1 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:10,200 BRAKES SQUEAL SOFTLY 2 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,600 Where's the weed shed? 3 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:16,000 Underground. 4 00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:19,080 Show me. 5 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,160 HE SNIFFS 6 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,080 And you've been living down here, have you, since you died? 7 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,880 Mr McCann... Ssh‐ssh. 8 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,080 Have a seat. 9 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,240 You're wondering what I'm gonna do to you, right? Yeah. 10 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,600 That thought had flipped through me mind. 11 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,440 I see you in me, Vinnie. 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,840 In what way? No, Christ! Not that way, no. 13 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,480 What I mean is... 14 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:12,120 ..I see some of you inside me. 15 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,160 Mm... 16 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:14,440 Fucking hell. 17 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,600 I started out with nothing. 18 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:21,120 Scrapped my way up through guile, cunning. 19 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,960 And I respect people who do the same. 20 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,000 So if you can do all this... 21 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,480 ..and fake your own funeral... 22 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,200 ..you're a man I can use. 23 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,360 So, this is my proposition. 24 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:38,120 I'll pay the cash on all this. Doubles, trebles, quadruples. 25 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,080 You'll need more space. You run it, but I own it. 26 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,120 Our weed empire. 27 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,040 And if I should ever need a thief 28 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,760 or something that requires your unique skills... 29 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,120 ..I will call and you will assist. 30 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,440 Do we have ourselves a deal? 31 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:00,880 C...can I stop worrying you're going to cut my dick off? 32 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:03,960 Consider it safe in my hands. 33 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,160 HE CHUCKLES SOFTLY 34 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:13,360 But nobody fucks with me twice, Vinnie. 35 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,640 Deal? Yeah, a deal. 36 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,120 Get yourself cleaned up. You can't work for me looking like shit. 37 00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:27,040 I think this calls for a drink. 38 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,160 Oh, er, no, that's er... 39 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,800 It's piss. 40 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:35,080 Mm. Where are you shitting? 41 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:39,440 # The best things in life are free 42 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,480 # But you can give them To the birds and bees 43 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:44,320 HORN TOOTS # I need money 44 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:46,680 That's what I want 45 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,040 # That's what I want # That's what I want 46 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,680 # That's what I wa‐a‐ant # That's what I want # 47 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,360 BUTTON CLICKS 48 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,400 OVERLAPPING RADIO STATIONS 49 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,320 Hey‐hey! 50 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,360 Hey, Vin, are you all right? Hey! 51 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,640 Hey, Vinnie! Are you all right? 52 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,520 # I'm alive! 53 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:20,240 # And I'm seeing things Mighty clear today 54 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,280 # I'm alive 55 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:26,920 # I'm alive 56 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,400 # And I'm sitting here yelling And doing my thing 57 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:31,440 # I'm alive 58 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,320 # And I'm real 59 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,880 # I can breathe and touch And see and feel 60 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,640 # I'm alive 61 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:41,960 # Yeah, hear me, all 62 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:44,720 # I'm a man 63 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,200 # Who don't care If my hair's a bit long 64 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,480 # I'm a man WHOOPING 65 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:55,000 # Na na # Na na 66 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:57,320 # Na na # Na na 67 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,520 # Na na # Na Na 68 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:01,560 # Na na # Na na 69 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,240 # Baby, baby 70 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,520 # Baby, baby 71 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,320 # Yeah, yeah 72 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,360 # I'm a man 73 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,720 # And I'm red and I'm yellow I'm black and I'm tan 74 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,480 # I'm a man 75 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,960 # I'm alive 76 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,680 # Sitting here yelling And doing my thing 77 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,120 # I'm alive... # CHUCKLING 78 00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:35,760 Voila. Voila? 79 00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,280 It's a closed metal shutter. Yeah, fuck me. 80 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,720 It is now, but not when it's full with an exotic plantation, Dyldo. 81 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:45,400 Unit 51. That's where the Americans keep their extraterrestrial aliens. 82 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,520 That's Area 51. It's highly classified. Oh. 83 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:51,240 They reverse engineer crashed alien spaceships, study the occupants 84 00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,240 and then they make their own aircrafts based on the technology. 85 00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,680 Right. 86 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,600 Well, in here we're gonna be growing weed. Industrial scale. 87 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:01,360 Where did you get it? Chinese Dan. 88 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,720 That slippery fuck? I know he's a slippery fuck, 89 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:08,160 but he's a slippery fuck offering us a deal on a unit, no questions asked. 90 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,200 The best part is next door's a storage place for curry flavourings, 91 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,400 bloody herbs and powders and shit like that. 92 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,360 So, with a bit of clever drilling, ventilation, 93 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:18,040 it's gonna mask the smell of the ganja, that is. 94 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,360 There's only one problem. 95 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,200 LOCK CLICKS 96 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,760 SHUTTERS RATTLE AND THUD 97 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,880 He's made you look quite silly there. Mm‐hm. 98 00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,360 Carrot Top Dolls. 99 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,840 Weren't they popular 30 years ago? The originals were. 100 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:44,320 No. They've had a resurgence, actually... 101 00:05:44,360 --> 00:05:45,720 Press that. 102 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,400 DOLL CHATTERS IN CHINESE 103 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,800 ..in China. 104 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,960 Right. And Chinese Dan, being so fucking Chinese, 105 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,280 he seized upon this. What are we supposed to do with them? 106 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,600 I bought them as part of the deal on the unit. 107 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,080 Fuck's sake! Fucking hell. 108 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,320 Dolls are dolls. Kids loved them in the '80s. 109 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:02,960 They couldn't make them fast enough. 110 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,360 We should buy a thousand fucking VHS machines while we're at it. 111 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,320 Yeah, and some Tamagotchis, basically. 112 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,000 Ha, ha, ha! 113 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:12,080 Shut up! 114 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,680 We're gonna need grow lights, irrigation and extractor fans. 115 00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,280 We can nick all that shit. 116 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,840 But can we make it work for an industrial grow, Dyl? 117 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,400 Right... 118 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,760 It's gonna need a false ceiling erecting. 119 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,400 It's gonna need marking out into grow lanes. 