1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,169
♪ Look up there ♪

2
00:00:03,253 --> 00:00:05,922
-♪ What do you see? ♪
-♪ Nature and stuff ♪

3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,590
-♪ Like a rock ♪
-♪ And a tree ♪

4
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,719
[all] ♪ Hup, the Great North ♪

5
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,763
-♪ Way up here, you can breathe the air ♪
-[all] ♪ Hup, hey, oh ♪

6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,891
-♪ Catch some fish ♪
-♪ Or gaze at a bear ♪

7
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:17,892
♪ Wow ♪

8
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,104
♪ Hup, the Great North ♪

9
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,106
-♪ Here we live ♪
-[all] ♪ Hup, oh ♪

10
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,357
-♪ Here we'll stay ♪
-♪ Whoo ♪

11
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:26,192
♪ From longest night to longest day ♪

12
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,237
♪ In the Great North ♪

13
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,700
[cheering]

14
00:00:41,416 --> 00:00:42,417
[eagle squawks]

15
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:45,295
Okay. That's it.
I cannot enjoy my breakfast

16
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:48,089
with that eagle looking at me
with his nasty, little beady eyes.

17
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,674
-[eagle squawks]
-All right. [grunts]

18
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:53,136
It's not Toby's fault his eyes are nasty.
He has bird pink eye.

19
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,013
Even more reason to keep him away from me.

20
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:57,891
Don't worry, Honeybee.
I'm co-babysitting Toby with Moon,

21
00:00:57,974 --> 00:01:01,853
and no one will be getting
avian conjunctivitis on my watch.

22
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:03,730
I know, that's right.
I will kick that bird.

23
00:01:03,813 --> 00:01:07,025
Dad, you know Roy only asked me
to watch his eagle.

24
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:09,778
And you should have asked me
before you said yes.

25
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:13,865
So now I will babysit you,
babysitting this taloned predator.

26
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:16,034
Uh-oh, trouble in "papa-dise".

27
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:18,161
Moon, I know you love wildlife,

28
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,498
but recent incidents require me
to pump the parental brakes.

29
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:26,002
I support all of your interests unless
and until they might cause your death.

30
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,588
Why, whatever could you mean, Father?

31
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:30,381
[samba music playing]

32
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:34,052
-[Beef] Moon.
-Oh. Congrats, Dad, you're a grandpa. Ow.

33
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,471
Moon, pull over right now.

34
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:39,057
Ya! Ya! Ya!

35
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,309
Careful. These are a little spicy.

36
00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:42,894
-[bear chews]
-Moon!

37
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,896
-[music ends]
-[sighs] Dad, you gotta relax.

38
00:01:44,979 --> 00:01:47,148
Working with wild animals is my calling.

39
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,983
[chuckling] So true.
It's like I always say,

40
00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,693
if Dr. Hammond had called you,

41
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,197
Jurassic Park would still be
a fun vacation destination for families.

42
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,115
[Toby squawks]

43
00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:56,616
How do you even babysit an eagle?

44
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,284
What, you make him macaroni and cheese?

45
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:01,037
Check for monsters under his eagle bed
and tuck it in?

46
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,749
He only eats raw meat, Ham.
And he sleeps standing up.

47
00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:08,586
Aw, just like Mom when she passed out
in that phone booth near Danky's.

48
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:10,755
-[Toby squawks]
-Well, if that eagle's staying,

49
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:12,757
I'll be spending my Saturday
in the guest house.

50
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,759
The only large bird I respect
is Larry Bird.

51
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:17,137
Call me if you ever babysit his giant ass.

52
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,515
I'll join. I have almost no interest
in having my gorgeous face pecked off.

53
00:02:20,598 --> 00:02:23,768
Although a scar could give me
a nice air of mystery.

54
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,937
Uh, but no, no. No, no, no.
No. I'm coming.

55
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:30,316
I don't mind beagles which are dog eagles,
but Toby can go to hell.

56
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,986
And I'll come too, 'cause I just
let one loose from my caboose.

57
00:02:33,069 --> 00:02:35,029
So we're all about to get pink eyed.
Let's go.

58
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,281
-[Moon and Judy] Ew.
-[Beef] Dirt.

59
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:37,407
[Toby squawks]

60
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:40,451
All right. Now we can spend
the rest of the day

61
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,580
not worrying about a razor-beak demon
murdering us. What should we do?

62
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,249
I know. We could work
on our Michael Caine impressions.

