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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
[BABY COOING]
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[PA CHIMES]
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER PA]
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[BABIES COOING, SOBBING]
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MIKE: Hi, everybody.
It's October 5th.
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Uh. 07:17 p.m.,
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and we are in the maternity ward
at Good Sam Hospital.
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SUE: Hon, I think we'll remember
where and when we had our baby.
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MIKE: It's for posterity, hon.
SUE: Well, for posterity,
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why don't you take
the lens cap off?
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MIKE: Oh. Good call.
There we go.
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And there she is! Hi, Phoebe!
Who's your new friend?
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SUE: Mike, stop filming
a stranger's baby.
[COOS]
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WOMAN: [CHUCKLES]
That's okay, she's with me.
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SUE: Aw!
They're pretty cute together.
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WOMAN: You'll have to make me
a copy.
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I'm Nora, by the way.
SUE: Sue.
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NORA: Here,
I'll give you my number
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and maybe we can get
these two together sometime.
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SUE: Yeah, I'd like that.
NORA: Hear that, Emma?
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Day one, you've already made
your first friend.
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["MAKING BREAKFAST" PLAYING]
♪ Watching the garden grow ♪
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♪ Happy, happy days
Got egg yolk on my bed ♪
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♪ Chinese food on the way
Watching the garden grow ♪
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♪ Straight into the sky
Got a candle by my window ♪
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♪ That keeps me warm at night
Spending time together ♪
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♪ Watch out
Don't let it get you down ♪
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♪ And nothing is forever
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00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:48,934
♪ That's right
But don't let it get you down ♪
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♪ And I'm sitting in the back
Of a limousine ♪
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♪ Oh, just going to a show ♪
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♪ Wishing you were here
Right next to me ♪
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00:02:02,948 --> 00:02:06,038
♪ Oh, but you already know ♪
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00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:10,521
♪ That I'm the one
Who loves you ♪
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00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:14,395
♪ Watch out
Don't let it get you down ♪
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♪ And there will be no other
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♪ That's right
But don't let it get you down ♪
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♪ Oh, yeah, make it rain ♪
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♪ Watching the garden grow
Such a beautiful day ♪
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♪ It's raining
Through the window ♪
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♪ But I like it that way
Watching the garden grow ♪
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♪ The color of your eyes
Is changing with the seasons ♪
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♪ And God only knows why ♪
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♪ Spending time together ♪
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♪ Watch out
Don't let it get you down ♪
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♪ And there will be no other
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♪ That's right
But don't let it get you down ♪
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♪ Oh, yeah, make it rain ♪
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[EXHALES DEEPLY]
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♪ Watching the garden grow
Such a beautiful day ♪
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♪ It's raining
Through the window ♪
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♪ But I like it that way
Watching the garden grow ♪
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♪ The color of your eyes ♪
[GRUNTS]
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♪ Is changing
With the seasons...♪
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
[SONG CONCLUDES]
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[MUFFLED] Sorry, not open yet!
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I'm a public school teacher.
I can't afford fresh flowers.
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PHOEBE: Wow! Look at you!
Hello!
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Okay!
Coffee.
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Oh, you're the best.
I got you something.
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Oh!
PHOEBE: I am loving this
first-day-of-school blowout.
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And then I slowly devolve to
the early-December wet topknot.
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She is cute too.
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Happy teacher new year.
It's a snake plant.
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It's supposed
to increase oxygen,
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so maybe it'll help keep
your students awake.
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Doubtful, but thank you.
[LAUGHS] Okay, here's to...
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a whole new class
of pimply faces... [CHUCKLES]
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...looking up at you in earnest.
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New beginnings.
New notebooks.
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And, um, what are we gonna
fill our pages with
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00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:09,597
this year, Pheebs?
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No.
What do you mean, "No"?
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I haven't even
said anything yet.
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PHOEBE: No, you don't have to.
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At the start
of every school year,
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you come to me
with some insane idea.
That's not true.
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Junior year, fencing lessons.
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Which you failed to mention
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were only so you could flirt
with dum-dum Mark Zammit.
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Without those fencing lessons,
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you and I are not working
at the Ren faire that summer.
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Em, that was
the worst summer ever.
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What? You love working outside.
It was 110 degrees.
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And they only paid us
in leg of lamb.
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Someday I will learn my lesson,
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and stop getting sucked
into your schemes.
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They're not schemes,
they're a celebration of life.
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Oh.
A search for what the French
call joie de vivre.
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[CHUCKLES]
And what do the French call
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"torn meniscus"?
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Because that is what I got from
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from our last celebration
of life.
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You can't tell me
the Tough Mudder
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wasn't worth it.
You had to carry me
over the finish line.
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Of course, because you are
my ride or die.
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00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:04,565
Exactly. I literally rode you,
and I almost died.
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00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,523
Okay, but what if I told you
that this year's idea--
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00:05:06,654 --> 00:05:07,959
So there is an idea.
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Of course there is.
Shit. Fuck. Balls.
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I mean, who am I
if I'm not taking on way more
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than I can handle,
and dragging you into it,
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so I have someone to say,
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"Em! [GASPS] I don't know
how you do it all."
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I don't know why you do it all.
I fear stillness.
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[CHUCKLES] Mm.
EMMA: Okay,
but what if I told you
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that this year's idea
is more rewarding
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than anything we've ever done,
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and it can be done
almost entirely
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from the comfort of home.
Okay. Okay, fine. Hit me.
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[QUIRKY, UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
What is this year's big idea?
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Let's have kids.
What?
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Fuck that.
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Okay.
Give me one reason why not.
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I will give you the reason.
I am not ready.
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You don't know that.
Oh, but I do.
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I love to sleep,
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I swear like
a fuckin' slutty sailor...
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Hmm.
...and my favorite thing
in the world
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is a... [WHISPERS]
...quiet Sunday brunch
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with a crossword puzzle,
and a Bloody Mary. Or three.
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None of the things
are fuckin' baby friendly, Emma.
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Mm-hmm. It's scary, I get it.
But hear me out.
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No, don't go for a list.
She's going for a list
'cause she made a list.
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She always makes a list.
"Based on extensive research,
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I have deduced that
being pregnant sucks balls."
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You quoting a medical journal
on that one?
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"And giving birth sounds like
the kind of pain that humans
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don't even have
a point of reference for."
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Oh, good. Good, good, good.
"And then you have the baby,
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and life as you know it
is essentially over,
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as this tiny being
slowly devours
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your body, mind, and spirit,
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00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,823
with absolutely no awareness
or gratitude
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for what you've done."
Fun!
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But it's not gonna be like that
for us, okay?
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Because we have a secret weapon.
We are gonna do this together.
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Okay. A+ for planning.
Um. Here's the thing.
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I don't know anything
about babies.
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That's why you have me.
I am your newborn cheat-sheet.
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00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,928
I'm already researching
best-in-class products,
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physical and emotional
development checkpoints,
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sleep training.
[SIGHS]
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Okay, remember spring break
in Mexico?
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Okay, you didn't wanna go,
I planned the whole thing,
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and what did you say?
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You said it was the best week
of your life. Exactly.
Best week in my life ever.
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00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,028
Yeah, but okay,
that was one week
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with our friends in Cancun.
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00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:04,424
This is 18 years
with someone I have never met.
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00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:07,078
And you know I am not a fan
of new people.
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You think...
you think I feel ready?
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00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:11,822
You've done PhD-level research.
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00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,781
I mean, you probably even know
when you're ovulating,
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00:07:13,868 --> 00:07:15,870
you little freak.
I do.
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00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,046
But that's only because I went
to an OB last week
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00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,482
to make sure, like,
the hardware looked good,
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00:07:19,569 --> 00:07:22,137
and she called me
a baby-making machine,
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00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,138
by the way.
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[LAUGHS]
EMMA: No big deal.
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00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,271
And she made
an ovulation calendar for me.
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00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:29,492
See? Ready.
Meanwhile, not ready.
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00:07:29,623 --> 00:07:32,495
I'm like two years overdue
on a gyno visit,
166
00:07:32,582 --> 00:07:35,367
and... I can't even tell you
when my next period is.
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00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,195
September 4th,
maybe September 3rd,
168
00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,110
if you've been eating
a lot of vitamin C.
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00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,112
That's sick. You're sick, Emma.
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00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:43,245
Fine. Maybe you're not ready...
PHOEBE: Mm-hmm.
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00:07:43,332 --> 00:07:44,681
...okay, but we are.
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Plus, look how good you are
at growing things.
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Look at this. It's beautiful.
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00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:51,079
Okay, sure, but the timing
has to be right.
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You don't, like,
plant tomatoes in winter.
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EMMA: It's 80 degrees out.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
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00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:57,215
You're taking the metaphor
too literally.
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00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,479
They say that raising kids
takes a village, right?
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00:07:59,609 --> 00:08:01,437
Mm-hmm.
Well, I think for most people
180
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,439
the hardest part
is finding their village...
PHOEBE: Mm-hmm.
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00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,702
...and I found mine
the day I was born.
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00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:09,706
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
Wow. The Day One photo.
183
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,361
Yeah.
You're really pulling out
all the stops on this one.
184
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:15,190
We're so cute.
Look at those baby moms.
185
00:08:15,277 --> 00:08:18,019
They're so young. Wow.
186
00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:22,371
So, what do you say?
I'm not doing this without you.
187
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:25,200
You wanna, like,
plant some tomatoes?
188
00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,813
Fuck it.
Oh, my God!
189
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,641
Oh, my God, This is so exciting!
Let's do it.
190
00:08:31,728 --> 00:08:33,077
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Just checking.
191
00:08:33,164 --> 00:08:35,427
You didn't think
I meant literal tomatoes?
[CHUCKLES]
192
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No, let's make babies!
That's what I thought!
193
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,432
Oh, my God!
Let's make some babies!
Oh, my God!
194
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:42,086
I love you so much.
I've never loved you more.
195
00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,523
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
EMMA: Wow.
196
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,089
What do you think
our husbands are gonna say?
197
00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:47,004
Oh, since when
do they get a vote?
198
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:49,224
[BOTH LAUGH]
199
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:51,487
[CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
200
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:57,798
[DOOR CLOSING]
[LONG SIGH]
201
00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:01,236
How was your day?
Oh, my God, I'm exhausted.
202
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,498
[BOTH SMOOCH]
203
00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:04,239
So ready to crash.
Do you wanna have sex?
204
00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:07,198
Second wind.
Oh! [CHUCKLES]
205
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,810
[GRUNTS]
That was pretty cool, right?
Doctor...
206
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:12,682
Not bad.
[SNORTS, CHUCKLES]
207
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:13,640
[BOTH SMOOCH]
208
00:09:13,814 --> 00:09:14,858
Honestly, I think
I hurt my wrist.
209
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:16,686
Oh, honey.
I'm okay.
210
00:09:16,773 --> 00:09:20,385
Okay, great. [CHUCKLES, SMOOCH]
[INHALES, SMOOCH]
211
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:23,127
[SULTRY SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING]
[LIGHTS CLICKING]
212
00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,216
EMMA: These are horrible.
Oh, God.
213
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,611
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Okay.
214
00:09:29,917 --> 00:09:30,744
[CLEARS THROAT]
215
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,051
Mm.
216
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,837
♪ Thinkin' about you daily
Is the regular ♪
217
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,926
♪ I run it 'cause you special
Makes me know ♪
218
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,581
♪ I gotta step it up...
BEN: Emma?
219
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,670
Uh. [CLEARS THROAT]
In the bedroom.
220
00:09:44,845 --> 00:09:47,543
Hey there.
Well, hello.
221
00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:49,371
Where'd you get
this little number?
222
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:50,546
Oh, this old thing?
223
00:09:50,633 --> 00:09:51,895
It's part
of my Ruth Bader Ginsburg
224
00:09:51,982 --> 00:09:52,983
Halloween costume.
225
00:09:53,114 --> 00:09:55,812
Oh, Ruth Bader "Skinsburg."
I remember.
226
00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,466
[LAUGHS] Skinsburg!
227
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,033
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
228
00:09:59,120 --> 00:09:59,990
[GRUNTS]
229
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:06,562
[BOTH SMOOCH]
230
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:09,434
Um.
231
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:13,090
[BOTH GIGGLE]
[MELLOW MUSIC OVERLAPPING]
232
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:16,180
You wanna... make a baby?
233
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:18,748
You serious?
234
00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,447
I mean-- I mean, you know
I like making things,
235
00:10:22,534 --> 00:10:24,319
esp... especially with you.
236
00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:26,234
Remember we made
that bird house?
237
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:28,192
[BEN CHUCKLES]
How much harder
can a human life be?
238
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,324
I can't imagine much.
239
00:10:29,716 --> 00:10:32,022
[BEN CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
So, you wanna...
240
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:33,720
Yeah.
241
00:10:34,764 --> 00:10:35,635
[BOTH SMOOCH]
242
00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,114
It'll be just like
that banana bread we made.
243
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:39,682
[SNORTS, LAUGHS]
[CHUCKLES]
244
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:42,946
[CHEERFUL ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
245
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,516
BEN: Still one line.
[SHUSHES]
246
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,170
I don't think it can hear us.
247
00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,128
How long has it been?
Let me see.
248
00:10:51,302 --> 00:10:53,217
Going on one hour
and 17 minutes.
249
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,524
[SIGHS] I guess
that's probably a no.
250
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,395
Yeah, I think this one's a no.
[SIGHS]
251
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,658
It's... it.. it's fine.
252
00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,311
It's just been a couple months,
you know?
253
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:01,922
It just means we can try again.
254
00:11:03,532 --> 00:11:05,665
You're right. Let's go!
Hmm.
255
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:08,668
What, like right now?
256
00:11:12,541 --> 00:11:14,848
[RETCHES, INHALES SHARPLY]
257
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:18,503
Oh, my God.
258
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,028
[GROANS]
259
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,381
EMMA: These illustrations
are weird.
260
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,644
I mean, it's just making it
more confusing.
261
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:30,733
I know. But I think
if they use real people,
262
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,082
then it would
just be pornography.
263
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:34,955
Oh, right.
It looks like Ikea instructions.
264
00:11:35,042 --> 00:11:36,478
BEN: Yeah.
EMMA: It's weird.
265
00:11:36,608 --> 00:11:37,697
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
266
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:40,917
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
All right.
267
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:43,180
Okay, so, you're an engineer.
268
00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,226
These are basically
sexual blueprints,
269
00:11:45,313 --> 00:11:48,142
so, what am I looking at here?
I mean, what is that?
270
00:11:48,272 --> 00:11:50,318
How can you even get
into that position?
271
00:11:50,448 --> 00:11:51,841
Oh, no. Well, see,
that would be you.
272
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,190
See, that's you.
Oh.
273
00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:54,670
I'm the one on top there.
[GASPS]
274
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,367
Oh, so you're--
Okay, so you're, like,
275
00:11:56,454 --> 00:11:58,326
you're... you're sitting on me.
Yeah.
276
00:11:58,456 --> 00:12:00,328
Oh.
It's-- It's called the, uh...
the Butter Churner.
277
00:12:00,458 --> 00:12:01,764
The Butter Churner.
Mm-hmm.
278
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,940
Now, see, if you reverse it,
and you flip it,
279
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,290
then you see, you'd be on top,
280
00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:08,858
now that one's called
the Gentleman, uh, Accordion.
281
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,599
Huh.
'Cause it goes... you know.
282
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:11,861
Yeah, I see it.
Yeah.
283
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:14,516
Just to level expectations,
I pulled a hamstring yesterday,
284
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,562
so both of these are out for me.
285
00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:20,522
I mean, I could maybe try
the Twisted Samurai here,
286
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,524
or the, uh,
the Broken Paddleboard
287
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:23,743
on this side here,
288
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,701
but I mean, both of those
seem even a little dicey.
289
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:27,268
Have you done all these before?
No.
290
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,487
You seem to know all the names.
No, of course.
291
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:31,663
No, it's just... just...
just guy wisdom.
292
00:12:31,794 --> 00:12:33,274
Oh! Oh, it's guy wisdom?
293
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:35,276
Yeah. Just passed down,
you know... Oh.
294
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:36,799
...with oral history.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
295
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:39,062
Oh. Hold on.
296
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:41,761
[CELL PHONE CLICKS]
Hey.
297
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:44,111
Hey, do you have
a... a second to talk?
298
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:45,112
Sure, what's up?
299
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:46,417
Study this,
and take your pants off.
300
00:12:46,504 --> 00:12:47,418
This'll be quick.
301
00:12:47,636 --> 00:12:49,812
Oh, my God.
Are you trying... right now?
302
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:51,727
Trying to try?
We're kind of, you know,
303
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,121
doing a dry run
of some new strategies.
304
00:12:54,251 --> 00:12:57,124
Dude, call me back.
Why did you even pick up?
305
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,212
You called twice.
306
00:12:58,516 --> 00:12:59,735
You only call twice
when it's an emergency.
307
00:12:59,953 --> 00:13:01,650
So, come on,
what's the emergency?
308
00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,522
Not an emergency.
Uh. Just hanging.
309
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:07,612
Um. Thinking, you wanna
maybe come by?
310
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:10,398
After... you're finished?
EMMA: [OVER CELL PHONE] Sure.
311
00:13:10,528 --> 00:13:11,703
You can relax.
312
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:13,444
I think we'll just do it
the regular way.
313
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,272
Yes!
All right?
All right, be there in ten.
314
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,274
Apology coffee.
315
00:13:17,405 --> 00:13:18,449
Shouldn't have
answered the phone
316
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,234
during foreplay,
if you can even call it that.
317
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:23,019
You know Ben went
Frisbee golfing yesterday?
318
00:13:23,106 --> 00:13:24,499
I know
it's just so he could avoid sex
319
00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:25,587
for a few hours.
320
00:13:26,022 --> 00:13:26,980
I think he's afraid
I'm gonna break his dick.
321
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:27,894
It's a good strategy.
322
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:29,069
I mean,
there's nothing less sexy
323
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:30,374
than Frisbee golf.
324
00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:32,855
I just wanna be like,
"Ben, you get turned on
325
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:34,161
when you see an avocado."
[PHOEBE GRUNTS]
326
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,466
And now, all of a sudden
he's saying
327
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:38,295
he's not a farm animal,
and wants to be in the mood.
328
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:39,644
You think
I'm in the mood every time?
329
00:13:39,731 --> 00:13:41,298
Would I rather be
organizing books by color?
330
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:44,388
Yeah! Sometimes.
But eventually, you get into it.
331
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,173
Fingers crossed. [CHUCKLES]
EMMA: Right? [CHUCKLES]
332
00:13:46,434 --> 00:13:48,349
That's why I'm so glad
we're doing this together.
333
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:50,394
Mm.
And I know I'm overreacting.
334
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:51,787
I mean, statistically speaking,
335
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,049
what are the chances
of getting pregnant
336
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:53,920
on your first cycle?
337
00:13:54,268 --> 00:13:56,270
Twenty-five percent.
Exactly, 25 percent.
338
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,837
If there's a 25 percent chance
of rain,
339
00:13:57,924 --> 00:13:59,534
I'm not bothering
with an umbrella, right?
340
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,231
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
341
00:14:03,277 --> 00:14:04,887
Oh, my God.
I don't know for sure.
342
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:09,152
But I did just puke my guts out,
and... I missed my period.
343
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,198
What? How long ago?
Okay, I missed two periods.
344
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:12,460
Oh, my God!
345
00:14:12,590 --> 00:14:14,288
I have an avoidant personality,
you know this.
346
00:14:14,418 --> 00:14:16,116
Okay, well,
why haven't you taken a test?
I bought one,
347
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,205
but I'm too scared
to take it alone.
348
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,120
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Oh.
349
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:26,300
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
350
00:14:28,389 --> 00:14:29,303
I can't look.
351
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:36,745
[BREATHES DEEPLY,
CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
352
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,791
[GIGGLES]
[CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
353
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,882
[GASPS]
[SOBS]
354
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:48,061
[PHOEBE GASPS, SOBS]
355
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,628
I'm gonna go out
on a very sturdy limb,
356
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,717
and assume you don't have
an OB yet?
357
00:14:52,848 --> 00:14:53,980
Yeah.
I'll send you
some names. [CHUCKLES]
358
00:14:54,067 --> 00:14:55,416
Thank you. Also, my mom.
359
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:58,114
You absolutely have to be there
when I tell my mom.
360
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:01,030
Pheebs...
Dude, she calls you
the daughter she never had.
361
00:15:01,117 --> 00:15:03,467
To me, her actual daughter.
362
00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:05,121
Remember when she awkwardly
offered to adopt me
363
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:06,296
after my parents died?
364
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,298
[GASPS] Do I remember
when my mom tried to adopt
365
00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,822
a 23-year-old grown-ass woman?
I do.
366
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,520
You know big news
freaks her out.
367
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,043
She'll hop
on her catastrophe train,
368
00:15:14,130 --> 00:15:15,827
and blow
right through Happy Town.
369
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,526
But she, like, tries
to be her best self with you,
370
00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:21,355
so if you are there,
we won't fight.
371
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,400
But that's never
stopped you before.
372
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:24,880
We argue around you,
we don't fight.
373
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:25,881
There is a difference.
374
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,317
Okay, I promise
I'm not gonna be
375
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:28,623
this needy the whole time.
376
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,539
Listen to me.
Listen, you better be.
377
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:34,542
Thank you.
[BREATHES DEEPLY] Oh, my God.
378
00:15:34,672 --> 00:15:37,153
Okay, let's get a picture.
First one of the three of us!
379
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,807
Okay. Yeah. Wow.
380
00:15:38,894 --> 00:15:40,461
Ready?
Okay. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
381
00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:43,855
Say "embryonic development!"
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
382
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,249
- I'll call you later!
- Okay.
383
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:47,859
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
[MERRY MUSIC PLAYING]
384
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,210
Now go get...
[WHISPERS] ...fucking pregnant!
385
00:15:50,297 --> 00:15:52,125
[CHUCKLES] 'Cause I am not
doing this alone.
386
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,388
You heard her.
Get your shit together!
387
00:15:54,518 --> 00:15:56,999
[CHUCKLES] Yeah!
I love you. Both of you!
388
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,567
I love you too--
We... we love you too!
389
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:00,829
EMMA: Oh, I'm so excited.
390
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:02,874
I'm already planning
your baby shower.
