[woman] Previously on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way...
[both] Next.
[Kenny] Next.
Today we're going to pick our egg donor.
Doing this, I realized that we have the same taste in women.
If we ever want a three-way... [laughs]
Last night, Sarper promised to make a post of us and he didn't follow through.
[Shekinah] I just don't know why you promised that
if you aren't gonna really do it.
I will post right now.
Our first post.
-[Holly] I'll miss you. -I'll miss you too, babe.
Wayne's been working a lot, so I'm alone a lot.
I'm just having a hard time adapting to living here.
Yeah.
I agreed to this life, but I don't know if I can make it work.
Brandan's mom arrived here in Candoni and, to me, it's been so awkward.
Brandan, will you come here, please?
Your mom is not talking to me at all.
I'm on your side.
[dramatic music playing]
[music playing]
-Look at those. Oh, my... -Oh, my God.
Come, babe.
-Oh, this is so darling. -Here, sit here.
-Here? -Yeah.
-Hello. -[Shekinah] Hi.
Hi.
[Sarper speaking]
-Fusun. -Hi, how are you?
-Fine, how are you? -Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
[Sarper speaking]
I'm only child of my parents, so my cousins, we grew up like brother and sister.
Introducing Shekinah is a big deal for me.
-[Sarper speaking] -[Shekinah] Yeah. I know.
It's so interesting there's two with the same name in the same family.
-[Sarper] Yeah. -[Shekinah] Yeah.
-[girl] No. -Oh. No?
Did she see the baby sheep?
-Did you see them? -[Fusun] Yeah.
[Fusun speaking]
She's so curious about you.
-[Shekinah] She is? -Yes.
Oh, my gosh.
-[Shekinah] 'Cause she loves her uncle so much. -Very much, yeah.
What about your family?
Do you feel close with them?
[Fusun] Oh! You have a daughter.
I have a daughter, yeah.
-How old is she? -She's 15. Yeah.
And she's in boarding school,
so I'll keep going back every five weeks to spend a week with her.
-No, never. Never. -[Fusun laughs] Okay.
Do you plan to have a child?
I don't plan to have another child, no.
At this age, it would be like starting over.
The most important. What does he want? This is also important.
[groans]
-Let's change the subject. -Okay.
-[all laughing] -Okay.
[Sarper speaking]
So, in the name of celebration of
-[Sarper speaking] -Yeah.
We have to write our wishes.
It's great to make wishes all together because good energy.
[Sarper and Shekinah] Yeah.
I want to think about if I wanna draw a picture or write something.
What are you doing?
-Sorry, sorry. -[Sarper speaking imperceptibly]
[Fusun and Shekinah] Oh, so cute!
[Fusun and Shekinah laugh]
-You have to write names. You have to be precise. -[Shekinah] Oh.
I don't know his name. That's the problem.
-[Fusun] His name? -Wait a second. What?
The thing that I told you before, you know it.
-Oh. -Yeah.
A few months after Sarper and I started dating,
he revealed something to me about his past.
He hasn't told very many people about it,
but I think this talk about having kids has brought it up for him.
I don't if know my parents already told you that, but...
I have a son.
What?
I have a son, but I never met or seen him before.
And that time, I only gave my email account to her.
Three or four months later, I got an email saying that "I am pregnant."
Yeah, and...
I really scared a lot.
And...
-Oh, so you lost track of it. -Yeah, I lost track.
[sighs wearily] It was difficult to handle that.
I tried to forget it.
-Well, it's a difficult situation for you. I'm sorry. -[Sarper] Yeah.
How do you feel about this?
I hope he can connect with him.
I think that it's in his heart to do.
That's my wishes too, then.
Yeah, mine too. I hope you get your wish, babe.
[Sarper exhales] We'll see.
I mean, I've a child I didn't see him, I never
have that feeling with him, so,,,
That's why I want a chance to raise one.
I know Shekinah doesn't want.
But I hope I can persuade her.
[banjo music playing]
[Mary] The soy sauce.
-[Brandan] Soy sauce? -Yeah.
[Brandan] Got you.
My mom arrived in the Philippines yesterday,
and things went off to a rocky start.
-I brought you some things. -[Brandan] What...
What have we got here?
