Hello?
Knob end.
Oi. I fucking told you man, I haven't got any.
I'm just wondering if the situation might have developed
and progressed in some way, in the last couple of hours or so?
What do you mean "last few hours"?
How does time pass in your big fat head.
There's been fifteen fucking minutes since you last rang me.
Listen to me. I told you, I'll sort you out tomorrow
and stop belling me up in't middle o' night Christoff.
How about I get in a cab?
Why? Why would you do that? Well, I could come and pick it up.
I don't- Fucking hell I've told yer. I don't have it here, do I?!
I've got a... I'll pay for a cab to come and pick it up
from wherever it is? Jesus Christ, dude.
Fuck... Get out of it!
What about some ket?
No I can't get any ket, it's for fucking horses.
Look, you want ket bell Tommo. Motherfucker.
Shit...
You best be a badger.
I'm armed.
Fuck you up.
Oh, come on!
Well that's it then.
Fucking smack down.
Ooh, fucking hell!
You alright?
You scared the life out of me.
Money #
Hot.
Bloody hot.
Have a sit down.
It's very late.
Should I ring someone. Do you... have anyone I could...
..ring, so they can help. What about the police?
I can see you don't want that.
Are you hungry?
Er..
bisc.... biscuits.
Got some, something back here.
Ooh!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ho!
Biscuits.
Nope!
I'm safe.
You know...
Fucking hell!
Fuck's going on here?
You alright? Vincent.
Davey.
Alright Barry?
What you doing up at this hour? You should be tucked up in bed.
Heard a bit of a noise, so I come out to check on it.
What did you hear? I don't know! Like a badger or something.
Maybe.
What's going on?
Barry needs the toilet.
Baz, it's the fucking woods, dude.
Just have a piss.
It's a shit! Oh.
Here, in there.
Cup of tea, Vincent.
Shit!
So what's er... what's going on, then?
Nothing for you to worry about.
Me and the lads have had a bit of business in the woods.
What kind of business you have in't woods then?
Private business, that's what sort.
We're looking for someone.
Well, you'll not find no one but me in these bloody woods.
You're not looking for me, are you?
Why would I be looking for you? You're right there, aren't you?
Yeah.
Don't be thick in front of me.
No, this is somebody who doesn't want to be found...
So you're just... hunting through woods
looking for the bugger are you? Strong word that 'hunting',
but not entirely inaccurate.
You been here alone all night?
Yeah.
You've not seen anybody at all?
Yeah, no I haven't.
Which is it? Yeah, no?
Yeah, yes, I am sure I haven't seen anyone.
Come on. What's going on?
What you laughing for?
I'm just nervous... n-nervous laugh.
All a bit unnerving in't it,
waking up with all these fella's outside.
Just a bit...
'A bit...'?
Unexpected.
'Unexpected'?
Right, well, better press on.
Do something for me Vincent.
Take care!
How the fuck have you got wrapped up in all this, you?
It's mad!
Swear to God, there's no rhyme or reason
to a damn thing Davey does.
Fucking nutcase.
The fucking rumours I've heard...
Best thing for you to do now...
..is just get as far away from here as possible.
90 Mile Beach. #
Got you a sandwich there.
And there's a bit of tea in there for you.
I've got some of money somewhere. Where'd I put that, eh?
It's not much. Erm...
Listen, you're looking for the one-nine-two bus. OK?
You get on that bus, and you don't get off it
until it reaches the end of its destination.
One-nine-two, yeah?
You need to go far, far away from here.
Then you'll be safe.
Go on then. Off you go, you'll be alright.
One nine two and just stay on it.
What's this then?
I'll tell you what it is, Snatchy, it's an Estonian passport.
Why have you got an Estonian passport for?
Chinese Dan's doing them. Lot cheaper than a UK passport,
makes getting round Europe a lot easier.
'Indrek Ay-vek'? Indrek Ah-vek...
Ay-vek? I don't fucking know, it's me name anyway, in't it.
