1
00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:04,244
-♪ Look up there ♪
-♪ What do you see? ♪
2
00:00:04,396 --> 00:00:05,838
♪ Nature and stuff ♪
3
00:00:05,989 --> 00:00:07,172
-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪
4
00:00:07,399 --> 00:00:10,492
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
5
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:13,737
♪ Way up here,
you can breathe the air ♪
6
00:00:13,756 --> 00:00:15,014
♪ Catch some fish ♪
7
00:00:15,165 --> 00:00:16,907
♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪
8
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:17,832
♪ Wow ♪
9
00:00:17,926 --> 00:00:21,245
♪ Oh, the Great North ♪
10
00:00:21,263 --> 00:00:22,688
♪ Here we live, oh, oh ♪
11
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,339
♪ Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ♪
12
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,083
♪ From longest night
to longest day ♪
13
00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:29,528
♪ In the Great North. ♪
14
00:00:34,093 --> 00:00:35,350
WOLF:
Well, Dad, another day
15
00:00:35,444 --> 00:00:37,277
of taking down some
hard-core halibut,
16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,853
the perps of the sea.
17
00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,706
Son, I want to act like I know
what you're talking about,
18
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,450
but it's been a long day and
I just don't have the strength.
19
00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,435
Whenever it's just
the two of us on the boat,
20
00:00:45,454 --> 00:00:47,120
I feel like we're a couple
of TV detectives
21
00:00:47,273 --> 00:00:49,882
hitting the street,
and the fish are the bad boys.
22
00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:52,109
Like I'm Crockett
and you're Tubbs.
23
00:00:52,127 --> 00:00:53,260
Or I'm Rizzoli and you're...
24
00:00:53,370 --> 00:00:55,137
-Dad, watch out!
-What the...
25
00:00:58,041 --> 00:01:00,708
Wow, definitely
a Rizzoli move, Dad.
26
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,286
Wait, the name on that boat.
27
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:04,121
Dad, that's the Lucey Gucey.
28
00:01:04,139 --> 00:01:05,397
"The" Lucey Gucey?
29
00:01:05,549 --> 00:01:07,624
You know who
that boat belongs to.
30
00:01:07,717 --> 00:01:09,476
BOTH:
Tusk Johnson!
31
00:01:09,628 --> 00:01:12,145
Okay, movie buffs,
who's ready for
32
00:01:12,298 --> 00:01:14,798
another
Tobin Family Film Friday?
33
00:01:14,817 --> 00:01:16,558
-Pizza's up.
-Sweet. Popcorn?
34
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,135
Buttery and more buttery.
35
00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:19,578
Copy that. Dad and Wolf?
36
00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:21,138
-Inbound.
-Perfect.
37
00:01:21,231 --> 00:01:25,567
And imaginary drumroll as
Tobin Family Film Friday starts
38
00:01:25,661 --> 00:01:26,901
in a-three, a-two...
39
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,237
BOTH:
Tusk Johnson's in town!
40
00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:30,905
Uh-oh. Is this a warning?
41
00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:32,649
(gasps) Do we need to pack
our things and go on the run?
42
00:01:32,668 --> 00:01:33,984
What? (laughs) No.
43
00:01:34,002 --> 00:01:35,243
You've never heard of
44
00:01:35,337 --> 00:01:37,078
The Alaskan Adventures
of Tusk Johnson?
45
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,764
It was a hit TV show for years.
46
00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:40,748
Local Alaska public access.
47
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:42,342
He's basically Dad's
favorite person.
48
00:01:42,469 --> 00:01:44,419
And Wolf's favorite person
who isn't Dad.
49
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,271
I can't believe he's
actually here in Lone Moose.
50
00:01:46,498 --> 00:01:47,922
Word is he's been living
in the woods
51
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,441
with a pack of wolves
since his show ended.
52
00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:52,111
Apparently, he's actually faster
running on four legs
53
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:54,596
-than on two now.
-This was a TV show
that people actually watched?
54
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,265
Just a guy wandering around
in the woods?
55
00:01:57,359 --> 00:01:59,359
Hell yeah.
But, oh, how he wandered.
56
00:01:59,511 --> 00:02:00,786
How... he... wandered.
57
00:02:00,937 --> 00:02:03,438
Okay, you know I don't like
to throw around the phrase
58
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:06,642
"white nonsense,"
but this definitely qualifies.
59
00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:10,111
The man was a legend,
unmatched in the Alaskan arts.
60
00:02:10,205 --> 00:02:12,539
And unmatched in kick-ass
theme songs.
61
00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:14,691
-Check this out.
-♪ He lives in the woods ♪
62
00:02:14,710 --> 00:02:16,451
♪ And survives on the land ♪
63
00:02:16,545 --> 00:02:18,211
♪ And he never met a beast
that he couldn't tame ♪
64
00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,288
♪ He'll take down a bear,
fight a wolf in his lair ♪
65
00:02:20,382 --> 00:02:22,123
♪ If you live in the wild
then you know his name ♪
66
00:02:22,217 --> 00:02:24,626
♪ It's Tusk Johnson,
mountain man ♪
67
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,870
♪ Living in the woods
just because he can ♪
68
00:02:26,889 --> 00:02:29,648
♪ Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪
69
00:02:29,799 --> 00:02:32,709
♪ Did we mention that Tusk
has a sidekick, Dan? ♪
70
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:34,319
Wait, I have seen this guy,
71
00:02:34,546 --> 00:02:36,488
at the Russian restaurant
yesterday.
72
00:02:36,715 --> 00:02:38,306
According to Zoya, he's been
hanging out there
73
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,325
every night this week,
but his hair was grayer
74
00:02:40,477 --> 00:02:41,735
and he had a shirt on.
