1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,920 The following programme contains strong language, 2 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,440 violence, scenes of a sexual nature 3 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:07,920 and adult humour from the start. 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,120 My boys are tied up, so I need you to collect something for me. 5 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,960 Yeah, yeah. No worries. What is it? 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,160 His name's Tony Tillerton. That's a person. 7 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,760 Tell me what he's told you, Sara. 8 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,360 (ALL SCREAM) 9 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:26,400 What the fuck have you told Sara? 10 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:30,440 The only thing linking me to that headless fucking corpse is you... 11 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,160 and your idiot friends. They've got nothing on me, Vin. 12 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:37,240 For richer and poorer, in sickness - and -Police! - Armed police! 13 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,720 Vincent O'Neil, we are arresting you on conspiracy to murder. 14 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,320 You're making a mistake. You're the first thing in the morning 15 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,400 and you're the last thing at night. 16 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:51,920 JUDGE: 'I sentence you to six months imprisonment.' 17 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:57,160 ♪ GANG STARR: Work 18 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:03,840 ♪ What is it you wanna do when you grow up? 19 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,600 ♪ Ai, yo, I'm gonna be a ti-dop 20 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,280 ♪ That's all my eyes can see 21 00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,720 ♪ Victory is mine Yeah, surprisingly 22 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,320 ♪ I've been laying, waiting for your next mistake 23 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:14,560 ♪ I put in work and watch my status escalate 24 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,960 ♪ Now I'mma start collectin' props, connectin' plots 25 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,840 ♪ Networkin' like a conference... ♪ 26 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,960 (KNOCK AT DOOR) O'Neil. It's time. 27 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:22,560 Eh? 28 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:24,800 Come here, Ernie. Give me a love, mate. 29 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,840 It's been a pleasure, Vin. You're a good lad, eh? 30 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,960 Now is that a fucking hard-on? Is it? 31 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,640 It is a hard on! 'Ey, Ernie's finally got himself a hard-on here. 32 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,400 (LAUGHS)(INMATES CHEER AND WHISTLE) 33 00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,440 Fucking wants doing.(CHUCKLES) 34 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,240 Stay away from schools, you dirty old bastard. (CHUCKLES) 35 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:44,400 Right then, if you can just stick yourself 36 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,360 in this end one, please, Mr O'Neil. Yeah. 37 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:50,280 And when you're in there, just - remove your trousers, please. - Eh? 38 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,400 Don't worry, it's just a precaution. I'm being released from jail. 39 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:56,560 I wouldn't be sticking anything up my - arse. - Yeah, you'd be surprised. 40 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:59,280 You're bloody right, I would. See, the anus is... 41 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:03,240 It's an incredible organ. It's a bit like the female uterus, actually. 42 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,320 It's capable of expanding - to great widths. - Oh. 43 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:09,120 I've found loads of cool stuff up - them. - Go on. 44 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:11,640 Well, er... I once found a phone. Oh, yeah. 45 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:16,000 - Drugs, obviously. A gun. - Eh? - Hacksaw. - Fucking hell. 46 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,400 - Um...an MP3 player. - Crikey. 47 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,240 Christmas lights. I were like that.(LAUGHS) 48 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,200 - A miniature submarine. - Why? 49 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,880 - Harry Potter novel. - Oh, get gone. - Yeah. - They're fucking that thick. 50 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,480 Yeah. Deathly Hallows, this one. 600 pages. 51 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,480 (BOTH LAUGH) So, are we gonna have a quick peak then? 52 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,360 Oh, you... Come on. 53 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,920 I mean, what's the deal? 54 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,960 Have you always wanted to do this for a living or what? 55 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,880 I kind of fell into it really. Saw an opening. 56 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,280 (LAUGHTER) Hey, hey! 57 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:47,800 (SQUELCHING) (GRUNTS) 58 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,680 ♪ BARRETT STRONG: Money (That's What I Want) 59 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,040 Fuck! 60 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,520 Sugar, Sugar, wake up. We're late. 61 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:03,520 - We're late! - Fuck. 62 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,560 ERIN: I can't believe I slept in. 63 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,600 I promised him I'd be there. 64 00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,960 Did you get bummed? No, I didn't get fucking bummed. 65 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,640 I bet you've been bloody bummed. Nah, not really my thing. 66 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,880 (LAUGHS) - See ya. - All right, Vin? - All right, Georgio? - You OK, mate? 67 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,400 Yeah, not so bad. - See you next week, Vinnie! - Fuck off! 68 00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:26,960 ♪ That's what I want 69 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,480 ♪ That's what I want # That's what I want... ♪ 70 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,880 (HORN BLARES AND TYRES SCREECH) 71 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:39,320 (TYRES SCREECH) 72 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,800 (LAUGHS) Come here, mate. Uncle Vinnie! 73 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,560 Aw! Oh, I've missed you, man. 74 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,160 I've missed you. I'm sorry I went away. 75 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,560 You look handsome. - Hi.Hiya. - Welcome back. 76 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:51,320 - You all right?Yeah, are you? - Yeah. 77 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,640 - Did you bring me a spliff? - Yeah, - course. - Ahh! (WOMEN LAUGH) 78 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,080 All right, Sugar? My youth. 79 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,640 That hotel was terrible. 80 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,400 ♪ THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS: I Saw Her Again 81 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,480 (CALLS OUT INDISTINCTLY) 82 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,280 (ERIN LAUGHS) 83 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,480 (LAUGHS AND WHOOPS) 84 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,000 Why didn't you want the guys to pick you up? 85 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:19,920 I wanted this little bugger to be the first face that I saw. 86 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,000 (LAUGHS) 87 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:26,160 Eh? Besides, them buggers, they'd have just forgot, wouldn't they? 88 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:30,160 - Didn't they visit? - Once or twice they did. The odd phone call here and there. 89 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,680 But I got the feeling they were trying to keep me happy. 90 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,240 How is the weed grow? Is it all right, yeah? 91 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,360 - Yeah.Yeah? - Yeah, fine. 92 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,560 Thank fuck for that. Has McCann been in touch? 93 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:43,440 No, I don't think so. Has - he not been in touch with you? - Mm. 94 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,000 No. I mean, I didn't mention when I were getting out. Could be that. 95 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,520 You know, maybe he's just waiting till I get out. 96 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:53,240 It's just as well them buggers didn't know when I were getting out. 97 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:57,080 They'd have thrown a surprise party, wouldn't they? You know what I mean? 98 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:01,200 Mm. Shame. 99 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,200 (CHEERING) 100 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,040 ♪ MARLENA SHAW: California Soul 101 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,560 Hey, Vinnie! 102 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,640 - You all right? - Vinnie. 