391
00:16:03,005 --> 00:16:04,528
D... do not.
Too late.
392
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:07,053
Hatching theme.
Get ready for an omelet bar.
393
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:08,184
[CHUCKLES]
I'm walking away.
394
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:11,057
A banner that says,
"She's Egg-specting"?
395
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:14,190
Can't... can't hear you anymore!
EMMA:
Oh, this is gonna be great!
396
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:18,412
Ah. [CHUCKLES] "Egg-specting."
That's pretty good. That's good.
397
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:22,329
[CHUCKLES, YELLS] Fuck!
398
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:26,594
ROB: You do not want kids.
399
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,249
I think we do.
Kids are a pain in the ass.
400
00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:32,556
Fresh cervezas por mi familia?
401
00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:35,298
Thanks, hon.
Oh, baby and I are Duolingo-ing.
402
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:38,171
Should the, uh, baby's
first words be, uh, "beer"?
403
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,737
Si. Okay.
404
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,523
AMANDA: Um. You--
BEN: You know that?
Let me just help you out.
405
00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:46,266
Ah! Gracias, Benito.
BEN: Oh, de... de nada.
406
00:16:46,353 --> 00:16:48,964
ROB: Look, Em, I'm sorry
Phoebe lapped you...
[GULPS, EXHALES]
407
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:52,141
...in this weird pregnancy race
you guys were running together.
408
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,925
She did not lap me.
409
00:16:54,056 --> 00:16:55,492
I mean,
she... she might be ahead,
410
00:16:55,579 --> 00:16:57,407
but I'm still on the track.
411
00:16:57,799 --> 00:17:00,541
How does she look, by the way?
Don't do that.
412
00:17:00,671 --> 00:17:02,108
Stupid question.
I'm sure she looks incredible.
413
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,587
You're gross. You're so gross.
414
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,024
Seriously,
I'm just being honest.
415
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,982
Kids are
a goddamn nightmare. All right?
416
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,289
They fight all the time,
they're ungrateful.
417
00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:11,465
They're expensive.
We can hear you, Dad.
418
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,728
Get over here.
Come on, come see me.
419
00:17:14,816 --> 00:17:17,688
You too, Al. Come here.
Okay, tell me everything.
420
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,300
What do you guys want
for Christmas?
421
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:23,172
Oh, I want a purple Tesla.
EMMA: Oh, cool. What about you?
422
00:17:23,303 --> 00:17:26,523
I want a boa constrictor
with some mice.
[GASPS] Oh.
423
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:27,916
EMMA: With some mice!
424
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:30,049
When you have a baby,
will I still be your favorite?
425
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:33,574
Mom! Stevie said
she's Emma's favorite!
426
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,880
Listen to me,
you are both my favorites.
427
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,143
Forever and always.
428
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,667
Girls, why don't you
go watch Bluey.
429
00:17:39,754 --> 00:17:41,234
I'm picking the episode!
430
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:45,151
We have to agree!
[CHUCKLES]
431
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:47,457
You guys fuck with Bluey?
[EXHALES] Yeah.
432
00:17:47,544 --> 00:17:49,677
Do we fuck with Bluey?
I'm sorry, what's that?
433
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:53,246
Greatest show ever created.
See? There you go, you know?
434
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,030
Having kids
introduced you to "Bluesy."
435
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,162
BOTH: Bluey.
436
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,600
It's Bluey.
Bluey.
437
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,646
AL: Mom! Mom!
Excuse me.
438
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,866
ROB: By the way,
I'm not saying don't have kids.
439
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,998
I'm saying
don't have kids right now.
440
00:18:07,347 --> 00:18:09,566
You guys are young.
I'm older than you.
441
00:18:09,914 --> 00:18:11,438
And if having kids
is such a nightmare,
442
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,526
why are you having a third?
443
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,484
You think I'm psyched
about that, Emma?
444
00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,443
I'm fucking terrified.
445
00:18:16,617 --> 00:18:18,967
You know what they say
about having your third kid.
No.
446
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,403
They say
it's like you're drowning,
447
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:22,449
and someone throws you a baby.
Oh.
448
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:26,105
Look, I know I have to say,
"I wouldn't change a thing,"
449
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,237
but if you told me that
I could have the same kids,
450
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:30,152
but wait ten years
before I have 'em,
451
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:32,154
I would take that deal
in a heartbeat.
452
00:18:32,285 --> 00:18:34,243
But as a therapist
recently pointed out to me,
453
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:35,201
when you're 19 years old,
454
00:18:35,505 --> 00:18:37,072
and you lose
both your parents suddenly,
455
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:40,206
having a lot of unprotected sex
is a reasonable coping strategy.
456
00:18:40,336 --> 00:18:42,512
He said "reasonable"?
Actually, I think
he said "predictable."
457
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:45,515
You're seeing a therapist?
That's great. Good for you, man.
458
00:18:45,646 --> 00:18:47,343
No, this was some guy
I ended up talking to
459
00:18:47,430 --> 00:18:49,389
at Whole Foods...
who happened to be a therapist.
460
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,348
Well...
But it made me very grateful
to have knocked up
461
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:55,960
an incredible woman,
who is a total smokeshow.
AMANDA: Ooh.
462
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,572
And I am completely in love
with her to this very day.
463
00:18:58,659 --> 00:19:00,182
Oh. [SMOOCH]
[SMOOCH]
464
00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:01,444
AMANDA: Thank you, bubba.
465
00:19:01,575 --> 00:19:03,664
Hot mom alert. [LAUGHS]
Yeah, she is.
466
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:06,319
Also an incredibly fertile woman
who desperately wants a boy.
467
00:19:06,623 --> 00:19:08,669
I am carrying low this time,
468
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:11,193
so I think
it is our baby George.
469
00:19:11,324 --> 00:19:13,326
GIRLS: [YELLING] Mom!
[MUFFLED THUDDING]
470
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:15,328
Coming! [SIGHS]
471
00:19:17,373 --> 00:19:20,811
You can do it.
[THUDDING CONTINUES]
472
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,466
Spoiler alert,
it'll be another fuckin' girl.
473
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,642
Watch. Boys are easy.
They're dumb.
474
00:19:26,295 --> 00:19:29,168
Girls are born smart.
475
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:31,735
And I don't mean
book-smart, all right? I mean...
476
00:19:32,649 --> 00:19:34,564
like resourceful, crafty.
477
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:37,611
Taking mental notes,
looking for weaknesses.
478
00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,482
It's like living
with Velociraptors.
479
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:42,833
You ever seen a Velociraptor?
I mean, not in person, no.
480
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,880
Uh. You know,
it'll happen when it happens...
[INHALES DEEPLY]
481
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,838
...but I think what your sister
needs to hear right now
482
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:50,580
is that this won't affect
her friendship with Phoebe.
483
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:53,279
Ben is absolutely right.
See? Thank you.
484
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:55,629
I mean about it happening
when it happens.
485
00:19:56,020 --> 00:19:57,283
Not about the Phoebe thing.
486
00:19:57,413 --> 00:20:01,809
That friendship is going
to be... different.
487
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:04,551
All right? People with kids,
and people without kids
488
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,727
may as well be living
on different planets.
489
00:20:06,857 --> 00:20:08,163
And in six months' time,
490
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,557
when Phoebe goes to live
on Planet Kids,
491
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:12,167
sure, you can go visit
her planet...
[SLURPS, GULPS]
492
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,691
...but she can never go back to
Planet Before Kids ever again.
493
00:20:14,778 --> 00:20:16,215
And let me give you
a list of things
494
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:17,999
you will never be able to do
once you have kids.
495
00:20:18,129 --> 00:20:19,914
Think straight,
see your friends,
496
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:21,568
go to non-animated movies,
497
00:20:21,655 --> 00:20:23,570
listen to music
with explicit lyrics,
498
00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:24,875
uh, day drink.
499
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:26,529
You are literally day drinking
right now.
500
00:20:26,616 --> 00:20:28,662
Last but not least,
take a shit
501
00:20:28,749 --> 00:20:30,316
without someone bursting
into the bathroom
502
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,143
for no apparent reason
other than interrupting
503
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,276
your only ten minutes
of solitude for the day.
504
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,973
You make me want to "Bluey"
my brains out.
505
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:39,847
Excuse me.
We have an announcement.
506
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,849
We have a performance.
507
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:44,373
Dad, hold my teeth.
[EMMA CHUCKLES]
508
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:46,636
This is the stage.
509
00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:48,812
You gotta move.
[GROANS]
510
00:20:48,899 --> 00:20:50,336
["HELL RAISER"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
511
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:53,208
♪ I'm a hell raiser
Rock shows get paper ♪
512
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:55,645
♪ Law breaker
I'm a bad bitch slayer ♪
513
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:58,082
♪ I'm a bad motherfucker
'Cause the good die young... ♪
514
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,170
No lessons.
515
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,781
Oh.
Superstars.
516
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:01,869
Hey, Em.
517
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,611
Don't worry about
what I said before.
518
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,135
You'll make other friends.
519
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,964
♪ Law breaker
I'm a bad bitch slayer ♪
[SIGHS]
520
00:21:10,051 --> 00:21:12,271
♪ Hell raiser
Rock shows get paper ♪
521
00:21:13,184 --> 00:21:15,752
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
[BEN SNORING SOFTLY]
522
00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,188
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
523
00:21:24,413 --> 00:21:25,284
Oh, my God.
524
00:21:26,459 --> 00:21:27,677
Wake up!
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
525
00:21:27,938 --> 00:21:30,506
Let's go, let's go!
Wake up! Wake up!
BEN: Oh, my God!
526
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:31,681
[STAMMERS] What's wrong?
527
00:21:31,899 --> 00:21:33,727
Got the double smiley face
on the ovulation stick.
528
00:21:33,857 --> 00:21:35,424
Huh? What... time is it?
529
00:21:35,555 --> 00:21:37,731
It is go time.
It is put-a-baby-in-me o'clock.
530
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:40,299
Arms up!
[GROANS]
Don't undress me like a child.
531
00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:42,431
We're sitting
on two smiley faces right now.
532
00:21:42,562 --> 00:21:45,216
There's no smiley face
right here. All right?
533
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:48,394
I'm not like, uh, some sex robot
who can just... [CLICKS TONGUE]
534
00:21:48,481 --> 00:21:50,178
...turn it on
at the drop of a hat.
535
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:51,875
Yes, you are.
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE] No, I am not.
536
00:21:51,962 --> 00:21:53,964
I need, like...
What? Okay, well,
what do you need?
537
00:21:54,095 --> 00:21:56,358
...to--
What do I have to do
to activate Sex-a-tron?
538
00:21:56,489 --> 00:21:58,317
For starters, can you please
take out your retainer?
539
00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:01,929
EMMA: Ha! Easy.
[RETAINERS CLICKING]
540
00:22:03,539 --> 00:22:06,977
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
[MUFFLED] Oh,
it's really in there. [GRUNTS]
541
00:22:10,981 --> 00:22:13,462
Happy?
I don't know how to answer that.
542
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:16,073
I... I thought, you know,
543
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,163
trying to conceive a child
would be, you know, like, fun.
544
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:23,690
No, wait. Okay, I'm sorry.
545
00:22:23,820 --> 00:22:25,169
All right,
let's... let's start over.
546
00:22:25,256 --> 00:22:26,910
No.
[EXHALES]
You know, double smiley face...
547
00:22:26,997 --> 00:22:29,043
EMMA: No, mm, mm, mm. [GRUNTS]
548
00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:32,655
You're right, it is work.
I mean, not for you.
549
00:22:32,742 --> 00:22:34,875
You don't have to record
your menstrual cycles,
550
00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:36,355
monitor ovulation,
551
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:38,444
take your temperature
six times a day,
552
00:22:38,531 --> 00:22:41,272
pop prenatal vitamins
the size of horse pills
553
00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:42,796
that make you constipated.
554
00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:44,363
Make sure you're getting
enough exercise,
555
00:22:44,450 --> 00:22:45,407
but not too much exercise,
556
00:22:45,581 --> 00:22:47,061
because that
could stress your ovaries.
557
00:22:47,191 --> 00:22:49,542
And don't even get me started
on food.
558
00:22:49,629 --> 00:22:52,196
Am I eating too many
sunflower seeds or not enough?
559
00:22:52,327 --> 00:22:53,459
What about mature cheeses,
560
00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:55,461
or... or full-fat dairy,
or liver?
561
00:22:55,591 --> 00:22:57,854
Yeah! I've been eating
liver for us.
562
00:22:58,159 --> 00:23:01,902
Organs, Ben. Mm, mm, mm. Organs.
563
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:03,643
Oh, but don't forget
to make sure
564
00:23:03,730 --> 00:23:05,296
it's still fun for your partner.
565
00:23:06,036 --> 00:23:07,342
Em, I--
EMMA: No, it's fine.
566
00:23:07,473 --> 00:23:09,649
We'll just have
a super tiny window next month.
567
00:23:22,357 --> 00:23:23,271
Thanks.
568
00:23:29,495 --> 00:23:31,627
What can I do
to make this easier for you?
569
00:23:32,585 --> 00:23:33,890
I want you to see a doctor,
570
00:23:33,977 --> 00:23:35,414
and make sure
everything's working.
571
00:23:37,024 --> 00:23:39,940
Okay.
You think I'm spiraling?
572
00:23:40,636 --> 00:23:44,945
No, uh, I think...
me getting my...
573
00:23:45,728 --> 00:23:48,818
equipment checked
makes perfect sense.
574
00:23:49,645 --> 00:23:52,256
We'll figure this out.
And if we don't, you know,
575
00:23:52,343 --> 00:23:55,912
we can look into IVF,
or adoption.
576
00:23:56,347 --> 00:23:57,653
You know,
there's more than one way
577
00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:00,221
to start a family.
But that's gonna take time.
578
00:24:00,351 --> 00:24:02,702
And I don't have time.
You heard what my brother said.
579
00:24:02,963 --> 00:24:04,486
Yeah, I did.
580
00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:07,097
So, you know,
let's... let's get drunk,
581
00:24:07,184 --> 00:24:10,100
and sleep in while we still can.
Our time will come.
582
00:24:10,187 --> 00:24:11,145
No, I can't do that.
583
00:24:11,493 --> 00:24:13,060
Not when my best friendship
is on the line.
584
00:24:13,147 --> 00:24:16,150
Em, it's not.
You don't get it.
585
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:17,847
Phoebe and I
are not just friends
586
00:24:17,934 --> 00:24:19,414
because we were born
on the same day.
587
00:24:19,501 --> 00:24:21,416
It is because we've spent
our lives together.
588
00:24:21,503 --> 00:24:23,897
We have done literally
everything together.
589
00:24:24,506 --> 00:24:25,768
Okay, fact.
590
00:24:25,942 --> 00:24:28,075
You're friends with people
in your grade growing up,
591
00:24:28,205 --> 00:24:30,207
people you work with
in your twenties,
592
00:24:30,294 --> 00:24:32,209
and people who have kids
at the same time as you
593
00:24:32,296 --> 00:24:34,081
for the rest of your life.
594
00:24:34,255 --> 00:24:36,083
So, the one thing
we aren't doing together
595
00:24:36,170 --> 00:24:38,041
is the one thing
we have to do together.
596
00:24:38,128 --> 00:24:40,479
Otherwise, you know, our kids
end up in different grades,
597
00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:43,351
we end up hanging out
with different parents.
598
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:44,744
I mean, sure,
we'll... we'll still talk,
599
00:24:44,918 --> 00:24:47,137
but, you know,
it's just gonna be
glory days shit.
600
00:24:48,269 --> 00:24:51,054
If I don't get pregnant
by the time Phoebe has her baby,
601
00:24:51,620 --> 00:24:53,143
like, I know
this sounds dramatic,
602
00:24:53,230 --> 00:24:55,276
but it's true,
like, our friendship,
603
00:24:56,016 --> 00:24:57,931
as we know it, will be over.
604
00:24:59,628 --> 00:25:00,977
That does sound dramatic.
605
00:25:02,326 --> 00:25:03,676
But I see your point.
606
00:25:05,155 --> 00:25:07,549
So, let's check the junk.
607
00:25:08,158 --> 00:25:11,553
[MERRY MUSIC PLAYING]
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
608
00:25:12,728 --> 00:25:15,035
Okay, I did not realize
how complicated
609
00:25:15,122 --> 00:25:16,645
this whole setup is.
610
00:25:16,732 --> 00:25:18,473
Trust me,
it's not that complicated.
611
00:25:18,865 --> 00:25:21,737
EMMA: Oh, the penis detaches!
Don't mess with that.
612
00:25:21,868 --> 00:25:23,434
Ooh! [MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
BEN: No, don't...
613
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,001
Oh, I shouldn't play with--
[GASPS] Oh!
614
00:25:25,088 --> 00:25:27,221
Oh. Oh.
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
615
00:25:27,308 --> 00:25:28,527
Oh, my God.
Hello.
616
00:25:30,050 --> 00:25:31,834
Hello. Howdy.
[GRUNTS]
617
00:25:33,140 --> 00:25:35,011
Uh. I'm sorry
for shattering your penis.
618
00:25:35,098 --> 00:25:36,317
Not the first time
I've heard that.
619
00:25:36,447 --> 00:25:37,361
I'll take care of it.
620
00:25:37,971 --> 00:25:40,451
Oh, also, there's a testicle
rolling around here somewhere.
621
00:25:40,539 --> 00:25:42,062
Oh, it happens
all the time in surgery.
622
00:25:42,976 --> 00:25:45,326
Totally kidding, of course.
Surgery is very safe here.
623
00:25:45,935 --> 00:25:49,243
Actually, this is based
on me, anatomically.
624
00:25:49,765 --> 00:25:51,071
Oh.
That's a joke.
625
00:25:51,158 --> 00:25:54,509
My penis is much, much...
smaller than that.
626
00:25:54,944 --> 00:25:57,251
What?
Sorry, I am off today.
627
00:25:57,338 --> 00:25:58,948
Is this not as funny
as I think it is?
628
00:25:59,035 --> 00:26:01,211
I would say maybe more...
It's right on the edge
of the line.
629
00:26:01,342 --> 00:26:02,517
Yeah.
Maybe a little bit past.
630
00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:03,605
That's what
they keep telling me,
631
00:26:03,823 --> 00:26:05,607
but this office
is my comedic proving ground.
632
00:26:05,694 --> 00:26:07,609
If it works here,
it's gonna work on stage.
633
00:26:07,696 --> 00:26:09,916
I host an open-mic
at the Helium Club.
634
00:26:10,046 --> 00:26:11,613
[BOTH CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY]
635
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:13,310
That... that's another...
another joke?
636
00:26:13,441 --> 00:26:15,182
No, no, that's real.
That's Tuesdays.
637
00:26:15,312 --> 00:26:18,141
Feel free to stop by.
Okay, we... we will.
638
00:26:18,228 --> 00:26:19,447
DR. YOUNG: Yeah.
May... maybe.
639
00:26:19,882 --> 00:26:22,058
So, you are here
for a fertility evaluation.
640
00:26:22,145 --> 00:26:23,190
Correct.
641
00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,670
Which hand
would you like me to use?
642
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,715
[CHUCKLES]
There it is.
643
00:26:26,802 --> 00:26:28,282
There's the laugh
I was hoping for.
644
00:26:28,674 --> 00:26:30,501
More of an exasperated chuckle.
645
00:26:30,937 --> 00:26:33,896
Uh. Look,
you are wildly inappropriate,
646
00:26:33,983 --> 00:26:36,116
and, uh, you're probably
gonna lose your medical license.
647
00:26:36,246 --> 00:26:37,421
This is a doctor's office.
648
00:26:37,508 --> 00:26:39,554
We're quite familiar
with cancellations.
649
00:26:39,902 --> 00:26:41,077
I also like wordplay.
650
00:26:41,208 --> 00:26:42,252
[ALL CHUCKLE]
651
00:26:42,557 --> 00:26:43,993
In the meantime,
let's deal with your problem.
652
00:26:44,124 --> 00:26:45,255
Cool.
653
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:47,954
Uh. I mean, not that I have
a... a problem, you know?
654
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:48,955
[STAMMERS] It's just...
655
00:26:49,477 --> 00:26:50,783
You wanna get pregnant,
and it's not happening for you.
656
00:26:50,913 --> 00:26:52,698
Exactly.
How long have you been trying?
657
00:26:52,828 --> 00:26:56,223
A few months, plus or minus.
Well, no, not minus, plus.
658
00:26:56,353 --> 00:26:58,617
First of all,
congratulations on being here.
659
00:26:58,704 --> 00:27:02,272
Most men wouldn't even conceive,
wordplay again,
660
00:27:02,403 --> 00:27:04,100
the idea that
the problem was theirs.
661
00:27:04,231 --> 00:27:05,754
But male factor
infertility accounts
662
00:27:05,841 --> 00:27:07,408
for nearly 50 percent
of the cases.
663
00:27:07,538 --> 00:27:09,845
Male reproduction
is a complicated process.
664
00:27:09,932 --> 00:27:11,891
There's a thousand things
that could go wrong.
665
00:27:12,021 --> 00:27:13,806
Maybe you have
some congenital cyst.
666
00:27:13,936 --> 00:27:15,764
Maybe it's from an old case
of Chlamydia?
667
00:27:16,460 --> 00:27:17,853
No.
I don't know, sailor,
668
00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:19,202
I bet you're pretty popular
in port.
669
00:27:19,942 --> 00:27:23,467
Nope.
But first of all, the fun part
670
00:27:23,946 --> 00:27:25,295
gets you in the collection room
right away.
671
00:27:25,426 --> 00:27:27,036
Okay, great. Collection room.
672
00:27:27,167 --> 00:27:28,951
Yeah, I wanted to call it
the "masturbation station"
673
00:27:29,082 --> 00:27:31,475
but HR shut me down.
Come with me.
674
00:27:31,606 --> 00:27:35,131
Collection room number one.
All yours. Take your time.
675
00:27:35,436 --> 00:27:36,916
The whole office
will be huddled around the door,
676
00:27:37,003 --> 00:27:37,960
waiting for you to finish.
677
00:27:40,397 --> 00:27:42,486
Joke.
Have fun in there.
678
00:27:42,617 --> 00:27:43,966
Oh, and please do come
to my show.
679
00:27:44,053 --> 00:27:44,924
The more people I bring,
680
00:27:45,141 --> 00:27:46,621
the more time
they give me on stage.
