1 00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:04,244 -♪ Look up there ♪ -♪ What do you see? ♪ 2 00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,838 ♪ Nature and stuff ♪ 3 00:00:05,989 --> 00:00:07,172 -♪ Like a rock ♪ -♪ And a tree ♪ 4 00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:10,492 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 5 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,737 ♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪ 6 00:00:13,756 --> 00:00:15,014 ♪ Catch some fish ♪ 7 00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,907 ♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪ 8 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:17,832 ♪ Wow ♪ 9 00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:21,245 ♪ Oh, the Great North ♪ 10 00:00:21,263 --> 00:00:22,688 ♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪ 11 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,339 ♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪ 12 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,083 ♪ From longest night to longest day ♪ 13 00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:29,528 ♪ In the Great North. ♪ 14 00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:35,350 WOLF: Well, Dad, another day 15 00:00:35,444 --> 00:00:37,277 of taking down some hard-core halibut, 16 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,853 the perps of the sea. 17 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,706 Son, I want to act like I know what you're talking about, 18 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,450 but it's been a long day and I just don't have the strength. 19 00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,435 Whenever it's just the two of us on the boat, 20 00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:47,120 I feel like we're a couple of TV detectives 21 00:00:47,273 --> 00:00:49,882 hitting the street, and the fish are the bad boys. 22 00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:52,109 Like I'm Crockett and you're Tubbs. 23 00:00:52,127 --> 00:00:53,260 Or I'm Rizzoli and you're... 24 00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:55,137 -Dad, watch out! -What the... 25 00:00:58,041 --> 00:01:00,708 Wow, definitely a Rizzoli move, Dad. 26 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,286 Wait, the name on that boat. 27 00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:04,121 Dad, that's the Lucey Gucey. 28 00:01:04,139 --> 00:01:05,397 "The" Lucey Gucey? 29 00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:07,624 You know who that boat belongs to. 30 00:01:07,717 --> 00:01:09,476 BOTH: Tusk Johnson! 31 00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:12,145 Okay, movie buffs, who's ready for 32 00:01:12,298 --> 00:01:14,798 another Tobin Family Film Friday? 33 00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:16,558 -Pizza's up. -Sweet. Popcorn? 34 00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,135 Buttery and more buttery. 35 00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:19,578 Copy that. Dad and Wolf? 36 00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:21,138 -Inbound. -Perfect. 37 00:01:21,231 --> 00:01:25,567 And imaginary drumroll as Tobin Family Film Friday starts 38 00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:26,901 in a-three, a-two... 39 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,237 BOTH: Tusk Johnson's in town! 40 00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:30,905 Uh-oh. Is this a warning? 41 00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:32,649 (gasps) Do we need to pack our things and go on the run? 42 00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:33,984 What? (laughs) No. 43 00:01:34,002 --> 00:01:35,243 You've never heard of 44 00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:37,078 The Alaskan Adventures of Tusk Johnson? 45 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,764 It was a hit TV show for years. 46 00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:40,748 Local Alaska public access. 47 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,342 He's basically Dad's favorite person. 48 00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,419 And Wolf's favorite person who isn't Dad. 49 00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,271 I can't believe he's actually here in Lone Moose. 50 00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:47,922 Word is he's been living in the woods 51 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,441 with a pack of wolves since his show ended. 52 00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:52,111 Apparently, he's actually faster running on four legs 53 00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:54,596 -than on two now. -This was a TV show that people actually watched? 54 00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,265 Just a guy wandering around in the woods? 55 00:01:57,359 --> 00:01:59,359 Hell yeah. But, oh, how he wandered. 56 00:01:59,511 --> 00:02:00,786 How... he... wandered. 57 00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:03,438 Okay, you know I don't like to throw around the phrase 58 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,642 "white nonsense," but this definitely qualifies. 59 00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:10,111 The man was a legend, unmatched in the Alaskan arts. 60 00:02:10,205 --> 00:02:12,539 And unmatched in kick-ass theme songs. 61 00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:14,691 -Check this out. -♪ He lives in the woods ♪ 62 00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,451 ♪ And survives on the land ♪ 63 00:02:16,545 --> 00:02:18,211 ♪ And he never met a beast that he couldn't tame ♪ 64 00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,288 ♪ He'll take down a bear, fight a wolf in his lair ♪ 65 00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:22,123 ♪ If you live in the wild then you know his name ♪ 66 00:02:22,217 --> 00:02:24,626 ♪ It's Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪ 67 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,870 ♪ Living in the woods just because he can ♪ 68 00:02:26,889 --> 00:02:29,648 ♪ Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪ 69 00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:32,709 ♪ Did we mention that Tusk has a sidekick, Dan? ♪ 70 00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:34,319 Wait, I have seen this guy, 71 00:02:34,546 --> 00:02:36,488 at the Russian restaurant yesterday. 