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00:00:01,393 --> 00:00:03,910
-♪ Look up there ♪
-♪ What do you see? ♪
2
00:00:04,063 --> 00:00:05,412
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
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00:00:05,564 --> 00:00:06,913
-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪
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♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪
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♪ Catch some fish ♪
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♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
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♪ Wow ♪
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♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
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00:00:20,929 --> 00:00:22,095
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
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♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
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♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪
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♪ In the Great North. ♪
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(yawns) Good morning.
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What? Oof. Sorry, everyone.
16
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I know I usually give you
a little more to work with
17
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at breakfast enthusiasm-wise,
18
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:44,376
but the darkest days
of the Alaskan winter
19
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make old Judy Tootie less fresh
and more moody than usual.
20
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Yes, 24 hours of near
total darkness have a way
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of wreaking havoc
on a person's mental state.
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But hey, that's the price we pay
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to live a life of hard work
in a hostile environment.
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Do you guys remember the sun?
25
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It was like a big,
dumb lamp in the sky
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you didn't have to turn on.
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Lady Daylight will return.
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At peak summer, it's only dark
for 45 minutes a day.
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Makes going to the drive-in
almost impossible.
30
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Well, at least during
the light days
31
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we don't have to worry about...
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(dramatically):
lumber zombies.
33
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-(Wolf cackles)
-Wolf, mmm.
34
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Do we have to hear
the lumber zombie story again?
35
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Yeah, it's scary,
and also probably
36
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just a dumb local legend.
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Uh, agree to disagree,
Jude-etee.
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I think you mean rad-ass,
local-true real thing
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that absolutely happened.
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It all started way back
in the 1800s...
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-Wolf, this story upsets...
-Not now, Ham!
I'm telling a story.
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See, the Lone Moose
Logging Company,
43
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tired of having to shut down
business during the dark days,
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devised an evil plan
to create a mindless workforce
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that could 'jack in total
darkness and never get tired.
46
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-Did you just shorten
lumberjack to 'jack?
-Yeah.
47
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They needed guys who could 'jack
from dusk till dawn.
48
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So they started doing
horrible experiments.
49
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,668
But they made one fatal mistake.
50
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They accidentally created
lumber zombies.
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And they were like, "You just
slapped the salmon, log boss,
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'cause I'm a zombie!"
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(growling)
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"No, get off of me!"
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"No, you get off!"
"Quit it!"
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"Argh, I'm gonna eat
your damn butt cheeks!"
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(sighs)
Well, y-you get it.
58
00:02:06,201 --> 00:02:07,960
And some say that lumber zombies
survive to this day,
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waiting for the darkest time
of the year,
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to emerge once again
and create more zombies.
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One minute you're minding
your own business,
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sucking on a snowball;
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next minute, you're jackin'
for all of eternity.
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Where's the proof?
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Well, all kinds of weird
stuff happens
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during the dark days--
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people going missing,
strange accidents,
68
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delivery orders get mixed up
and you get pad Thai
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for someone named "Jeft."
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It's got to be lumber zombies.
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00:02:28,891 --> 00:02:31,375
No. The strange stuff always has
a rational explanation.
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People are sleepy,
so they make mistakes.
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The constant darkness
causes them to feel detached
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and lose their grip on reality,
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but there's
a very simple solution:
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just don't do that.
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Maybe we should stop
talking about this.
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Sorry, Moon, I know the
lumber zombie story scares you.
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Not anymore.
That was when I was a kid.
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Now, if you'll excuse me,
81
00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:51,077
I have to go get my lucky
puffy penguin pencil topper
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because I have a test today.
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00:02:52,915 --> 00:02:54,915
I know Moon says
he's not scared,
84
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but keep an eye on him.
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You know what, Dad?
If it's all right with you,
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I'm gonna keep both eyes on him.
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In fact, you should all
keep an eye on each other,
88
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since today I undertake
a 24-hour rest
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00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:05,759
on the shortest day.
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Ah, yes, the Beef Sleep.
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A time where I allow
the body and mind to recuperate
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from working so hard
the rest of the year.
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I get it, it's like
when I drink a 5-hour Energy.
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After a very, very, very,
very, very fun five hours,
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-I'm unconscious for two days.
-Indeed.
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See you on the other side.
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At last,
my rejuvenation is at hand.
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00:03:24,430 --> 00:03:26,780
Now, to await
sleep's tender embra--
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(snoring)
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JUDY:
It's so foggy.
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This is ice fog.
102
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Early settlers called it
"white death,"
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which was also
what the Alaska natives
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called the early settlers.
105
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Well, have a good day
that looks like night.
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Don't let
the lumber zombies bite.
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-Aah!
-JUDY: It's okay, Moon.
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-It's only Debbie.
-I know.
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-I was just startled.
-Do you want us to sing you
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your super-brave boy
nighty-night song?
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Absolutely not.
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What do you want, Debbie?
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Oh, I've just been meaning
to tell you
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that your nostrils look
like two little fireplaces.
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Oh, it's so hard for him
to admit that he's freaked out.
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Sometimes it's hard for me
to admit
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I still haven't figured out
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the pronunciation of cinnamon.