681
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:48,884
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
682
00:27:49,755 --> 00:27:53,367
[QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING]
[CELL PHONE CLICKING]
683
00:27:55,108 --> 00:27:59,895
[TOY SQUELCHES]
Oh! There's the testicle.
684
00:28:01,027 --> 00:28:03,029
[CELL PHONE VIBRATING]
685
00:28:07,642 --> 00:28:08,512
[CELL PHONE CLICKING]
686
00:28:09,731 --> 00:28:11,777
Uh. Hi.
687
00:28:11,907 --> 00:28:13,866
Hello.
Is everything okay in there?
688
00:28:14,649 --> 00:28:18,827
Uh. Yeah. Uh. Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, fine.
689
00:28:18,914 --> 00:28:21,308
No, everything's not okay
in here.
690
00:28:21,438 --> 00:28:23,353
I mean, like, there's... there's
a double lock on the door,
691
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,486
which is great,
but it reminds me of the fact
692
00:28:25,573 --> 00:28:28,445
that I'm ten feet away
from some guy in a cubicle
693
00:28:28,532 --> 00:28:29,925
processing insurance payments.
694
00:28:30,056 --> 00:28:32,319
And, like-- And then there's,
like, these... these rags,
695
00:28:32,406 --> 00:28:33,537
and all of them are so pilly,
696
00:28:33,624 --> 00:28:35,061
there's no way
any of them are new.
697
00:28:35,191 --> 00:28:36,802
I don't understand why
this is a problem for you.
698
00:28:36,889 --> 00:28:38,281
This is literally the only time
699
00:28:38,368 --> 00:28:39,979
when you jerking off
is productive.
700
00:28:40,109 --> 00:28:43,460
Is there porn?
I mean, yeah, but...
Em, I'm afraid to touch it.
701
00:28:43,591 --> 00:28:45,245
Oh, that's probably smart.
[SIGHS]
702
00:28:45,593 --> 00:28:47,377
You want me to do
the Scottish voice?
703
00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:50,206
[IN SCOTTISH ACCENT]
Oh, you're a dirty boy.
704
00:28:50,293 --> 00:28:52,992
Oh, you're just disgustin'.
Get over here!
705
00:28:53,079 --> 00:28:55,168
I'm going to scalp your arse.
706
00:28:55,429 --> 00:28:57,823
Now, picture me in a kilt,
and get 'er done.
707
00:28:58,127 --> 00:28:59,259
Aye, lass.
708
00:28:59,650 --> 00:29:02,436
[CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
709
00:29:02,523 --> 00:29:05,918
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[TRAFFIC RUMBLING]
710
00:29:13,403 --> 00:29:14,361
How you feeling?
711
00:29:16,580 --> 00:29:17,843
Excited.
Yeah.
712
00:29:18,539 --> 00:29:20,497
Nervous, nauseous.
713
00:29:20,628 --> 00:29:23,805
[CHUCKLES, BREATHES DEEPLY]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
714
00:29:23,892 --> 00:29:24,850
Me too.
715
00:29:25,111 --> 00:29:27,722
Hey, um,
before the doctor gets here,
716
00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:30,507
just a little heads-up,
so not a big deal,
717
00:29:30,594 --> 00:29:33,946
but I invited Emma.
[CHUCKLES] To what?
718
00:29:34,207 --> 00:29:36,165
Brian, I had to.
719
00:29:36,687 --> 00:29:38,559
Your schedule
is so unpredictable,
720
00:29:38,646 --> 00:29:40,343
I didn't wanna risk
doing this alone, you know?
721
00:29:40,474 --> 00:29:43,390
But you... you invited Emma
to... to this?
Yeah.
722
00:29:43,477 --> 00:29:46,828
[SCOFFS] Okay, sweetie, I...
I... I... I'm... I'm here.
723
00:29:47,133 --> 00:29:49,700
I said I'd be here, I'm here.
I would never miss this.
724
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:52,007
It's just that Emma and I said
725
00:29:52,094 --> 00:29:53,617
we wanted
to get pregnant together.
726
00:29:53,748 --> 00:29:57,708
Like, obviously it didn't happen
the way we planned,
727
00:29:57,839 --> 00:30:00,450
so I just don't want her
to feel left out, you know?
728
00:30:02,148 --> 00:30:03,845
I'm sorry. I'm gonna...
I'm gonna back you up
729
00:30:03,932 --> 00:30:06,326
just... a second. Um.
730
00:30:07,631 --> 00:30:08,981
Did Emma know
we were trying to have kids
731
00:30:09,068 --> 00:30:10,547
before I knew
we were trying to have kids?
732
00:30:10,634 --> 00:30:12,636
Oh, yeah.
It was actually her idea.
733
00:30:14,725 --> 00:30:16,815
Okay, um... [CHUCKLES]
734
00:30:18,294 --> 00:30:19,252
I love... I love you.
735
00:30:19,382 --> 00:30:21,167
I love you too, Brian.
BRIAN: Yeah.
736
00:30:21,254 --> 00:30:22,951
And I do love Emma.
Hmm.
737
00:30:23,038 --> 00:30:26,172
[GRUNTS] I love you and Emma,
um, but this is a lot.
738
00:30:26,302 --> 00:30:27,173
Sure.
739
00:30:28,914 --> 00:30:31,177
Totally.
No, I agree, it's a lot.
740
00:30:31,264 --> 00:30:32,178
BRIAN: Yeah.
It's a lot.
741
00:30:32,265 --> 00:30:33,875
Uh-huh.
I see you. I hear you.
742
00:30:35,355 --> 00:30:38,401
But she's, like,
so amazing at all of this,
743
00:30:38,488 --> 00:30:41,100
and she did find me this doctor.
744
00:30:42,971 --> 00:30:44,843
Sh... she did?
Yeah.
745
00:30:45,582 --> 00:30:46,453
Huh.
746
00:30:47,628 --> 00:30:50,283
That's great. Um. [SCOFFS]
747
00:30:51,414 --> 00:30:52,851
Emma found the obstetrician
748
00:30:52,938 --> 00:30:54,853
that's gonna be delivering
our baby.
749
00:30:54,983 --> 00:30:56,942
Uh-huh.
Sure, um, makes sense.
750
00:30:57,029 --> 00:30:58,421
It's not like
you're married to a doctor
751
00:30:58,508 --> 00:31:01,381
who might have an opinion.
[PHOEBE SOBS]
752
00:31:01,468 --> 00:31:03,600
I'm sorry.
Okay. Okay. It's okay.
PHOEBE: No.
753
00:31:03,687 --> 00:31:04,993
I'm so sorry. It's okay.
[SNIFFLES]
754
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,430
I'm sure whoever Emma found
is gonna be great.
755
00:31:07,517 --> 00:31:08,736
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
And I just--
756
00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:10,694
For me, I just wanted
to feel maybe, like,
757
00:31:10,781 --> 00:31:13,828
I was just included in,
I don't know, any of this.
758
00:31:14,133 --> 00:31:16,178
That's not why
I'm crying. [SIGHS]
759
00:31:16,265 --> 00:31:17,571
BRIAN: Then why are you crying?
760
00:31:19,181 --> 00:31:21,705
I have no idea. Hormones?
761
00:31:22,837 --> 00:31:25,057
Okay.
I cry, like,
multiple times a day now.
762
00:31:25,144 --> 00:31:28,060
And I almost never know... why.
763
00:31:28,147 --> 00:31:30,584
And when I do know why,
it's, like, insane.
764
00:31:30,714 --> 00:31:33,500
Like this morning,
I go to make eggs...
765
00:31:34,501 --> 00:31:36,807
and there's that chicken,
that cartoon chicken,
766
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:37,765
on the carton.
767
00:31:38,331 --> 00:31:40,724
I've seen it a hundred...
hundreds of times.
Uh-huh.
768
00:31:40,855 --> 00:31:42,509
But this morning, I'm like...
769
00:31:43,162 --> 00:31:46,078
[INHALES SHAKILY]
770
00:31:46,165 --> 00:31:49,081
...they're making her lay
all these eggs.
771
00:31:49,168 --> 00:31:51,387
[WHIMPERS, CLICKS TONGUE]
772
00:31:52,171 --> 00:31:58,003
She's working so hard,
and she is so tired.
773
00:31:58,133 --> 00:32:00,353
[SOBS] And she's got no support.
774
00:32:00,657 --> 00:32:02,181
This is what a chicken
is born to do.
775
00:32:02,268 --> 00:32:04,313
It's its life's purpose.
But how do you know that--
776
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,011
That... that's what
the chicken does.
777
00:32:06,402 --> 00:32:10,406
Knock, knock! Oh.
Oh, no! Hey. Excuse me.
778
00:32:10,493 --> 00:32:12,800
Is this about the chicken?
Yeah. [SOBS]
779
00:32:12,887 --> 00:32:15,150
Hey, I'm sorry.
It's about the chicken.
780
00:32:15,281 --> 00:32:17,892
Hi, everyone, I'm Dr. Morrison.
I am so sorry I'm late.
781
00:32:18,327 --> 00:32:20,242
I was playing
in a charity rugby tournament
782
00:32:20,329 --> 00:32:21,983
over at Northgate Park.
Oh.
783
00:32:22,114 --> 00:32:23,898
[CELL PHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]
Sorry, one minute.
784
00:32:24,638 --> 00:32:25,987
[GRUNTS] Oui, bonjour.
785
00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:31,601
[SPEAKS FRENCH]
786
00:32:32,037 --> 00:32:34,256
Oui. Oui. Merci.
787
00:32:34,387 --> 00:32:37,042
Great pick, Em.
Can't wait to meet the doula.
[DOOR CLOSING]
788
00:32:37,172 --> 00:32:40,610
Okay. Which one
of you is... Phoebe?
789
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:43,439
That would be moi.[CHUCKLES]
790
00:32:43,570 --> 00:32:45,659
IAN: Congratulations.
Oh, thank you.
791
00:32:45,789 --> 00:32:46,834
I'm Emma.
IAN: Hi, Emma.
792
00:32:47,008 --> 00:32:49,184
I'm the best friend
just here to support.
793
00:32:49,271 --> 00:32:50,969
[CHUCKLES] You know?
[CHUCKLES]
794
00:32:52,579 --> 00:32:54,015
I'm... I'm Brian. Also--
795
00:32:54,102 --> 00:32:55,886
Yes.
I'm-- Sorry. Excuse me.
796
00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:57,976
I'm... [CHUCKLES]
...I'm the husband.
797
00:32:58,063 --> 00:32:59,760
IAN: Ah.
And father-to-be.
798
00:32:59,847 --> 00:33:01,327
Also... also a doctor.
799
00:33:01,457 --> 00:33:03,329
Ah, yes,
I can see by the scrubs.
800
00:33:03,503 --> 00:33:05,287
I'm sorry there's
no white lab coat for me.
801
00:33:05,374 --> 00:33:08,160
We kind of try to keep things
casual around here.
802
00:33:08,464 --> 00:33:10,597
Speaking with "Dr. Morrison"
always feels so formal.
803
00:33:10,684 --> 00:33:14,253
So, feel free to call me Ian.
[LAUGHS] Okay, Ian.
804
00:33:14,427 --> 00:33:15,863
That's a great sweater, Ian.
805
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:16,951
PHOEBE: Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
806
00:33:17,169 --> 00:33:18,387
I'm gonna stick
with Dr. Morrison, actually.
807
00:33:18,474 --> 00:33:19,606
Yeah, all those years
of med school?
808
00:33:19,693 --> 00:33:20,607
You earned it.
809
00:33:20,955 --> 00:33:22,435
You are a funny guy, Ryan.
That is so true.
810
00:33:22,522 --> 00:33:24,872
And I always say laughter
is the best kind of medicine.
811
00:33:25,220 --> 00:33:26,917
Other than, uh, penicillin.
812
00:33:27,048 --> 00:33:30,051
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
813
00:33:30,182 --> 00:33:31,618
It's not real medicine
is what you're saying.
814
00:33:31,705 --> 00:33:33,881
EMMA: Yeah, exactly.
All right. Well...
815
00:33:34,664 --> 00:33:36,231
shall we take a look
at your cervix?
816
00:33:36,362 --> 00:33:41,106
Oh, my God, stop. [GIGGLES]
Oh, you w-- Yeah.
817
00:33:41,236 --> 00:33:42,803
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
EMMA: So, you're eleven weeks.
818
00:33:42,890 --> 00:33:45,023
PHOEBE: Oh, my God, I am?
EMMA: Mm-hmm.
819
00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:47,460
Growing a little cherry tomato.
EMMA: Aw!
820
00:33:47,547 --> 00:33:50,202
[SIGHS] You know,
I think maybe we explore
821
00:33:50,289 --> 00:33:53,031
the idea of a different doctor.
Aw, sweetie.
822
00:33:53,118 --> 00:33:55,381
Does it make you uncomfortable
that our doctor is so handsome?
823
00:33:55,468 --> 00:33:57,513
No, it's not like
you've never been around
824
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,211
a really handsome doctor before.
825
00:33:59,298 --> 00:34:02,301
But Ian is so hot,
and he speaks French
826
00:34:02,388 --> 00:34:03,911
and he plays Rugby...
827
00:34:04,042 --> 00:34:06,348
Can you not call him Ian?
He asked us to call him Ian.
828
00:34:06,479 --> 00:34:07,828
EMMA: Look, all I'm saying is...
[SIGHS]
829
00:34:08,002 --> 00:34:11,049
...that ultrasound wand
just went in real easy.
[CHUCKLES]
830
00:34:11,179 --> 00:34:12,963
So inappropriate, Emma.
[CHUCKLES]
831
00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,965
Please, if you're gonna be
a part of this whole thing,
832
00:34:15,053 --> 00:34:16,967
I'm begging you,
I need you to tighten it up.
833
00:34:17,098 --> 00:34:19,057
I'm gonna have to...
You're gonna have
to tighten it up! [LAUGHS]
834
00:34:19,187 --> 00:34:20,841
Please don't make this
two against one.
835
00:34:20,928 --> 00:34:22,886
I'm sorry I don't fill out
a sweater, okay?
836
00:34:22,973 --> 00:34:25,541
I'm more of an endurance guy.
You could...
you could start lifting though.
837
00:34:25,672 --> 00:34:26,586
I don't like this.
838
00:34:27,369 --> 00:34:28,717
I don't wanna play...
I don't wanna play this game.
[KNOCKING]
839
00:34:28,718 --> 00:34:30,372
Oh, shit. Okay, that's my mom.
840
00:34:30,590 --> 00:34:32,418
Do you wanna change?
No, I'm good.
841
00:34:32,505 --> 00:34:34,376
I like to remind your mom
that I'm a doctor.
842
00:34:34,463 --> 00:34:36,161
I'm... I'm just gonna say hi
on the way out.
843
00:34:36,291 --> 00:34:38,554
Oh, now, you wanna leave?
No, you can't leave.
We talked about this.
844
00:34:38,641 --> 00:34:40,817
She's way better behaved
when you're here.
Oh, my God.
845
00:34:40,904 --> 00:34:41,949
Look alive.
846
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,778
[BRIAN SIGHS]
[CLEARS THROAT]
847
00:34:45,735 --> 00:34:49,478
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
You guys look really weird.
848
00:34:49,609 --> 00:34:51,263
Oh.
She's gonna know
something is up.
849
00:34:51,393 --> 00:34:53,265
Of course she's gonna know
something's up.
You invited her over here.
850
00:34:53,395 --> 00:34:55,615
Just like...
What is this?
851
00:34:56,006 --> 00:35:00,272
[EXHALES] Okay.
[INHALES DEEPLY] Hi, Mom!
852
00:35:00,402 --> 00:35:02,796
You took forever
to answer the door.
853
00:35:02,926 --> 00:35:05,668
I've got a conference call
in... 20 minutes.
854
00:35:05,755 --> 00:35:08,018
Okay.
[BRIAN BREATHES DEEPLY]
855
00:35:08,367 --> 00:35:09,716
Hi, Sue.
Hey.
856
00:35:10,195 --> 00:35:11,239
What's wrong?
857
00:35:11,500 --> 00:35:13,459
What's wrong?
[CHUCKLES] Nothing's wrong.
858
00:35:13,546 --> 00:35:15,939
[CHUCKLES] What, are you crazy?
Excuse me?
859
00:35:16,070 --> 00:35:19,247
I... I... I didn't mean crazy.
Why... why would I say "crazy"?
860
00:35:19,334 --> 00:35:20,422
I'd be crazy to call you crazy.
861
00:35:20,553 --> 00:35:21,902
Everybody knows you never call
a woman "crazy."
862
00:35:21,989 --> 00:35:24,557
I also know
you never tell a woman to relax.
863
00:35:24,687 --> 00:35:26,820
B.
Let me get your coat.
864
00:35:26,950 --> 00:35:27,995
No, I'm fine.
865
00:35:28,082 --> 00:35:30,519
It's always a little chilly
in here.
866
00:35:30,606 --> 00:35:32,826
Well, I was actually
just on my way out, so...
867
00:35:32,913 --> 00:35:34,306
But it was so good to see you.
868
00:35:34,436 --> 00:35:36,046
No, no, no, no, no.
Emma's gonna stay.
869
00:35:36,134 --> 00:35:38,484
For all of it. [CHUCKLES]
I guess I'm staying. [CHUCKLES]
870
00:35:42,575 --> 00:35:44,925
Let's go this way. Shall we?
871
00:35:47,841 --> 00:35:48,711
Okay.
872
00:35:49,538 --> 00:35:51,714
Brian, settle. Just...
Okay.
873
00:35:53,281 --> 00:35:58,286
So, we... [INHALES DEEPLY]
874
00:35:58,373 --> 00:36:02,290
...are having a baby. [CHUCKLES]
Yay! [CHUCKLES]
875
00:36:02,943 --> 00:36:05,424
The three of you.
[SIGHS]
876
00:36:05,511 --> 00:36:06,903
I should probably go.
No. [CHUCKLES] Stay.
877
00:36:07,295 --> 00:36:09,079
Yeah, you know what?
I'll walk you out.
No. Definitely not. [CHUCKLES]
878
00:36:09,210 --> 00:36:11,343
Uh. This is the part
where you say,
879
00:36:11,473 --> 00:36:14,041
"Congratulations!
I am so happy for you both."
880
00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:15,782
Who is going to run your store?
881
00:36:15,912 --> 00:36:20,352
Are you serious?
You will understand this
when you become a mother,
882
00:36:20,743 --> 00:36:25,357
but it's my job to worry
about every aspect of your life.
883
00:36:25,487 --> 00:36:26,923
Even when I am not worried
about it?
884
00:36:27,054 --> 00:36:29,187
Especially when
you're not worried about it.
885
00:36:29,317 --> 00:36:30,927
Well, you can't worry about her
all the time.
886
00:36:31,058 --> 00:36:32,799
You know?
Then what's my job? [CHUCKLES]
887
00:36:32,886 --> 00:36:34,801
Emma, it's always so great
to see you,
888
00:36:34,888 --> 00:36:36,629
but why are you here?
889
00:36:36,759 --> 00:36:38,283
I have been asking
the same question.
890
00:36:38,370 --> 00:36:39,414
Oh, so have I.
891
00:36:39,675 --> 00:36:43,113
She is here because
I am not doing any of this
892
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:44,637
without her.
No.
893
00:36:44,767 --> 00:36:47,509
[CHUCKLES]
What? What?
What... what is so funny?
894
00:36:47,596 --> 00:36:50,251
Well, you can do
a lot of it with her,
895
00:36:50,686 --> 00:36:54,255
but when it comes time
to push that pineapple
896
00:36:54,342 --> 00:36:55,735
out of the mouse hole...
897
00:36:55,865 --> 00:36:56,866
Wow.
EMMA: Whew.
898
00:36:56,997 --> 00:36:58,607
...then, you are on your own.
899
00:36:58,694 --> 00:37:00,914
[SIGHS]
I will be there.
900
00:37:01,131 --> 00:37:04,222
Obviously we can't physically
have this kid together,
901
00:37:04,483 --> 00:37:09,052
but once she pushes the baby
out of the mouse hole,
902
00:37:09,183 --> 00:37:12,447
um, I will be right there
with her every step of the way.
903
00:37:14,667 --> 00:37:18,018
Okay. Well, it seems
you have all this under control,
904
00:37:18,105 --> 00:37:22,022
so, congratulations.
I'm so happy for both of you.
905
00:37:22,109 --> 00:37:24,459
You too, Brian.
I don't need that. That's fine.
906
00:37:25,504 --> 00:37:29,116
[CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
907
00:37:30,770 --> 00:37:32,859
So, I was reading this article
on fertility foods,
908
00:37:32,946 --> 00:37:34,774
so I've been eating,
you know, like walnuts,
909
00:37:35,035 --> 00:37:36,515
and... and lentils, salmon...
910
00:37:36,602 --> 00:37:38,430
Actually, I made
this beef liver smoothie
911
00:37:38,517 --> 00:37:40,910
this morning that was--
Oh, my God! Hey.
[RETCHES, COUGHS]
912
00:37:41,911 --> 00:37:45,393
It's okay, she's just drunk.
[LAUGHS]
913
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,047
Come on!
There's a bench over there.
Emma! [CHUCKLES]
914
00:37:47,134 --> 00:37:49,267
Let's sit down for a minute.
Do you want your crackers?
915
00:37:49,441 --> 00:37:50,485
PHOEBE: No, not yet.
EMMA: Okay.
916
00:37:51,094 --> 00:37:54,272
God. I officially hate
being pregnant.
917
00:37:56,709 --> 00:38:01,061
Sorry. I didn't...
Stop. We're not doing that.
918
00:38:01,540 --> 00:38:02,845
Okay?
Okay.
919
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,195
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
I just...
920
00:38:06,458 --> 00:38:08,503
got a little freaked out
ever since my mom
921
00:38:08,590 --> 00:38:10,592
acted like you and I won't...
922
00:38:11,898 --> 00:38:12,855
you know.
923
00:38:12,986 --> 00:38:14,553
Rob basically said
the same thing.
924
00:38:14,814 --> 00:38:17,730
He did?
Well, he was so Rob, you know?
925
00:38:17,817 --> 00:38:20,254
He said, like, "There's a planet
for people with kids,
926
00:38:20,341 --> 00:38:21,821
and a planet
for people without kids."