63
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,460
[clears throat] "I'm Michael Caine... Coo!"

64
00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:51,337
I have my work cut out for me.

65
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,422
We could play poker.

66
00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,967
Hold on. What the hell kind
of comic cards are these?

67
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:57,385
Is this the Ace of Kremlins?

68
00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:58,469
Those are tarot cards.

69
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,847
They were a favorite
at my spooky cousin Laura's wedding.

70
00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:02,974
Ooh. Tarot. I could do some readings.

71
00:03:03,057 --> 00:03:07,020
Let's see. Instructions say
you just flip over three cards...

72
00:03:07,103 --> 00:03:08,688
Ooh. So spooky.

73
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:12,233
Oh, but before you do that you're
supposed to ask a specific question.

74
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:15,445
Okay. Uh, how about this?
How will my day turn out?

75
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,238
-But just till, like, 4:00?
-Why 4:00?

76
00:03:17,322 --> 00:03:19,699
'Cause that's when I'm meeting Crispin
after his shift at the mall.

77
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:20,909
We're gonna split cheese fries,

78
00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,661
so... [chuckles] ...I already know
that'll be so dope.

79
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:27,498
[clears throat] Cards,
this is Judy from the main house.

80
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:30,376
[clears throat] Hello.
How will Ham's Day turn out?

81
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,379
-Just till, like, 4:00.
-Right. Just till, like, 4:00.

82
00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:36,299
Oh, cool. Am I gonna watch Bones?

83
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,635
No. It's, uh, death.

84
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:41,262
All right. I don't like that.

85
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,057
No, I think you need all three cards
to know what you're really in for.

86
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,268
-[Judy] Ooh.
-Oh, no. That's a pair of Deaths.

87
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:48,937
That's a good hand. I'd raise.

88
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:51,231
-[Ham groans]
-One more card to go.

89
00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:53,107
Okay. This one will surely be fine.

90
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,610
-[Judy] Oh, God.
-[Ham gasps]

91
00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:59,030
-Oh, no. Judy, it's happening again.
-What is?

92
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,699
I have a horrible gift
for predicting deaths.

93
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:05,078
When I was six, I got a fortune cookie
that said I would experience a great loss.

94
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:07,288
And that night my snail Mr. Fettuccine

95
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:08,373
-[young Judy screams]
-died.

96
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,625
Natural causes, he was 26, but still.

97
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,127
And after that, her power only grew.

98
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:17,423
A few years later, while playing Ouija,
the board spelled out "float."

99
00:04:17,507 --> 00:04:20,426
Shortly after, we found
our fish Bubble gum dead.

100
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:22,595
And he was floating.

101
00:04:22,679 --> 00:04:25,807
Okay. So Judy's a witch.
I'll get the matches. Let's burn her.

102
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:28,768
And a really freaky one
was just two years ago,

103
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,354
when I dreamt I died of thirst
at a summer cookout.

104
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:32,772
Where are the damn matches?

105
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,607
And then the morning after,
I heard on the news

106
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,443
that the guy who voiced
the Kool-Aid Man had died.

107
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,613
Busted through that wall
between this life and the next.

108
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:43,908
So, uh, looks like my life will be over
by 4:00 p.m. today.

109
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,493
No, I won't let that happen.

110
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,162
No, I won't let that happen.
Hamilton. You're in luck.

111
00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,957
Because no one's seen all the
Final Destination movies more than me.

112
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,042
I've seen each one 105 times.

113
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:56,713
Do you hear that, death? You got
Honeybee Shaw-Tobin to deal with today.

114
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:57,797
-[Judy] Oh, God!
-[all scream]

115
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,216
It looks like death
accepted your challenge.

116
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,468
Yeah, I mean, it has been happening a lot.

117
00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:04,929
I've been bothering Wolf to fix it,
but... It's on.

118
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:08,808
Honeybee, I absolutely believe
you can save me from death's bony grasp.

119
00:05:08,891 --> 00:05:11,477
But just in case,
I'd like to get to my Crispin.

120
00:05:11,561 --> 00:05:13,271
If I'm dying, I want one more kiss,

121
00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:16,065
and if I cheat death,
I do want those fries.

122
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,651
Hmm. Getting to the mall will be risky
with death on our tails,

123
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,737
but I think we can do it.
We need to put Ham in a bubble.

124
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,488
I'll gather the pillows and the duct tape.