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00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:06,319
Oh, my God, I got it!
I pronounced cimmanin--
120
00:04:06,472 --> 00:04:07,471
cimanin...
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00:04:07,489 --> 00:04:10,657
-Oh, no, it's gone.
-Kima! Wait up!
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(grunting nearby)
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♪ ♪
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Huh. Huh...
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Just a... ominous figure
in a threatening stance,
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disappearing into the fog
outside of school.
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(chuckles)
Nothing to worry about.
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-Lordy gordies!
-Uh-oh, what happened?
129
00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:27,991
Did we accidentally wash
a meatball again?
130
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No, it's Dad's favorite shirt.
131
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I just always get really excited
to see it in the wild.
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It's his oldest
and most revered T-shirt.
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Yeah, he won it
by eating 200 shrimp
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in a restaurant's
eating challenge.
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It's freaking hilarious.
136
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(chuckles):
Did you see the shrimp pimp?
137
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I saw it, and I hate it.
138
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You know what,
I'm gonna try it on.
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Oh, yeah.
Oh, there it is.
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Do I look like Dad?
141
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Ah! No, no, not the shirt!
142
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Oh, got to act fast!
Please come out.
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Please come out.
I need soap!
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00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:56,336
-(whirring)
-Oh, poo-poo on my pee-pee!
145
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Why?!
146
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Don't you die on me.
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00:05:01,951 --> 00:05:03,951
You hear me? Don't you do it!
148
00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:06,138
-No. No.
-I'm sorry, Wolf. He's gone.
149
00:05:06,365 --> 00:05:08,882
Oh, no. Dad's gonna quietly
say it's okay,
150
00:05:09,034 --> 00:05:10,550
but really he'll be devastated.
151
00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:12,978
I guess I should tender
my letter of resignation
152
00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:15,129
from the family.
(crying)
153
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:16,964
There is another option.
154
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No, I refuse to kill my father.
155
00:05:18,727 --> 00:05:21,711
Wolf, he won it in a
shrimp-eating challenge, right?
156
00:05:21,805 --> 00:05:23,155
-Yeah...
-At a restaurant?
157
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Yes! I know the shirt's
rich history, Honeybee.
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You don't have to remind me.
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00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,477
So why don't we just go there
and try to do the challenge?
160
00:05:29,571 --> 00:05:31,237
I bet one of us
will be able to do it.
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00:05:31,390 --> 00:05:33,481
I once stayed in a wax museum
for four days,
162
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,392
because I was convinced
it was the real Tom Hanks
163
00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:36,910
and I was waiting for him
to twitch.
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My point is,
I'm up for a challenge.
165
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You amaze me every day, my love.
166
00:05:44,069 --> 00:05:47,095
It's... all I've ever wanted.
167
00:05:54,413 --> 00:05:57,004
Uh, Judy, you don't think lumber
zombies could be real, right?
168
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,857
No, of course not. Why?
169
00:05:59,084 --> 00:06:00,433
Oh, I'm sure it's nothing,
170
00:06:00,586 --> 00:06:02,419
but I saw a weird guy lurching
around in the parking lot.
171
00:06:02,437 --> 00:06:05,197
You were probably
just imagining things. Wait.
172
00:06:05,348 --> 00:06:06,773
Where are Hannah and Gary?
173
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,182
I definitely saw both of them
174
00:06:08,276 --> 00:06:10,110
-in the hall this morning.
-You're right.
175
00:06:10,262 --> 00:06:12,037
Hannah had
her sequin scrunchie on,
176
00:06:12,264 --> 00:06:13,538
and it really caught my eye.
177
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:15,189
-It looks great on her...
-(Golovkin clears throat)
178
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,542
Is there a question
that I can help you with?
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Yes, actually.
Where are Hannah and Gary?
180
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Well, they're absent today,
Ms. Tobin,
181
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so I assume they're at home.
182
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But I know I saw them out front.
183
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:26,960
It's the dark days.
184
00:06:27,112 --> 00:06:28,220
People think they see
a lot of things.
185
00:06:28,371 --> 00:06:30,780
Plus, Hannah wears
a very popular scrunchie.
186
00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:32,449
Now get back to your reading.
187
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♪ ♪
188
00:06:34,395 --> 00:06:36,636
-Did you see that?
-See what?
189
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,045
Ham, Judy.
190
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,139
You may have come
from the same uterus,
191
00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,882
but now you take
separate quizzes.
192
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,734
Ham, look now.
193
00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:43,977
(shushing)
194
00:06:44,129 --> 00:06:45,645
-Shut it down.
-(groans)
195
00:06:45,797 --> 00:06:47,130
-(bell rings)
-Ham,
196
00:06:47,223 --> 00:06:48,573
when I was trying to get you
to look out the window,
197
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,243
it was because I think I saw
someone carrying a body.
198
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:53,060
-What if it was a...
-Zombie.
199
00:06:53,155 --> 00:06:55,080
Yeah. I'm a little creeped out.
200
00:06:55,231 --> 00:06:56,990
Should we maybe go check
on Moon?
201
00:06:57,142 --> 00:06:58,308
-Judy!
-Ooh!
-Aah!
