1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:03,040 The following programme contains strong language, 2 00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:05,080 violence and adult humour, 3 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:06,320 from the start. 4 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:14,240 ♪ There was an old lady # who swallowed a fly. 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,880 ♪ I don't know why she # swallowed a fly... 6 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:19,120 ♪ Perhaps she'll die. 7 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,840 ♪ There was an old lady who swallowed a spider, 8 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,200 ♪ that wriggled and jiggled #and tickled inside her... 9 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:25,760 ♪ She... 10 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,360 ♪ ..swallowed the spider # to catch the fly... 11 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,520 ♪ I don't know why # she swallowed a fly. ♪ 12 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,440 ♪ Perhaps she'll die... ♪ 13 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,800 ♪ Chewin' out a rhythm # on my bubblegum 14 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,520 ♪ The sun is out and I want some 15 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,800 ♪ It's not hard, not far to reach ♪ 16 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:46,760 Woah, woah! 17 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:47,960 Come on, let's have you. 18 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:51,480 Why's he got a boat? I have NO idea why he's got a boat. 19 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:52,720 That's the thing with Chinese Dan. 20 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:55,040 You never know what he's got lying around. Come on! Check this out. 21 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,120 A great thick idiot 22 00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:57,840 will magically appear at the door. 23 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:00,640 Hello. Y'alright Calvin? 24 00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,840 I got some gear for Chinese Dan there in van... 25 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:04,000 Your mate not with you? 26 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:05,680 Small one, flamboyant shirt? 27 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:07,040 Well do you see him, Calvin? 28 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,120 No, so he's not here? 29 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:10,360 He's not here. No, he's not... 30 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,160 He's not here. Tell him to go and get Chinese Dan. 31 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,280 Get Chinese Dan. Go and get Chinese Dan! 32 00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,680 Wait there. Oh we'll wait there. 33 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,720 This isn't even bloody... locked, dude. 34 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,120 Bloody hell fire. 35 00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,120 Dear, dear... Never mind dear, dear! 36 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,600 Them's some good treads them, Dan. 37 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,920 Jesus Christ... 38 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,080 He's not Chinese. 39 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,440 No. It's- It's a nickname. 40 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,880 Are these knock off? 41 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,240 Yeah, ish... 42 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,720 What's with the boat, man? 43 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,600 What? You want it? Can't shift the bloody thing! 44 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:35,640 I'm sick of the sight on it. 45 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,120 I've no use for a boat have I Dan? 46 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,360 What did you bring it up for then?! 47 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,560 'Cause I was bloody curious! 48 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,560 Curious?! Does it look like I've got time for curious?! 49 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,480 I don't buy stolen goods, Vinnie. 50 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,040 Never. I'm an honest businessman. 51 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,880 That's just complete bollocks. But... 52 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,200 ..as a favour to you... 53 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:52,400 I'll take them off your hands for half price. 54 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,440 Half normal price... You penis! 55 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,760 Listen to him. Tell him he's a penis. 56 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:56,960 He is bloody... 57 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,280 ..screwing me ain't he! 58 00:01:58,320 --> 00:01:59,760 You're a penis and you're screwing him. 59 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,480 A penis? That hurts! 60 00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,800 You're screwing him double time. 61 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:03,840 What's going on love? 62 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:06,080 It's me mum, Vinnie! 63 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,280 She's gone! 64 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,360 She's dead Vinnie... 65 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,680 Oh... Shit! Shit! Oi, oi! How come you're calling me a penis? 66 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,240 Go and get in that bloody van. Get in the van. 67 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:15,240 Do your fly up! Your shirt's sticking out of it. 68 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,680 Make sure you bring your mate next time. 69 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:18,200 I will do. Sod off, Calvin! 70 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,360 Who is he? 71 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,960 He's me mate, he sounds like Orville. 72 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,480 Who's Orville? 73 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,760 Green duck, wore a nappy, sat on an old bloke's knee. 74 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,320 And when I was your age, 75 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,800 weirdly, that were entertainment. 76 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,880 Giddy, come on love! 77 00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,080 Oh Vinnie, I've run out of tea bags. 78 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:47,280 And Mum always said to... 79 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:48,840 ..make a pot of tea... Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. 80 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:51,080 It's alright, we'll get you some. 81 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:52,120 We'll get you some tea bags. 82 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,160 Listen to me. She's gone. 83 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,960 Oi. When did she pass away? 84 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,080 Um... About five minutes ago. 85 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,120 Christ... 86 00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,360 I rang you straight away. 87 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,800 Is she, uh...? Yeah. 88 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,080 Still up there? Yeah, alright... 89 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:04,400 Oh! Your friend's very little. 90 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,680 Well, he's 7 in't he?! Oh. 91 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,040 He's a child. 92 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,080 Oh, I thought he was just small. 93 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,600 My cousin O'Sheen's that size 94 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:12,960 and he's 42. 95 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,720 It's a genetic disorder. 96 00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,480 Something to do with the soil composition 97 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:17,880 in the West of Ireland. 98 00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:20,200 Christ... Do you want to come and see the creepy house? 99 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,720 Yeah. Get in there! 100 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:22,960 Who are all these? 101 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,840 These are dead folks, all these, love. 102 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:25,880 Really? Yeah. 103 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,080 Even him? Ooh. He's new! 104 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,280 Giddy, sweetheart. 105 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,320 Who's that? Oh yeah, em... 106 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,840 He got his foot infected on holiday in Beaverlick. 107 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:33,880 Beaverlick?! 108 00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,040 Yeah, it's, um... 109 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:36,960 ..where they make the chicken. What's it called? 110 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,000 Eh... Kentucky. 111 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,480 Gor, that's not a thing dude. 112 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,840 Not even slightly. 113 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,120 Tyler? Yeah? 114 00:03:43,160 --> 00:03:45,440 What do you want to do? Do you wanna stay here... 115 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:47,760 ..or do you want to check out Gideon's dead mum? 116 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,000 Will she look asleep? 117 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,760 Oh yes, she's still warm! 118 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,600 That's a really weird thing to say. 119 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:54,080 Do you wanna stay here? 120 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,040 What do you want to do? 121 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:57,080 I'll go in. Ah! 122 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,440 Sickness and diarrhoea! 123 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,960 You're so brave dude. 124 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,880 Let's have a look at her th- 125 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:03,200 Ooh, Christ! 126 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,640 Sat up. Oh, I did that. 127 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,400 Why has she got a brew in her hand? 128 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,120 One last cuppa together. 129 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:11,000 But you've no tea bags have yer? 130 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,120 Well, no... There's no tea in it, Vinnie. 131 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,880 There's no point, she's dead! 132 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,080 Just get her ankles will yer? 133 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:18,880 Let's lie her down. 134 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:19,920 Alright. 135 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,720 Mum, it's just Vinnie and Tyler. Some mime tea there. 136 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:26,640 It's alright, sweetheart. 137 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,880 inappropriately going under the covers to... 138 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:30,040 .. just... 139 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:31,600 Oh, fuck! 140 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,600 Fuck me, man. 141 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,080 Why... is the cat...? 142 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,840 One last stroke of Mr Mittens. 143 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,160 Did he die too? 144 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,000 Ages ago. 145 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,960 We're gonna need an undertaker, y'know? 146 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,920 Do you know an undertaker? 147 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,040 I'm seven. 148 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,960 It's not ping ping fuckin' ping! 149 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,240 It's not a children's toy! 150 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,640 I swear to God, people see a bell 151 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:00,720 and they're fuckin' three again! They regress. 