125
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:25,783
Good man. And we got to avoid planes,
driving behind a logging truck.

126
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:28,536
And don't even think about getting
laser eye surgery, young man.

127
00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:30,830
[gasps] Oh, no. I just thought about it.

128
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:34,917
Okay. Time for his feeding.
I'll get his meats.

129
00:05:35,001 --> 00:05:36,711
Whoo-hoo. This is fun. Huh?

130
00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:38,963
I'm lovin' this whole
Three Men and a Baby vibe.

131
00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:41,257
-Mmm.
-Maybe I should run out for some diapers.

132
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,885
The three of us trying
to change a cranky, wild eagle

133
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,262
is sure to produce some fun shenanigans.

134
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,181
Wolf, Toby isn't a baby.

135
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:50,683
He's technically older than you
in eagle years.

136
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,478
Boss. I wonder if he can add me
to his health insurance.

137
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,438
-[Toby squeaks]
-Oh, hey, Moon,

138
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,691
what do you say we do that together
from a much safer distance?

139
00:05:58,775 --> 00:06:00,818
Uh, up. Ah. See? There you go?

140
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,653
Dad, this isn't cornhole.

141
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:06,282
Well, true. But Toby's mouth
is also a deadly weapon.

142
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,910
Picking up some serious
Selleck and Gutte vibes here, guys.

143
00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,536
You both wanna be great dads,

144
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,790
but your parenting styles are as different
as your chest hair situations.

145
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:14,874
-[Toby squawks]
-Oh.

146
00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:18,002
I'm opening the cage.
Everyone stay still, please.

147
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,088
-[Toby continues]
-Moon, absolutely not.

148
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:23,758
Dad, I gotta get him out
to do his eye drops. I know how.

149
00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,718
And he could claw your face off.

150
00:06:25,802 --> 00:06:27,011
I'll go get my snare pole,

151
00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,180
so I can position his head
for you in the cage.

152
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:30,473
[Toby squeaks]

153
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:33,768
Okay. Time to come out, bud. There you go.

154
00:06:33,851 --> 00:06:37,563
Oh, so you're just gonna, uh,
do what Dad told you not to do?

155
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,065
I-I didn't know we could do that.

156
00:06:39,148 --> 00:06:40,441
Wolf, I know what I'm doing.

157
00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,068
Moon. What the hell are you doing?

158
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:44,862
Dad, put the pole away.
You're making him nervous.

159
00:06:44,946 --> 00:06:46,155
-I'm making him nervous?
-[shrieking]

160
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,909
Nature's perfect shredding machine is
currently perched on my ten-year-old son.

161
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,577
I have nervous seniority.

162
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:53,746
Hey, guys, I just needed
to grab a few pillows... Whoa, whoa!

163
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:54,956
-[Toby shrieks]
-[Wolf screams]

164
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:58,000
-[Judy] Oh, Dad, chase him.
-[Moon] Toby's gonna go. No!

165
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,502
Well, crap.

166
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:01,712
Damn it. That jerk jacked my jerky.

167
00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,301
Toby!

168
00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:09,762
Ugh. He's not gonna answer
to his name, Dad.

169
00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,348
Well, maybe he'd answer to a rad nickname.

170
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:16,227
[stammers] Uh, Toblerone.
Uh, "Toby-Wan-Kenobi."

171
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:20,106
Uh, "T-Alan Rickman" in "Naka-Toby" Tower.
T... I... I'll keep thinking.

172
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,399
He would've never fallen off

173
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:24,026
if you hadn't made him nervous
with that dumb pole of yours.

174
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,112
-I had it under control.
-Disagree.

175
00:07:26,195 --> 00:07:28,573
You screwed up my first eagle-sitting job.

176
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,284
And now I'll never become
a professional wildlife expert

177
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,870
who goes on late-night shows,
and moonlights as a pet detective

178
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,247
that goes by the alias
"Seth Snake Looker."

179
00:07:36,330 --> 00:07:37,373
Thanks a lot, Dad.

180
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,876
You know, Moon, it's not too late
to turn today

181
00:07:39,959 --> 00:07:42,670
into a fun father-son's outdoor good time.

182
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,338
Just like we had when you were little.

183
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:47,216
It is too late, since I've resigned
my position as your son.

184
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,845
-Resignation not accepted.
-Resignation resubmitted.

185
00:07:50,928 --> 00:07:52,263
Oops. Denied again.

186
00:07:52,346 --> 00:07:53,890
Whoo, things are getting heated.

