-[beeping] -Uh, Doc,
I'm picking up some strange vibrations.
Maybe we should get out of this cave?
No. No need to worry.
This grotto hasn't been home to the Grafflax for generations.
The what-what now?
It's a large creature that eats brains
and many think it was a myth...
Aah!
-[both gasp] -[groans]
[roaring]
Oh, [bleep]. That thing was nasty.
-Whoa. -Oh.
I am dying.
Don't move. We'll stabilize you.
This body is gone. I must transfer to a new one.
Dr. T will help you. Just stay awake.
Her effort is not needed.
I we simply procreate my base mind via dermal contact.
[gasps, sighs]
-What did you do? -Nothing.
[sighs] Well, she's gone.
I-I'm sorry. I didn't...
Oh. I don't feel so good, Doc.
[stomach growling]
Yeah, that makes sense. You're pregnant.
Aah!
But we just touched skin.
Well, yeah. These gals procreate by dermal contact.
They transfer their consciousness
into a protein mass that grows into a baby version
-of themselves in seconds. -[groans]
There's a lot going on here I'm not comfortable with.
[laughs] You'll be saying that a lot more soon enough.
Lie down, bite on this.
What? I'm not gonna bite a shoe. Aah!
[muffled groaning]
-Okay. There we go. -[baby crying]
Hold this thing while I close you up.
-[baby crying] -[gasps loudly]
Come on. Would you just open up?
-[crying] -What happened?
You gave birth to a clone baby
and we're lost in a cave system without a guide.
Huh. So that wasn't a traumatic hallucination.
Afraid not.
-[baby laughing] -Catch.
See if you can get it to eat. Damn thing doesn't know
-what's good for... -Oh, someone was hungry.
-Slow down. It's okay. -Huh. Okay.
Anyway, priority one is protecting little Thusa
from being killed by the Grafflax again.
We wouldn't want that, now, would we?
-No, we wouldn't, baby, baby. -[scoffs]
Then we got to figure a way out of this cave
before we run out of rations.
Let's take turns marking our path
-and watching the kid. -Ooh!
I call dibs on first babysitting shift.
Good, because the only thing I hate more than engineers
are babies.
-[giggling] -Ooh, who's a little clone baby?
-You are. You are. [laughs] -Ugh.
-Oh, baby. -[laughing]
[crying]
-Oh! -[shrieks]
♪
[coos]
[phaser firing]
[squeals]
-[laughing] -Wow. You're a tough kid.
Born in a cave, fighting a monster.
I think you're the coolest baby I've ever met.
Oh, looks like you two are finally getting along.
Yeah, yeah, I don't usually like babies,
but this is more of a co-adventurer.
Yeah, she's on Team Cave Survival.
I still don't like engineers, though.
[growling]
Run!
Aw, [bleep]! Dead end!
-[Thusa crying] -[growling]
Would you stop messing with the tricorder?
We're about to be eaten alive.
No can do, Dr. T. I've got this.
[bellowing roar]
We mean you no harm.
We just want to get out of this cave.
[low growling]
Did you just talk to me?
I adapted this translator based on your growls.
Please don't eat us.
GRAFFLAX [through device]: I don't want to eat you.
I'm protecting my baby.
Hey, this is our baby. I gave birth to it.
Not that. In there.
[yelps]
-[laughing] -Oh, we didn't know that was your baby.
If you let us leave, we'll make sure nobody ever comes back.
I've been observing you.
You are good parents.
Follow me.
All right, Baby Thusa. Let's get you out of this cave.
-[giggles] -T'ANA: Huh.
You'd make a not completely terrible father.
Wait. Are you saying I'm the first engineer you like?
T'ANA: Shut the [bleep] up.
Dude, you fully had a kid and never told us?
She was a consciousness clone.
It's not like she was my baby.
I only gave birth to her.
That a huge deal. We're roommates.
How come you didn't tell me this?
You didn't tell me about the Vendorians.
And I haven't been able to talk about the time
we got stuck in the turbolift.
That is not a cave story!
-[growling] -[all gasping]
Oh, I don't like the sound of that.
Ugh.
RUTHERFORD: What?
You're using the comm badge as a filter for the trigammanite?
Since when do you know how to realign microcircuitry?
Probably from you. I don't know.
The way these stories have been going, I wouldn't be surprised
if you got it from one of those creeps in Delta shift.
-Well, I mean... -You did?