927
00:38:21,951 --> 00:38:23,692
So, we're on
different planets now?
928
00:38:23,823 --> 00:38:25,172
Okay, we're not taking
parenting advice
929
00:38:25,259 --> 00:38:27,043
from my crypto-bro brother.
[CHUCKLES]
930
00:38:27,174 --> 00:38:29,089
I mean, he does know
a thing or two
931
00:38:29,176 --> 00:38:30,308
about having kids.
932
00:38:30,830 --> 00:38:33,615
Sure, and so does your mom.
But guess what they don't know?
933
00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:37,489
Well, between the two of them,
pretty much everything
934
00:38:37,576 --> 00:38:39,055
on the spectrum
of emotional intelligence?
935
00:38:39,142 --> 00:38:41,275
[LAUGHS] Exactly.
[SCOFFS]
936
00:38:41,667 --> 00:38:44,626
And, you know,
they don't know this.
937
00:38:44,974 --> 00:38:47,063
This is some Day One shit
right there.
938
00:38:49,283 --> 00:38:50,937
Nothing is ever gonna
change that. Okay?
939
00:38:51,024 --> 00:38:52,155
Mm-hmm.
Ever.
940
00:38:53,505 --> 00:38:55,768
[PHOEBE SIGHS]
[RAIN PATTERING SOFTLY]
941
00:38:56,246 --> 00:38:58,161
[BEN SNORING SOFTLY]
942
00:38:58,988 --> 00:39:03,036
[BREATHES DEEPLY, SIGHS]
943
00:39:03,123 --> 00:39:06,300
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
944
00:39:08,781 --> 00:39:10,086
Fuck you both.
945
00:39:12,088 --> 00:39:12,959
[SIGHS]
946
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:17,006
[CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
947
00:39:17,093 --> 00:39:18,181
EMMA: So, Ben's results
came back,
948
00:39:18,530 --> 00:39:20,445
and there is no issues.
Like, everything works fine.
949
00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:23,143
And as our doctor/
aspiring comedian said,
950
00:39:23,273 --> 00:39:26,189
Ben's sperm is as strong
as Richard Pryor's early stuff.
951
00:39:27,060 --> 00:39:29,454
Okay. And that's... good?
952
00:39:29,541 --> 00:39:31,194
I think it means good.
Great.
953
00:39:32,457 --> 00:39:33,936
Okay, last one.
954
00:39:34,023 --> 00:39:36,330
Rob... [SCOFFS] ...you guys
are about to have another kid.
955
00:39:36,417 --> 00:39:38,158
Are you sure
you don't need any of this?
956
00:39:38,288 --> 00:39:39,551
For sure.
You're doing us a favor.
957
00:39:39,768 --> 00:39:41,553
Besides, this is all stuff
you think you can't live without
958
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:43,511
on your first kid,
and then realize
it's completely useless
959
00:39:43,598 --> 00:39:45,644
on your second kid.
Oh, my God.
960
00:39:47,646 --> 00:39:50,039
I'm dying.
Oh, they're so tiny!
961
00:39:50,170 --> 00:39:52,651
ROB: Yeah, you know who doesn't
need a pair of shoes?
[CHUCKLES]
962
00:39:52,781 --> 00:39:54,696
A seven-pound blob
that doesn't have
963
00:39:54,783 --> 00:39:56,306
the core strength to sit up
let alone walk.
964
00:39:56,829 --> 00:39:58,874
Is this changing pad
phthalate-free?
965
00:39:59,614 --> 00:40:01,311
What the fuck is a "phthalate"?
966
00:40:01,442 --> 00:40:02,878
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
[GROANS]
967
00:40:03,009 --> 00:40:05,403
Come on, B. [SIGHS]
968
00:40:05,577 --> 00:40:07,317
How are things with, uh,
with you and Brian?
969
00:40:07,448 --> 00:40:08,841
Uh. Sorry.
970
00:40:10,059 --> 00:40:11,583
What?
Really?
971
00:40:11,670 --> 00:40:14,194
Pregnancy can be very stressful
on a relationship, Emma.
972
00:40:14,281 --> 00:40:15,891
I wanna make sure she's okay.
973
00:40:16,022 --> 00:40:17,284
I've known Phoebe
my entire life,
974
00:40:17,371 --> 00:40:18,590
and we have always had
a connection.
975
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:19,982
Is that why you would steal
my yearbook,
976
00:40:20,069 --> 00:40:21,810
and dog-ear all the pages
she was on?
977
00:40:21,941 --> 00:40:23,072
Bullshit, Emma.
It's not bullshit.
978
00:40:23,203 --> 00:40:24,465
I dog-eared one page...
I saw those dog-ears--
979
00:40:24,552 --> 00:40:25,901
...because I was doing
a report on volleyball.
980
00:40:26,032 --> 00:40:27,860
Oh. [LAUGHS]
Phoebe happened to be
on the team that year.
981
00:40:27,947 --> 00:40:30,340
It was a volleyball project?
BRIAN: [SHUSHES] Shut up!
982
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:32,299
Oh, that's totally real.
983
00:40:32,952 --> 00:40:34,301
Shut up.
You shut up.
984
00:40:34,562 --> 00:40:37,522
[GROANS] He's stuck in surgery.
I knew this was bound to happen.
985
00:40:37,652 --> 00:40:39,219
[IN SARCASTIC TONE, GROANS]
How dare he save lives.
986
00:40:39,349 --> 00:40:41,482
He is missing
our birthing class.
987
00:40:41,569 --> 00:40:45,834
I get to be a little peeved,
even if he is saving lives.
988
00:40:45,965 --> 00:40:48,054
All right, I'll do it.
When is it? I'll go.
989
00:40:48,402 --> 00:40:50,491
[CHUCKLES] You--
I'm a great birthing coach.
990
00:40:50,622 --> 00:40:51,492
No, I believe you.
991
00:40:51,710 --> 00:40:52,928
You've d... done it
multiple times.
992
00:40:53,015 --> 00:40:54,539
But, uh, I'm fine.
993
00:40:54,669 --> 00:40:56,628
Why don't you go invest
in more Fart Coin or whatever?
994
00:40:56,758 --> 00:40:59,195
That one's gonna pay off.
Go home, Volleyball.
995
00:40:59,326 --> 00:41:01,110
You are so mean.
996
00:41:02,590 --> 00:41:03,635
[CHUCKLES]
997
00:41:05,811 --> 00:41:07,160
[DOOR OPENING, CLOSING]
Ugh!
998
00:41:07,290 --> 00:41:10,337
It's cute. It's cute.
Anyway, I will go with you.
999
00:41:10,468 --> 00:41:12,948
No, it's okay.
I can go on my own.
1000
00:41:13,079 --> 00:41:15,211
Oh, come on.
We'll get food. It'll be fun.
1001
00:41:15,342 --> 00:41:17,649
But that is so unfair
to dangle food
1002
00:41:17,736 --> 00:41:19,346
in front of a pregnant woman.
1003
00:41:19,477 --> 00:41:20,782
Okay. Can I have 17 tacos,
1004
00:41:20,869 --> 00:41:22,392
and a strawberry milkshake, please?
1005
00:41:22,523 --> 00:41:25,221
["TRY ME OUT SOMETIME" PLAYING]
1006
00:41:26,788 --> 00:41:30,183
♪ Look me up sometime
Look me up sometime ♪
1007
00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:33,578
♪ When you're trying to get off
But can't just hit the bit ♪
1008
00:41:34,753 --> 00:41:38,583
[GONG REVERBERATES]
Welcome, and love.
1009
00:41:39,801 --> 00:41:42,500
We're to start the day
by greeting the seeds
1010
00:41:42,674 --> 00:41:44,589
among us and within us.
[TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING]
1011
00:41:45,067 --> 00:41:46,591
Go ahead and greet them now.
1012
00:41:47,592 --> 00:41:49,289
Hello.
[LAUGHS]
1013
00:41:49,419 --> 00:41:50,943
And I see a new face.
1014
00:41:51,073 --> 00:41:53,772
Let's meet our new friend
joining us on our journey,
1015
00:41:54,033 --> 00:41:55,643
and in our small village.
1016
00:41:55,774 --> 00:41:59,386
Hi! Thank you.
Um. So, I am Emma.
1017
00:42:00,082 --> 00:42:04,304
I am not expecting, obviously.
Well, I guess not obviously.
1018
00:42:04,391 --> 00:42:05,871
But I mean, I mean
I really wanted to be,
1019
00:42:05,958 --> 00:42:07,307
but it didn't--
You know, I could--
1020
00:42:07,568 --> 00:42:12,268
Uh. It is what it is. It's cool.
It's cool-cool in the pool-pool.
1021
00:42:12,530 --> 00:42:14,749
Um. Wow! I am a teacher.
1022
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,359
I can do better than that,
and I'm sorry.
1023
00:42:16,882 --> 00:42:19,406
This is
an apology-free zone, Irma.
1024
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,799
Emma.
Dharma?
1025
00:42:20,929 --> 00:42:22,452
Emma.
Thelma.
1026
00:42:22,583 --> 00:42:23,758
"Em-ah."
1027
00:42:25,586 --> 00:42:27,283
Thank you for sharing.
1028
00:42:27,414 --> 00:42:29,938
And Phoebe, tell us,
what are the small joys
1029
00:42:30,025 --> 00:42:31,287
that you're discovering
on your journey
1030
00:42:31,374 --> 00:42:32,724
since our last class?
1031
00:42:33,028 --> 00:42:37,555
I guess I've been finding
that on days where I'm so tired,
1032
00:42:37,642 --> 00:42:42,342
and I can't get anything done,
I take comfort in knowing that
1033
00:42:42,821 --> 00:42:46,215
I'm making this baby. [CHUCKLES]
1034
00:42:46,346 --> 00:42:49,436
Pheebs! I'm so proud of you.
1035
00:42:49,567 --> 00:42:52,352
Hmm.
I mean, you've been so brave
and honest,
1036
00:42:52,482 --> 00:42:54,441
sharing the complicated
relationship
1037
00:42:54,528 --> 00:42:55,834
that you've had
with your own mother
1038
00:42:56,138 --> 00:42:59,577
over the years, so I know that
this is huge progress for you.
1039
00:42:59,707 --> 00:43:01,666
You're breaking the cycle, Mama.
1040
00:43:02,492 --> 00:43:06,192
Mama?
So, for me,
I know I'm a broken record,
1041
00:43:06,322 --> 00:43:10,892
but I am finding joy in being
on this journey for a third time
1042
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:15,549
with, um, just the most
important person in my life.
1043
00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:21,163
You know, my rock,
my number one, my ride-or-die,
1044
00:43:21,250 --> 00:43:22,556
my everything.
1045
00:43:22,643 --> 00:43:25,167
Literally the most
important person in my life.
1046
00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:29,563
My soul-sister Madison.
Oh, my God. Bells. [SIGHS]
1047
00:43:30,390 --> 00:43:31,783
I was gonna say the same thing.
1048
00:43:31,870 --> 00:43:33,872
No!
No, no, l... literally.
1049
00:43:33,959 --> 00:43:35,525
I was about to say
"broken record."
1050
00:43:35,613 --> 00:43:37,615
Literally.
Stop! [CHUCKLES]
1051
00:43:37,745 --> 00:43:39,617
I love you.
Hold my pinkie.
1052
00:43:41,096 --> 00:43:43,359
[CHUCKLES]
I'm sorry... what? [CHUCKLES]
1053
00:43:43,446 --> 00:43:46,711
You guys have gotten pregnant
at the same time three times?
1054
00:43:46,798 --> 00:43:49,452
Bella says we have
psychic ovaries. [CHUCKLES]
1055
00:43:49,539 --> 00:43:51,237
And thrice
through my course as well.
1056
00:43:51,324 --> 00:43:52,978
Yes. And it's been...
1057
00:43:53,848 --> 00:43:54,936
transformative.
Challenging.
1058
00:43:55,023 --> 00:43:56,068
Oh.
Oh!
1059
00:43:56,677 --> 00:44:00,550
All right, going to begin by
reconnecting with our bodies,
1060
00:44:00,638 --> 00:44:03,205
our partners,
and our little ones.
1061
00:44:03,336 --> 00:44:06,687
So, supporting partner,
I want you to sit cross-legged.
1062
00:44:06,818 --> 00:44:07,862
Our fruit-bearers,
1063
00:44:08,254 --> 00:44:12,258
go ahead and lay your head back
into your partner's lap.
1064
00:44:12,388 --> 00:44:13,868
And supporting partner,
1065
00:44:13,955 --> 00:44:16,697
I want you
to take in your fruit-bearer.
1066
00:44:16,828 --> 00:44:21,093
We are such complex
human beings.
1067
00:44:21,441 --> 00:44:26,315
[SINGS] ♪ We are a cornucopia
Of feeling ♪
1068
00:44:27,055 --> 00:44:30,842
I'm going to ask you now
to close your eyes,
1069
00:44:31,016 --> 00:44:33,583
and take a deep,
cleansing breath.
1070
00:44:33,714 --> 00:44:35,237
And relax.
1071
00:44:35,629 --> 00:44:38,545
You are not thinking about
your to-do list.
1072
00:44:38,850 --> 00:44:41,548
You're not thinking about
the shoulds and the woulds.
1073
00:44:41,635 --> 00:44:46,684
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
GUIDE: You are simply accepting
the beauty in this moment.
1074
00:44:49,251 --> 00:44:51,645
The beauty is not
in what we want,
1075
00:44:51,732 --> 00:44:54,039
but accepting
the beautiful things
1076
00:44:54,126 --> 00:44:55,257
that we have.
1077
00:44:57,695 --> 00:44:58,913
Let go.
1078
00:45:01,873 --> 00:45:03,570
[WHISPERS] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I've gotta go.
1079
00:45:04,092 --> 00:45:05,877
Are you okay? [GRUNTS] Emma...
1080
00:45:06,007 --> 00:45:08,053
ATTENDEE:
Why does she get to leave?
Em...
1081
00:45:08,793 --> 00:45:11,404
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[DISTANT DOG BARKING]
1082
00:45:12,405 --> 00:45:17,410
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1083
00:45:17,497 --> 00:45:20,239
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
1084
00:45:22,632 --> 00:45:24,634
Emma? Fuck! Look out!
[SCREAMS]
1085
00:45:25,070 --> 00:45:27,072
[BALL THUDDING]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1086
00:45:28,551 --> 00:45:31,163
[PANTS]
Dude, are you okay?
1087
00:45:31,772 --> 00:45:33,774
Will you slow down?
Oh, my God. Are you bleeding?
1088
00:45:33,861 --> 00:45:35,733
I'm fine! I just need
to get some tampons.
1089
00:45:35,820 --> 00:45:37,952
For your nose?
No, not for my fucking nose.
1090
00:45:38,126 --> 00:45:40,476
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
1091
00:45:41,477 --> 00:45:44,785
You okay?
Yeah. No more blood.
1092
00:45:45,743 --> 00:45:47,788
Great.
I'm back to normal. [CHUCKLES]
1093
00:45:47,875 --> 00:45:49,485
That's not
what I was talking about though.
1094
00:45:53,228 --> 00:45:54,882
I'm worried about you, Emma.
1095
00:45:55,143 --> 00:45:57,885
I just don't know
why we can't sync up on this.
1096
00:45:57,972 --> 00:45:59,757
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
1097
00:45:59,974 --> 00:46:01,584
Like, I don't...
I don't know why.
1098
00:46:01,671 --> 00:46:04,762
It's not like we haven't taken
different paths before.
1099
00:46:04,849 --> 00:46:07,242
You know?
We went to different colleges.
1100
00:46:07,329 --> 00:46:09,201
We have different jobs.
1101
00:46:09,592 --> 00:46:11,551
We got married
at different times
1102
00:46:11,899 --> 00:46:13,466
to different people.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
1103
00:46:14,510 --> 00:46:15,773
I don't know, this feels...
1104
00:46:16,556 --> 00:46:18,427
this maybe feels
a little different.
1105
00:46:18,558 --> 00:46:19,515
Right?
1106
00:46:20,125 --> 00:46:21,648
Like, we did
those things separately,
1107
00:46:21,735 --> 00:46:24,564
but... also
kind of felt together.
1108
00:46:25,695 --> 00:46:27,045
I'm not sure I feel...
1109
00:46:28,524 --> 00:46:29,830
together on this one.
1110
00:46:33,138 --> 00:46:34,095
Yeah.
1111
00:46:37,620 --> 00:46:40,319
Okay. Safe space.
1112
00:46:41,494 --> 00:46:43,452
Until we finish
these hot chocolates,
1113
00:46:43,583 --> 00:46:45,890
we are allowed
to lay it all out,
1114
00:46:46,194 --> 00:46:49,110
be absolutely honest
with ourselves and each other,
1115
00:46:49,241 --> 00:46:52,635
no hard feelings.
I'll start. Okay.
1116
00:46:52,766 --> 00:46:54,637
You know
who I find really annoying?
1117
00:46:54,855 --> 00:46:57,162
Those pregnant women
who walk around
1118
00:46:57,336 --> 00:46:59,294
all the time
just rubbing their bellies,
1119
00:46:59,381 --> 00:47:03,821
talking nonstop about
"the baby," but the thing is,
1120
00:47:04,473 --> 00:47:07,999
I think I have become
that pregnant person.
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
1121
00:47:08,129 --> 00:47:09,304
Like, the truth is,
1122
00:47:09,478 --> 00:47:11,741
this kid is pretty much
all I think about now, Emma.
1123
00:47:12,917 --> 00:47:15,180
And I know I have asked
so much of you already,
1124
00:47:15,267 --> 00:47:16,181
but I...
1125
00:47:18,052 --> 00:47:19,837
I just love ya, and...
1126
00:47:21,099 --> 00:47:23,971
I desperately need
and want you to be all-in
1127
00:47:24,058 --> 00:47:26,408
in having and raising
this kid with me.
1128
00:47:27,583 --> 00:47:29,455
And I... I don't know
how to do half-in.
1129
00:47:29,542 --> 00:47:31,370
I don't know
how to walk on eggshells, Em.
1130
00:47:31,805 --> 00:47:35,678
But if that is, like, shitty,
and annoying, or hard,
1131
00:47:35,765 --> 00:47:39,465
or completely fucking boring
to someone who isn't pregnant,
1132
00:47:39,552 --> 00:47:42,903
then I get it, I really do.
You just gotta tell me.
1133
00:47:43,034 --> 00:47:44,383
And then I will...
1134
00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:47,821
I will give you space from this.
1135
00:47:48,691 --> 00:47:50,737
And I promise, I really promise,
1136
00:47:50,824 --> 00:47:53,348
it won't affect
our friendship at all.
1137
00:47:53,435 --> 00:47:57,265
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
'Cause this is fuckin' hard.
1138
00:47:58,745 --> 00:48:00,878
And I know that
this is hard for you.
1139
00:48:04,011 --> 00:48:06,579
It's, um... [SMACKS LIPS]
1140
00:48:08,842 --> 00:48:10,148
[CHUCKLES] Listen...
1141
00:48:11,497 --> 00:48:13,325
When have I ever been half-in?
1142
00:48:14,761 --> 00:48:15,762
Never.
1143
00:48:15,980 --> 00:48:17,155
And do you really think
I'm gonna start
1144
00:48:17,242 --> 00:48:19,592
with the most important
event of our lives?
1145
00:48:20,506 --> 00:48:22,247
I don't know. I mean,
you've put up a good--
1146
00:48:22,377 --> 00:48:23,248
Oh...
1147
00:48:25,032 --> 00:48:27,513
[TENDER MUSIC PLAYING]
1148
00:48:28,818 --> 00:48:30,124
Oh, my God. [CHUCKLES]
1149
00:48:30,342 --> 00:48:31,604
PHOEBE: Do you feel that?
Yeah.
1150
00:48:33,911 --> 00:48:35,129
It's a girl.
1151
00:48:37,218 --> 00:48:40,047
I knew it. I frickin' knew it!
1152
00:48:40,134 --> 00:48:42,484
Our little tomato's a girl.
EMMA: [GASPS] Oh!
1153
00:48:43,007 --> 00:48:44,182
Oh, and she is--
EMMA: Whoa!
1154
00:48:44,269 --> 00:48:46,445
She is really kicking
around in there.
1155
00:48:46,532 --> 00:48:48,142
Yeah.
EMMA: Having a little dance?
1156
00:48:48,229 --> 00:48:49,709
Okay.
EMMA: All right.
1157
00:48:49,839 --> 00:48:51,189
Eh!
Eh!
1158
00:48:51,319 --> 00:48:52,364
Oh!
Oh!
1159
00:48:52,494 --> 00:48:53,626
Eh!
Eh...
1160
00:48:53,756 --> 00:48:54,844
Oh.
Oh...
1161
00:48:54,975 --> 00:48:56,194
[EMMA LAUGHS]
1162
00:48:56,324 --> 00:48:59,937
["OOM SHA LA LA" PLAYING]
1163
00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:03,244
EMMA: Oh, you're home early.
1164
00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:04,245
Hey.
1165
00:49:04,898 --> 00:49:06,030
Grading papers?
1166
00:49:07,161 --> 00:49:09,729
I wish. I'm working
on Phoebe's baby shower.
1167
00:49:09,859 --> 00:49:12,079
I think I maybe went
a little overboard.
1168
00:49:12,688 --> 00:49:13,907
You, uh, always go overboard.
1169
00:49:13,994 --> 00:49:15,387
It's part of your charm.
[CHUCKLES]
1170
00:49:15,996 --> 00:49:18,085
Okay, you need a break.
1171
00:49:18,346 --> 00:49:19,217
Pencils down.
1172
00:49:20,174 --> 00:49:22,655
I have a surprise for you.
Why?
1173
00:49:22,742 --> 00:49:24,222
And I know how much
you hate surprises,
1174
00:49:24,352 --> 00:49:25,788
so I'm just gonna tell you
what it is.
1175
00:49:26,180 --> 00:49:28,835
We are going out tonight.
Okay.
1176
00:49:28,922 --> 00:49:31,316
First, we're gonna have
a couples massage at Kanani,
1177
00:49:31,403 --> 00:49:33,100
'cause I know how much you love
the gentle touch
1178
00:49:33,231 --> 00:49:34,275
of a complete stranger.