Don't wear it out.
They're gonna test you on that though, surely, like?
You don't even speak Estonian. That's the beauty of it, Ashley,
nobody does speak Estonian.
So you just speak English with an accent and voila,
they wave you through. What the fuck is going on?
I don't fucking believe this. What the fuck are they? Aphids!
Aphids? Aphids what's that?
These tiny little fucking creatures.
Oh! Oh Christ.
What was that about? Maybe it's the creatures?
No power. Fire up the genny.
What the hell has happened to the mains?
Shall we call Vin? No, no, no not today.
Don't bother him, he'll be in a bad enough mood already.
Why what's going on today? Black Wednesday.
The day he goes to visit his dad.
I know it's frightening on the way down.
But when you get there, it's quite nice.
Make you a cup of tea and that. Now. Now. Now.
Hey now... What you doing?!
She's froze up now on the steps, all frightened cos you lot,
have just walked in like Velociraptors.
Both fucking sides there. Casj it up a bit.
Casj it up. Look normal.
Fuck sake. Now, sweetheart...
..it's safe.
You don't have to stay. Cos you can...
Now she's gone now, look. And that's you lot.
That's you lot, with your very... starey eyes.
You're all eyes and chin you lot, I'm telling yer.
Who is that though? I'm surmising it's...
..Vinnie's new piece. Seriously?
She just turned up in your shed?
Like fucking ET did at Elliott's gaff?
Where's she from?
What the fuck is wrong... JJ I've told you a thousand-
I don't know. I have no idea what's going on here..
She's one of them ain't she? She's er...
..an illegal alien? No way!
Not that type, Cardi.
What d'you reckon the MacDonaghs want with her?
Christ I have no idea.
Well m-m-m-maybe it was just a mix up.
Maybe they weren't hunting for her.
Who were they hunting then?
Mushrooms? You don't hunt mushrooms.
You do though. You don't hunt, you...
..scour. Listen, nobody hunts mushrooms
that seriously, do they?!
Jesus look, we can't leave her out here like this,
with nowhere to go and the fucking MacDonaghs after her.
We-We should call somebody. Who?
I dunno, Ministry of Lost and Found.
They'd probably help her out. The Ministry of lost and found?
He means Immigration. That'll make it easier for MacDonagh to find her.
Yeah and that's where they'll expect her to turn up.
The Ministry of Lost and Found?!
You alright?
Just... look...
I- it's alright, it's OK, er...
I-I-I don't know what's going on...
I don't know what you've been through
but we just wanna help y'know?
And these lot here, they're nothing to worry about.
You know, look at 'em.
Err yeah... Hi. How are you?
Er, Dylan. Dylan's my name.
Dyldo.
Vinnie.
I'm Vinnie. That's me...
Jihan?
Ah, Jihan.
She's Jihan? Ji.. Ji..? You're Jihan?
Jihan?
Oh! Jihan!
How are ya? Shhhh!
Jihan. Cool, so shall we...
Do you wanna come and say hello. Maybe from a... dist... Maybe from...
Hiya. How are you now?
My name is Ashley. Thank you.
Hi. Jihan. I'm Jehan as well. But also JJ.
Thomas. Tommo. Enchante...
Yeah, Leslie Titt, how do you do?
And... I mean, we've met before, Dylan. Done it.
You've already went, yeah.
Do you maybe wanna try come...
Why's that fucking generator on?
Co- er, fucking power's gone. There's not a break in the cable.
It's still in place up, over and across
to the flag shaggers' roof. So, either their power's gone...
Yeah, or we've been made, which is really... really bad.
Oh, top nonce approaching. Top nonce approaching.
Mr Basingstoke! Nonce. Go and find out what the nonce wants.
Hi. How's it going. Nonce.
How is everything at the club? Nonce. Nonce, he's a nonce... Nonce.
Oh fuckers?
They've been shagging, this lot.
Fucking aphids. How have they made their way in?