120 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,240 Properly measured, no winging it. 121 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:31,080 We need to seal that entrance, use the side door. 122 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:33,680 We can't expose the plants every time we come and go, but... 123 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,600 ..otherwise, it could work. 124 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:37,320 Yeah. PHONE RINGS 125 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:39,480 Oh, shit, it's McCann. Here you are. 126 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,800 Mr McCann. Hello, Vin, where are you? 127 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,080 You won't believe it, but I'm standing inside 128 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,400 what is soon to become our industrial grow here. 129 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,960 Excellent, excellent. 130 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,680 You have twin girls, don't you? Do they like dolls? 131 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:53,240 Dolls? Yeah, I've got a couple going spare. 132 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,960 I'll drop them off for you next time I see you. Did you want me? 133 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,000 I did, yeah. My boys are tied up, 134 00:06:58,040 --> 00:06:59,840 so I need you to collect something for me. 135 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:03,120 Yeah, yeah, no worries. What is it? His name's Tony Tillerton. 136 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,040 That's... That's a person. I'm gonna text you two addresses. 137 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,320 One's his, one's where I want him bringing. 138 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,480 You might wanna take a friend with you. He's a conniving toerag. 139 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,520 Yeah, understood, yeah. And Vin... 140 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:14,560 Yeah? 141 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,080 Get the fucker back safe, yeah? Listen... 142 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:18,280 Er... 143 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,640 No, he's gone. 144 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:21,480 Right... 145 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:24,240 Who fancies a nice day out? 146 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,720 ALL: # Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? 147 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:30,120 PHONE RINGS 148 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:33,720 # Can you throw them over your shoulder like a regimental soldier? 149 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,240 # Do your ears hang low? # Yo. 150 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,960 Now, then, Tommo, where are you? 151 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,760 Halfway down the country on our way to France, man. France? 152 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,200 France, yes. Booze cruise for the Rat & Cutter. 153 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:43,880 Jesus Christ, his memory. 154 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,800 We told you. It's the fucking new pills, 155 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,480 I can't remember a sodding thing. 156 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:48,800 Cardi says hello. 157 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:51,280 Carol's given him the full Vinnie makeover. 158 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,040 Right. How does he look? Er... an absolute plum. 159 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:57,080 The whole family's here. I've got Carol, Erin, Tyler 160 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,000 and, for maximum effect, Carol's gran Alma. 161 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,320 Say hello, Alma. Hello? 162 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,120 Are you all right, Alma, love? Yes, thanks. 163 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,880 Is that the darkie? 164 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,120 Gran! 165 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:10,960 Oh, Vinnie. The mental one. That's the one, Alma. 166 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,000 I've gotta go. Bring me back some cheese, will you? Will do. 167 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:17,760 Cheese, Es, and as much booze as you can fit in an Skystrider Crusader. 168 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,120 What are Es? Nothing you need to worry about. 169 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,400 CARDI: They're sweeties for grown‐ups. 170 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,040 Thanks, Cardi. Helpful! 171 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,360 Au revoir, Vin. Au revoir, bon voyage. 172 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:27,920 Deja vu! 173 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,760 Fucking French stuff. HE CHUCKLES 174 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,080 Oi! 175 00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,760 Stop fucking about with them dolls. 176 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,560 He's done something wrong. 177 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,400 You don't send people to collect people unless they don't wanna come. 178 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,440 Maybe he doesn't drive, Dyl. Fucking tell him to get the train. 179 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,840 What if there's not a train line where he bloody lives? 180 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,240 A fucking bus, then! Look, I don't know! 181 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,200 He's asked us to collect him, so we have to fucking... 182 00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,240 What's going on down there? 183 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,440 I think I've got an infestation. An infestation? 184 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,840 Who've you been shagging? I met this fella online. 185 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:58,280 Randolf. 186 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,520 He was kind of dirty. What, dirty? Or, like, dirty dirty? 187 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:04,520 No, not dirty dirty. Just, like...actually dirty. 188 00:09:04,560 --> 00:09:07,440 Lovely. What website are you using? Shagaskank.com. 189 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,520 The sex was amazing, destroyed him. Lovely little arsehole. 190 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,240 But ever since I've got fierce itchy pubes now. Have yous any advice? 191 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,520 I do, actually, yeah. Don't have sex with dirty men called Randolf. 192 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,920 You'll need to shave. I'm Googling it, but... 193 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,760 ..I'm pretty sure you've got genital lice. 194 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,600 Fuck. What? Could be a yeast infection. 195 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,480 Or scabies. Crabs, even. 196 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,720 Extra‐mammary Paget's disease. It could be. 197 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:30,440 Cheers, lads. Thanks for making me feel better! Right, here we are. 198 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,000 Avondale. That's not a thing, is it? 199 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,240 I spy with my little eye... No! 200 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,120 No more I‐spy. What can we play? 201 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,720 I've got a game, right? This is brilliant. 202 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,520 We used to play this at school. 203 00:09:44,560 --> 00:09:47,840 Everyone has to tell a secret. 204 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,800 Yeah! All right. 205 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,080 All right, I'll go first. When I'm alone in my house... 206 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,920 There's kids present. Don't worry, it's clean. 207 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,560 I like to get comfortable, grab a hairbrush 208 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,360 and pretend I'm in front of thousands of adoring fans 209 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,880 belting out power ballads. 210 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:04,680 # I wanna know what love is 211 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,760 # Ooh, oh, yeah 212 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,840 # And I want you to show me Oh, yeah... # 213 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,320 Why am I not surprised, eh? 214 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:14,360 Who's next? I'll go. 215 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,840 Oh, God. I'm genuinely nervous. 216 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,720 I once stole a child's breakfast from a cafe 217 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,880 when he went away to the bathroom. Gran! 218 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,000 Awful. Why? 219 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,720 He was a lardy little shit. 220 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,200 All right, your turn. 221 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,080 Who me? Yeah. 222 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,560 Let me think. You must have hundreds. 223 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,840 Not really. Oh, come on, Carol 224 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,160 Shall I go again? No! 225 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,240 Come on. 226 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,640 All right 227 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:40,480 Well... 228 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,040 But it's not for young ears. 229 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,520 A fucking porno, Carol? 230 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,600 I thought this was supposed be a laugh. 231 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,640 What, you're t‐t‐telling me you had s‐s‐sex 232 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:55,200 in f‐f‐front of a camera and the whole fucking world's seen it? 233 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,800 It wasn't Pulp Fiction, now, was it, Cardi? Huh? 234 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:00,960 And it was a long time ago. I've got fucking pictures in my head! 235 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,440 Ah, you're overreacting. 236 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,040 Sure, my gran's not bothered. Oh, well, she... 237 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,640 Well, I fucking am! You're a hypocrite, Cardi. 238 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,400 You enjoy the porn, but you're not happy that your girlfriend's in one. 239 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:13,480 What was it called? 