72 00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,306 According to Zoya, he's been hanging out there 73 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,325 every night this week, but his hair was grayer 74 00:02:40,477 --> 00:02:41,735 and he had a shirt on. 75 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,495 I noticed him because he ordered a "soup cup of ranch," 76 00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:46,165 and I thought to myself, "Uh-huh, game recognize game." 77 00:02:46,392 --> 00:02:49,226 He's been here all week? I knew there was something in the air. 78 00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,485 I thought it was just another accident 79 00:02:50,579 --> 00:02:52,320 they were covering up at the oil refinery. 80 00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:53,821 But it must have been Tusk. 81 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,066 And he's hanging out at our very own Russian restaurant? 82 00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,659 Dad, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 83 00:02:57,753 --> 00:02:59,586 -We should leave him alone. -We should go meet him. 84 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,422 Well, I guess it might be okay to look at him 85 00:03:02,574 --> 00:03:03,665 from across the room. 86 00:03:03,759 --> 00:03:05,926 Wait, Dad, it's your night to pick the movie. 87 00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,520 Yes, and I take that role seriously, which is why 88 00:03:08,672 --> 00:03:11,915 I keep this box of preapproved VHS recorded movies 89 00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:14,026 for the family, ready to go in the event 90 00:03:14,177 --> 00:03:15,510 of my untimely death. 91 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:19,531 Wow, we would be devastated. But the show must go on. 92 00:03:19,758 --> 00:03:21,182 (sighs) Fine. 93 00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,368 I guess we'll start the movie without you guys. 94 00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:24,536 That's the spirit. 95 00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:27,597 (gasps) What's Dy-nasty? 96 00:03:27,691 --> 00:03:29,708 -Oh, Dynasty. -Mm. 97 00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,877 There are a bunch in here with that written on them 98 00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:33,378 in Mom's handwriting. 99 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:35,047 We'll just give it five minutes, then pop it out 100 00:03:35,274 --> 00:03:36,715 and watch a real mov... (gasps) 101 00:03:36,866 --> 00:03:39,367 What strange glamour is this? 102 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,203 Look at those office buildings. 103 00:03:42,297 --> 00:03:44,781 Denver. We have to go there. 104 00:03:44,874 --> 00:03:46,132 She calls to me. 105 00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:50,520 Oh, hello, Wayne Northrop. And good day, John Forsythe. 106 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,898 -Dad, it's him. -Oh! 107 00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:54,641 -Wow. -Am I crazy, 108 00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,068 or does he have a glow? 109 00:03:56,295 --> 00:03:57,677 BEEF: Oh, he's gorgeous. 110 00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,655 -We gotta say hi. -Wait, Wolf! 111 00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,650 (shuddering): Ha... ha... 112 00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:05,135 Uh, hi? 113 00:04:05,228 --> 00:04:08,914 (squeakily): Ha-ha-ha... Hi. 114 00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:10,323 (high-pitched): Ha... 115 00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,325 -(clears throat) Hi. -Hi. 116 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,921 -(stammering): Hi. Hi. Ha. -(clears throat) Hi. Hi... 117 00:04:16,148 --> 00:04:17,330 A-Are you guys singing? 118 00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,149 Are you, like, the male Judds? 119 00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:21,909 BOTH (straining): You're Tusk Johnson. 120 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,078 Yes, I am. (sniffs) 121 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,764 That smell, is that... 122 00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,491 It's probably me. When I'm nervous, 123 00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:29,509 my sweat smells like Cheetos and Brut for men. 124 00:04:29,661 --> 00:04:32,345 No, no, this is more like oil and Damascus steel. 125 00:04:32,498 --> 00:04:33,755 The kind of a scent you might give off 126 00:04:33,849 --> 00:04:37,109 if you were carrying a full-tang fixed bobcat knife 127 00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,535 with a one-piece wood handle. 128 00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:40,837 Hammer-forged blade, grain leather, 129 00:04:40,856 --> 00:04:42,597 with an aniline-finish sheath. 130 00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:45,509 The C-17 Beast Tracker. Nice. 131 00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:48,345 Uh, I have one, too. It's broken and I lost it. 132 00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:50,831 Let me buy you fellas a drink. Three whiskeys. 133 00:04:51,016 --> 00:04:53,107 I'll have my whiskey with a root beer back 134 00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:55,018 and a Sprite chaser, and then 135 00:04:55,111 --> 00:04:56,444 another Sprite, just separately. 136 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,946 Wait, so Adam was lying to Claudia about Blake 137 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,299 -the whole time? -Yeah. 138 00:05:00,526 --> 00:05:02,134 He just wanted to take over her father's company. 139 00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:05,137 I've learned so much about how to be an adult tonight. 140 00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:08,640 There's more face slapping than I'd ever dared dream. 141 00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:11,051 (all singing): ♪ Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪ 142 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:14,295 ♪ Did we mention that Tusk has a sidekick, Dan? ♪ 143 00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:17,316 -Man, I have so many questions about the show. -Me, too. 144 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,800 Did you really eat all those bees, 145 00:05:18,894 --> 00:05:21,061 -even though you're allergic? -You have that backwards. 146 00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:23,046 Bees are actually allergic to me. 147 00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:24,548 Man, it is good to meet folks 148 00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,658 with a real enthusiasm for the wild. 149 00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:30,070 That's why I came back to Alaska to shoot my new show. 150 00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:32,497 -No... way. -Wait. What?! 151 00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:33,907 -No... no way! -What?! 152 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,726 Yes way. I am making The New Alaskan Adventures 153 00:05:36,745 --> 00:05:39,245 of Tusk Johnson, but I'm shooting this one myself. 