ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Just Roll With It!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[BELL RINGS]
Woo, woo, woo! Woo!
Welcome to Just Roll With It!
-Woo! -Yeah!
Okay, let's start the show!
No, Kaylin. Where are you going? We haven't explained the rules.
If they don't know the rules, they can't vote and then--
-And that means we won't get messy. -There we go, okay!
What?
Nice try, kids, but if we don't explain the rules,
the implants in our necks will explode.
Oh, right, I forgot about those.
When you hear this sound...
[HORN BLOWS]
You'll get to vote, and we'll have to...
ALL: Just Roll With It!
BYRON: Let's start the show!
Okay, troops, bad news.
Snow's not letting up, and it looks like the power's out for the whole city.
We're stuck here for the night.
[GROANING]
My phone's at one percent, it's about to die! Stay with me, buddy.
Don't leave me alone with my family!
This is horrible. School will be closed tomorrow.
That's eight hours of education I'll never get back.
[SCOFFS]
What's the point of having the stupid school cancelled by the stupid snow
if the stupid TV doesn't work?
-Well, when I was little-- -We know!
People ate rocks and you could buy a horse for a dollar.
No.
We used to tell stories to pass the time.
So you'd just say words?
-Yeah. -Out loud?
-At each other? -Yep.
Like some kind of human podcast?
Oh! What a swell idea.
I can read from the fantasy novel I've been working on.
It's titled The Dragon Conundrum.
Okay.
You'll have to excuse the prose some of it is in a language I made up called "O-ish."
All right.
Ahem.
"O-yay, o-yay, 'twas the eve of fifteenth-giving,
and all the zolywogs of Higglesby Hollow were raising a glass of higglesnog.
-Then the dungeon mo--" -That's it!
I'm going outside to freeze to death.
Bury me with all my stuff.
No, no, no.
No one is freezing to death today but since the power's out,
why don't we tell scary stories?
Heh. Dad doesn't do so well with the scary.
Nah, I'm cool.
I'll go first!
This one's about someone who came down with the worst sickness I can think of.
It's called, The Horkening.
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[HORN BLOWS]
What?
Oh, my gosh!
ANNOUNCER: Okay, audience, you see your choices one, two or three.
You vote on who gets The Horkening.
I'm gonna be a target. Absolutely me. It's my fantasy story so it's probably me.
ANNOUNCER: Okay, that's it. Votes are in.
The scene you rehearsed all week is completely gone.
Blair, you are the narrator and you'll be sitting in a chair, opposite the set,
-reading into the microphone. -Oh, no way!
The Horkening!
-Mwah-ha-ha! ANNOUNCER: And let's go back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: Action!
BLAIR: "One day, in a bedroom far, far away, a woman became very ill."
-How you feeling? Okay. -Sick.
[COUGHS]
BLAIR: "And the woman just became more ill.
Delirious even and started thinking her arms were snakes!"
Ah! Arm snakes are my least favorite animal!
BLAIR: "Now, even more worried, the husband decided to call the local doctor,
with the phone they had in the nightstand.
Not the dresser. I said, the nightstand."
Oh good, I got the phone, honey!
BLAIR: "That's when strange things began to happen."
[YELLS]
Yeah.
BLAIR: "Then they called the local doctor."
I need you to come over right now.
Ahh! Shoot!
"Who showed up in a record time!"
I showed up here in record time.
"Through charades, the sick woman tried to explain her symptoms to the doctor."
Sounds like:
-Uh, fork! -Grabbing.
Fork. Hork! Hork! Ha, ha!
This woman has The Horkening!
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
BLAIR: "Upon hearing the news, the son fainted."
My son!
You okay, son?
"And the husband wailed in agony."
Why?
"The husband then insisted on giving the doctor a piggyback ride."
Wait a minute. What? Say that again? What?
"Then insisted on giving the doctor a piggyback ride."
Doctor, get on my back. I do piggy-back rides.
Whee!
This is the best day of my life!
"The doctor then began treating the woman,
summoning the illness within her with a chant the husband
and the son came up with."
Come on outta there!
-Come on outta there! -Come on outta there!
"Suddenly, the woman sat up!
The chanting had awoken something within the woman."
She had gained superpowers! The room began to shake!"
-Whoa! -Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
-This doesn't seem normal, does it? -No!
"All that shaking wasn't good for the woman.
She grabbed her stomach in pain.
She was going to hork all over the room!"
Whoa! Uh-oh.
-Oh, a nozzle. -Oh, a nozzle.
-Should we have goggles? -I think so too.
"The husband went to plead with the doctor to cure his wife."
Doctor! Fix this! Please, doctor! Help my wife!
"But little did he know that the doctor had also caught The Horkening!"
Oh, for real.
Oh boy, I think I'm gonna hork!
[AUDIENCE GROANING]
Whoa!
"But the doctor wasn't quite finished.
He had eaten a big lunch."
BYRON: Wow!
Oh! I'm gonna be sick!
"The doctor's assistant ran in to help.
But when he saw the hork all over the place, it made him hork too."
