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Hi, I'm Garrett Modi,
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and I'm running to be
your next city councilor.
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My parents moved to Sunnyside,
Queens, with one dream:
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to raise their kids in the
greatest country on Earth
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in the greatest city on Earth.
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You know, it wasn't easy,
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but the people of this
community supported them.
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And as your next city councilor,
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I promise to work as hard
for you and your family
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as you did for me and mine.
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So let's get to work.
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_
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Diana, what's up?
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Uh, it's been a week.
This is my office now.
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Diana, I appreciate your passion,
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and I congratulate you on a
hard-fought race to replace me.
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You should be very proud of
what you've accomplished.
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But, you know, the thing
is gonna blow over.
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The council voted to
remove you unanimously.
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Unanimously, what does that even mean?
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Okay, I've asked you
several times to pack up,
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and now somehow, there's
even more stuff he...
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- Garrett, are you living here?
- Absolutely not.
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Is this your shower caddy
I found in the bathroom?
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Yes, thank you. I was looking for that.
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There's not even a shower in there.
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With the right attitude, any place
with running water is a shower.
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Can I tell you something?
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When you first got
elected, I was so excited.
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I thought, "Finally, a
young person in office
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who's going to make a difference."
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Then you spent 15 years
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partying with Wall Street
douchebags and D-list celebrities
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instead of, I don't know,
doing your actual job.
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I did stuff. I once brought
Elon Musk to Sunnyside,
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and he almost agreed to dig one of
those tunnels no one wants here.
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Wow, really?
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Yes.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Councilman.
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Hey, sis. Little help?
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Nah.
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So the girlfriend kicked
you out of the apartment,
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and then the new councilwoman
kicked you out of the office?
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Double kick out?
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Yeah, but the girlfriend one was mutual.
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Really?
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Yeah. We mutually agreed that
I'd move out of our place
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or she'd beat me up.
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She'll come around.
I just need to talk to her.
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Huh, I can see why you would think that.
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What's that supposed to mean?
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Talking is the only thing you've
ever been truly great at.
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Dude, when you were eight,
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you convinced me to
give you the top bunk.
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I won the coin toss. Bottom bunk sucks!
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- You loved it.
- What are you doing here, man?
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Why don't you just go
stay with Mom and Dad?
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Because a guy my age living
with his parents is pathetic,
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but a guy my age living with his sister,
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slightly less pathetic.
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Besides, it's only temporary.
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I have a five-step path to redemption.
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Step one: lie low, okay?
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People will eventually
forget about the thing.
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Step two: get a job, save some money,
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make some powerful connections.
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Haven't figured out steps
three and four yet.
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Step five: get reelected.
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America loves a good
political comeback story.
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Counterpoint: Richard Nixon,
Eliot Spitzer, Anthony Weiner,
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Anthony Weiner again.
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Man, he really did do it again.
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- That guy cannot help himself.
- It's bonkers.
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Don't send pictures of
your wiener to people...
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Especially if your name is Weiner!
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Isn't this great?
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You and me living together this week,
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why don't we just call it a
year, a year and a half?
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Oh, my God, you don't have any money.
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- Completely broke, yes.
- How is that possible?
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Because all my savings are
tied up in my investments.
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Jet Skis are not investments.
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I can't even tell you how
stupid you sound right now.
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Get a job, and don't mess up my office.
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- Coin toss for your bedroom?
- No!
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_
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Please step to the shoulder.
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What seems to be the problem, officer?
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- Can I see some ID?
- Bro, you don't know who I am?
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I know who you are.
You're on the city council.
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More like I am the city council, dude.
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It's just me and a bunch of duds.
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There's a couple of full-on sex creeps
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in there too, if I'm
being perfectly honest.
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- Sir...
- After a few more years
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with those idiots, I'ma
run for Congress, win,
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then I'm gonna run for governor, win,
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then I'm gonna be president, baby.
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Okay, you're definitely
under arrest now.
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No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
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Officer, officer, officer.
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If you let me go, I'll...
I'll give you $10,000.
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- Sir, you don't want to do this.
- $100,000.
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- Bribing an officer is a felony.
- You drive a hard bargain,
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and I respect the hell out of that.
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- Million bucks.
- Sir...
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- Ten million.
- Sir...
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Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
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One billion dollars.
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We got a deal?
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- Oh.
- Thank you.