152 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,480 Would you like a fuckin' rusk in your mouth? 153 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,320 Are you wearing a fuckin' trainer nappy? No! 154 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:05,560 You don't have rusks at three. 155 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,880 Well, I wouldn't know, 'cause I don't have any children, do I? 156 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,880 And nor do I want any, the baldy little dribbling fucks. 157 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:11,040 What do you want? 158 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,640 Vinnie sent us. What now? 159 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,920 Well, somebody's sort of dead... Yeah... 160 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,080 Ah, for fuck's- 161 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,680 I'm having me lunch! 162 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,960 You can tell him, I'm not doing ANYTHING... 163 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,360 ..until I've finished my rarebit. 164 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,400 That's cheese on toast. 165 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,600 It's fucking rarebit! 166 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,480 Cheese on toast. 167 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:29,520 Sluts! 168 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:33,680 Uh, girls... 169 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,120 Avoiding us, Tommo? 170 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,880 Aww, no, girls... 171 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,800 Hey, why would I be avoiding you, eh? 172 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:40,080 Because you owe us two months pay. 173 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:41,440 We want our money. Ah, huh... 174 00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,800 Girls, look, you've got it all wrong, haven't yer? 175 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,720 The reason I was popping in there, 176 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,320 is to get you your money. 177 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,200 Yeah... So, if you'll just let me go, 178 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,240 for one second... 179 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,400 See? Not bad, in't it, eh? 180 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,240 Help me! Get him! 181 00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,280 Rape! 182 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:02,040 Get in! 183 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,480 Ah! What the fuck?! 184 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,160 Why the fuck's Tommo running? Get over! 185 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,480 Tommo, get in the back! Get over! 186 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,640 - Hurry up! - Go on! 187 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,200 Where's our money?! What's wrong with you? 188 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,240 Tommo, what have you done to those girls? 189 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:17,800 I will kill you if it's got anything to do with the club, Tommo! 190 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,760 Why don't you just pay 'em? 191 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:28,720 Yeah, great question, Co-assistant Manager. 192 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,480 "Why I don't just pay 'em?" Maybe it's because... 193 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:32,200 ..I haven't got any fucking money! Move. 194 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,520 And aside from a few thousand ecstasy tablets, 195 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,560 which I can't shift because 196 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,600 Carl Slater's breathing down me fuckin' neck, 197 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,160 I've got zero collateral. 198 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,280 I'll take a pill off you. 199 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,000 One pill? Well, alright, two. 200 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:44,480 So I'll get one for Cardi. 201 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:45,640 Right. Hallelujah! 202 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,320 All me cash flow problems are sorted. 203 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,680 Do you want the sale or not? 204 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,040 Hello? She has to be buried. 205 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,320 She-she hated fire. 206 00:06:57,360 --> 00:06:59,040 Even on holiday, she'd lie under a towel... 207 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,560 Calm down a bit. We got some funny looks 208 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,200 when we were in Turin. She loved hymns! 209 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,680 All Things Bright and Beautiful. 210 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,920 And what's the one about the shell suit? How did that go? 211 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:10,600 ♪ Ooooohhhhh, ooooohhhhh, oooohhh... 212 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,160 ♪ Yer nana in a shell suit. ♪ 213 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,440 "Ding Dong Merrily on High!" 214 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:14,960 Hosanna in excelsis. 215 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:16,160 Not your nana in a shell suit. 216 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,640 I don't think it matters though, does it? 217 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,960 Matters to Gloria Hosanna. 218 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,400 She's hailed for her glory to God, 219 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,120 not... 80s attire! 220 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,320 Isn't that a Christmas song? 221 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,480 It is. Well, yeah, it is a Christmas song. Do you want it? 222 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,720 Yes, please. I'd like that, "All Things Bright and Beautiful", 223 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,080 and "Living in a Box" - by Living in a Box. - Giddy? 224 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,040 Calm yourself a little bit now. 225 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,400 Sorry. I am upset Vinnie. It's alright. 226 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,040 Go and make a cup of tea - or something. - Ooh, yes. 227 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,080 Just calm down a little bit. 228 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:38,800 Is that the tea bags there? - Yeah. - Aww, thank you. 229 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:40,640 Go and sort that out. Do you want to go and help Giddy? 230 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,280 OK. What a good lad. 231 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:43,720 Look, I promised his mam, 232 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,360 I'd take care of him once she'd passed. 233 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:46,480 He's like a little lad! 234 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,600 He's never done anything for himself-Let me tell you, 235 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,760 if you're looking for a free funeral, you can go fuck yourself. 236 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,160 No way, nada, nein, nicht. 237 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,360 Stop fucking me in German for a minute! What about mate's rates? 238 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,240 What mate? Me, you dickhead! 239 00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,680 Oh, let me think about that for a second. 240 00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:58,760 Eh... No! 241 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,640 His fuckin' mum's died! 242 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:01,880 He's got nothing and no one. 243 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,040 She's the only person that ever cared for him. 244 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,800 Have you SEEN the price of coffins?! 245 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,160 Oh fuck, you are horrible. Tight that! 246 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,840 - Shocking. - That's really mean. Oh that's right! 247 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,040 That's right, guilt trip me. It's all my fault! 248 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,920 I've got cystitis and a bunion on my right foot 249 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,600 but you don't see anyone crying for me! 250 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:15,920 They are painful. 251 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,000 Which? Both. 252 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,440 I know none of you know him. 253 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,720 Alright? I get it. 254 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,120 But I fucking do. 255 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,520 I care about him. I feel responsible for him. 256 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,840 Help me or don't help me, 257 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,200 I'm burying his mam with dignity. 258 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,920 Oh, for God's sake! Fine. FINE! Fuck me... 259 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:31,440 Let me tell you what I can do. 260 00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:33,480 There was a couple in last week, 261 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:34,520 the Kennerleys... 262 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:36,000 Brian and Maureen... 263 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,480 Christ! Once! 264 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,040 Ping ping fuckin' ping... 265 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,280 Let me tell you, this pair... 266 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,360 ..won "Cunt Couple of the Year" competition... ..five years running. 267 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,960 Is that a thing? 268 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,240 We need... gold. 269 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,800 Gold trim, gold handles... 270 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,200 ..and mahogany. 271 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,120 The finest mahogany... 272 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,680 ..known to humanity. 273 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,240 Oi! 274 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,680 Are you listening? 275 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:00,440 Yes, I'm listening. 276 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:02,400 It's the eye. 277 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,160 Looks like you're not listening. 278 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,560 It gives me the creeps. 279 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,680 He was looking at me, Brian was, 280 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:07,760 going on about the eye, 281 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,320 pointing it out, all morning! 282 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,640 It's not funny! It's not... 283 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,840 He was calling me Gar-eye by the end! Asking me to do things. 284 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,720 Do this, Gar-eye. Do that, Gar-eye! 285 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,720 Raging I was with him! RAGING! 286 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,960 Anyway it went on like that 287 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,720 til we buried his mother bitch in the ground. 288 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,840 And I am not a spiteful man- Oh, fuck off! 289 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,320 You're horrible. You're a horrible man. 290 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:25,800 Alright, I'm a little bit spiteful, 291 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,480 but they were RUDE, Vin! 292 00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:28,600 Hurtful! 293 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,280 And that coffin is too good 294 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,440 for any cunt that pushed that cunt out of her cunt! 295 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:34,760 Tea's up everybody. 