187
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,893
Just like when Selleck gave
one of Baby Mary's stuffed animals

188
00:07:56,976 --> 00:08:00,104
to his date for Valentine's Day,
and Danson flipped out.

189
00:08:00,188 --> 00:08:03,441
But by the end of the day,
I bet we'll realize we're all Toby's dads,

190
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:05,776
and we love them equally
and let's make a sequel.

191
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:08,988
Aha! Whitewash, aka eagle poop.

192
00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:10,907
Toby can fly, but he can't hide.

193
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,408
-[eagle squawks]
-Sup Tobs.

194
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:16,329
My guess your old dad's not such
a bad eagle tracker after all. Right, bud?

195
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:18,581
Father-son fun time engaged.

196
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:20,917
Actually, there's one small problem.

197
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,585
That's not Toby.

198
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:26,797
Sure it is. He's got, uh, wings
and a head. Just like the T-man.

199
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:29,675
Wolf, her wingspan is definitely bigger.

200
00:08:30,259 --> 00:08:33,346
-[eaglets squeaking]
-Of course, there's also the babies.

201
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:36,349
We didn't find Toby,
but I think we did find his family.

202
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:40,019
And that mother eagle appears
to be feeding her babies Wolf's jerky.

203
00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:44,607
Oh, lucky birds. It is the best flavor.
Wacky Taco Teriyaki Twister.

204
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,318
Toby probably built this nest
for breeding season.

205
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,946
It's safer than his regular nest
near the post office.

206
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:52,532
Two nests? Living pretty big, my man.

207
00:08:52,615 --> 00:08:56,536
And since Mom's in this nest,
Toby must be out on the job, hunting.

208
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,580
-Well, we'll just keep looking.
-Uh. Let's split up.

209
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,416
Then I could spend less time
explaining basic eagle facts,

210
00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:03,834
and more time finding Toby.

211
00:09:03,918 --> 00:09:06,504
Nope. It'll be safer if we stick together.

212
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,297
Like in the movie when they lose the baby,

213
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,384
but then they find the baby
by tracking down some cocaine dealers.

214
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,929
Ha! The '80s were a wild time
to be three dads, huh?

215
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,058
You doing okay in there, Ham?

216
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:22,645
[Ham, muffled] It's hard to talk.
There's a pillow in front of my face.

217
00:09:23,437 --> 00:09:24,647
[sighs] That's better.

218
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,857
I just needed a mouth hole
for my mouth hole.

219
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:28,484
Come on. We gotta break your date
with death

220
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,069
and keep your date with Crispin.

221
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,405
We'll go very slowly
and keep you alive until 4:00.

222
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,657
But just in case,
I'm gonna make a few calls

223
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,118
to see who might cough up
some cash for your kidneys.

224
00:09:37,201 --> 00:09:40,538
Okay. Now let's surround Ham
and walk him down the driveway to the car.

225
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,584
-[door squeaks]
-Damn door.

226
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,128
-Whoa.
-Ooh.

227
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,713
-Oh, my God.
-What?

228
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:51,007
A murder icicle almost got you.

229
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,425
-[Ham] Oh. Oh, God.
-[Judy] Go-God!

230
00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,677
-[Honeybee] Ooh. Oh, no. Icy patch.
-[Judy screams]

231
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,305
[Ham, Honeybee and Judy scream]

232
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,515
Oh, no. My brother, he's gone.

233
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,766
Oh, wait, no. Ham's fine.

234
00:10:00,850 --> 00:10:03,603
-[Honeybee] Nice try, death.
-[Ham] My whole life flashed before me.

235
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,062
So much time on the toilet.

236
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,441
Moon, I know you think
I'm being a buzzkill.

237
00:10:08,524 --> 00:10:10,568
I would say "barf fart," but, sure.

238
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:14,989
But you know that I myself used
to be more daring around wildlife.

239
00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,576
Ugh. Oh, God. Are you going to tell me
the elk story again?

240
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:20,119
Oh. This one's a banger, Dad.

241
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:24,040
I was a young man of just 15 years
on a solo expedition

242
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,167
out in the Tongass National Forest

243
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:29,503
to take pictures for a 4-H competition
at the county fair.

244
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,715
And that's when I spied it.
A majestic bull elk.

245
00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,551
I knew they were dangerous,
so I kept my distance.

246
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:40,139
Then I slowly
and cautiously got my camera out.