103 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,840 (ALL CHATTER EXCITEDLY) 104 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,640 - How are you? - Welcome home, mate. 105 00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,080 (CHATTERING CONTINUES) 106 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,960 Eh?! Oh, it's good to see you. 107 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:25,040 Oh, what the fuck are they doing here? Shit. 108 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:28,120 Oi, get hold of our Tyler, will you? Bloody hell. 109 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,040 Oh, sorry, don't stop on my account. Fuck do you want? 110 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,000 Just came to welcome you back, Vinnie. 111 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,920 Nice one. Well, you can fuck off now, can't you, Slater? 112 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,760 Oh, right. OK, sorry. Yeah, I will. 113 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,200 But just for factual accuracy 114 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:46,640 it's, "Fuck off, Detective Inspector Slater." 115 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,680 Uniform no more. 116 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,720 Isn't that right, Hoskins? 117 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,320 - Boom. - Mm. 118 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:56,560 Detective, huh? Well done, Carl. Maybe now you can investigate 119 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,360 them reports of a local man who bums dogs. (SNIGGERS) Yeah. 120 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,320 Smile it up, arsehole, because tonight, myself and my team 121 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,560 are paying a visit to your adult establishment 122 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:12,680 and unless every last licence, certificate and fucking regulation 123 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:16,800 is up above board and up to date, I'm closing you down. 124 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,280 And as for you, "mechanic", 125 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,880 I know you're selling stolen wheels and we're gonna fucking catch you. 126 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,360 And then there's Vincent. 127 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400 (SOFTLY) Aw. 128 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,920 Little motherless Vinnie. Aw. 129 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,040 "Preventing a lawful burial of a body." 130 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,000 Is that the best they could do? 131 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:38,240 (SCREAMS) 132 00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,880 Six months. 133 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,480 I know you've got a weed grow and I know you're involved with McCann. 134 00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:49,080 And I am making it my personal mission 135 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,880 to ensure that you and all of your scroaty mates 136 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,920 end up behind bars 137 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,160 for as long as the law will allow. 138 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:04,040 - Fuck off. - I thought it was a moment. I'm sorry. Misread it. 139 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,160 Oi! It were a poodle. 140 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,080 (CHEERING AND LAUGHTER) 141 00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,960 Let's just assess the reality of the situation, right? 142 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:18,760 Oi, oi. The paperwork for the Rat and Cutter, I assume all that's fucked. 143 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:23,480 Oh, yeah. Oh, yes, assume cos it's me in charge it's all gone to shit. 144 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:27,280 Assume all the admin is in a state - of fucking disarray. - Well, is it? 145 00:07:28,640 --> 00:07:30,520 Yeah, as a matter of fact it is. Yeah. 146 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,520 Hang on, sweetheart. You're supposed to be co-assistant manager. 147 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:36,520 You told me you were taking care of licences, remember? 148 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:40,760 - Christ, you are useless. - Dickhead. Honestly. He is a dickhead 149 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,760 It's gonna be months before we can sort that bloody paperwork out 150 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:48,440 and run that place legal now. Which means all we've got is that weed. 151 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:51,360 So the location, I can't have them finding that. 152 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,400 Let's go easy on the visits this time. 153 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,400 There's a bit of a problem with - that. - What kind of a problem? 154 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,680 Uh...with the grow. 155 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,120 Oh, hell. 156 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,720 (SHOUTING AND GRUNTING) Where's the weed? 157 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:04,440 Eh? Where's the fucking weed? 158 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:08,400 They've fucking taken everything? McCann's men. Every last plant. 159 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,440 I mean, we're...we are fucked. 160 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:15,080 No club, no weed. Fucking Slater and that creature. 161 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,080 Who's that fucking guy he's hanging out with? That little homunculus. 162 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:21,080 Fucking giving it big licks. Breathing right down our necks. 163 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,800 How the fuck are we gonna make a living here? 164 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,640 Summat'll turn up. 165 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:33,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 166 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:40,520 I know you're in there, Vinnie! I can fucking see you on your bed smoking! 167 00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,720 All right. Shit, dude. What time is it? 168 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,600 Never fucking mind that. Just open the door. 169 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,960 What the fuck do you want? Something's fell into me lap. 170 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,120 - Candy from a baby. - Yeah? 171 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,440 Well, not fucking literally. Why would I have candy in my lap? 172 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,640 I'm not a fucking nonce, Vin. And even if I was, 173 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:05,200 I wouldn't be luring infants with fucking candy in my lap. 174 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,280 I'd hang about at the swimming pools or something. 175 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,320 At fucking soft-play centres. 176 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,880 I don't know what I'd do, but it wouldn't be candy. 177 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,320 You'd be a brilliant nonce. I've no doubt of it. What do you want, man? 178 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,800 Oh, I've got a job for us. Gonna earn us all thousands. 179 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:21,840 What kind of job is it? 180 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,520 The Great Bull Semen Heist. 181 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,400 Eh? Come on. 182 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,080 - Count me out of that. - Count you out? 183 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,320 This'll be the easiest dough you've ever earned in your life. 184 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:39,280 Stealing sex piss for a fucking angry Gandalf. 185 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:43,080 I've just come out of jail. Why would I nick a load of sex piss for you? 186 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,640 I've got Slater breathing down me neck and everything. 187 00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,960 Piss off, Jim, you old cunt. 188 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,720 Fine! I'll fucking take it to the others then! 189 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:55,280 Do!'Ey, and when we're all spending spunk money, 190 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,760 don't you come fucking moaning to me. 191 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,680 (HEAVY THUD) - Ow! - That fucking hurt, twat! 192 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,480 - Fuck off. - You fuck off. You fucking old cunt. 193 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,360 (DOOR OPENS) Hey, Vinnie You all right, knobhead? 194 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,560 How's it going? What the fuck is that, dude? 195 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,480 National "Check Yourself" Week. This is Valerie, my new friend. 196 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,800 Valerie the vagina. (DEEP VOICE) Hello, Vinnie. 197 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,160 Dude, she wouldn't sound like - that. - She would. 198 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,680 That's exactly what she'd sound - like. - Would she bollocks. 199 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:30,880 It's a growler. How do you expect them to sound? 200 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:34,760 She wouldn't be growly though, man. She'd be um... What? 201 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,040 ..American, wouldn't she?(LAUGHS) 202 00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:41,320 (SULTRY AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, Vinnie. (LAUGHS) 203 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,400 No, no, I tell you. In both a personal and professional capacity, 204 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,160 I've come face to face with a thousand fandangos 205 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,720 and they're ruthless, brutal. They're like, "Hello, Doctor."Stop. 206 00:10:50,760 --> 00:10:54,000 "You look like a bad boy, don't you?"Fuck off now. Oi."Come here." 207 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,640 Stop. Stop puppeting that minge. 