75
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,495
I noticed him because he ordered
a "soup cup of ranch,"
76
00:02:43,647 --> 00:02:46,165
and I thought to myself,
"Uh-huh, game recognize game."
77
00:02:46,392 --> 00:02:49,226
He's been here all week? I knew
there was something in the air.
78
00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,485
I thought it was
just another accident
79
00:02:50,579 --> 00:02:52,320
they were covering up
at the oil refinery.
80
00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:53,821
But it must have been Tusk.
81
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:56,066
And he's hanging out at
our very own Russian restaurant?
82
00:02:56,084 --> 00:02:57,659
Dad, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
83
00:02:57,753 --> 00:02:59,586
-We should leave him alone.
-We should go meet him.
84
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,422
Well, I guess it might be
okay to look at him
85
00:03:02,574 --> 00:03:03,665
from across the room.
86
00:03:03,759 --> 00:03:05,926
Wait, Dad, it's your night
to pick the movie.
87
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,520
Yes, and I take that role
seriously, which is why
88
00:03:08,672 --> 00:03:11,915
I keep this box of preapproved
VHS recorded movies
89
00:03:11,934 --> 00:03:14,026
for the family,
ready to go in the event
90
00:03:14,177 --> 00:03:15,510
of my untimely death.
91
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:19,531
Wow, we would be devastated.
But the show must go on.
92
00:03:19,758 --> 00:03:21,182
(sighs)
Fine.
93
00:03:21,202 --> 00:03:23,368
I guess we'll start the movie
without you guys.
94
00:03:23,595 --> 00:03:24,536
That's the spirit.
95
00:03:24,763 --> 00:03:27,597
(gasps)
What's Dy-nasty?
96
00:03:27,691 --> 00:03:29,708
-Oh, Dynasty.
-Mm.
97
00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,877
There are a bunch in here
with that written on them
98
00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:33,378
in Mom's handwriting.
99
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:35,047
We'll just give it five minutes,
then pop it out
100
00:03:35,274 --> 00:03:36,715
and watch a real mov...
(gasps)
101
00:03:36,866 --> 00:03:39,367
What strange glamour is this?
102
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,203
Look at those office buildings.
103
00:03:42,297 --> 00:03:44,781
Denver. We have to go there.
104
00:03:44,874 --> 00:03:46,132
She calls to me.
105
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:50,520
Oh, hello, Wayne Northrop.
And good day, John Forsythe.
106
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,898
-Dad, it's him.
-Oh!
107
00:03:53,125 --> 00:03:54,641
-Wow.
-Am I crazy,
108
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,068
or does he have a glow?
109
00:03:56,295 --> 00:03:57,677
BEEF:
Oh, he's gorgeous.
110
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,655
-We gotta say hi.
-Wait, Wolf!
111
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,650
(shuddering):
Ha... ha...
112
00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:05,135
Uh, hi?
113
00:04:05,228 --> 00:04:08,914
(squeakily):
Ha-ha-ha... Hi.
114
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:10,323
(high-pitched):
Ha...
115
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,325
-(clears throat) Hi.
-Hi.
116
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,921
-(stammering): Hi. Hi. Ha.
-(clears throat) Hi. Hi...
117
00:04:16,148 --> 00:04:17,330
A-Are you guys singing?
118
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:19,149
Are you, like, the male Judds?
119
00:04:19,242 --> 00:04:21,909
BOTH (straining):
You're Tusk Johnson.
120
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,078
Yes, I am.
(sniffs)
121
00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:25,764
That smell, is that...
122
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,491
It's probably me.
When I'm nervous,
123
00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:29,509
my sweat smells like Cheetos
and Brut for men.
124
00:04:29,661 --> 00:04:32,345
No, no, this is more like oil
and Damascus steel.
125
00:04:32,498 --> 00:04:33,755
The kind of a scent
you might give off
126
00:04:33,849 --> 00:04:37,109
if you were carrying
a full-tang fixed bobcat knife
127
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,535
with a one-piece wood handle.
128
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:40,837
Hammer-forged blade,
grain leather,
129
00:04:40,856 --> 00:04:42,597
with an aniline-finish sheath.
130
00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:45,509
The C-17 Beast Tracker. Nice.
131
00:04:45,602 --> 00:04:48,345
Uh, I have one, too.
It's broken and I lost it.
132
00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:50,831
Let me buy you fellas a drink.
Three whiskeys.
133
00:04:51,016 --> 00:04:53,107
I'll have my whiskey
with a root beer back
134
00:04:53,201 --> 00:04:55,018
and a Sprite chaser, and then
135
00:04:55,111 --> 00:04:56,444
another Sprite, just separately.
136
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,946
Wait, so Adam was lying
to Claudia about Blake
137
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,299
-the whole time?
-Yeah.
138
00:05:00,526 --> 00:05:02,134
He just wanted to take over
her father's company.
139
00:05:02,285 --> 00:05:05,137
I've learned so much about
how to be an adult tonight.
140
00:05:05,288 --> 00:05:08,640
There's more face slapping
than I'd ever dared dream.
141
00:05:08,792 --> 00:05:11,051
(all singing):
♪ Tusk Johnson, mountain man ♪
142
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:14,295
♪ Did we mention that
Tusk has a sidekick, Dan? ♪
143
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:17,316
-Man, I have so many questions
about the show.
-Me, too.
144
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,800
Did you really eat
all those bees,
145
00:05:18,894 --> 00:05:21,061
-even though you're allergic?
-You have that backwards.
146
00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:23,046
Bees are actually
allergic to me.