247
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,433
And the elk shook me.

248
00:10:42,516 --> 00:10:43,976
Shook me head to hind.

249
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,978
-Gripped my pants clean off.
-[young Beef screams]

250
00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:51,275
Terrified, I remained
on that tree pantsless till dawn,

251
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,736
afraid my tormentor would return.

252
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:57,948
You see, Moon, even when exercising
maximal caution around a beast,

253
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:01,661
a lone outdoorsman can lose his pants.
Or worse, his life.

254
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:04,080
Your problem wasn't
your lack of backup, Dad.

255
00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:05,706
It was your lack of know-how.

256
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:06,916
Yeah, Dad.

257
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,709
Uh, sorry, sorry.
Got caught up in the moment.

258
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:10,711
If the picture was for the county fair,

259
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,839
that places you in the woods
in early August. Is that right?

260
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,175
-Uh, yes.
-Mating season.

261
00:11:16,258 --> 00:11:19,470
There is no amount of caution
high enough near a bull elk

262
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:22,848
during August or September,
when they are extremely aggressive.

263
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,183
You're lucky to be alive.

264
00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:27,520
-Oh, uh, I wasn't aware of that.
-[Old Jody Jr.] Damn it.

265
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,730
[groans] Oh, hey, Tobins.

266
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,191
Boy, am I glad to see you.
Eagle got me good.

267
00:11:32,274 --> 00:11:34,402
-Toby.
-Yep. He tried to grab the cooler

268
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,778
off the back of my truck.

269
00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:38,030
I was so startled
that I ran right off the road.

270
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,156
Did you see which way he went?

271
00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:40,533
Same way your boy just went.

272
00:11:40,616 --> 00:11:42,493
-What boy?
-Yay high, bear suit.

273
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:43,953
Was here just a second ago.

274
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,706
Damn it. Moon's gone rogue.

275
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:50,918
He really is a Guttenberg.
Translation, "lovable scamp."

276
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,760
Huh. Moon's tracks stop right here
and then disappear.

277
00:11:59,844 --> 00:12:00,886
You thinking what I'm thinking?

278
00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:02,304
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.

279
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,265
[stammers] Maybe he can fly?

280
00:12:04,348 --> 00:12:06,058
Like, uh, 'cause he's half owl.

281
00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,394
'Cause, uh, Mom had an affair with an owl.

282
00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,855
-And, uh...
-[laughs] No, Wolf. What?

283
00:12:10,938 --> 00:12:12,481
Ha! I was total joking.

284
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:15,943
I do think he might have climbed up
in this tree to get a better view.

285
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,988
And from the top,
he'd have a direct line of sight to...

286
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:22,116
To that owl that had an affair with Mom?

287
00:12:22,199 --> 00:12:23,701
No, the post office.

288
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:25,286
Toby's other nest.

289
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:27,621
-Let's go check there.
-Right, right.

290
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,415
[car horns honking]

291
00:12:29,498 --> 00:12:32,334
Now, Ham, just in case
death comes out on top today,

292
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,463
I think I can get a couple of doubloons
for that gorgeous red hair

293
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:36,672
down at the wig factory.

294
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,215
So do you mind if I bury you bald?

295
00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:40,509
Aunt Dirt, stop. Ham is not gonna die.

296
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,763
Not if the dozens of Final Destination
characters who lost their lives

297
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,931
so that I can protect Ham,
have anything to say about it.

298
00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:48,434
Knock on wood. Uh. [groans]

299
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:52,021
Ham, don't. No, no unnecessary movement.
You can't risk it.

300
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,315
[Honeybee] Let me get you close
to the entrance.

301
00:12:54,398 --> 00:12:56,484
When we're walking, death's stalking.

302
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,569
What the hell, Honeybee?
You can't park here.

303
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,113
Uh, sorry, Security Pam.

304
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:03,532
But my brother-in-law
got three deaths in a tarot reading,

305
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,743
and the reaper is after us
Final Destination style.

306
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:08,496
So we gotta get him into the mall
to either kiss his boyfriend goodbye,

307
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:09,747
or have cheese fries with him.

308
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:13,042
Oh, well, in that case,
I'll give you a security escort.

309
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:16,045
[shouting] Everybody out of the way.
We got a final destination here.

310
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,173
[groans] No Eagle. No Moon.

311
00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:21,675
Hey, Zoya. Love the look. Super punk rock.

312
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:24,053
Not punk. Bird tried to steal hat.