Mac and cheese? Can of chili? Awesome.
Thank you, Mom. Appreciate it.
Mary thinks I'm defending my mom and not having her back.
But what I'm trying to do is not have a fight break out between them.
Mary's just about done making some adobo.
-Do you wanna eat outside? -Sure.
So I'm trying to break the ice a little and pull this prank on my mom.
-[Angela] They're like little chickens? -[Brandan] Yeah.
It's not a lot of meat on the bones, but it's really delicious.
I having a hard time with the whole fact that they're baby chickens.
-'Cause they're young? -Yeah, they're babies.
I'm not gonna put their body in my mouth. That's all I'm saying.
You'll be happy to know they're not actually chickens.
It's frog.
Are you serious?
-[Mary chuckles] Yeah. -Yeah. It's frog.
Oh, that makes me feel better, actually.
-[Mary] Oh. -[Brandan] Wait, what?
-What? It's frog. -Yeah, it's frog.
I don't care so much about frogs. Now that's not a big deal.
I was so nervous. I thought she's gonna freak out.
And then maybe she'll blame me, not Brandan.
Mm-hmm.
[Brandan] Yeah? You like it?
Mm-hmm, it's good. It tastes like chicken.
But when trying to talk, she's only talk to Brandan.
So I can tell that she's still judging me.
She's still not willing to be okay with me.
[banjo music playing]
Oh, yeah. Right here. Stop.
Okay, so, they have chicken liver, chicken heart,
chicken blood, chicken feet, chicken heads.
Since my mom liked frog,
I wanted to take her out to go try Filipino street food.
It looks like intestines.
-No, that's this one. -Okay!
[Brandan] That one's actually my favorite.
[Angela speaking]
We're not doing the feet. Or the blood. Or seven of the other pieces.
I really can't believe that Brandan lives here.
[Angela] It's good.
-Yeah? -[Angela] Mm-hmm.
I gotta say...
when you were little, this is not where I imagined you would be
-when you're almost 24 years old. -You and me both.
Yeah, you and me both.
And then it just goes to show that you just never know where your life could end up.
-You know what I mean? -Mm-hmm.
Just like I never ever would have imagined in my life that I would become an addict.
[Brandan] I did not think that either. I couldn't believe it.
When I was 14 years old, my siblings, they were five and three years old.
And my mom was starting to disappear from the house
for long periods at a time.
And then I would be left alone with the kids
to take care of them and watch over them.
So, eventually, the DHS comes in,
they take me, my brother, and my sister away.
And that whole time, I was in denial of my mom being a drug addict.
It screwed with me mentally.
It really messed up all of our lives.
I'm really happy that you started recovery
and you're 18 months clean now.
And I'm proud of you for doing that.
The thing about it is you don't just treat addiction by not using.
You treat it by creating a life that makes it easier not to.
The only thing that would make it more complete, in a sense,
is the rebuilding of a relationship with you.
Um...
In order to re-establish a good relationship with me again,
you need to connect and bond with Mary.
If all three of us aren't okay,
there's gonna be parts in our child's life that you're gonna miss out on.
And I don't want that.
You know, Mary didn't have her mom.
She never had the type of person that would give her guidance,
and you gotta have her back.
I understand what you're saying.
So I will try to build a healthy relationship with Mary.
I really appreciate that.
And I appreciate that you are willing
to give me a shot at being your mom
even though you are in a position where you are becoming a dad.
Well, even dads need their moms, you know?
[Angela] I believe this is a potential for a fresh start with Brandan.
As to Mary and the toxicity, the jealousy,
I can let that go as long as I see effort for improvement.
If her actions and behaviors
were to continue to reflect the same patterns that she had in the past,
we would have a major problem.
[Holly] I'm a mermaid!
It's been so hard here,
and it'll finally give me
something to do that I love.
You haven't really given it a shot.
I've put more effort into this than you have. I--
[Armando speaking]
Today, we're meeting with our potential surrogate.
My sister told me,
"You are nuts. How are you going to give a baby?"
[Kenny] We do have some concerns.
We need to know that she understands
everything that comes along with making this decision.
[upbeat music playing]
Babe, a package came for you, I'll put it on the bed.
[Holly] Okay, thank you.
It's been a couple weeks since my mom left.