154 00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:41,506 -Down and dirty. -Oh, that is so cool. 155 00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:44,918 Oh, man, Mr. Johnson, we didn't just watch your show. 156 00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,845 We actually tried some of your wildest outdoor challenges. 157 00:05:47,072 --> 00:05:50,832 I even rafted down some rapids on a single log, just like you. 158 00:05:50,926 --> 00:05:53,518 Well, we both did it. Father and son, 159 00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,246 side by side on the river, mounted upon logs, 160 00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:57,747 each doing a good job. 161 00:05:57,766 --> 00:06:00,584 Impressive. Even my sidekick Dan needed two logs 162 00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:01,935 to get down the rapids. 163 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,178 Whatever happened to Dan? He wasn't in the last season. 164 00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,606 Yeah. Dan. He, uh... 165 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,593 he went behind my back, tried to get his own show. 166 00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:12,353 Stole my crew, my producer and my wife. 167 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,856 And now I'm going through a hell of a divorce. 168 00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,766 Bar closing. Your card declined. 169 00:06:16,785 --> 00:06:19,285 Ah, man. That'll be my ex-wife 170 00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:21,529 going nuts on BikiniWorld.com again. 171 00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:24,049 She's never met a tankini she didn't wanna bring home. 172 00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:27,201 I'll just go get some cash out. You guys hold tight. 173 00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:29,537 Well, now, how about we get the drinks? 174 00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:30,614 Oh, no, no, no, no. 175 00:06:30,707 --> 00:06:31,948 -I couldn't. -We insist. 176 00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,375 Wow, I-I really appreciate that. Thank you. 177 00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,728 Well, no credit card means no hotel. 178 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,713 -What about your boat? -It got towed, 179 00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,307 when I left it in the wrong dock this afternoon. 180 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,068 So I better go find someplace to dig 181 00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:44,461 a nice comfy sleeping hole. 182 00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:46,738 Or you can dig a nice comfy sleeping hole 183 00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:48,389 -in our couch. -Don't worry. 184 00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:51,076 It's not a fold-out and it's very uncomfortable. 185 00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:52,744 Sounds like a dream. 186 00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,583 Kids, did you know that Tusk once survived 187 00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:01,253 a week on a mountain wearing only leaves and bark? 188 00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:03,647 Wow. How'd you stop the hypothermia? 189 00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:06,240 I embraced it. See this leg? It's been frostbit so much, 190 00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:08,151 I can't even feel my upper thigh. 191 00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:09,335 Go ahead, jam that fork in it. 192 00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:10,987 -Moon, I wouldn't... -HAM: No! 193 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,431 -Why, Lord? -Ha-ha! Do it again, Boone. 194 00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:14,433 -Hyah! -Oh, he did it again. -I can't watch. 195 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:17,177 Moon, please, let's try not to stab our guest. 196 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:18,845 You know, Tusk, if you want a great story 197 00:07:18,997 --> 00:07:21,331 about living in these woods, I should tell you about the time 198 00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:23,516 I crossed an ice plain in a blizzard 199 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,502 to return a baby caribou to its mother 200 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,353 after it wandered into the hospital 201 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,355 -while Moon was being born. -Hell of a day. 202 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,357 Or what about that time when I built that cabin 203 00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:32,859 with my bare hands? Fell down right away. 204 00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:35,454 Lucky no one was in it, but it was fun while it lasted. 205 00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:38,515 Ah, sounds like you're both pretty accomplished outdoorsmen. 206 00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:40,608 How about we have a friendly little competition 207 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,035 and see what you guys can do? 208 00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:43,520 Oh, an outdoor competition 209 00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:45,464 with me, my dad and Tusk Johnson? 210 00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:48,115 -That's my fantasy threesome. -Babe, no. 211 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,468 All right, let's jump in the van and head up 212 00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,803 -to some real untamed country. -(grunts) 213 00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:53,305 Aah! Wrong leg! 214 00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:58,201 All right, the first challenge is a 90-foot tree climb. And go! 215 00:07:58,220 --> 00:08:01,554 Round one: Beef. Next task: tree felling. 216 00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,223 WOLF: Man, this is fun! 217 00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,466 Oh, I see this round is over. 218 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,613 Round two: Beef. Time for the shelter build. 