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- Thank you so much.
- Yeah.
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- States now...
- Oh, there he is.
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- Yo.
- So, listen,
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it's 50 bucks an hour each up front.
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I will not actually puke on you.
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There's no nudity of any kind.
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Pictures are $20. T-shirts are $30...
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No, dude, we don't want any of that.
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Uh, we need your help.
We're trying to become citizens.
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Citizens? You seem
pretty American to me.
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Yeah, dude, no crap,
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because, like, I am American,
or, like, I thought I was.
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Then I went to get my driver's license,
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find out that my mom brought
me over here when I was two,
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overstayed her visa, never told me.
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Now I gotta take, like,
some dumb history test
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just so I don't get
sent back to Moldova.
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Where even is Moldova?
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I don't know, man.
What do I look like, a book?
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This is our little study group.
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That's Griselda.
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She's Dominican, and she's, like, old.
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That's Hakim. He's a nerd from Ethiopia.
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Mei Lin and Jun Ho,
they're rich as hell,
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but they won't actually
say where they're from.
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Yeah, technically our dad now
lives in international waters.
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He means we have no knowledge
of his current whereabouts.
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For the last few weeks, we
were all taking a class
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that was helping us with the
test and the paperwork,
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but it all shut down when
somebody bought the building.
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Yeah, it's getting turned into
one of those shared work spaces.
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It's like, ew.
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Yeah, seems like everything's
getting turned into one of those.
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No, I mean like, "Ew, work and share."
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Point is, it's like impossible
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to get into a new class.
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They're all booked, and the
wait lists are super long so...
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Damn it, damn it, Drazen.
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- No, not now.
- Is good, eh?
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- No, that music sucks.
- Number one in Romania.
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Okay, that added nothing.
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Ah, is this the man who will help,
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the man with the vomit? He will save us.
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It was a great idea, brother.
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- Great idea.
- We're not brothers. Ow.
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We are Moldovans. We are countrymen.
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You and I are the same, Bojan.
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My name is Brady now, and
we are not the same.
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I'm awesome; you use the
word disco as a verb.
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Ah, you want to disco?
Let's go disco right now.
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Guys, guys. I... I don't know
if you know this or not,
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but I'm temporarily out of office.
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Ah, we know, and it's not temporary.
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- You're done, baby.
- It's a matter of opinion.
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We need a teacher and we
need a place to study
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and we need you to call
someone to make that happen,
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preferably someone who has
not humiliated himself
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as flagrantly as you have.
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Or you could just make us citizens.
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Actually, a city councilor can't
just make someone a citizen.
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Ugh, whatever, just do it.
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Please, please. We're just asking
you to make one phone call.
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You can convince anyone to do anything.
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I once saw you give a speech
at the opening of Wahlburgers
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down on Northern Boulevard.
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It almost made me want to eat there.
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Okay, I'll give it a shot.
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Hey there, I'm calling
for Councilman Webber?
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This is Garrett Modi.
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Sorry, go what myself?
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That's what I thought.
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Ah, bad connection. I'll...
I'll try somebody else.
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- Service...
- Call somebody else...
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Hi, Garrett Modi for Councilwoman Barea?
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Garrett Modi.
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Hmm, tell him to go get hit by a truck,
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and then hang up on him.
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- Well, she wasn't in.
- Oh, that's okay.
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Call somebody else.
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Uh, sure. Uh...
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Yeah.
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Councilman!
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Hey, listen, uh, I've got this
fantastic group of people
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who need some help with their
citizenship applications.
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What the hell are you
talking about, Garrett?
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I'm at work.
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You will? Hey, that's fantastic.
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Okay, look forward to hearing from you.
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He'll be in touch.
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Oh!
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- Thank you. Thank you so much, man.
- That's great.
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What is the difference between
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the Department of Agriculture
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and the Department of the Interior?
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Guys, as much fun as it is doing
homework as grown adults,
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I have to say, when I
said ask me anything,
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I kinda meant like who's
the coolest celebrity
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you ever made out with,
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not how many amendments
does the Constitution have.
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Too bad. Until your friends call back,
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this is what we're paying you for.
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It was Rihanna's cousin, if,
uh, anybody was wondering.
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I, uh, made out with Rihanna's cousin.
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Um, we have a proposition for you.
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We pay you to take the test for us.