1179
00:49:34,406 --> 00:49:35,885
I do.
And then,
1180
00:49:36,190 --> 00:49:40,151
we're having dinner at a little
place called Cloverly.
1181
00:49:40,325 --> 00:49:42,066
No, we are not!
Yes, we are.
1182
00:49:42,196 --> 00:49:43,632
How? I've been trying
to get us in
1183
00:49:43,763 --> 00:49:45,286
for so long, since they opened.
1184
00:49:45,417 --> 00:49:47,245
Let's just say that
your husband's a big shot
1185
00:49:47,375 --> 00:49:48,811
and has pull around town.
1186
00:49:48,942 --> 00:49:50,509
[CHUCKLES]
BEN: No work stuff,
1187
00:49:50,639 --> 00:49:52,554
no baby shower stuff.
1188
00:49:52,685 --> 00:49:54,382
Tonight is just about
you and me.
1189
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:57,559
Oh, my God. I love you.
["BLAH BLAH BLAH" PLAYING]
1190
00:49:57,733 --> 00:50:00,432
♪ Poison, please ♪
1191
00:50:00,562 --> 00:50:03,391
♪ There's blood in the water ♪
1192
00:50:03,522 --> 00:50:06,612
♪ Like antifreeze ♪
1193
00:50:06,699 --> 00:50:08,614
♪ For neon-dripping
Daughters... ♪
1194
00:50:08,744 --> 00:50:10,920
[GASPS] I can't believe
you pulled this off.
1195
00:50:11,747 --> 00:50:13,706
Hey, Cormac.
Hey, Ben.
1196
00:50:14,054 --> 00:50:15,403
Welcome to Cloverly.
1197
00:50:15,577 --> 00:50:17,797
I'll go check on your table.
All right.
1198
00:50:18,450 --> 00:50:20,713
My mom says thank you so much
for the flowers, by the way.
1199
00:50:21,018 --> 00:50:22,193
Don't mention it.
Don't mention it.
1200
00:50:22,323 --> 00:50:23,933
What is-- Cormac? Who...
1201
00:50:24,064 --> 00:50:25,674
I may have to put in
a lot of face time
1202
00:50:25,761 --> 00:50:26,675
to get this reservation.
1203
00:50:27,241 --> 00:50:28,895
Let's say, I basically know
the whole staff by now.
1204
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:30,244
Wow.
Yeah.
1205
00:50:30,375 --> 00:50:31,245
Hey! Hey, guys!
1206
00:50:31,550 --> 00:50:33,334
Oh, my God! What?
How are you? Oh, my God!
1207
00:50:33,465 --> 00:50:35,293
What the hell?
BRIAN: What's going on, man?
1208
00:50:35,423 --> 00:50:37,077
Did you...
did you organize this?
1209
00:50:37,164 --> 00:50:39,645
Uh, no, I sure did not.
What are you guys doing here?
1210
00:50:39,732 --> 00:50:42,169
Oh, we're just, uh,
getting a bite to eat.
1211
00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:43,866
What are you doing here?
Yeah.
1212
00:50:43,953 --> 00:50:46,130
Been so busy at the hospital
lately that I probably haven't
1213
00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:47,783
been around as much
as I should be,
1214
00:50:47,914 --> 00:50:49,307
so I'm trying to make up for it.
1215
00:50:49,394 --> 00:50:50,917
But I'm really glad
that you guys are here.
1216
00:50:51,439 --> 00:50:54,312
There was an issue with
the reservation. It's my fault.
1217
00:50:54,442 --> 00:50:56,966
Um, but maybe when Phoebe
sees you guys,
1218
00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:58,272
she'll forget
she's pissed at me.
1219
00:50:58,403 --> 00:51:00,231
Nope. Mm-mm.
Oh...
1220
00:51:00,318 --> 00:51:01,275
Hi.
1221
00:51:01,406 --> 00:51:03,060
Hello!
[CHUCKLES] Hi!
1222
00:51:03,190 --> 00:51:04,844
Did he tell you what he did?
1223
00:51:04,974 --> 00:51:07,586
It was more done to me.
I feel like I'm the victim here.
1224
00:51:07,716 --> 00:51:09,240
Did you know there's
an internet black market
1225
00:51:09,370 --> 00:51:10,763
for restaurant reservations?
1226
00:51:10,893 --> 00:51:12,634
Did you also know
there is a black market
1227
00:51:12,721 --> 00:51:14,419
for fake reservations?
[SIGHS]
1228
00:51:14,549 --> 00:51:17,074
I didn't... I didn't know.
I just-- I didn't know.
No.
1229
00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:18,423
If we're ready?
Oh, hey.
1230
00:51:18,814 --> 00:51:20,990
My man. How we lookin'?
Any luck?
1231
00:51:21,121 --> 00:51:23,123
Did I have any luck
finding the reservation
1232
00:51:23,210 --> 00:51:24,690
you made on the dark web?
1233
00:51:24,951 --> 00:51:26,300
I did not.
BRIAN: Uh, look.
1234
00:51:26,387 --> 00:51:27,867
I'm sorry.
I... I made a mistake.
1235
00:51:27,997 --> 00:51:30,609
I got it, but the website says
that you take walk-ins.
1236
00:51:30,696 --> 00:51:33,264
So, I don't know,
can we maybe just walk in?
1237
00:51:33,394 --> 00:51:35,353
Absolutely. If you don't mind
splitting up,
1238
00:51:35,483 --> 00:51:38,399
I can probably seat one of you
inside the heating vent
1239
00:51:38,530 --> 00:51:40,575
and the other person
could hold a squat
1240
00:51:40,662 --> 00:51:42,360
in the parking lot,
if that works for you.
1241
00:51:42,490 --> 00:51:43,796
[LAUGHS]
1242
00:51:43,883 --> 00:51:44,797
This is not funny.
1243
00:51:45,014 --> 00:51:47,060
Um. Well, hey,
can they sit with us?
1244
00:51:47,321 --> 00:51:48,888
Oh!
No, no, no. Emma,
1245
00:51:48,975 --> 00:51:50,977
we are not crashing
your romantic dinner.
1246
00:51:51,108 --> 00:51:52,979
Stop, stop, stop.
Can we just get
1247
00:51:53,066 --> 00:51:54,633
a couple more chairs
at the table?
1248
00:51:54,763 --> 00:51:55,982
[SMACKS LIPS]
1249
00:51:56,069 --> 00:51:59,203
As much as I would love
to not be helpful,
1250
00:51:59,768 --> 00:52:00,987
yes, of course we can
accommodate that.
1251
00:52:01,292 --> 00:52:03,511
Thank you.
Now, if you'll just follow me.
1252
00:52:03,642 --> 00:52:05,165
It's a bit of a walk
to the table.
1253
00:52:05,296 --> 00:52:06,732
Good think you wore
hiking clothes.
1254
00:52:06,862 --> 00:52:08,125
[SIGHS]
CORMAC: Right this way.
1255
00:52:08,255 --> 00:52:10,431
Thank you.
Are you sure this is okay?
1256
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:14,131
♪ Pressure to party
Gonna stay in ♪
1257
00:52:14,435 --> 00:52:17,264
♪ Nothing good can come
From me drinking... ♪
1258
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:19,484
Yeah, right.
BEN: Yeah. No, I had a dog.
1259
00:52:19,614 --> 00:52:21,355
Wait, you had a dog growing up?
1260
00:52:21,442 --> 00:52:23,140
What? I didn't tell you this?
1261
00:52:23,227 --> 00:52:24,837
No! How did you
not tell me this?
1262
00:52:24,967 --> 00:52:26,360
BEN: I had to have
told you this.
1263
00:52:26,491 --> 00:52:28,580
Yeah, I had a dog growing up.
What's the dog up to now?
1264
00:52:28,710 --> 00:52:31,539
Hit by a car.
That's not how he died though.
1265
00:52:31,670 --> 00:52:33,411
BRIAN: How'd he die?
Poisoned by another dog.
1266
00:52:33,498 --> 00:52:35,239
[LAUGHS]
EMMA: Anyway...
1267
00:52:36,501 --> 00:52:39,199
Okay. Give us the baby updates.
1268
00:52:39,547 --> 00:52:41,070
Okay, well,
1269
00:52:41,680 --> 00:52:43,725
I have been on one this week.
1270
00:52:43,812 --> 00:52:46,424
Okay.
PHOEBE: Yeah, I've been
exhausted for months,
1271
00:52:46,511 --> 00:52:49,209
and all of a sudden I have this,
like, newfound energy.
1272
00:52:49,557 --> 00:52:51,124
Like, I came home
from work today
1273
00:52:51,298 --> 00:52:52,734
and I painted the nursery.
1274
00:52:52,865 --> 00:52:53,996
Wow.
1275
00:52:54,127 --> 00:52:55,737
Uh, mama bird is nesting.
1276
00:52:55,868 --> 00:52:57,217
I am.
1277
00:52:57,304 --> 00:52:59,263
I am really nesting.
1278
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:00,829
I've actually read
all the articles
1279
00:53:00,916 --> 00:53:01,830
that you've sent me.
1280
00:53:01,917 --> 00:53:03,005
You read them?
PHOEBE: Yeah.
1281
00:53:03,136 --> 00:53:05,007
You are a different person.
[PHOEBE LAUGHS]
1282
00:53:05,138 --> 00:53:07,445
And I just read the one
about talking to your baby.
1283
00:53:07,532 --> 00:53:09,664
Oh.
I mean, obviously,
we talk to the baby.
1284
00:53:09,751 --> 00:53:13,494
But I didn't know that she could
differentiate the voices.
1285
00:53:13,625 --> 00:53:15,888
Well, so, she's listening
to us right now?
1286
00:53:16,018 --> 00:53:18,717
Yeah. Are you ready
to introduce yourselves,
1287
00:53:18,847 --> 00:53:20,588
Uncle Ben and Auntie Em?
1288
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:22,764
Ooh! Don't love those nicknames.
1289
00:53:22,851 --> 00:53:24,375
Not great.
Oh, you don't have to...
1290
00:53:24,505 --> 00:53:26,986
No, come on. Say hi.
1291
00:53:27,116 --> 00:53:28,683
- Cute.
- It's so loud in here,
1292
00:53:28,814 --> 00:53:30,685
the baby's not even
gonna be able to hear me.
1293
00:53:30,816 --> 00:53:31,773
PHOEBE: Okay, don't be weird.
1294
00:53:31,991 --> 00:53:33,210
Yeah. You got to. Come on.
PHOEBE: Yeah.
1295
00:53:33,906 --> 00:53:36,517
Hi. [LAUGHS] I'm Emma.
1296
00:53:36,648 --> 00:53:38,389
PHOEBE: Louder.
Uh, hello, it's Emma!
1297
00:53:38,519 --> 00:53:40,956
I'm so excited to meet you!
1298
00:53:41,087 --> 00:53:42,306
[CHUCKLES]
What about you, Ben?
1299
00:53:42,393 --> 00:53:43,307
Oh...
1300
00:53:43,785 --> 00:53:44,917
Hey, what's up--
1301
00:53:45,004 --> 00:53:46,484
Have you guys
thought about baby names?
1302
00:53:46,614 --> 00:53:47,528
Names!
Oh, my God.
1303
00:53:47,702 --> 00:53:49,269
You mean our most
frequent argument?
1304
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:51,184
Yeah, I didn't know
that I had a say.
1305
00:53:51,315 --> 00:53:52,707
I thought this was something
you guys worked out.
1306
00:53:52,838 --> 00:53:55,014
[LAUGH]
Okay. A lot of strong opinions.
1307
00:53:55,232 --> 00:53:57,321
Um, but you know, we should
ask them what they think.
1308
00:53:57,712 --> 00:53:58,713
PHOEBE: Of whose pick?
1309
00:53:59,148 --> 00:54:01,107
Either one, just throw it
out there. Blind study.
1310
00:54:01,586 --> 00:54:03,240
Okay.
Yeah, go for it.
1311
00:54:05,894 --> 00:54:06,895
Hortense.
1312
00:54:09,202 --> 00:54:10,159
Hortense.
1313
00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:12,161
That's not... a name.
[CHUCKLES]
1314
00:54:12,292 --> 00:54:13,641
[LAUGHS]
BEN: Hortense?
1315
00:54:13,772 --> 00:54:16,035
They're laughing.
They are laughing.
1316
00:54:16,165 --> 00:54:17,950
Wait, you can't. You can't.
Because it-- I mean--
1317
00:54:18,037 --> 00:54:19,430
You can't give a name
that starts with--
1318
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:20,822
"Whore."
"Whore."
1319
00:54:21,214 --> 00:54:22,346
And also, "tense."
1320
00:54:22,868 --> 00:54:26,175
I mean, it sounds like
an anxious sex worker.
[CHUCKLES}
1321
00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:27,873
Your present tense,
your past tense,
1322
00:54:28,003 --> 00:54:30,179
and your "whore" tense. [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
1323
00:54:30,267 --> 00:54:31,572
Oh, my God, yeah.
1324
00:54:32,138 --> 00:54:35,620
I'm sorry, Brian,
but that is a no.
1325
00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:36,708
[LAUGHS]
Oh, yeah.
1326
00:54:36,925 --> 00:54:39,972
No, Emma, it was my pick.
That was my name.
1327
00:54:40,102 --> 00:54:41,147
BEN: Oh.
It was?
1328
00:54:41,278 --> 00:54:43,497
It was my great-great-
grandmother's name.
1329
00:54:43,584 --> 00:54:46,021
Oh.
I'm... I'm sorry
to laugh at that then.
1330
00:54:46,457 --> 00:54:49,329
Maybe Hortense
is just not a good name.
1331
00:54:49,460 --> 00:54:50,939
And "Lily"
is such a better name?
1332
00:54:51,853 --> 00:54:53,159
Uh.
Yes.
1333
00:54:53,246 --> 00:54:54,465
Ooh.
[PHOEBE CHUCKLES]
1334
00:54:54,595 --> 00:54:57,206
Pour one out for Hortense.
Raise a glass for Lily.
1335
00:54:57,555 --> 00:54:58,556
To Lily.
To Lily.
1336
00:54:58,860 --> 00:55:00,384
Okay, I don't want to talk
about this anymore.
1337
00:55:00,514 --> 00:55:01,994
What was the name of your dog?
1338
00:55:02,473 --> 00:55:03,517
Uh, it was Hortense.
1339
00:55:03,648 --> 00:55:04,953
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
1340
00:55:05,084 --> 00:55:06,172
[LAUGHS]
1341
00:55:13,005 --> 00:55:14,485
I'm not the asshole.
1342
00:55:15,399 --> 00:55:16,487
We're still talking about this?
1343
00:55:16,617 --> 00:55:19,011
Hortense is a ridiculous name.
1344
00:55:19,141 --> 00:55:20,578
Yeah, no. It's a big swing.
1345
00:55:20,708 --> 00:55:21,970
Yeah, I'm not out of line.
1346
00:55:22,057 --> 00:55:23,537
I mean, she asked me
for my opinion.
1347
00:55:23,668 --> 00:55:25,496
I'm just gonna give her
my opinion and be honest
1348
00:55:25,626 --> 00:55:26,975
and be a good friend
and be honest.
1349
00:55:27,062 --> 00:55:28,412
I mean,
maybe the cackling laughter
1350
00:55:28,499 --> 00:55:30,979
was a touch insensitive.
1351
00:55:31,066 --> 00:55:33,286
Insensitive?
You know what's insensitive?
1352
00:55:33,417 --> 00:55:36,768
Spending the entire dinner,
our dinner, by the way...
1353
00:55:36,898 --> 00:55:38,073
It was nice of them to pay.
1354
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:39,597
...rubbing her pregnant belly
1355
00:55:39,684 --> 00:55:41,599
while her un-pregnant
best friend
1356
00:55:41,686 --> 00:55:43,644
is fitting into her
high school jeans
1357
00:55:43,731 --> 00:55:44,863
because of stress!
1358
00:55:45,516 --> 00:55:47,692
Hon, I'm gonna preface this
by saying
1359
00:55:47,953 --> 00:55:51,609
you look, whoo, super hot
in those high school jeans,
1360
00:55:51,826 --> 00:55:54,742
and also intelligent
and fiercely independent.
1361
00:55:54,960 --> 00:55:56,788
I'm also gonna preface this
by saying,
1362
00:55:56,918 --> 00:55:59,268
I am 100 percent
in your corner...
1363
00:55:59,399 --> 00:56:00,922
Cannot wait to hear
what comes next.
1364
00:56:01,053 --> 00:56:05,144
...but you did keep asking her
about the baby.
1365
00:56:05,274 --> 00:56:07,189
I asked, like, three questions,
1366
00:56:07,276 --> 00:56:10,541
which were broken up by
30-minute pregnancy monologues.
1367
00:56:10,671 --> 00:56:12,760
And also,
correct me if I'm wrong,
1368
00:56:13,021 --> 00:56:15,241
didn't you tell her it was okay
if she was one
1369
00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:17,199
of those pregnant ladies
who kept on talking
about pregnancy?
1370
00:56:17,286 --> 00:56:18,592
And...
Oh...
1371
00:56:19,027 --> 00:56:20,768
...that she didn't have to walk
on eggshells?
1372
00:56:20,855 --> 00:56:22,901
Of course I said that, okay?
Because that is what a friend
1373
00:56:22,988 --> 00:56:25,338
is supposed to say,
but read the room, lady.
1374
00:56:25,425 --> 00:56:27,688
I am human fucking eggshells
right now.
1375
00:56:27,819 --> 00:56:29,908
Okay, okay. Come here,
my little eggshell.
1376
00:56:30,212 --> 00:56:31,910
- Come on.
- Okay. All right.
1377
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:32,954
Yeah.
1378
00:56:34,260 --> 00:56:35,174
Hey.
1379
00:56:35,653 --> 00:56:38,395
Just talk to her, okay?
She'll understand.
1380
00:56:38,482 --> 00:56:40,745
This whole putting
on one face for her,
1381
00:56:40,832 --> 00:56:42,442
then raging to me,
1382
00:56:43,225 --> 00:56:44,879
you can't keep that up forever.
1383
00:56:45,184 --> 00:56:46,141
Eventually you're gonna snap.
1384
00:56:46,228 --> 00:56:47,752
Okay.
But it's not gonna be forever.
1385
00:56:48,013 --> 00:56:49,928
You know?
Just a couple more months.
1386
00:56:50,276 --> 00:56:52,626
I mean, you think
once this baby comes,
1387
00:56:52,757 --> 00:56:54,846
she's gonna magically stop
asking you for any help at all?
1388
00:56:55,107 --> 00:56:56,413
It's just gonna get harder.
1389
00:56:56,587 --> 00:56:57,936
And if you wanna be
an awesome friend,
1390
00:56:58,458 --> 00:56:59,851
just talk to her,
1391
00:56:59,981 --> 00:57:02,201
tell her how you feel,
and she'll understand.
1392
00:57:04,029 --> 00:57:07,859
So, not to ruin a sweet,
nice moment, but--
1393
00:57:07,989 --> 00:57:10,470
Oh, I see. You wanna know
if we're having sex.
1394
00:57:10,601 --> 00:57:12,298
Thought I was being a little
bit more subtle than that.
1395
00:57:12,385 --> 00:57:13,647
But yes.
1396
00:57:13,908 --> 00:57:15,780
I mean, I'd just as easily
watch Top Chef.
1397
00:57:15,867 --> 00:57:18,304
Ah. Okay, so I... I was a yes.
1398
00:57:18,565 --> 00:57:19,784
But then you said Top Chef.
1399
00:57:19,914 --> 00:57:21,960
[CLICKS TONGUE] Okay. How about
1400
00:57:22,264 --> 00:57:24,789
we have sex, and then Top Chef?
1401
00:57:24,919 --> 00:57:27,269
Ooh, done. Okay,
your time starts now!
1402
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,097
["HELL RAISER" PLAYING]
1403
00:57:29,184 --> 00:57:31,970
♪ Girl, I'm a hell raiser
Rock shows get paper ♪
1404
00:57:32,057 --> 00:57:34,407
♪ Law breaker
I'm a bad bitch slayer ♪
1405
00:57:34,494 --> 00:57:36,540
♪ I'm a bad motherfucker
'Cause the good die young ♪
1406
00:57:36,627 --> 00:57:38,846
♪ I ain't walking out the house
Without them racks and my gun ♪
1407
00:57:38,977 --> 00:57:41,196
♪ You was making honor roll
I was skipping in school ♪
1408
00:57:41,327 --> 00:57:43,460
♪ I ain't making--
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
1409
00:57:43,590 --> 00:57:47,072
What up, Phoebe? Who is ready
to get their baby shower on?
1410
00:57:47,376 --> 00:57:48,334
BELLA: Hello?
1411
00:57:49,553 --> 00:57:50,554
Uh, hello?
1412
00:57:51,119 --> 00:57:52,512
BELLA: Is this Emma?
1413
00:57:53,121 --> 00:57:55,515
Yes, this is she. Who's this?
1414
00:57:55,646 --> 00:57:57,909
It's Bella, Phoebe's friend
from birthing class.
1415
00:57:58,039 --> 00:57:59,780
She gave me her phone
so I could call you.
1416
00:57:59,954 --> 00:58:02,087
Oh! Okay. So, are you
at her house?
1417
00:58:02,174 --> 00:58:04,132
BELLA: Yeah, yeah.
Madison and I came early.
1418
00:58:04,263 --> 00:58:06,526
And then we did this private
energy-clearing ceremony.
1419
00:58:06,657 --> 00:58:08,136
Sorry, we thought
that you'd be here.
1420
00:58:08,441 --> 00:58:11,531
Um, I am. I'm...
I'm, like, five minutes away.
1421
00:58:11,662 --> 00:58:13,664
BELLA: Could you do us
a humongous fave?
1422
00:58:13,794 --> 00:58:16,231
The gals from class ordered
these amazing balloons
1423
00:58:16,362 --> 00:58:18,103
that were supposed to be
delivered, but I guess
1424
00:58:18,190 --> 00:58:19,757
they don't deliver
on Sundays or something.
1425
00:58:19,844 --> 00:58:21,933
So, could you pretty-please
stop by Lippmans
1426
00:58:22,020 --> 00:58:23,674
on your way over
and pick them up for us?
1427
00:58:23,804 --> 00:58:25,763
We would totally do it
but we Ubered here.