202
00:06:58,326 --> 00:06:59,400
And Ham!
203
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,068
Just the two Tobins
I was looking for.
204
00:07:01,163 --> 00:07:03,313
(chuckles): Twobins?
Hey, that's fun to say.
205
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,090
Listen, you know we've got
standardized testing
206
00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:07,817
coming up next week,
and I've got a little experiment
207
00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:09,243
I'd like to talk to you about.
208
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,171
You're the perfect guinea pigs.
209
00:07:11,323 --> 00:07:12,822
Meet me in my office
after school?
210
00:07:12,916 --> 00:07:14,099
Yeah, let's do it.
211
00:07:14,292 --> 00:07:16,009
Oink, oink, Principal Gibbons.
212
00:07:16,161 --> 00:07:17,343
That's guinea pig for "I'm in."
213
00:07:17,496 --> 00:07:21,498
Great. And don't forget
to bring an open mind.
214
00:07:21,516 --> 00:07:22,682
♪ ♪
215
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,276
Moon! Oh, there you are.
216
00:07:24,427 --> 00:07:26,278
We've been looking all over
for you.
217
00:07:26,429 --> 00:07:28,095
'Cause you weren't
in your classroom.
218
00:07:28,190 --> 00:07:30,115
Yes, the teacher said we could
come to the library
219
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:31,616
to study for the test.
220
00:07:31,843 --> 00:07:33,343
Oh, of course. Yeah.
221
00:07:33,436 --> 00:07:36,103
We weren't worried that zombies
took you or something.
222
00:07:36,198 --> 00:07:37,789
Oh, you mean lumber zombies?
223
00:07:37,941 --> 00:07:39,516
I'm definitely on the lookout
for them.
224
00:07:39,534 --> 00:07:42,202
My mom's boyfriend Jamie told me
about lumber zombies.
225
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,871
And I said,
"You're not my dad, Jamie,
226
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,856
but boy, I wish you were."
227
00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:48,041
Yeah, they're terrifying.
228
00:07:48,193 --> 00:07:49,209
Wait, why are we
talking about this?
229
00:07:49,361 --> 00:07:50,877
You didn't see
anything weird, did you?
230
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,430
-BOY (raspingly): I did.
-(all scream)
231
00:07:57,536 --> 00:07:59,177
-Who said that? Who's there?
-It's me.
232
00:07:59,329 --> 00:08:01,813
(coughs)
Sorry, it's me, Gill Beavers.
233
00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:02,981
I had a tickle in my throat.
234
00:08:03,132 --> 00:08:04,207
Why are all the lights out?
235
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,466
I'm sure the power
just went out.
236
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,301
Wait, Gill,
you said you saw something?
237
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:08,987
No, but I heard something
in the bathroom.
238
00:08:09,214 --> 00:08:11,064
There was a kid in the stall
making weird noises.
239
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,008
He was probably transforming.
240
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:14,809
-(gasps)
-Why would lumber zombies
241
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,052
be in a school?
242
00:08:16,145 --> 00:08:17,162
Maybe they're not
lumber zombies.
243
00:08:17,389 --> 00:08:19,405
Maybe they're some kind of
school zombie.
244
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:22,000
Guys, I think we're jumping
to conclusions here.
245
00:08:22,151 --> 00:08:23,409
Moon, don't freak out.
246
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:24,986
GIBBONS (over speaker):
Attention, students.
247
00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:26,563
(staticky):
...danger...
248
00:08:26,656 --> 00:08:27,413
...almly...
249
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:28,565
parents.
250
00:08:28,658 --> 00:08:30,509
Uh, was anyone able
to make that out?
251
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:32,752
I'm pretty sure he said,
"Attention, students,
252
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,238
you are all in incredible
danger, beware of zombies."
253
00:08:35,331 --> 00:08:37,832
And something about parents,
probably that they're all dead.
254
00:08:37,926 --> 00:08:39,166
Let's just get out of here
255
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,761
and try to figure out
what's going on.
256
00:08:41,913 --> 00:08:43,580
Ow, I tripped on...
257
00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:44,764
a body!
258
00:08:44,916 --> 00:08:47,083
(all screaming)
259
00:08:47,176 --> 00:08:49,361
Oh, my God,
that was Mrs. Feldspar.
260
00:08:49,512 --> 00:08:51,863
I think she's dead,
or almost dead, or, or...
261
00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:53,347
She's turning into
a zombie, Gill.
262
00:08:53,441 --> 00:08:55,108
-We're all thinking it.
-Okay, guys.
263
00:08:55,260 --> 00:08:57,369
I'll admit it seems like
something weird is going on,
264
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,929
-but I don't think it's zombies.
-Guys?
265
00:08:59,948 --> 00:09:01,022
Where is everybody?
266
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:02,040
Where are all the kids?
267
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,950
Oh, good, there's someone.
268
00:09:04,102 --> 00:09:06,294
♪ ♪
269
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,272
(grunts)
270
00:09:09,291 --> 00:09:10,957
Uh, guys, I think
that maybe we all should
271
00:09:11,109 --> 00:09:12,776
run away in terror!
272
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,461
Welcome to the Crust Station.
What can I get you?