208 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,400 So, how was prison? (SIGHS) It was all right. 209 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:03,440 I think I looked after myself. I had three meals a day. 210 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,480 I was exercising a bit... 211 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,800 - first week. - Did you get bummed? No, I didn't get fucking bummed. 212 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:12,440 - Really? - No! It's not just a big bum-sex orgy, dude, 213 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,880 the moment you walk in to fucking jail. 214 00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,080 How was your... 215 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:20,040 - You know... The bipolar? - Yeah. 216 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,560 Fucking hell. Yeah, it was all right. 217 00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,040 Fuck, I did some thinking in there, you know. 218 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:27,840 It's at night, when they shut that door. 219 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,840 I thought about my mum... 220 00:11:31,840 --> 00:11:33,840 ..and how she abandoned me. 221 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,600 Fuck. I mean, I'd done the same thing to Tyler, hadn't I? 222 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,720 Come on.(SIGHS HEAVILY) 223 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,520 I need occupying. 224 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,480 Otherwise the voices kick in 225 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:47,440 Why not go back to your old tricks, get back in with the old gang? 226 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:49,960 I don't want to end up in - jail again. - Well, small scale. 227 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,200 Sell a bit of weed or whatever. Oh, fuck. 228 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:53,960 Oh, you star. 229 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,320 Dude. It's half decent. 230 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,280 Thanks, Vinnie. What do you think, Valerie? 231 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:02,440 (GRUFF VOICE) Abso-bloody-lutely. Tell him to check his balls. 232 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,800 (LAUGHS) Good girl. She's right on message. 233 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:09,400 (MOOING) So I'm on this date last - night. - Sheep-shagging, 234 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,320 as the rest of us call it. (LAUGHTER) 235 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:13,840 -'Ey! I'm a fucking catch me. - Right. 236 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,640 Eligible bachelor, self-made man. What website are you using? 237 00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:20,480 Desperate-and-Deranged.com. (LAUGHTER) 238 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,840 Muddy Mates. It's for farmers and the farming community. 239 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,040 Lot of very mucky women on there. (LAUGHTER) 240 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,560 Do you wanna hear this fucking - story or what?! - Go on. 241 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:33,200 'Right, her name is Lesley Anne Fisher.' 242 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,680 - Posh, yeah. - And she is a journalist for a farming magazine. 243 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,920 I'm searching for a soul mate, not some easy minge. 244 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,920 - ALL: Mmm. - And over a few wines, we - get talking. - You were drinking wine? 245 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:48,760 No. I had a pint of stout. She had the wine. 246 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,560 And the more she drank, the more she gabbed. 247 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,880 My next feature is on what they call -"film-star" bulls. - Oh. 248 00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,840 - Have you heard of them? - No. 249 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,840 But I once had a Friesian that was the spit of Jodie Foster. 250 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:03,240 (BOTH LAUGH RAUCOUSLY) 251 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,480 What? 252 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,440 Film-star bulls are bulls that carry the highest-proof semen. 253 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:14,560 Semen with the proven ability to sire cows with high milk yields. 254 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,600 Right. 255 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:19,320 But here's the real attraction. 256 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:22,880 Where a single ejaculation might normally produce, say, 257 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:25,400 50 straws - 258 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,280 50 - 259 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,920 a shot from a film-star bull can produce as many as... 260 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,040 500. 261 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,520 Fucking hell. Super spunk. 262 00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,600 Fair play.(MURMURS OF ASSENT) 263 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,520 The bull I'm seeing next week, Sonny Boy, 264 00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:42,680 he's at a secret location and he's a... 265 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,760 a real A-lister. 266 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:50,120 His frozen semen sold for 500...600 a pop. 267 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,880 - Ooh. - Yeah. 268 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:53,240 (CHUCKLES) 269 00:13:53,280 --> 00:13:56,480 Right, just hang fire then. So 600 quid a pop you're saying. 270 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,720 - Yep. - And he can do what 500 - shots at his jizzing best. - Yep. 271 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:01,480 Jesus Christ. Go on.300,000. 272 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,960 300,000, dude. That's a lot. Fucking hell. For bull splooge? 273 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,920 It's like gold dust. Hey, 274 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,760 and I've got all the details of when she's going. 275 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,280 So I suggest we follow her and her photographer, 276 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:17,080 intercept 'em en route and then go and nick the knob yoghurt. 277 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,120 We'll do it. That's a fucking good idea. 278 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,280 All right? They're expecting 279 00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:24,760 a nice lady journalist, so that's exactly what we'll give 'em. 280 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,360 VINNIE ON WALKIE-TALKIE: Jimbo, - what's going on? - Got eyes on, over. 281 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,480 I have visuals on the target's abode. 282 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:34,560 Speak fucking normal, you bellend. 283 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,600 Just let us know when she's setting off. 284 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,720 Raymond... Roger that. 285 00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,480 Raymond Roger that? 286 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,120 Ash, do you know what you're doing - with that camera? - Yeah. 287 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:48,120 It's a camera. Just point and shoot. No, you've got to look professional. 288 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,240 "That's it, sweetheart. There we go. Make love to the lens. 289 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,280 Pout. Hold that, yeah." 290 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,000 Do you want me to do it? No, dude. Look, why... 291 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,400 why does Ash get to be the ph-photographer? 292 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,600 Exactly. Should be me on that magazine. Bit of fucking diversity. 293 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:05,880 10-4. 10-4!10-4, message received. Can you tell him he's doing the wrong code? 294 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,680 The target is leaving the premises. 295 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:12,680 I repeat, the target is leaving the premises. 296 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:15,680 Shut the fuck up. We're gonna cut her off now. 297 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,800 LESLEY ANNE: (SIGHS CROSSLY) For God's sake. What's this now? 298 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,840 I hate being late. 299 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,560 Hiya. I am so sorry to wave you down. 300 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,720 My car's broken down and my charge has gone on my phone. 301 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:34,000 I was wondering if you could call - the garage for me. - Well... 302 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,080 we're in a bit of a h- - Yeah, course we can. - Yeah? 303 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,720 - I'm really good with cars. - Oh, thank - you so much. - I'll take a look. 304 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,760 Amazing. Thanks. 305 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,960 What's the...what's the problem? I think it's the back wheel. 306 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,600 When I was driving, I could hear a clicking sound. 307 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,960 I think it needs a jack up or... Yeah, sounds like it. 308 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,840 Lesley! Fucking dickhead. What are you doing? (YELLING) 309 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,480 Get out! Come here, you... 310 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,120 ♪ THE HIVES: Main Offender 311 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,440 Oh! 312 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,240 (YELLING) 313 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,800 Argh! 314 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,040 (ROARS) 315 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:15,440 (SHRIEKS) 316 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,200 Cardi! Have you knocked him out? Fucking idiot. 