DAY 0
[voice on radio] Stay at home and save lives.
[Elsa] It's been so long since we spent this much time together.
-[Émilie] Two weeks together! -[All] Yeah!
-♪ We are quarantining! ♪ -♪ We are quarantining! ♪
-♪ We are… ♪ -♪ We are… ♪
-♪ We are quar… ♪ Well, sing. -I don't think you guys get it.
It's hell at the hospital. People are dying!
Seventeen percent of cases have been confirmed.
-Charlotte, are you freaking out? -No!
-[Elsa] Matt, did you find a flight? -Yes, I'll be home in 5 hours.
Even if we quarantine for a month
we're not having sex with each other.
-It's dangerous. -Actually, it's transmitted
through saliva.
-So I think doggy style is fine. -Okay, great.
You really must leave before noon tomorrow.
You heard Macron, right?
After that you won't be allowed to come.
So what do we say?
[Charlotte] Thanks to your Grandma for letting us stay.
[Émilie] She said the house is as good as mine.
-You think Grandma Prozac might die? -No!
By the way, you should really call to thank her.
Oh, yeah.
[Antoine] She's all alone.
-What's the address? -[Émilie] It's in the email!
How can you not read an Excel list?
The train stop is Butts Wood.
Butts? How do you spell it?
Well, "Butts," as in, butts. B-U-T-T-S.
Like a water butt.
Like they used to have in the old days.
Okay, so we get off at the Butt. Got it.
-Funny! -You're welcome.
Hey, Émilie, since I might need to work…
Is there a phone signal in your Butt or not?
[laughs]
Unbelievable! Okay, see you tomorrow, guys.
Everything's ready here. The house is impeccable.
We're about to quarantine in paradise.
-See you tomorrow! -Yeah!
Take care!
Namaste, Milou.
A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES
[electro music playing]
THE LOCKDOWN PLAN
DAY ONE
Forks don't face upwards! It's too aggressive.
Well, I'm out anyway.
What? Where are you going? We're not done.
-To the hospital. -But you just came back.
I don't think you get it. We're in an emergency situation.
So am I. They'll be here in an hour.
I can't stay here alone. There's no neighbor upstairs.
Or downstairs.
Milou, your grandma stayed here alone her own life, nothing happened.
Right. She's the scary one.
Okay, I'm going.
The others will be here soon.
Okay? And please don't forget to call your grandma. Promise?
Yes.
"Traffic jams and train stations full." "Invaders…"
Parisians are getting killed on Twitter
for trying to turn quarantine into a holiday.
Seriously though, don't you think we should stay here?
And… help out?
We could bake cakes for caregivers.
"Stay home, save lives…"
-"Bake cakes." -Yeah…
But if we don't go, Milou will kill us.
I think she'll get over it.
But…
-I get why you're worried. -You do?
You and me…
Locked up together, here…
for at least two weeks.
Right, like…
at least, or even…
for much, much…
longer.
-Sounds like hell. -It is.
It's hell.
Hell.
-Hell… -Absolute hell…
SORRY, WE'RE STAYING HOME…
TO BAKE CAKES FOR THE CAREGIVERS! KISSES!
No cops, nothing.
I took the train. The Uber was too expensive.
So being quarantined didn't make you more generous.
-[phone beeps] -Wait, I have a match.
Whoo-hoo!
Twenty-five kilometers away.
The closest girl is at least 25,000 fucking meters away…
Fuck my life!
I've never been so far from a piece of ass.
Even though I'm in the ass-end of nowhere.
-Funny, right? -Do you ever think about other people?
My flight was canceled.
I have no apartment and I'm stuck in a faux-trendy hotel
next to the airport.
Look at the ceiling, you get the idea.
At least you're in Berlin with 4G.
I have EDGE. I didn't know it was still a thing.
For real, Matt, my balls feel like piñatas.
Well, the countryside won't help with that.
How do I get a blowjob at a one-meter distance?
One thing's sure, if you stay in Paris
you're way more likely to get a booty call.
Shit, you're right.
SORRY, I DIDN'T WAKE UP IN TIME! LET'S TALK SOON!
[Mozart's "Rondo Alla Turca" playing, slowing down]
[voice on radio] "We are at war," said Emmanuel Macron last night,
and therefore a lockdown will be introduced
starting at noon on Tuesday, March 17th.