273
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:18,131
I'll do the 200 Shrimp,
Shrimp Pimp Challenge.
274
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:20,116
Same for me.
I'm ready to pimp these shrimp.
275
00:09:20,209 --> 00:09:21,785
I got two possible
shrimp pimps out here!
276
00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:24,304
Okay, then. I'm gonna need
you two to sign these waivers.
277
00:09:24,456 --> 00:09:27,140
-And make sure you fill in
those emergency contacts.
-Ooh, great.
278
00:09:27,292 --> 00:09:28,567
Mine is Kurt Russell.
279
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:30,310
Yeah, I figured it'd be
a fun way to get to meet him.
280
00:09:30,462 --> 00:09:32,053
Ooh, I'm gonna put down
Goldie Hawn.
281
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,221
We can double-date
all the way to the hospital.
282
00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:35,574
My name's Ronda,
and I'll be your guide
283
00:09:35,801 --> 00:09:37,058
through this experience today.
284
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,410
Old Ronda has helped
every shrimp pimp
285
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,061
who's ever strutted out
of this place,
286
00:09:40,155 --> 00:09:41,246
and I'll help you, too.
287
00:09:41,473 --> 00:09:43,081
-Thank you, Ronda.
-What a sweetheart.
288
00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:45,066
This is stage one, the fun part.
289
00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,659
So just settle in and enjoy.
290
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,903
There are five unique stages
to eating 200 shrimp
291
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,496
that'll push you
to your absolute limit
292
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:52,257
and make you question
everything you think you know
293
00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:55,001
about your body,
your soul and your anus.
294
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,486
Hey, these little guys are good.
295
00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:59,347
I've always loved that you can't
taste their eyes.
296
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:02,934
Well, well, well,
297
00:10:03,161 --> 00:10:05,562
looks like Beef has this
all to himself.
298
00:10:11,019 --> 00:10:12,352
♪ ♪
299
00:10:12,504 --> 00:10:14,279
I think we lost
whoever that was.
300
00:10:14,464 --> 00:10:16,356
-That's the guy I saw
in the parking lot.
-Hey, guys.
301
00:10:16,508 --> 00:10:18,174
-(all scream)
-What the hell?
302
00:10:18,193 --> 00:10:19,618
Why are you holding
your flashlight like that?
303
00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:21,936
Because then the first thing
people see is my smile,
304
00:10:22,030 --> 00:10:23,529
-and it relaxes them.
-That's insane.
305
00:10:23,682 --> 00:10:25,682
Moon, don't tell me
how to light myself.
306
00:10:25,775 --> 00:10:27,183
What are you guys doing in here?
307
00:10:27,202 --> 00:10:30,186
We were skipping P.E.
as a demonstration to...
308
00:10:30,205 --> 00:10:31,855
subvert the patriarchy.
309
00:10:31,948 --> 00:10:33,039
Girl, we were eating Red Vines.
310
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,799
We were also eating Red Vines.
311
00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:36,860
So, you didn't hear
the announcement?
312
00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:37,952
What announcement?
313
00:10:38,046 --> 00:10:39,696
Well, don't freak out,
314
00:10:39,789 --> 00:10:42,289
but it seems like zombies have
taken over our school.
315
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,883
-ALL: What?
-It's true.
316
00:10:44,035 --> 00:10:45,218
I'm not convinced
there are zombies,
317
00:10:45,370 --> 00:10:46,978
but something weird is going on.
318
00:10:47,130 --> 00:10:48,888
The lights went out,
all the students are missing,
319
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,874
and a weird guy chased us
down the hallway.
320
00:10:50,967 --> 00:10:52,317
Oh, and the librarian's dead.
321
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:54,377
So it's the apocalypse
or something?
322
00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:56,470
Just so you know,
we're out of Red Vines.
323
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,064
On the bright side,
I guess I won't have to take
324
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,974
my calculus test next period.
325
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,493
Oh, my God, the tests!
326
00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:04,162
You guys, I think I've figured
out why this is happening.
327
00:11:04,389 --> 00:11:07,314
It's just like
the lumber zombies, but instead
328
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,167
of a tireless lumber workforce,
the teachers
329
00:11:09,394 --> 00:11:11,561
are creating
a tireless student workforce.
330
00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:14,898
Of course! That way they can
teach us all the time.
331
00:11:14,916 --> 00:11:17,491
24 hours a day--
they love teaching.
332
00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:18,735
Those monsters!
333
00:11:18,828 --> 00:11:20,178
No, Ham, it's so we can study
334
00:11:20,329 --> 00:11:21,513
and do well
on the standardized tests.
335
00:11:21,664 --> 00:11:24,090
The better we do, the more
funding the school gets.
336
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:25,850
Remember what
Principal Gibbons said to us?
337
00:11:26,002 --> 00:11:27,835
Oh, yeah,
when he called us "Twobins"?
338
00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:29,245
-It was okay.
-No!
339
00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:31,748
He said he wanted us to be
"his guinea pigs,"
340
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:34,175
and to keep an open mind.
341
00:11:34,269 --> 00:11:35,768
Sounds like he wants
to eat your brains.
342
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,270
-Exactly.
