1 00:00:07,770 --> 00:00:10,976 Okay, we've been around and around on this. 2 00:00:11,043 --> 00:00:13,247 We can make this a whole hell of a lot easier 3 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:16,721 if you just answer one simple question. 4 00:00:16,788 --> 00:00:18,825 How old is Betty Hart? 5 00:00:18,892 --> 00:00:21,798 (sighs) And I am telling you, that is not a simple question. 6 00:00:21,865 --> 00:00:23,602 I'm going to ask it again. 7 00:00:23,669 --> 00:00:25,873 How old is Betty Hart? 8 00:00:26,708 --> 00:00:29,881 Are you really sure you want to go down this road? 9 00:00:29,948 --> 00:00:32,285 I just want one of you people 10 00:00:32,352 --> 00:00:35,291 to give me a straight answer. 11 00:00:35,358 --> 00:00:37,630 How old is Betty Hart?! 12 00:00:37,697 --> 00:00:39,934 And I'm telling you, I have no idea 13 00:00:40,001 --> 00:00:41,705 what the hell y'all are talking about. 14 00:00:41,771 --> 00:00:44,309 Now, I'm starving‐‐ somebody go fetch me some Corn Nuts 15 00:00:44,376 --> 00:00:46,280 and a diet Dr. Mister before I go 16 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:48,384 "hangry lady" on your butts. 17 00:00:48,451 --> 00:00:50,656 ♪ ♪ 18 00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:19,681 Bassett. Bassett! 19 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,985 Slow down. why are you on tilt today? 20 00:01:22,052 --> 00:01:24,456 I mean, are the guys making fun of your cross‐eyes again? 21 00:01:24,524 --> 00:01:25,959 I do not have cross‐eyes. 22 00:01:26,026 --> 00:01:27,797 One just gets lazy after lunch. 23 00:01:27,863 --> 00:01:30,368 Anyway, remember the Winston‐Salem killings? 24 00:01:30,435 --> 00:01:31,971 The string of drug‐related murders 25 00:01:32,038 --> 00:01:33,340 with the crazy meth gang, yeah. 26 00:01:33,407 --> 00:01:34,443 I mean, all we ever had on 'em 27 00:01:34,509 --> 00:01:35,846 was a picture of an RV. 28 00:01:35,913 --> 00:01:37,482 Well, I've got the RV and... 29 00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:39,620 I've got the meth gang right over there. 30 00:01:39,687 --> 00:01:43,327 That does not look like a meth gang. 31 00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:45,699 They were driving the RV, they were trying to buy meth, 32 00:01:45,766 --> 00:01:49,607 and witnesses heard them kill, and then throw out the body. 33 00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:51,778 Well, I guess we got to hear what they have to say. 34 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:54,751 Are you gonna start talking or am I gonna blow my stack? 35 00:01:54,817 --> 00:01:56,186 Are you...? Sorry. 36 00:01:56,253 --> 00:01:58,190 ‐Are you talking to me or her? ‐You! 37 00:01:58,257 --> 00:02:00,261 Ooh, you better be careful because this one? 38 00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:01,731 All emotions. 39 00:02:01,798 --> 00:02:04,804 Oh, I'm a huge fan of the whole "good cop, bad cop" thing. 40 00:02:04,871 --> 00:02:06,541 Is he gonna kick a trash can? 41 00:02:06,608 --> 00:02:08,010 I love it when they kick trash cans. 42 00:02:08,077 --> 00:02:11,216 Why don't you just walk us through it, one more time? 43 00:02:11,283 --> 00:02:14,590 Oh, me? I'm not telling you donut chasers nothing. 44 00:02:14,657 --> 00:02:15,424 Aah! 45 00:02:15,491 --> 00:02:17,462 Perfect. Oh, I love it. 46 00:02:17,530 --> 00:02:20,569 Love the rage. Okay, I'll tell you everything you want to know. 47 00:02:20,636 --> 00:02:22,640 Well, my gram's birthday was coming up. 48 00:02:22,706 --> 00:02:24,877 And we were giving her crap about it, 49 00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:26,714 like we do every year. 50 00:02:26,781 --> 00:02:28,350 Mother, your birthday's coming up. 51 00:02:28,417 --> 00:02:29,620 Have you started planning the party? 52 00:02:29,687 --> 00:02:31,290 Ooh, have you been putting out your feelers 53 00:02:31,356 --> 00:02:32,860 to the male stripper community? 54 00:02:32,927 --> 00:02:34,296 And you want the cake to say: 55 00:02:34,362 --> 00:02:35,498 "None of your damn business"? 56 00:02:35,566 --> 00:02:37,736 Yeah, Gram. Or will this be the year 57 00:02:37,803 --> 00:02:40,676 people actually learn which birthday they're celebrating? 58 00:02:40,742 --> 00:02:43,414 Well, not that I owe you fools an explanation, 59 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,484 but Betty Hart's just gonna have 60 00:02:45,552 --> 00:02:47,690 a quiet birthday at home this year. 61 00:02:47,756 --> 00:02:51,096 I've already broken the news to Richard Gere via Titters. 62 00:02:51,163 --> 00:02:53,434 I'm just gonna spend a quiet night 63 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,873 vacuuming my bedspread. 64 00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:58,645 Something's weird. 65 00:02:58,712 --> 00:02:59,580 Very weird. 