[Indistinct chatter on police radio]
[Siren wails]
Carver: Major. D.I. Carver. Major: Fill us in.
Woman: Victim is male, mid-30s.
Probable cause of death-- multiple blows to the head
with a heavy vase.
Carver: Witnesses?
Woman: Body was found by the cleaner.
She's got a key.
No sign of the victim's wife.
Major: This is it, boy. We're back!
Carver: Well done, mate. You made it.
Major: Murder. Oh, maybe even double murder.
Touch wood. Carver: No, let's not touch anything.
Major: Could be organized crime.
Serial killer. Who knows?
Carver: Maybe we should try and find out,
what with that being our job.
Major: Oh, we will, mate. We're the best.
Yeah. Ooh!
Woman: There's your weapon.
Cash and jewelry untouched,
along with the victim's passport.
The wife's passport is missing.
Major: Gets better. This could be international.
Carver: Why are you in such a good mood?
There's been a brutal murder.
Major: I was saving this news for later but...
I've moved back in with Kelly!
Carver: What? Major: Ha ha!
Woman: This pattern of blood spatter is
consistent with... Carver: Can you shut up a minute?
You've moved back in? Major: Well, early days.
I'm in the spare room. We're trying to get
some kind of routine back, you know?
Carver: It's a bit far on, isn't it?
Major: Well, the marriage is at a crossroads, Roy.
We have to turn one way or the other.
We can't just carry on.
Carver: That's a huge option. Major: Is it?
Woman: Sir, before the blood dries, I think we should--
Carver: What about the other fellow she's been seeing?
Major: We talked about that. It's over.
Carver: You don't know whether or not Kelly's
still got feelings for this other fellow.
Major: I know you're trying to protect me, Roy,
but I'm doing this with my eyes open.
Woman: Sir, I think we should--
Carver: Can you keep your mouth shut
for a minute, please? Jesus!
Major: Carver! Carver: I'm sorry.
Major: You all right, Roy?
I'll deal with all this, then, shall I?
Well, come on, then. We ain't got all day.
Kelly: That's great, Mike. So, now that we've established
that your drinking is related to anxiety
trigged by loud noises and aggression.
[Bang] Carver: Why the fuck didn't you tell me?
Kelly: Roy, I'm--what-- I'm-I'm-I'm with a patient.
Carver: What? You forgot to mention it?
Kelly: This is about John moving back in.
Carver: I don't know, Kelly. How many other
secrets have you got?
Kelly: I'm really sorry about that.
It's just that John insisted on telling you himself.
Carver: Yeah, he told me, at a murder scene
standing over a caved-in skull.
Told me how you welcomed him back with open arms
and what a happy marriage you've got again.
Kelly: No. No. No. I've just--
I have decided that my marriage is
worth a chance, and if it doesn't work out,
then I need to give it the space
to die naturally before...
Carver: Drop the psychobabble bullshit.
You're not in one of your therapy sessions now.
Kelly: Thank you. Carver: It's not like you were
happy with John before he got shot.
You told me you were about to leave him.
Kelly: Yeah, but things have changed. He's changed.
Carver: How would you know? You've hardly spent any time with him.
Kelly: Well, I'm gonna spend time with him now.
Carver: Let me save you the trouble.
He's still an arrogant, selfish gobshite.
Kelly: Says the man shouting at me.
[Carver sighs]
Kelly: Heh.
I think this would be a really good time for us
to have a chat about
therapist-patient confidentiality. Ha ha!
Major: I need you to collect traffic camera footage
on the area surrounding the crime scene.
Sorry. I've blanked on your name.
Williams: Well, the name you usually call me is Judy.
I'm actually-- Major: Judy!
That's it. ASAP, if you would.
Williams: My name's not Judy.
Major: Roy?
What do you think of this vase?
Carver: It's the murder weapon.
Major: Not the actual one, but yeah.
High street, 16.99.
Carver: What are you thinking? Major: Well, I just thought
it was the kind of thing that Kelly would like.