317 00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,160 (GRUNTS) Oh, like it rough, do you? - Yeah! - Yeah, yeah. 318 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:24,560 Well, I can be as rough - 319 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,360 Arghhh! 320 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:29,360 Get her!(SHRIEKS) 321 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,360 Nice and tight, Ash. She's a fucking nutcase.(CHUCKLES) 322 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,520 You double-crossing piece of shit! 323 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:39,040 You should've gone Dutch on the meal then, shouldn't you? 324 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,040 Dearest wine. And the pudding. I'm not fucking made of money. 325 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,080 You should've kept your hands out of your pocket, 326 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,560 instead of fiddling your shrivelled - old manroot. - I was rearranging. 327 00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:51,200 - Rearranging my arse. - I'll rearrange your fucking arse in a minute, love. 328 00:16:51,240 --> 00:16:53,960 What does that even mean? Dickhead. (TUTS) 329 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,400 Listen, we're not gonna hurt you, neither of yous. 330 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,200 We just want the address where the - bull's kept. - I'll never give it. 331 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:03,600 You can torture me, you can do what you like, but I'll never ever - 332 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:06,000 - It's in the sat nav. - Ohh!(LAUGHS) 333 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,000 He's a good lad. Come here, give me a kiss. You're a good lad. 334 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,040 Right, now then. You three, take 'em for a bloody walk. 335 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,360 We're gonna see a man about a bull. Go on, fuck off. 336 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:17,520 Cardi, just guide her. Guide her in. She's a nutcase. 337 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:19,960 See you later. 338 00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:24,040 I don't need you, you look like a - plank.Come on! - All right. 339 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,840 TOMMO: Two drops'll give you enough time to find out where the vials are stored. 340 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,280 ♪ HONEYFEET: Colonel Haithi's Trunk Juice 341 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,120 (BIRDS CHIRRUPING) 342 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:41,160 - Wait. - What is it? What's up? 343 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,600 That is a hawfinch. 344 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,640 Terrific little bird, the hawfinch. 345 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,240 They can exert enough force to crack open a cherry stone. 346 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:53,680 Fucking riveting(!) 347 00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:55,280 Come on! 348 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:01,040 ASH: Remember what Tommo said - 349 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,560 you only need two drops to knock them out. Right? 350 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:08,960 Smile, Lesley Anne. 351 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,800 You from Total Farming? Yeah, absolutely. 352 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,160 I'm Lesley Anne and this is my photographer Ash. 353 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:19,080 You're Lesley? Yes. Yes, Lesley Anne. 354 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,040 You sounded older on the phone. 355 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,880 (CHUCKLES) She gets that all the time. Old-lady voice. 356 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,480 - Don't you? - I do. 357 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:28,520 First time I spoke to her I thought she was a pensioner. 358 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,240 Anyway, you...you must be Ruth. Yeah. 359 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,120 And my three boys - Victor, Vernon and Vincent. 360 00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:39,200 V, V, V. A bit of a V thing going on there.(CHUCKLES) 361 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,960 - The three of you. - Anyway, 362 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,920 we're very excited to meet Sunny Boy, aren't we, Ash? 363 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:49,120 - So excited.Yeah. - I've always found bulls to be very photogenic. 364 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,160 You won't see a better-looking bull. 365 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,160 If I was a cow, I'd have him inside me all day long. 366 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,600 Right, shall we start with a quick chat... This is ready...and a brew? 367 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,280 BOTH: Yeah. 368 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,680 If I have a herd of a hundred cows and each one is inseminated 369 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,760 three times over a nine-week period, 370 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,040 have a guess how many'll get pregnant on strong bull sperm. 371 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,440 - I wouldn't know. - Couldn't say.98%. 372 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,280 Wow.98%! 373 00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,560 See my Sunny Boy has thousands of daughters 374 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,960 in countries all over the - world, yeah? Tokyo. - Tokyo. 375 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,640 - Brazil. - Brazil 376 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,360 - Mozambique. - Mozambique. 377 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,960 (CHUCKLES) You mean to say MOO-zambique. 378 00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,720 (LAUGHS) Right. (CLEARS THROAT) 379 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,120 Well, we'd really like to meet him. 380 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:39,120 Yeah, we really would, we really would. 381 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,960 But before we do that, I couldn't get a group snap 382 00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,120 of all the four of ye, could I? 383 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:47,720 Kind of like the human side behind the animal's success. 384 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,120 Yeah, yeah. Course. Why not? 385 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,000 Thanks. 386 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,320 Lovely. Right, if you assemble yourselves... 387 00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,120 (CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY) 388 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,560 ♪ THE CASTAWAYS: Liar Liar 389 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,920 ♪ Your nose is longer than a telephone wire 390 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:04,800 ♪ Ask me, baby, why I'm sad 391 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,880 ♪ You've been out all night, know you've been bad 392 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,200 ♪ Don't tell me different, know it's a lie... ♪ 393 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,120 Listen, man, I'm sorry I didn't come to visit you more. 394 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:17,720 Um... Just...you know, I felt so guilty about you ending up in there. 395 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,920 It's all right. Forget it. You took a bullet for us 396 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,120 and I'm grateful to you, right? 397 00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:27,040 Any one of us on that Tillerton trip could've ended up inside, so... 398 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,400 I'm not... You can't grass on your mates. 399 00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:32,000 I wasn't gonna do that, was I, you know? 400 00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:36,240 You can't do that. Just like you can't be telling your missus 401 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,240 shit she doesn't need to know, Dildo. 402 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,680 Have you told her about the fucking guy who got his head taken off? 403 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,600 She told me she didn't blab. Of course she fucking did. 404 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,360 Christ on a bike. Do you believe that? 405 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,400 Don't lose your head. 406 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:51,720 Fuck! 407 00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,640 Well, she... You fucking turnip. 408 00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:58,800 Use your brain, you handsome moron. 409 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,560 Just keep her out of your life. Yeah, well, I have. 410 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,400 Good. 411 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,960 Fuck, dude. I don't want to go back inside for anyone. It was terrifying. 412 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,560 - Oh, oh. Are we on? - Yeah. Where's he? 413 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,600 Tom! Tommy! Come the fuck on. 414 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,360 Terrible tracksuit. Come on. 415 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,160 (LOCK BEEPS) 416 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,520 (ANIMAL GRUNTS) 417 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,640 There he is...the film star. 418 00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:26,160 Wow. He's a beauty. 