66 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,751 She always wants a huge party. 67 00:03:01,818 --> 00:03:03,120 Why not this year? 68 00:03:03,187 --> 00:03:05,291 Could this year be a milestone birthday? 69 00:03:05,358 --> 00:03:06,527 (both gasp) 70 00:03:06,594 --> 00:03:08,497 So you're telling me you have 71 00:03:08,565 --> 00:03:10,401 no idea how old your own mother is? 72 00:03:10,468 --> 00:03:11,571 Oh, God doesn't even know. 73 00:03:11,638 --> 00:03:13,440 She'll kill you if you get close. 74 00:03:14,509 --> 00:03:16,280 Oh, Mom, this banner got all jumbled. 75 00:03:16,346 --> 00:03:17,549 So silly. 76 00:03:17,616 --> 00:03:18,785 Can you just grab the numbers 77 00:03:18,852 --> 00:03:20,789 and stick 'em in the middle there? 78 00:03:23,561 --> 00:03:24,664 Nice try. 79 00:03:24,730 --> 00:03:26,668 (yelps) 80 00:03:28,070 --> 00:03:29,272 Betty Hart? 81 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,711 It's me, Rand Carlson. 82 00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:34,416 We went to high school together, remember? 83 00:03:34,482 --> 00:03:36,320 Class of 19‐‐ (shouting) 84 00:03:36,386 --> 00:03:38,357 (shushing) 85 00:03:38,424 --> 00:03:40,595 He'll be fine. Get in! 86 00:03:40,662 --> 00:03:43,334 Come on, just tell me how old my mother is. 87 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,539 Let's just say, that whole thing with the cross? 88 00:03:45,605 --> 00:03:46,975 That's nothing compared to what your mom 89 00:03:47,041 --> 00:03:48,344 would do to me if I told. 90 00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:49,479 So you're not telling? 91 00:03:49,547 --> 00:03:50,849 Even having this conversation is 92 00:03:50,916 --> 00:03:52,920 freaking me out. 93 00:03:59,934 --> 00:04:01,704 Okay, so where are we at? 94 00:04:01,771 --> 00:04:03,875 Uh, last week she let it slip that she got drunk 95 00:04:03,942 --> 00:04:07,348 and "caught finger herpes" at Hands Across America, 96 00:04:07,415 --> 00:04:10,187 which was... (scatting) 97 00:04:10,254 --> 00:04:11,858 1986, so assuming 98 00:04:11,924 --> 00:04:13,795 she was legal drinking age in '86‐‐ 99 00:04:13,862 --> 00:04:15,464 You can't assume Betty Hart would wait 100 00:04:15,532 --> 00:04:16,868 till legal drinking age to get drunk. 101 00:04:16,934 --> 00:04:19,372 Oh, so that goes in the dead‐end pile. 102 00:04:19,439 --> 00:04:21,143 Congratulations to all of us 103 00:04:21,209 --> 00:04:23,080 and our futures and the bountiful whimsy 104 00:04:23,147 --> 00:04:24,750 that all of life holds because... 105 00:04:24,817 --> 00:04:27,422 I got us an RV we can use for free! 106 00:04:27,488 --> 00:04:30,161 Let's go see the untamed beauty 107 00:04:30,227 --> 00:04:32,131 of the Outer Banks. 108 00:04:32,198 --> 00:04:33,434 What? 109 00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,204 Okay, tell me about this RV. 110 00:04:35,271 --> 00:04:37,241 Explain it to me like I'm a two‐year‐old. 111 00:04:37,308 --> 00:04:39,580 Well, an RV 112 00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,617 is, like, a "weally" big car‐‐ 113 00:04:41,684 --> 00:04:44,523 ‐Not literally! ‐Okay, I'm sorry. I don't know how it works. 114 00:04:44,590 --> 00:04:47,395 I've never been a perp before. So... 115 00:04:47,462 --> 00:04:48,731 I was at work, 116 00:04:48,798 --> 00:04:50,702 cleaning up a nasty glue spill... 117 00:04:50,769 --> 00:04:52,673 Bro, guess who has two thumbs 118 00:04:52,739 --> 00:04:55,144 and just got back from Dollywood. 119 00:04:55,211 --> 00:04:57,281 Oh, man, you went to Dollywood? 120 00:04:57,348 --> 00:04:58,751 Yep. And get this. 121 00:04:58,818 --> 00:05:00,689 I didn't have to spend a dime on hotels. 122 00:05:00,755 --> 00:05:03,227 A guy just lent me his RV for free. 123 00:05:03,293 --> 00:05:04,597 What? Who? 124 00:05:04,663 --> 00:05:06,366 Just a guy. A good Samaritan. 125 00:05:06,433 --> 00:05:08,571 He was even disappointed when I brought it back. 126 00:05:08,638 --> 00:05:11,243 He asked me to find someone else who could take it for a while. 127 00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:12,646 Oh, hell yeah! 128 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,482 It's been my life's dream to drive my girls 129 00:05:14,550 --> 00:05:16,052 to the Outer Banks. 130 00:05:16,119 --> 00:05:18,558 They got a campground there, right on the ocean, 131 00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:21,363 called Saint Clair Landing. If you got an RV, 132 00:05:21,429 --> 00:05:24,102 you can sleep so close to the water 133 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:25,672 you can hear a fish fart. 134 00:05:25,739 --> 00:05:27,709 Well, the man who can make fishes fart 135 00:05:27,776 --> 00:05:30,414 near you is right over there. 