After Tuesday, a permission form will be required to go out,
with violations liable to incur a 135-euro fine.
Contamination has reached 1,097 cases and 27 deaths in 24 hours,
bringing the toll
[gargles]
to 175 deaths and 7,730 cases.
The situation is all the more worrying, as,
according to two university studies,
the new coronavirus, COVID-19,
may survive up to three hours in the air as suspended particles
which would partially explain the virus's swift propagation.
SO MUCH STUFF TO HANDLE AT WORK… I'LL COME LATER. AND I'M NOT SCARED.
[Mozart's Rondo Alla Turca slowing down]
FLIGHT CANCELED… FUCK! I'LL TRY TO FIND ANOTHER ONE TOMORROW.
[sighs]
[phone chimes]
INTENSIVE CARE IS HELL. I'LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT
And that's everyone.
Cheers, everybody!
Ha-ha!
[slams]
What do I do now? What do I do?
Hi… everyone!
So…
For a while now, I've wanted to do decoration tutorials.
And well, I'm finally doing it.
With…
Quara-Create. That's right.
The go-to tutorial for creatives on lockdown.
-So let's get started… -[Charlotte] Quara-Create?
With a wonderful…
table decoration…
ELSA: ARE YOU DRUNK? ANGRY?
[Émilie] You see what I mean? It's chic and timeless.
Wild flowers, a touch of Clara Luciani…
That kind of vibe.
And now,
I'm waiting for my guests.
But…
Maybe they'll never come.
Maybe. Huh?
Maybe they'll let me die here. All alone.
With the wild animals, the mud, and the dung…
I hate the countryside!
-[clucking outside] -What was that?
An animal?
[ringtone]
Oh, right.
-So… -Hi.
-Well, then? -Hi!
Busy saving the world with your cakes?
No.
Sorry but I'm in the middle of a tutorial.
So I'm live.
Come on, we're the only two watching it.
[Émilie] Yeah, so I'm just getting started!
Kim Kardashian didn't make it big on day one.
People are outside, I don't believe it.
-Quarantine! -Let me tell you…
People are going to love it.
Both my sense of style
and my chronic unhappiness.
-What did you say? -Because that's France.
I thought you were overwhelmed at work?
You're being so selfish, I swear.
My whole fleet of Pinkars is immobilized.
Your fleet of Pinkars?
Are you referring to the old ride my mother gave you?
I'm referring to my 23 drivers.
Anyway, Elsa and I discussed it. We want to be like the seagull.
-Like the seagull? -Yeah, that thing from Pierre Rabhi.
You know, the Amerindian myth about the forest fire.
So all the animals
are watching and not doing anything.
But a little hummingbird…
is bustling away on his own…
to fetch water
and pour it on the fire.
Then an armadillo comes and tells him--
Wait,
isn't an armadillo a kind of weird-looking pangolin?
A hummingbird isn't a seagull.
So now you're an influencer and an ornithorhynchus?
Ornithologist, Charlotte.
Ornithorhynchus is like a marmot
with a duck's beak.
So the armadillo tells the hummingbird
that basically what he's doing is useless.
But what does the hummingbird say?
"I know that.
But I'm doing my part."
-Beautiful, right? -Exactly. And we're doing our part!
And Milou's doing her part by bringing COVID to Grandma's village.
Hey, oh!
First, I'm handling a kid 24 hours a day
and a husband working at the hospital.
So I'm totally a hummingbird.
So…
you decided to quarantine without me, so now…
I'm going back to my followers.
And hasta la vista, bitches!
-She just left? -She's such a pain the ass.
-I get it. I'm scared too. -I'm not scared.
I'm not scared for myself, but for the vulnerable, the poor…
[sighs]
And I feel sick for the earth.
I feel sick for the air. Because the virus is in it.
Do we stop breathing?
This virus is like nature screaming for help.
Can't you hear it?
All those selfish people who stock up on toilet paper, on flour…
Did you know the virus lives on cardboard for 24 hours?
And plastic.
On plastic it's two to three days.
Yesterday, Julio brought some sushi home.
All those containers, it was…
[door ringing]
-So, quarantine? -Right… that must be…
a mistake, yeah. Wait.
Yes, sir?