419 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,640 Like I told you. Ruth, walk me through the process. 420 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,240 Before he inseminates the lovely ladies, 421 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,160 how do you extract the semen? 422 00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,280 Simple. We excite him with a bit of cow spray 423 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,880 and get him to mount another bull while we... So he's gay, is he? 424 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,200 - No. - She just said another bull - He's artificially excited. 425 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,720 Yeah, but he's happy to get up on the back of another boy and... 426 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,920 ..give it a go Well, he's not fussy, is he? 427 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,840 He just wants to release himself. For top-quality sperm 428 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,200 he can only be released once every month or two. 429 00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,880 Once you've collected the semen, you freeze it. Where is that stored? 430 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:02,200 Shall we just agree that he's bi, - so? - Ashley! 431 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:05,840 - I'm just saying. - We just collect the semen in some glass vials and... 432 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:08,880 - Mum? - The vials, where are they - stored? - I feel a bit... Fuck. 433 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,400 - Ruth? Where's the freezer? - It's... The vials? 434 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:13,800 (HEAVY THUD) Oh... 435 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,800 Fuck's sake. You ruined that with all your gay questions. 436 00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,440 The bull mounts boys, Erin.(MOOING) 437 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,280 See he's agreeing with us. Oh, - careful. - It's all right, calm down. 438 00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:24,760 How much did you put in? The two of them are out in minutes. 439 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,760 Fucking two, like Tommo said. (BULL GRUNTS) 440 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:31,200 We need to find the freezer. - You check in there. - Yeah, I will. 441 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,320 - You go. - I'll try and find the others.(MOOING) Whoa, Sunny. 442 00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:38,120 We're both gay men. All we want is a few of your baby tears, all right? 443 00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:39,960 (GRUNTING) Erin! 444 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:42,520 Hello? Lads? 445 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,800 'Ey, lads? Oh, fuck. You big fucker. 446 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,520 Shit. Jesus Christ, you're fucking strong, dude. 447 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,560 - Get off! - Shit. Have you found any jizz? 448 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,680 I'm saying shit out of joy and - happiness. - Fucking shit! 449 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,840 Ooh, shit. You're a good lad. You're a good lad. 450 00:22:57,880 --> 00:22:59,720 (BARKS) 451 00:22:59,760 --> 00:23:01,920 Fuck! Shut the door. 452 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,440 - Oh, my God. Tommo! - What is it? 453 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:06,880 All right, all right. 454 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,280 Remember, it's more scared of you - than you are of it. - Is it? 455 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:12,320 Just open the fucking door. 456 00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,760 - Oh, it's got a code. - Try 1-2-3-4. 457 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,560 It's not gonna be that, is it? Try 9-9-9-9. 458 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,600 (MOOING) - No. - Four zeros. 459 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:23,440 (KEYPAD BEEPS) No. We're not getting in here, are we? 460 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,560 Which is why I specially said 461 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,440 you need to see the frozen jizz before they pass out. 462 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,760 Obviously two drops was too - much, wasn't it? - Have we fucked it? 463 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,800 - Yeah, we've fucked it. - Fuck! 464 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,120 Unless... DYLAN: Unless what? 465 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,880 Well, unless we take the big lad here with us. 466 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,040 (MOOING) 467 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,520 'Ey up, it's the police. What the fuck do they want? 468 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:55,360 Oh, shit, it's Slater. They must know we have the bull. 469 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,400 CARDI: Caught red-handed. 470 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:02,560 Afternoon, officer. It's afternoon, detective. 471 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,160 You're milking it, man. It's starting to look like harassment, girls. 472 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:10,240 Oh, what's that? It's a search warrant for the entire site. 473 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,600 A search warrant? What you hoping to find? Contraband cows? 474 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,880 I've had information that you're in cahoots 475 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,040 with convicted criminal Vincent O'Neil. 476 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,640 (LAUGHS) Ooh, who's told you that? 477 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:25,080 Weed, stolen wheels, sexual - debauchery. - Farmers? 478 00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,400 Fuck off. Too niche even for me, sweetheart. 479 00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,200 Fine. Search. 480 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,480 But I want every vest and every skiddy Y-front 481 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:38,880 back where you found it or I'll be bringing my lawyers in. 482 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,160 - Ladies. - Bend 'em over, lads. 483 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:46,240 Weird."Bend 'em over." What are you bending us over for? 484 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,280 - Catch you later. - Ooh, eh. 485 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,880 Get the bull in the cow shed and watch out for its blind spot. What's that? 486 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,840 What's a blind... Jim? What's a bl... Jim? 487 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:58,760 Fucking hell, man.(SHOUTING) 488 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,320 Come on, big lad. 489 00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:03,800 I'm so hot.(INDISTINCT SPEECH) 490 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,880 No! Red! Cardi. Put it away. 491 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:08,760 - Shit.Knobhead. - Go on! 492 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:11,120 ♪ SHARHABIL AHMED: Argos Farfish 493 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,160 - Har! Har! - We've such a big treat for - you later. - That's it. 494 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,920 Nice and gentle. 495 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,760 Har! Har! 496 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,920 A big treat after this. - A big treat after this. - Grrr! 497 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,160 (SHOUTING) 498 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,120 - Yay! - Yep. 499 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:33,560 Right, listen. The way I see it, we've got a tiny window here. 500 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,000 We've got to get matey boy to shoot his load, collect as much as we can 501 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,960 and then we fuck him off back to his original owner, right? 502 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,920 Or...we keep the bull. 503 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,960 A-grade wazz, licence to print money. 504 00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,760 Oh, yeah. Like the goose that laid the g-golden egg. 505 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:48,680 And how did that end? How did that end? 506 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,040 I fucking don't know. It's like a cautionary tale, innit, for kids. 507 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,960 To do with greed and shit like that. I dunno. 508 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,520 - I'm going to Google that. - Don't... JJ. 509 00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,920 Let's not Google that, let's fucking YouTube 510 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,440 how to wank a ginger bull off. We can't do it, they use stimulants 511 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:06,800 and specialised equipment and stuff. No, no. Way I see it, right, 512 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:09,640 a wank is a wank is a wank. 513 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:13,800 The todger, be it human, dog, badger or bull, responds to touch. 514 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:19,480 Ergo, all we need is to get matey boy here aroused and merry jizzmas. 515 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,440 Eurgh. Erin, whack on your Marigolds. 516 00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:25,760 -(SOFTLY) Love you. - I'm not doing it. He's actually quite gay though, 517 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,400 Sunny Boy, so a man - is definitely better. - Cardi then. 518 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:30,280 You can fuck off. You do it. 519 00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,200 I'm not fucking doing it. Tommo, you own a sex dungeon 520 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:35,960 For the umpteenth... What I own is an erotic parlour. 