313
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:26,388
Bird strong, but Zoya stronger.

314
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,724
Zoya, did that bird happen to be Toby?

315
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,060
I never snitch, but yes.

316
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,812
Well, wait, where did he go?

317
00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,980
[people screaming]

318
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:36,315
[Toby squawking]

319
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,861
[Toby screeches]

320
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:43,572
-[Beef] There's moon. Let's go.
-[Toby squawking]

321
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,952
No, my stew meat.
I saved up so many coupons.

322
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,080
-[Toby squeals]
-[screams] Not my fish sticks.

323
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:54,583
It's Fish Sticks Friday.
Harry will be devastated!

324
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:56,460
Sir, stay in your car.

325
00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,587
Moon, we were supposed to stay together.

326
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:02,174
Sorry, Dad. But watching Toby today
was my job, so I'm doing it.

327
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,676
-[Toby squawks]
-It was our job.

328
00:14:03,759 --> 00:14:05,427
But how did you know he would be here?

329
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,931
Well, when I saw OJJ's vandalized cooler
that Toby attacked,

330
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,517
I realized Toby wasn't hunting,
he was shopping.

331
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,394
-He goes beef shopping, am I right?
-[Toby squawks]

332
00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,564
Toby's number one job right now
is to feed his babies.

333
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:18,941
-And eagles are kleptoparasitic.
-Bless you.

334
00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:22,444
Thank you. Which means they steal food
gathered by other birds.

335
00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:25,072
But Toby is also partially domesticated.

336
00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:26,824
So I figured he'd come to the place

337
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:29,827
where it's easiest
to steal food gathered by humans.

338
00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:33,122
But getting Toby under control
is not something you can handle.

339
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,958
Watch me. You guys stand over there
where it's safe.

340
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,085
-Absolutely not. I'll take care of it.
-[people screaming]

341
00:14:38,168 --> 00:14:40,462
Dad, just let me get Toby
back in his cage.

342
00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:42,840
Wolf, take your brother over
to Mrs. Tuntley's car,

343
00:14:42,923 --> 00:14:45,217
-and keep him in there.
-Dad, come on!

344
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,428
Use the childproof locks if you have to.

345
00:14:47,511 --> 00:14:49,889
[groans] I figured those out
when I was three.

346
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,391
Ah, man, you gotta help me out.
I still don't get 'em.

347
00:14:52,474 --> 00:14:54,268
Uh, everyone stay calm.

348
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:57,229
I called Game Warden Burt
and left a message... [screams]

349
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,231
-Oh, my God!
-Pete, get inside.

350
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:02,693
And I need to come in and get
some supplies for a Bal-chatri trap.

351
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:06,071
Sure. And we also have a BOGO
on Rice Krispie Treats you're gonna love.

352
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,781
-Not now, Pete.
-Right, right.

353
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:11,911
This is as far as I can take you.
My cart can't go up these stairs.

354
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,121
But you could get out and walk up with us.

355
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:15,748
I wish. Bad knees.

356
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,458
Also, I want to get a soft pretzel.

357
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:18,667
Bye!

358
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,630
[groans] What if I fall?

359
00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:25,341
Why is this elevator
still under construction?

360
00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:27,635
They've been working on it for so long.

361
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:28,761
We couldn't take it anyway.

362
00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:31,388
Just ask Nora Carpenter
from Final Destination 2.

363
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:33,974
Trick question... You can't
because she ain't got no head.

364
00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,685
Popped right off like a button
on a pair of jeans that are way too tight.

365
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:37,770
What do we do?

366
00:15:37,853 --> 00:15:40,564
Ham has trouble with stairs
even when death isn't on his ass.

367
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,192
Looks like we're gonna have to make a stop
at the sporting goods store.

368
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:45,945
And maybe also for a soft pretzel
cause that sounded good.

369
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:47,613
[Ham groaning]

370
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:48,822
Ham, before you climb,

371
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:52,326
why don't you go ahead and hit me
with your bank account number and ATM pin.

372
00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,828
-Just in case this doesn't work.
-Dirt, no.

373
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:58,290
Okay. Start climbing, Ham. Keep your
center of gravity as low as possible.

374
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,167
[Ham groaning]

375
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,836
Okay, Judy, start looking for hazards.

376
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,713
Near the end of the movies,
the deaths are fully nuts

377
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,715
-and can come from anywhere.
-[Ham groaning]

378
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,301
[Judy] Mmm.