-Nope! -"Then the doctor and the assistant
just kept horking all over the poor father.
One after the other, over, and over, they just kept horking and horking and horking.
The end."
I don't like this story, Blair!
[CHEERING]
Good job, Tobie! That was so fun!
The end.
Boom. And that is how you tell a scary story.
What do you mean? That didn't scare anybody!
Well, speak for yourself.
It was just a story. It was just a story.
Dad doesn't count. Everything scares him.
Dad! There's nothing behind you!
Where?
Well, looks like it's Mom's turn to tell a story.
I've got a story that is sure to tickle your scaredy bones!
Or Owen could interrupt me like I'm not here.
It's called "The Horror Day Inn."
"One dark and spooky night, an unsuspecting mother and daughter
were on a road trip when their car broke down.
The little girl was very nervous to enter, because she scared much too easily."
Puh-lease, I do not scare easily.
OWEN: Well, it's my story, and your character does.
Fine. I'm so scared.
"The mother and daughter took in their unsettling surroundings."
These surroundings sure are unsettling.
Hello, does anyone work here?
If you don't respond within 10 seconds,
I'm gonna start swiping anything that ain't bolted down.
[RINGS]
Hello and welcome.
My name is Mr. Creepers.
Everyone who stays at my quaint inn must sign the guestbook.
Okay, I'll give this a looksie.
"William F. Buckleberry.
If you're reading this, it's already too late"?
Well, that's sinister.
"Also, the towels weren't soft,
and they charged my room for a movie I didn't order."
Well, that's just bad business.
Nonsense!
Oh, what are those? They look interesting.
Oh, this is my one-of-a-kind, irreplaceable, bobblehead collection.
No touchy!
Why do they all look so scared?
"William F. Buckleberry?"
Oh my gosh, that's--
The name from the guest book!
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
OWEN: "Mother and daughter were putting together
a key detail the narrator had cleverly slipped in.
For he was a masterful storyteller, a true wordsmith.
-It's all--" -Owen, get to the point!
"The point is, Mr. Creepers turned all of his guests into bobbleheads!"
That's it? Why?
How do you say, "this is lame" in O-ish?
All I want to know is how do we check out?
Check out?
[CACKLES]
I'm afraid the checkout time of this inn is
never, for I am an insane innkeeper.
Ha-ha-ha!
[HORN BLOWS]
Yeah!
ANNOUNCER: Okay, audience, you choose how Rachel and Blair escape the inn.
I'm in on this one!
There's three doors on stage.
-Something is lurking inside those doors. ANNOUNCER: Votes are in.
DIRECTOR: Owen, you're gonna read from cue cards.
You'll start the stunt from Mr. Creeper's new line.
ANNOUNCER: Now, back to the scene.
Action!
DIRECTOR: Since I am an insane innkeeper,
I'll give you just one chance
to escape my Horror Day Inn.
You must dig through what I have deemed
a barrel of snakes!
RACHEL: Oy!
There is the key inside.
You must find it to win your freedom.
-Dig in. RACHEL: Ugh.
-Okay. BLAIR: Ooh!
-This is so gross. -Okay.
Uh, can you give us a hint about, like, where this key is?
-Under the snakes. -Yeah, great.
We got that.
Ah, ah, ah!
"The mother and daughter had found the key!"
You will have to choose which is the right door.
I know which one it is.
-It's really hard to open. -Oh my goodness!
[BOTH SCREAM]
Oh snap! That's right, dummies, wrong door!
That's not the way out. I'm insane!
High-five, me.
Woo!
RACHEL: I'm gonna pick door number two.
BLAIR: There's nothing.
-Are you kidding me? -All right.
-What in there, mom?
I don't know.
I'm looking.
There's literally nothing in here.
-Ahh! -Mom! Mom! Mom!
In your face!
She just got sucked into a black void.
Where'd it take her? Beats me.
I'm crazy!
Get out of the way. I'm doing door number three.
OWEN: "Finally, there was one door left.
And only one person left to open it, the little girl."
Ahh! Oh my! Oh my! Ahh!
Shark!
[SCREAMING]
Hey, Brayden, get out here, dude.
Whoa! Glow sticks!
We totally vanished that little girl and that bigger girl
and now they're bobbleheads.
Being an innkeeper is insane!
[CACKLES]
"That's right.
They became bobbleheads for all of eternity." Ha-ha-ha!
CREEPERS: Let's beatbox.
[BEAT BOXING]
[SCREAMING]
The end.
Owen, that story wasn't scary at all.
Even Byron was fine.
You're gonna have to work a lot harder if you're gonna scare me.
-We're doomed! -[ALL SCREAM]
Gator! You scared us to death!
I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here.
I just come here at night sometimes to think about stuff and scream.
How did you get here in this blizzard?
Ah, it started out like any other ordinary, devastatingly violent blizzard.
I opened up the top of my yard boat to empty my urine jug,
when the brake dislodged.
All of a sudden, I'm sliding down State Street.
So I grab the rudder but the old girl's picking up speed,
fifteen knots, twenty-five!