Since when can you stand being around Delta shift?
Since I got assigned to lead them
on an away mission on Glish. But our shuttle
was hit with a magnetic anomaly on the way.
[echoing]: Way. Way.
[coughing]
-Nice landing. -Oh, you have notes
-on me saving our lives? -I wouldn't have crashed
-into a cave. -We lost power.
Shuttles are shaped like bricks. What was I supposed to do?
-[comm chirps] -Ugh. Of Course.
Oh, wait. Holy [bleep]. Comms are working?
[laughs] [bleep] you, cave.
All right, Mariner to Cerritos.
RANSOM [over comms]: What? Repeat that. Breaking up.
-Aw, damn it. -We're out of range.
Looks like we'll be here for a while.
-Mariner! -[all exclaim]
Look what your crappy piloting did to my leg.
-Oh, my God! -Asif! -[groans]
Ugh. Karavitus, grab a med kit.
Amadou, get me a status report on those engines.
-On it. -Yes, ma'am.
Shuttle's salvageable, but power's dunsel unless we can
-scrounge up some pergium. -Well,
it's our lucky day, because, according to this,
there's a pile of pergium right over there.
Ugh. Ugh. I feel terrible.
Are you guys seeing this?
What the hell? Did you get older?
Oh, whoa. You did, too.
Ew! This is so messed up!
We're near a mineral vein which emits chronitons.
Anything organic will experience a bio-temporal flux
depending on how close you get to it.
Well, that sucks because we have to get
to that wall over there, or no pergium.
I'm gonna be a spry old lady.
I'll just muscle through it.
Well, what are you doing? Cut it out.
You're gonna get too old.
I bet I age more gracefully than you,
because I'm a better person.
I'm the ranking officer here.
Go back to the young side. That's an order.
No! You always hated me
just because I'm Delta shift.
I've always hated you because you're an asshole.
We can't help Asif if we both
die of old age halfway to the wall.
-Aah! -Aah!
I'm only an asshole
because I work just as hard as you
at all the same jobs but nobody cares.
Our shift sucks. Everyone is asleep.
That sounds great to me.
It isn't. I've met the captain--
I don't know-- five times.
I've seen Ransom three or four.
None of us in Delta shift will ever rank up
like you all did because nobody knows we exist.
Damn. It's like we work on two different shifts.
Yeah. That's why we've always resented you Beta shifters.
Oh, we thought you hated us because we broke stuff
during the day and you had to fix it at night.
Yeah, that's sucks, too.
[sighs] I'm sorry for being a dick to you.
Maybe we try to find a shift between ours
-where we can try to be civil. -Maybe.
If we survive this stupid old-age cave.
-[bones crack] -Aah! My hip! [coughs]
Ugh. We need someone younger than us to take a crack at this.
Wait. That's it! Asif's like a child prodigy.
-He's young as hell. -Really?
Asif, get your ass over here!
Hello. My leg is broken.
It'll heal with the time dilation.
-Right? -Yeah, I don't know. -[whimpers]
-[bone cracking] -Ow! Oh, my God, my leg!
Ow! Oh, it's healing wrong.
-[Asif whimpering] -It looks fine.
-Yeah, just keep going. -ASIF: I don't know.
-Are you sure? -Just walk through it.
[screaming]
Oh, I can't go anymore.
My leg feels like a knot.
Just suck it up. You're still young.
Yeah, come on, kid. I wish I was your age.
Oh, God, my leg fell off!
-Ooh. Uh, that is not good. -Aah! That-that's... Ooh.
AMADOU: Hey, guys, check it out.
There's a bunch of pergium over here
and it makes you age down a little.
I feel great.
Oh. Good job, Amadou.
What?! Then why did I have to walk over here?
Hey, you're a hero, Asif.
Yeah, you did great, man.
Couldn't have gotten out of this without you.
Wait, wait, wait, hold on. Don't leave my leg.
I'm done being old, so we're just gonna have the doc
-grow you a new one. -Oh, come on.
RANSOM [over comms]: Shuttlecraft, do you read?
We're receiving your distress call. Just stay where you are.
-Nice job, Lieutenant. -You, too, Ensign.
Couldn't have done it without Delta shift.
-You know it. -Yeah!
-Delta shift! Delta shift! -Delta shift! Delta shift!
ALL THREE: Delta shift! Delta shift!
-Hey, yeah, can-can we please -[chanting continuing]
just try to get my leg, maybe?