-(laughs) I obviously
343
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,013
don't believe you,
but this is amazing,
344
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,181
so I am all in. What do we do?
345
00:11:40,275 --> 00:11:42,183
We need to call my mom's
boyfriend Jamie.
346
00:11:42,277 --> 00:11:44,093
He'll know the number
for the police.
347
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:45,686
-Kima, you have a cell phone.
-Not anymore.
348
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,097
I got it taken away
because I ran up a huge bill.
349
00:11:48,191 --> 00:11:50,191
I bought too many crouton
boosters in Soup Sipper 2.
350
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,618
Turns out ten golden ladles
cost $700.
351
00:11:52,771 --> 00:11:55,196
I know where there's a phone
we can use-- the nurse's office.
352
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,382
I don't use it to call my mom
every day because I miss her,
353
00:11:57,609 --> 00:11:59,292
-if that's
what you're wondering.
-Okay, that's the plan.
354
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,961
We go there, we use the phone
to call the police.
355
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,797
Yeah, and if we have time
to call my mom, so be it.
356
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:07,308
♪ ♪
357
00:12:09,045 --> 00:12:10,136
(all gasp)
358
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,956
GILL:
Aah, those kids are zombies!
359
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:14,232
-Aah!
-John, come on!
360
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:16,884
-What are you doing?
-HAM: I'm protecting you!
361
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,053
Ham, I admit
I'm a little scared,
362
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,813
but I think maybe we
should go talk to the nurse
363
00:12:20,966 --> 00:12:22,648
and try to figure out
what's going on.
364
00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:25,076
-No! Guys!
-John, you've been exposed.
Come with me.
365
00:12:25,228 --> 00:12:27,487
No, I'm too compelling
to die before Gill!
366
00:12:27,581 --> 00:12:29,164
He's one-note!
367
00:12:33,161 --> 00:12:35,995
(panting) Are we bad people
for leaving John behind?
368
00:12:36,147 --> 00:12:37,647
There's no room
for emotions now.
369
00:12:37,665 --> 00:12:40,592
There's no rules now,
no friendships or study-buddies.
370
00:12:40,743 --> 00:12:42,168
FYI, I've already decided
371
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,928
in what order
I would kill all of you
372
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,154
so that I would survive.
373
00:12:45,173 --> 00:12:47,081
What was wrong with those kids?
374
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,767
I don't know,
but they didn't look good.
375
00:12:48,994 --> 00:12:50,268
Oh, Moon, it's gonna be okay.
376
00:12:50,419 --> 00:12:52,996
We can sing you your super-brave
boy nighty-night song now
377
00:12:53,089 --> 00:12:54,013
-if you want.
-No, Judy,
378
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,440
we need an actual plan.
379
00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:58,001
Why don't we go outside
and walk to the bus stop...
380
00:12:58,094 --> 00:13:00,670
No way! The outside could
be swarming with zombies!
381
00:13:00,688 --> 00:13:02,505
-(watch beeps)
-Oh, no! My make-out alarm
just went off.
382
00:13:02,598 --> 00:13:04,598
Crispin and I meet every day
in the chemistry room
383
00:13:04,692 --> 00:13:06,843
to explore our chemistry,
by kissing with our mouths.
384
00:13:06,936 --> 00:13:08,528
I need to go to him.
385
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:09,937
No, Ham, it's too risky!
386
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,697
He could be dead... or worse.
387
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,349
Well, I have to find out.
388
00:13:13,368 --> 00:13:15,442
He might need my kiss
now more than ever.
389
00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,036
You know what, guys,
I'm just gonna stay here.
390
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,871
There's food here
and no zombies, so...
391
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:21,040
That makes sense.
I'm gonna stay here, too.
392
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,525
Yeah, I'm not going anywhere.
393
00:13:22,618 --> 00:13:24,969
I can live off of frozen
chicken nuggets and old milk
394
00:13:25,121 --> 00:13:26,379
until we create
a new world order.
395
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,473
I think I'm just gonna
wander around a bit on my own.
396
00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:31,792
I thought I wanted to survive,
but now I'm feeling more open,
397
00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,127
zombie-wise.
398
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,370
Okay, I'm going with you, Ham.
399
00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:35,980
And, Moon, you're obviously
coming with us.
400
00:13:36,207 --> 00:13:37,557
And I'm going with you, Judy.
401
00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:39,150
Not like "going with you"
like dating, just...
402
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:41,060
Gill, stop talking. Let's go!
403
00:13:41,212 --> 00:13:43,212
Too much shrimp.
404
00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:45,381
The human body
just wasn't meant to do this.
405
00:13:45,474 --> 00:13:47,308
Who do we think we are?
We were fools!
406
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,235
It's all I can taste.
It's all I can smell.
407
00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:51,329
Shrimp has replaced everything
in my life and I shrimp it.
408
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,723
I mean I hate it!
What's happening to me?!
409
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,649
Okay, this is now stage two.
410
00:13:55,743 --> 00:13:57,335
J-K-E-- just keep eating.
411
00:13:57,562 --> 00:13:58,911
I want them to do
that Men in Black stick
412
00:13:59,064 --> 00:14:00,338
on me that erases my brain.