147
00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:24,548
Man, it is good to meet folks
148
00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,658
with a real enthusiasm
for the wild.
149
00:05:26,810 --> 00:05:30,070
That's why I came back to Alaska
to shoot my new show.
150
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:32,497
-No... way.
-Wait. What?!
151
00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:33,907
-No... no way!
-What?!
152
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,726
Yes way. I am making
The New Alaskan Adventures
153
00:05:36,745 --> 00:05:39,245
of Tusk Johnson, but
I'm shooting this one myself.
154
00:05:39,398 --> 00:05:41,506
-Down and dirty.
-Oh, that is so cool.
155
00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:44,918
Oh, man, Mr. Johnson,
we didn't just watch your show.
156
00:05:45,070 --> 00:05:46,845
We actually tried some of your
wildest outdoor challenges.
157
00:05:47,072 --> 00:05:50,832
I even rafted down some rapids
on a single log, just like you.
158
00:05:50,926 --> 00:05:53,518
Well, we both did it.
Father and son,
159
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,246
side by side on the river,
mounted upon logs,
160
00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:57,747
each doing a good job.
161
00:05:57,766 --> 00:06:00,584
Impressive. Even my sidekick Dan
needed two logs
162
00:06:00,602 --> 00:06:01,935
to get down the rapids.
163
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,178
Whatever happened to Dan?
He wasn't in the last season.
164
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,606
Yeah. Dan. He, uh...
165
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,593
he went behind my back,
tried to get his own show.
166
00:06:09,686 --> 00:06:12,353
Stole my crew, my producer
and my wife.
167
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,856
And now I'm going through
a hell of a divorce.
168
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,766
Bar closing.
Your card declined.
169
00:06:16,785 --> 00:06:19,285
Ah, man.
That'll be my ex-wife
170
00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:21,529
going nuts on BikiniWorld.com
again.
171
00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:24,049
She's never met a tankini
she didn't wanna bring home.
172
00:06:24,276 --> 00:06:27,201
I'll just go get some cash out.
You guys hold tight.
173
00:06:27,295 --> 00:06:29,537
Well, now, how about
we get the drinks?
174
00:06:29,631 --> 00:06:30,614
Oh, no, no, no, no.
175
00:06:30,707 --> 00:06:31,948
-I couldn't.
-We insist.
176
00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:34,375
Wow, I-I really appreciate that.
Thank you.
177
00:06:34,469 --> 00:06:36,728
Well, no credit card
means no hotel.
178
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,713
-What about your boat?
-It got towed,
179
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:41,307
when I left it in the wrong dock
this afternoon.
180
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,068
So I better go find
someplace to dig
181
00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:44,461
a nice comfy sleeping hole.
182
00:06:44,479 --> 00:06:46,738
Or you can dig
a nice comfy sleeping hole
183
00:06:46,890 --> 00:06:48,389
-in our couch.
-Don't worry.
184
00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:51,076
It's not a fold-out
and it's very uncomfortable.
185
00:06:51,227 --> 00:06:52,744
Sounds like a dream.
186
00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,583
Kids, did you know that
Tusk once survived
187
00:06:58,735 --> 00:07:01,253
a week on a mountain wearing
only leaves and bark?
188
00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:03,647
Wow. How'd you stop
the hypothermia?
189
00:07:03,665 --> 00:07:06,240
I embraced it. See this leg?
It's been frostbit so much,
190
00:07:06,376 --> 00:07:08,151
I can't even
feel my upper thigh.
191
00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:09,335
Go ahead, jam that fork in it.
192
00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:10,987
-Moon, I wouldn't...
-HAM: No!
193
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,431
-Why, Lord?
-Ha-ha! Do it again, Boone.
194
00:07:12,658 --> 00:07:14,433
-Hyah!
-Oh, he did it again.
-I can't watch.
195
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:17,177
Moon, please, let's try
not to stab our guest.
196
00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:18,845
You know, Tusk,
if you want a great story
197
00:07:18,997 --> 00:07:21,331
about living in these woods,
I should tell you about the time
198
00:07:21,349 --> 00:07:23,516
I crossed an ice plain
in a blizzard
199
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,502
to return a baby caribou
to its mother
200
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,353
after it wandered
into the hospital
201
00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,355
-while Moon was being born.
-Hell of a day.
202
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,357
Or what about that time
when I built that cabin
203
00:07:31,510 --> 00:07:32,859
with my bare hands?
Fell down right away.
204
00:07:33,011 --> 00:07:35,454
Lucky no one was in it,
but it was fun while it lasted.
205
00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:38,515
Ah, sounds like you're both
pretty accomplished outdoorsmen.
206
00:07:38,533 --> 00:07:40,608
How about we have
a friendly little competition
207
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:42,035
and see what you guys can do?
208
00:07:42,187 --> 00:07:43,520
Oh, an outdoor competition
209
00:07:43,538 --> 00:07:45,464
with me, my dad
and Tusk Johnson?
210
00:07:45,615 --> 00:07:48,115
-That's my fantasy threesome.
-Babe, no.
211
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,468
All right, let's jump in the van
and head up
212
00:07:49,619 --> 00:07:51,803
-to some real untamed country.
-(grunts)
213
00:07:51,955 --> 00:07:53,305
Aah! Wrong leg!
214
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:58,201
All right, the first challenge
is a 90-foot tree climb. And go!
215
00:07:58,220 --> 00:08:01,554
Round one: Beef.
Next task: tree felling.
216
00:08:01,707 --> 00:08:03,223
WOLF:
Man, this is fun!
217
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,466
Oh, I see this round is over.
218
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,613
Round two: Beef.
Time for the shelter build.