-[mailman] Amazon, madam. -There must be some mistake.
Well… it's a mistake.
Wait, Charlotte.
You're not having stuff delivered?
-It's not Amazon, is it? -[mailman] Yes, it's Amazon.
Chacha, deliveries are the worst CO2 pollutants!
Charlotte…
[gasps]
What's with the toilet paper? Is that for you?
Whoo!
DAY 3
Yeah!
[loud applause and clanking outside]
Whoo!
-Is it time? -Yes, it is, come on!
Thank you!
[cheering in the street]
Thank you!
-Julio? -Yeah.
Thank you!
[birdsong]
[church bell chiming]
Great.
[Charlotte] Bravo!
Why are those dumbasses not clapping?
What a bourgeois neighborhood.
Come on!
Bravo!
[wolf whistles]
[sneezing]
[gasps]
Congrats to the caregivers! They're doing great work.
My name's Maxime, what's yours?
What kind of music do you like?
[man] Shut up, asshole!
[woman] Somebody throw some ice on that pervert!
Oh, come on!
I was baking a cobbler. I have butter all over my hands.
[laughs]
Don't you like baking?
[woman] Dickhead!
[Roman] Hey, Maxou!
Can we come up?
Our bathroom is a work site.
We were using Julio and Elsa's while they were away
but now they're back.
-They have sex all the time. -Do they?
Yeah, and since you're unlikely to…
Well, now that you mention it…
I'm onto something and I don't want you cockblocking me.
-[woman] Quarantine! -It's quarantine.
Stay home, save lives… let's be good citizens, guys. Sorry.
-So this isn't happening. -Wait, Maxou!
-What? -Do you have any spare sweatpants?
For the permission form, to pretend we're just jogging.
You know?
[sighs] Shit…
Don't you have parents?
What? No, that's not happening either.
Sorry.
Ciao.
What is this crap?
[Chantal] Let's go to my parents.
DAY 10
Why is my sweater in a box?
We're giving everything away. We don't need it.
-What, and my music stuff? -Same.
-What do you mean? -It's for Lille hospital.
Your computer is valuable, we need to raise funds. Let's go.
Fuck, Elsa, wait…
Julio, listen. Nothing will ever be the same.
You get it? There are dolphins in Venice.
-That was fake. -Who cares? It's the symbol that counts.
We need to end global warming. Give up this meaningless life.
We escape by consuming, and consume to escape…
What have we done since quarantine started?
-Well… -Right.
It's bourgeois, selfish, lame. Phony…
We think about ourselves, our orgasms…
Trying not to stuff ourselves with chips, watching old movies…
We made two cakes and they were failures.
-Okay, you know what? -Yeah?
-Let's surprise ourselves. -Okay.
We're going to…
look deep inside and change our habits.
Huh?
And still treat ourselves without feeling guilty.
-Of course. -For you.
-Okay. What's that? -A flute.
I wouldn't take music away from you.
That's sweet, but I play electro.
No, you used to. Now you play the carrot.
I'll show you how it works. It's really well designed.
Look. You put your hand…
[blows with barely a sound]
It was working earlier.
By the way, I heard you could use marrow as percussion.
-Really? -Yeah.
-Well… -So I'll buy you some.
But as they're not in season right now…
-I'll keep it in mind. -All right!
-Next time it's your turn. -For what?
To surprise us.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Yeah, of course.
I'll think about that in the shower.
Okay. Here, take your carrot.
-We can still shower? -Only if you use less than half a gallon.
-Half a gallon? -Yeah.
It's enough to wash your pee-pee.
I mean, it's big, but not that big…
-You know? -Yeah.
Wait, I need to tell you about the dry toilets.
[Charlotte] My brain knows I'm not in real danger.
But I'm blaming myself for not being able to think of those in real danger.
So what should we do? For real, what do we do?
As a doctor, the speech you give to your patients…
Are you a doctor, by the way?
-[squeaking] -Right.
Please, don't make so much noise. It's distracting.
So, how do your patients react?
No--
Shish-Kebab, you really are the worst therapist.
[childlike music playing]
Okay.
This is your teenage bedroom?
I warned you.
Your parents must have struggled when they found out you were…
[clears throat]
No way! They have no idea that you're…
See, there?
There used to be a Steffi Graf poster.
Roland Garros 1996.