413
00:14:00,489 --> 00:14:02,231
But then you wouldn't
remember the foods you do like.
414
00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:04,067
-Like chips!
-There's gonna be casualties!
415
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,493
You want it?
You want to be a shramp pamp?
416
00:14:06,588 --> 00:14:09,848
-Yes, I want it! I do!
-Then you show me you want it!
417
00:14:10,075 --> 00:14:11,165
Guys? I kind of have to pee.
418
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:12,499
I mean, I already did a little,
419
00:14:12,594 --> 00:14:14,185
and I'd like to do the rest
in the toilet.
420
00:14:14,337 --> 00:14:15,428
I know this is the girls' room,
421
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,930
but if you hear me scream,
please come in.
422
00:14:18,083 --> 00:14:19,765
Get out of here! Get out!
423
00:14:19,918 --> 00:14:21,642
(all scream)
424
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,863
(gasps) The paper-mache bear
for Science Made Bearable.
425
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:27,282
We can hide inside him.
426
00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:29,534
HAM:
We have to go faster.
427
00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:31,277
I need to see Crispin
so that we can embrace
428
00:14:31,429 --> 00:14:33,112
after each having thought
the other was dead.
429
00:14:33,264 --> 00:14:35,522
Can you even imagine
an embrace like that?
430
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,359
-MOON: Judy, where are we?
-JUDY: Almost there.
431
00:14:39,362 --> 00:14:41,287
Okay, we usually meet
in the science lab closet--
432
00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:44,465
it's the most romantic
closet in school.
433
00:14:45,777 --> 00:14:47,302
♪ ♪
434
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,113
Hi.
435
00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:51,781
Why'd you bring your family
to our make-out sesh?
436
00:14:51,799 --> 00:14:52,798
You're alive!
437
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,300
How did you stay alive?
438
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,953
Uh, I wear my seat belt,
I take a multivitamin,
439
00:14:56,971 --> 00:14:59,230
I had a great pediatrician
in Grand Rapids.
440
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:00,732
No, I'm talking
about the zombies.
441
00:15:00,959 --> 00:15:01,958
Didn't you hear
the announcement?
442
00:15:01,976 --> 00:15:03,643
Oh, I had my earbuds in all day.
443
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,628
I record my dinner conversations
with my parents,
444
00:15:05,721 --> 00:15:08,297
and I relisten to see how
I could better explain my days.
445
00:15:08,316 --> 00:15:10,633
It's the end times!
The final reckoning,
446
00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:12,059
betwixt man and monster.
447
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,636
Crispin, as improbable
as it seems,
448
00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:16,063
we believe that the teachers
have been turning students
449
00:15:16,157 --> 00:15:18,157
into zombies and also
the teachers are possibly
450
00:15:18,309 --> 00:15:20,752
themselves zombies
and we need to get out of here.
451
00:15:20,979 --> 00:15:22,979
Oh, okay, great.
Thanks for including me.
452
00:15:22,997 --> 00:15:25,072
-(banging on door)
-BOY: Let me in!
453
00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:28,092
Crap, crap, crap, crap,
crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!
454
00:15:28,987 --> 00:15:30,836
Oh, no.
455
00:15:30,989 --> 00:15:32,430
Oh, hell no!
456
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:33,990
-Shrimp!
-Shrimp!
457
00:15:34,083 --> 00:15:35,433
Shrimp!
458
00:15:35,660 --> 00:15:37,918
Let me guess, you guys are
hallucinating-- I'm a shrimp?
459
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:39,162
You nailed it, Ronda.
460
00:15:39,180 --> 00:15:40,754
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Classic stage three.
461
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,331
No. No, this is really bad!
462
00:15:42,350 --> 00:15:44,108
Everyone is shrimp,
the world is shrimp,
463
00:15:44,335 --> 00:15:45,926
shrimp are
all I have ever known!
464
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,278
And all you will ever know.
465
00:15:47,505 --> 00:15:49,280
All of consciousness is
just a pink shrimp waterfall
466
00:15:49,432 --> 00:15:52,024
(distorted):
stretching to shrimp-finity.
467
00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:54,677
-Oh, God, now I'm...
-A shrimp. Me too, babe.
468
00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,028
How am I pink? I'm Black!
469
00:15:56,181 --> 00:15:57,346
(Wolf sobbing)
470
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,031
So can I get you guys refills
on your sodas?
471
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,125
Actually, I'd love
a big glass of milk, Ronda.
472
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:07,090
Well, this is exactly what I've
lusted after my whole life.
473
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,677
Keep it coming, my friend.
474
00:16:13,531 --> 00:16:16,032
It's gonna be okay.
Just cover your ears.
475
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,034
Moon, focus on me.
Eyes right here, okay?
476
00:16:18,052 --> 00:16:19,869
Maybe we should
sing him his song?
477
00:16:19,962 --> 00:16:21,795
No. I-I don't need you to...
478
00:16:21,889 --> 00:16:23,964
♪ Her hair is Harlow gold ♪
479
00:16:24,058 --> 00:16:26,242
♪ Her lips a sweet surprise ♪
480
00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:28,152
♪ Her hands are never cold ♪
481
00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:30,229
BOTH:
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes ♪
482
00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:32,215
You guys, please, don't do this!