296 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:35,840 Oh, brilliant! 297 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,040 Fuck me! 298 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:56,920 Oww! 299 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,240 All sorted. No one's getting in now. 300 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,200 I tell you what, I'm just feeling a bit anxious about all of this. 301 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:10,600 I've just been in the nick 302 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,360 for "preventing a lawful burial" 303 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,480 and now I'm pissing about in here with Beth- 304 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:15,840 God, she looks boring doesn't she? 305 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:17,840 It's Gideon that's in need of the coffin. 306 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:18,880 I'm just asking... 307 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,880 Is there not another way, is all I am saying? 308 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,040 What are you talking about? 309 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,640 You want a coffin, I want revenge. 310 00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,400 It's win-win. Oh... 311 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,360 Alright then. But I just want to say a few words. 312 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,840 Bit of dignity before she goes in the oven. 313 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,000 She's dead. She's had her words. 314 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,600 For fuck's sake, Gary, you maniac! 315 00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,080 You're desensitized, you! 316 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,160 Do you know that... these are all people? 317 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,480 They were children. All of them, at some stage. 318 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,480 She was cradled in her mother's arms- 319 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:41,880 And now she's dead, in the ground. 320 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:43,200 Dig the fuckin' earth! 321 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:47,000 It's funny being dead, in't it? 322 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,680 All that shit everyone worries about, you know- 323 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,280 Oh no, I've missed me deadline! 324 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,560 Oh no, I've hurt their feelings! 325 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,520 Oh no, I've been to visit my elderly neighbour, 326 00:10:55,560 --> 00:10:57,720 and ended up road hoggin' her in front of Countdown... 327 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,320 When you're down there, 328 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:02,480 none of it fuckin' matters. 329 00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,800 Woah, woah, woah! 330 00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,280 You'll damage the coffin! 331 00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:06,880 Let's get in and do the rest by hand. 332 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,800 Go on, Ashley! Get in there, love. 333 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,160 Go on, Dildo... 334 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,760 There we go, lad. 335 00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,480 Yeah, mind! Mind! 336 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:21,000 Have I told you I've taken up magic? 337 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,880 No, but now is the perfect time. 338 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:24,600 Yeah, I've been learning it on YouTube. 339 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,520 Magic her alive and maybe she could dig herself out... 340 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:27,960 Oh, oh, d'you know, 341 00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,520 I'm-I'm getting pretty good. Carol reckons I could earn a living at it. 342 00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,200 Do you want to shut the fuck up about magic? 343 00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,600 I think we are there now. Hey, just... 344 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,240 ..pull top layer off. Come on. 345 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,160 Looks good, that! Yeah. 346 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,720 That's a beauty that. Look at that! Right, right. Shift, shift, shift! 347 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,840 I'm gonna lift off the lid. Wait, what do you mean open the lid? 348 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,560 Why are you talking about lifting the lid for? 349 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,880 To get her out. 350 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,000 Was I unclear about that? 351 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,640 Yeah, you fuckin' were! 352 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,400 How do you think we're gonna get a giant coffin 353 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:51,520 out of a tiny hole? 354 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,200 You have to up end and push! 355 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,960 You wouldn't move a chest of drawers 356 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,600 with the contents inside, now would ya? 357 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:57,840 Fair point. No flipping way, mate. 358 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:58,880 You can count me out. 359 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,600 It's disgusting! It's bloody immoral and it's degrading! 360 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,400 Oh by the way, to get my own back... 361 00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:04,680 I buried her in... 362 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,400 ..tights and suspenders. 363 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,880 Oh! Ooh! 364 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:11,520 For fuck sake Gary... 365 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,720 Is it just me... 366 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,440 ..or is that still quite erotic? Fuck off, Tommo! 367 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,960 Hang about, just because I'm in touch with my experimental side.. 368 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,240 Can we just get on with this? 369 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:19,840 Dude, I think I'm gonna fuckin' puke. 370 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,760 Right, one of you two needs to climb up there 371 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:22,920 and help us at the top- I'll go. 372 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,320 That's a bad choice. 373 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,920 Right, 1, 2, 3... 374 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,160 Careful lads. Care-Careful! Up. Up. Up. 375 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,360 I'm not sure I've got him... 376 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,880 Oh! Oh! 377 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,640 You have crushed her entire body! 378 00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,240 Dude, I think one of her boobs just popped... 379 00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:39,400 Oh Cardi... 380 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,640 That is a fucking nightmare, man! 381 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,120 She's fucking stiff! 382 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,280 She's not the only one. 383 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,960 You get out. 384 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000 NOW! 385 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,480 Do you not take her shoes off? 386 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,080 No, she had the most disgusting trotters I have ever seen. 387 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,360 Right. There you go. 388 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,440 Go ahead, say your words. 389 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,880 Like that? No. 390 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,520 It is like that, dickhead. No, it's not. 391 00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,560 It is like that! 392 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,560 Go on, say your words. 393 00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,840 Beth, listen love... 394 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:08,320 I'm sure... 395 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,280 ..that when you were on this earth, you were a good... 396 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,760 mother and good wife- 397 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,720 What are you doing, you dickhead? Why've you done that?! 398 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,280 Come on, why don't we have a brew? 399 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,760 I haven't finished what I was saying! Gary, you've ruined- 400 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,720 I'm sorry for nicking yer coffin, love. 401 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:22,840 For fuck's sake... 402 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,640 ♪ Shakedown 403 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,240 ♪ Dreams walking in broad daylight ♪ 404 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,000 Don't you want some of this? No, ta. 405 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,200 ♪ Burning down the house # Giddy! 406 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:35,680 P-pick a card. Any card. 407 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:36,960 OK. Got one? 408 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,440 Right, don't show me. 409 00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,840 Yeah, OK. Put it back. 410 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,320 Anywhere- ÷Anywhere you like... 411 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,680 OK. Back in? 412 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,640 It's back in there. Right, OK. 413 00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:46,280 Alright, just- Now, just- 414 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,800 On three, just snap your fingers near the deck. 415 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:49,960 Alright? 416 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,840 One, two... 417 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,120 - Three! - Woah! 418 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,200 Is that your card? 419 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,680 Six of diamonds? 420 00:13:55,720 --> 00:13:57,680 Yes... 421 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,040 Magician! That's it. 422 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,200 That's a class act. 423 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,520 And for my next trick... 424 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:03,320 Get away... Aww... 425 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,640 Magic! 426 00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,000 Vinnie, I... 427 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,200 I think I look plump in this suit. 428 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,240 Yeah, you do. I mean, yeah. 429 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,000 You look plump in fuckin' everythin' don't you? 430 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,000 You're plump! 431 00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,640 I think it's cool, man. 432 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:16,320 Very sharp. 433 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:17,760 Come here, sweetheart. Put that on. 434 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,840 It's bloody freezin'. 435 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,040 Thanks. There's a good lad. 436 00:14:21,080 --> 00:14:23,040 You- You're a good friend, Vinnie. 437 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,280 Thank you. 438 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,880 What are you thanking me for? Of course I'm your friend! 439 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,440 I told your mum I'd look after you. 440 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:30,960 That's exactly what I'm gonna do. 441 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,880 Well, you're a credit to your mum. 442 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,480 She-she brought you up well. 443 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:35,640 Maybe. 