521 00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:39,080 We don't stretch to bestiality. There were one time with a rabbit, 522 00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:42,120 - but that were going too far. - Fucking rabbit. What could do with a... 523 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:43,960 Listen, do you have, like, 524 00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,320 stuff to bring men off in your horrid dungeon? 525 00:26:46,360 --> 00:26:48,320 Course I do. What kind of shit do you have? 526 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,840 You name it, mate. We've got er...tingly lube, 527 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,360 fake gushing vag. My personal favourite - 528 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,640 the chilli inserter. Where's that go? 529 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,240 Where the fuck do you think it goes? Right up the arse, 530 00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,160 you fucking great lemon. 531 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,160 Right, we'll get the chilli inserter, you two dickheads find a sexy cow. 532 00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:07,720 Where's the weed, boys? Where's the stolen motors? 533 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:12,320 Is that it? Oh, no. It's a flower vase. 534 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:18,360 Oh, is that 'em? Oh, no. It's a porcelain frog. 535 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,920 (CHUCKLES) 536 00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:22,520 What's this then, eh? 537 00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,080 POLICEMAN: Over here, sir. 538 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,880 Oh, dear. 539 00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:31,360 - Weaponry? - Those are depinned. They're memorabilia. 540 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:32,800 Sir. 541 00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:38,760 - And this? - It's a Luger. It's from the First World War. 542 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,680 Dangerous weapons. What has he got planned? 543 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,160 I've got a big one, sir. - Shall I get it out? - Go on. 544 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,400 You're nicked. 545 00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:52,400 (MOOING)(COAXES) 546 00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,080 Er...hello. This one's quite fit. 547 00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:57,240 - Based on what? - Nice nose. 548 00:27:57,280 --> 00:27:59,480 He's not going to be looking at her nose. 549 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,280 Sunny Boy will be looking at the arse. Look at her arse. 550 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,000 I'm not an expert on arses. Check the udders then. 551 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,040 - What others? - Not the others, the udders of the cow. 552 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:11,240 The swingy-down bit. Have you never been on a farm before? 553 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,200 Yes, I've been on a farm. (SQUELCHING) Uhh! 554 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,000 (LAUGHS) I stepped straight in poo there. 555 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,840 (SPLASHING) Oh! 556 00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,560 I fucking slid on that one. 557 00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,600 Right, I need go and pick Tyler up. 558 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:25,880 Any excuse for you to get out of wanking a bull off.(LAUGHS) 559 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:27,760 Eh? (BOTH LAUGH) 560 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,040 Before you go I do need to talk to - you, actually. - Oh. Go on. 561 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:33,400 I've got a bloody problem. What kind of problem? 562 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,760 A McCann problem.(SIGHS) 563 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,320 He's locked me off. He's not answering me calls. 564 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,800 There's no communication. It's like I'm fucking persona non gratis. 565 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,840 - Grata.Grata. - Yeah. 566 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,560 Honestly, I never said a word. I kept my mouth shut. 567 00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:52,640 The police were offering me less time if I only grassed 568 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,400 and I kept me fucking gob shut. Terence who? 569 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,240 Maybe...he wants to stay on the safe side until things quieten down. 570 00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,720 I don't know though. If I'm no use to him, 571 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,160 then I'm just a worry to him and that frightens the shit out of me. 572 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,080 He is a ruthless man, Erin. You know? 573 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,560 Come here. 574 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,560 I don't like you worrying. You'll be fine. 575 00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,960 You know...(CLEARS THROAT) 576 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,400 You know that thing you said to me? Mm. 577 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:25,960 That you whispered in my ear - when I got arrested. - Yeah. 578 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,680 Did you mean it? 579 00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:33,560 Yeah. 580 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,640 Yeah, I did. 581 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,520 (SIGHS) But Vin... I know, it's all right. 582 00:29:39,560 --> 00:29:41,560 You don't have to explain yourself. 583 00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,600 I know you've a lot going on, got your exams, 584 00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,240 you wanna get the fuck out of here cos it's miserable. (CHUNTERS) 585 00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:52,200 It just meant a lot to me, that's all. Hearing that. 586 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:57,880 Do you know that I fancy you loads? 587 00:29:57,920 --> 00:30:00,520 - Shut up. - I fancy you... Shut up...every single day. 588 00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:02,360 Fucking nightmare. I need to get Tyler. 589 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:04,920 Get the fuck out of here. I've got to wank a bull off. 590 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,160 - Oh, Jesus.Come on. - Get out. - Get out of it. - Good luck. 591 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:11,240 (CHUCKLES) Right, Vincent, 592 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,280 let's titillate a bull 593 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,960 Anyone seen Jimbo? He's not in his - house. - He's not come through. 594 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,600 - Has no-one seen him?No. - Fuck. (MOOING) 595 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,000 We'll have to do it ourselves. How hard can it be? 596 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:30,600 Boy meets girl, let nature take its - course. - JJ, get the fuck in there 597 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,080 and release that cow. Cardi, get your Tupperware ready. 598 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:36,600 Oh, Jesus. He's fucking coming for me. I am not touching that. 599 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,080 Tupperware's a shit idea. Have you not got a bucket? 600 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:40,840 Let the crown see the jewels. 601 00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:48,080 JJ, gi' over being a fucking mard arse. What are you reversing for? 602 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,920 Oh, yeah, look at that. She's sniffing his dick, in't she? 603 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:52,800 Straight in for the BJ. Very nice. 604 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,680 Think of her as one the lads, - Sunny Boy. - Come on, sunshine, 605 00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:57,600 she's right next to your chopper. 606 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,640 Fuck, he don't look too interested, does he? 607 00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:03,120 She looks like she's gonna mount him!(SIGHS) 608 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:06,440 All right, we'll have to do it - ourselves. Tommo get in there. - What? 609 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,040 Get in the bleedin' pen! And take your sex spray. 610 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,680 Come on, Tom. Come on, Tom. 611 00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:15,760 - Christ, it's gritty. - Gritty? 612 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,280 Heavens above, it's enormous. It's like a French baguette. 613 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,680 - What flavour? - What flavour(?) Beef. 614 00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:24,440 Can you imagine a beef baguette? I'm starving. 615 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:28,440 Come on, sunshine, there we go. Give it up for your Uncle Tommo. 616 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,280 You sound like a paedophile. Vinnie, you're putting me off. 617 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:34,240 You're wanking off a fucking ginger jizz machine 618 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,400 and calling yourself Uncle Tommy. - You sound like a paedo. - He's a bull. 619 00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:39,320 He can't understand me. Then why talk to him? 620 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:41,600 Because, Dylan, in case you hadn't realised, 621 00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:45,360 I'm pleasuring a fucking bull and I am trying to... Ahhhh!(MOOING) 622 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,840 Shut up. Get your Tupperware ready. Good lad. Good lad. 623 00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,600 - Tommo, come on. - It's getting hard. It's getting really fucking hard. 624 00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,720 Come on, son, get in there.