1428
00:58:27,460 --> 00:58:30,115
Yeah! No problem.
1429
00:58:30,332 --> 00:58:32,726
Oh, my God, thank you so much.
You're the best.
1430
00:58:32,857 --> 00:58:34,772
[SINGSONG] No, you're the best!
1431
00:58:34,902 --> 00:58:35,773
[CELL PHONE CLICKS]
1432
00:58:36,861 --> 00:58:39,516
["GET OUTTA MY FACE" PLAYING]
1433
00:58:40,342 --> 00:58:41,387
Thanks.
1434
00:58:45,086 --> 00:58:46,261
[INHALES DEEPLY]
1435
00:58:46,392 --> 00:58:48,089
♪ Why don't you just go ♪
1436
00:58:48,699 --> 00:58:50,788
♪ Get outta my space
1437
00:58:50,875 --> 00:58:52,877
♪ Get outta my town ♪
1438
00:58:53,268 --> 00:58:55,532
♪ And quit
Your hangin' around ♪
1439
00:58:55,662 --> 00:58:57,534
♪ Why don't you
Leave me alone ♪
1440
00:58:58,143 --> 00:58:59,797
♪ Get outta my face
1441
00:58:59,884 --> 00:59:01,625
[GROANS]
1442
00:59:01,712 --> 00:59:03,148
♪ When I met you
You seemed okay ♪
1443
00:59:03,714 --> 00:59:05,280
♪ Lonely, new in town ♪
1444
00:59:05,411 --> 00:59:07,456
♪ But now you're stuck on me
Like a fly on shit ♪
1445
00:59:07,544 --> 00:59:08,457
Yeah!
1446
00:59:10,372 --> 00:59:12,113
[TIRES SQUEALING]
1447
00:59:12,244 --> 00:59:14,376
♪ Get outta my space ♪
1448
00:59:14,507 --> 00:59:16,553
♪ Get outta my town ♪
1449
00:59:16,683 --> 00:59:18,337
♪ And quit
Your hangin' around ♪
1450
00:59:18,946 --> 00:59:21,166
♪ Why don't you
Leave me alone ♪
[SCREAMS]
1451
00:59:21,253 --> 00:59:22,210
♪ Get outta my face ♪
1452
00:59:22,515 --> 00:59:24,430
Fuck you! Fuck you.
1453
00:59:24,909 --> 00:59:27,389
[PANTS]
1454
00:59:27,476 --> 00:59:29,566
Okay. [SIGHS]
1455
00:59:30,610 --> 00:59:32,525
[BALLOON POPS]
[SCREAMS] Fuck!
1456
00:59:36,355 --> 00:59:37,835
[PASSERBY] Nice balloons!
1457
00:59:38,270 --> 00:59:41,534
["B-A-B-Y" PLAYING]
1458
00:59:41,665 --> 00:59:45,059
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
1459
00:59:45,451 --> 00:59:49,150
♪ Baby, oh, baby... ♪
1460
00:59:49,934 --> 00:59:51,500
Let's put our hands on, okay?
1461
00:59:51,718 --> 00:59:53,546
BRIAN: Okay...
Can you do it a little higher?
1462
00:59:53,633 --> 00:59:54,808
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
BRIAN: Got it.
1463
00:59:55,243 --> 00:59:57,028
What do you think?
No, again.
1464
00:59:57,855 --> 00:59:59,857
That looks delicious.
1465
01:00:00,292 --> 01:00:01,728
You're really pretty.
1466
01:00:03,034 --> 01:00:04,905
And you should have
another cupcake.
1467
01:00:07,299 --> 01:00:10,302
Don't tell my dad.
He thinks I'm addicted to sugar.
1468
01:00:10,432 --> 01:00:11,303
Oh.
1469
01:00:13,479 --> 01:00:15,350
This is Charlie.
1470
01:00:15,481 --> 01:00:17,222
Oh, that's amaz--
Congratulations.
1471
01:00:17,309 --> 01:00:18,832
You finally got the boy
that you wanted.
1472
01:00:18,963 --> 01:00:20,660
No, Charlotte.
1473
01:00:20,878 --> 01:00:23,010
It's another girl.
But it's meant to be.
1474
01:00:23,097 --> 01:00:25,578
I actually had a dream the night
before I went into labor
1475
01:00:25,709 --> 01:00:28,146
that we had three girls
and one boy.
1476
01:00:28,276 --> 01:00:29,408
[CHUCKLES]
So...
1477
01:00:29,495 --> 01:00:31,018
[CHUCKLES] He's the next one.
1478
01:00:31,366 --> 01:00:34,021
Yep. Can't wait.
[CHUCKLES]
1479
01:00:35,240 --> 01:00:37,895
How are you? Ooh.
Nice cupcake. Yum.
1480
01:00:38,373 --> 01:00:39,244
Where's the other one?
1481
01:00:39,548 --> 01:00:41,333
Oh, she's at home with my mom.
1482
01:00:41,463 --> 01:00:42,682
Yeah, we think it's the flu.
1483
01:00:42,813 --> 01:00:44,684
She was puking her guts out
last night.
1484
01:00:44,815 --> 01:00:46,947
Yeah, everywhere. Everywhere...
1485
01:00:47,078 --> 01:00:48,557
BRIAN: Everywhere?
AMANDA: Yeah.
1486
01:00:50,690 --> 01:00:51,996
I'm just gonna wash my--
AMANDA: Sure.
1487
01:00:54,259 --> 01:00:55,521
Hey, is that Emma?
1488
01:00:55,608 --> 01:00:57,436
Yeah, no, I literally
just dialed her.
1489
01:00:57,523 --> 01:00:59,612
Is she coming?
Well, I'm gonna find out.
1490
01:00:59,743 --> 01:01:00,831
Oh, hey.
1491
01:01:01,353 --> 01:01:03,572
Uh, yeah, we were just talking
about you.
1492
01:01:03,703 --> 01:01:04,661
Where are you?
1493
01:01:05,139 --> 01:01:06,140
Oh, you're here?
1494
01:01:06,445 --> 01:01:08,795
Well, tell her I am here.
Yeah, Brian's here.
1495
01:01:08,926 --> 01:01:11,624
Also, tell her to stay away
from Rob's kids.
1496
01:01:18,544 --> 01:01:20,111
Whoa! What happened?
1497
01:01:20,241 --> 01:01:21,373
I'll tell you what happened.
1498
01:01:21,590 --> 01:01:23,854
I planned this party
down to the last detail,
1499
01:01:23,984 --> 01:01:25,290
and instead of being here,
1500
01:01:25,377 --> 01:01:27,379
I've been driving around
ten-miles-an-hour
1501
01:01:27,466 --> 01:01:29,729
with a bunch of goddamn balloons
sticking out of my sunroof
1502
01:01:29,860 --> 01:01:31,775
like I'm the old man from Up!
1503
01:01:31,905 --> 01:01:33,733
[CHUCKLES]
Do not laugh at that.
1504
01:01:33,820 --> 01:01:34,778
Okay, this...
1505
01:01:37,519 --> 01:01:38,825
Okay. Yeah.
1506
01:01:39,043 --> 01:01:41,306
[EXHALES] I can tell you had
a pretty rough day...
1507
01:01:41,393 --> 01:01:43,525
Oh, a rough--
A pretty rough day?
1508
01:01:43,612 --> 01:01:45,963
You have no fucking idea.
1509
01:01:46,050 --> 01:01:48,226
I don't. I don't.
But what I do know
1510
01:01:48,313 --> 01:01:50,881
is that you spent a lot of time
planning this baby shower
1511
01:01:50,968 --> 01:01:52,273
and it looks incredible
in there.
1512
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:53,535
[CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES]
1513
01:01:53,884 --> 01:01:55,494
And, so I want you to leave
whatever happened out there
1514
01:01:56,495 --> 01:01:57,539
out there,
1515
01:01:57,844 --> 01:01:59,411
and go in there
and have a victory lap
1516
01:02:00,064 --> 01:02:02,849
as the best friend
any pregnant woman's ever had.
1517
01:02:04,938 --> 01:02:06,244
[SOBS] Okay. [CHUCKLES]
BEN: Okay.
1518
01:02:08,072 --> 01:02:09,813
Can I give you a hug?
Absolutely not.
1519
01:02:09,943 --> 01:02:12,903
If you touch me in a loving way,
I will completely unravel.
1520
01:02:13,425 --> 01:02:14,295
Okay?
BEN: Fair. Yep.
1521
01:02:14,382 --> 01:02:15,601
Let's go.
Okay.
1522
01:02:19,953 --> 01:02:21,128
[SIGHS]
1523
01:02:21,346 --> 01:02:23,261
[MELLOW POP MUSIC PLAYING]
1524
01:02:24,523 --> 01:02:26,264
[EXHALES]
1525
01:02:26,394 --> 01:02:28,135
[GASPS] Oh, my God!
1526
01:02:28,353 --> 01:02:30,398
Thank you so much.
1527
01:02:30,616 --> 01:02:32,139
Great party, by the way.
1528
01:02:32,270 --> 01:02:33,793
Killed it.
Murder scene!
1529
01:02:33,967 --> 01:02:36,578
[LAUGHS]
Wait, is this all the balloons?
1530
01:02:36,709 --> 01:02:37,928
There's supposed to be
40 balloons.
1531
01:02:38,058 --> 01:02:39,712
One for each week
of her pregnancy.
Yeah.
1532
01:02:39,973 --> 01:02:41,061
This feels like
a lot less balloons
1533
01:02:41,148 --> 01:02:42,367
than 40 balloons.
EMMA: Oh, really?
1534
01:02:42,671 --> 01:02:45,762
Because to me, it feels like
infinite fucking balloons.
1535
01:02:47,285 --> 01:02:48,721
[CHUCKLES]
1536
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:50,897
Well, thank you.
Yeah.
1537
01:02:51,724 --> 01:02:52,769
Have fun!
1538
01:02:56,163 --> 01:02:57,208
[SIGHS]
1539
01:02:58,687 --> 01:03:00,167
[POIGNANT MUSIC PLAYING]
1540
01:03:05,956 --> 01:03:06,783
Hi.
1541
01:03:09,046 --> 01:03:11,526
She has no idea
what she's in for.
1542
01:03:11,788 --> 01:03:15,008
But I brought her a pineapple.
[LAUGHS] Oh, my God!
1543
01:03:15,661 --> 01:03:16,749
[LAUGHS]
1544
01:03:18,011 --> 01:03:21,536
Emma, you really are
your mother's daughter.
1545
01:03:21,623 --> 01:03:23,930
[CHUCKLES]
You really are.
1546
01:03:24,017 --> 01:03:26,019
This reminds me of when
she threw you girls
1547
01:03:26,106 --> 01:03:28,369
your seventh birthday party.
1548
01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:30,632
The best party ever.
The Spice Girls party?
1549
01:03:30,719 --> 01:03:32,243
Yes! [CHUCKLES]
[LAUGHS]
1550
01:03:32,547 --> 01:03:35,420
You were Ginger
and Phoebe was Posh.
1551
01:03:35,550 --> 01:03:37,901
That's right.
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Girl power!
1552
01:03:38,902 --> 01:03:40,381
But you threw
that party together.
1553
01:03:40,468 --> 01:03:41,687
Oh, no.
1554
01:03:41,818 --> 01:03:43,689
I can't do anything like this.
1555
01:03:43,907 --> 01:03:45,473
That was all Nora.
1556
01:03:45,865 --> 01:03:47,954
She just always
made me look good.
1557
01:03:52,002 --> 01:03:53,351
You did really good.
1558
01:03:53,742 --> 01:03:54,874
Try to have fun.
1559
01:03:55,614 --> 01:03:56,528
Okay.
1560
01:04:02,708 --> 01:04:03,883
[SIGHS]
1561
01:04:06,581 --> 01:04:07,887
Quick question.
Jesus.
1562
01:04:08,018 --> 01:04:09,541
We wanted to go in
on a Snoo for Pheebs,
1563
01:04:09,671 --> 01:04:10,890
but we didn't see one
on the registry.
1564
01:04:11,021 --> 01:04:12,413
Oh, my God, the Snoo is a dream.
1565
01:04:12,544 --> 01:04:14,024
You have a Snoo?
You have to.
1566
01:04:14,154 --> 01:04:15,939
I adore my Snoo.
We tried co-sleeping
1567
01:04:16,026 --> 01:04:17,854
with my first,
then we moved to a bouncer.
1568
01:04:17,984 --> 01:04:20,291
FRIEND: A bouncer?
I know. I'm a monster.
1569
01:04:20,421 --> 01:04:23,294
Also, I love my glider.
So, does she want a Bjorn?
1570
01:04:23,381 --> 01:04:24,556
A what?
A Boppy?
1571
01:04:24,643 --> 01:04:25,862
I don't know what you're saying.
UPPAbaby?
1572
01:04:25,992 --> 01:04:27,472
Nap Strap?
DockATot?
1573
01:04:27,602 --> 01:04:29,213
Keekaroo?
ALL: Ooh.
1574
01:04:29,343 --> 01:04:30,736
Keekaroo.
1575
01:04:30,867 --> 01:04:32,781
What the fuck is a Keekaroo?
1576
01:04:34,914 --> 01:04:36,655
[INHALES DEEPLY]
1577
01:04:39,484 --> 01:04:40,659
[SIGHS]
1578
01:04:43,053 --> 01:04:44,141
[SIGHS]
1579
01:04:45,577 --> 01:04:47,144
There you are!
1580
01:04:47,622 --> 01:04:49,363
What do you think?
1581
01:04:49,929 --> 01:04:52,497
I-- This is great.
It looks great.
1582
01:04:53,498 --> 01:04:56,066
Double-fisting the champers.
Are you drunk?
1583
01:04:56,153 --> 01:04:59,156
I've been... I've...
I've been drinking.
1584
01:04:59,373 --> 01:05:00,853
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
1585
01:05:00,940 --> 01:05:03,116
Okay. Now, do you think
that the crib should go there?
1586
01:05:03,203 --> 01:05:05,510
Because I was thinking
the glider should go there
1587
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:06,903
and the crib should go there.
1588
01:05:07,033 --> 01:05:08,730
But Brian is getting paranoid
and thinks the crib
1589
01:05:08,861 --> 01:05:10,167
should be near
the fire alarm, but--
1590
01:05:10,254 --> 01:05:11,516
Please, just stop.
1591
01:05:13,779 --> 01:05:16,216
I'm sorry, but could you
please just stop?
1592
01:05:19,219 --> 01:05:21,700
I'm sorry. I just--
I can't hear another story
1593
01:05:21,787 --> 01:05:23,832
about Boppies and Snoos
1594
01:05:23,920 --> 01:05:26,792
and DockATots and Keekaroos!
1595
01:05:26,879 --> 01:05:30,274
I feel like I'm in a goddamn
Dr. Seuss book. [SNIFFLES]
1596
01:05:30,361 --> 01:05:32,102
I'm sorry. I'm fine.
Sure.
1597
01:05:32,319 --> 01:05:33,581
EMMA: I just need a minute.
1598
01:05:35,714 --> 01:05:36,933
Maybe you should just
go downstairs
1599
01:05:37,020 --> 01:05:39,065
and open some presents
with your pod
1600
01:05:39,152 --> 01:05:40,762
of pregnant people.
1601
01:05:41,241 --> 01:05:44,157
Like a pod of whales? Nice.
1602
01:05:44,331 --> 01:05:46,986
Well, it's fitting.
Because they migrate together,
1603
01:05:47,073 --> 01:05:50,816
share care of their young,
and hunt their prey in groups.
1604
01:05:50,903 --> 01:05:52,905
Oh, wow.
So, now we're hunting you?
1605
01:05:53,036 --> 01:05:54,646
Yeah. Why do you think
I'm hiding?
1606
01:05:54,733 --> 01:05:55,952
I don't know, Emma.
1607
01:05:56,213 --> 01:05:57,779
I thought we squashed this.
1608
01:05:58,563 --> 01:05:59,868
You said you were all-in.
1609
01:06:00,086 --> 01:06:01,218
I mean, I lied.
1610
01:06:01,653 --> 01:06:02,523
[SCOFFS]
1611
01:06:04,134 --> 01:06:05,439
That's not fair.
1612
01:06:06,701 --> 01:06:10,140
You talked me into this.
This was all your idea.
1613
01:06:10,314 --> 01:06:11,837
Well, my idea
was doing it together.
1614
01:06:11,924 --> 01:06:13,360
Do you realize how lonely it is
1615
01:06:13,447 --> 01:06:15,797
watching all of this happen
from the outside?
1616
01:06:15,884 --> 01:06:17,843
Do not come at me with lonely.
1617
01:06:19,018 --> 01:06:20,585
I can't talk to my mother.
1618
01:06:20,802 --> 01:06:23,762
Brian tries,
but he's pretty limited.
1619
01:06:23,892 --> 01:06:25,590
I don't have siblings.
I have you.
1620
01:06:25,720 --> 01:06:29,333
I have only you!
I mean, you are like my sister
1621
01:06:29,550 --> 01:06:32,989
and I can't, like, enjoy
being pregnant around you
1622
01:06:33,076 --> 01:06:34,512
'cause I feel guilty.
1623
01:06:34,642 --> 01:06:36,557
Well, then it's a good thing
you have all your new friends
1624
01:06:36,644 --> 01:06:38,690
to just be happy around.
1625
01:06:39,082 --> 01:06:43,608
I'm so sorry. Is it my happiness
that bothers you or my friends?
1626
01:06:43,695 --> 01:06:45,392
Because there's
so much resentment
1627
01:06:45,479 --> 01:06:48,178
flying around right now,
I can't keep track of it all.
1628
01:06:48,308 --> 01:06:51,094
Hey. Listen to me.
I get to be upset right now.
1629
01:06:51,181 --> 01:06:54,488
I do, okay? Because
I found your doctor,
1630
01:06:54,575 --> 01:06:56,099
I took you
to your birthing class,
1631
01:06:56,186 --> 01:06:57,448
I planned this whole
baby shower.
1632
01:06:57,535 --> 01:06:59,276
I told you I didn't want
a goddamn baby shower!
1633
01:06:59,363 --> 01:07:00,755
This is really fucking hard
for me!
1634
01:07:00,842 --> 01:07:03,889
Okay, it's hard for you.
I... I got it, loud and clear.
1635
01:07:04,237 --> 01:07:05,978
Maybe you haven't noticed,
but it hasn't exactly been
1636
01:07:06,065 --> 01:07:08,937
a fucking Sunday drive
for me either.
1637
01:07:09,068 --> 01:07:11,201
I'm sorry
that I ruined your plan!
1638
01:07:11,288 --> 01:07:12,158
I...
1639
01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:15,596
On behalf of my ovaries
and Brian's sperm,
1640
01:07:15,683 --> 01:07:17,642
I am sorry that we got pregnant.
1641
01:07:18,643 --> 01:07:20,906
But it is not my fault
that you are not pregnant!
1642
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:23,213
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
1643
01:07:26,129 --> 01:07:28,783
[SOBS] You're right.
No, you are right.
1644
01:07:33,788 --> 01:07:34,702
Emma...
1645
01:07:40,012 --> 01:07:43,494
["RIGHT BACK TO IT" PLAYING]
1646
01:07:47,237 --> 01:07:49,848
♪ Photograph of us
In the spotlight ♪
1647
01:07:49,978 --> 01:07:51,241
♪ On a hot night ♪
1648
01:07:51,371 --> 01:07:53,808
♪ I was drifting in and out ♪
1649
01:07:54,331 --> 01:07:56,637
♪ Reticent on the off chance ♪
1650
01:07:56,724 --> 01:08:01,033
♪ I'm blunter than a bull's-eye
Begging for peace of mind ♪
1651
01:08:01,294 --> 01:08:06,430
♪ I lose a bit of myself ♪
1652
01:08:08,954 --> 01:08:14,002
♪ Laying out eggshells
1653
01:08:15,482 --> 01:08:18,529
♪ I've been yours for so long
1654
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:22,359
♪ We come right back to it ♪
1655
01:08:22,489 --> 01:08:25,971
♪ I let my mind run wild ♪
1656
01:08:26,102 --> 01:08:29,627
♪ I don't know why I do it ♪
1657
01:08:30,062 --> 01:08:33,109
♪ But you just settle in ♪
1658
01:08:33,196 --> 01:08:36,460
♪ Like a song with no end ♪
1659
01:08:37,374 --> 01:08:40,377
♪ If I can keep up
1660
01:08:40,594 --> 01:08:44,903
♪ We'll get right back
To it... ♪
1661
01:08:45,295 --> 01:08:48,602
You're ruining your manicure
from the baby shower.
1662
01:08:49,342 --> 01:08:51,257
I forgot my gloves.
1663
01:08:51,388 --> 01:08:52,998
I didn't know
you were coming over here.
1664
01:08:53,955 --> 01:08:56,132
I tried calling several times.
1665
01:08:56,349 --> 01:09:00,005
Sorry. I've been,
you know, a little tired.
1666
01:09:00,962 --> 01:09:02,007
How's Emma?
1667
01:09:03,965 --> 01:09:05,663
We have not talked
since the shower.
1668
01:09:06,185 --> 01:09:08,187
That's got to be a record
for you two.
1669
01:09:08,361 --> 01:09:10,233
Three weeks is the record.
Sophomore year.
1670
01:09:12,104 --> 01:09:13,149
Hey.
1671
01:09:13,540 --> 01:09:15,629
I don't know what happened
between you two,
1672
01:09:15,803 --> 01:09:17,675
but I know how much
you love her.
1673
01:09:17,805 --> 01:09:21,766
And I know how much
you confide in her
1674
01:09:21,896 --> 01:09:23,855
and how much you count on her.
1675
01:09:24,116 --> 01:09:25,683
When this kid arrives,
1676
01:09:25,813 --> 01:09:28,033
you might want a friend
in your corner.
1677
01:09:28,251 --> 01:09:29,339
It's awful.
Mom!
1678
01:09:29,643 --> 01:09:31,167
No, not you.
1679
01:09:31,297 --> 01:09:32,603
[SIGHS] Sorry.
1680
01:09:34,039 --> 01:09:35,823
Ooh, I'm not good at this.
1681
01:09:35,997 --> 01:09:38,261
You were perfect.
Thank you.