444 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,200 Boys need their mums, don't they? 445 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:40,080 Tha-That's what my mum used to say. 446 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,400 Yeah... 447 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:43,320 I reckon you're definitely right with that one, Giddy. 448 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,600 Christ... 449 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:45,640 Ow! Oww! 450 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:46,960 Ooh you fuckers! 451 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,000 Hey! Owww! 452 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:49,160 Dude, I'm sorry! 453 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,320 I said I am fucking sorry... 454 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:52,640 Ash stop it. Stop. Stop. 455 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:53,840 Stop! The pair of yer. 456 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:55,120 What the fuck's going on? 457 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,720 He handcuffed us together. 458 00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:59,680 What've you done that for? 459 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,320 Magic! Fucking magic? 460 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:02,960 He's swallowed the key. Have yer? 461 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,120 I was supposed to hold it under my tongue. 462 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,000 Have you got a spare one? 463 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,680 Not on me. Why do you keep saying "not on me"? 464 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,200 You don't HAVE a spare one! Oww! 465 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,920 You either have one or you don't! Stop it! 466 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,560 Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. 467 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:14,800 Christ... 468 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,320 Listen, you are going to have to fucking go. 469 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:17,640 It's a funeral! 470 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,960 You look like you're on day release, lads. 471 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,280 Behave yourselves! 472 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,360 Hey. 473 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,360 We will. It was my favourite trick as well. 474 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,880 You've upset him there. You have bloody upset him. 475 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,000 Dylan! What? 476 00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:29,600 Why are you letting them do magic? 477 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,600 Do you know what I mean? 478 00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,720 It's always my fault in't it? 479 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:47,800 ♪ Oh she may be weary 480 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,880 ♪ And them young girls # they sure get weary 481 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,720 ♪ Wearing that same old 482 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,200 ♪ Ragged dress, yeah ♪ 483 00:16:03,480 --> 00:16:08,480 ♪ But when they get weary 484 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:13,400 ♪ Try a little tenderness ♪ 485 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:23,520 ♪ You might not believe it, but... 486 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:28,040 ♪ You know, she's waiting 487 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,640 ♪ Just anticipating... ♪ 488 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:35,160 ♪ All things bright and beautiful, 489 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,560 ♪ All creatures great and small, 490 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,240 ♪ All things wise and wonderful, 491 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,080 ♪ The Lord God made them all. ♪ 492 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,320 Go on, Giddy! Give us a song! 493 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:51,360 ♪ The Lord is always listening, 494 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,520 ♪ To give us what we need, 495 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:59,600 ♪ Like when I've run out of tea bags 496 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,440 ♪ And Vinnie needs some weed... ♪ 497 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:03,960 Yeah! 498 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,800 OK, this is the, uh, the main bar area. 499 00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:08,080 And at the back there 500 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:09,320 is the staff quarters. 501 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:19,360 Uh, these- these are the numbers 502 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:21,200 from the books this year so far. 503 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,560 As you can see, obviously, 'cause of the current climate... 504 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,280 We commit Gideon's mum to the ground. 505 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:29,920 Earth to earth. 506 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,000 Ashes to ashes. 507 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:33,400 Dust to dust. 508 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,640 Bye, Mum... 509 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:42,440 Jesus, Cardi... 510 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:47,160 D'you think I made it worse? 511 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,560 Hit it in the middle of the plastic bit... 512 00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:53,720 Never pay to have it sucked again. 513 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,840 The AutoBlow 2, Titan edition... 514 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:57,360 Me- Me mum's just died. 515 00:17:57,400 --> 00:17:59,120 Well, you'll need it all the more then, won't yer?! 516 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,720 Motty will you fuck off with your blowjob machine?! 517 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,400 Fucking Autoblow 2. 518 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,760 Have you improved it on the last one? 519 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,200 Well, the first one snagged, didn't it?! 520 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,080 You are never gonna sell that, love. 521 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,520 Thanks for all this, Vinnie. 522 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,000 Eh, can I buy you a drink? 523 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,080 Nah, you don't have to do that. 524 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,600 Oh please... I-I insist. 525 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,360 Sod it. Go on then. 526 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,560 Pint of lager. 527 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:18,840 Eh, pint of lager please Dylan 528 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,560 and whatever your having mate... 529 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,480 Where is me wallet now? 530 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,160 Oh, there's so many pockets in here. 531 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,040 Can I give you a hand there? 532 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,080 Vinnie! 533 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,600 It'll be down here... 534 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,680 Vinnie that's rude! 535 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,320 Oh Vinnie... That- 536 00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,760 That's mum's handwriting. 537 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:35,800 Is it? Yeah. 538 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,840 Yeah? 539 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,280 Well that might be a bloody note! 540 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,200 What does it say? What does she mean? What does-? 541 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:41,920 Chill out, let's have a look. 542 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,080 Oh, looksee... 543 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,600 "For when I'm gone." 544 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,200 Vinnie, do you think she wrote it from beyond the grave?! 545 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,080 Do I?! Bloody hell, you lunatic. 546 00:18:50,120 --> 00:18:51,560 She has wrote you a little letter, 547 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:53,200 and snuck it in there so you'd find it 548 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,480 once she's passed away. Ah... 549 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,520 That makes more sense. 550 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:56,760 It does, dun't it? Yeah. 551 00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:58,240 There you go then, come on. Oh, no. 552 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,280 Can you open it? Oh, Giddy love it's- 553 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,600 I don't know about that. 554 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,040 Oh please, Vinnie. I'm dead nervous. 555 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,320 Please... 556 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,400 Are you sure? Yes. 557 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,800 Yeah? - Yes. - Alright then... 558 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,480 Let's just get it over and done with. 559 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,120 Oh! What lovely handwriting! 560 00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,880 Look at that! 561 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,120 Funeral instructions... 562 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:16,120 Oh no, what have we forgotten?! It- 563 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,640 It's alright. Sweetheart, it's alright. 564 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,040 I bet there's not a thing on this list we haven't already covered. 565 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,320 We've had a lovely day, haven't we?! 566 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:22,960 Magic, yeah... 567 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,800 Yep. Yeh. Uh-huh. 568 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:26,760 Yeh. Yeh... Mhm. 569 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:27,800 Yep... 570 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,720 Buried... at sea? 571 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:31,920 Fuck! 572 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:42,000 Cheers mate. Cardi here swallowed the key and we don't have a spare. 573 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,080 Let me get this straight. 574 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,640 You don't want to buy it? 575 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,360 No, I don't want to buy it. I want to borrow it! 576 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,120 Borrow? Yeah. 577 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:49,160 You mean rent? 578 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,880 No, I don't mean fucking rent! 579 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:53,640 I want to borrow it, for a sea burial. 580 00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:54,960 Our mate's mam's died! 581 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,440 No one's making any money on this. 582 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,840 We're just... doing it out of the goodness of our hearts. 583 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,560 Goodness of your hearts? 584 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,360 Let me tell you, I once signed up to a charity once. 585 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:04,400 What happened? 586 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,080 Same day, crashed me car 587 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:08,160 and got Laryngitis! 588 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,600 And that were it. 589 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,320 I got out of the nice game. 590 00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:13,400 How come you've got so many keys in here? 591 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,320 I unlock LOTS of things. 592 00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:17,800 Like what? 593 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,760 Doors... 594 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,400 Hearts... 