You-you know, just in case?
-You chanted with them? -Chanting's our thing.
I can-I can chant with other people.
Guys, don't fight.
I don't know who you are anymore!
Oh, why don't you ask your pal Steve Levy?
Delta shift is way worse.
You didn't even tell us you were a father.
I did too tell you. Just not right away.
Whatever. Ugh. Just, here's the trigammanite.
Call the Cerritos and get us out of here.
Great. I'll call for an evac.
Fine. I can get back to real work.
Yup. See you guys in the next cave or whatever.
Away team to Cerrit... Aah!
-Moss! -Oh, this moss is doing something
-that moss shouldn't do! -Holy...
MOSS: You cannot leave.
-Did the moss talk? -What is happening?
You cannot leave until I hear
-the green one's story. -Uh.
But it's just about a turbolift.
It doesn't apply to the situation.
-Story! -Tendi, tell the story.
Okay, uh, well, it was
my first day on the Cerritos.
[echoing]: Cerritos. Cerritos. Cerritos.
-No. No, no, no. No, go away. -Spirit, community.
-Leave me alone. -Lower Decks! Lower Decks!
-No. Don't... Stop hugging me. -Lower Decks!
You're gonna be my cha'DIch from now on, baby!
-Yeah! -Yeah! -♪
Oh, man. [whooping]
[laughter]
[all exclaiming]
Ugh. I need to sleep for a year, minimum.
I thought synthehol let you
shrug off the effects of alcohol.
Yeah, but I swapped bottles way early.
We've been drinking the real thing.
I'm genuinely impaired, but, well,
what if Dr. T'Ana needs me to assist
in, uh, like, a surgical thing?
We just survived a rage virus. The whole ship's on down time.
-Don't sweat it. -Yeah, there shouldn't be
another disaster until 15:30 at the earliest.
[power whooshes down]
Ugh. Rutherford to Commander Billups.
Are there any issues with the turbolifts?
BILLUPS: Uh, well, a bunch of the power relays were damaged,
so, just hang tight, we'll add you to the list.
Can you just beam us out of here, sir?
Huh. I'm sure they'll have it fixed in a jiffy.
-[grunts] -Oh! -Oh!
Shoot. That spells targ. I'm out.
My turn. All right, you got to bounce it off Boims' face.
[laughing]
-Okay. Is it a living thing? -No.
Uh, is it an isolinear optical chip?
Yes! Holy crap! You got it in two!
[whoops, laughs]
[sighs] I think this was actually
one of the best days of my life.
Uh, you mean, with the zombie outbreak,
then getting stuck in here and peeing in a corner?
Well, I didn't love peeing in the corner.
I guess I was worried about being the only Orion on board.
We kind of have a reputation.
All we see is a smart, capable, awesome ensign.
Yeah, you're a lower decker, just like us.
Cerritosstrong. [chuckles]
-[snoring] -Hmm.
[whispering]: I'm glad you guys are my friends.
-[grunts] I'm here to save you. -[all yelling]
[laughing]
Oh, man, I almost peed again when Shaxs jumped in like that.
Almost? I fully did.
I think that was the best time
I've ever had being stuck in something.
Mm, that was really sweet.
I'm sorry I kept cutting that story off early, Tends.
No, it's okay. I just wanted to say, it doesn't matter
if we start hanging out with Steve Levy
or Delta shift or having a baby.
We'll always be friends.
I love you guys.
I have eaten many outsiders in this cave,
but I have never made a friend.
Can we be friends?
Of course. We came in here to study you.
You did? Take your scans,
as long as you continue to tell stories.
Uh, it'll take a while for our commanders to rescue us,
and I have plenty more cave stories to tell.
That pleases me.
[overlapping chatter]
-You ever heard of a sentient cave? -Ooh, I have a real cave story.
Remember the time we got stuck in a cave and met ourselves?
-What? No way. -Oh, yeah, that one was wild.
We thought it was us from the future
'cause they knew everything about us.
But then it turned out it was actually a bunch of aliens
-pretending to be us. -Then it turned out
they actually were from the future.
It appears that the junior officers
have rekindled their friendship.
By not allowing their new responsibilities
to destroy what's truly important.
-They have passed our test. -Should we unblock
-their communications? -[laughter]
Nay. Let them enjoy this moment for a little longer.
[indistinct chatter, laughing]
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
[man imitates weapons firing]
Chirp.