219
00:08:11,474 --> 00:08:14,826
Aw, well, darn it, that just
fell down on its own.
220
00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:16,553
Round three: Wolf.
221
00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,571
-Fishing.
-Get out of here, buddy. Shoo.
222
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:21,148
I'm trying to let my son win.
You understand?
223
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,650
-Do you have a family?
-Yeah!
224
00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:24,193
We got ourselves a tie.
225
00:08:24,195 --> 00:08:26,396
Last round.
Let's make a fire.
226
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:29,007
Oh, man, this is harder
than I remember.
227
00:08:29,234 --> 00:08:30,658
And Wolf wins.
228
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,011
Yes! In your face, Dad!
229
00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:34,328
Ah, but that's enough ribbing.
230
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,406
-Let's move on to hugging.
-Whoa.
231
00:08:36,466 --> 00:08:38,332
Yeah, our hugs are
pretty tender.
232
00:08:38,426 --> 00:08:39,834
No, no, no,
I'm talking about those.
233
00:08:39,928 --> 00:08:42,929
Three golden eagle eggs.
You know how much
234
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,581
those would go for
on the rare animal black market?
235
00:08:44,599 --> 00:08:48,175
-A million dollars.
-357 each. U.S. D's.
236
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:49,769
That is wildly specific.
237
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,437
Gotta be a way
I can get those eggs.
238
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:53,923
Get the eggs?
Why would you want to do that?
239
00:08:53,942 --> 00:08:56,092
It's illegal,
not to mention an affront
240
00:08:56,111 --> 00:08:57,518
to the wilderness herself.
241
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,779
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I meant I was just gonna
242
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,447
"get" them.
243
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,709
You know, like, really,
really understand those eggs.
244
00:09:04,936 --> 00:09:07,194
-That is so deep, Tusk.
-Huh.
245
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,380
Because it sounded for a second
246
00:09:08,531 --> 00:09:10,273
like you were planning on
actually taking
247
00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,383
and selling those eggs.
248
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:12,884
Once again, Beef,
you misunderstood me.
249
00:09:13,111 --> 00:09:17,038
Yes, I believe I have
misunderstood you.
250
00:09:17,132 --> 00:09:19,373
Well, it's time we head back
to the house anyway.
251
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:20,725
And you probably need
to figure out
252
00:09:20,877 --> 00:09:22,952
where you're gonna dig
your sleeping hole tonight.
253
00:09:22,971 --> 00:09:25,138
Oh, well, uh,
I'm thinking it's better
254
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:28,124
if I stay with you guys tonight,
because, uh,
255
00:09:28,217 --> 00:09:29,475
we gotta get up early
256
00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:32,070
-to start shooting the show.
-What do you mean?
257
00:09:32,221 --> 00:09:33,780
This was all an audition.
258
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:37,075
I want both of you
to be on my show.
259
00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,743
And I want to shoot it
on your boat!
260
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:41,395
-Well, wait a minute. I'm not...
-Aah! We got the parts?
261
00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,989
-You hear that, Dad?
-Yep.
262
00:09:43,141 --> 00:09:44,641
I want you to be my new Dans.
263
00:09:44,734 --> 00:09:47,994
Oh, wow, I can't believe
I'm gonna be a Dan with my dad.
264
00:09:48,146 --> 00:09:50,088
What do you say, Beef?
265
00:09:51,983 --> 00:09:53,425
-Fine.
-Sick!
266
00:09:53,652 --> 00:09:56,911
(echoing):
Sick, sick, sick, sick...
267
00:09:57,005 --> 00:10:00,506
Your mom had some great stuff.
I love this robe.
268
00:10:00,659 --> 00:10:02,842
Yep, she loved it, too.
That's what she always wore
269
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,160
-to parent-teacher night.
-All right.
270
00:10:04,179 --> 00:10:05,419
-Pop in that tape.
-WOLF: Guys,
271
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,664
me and Dad are gonna be
on Tusk's show!
272
00:10:07,682 --> 00:10:09,090
Whoo-hoo, is it set in Denver?
273
00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:10,834
-Uh, no.
-Then we probably don't care.
274
00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:13,778
Maybe you guys didn't hear me.
We're the new Dans.
275
00:10:13,930 --> 00:10:16,263
Ugh, if you all must
continue talking,
276
00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,765
would you kindly do it
277
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,342
-on the veranda?
-(knock on door)
278
00:10:19,435 --> 00:10:21,602
Ah, that'd be Doris,
my, uh, cameraman.
279
00:10:21,696 --> 00:10:23,529
We're just gonna prep
for the shoot tomorrow.
280
00:10:23,682 --> 00:10:26,015
A guest? Now?
It's nearly 7:50.
281
00:10:26,034 --> 00:10:28,793
Oh, don't worry, Beef, we'll
keep it quick and professional.
282
00:10:28,945 --> 00:10:30,854
Hi. You got any wine?
283
00:10:30,947 --> 00:10:32,464
Or vanilla extract?
284
00:10:32,691 --> 00:10:34,633
TUSK:
How many times are we gonna
have this argument?
285
00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:36,526
DORIS:
Until you get it
through your thick head.
286
00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:39,195
There are nine
Fast & Furious movies. Nine!
287
00:10:39,214 --> 00:10:41,306
-Eight. Hobbs & Shaw
doesn't count.
-It does.
288
00:10:41,533 --> 00:10:44,868
It's called Fast & Furious
Presents: Hobbs & Shaw.
289
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,127
How could that not count?
290
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:47,628
How could you say that to me?
291
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,797
It's true, my sister is
way hotter than your sister,
292
00:10:49,891 --> 00:10:51,557
-and you know it!