483
00:16:32,233 --> 00:16:34,993
♪ And she'll tease you,
she'll unease you ♪
484
00:16:35,144 --> 00:16:38,145
♪ All the better
just to please you ♪
485
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,906
♪ She's precocious
and she knows just... ♪
486
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,225
-(thumping)
-(all scream)
487
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:44,485
Let me in! Let me in!
I got locked out!
488
00:16:44,579 --> 00:16:46,320
Don't listen to her--
she's a zombie.
489
00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:48,247
She's trying to get in here
to eat our brains.
490
00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:50,174
I don't want to be a zombie!
I haven't even had
491
00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:52,585
a retrospective of my artwork
in Stuttgart yet!
492
00:16:52,737 --> 00:16:55,254
Moon, no! Don't do it!
493
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:56,180
Look, Judy,
494
00:16:56,332 --> 00:16:58,074
I'm the only one
who's vent-sized
495
00:16:58,092 --> 00:16:59,017
and I'm gonna go get us help.
496
00:16:59,244 --> 00:17:00,243
But you're too little.
497
00:17:00,261 --> 00:17:01,761
And you're very, very scared.
498
00:17:01,913 --> 00:17:03,337
No, Judy, I'm not scared.
499
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,930
I mean I'm not that scared.
500
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,432
I'm reasonably scared,
501
00:17:06,584 --> 00:17:08,175
considering what's
been going on today.
502
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,194
But I'm also brave,
and for some reason,
503
00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:12,772
you and Ham can't accept that.
504
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:14,257
Stay alive.
505
00:17:14,350 --> 00:17:15,366
I'll be back for you.
506
00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:17,535
Oh, sorry,
I put my earbuds back in.
507
00:17:17,686 --> 00:17:19,120
Uh, where is he going?
508
00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:26,210
-(groaning)
-Oh...
509
00:17:26,362 --> 00:17:28,954
Moon doesn't fear the darkness.
510
00:17:29,107 --> 00:17:31,049
The darkness fears the Moon.
511
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,700
It's good 'cause it works
on two levels.
512
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,945
(toilets flushing)
513
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:38,056
So did you complete stage four?
514
00:17:38,207 --> 00:17:40,040
Is stage four double-dragoning
out of both ends?
515
00:17:40,134 --> 00:17:42,285
It sure is. Are you guys ready
for stage five?
516
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,228
-What's stage five?
-Eating your last ten shrimp,
517
00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:45,897
and then getting your T-shirt.
518
00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:47,548
Take me home, Captain Ronda.
519
00:17:47,567 --> 00:17:48,715
Take me home.
520
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:49,901
I see you!
521
00:17:50,052 --> 00:17:51,294
You're all dead, you hear me?!
522
00:17:51,312 --> 00:17:52,812
Dead! I'm gonna
rip your heads off!
523
00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:54,297
Choppity chop,
your bones are gone!
524
00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,132
Crispin, I know this is sudden,
525
00:17:56,225 --> 00:17:57,316
but I don't want to die single.
526
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,968
Do you want to get married
right now?
527
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,411
-I do.
-Great! I can marry you guys.
528
00:18:00,638 --> 00:18:03,063
I got my certificate online
as part of my art project
529
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,249
-where I married two clams
from the marina.
-♪ She's precocious ♪
530
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:07,251
-♪ And she knows just what it ♪
-(Debbie shouting)
531
00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:08,735
-♪ Takes to make ♪
-Dearly beloved, we are
532
00:18:08,830 --> 00:18:10,571
-gathered here today to unite...
-♪ A pro blush... ♪
533
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:12,573
-Guys.
-Moon!
-Oh, no, Principal Gibbons!
534
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:16,168
-He's a zombie.
-Not today, Gibbons. (screams)
535
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,263
-No, no, no, no, no!
-No, no, no, no, no, no!
536
00:18:19,415 --> 00:18:22,934
Now that the power is back on
and everyone's calmed down,
537
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:24,102
can we all acknowledge that
538
00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:26,011
there was no zombie apocalypse
here today?
539
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,606
So the lurching guy was
just Janitor Jenkins?
540
00:18:28,757 --> 00:18:31,500
Yes, he was in a snow machine
accident over the weekend
541
00:18:31,594 --> 00:18:34,003
and has a cast on his foot;
and he had dental surgery,
542
00:18:34,096 --> 00:18:35,947
so he can't talk.
Hell of a week.
543
00:18:36,098 --> 00:18:37,840
So why was he chasing us?
544
00:18:37,933 --> 00:18:39,117
I sent him to round up any kids
545
00:18:39,344 --> 00:18:40,526
who didn't hear
the instructions.
546
00:18:40,678 --> 00:18:42,361
When the power went out,
we made an announcement
547
00:18:42,513 --> 00:18:44,180
for all the kids to go
to the front of the school
548
00:18:44,198 --> 00:18:45,514
to get picked up
by their parents.
549
00:18:45,608 --> 00:18:47,199
What about wanting us
to be guinea pigs?
550
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,127
You and Ham are
two of our brightest bulbs.