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Pretty sure that's illegal,
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but, also, how would that even work?
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I look nothing like either of you.
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Oh, no, no, no, it's fine.
Our dad, he has this guy.
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He can make anybody look like anybody.
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He's like Picasso with a scalpel.
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Yeah, nobody wants to
look like a Picasso,
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so I'm gonna go ahead
and say no to that one.
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- Griselda, you're up.
- Yep.
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Oh, wow, I thought you worked at FedEx.
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I do, in the day. At night, I work here.
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- Wow, two jobs.
- Kind of. In the morning,
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- I deliver newspapers...
- Oh.
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Then I go teach a Zumba
class at 7:00 before work.
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- At FedEx?
- No, at my paralegal job.
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Then I go over to the Genius Bar
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00:09:07,250 --> 00:09:08,919
and I fix a couple of
iPhones for a few hours,
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then FedEx. Let me get you a refill.
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This is a lot of stuff to learn.
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Dude, this is the easy part.
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You know how much crap we had
to deal with just to get here?
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You have to maintain
residence for five years,
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assuming you can find a
job and a place to live,
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00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:24,079
and the rent in New York
makes the rent in Mekelle
249
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:25,941
look like Aleta Wendo.
250
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,279
Where I'm from, that's a
very trenchant observation.
251
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,449
It kills.
252
00:09:31,450 --> 00:09:33,539
And you're suppose to
keep a clean record,
253
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,909
- which is, like, why?
- Gonna move?
254
00:09:35,910 --> 00:09:37,039
Gotta fill out an AR-11.
255
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:38,909
Traveling? That's an I-131.
256
00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:40,579
Oh, and who knows?
Maybe while you're visiting
257
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,271
your sick grandmother,
they might just decide
258
00:09:42,272 --> 00:09:43,559
that no one from your country
259
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:44,879
is allowed in anymore and...
260
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,779
Damn it, Drazen, not now!
261
00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,549
Actually, let's go with never.
262
00:09:48,550 --> 00:09:51,215
Never play what you consider music.
263
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:53,809
Oh, my God, guys, I'm sorry,
but your hour's almost up
264
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:57,460
and they... they haven't called
back, so, uh, good luck.
265
00:09:57,470 --> 00:09:59,609
Wait, so you're just gonna leave?
266
00:09:59,610 --> 00:10:01,359
We were gonna hire you
for the whole week,
267
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,269
and now we have to start over?
268
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,439
I'm sorry, did you say for the week?
269
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,439
That's like 15,000 bucks.
270
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,119
Something about the way you said that
271
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,559
makes me feel like you think
that's a lot of money.
272
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,889
Oh, my God.
273
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:15,573
Do you think that's a lot of money?
274
00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:19,827
Here, take whatever
this is. It smells weird.
275
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:23,899
Yo, guess what, Mal?
276
00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:26,379
I'm already at step two
of my plan. I got a job,
277
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,749
and this one does not
involve humiliating myself.
278
00:10:28,750 --> 00:10:30,088
- What's the job?
- Well, this group of people
279
00:10:30,089 --> 00:10:31,619
wants me to help them become citizens.
280
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:33,379
Do you know anything about
how to become a citizen?
281
00:10:33,380 --> 00:10:35,779
I do not, but I'll be,
like, the cool teacher,
282
00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:37,199
you know, take some field trips,
283
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,929
do that thing where you
sit in a chair backwards,
284
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,439
maybe get a cool leather jacket.
285
00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:43,509
Plus check this out: I am getting paid.
286
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,959
I can hire a PR team.
287
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,359
Can you imagine how good it's gonna look
288
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,499
for my reelection campaign
289
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,569
if it gets out that I've been
helping these poor people
290
00:10:49,570 --> 00:10:50,599
out of the goodness of my heart?
291
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,619
Except you're very
clearly not helping them
292
00:10:52,620 --> 00:10:53,899
out of the goodness of your heart.
293
00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:56,197
You're doing it for your
reelection campaign.
294
00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,741
That's a really good point. I should
talk to my PR team about that.
295
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:02,199
And if you have cash now,
you can pay me rent.
296
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,059
And I will do that, Mal,
just as soon as I take care
297
00:11:05,060 --> 00:11:06,957
of some very pressing
financial obligations.
298
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,542
I promise you, once I'm solvent again,
299
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:10,124
everything I have is yours.