379
00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:12,846
Mmm. [screams]

380
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,099
[roller skater screams]

381
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,809
Argh. Damn thing ate my quarter.

382
00:16:16,892 --> 00:16:18,102
-[machine clicks]
-Ooh.

383
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:24,400
-[distorted] Ham! Look out!
-[distorted] No!

384
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,653
No! [gulps, chews]

385
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:29,780
-Ham, Ham. Are you dying?
-[Ham] Mmm-mm.

386
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:33,617
[smacks lips]
No, it's just really old gum.

387
00:16:33,701 --> 00:16:35,077
Ugh. I'm okay.

388
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,122
I'll get to the rest of the way. [strains]

389
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,957
Or maybe we just walk.

390
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,625
[Toby squawks]

391
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,919
All right. The trap is set.

392
00:16:44,753 --> 00:16:46,046
[Toby squawks]

393
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,508
[strains] Come on, Wolf.

394
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:52,886
Let me out. Toby is going to dive again.
I can tell by his stance.

395
00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,471
Can't. Dad's orders.

396
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:58,183
But I need to go keep Dad safe.
He's gonna get hurt.

397
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:00,602
-[Toby squawks]
-Dad!

398
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,063
-[Toby screeches]
-[Beef screams]

399
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,314
No, no, no, no, no!

400
00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:07,776
Sam Malone's Winter's Bones,
Toby's wedging Dad!

401
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:12,948
-[Toby squawks]
-[screams] No, no!

402
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,575
Somebody's gotta do something.

403
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,702
My dad's butt
can't take much more of this.

404
00:17:16,785 --> 00:17:18,662
Wolf, please I know what to do.

405
00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:20,706
You have to trust me.
You have to let me out.

406
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:23,208
Moon, I'm gonna say to you
what Danson says to Selleck

407
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:26,253
when he asks him to watch Mary
so he can go on a date.

408
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:27,379
Okay.

409
00:17:28,464 --> 00:17:29,923
No, Moon. Stay back. [screams]

410
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:32,051
-[Toby squawks]
-[Moon] I'm here to help you.

411
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:33,886
Stay calm, Dad.

412
00:17:33,969 --> 00:17:35,471
Everyone else get back.

413
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:38,307
Stoop down behind your cars.
No loud sounds.

414
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,850
-Even me.
-Yes.

415
00:17:39,933 --> 00:17:41,185
Thank you for including me.

416
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:43,854
[screams] Moon, no, get back, back, back.

417
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,106
Dad, if you want to have a butt crack
at the end of this,

418
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,441
I need you to stop yelling.

419
00:17:47,524 --> 00:17:49,485
-[Beef yelling]
-Go limp. Lay down.

420
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,570
-Okay.
-Seriously, stop talking.

421
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:53,530
-Yep. Sorry.
-Shh.

422
00:17:53,614 --> 00:17:54,615
[Toby squawks]

423
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,867
[Moon] Caw-caw-caw.

424
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:58,994
-Is that a dead mouse?
-Yep.

425
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,788
You just had that in your pocket?

426
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,290
Yes, I always have one
for things like this.

427
00:18:03,373 --> 00:18:04,750
-You don't?
-No.

428
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:06,376
Caw-caw-caw.

429
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:07,669
[Toby squawks]

430
00:18:08,962 --> 00:18:13,092
And while he's swallowing the mouse,
I just leash him up here.

431
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,095
Way to go, Moon.
You saved my favorite dad.

432
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,973
Caw-caw. All right, I've got him leashed.

433
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:21,517
I'm gonna walk him home.

434
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,019
Don't you want to get him
in his cage first?

435
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,521
-I do not.
-But...

436
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:28,148
Hey, Dad, there's a time
in Three Men And A Baby,

437
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,274
where Selleck and the goon

438
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:32,194
had to acknowledge
that Danson was Mary's real dad.

439
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:35,697
He was in charge and he was the one
who needed to take care of her.

440
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,492
Right. Moon, we'll follow behind you.

441
00:18:38,575 --> 00:18:41,036
Perfect. Just not too close.

442
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,621
[people cheer]

443
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:43,956
Well done, Moon!

444
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:46,917
There he is, Ham. Go say goodbye.

445
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,293
-Crispin.
-Ham?

446
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,045
Yes, it's me.

447
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,965
I came to say farewell forever.

448
00:18:53,048 --> 00:18:54,758
Or get fries if I live.