It's very lonely 'cause I'm used to having a very active life.
Yes. [indistinct]
Hey, baby, come on. I wanna show you something.
-By the pool. -Okay, I'll be there now.
[Holly] I've always loved mermaids
and I've always thought it'd be fun to be one.
I just think it's cool
that there's this whole other make-believe world under the sea,
and we have a swimming pool.
So several weeks ago, I ordered a mermaid tail online.
I thought it would cheer me up and make me feel better about living here.
Who wouldn't want to be a mermaid and wanna swim around all day?
Sounds fun to me.
What's up, babe?
-What the hell? -[both laughing]
[Holly] I'm a mermaid. Don't you love it?
Is your feet in there?
It's my tail.
-Here, come here. -Oh!
[Holly laughing]
What do you think?
[Wayne] Nikki seems to like it.
[Holly] I love it. Look, Nikki.
We're in sync.
[Wayne and Holly chuckle]
I have nothing to do here, and I have my tail, and I can swim in it and...
It's been so hard here, and it'll finally give me something to do that I love.
Has it really been that hard?
Yeah, it has.
I think now that your mom is gone,
maybe you'll have a better mindset about this country.
Your mom's put a lot of thoughts in your head when she was here.
[Holly] This isn't really about my mom, it's more about me.
I haven't really made friends.
I don't think you realize how opposite it is from the life I had before.
I personally think you're not trying hard enough.
[Holly] What could I do to try harder?
I put more effort into this than you have. I--
Because I'm trying to cheer myself up.
I don't know, make new friends, go out with friends.
How am I gonna make friends?
Well, I've given you some friends,
and you didn't spend time with them, so--
And you have to have friends
that you have things in common with and that you'd know well.
Well, you don't know what you've got common with them
'cause you haven't spent much time with them. So you wouldn't know.
That what I said,
it's like you're complaining about everything
but you haven't really given it a shot.
I'm trying to express to you how hard this is for me.
I'm not adapting well, I'm not doing well.
I am depressed, I am sad.
Everybody has a breaking point.
I don't know how much I can take.
It was my decision to come here and marry Wayne.
I feel like it's on my shoulders to make it work.
But I'm really scared that I don't know if I can make it work.
If I can't handle living in South Africa,
I don't know what that means for the future,
I don't know what that means for our relationship.
All I'm asking, babe, is you need to just keep trying, you know?
You sure chose this life, you know what I'm saying? With me.
And we're gonna make it work here.
Yeah, I know.
[music playing softly]
-[Armando] Oh, here she is. -Okay.
[Armando speaking]
-Good morning. -Good morning.
-Hi, Kenny. -[Kenny] Hi.
Today we're meeting with our potential surrogate Gema.
We actually did meet with her yesterday,
but it was more like a job interview and she seemed really tense.
So we want to talk to her in a more relaxed setting.
Oh, that looks good.
We really like Gema.
We like that she's had children,
so she knows what giving birth and having kids is all about.
She's from Mexico, and a big blessing for me is she speaks English.
[all speaking]
[Kenny] But we do have some concerns.
She has never done this before,
and surrogacy really isn't that common in Mexico.
We need to know that she understands
everything that comes along with making this decision.
It's been a long journey for us as a whole,
so I do wanna get your thoughts on just the aspect of family
because I have the belief that, in Mexico,
women are judged for doing something like this, surrogacy.
Yeah, the women are judged all the time.
But the ones who...
-Matter. -...matter are okay with this.
And the other ones can... fired.
-Take a hike. [laughs] -[Gema] Yeah.
Yeah, 'cause when I started talking about this with my family,
one aunt made a comment, "Oh, my God, I don't know how a lady could do this.
Just be pregnant and give it up."
So these are comments that I hear in my family.
When I speak with my sister, she told me, "You are nuts.
How are you going to give a baby without feeling anything?"
And I said, "No, I will feel something, yeah,
but I'm completely, in my head,
that it won't be mine."
That it is like a gift that I will give you
to have your own family.
[Kenny sniffles]
Oh, man. It's a heavy load, you know?
-It is gonna be hard. -[Gema] Yeah.
[voice shaking] Yeah, I think it will be hard because it's a baby.
It's not easy.