136 00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:34,122 Hmm. Trav, I don't know. 137 00:05:34,189 --> 00:05:35,659 I mean, can we trust this guy? 138 00:05:35,725 --> 00:05:37,028 ‐I don't even know him. ‐I'll tell you what. 139 00:05:37,094 --> 00:05:41,469 I'll take a photo of his psychic energy field. 140 00:05:41,537 --> 00:05:43,106 Okay, that looks like... 141 00:05:43,173 --> 00:05:45,277 light Silver, the color 142 00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:47,950 of a nurturing, spiritually awake person. 143 00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:49,085 Mmm‐k‐kaboom! 144 00:05:49,152 --> 00:05:52,258 Hey, hoss, does your pony still need a rider? 145 00:05:52,325 --> 00:05:53,728 You‐you mean the RV? 146 00:05:53,795 --> 00:05:54,730 Sure does. 147 00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:56,466 And when would you need it back? 148 00:05:56,534 --> 00:05:58,605 Oh, I don't ever need it back. 149 00:06:02,044 --> 00:06:04,683 You knew nothing about this alleged stranger 150 00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,556 who allegedly just gave you his RV? 151 00:06:07,623 --> 00:06:09,459 Oh, we knew all we needed to know. 152 00:06:09,526 --> 00:06:10,895 We had his aura. 153 00:06:10,962 --> 00:06:13,166 ‐What was his name? ‐I don't know! 154 00:06:13,233 --> 00:06:14,903 Unbelievable! 155 00:06:14,970 --> 00:06:15,972 (trashcan clanging) 156 00:06:16,039 --> 00:06:17,508 VIOLET: Ooh, did he kick the trash can? 157 00:06:17,576 --> 00:06:18,778 JENNY: Yep, he did! 158 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,548 I'm sorry, I should've got his name. 159 00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:22,853 See, that kind of thinking is why you two are cops 160 00:06:22,919 --> 00:06:25,391 and why I'm about to get a full‐cavity search. 161 00:06:25,457 --> 00:06:26,894 Which I deserve. 162 00:06:26,961 --> 00:06:28,063 Nope. Go ahead. 163 00:06:28,130 --> 00:06:29,600 My holes are an open book. 164 00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:30,735 Close your holes! 165 00:06:30,802 --> 00:06:32,739 These people don't even know 166 00:06:32,806 --> 00:06:34,008 basic facts about each other. 167 00:06:34,075 --> 00:06:36,479 I'm telling you they are not a family. 168 00:06:36,547 --> 00:06:37,616 They are a crime syndicate. 169 00:06:37,683 --> 00:06:39,085 And a brilliant one at that. 170 00:06:39,152 --> 00:06:41,557 Aw, boo‐boo, just because you arrest three or more people 171 00:06:41,624 --> 00:06:42,893 doesn't make it a "syndicate." 172 00:06:42,959 --> 00:06:44,763 They could just be a stupid group. 173 00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,901 These people are acting too stupid 174 00:06:46,967 --> 00:06:48,638 to be stupid. 175 00:06:48,705 --> 00:06:50,207 Road trips, you say you love 'em? 176 00:06:50,274 --> 00:06:51,610 Your whole family loves them? 177 00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:54,082 Oh, man, yeah, do they ever. 178 00:06:54,148 --> 00:06:56,152 JENNY: An RV is a car with a toilet in it. 179 00:06:56,219 --> 00:06:58,190 So we're gonna be in the rolling toilet all day, 180 00:06:58,256 --> 00:07:00,662 and then sleep all night in the rolling toilet? 181 00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:02,398 It's not a rolling toilet. 182 00:07:02,465 --> 00:07:04,268 It's an RV, and you love RVs. 183 00:07:04,335 --> 00:07:06,106 Remember? When we saw that RV once, 184 00:07:06,172 --> 00:07:09,145 and you said you wonder how much human feces is in that thing? 185 00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:10,849 Yeah, 'cause I was grossed out. 186 00:07:10,915 --> 00:07:13,520 Well, forgive me for thinking we shared a curiosity 187 00:07:13,588 --> 00:07:15,057 about volumes of things. 188 00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:17,963 Mom, an RV could be how we finally crack 189 00:07:18,029 --> 00:07:19,098 the Gram age case. 190 00:07:19,165 --> 00:07:21,670 Tight quarters, nowhere to storm off to 191 00:07:21,737 --> 00:07:23,140 when she feels us closing in, 192 00:07:23,206 --> 00:07:26,079 the stench of toilet deodorizer clouding her brain. 193 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:29,118 She'll be off her game, and she'll slip up for sure. 194 00:07:29,185 --> 00:07:30,688 Oh, Vi. That is brilliant. 195 00:07:30,755 --> 00:07:32,191 You know what? I'm in. 196 00:07:32,258 --> 00:07:33,661 Let's take a birthday road trip. 197 00:07:33,728 --> 00:07:35,297 Yes! Let's find out 198 00:07:35,364 --> 00:07:37,401 how much feces that thing can hold. 199 00:07:37,468 --> 00:07:38,403 Oh, Lord. 200 00:07:38,470 --> 00:07:40,909 (siren wailing) 201 00:07:42,278 --> 00:07:45,017 ♪ ♪ 202 00:07:45,083 --> 00:07:47,689 SKEEVY GUY: And that's how you get rid of evidence. 203 00:07:47,756 --> 00:07:51,162 ROCKER CHICK: Wait, I left stuff in there I want. 204 00:07:51,229 --> 00:07:52,431 What did you leave in there? 