(GRUNTS) 625 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,080 Wait for it, Tom.(GROANS) 626 00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,800 - I'm going. Arh. - Come on, Tom. I'm cramping. 627 00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,200 - No, no, no. Push through. - Arh. 628 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,320 - I've got to swap arms. - Don't stop, he's got a proper throb now. 629 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,480 - He's getting close. - Take over! 630 00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:12,720 Get out of the way. (GROANS) - Go on, Tom. - Fucking... 631 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:14,560 Tickle his balls. 632 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,640 I swear to God, if I end up in a fucking psychiatric ward, 633 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,800 we're gonna know what did it. It's coming. 634 00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:24,040 Get ready, lads! It's coming! Get ready!(MOOING) Now! 635 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,520 (SPLUTTERING AND GROANING) 636 00:32:32,240 --> 00:32:34,400 - How did we get on?None. - Fuck all. 637 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,840 Fuck! (VEHICLE APPROACHES) What's that? 638 00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:39,840 - It's Jim, it's Jim, it's Jim. - What? (SPLUTTERS) 639 00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:43,720 - It's not Jim, it's a 4x4. - It's not - them, is it? - We need to get out. 640 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,800 He's got a drill. Why's he got a - fucking drill? - How've they found us? 641 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,520 Fuck how they found us. Run. - Hide. Hide, hide. - Fuck. 642 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:57,680 VICTOR: He's here. 643 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,160 RUTH: Jesus Christ, all that semen wasted. 644 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,160 It's warm. They're still here. 645 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,960 Well, find 'em. 646 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,240 We're gonna fucking kill ya! (COCKS GUN) 647 00:33:06,280 --> 00:33:09,080 You no-good sons of bitches. 648 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,400 You lying puke of the devil! 649 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:13,880 To give her her dues, she's got a way with words. 650 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,040 I am a fair woman. DYLAN: You're a scary woman. 651 00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:18,880 So, if you come out now, I'll go lenient 652 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:20,600 - OK. - Where the fuck are you going? 653 00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,840 Come to think of it, we're really in - the shit here now.Yeah. - Yeah. 654 00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,440 Right, what I'm thinking is this. 655 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:31,240 One of us runs out, they will give chase. 656 00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:33,280 The rest of us escape. 657 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,120 - That's a good idea. - Yeah. Who's gonna do that then? 658 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,640 Last chance, 659 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,680 you cocksucking whores of Jezebel! 660 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:44,800 It's biblical, in't it? Bit homophobic maybe. 661 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,640 It might be. Just give us that spray. 662 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,640 Do you want tingly or cooling? 663 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,760 - Fucking... Give us tingly. - Right. 664 00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,680 (MUTTERING) 665 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:58,280 ♪ Buona sera, signorina, buona sera 666 00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:02,920 ♪ It is time to say good night to Napoli 667 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:04,760 Arghh! 668 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,200 ♪ Though it's hard for us to whisper, buona sera 669 00:34:08,240 --> 00:34:11,360 (GUNSHOT) # With that old moon above 670 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,520 ♪ The Mediterranean sea, mmm... 671 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:18,640 - Where's the others? - They all went in different directions. 672 00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,240 (MOBILE RINGS) 673 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:23,440 - Yeah? - Hey, are you all safe? Yeah, we're fine. 674 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,480 - Fine. - Thank fuck. Thought one of us had been killed for sure. 675 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,240 Where shall me and Tommo meet you? You and Tommo? Where's Cardi? 676 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:30,800 I thought he was with you. 677 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,720 - Shit.Shit? - Shit. (GUNSHOT) Fuck! 678 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,240 (RINGS) That's him. 679 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:47,720 - Cardi? - We've got your fat friend. Yeah, we know. We want him back. 680 00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:49,600 You're in no position to be making demands. 681 00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:52,680 He's covered in my Sunny Boy's gloop and that's thousands of pounds 682 00:34:52,720 --> 00:34:54,520 dripping down his fat fucking face. 683 00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:56,720 - Sorry. - We're sorry about that, all right? 684 00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,600 But you got your bull back. - How did you find us? - He's chipped. Like a car. Trackable. 685 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,680 He's chipped like a car. Dyl, you were right. Clever innit, really? 686 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:07,480 But you got him back so, you know, let's not make a thing out of this. 687 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:09,880 Let bygones be bygones, you give Cardi back... 688 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,880 If we don't get the frozen semen back, 689 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:13,880 this lard-arse goes in the slurry pit. 690 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:16,320 What are you talking about? Don't play innocent. 691 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,880 Your fat fuck of a friend did that and he got a slap. Tell 'em! 692 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:21,400 Yeah. She slapped me hard. 693 00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:23,880 The frozen semen vials are gone, every one of them, 694 00:35:23,920 --> 00:35:27,200 and that's a lot of fucking money. Fucking stop. Just listen to me. 695 00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:30,240 We might be thieves, but I'm - telling you we're not liars. - Well... 696 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,320 We're not liars. And, you know, we did try to drug you. 697 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,560 - And we tried to steal your bull. - We even tried the semen. Didn't work. 698 00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,280 We fucking did. We tried to steal the semen from the freezer 699 00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,360 and couldn't get in it. So I'm telling you, whoever stole that jizz, 700 00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:47,320 it wasn't us. In that case, the fat fuck dies. 701 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:52,520 Oh, fucker. Ring her back. Bastard. Is she actually gonna kill him? 702 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:55,880 You sure you didn't steal the vials? Think about that fucking question! 703 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,920 - Straight to voicemail. - If we didn't - nick it, who did? - Fuck knows, dude. 704 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:04,000 Right, OK, I've got a little confession to make. 705 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:05,840 'You know when we took her to the woods?' 706 00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,280 - I need to pee. - You don't think we're gonna fall for that old one? 707 00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,280 No, I really do. I swear. I'm bursting. 708 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,480 Listen, love, I've got a prostate the size of a hard-boiled egg 709 00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:19,400 - and even I don't wanna go. - You c-can't let her p-piss her pants. 710 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,240 - Y-Come on. - Oh, you... (GROANS) 711 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,840 Is this all right here, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Fine. 712 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,200 Let me get those off you. 713 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,920 Go ahead. 714 00:36:29,960 --> 00:36:30,960 Turn around. 715 00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,760 Turn... Turn around! Yeah. Sorry. Of course, yeah. 716 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:37,880 - Ohh! - Cardi! 717 00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:40,560 - Oww!Fuck off! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on! 718 00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,480 - Right, yeah. - For fuck's sake! - Come on! - Coming! 719 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,480 He fucking said not to let her pee. 720 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:46,840 Hit him. 721 00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:49,400 - Ow.Idiot. - DYLAN: Ten to one Lesley stole the vials. 722 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,320 I'll do a voice. Don't do a fucking voice. 723 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:58,240 (HEAVY THUDDING) Fucking hell, you're - like the fucking police. - Sorry. 724 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,120 - Lesley Fisher? - Lesley Anne. 725 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:06,880 - Package here for you. - Eh? Sign here, please. 726 00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,160 Ha, it's a ruse! Dickhead. 