"That young Chantal, she's really into tennis."
They made me take dance lessons.
-And then? -Then I put on 44 pounds.
-My headbands wouldn't fit anymore. -[chuckles]
You were a little plump back then?
Yeah. And therefore invisible.
And I started playing double bass so…
I had a "fatty playing bass" kind of vibe.
They don't know you got married?
You know, social distancing runs in our blood.
This virus is just another reason not to hang out together.
So we're going to wait quietly in this room until it's all over.
Okay?
Okay.
[Émilie] Here, watch your step.
[Antoine] Hi, sweetheart.
Sorry, I need to stay in intensive care.
I saw your tutorial. You looked beautiful.
But maybe focus on the bright side?
Watch out for animals when you walk.
Careful!
And don't forget to call Grandma Prozac.
I won't! [gasps]
Fucking shit!
Shit, I'm sick of this!
Sick of this fucking quarantine in the fucking countryside!
Fuck…
Oh, a ripe strawberry.
Eddy, look! There's a ripe strawberry!
-Do you want it? -No.
No?
DAY 15
I was thinking… of a support program
through a permaculture association.
[Piotr] Perm… ass…
What?
-[Piotr glitching] …ass… -Piotr, can you hear me?
Piotr, can you hear me?
[gasps]
No, don't. I'm working!
Not now. He just said today's word.
Right. Sorry, Piotr. It's time for my surprise.
See you later. I'll give it some thought.
What word ends with "ass"?
-I don't know, "glass"? -Wait, I'm losing my bearings.
[ethereal music playing]
Welcome onboard Flight PC306 to Rio de Janeiro.
Miss Payette…
Ooh.
You upcycled! I love it.
You're so handsome.
Julio, your flight attendant, will now tell you the procedure
in case of an onboard infection.
Hand sanitizer.
Okay!
If the young lady would be so kind…
[gasps]
Real tickets?
Paris-Rio. Departure in April 2021, after the vaccine.
We're going to see sea turtles laying eggs and real dolphins!
Julio, no.
Would the young lady like to go somewhere else?
You just don't get it.
Plane, train… it's over.
At least, for me.
I thought you'd like it.
The earth is not exchangeable or refundable, Julio.
That's…
The world before? Okay.
Seriously, can you picture us on the beach right now…
sipping coconut juice?
With a straw? A straw, Julio!
Have you ever Googled "straw-nose-turtle"?
No, of course not.
Seriously, Julio, in the "OK boomer" category…
[phews] this takes the cake.
I can't. I just can't.
I have to go.
To the kitchen.
[childlike music playing]
Oh, right.
I really did sleep beneath Jesus' balls.
[door creaks open]
Good morning.
Thank you.
[groans]
"Chastity before marriage guarantees purity."
Oh, fuck.
DAY 25
Okay. Focus on the positives.
We need that right now. Come on.
A positive tutorial.
Hey there, my sweet quarantined sugar pies.
I'm back with Quara-Create.
That's right, tutorials for quarantined creatives.
But upbeat. That's right.
Positivity is everything, especially when times are hard.
So what are we doing today?
We're going to paint some eggs.
[gasps] But not just any paint. This is organic and washable, too.
Ready, Eddy?
Are you ready?
You're having fun, right? Tell Mom you're having fun.
Have fun, come on.
He's ready, I'm ready.
Let's go, guys. Get your brushes.
[woman exhales over tablet]
Spread those thighs!
-Squeeze your butt on the way up. - Okay.
-Open your arms. -Squat. Yeah!
[panting]
[burps]
That's great! Listen up.
Let yourself go with it.
There's air coming in!
[breathing hurriedly]
[woman's voice] Let's go, don't give up!
Yeah. Huh?
What?
Can you see me?
That's great.
You need to paint on the egg. Not on the glass.
Oh, what's this?
Wow! Two of you guys joined us.
Welcome then! Welcome, "Oldslut."
OLDSLUT: IT'S GRANDMA
Okay. And "MaxToTheMax."
Well, I hope he's maxing out his creativity.
We all have an inner artist. That's right.
You just need to listen to them.
Recognize them,
and let them express themselves freely.
Now, find some colors. Open your eyes and blow my mind.
I want pinks, I want blues…
[Matt] Roman, no reply.
Charlotte, no reply.