595 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:22,920 Look, you said yourself, 596 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,920 you're sick of the fuckin' sight of it! 597 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,840 We only need it for a couple of days, man. 598 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,280 Come on. 599 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:30,240 Couple of days? Yeah. 600 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,280 Let me see... 601 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:34,200 Yes... 602 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:35,240 ..or no? 603 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:36,640 Dick. 604 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,440 Yes... 605 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:39,760 ..or no? 606 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,000 Yes. Yeah? 607 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,640 On one condition. Go on. 608 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:44,760 You don't bring it back. 609 00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,520 You what?! You heard! 610 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,560 You take it, 611 00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,400 you sail it away... 612 00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,040 ..you drop off your dead person... 613 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,920 ..and I never see it again. 614 00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:55,440 Fuck me, you are hard work. 615 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:56,880 Insured is it? Eh? 616 00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:59,720 Yes, as a matter of fact, it is, yeah. 617 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,320 But I resent the accusation. 618 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,240 I fuck- I hate you Dan. 619 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,960 I know. You're horrible. 620 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,480 Link the fucking thing up. 621 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,360 Calvin, no worries but... 622 00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:13,000 Oh, here, maybe take a laxative. 623 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,280 Poop the key out. 624 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,880 You might as well get your mates to handcuff us together. 625 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,080 Come on. 626 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,600 Fucking hell mate! Harassment, that is. 627 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:21,040 Hashtag Me Too, pal. 628 00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,720 Tommo, stop flirting! 629 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:25,080 Get in the fucking van dude, we've gotta get laxatives! 630 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:26,440 Christ, he's a dickhead. 631 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:29,960 All this Gideon stuff, 632 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,080 it's got me thinkin' about me mum a lot. 633 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,520 Y'know? 634 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,000 Why the fuckin' hell... 635 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,840 ..do you just leave your child? 636 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:38,960 I mean let's just- 637 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,760 If we gave her the benefit of the doubt for a sec, 638 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,440 and just say... 639 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,000 ..that me dad was fucking useless, 640 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,400 which he would have been 641 00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,360 and she needed some space, that's fair enough. 642 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:48,720 But you'd come back, wouldn't you? 643 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:49,800 I'd never... 644 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,320 ..EVER leave my little boy. Ever. 645 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:55,280 No, no phone call, no f- Here you are. 646 00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,320 This is all I've got. 647 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:57,960 All I've got to remind me of her. 648 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:03,600 Nice. 649 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:04,840 She were bonny... 650 00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,360 I get these flashbacks... 651 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:12,520 ..to the moment she left me, when I was little. 652 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:14,200 Y'know? 653 00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,120 And fuck, I wonder... 654 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,960 I-I wonder in a funny kinda way, whether... 655 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,760 ..maybe that's the reason I don't trust anyone. 656 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,200 Especially girls. 657 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,320 Fuck I am just terrified of falling in love, 658 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,200 in case they bloody leave me, y'know? 659 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:31,600 Leave me on my own... 660 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:35,880 Amazing knees. 661 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,280 Dickhead. Oh, they're smashers. 662 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,120 Dude, I'm pouring me heart out here 663 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,160 and you're just perving on me missing mum's knees. 664 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,840 You fu- I'm just saying, she was a looker! 665 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:43,880 You should be pleased! 666 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,920 Pleased? Yeah! 667 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,600 I mean, I would. I mean not now, but... 668 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:47,640 ..back then I would. 669 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,000 Honestly, you've crossed a line here. 670 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:50,120 No, that's a good thing! 671 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,960 There's your weed. Vinnie! 672 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,080 I'm storming out. What? 673 00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:54,760 You'd rather I'd said she was a munter?! 674 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:57,960 Don't you crease it! Right, now... 675 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,440 Come up with another plan... again. This plan... 676 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,320 ..is simple... Oh? 677 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,640 ..yet genius. 678 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,360 Now we live on an island. 679 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,400 Yeah? Yep. 680 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:08,560 What is an island is surrounded by? Dylan! 681 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:10,160 We're not fucking five, Vin. 682 00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:11,560 Oh w-water? Oh. 683 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,880 Correct! You're fucking spot on, clever lad! 684 00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,920 Right now, off this island, 685 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,240 there's another island. 686 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,520 Voila! 687 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:20,520 Douglas. Capital of the Isle of Man. 688 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,640 That's right, Dyldo! And THAT... 689 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:24,600 That's where we'll be sailing to. 690 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:26,240 Are you fucking joking? Hang about... 691 00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:27,560 Why the Isle of Man? 692 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,560 Well, I'm glad you asked. It's a fuckin' good question. 693 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,280 The Isle of Man, has a MASSIVE boating community. 694 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:33,960 Right? This is what I think. 695 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,640 We do our sea burial with Gideon, 696 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,240 we sell that boat, 697 00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:38,680 and we just tell Dan 698 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,600 that we sunk it all the way 699 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,600 to the bottom of the bloody ocean. Someone's gonna drown. 700 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,760 100 percent. How do we get back? 701 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:45,880 You're gonna love it. It's a win-win situation. 702 00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,840 The ferry. Ah, go on! 703 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,440 Oh yeah. Unbelievable. Genius, man. Genius. 704 00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,440 Fuck, Dylan! What the fuck is wrong with that plan?! 705 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,720 Well, let me think... Uh... 706 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,960 None of us can sail a fucking boat. 707 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,000 He can. 708 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,680 For fishing, yes. Not across the fucking Irish Sea! 709 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,160 What's the difference? 710 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,200 Well, tides, currents, bloody hidden rocks! 711 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,280 We're gonna need like GPS, tidal maps- 712 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:07,840 JJ... It's a straight line, 713 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:09,720 it just lists off to the left. 714 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:10,960 I'll sail it. 715 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,320 Oh. Can you sail? 716 00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:14,080 I've dabbled mate, in me youth. 717 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,680 Forward, reverse, like a car int'it? 718 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,080 Except on water. 719 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:19,520 Can I just say, yeah, tidal navigation requires practice, 720 00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,600 and fucking experience. 721 00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:22,200 You can't sail, you cunt- 722 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,720 Skipton reservoir. 723 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:24,840 Yeah? Yeah! 724 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,520 Well that'll do won't it? I mean, it's, you know, 725 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:28,560 a couple of fingers that - 726 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,440 Can I come? On the boat trip? 727 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:31,680 Oh, well... 728 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:34,720 You might have to ask your mam. 729 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:36,240 Yeah! That was a shit idea. 730 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:37,480 As long as I can come. 731 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,920 Listen, Erin I don't know whether... 732 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,840 Sug? No, absolutely not. 733 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,320 What could possibly go wrong? 734 00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,040 Dude, we shouldn't be doing this - in broad daylight! - Oh shit. 735 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:49,320 These fishing rods... 736 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,840 Phew! 737 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,040 Cumbersome... Bloody help I can't wait- 738 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,480 Jesus wept... Dude. 739 00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,200 Can you believe we've had to dig her up? 740 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:57,480 Huh? Two bodies in one week. 741 00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:58,600 I've pulled my groin! 742 00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:00,960 Just hurry up, for Christ sake! 743 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,240 Oi, stop being grumpy! We're comin' as fast as we can! 744 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,480 Yeah, you bellend. Why don't you give us a hand, you lazy bastard? 