-You're blind!
293
00:10:51,652 --> 00:10:54,544
TUSK:
The butt is the elbow
of the back.
294
00:10:54,562 --> 00:10:55,987
It's so obvious!
295
00:10:56,139 --> 00:10:58,472
What's up, Tusketeers?
Your old pal Tusk is back.
296
00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,567
With Beef and Wolf Tobin,
two of Alaska's top fishermen.
297
00:11:01,662 --> 00:11:03,720
Wolf, tell everybody
the name of this boat.
298
00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:05,479
We're on The Mighty Kathleen.
299
00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:08,892
It was named after my mother,
who actually left my dad.
300
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,151
Yeah, great. Uh, Beef.
301
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,579
What are we looking for
in these waters?
302
00:11:13,732 --> 00:11:15,415
-Fish.
-DORIS: Wait, wait.
303
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:16,991
-The screen's just black.
-(sighs)
304
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:18,418
Damn it, Doris.
Okay, let's cut.
305
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,421
I'm exhausted. I don't think
I slept a wink last night.
306
00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,740
Right? I was up all night
with anticipation, too.
307
00:11:23,833 --> 00:11:27,076
But this is so cool. Us in front
of the lens, catching fish.
308
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,746
And Doris behind the scenes
getting it all on tape.
309
00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:32,081
She's dropped the camera
in the water three times.
310
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,675
Guys, let's get a shot of Wolf
using the trawler net
311
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,935
to pull in some fish.
312
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:37,362
Sweet. Action shot.
313
00:11:37,513 --> 00:11:39,180
Hang on. We don't actually
have a license
314
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,199
to do trawler fishing
this time of year.
315
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:42,275
Ah, it's fine. Who's gonna know?
316
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,110
Come on, Dad, it's for the show.
317
00:11:44,262 --> 00:11:46,262
This is the wild.
Wild man rules.
318
00:11:46,355 --> 00:11:48,281
-Tusk rules.
-BEEF: On my boat,
319
00:11:48,433 --> 00:11:50,433
it's my rules. Beef rules.
320
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:51,710
Uh, little help?
321
00:11:51,937 --> 00:11:54,379
-Wolf!
-(whimpers) My body!
322
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:56,940
(strains)
Let go of the winch.
323
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,509
-Wolf's gonna get hurt.
-He's fine.
324
00:12:02,205 --> 00:12:04,297
-You okay, son?
-Yeah, I'm okay.
325
00:12:04,449 --> 00:12:05,949
-Thanks, Dad.
-Unbelievable.
326
00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:09,894
I know. We're actually gonna
be on Tusk Johnson's show!
327
00:12:10,121 --> 00:12:11,045
TUSK:
Ol' Beef.
328
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,230
Hell of a day, huh?
329
00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:14,640
First, never refer to me
as "Old Beef."
330
00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:16,550
Second, I think
it's time for you to leave.
331
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:18,886
Is this about me peeing with
the toilet lid down last night?
332
00:12:18,980 --> 00:12:21,631
-'Cause I apologized for that.
-Who'd you apologize to?
333
00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,908
Eh, it's just an expression.
What about the show?
334
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:26,135
Tusk, be honest.
There's no show.
335
00:12:26,154 --> 00:12:27,320
I mean, not on TV,
336
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:29,155
but I'll probably
put some stuff up online.
337
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,823
Can I borrow your computer?
338
00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:32,642
I actually thought
you were the real deal.
339
00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:35,161
But it's pretty clear to me now
that the man I watched on TV
340
00:12:35,313 --> 00:12:37,404
all those years was just a fake.
341
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,090
Wha... Where am I
supposed to sleep?
342
00:12:39,242 --> 00:12:41,075
I don't know.
But I just took out $300
343
00:12:41,169 --> 00:12:43,336
from my retirement fund,
which means I'll now retire
344
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,412
17 days later
than I had planned.
345
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,414
And that should be enough
to get you out of here
346
00:12:47,509 --> 00:12:48,674
and away from Wolf.
347
00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:50,459
I'll give you a minute
to say goodbye to him
348
00:12:50,461 --> 00:12:52,086
and get your things
from the house.
349
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:53,679
Yeah, yeah. Tell Wolf I said
"later," and the only thing
350
00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:56,691
I left in your house was farts.
You're welcome!
351
00:13:00,763 --> 00:13:02,522
Well, well, well, it's time
for Dynasty and yet...
352
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,115
(chuckles)
I see no snacks.
353
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:08,027
Remind me, whose turn
was it to get snacks?
354
00:13:08,179 --> 00:13:09,603
You know damn well
it was your turn, sister.
355
00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:11,681
He's right, Judy.
You've betrayed this family
356
00:13:11,699 --> 00:13:14,608
-for the last time.
-Guys, guys.
Let's put the tape in.
357
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,686
We're all just on edge
because we don't know
358
00:13:16,704 --> 00:13:19,038
who survived the Moldavian
wedding massacre yet.
359
00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,782
Hello, everyone. It's a lovely
Lone Moose evening.
360
00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,042
What do you say we all go out
361
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,785
for a delicious meal
as a family?
362
00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:27,288
Ugh, Dad, not right now.
Season six is starting.
363
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,365
Yeah, give us, like,
22 more hours.
364
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,125
Hey, Dad, have you seen Tusk?
365
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,459
I thought of a cool accent
366
00:13:32,554 --> 00:13:34,037
I could try out
for my character.
367
00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:35,538
(Scottish accent):
Woe betide you, lads.
368
00:13:35,631 --> 00:13:37,816
'Tis halibut in them
there waters.
369
00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:40,242
Uh, actually,
Tusk had to take off.