Elsa, no reply.
Right, I already tried Julio.
"How are you, Matt? When are you…
When are you being repatriated?"
[Émilie] I want red, all the colors.
Right, Eddy? Eddy picked blue.
Well, then? What did Max pick?
Red? Yellow?
Everyone, apply yourselves.
Hole-in-one.
[Émilie] Let's paint happiness, joy. Isn't this great?
There you are.
[ringtone]
Already?
Hi. You've reached Maxime's voicemail…
No reply.
"Can we help you?"
-[Netflix jingle] -Lockdown…
[Émilie] Wow! There we go!
It's a real visual journey, right?
Come on, give it a like.
Send me some hearts! Oh, more than ten of you.
Thank you! [gasps]
And who's back from the hospital just in time to get his surprise?
My sweet little caregiver.
He's… delighted.
Okay. Hugs and kisses, my sweet little lambs!
See you soon for more wonders.
Antoine?
-Antoine! -Yes?
Look, I know you're working really hard
but you can't show up live with that dead look on your face.
I'm trying to send some light into people's lives. See?
Okay.
-Sorry. -Thank you.
[multiple phone alerts]
[sighs]
[gasps] Antoine!
-Oh my God. -Yes?
Look at all the messages.
You're a genius, my love. Look.
See? Look at the messages.
All right.
In 2020, caregiver's wife is the new footballer's wife.
Well, we aren't paid the same
and they don't commute for an hour each way.
Yeah. Yes.
And their wives have…
What?
-What? -Nothing.
"Nothing."
"Nothing!"
See? See, Eddy, all the messages we got?
See that? That's some good news.
All right. Same dead look.
And so you twist the fringe like this…
You're right, that's really a priority.
At least one of us has self-respect.
[playful music]
What is that?
My period.
-[whispering] Damn it… -You have something to say?
The world made us forget about our feminine power.
No, Elsa.
-At least, I'm saving fig trees. -Hey!
Your whole compost and crappy deodorant thing,
it was cool at first.
But seriously, do you have to be…
disgusting, shitting in wood shavings and planting tampons?
Oh, sorry, right… "to empty your cup."
-Disgusting? -Yeah.
Apparently two half gallons aren't enough to wash your hair.
Do you hear yourself?
You're such an old man!
I'm quarantining with an old reactionary dad. [blows raspberry]
And I'm stuck with a chick who's turning feral!
Reactionary and a chauvinist!
Wow! This guy is straight out of the '50s.
And where is Jean Gabin going?
-To pollute. -Right, go and catch COVID.
And you can't even leave me because you have to come back.
Lockdown.
DAY 30
Oops.
There we are. Perfect.
Okay.
Hi everyone.
More than 2,000 of you asked how my sweet little caregiver was doing.
So here he is. The warrior resting.
Look at him.
He's so exhausted he didn't even take off his work clothes.
Poor thing.
Keep supporting hospital workers.
[Antoine] What the fuck?
I mean, mostly him. My caregiver.
-[Antoine] What is all this? -Oh, he's tired.
What would you like to say to our quarantined viewers?
-What? Fuck, Milou… -Say something.
-What are you playing at? -I'm live!
Well, tell them.
To keep sending me messages. "Emiliechataigne"
to warm your heart and lift your spirits.
Huh?
He's counting on you.
See you soon, cuddle-bears.
Can't you give Instagram a rest?
Stop it! People are messaging us. They might send us presents.
-Great. Ugh… -Yeah.
-[ringtone] -What's this?
Maybe it's a fan. [gasps]
Don't say anything. Don't.
Hello?
Ah. Uh…
Yes, that's me.
[gasps] Well, who gave it to her? Antoine!
All right, sorry. I'll call you back.
That was the nursing home, about Grandma.
Don't worry, she's not dead.
But she actually caught COVID.
[Antoine sighs]
[sighs]
And I never called her.
[delicate piano music]
You know, I don't even have the energy to be mad at you.
About that and… everything else.
So, have you heard from Charlotte?
She's not answering. I'm worried.
No. But I can tell you she doesn't care about anyone.
Right, because you do!
With your quarantined viewers.
[scoffs]
-What? -You're never going to change.
[doorbell]
Yes?
Yes, sir?
[spraying]
Leave it all on the landing.