So, I pulled a hard a-starboard, sending her into a mighty skid!
And then there was a horrific crash,
and I looked up to see
the boat had collided into the side of the city's main electric tower.
-Whoa! -Now that's how you tell a story!
Wait, you crashed your boat into the city's electric tower?
Oh yeah, whole grid's on fire.
Looks pretty cool. Probably gonna cost millions.
So you're the reason the power is out!
Yep! Came here to lay low. The boat's in my brother's name,
so guess I'm gonna let him deal with that. Good luck, Jason.
We don't care about your family's nautical drama!
Just tell us another story!
And make it scary!
Scary.
Okay, I've got one.
It's called, "The Art of Darkness".
"It was the night of the big fancy pants art show."
Hello and welcome to the big Fancy Pants Art Show.
GATOR: "A man and his family had just pulled over to use the restroom,
because they had stopped at a gas station and the father had purchased
three-for-one bean burritos."
Ohh. Mm.
Excuse me, fine sir.
Could you point me to the nearest can? I am like, sweating.
Ooh, rich people food!
Kids, you know the drill.
Ahem. This spread is only for the patrons of the gallery.
Show it to me in writing.
And stop blocking the quiche, slim.
How dare you?
For I am renowned regional artist Meriwether Slayington!
I just did my business in what I thought was a toilet
but turned out to be a very fancy art installation.
So we gotta bounce now before someone notices and if they do--
My art!
Somebody has desecrated it.
-So do you validate? -Validate?
An artist does not validate parking.
Unless you'd be willing to make a purchase,
in that case the gallery does validate parking.
Oh, okay, let me see what we got here.
Ah. What sort of fine art can I get for five bucks,
two buttons, and a couple of flaming sauce packets from Hurricane Cantina?
GATOR: "In that moment, Meriwether Slayington got an idea, a horrible idea.
A no-good, horrible, wonderful idea!"
I just love it when families come in off the street to use the restroom
and not purchase anything.
So much so, I would love to show you my latest work.
If there's more of this dip stuff involved, I'm all in.
Behold, my never-before-seen Cursed Paintings Collection!
[HORN BLOWS]
ANNOUNCER: Last vote, audience.
You get to choose what cursed realm the family is sent to.
Something's in that painting.
I'm in on this one and it's gonna be so much fun. It's gonna be crazy.
During the stunt, the family's gonna be in complete darkness.
They're not gonna be able to see an inch away from their faces
but we'll see everything thanks to infrared cameras.
It's gonna be hilarious. I can't wait.
ANNOUNCER: Votes are in. -The rest of the scene is out.
The scene will start with the new line,
"Behold, my never-before-seen collection."
ANNOUNCER: And let's go back to the scene.
DIRECTOR: Action!
Behold, my never-before-seen collection!
You are now the subjects.
Whoa!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
What a good looking family!
RACHEL: Yeah!
Who is that in the front?
-He is good looking! -I don't know.
With the help of my cursed paints, I have extracted your souls.
Now you must enter the Haunted House to retrieve them!
[BLAIR YELLS]
I'm gonna charge you for that.
"Upon entering, Slayington sealed them inside,
trapping them with the evil ghost!"
The evil ghost? What you talking about?
-What evil ghost? -Hey!
"Just as the ghost neared them,
a runaway boat across town wiped out the power grid."
[ALL SCREAM]
Oh, snap!
And remember, while we can see their tortured journey,
they were in complete darkness and couldn't see anything. Ha-ha-ha!
I cannot see anything but I'm keeping my hand on you, Owen.
-Uh, lock arms. Lock arms. -Lock arms.
GATOR: "The family was too scared to move.
But they could feel the ghost's icy presence
her rancid breath stinging their nostrils.
-Ew, that stink. That stink. -It stinks.
-Oh, gosh! -It smells so bad!
RACHEL: Oh! No, no, no, no!
This ghost has terrible hygiene!
Oh, my gosh!
Oh no! Something grabbed me!
GATOR: "They soon stumbled into a spider nest!"
[SCREAMING]
"As they struggled to free themselves from the webs,
an army of ghost-spiders descended on them!"
No, no, no, no, no!
Oh, I feel it! I feel it! I feel it!
This haunted house could really use a haunted housekeeper!
"At that very moment, someone staying on the haunted floor
above them threw out their bath water!"
-What? -Oh my goodness.
It missed me. Ahh, ha, ha!
GATOR: "Then they panicked...
[UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]
-at the disco!" -What?
Hey!
It did miss you!
And it was only then, that they learned the true meaning of friendship.
And then they all died.
The end.
Amen.
-That ending made zero sense! -What are you talking about?
I'm gonna level with you. I kinda forgot how it ends.
I'm sorry! I figured it would come to me eventually, but then it never did.
Here, let me start over.
[GROANING]
-It was the night of the big fan-- -Oh!
Thank goodness!
Electricity, we missed you so much!
We can charge our phones now!
Okay!
Well, since it'll take a few minutes for your phones to reboot,
we could finally listen to one of Mom's tales.
And that's our show!
You guys have been a great crowd!