219 00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:14,826 Aw, well, darn it, that just fell down on its own. 220 00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:16,553 Round three: Wolf. 221 00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,571 -Fishing. -Get out of here, buddy. Shoo. 222 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,148 I'm trying to let my son win. You understand? 223 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,650 -Do you have a family? -Yeah! 224 00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:24,193 We got ourselves a tie. 225 00:08:24,195 --> 00:08:26,396 Last round. Let's make a fire. 226 00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:29,007 Oh, man, this is harder than I remember. 227 00:08:29,234 --> 00:08:30,658 And Wolf wins. 228 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,011 Yes! In your face, Dad! 229 00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:34,328 Ah, but that's enough ribbing. 230 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,406 -Let's move on to hugging. -Whoa. 231 00:08:36,466 --> 00:08:38,332 Yeah, our hugs are pretty tender. 232 00:08:38,426 --> 00:08:39,834 No, no, no, I'm talking about those. 233 00:08:39,928 --> 00:08:42,929 Three golden eagle eggs. You know how much 234 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,581 those would go for on the rare animal black market? 235 00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:48,175 -A million dollars. -357 each. U.S. D's. 236 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:49,769 That is wildly specific. 237 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,437 Gotta be a way I can get those eggs. 238 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,923 Get the eggs? Why would you want to do that? 239 00:08:53,942 --> 00:08:56,092 It's illegal, not to mention an affront 240 00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:57,518 to the wilderness herself. 241 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,779 Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I meant I was just gonna 242 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,447 "get" them. 243 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,709 You know, like, really, really understand those eggs. 244 00:09:04,936 --> 00:09:07,194 -That is so deep, Tusk. -Huh. 245 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,380 Because it sounded for a second 246 00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,273 like you were planning on actually taking 247 00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,383 and selling those eggs. 248 00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:12,884 Once again, Beef, you misunderstood me. 249 00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:17,038 Yes, I believe I have misunderstood you. 250 00:09:17,132 --> 00:09:19,373 Well, it's time we head back to the house anyway. 251 00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:20,725 And you probably need to figure out 252 00:09:20,877 --> 00:09:22,952 where you're gonna dig your sleeping hole tonight. 253 00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:25,138 Oh, well, uh, I'm thinking it's better 254 00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,124 if I stay with you guys tonight, because, uh, 255 00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:29,475 we gotta get up early 256 00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:32,070 -to start shooting the show. -What do you mean? 257 00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:33,780 This was all an audition. 258 00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:37,075 I want both of you to be on my show. 259 00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,743 And I want to shoot it on your boat! 260 00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:41,395 -Well, wait a minute. I'm not... -Aah! We got the parts? 261 00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,989 -You hear that, Dad? -Yep. 262 00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:44,641 I want you to be my new Dans. 263 00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,994 Oh, wow, I can't believe I'm gonna be a Dan with my dad. 264 00:09:48,146 --> 00:09:50,088 What do you say, Beef? 265 00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:53,425 -Fine. -Sick! 266 00:09:53,652 --> 00:09:56,911 (echoing): Sick, sick, sick, sick... 267 00:09:57,005 --> 00:10:00,506 Your mom had some great stuff. I love this robe. 268 00:10:00,659 --> 00:10:02,842 Yep, she loved it, too. That's what she always wore 269 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,160 -to parent-teacher night. -All right. 270 00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:05,419 -Pop in that tape. -WOLF: Guys, 271 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,664 me and Dad are gonna be on Tusk's show! 272 00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:09,090 Whoo-hoo, is it set in Denver? 273 00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:10,834 -Uh, no. -Then we probably don't care. 274 00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:13,778 Maybe you guys didn't hear me. We're the new Dans. 275 00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:16,263 Ugh, if you all must continue talking, 276 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,765 would you kindly do it 277 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,342 -on the veranda? -(knock on door) 278 00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:21,602 Ah, that'd be Doris, my, uh, cameraman. 279 00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:23,529 We're just gonna prep for the shoot tomorrow. 280 00:10:23,682 --> 00:10:26,015 A guest? Now? It's nearly 7:50. 281 00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:28,793 Oh, don't worry, Beef, we'll keep it quick and professional. 282 00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,854 Hi. You got any wine? 283 00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:32,464 Or vanilla extract? 284 00:10:32,691 --> 00:10:34,633 TUSK: How many times are we gonna have this argument? 285 00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:36,526 DORIS: Until you get it through your thick head. 286 00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:39,195 There are nine Fast & Furious movies. Nine! 287 00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:41,306 -Eight. Hobbs & Shaw doesn't count. -It does. 288 00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:44,868 It's called Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw. 289 00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,127 How could that not count? 290 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,628 How could you say that to me? 291 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,797 It's true, my sister is way hotter than your sister, 292 00:10:49,891 --> 00:10:51,557 -and you know it! -You're blind! 