205 00:07:52,498 --> 00:07:55,204 ‐Slim. ‐Slim has a new family now. 206 00:07:55,270 --> 00:07:57,475 He'll eat them alive. 207 00:07:57,542 --> 00:07:59,278 Yes, he will. 208 00:07:59,345 --> 00:08:01,550 (cackling) 209 00:08:05,725 --> 00:08:07,094 (whoops) We are on the road, ladies! 210 00:08:07,161 --> 00:08:08,764 (groans) Kitchens and bathrooms should never 211 00:08:08,831 --> 00:08:10,033 be this close together. 212 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:11,804 You should not be able to drop a deuce 213 00:08:11,871 --> 00:08:13,473 and cook ground beef at the same time. 214 00:08:13,541 --> 00:08:14,810 Eyes on the prize, Mom. 215 00:08:14,877 --> 00:08:16,547 This trip is about clocking Gram's age 216 00:08:16,614 --> 00:08:17,749 once and for all. 217 00:08:17,816 --> 00:08:19,485 And if the smell gets too much, 218 00:08:19,553 --> 00:08:21,222 we always have these. 219 00:08:21,289 --> 00:08:22,759 Where did you get a gas mask? 220 00:08:22,826 --> 00:08:24,128 Uh, wait. What do you mean? 221 00:08:24,195 --> 00:08:26,667 It's my gas mask. You guys didn't bring yours? 222 00:08:26,734 --> 00:08:28,571 Why do you even own a gas mask? 223 00:08:28,638 --> 00:08:30,440 Because the world is a tinderbox 224 00:08:30,507 --> 00:08:32,812 that could blow up at any second? 225 00:08:32,879 --> 00:08:35,718 So we all have gas masks? 226 00:08:36,486 --> 00:08:39,292 Huh, must be a generational thing. 227 00:08:42,532 --> 00:08:44,937 What the hell is going on in this thing? 228 00:08:45,003 --> 00:08:47,107 A Styrofoam cup of loose bullets, 229 00:08:47,174 --> 00:08:50,013 a collection of wigs, 666 incense burner. 230 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,217 Autographed picture of David Schwimmer? 231 00:08:52,284 --> 00:08:53,588 Who are these people? 232 00:08:53,654 --> 00:08:54,957 Oh, they're good people. 233 00:08:55,023 --> 00:08:56,527 Because Travis took an aura picture, 234 00:08:56,594 --> 00:08:58,764 and it was light silver. 235 00:09:02,104 --> 00:09:05,077 Hey, excuse me, I'm looking for a second opinion 236 00:09:05,143 --> 00:09:08,718 on this aura photo‐‐ either the colors got darker overnight, 237 00:09:08,784 --> 00:09:11,590 or my eyes are going bye‐bye boo‐boo. 238 00:09:11,657 --> 00:09:13,326 Hmm, yes. 239 00:09:13,393 --> 00:09:16,099 Most people don't wait long enough for these to develop. 240 00:09:16,165 --> 00:09:18,003 Follow me into the light. 241 00:09:18,069 --> 00:09:20,675 And please don't step on my hair. 242 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:26,219 Well, usually dark silver 243 00:09:26,285 --> 00:09:27,889 represents someone, mmm, 244 00:09:27,956 --> 00:09:30,427 incapable of feeling remorse, 245 00:09:30,494 --> 00:09:32,666 aka, pure evil. 246 00:09:32,732 --> 00:09:34,502 Typically meth dealers. 247 00:09:34,569 --> 00:09:36,005 Or telemarketers. 248 00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:38,343 Whoa, the difference between light 249 00:09:38,410 --> 00:09:39,846 and dark silver ain't no joke. 250 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,418 Yeah. Plus, he's got no teeth. 251 00:09:42,484 --> 00:09:44,523 That's a meth tell right there. 252 00:09:44,589 --> 00:09:45,658 Oh, my God! 253 00:09:45,725 --> 00:09:47,361 what did I do to my friend?! 254 00:09:47,428 --> 00:09:49,031 Wayne! 255 00:09:50,233 --> 00:09:52,271 ‐Aah! ‐Gram. 256 00:09:52,337 --> 00:09:53,974 It's just a wig head. 257 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:57,281 ‐Cool wig though. ‐Whoa, whoa, whoa! 258 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:59,318 VIOLET: Oh, jackpot. 259 00:09:59,385 --> 00:10:02,792 ♪ Are you ready for the thing called love ♪ 260 00:10:02,859 --> 00:10:04,796 ♪ Don't come from me and you ♪ 261 00:10:04,863 --> 00:10:06,967 ♪ It comes from up above ♪ 262 00:10:07,034 --> 00:10:07,802 Hee‐hee! 263 00:10:07,869 --> 00:10:10,006 I love this song, y'all! 264 00:10:10,073 --> 00:10:12,746 Yeah, remember the first time you heard it? 265 00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:14,048 What were you wearing? 266 00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:16,119 Like, approximately what size were you? 267 00:10:16,185 --> 00:10:17,722 Were you shopping in the Junior's department? 268 00:10:17,789 --> 00:10:19,793 Or were you adulting it up at The Limited by then? 269 00:10:19,860 --> 00:10:20,862 Could you afford Wilson's Leather? 270 00:10:20,928 --> 00:10:22,799 Mm. Describe your hair. 271 00:10:22,866 --> 00:10:24,268 Was it an asymmetrical do? 272 00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:25,738 Or pouf bangs? 273 00:10:25,805 --> 00:10:28,042 Banana clip? Scrunchie? Baby doll barrettes? 274 00:10:28,109 --> 00:10:30,615 Oh, I had a shaved head like G.I. Jane. 275 00:10:30,681 --> 00:10:32,184 'Cause I'm a warrior 276 00:10:32,251 --> 00:10:34,455 at keeping people out my personal business. 