240 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:17,920 Eager Beavers. 241 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:20,440 Volume 22. 242 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,200 Fucking unbelievable! 243 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,880 Fucking start the car! 244 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,080 Fucking hell! 245 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,080 Christ. It's a thatched roof. 246 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,160 Hardly screams axe‐wielding maniac, does it? 247 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,920 DISTANT PEACOCK CALL Hey, he's got peacocks. 248 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,600 Oh, my God, psychopaths like animals. 249 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,600 Jeffrey Dahmer had cats. 250 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,120 Yeah, and he also impaled dogs' heads on sticks. 251 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:45,160 Let's just keep our wits about us. 252 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:53,240 Any aggro, we jump him. 253 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,840 Hello, chaps! 254 00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,400 Fresh scones, straight from the oven. 255 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:01,440 Go lovely with a cup of tea. 256 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:06,800 Right, you know the drill. 257 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,960 We're a big, happy family, off on our jollies. 258 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,120 So, passports out, big smiles... Passport? 259 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,080 ..and let's all pretend... 260 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,120 Yes, Alma. Yeah, passports. 261 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:18,440 Obviously. Cos we're going to a foreign country. 262 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,080 I haven't got a passport. 263 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,080 I haven't been abroad since 19... 264 00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,600 You fucking what? TYRES SCREECH AND HORNS BLARE 265 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,640 Jesus fucking Christ! 266 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,520 Gran! 267 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,440 What? No‐one said. Well, we're going to France! 268 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,000 Is this a Brexit thing? 269 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,360 No, it's a going to another fucking country thing. Tommo! 270 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,760 I... I've got my pension book. 271 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,360 Yeah, you show them that, I'll show them my gym pass, 272 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,720 and he can show them his Costa fucking coffee card! 273 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,120 She's getting out. You can't throw her out. 274 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,360 We won't get through, will we, without her passport? 275 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:51,360 I'm not turning round, Carol, cos it's taken fucking hours. 276 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,520 We can't just throw her out in the middle of nowhere. 277 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,200 It's not nowhere. It's Folkestone. 278 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,440 There's hotels, a harbour, she'll have a great time. 279 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,400 And you go with her and make a p‐p‐porno while you wait. Grow up! 280 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,760 Don't joke, there's a market for that. Gummy BJs and that. 281 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,200 What's a porno? It's a grown‐up film. 282 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,880 With sex. Tommo! 283 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,680 What? Was that or was that not factually accurate? Right... 284 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:11,440 Let's just think this through. 285 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,160 Why don't we explain what's happened 286 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,240 and see if there's anything they can do? Like what? 287 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,400 I don't know! I'm thinking of ways to make it work. 288 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:20,600 She can hide in the caravan. No, sweetie, she can't. 289 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,640 Why not? Yeah, actually. Why not? 290 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:25,920 No! No, no, Carol, think about it. 291 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,080 The lad's come up with a masterplan. Hide me? 292 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:29,840 Yes, love, in the bog. 293 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,880 I'm not hiding in the bathroom. 294 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,320 Under the b‐b‐bed, then. No! 295 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:37,360 No, Carol. They'll take one look at us and assume we're two couples. 296 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,120 They won't think to look for someone else. Then why bring her along? 297 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,160 I'm beginning to wonder that myself. 298 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:44,440 It's the caravan or nothing. 299 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,320 Put these... 300 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,160 ..over here and it turns out there is absolutely... 301 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,560 ..loads of room. There you go. 302 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,320 I'll never get in there. You will, if you pull your knees up. 303 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,400 I'm not happy about this. It's a few hours and then we're in France. 304 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,800 You know what? Pretend it's an adventure. 305 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,480 Pretend it's the war and you're hiding from the Nazis. 306 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,080 But what if they search it? 307 00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:12,280 Haven't they got infrared cameras? They don't pick up old ladies, 308 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:14,280 your bones are too hollow. Come on, love. 309 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:17,080 We'll say you've got dementia and climbed in when we weren't looking. 310 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,360 Are you OK, Grammy? 311 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,240 Give her a pillow. Yeah. 312 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,440 Do you want some water, love, and maybe a snack? 313 00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:26,520 Oh, just put the bloody lid on. 314 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,360 Can I go in the other side? No, you can't. 315 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:37,960 Grammy? 316 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,560 What grammy? HE LAUGHS 317 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,160 Cunt. 318 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,000 TRAIN WHISTLE TOOTS 319 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,520 So, it all started as my cover story, 320 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,920 so that I could just get a few hours here and there away from the wife. 321 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,840 You know, "Just going through to play with the train set, dear." 322 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,240 And then I would just come in here, through there, 323 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,600 and, er... 324 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:05,840 ..and do the, er...Terence work. But... 325 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,360 I had to spend a bit of time on the train set, in case she came in. 326 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,160 And, er, so I started ordering bits and bobs... 327 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,640 Er...don't touch it. No, you've derailed the diesel. 328 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,960 I'd ordered bits and bobs on the interweb 329 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,600 and I really got into it. 330 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,560 You see, when you see that train zooming around the track 331 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,720 it can be quite therapeutic. 332 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:26,960 Excuse me. 333 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,360 Erm, Mr Tillerton. Mm? 334 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,200 Can I try this out? 335 00:15:31,240 --> 00:15:33,800 I've just always really wanted to fire one of these. 336 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,320 They're essentially decorative, old chum. 337 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,240 There's bullets. 338 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,480 Well, be my guest. But just make sure you do it out the back. 339 00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:43,760 You ever make them crash? I beg your pardon? 340 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:47,120 Do you ever make them... sort of smash into each other? 341 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:48,760 Why would I do that? For fun. 342 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,680 "Oh, no, they're heading towards each other." 343 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,760 Psshww! Smash. Casualties. Carnage. 344 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,080 "Oh, no, I've lost a leg! Oh!" 345 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,520 You know, "I got separated from the group. 346 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:02,440 "Oh, my children, where have they gone? Where are my children?" 347 00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,120 No. 348 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,760 So your wife has no idea that you do illegal tech fraud? 349 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:14,440 Oh, absolutely, blissfully unaware. PEACOCK SCREECHES 350 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,960 We have a wonderful retirement. 351 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,240 God knows where she thinks the money comes from. 352 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,360 GUNSHOT Shit! 353 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,000 Oh, well, fuck. 354 00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,040 DISTANT PEACOCKS SCREECH 355 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,720 It was coming for me. It's a peacock! 