293 00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,544 TUSK: The butt is the elbow of the back. 294 00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:55,987 It's so obvious! 295 00:10:56,139 --> 00:10:58,472 What's up, Tusketeers? Your old pal Tusk is back. 296 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,567 With Beef and Wolf Tobin, two of Alaska's top fishermen. 297 00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,720 Wolf, tell everybody the name of this boat. 298 00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:05,479 We're on The Mighty Kathleen. 299 00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:08,892 It was named after my mother, who actually left my dad. 300 00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,151 Yeah, great. Uh, Beef. 301 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,579 What are we looking for in these waters? 302 00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:15,415 -Fish. -DORIS: Wait, wait. 303 00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:16,991 -The screen's just black. -(sighs) 304 00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:18,418 Damn it, Doris. Okay, let's cut. 305 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,421 I'm exhausted. I don't think I slept a wink last night. 306 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,740 Right? I was up all night with anticipation, too. 307 00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:27,076 But this is so cool. Us in front of the lens, catching fish. 308 00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,746 And Doris behind the scenes getting it all on tape. 309 00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:32,081 She's dropped the camera in the water three times. 310 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,675 Guys, let's get a shot of Wolf using the trawler net 311 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,935 to pull in some fish. 312 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,362 Sweet. Action shot. 313 00:11:37,513 --> 00:11:39,180 Hang on. We don't actually have a license 314 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,199 to do trawler fishing this time of year. 315 00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:42,275 Ah, it's fine. Who's gonna know? 316 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,110 Come on, Dad, it's for the show. 317 00:11:44,262 --> 00:11:46,262 This is the wild. Wild man rules. 318 00:11:46,355 --> 00:11:48,281 -Tusk rules. -BEEF: On my boat, 319 00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,433 it's my rules. Beef rules. 320 00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:51,710 Uh, little help? 321 00:11:51,937 --> 00:11:54,379 -Wolf! -(whimpers) My body! 322 00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:56,940 (strains) Let go of the winch. 323 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,509 -Wolf's gonna get hurt. -He's fine. 324 00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,297 -You okay, son? -Yeah, I'm okay. 325 00:12:04,449 --> 00:12:05,949 -Thanks, Dad. -Unbelievable. 326 00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:09,894 I know. We're actually gonna be on Tusk Johnson's show! 327 00:12:10,121 --> 00:12:11,045 TUSK: Ol' Beef. 328 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,230 Hell of a day, huh? 329 00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,640 First, never refer to me as "Old Beef." 330 00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:16,550 Second, I think it's time for you to leave. 331 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,886 Is this about me peeing with the toilet lid down last night? 332 00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:21,631 -'Cause I apologized for that. -Who'd you apologize to? 333 00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,908 Eh, it's just an expression. What about the show? 334 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,135 Tusk, be honest. There's no show. 335 00:12:26,154 --> 00:12:27,320 I mean, not on TV, 336 00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,155 but I'll probably put some stuff up online. 337 00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,823 Can I borrow your computer? 338 00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:32,642 I actually thought you were the real deal. 339 00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:35,161 But it's pretty clear to me now that the man I watched on TV 340 00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:37,404 all those years was just a fake. 341 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,090 Wha... Where am I supposed to sleep? 342 00:12:39,242 --> 00:12:41,075 I don't know. But I just took out $300 343 00:12:41,169 --> 00:12:43,336 from my retirement fund, which means I'll now retire 344 00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,412 17 days later than I had planned. 345 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,414 And that should be enough to get you out of here 346 00:12:47,509 --> 00:12:48,674 and away from Wolf. 347 00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:50,459 I'll give you a minute to say goodbye to him 348 00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:52,086 and get your things from the house. 349 00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:53,679 Yeah, yeah. Tell Wolf I said "later," and the only thing 350 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:56,691 I left in your house was farts. You're welcome! 351 00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,522 Well, well, well, it's time for Dynasty and yet... 352 00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,115 (chuckles) I see no snacks. 353 00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:08,027 Remind me, whose turn was it to get snacks? 354 00:13:08,179 --> 00:13:09,603 You know damn well it was your turn, sister. 355 00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:11,681 He's right, Judy. You've betrayed this family 356 00:13:11,699 --> 00:13:14,608 -for the last time. -Guys, guys. Let's put the tape in. 357 00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,686 We're all just on edge because we don't know 358 00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:19,038 who survived the Moldavian wedding massacre yet. 359 00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,782 Hello, everyone. It's a lovely Lone Moose evening. 360 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,042 What do you say we all go out 361 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,785 for a delicious meal as a family? 362 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,288 Ugh, Dad, not right now. Season six is starting. 