745 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,400 In the fishing community, this is bloody frowned upon. 746 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,680 They don't even LIKE humans down there! They get eaten to the bone! 747 00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:11,800 His mum's gonna turn up in a bloody Lobster Thermidor! 748 00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:13,440 Shhhh! Lobster Thermidor?! 749 00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:14,560 Shit... Oi! 750 00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:15,680 They suck your eyes out first. 751 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:16,880 Dude, what the fuck...?! 752 00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:18,720 Right, now we've done everything she asked for 753 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:19,800 on that list, haven't we? 754 00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:21,520 This is what she wanted Gid... 755 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,440 Yeah, but I don't like the thought of her down there, being... 756 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:25,880 ..eaten by the fishes... 757 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,880 You know, honestly, her soul, Gid, 758 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:29,120 that's up in heaven now. 759 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,760 This is just a... 760 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,000 ..shell. Oh, so... 761 00:25:32,040 --> 00:25:34,000 That's just like a... a vessel. 762 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,000 She's like a vessel! Eh? 763 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:37,120 Shall we get her on board? Yes. 764 00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,000 Let's get her on board! Come on. 765 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,440 JJ, get underneath, JJ... 766 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,040 With dignity now. With dignity. 767 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,440 Careful now, boys... 768 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,400 Oh fuck! Oh, my god! 769 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:48,520 What the fuck are you playing at? 770 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,880 What if they check the boat at the Isle of Man? 771 00:25:50,920 --> 00:25:52,720 Why would they check the boat Ashley? 772 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:55,120 In case there are dickheads smuggling drugs? 773 00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,600 You should have told Vinnie about this. 774 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:57,920 Yeah well, I couldn't tell Vinnie 775 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:00,120 because he's brought a CHILD on board. 776 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,400 Yeah, and you knew he was bringing Tyler. 777 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,680 Why did you bring the drugs anyway? 778 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:04,920 Because I had it all worked out. 779 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,520 In my fucking head. 780 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,240 Listen. Listen. Listen, right. 781 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,800 I've got a contact on the Isle. 782 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,680 One Sniffy Jones, not his real name, he is a mate of Gary's. Anyway... 783 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,040 He runs hen-dos, stag-dos and God knows what the fuck else, 784 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,760 so I can shift some of these, 785 00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,120 get a little bit of cash, 786 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:20,040 pay off them strippers and maybe, just maybe, 787 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,600 keep a bit to one side for meself. 788 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:22,840 I don't like this Tommo. 789 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:23,880 I don't like it a bit. 790 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,160 Look... Ashley. 791 00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,640 We'll get to the other side, right? 792 00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,400 I'll pop off for an hour max, job done. 793 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:33,400 No one will be any the wiser. 794 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:35,920 Will they? 795 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,680 Oh... 796 00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,720 Oh yeah, yeah it's happening now. 797 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,040 The laxatives are working. Go on, I'm gonna shit myself. Hurry up. 798 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:45,080 We really didn't think this plan through... 799 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:47,240 Tyler, you be careful there you! 800 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:48,960 Oh, its so wobbly! 801 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,880 Is it gonna be like this all the way? 802 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:52,080 We haven't even left yet. 803 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,440 We're still tied up, Giddy, love. 804 00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,680 Vinnie, I've got no sea legs. I'm gonna be sick. 805 00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,240 Are you bloody hell gonna be sick. 806 00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,560 Oh, I am. I feel awful. 807 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,080 If you stand on one leg 808 00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:01,360 and touch your nose, 809 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,400 you can't be sick. 810 00:27:02,440 --> 00:27:04,480 Really? Is that true? 811 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:05,720 That's a thing. Yeah. 812 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:06,760 Try it. 813 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,520 I'll try it. 814 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:09,960 Okay... 815 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,000 Ooh... 816 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,080 Oooh! 817 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,200 Hey, it's working. There you are! 818 00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:17,360 Oh! 819 00:27:17,400 --> 00:27:19,360 This sickness has left me... 820 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,280 Gideon, man! 821 00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:25,880 Christ, why is it so yellow?! 822 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,680 I had battered sausage with curry sauce... 823 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,640 Hurry up, will you?! 824 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:34,080 Hurry up?! Do you think I'm fuckin' wanting to be down here, 825 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:35,160 fishing through shit?! 826 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:36,560 Vinnie, I feel awful! 827 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,560 I know, sweetheart. I feel like it's gonna last forever! 828 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,480 It's not gonna last forever. 829 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,600 Let's get you in this toilet here... Yes, please! 830 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:45,560 Is there someone in there? 831 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:46,760 We're busy! 832 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:48,160 The key best be here, man. Guys listen! 833 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:49,880 No, no, no, no. We have got a situation! 834 00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:51,680 Gideon's throwing up in the sink! 835 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,320 Oh, we have got a situation as well! 836 00:27:54,360 --> 00:27:55,880 Would you believe? Fuck. 837 00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:59,120 I've got a fucking situation too, dude! 838 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,200 Dig through it! 839 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:02,360 Dig through it?! Dig through it! 840 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,280 Dig through it?! What do you think I'm fucking doing? 841 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:06,280 I'm digging through it. You're not digging THROUGH it! 842 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:07,800 You're just going in and out. 843 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:09,280 What are they doing in there? I dunno. 844 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,320 What are you fucking doing in there? What are they doing?! 845 00:28:11,360 --> 00:28:13,440 I don't know dude. It looks fucking ridiculous. 846 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:14,480 I'm coming in! 847 00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:16,680 No! Do not fucking come in! Do not come in here! 848 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,040 Do not! 849 00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:19,960 Woah! Eugh! Ah! Don't come in! 850 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:22,040 Don't! Don't fuckin' come in here! 851 00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:24,720 Vinnie! 852 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:25,760 Right! 853 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,080 Are we ready to set sail? 854 00:28:28,120 --> 00:28:29,920 Yeah, yeah... 855 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:32,880 Right, JJ, dude. 856 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,080 We really need to make sure we're hugging that coastline. 857 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,400 - Right. - If we follow the coastline... Sorry darling. 858 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:38,720 ..all the way to Barrow, 859 00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:41,000 there's less chance of veering wildly off course. 860 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,240 Then we can just hop across to the Isle. 861 00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:44,880 And dude, watch out for sandbanks. 862 00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,840 Don't look at me. Literally, stare over there. 863 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:14,600 Alright? 864 00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:17,040 Alright, gorgeous girl? 865 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,880 It's nice in't it? It's lovely, yeah... 866 00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:21,840 Do you know what it reminds me of? 867 00:29:21,880 --> 00:29:23,280 What? 868 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,360 Titanic... Mmm! 869 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:26,840 It is a bit Titanic. 870 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:29,560 Do you want to do it? Yeah. 871 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,360 Yes? Yes, I want to do Titanic. 872 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,080 Alright. 873 00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:34,160 Do you trust me? Yeah. 874 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,880 Well, not really. 65 percent. 875 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:38,400 Right, OK, now put your arms out. 876 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:40,080 Alright. 877 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:41,680 Close your eyes. OK... 878 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:44,680 Right, now... 879 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:47,600 Right, open them. 880 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,240 It's quite nice in't it?! 881 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:53,840 It's like we're flying isn't it?! 882 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:01,240 Christ, you're so beautiful... 883 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:02,280 Ah! 884 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:04,840 Shit! Oh my god! 885 00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:06,160 JJ I warned you! 886 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:07,280 What going on? 887 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:08,840 I think we hit the sandbank! 888 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:11,280 Vinnie! Vinnie! 889 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:12,560 Erin! 890 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:13,600 Man... 891 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,160 I'm adjusting that... percentage by... 892 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,880 ..sixty percent, dude! 893 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,320 Chuck me the fucking ring! 894 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:22,320 Dickhead! What fuckin' use is that?! 895 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,840 See you in Antarctica, love! 896 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,480 I'm coming round, I'm coming round! Hang on! 897 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:42,240 It's bloody freezing! 