356 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,800 It was coming for me. Whoa, whoa, put the fucking gun down! 357 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,000 This is Struan. 358 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,040 He's my favourite. 359 00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,160 I'm really sorry. I'm a fish‐lover, actually. 360 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,520 I hate hurting animals. They'll all tell you. 361 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,680 I've had this bird in my bed. Oh. 362 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:46,720 I can't... Not like that, no. 363 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,120 Curled up like a dog. It's still weird. 364 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,960 He was coming for me. 365 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,400 Stop saying that! All right, shall we, er...? 366 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,480 Oh, Struan... Shall we get going? 367 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,000 Come on, Tony. Struan! 368 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,680 I know. Poor Struan. Come on. 369 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,960 I'll never see his like again. I know, I know. 370 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,480 Come on. Oh, Struan... 371 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,680 Come and have a cup of tea. I know. It's a shame. 372 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,360 Come on, you'll see him again. 373 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,400 Who is that boy that shot him? What's his name? 374 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,440 JJ. He didn't mean to do it. JJ. 375 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,520 Bell end. Oi! Get the fuck up here. 376 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,920 Yes, I'm just leaving a note for the lady wife about, er, Struan. 377 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,280 Erm... 378 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:27,080 Would you boys mind awfully if I had a little tinkle before we go, 379 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,680 if it's a long drive? Yeah, all right. No worries. 380 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:30,960 Thank you. 381 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:33,840 Go with him. 382 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,160 Go with him? Go with him. 383 00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,000 He might be up to summat. Like what? 384 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:41,880 Well, I don't know. But Terence said he were conniving. 385 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:44,960 Ah, here, he made scones, he's hardly danger. 386 00:17:45,000 --> 00:17:47,800 What is that there? The side of your head just there? 387 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,960 Go with him. 388 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,280 Sorry there, I've gotta come in with you. 389 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,800 Come in with me? Yeah. It's just... 390 00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:57,800 Just in case, like. 391 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,760 Right. If it's just a number one, 392 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,080 I'll just stand with my back to you, so... 393 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:05,920 OK, right. Er, I've just got to warn you, 394 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,480 I've got shy bladder syndrome, so... 395 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,040 Right, yeah. Yeah, shy bladder. Uh‐huh. 396 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:19,560 I'm ever so sorry. 397 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,840 I can feel it in the pipe, I just can't coax it out. 398 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:26,080 No worries. Is there...? Is there anything I can do to help? 399 00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,000 Like what? I dunno. 400 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:29,840 Run some water or whistle or something. 401 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,480 Well, if you like, yes. 402 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,560 HE WHISTLES 403 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,080 Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no! 404 00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,680 No, that's... That's not helping. 405 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:39,720 It's gone right back up into the bladder. 406 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:41,040 I'll try the tap, so. 407 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,680 Oh, yeah, I think we're on the w... We're going... 408 00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:48,480 PHONE RINGS Oh, no! It's gone back up again. 409 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,000 For Christ's sake. What? 410 00:18:50,040 --> 00:18:51,840 VINNIE: What are you doing? We're in t'van. 411 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,040 He's got shy bladder syndrome. Shy bladder syndrome! 412 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,520 That's not a thing. 413 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,240 Tell him we've gotta go. We've gotta go. 414 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,640 I'm bursting. Why don't I just leave the man to piss? 415 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:01,920 I'll stand the other side of the door. Fine. 416 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,280 I'm just gonna lock the door, thanks. OK. 417 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,040 LOCK CLICKS 418 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,240 SHIP'S HOOTER BLARES 419 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,720 The way I see it, right, life's all about perception. 420 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:32,400 Two hours ago, you didn't know your girlfriend's chuff were out there 421 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,720 for every Tom, Dick and Harry to wazz over 422 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,840 and you were happy in your ignorance. 423 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,280 Yeah, but now I do. Right, so pretend you don't. 424 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,440 How? Tell your brain it never happened. 425 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,480 Tell your brain that... 426 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,040 ..she didn't nosh a massive‐cocked guy with the cameras rolling 427 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,120 and there aren't tens of thousands of people 428 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,440 who've wanked themselves into oblivion... Tommo! 429 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,200 Y‐Y‐You're not helping. Fine, torture yourself. 430 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,880 But there is nothing you can do or say that's gonna change things. 431 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,720 There is, actually. What's that? 432 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,280 I wanna see it. All right. 433 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,320 I wanna see the f‐f‐film. Yeah? 434 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,360 Think you're up to it, do you? Yeah. 435 00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,480 You can handle what comes out of that Pandora's box? 436 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:17,920 Whatever comes up. OK. 437 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960 Your wish is my command. 438 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,320 Rub that lamp, see what comes out. 439 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:24,520 Thank you, genie. 440 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:26,560 I'll make some calls. 441 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,640 SHIP'S HOOTER BLARES 442 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:38,400 Bonjour. 443 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,760 I'm from Cornwall. In that case... 444 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,880 WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: Thas it, my lover, get on my cock! 445 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,200 Passports. 446 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,080 Have a good trip. Will do. 447 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,360 Just, er...wish my dear old gran could have been here. 448 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,600 HE CHUCKLES Piece of piss. 449 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:03,560 Why would you do that? Why even mention her? 450 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:05,880 Just having a bit of fun. Relax, we're through. 451 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,640 When can we let Grammy out? France. 452 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,760 What?! Carol, there's CCTV everywhere. 453 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,800 We'll get across the sea, pull her out in Calais. 454 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,840 Hey...beer? 455 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:16,680 Back of t'fucking net! 456 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,960 HE CHUCKLES 457 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,920 What are all these things doing in here? 458 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,440 We're doll connoisseurs. 459 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,600 My daughter had one of these. 460 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,840 I think she used to call her Bernadette. 461 00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,320 DOLL CHATTERS IN CHINESE 462 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,760 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I bloody hated it. 463 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,560 Do you know these things were going for 500 quid a pop back in the '80s? 464 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,600 See what I mean? Demand. Yeah, then. 465 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,120 Then! Demand. 466 00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:46,640 Are you all right, sunshine? I think it's a fungal infection. 467 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,600 You wanna have that checked out. A friend of mine had that. 468 00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,960 Turned out to be extra‐mammary Paget's disease. See? 469 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,760 What even is that? 470 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,160 Well, it's associated with an underlying cancer. 