Is it weird, though, giving her something
I saw used as a murder weapon?
Carver: I think you should definitely give it to her.
Make sure you tell her where you got the idea from.
Major: Yes. I'll give it to her later.
We're nipping home together for lunch. Jacket potato.
Carver: John, we're lead investigators on a murder case.
We've got a press conference at half 12.
You can't just nip home for a potato.
Major: You just went AWOL at the crime scene.
What was all that about?
Carver: Uh...I was keeping tabs on Gilbert and Ryle.
I think it's time we let the boss know
she's got bent coppers in the unit.
Major: We need to get more evidence first.
Carver: No, we need to do whatever it takes.
It's time they got what's coming to them,
no matter how many long hours we have to work.
[Slams vase on desk]
Major: I'll get Judy to gift-wrap it.
[Carver sighs]
Dennett: That's a hell of an accusation.
Two bent coppers at the heart of my unit.
Well, that'd make me a damn fool.
Have you got any evidence for this?
Major: That time you arrested a horse?
Carver: Not as such, boss. Major got
the information through reading her lips.
Major: It's an A.I. thing, probably.
Dennett: So, if I mouth the lyrics to,
"Hotel California," say, you could read them.
Major: Mm.
[Mouthing words]
Did you get that? Major: Yes, boss,
and it does sound like a lovely place.
Dennett: OK. You've convinced me.
But I still need hard evidence.
Carver: So, what are we meant to do?
Dennett: First, don't raise any suspicions.
One-way blackout glass.
Offers complete privacy if you want to talk to me
about any developments.
Carver: Boss, you know that you can
see through that from the other side.
Dennett: No. No, it's one-way glass.
Carver: Yeah, that's what the one-way bit means.
Dennett: What--people can see in? Now?
Carver: Yeah.
Dennett: So, all the time I've had this fitted,
you've always been able to see in.
Carver: Yeah.
Dennett: Last Wednesday morning, for example?
Carver: Yeah. [Major sighs]
About Gilbert and Ryle, boss, um,
we think they're taking orders from a criminal
known as the Juggler.
Does that name mean anything to you?
Boss? Dennett: Huh?
Carver: We'll, we'll investigate further, boss.
Keep you updated.
Major: She was no help.
Carver: No, she said we needed evidence.
Let's get some. Follow my lead.
Major: Carver?
Carver: How are you two? How's tricks?
Ryle: D.I. Carver. Metal Mickey.
Carver: We just wanted to say thanks.
We appreciate all the hard work
you've put in looking for John's killer.
Don't we?
Major: Ooh? Carver: Uh,
maybe it's time we got over this thing between us.
Gilbert: What thing?
Carver: Taking the piss out of each other.
Ryle: Well, the problem is, your mate's got
a chip on his shoulder,
and a chip in his head and his spine and...
Gilbert: She means, like, computer chips.
Ryle: It's only banter, what with him being part I.T.
Carver: A.I. Ryle: Whatever.
Major: You're both twats. How's that for banter?
Carver: So, would you fancy it, then?
Bevvie after work?
Ryle: Yeah. Let's just drop everything
and go out with you two.
Gilbert: Well, you were sad when they never asked us
to that pool tournament-- Ryle: Shut up.
What time were you thinking?
Carver: 7.
[Parfit mouths words]
Carver: Excuse me.
Gilbert: Did you tell her about the glass?
Major: Yeah.
Gilbert: Of course someone did.
Carver: What's this? Parfit: Draft commission report
into police A.I.
It's the decision on whether Major lives or dies.
Carver: This isn't due for another week.
Parfit: You know me by now.
I have skills.
Read that. Carver: "This committee is
"reminded to countermand directive 5B
with immediate effect."
Parfit: It's another way of saying switch him off.
Read the next bit.
Carver: "This is another way of saying switch him off."
Parfit: Yeah. Carver: Well, he stopped the head
of the committee from getting shot.