898 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:46,760 Vin... 899 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:48,160 Yeah? 900 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:49,320 I've summat to tell you... 901 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:50,400 Oh yeah...? 902 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,080 It's about the Rat and Cutter. 903 00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:55,880 What about the Rat and Cutter? 904 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,080 I'm the new owner. 905 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,960 How does that work? 906 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:02,520 I got some money to set it up. 907 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,960 Like, do proper nights. 908 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:07,840 Not just about women shaking their tits about. 909 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,360 I mean like a different vibe, - you know? - Hmm. 910 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,280 Where have you got the money from? 911 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:13,080 I mean, it sounds dodgy. It's not dodgy. 912 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:14,480 I got- I loaned it. 913 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:16,480 I borrowed it from some- 914 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:18,440 Yeah, I borrowed it. - You got a loan? - Yes. 915 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,160 I got a loan. Well, where from? 916 00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:22,320 The bank. 917 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:24,200 The bank? Yes! 918 00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:25,520 I got a loan from the bank... 919 00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:27,920 ..to... get it reopened, yeah. 920 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:29,800 The bank gave you a loan? Yes. 921 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:33,080 Where- Vin! 922 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,320 Where does Tommo fit in, tell me that? 923 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:36,800 He is Co-Assistant Manager. 924 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:41,080 Oh, fuck, he's gonna lose his shit. 925 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,680 I know. 926 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,400 Vin look, it's a means to an end. 927 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:45,560 You know? 928 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:47,920 So I can get money together, so I can start making some plans. 929 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:49,600 Like, I did it at college didn't I? Mhmm. 930 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:51,440 Business, Hospitality and all that. 931 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:52,480 I know. I'm good at it. 932 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:53,520 I know... 933 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:56,240 Are you telling me porky pies? 934 00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:00,680 - No. - I hope you're not telling me any porkies... 935 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:02,400 Vin, I'm not lying. 936 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:07,000 I just love you and that boy. 937 00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:10,320 I just don't want anything happening to you, ever. 938 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:11,400 Do you understand me? 939 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,280 Hmm? 940 00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,360 Yeah. 941 00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:27,120 Fuck! 942 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,560 What the FUCK?! 943 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:37,480 For FUCK'S sake! 944 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,320 Huh... Dog bummers. 945 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:44,360 Huh! Warrant to search the premises. 946 00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:45,440 Out the fucking way! 947 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,960 Don't touch me! A coffin's gone missing... 948 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,160 You creep! 949 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:04,400 Violating a grave, Gary. 950 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:05,880 Undertaker. 951 00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:09,240 Imagine the reaction! 952 00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,240 You'll be Britain's Most Hated Man. 953 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,880 What do you think, Hoskins? 954 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,600 Uh, criminal record, career over... 955 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,080 Yeah, you might be right. 956 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:20,240 Unless... 957 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:22,720 Unless what? 958 00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,280 Well, I'm just thinking aloud sir, 959 00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:26,920 but sometimes things can, uh... 960 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,640 ..go away. 961 00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:30,000 Go away? 962 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,600 And how would it just... 963 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,160 ..go away? 964 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,880 Well, perhaps he's not the real perpetrator? 965 00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:37,720 Perhaps there were other people involved... 966 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:39,040 You want me to rat? 967 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:41,520 I want you to tell me... 968 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:43,080 ..where O'Neil fits in... 969 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:44,360 ..and where he is now. 970 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,440 Alright, so where are we now then? 971 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:56,720 Do you want to tell him? Where is it? 972 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:57,760 There! 973 00:33:57,800 --> 00:33:58,800 Oooh! 974 00:33:58,840 --> 00:33:59,840 Good lad. 975 00:33:59,880 --> 00:34:01,680 it's going quite well innit, eh? 976 00:34:01,720 --> 00:34:02,720 Not bad. 977 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,360 Oh ye of little faith. 978 00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:10,120 Vin, no! It's not what it- 979 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:11,320 It wasn't us! Vin! Let me explain- 980 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:12,640 It wasn't us! Get the fuck outside! 981 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,800 - Get off me! - No, no, Vinnie! You fucking mug. 982 00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:15,920 What the fuck?! Dude! 983 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,640 Dude, don't hit me! They're Tommo's, man. 984 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:19,640 - Why-?! - We didn't know, alright, until it was too late. 985 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,280 Why the fuck has he brought them? 986 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:22,520 To sell them to Sniffy Jones, 987 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,240 to pay the strippers! It was nothing to do with us. 988 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,200 I told him it was a bad idea, Vin. 989 00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:28,720 Oi! Dickhead! 990 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:30,200 Vinnie! VINNIE! I can explain! 991 00:34:30,240 --> 00:34:31,880 I don't want your explanations. 992 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,120 There is a little lad onboard. Why didn't you tell me about that? 993 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:35,920 I-I KNEW you'd disapprove, you see! 994 00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:37,440 What, so you just fucking did it anyway? 995 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:39,120 Vinnie! Vinnie! I am fucked, right? 996 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,560 I'm getting heat left, right and centre! 997 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,600 Have you ever dealt with financially disgruntled women?! 998 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,280 I just fucking can't believe you've done- 999 00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,320 Get off me! 1000 00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:54,040 Stop... Stop it! 1001 00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,320 That's thousands of pills, right?! 1002 00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:57,440 Thousands of 'em! 1003 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:00,600 If we get caught with them, 1004 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,040 that's YEARS in the pen. 1005 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,600 And Carl Slater will make fucking damn sure of that, won't he? 1006 00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,200 Now listen, Tom. 1007 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,240 They are gonna have to go overboard. No, no, Vinnie! 1008 00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:09,560 Vinnie. Vinnie. Listen to me. 1009 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:11,440 Listen to me right- 1010 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:12,920 Fucking little bastard! 1011 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:16,480 Come here, shithead. Come here, you little bastard! 1012 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,120 Oh, shit! 1013 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,080 Where have you fucking hidden them? 1014 00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,400 Stop fucking about! 1015 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,480 I'll put you through the fucking wall! 1016 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,720 Where are they? Vin, I can't fucking do it! 1017 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,560 Get off me, you cunt! 1018 00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:31,720 Come here... Get off me! 1019 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,560 I'm not fucking about! 1020 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:35,760 SHIT! 1021 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:37,560 Look what you've made me do, you dickhead! 1022 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:39,040 Listen to me. You don't understand. 1023 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,200 Me little lad's on this fucking boat, Tommy! 1024 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:44,240 Your lad? 1025 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:46,960 Yeah, he's fuckin' mine! Alright? 1026 00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:48,840 And his dad's not going back in jail 1027 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,600 for love nor fucking money. 1028 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,240 Never mind a load of pills! 1029 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,080 You're my dad? 1030 00:36:04,320 --> 00:36:05,480 Yeah. 1031 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:07,720 Yeah, I am, yeah. 1032 00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:09,960 I mean it wasn't meant to come out like that... 1033 00:36:11,120 --> 00:36:13,280 But yeah, I am. I'm your real daddy. 1034 00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,320 Mum? 1035 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:20,120 Um... OK... 1036 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,440 Right, the reason why we didn't tell you... 1037 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,680 ..is because Mummy... 1038 00:36:26,720 --> 00:36:29,240 ..was with Dylan, OK? 1039 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,000 And-And Dylan... 1040 00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,800 ..wanted to be your daddy as well. 1041 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:37,600 Come here a sec. Listen. 1042 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,160 Just listen to me a minute. 1043 00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:45,240 Sometimes... 1044 00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,960 ..grown-ups get things really wrong. 1045 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:49,360 Y'know? 1046 00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,560 And for the longest time I just didn't know- 1047 00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:55,360 I didn't know I was your daddy. 