471 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,880 Huh? Have you got any bleeding at all? 472 00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,200 Not that I've noticed. 473 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,600 Itchy scrotum? Or is it just the pubes? 474 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:06,680 Mainly just the pubes. And any discharge? 475 00:22:06,720 --> 00:22:08,480 Oh, come on. Are you a doctor? 476 00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,960 Oh, no, no, but you don't get to my age 477 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,320 without having your fair share of health scares. 478 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,360 The things to avoid are stressful... HEAVY THUD 479 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,760 Fuck! 480 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:22,720 Out of the van! Out of the van! 481 00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:25,480 SHOUTING 482 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:27,560 Give me the keys! 483 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:29,320 Don't hit me! Be cool, man. 484 00:22:29,360 --> 00:22:31,480 Will you shut up?! Fuck! 485 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,480 OK, let's go! Let's go! 486 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,720 Are you all right, Dyldo? 487 00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,040 Ooh! You fuckers! 488 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,440 Fucking keys, dude. 489 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:42,920 Motherfucker! 490 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,920 TYRES SCREECH 491 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,440 Fucker. Well, this is fucked, this, lads. 492 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,520 Dude, they knew we were coming. They must have. Of course! 493 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,920 Cos they got fucking tipped off. This knobhead down here. What? 494 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,800 This is fucking you, this, Ash! How me? 495 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,160 Fucking shy bladder? He couldn't piss. 496 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:10,680 He was fucking buying himself time, so he could bell up them wankers. 497 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,720 And now we've fucking lost him. 498 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,200 What am I gonna tell McCann? I've found them! 499 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:16,760 Thank God for that 500 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:20,120 Ah, fuck... They're in a cowpat. 501 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,800 Fish them out. What if I get mad cow disease or something? 502 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,120 You fucking shot a peacock, dude. Fish them out! 503 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,080 Urgh! Urgh! 504 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:37,440 Now, then, they not gonna be expecting us to chase, 505 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,640 so I reckon we should chase them. They're fucking armed. 506 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,840 Do you wanna be the one who explains to McCann 507 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,720 that we've lost a pigging pensioner? 508 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,560 No. Exactly. 509 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:49,880 Oh, bollocks. 510 00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:53,240 Just get in the van. 511 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,280 This is wrecking my trainers, man. There's no service out here. 512 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,480 I just put my hand in cow shit, so shut up. 513 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:09,600 # ..carry on Across the silver sea... # 514 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,200 TOMMO: Bonjour et bienvenue en France. 515 00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:14,880 Mission accomplished. CAROL: Right, get her out of there. 516 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,560 HORN BLARES 517 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,640 Jesus Christ, you're on the wrong side of the road! 518 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:20,320 You fucking eejit! 519 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:31,040 She can get a plane home, man. I'm not going through that again. 520 00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,360 Hey. I've texted Fingers McGuinness. 521 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,960 He's got a sex shop in Southport. If anyone can find that movie, he can. 522 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,600 Legend. 523 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,440 Grammy, wakey, wakey, rise and shine. 524 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:47,760 Grammy, we're through. It's all good. 525 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,240 You can get up now, come back and sit in the car. 526 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,440 Alma, love. 527 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,560 Alma... 528 00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:54,720 Shit. 529 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,360 Shit what? Er... 530 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:58,520 I'm not a doctor, but, er... 531 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,240 ..I would say, with quite a degree of certainly, that, er... 532 00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,240 HE SNIFFS ..she's dead. 533 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,640 THEY GASP What? 534 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:05,680 No! 535 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,200 Grammy! 536 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,640 Grammy! 537 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,160 Grammy, no‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o! 538 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,480 No‐o‐o‐o‐o‐o! Let's get you out of here. 539 00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:15,680 Has she died? Yeah, but she was very old. 540 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,720 CAROL SOBS Come on. 541 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,760 SOBS AND SNIFFLES 542 00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:26,280 Why did you...? Why did you put her in there? 543 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:28,720 It weren't my idea. It were Tyler's. 544 00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:30,760 I merely endorsed it. 545 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:33,040 N‐N‐Nobody's f‐f‐‐fault, Carol. 546 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,040 Correction, it's his fault. 547 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,160 Or yours. What, m‐m‐mine? 548 00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,040 You stuffed her under there! 549 00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,840 Her an old woman and her on the pills. 550 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,160 I mean, what happened to her? Maybe... 551 00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,040 Maybe it were natural causes. 552 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,360 You stuffed her under the bed of a caravan! 553 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:51,640 Which, in and of itself, won't kill you. 554 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:53,520 What am I going to tell my grandad? 555 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,280 They've been married for nearly 49 years. 556 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,920 Probably... cancel the golden anniversary. 557 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,440 That's my fucking grammy you're talking about! 558 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,120 In fairness, it wouldn't have happened 559 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,920 if she'd remembered her fucking passport. 560 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,480 I'm gonna fucking kill you. Carol, Carol, ssh. 561 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,520 Carol! And she were a racist. 562 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:12,560 CAROL SHOUTS ANGRILY 563 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,000 Can we go on holiday anyway with her just dead? 564 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,120 Er... 565 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:19,760 No, no. No, darling. 566 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,520 Where are these fuckers? They're probably miles away. 567 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,280 Yeah, cos they're bloody professionals. They had masks. 568 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,800 Masks don't make you professional, JJ. They're 1.49 off eBay. 569 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,760 They went straight ahead and there's not been any major turnoff, 570 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,680 so we just keep going and hope... Fuck! 571 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,640 Oh, shit. TYRES SCREECH 572 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:39,920 That's them. 573 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:41,600 See? Shy bladder. Let's get them. 574 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,840 Fuck, the motherfuckers have fucking seen us. 575 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,680 We only want to talk! 576 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,960 "We only wanna talk." 577 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,000 What? It might have bloody worked. 578 00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,480 What the fuck are we gonna talk about, the state of the economy? 579 00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:58,560 For Jesus' sake, you're gonna lose them, Vin. I'm not gonna lose them. 580 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,040 PHONE RINGS This piece of shite can't keep up. 581 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:02,920 Not a good time, Cardi. It's about your gran. 582 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:06,160 Did you not hear me say it's not a good time? What about her? 583 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,600 S‐S‐She's kind of d‐d‐dead. 584 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,040 What do you mean dead? Dead, dead. 585 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,200 She's dead. And talking about stiffs, 586 00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:16,520 did you know your sister's done a porno? Hold on. 587 00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,680 I'll call you back, all right? 