277 00:10:34,523 --> 00:10:36,058 ‐(both sigh) ‐(Wayne sneezes) 278 00:10:36,125 --> 00:10:39,064 ‐(tries screech) ‐(all shouting) 279 00:10:39,131 --> 00:10:40,133 Ew! Ew! Ew! 280 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,304 (sneezes) Ah, sorry for all the sneezing. 281 00:10:42,371 --> 00:10:44,676 The disco‐dander from these vintage clothes 282 00:10:44,743 --> 00:10:46,212 is up in my sinuses. 283 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:48,416 Here, Wayne. I probably got an allergy pill in here somewheres. 284 00:10:48,483 --> 00:10:51,790 Gonna take a minute, I got 'em memorized by shape. 285 00:10:51,857 --> 00:10:53,861 Headache, vagina ache, 286 00:10:53,928 --> 00:10:55,330 diarhear... 287 00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,969 VOCCOLA: Hey, Little Ms. Valley of the Dolls. 288 00:10:58,036 --> 00:10:59,539 Where'd you get the unmarked pills? 289 00:10:59,606 --> 00:11:00,942 Or am I gonna have to track 'em 290 00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:02,244 back to the narcos that supplied you? 291 00:11:02,311 --> 00:11:04,749 Well, these little green gel tabs are for gas, 292 00:11:04,816 --> 00:11:07,221 so I'd look up Pablo Tootscobar 293 00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:10,327 or Joaquin "El Panty Burps" Guzman. 294 00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:13,233 Let's talk about your little stop at Costco. 295 00:11:13,299 --> 00:11:15,370 What? I've never been to Costco. 296 00:11:15,437 --> 00:11:17,074 What even is a Costco? 297 00:11:17,140 --> 00:11:19,980 We have a video of you walking into one. 298 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:23,086 Well, if anyone can just say they have a video of something, 299 00:11:23,152 --> 00:11:25,925 then I have video of you walking into your own butt. 300 00:11:25,992 --> 00:11:27,194 How you like that? 301 00:11:27,261 --> 00:11:28,964 Check and mate. 302 00:11:32,906 --> 00:11:35,544 Yeah, can I get a box of Sudafed super quick, please? 303 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:36,479 (sneezes) 304 00:11:36,546 --> 00:11:38,817 Are you kidding me? One box? 305 00:11:38,884 --> 00:11:40,020 That's all I need. 306 00:11:40,086 --> 00:11:42,525 50% off all pharmacy purchases. 307 00:11:42,592 --> 00:11:45,531 You don't waste a fifty percenter on one of anything. 308 00:11:45,598 --> 00:11:47,769 We'll take a case of Sudafed. 309 00:11:47,835 --> 00:11:49,338 No. Two cases. 310 00:11:49,405 --> 00:11:52,277 Ma'am, Sudafed's only one per customer. 311 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,381 Mother, don't make a scene. 312 00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:58,289 I am making a scene! 313 00:11:58,356 --> 00:12:01,964 ("These Boots Are Made for Walkin'" by Nancy Sinatra plays) 314 00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:04,769 ♪ You keep saying... ♪ 315 00:12:04,836 --> 00:12:06,172 Violet, what the hell?! 316 00:12:06,238 --> 00:12:08,677 This is the song they played at the compound in Waco. 317 00:12:08,744 --> 00:12:11,015 ‐This will break Gram. ‐♪ These boots are made for walkin' ♪ 318 00:12:11,082 --> 00:12:14,455 ‐Oh, that's my jam! ‐♪ That's just what they'll do ♪ 319 00:12:14,521 --> 00:12:18,129 ♪ One of these days these boots are gonna ♪ 320 00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,833 ♪ Walk all over you ♪ 321 00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:21,570 ♪ Are you ready, boots? ♪ 322 00:12:21,636 --> 00:12:23,139 ♪ ♪ 323 00:12:23,206 --> 00:12:25,644 (song skipping): ♪ You keep saying‐‐ you keep saying ♪ 324 00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:27,247 ♪ You got something‐‐ ♪ 325 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,385 ♪ Boots are gonna walk all over you ♪ 326 00:12:29,451 --> 00:12:31,389 (skipping): ♪ Boots are gonna walk all over ♪ 327 00:12:31,455 --> 00:12:33,560 ♪ Are you ready, boots? Start walking ♪ 328 00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:36,432 ♪ You keep saying you got something for me ♪ 329 00:12:36,499 --> 00:12:38,069 ♪ You keep saying ♪ 330 00:12:38,136 --> 00:12:40,273 ♪ You got something for me ♪ 331 00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:43,413 ‐(skipping): ♪ Boots are gonna‐‐ boots are gonna ♪ ‐(Jenny screams) 332 00:12:43,479 --> 00:12:45,183 ‐(Jenny and Violet groaning) ‐(song distorting) 333 00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,087 ‐(Betty laughing) ‐♪ Boots are gonna... ♪ 334 00:12:47,154 --> 00:12:50,260 ‐(distorted laughing) ‐(song speeding up) 335 00:12:50,326 --> 00:12:55,336 (slowed down): ♪ Walk all over you. ♪ 336 00:12:58,376 --> 00:12:59,979 ‐(coyote howling) ‐(song continues playing) 337 00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:01,515 VIOLET: It's going to work. 338 00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:03,787 ‐It is going to work! ‐♪ You keep saying... ♪ 339 00:13:03,854 --> 00:13:04,823 She's gonna break 340 00:13:04,889 --> 00:13:05,791 and tell us how old she is. 341 00:13:05,858 --> 00:13:07,327 But not on Mother. 