1048 00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:58,720 But now I do know. 1049 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:01,920 And you are the best thing 1050 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,680 that's ever happened to me 1051 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:05,680 in my entire life. 1052 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:10,080 Can I have a squeeze? 1053 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,640 I love my boy. 1054 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:29,920 Shall we go and sail the boat? 1055 00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:30,960 Yeah?! 1056 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:32,000 Come on, sausage. 1057 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:33,240 Come with me, buddy. 1058 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,160 Can you see any whales? 1059 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:39,960 No... 1060 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,360 Can you see any dolphins? 1061 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:43,680 Can I have a kiss? 1062 00:37:43,720 --> 00:37:44,840 Nom nom nom. Mwah! 1063 00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:47,520 I tell you what Tyler, 1064 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:49,640 you are doing such a good job! 1065 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,240 Woah! Straight, straight, straight! 1066 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:52,800 Woah! 1067 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,640 ♪ From the top of my head 1068 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:02,640 ♪ Down to the tips # of the toes on my feet 1069 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,640 ♪ So go ahead and love me 1070 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,200 ♪ While it's still a crime 1071 00:38:08,240 --> 00:38:11,800 ♪ Don't forget you could be laughing 1072 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:16,200 ♪ Sixty-five percent # more of the time 1073 00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:22,080 ♪ You could be laughing sixty-five # percent of the time ♪ 1074 00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:23,360 God help me. 1075 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:27,160 Do not stand at my grave and weep, 1076 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:30,080 I am not there, I do not sleep. 1077 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,000 I am a thousand winds that blow, 1078 00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,200 I am the diamond glints on the snow. 1079 00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:38,760 I am the sunlight on ripened grain, 1080 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,120 I am the gentle Autumn rain... 1081 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:41,160 It's the fucking cops. 1082 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,960 Hey! It's the fucking cops! 1083 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,080 I am the.. What?! Eh?! 1084 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:47,400 Shit! 1085 00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:48,760 The police? 1086 00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:51,080 Well, we've done nowt wrong. We've nothing to worry about, have we? 1087 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,960 Do we need a permit to bury her?! 1088 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,120 What- what- what- 1089 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,480 What if we've crossed a border?! What if they think we're pirates?! 1090 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,320 Giddy. Calm down. What if they make us walk the plank? 1091 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:00,160 I've got my best shoes on! Gideon, stop it! 1092 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,200 Calm down. 1093 00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:02,240 What's happening? 1094 00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:04,560 Nothing, nothing! We're fine, OK? We're fine, we're fine. 1095 00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,320 Tommy! 1096 00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:07,680 Tommy. Hey! 1097 00:39:07,720 --> 00:39:09,000 The fucking sea police are out there! 1098 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:10,040 We've gotta throw 'em over 1099 00:39:10,080 --> 00:39:11,560 or we're gonna get fucking banged up, man! 1100 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,200 What if they float?! Shit. 1101 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:15,560 Ah! Shit, this is bad, this is really fuckin' bad! 1102 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:16,800 Just give them to me. 1103 00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:18,440 I'll do it on the sly. Just fucking hurry up man! 1104 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:19,480 Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie... 1105 00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,000 If they're outside and they film it 1106 00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:23,480 and they catch you doing that, that's you in the shit. 1107 00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:25,360 If anyone is going down for this, it's me. 1108 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:27,560 Hang on. Hang on. What? 1109 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,280 I've got it. 1110 00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:30,680 She is still up there... Mmhmm. 1111 00:39:30,720 --> 00:39:32,080 The mother, she hasn't gone in yet. 1112 00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,840 Hmm. 1113 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,400 Get out. Fuck, I'll do Gideon. 1114 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,120 Oh here's Vinnie. 1115 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,400 Come here, sweetheart. 1116 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:44,120 Are you okay? I'm alright. I was just... 1117 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:45,640 Cover me so they can't see what I'm doing. 1118 00:39:45,680 --> 00:39:47,600 I know, yeah... Yeah. I know that. 1119 00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:49,240 So, um, listen to me. 1120 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:52,040 It's just like that poem said, innit, you know... 1121 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:55,280 Do not stand by my graveside and cry, 1122 00:39:55,320 --> 00:39:57,520 for I was not there... There we go love! 1123 00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,080 Think of it as one last high. 1124 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:01,440 She did die though, didn't she, - Vinnie? - Well, yes, physically. 1125 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:03,480 She was cold, stiff as a board! 1126 00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:04,880 Dude, it's poem talk. 1127 00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:06,320 She is in there. 1128 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:07,720 Shall we sit you down? 1129 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:10,200 Maybe say a few words? - OK. - Alright, sweetheart. 1130 00:40:10,240 --> 00:40:12,240 Do not throw anything from the boat! 1131 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:13,280 Fuck! 1132 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:15,320 Bye, Mum. 1133 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:18,520 You were the best mother a son could ever have. 1134 00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,360 You were always there for me, 1135 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,400 through good times and bad. 1136 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,760 Like when Martin McCulloch used to pick on me, 1137 00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,800 and I'd come home crying. 1138 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:29,600 You'd wipe me tears... 1139 00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:31,800 Turn off your engines! ..and make me crumpets, 1140 00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,520 ..with honey on them... 1141 00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,480 And... IN she goes! 1142 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:37,640 Oh Mum! 1143 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,360 Goodbyes should be sudden. 1144 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,600 Bye, Mum... 1145 00:40:43,160 --> 00:40:44,800 Should we get arrested? 1146 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:46,600 Hey, yeah... why not, eh? 1147 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:51,240 Do not throw anything overboard! 1148 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:55,760 ♪ Cold, cold eyes upon me they stare 1149 00:40:55,800 --> 00:40:58,880 ♪ People all around me, 1150 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,600 ♪ and they're all in fear... ♪ 1151 00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:04,520 Hey, you couldn't release them for - us, could you? - No. 1152 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,680 Who's my special little man? 1153 00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:12,920 Me. Is it you?! 1154 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:14,200 Listen to me. 1155 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,120 No matter what happens, 1156 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,920 I will never ever leave you. 1157 00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,600 Do you hear me? 1158 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:22,000 Alright? 1159 00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:27,400 Go to sleep. My boy... 1160 00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:31,040 I wish he were my dad. 1161 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,160 ♪ Having hard times 1162 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,800 ♪ In this crazy town 1163 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:40,360 ♪ Having hard times 1164 00:41:40,400 --> 00:41:43,080 ♪ There's no love to be found 1165 00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,640 ♪ Having hard times 1166 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,280 ♪ In this crazy town 1167 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,920 ♪ Having hard times 1168 00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,160 ♪ And no love to be found ♪ 1169 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:02,360 ♪ From my party house, # I feel like meeting others 1170 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:07,280 ♪ Familiar faces, creed and race # a brother 1171 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:13,080 ♪ But to my surprise # I find a man corrupt 1172 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:17,960 ♪ Although he be my brother, # He wants to hold me up 1173 00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:20,760 ♪ Having hard times 1174 00:42:20,800 --> 00:42:23,880 ♪ In this crazy town 1175 00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,120 ♪ Having hard times... ♪ 1176 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:27,920 We're on the way. What's going on? 1177 00:42:27,960 --> 00:42:29,640 Something's happened with Doolan. 1178 00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:31,200 He's been kidnapped. 1179 00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:33,240 You won't let us down Vinnie. 1180 00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,320 We are asking you to save a man's life here! 1181 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,520 We are doing this by the book, boys. 1182 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:39,800 We're gonna go to them kidnappers. 1183 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:41,080 Ah, Fuck! 1184 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:42,840 We're going to drop that money off, save Doolan, 1185 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:43,960 be bloody heroes, 1186 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,200 and off we go to Tyler's birthday party. 1187 00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:01,880 You know when he said Isle of Wight, 1188 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:03,520 do you think he meant Isle of Man? 1189 00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:07,320 ♪ I've got soul control in my mind ♪ 1190 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:08,360 Hey, it's- I'm alright. 1191 00:43:08,400 --> 00:43:12,200 ♪ Soul control in my mind 1192 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:18,880 ♪ Give me the strength to carry on 1193 00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:23,640 ♪ 'Cause everything I got # is just about gone 1194 00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:27,440 ♪ And I think about it... ♪ 1195 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:33,480 AccessibleCustomerService@sky.uk