588 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,360 Oh, guys, this isn't good. 589 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:24,760 Don't ever mess with my peacocks, you bunch of schmucks. 590 00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,280 He's shooting at us! He's fucking shooting at us! 591 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,280 Armed and dangerous. Drop back. 592 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,880 I'm not gonna drop back. He's gonna kill us! 593 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:35,680 I'm fucking commanding you, stop chasing them. I'm gonna zigzag. 594 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:38,240 Zigzagging?! Fucking listen to yourself! 595 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,520 Can't hit a moving target. Fuck you! 596 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:41,680 Shit! 597 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,120 I'm gonna fucking die collecting an old man that can't piss. 598 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,720 Pipe down, dude, no‐one's dying! 599 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:48,640 ALL SCREAM 600 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,760 TYRES SCREECH 601 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,560 Just calm the... Oi, oi, boys! 602 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,600 Calm the fuck down. Get out of the fucking van. 603 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:57,440 Argh! 604 00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:00,720 Oh, Jesus, his fucking head's come off. Brilliant! 605 00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:03,680 Yeah, that's not good. Not good? 606 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,280 Didn't you see the fucking sign? Misestimated. 607 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,440 Yeah, you fucking misestimated. 608 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:10,520 Now we've got a head rolling about on the floor. 609 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:12,960 Oh, man, his eyes are still open. He's fucking looking at me. 610 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,920 Stop him looking at me! What we gonna do? 611 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,320 What the fuck do you mean? 612 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,200 He's no good to us now. No, well, funnily enough, 613 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,840 he's not much fucking use to us, either, you lemon. 614 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:23,760 PHONE RINGS Oi. 615 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:25,480 Get the fucker. 616 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,120 Fuck, it's McCann. 617 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,720 What do I do? Don't answer it. 618 00:28:29,760 --> 00:28:32,080 Don't answer it! Fucking genius, Dyldo. 619 00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:34,520 What if he knows? How can he fucking know? 620 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:37,200 Will you fucking calm down, Dylan? Calm the fuck on down. 621 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,600 You fucking calm down an' all. Shit! 622 00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,120 All right. RINGING CONTINUES 623 00:28:45,960 --> 00:28:47,960 Hello. Hello, Vin, how's it going? 624 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,400 Yeah, yeah. Good thanks, yeah. Never been be better, actually. 625 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,800 You've got Tillerton? Oh, yeah. 626 00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,120 Looking at his... Looking at his face right now, actually. 627 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,560 Are you on your way back? Doesn't sound like you're driving. 628 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:00,920 No, we, er... 629 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,680 We pulled over. He needed a... He needed a piss. 630 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,640 Oh, yeah, he's got that shy bladder thing, hasn't he? 631 00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,800 No, he's not got that any more. We've cured it, actually. 632 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:12,840 He's like a fucking racehorse. Tony, come on, lad, will you? 633 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:16,240 Shall we see you later on? Yeah, the address I sent. 5pm. 634 00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,040 Right. I'll be there with bells on. Oh, he's fucking gone. 635 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:21,760 Why did you let them get away? Fucking gone. 636 00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:25,080 Took his body. What are we gonna do? He's still looking at me, you know. 637 00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,800 JJ, if you carry on, I'm gonna fucking brain you, dude. 638 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,400 We have to move this head before someone comes. No! 639 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,200 HE EXHALES HEAVILY JJ? 640 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,280 No fucking way am I touching that. 641 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:35,480 Fuck. 642 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:37,680 How are we gonna move a human head? 643 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:39,640 Those Carrot Top dolls. 644 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,880 Go on, Dyl, bro, throw us one of them boxes. 645 00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,440 I've gotta be honest, man, I'm not sure I can do this. 646 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,880 You and me, grab an ear each, it'll be grand. 647 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,880 He looks a bit surprised. Of course he looks fucking surprised. 648 00:29:51,920 --> 00:29:54,880 So would you if you had your head ripped off your shoulders. 649 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,040 Ooh, fuck me. Smells of mackerel, doesn't it? 650 00:29:58,080 --> 00:29:59,560 Yeah, that's the blood. 651 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,040 Or there's every chance he had mackerel for his tea. 652 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:04,880 Oh, dude. 653 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:05,920 Urgh! 654 00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,080 Whoa. 655 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:09,320 Have you got him? Have you got him? 656 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,920 No...! Fucking hell! 657 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:12,440 That was you, that! 658 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,760 You didn't stop it rolling. Brilliant, dickhead. 659 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,880 It's not my fault. You could have broken his nose. 660 00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,160 How the fuck are you two doing? Having a nice afternoon? 661 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,240 Why are you taking it? What are you gonna do with it? 662 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:23,560 What the fuck do you suggest I do? Leave it here? 663 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,280 I think a severed head might raise a few questions, don't you, Dyldo? 664 00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,840 You grab that way. I'll grab this way. 665 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:31,080 Right. 666 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,480 BOTH GRUNT WITH EFFORT 667 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:37,640 Shit. Cyclist! Where? 668 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,560 Cyclist, coming fast. 669 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,480 Shut the door. Afternoon. 670 00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:45,560 Are you all right, mate? 671 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:49,520 Fuck me. 672 00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:56,400 THUNDER RUMBLES 673 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:59,520 We brought a woman into the country illegally and now she's dead. 674 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,160 If we go to the police they'll ask some seriously awkward questions. 675 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,000 Can't we just bury her at sea? Shut up. Poor Grammy. 676 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,600 How I see it, right, we've got two options. 677 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:10,160 No, three. 678 00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:11,720 No...four. 679 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,760 Oh, for God's sake, Tommo! All right. 680 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:16,160 Option A, we go to the fuzz, tell them exactly what happened 681 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,120 and let the chips fall where they may. 682 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:19,520 Do you speak the French? Oui. 683 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,240 Any more than oui? Es‐tu trempe. 684 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,280 What's that? It roughly translates to, "Are you moist?" 685 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:27,000 Well, that's gonna come in handy, innit? 686 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:28,840 Right, B. Option B. 687 00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,680 We arrange for a speedy funeral. Dignified service, 688 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,600 bang her in the oven, on we go like nothing ever happened. 689 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,640 Oven? Oven or grave. 690 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,800 But oven's more environmentally friendly. 691 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,040 So you can organise a swift funeral in a foreign country 692 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,520 that we can afford? I can speak to Gary at Abracadaver, 693 00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:45,440 see if he's got any French connections. 694 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,400 Gay undertaker, there must be a website or WhatsApp group. 695 00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:49,640 C. 696 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,920 Option C would be my favoured option. Being? 697 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,000 We get the booze, we get the gear, mission accomplished. And then... 698 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,240 ..we hide your granny somewhere discreet. 699 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:03,880 Fucking hide her? Look, just think about it. 700 00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,400 We go back, we get her passport, we come back here. 701 00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,280 Then we reveal she's dead. 702 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,160 Voila! No‐one goes to prison. 