300
00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:11,546
Are those new Jordans?
301
00:11:12,820 --> 00:11:14,959
You're the best, Mal. Bye.
302
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,499
Ha-ha.
303
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:19,178
N-336 form finished.
304
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,264
Now you haven't done your N-400 yet.
305
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:24,476
But 336 is before 400.
Why does 400 go first?
306
00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:26,760
I don't know, okay?
307
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:28,438
I shouldn't have to know any of this.
308
00:11:28,439 --> 00:11:30,279
- I'm American.
- Nah.
309
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,524
You're Moldovan, like me.
310
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,309
Stop. Can you just give a normal hug?
311
00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:35,903
It always feels like
you're trying to peel me.
312
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,899
Why can't this be like high school?
313
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:39,760
Whenever we had trouble,
our dad would just have
314
00:11:39,770 --> 00:11:41,519
one little conversation
with our teacher,
315
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:42,952
and we'd get all "A"s.
316
00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:44,989
- He bribed them?
- Hakim, I wouldn't call
317
00:11:44,990 --> 00:11:47,413
getting your family
back a bribe, but sure.
318
00:11:47,414 --> 00:11:50,699
Yo, guys, it's becoming clear
your dad is a legit supervillain.
319
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,139
Okay, I'm gonna plead
the third on that one.
320
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:54,319
The Third Amendment prohibits
321
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,881
the quartering of soldiers
in private homes.
322
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,379
Okay, I... I don't know which one
323
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:58,819
that I'm pleading to then, all right?
324
00:11:58,820 --> 00:12:01,479
I don't understand why everyone
expects me to learn things now.
325
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,339
It's not my brand, okay? It's not fair!
326
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,469
Hey, guys, guys.
327
00:12:05,470 --> 00:12:06,999
I understand you're getting
stressed out, okay.
328
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,759
I think, what it is is,
you're a little too focused
329
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,145
on what you have to know.
330
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,773
Being American is just as
much about how it feels.
331
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,109
Grab your stuff. We're
gonna take a field trip.
332
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,759
Drazen, you can't take
that much relish, man.
333
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:26,889
It's free.
334
00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:29,829
If they don't want me to take
it, it should cost money.
335
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,080
Hey, why did you bring us here?
336
00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,583
What does this place have to do with us?
337
00:12:32,584 --> 00:12:34,479
Are you kidding me? Look
at those guys out there.
338
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,119
You got immigrants from everywhere:
339
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,092
uh, Dominican Republic, South
Korea, Cuba, Puerto Rico.
340
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,465
Uh, Puerto Rico is in the U.S.
341
00:12:41,466 --> 00:12:42,959
Yeah, I know. That was a test.
342
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,096
Only Hakim passed.
343
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,199
You know, one of the things
that makes baseball so cool
344
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,260
is that it's always been
an immigrant's sport.
345
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,919
Did you know that 30%
of all major leaguers
346
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,229
were born outside the U.S.?
347
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,772
I'm talking guys like Ichiro Suzuki,
348
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,229
Miguel Cabrera, Albert Pujols.
349
00:12:56,230 --> 00:12:58,819
How much worse would the
game be without those guys?
350
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,679
How much worse would America
be without all the people
351
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,139
who came here from all over the world
352
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:05,699
and brought their history
and culture with them?
353
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:08,412
You know, they say that this
country is a melting pot.
354
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:12,869
I say nowhere is that more
clear than out there.
355
00:13:12,870 --> 00:13:15,079
Sit down, idiot!
356
00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:17,199
Right. Is that actually
why you took us here,
357
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,809
or did you just want to see a game
358
00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:19,849
and then we called you on it
359
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:22,049
and you pulled all that
out of your ass just now?
360
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,059
Little of A, a little of B,
361
00:13:23,060 --> 00:13:24,879
but you have to admit I did
make some pretty good points.
362
00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:27,889
Ah, you did. You did. And
thank you for bringing us.
363
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:31,080
It's been inspiring just being here.
364
00:13:31,090 --> 00:13:33,562
Well, back to work.
365
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:36,858
Soda! Soda here!
366
00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:41,840
So this must be quite a change,
367
00:13:41,850 --> 00:13:44,073
- Ethiopia to New York City.
- I guess so.
368
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,569
I'm not making as much money
as I used to, but that's okay.