You'll find two euros under the doormat. Thank you.
[Antoine] Cha, it's me.
-Antoine? -Yeah.
Radio silence for the past three days.
You're not okay at all, are you?
I can't even open.
I'm scared.
I'm fucking scared.
And everyone is busy and…
Everyone is doing stuff.
Elsa's helping the environment in her own way.
She even bakes cakes!
And I'm not even capable of doing a fucking online workout.
I'm in here, petrified…
by this damn virus before even catching it.
[sobs] I'm here…
powerless.
Like a piece of shit.
I'm a piece of shit.
No, Cha, you're not. You'll never be.
You're staying home, protecting yourself.
That counts for a lot.
You know…
it's only natural you're scared.
[delicate piano music]
I'm freaking out too.
I don't think I've ever been so scared.
Usually, it's my job to save people, and now…
-I'm ashamed, Cha. -What are you talking about?
You're doing a great job. We all applaud you every night.
Huh?
You're strong.
You're the strongest.
You're my brother.
You're a hero, my hero.
We're overwhelmed.
There's not enough staff and too many patients.
Not enough equipment.
We're fighting a war naked, Cha.
Yesterday…
two patients came in.
Respiratory problems.
A guy, honestly…
the same age as Dad.
With kids, grandkids even…
And a 30-year-old tetraplegic.
Two patients…
and only one respirator available.
We had to choose.
[sniffs]
You call that a hero?
A guy who freaks out while playing with people's lives?
Sorry, sis, but…
I can't cope.
What?
Antoine, talk to me, I'm here.
I'm tired.
-I'll call you. I need to get back. -Antoine?
-[banging] -Antoine!
Antoine?
DAY 35
[phone chimes]
I WOULD LOVE TO MAKE A BABY WITH YOU DURING THIS LOCKDOWN
Really?
But…
A child creates pollution.
[scoffs]
Seriously, it's 60 tons of CO2 per year. That's a lot.
A lot more than a gasoline car…
You don't even have a permission form--
[Julio] I'm outside, calming down.
-Come on. -Okay, go, go, go!
[upbeat music playing]
[multiple phone chimes]
[mother] Lunch in ten minutes!
-Your mom seems cool. -From behind the door, yeah.
Wait. "Behind the door," maybe you could tell her certain things.
-Huh? -Yeah, you slide her a letter.
"Dear Mom…
I like pussy.
P.S. I love you."
Honestly, you're a pain in the ass.
But you have a point.
DAY 39
I'm sorry. [chuckles]
Lockdown doesn't suit us so well.
I mean, I think we…
We're not built for routine.
-Are you okay? -Get away.
Are you that mad at me?
I…
I have a fever and I'm asthmatic…
It can be dangerous. I don't want you to catch it.
[delicate solo piano music]
It's going to be all right, honey.
Mh?
I'm beat…
I'm going to take care of you.
[soft piano music continues]
[doorbell]
[breathing heavily].
[exhales]
Girls…
I sent those pizzas so we could make up.
I haven't been a good friend lately.
Or a good anything, actually.
I hope you'll understand, because I really feel bad.
What did I do myself? Nothing.
I mean, yeah…
Some tutorials for quarantined moms.
While I can't even take care of my son.
And he naps twice a day.
I can't support Antoine either.
And now Julio's sick.
And to know that I put our love at risk for the sake of ideas…
While I did nothing to change things…
I was so obsessed with gaining followers that I forgot the people I love.
I mean, this virus is making us withdraw into ourselves.
There must be a way to kick its ass by doing good.
Together.
Fuck, I love you so much.
I miss you guys.
[ringtone]
-Hello? -[Charlotte] Guess what I'm eating?
A dick?
No.
Oh, right, the pizza!
Yes, the pizza!
[chuckles]
Thanks! Add Émilie!
Yes, I'm adding her.
[ringtone]
-Yes? -[Elsa] All done.
The pizza is really good.
The zucchini is overcooked.
Even if I don't eat it, it's overcooked visually.
-I miss you. -I miss you too!
Turn the video on.
[Mozart's "Rondo Alla Turca" plays]
DAY 45
-[Elsa] Want to do your part? -[Charlotte] No, I'm crap at cakes.
[Émilie] Can you find flour?
[Elsa] No, no more cakes!