Right, I weren't gonna say it. I weren't gonna say this, but...
..Ashley had crabs recently.
What the...? What's that got to do with anything?
What do you mean? It's obvious in't it.
There's a high possibility they're not in fact aphids,
but they are pubicle lice which have transgressed
from your pubic mound onto the plant life.
Tell you what,
she bloody knows her way around a weed grow, doesn't she?
Yeah lads, I was thinking she might've been kept
in one of the MacDonaghs' weed grows?
It's why she knows so much about everything.
Fucking doing my head in. Everything's broken, fucked.
I need a spliff. Is there any... fucking weed.
Jihan. Can I get you something to eat there by any chance?
What's going on?
Nothing. I just..
..just patted her on the back a little bit there.
What you do that for? I don't know...
it's to be, like, friendly, like. For a sec.
Jihan. Love.
Hiya. Sorry, I just want to apologise on behalf of everyone.
For Ashley and his fucking stinking great terrifying hands.
I feel your pain. Terrifying hands. Shut up you.
Oi, Ashley come over here, love. It's alright, she'll understand.
Sorry about that.
There you go. Come and have a sit down. It's alright.
Oh my God, you're not gonna believe this. Go on.
These grow lights have run the flag shagger's electric bill up,
by eight fucking grand. Eight grand?
What? Eight grand?
What you laughing at? Funny!
It's not funny. It is fucking funny.
It's not fucking funny Dyldo, it isn't.
That was a lovely place to steal leccy from.
That's fucking gone now. Ruined! Gone.
Has he fucking made us now then has he?
No not yet, he's, he's getting the electric board round
this afternoon to investigate. We should probably disconnect it, now.
Shit! What? Why didn't you start with that then? That is bad!
Do you know what I mean?!
What are we gonna do? Fuck sake.
Changes. #
Stop fucking scratching.
Everyone talking about it... Get up then!
Listen, erm,
fucking hell, I don't know what to do here.
But I've gotta go and see me dad, and he's a pisshead. He's a...
He's an alcoholic.
And he's beyond repair.
He's just a horrid jock and he...
..puts me in a dark place.
I don't even know whether you can understand what I'm saying.
I'll put radio on.
You'll be alright, I'll be dead quick.
Quick.
Morning Vincent. You alright?
Now I got the impression you weren't too pleased to see me last night.
No.
Just come round other side.
Did you find who you were looking for t'other night?
Let's just say it's an ongoing situation.
Yeah. Erm...
I mean fucking hell. Would er...
Would it be anyone I know? Would I recognise the guy or what?
'Guy'? Why do you say 'Guy'?
Just assuming it's a fella.
You seem very interested in all of this, Vincent.
I am curious.
It's a curious... situation. I was.... Yeah, I'm curious a bit.
Yeah, you are, aren't you?
Now are you absolutely sure, that you didn't see anybody
up round your way, last night?
I didn't see anyone. I didn't see...
If I'd have s-saw...
I didn't see anyone. I didn't...
If I'd have seen someone, I'd have told you, but I didn't... What Barry?
I didn't see anyone, so just.
Come on then. Vincent...
..be good.
Fuck!
It's OK. It's alright.
Change of plan.
You're coming in with me.
Expect the worst I guess.
Dad? Da-
Dad? Bloody hell.
It's bloody freezing.
Where's remote? Oi!
Up!
Wake up will you. Hey! Come on!
Dad?
What's going on?
Shush! Shush! Shush! It's alright. It's just me.
Where's your bloody remote gone dude?
Here you are. Let's turn it off.
Right you.
Let's sit you up a little bit. You alright?
Come on then.
Right.
What you doing? Oh yeah, of course.
Alright.
Just a bit now Dad. No, no, no, no, no!
Come on now, that's a bit too much, innit.
Fucking hell.
Better.
Alright,
now then, bloody hold still you still you.
There we go.
Bloody hell, he's handsome.
How's that lad of yours?