369
00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:48,299
Wait, what? What were
you doing in Ethiopia?
370
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,529
I was a cardiothoracic surgeon.
371
00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:52,740
Yeah, but then I won a
green card lottery,
372
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,479
and this was my chance
to come to America.
373
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:55,542
I had to take it.
374
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:57,961
If you're a doctor, how
come you're driving a cab?
375
00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,249
Can't get certified yet.
376
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:02,217
Citizenship should help, but it
will still take a few years.
377
00:14:02,218 --> 00:14:04,180
Can I... can I ask... uh, uh,
378
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:07,080
I mean, you had a nice life in Ethiopia.
379
00:14:07,090 --> 00:14:08,840
Why not just stay?
380
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:12,017
Because America is the best.
Here, anything is possible.
381
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:15,039
Eh, so what I have to fill out
some papers, drive a cab,
382
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,620
leave my Jet Ski back home.
383
00:14:16,630 --> 00:14:17,959
You have a Jet Ski? I have a Jet Ski.
384
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,259
Hey, Jet Ski buddies.
385
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:21,160
Oh, man, that sucks you
had to give that up.
386
00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:22,736
No, it's worth it.
387
00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:24,780
I'm here because I love America
388
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:27,279
and I want to be a part of it.
389
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:28,535
We all do.
390
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:32,689
That's really awesome, man.
Thanks for the ride.
391
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:35,359
Hey, uh, America is great,
and anything is possible,
392
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,378
et cetera, et cetera, but only if
you pay people for their work.
393
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,130
Yeah.
394
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,631
You owe me $27.50.
395
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,758
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah.
396
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:49,460
Hey, what's up, y'all?
Who's ready to learn?
397
00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:50,859
Hey, I stayed up late last night,
398
00:14:50,860 --> 00:14:53,475
watched a bunch of YouTube
videos about American history,
399
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,969
somehow ended up watching, like,
400
00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:57,119
three hours of people unboxing LEGOs,
401
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,649
which is weird 'cause I
don't even like LEGOs.
402
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:01,860
What's wrong?
403
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,689
They took Drazen.
404
00:15:04,690 --> 00:15:07,059
- What? Who did?
- Immigration.
405
00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:08,619
What are you talking about?
He has a green card.
406
00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:10,399
Well, I guess he messed up
something on his paperwork
407
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,989
or something, and that's
enough sometimes.
408
00:15:12,990 --> 00:15:15,279
God, he was so bad at that crap.
409
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,290
This blows.
410
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:18,419
Can you call one of your
city council people
411
00:15:18,420 --> 00:15:20,870
and at least figure out
where they're holding him?
412
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:22,199
I doubt it. They're not
gonna take my calls.
413
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,740
They haven't spoken to me in months.
414
00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:27,109
Wait, I'm sorry, I... I thought you said
415
00:15:27,110 --> 00:15:28,499
someone was going to help us.
416
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,749
I, uh, I did say that, um...
417
00:15:31,750 --> 00:15:33,391
and, uh, and that was a lie
418
00:15:33,392 --> 00:15:34,779
and that was a crappy thing to do.
419
00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:35,959
But, look, the... the truth is,
420
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:37,579
even if I had gotten through to them,
421
00:15:37,580 --> 00:15:39,219
politicians don't spend their days
422
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,980
trying to figure out how
to help people like you.
423
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,299
But Hakim and I had
a... wait, wait, wait.
424
00:15:42,300 --> 00:15:43,983
Hakim and I had a great
conversation last night.
425
00:15:43,984 --> 00:15:45,640
We had a good talk.
I really want to help you.
426
00:15:45,650 --> 00:15:47,905
Yeah, well, I don't think
we need your help anymore.
427
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:58,119
One billion dollars. We got a deal?
428
00:15:58,120 --> 00:15:59,580
Please step to the shoulder.
429
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,889
What seems to be the problem, officer?
430
00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:04,129
If you watch it too much,
it gets less funny,
431
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,839
but then if you keep watching it,
432
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,959
it comes all the way back
around the other side
433
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,427
and it gets really funny again.
434
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:11,969
Mal, you know those
people I was helping?
435
00:16:11,970 --> 00:16:13,869
One of them got taken by ICE last night.
436
00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:14,891
Can you believe that?
437
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:18,009
I mean, that's awful, but,
yeah, I can believe it.