342 00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,599 Don't think it worked at Waco either. Didn't they blow up? 343 00:13:09,666 --> 00:13:11,268 ♪ But confess ♪ 344 00:13:11,335 --> 00:13:13,005 ‐♪ You've been messing... ♪ ‐Oh, forget it. 345 00:13:13,072 --> 00:13:14,809 It's only driving us crazy. 346 00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:16,746 ‐(music stops) ‐(groans) 347 00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:18,015 Let's not be so sure. 348 00:13:18,082 --> 00:13:20,286 Hey, Gram, how old are you? 349 00:13:20,353 --> 00:13:24,027 All right. It's finally time to tell you... 350 00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,232 ...that if you ask again, 351 00:13:26,298 --> 00:13:28,670 I will throw you out of this moving vehicle. 352 00:13:28,737 --> 00:13:30,841 ♪ ♪ 353 00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:33,446 ‐DISPATCHER: 911. ‐I don't have much time. 354 00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:36,185 There's an evil RV headed for the Outer Banks. 355 00:13:36,252 --> 00:13:38,055 Dark Silver Alert. Not Amber. 356 00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:41,162 ‐Are you saying Amber Alert? ‐That didn't come out right. 357 00:13:41,228 --> 00:13:43,934 Look, Wayne Edwards has an RV full of meth. 358 00:13:44,001 --> 00:13:44,936 He's taking his family 359 00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:46,338 to sleep with the fishes. 360 00:13:46,405 --> 00:13:47,909 Actually, I'm not sure why I said it that way. 361 00:13:47,975 --> 00:13:49,077 That sounds suspicious. 362 00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:50,513 This is a ticking time bomb. 363 00:13:50,581 --> 00:13:51,515 Oh, that's bad, too. 364 00:13:51,583 --> 00:13:53,286 Oh, kill me! 365 00:13:53,352 --> 00:13:55,089 ♪ ♪ 366 00:13:55,156 --> 00:13:57,093 Okay, that'll be $28.50. 367 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,064 Aren't you forgetting something? 368 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,300 I don't think so. 369 00:14:00,366 --> 00:14:02,070 Oh, so anybody can just walk in here 370 00:14:02,137 --> 00:14:04,308 and buy spirits without showing ID? 371 00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:06,445 You should be ashamed of yourself. 372 00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:09,518 (groans) Okay, Miss. Let's see some ID. 373 00:14:09,586 --> 00:14:11,957 Hope we don't have to call your parents. 374 00:14:12,592 --> 00:14:13,594 Cha‐boogity boogity! 375 00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:15,396 Ha‐ha! Got you, you sneaky... 376 00:14:15,463 --> 00:14:19,037 ♪ ♪ 377 00:14:19,973 --> 00:14:21,208 Oh, come on. 378 00:14:21,275 --> 00:14:24,214 All right, you... whoever you are. 379 00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:26,418 Do you want to tell me how you ended up 380 00:14:26,485 --> 00:14:29,592 ‐with the driver's license of a dead woman? ‐No. 381 00:14:30,728 --> 00:14:32,264 You're gonna love this, B. 382 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,769 My sister's a mail carrier in Winston, 383 00:14:34,836 --> 00:14:38,442 and she goes with a cop who's burnt out and on drugs, 384 00:14:38,509 --> 00:14:41,181 and he got a driver's license off a murder victim. 385 00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,517 I like where this is going. 386 00:14:42,585 --> 00:14:44,989 I haven't even told you the best part. 387 00:14:45,056 --> 00:14:47,662 The victim is 38 years old. 388 00:14:47,728 --> 00:14:49,498 ‐And her name? ‐(gasps) 389 00:14:49,565 --> 00:14:50,668 NORMA: Betty Hart. 390 00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:55,076 A legit driver's license from a younger dead me? 391 00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:56,412 Thank you, Lord, 392 00:14:56,478 --> 00:15:00,788 for delivering me a murdered woman with my name. 393 00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:07,500 So you're just gonna sit there and say nothing. 394 00:15:07,568 --> 00:15:08,904 What is there to say? 395 00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,373 It's my rightful ID. 396 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,143 Now why don't you ask my daughter and granddaughter 397 00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:13,580 why they would lure me out on the road 398 00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:15,516 with the promise of a family birthday celebration, 399 00:15:15,584 --> 00:15:18,590 only to reveal that it was all a dumb game? 400 00:15:18,657 --> 00:15:20,761 I'll ask the questions here. 401 00:15:20,828 --> 00:15:24,000 ‐Why don't you tell me about the black bag? ‐Oh, that. 402 00:15:24,067 --> 00:15:27,273 Well, after the fiasco with my real ID, 403 00:15:27,340 --> 00:15:30,446 I was understandably peeved. 