703 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:13,440 Where are you gonna hide her, Tommo? In a field? In a telephone box? 704 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:15,040 In a fucking roll of carpet? 705 00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:17,400 Obviously not, cos they're terrible options. 706 00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,600 Well, the carpet might work, I suppose. 707 00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:22,480 You killed her, you prick! And now you want to stuff her in some field 708 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,360 and fill the caravan full of drink! I specifically said no to the field. 709 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,200 Look, in case you've forgotten, 710 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,480 we brought an undocumented woman into the country, right? 711 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:33,520 All of us. Joint enterprise. 712 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,760 QED, we are all in the shit together. 713 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,880 You're not fucking hiding her! Fine, what's your big plan? 714 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,040 Right, brought supplies. 715 00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:44,560 How can you eat at a time like this?! 716 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,440 Get off! Oi, eager beaver. 717 00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,360 Carol, nothing's gonna bring your gran back. I'm sorry, OK? 718 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:54,640 But I say we get on with the trip, we... 719 00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,800 ..make the most of the... beautiful weather. 720 00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,600 THUNDER RUMBLES Yeah? 721 00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,160 We pick the booze up, we get...the sweeties. 722 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,160 And then we make a plan when we're on the road, yeah? 723 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,680 Eugh! 724 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:08,160 Quick, quick, quick, quick. 725 00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:12,640 It wasn't S&M. It was just a bit of light spanking. 726 00:33:12,680 --> 00:33:15,320 What's that, like, strangulation? No. 727 00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,160 Face sitting? No. 728 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,320 Nothing poo‐related? Oh, no, no, no. 729 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,720 Where's the fucking caravan? Where is it? 730 00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,240 Feck the caravan, someone's nicked Grammy! 731 00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:28,800 Arrrggghhh! 732 00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:34,960 His words, his exact words, were, "Get him back safe." 733 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,400 Not just his head. Not just his fucking bonce. 734 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:40,800 He wanted to have a word with him. "Come for a nice day out," he said. 735 00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,880 "Smoke a spliff, a few tunes." 736 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,160 And what have I done? I shot a peacock... 737 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:49,320 ..and I'm sat next to a box with a head in it. 738 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,160 It's like Se7en. 739 00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,000 TEARFULLY: It's my gran, she's just gone. 740 00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:00,120 It was probably her heart, you know. Black old heart on her. 741 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,000 She was always smoking cigarettes. Fuck! That's what we tell him. 742 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,560 That's what we tell Terence. 743 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,840 What, that he got trapped in the seat of a caravan? No! 744 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,800 Fucking ring Gary at Abracadaver. 745 00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:12,520 Tell him we're coming over and it's urgent. Fucking go on. 746 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,280 That's it, like, we have to tell the police. Yeah... 747 00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,360 Ah, mm, yes. HE SNIFFS 748 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,760 I, er... I agree and, er... HE CLEARS HIS THROAT 749 00:34:19,800 --> 00:34:21,280 ..I understand your logic. 750 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,480 But, er, before we go down that particular...avenue, 751 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,880 there might be a few matters it would be prudent for you know about. 752 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:29,240 Like what? Well... 753 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:33,240 A, that wasn't exactly my caravan. 754 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,760 When you say not exactly...? Well, you know, er, not at all. 755 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:39,120 It was nicked from outside a dog kennels in Keighley. 756 00:34:39,160 --> 00:34:40,560 B? B... 757 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,400 I don't actually have a driver's licence, 758 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,320 so we can't say I was behind the wheel, 759 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,520 which is a problem if they check the security footage in Calais and... 760 00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:49,360 C... There's a C. 761 00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:50,600 There's a fucking C. 762 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,720 C, I have a criminal record in France 763 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:54,480 due to an incident several years ago 764 00:34:54,520 --> 00:34:56,280 involving a couple of exchange students 765 00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,240 and a glory hole in a Paris cinema bathroom. 766 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:00,600 Jesus Christ, Tommo! What's a glory hole? 767 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,240 It's a hole you put your... Cardi! 768 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,200 It's... It's for sweets. 769 00:35:06,240 --> 00:35:08,280 You all seem to be forgetting that my grammy... 770 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,960 The racist... ..is dead and AWOL. 771 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:14,400 What if we never see her again? Hey, hey, hey, look, look. 772 00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:17,000 We've saved money on t'funeral. Right, that's it! 773 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,960 Who wants to make a porno?! 774 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,880 Anyone?! 775 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,800 Anyone want to fuck?! She's in shock and grief. 776 00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:26,840 And soon, Eager Beavers 23. What? 777 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:30,240 Carol! 778 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,280 Are we on holiday now? 779 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:37,720 What do you want me to do? 780 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,960 Look at it! It's like you've been using it as a fucking pinata. 781 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,840 Superficial, innit, man of your skills, Gary. And then what? 782 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:45,880 Where's the rest of him? Well, fucking hell, 783 00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:48,400 that's where the big favour comes in, cos we've lost him. 784 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,560 You've lost him? Yeah. Well, no, no. 785 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,120 He got stolen, to be fair. It's a fucking long story. 786 00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,360 Look, the good news is we do have the head. 787 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,480 So I say we stitch that head on to another body. Whoa, whoa, whoa! 788 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,760 Sew that head on to another body? Yeah. 789 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:04,720 I mean, dude, you must have some lying around. Er, yeah, I have. 790 00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,800 But oddly enough, Vin, the bodies are still attached to the head. 791 00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:09,760 They're intact. All right. 792 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,080 So, let's just say, for argument's sake, 793 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:16,400 one of them heads was to fall off that body, right? 794 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,560 And then we get that head and stitch it on to that body 795 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:23,560 and borrow it for, like, two fucking hours. Is that deeply unethical? 796 00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,080 Yes. 797 00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:29,120 Utterly contemptible, unthinkable, undignified. 798 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:30,520 300 quid. Done. 799 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:31,920 Sick. 800 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,440 All right, so... 801 00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,160 ..we've got sort of a fat fella. 802 00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:38,680 And, er, like, a thin woman. 803 00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:40,760 And... 804 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:44,400 ..a black lad. 805 00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,560 So there's no perfect match. 806 00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:51,320 ELECTRICAL SAW WHIRS AND STOPS 807 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:53,120 All right, one of yous has to catch it. 808 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,480 Dyl? No fucking chance. 809 00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:57,760 My gran died earlier today. 810 00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:59,520 Fuck, dude! 811 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,720 I've been fucking lifting his head all day long. 812 00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,040 Quickly, now. This is fucked. 813 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,240 ELECTRICAL SAW WHIRS Oh, dude! Fuck! 814 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:10,600 ELECTRICAL SAW STOPS Fuck, it went in my fucking mouth! 