How can he switch him off?
Parfit: Well, since you asked, they fire
a powerful electromagnetic pulse
directly into the base of the--
oh, no, see, you mean why would they.
Carver: So, hack it. You said you've got skills.
Change the report.
Parfit: I can't hack their brains, Roy.
You want them to change their minds,
try solving some more fucking crimes,
and ideally in the next week.
Carver: Fine! OK.
We'll solve this murder.
On Bluefinch.
And we'll expose Gilbert and Ryle.
Total focus.
We'll work harder than we've
ever worked in our lives.
Major: This is a nice potato. Fluffy.
Kelly: It's a lovely vase. Thank you.
Major: And we know it won't break,
even if you really whack it on something.
[Kelly groans] Major: Do you know what's strange?
Kelly: Hmm? John: Even when I was dead,
you still recorded my favorite shows--
"World Series of Darts," "Ice Road Truckers."
Kelly: Did I? John: You don't watch any of those shows.
Only me. And Roy, of course. Heh.
He loves "Ice Road Truckers" more than I do.
If I didn't know better...
Do you know what I'd think?
Kelly: No. What?
Major: I think you knew I was coming back.
Kelly: You can watch them all now.
It's good.
[Plate clatters on table]
Major: No. I'm deleting them.
I don't want to watch darts, Kelly.
All I want to do is spend every spare minute with you.
Al, play something romantic. ["The Stripper" playing]
Kelly: Al, don't. [Music stops]
This isn't about grand gestures like
deleting the darts.
Let's try and just get back to our old routine.
Major: I don't want to go back to old routines.
Old routines was me being at work all the time,
neglecting you.
Keeping the streets safe.
Kelly: We both made mistakes.
Major: You didn't.
Woman on TV: Good morning. Kelly: Oh, look at that. Ha ha!
Major: Oh, hello. Look who's on TV.
Al, full screen.
Dennett: Yesterday, police were called to
a residence in response to an emergency call.
The victim was identified as Mr. Grant Barlow.
We're currently seeking a woman in her thirties
to assist with our inquiry.
Kelly: That's the case that you're working on, John.
Major: Working? I'm leading the inquiry.
Dennett: But be assured our best officers
are working around the clock on this.
Kelly: Shouldn't you be sitting in that chair?
Major: This is the only chair for me.
Kelly: 39 missed calls. Major: I know.
That's why I put it on silent.
Kelly: My God, John, you need to get to work.
Get up, you need to work!
Major: W-we haven't had pudding!
[Beep] Man on radio: All units, Code 2.
Murder suspect Rebecca Barlow's phone has been located.
Circulating coordinates.
Carver: D.I. Carver on the way.
Carver: Mrs. Barlow?
Mrs. Barlow: No.
Carver: Funny. That's the name on your card.
Getting cash for the weekend?
Mrs. Barlow: That's right. Voice of ATM: Please take your
1.5 million Colombian pesos.
Carver: Want to follow me? Mrs. Barlow: Yeah.
Carver: Not gonna run away? Mrs. Barlow: No.
Carver: Mrs. Barlow, you don't seem very upset
about the death of your husband.
Why is that?
Major: Sorry I'm late. I miss much?
Carver: For the benefit of the tape,
D.I. Major has entered the interview room.
Mrs. Barlow, I'd like to show you something.
The scene of your husband's death.
Major: How about this one?
Me and my wife Kelly in Santorini.
I don't know if you've been there, but I have to say,
it is stunning.
And this is us at Wagamama.
Not a special occasion, but it's one of my favorite--
Carver: D.I. Major, I think we should focus
on the murder investigation.
Major: Well, I just thought some photos of a loving relationship
might provoke a reaction. Fine.
We'll do it your way, Roy. [Scoffs]
Carver: How were things between you?
Would you say it was a happy marriage?
Major: Well, we've had our ups and downs, Roy,
but so does everyone.
One thing I will say, though, is--
Carver: I was talking to Mrs. Barlow.