I know that I'm a really loving mother with my daughters,
and I when I was pregnant,
I put music on my belly, I'd read them books,
so I will do the same with the baby.
[exhales]
I guess what makes me emotional
is really just 'cause Hannah lost her mother,
so it feels good that would give it love, you know?
And do all those things that a mother does.
Exactly how she says she was with her children.
We are looking at you as someone we wanna care for and we wanna love,
not just an oven, you know?
That's why we wanna build the connection, have the bond.
-You all right? [chuckles] -Yeah. Just... yeah.
-[Kenny] Yeah. -Thank you.
We feel love for you, too.
[Kenny] I love emotional people,
and I'm getting the feel that she really knows it's going to be hard
and she wants to do good by us.
What a beautiful thing, right?
[Armando] I think she has her heart in the right place
and I can feel her love, and I love that.
Thank you for being so open with us and everything you said today.
It's really gonna help us make a decision.
-[Kenny] Yeah. It won't be long. -Okay.
-Yes. -[Kenny] We'll give you a hug goodbye.
[Gema speaking]
-Wait, we gotta do a three-way hug since it's... -[all laugh]
Do you have any pies available?
-Yes. -Yeah?
We got the first sonogram since she got pregnant.
Whatever the baby's gender is,
one of us is getting a pie in the face.
Ready?
-[gasps] Oh! My... -[laughing]
[banjo music playing]
[Brandan] It's a nice place to eat.
Mary is 24 weeks pregnant,
so earlier today, we got the first sonogram since she got pregnant.
And the doctor hid the baby's gender in a plastic envelope
so my mom can read it to us out loud as a way to include my mom.
Do you have any pies available?
-Yes. -Yeah?
And then I was thinking, "Hey, Mary's hoping for a boy, how about I bet for a girl?"
So if the baby's a boy,
Mary will put a pie in my face.
If the baby's a girl, I put a pie in her face.
Whatever the outcome is, one of us is getting a pie in the face.
So how was hearing the heartbeat?
[Brandan] It's definitely more real.
Seeing that, now I'm like,
"I can't stop thinking about it," if that makes sense.
Yeah.
-God, those motorcycles are loud. -[Angela] Yeah, they are.
So there's some things I wanted to bring up
before we do the gender reveal.
You have now started this family clear across the world.
That...
I'm not...
[voice shaking] I'm not gonna be a part of.
So...
And that is my fault.
But I'm just gonna keep it real here.
You come from
what I believe to be a dysfunctional environment.
You come from a dysfunctional family as well.
As much as I know that you guys love each other, it's not enough
because when you haven't dealt with all the things that you grew up learning,
it just becomes this repeated pattern.
I definitely hear you there and we are trying to work on it.
Because when I was in America,
it was almost a fight everyday.
[Angela speaking]
Right, but here, slowly but surely, we are getting better at it.
That's good.
We are trying to be better as a couple.
Also me, I'm trying to be better myself...
...because my parents abandoned me, and...
[voice shaking] I'm really scared of abandonment.
[Angela] Yes.
I would really like to see both of you doing individual therapy.
The things that you struggle with,
like the fear of abandonment, over thinking,
Brandan has his own things, you know?
Anger and codependency.
When you guys work on those separately,
I promise you that together you will function better.
[Brandan] I'm more than willing to do that.
And if Mary is willing to commit to therapy alongside,
then that would mean a lot.
[Mary] I'm willing to, and also,
I'm really thankful that you give us advice and it helps me a lot.
And it came from Brandan's mom, so really means a lot to me.
Thank you for that. No one's did that to me before.
[Angela] We did have probably the best communication tonight
that we've had since I've been here.
But I really hope that they do the therapy and the counselling
because I worry for the environment
that the child's gonna grow up in.
Thank you for listening and thank you for considering that.
-Yeah. We'll promise you we'll do that. -[Angela] Okay.
[chuckles] Good.
So, are you ready?
[Brandan] Oh, we're doing this.
I'm so excited!
-Okay. If it's a boy, you're smashing Brandan. -[Mary] Mm-hmm.
And if it's a girl, she gets...
-The pie in the face. -The pie in the face.
Okay.
[Mary chuckling]
[Angela] Ready?