404 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:32,150 You bunch of butts. 405 00:15:32,217 --> 00:15:33,486 Y'all had me believing 406 00:15:33,553 --> 00:15:35,657 you wanted to do something nice for my birthday. 407 00:15:35,724 --> 00:15:38,362 I would love to do something nice if it could be normal, 408 00:15:38,429 --> 00:15:40,299 like a normal mom having a normal birthday. 409 00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:41,736 Everything's about you, 410 00:15:41,803 --> 00:15:43,774 and yet no one's even allowed to know your damn age. 411 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,044 Where's your real driver's license? 412 00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,249 Oh, you mean this? 413 00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,520 You'll never get it! 414 00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,096 (snake hissing) 415 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:56,098 (all screaming) 416 00:15:56,165 --> 00:15:58,102 Giant snake. Giant snake! 417 00:16:02,210 --> 00:16:03,345 ‐(hissing) ‐Oh, my God. Get it out of here. 418 00:16:03,412 --> 00:16:04,749 Show no mercy! 419 00:16:04,816 --> 00:16:06,920 I'm getting that driver's license! 420 00:16:06,986 --> 00:16:10,326 ‐VIOLET: Mom, forget about the damn driver's license. ‐You'll never get it! 421 00:16:10,393 --> 00:16:13,032 Why is this argument about a driver's license 422 00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:14,401 and not about a snake? 423 00:16:14,468 --> 00:16:16,940 Just point me towards the snake. 424 00:16:17,006 --> 00:16:19,444 Here, snake! Eat this! 425 00:16:22,918 --> 00:16:25,056 WAYNE: Die, you son of a bitch! 426 00:16:25,122 --> 00:16:26,926 You little bastard, take it. 427 00:16:26,993 --> 00:16:28,162 Yeah, take it. 428 00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:29,832 Yeah, I killed you! 429 00:16:29,899 --> 00:16:31,736 Killed you dead! 430 00:16:35,777 --> 00:16:38,550 Okay, now let's open up that snake and get that ID. 431 00:16:38,617 --> 00:16:44,094 No! Just get in the RV so we can get to the stupid ocean! 432 00:16:49,371 --> 00:16:51,543 ♪ ♪ 433 00:16:53,045 --> 00:16:53,847 There. 434 00:16:53,914 --> 00:16:55,784 This is what I wanted to show y'all. 435 00:16:55,851 --> 00:16:59,124 Can you at least put aside your petty scheming and fighting 436 00:16:59,190 --> 00:17:03,667 long enough to appreciate something bigger than us? 437 00:17:08,743 --> 00:17:10,614 ‐I'm 53. ‐What? 438 00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:14,789 Since y'all were so hell‐bent on getting the number, I'm 53. 439 00:17:14,855 --> 00:17:15,791 Ya happy? 440 00:17:15,857 --> 00:17:17,493 Just 53? 441 00:17:17,561 --> 00:17:22,170 Oh. We just thought it was a bigger birthday. 442 00:17:23,573 --> 00:17:27,113 53 is how old my mother was when she passed. 443 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,517 So, yeah, it's a big one. 444 00:17:29,585 --> 00:17:32,390 That's why I didn't want to celebrate this year. 445 00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:34,394 And if you cared about me at all, 446 00:17:34,461 --> 00:17:37,701 you'd let me be whatever age I want. 447 00:17:37,768 --> 00:17:38,837 (helicopter whirring) 448 00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:41,008 ‐WAYNE: Whoa. ‐JENNY: What? 449 00:17:41,074 --> 00:17:43,312 (sirens wailing) 450 00:17:44,649 --> 00:17:46,385 ♪ ♪ 451 00:17:46,451 --> 00:17:48,122 (laughs) I got 'em! Look at this. 452 00:17:48,188 --> 00:17:51,562 We have an RV that has been used in several drug‐related crimes. 453 00:17:51,629 --> 00:17:53,298 We have the inhabitants of that RV 454 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:55,637 attempting to purchase 40 pounds of pseudoephedrine. 455 00:17:55,704 --> 00:17:57,507 We have a dead woman in Winston‐Salem. 456 00:17:57,574 --> 00:17:59,411 We have a drugged‐out old lunatic holding her ID. 457 00:17:59,477 --> 00:18:01,515 And we have footage of these animals 458 00:18:01,582 --> 00:18:03,085 disposing of another body, which we're gonna find 459 00:18:03,152 --> 00:18:05,489 any minute now, once we track down that landfill. 460 00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:07,427 We got 'em! Hook, line and sphincter. 461 00:18:07,493 --> 00:18:09,397 Detective, we tracked down that bag. 462 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:13,172 ‐It is a snake. A huge one. ‐Wh‐what? 463 00:18:13,238 --> 00:18:14,474 And they found this in it. 464 00:18:14,542 --> 00:18:18,415 "Betty Hart. Greenpoint, North Carolina. Age 53." 