449
00:18:54,842 --> 00:18:55,968
Uh, what?

450
00:18:56,051 --> 00:18:58,178
Wait, what's going on with the kiosk?

451
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,347
Oh. A ground squirrel fell out
of a light fixture

452
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:03,308
right into one of the blenders
and I accidentally blended it to death.

453
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,185
So we're closed. Possibly forever.

454
00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,478
Waiting to hear from corporate.

455
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:07,938
Also, I'm deeply traumatized.

456
00:19:08,021 --> 00:19:09,648
Wait, a ground squirrel died?

457
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:11,859
Judy, your witchcraft wasn't about Ham.

458
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:14,820
Oh! I just killed a ground squirrel.
Not my brother.

459
00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:16,405
-[clocks chiming]
-And...

460
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:20,951
We did it. We beat death.
In your face. [grunting]

461
00:19:21,034 --> 00:19:24,121
Time to take these pillows off
and get some fries.

462
00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,915
Okay. What are you... What is happening?

463
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,000
Oh, crap.

464
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:31,253
I forgot I took my pants off
to get a better pillow fit.

465
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,172
Will you be embarrassed
to get fries with me?

466
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,299
Are you kidding? It would be my honor.

467
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,467
I'll even take my pants off too.

468
00:19:37,551 --> 00:19:39,511
We did it. We saved Ham.

469
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,930
I mean, I don't think
he was actually ever in danger,

470
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,057
-but...
-Shh, shh, shh.

471
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:47,269
You think he still has some of that
dead ground squirrel smoothie back there?

472
00:19:47,352 --> 00:19:48,645
I'm a little parched.

473
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:52,107
Welp, we were out of rubbing alcohol,

474
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,610
but I poured a bunch of tequila
down my butt area

475
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:55,861
and slapped on a bandage.

476
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,821
Are you ready to apologize to Toby?

477
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,489
No, Toby can rot.

478
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:03,785
-But I am ready to apologize to you.
-Okay.

479
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:07,372
Moon, I'm sorry, I didn't trust you
to take care of the eagle

480
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,498
on your own today.

481
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:09,625
It's okay, Dad.

482
00:20:09,708 --> 00:20:12,252
I'm sorry that I know more than you
about wildlife.

483
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,881
Oh, Moon. That doesn't bother me.
I love that you do. I'm proud.

484
00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:20,219
But seeing you with wild animals
still sometimes scares the crap out of me.

485
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:22,679
-[chuckles] It's a dad thing.
-Papa's gotta pop.

486
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,891
You're gifted
and I can't hold you back and I shouldn't.

487
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:29,478
Most parents of kids with terrifying
talents probably go through this.

488
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:32,522
I mean, that guy who does
all the rock climbing with no ropes.

489
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:35,275
I bet his parents have never
slept a wink in their lives.

490
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,110
-I love that guy.
-[chuckles] Me too.

491
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,320
He's my screen saver.

492
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:42,241
But my point is you can't stop an animal
from following its nature

493
00:20:42,324 --> 00:20:45,202
and I can't stop you
from following your nature.

494
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:48,080
[sniffles, cries]
Damn it, that was beautiful.

495
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:50,958
I just hope you guys both know what to do
when you see a wolf.

496
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:53,961
[both] Stand tall, back away.
Maintain eye contact.

497
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:57,381
Hell, no. When you see a Wolf
you bring it in for a hug,

498
00:20:57,464 --> 00:21:00,842
-Oh.
-[screams] My butt, my butt. Oh, my God.

499
00:21:00,926 --> 00:21:04,263
♪ Good night, sweetheart
Well, it's time to go ♪

500
00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:06,181
-♪ Do, do, di, do, do ♪
-♪ Good night, sweetheart ♪

501
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:09,268
-♪ Well, it's time go ♪
-♪ Do, do, do, do ♪

502
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:12,813
♪ I hate to leave you
But I really must say ♪

503
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:15,857
♪ Good night sweetheart
Good night ♪

504
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:16,942
[Toby squawks]

505
00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:19,736
♪ Well, it's three o'clock
In the morning ♪

506
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,154
[Toby squawks]

507
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:24,449
♪ Baby, I just can't treat you right ♪

508
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:28,870
♪ Well, I hate to leave you, baby
I don't mean maybe ♪

509
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:32,874
-♪ Because I love you so ♪
-♪ Do, do, di, do, do ♪