363 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,365 Yeah, give us, like, 22 more hours. 364 00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,125 Hey, Dad, have you seen Tusk? 365 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,459 I thought of a cool accent 366 00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:34,037 I could try out for my character. 367 00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:35,538 (Scottish accent): Woe betide you, lads. 368 00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:37,816 'Tis halibut in them there waters. 369 00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:40,242 Uh, actually, Tusk had to take off. 370 00:13:40,244 --> 00:13:41,319 He mentioned something 371 00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:43,212 about having to rush back to Hollywood? 372 00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:47,233 For a-- w-what did he say?-- big-time lunch of some sort. 373 00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:49,385 Really? He didn't even say goodbye. 374 00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,312 Father, brother, please, hush up. 375 00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,480 The Moldavian wedding massacre. 376 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,482 You have some nerve coming here, Tabitha. 377 00:13:55,577 --> 00:13:57,502 -(all gasping) -HONEYBEE: Whose train is that? 378 00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:58,911 NARRATOR (over TV): And these massive trains 379 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,339 carry goods and supplies throughout Alaska. 380 00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,875 The coal car. The well car. 381 00:14:04,027 --> 00:14:05,510 The tank car. 382 00:14:05,661 --> 00:14:08,071 Mr. Tobin, did you tape over season six of Dynasty 383 00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:09,422 or am I just going frickin' 384 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,849 balls-to-the-walls bonkers over here? 385 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,500 Ooh. Forgot I recorded this series on freight trains 386 00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:16,187 -of America two years ago. -So, Tusk just left? 387 00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,431 So there's no more Dynasty? 388 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,693 NARRATOR: The wood chip car. The salt car. 389 00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,178 -The oil car. -Unbelievable. 390 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,588 And the caboose. 391 00:14:25,607 --> 00:14:27,866 Well, let's go to this dumb dinner, then. 392 00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,425 You better lawyer up, Dad, 393 00:14:29,444 --> 00:14:33,496 'cause I'm gonna sue you into the ground for this. 394 00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:37,858 Cheer up, son. I see some Jumbo Gumbo 395 00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,602 on this menu with your name on it. 396 00:14:39,621 --> 00:14:42,288 I really thought Tusk wanted me to be a part of the show. 397 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,789 I'm sure you have other heroes. 398 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,775 What about that Reginald VelJohnson? 399 00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,293 Are the kids still into him? 400 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,462 I think I'm just gonna go outside and look at the stars 401 00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:50,871 and think about how Tusk 402 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,726 is somewhere under those same stars. 403 00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,379 (sighs) Tusk. 404 00:14:58,473 --> 00:14:59,880 -What? -Aah! Tusk! 405 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,400 -What are you doing here? -Oh, I stash my beers out here 406 00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:04,143 so I don't have to pay for them in the bar. 407 00:15:04,295 --> 00:15:05,236 -Want a pull? -Uh, I'm good. 408 00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:07,071 Dad said you went to Hollywood. 409 00:15:07,298 --> 00:15:09,240 -Yeah. Yeah, I bet he did. -W-What do you mean? 410 00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:10,983 Look I don't want to say bad things about your dad, 411 00:15:11,136 --> 00:15:13,803 but he wasn't too keen on you and me working together anymore, 412 00:15:13,821 --> 00:15:14,913 so he kicked me out. 413 00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:17,582 -Dad lied to me? -I think he was just jealous. 414 00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:21,144 He could tell I had my eye on you to be my number-one Dan. 415 00:15:21,162 --> 00:15:23,588 Whoa. What number was Dan? 416 00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,481 You know, I probably shouldn't even be talking to you. 417 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,425 Plus, I got to focus on this top-secret adventure 418 00:15:27,576 --> 00:15:29,243 we're gonna shoot for the show tomorrow. 419 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,337 I mean, I'd love to tell you what it is, 420 00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:33,264 but, you know, team members only. 421 00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:35,174 Well, what if I want to be back on the team? 422 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,493 -Oh, Your dad wouldn't go for that. -(scoffs) 423 00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:40,254 It's not up to my dad. I'm a grown son. 424 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,014 Uh, g-give me one of those beers. 425 00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,500 -Ugh. -Oh, sorry, I was ashing in that one. 426 00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:46,669 (sighs) Real life is so boring. 427 00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:50,448 Where's the drama? Where are all the murders? 428 00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:53,284 (scoffs) Denver would eat these people alive. 429 00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:55,861 The Jumbo Gumbo's getting cold. Where's your brother? 430 00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,456 -You mean this brother, Father? -Wolf, honey, what's wrong? 431 00:15:58,607 --> 00:16:00,533 That's your "somebody ate the last Triscuit" stance. 432 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,369 You're right, but this time it's not about Triscuits. 433 00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:05,797 It's about Dad covering up the truth-scuits. 434 00:16:05,948 --> 00:16:08,299 It was you who told Tusk to leave! 