551
00:18:49,278 --> 00:18:50,777
I wanted to talk to you
about starting
552
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,296
a peer tutoring program.
553
00:18:52,523 --> 00:18:55,040
What about Mrs. Feldspar?
She was dead on the floor.
554
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:57,360
Sometimes Mrs. Feldspar has
555
00:18:57,453 --> 00:19:00,120
a few too many coffee-tinis
in the morning.
556
00:19:00,214 --> 00:19:01,973
She's from
a different generation.
557
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,790
But the kids
in the nurse's office.
558
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,368
They were all pale and creepy.
559
00:19:05,386 --> 00:19:07,370
We had some kids with
the stomach flu this morning,
560
00:19:07,463 --> 00:19:09,872
and their parents were at work
and couldn't pick them up yet,
561
00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:11,298
including
John's younger brother.
562
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,210
Oh! So that's why the nurse
said he'd been exposed.
563
00:19:14,303 --> 00:19:16,712
And I guess it wasn't blood
on Debbie's face.
564
00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:17,971
It was makeup.
565
00:19:18,065 --> 00:19:19,306
I was practicing
my look for Junior Worlds.
566
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,550
My routine demands
a smoky eye and a bold lip.
567
00:19:21,644 --> 00:19:22,643
I won't apologize.
568
00:19:22,737 --> 00:19:24,720
But I also saw a teacher
569
00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:25,979
carrying a body this morning,
570
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:27,648
across the lawn
from the old gym.
571
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,225
Are you talking about him?
572
00:19:29,243 --> 00:19:32,003
-(all scream)
-(laughs) It's a CPR dummy.
573
00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:33,746
I borrowed it
because we're shooting
574
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,231
a music video for my band.
575
00:19:35,249 --> 00:19:37,175
Well, I didn't want
to mention it,
576
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:39,326
but I did think I saw
a zombie Mr. Golovkin
577
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,846
attacking Ms. Anderson
from the vent.
578
00:19:42,073 --> 00:19:43,422
Oh, those two.
579
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,832
I don't know why they're keeping
their relationship a secret.
580
00:19:45,927 --> 00:19:47,243
We're all very happy for them.
581
00:19:47,261 --> 00:19:49,336
Well, some flowers grow best
in the shade.
582
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:50,746
Well, even though
I was very startled
583
00:19:50,839 --> 00:19:53,416
when Moon dropped from
the ceiling vent onto my desk,
584
00:19:53,509 --> 00:19:55,434
I'm glad we got this
straightened out.
585
00:19:55,586 --> 00:19:56,527
(all scream)
586
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:57,770
Oh, hey, guys.
587
00:19:57,922 --> 00:20:00,423
Heads up,
I just bit the janitor.
588
00:20:00,516 --> 00:20:02,942
(snoring)
589
00:20:03,094 --> 00:20:04,760
(yawns)
590
00:20:04,779 --> 00:20:06,495
♪ ♪
591
00:20:09,934 --> 00:20:12,210
(snoring)
592
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:16,939
Hey, Moon, we just wanted to say
593
00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:18,123
you were really brave today.
594
00:20:18,276 --> 00:20:19,550
And we're sorry
we couldn't accept it.
595
00:20:19,777 --> 00:20:22,035
Yeah, you were like the least
scared out of all of us.
596
00:20:22,129 --> 00:20:23,612
We should've realized it sooner.
597
00:20:23,631 --> 00:20:26,782
But in fairness to me,
I never realize things sooner.
598
00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:29,227
You're getting older and maybe
that's harder for us than you.
599
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:31,303
Ever since Mom
brought you home and said,
600
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,213
"Here,
you guys handle this one,"
601
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,382
we've been changing your diapers
and reading you stories
602
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:38,069
and singing you songs,
but maybe you don't
603
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:39,386
need that stuff from us anymore.
604
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,630
So no more stories,
no more songs.
605
00:20:41,724 --> 00:20:44,149
We'll just look you in the eye,
give you a firm handshake
606
00:20:44,302 --> 00:20:46,560
and wish you a pleasant evening.
607
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,822
You know, my eyes are kind of
tired from the dark days.
608
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,065
Maybe you could read me
a bedtime story?
609
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,584
-Oh, hell yeah.
-We'd love to!
610
00:20:53,811 --> 00:20:54,977
I mean, if you want that.
611
00:20:54,996 --> 00:20:56,312
As long as it's
something grown-up
612
00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:59,072
and mature...
and with dinosaurs.
613
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:02,218
♪ Her hair is Harlow gold ♪
614
00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:06,305
♪ Her lips a sweet surprise ♪
615
00:21:07,325 --> 00:21:10,226
♪ Her hands are never cold ♪
616
00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:13,938
♪ She's got Bette Davis eyes ♪
617
00:21:14,089 --> 00:21:17,275
♪ She'll turn her music on ya ♪
618
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:21,153
♪ You won't have
to think twice ♪
619
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,190
♪ She's pure as New York snow ♪
620
00:21:26,027 --> 00:21:29,028
♪ She got Bette Davis eyes. ♪
621
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,104
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
622
00:21:31,198 --> 00:21:33,499
and TOYOTA.