Major: Sorry. 'Course you were.
Carver: What was you gonna say, though?
Major: What? Carver: You said, "One thing I will say."
Major: Well, it's just that I've realized
that the key to a happy marriage is devotion.
Total focus on the other person, you know?
Carver: Some people would say independence is important.
Spending time apart.
Mrs. Barlow: Oh, I think he's romantic.
Go home. Be with your wife.
Major: You think? Mrs. Barlow: Yeah.
Carver: Don't listen to her.
She's just clubbed her husband to death.
Mrs. Barlow: Uh, I didn't.
Major: With all due respect, Roy,
she's been married. You haven't.
Carver: Oh, like you, who had
a very rocky marriage, actually.
Major: Which is exactly why I'm devoting myself to Kelly now.
Carver: And forgetting everything else?
Mate, they're gonna switch it off.
I've read the report.
This is serious!
Major: Look, if they're gonna switch me off,
all I wanna do with the time that I've got
is be with my wife.
For the benefit of the tape, D.I. Carver is shaking his head.
Carver: Fine! If that's what you want.
Give up. I'm sure I'll manage without you.
So will Kelly.
Major: What's that supposed to mean?
Carver: Well, she found a shoulder to cry on
last time you died.
I'm sure she's still got that fella's number.
Major: Why are you being such an asshole?
Carver: To make you face the truth.
Look, you can either roll over and die
or you can do your job.
Crack this case, nail Gilbert and Ryle,
and show those bastards on the committee
that you're worth saving!
Major: So, Mrs. Barlow,
where were you when your husband was murdered?
Take as long as you like.
We're not going anywhere.
[Blows into balloon]
I knew it would be worth it in the end.
Carver: But she didn't tell us anything.
Major: No, but I did make this smashing
balloon octopus for Kelly.
Carver: Lovely. You can give it to her tomorrow.
Major: Eh?
Carver: We've got a date tonight, remember?
Ryle: I've never been computer dating. Have you?
Gilbert: Yeah, a few times.
Carver: No, he's not a computer. Ryle: That's all right.
It's not a date.
Gilbert: Go on, then, Robocop.
Ryle: We've done that one already.
Gilbert: Sorry. Robocop 2.
[Gilbert and Ryle laugh]
Major: We have to do this.
Carver: We need evidence. So, be nice
and don't rise to the insults.
Gilbert: 3 pints of lager and a can of
WD-40, please, barman.
[Ryle laughs] [Major squeezes balloon octopus]
Carver: Be nice.
We'll get them pissed and maybe they'll put up.
Major: Roger that.
Man: Cheers. Gilbert: Cheers.
[Imitating robot] Like a robot.
Major: Here we go. Cheers.
One more? One more?
Gilbert and Ryle: Uhh!
Major: How are you getting on with the case?
Gilbert: There's things that I know about
that you would not believe.
Major: Yeah. What things?
Ryle: Things you wouldn't even think about.
Major: Keep drinking. There you go, there you go.
...you've had enough, you've had enough.
[Ball hits floor] [Gilbert crying]
Carver: Was a waste of time.
Major: D.I. Gilbert told us a lot.
Carver: Yeah, about his awful divorce
and living with his mum and no one loves him
apart from his cat.
Major: So, I asked him the cat's name.
Carver: Why? Major: Because I bet you
any money that's his computer password.
And that's gonna give us all the evidence we need
that they're bent as a bottle of nine bob notes.
Carver: Do you think he'd be that stupid?
Let's try.
Major: Ahh.
What was it now? Began with a "B," I think.
Carver: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Major: Billy. [Keyboard keys clacking]
Bertie? [Keyboard keys clacking]
Hang on.
[Carver mumbling] [Major dialing phone]
[Line ringing]
Woman: Hello? Major: Hello, Mrs. Gilbert.
I'm so sorry to wake you.
This is D.I. Major here from Simon's work.