Tyler? Yeah, Tyler. How's he doing?
He's doing really well, yeah.
Fuck me, I love that boy.
Careful with that, you.
He's doing amazing. Yeah, he's doing really well.
He got bloody bullied, actually, not long ago.
Yeah. W-W-What happened?
Just these fucking kids.
Erin sorted it out.
Then told me she'd done it afterwards.
It's different now, you know.
Not like when I were a kid. You sent me round
to that fucking Sammy's house, what's is name?
Sammy, Sammy fucking Cadwal...
Sammy Cadwallender..
Cadwallender.
He deserved it, I tell you, a fucking sock full of batteries.
Worked though, didn't it? It fucking did, yeah.
Look at this, Dad. Look at this.
Look, at all that floor.
Jesus Christ! Didn't know you had it.
You had a bloody hoover the entire time.
Go and have a sit now. Have a sit down. Go on.
Go on. Sit, sit, sit.
There's a good man. Honestly, amazing.
She's done a good job, hasn't she, Jihan, Dad?
Gonna lie down for a bit?
Yeah, have a sleep.
Strange days like this...
When he's...
..clear and asking questions, you know.
Makes me think he's alright. You know, there's a chance.
And it's all so fucking inevitable.
I don't come enough.
I don't like visiting.
It's heartbreaking to see.
He's too far gone.
I imagine a world.
Where I dry him out, and he's normal again.
There's only one way it'll end, you know.
I'm frightened of coming through the door.
I don't want to find him dead in his house.
It's not my fault.
It's the nature of the disease.
They always find a way to get their hands on it. Dude, You...
I can't believe you can't see it from my end.
He's fucking drinking himself to death!
He is! You're doing that.
He's a fucking alcoholic. Come on man, just say no to him.
It's better he's gets it from me than drinking turps isn't it?
Fucking hell dude, I just feel like, coming back here and rubbing...
..cat litter into your shitty little eyes.
Fuckwit.
Alright, love? Vinnie.
Words. You just said words.
Ni dari negeri ku.
De koo... what? what?
What is this? What's this?
Is it from home? Is it a home thing?
What am I looking at.
There... This?
Malsia? Malsia? Malaysia.
Malaysia. Oh!
You're Malaysian. You're a Malaysian lady.
Yeah.
Fantastic. Shall we get it. Let's get it!
Fucking steal this damn thing.
Yeah. Fuck this guy. Fuck you dude. We're taking this.
Yeah.
Gotta be done, Ashley. Alright.
If the electric board sees that, the whole grow gets busted.
They've shut the power off, so there's nothing running through it.
I'll just get up here and just snip it, yeah?
Yes. Yes. That's exactly what you'll do.
Oh God. It's awful high, Tommo sorry, this is basically space.
Snip it! Snip it! Snip it! No. No. I can't do it.
With your great big, terrifying, Prince Charles sausage finger hands.
He does have proper... So simple, and so safe,
why don't you get up here and do it? Clearly, we need someone
to stand here and supervise Cardi holding the ladder?
You've got to have somebody supervise Cardi, holding the lad-
Holding the ladder. Why don't I supervise Cardi holding the ladder?
You can get up here and snip the wire.
No point getting emotional about it sweetheart. Fucking hell.
Come on then, get down.
Fine! I'm coming down, Cardi.
I know.
It's safe! You can jump higher than this man.
Jesus. You're on the ground.
Here you go. You alright! Jesus fucking Christ alive.
Get up there...
Oh no, no, no.
Swear to God, Ashley, you know, for a big lad
you can be a right fucking mard-arse-
Aargh...!
Oh... Fucking hell! Tommy are you alright?
Ooh... Tom. Tom are yer.. You mustn't touch him Cardi.
Why not? He's just been electrocuted.
B-Big bang. Tom, how many eyebrows do you normally have? Huh?
He's lost an eyebrow.
I've been mutilated!
Hey, oh er, lads? What? Be careful there might still be
a small charge running through from the genny.