435 00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:09,634 -(gasping) -No. 436 00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:12,545 I did. He's a reckless fraud and a bad influence. 437 00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,046 Not to mention uncouth. 438 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,049 Well, I can monitor couth levels on my own from now on. 439 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,292 Tell him he's out of the will, Dad. 440 00:16:18,386 --> 00:16:19,960 I was trying to protect you. 441 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:23,481 Protect me? You're just jealous because Tusk liked me better. 442 00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:24,890 I was his number-one Dan. 443 00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:28,211 (gasps) Dad and Wolf fighting over Tusk? 444 00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:30,137 (chuckles) This is Alexis and Krystle 445 00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,897 at the cotillion all over again. 446 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,825 Son, I don't expect you to understand. 447 00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,234 Oh, I understand. 448 00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:36,977 I understand that you hate that I beat you 449 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,404 in the outdoor competition. 450 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,722 Wolf, I let you win. 451 00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:40,740 (all gasping) 452 00:16:40,892 --> 00:16:42,316 God, I wish Dad was wearing pearls 453 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,835 so Wolf could tear them off his neck. 454 00:16:44,062 --> 00:16:46,653 You wanted a truth-scuit, you got a truth-scuit! 455 00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:48,673 No. No. That's bull-scuit! 456 00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:51,325 He's gonna do it. This guy's about to storm out. 457 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,161 -(applause) -Oh wait, that was real. 458 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,347 I better go after him. 459 00:16:58,334 --> 00:16:59,909 -Morning, Beef. -Good morning. 460 00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:01,853 Um, would you mind getting Wolf for me? 461 00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:03,763 Sorry, but he left pretty early with Tusk. 462 00:17:03,915 --> 00:17:06,265 With Tusk? Honeybee, I need you to tell me where they went. 463 00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,175 Tusk is a very dangerous person. 464 00:17:08,269 --> 00:17:09,752 I'm sure Wolf is fine. 465 00:17:09,771 --> 00:17:11,087 He just said they were going to get some eggs. 466 00:17:11,105 --> 00:17:12,922 Eggs? No. No, no, no, no, no! 467 00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,848 Uh oh, did you two have breakfast plans? 468 00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,409 He can eat twice! 469 00:17:19,855 --> 00:17:23,374 So, you actually saw the mother eagle get attacked by a bear? 470 00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:25,768 Yeah, I chased him off, but the damage had been done. 471 00:17:25,861 --> 00:17:28,212 Now there's no one left to take care of those eggs. 472 00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:30,381 Little golden orphans. 473 00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:32,032 So somebody's got to protect them. 474 00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,776 Like when Dan and I rescued that baby wolverine. 475 00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:35,202 -Remember that? -Of course. 476 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,612 I remember everything about Dan. 477 00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:39,465 -Five, ten. Gemini. -Buddy, if you pull this off, 478 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,726 no one will even remember who Dan was. 479 00:17:41,877 --> 00:17:43,302 All right, Doris, start the camera. 480 00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,395 Should the log be this wobbly? 481 00:17:44,622 --> 00:17:45,805 Oh, yeah, yeah. You want it wobbly. 482 00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,381 If it's too rigid it could break. 483 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,958 Okay, three, two, one. Tusketeers, 484 00:17:48,976 --> 00:17:53,296 meet my new Dan, Wolf Tobin, who's about to cross this log 485 00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:55,389 to rescue some sweet little golden eagle eggs 486 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,240 from predators. 487 00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:57,800 -You ready, Wolf? -Oh, uh, 488 00:17:57,819 --> 00:17:59,726 -you're not coming with me? -Oh, no. 489 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,246 I'm gonna be here, helping the car brace the log. 490 00:18:02,473 --> 00:18:03,823 (whispers): I don't want to upstage you, pal. 491 00:18:03,975 --> 00:18:05,808 -This is your big moment. -Oh, thank you so much. 492 00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,335 Go get 'em, Wolf. 493 00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,813 Hey, Tusk? I'm thinking maybe this isn't... 494 00:18:10,906 --> 00:18:13,240 -(car door closes) -Okay, never mind. 495 00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:15,167 Who's the Dan? You're the Dan. 496 00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,744 Who's the Dan? You're the Dan... 497 00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,839 -Aah! -Doing great, buddy! 498 00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:21,349 Keep going! 499 00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,845 Where's Wolf and Tusk? 500 00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:28,664 I'm fine, thank you. But things are a bit of a mess up there. 501 00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:31,275 -What do you mean, "a mess"? -Well, Tusk is pretty drunk, 502 00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:33,002 and Wolf's about to plummet to his death 503 00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:35,429 and I couldn't get any service on my cell phone. 504 00:18:35,523 --> 00:18:36,339 Get in! 505 00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:37,431 Oh, man, this was dumb. 506 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,932 The only TV show I'm gonna be on now 507 00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:41,244 is Dumb Guys who Died Dumb. 508 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,456 Wolf, I'm here. What's the status on that log, buddy? 