Mrs. Gilbert: Oh, hello, there. How are you?
Major: Very good, thanks. How are you?
Mrs. Gilbert: Yes, pretty well, thank you.
Major: Excellent. I was just wondering--
what's his cat called?
Mrs. Gilbert: Uh, Humphrey.
Major: Humphrey! I was way off.
Thanks, Mrs. Gilbert. Sleep tight.
Mrs. Gilbert: All right. Bye. [Major hangs up phone]
Ahh. [Keyboard keys clacking]
No, that's not it. Cat's birthday? I'll ring her back.
Carver: Leave it. We'll get Parfit to hack it.
Major: OK. [Hangs up phone]
[Sighs] I'll ring Kelly
and tell her I'll be back late.
Or do you think she'll be asleep?
Carver: Yeah. I mean, I don't know, do I?
Major: Maybe I should text. I don't know. What do you think?
Carver: Look, she's your wife.
Why do you keep asking me?
Major: Well, sorry, Roy, I just--
My way of trying to be a better man
is to keep asking myself, "What would Roy do?"
Carver: Go home.
Major: But we're working round the clock.
Carver: Go on. Your wife's waiting for you.
You've done enough for today.
Major: All right.
Hopefully, I'll get a bit of action. Ha!
See you tomorrow.
[Carver sighs]
Thank you.
I need you to hack a computer.
Parfit: What am I? I.T. support?
Carver: Yeah.
Parfit: I'm a little busy right now.
Carver: Parfit, we're desperate.
Parfit: Really? So you haven't solved
all the world's crimes and rooted out
its corrupt cops?
Quelle surprise.
Carver: Look, Major's fucked,
so, why don't you do something?
Parfit: I have.
To convince the committee,
we have to show them a supercop, right?
Meet John Major, version 3.0.
You're welcome.
Major: Kel? Kelly: I'm in here.
Major: Ohh.
I am so sorry.
Kelly: It's fine. Don't worry about it.
Major: No, no, no, it's not fine.
All right? I said I'd be here.
I said I'd cook. Look at me.
4 hours late, smelling of booze.
Kelly: Wine? You're on a murder case.
You have to stay late.
[Clattering] Major: You sound like Roy.
Kelly: Huh? What do you mean?
Major: Just until now, he's been telling me,
"Don't go home, stay and work,
put your marriage on hold."
Kelly: Roy told you to stay and work, did he?
Major: He's such a good mate.
[Kelly chuckles] You think.
[Cell phone ringing] Speak of the devil.
Roy. What do you want?
Carver: I need him back at SIU. Right now.
Well, he's only just sat down for his tea, so, um...
Carver: Kelly, trust me on this.
It's for his own good.
Kelly: He needs you back at work.
Major: Cheers, Roy.
[Sigh]
Carver: I'm getting a feeling of deja vu here.
Parfit: This time's different.
Carver: Why? Because this time it'll work?
Parfit: Because this time we've got nothing to lose.
I've been cautious until now
so as not to damage him.
This time, I've thrown everything at him--
speed, memory, processing power.
It'll either blow his brains up
or make him significantly less...shit.
Major: Who set me up? Give me a name!
Man: Juggler.
Major: I'm the best cop in the unit, mate.
They had to bring me back.
Holy shit of Jesus.
Who did this to you?
Carver: The Juggler? Man: Juggler.
[Carver screams indistinctly]
Man: Uhh! [Truck's horn honking]
[Puppies whimpering, barking]
[Beeping]
Major: I know everything.
I also made you this. It's a snake.
Carver: Jesus Christ, John, you never said you had a gun.
Kelly: Do you think that John knows about Roy and I?
Man: I'm just a low-level drug dealer.
Carver: Oh, fuck off.
Woman: I could have you deported back to Disneyland
before you can say Golden Grahams.
Major: I'm covering you, Roy!
Carver: No! I'm covering you!
Major: Someone's coming. Carver: John, who is it?
Major: Surprise, surprise.