1682
01:09:38,435 --> 01:09:41,089
I mean, you didn't sleep
the first six months,
1683
01:09:41,220 --> 01:09:43,657
and you threw up every time
you tried to nurse,
1684
01:09:43,788 --> 01:09:46,356
and you were an angry,
scrawny little thing--
1685
01:09:46,443 --> 01:09:48,053
Who was perfect.
SUE: Who was perfect!
1686
01:09:48,184 --> 01:09:49,794
Who was perfect.
PHOEBE: Uh-huh.
1687
01:09:51,099 --> 01:09:52,884
I'm the flawed one.
You know that.
1688
01:09:54,494 --> 01:09:56,192
I always used to think
that babies
1689
01:09:56,322 --> 01:09:57,845
should come with warranties
1690
01:09:57,932 --> 01:10:00,152
because of their
defective parents.
1691
01:10:02,763 --> 01:10:05,853
Well, I'm gonna have to hug you,
because that was pretty cute.
1692
01:10:05,984 --> 01:10:07,594
[CHUCKLES, GROANS]
1693
01:10:07,725 --> 01:10:09,727
Okay? Here are my arms.
Okay.
1694
01:10:10,815 --> 01:10:12,251
I have dirt on my hands.
1695
01:10:12,338 --> 01:10:14,035
PHOEBE: I don't care.
I love you, Mom.
1696
01:10:14,297 --> 01:10:16,473
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
1697
01:10:20,259 --> 01:10:23,175
I better get back to the office.
Sure. Got it. Yup.
1698
01:10:23,654 --> 01:10:25,264
[SIGHS] Oh!
1699
01:10:25,699 --> 01:10:28,354
I'm going to an estate sale
in Salem tomorrow.
1700
01:10:28,485 --> 01:10:31,009
Oh, yeah?
I'm going to find you
a vintage highchair.
1701
01:10:31,575 --> 01:10:32,837
No lead paint, though.
1702
01:10:36,406 --> 01:10:37,755
I'm serious, Mom.
1703
01:10:40,671 --> 01:10:44,762
She's gonna get me
a lead fuckin' highchair.
1704
01:10:46,633 --> 01:10:49,462
Oh, shit.
Mom, you left your phone!
1705
01:10:51,334 --> 01:10:52,509
[SIGHS]
1706
01:10:53,249 --> 01:10:55,163
You'll have to come back for it.
1707
01:10:55,338 --> 01:10:56,426
Oh.
1708
01:10:57,775 --> 01:11:00,038
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
1709
01:11:00,168 --> 01:11:01,039
Oh, no.
1710
01:11:01,169 --> 01:11:02,475
[GROANS]
1711
01:11:02,606 --> 01:11:03,737
Okay...
1712
01:11:05,261 --> 01:11:06,479
Hey, B. Um.
1713
01:11:06,914 --> 01:11:08,612
I think this is happening.
Where are you?
1714
01:11:08,742 --> 01:11:10,004
Call me back.
1715
01:11:10,222 --> 01:11:11,223
[SIGHS]
1716
01:11:11,571 --> 01:11:12,572
Oh...
1717
01:11:12,703 --> 01:11:14,182
[GROANS] Fuck.
1718
01:11:14,313 --> 01:11:15,836
Hey, Em. Um...
1719
01:11:15,967 --> 01:11:19,449
You are probably
at school right now,
1720
01:11:19,579 --> 01:11:23,583
but I think this is happening,
and I can't get a hold of Brian
1721
01:11:23,714 --> 01:11:26,064
because I think maybe
he's in surgery
1722
01:11:26,194 --> 01:11:28,371
and I'm just, like,
a little scared.
1723
01:11:28,501 --> 01:11:31,461
Um... I just don't want
to do this alone.
1724
01:11:31,591 --> 01:11:33,811
So, uh, can you...
can you call me back?
1725
01:11:34,290 --> 01:11:35,421
Thank you.
1726
01:11:35,639 --> 01:11:36,640
Fuck!
1727
01:11:36,857 --> 01:11:39,556
Oh, you got to be
fucking kidding me.
1728
01:11:44,517 --> 01:11:46,127
Hi.
DRIVER: Hey, you Phoebe?
1729
01:11:46,258 --> 01:11:47,651
Yeah. [GROANS]
1730
01:11:47,738 --> 01:11:49,740
DRIVER: Whoa, whoa!
Are you in labor?
Uh-huh.
1731
01:11:49,827 --> 01:11:51,089
DRIVER: Nope,
just had my car cleaned.
1732
01:11:51,176 --> 01:11:55,223
Wait! Oh, fuck you, you fuck!
1733
01:11:55,528 --> 01:11:56,399
Ow.
1734
01:11:57,878 --> 01:11:58,879
Oh...
1735
01:11:59,010 --> 01:12:00,185
[PA BEEPING]
1736
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:01,882
[INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT]
1737
01:12:02,143 --> 01:12:03,406
RECEPTIONIST:
Hi. How can I help you?
1738
01:12:03,493 --> 01:12:06,234
Hi. I think I'm having a baby.
1739
01:12:06,409 --> 01:12:07,584
[CHUCKLES]
You're in the right place.
1740
01:12:07,714 --> 01:12:08,846
Have you spoken to your doctor?
1741
01:12:08,976 --> 01:12:11,414
My doctor? No.
That's a good idea.
1742
01:12:11,544 --> 01:12:13,546
I should've called
my doctor. Sorry.
1743
01:12:13,764 --> 01:12:16,070
This is just my first time
and I've never
1744
01:12:16,549 --> 01:12:18,986
done this before, and I don't
really know what I'm doing
1745
01:12:19,117 --> 01:12:20,858
or actually
what I'm feeling. [LAUGHS]
1746
01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:22,686
I can't get a hold
of my fucking husband.
1747
01:12:22,773 --> 01:12:24,731
Um, so I actually just drove
myself here.
1748
01:12:24,862 --> 01:12:27,255
Oh, my God.
Yeah. I think I'm in full
fucking freak-out mode.
1749
01:12:27,386 --> 01:12:29,083
Okay, what is
your doctor's name?
1750
01:12:29,214 --> 01:12:30,694
PHOEBE: Um...
Dr. Morrison!
1751
01:12:30,781 --> 01:12:33,218
Dr. Ian Morrison. That is her OB
and I just talked to him
1752
01:12:33,305 --> 01:12:34,175
and he's on his way.
1753
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:36,221
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
1754
01:12:36,308 --> 01:12:37,353
PHOEBE: Oh.
EMMA: Oh, my God.
1755
01:12:37,440 --> 01:12:39,833
Okay. Let's go have a baby.
1756
01:12:39,964 --> 01:12:41,748
Okay.
Where do the babies happen?
1757
01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:45,056
PHOEBE: Where the fuck is Brian?
1758
01:12:45,143 --> 01:12:46,840
All good.
I talked to an ER nurse
1759
01:12:46,971 --> 01:12:48,320
and you were right,
he's in surgery.
1760
01:12:48,407 --> 01:12:49,974
Let me help you.
[EXHALES]
1761
01:12:50,061 --> 01:12:51,845
Construction site accident.
It sounded pretty gnarly.
1762
01:12:51,976 --> 01:12:54,587
There was a crane hook and it
gave this guy a metal wedgie.
1763
01:12:54,718 --> 01:12:56,241
Not what I need to know
right now.
1764
01:12:56,372 --> 01:12:57,895
Okay, this is gonna be
for jewelry now. Um...
1765
01:12:58,025 --> 01:12:59,505
Okay. So, they're gonna
let Brian know
1766
01:12:59,636 --> 01:13:01,202
as soon as he's out of surgery.
1767
01:13:01,333 --> 01:13:02,856
When the fuck is that gonna be?
1768
01:13:02,943 --> 01:13:03,857
Hey, look at me.
1769
01:13:04,641 --> 01:13:05,685
You got this.
1770
01:13:05,816 --> 01:13:07,600
I got this.
That's my girl.
1771
01:13:07,731 --> 01:13:09,210
Yeah. Oh, here comes
another one!
1772
01:13:09,341 --> 01:13:11,648
Okay, where's your phone?
[GROANS] Emma, Emma...
1773
01:13:11,778 --> 01:13:13,214
Which one
is your birthing playlist?
1774
01:13:13,345 --> 01:13:15,391
Is it "Zen Chill Vibes"?
No, that's for bedtime.
1775
01:13:15,521 --> 01:13:17,305
It's the one called
"Bring the Pain"!
1776
01:13:17,436 --> 01:13:19,612
Okay. Wow. So much Papa Roach.
1777
01:13:19,743 --> 01:13:20,700
Okay.
1778
01:13:20,831 --> 01:13:23,616
[SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
1779
01:13:24,008 --> 01:13:25,401
["WHOA!" PLAYING]
1780
01:13:25,531 --> 01:13:27,751
EMMA: Breathe.
[GROANS]
1781
01:13:27,881 --> 01:13:28,926
You're doing so good.
1782
01:13:29,056 --> 01:13:30,623
[GROANS]
1783
01:13:30,754 --> 01:13:31,711
No!
1784
01:13:31,842 --> 01:13:33,409
Oh!
1785
01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:35,411
[GROANS]
1786
01:13:35,541 --> 01:13:36,455
[INHALES SHARPLY]
1787
01:13:36,586 --> 01:13:37,674
[GROANS]
1788
01:13:37,804 --> 01:13:40,154
Emma!
[GROANS]
1789
01:13:40,285 --> 01:13:42,069
I'm ready for the epidural.
Can she have the epidural?
1790
01:13:42,200 --> 01:13:43,419
You're a little far along.
1791
01:13:43,549 --> 01:13:45,290
Julie, it's not too late!
1792
01:13:45,421 --> 01:13:46,770
I need an epidural!
1793
01:13:46,900 --> 01:13:50,904
EMMA: Okay...
I think
I just shit myself. [PANTS]
1794
01:13:52,689 --> 01:13:54,125
Is that enough?
Yeah. Thank you.
1795
01:13:54,255 --> 01:13:56,649
Okay, I called your mom's office
and she is on her way.
1796
01:13:56,736 --> 01:13:58,390
Where the fuck is my husband?
1797
01:13:58,521 --> 01:14:00,218
Okay, you're doing so good.
And guess what?
1798
01:14:00,305 --> 01:14:01,872
You look so beautiful right now.
1799
01:14:02,002 --> 01:14:03,874
Emma, you are such a bad liar.
1800
01:14:04,483 --> 01:14:05,789
I really can't believe
1801
01:14:05,919 --> 01:14:07,834
how many humans
there are on this planet.
1802
01:14:08,052 --> 01:14:09,967
Like, this is the most...
[GROANS]
1803
01:14:10,097 --> 01:14:13,100
...excruciating pain
I have ever experienced.
1804
01:14:13,710 --> 01:14:17,017
[GROANS] My back
is fucking killing me.
1805
01:14:17,148 --> 01:14:18,192
Okay, I got you.
1806
01:14:18,279 --> 01:14:21,108
Okay. [SIGHS]
EMMA: Ready?
1807
01:14:21,239 --> 01:14:23,502
[GROANS]
Okay.
1808
01:14:23,807 --> 01:14:25,722
Okay, does that feel better?
1809
01:14:25,852 --> 01:14:27,985
Oh, my God.
I have never loved you more.
1810
01:14:28,551 --> 01:14:30,509
[EXHALES] Thank you.
1811
01:14:31,162 --> 01:14:32,859
Can I have some too?
Thank you.
1812
01:14:32,990 --> 01:14:34,165
Oh, my God...
1813
01:14:34,557 --> 01:14:36,210
[GROANS]
Thank you.
1814
01:14:36,907 --> 01:14:38,082
[SIGHS] What's next?
1815
01:14:38,212 --> 01:14:39,431
NURSE: Let's check dilation.
1816
01:14:39,779 --> 01:14:41,694
How far along is she?
PHOEBE: Do not tell me.
1817
01:14:42,086 --> 01:14:44,392
I do not wanna know how close
I am to the finish line.
1818
01:14:44,697 --> 01:14:46,351
It'll psych me out.
So just tell me
1819
01:14:46,743 --> 01:14:49,006
when it's time to push,
and that's it, okay?
1820
01:14:49,572 --> 01:14:50,616
[SIGHS]
1821
01:14:53,140 --> 01:14:55,969
[GROANS]
1822
01:14:56,448 --> 01:14:57,928
[GROANS]
1823
01:14:58,232 --> 01:15:00,800
Okay, so, um, some bad news.
1824
01:15:00,931 --> 01:15:02,759
I... I don't think
Brian's gonna make it.
1825
01:15:03,890 --> 01:15:05,588
Well, then where the hell
is Ian?
1826
01:15:05,718 --> 01:15:07,328
Perfect timing. Here I am.
1827
01:15:07,415 --> 01:15:08,765
Oh, my God. Hi!
Hi!
1828
01:15:09,069 --> 01:15:10,506
Will you fix my hair?
Yes.
1829
01:15:10,767 --> 01:15:12,072
How far along are we?
Ten centimeters.
1830
01:15:12,290 --> 01:15:13,944
IAN: Okay, you're fully dilated.
It is time to go.
1831
01:15:14,031 --> 01:15:15,989
Oh, my gosh.
You're fully dilated.
1832
01:15:16,120 --> 01:15:18,035
[LAUGHS] Oh, I am fully dilated?
1833
01:15:18,165 --> 01:15:19,645
IAN: You're fully dilated.
I'm fully dilated.
1834
01:15:19,776 --> 01:15:21,473
Fuck.
You want me to take a video?
1835
01:15:21,691 --> 01:15:25,433
Do not go anywhere.
What? I'm not spooning you
while you deliver your baby.
1836
01:15:25,564 --> 01:15:27,653
Yeah, you are. [EXHALES]
Ian?
1837
01:15:27,784 --> 01:15:29,220
Whatever makes Phoebe
the most comfortable.
1838
01:15:29,350 --> 01:15:30,787
We have a mirror
if you'd like to watch.
1839
01:15:30,874 --> 01:15:31,701
No!
No!
1840
01:15:32,266 --> 01:15:33,790
IAN: Okay, deep breath!
1841
01:15:33,964 --> 01:15:36,053
And... push!
1842
01:15:36,183 --> 01:15:38,795
[SCREAMS]
1843
01:15:38,882 --> 01:15:42,276
Good! Good! Good!
1844
01:15:42,407 --> 01:15:44,235
All right, you're doing great.
[SOBS]
1845
01:15:44,365 --> 01:15:45,671
[PANTS]
1846
01:15:45,802 --> 01:15:47,238
IAN: Okay,
deep breath for me again.
1847
01:15:47,368 --> 01:15:50,067
You can do this!
You can do it! Push!
[SCREAMS]
1848
01:15:50,197 --> 01:15:52,156
IAN: Okay! Good!
EMMA: Push!
1849
01:15:52,286 --> 01:15:53,505
[SCREAMS]
1850
01:15:53,636 --> 01:15:55,507
Okay! Look at all that hair!
1851
01:15:55,594 --> 01:15:58,379
I couldn't shave.
I couldn't reach it.
1852
01:15:58,510 --> 01:16:00,164
I think he's talking about
the baby's hair.
1853
01:16:00,294 --> 01:16:01,861
Oh.
IAN: Okay, almost there.
1854
01:16:01,992 --> 01:16:03,863
One more push and you're gonna
meet your baby girl.
1855
01:16:03,994 --> 01:16:07,127
[SCREAMS]
1856
01:16:07,214 --> 01:16:08,476
Okay, here she comes!
1857
01:16:09,173 --> 01:16:10,566
Okay!
1858
01:16:11,262 --> 01:16:14,570
Oh! Oh, my God.
[BABY CRYING]
1859
01:16:14,918 --> 01:16:18,312
Is she okay?
She is perfect. You did great.
1860
01:16:19,139 --> 01:16:21,925
Oh. Hi.
1861
01:16:22,360 --> 01:16:23,796
Hi, there.
1862
01:16:24,492 --> 01:16:26,016
[GASP] Oh.
1863
01:16:26,103 --> 01:16:27,757
[CHUCKLES]
1864
01:16:27,887 --> 01:16:30,803
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
1865
01:16:31,325 --> 01:16:33,763
Oh. I love you so much.
1866
01:16:35,199 --> 01:16:38,289
[SNIFFLES, CHUCKLES]
1867
01:16:40,334 --> 01:16:42,075
[CHUCKLES]
1868
01:16:42,249 --> 01:16:43,860
Yeah.
1869
01:16:52,520 --> 01:16:55,262
So, are we going with Hortense?
1870
01:16:56,612 --> 01:16:59,963
[CHUCKLES]
B won me over with Lily.
1871
01:17:00,398 --> 01:17:02,356
Thank God. [CHUCKLES]
1872
01:17:02,922 --> 01:17:06,926
And for her middle name,
we were thinking about Nora.
1873
01:17:07,927 --> 01:17:09,189
After your mom.
1874
01:17:12,323 --> 01:17:13,803
Would you be okay with that?
1875
01:17:15,848 --> 01:17:17,720
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
1876
01:17:18,242 --> 01:17:20,418
Hey! I'm here.
1877
01:17:20,505 --> 01:17:21,898
Hey, Dad.
1878
01:17:22,507 --> 01:17:23,639
Look what we made.
1879
01:17:26,729 --> 01:17:29,253
[EMMA CHUCKLES]
1880
01:17:29,340 --> 01:17:30,341
BRIAN: Oh...
1881
01:17:33,736 --> 01:17:34,780
I'll just, uh...
1882
01:17:34,867 --> 01:17:36,826
Hey. Thank you.
1883
01:17:38,349 --> 01:17:39,437
Anytime.
1884
01:17:41,744 --> 01:17:43,789
All right. [LAUGHS]
1885
01:17:45,356 --> 01:17:47,663
How is it over on your side
of the hospital?
1886
01:17:47,924 --> 01:17:49,577
Heard it was a scary one.
1887
01:17:49,708 --> 01:17:53,625
It was incredibly complicated
and unbelievably bloody.
1888
01:17:53,756 --> 01:17:56,497
But everybody's gonna be okay.
[PHOEBE CHUCKLES]
1889
01:17:58,543 --> 01:18:00,110
Lily, meet your dad.
1890
01:18:00,763 --> 01:18:02,982
He's basically a superhero.
1891
01:18:04,767 --> 01:18:07,291
Actually, your mom's the hero.
1892
01:18:08,945 --> 01:18:10,729
Well, your dad's
not so bad either.
1893
01:18:10,860 --> 01:18:12,252
[CHUCKLES]
1894
01:18:14,254 --> 01:18:15,125
Hey...
1895
01:18:15,647 --> 01:18:16,692
Oh...
1896
01:18:17,257 --> 01:18:18,911
She's gorgeous.
1897
01:18:19,042 --> 01:18:20,391
Do you wanna hold her, Mom?
1898
01:18:20,826 --> 01:18:21,697
Okay.
1899
01:18:23,481 --> 01:18:24,569
Oh...
1900
01:18:31,532 --> 01:18:32,882
[SUE SHUSHES QUIETLY]
1901
01:18:34,710 --> 01:18:35,841
Still got it.
1902
01:18:38,365 --> 01:18:40,454
Oh. Did I leave my phone?
1903
01:18:40,585 --> 01:18:41,804
Yes, you left it at the shop.
1904
01:18:41,934 --> 01:18:42,935
Thank God.
1905
01:18:43,240 --> 01:18:44,241
You know what?
1906
01:18:44,328 --> 01:18:46,722
Let me get a picture
with Grammy.
1907
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:50,813
Granny. Mammy? I... I don't--
1908
01:18:50,943 --> 01:18:52,640
[STUTTERING] We haven't decided
what we're doing.
1909
01:18:52,728 --> 01:18:55,121
Wow.
I just-- I didn't know what--
1910
01:18:55,252 --> 01:18:56,601
Okay, I'm gonna take
the picture.
1911
01:18:56,732 --> 01:18:58,385
[MOUTHING] I LOVE YOU.
1912
01:18:59,735 --> 01:19:00,779
[MOUTHING] I LOVE YOU.
1913
01:19:07,046 --> 01:19:08,961
[LAUGHS]
1914
01:19:09,266 --> 01:19:11,572
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
1915
01:19:13,096 --> 01:19:16,229
[POIGNANT MUSIC PLAYING]
1916
01:19:33,072 --> 01:19:34,987
Congrats. Bye.
1917
01:19:38,425 --> 01:19:41,211
It's Emma.
[WHISPERS] Hi!
1918
01:19:42,081 --> 01:19:43,343
PHOEBE:
I know what you're thinking.
1919
01:19:43,561 --> 01:19:45,041
Just because we traded numbers
1920
01:19:45,171 --> 01:19:47,217
doesn't mean
you are off the hook.
1921
01:19:47,347 --> 01:19:48,696
You got me this far.
1922
01:19:48,827 --> 01:19:51,134
Gonna have to get me
through the rest. [LAUGHS]
1923
01:19:51,743 --> 01:19:53,658
I mean, if I could convey to you
1924
01:19:54,224 --> 01:19:56,704
what is happening
in my underwear right now...
1925
01:19:56,792 --> 01:19:58,097
I don't think you need
to convey that.
1926
01:19:58,228 --> 01:20:00,317
If you could
even call it underwear.
1927
01:20:00,752 --> 01:20:03,189
Oh. And I forgot
my shower shoes.
1928
01:20:04,321 --> 01:20:06,366
Shower shoes!
[SIGHS] See?
1929
01:20:06,976 --> 01:20:08,107
Can't live without you.
1930
01:20:08,891 --> 01:20:10,240
Neither can she.
1931
01:20:10,849 --> 01:20:11,981
[CHUCKLES]
1932
01:20:13,591 --> 01:20:15,114
So, how do you feel, Mom?
1933
01:20:15,506 --> 01:20:18,639
[EXHALES]
1934
01:20:20,772 --> 01:20:21,947
I feel ready.
1935
01:20:22,121 --> 01:20:25,690
[BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
1936
01:20:31,217 --> 01:20:32,131
[DOOR OPENING]
1937
01:20:33,089 --> 01:20:34,438
Oh, shit.
1938
01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:36,570
Hi!
Wow! I mean, hey!
1939
01:20:36,701 --> 01:20:39,312
I totally forgot you guys
were coming over today.
1940
01:20:39,443 --> 01:20:41,967
Oh, uh, we can come back
a little later.
1941
01:20:42,054 --> 01:20:45,275
Yeah.