370
00:13:40,244 --> 00:13:41,319
He mentioned something
371
00:13:41,470 --> 00:13:43,212
about having
to rush back to Hollywood?
372
00:13:43,231 --> 00:13:47,233
For a-- w-what did he say?--
big-time lunch of some sort.
373
00:13:47,385 --> 00:13:49,385
Really?
He didn't even say goodbye.
374
00:13:49,478 --> 00:13:51,312
Father, brother,
please, hush up.
375
00:13:51,406 --> 00:13:53,480
The Moldavian wedding massacre.
376
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,482
You have some nerve
coming here, Tabitha.
377
00:13:55,577 --> 00:13:57,502
-(all gasping)
-HONEYBEE: Whose train is that?
378
00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:58,911
NARRATOR (over TV):
And these massive trains
379
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:01,339
carry goods and supplies
throughout Alaska.
380
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,875
The coal car. The well car.
381
00:14:04,027 --> 00:14:05,510
The tank car.
382
00:14:05,661 --> 00:14:08,071
Mr. Tobin, did you tape over
season six of Dynasty
383
00:14:08,089 --> 00:14:09,422
or am I just going frickin'
384
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,849
balls-to-the-walls bonkers
over here?
385
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,500
Ooh. Forgot I recorded
this series on freight trains
386
00:14:13,595 --> 00:14:16,187
-of America two years ago.
-So, Tusk just left?
387
00:14:16,339 --> 00:14:18,431
So there's no more Dynasty?
388
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:21,693
NARRATOR:
The wood chip car. The salt car.
389
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,178
-The oil car.
-Unbelievable.
390
00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,588
And the caboose.
391
00:14:25,607 --> 00:14:27,866
Well, let's go
to this dumb dinner, then.
392
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,425
You better lawyer up, Dad,
393
00:14:29,444 --> 00:14:33,496
'cause I'm gonna sue you
into the ground for this.
394
00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:37,858
Cheer up, son.
I see some Jumbo Gumbo
395
00:14:37,878 --> 00:14:39,602
on this menu
with your name on it.
396
00:14:39,621 --> 00:14:42,288
I really thought Tusk wanted me
to be a part of the show.
397
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,789
I'm sure you have other heroes.
398
00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:45,775
What about that
Reginald VelJohnson?
399
00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,293
Are the kids still into him?
400
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,462
I think I'm just gonna go
outside and look at the stars
401
00:14:49,614 --> 00:14:50,871
and think about how Tusk
402
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,726
is somewhere
under those same stars.
403
00:14:56,638 --> 00:14:58,379
(sighs)
Tusk.
404
00:14:58,473 --> 00:14:59,880
-What?
-Aah! Tusk!
405
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,400
-What are you doing here?
-Oh, I stash my beers out here
406
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:04,143
so I don't have to pay
for them in the bar.
407
00:15:04,295 --> 00:15:05,236
-Want a pull?
-Uh, I'm good.
408
00:15:05,463 --> 00:15:07,071
Dad said you went to Hollywood.
409
00:15:07,298 --> 00:15:09,240
-Yeah. Yeah, I bet he did.
-W-What do you mean?
410
00:15:09,392 --> 00:15:10,983
Look I don't want to say
bad things about your dad,
411
00:15:11,136 --> 00:15:13,803
but he wasn't too keen on you
and me working together anymore,
412
00:15:13,821 --> 00:15:14,913
so he kicked me out.
413
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:17,582
-Dad lied to me?
-I think he was just jealous.
414
00:15:17,733 --> 00:15:21,144
He could tell I had my eye
on you to be my number-one Dan.
415
00:15:21,162 --> 00:15:23,588
Whoa.
What number was Dan?
416
00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,481
You know, I probably shouldn't
even be talking to you.
417
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,425
Plus, I got to focus
on this top-secret adventure
418
00:15:27,576 --> 00:15:29,243
we're gonna shoot
for the show tomorrow.
419
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,337
I mean, I'd love to tell you
what it is,
420
00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:33,264
but, you know,
team members only.
421
00:15:33,416 --> 00:15:35,174
Well, what if I want
to be back on the team?
422
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,493
-Oh, Your dad
wouldn't go for that.
-(scoffs)
423
00:15:37,586 --> 00:15:40,254
It's not up to my dad.
I'm a grown son.
424
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,014
Uh, g-give me
one of those beers.
425
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:44,500
-Ugh.
-Oh, sorry,
I was ashing in that one.
426
00:15:44,593 --> 00:15:46,669
(sighs)
Real life is so boring.
427
00:15:46,762 --> 00:15:50,448
Where's the drama?
Where are all the murders?
428
00:15:50,599 --> 00:15:53,284
(scoffs) Denver would
eat these people alive.
429
00:15:53,511 --> 00:15:55,861
The Jumbo Gumbo's getting cold.
Where's your brother?
430
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,456
-You mean this brother, Father?
-Wolf, honey, what's wrong?
431
00:15:58,607 --> 00:16:00,533
That's your "somebody ate
the last Triscuit" stance.
432
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,369
You're right, but this time
it's not about Triscuits.
433
00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:05,797
It's about Dad covering up
the truth-scuits.
434
00:16:05,948 --> 00:16:08,299
It was you
who told Tusk to leave!
435
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:09,634
-(gasping)
-No.
436
00:16:09,785 --> 00:16:12,545
I did. He's a reckless fraud
and a bad influence.
437
00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,046
Not to mention uncouth.
438
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,049
Well, I can monitor couth levels
on my own from now on.
439
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,292
Tell him he's out
of the will, Dad.
440
00:16:18,386 --> 00:16:19,960
I was trying to protect you.