465 00:18:18,482 --> 00:18:20,152 I think I know what happened here. 466 00:18:20,219 --> 00:18:23,727 Ms. Hart, this is obviously your driver's license. 467 00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:26,799 My guess is you bought the other one on the black market. 468 00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:29,905 Which is still a crime, but easy to understand. 469 00:18:29,972 --> 00:18:32,143 So if you'll just confess to that, 470 00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:34,114 you and your family can be on your way. 471 00:18:34,882 --> 00:18:37,988 I never seen that thing before in my life. 472 00:18:38,055 --> 00:18:39,290 (Voccola growls) 473 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,330 Just let her go. 474 00:18:42,396 --> 00:18:44,467 No! I need to hear someone say it. 475 00:18:44,535 --> 00:18:46,806 I just need you to tell me. 476 00:18:46,873 --> 00:18:48,509 How old is Betty Hart? 477 00:18:48,576 --> 00:18:52,150 (sighs) 38. My mother is 38. 478 00:18:52,216 --> 00:18:54,855 (sighs) Jenny, I can see that you're‐‐ What? 479 00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:56,224 In your 20s? Maybe 30? 480 00:18:56,291 --> 00:18:57,528 My God. Thank you. 481 00:18:57,594 --> 00:19:00,065 So you're telling me that your mom had you 482 00:19:00,132 --> 00:19:03,505 when she was, at maximum... (chuckles) ...eight years old? 483 00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:06,712 Yes, that's right. She's 38. 484 00:19:08,048 --> 00:19:09,517 Yup, she's 38. 485 00:19:09,585 --> 00:19:11,823 She is 38. 486 00:19:11,889 --> 00:19:13,593 What is wrong with you people?! 487 00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:17,734 ‐You really want to kick that can, don't you? ‐No. 488 00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:20,941 Ah! 489 00:19:21,709 --> 00:19:25,115 Why is it that no one in your family 490 00:19:25,182 --> 00:19:26,819 will tell me the truth? 491 00:19:26,886 --> 00:19:28,723 ‐(gasps) No one? ‐Yes. 492 00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:31,361 Not even that little troublemaker Violet, 493 00:19:31,428 --> 00:19:33,365 who I should've fed to that snake? 494 00:19:33,432 --> 00:19:35,837 Your entire family swears you're 38. 495 00:19:35,904 --> 00:19:37,541 Your entire family. 496 00:19:37,608 --> 00:19:40,547 They do? How sweet of 'em... 497 00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:44,520 ...to recognize my legal age. 498 00:19:44,588 --> 00:19:46,191 If you're lying about this, 499 00:19:46,258 --> 00:19:48,295 how do I know you're not lying about all of it? 500 00:19:48,362 --> 00:19:49,531 Who's to say? 501 00:19:49,598 --> 00:19:51,234 Maybe I make my meth with my family 502 00:19:51,301 --> 00:19:52,537 in a rolling boom boom bus. 503 00:19:52,604 --> 00:19:54,775 And I love them more than anything. 504 00:19:54,842 --> 00:19:56,011 Except meth. 505 00:19:56,077 --> 00:19:58,215 ‐Uh... ‐Use your good eye, dummy. 506 00:19:58,282 --> 00:19:59,417 They've got her back. 507 00:19:59,484 --> 00:20:00,887 Like a crime syndicate? 508 00:20:00,954 --> 00:20:03,458 How 'bout like a family? 509 00:20:03,526 --> 00:20:05,296 TRAVIS: You got to let 'em go! 510 00:20:05,362 --> 00:20:07,199 (out of breath): D‐Dark silver. Uh, wrong aura. 511 00:20:07,266 --> 00:20:09,203 Tracked you guys through the police scanner. 512 00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:10,506 Uh, this is all my fault. 513 00:20:10,573 --> 00:20:12,276 I had the RV first. 514 00:20:12,343 --> 00:20:14,047 So it's your RV? 515 00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:16,318 Uh... nope. 516 00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:22,998 Thanks for saving us, Trav. 517 00:20:23,065 --> 00:20:25,402 Thanks for sticking around for my interrogation. 518 00:20:25,469 --> 00:20:27,206 That one guy's a real hothead. 519 00:20:27,273 --> 00:20:29,979 Their trash can budget must be insane. 520 00:20:30,780 --> 00:20:33,485 ("The Moonbeam Song" by Harry Nilsson playing) 521 00:20:33,553 --> 00:20:38,763 ♪ Have you ever watched a moonbeam ♪ 522 00:20:40,299 --> 00:20:44,374 ♪ As it slid across your windowpane ♪ 523 00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:50,920 ♪ Or struggled with a bit of rain ♪ 524 00:20:50,987 --> 00:20:54,728 ♪ Or danced about the weather vane ♪ 525 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:58,001 ♪ Or sat along a moving train ♪ 526 00:20:58,068 --> 00:21:02,109 ♪ And wondered where the train has been ♪ 527 00:21:02,176 --> 00:21:06,384 ♪ Ah... ♪ 528 00:21:08,990 --> 00:21:13,398 ♪ Ah... ♪ 529 00:21:15,937 --> 00:21:20,980 ♪ Ah... ♪ 530 00:21:22,818 --> 00:21:25,022 ♪ ♪ 531 00:21:30,834 --> 00:21:32,771 ‐(meows) ‐(horn honks musically) 532 00:21:32,838 --> 00:21:33,973 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 533 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:36,077 and TOYOTA.