No, no, no.
It's... it's cool. Come on in.
1942
01:20:48,582 --> 01:20:50,410
[PUMP WHIRRING]
1943
01:20:50,541 --> 01:20:51,498
PHOEBE: Shit.
1944
01:20:52,108 --> 01:20:54,414
BRIAN:
Guys, I'm gonna be right back--
[SHUSHES]
1945
01:20:54,719 --> 01:20:56,155
[QUIETLY] I'm just gonna
go check on Lily,
1946
01:20:56,242 --> 01:20:57,983
make sure...
make sure she's still breathing.
1947
01:20:58,114 --> 01:20:59,550
Do not wake her up, Brian.
1948
01:20:59,680 --> 01:21:01,117
I'm not... I'm not gonna
wake her up.
1949
01:21:03,728 --> 01:21:05,077
[SIGHS]
1950
01:21:05,643 --> 01:21:07,036
[PUMP WHIRRING]
1951
01:21:08,994 --> 01:21:11,214
You're getting real weird
over there, Ben.
1952
01:21:11,431 --> 01:21:12,693
I mean, they're not even
boobs anymore.
1953
01:21:12,824 --> 01:21:14,826
They're udders.
1954
01:21:17,481 --> 01:21:18,786
I'm gonna go check on Bri.
1955
01:21:19,004 --> 01:21:19,875
[CHUCKLES]
1956
01:21:22,399 --> 01:21:24,792
Anyway,
um, how are you feeling?
1957
01:21:24,923 --> 01:21:27,665
Great. Really great.
Never been better.
1958
01:21:27,795 --> 01:21:29,406
Lily woke up at 4:00 a.m.,
1959
01:21:29,493 --> 01:21:33,062
and when she's napping,
I'm strapped into this
1960
01:21:33,627 --> 01:21:35,368
medieval torture device.
1961
01:21:35,760 --> 01:21:37,457
How's Brian?
PHOEBE: Great?
1962
01:21:37,588 --> 01:21:38,676
Probably?
1963
01:21:39,416 --> 01:21:42,636
Yeah, he goes to a job
outside the house.
1964
01:21:42,723 --> 01:21:44,508
Has adult conversations.
1965
01:21:44,638 --> 01:21:46,902
Gets more than 12 fucking
minutes to himself every day.
1966
01:21:47,032 --> 01:21:49,600
I'm sorry. It's not his fault.
He's trying.
1967
01:21:50,470 --> 01:21:51,819
He's, like, a great dad.
1968
01:21:52,429 --> 01:21:54,039
But sometimes I do fantasize
1969
01:21:54,126 --> 01:21:55,649
about stabbing him
in the face.
1970
01:21:55,780 --> 01:21:59,218
[GASPS] Don't do that.
1971
01:22:05,703 --> 01:22:07,052
I'm gonna be right back.
1972
01:22:07,226 --> 01:22:09,315
Gonna put this milk
in the freezer.
1973
01:22:09,663 --> 01:22:11,535
EMMA: You need some help?
No, I'm good.
1974
01:22:12,101 --> 01:22:13,798
Fucking freezer's so far away.
1975
01:22:13,885 --> 01:22:14,930
[EXHALES]
1976
01:22:15,626 --> 01:22:17,715
Let's go. Let's go.
1977
01:22:19,978 --> 01:22:20,936
Fuck!
1978
01:22:22,850 --> 01:22:23,939
What? What's going on?
1979
01:22:24,069 --> 01:22:25,462
Are you okay?
1980
01:22:25,592 --> 01:22:26,767
Did you open the freezer
last night?
1981
01:22:26,898 --> 01:22:29,161
Did what?
Did you open
the freezer last night?
1982
01:22:30,336 --> 01:22:31,642
Yes, I opened the freezer.
1983
01:22:31,729 --> 01:22:34,340
I was... I was doing Lily's,
uh, dream feed.
1984
01:22:34,471 --> 01:22:36,125
And did you close the freezer
last night?
1985
01:22:36,299 --> 01:22:37,691
I had the baby in one hand...
1986
01:22:38,779 --> 01:22:40,085
and I had the milk in the other.
1987
01:22:40,172 --> 01:22:41,521
I... I swear
I closed the freezer.
1988
01:22:41,652 --> 01:22:44,481
[TEARFULLY] No!
You didn't close the freezer!
1989
01:22:45,177 --> 01:22:46,178
And now,
1990
01:22:46,352 --> 01:22:48,702
all the milk that I have
been pumping
1991
01:22:48,833 --> 01:22:50,617
every morning at 3:00 a.m.,
1992
01:22:50,835 --> 01:22:52,968
and tandem pumping
while nursing,
1993
01:22:53,098 --> 01:22:54,882
and pumping
in that shitty bathroom
1994
01:22:55,013 --> 01:22:56,145
at the shop,
1995
01:22:56,275 --> 01:22:58,321
it's all ruined, Brian!
1996
01:22:58,451 --> 01:22:59,496
Look at this!
1997
01:22:59,626 --> 01:23:02,760
I have a freezer full
of tit slushies!
1998
01:23:02,890 --> 01:23:05,676
[SIGHS] Look.
We can figure this out.
1999
01:23:05,850 --> 01:23:07,112
I... I... I can fix this.
2000
01:23:07,243 --> 01:23:08,505
How? How are you gonna fix this?
2001
01:23:08,592 --> 01:23:10,986
Are you gonna grow
some magic boobies
2002
01:23:11,073 --> 01:23:13,336
and then you're gonna,
what, start lactating?
2003
01:23:13,727 --> 01:23:14,728
I don't know.
2004
01:23:15,425 --> 01:23:16,730
I don't know. I don't know.
2005
01:23:16,861 --> 01:23:17,731
I don't know.
2006
01:23:18,471 --> 01:23:19,864
[SIGHS] Fuck.
2007
01:23:21,779 --> 01:23:23,041
I'm sorry. I don't...
2008
01:23:26,610 --> 01:23:27,698
[SIGHS]
2009
01:23:28,699 --> 01:23:29,613
Get out.
2010
01:23:30,179 --> 01:23:33,312
What?
Get out.
2011
01:23:33,443 --> 01:23:34,531
Me?
PHOEBE: Yeah!
2012
01:23:34,792 --> 01:23:37,012
You and your fuckin' apple.
2013
01:23:38,839 --> 01:23:39,884
BRIAN: All right.
2014
01:23:40,798 --> 01:23:42,017
PHOEBE: Out!
2015
01:23:45,498 --> 01:23:47,109
[DOOR SHUTTING]
[LILY WAILING]
2016
01:23:47,196 --> 01:23:48,458
Oh, my God.
2017
01:23:48,893 --> 01:23:49,937
Oh, fuck.
2018
01:23:50,068 --> 01:23:51,548
[SOBS] Fuck...
2019
01:23:54,377 --> 01:23:55,987
[LILY COOS]
It's okay.
2020
01:23:56,944 --> 01:23:58,033
EMMA: Hey.
2021
01:23:58,903 --> 01:23:59,817
You okay?
2022
01:24:04,039 --> 01:24:04,952
No.
2023
01:24:05,866 --> 01:24:07,216
[SIGHS] I'm sorry.
2024
01:24:08,652 --> 01:24:10,610
Okay, give me
this little dictator
2025
01:24:10,697 --> 01:24:13,657
and you go take the longest
shower of your life.
2026
01:24:13,787 --> 01:24:15,006
Oh, really?
2027
01:24:15,789 --> 01:24:17,356
Okay, careful of her head.
2028
01:24:18,923 --> 01:24:20,968
I'll be right back, sweetheart.
2029
01:24:22,709 --> 01:24:23,928
Thank you.
2030
01:24:24,102 --> 01:24:25,147
Enjoy.
2031
01:24:26,931 --> 01:24:29,629
[LILY FUSSES QUIETLY]
[SHUSHES]
2032
01:24:31,022 --> 01:24:32,589
Did you get kicked
out of the house too?
2033
01:24:33,198 --> 01:24:35,113
Nah, I just thought
it would be safer out here.
2034
01:24:38,160 --> 01:24:39,117
Probably.
2035
01:24:43,426 --> 01:24:46,168
EMMA: Wow, look at you!
All showered and clean
2036
01:24:46,255 --> 01:24:48,779
and looking like
a human being and stuff.
2037
01:24:48,909 --> 01:24:50,607
PHOEBE: Don't make me smile.
2038
01:24:51,086 --> 01:24:53,000
What Brian did was unforgivable
2039
01:24:53,131 --> 01:24:56,743
and I want to make sure
to be angry about it forever.
2040
01:24:56,874 --> 01:24:58,919
Sure, that sounds like
a very healthy choice.
2041
01:24:59,050 --> 01:25:01,444
No, Emma. Don't take his side.
2042
01:25:01,574 --> 01:25:02,836
I'm on the milk's side.
2043
01:25:02,967 --> 01:25:04,882
What milk? It is gone.
2044
01:25:05,012 --> 01:25:08,103
Not so fast, because Lily and I
did a little research
2045
01:25:08,190 --> 01:25:09,321
while you were in the shower,
2046
01:25:09,800 --> 01:25:12,324
and if there are still crystals
in the tit slushies,
2047
01:25:12,411 --> 01:25:14,152
I believe you called them...
PHOEBE: Yes, there are.
2048
01:25:14,239 --> 01:25:15,545
Yes? Well, then you can
re-freeze it.
2049
01:25:15,632 --> 01:25:17,808
Wait, really?
Really.
2050
01:25:18,025 --> 01:25:19,288
Oh, my God!
2051
01:25:19,853 --> 01:25:22,334
There is a God.
And she's a mom.
2052
01:25:22,465 --> 01:25:23,466
Obviously.
2053
01:25:23,944 --> 01:25:25,729
[CHUCKLES]
PHOEBE: Oh, my God. Thank you.
2054
01:25:27,078 --> 01:25:28,253
I don't know, man.
2055
01:25:28,427 --> 01:25:29,385
I...
2056
01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,430
I just feel like I'm...
2057
01:25:32,127 --> 01:25:34,259
I'm not a part
of so much of this.
2058
01:25:34,825 --> 01:25:36,653
You know?
There's so much of it that
2059
01:25:36,740 --> 01:25:38,785
I... I don't know how to do.
2060
01:25:38,916 --> 01:25:40,744
There's so much of it
I can't do.
2061
01:25:41,136 --> 01:25:42,311
One day,
2062
01:25:43,268 --> 01:25:44,443
hopefully soon,
2063
01:25:45,401 --> 01:25:47,359
you won't be able
to do any of it either.
2064
01:25:48,012 --> 01:25:49,318
God, I hope so.
2065
01:25:51,320 --> 01:25:54,061
But I'll also remember to close
the freezer door when I do.
2066
01:25:54,714 --> 01:25:56,238
I don't...
I don't need that right now.
2067
01:25:56,368 --> 01:25:57,891
You need it a little bit.
2068
01:26:01,199 --> 01:26:03,593
Can't we just stay
like this forever?
2069
01:26:04,289 --> 01:26:06,117
I think you're gonna have
to let him back in the house
2070
01:26:06,204 --> 01:26:08,032
at some point.
[SIGHS]
2071
01:26:08,293 --> 01:26:10,643
Are you seriously gonna make me
raise this kid with my husband?
2072
01:26:10,730 --> 01:26:11,905
[LAUGHS]
2073
01:26:12,645 --> 01:26:14,212
I know you don't want
to hear this right now,
2074
01:26:14,343 --> 01:26:17,694
but he is actually
one of the good ones.
2075
01:26:17,824 --> 01:26:19,609
I know, it's just...
2076
01:26:21,915 --> 01:26:24,091
He has no idea what
I'm going through right now.
2077
01:26:24,657 --> 01:26:25,658
Neither do I.
2078
01:26:26,703 --> 01:26:29,575
Have you called that mom
that you met at the hospital?
2079
01:26:30,097 --> 01:26:30,968
No.
2080
01:26:31,098 --> 01:26:32,448
EMMA: Maybe you should.
2081
01:26:32,578 --> 01:26:33,666
I don't know.
2082
01:26:36,930 --> 01:26:38,454
You ever wonder why
we've been best friends
2083
01:26:38,584 --> 01:26:40,064
since the day we were born?
2084
01:26:40,760 --> 01:26:42,588
Why we didn't just, like,
2085
01:26:42,675 --> 01:26:45,156
go our separate ways after
our moms met at the hospital?
2086
01:26:46,375 --> 01:26:47,854
You know what I think?
I think it's because
2087
01:26:47,985 --> 01:26:49,247
they needed each other.
2088
01:26:50,161 --> 01:26:51,075
Hmm.
2089
01:26:51,597 --> 01:26:52,816
You know that
whenever you need me,
2090
01:26:52,903 --> 01:26:53,991
I'll be there, right?
2091
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:57,734
You need a last-minute
babysitter,
2092
01:26:57,864 --> 01:26:58,909
I'm there.
2093
01:26:59,475 --> 01:27:01,390
Put a middle school bully
in their place?
2094
01:27:01,477 --> 01:27:03,392
[LAUGHS]
Freaking on it.
2095
01:27:03,653 --> 01:27:04,958
Proofread her college essay?
2096
01:27:05,089 --> 01:27:07,091
I have already picked out
my red pen.
2097
01:27:08,614 --> 01:27:11,095
There's no book or article
I can read
2098
01:27:11,226 --> 01:27:13,271
that could put me
in your shoes right now.
2099
01:27:14,707 --> 01:27:17,928
I just know that it seems
really, really hard.
2100
01:27:19,016 --> 01:27:20,017
It is.
2101
01:27:22,454 --> 01:27:24,326
I don't think moms were meant
to do this alone.
2102
01:27:24,891 --> 01:27:26,110
Are you breaking up with me?
2103
01:27:26,241 --> 01:27:27,720
Oh, come on, dude.
You sat in my lap
2104
01:27:27,851 --> 01:27:31,246
and pushed a human
out of your body.
2105
01:27:31,811 --> 01:27:34,031
I mean, it sounds like something
witches would do
2106
01:27:34,118 --> 01:27:36,816
to, like, bond themselves
to each other for eternity.
2107
01:27:36,903 --> 01:27:39,384
[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
We are witches.
2108
01:27:39,471 --> 01:27:42,126
Yeah. I'm not worried
about us anymore.
2109
01:27:43,693 --> 01:27:44,694
Call her.
2110
01:27:47,044 --> 01:27:47,958
Okay.
2111
01:27:49,220 --> 01:27:50,569
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2112
01:27:51,657 --> 01:27:52,528
Hey.
2113
01:27:54,094 --> 01:27:55,487
[WHISPERS] Remember,
one of the good ones.
2114
01:27:55,574 --> 01:27:56,445
One of the good ones.
2115
01:27:57,533 --> 01:27:59,796
Okay. Hi, sweet one.
2116
01:28:00,057 --> 01:28:00,971
Yeah.
2117
01:28:01,101 --> 01:28:03,147
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
2118
01:28:06,281 --> 01:28:07,194
I know.
2119
01:28:08,065 --> 01:28:09,240
He's back.
2120
01:28:15,551 --> 01:28:16,987
Hi.
Hi.
2121
01:28:17,727 --> 01:28:18,771
You punk.
2122
01:28:18,902 --> 01:28:19,946
[CHUCKLES]
2123
01:28:22,514 --> 01:28:24,299
[CHUCKLES]
2124
01:28:37,747 --> 01:28:38,965
BEN: Come on.
We're gonna be late.
2125
01:28:39,096 --> 01:28:40,532
Uh, give me a sec.
2126
01:28:46,190 --> 01:28:47,147
BEN: Two lines?
2127
01:28:48,671 --> 01:28:51,326
Nope. I didn't feel great
this morning,
2128
01:28:51,456 --> 01:28:54,329
so I thought I'd check, but...
Well, blessing in disguise.
2129
01:28:54,590 --> 01:28:56,026
Dunno how you're supposed
to make it through
2130
01:28:56,113 --> 01:28:58,158
a one-year-old's birthday party
without a little alcohol.
2131
01:28:58,245 --> 01:28:59,725
Loving where your head is at.
2132
01:29:00,596 --> 01:29:02,424
On that note, shall we?
2133
01:29:02,554 --> 01:29:03,468
Let's.
2134
01:29:04,121 --> 01:29:06,732
["WHY DO YOU
LET ME STAY HERE?" PLAYING]
2135
01:29:07,820 --> 01:29:09,213
PHOEBE: Whoo!
2136
01:29:09,344 --> 01:29:11,694
Okay, ready?
One, two, three.
2137
01:29:11,824 --> 01:29:15,001
♪ Why do you let me stay here ♪
2138
01:29:15,088 --> 01:29:17,177
Wait, Mom, get in here.
Yeah. Come on, Mimi.
2139
01:29:17,308 --> 01:29:19,310
♪ All by myself
[GIGGLES]
2140
01:29:19,441 --> 01:29:20,964
Okay.
Here we go.
2141
01:29:21,094 --> 01:29:23,749
♪ Why don't you come
And play here ♪
2142
01:29:23,880 --> 01:29:25,055
[CHILDREN LAUGHING]
2143
01:29:25,316 --> 01:29:27,274
♪ I'm just sitting
On the shelf... ♪
2144
01:29:27,405 --> 01:29:31,104
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
2145
01:29:31,409 --> 01:29:33,106
Can I have another piece
for my dad?
2146
01:29:33,193 --> 01:29:35,413
SUE: Oh. Yeah.
Thank you.
2147
01:29:35,631 --> 01:29:38,024
Can I have another piece
for myself?
2148
01:29:39,243 --> 01:29:40,287
SUE: Yes.
2149
01:29:40,766 --> 01:29:41,854
Enjoy.
2150
01:29:41,985 --> 01:29:42,986
Thank you.
2151
01:29:46,076 --> 01:29:47,991
What have you been up to?
Anything...
2152
01:29:48,948 --> 01:29:50,297
Not much.
Yeah, I've been--
2153
01:29:50,515 --> 01:29:52,343
I got a skateboard yesterday.
Oh, okay.
2154
01:29:52,474 --> 01:29:54,345
Been skateboarding.
Okay.
2155
01:29:54,824 --> 01:29:56,347
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
2156
01:29:56,478 --> 01:29:58,915
♪ I gotta get your presents ♪
2157
01:29:59,089 --> 01:30:00,873
♪ Ah ♪
2158
01:30:01,004 --> 01:30:03,180
♪ Let's make it known... ♪
2159
01:30:03,398 --> 01:30:05,095
Did you see that baby
in the orange?
2160
01:30:05,225 --> 01:30:07,097
That baby was crazy.
Wildin' out.
2161
01:30:07,227 --> 01:30:08,185
Definitely on something.
2162
01:30:08,315 --> 01:30:09,926
Yeah, you're at a party.
Mm-hmm.
2163
01:30:10,056 --> 01:30:11,754
Dial it back.
Chill. Mm-hmm.
2164
01:30:11,884 --> 01:30:13,146
Um, all right.
2165
01:30:14,887 --> 01:30:16,019
[GASPS]
Happy birthday.
2166
01:30:16,106 --> 01:30:17,890
For me?
No, it's not for you.
2167
01:30:17,977 --> 01:30:19,718
It's your daughter's birthday.
2168
01:30:20,197 --> 01:30:23,026
Great. I'll add it
to the other 6,000 presents
2169
01:30:23,156 --> 01:30:25,289
you've already gotten her.
Hey, this is an investment.
2170
01:30:25,376 --> 01:30:27,291
I might need her to take care
of me at retirement age.
2171
01:30:27,422 --> 01:30:28,335
Mm.
2172
01:30:29,946 --> 01:30:32,165
Do you think that maybe
you'd like to stay
2173
01:30:32,252 --> 01:30:34,603
after the party and maybe,
I don't know,
2174
01:30:34,690 --> 01:30:36,909
kind of, like, help me clean up?
Please, pretty please?
2175
01:30:37,040 --> 01:30:39,259
Oh, damn. That sounds so fun,
2176
01:30:39,346 --> 01:30:41,610
um, but I can't,
because I'm so busy.
2177
01:30:41,697 --> 01:30:44,264
Uh, you're so busy doing what?
2178
01:30:44,395 --> 01:30:45,918
So busy, you know,
2179
01:30:46,049 --> 01:30:48,094
wandering around aimlessly
at the farmer's market.
2180
01:30:48,225 --> 01:30:49,531
You know,
I might pick a thing up,
2181
01:30:49,661 --> 01:30:51,228
put that thing down,
pick another thing up,
2182
01:30:51,315 --> 01:30:52,534
and just, like, not be concerned
2183
01:30:52,664 --> 01:30:53,970
if any of it
is a choking hazard.
2184
01:30:54,100 --> 01:30:56,320
Sounds exhausting.
Yeah, I'm gonna be so exhausted.
2185
01:30:56,451 --> 01:30:58,496
I'm definitely gonna need
to take a nap after this.
2186
01:30:58,627 --> 01:31:00,803
I only got nine hours
of sleep last night.
2187
01:31:00,933 --> 01:31:03,588
I mean, I could just push
through and sleep in tomorrow,
2188
01:31:03,675 --> 01:31:05,372
but you know that I love
my quiet Sunday brunch
2189
01:31:05,460 --> 01:31:07,679
with a crossword puzzle
and a Bloody Mary or three.
2190
01:31:07,984 --> 01:31:09,159
You stole my thing.
2191
01:31:09,289 --> 01:31:10,900
I'm just
keeping it warm for you.
2192
01:31:11,291 --> 01:31:12,554
Don't worry,
you can have it back
2193
01:31:12,641 --> 01:31:14,860
when you're ready for it
in what, seven to ten years?
2194
01:31:14,947 --> 01:31:15,992
[SCOFFS]
2195
01:31:17,297 --> 01:31:18,864
Now, I need another beer.
2196
01:31:19,082 --> 01:31:20,692
All right, let's go.
2197
01:31:21,258 --> 01:31:23,086
♪ Just give me credit ♪
2198
01:31:23,739 --> 01:31:26,176
♪ I'm just sitting
On the shelf ♪
2199
01:31:41,365 --> 01:31:42,932
[SONG FADES]
2200
01:31:43,062 --> 01:31:45,891
[BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYING]
2201
01:32:25,322 --> 01:32:27,672
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
2202
01:34:09,034 --> 01:34:10,557
[MUSIC FADES]