441
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:23,481
Protect me? You're just jealous
because Tusk liked me better.
442
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:24,890
I was his number-one Dan.
443
00:16:24,985 --> 00:16:28,211
(gasps) Dad and Wolf
fighting over Tusk?
444
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:30,137
(chuckles)
This is Alexis and Krystle
445
00:16:30,156 --> 00:16:31,897
at the cotillion all over again.
446
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,825
Son, I don't expect you
to understand.
447
00:16:33,976 --> 00:16:35,234
Oh, I understand.
448
00:16:35,386 --> 00:16:36,977
I understand that you hate
that I beat you
449
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,404
in the outdoor competition.
450
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:39,722
Wolf, I let you win.
451
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:40,740
(all gasping)
452
00:16:40,892 --> 00:16:42,316
God, I wish Dad
was wearing pearls
453
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,835
so Wolf could tear them
off his neck.
454
00:16:44,062 --> 00:16:46,653
You wanted a truth-scuit,
you got a truth-scuit!
455
00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:48,673
No. No.
That's bull-scuit!
456
00:16:48,824 --> 00:16:51,325
He's gonna do it.
This guy's about to storm out.
457
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:54,161
-(applause)
-Oh wait, that was real.
458
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,347
I better go after him.
459
00:16:58,334 --> 00:16:59,909
-Morning, Beef.
-Good morning.
460
00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:01,853
Um, would you mind
getting Wolf for me?
461
00:17:02,004 --> 00:17:03,763
Sorry, but he left
pretty early with Tusk.
462
00:17:03,915 --> 00:17:06,265
With Tusk? Honeybee, I need
you to tell me where they went.
463
00:17:06,417 --> 00:17:08,175
Tusk is a very dangerous person.
464
00:17:08,269 --> 00:17:09,752
I'm sure Wolf is fine.
465
00:17:09,771 --> 00:17:11,087
He just said they were going
to get some eggs.
466
00:17:11,105 --> 00:17:12,922
Eggs?
No. No, no, no, no, no!
467
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:14,848
Uh oh, did you two
have breakfast plans?
468
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:16,409
He can eat twice!
469
00:17:19,855 --> 00:17:23,374
So, you actually saw the mother
eagle get attacked by a bear?
470
00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:25,768
Yeah, I chased him off,
but the damage had been done.
471
00:17:25,861 --> 00:17:28,212
Now there's no one left
to take care of those eggs.
472
00:17:28,364 --> 00:17:30,381
Little golden orphans.
473
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:32,032
So somebody's got
to protect them.
474
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,776
Like when Dan and I rescued
that baby wolverine.
475
00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:35,202
-Remember that?
-Of course.
476
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:36,612
I remember everything about Dan.
477
00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:39,465
-Five, ten. Gemini.
-Buddy, if you pull this off,
478
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,726
no one will even remember
who Dan was.
479
00:17:41,877 --> 00:17:43,302
All right, Doris,
start the camera.
480
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:44,395
Should the log be this wobbly?
481
00:17:44,622 --> 00:17:45,805
Oh, yeah, yeah.
You want it wobbly.
482
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,381
If it's too rigid
it could break.
483
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,958
Okay, three, two, one.
Tusketeers,
484
00:17:48,976 --> 00:17:53,296
meet my new Dan, Wolf Tobin,
who's about to cross this log
485
00:17:53,314 --> 00:17:55,389
to rescue some
sweet little golden eagle eggs
486
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,240
from predators.
487
00:17:56,392 --> 00:17:57,800
-You ready, Wolf?
-Oh, uh,
488
00:17:57,819 --> 00:17:59,726
-you're not coming with me?
-Oh, no.
489
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,246
I'm gonna be here,
helping the car brace the log.
490
00:18:02,473 --> 00:18:03,823
(whispers): I don't want
to upstage you, pal.
491
00:18:03,975 --> 00:18:05,808
-This is your big moment.
-Oh, thank you so much.
492
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,335
Go get 'em, Wolf.
493
00:18:08,904 --> 00:18:10,813
Hey, Tusk?
I'm thinking maybe this isn't...
494
00:18:10,906 --> 00:18:13,240
-(car door closes)
-Okay, never mind.
495
00:18:13,334 --> 00:18:15,167
Who's the Dan?
You're the Dan.
496
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,744
Who's the Dan?
You're the Dan...
497
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,839
-Aah!
-Doing great, buddy!
498
00:18:19,991 --> 00:18:21,349
Keep going!
499
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,845
Where's Wolf and Tusk?
500
00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:28,664
I'm fine, thank you. But things
are a bit of a mess up there.
501
00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:31,275
-What do you mean, "a mess"?
-Well, Tusk is pretty drunk,
502
00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:33,002
and Wolf's about
to plummet to his death
503
00:18:33,095 --> 00:18:35,429
and I couldn't get any service
on my cell phone.
504
00:18:35,523 --> 00:18:36,339
Get in!
505
00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:37,431
Oh, man, this was dumb.
506
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,932
The only TV show
I'm gonna be on now
507
00:18:39,026 --> 00:18:41,244
is Dumb Guys who Died Dumb.
508
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,456
Wolf, I'm here. What's
the status on that log, buddy?
509
00:18:45,683 --> 00:18:46,773
Well, Dad, it's not good.
510
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,200
It seems like if I move at all,
511
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,794
this log is gonna fall
into the crevasse.
512
00:18:49,945 --> 00:18:51,445
But if I don't move at all,
this log
513
00:18:51,539 --> 00:18:53,522
is also gonna fall
into the crevasse.