We're going to support and protect each other
and work with what we've got.
We're stepping up a gear.
[door buzzing]
[Charlotte] Stepping up a gear?
Babe, you just gave me a genius idea!
The caregivers are gonna love it!
[Elsa] After the hummingbird, the three seagulls.
[Charlotte] Three ornithologists.
[Émilie] I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
[Elsa] I'm going to take care of the patients.
Besides, there's something I need to make up for.
[Charlotte] I'll save the world.
Oh, my baby!
Come and see Mommy! I've missed you!
Yes, my love, not a day went by that I didn't think of you!
I can tell you missed me too.
Aww.
[Émilie] What time do the daytime soaps finish?
[Charlotte] You want to beat COVID by watching TV?
Sounds weird.
[Émilie] I want to visit Grandma.
DON'T GIVE UP @OLDSLUT!!!
-[Elsa] And social distancing? -[Émilie] No worries.
[Elsa] You're right, Milou. A little love will help her get better.
[Mozart's "Rondo Alla Turca" continues]
WE'LL PLANT A LOT OF TREES BEFORE WE LEAVE
"Hashtag, driving caregivers."
Pretty dope, right?
-[Antoine] Hello? -Hello!
-Antoine? -Yes.
-Are you at the hospital? -I've been here two days.
Don't move, I'll come pick you up.
I'm your chauffeur. Tell your colleagues.
From now on, Pinkars is driving caregivers.
Grandma Prozac? Look out the window!
Grandma--
OldSlut! Look out the window.
[window creaks open]
[balloons popping]
[grunts]
Okay. I guess she's improving.
DAY 46
[thud on window]
Hey, asshole!
Hit on my wife, you'll see what happens!
You may be younger than me, I'll still kick your ass!
I get it. [sighs]
[phone chimes]
PINKARS IS NOW SERVICING CAREGIVERS.
GREAT IDEA. CAN I HELP?
YOU'RE NOT A GIRL.
I'M NOT DRIVING. I'LL MAKE YOU GO VIRAL.
VOLUNTARILY.
DEAL
Yes? Hi, this is Maxime Pauillac, communications director at City Hall.
Yes, exactly.
I'm calling…
to put the spotlight on a citizen's initiative
that I think is interesting.
A young woman with an immigrant background
who offers transportation to caregivers.
Yes, I do think it's interesting.
DAY 50
Feeling better?
Yeah. 37.6.
Well, then I'll set up your music stuff.
[gentle piano music playing]
I've got a little surprise for you.
Since it's easier and more direct this way,
without spraying saliva…
Earlier, I was thinking in the shower…
Yeah, I'm showering again.
And there are a few things I forgot to tell you.
First, you need to get better quickly.
Because you'll need strength.
Because I'm not done annoying you about compost and local networks.
And the second thing is…
You're my ecosystem, Julio.
Without you, I can't breathe either.
No planet B. No boyfriend B.
It's you or nothing.
All right?
And about the baby, well…
We can talk about it.
I mean, we'll see.
I love you.
DAY 52
[Émilie] And thanks to the white knight,
the whole kingdom finally knew how to destroy Coronax,
the invisible monster.
Breakfast of champions.
-Here. -So…
[Émilie] So the white knight would say to them,
"Sometimes, loving each other differently means loving each other better.
LOVE & SEX
Mom?
[Émilie] Understanding each other better
and loving each other even more.
[driver] We're driving caregivers. We can take you anywhere for free.
[Émilie] More intelligently.
Always helping each other out and not forgetting."
The young knight in white is more than a superhero.
But we don't say it enough.
We have to thank him.
Say, "thank you Dad for being a marvelous father."
And tell him we're proud of him. Yeah.
He's not giving life but he's protecting it.
Just like a treasure.
And he's our treasure.
[Eddy] Hello, Daddy.
Thank you.
[whispering] Here's the white knight.
[giggling]
[Antoine] I've got a message for you.
[phone chimes]
Here, you can speak to your granddaughter.
Can I go now?
[laughs]
Hi, cuties!
Grandma Prozac really did kick COVID's ass!
And…
Don't worry about me.
Bitch.
I can take care of myself.
♪ COVID, COVID ♪
♪ We got it And kicked its ass ♪
Yeah!
-[Eddy] Bitch! -Oh, don't.