Malaysia! What?
Malaysia! She's from Malay- Look at the size of these leeks.
What the fuck are you talking about? She's from Malaysia
we've got some stuff.
We're gonna have a sit-down meal. Tommo, stop fucking around.
He fucking, went right- hit the deck, didn't he.
I'm proper handsome as well so... Have you done it?
Yeah we cut the wire like...
Hard Work. #
# Hard work.
I found that, I don't know if that's useful to you.
I'll put it there in case it is. Ooh hang on! Hang on.
Also pineapple.
What's going on with that eyebrow? Hm?
Oh Christ.
It's alright in't it, yeah?
I might stick with it you know.
It's quizzicle in't it?
Oh my God.
Oh my God! The, the, the ladybirds eat the aphids!
Eh? The ladybirds eat the aphids.
Holy fuck me! That's very, sexual.
# It's very, very sexual. It's very, very sexual.
# Very, very sexual. #
Y- W- Yeah very true. Very true.
What's she's saying, Tommo? Sh, sh, sh... Go on. Go on.
She says that you just-
you need to just fucking water the plants mate.
Water the plants, dude. Honestly! Just like this yeah.
I know, listen, I keep trying to tell him that. What was that one?
Just very disappointed in you as a man.
Yeah. And your hands are fucking terrifying.
Just bizarre. You're bizarre
and you're abnormally huge
and if anything you should just get put down.
Oh...
Ashley! Get Jihan dude.
Check this out.
Sorry mate. Come. Sorry.
Your very own granny flat. Ta-fucking-da.
Ta-da!
Smiling! Oh yeah.
She's bloody smiling!
Holy shit...
Something smells good. Entree...
What's with the slug mate?
I know she looks a bit... scared. But she's fucking lovely, honestly.
She does seem nice. Look at these, she's bloody brilliant with plants.
She's been cooking and cleaning all kinds of shit.
Come here and have a look at this. Have a go on that. How good is this?
What is it? It's like Aladdin's cave.
It's a little granny flat for her to come and just chill out.
She can have a bit of privacy, on her own, do you know what I mean?
How long are you thinking she's gonna be staying for?
I don't know. I mean, fucking hell she can stay as long as she wants.
You know, she can leave whenever she wants.
Just don't want her to feel like there's any bloody pressure.
Mm-hm... You know. Yeah.
I mean she's happy. Yeah.
And the lads are happy, that she's- I'm happy that she's happy...
What?
Right well go on then. Look.
I love the fact that you want to help her right,
it's typical of you
but she ain't appeared from nowhere, Vin.
Right, she's probably been in a weed grow,
against her will,
and she's had to escape. Hmm.
Yeah? And think about it, I'm just...
You're suggesting that she stays here with you,
in your weed grow,
cooking for you, looking after it?
Just sounds terrible. Just sounds really bad.
It does yeah. Now you've said it like that. Mm.
Little list.
Lads, come and have a look at what I've got.
- Oh, fucking check it out! - Fucking hell, that is huge.
How's he got a bus? School bus.
Get in you pig.
Look at all this fucking... Ding ding...
Fucking sweet dude. What is it?
Right lads. OK.
This is 94 batteries all hooked up together, yeah,
making it a fully mobile and rechargeable Gigafactory
which means, when this bad boy's charged up yeah,
gonna have enough energy in it to power them grow lights
for a week at a time. So..
..all we need to do is take this bus where the fuck we want,
charge it up, and fuck off.
Fucking amazing.
Fair play JJ. 94 batteries and the whole things safe.
Ooh!
That tss-ed me there... It's fucking come off?
Oh yeah man... Other one. Other one.
Aaahh!
Edible, innit? This is amazing. Amazing.
That stuff there.... Yeah.
Who's that now? I'll go.
Hello sunshine.
We're here to see Vincent.
Well something smells good.
Hey up, Davey? Barry?
Where is he?
He... He's not here, no. No?