727 00:37:08,880 --> 00:37:11,880 What's with all this fucking pink? I like it. 728 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:15,040 I like toast. I don't peg it all over me shagging house, do I, dickhead? 729 00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,120 Get out of my house. Have you found owt? 730 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:21,200 - Nothing in the freezer. - Shit. Look, them farmers are not fucking about. 731 00:37:21,240 --> 00:37:24,400 (MOBILE PINGS) They're gonna hurt our - mate. Where's the jizz? - Vin. 732 00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:27,560 Oh, fuck! There's only you and that fucking snapper 733 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,000 know where that jizz was kept. It doesn't take a genius -(SPITS) 734 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,840 - The fuck? - Mind my shoes. You spat on my dick a bit. 735 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:37,960 You ruined my feature, walked me to the woods like a dog to be put down. 736 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:41,240 You drugged them, you robbed them. You deal with the consequences. 737 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,680 How do you know we drugged 'em? Well, I...I...(MOCK STUTTER) 738 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:47,120 Shut the fuck up! Where's that jizz? 739 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:51,720 Everyone fuck summat up. Grab summat pink and just fucking... Yes, Ashley! 740 00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:53,000 Go on, boy. 741 00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:56,520 OK, OK, OK. 742 00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:01,680 Don't touch it. Hurry the fuck up before they drown our mate in pig shit. 743 00:38:01,720 --> 00:38:05,160 - Dickhead, what's that? - Why would I - look in a garage? - Nice one. 744 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,680 There's summat doing my head in. The freezer where they kept the jizz, 745 00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:11,960 how did you know the code for that? Guesswork. It was 1-2-3-4. 746 00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,640 - You fucking said that. - I said that. - He said that. - Can we get on with it? 747 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:17,920 Now, it needs handling carefully. 748 00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,960 If it's allowed to get warm, the whole lot will be ruined. 749 00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,920 So, you boys be careful. Need to be careful with it 750 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:26,680 (ALL SHOUT OUT) Oh, shit. 751 00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:30,320 Fuck off, Lesley. What the fuck? What have you done that for? 752 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,560 - You've killed my mate. - You've fucked - us. - I'm gonna fucking go apeshit. 753 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,520 What are all these fucking gloves - about, Lesley? - You fucking... 754 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,840 I think I might have just come up with a plan B. 755 00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:44,480 You're going nowhere, you fucking nightmare. This is too gloopy. 756 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:48,640 - We need to whisk it more. - Water. Put some water in it, you knobhead. 757 00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:51,000 What the fuck's that? That is my plan B. 758 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:55,640 What the fuck's that out of, a shrew? Give me six and a half minutes and I'll get you some more. 759 00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,080 Fuck me, you better hurry up. Come on, put some out, bud. 760 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,960 - Guys, come on. - Whisk then. Whisk! I'm whisking. 761 00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:03,320 Whisk like your fucking life depended on it. 762 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,720 ♪ THE CAPITOLS: Cool Jerk 763 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,560 Shit. 764 00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:15,880 You all right? 765 00:39:15,920 --> 00:39:18,120 We've er...got your jizz here. 766 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,080 What are you doing? Got your semen. 767 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,240 - You're late. - I know, but we sent you a text. Did you not get it? 768 00:39:24,280 --> 00:39:27,360 Yeah, we got it but, you know, a deadline's a deadline. 769 00:39:27,400 --> 00:39:30,640 Yes, it is. We're fucking here now though. Do you want the jizz or not? 770 00:39:30,680 --> 00:39:34,120 Course we do. But you see, you've - caused us a lot of trouble. - I know. 771 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,720 I mean, look at my fucking eyes! They're still tingling. 772 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:41,000 (CLICKS FINGERS) 'Ey, lads. (HAMMERS CLICK) Lads. 773 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:43,600 (PANICKED SHOUTS) Fuck! (AIR HISSES) 774 00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,120 - Out the van! - All right. 775 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:51,600 Fuck. 776 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:54,320 - Clothes off. - What? Come on. 777 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:58,680 You drugged and sprayed us. You're not tricking us a third time. 778 00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:02,040 And you're fucking late. So I want it all off. Underpants an' all. 779 00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:04,560 Clothes off now! Willies out on a farm? 780 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:06,640 Do you wanna see your mate again? (HAMMERS CLICK) 781 00:40:07,760 --> 00:40:09,720 - Get your hogs out. - What? Just get 'em out. 782 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:13,760 - It's fucking freezing. - Fuck, bro. JJ, come on. 783 00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,320 It's like some weird '70's porno this, in't it?(CHUCKLES) 784 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,600 Fuck, it's cold. 785 00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,440 He's a big lad, in't he? Yeah, he is a big lad. 786 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,360 He's known for that - Fucking... Where's Cardi?! 787 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,680 - Check the semen. - Can't get my fucking trousers off. 788 00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:32,520 Nippy, in't it? 789 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,280 Is it good? Is it all there? It's a funny colour. 790 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,000 How do we know you haven't swapped - that? - With what? 791 00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:44,280 What would we switch it with in this - time? Our own? - Ridiculous. 792 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,680 Fine, but we'll be testing it, yeah? 793 00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:49,600 And if that is not film-star splat... (CHUCKLES) 794 00:40:49,640 --> 00:40:53,280 ..I'll be coming after every single one of you with a fucking scythe. 795 00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,240 - What's a scythe? - I have no idea. 796 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,680 Come on then. Why does he never say owt? 797 00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:05,560 - Right. Here's your fat friend. - Oh, - lads. - Cardi, you all right, love? 798 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,080 Mind them pigs. Come on, love. You all right? 799 00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:09,920 Good lad. Dude, dude, dude. 800 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:12,320 Fucking touching. They said they were gonna 801 00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:14,240 t-throw me in the fucking slurry pit. 802 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:17,960 Well, we're fucking here now, aren't - we? - Let's go then. 803 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,640 - Oh, for fuck's sake. - You're joking? Fucking hell. 804 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,960 Go on then, fuck off. Nice jacket that. 805 00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,960 They were designer them. 806 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:31,440 This is fucking Jim. Candy from a fucking baby. 807 00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:33,360 I should have stayed in t'nick. 808 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,160 Get in. 809 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:38,960 - Did you get bummed? - No, I didn't get fucking bummed, dude. Get in the van. 810 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:43,040 - We'll have some chips. - Let's get - t'radio on. - Sorry about the trouble. 811 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:45,600 All right.(MUTTERS) 812 00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:48,960 - Do you want chips, Cardi? - Who's gonna go in? We're all naked. 813 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,680 Mr McCann. 814 00:41:55,680 --> 00:41:57,720 Hello. 815 00:41:58,720 --> 00:42:00,680 My name's Erin. 816 00:42:00,720 --> 00:42:02,760 I'm a friend of Vincent O'Neil. 817 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,520 And? 818 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,720 I've got a proposal. 819 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:16,000 It's me mum. She's dead, Vinnie. We want our money. 820 00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,120 - Get him! - Jesus.(YELLING) Arh! 821 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,840 If you're looking for a free funeral, you can go fuck yourself! 822 00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,560 I'm burying his mam with dignity. - Fuck's sake. - Amazing knees. 823 00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,280 - Dickhead. - They're smashers. 824 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:30,960 There's not a thing on this list we - won't have done.Buried at sea? - Fuck. 825 00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:35,480 (SHRIEKS) No, we've got a situation. We've got a situation as well. 826 00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:39,400 Don't fucking come in here! Argh! (SHRIEKS) 827 00:42:40,305 --> 00:43:40,711 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today