-[Mary gasps] Oh! Oh, my God. -[laughing]
Oh, my gosh, it's a girl.
Oh, it's a girl.
-[Brandan] You know what that means, right? -[Mary] Yeah.
-[Brandan] Ready? -Yeah. Go.
[Angela laughing]
[Mary chuckling] Whoa, that's a lot.
You're gonna eat that-- Oh, no! Oh, hell, no!
[Angela and Mary laughing]
[bleep] you.
-[Mary] It's fair. -[Brandan] That's fair?
[laughter]
Let me remind you that on our first date, we covered this stuff.
I said I don't wanna have kids, and you said, "me neither."
Sarper needs to figure out what's more important to him.
Does he wanna have a child or does he wanna be with me?
[blues music playing]
Babe, your life is getting an upgrade, it's--
-Yeah, we can call it that, right? -[Shekinah] Yeah.
The bed that we picked out a few days ago
finally got delivered and we will finally get to sleep in a bed together.
We've been doing everything on a couch.
This is gonna really open up the possibilities for our fun in the bedroom.
Wow, wow, wow.
-You don't miss your old bed? -No.
-Promise? -[chuckles]
Delete all the memories on it.
Good.
So, what do you think about my cousins?
They're so sweet. They just had the best energy.
You were so reluctant. That's a little scratching my brain.
-Reluctant? -[Sarper] Mm-hmm.
-About meeting them? -[Sarper speaking]
Is it impossible for you to make a child again?
I mean, is it impossible for me to have a child?
No, no, no, not physically.
-Oh. -Mentally.
-Yeah, I just don't wanna start over. -You're totally closed there.
I raised a child practically by myself...
-I know. -...during my whole 20s and 30s.
And now I'm in my 40s and I feel like I have time to give to you,
and a child takes so much work.
I'm not against everything, that's not a fair statement.
-But really, you are. -[Shekinah] Are you really getting upset?
Yeah.
All your genetics, all your money, everything you have,
you transfer it to him or her and it goes on like this.
Do you know our family name will be end with me.
And it's something different for you, okay, I can say that, I know.
You have already a 16-year-old daughter.
You will maybe have granddaughters and this kind of stuff.
But...
Family legacy is so important for the Turkish culture.
It's a big pressure on me.
I'm the only child of my family,
so that's my responsibility, I always thought of it.
And it was always a scar on me
because I didn't see any possibility to give, but now I found one.
Wait, so this is really important to you?
Like you really wanna have a child?
Let me remind you that on our first date, we covered this stuff.
I said I don't wanna have kids, and you said, "me neither."
[Sarper] I wasn't hoping that.
So you were just saying whatever? You weren't being honest?
I was honest. I didn't want.
Well, you told me you didn't wanna marry or have kids.
I didn't want. I found one.
[Shekinah] One what?
One girl that I can take care... I mean, give my love to.
Okay, so you when you started to get feelings for me,
then you started to want things that you didn't want before?
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah.
[scoffs]
[Shekinah sighs]
I just can't picture myself having another child.
I can't picture it.
I finally found you and we wanna enjoy life together, and--
-Mm-hmm. -Mm-hmm.
How many years, physically, you have chance to give a birth?
Well, I don't wanna give birth ever again.
If you love someone, especially in a relationship,
you want a kid from him or her.
It's so simple.
You have to plan something for the future.
Look at that, I bought a bed for you. I shared a post with a woman.
So, don't close all doors. Nothing is impossible.
I was very upfront with Sarper when I first met him
about not wanting to have more children,
so it's frustrating that now that I've moved here to Turkey to be with him,
he's switching things up on me.
Sarper needs to figure out what's more important to him.
Does he wanna have a child or does he wanna be with me?
Because he cannot do both.
[Holly] I can't take this anymore.
I wanna leave, I wanna go to America.
It hurts that she wants to go back.
So, what, I just go to America?
And you know I can't work there.
[Holly] But that doesn't mean you can never work.
That doesn't mean that that's the never of nevers of Neverland.
[music playing]
[Holly] I've been living in South Africa for four months now
and I'm trying to make it feel like home.
But you have to keep busy, so I paint stupid stuff.
Dressers, furniture.
Anything I can get my hands on, I'll paint, just because I'm so bored.