He's not here then, Dylan? Yeah.
No, he's not, he's not here...
Alright Barry? Want a prawn cracker?
No.
What is this? That... is- Yeah,
yeah just summat I knocked up, in't it.
Yeah, help yourself.
You knocked this up? Mm. Mmm.
Yup.
You do this as well? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
It's er, summat I've always being in to.
You know knife work. I'm like a samurai with a parsnip.
It's very creative.
Didn't have you down as the artistic type.
You have now.
Right in me curry.
So where did you say Vincent went? Go karting. To see his dad.
Gone to take his Dad go karting. They're enthusiasts.
Yeah, they are...
Bit of father-son bonding in't it?
I'll phone him.
No I wouldn't do that man, he's, he's busy.
He probably wouldn't hear you on account of the go kart.
- Too much noise there. - Fuck.
Shhhhhh.
Sit down sweetheart. I'll find it.
He's left his jacket and his phone.
He'll feel the cold out there tonight
doing all that go karting, won't he?
He has a suit on him. Go kart suit on him.
Evel Knievel
You tell Vincent I'll catch him tomorrow. Will do...
Disappointed in you, Dylan.
Cheers lads, so much, for coming, seriously.
Vin, we're grand.
Fucking hell They've gone.
Thanks man.
Who's this?
Your boy?
Is this your boy?
Ah Long. Ah Long?
He's...
..handsome.
And nice smile.
Oh, er... here.
My Mum.
She was like you,
cooking...
and when I was little we er....
We used to dance in the kitchen together,
being silly.
Here. It's OK.
It's OK.
Come on. It's OK.
Vin. Mmm?
Alright? Yeah.
It's not safe for her, here.
No. It's not.
Morning, I know this might be a long shot,
but I was hoping maybe you could help me with something?
Yeah. Yeah? OK.
Guess what? What?
This tall. Maybe a little bit taller than me yeah.
He's got a receding hairline. That's, that's gone, yeah?
Tattoos, oh, he had something in his teeth as well like a...
Vincent.
Why you all rigid?
It's alright.
It's OK.
Loosen up it's fine.
It's OK.
It's OK, look.
You alright man, yeah? Yeah. Just err..
..got a bit of that chilli in my eye.
Nah, come on.
Are you OK?
I haven't a fucking clue what you just said.
- Watch out. Watch out. - Careful now, Cardi.
- You've had a lot to drink there. - Get the door Shug.
# ANTI!L!FE: Narcissist. #
# I've got lots of people blowing up my phone
# but it doesn't change the fact that I'm all alone.
# Baby, I'm a narcissist. #
# Or maybe I'm surrounded by shit. #
What's going on here?
Shit! Sit the fuck down!
Yeah, sitting down. Sit down. Sitting down. Fuck me.
We're sitting. Fucking hell.
What the fuck is going on, here, man?
You don't want to do things the easy way, Vincent,
we'll do them the hard way. Where is she?
Where is who? Dude I...
You're upsetting me. I don't want to upset you man.
You really don't. No.
Go get her. Fuck me...
Davey?
Do you mind? What the hell are you doing?
Solid Ground. #
# How does it feel
# when it's quiet and calm?
# And will I be denied?
# How will it feel
# when it's time to move on?
# Mother says kneel and pray.
# When it gets hard
# I will roll those sleeves.
# Life can be so unkind.
# Ooh!
# Would you help me?
# I don't understand.
# Is it over?
# Am I losing solid ground?
# Solid ground.
# Solid ground. #
You're the man who sells the weed and we're the growers.
So tell me where the MacDonagh's fit in.
You fucking bastard!
Davey has some, er, photography of me.
You get those items back
and that cut those bastards off forever.
I'll fucking KILL 'em...
Here's to calmer times.
# ANTI!L!FE: Narcissist. #
# ..my phone, but it doesn't change
# the fact that I'm all alone.
# Baby, I'm a narcissist.
# Or maybe I'm surrounded by shit. #
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