509 00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:46,773 Well, Dad, it's not good. 510 00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,200 It seems like if I move at all, 511 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,794 this log is gonna fall into the crevasse. 512 00:18:49,945 --> 00:18:51,445 But if I don't move at all, this log 513 00:18:51,539 --> 00:18:53,522 is also gonna fall into the crevasse. 514 00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:55,207 And Tusk, well, he's passed out in the Kia, 515 00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,951 which is good, because I think if he wakes up and moves at all, 516 00:18:58,045 --> 00:19:00,212 this log is gonna fall into the crevasse. 517 00:19:00,365 --> 00:19:01,547 Okay, here's what we're gonna do: 518 00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:03,549 I'm attaching one end of this rope to the van. 519 00:19:03,701 --> 00:19:05,977 I'm gonna toss you the other end. Tie it around yourself. 520 00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:08,371 That way, even if the log falls into the crevasse-- 521 00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,723 which seems inevitable, based on your calculations-- 522 00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:12,766 -you won't go with it. -Hey, Dad? 523 00:19:12,877 --> 00:19:14,710 Don't talk, Wolf. Don't even move. 524 00:19:14,729 --> 00:19:16,562 But I just want to say I'm sorry. You were right. 525 00:19:16,714 --> 00:19:19,157 Tusk is a fraud and a thief and a user. 526 00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:20,733 And, frankly, he's uncouth as hell. 527 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,568 Don't worry about any of that, son. 528 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,179 -Here comes the rope. -Yeah, I should have known he was using me. 529 00:19:25,181 --> 00:19:26,889 I'm nobody special. 530 00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:30,242 I just wanted to believe that he was as cool as he was on TV. 531 00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:31,911 I mean, it was Tusk Johnson... Oh! 532 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,337 -Oh, God! Oh, the log is moving! -Oh, God! Wolf! 533 00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,064 The log is moving! The log is moving! 534 00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:36,916 -Aah! -Please tell me the rope is over your body. 535 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,402 Almost. Also, all the blood's rushing to my butt 536 00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:40,511 and it feels crazy. 537 00:19:40,663 --> 00:19:42,571 My point is I-I should have listened to you, 538 00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,498 but I was being a real Hollywood Hank, 539 00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:46,350 and now I'm up here stuck on a log, 540 00:19:46,502 --> 00:19:48,427 hanging upside down over a crevasse. 541 00:19:48,579 --> 00:19:49,836 So, I'm sorry. 542 00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,248 And I love you. And I... Aah! 543 00:19:52,266 --> 00:19:55,584 -Wolf! -Well, hell. 544 00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:58,270 -Hey, Dad. -Hey, Wolf. 545 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,180 I think I hit my penis pretty bad. 546 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,758 But other than that, I'm okay. 547 00:20:02,777 --> 00:20:04,851 You know, Dad, I don't want to be mean, 548 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,430 but I don't think The Alaskan Adventures of Tusk Johnson 549 00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:08,948 is my favorite show anymore. 550 00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:12,376 Wait, this guy had a TV show? I thought he was making that up. 551 00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:15,438 About what you said up there about not being special: 552 00:20:15,531 --> 00:20:18,123 Wolf, you're one of the most special people I know. 553 00:20:18,276 --> 00:20:20,609 You've got a kind heart and you think the best of everybody, 554 00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:23,963 even when they sometimes turn out to be absolute bull-scuit. 555 00:20:24,115 --> 00:20:26,298 Thanks, Dad. You know what else I'm thinking? 556 00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,467 I don't think Dan stole the show from Tusk. 557 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,287 -I think, uh... -Oh, no, Dan's definitely dead. 558 00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:32,638 Yeah, he's definitely dead. 559 00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:33,956 BEEF: All right, Tobins, 560 00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:35,048 who's ready for another 561 00:20:35,142 --> 00:20:36,550 Tobin Family Film Friday? 562 00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:38,143 Oh, and what is this? 563 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,721 (gasps) Dad? No way. 564 00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,856 Dynasty season six? 565 00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:44,558 Six through nine. 566 00:20:44,652 --> 00:20:45,892 Dad, I love you again. 567 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,912 FYI, babe, we're honeymooning in Denver. 568 00:20:48,063 --> 00:20:50,489 Sweet! I hear it's a very bikeable city. 569 00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:51,824 Perfect for lovers. 570 00:20:51,976 --> 00:20:53,492 I don't think I'll be taken in by Dynasty 571 00:20:53,644 --> 00:20:55,419 the way the rest of you were, but... 572 00:20:55,571 --> 00:20:57,313 Oh, my word, who is that gentleman? 573 00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:59,164 And what a handsome bank. 574 00:20:59,317 --> 00:21:03,002 ♪ He lives in the woods and survives on the land ♪ 575 00:21:03,154 --> 00:21:06,822 ♪ He never met a beast that he couldn't tame ♪ 576 00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:11,176 ♪ He'll take down a bear, fight a wolf in his lair ♪ 577 00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:15,164 ♪ If you live in the wild then you know his name ♪ 578 00:21:15,182 --> 00:21:19,835 ♪ It's Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪ 579 00:21:19,854 --> 00:21:23,430 ♪ Living in the woods just because he can ♪ 580 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:27,601 ♪ It's Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪ 581 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,346 ♪ Did we mention that Tusk has a sidekick, Dan. ♪ 582 00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:32,364 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 583 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,750 and TOYOTA.