815 00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,880 How am I supposed to know where it's gonna spray? It's not my fault! 816 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,240 I'm doing you a favour! Fucking hell, why's his dick out? 817 00:37:17,280 --> 00:37:19,600 Because he's dead! What do you mean, "Why is his dick out?" 818 00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:22,160 What do you want? Shorts? Yeah, some short something. 819 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,840 A bit of dignity for t'poor lad. Just hold his head! 820 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:25,920 Jesus Christ, dude. 821 00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,520 It's fucking... It's like he's staring at me dude, all limp. 822 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:32,680 Why does it smell of burnt dog meat? It's fucking horrible. 823 00:37:32,720 --> 00:37:35,200 Why's it smell like that? You get used to it, OK? 824 00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:37,320 And, to be honest, I find it quite relaxing. 825 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:38,760 Hold his head! Urgh! 826 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,200 WHIRRING Eugh! 827 00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:42,720 Right, here we go! 828 00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:44,880 Oh, fucking... Jesus! 829 00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,320 Eugh! Whoa! 830 00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:48,000 Here we go! 831 00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,040 Urgh! Pull it! Pull it! 832 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,800 SPLASHING Eugh! Eugh! 833 00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,320 Eugh! HEAVY THUD 834 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:57,800 Eugh! 835 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,080 Fuck! Just get me the other one! 836 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,120 Fuck. Urgh! Urgh! 837 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:03,280 Oh... 838 00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:05,880 I don't know if we're gonna have enough neck here to stitch it on. 839 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,360 Urgh! Urgh! 840 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,480 We're gonna have to put a scarf on him. 841 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,320 Here we go. There we are, two o'clock. 842 00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,320 T‐T‐Two o'clock? 843 00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:20,080 Ahead and right a bit. 844 00:38:21,480 --> 00:38:24,120 What are you saying two o'clock for? Like on a clock. 845 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,920 Fucking hell. Him, there, dickhead. 846 00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:28,640 With the beard and the bloody terrible sandals. 847 00:38:28,680 --> 00:38:30,600 Keys straight in his jacket pocket. 848 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:32,320 Go on, off you pop. 849 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:34,520 Go on. 850 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,040 Oh! Sorry, sorry. Pardon, pardon. 851 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,400 Er, yeah. No, I'm fine, I'm grand. 852 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,040 S‐S‐Sorry. Sorry. 853 00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,320 Ah, success. 854 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,320 Right, where is it? 855 00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,400 Where have you parked, 856 00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,320 you sandal‐wearing prick? 857 00:39:00,960 --> 00:39:02,960 CAR LOCK CHIRRUPS 858 00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,480 CAR LOCK CHIRRUPS You have got to be shitting me. 859 00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:17,880 How are we all gonna fit in that? We've got no choice. Get in. 860 00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:19,920 PHONE RINGS 861 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:25,240 Fingers? 862 00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,840 You've got it? 863 00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:30,320 You, sir, are the Inspector Morse of minge. 864 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:32,800 I spoke to Fingers. 865 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:35,920 Am I or am I not a genius? 866 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:46,680 # Whoa, baby 867 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:50,200 # Whoa, babe, I got you 868 00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:54,760 # Whoa, baby 869 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,120 # Whoa, babe, I got you... # 870 00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:01,840 Shit. 871 00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,080 That's him. 872 00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,400 Right, just let me do all t'talking, yeah? 873 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,200 Mr McCann! 874 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:11,520 Where is he? He's in the back of the van. 875 00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:13,560 I wanna see him. Yeah, he's, er... 876 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:15,920 He just started panicking on the way here. 877 00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:18,040 Like, fucking hyperventilating and that. 878 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,360 I think he's had a heart attack, you know. 879 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:23,360 Open up, then. 880 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:26,000 Go on. 881 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,960 He said he'd put on some weight. It's probably stress. 882 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:35,720 It was very quick. 883 00:40:41,720 --> 00:40:43,400 You bastard. 884 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,000 You cheated my fucking wrath with death, you cunt! 885 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:50,640 HEAVY THUMP 886 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,080 Is this your fucking way out, is it, eh? 887 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,120 Is this your fucking escape route? 888 00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:59,280 HEAVY THUMPING 889 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,960 See that face? The face of a traitor. 890 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,480 The face of a man who tried to fucking cheat his fucking paymaster. 891 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,800 SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC 892 00:41:23,960 --> 00:41:25,400 Are these the dolls? 893 00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,040 DOLL CHATTERS IN CHINESE 894 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,400 Ha! 895 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,440 The girls are gonna love these. 896 00:41:30,480 --> 00:41:32,000 Get rid of him. 897 00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:36,240 I've weed myself a little bit. 898 00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:48,480 PHONE PINGS Oh. 899 00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,600 Hey up... 900 00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:53,400 HE SNIFFS 901 00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:56,200 Er, I need a pee. 902 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,640 Yep. I'll, er... 903 00:41:58,680 --> 00:41:59,960 ..just pull over. 904 00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,120 Right, dead quick. Come on. 905 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,120 Carol, smell that smell there? 906 00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,160 CAROL MOANS ON VIDEO Oh... 907 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,760 Is that a dog lead? Oi! Eyes off, you. 908 00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:25,440 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 909 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,480 CAROL GROANS ON VIDEO Oh, Christ. 910 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,520 CAROL MOANS AND YELLS That... 911 00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,280 MOANING CONTINUES That's... 912 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,280 That is worse than spanking! Carol! 913 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,600 Carol! MOANING CONTINUES ON VIDEO 914 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:36,960 Oh, shit! 915 00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:38,000 Dude, t‐t‐the car. 916 00:42:39,120 --> 00:42:42,920 The car's... I spy with my little eye, 917 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,680 something beginning with F. PHONE RINGS 918 00:42:45,720 --> 00:42:47,200 Oh, shit. 919 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,480 All right, Vin, how's it going? Yeah, good, thanks, yeah. 920 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,040 How's the trip? 921 00:42:55,080 --> 00:42:57,880 Great, thanks. Just having a nice day out. 922 00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,600 Yeah, the same. 923 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,000 Lovely day out. Hm! 924 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,600 Grammy! 925 00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:15,680 Fuck... 926 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:32,920 HE GRUNTS 927 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:37,320 Ready? Ready, yeah. 928 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:38,520 Whoa! 929 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,560 Wow, that's a gasper, isn't it? 930 00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:42,320 CHUCKLES 931 00:43:42,360 --> 00:43:44,640 That is a bad boy. Hell's teeth! 932 00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,320 Right. HE CHUCKLES 933 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:47,840 I'll be back in a sec. 934 00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,600 What a phallus. 935 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,600 Huh! 936 00:43:52,640 --> 00:43:54,080 Oh, God! 937 00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:56,320 What about the itching, though? 938 00:43:57,400 --> 00:43:59,400 Crabs? Crabs, yeah. 939 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,360 # I got so much trouble in my mind 940 00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,480 # I got so much trouble in my mind 941 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:10,640 # I got so much trouble in my mind 942 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,840 # I got so much trouble in my mind 943 00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:19,080 # Give me the strength to carry on 944 00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:23,160 # Give me the strength To carry on... # 945 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:27,480 Subtitles by ITV SignPost