438
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,509
Well, Drazen was doing everything right.
439
00:16:19,510 --> 00:16:21,139
The guy had a green card.
It's messed up.
440
00:16:21,140 --> 00:16:24,059
Yeah, it is, and it's
been happening for years.
441
00:16:24,060 --> 00:16:25,619
I mean, maybe you could've
done something about it
442
00:16:25,620 --> 00:16:27,479
while you were in office
instead of partying
443
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:28,940
on Alec Baldwin's yacht.
444
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,619
It was Daniel Baldwin's catamaran.
445
00:16:30,620 --> 00:16:32,559
- I wish it was Alec's yacht.
- Gross!
446
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:33,919
You're right. I'm a screwup, right?
447
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,629
I should've just become
a doctor like you
448
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,259
and Mom and Dad and Falguni Auntie
449
00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,319
and Harendra Uncle and
Bipin Uncle and...
450
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:40,579
You know what? I'd rather be a cliché
451
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:43,219
than someone who's pretending
to be Mr. All-American.
452
00:16:43,220 --> 00:16:45,739
"Oh, look at me, I'm a politician.
453
00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:47,119
I played baseball."
454
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,909
You know why I played baseball?
455
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:50,133
'Cause I was good at it.
456
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:52,939
And when kids saw that I was good,
457
00:16:52,940 --> 00:16:54,979
they didn't bully me anymore.
458
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,449
They didn't see me as different.
459
00:16:56,450 --> 00:16:57,969
They accepted me.
460
00:16:57,970 --> 00:16:59,352
_
461
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,770
_
462
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:05,107
Okay, so this guy got taken.
What are you gonna do about it?
463
00:17:05,108 --> 00:17:07,899
I mean, nothing. What can I do about it?
464
00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,389
Of course.
465
00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:11,655
Things got hard, and so
you're bailing again.
466
00:17:11,656 --> 00:17:13,059
So is that step three or step four
467
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,730
of your five-step plan?
468
00:17:21,770 --> 00:17:22,909
I'm Garrett Modi,
469
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:25,877
and I'm running to be
your next city councilor.
470
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:28,839
My parents moved to Sunnyside,
Queens, with one dream:
471
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:31,466
to raise their kids in the
greatest country on Earth
472
00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:33,420
in the greatest city on Earth.
473
00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:36,847
New plan.
474
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,919
A-ha! I found you!
475
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:45,129
Wait, before you say anything.
476
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:47,219
I'm sorry, okay? I really messed up.
477
00:17:47,220 --> 00:17:49,699
I'm sorry for lying to you.
I'm sorry for being a dick.
478
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:51,739
Although, you know, lying
about your credentials
479
00:17:51,740 --> 00:17:53,659
and putting your own
happiness above other people
480
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,709
really is one of the most
American things you can do,
481
00:17:55,710 --> 00:17:57,319
so I guess that's another
lesson you learned from me,
482
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,940
and you're welcome. But my point is,
483
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,579
I want to make it up to you.
484
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,979
How many taxi cabs did you jump into
485
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:03,999
before you found me?
486
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:07,085
A lot. There are a lot of really
angry cab drivers out there.
487
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,503
So what do you say, man,
488
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:10,649
help me get everybody back together?
489
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:11,674
Let's go.
490
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,261
So we call this the Electoral College.
491
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,459
It's one college that does
not have a football team.
492
00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:22,499
Oh, what are you even talking about?
493
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,179
Look, I told you, I'm
more of a science guy.
494
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:26,189
Hey, guys.
495
00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:27,819
Hi, I know you're really
pissed at me, okay?
496
00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:29,579
But I think I can help you and Drazen.
497
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:31,399
- Will you come with me?
- Oh, thank God.
498
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,860
- Bill Nye sucks.
- He's so boring.
499
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:37,199
Be less boring.
500
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:39,242
Hey, am I still gonna get paid?
501
00:18:42,220 --> 00:18:43,640
Hey, Brady. Come with us.
502
00:18:43,650 --> 00:18:44,872
We're getting the gang back together.
503
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:45,958
What? These aren't my glasses.
504
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,251
- I wear 'em as a joke.
- Come with us.
505
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,545
You guys cool with this?
506
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,549
Hmm.
507
00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:51,640
- Sweet.
- Great.
508
00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:52,819
Now we just need to find Griselda.