514
00:18:53,616 --> 00:18:55,207
And Tusk, well,
he's passed out in the Kia,
515
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:57,951
which is good, because I think
if he wakes up and moves at all,
516
00:18:58,045 --> 00:19:00,212
this log is gonna fall
into the crevasse.
517
00:19:00,365 --> 00:19:01,547
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do:
518
00:19:01,699 --> 00:19:03,549
I'm attaching one end
of this rope to the van.
519
00:19:03,701 --> 00:19:05,977
I'm gonna toss you the other
end. Tie it around yourself.
520
00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:08,371
That way, even if the log falls
into the crevasse--
521
00:19:08,464 --> 00:19:10,723
which seems inevitable,
based on your calculations--
522
00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:12,766
-you won't go with it.
-Hey, Dad?
523
00:19:12,877 --> 00:19:14,710
Don't talk, Wolf.
Don't even move.
524
00:19:14,729 --> 00:19:16,562
But I just want to say
I'm sorry. You were right.
525
00:19:16,714 --> 00:19:19,157
Tusk is a fraud
and a thief and a user.
526
00:19:19,384 --> 00:19:20,733
And, frankly,
he's uncouth as hell.
527
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,568
Don't worry about
any of that, son.
528
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:25,179
-Here comes the rope.
-Yeah, I should have known
he was using me.
529
00:19:25,181 --> 00:19:26,889
I'm nobody special.
530
00:19:26,908 --> 00:19:30,242
I just wanted to believe that
he was as cool as he was on TV.
531
00:19:30,395 --> 00:19:31,911
I mean, it was Tusk Johnson...
Oh!
532
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,337
-Oh, God! Oh, the log is moving!
-Oh, God! Wolf!
533
00:19:33,564 --> 00:19:35,064
The log is moving!
The log is moving!
534
00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:36,916
-Aah!
-Please tell me the rope
is over your body.
535
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,402
Almost. Also, all the blood's
rushing to my butt
536
00:19:39,420 --> 00:19:40,511
and it feels crazy.
537
00:19:40,663 --> 00:19:42,571
My point is I-I should have
listened to you,
538
00:19:42,590 --> 00:19:44,498
but I was being
a real Hollywood Hank,
539
00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:46,350
and now I'm up here
stuck on a log,
540
00:19:46,502 --> 00:19:48,427
hanging upside down
over a crevasse.
541
00:19:48,579 --> 00:19:49,836
So, I'm sorry.
542
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:52,248
And I love you.
And I... Aah!
543
00:19:52,266 --> 00:19:55,584
-Wolf!
-Well, hell.
544
00:19:55,678 --> 00:19:58,270
-Hey, Dad.
-Hey, Wolf.
545
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,180
I think I hit
my penis pretty bad.
546
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,758
But other than that, I'm okay.
547
00:20:02,777 --> 00:20:04,851
You know, Dad,
I don't want to be mean,
548
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,430
but I don't think The Alaskan
Adventures of Tusk Johnson
549
00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:08,948
is my favorite show anymore.
550
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:12,376
Wait, this guy had a TV show?
I thought he was making that up.
551
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:15,438
About what you said up there
about not being special:
552
00:20:15,531 --> 00:20:18,123
Wolf, you're one of the most
special people I know.
553
00:20:18,276 --> 00:20:20,609
You've got a kind heart and
you think the best of everybody,
554
00:20:20,628 --> 00:20:23,963
even when they sometimes turn
out to be absolute bull-scuit.
555
00:20:24,115 --> 00:20:26,298
Thanks, Dad. You know
what else I'm thinking?
556
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,467
I don't think Dan
stole the show from Tusk.
557
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:31,287
-I think, uh...
-Oh, no, Dan's definitely dead.
558
00:20:31,380 --> 00:20:32,638
Yeah, he's definitely dead.
559
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:33,956
BEEF:
All right, Tobins,
560
00:20:34,049 --> 00:20:35,048
who's ready for another
561
00:20:35,142 --> 00:20:36,550
Tobin Family Film Friday?
562
00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:38,143
Oh, and what is this?
563
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:40,721
(gasps)
Dad? No way.
564
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,856
Dynasty season six?
565
00:20:42,967 --> 00:20:44,558
Six through nine.
566
00:20:44,652 --> 00:20:45,892
Dad, I love you again.
567
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,912
FYI, babe,
we're honeymooning in Denver.
568
00:20:48,063 --> 00:20:50,489
Sweet! I hear
it's a very bikeable city.
569
00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:51,824
Perfect for lovers.
570
00:20:51,976 --> 00:20:53,492
I don't think
I'll be taken in by Dynasty
571
00:20:53,644 --> 00:20:55,419
the way the rest
of you were, but...
572
00:20:55,571 --> 00:20:57,313
Oh, my word,
who is that gentleman?
573
00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:59,164
And what a handsome bank.
574
00:20:59,317 --> 00:21:03,002
♪ He lives in the woods
and survives on the land ♪
575
00:21:03,154 --> 00:21:06,822
♪ He never met a beast
that he couldn't tame ♪
576
00:21:06,841 --> 00:21:11,176
♪ He'll take down a bear,
fight a wolf in his lair ♪
577
00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:15,164
♪ If you live in the wild
then you know his name ♪
578
00:21:15,182 --> 00:21:19,835
♪ It's Tusk Johnson,
mountain man ♪
579
00:21:19,854 --> 00:21:23,430
♪ Living in the woods
just because he can ♪
580
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:27,601
♪ It's Tusk Johnson,
mountain man ♪
581
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,346
♪ Did we mention that Tusk
has a sidekick, Dan. ♪
582
00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:32,364
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
583
00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,750
and TOYOTA.