-[Émilie] No, Eddy. -[giggling]
[Eddy babbling]
-That's your fault. -What?
CORONAVIRUS CRISIS
[Maxime] Here we are. Maxime did a good job once again.
EVERYDAY HEROES CHARLOTTE BEN SMIRES
ALMOST HOT ON THE COVER. WHAT DO WE SAY?
YOU'RE A DRAG, BUT THANKS.
TWITTER'S ON FIRE! WHEN DO WE CELEBRATE?
QUARANTINE
Is she hitting on me?
What are you doing, Chacha? [chuckles]
Naughty girl.
DAY 55
Julio's feeling better.
I'm having a break, lockdown's over tomorrow.
A light at the end of the tunnel.
-We actually managed okay. -[Charlotte] Totally!
We're just a little bit tighter in our jeans. Right, Elsa?
What do you mean tighter?
[Émilie] Lockdown fattens you up.
Especially at your parents'.
-[Elsa] Not me. -[Émilie] Those are the statistics.
Well, I didn't gain anything. That's the countryside.
What's Matt up to?
[Charlotte] Maybe he doesn't want to talk.
[Émilie] Please, enough with the drama.
There's nothing to be proud of. Did you check on him?
[Charlotte] Maxime, did you talk to him?
Uh, no.
-[Elsa] Did I gain weight? -[Charlotte] We abandoned him.
[Matt] Hello, France! You guys let me down like a piece of shit.
-[laughs] Oh, dear… -Oh!
All right, so now there's a costume.
[Charlotte] I don't think it's a costume.
[Elsa] Doesn't he look like the megalomaniac American
who kills tigers but loves them?
-Right? -Totally.
Nice Californian highlights you've got there!
[Émilie] Joe Exotic disgusts me.
-The guy from the Netflix show. -[Charlotte] I told you,
we left him alone, we lost him.
Hey, how are you, la France?
So he's not talking French anymore?
Do you speak, do you understand?
Shut up. Matt, we're sorry.
Émilie muted Charlotte!
Sorry Matt, we didn't mean to ditch you.
That lockdown made us all crazy anyway, right?
Some more than others, apparently.
Remember me? Yes!
Seriously, you know what?
You can all go fuck yourselves.
Careful, you're getting out of character.
I even missed being annoyed by you guys.
It's such a mess outside…
If we let this virus isolate us, it will have won.
We already have to smile with our eyes, say hi with our elbows…
We can't touch each other anymore, kiss each other…
We can't do anything.
So if I'm mad at you, what do I have left?
Fear.
Yeah, for a senior citizen like you…
-[laughs] -Wait, sorry?
I need someone to come and pick me up at the airport tomorrow.
Are you kidding? I'll be there, buddy.
[Charlotte] Totally! Wait, there's Pinkars!
Hashtag, drive your ex!
[Émilie] Yeah! [laughs]
I can come, but change your hair though.
Yeah, it's your look that will kill me.
-We missed you! -We're going to stay at my parents'.
To make up for lost time.
-Among seniors. -[laughter]
We're mostly going to discuss tennis with her mom.
[Roman] Just to end lockdown properly.
So are we ending it together then?
-In real life. -[Émilie] Yeah, all together?
Are you sure?
Because if you guys are going to flake out again…
-Milou. -What?
We never talked about it.
She's never going to let it go.
[Elsa] Back to normal!
[Émilie] An apology isn't that hard.
Okay, fine.
-[Matt] So pick me up. -What's he doing?
Can someone pick me up from the airport?
-See you on the other side, guys. -[Maxime] Big hugs!
-Bye. -[Roman] Big hugs!
-See you soon. -Ciao!
Ciao!
[Émilie] Eddy, what are you doing?
Oh, oh, oh! Can I see Eddy?
What is he eating?
Wait a second.
Is that shit? Chocolate?
-[Antoine] I don't know. -Taste it then!
What are you eating, Eddy?
-[Charlotte] You think they noticed? -[Maxime] No, don't worry.
[Maxime] Our little secret turned me on. What about you?
[Émilie] No!
No, no, no.
-[Émilie] No, not him. Not him! -[gasps]
[gasping]
-[Antoine] What? -Max and Charlotte? No!
Fuck.
["Close To Me" by Frédéric Magnon playing]