509
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,700
I'm right here.
510
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,886
I'm almost on my lunch break.
Where are we going?
511
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:00,699
- Hey.
- Oh, come on.
512
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,259
No, I want to apologize.
513
00:19:02,260 --> 00:19:03,399
You know, I got to sit at that desk
514
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,560
basically because I was good at talking.
515
00:19:05,561 --> 00:19:06,999
I talked this city into electing me,
516
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,460
and then I never did anything.
517
00:19:08,470 --> 00:19:09,859
You're not gonna make that mistake.
518
00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:11,599
You're obviously gonna be a
way better city councilor
519
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:12,693
than I ever was.
520
00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:14,654
I mean, that's a pretty low bar.
521
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,379
Harsh but fair.
522
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:18,589
What I'm trying to say
is, I'm sick of talking.
523
00:19:18,590 --> 00:19:20,439
I want to start doing.
524
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,579
Their friend Drazen got
taken by ICE last night.
525
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:24,740
Can you help us find him?
526
00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:27,359
I can try,
527
00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:30,002
but they don't allow anyone
into those facilities.
528
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,659
- I'll see what I can do.
- Oh, also, President Lady,
529
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,299
we need to get into a citizenship class.
530
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,659
- They're all booked.
- Actually, guys,
531
00:19:37,660 --> 00:19:39,299
that part I think I have covered.
532
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,359
You know, when you're born in America,
533
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,932
you never really have to
learn how lucky you are.
534
00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,249
I don't want to take that
for granted anymore.
535
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:47,934
If you'll have me as your teacher,
536
00:19:47,935 --> 00:19:49,379
I'll learn whatever I have to.
537
00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:51,189
I'll help you with the paperwork.
I'll help you study.
538
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:53,759
I'll know the Constitution
better than...
539
00:19:55,060 --> 00:19:56,520
The guy who wrote the Const...
540
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:57,549
- James Madison.
- James Madison.
541
00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:58,655
I said it at the same time as you.
542
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,615
I'll be with you every step of the way,
543
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:02,569
and we'll figure this
thing out together.
544
00:20:02,570 --> 00:20:04,899
Also, here's your money back,
545
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,969
minus a couple of hundred
in teaching expenses.
546
00:20:06,970 --> 00:20:08,791
Shoes count as teaching expenses.
547
00:20:08,792 --> 00:20:09,799
Can we come to you
548
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,295
if we ever need any help
navigating this process?
549
00:20:13,210 --> 00:20:15,797
Fine, but I'm only helping them.
550
00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:17,633
Also, for your information,
551
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,509
there were a lot of drugs
left in your desk.
552
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:22,387
Those days are behind me. You keep them.
553
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,889
I threw them away, you maniac.
554
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,019
C'mon, guys.
555
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,685
Here, this is used.
Do you have recycling?
556
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,199
All right, can anybody tell
me who Benjamin Franklin was?
557
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,799
Ooh. He's the guy on the hundred.
558
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,119
Those are my favorites.
559
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,529
Why does anyone use the other ones?
560
00:20:36,530 --> 00:20:39,039
- Okay, but what did he do?
- He flew a kite in a storm,
561
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:41,060
and that was smart, for some reason.
562
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,492
Yes, but that's not exactly
what I'm looking for.
563
00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,368
Ooh, is he Hamilton from Hamilton?
564
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,219
- That's Hamilton.
- Are you sure?
565
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:49,479
Yeah, I'm pretty sure Benjamin
Franklin isn't Hamilton.
566
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,079
Garrett, I've been in surgery all day.
567
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,479
You can't just let a bunch
of strangers into my house.
568
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:54,949
Okay, rude.
569
00:20:54,950 --> 00:20:58,889
First of all, it would only be
illegal if we were soldiers
570
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:01,499
and the government was forcing
you to house us here.
571
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,829
That's a little thing I like
to call the Third Amendment.
572
00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:05,931
Boom.
573
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,759
Jun Ho, you learned something.
574
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,999
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
575
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,369
I did. I'm amazing.
576
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,239
Am I the smartest person here?
577
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,019
What kind of surgery we talking about,
578
00:21:17,020 --> 00:21:19,189
arthroplasty, fasciectomy?
579
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:21,979
- Who are you?
- I'm Hakim.
580
00:21:21,980 --> 00:21:26,100
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