I have taken Wayne's advice about,
you know, give it a chance and it will grow on you.
And I really don't know what more I can do.
Other than him, I don't have a support system.
I'm less happy, less carefree,
and the stress of things is worse.
Wayne has been working a lot.
Sometimes it's 12 hours,
and I don't like being home alone.
And I don't feel like I'm not getting the support I need.
I'm just to the point where I just wanna go the the US.
I think Wayne has an idea where I'm at,
but he doesn't know that I've 100% pretty much made up my mind at this point.
[Holly exclaims] Ugh!
The load shedding has gotten a lot worse.
I mean, we're lucky if we have five hours of power a day, to be honest.
When the power's out, that's when the robberies happen.
You just feel like you're just waiting there to be victimized, kind of.
I don't wanna be dramatic, but that's how you feel.
There's so many reasons why I don't wanna live here anymore.
This is one of the main ones.
If I don't have to live this way,
it's really frustrating to live this way.
[lock clicks]
[Wayne] Oh, boy. Hey, baby.
-I think we've got power. -I can't take this anymore.
I wanna leave, I wanna go to America.
-Hello. -[Holly] Hi.
[Wayne speaking]
No, but I'm trying to communicate to you how upset I am.
[Wayne] Yeah, but let me just help you first before you fight with me. Please.
I've showed you this a thousand times, how to do it.
[Holly] I don't ever remember you showing me that.
And I'm not fighting with you, I'm trying to tell you how I feel inside.
But babe, I just get here, and you're, like,
start fighting with me about it, first thing. What do you want me to do?
You have to understand how hard this is on me.
I'm sitting in the dark yet again,
you're home late again 'cause you're working--
[Wayne] Busy working, trying to provide for you.
You think that I wanna come home and hear
about my wife moaning about power?
I'm not moaning about power--
I'm said. I wanna go to America, and you can come with me.
I don't wanna live this way.
I don't know, it sounded like you wanna go back alone.
That's not what I said. And--
You didn't say, "We're going to America, we're leaving this place."
I feel like I can't even talk to you
because I know that if I express how I feel,
you're gonna say I'm complaining.
Baby, I'm tired. I've been working the whole entire day.
You can't make excuses. We're having this-- This is happening now.
It's so simple. We can leave, we don't live here.
But you have a wife now.
It's different.
I know that I don't really wanna live in South Africa anymore.
I don't like it.
But I do love Wayne a lot.
So it's putting me in a compromising situation.
So, what, I just go to America?
And you know I can't work there.
You know I can't get salary there until I get my visa or whatever it is.
I mean, I'm the man in the house,
I'm supposed to take care of you.
I'm not gonna let you take care of me.
It just doesn't work that way in my culture.
I don't wanna take care of you.
I wouldn't be attracted to you if you were the kind of man that I had to support.
What I'm saying is that would be a step.
But that doesn't mean you can never work.
That doesn't mean that that's the never of nevers of Neverland.
Why don't you give it some more time in South Africa just to adapt here?
No.
It's crushing my spirit. It's taking away who I am.
I am slowly just breaking away and I'm becoming nothing here.
I can't do this anymore.
I have to leave and I want you to come there and I want you to be with me.
The whole plan with Holly coming down to marry me
was for her to stay with me in South Africa.
Regardless of what happens.
It hurts that she wants to go back.
[suspenseful music playing]
I just don't know if I can go to America.
Like, ever?
[Wayne speaking]
[Shekinah] Next time on 90 Day Fiance: The Other Way...
[Kimberly] Why do we bring that in the kitchen?
What the [bleep]?
I don't want my house to smell like a petting zoo.
[Tejaswi's mom speaking]
[Daniele] I don't think we've solved all of our problems,
but we're trying to move forward.
[Daniele speaking]
[sighs]
[Angela] Brandan told me where to find you.
Brandan and I are supposed to get married tomorrow,
but this morning we got a huge fight over money.
Right now, I'm 50-50 over marrying Brandan
because we don't have a plan for our future.
Yeah, you don't.
When you picture your life, can you imagine raising this baby without him?
[Shekinah] You sound like a little spoiled brat right now.
This is a [bleep] up conversation,
and I'm unsubscribing.
[Sarper] Thank you so much.