1
00:00:02,599 --> 00:00:04,916
JENNY:
Sarah Boone's house
finally sold.
2
00:00:04,934 --> 00:00:07,585
It's so cute. I'm surprised it
was on the market for so long.
3
00:00:07,678 --> 00:00:10,363
I bet Sarah Boone's ghost
is haunting the place.
4
00:00:10,515 --> 00:00:13,441
She did die
under mysterious circumstances.
5
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:14,776
She was 98.
6
00:00:14,928 --> 00:00:17,686
Ripped from this world
in her prime.
7
00:00:17,781 --> 00:00:19,614
98 is no one's prime.
8
00:00:19,766 --> 00:00:21,099
-Oh, look.
-They're here!
9
00:00:21,117 --> 00:00:23,001
-(beeping)
-(vehicle approaching)
10
00:00:25,438 --> 00:00:27,338
Oh, what?
11
00:00:29,534 --> 00:00:32,701
Who would tear down that
beautiful old craftsman house?
12
00:00:32,721 --> 00:00:34,203
-New York.
-What?
13
00:00:34,222 --> 00:00:36,781
Couple moving down
from New York City.
14
00:00:36,874 --> 00:00:39,041
-Whoa!
-New York City?
15
00:00:39,061 --> 00:00:40,468
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
16
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:43,063
Praying to Debbie Harry
actually works. Yes!
17
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,214
I wonder what
they're gonna build over there.
18
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:46,641
Probably something with a stoop.
19
00:00:46,793 --> 00:00:48,384
New Yorkers love stoops.
20
00:00:48,403 --> 00:00:50,219
I hope
they don't build a skyscraper
21
00:00:50,313 --> 00:00:51,963
that'll block our prime view
of the water tower.
22
00:00:51,981 --> 00:00:53,198
(gasping)
23
00:00:55,468 --> 00:00:57,468
(beeping)
24
00:00:57,487 --> 00:01:01,897
Will Sarah Boone's ghost
even fit in that house?
25
00:01:01,917 --> 00:01:04,167
♪ ♪
26
00:01:33,281 --> 00:01:36,074
-(gasps) They're here!
-(gasps)
27
00:01:38,328 --> 00:01:41,270
We may have a Stuart Little
scenario on our hands.
28
00:01:41,289 --> 00:01:42,938
Let's go say hi
to our new mouse neighbors.
29
00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:44,791
JENNY:
Wait. We can't go now.
30
00:01:44,942 --> 00:01:46,517
We don't have anything
to take 'em.
31
00:01:46,611 --> 00:01:48,019
-Damn it!
-So?
32
00:01:48,037 --> 00:01:49,854
Violet, you can't go over
to meet new neighbors
33
00:01:49,947 --> 00:01:51,297
without bringing
a homemade dish.
34
00:01:51,449 --> 00:01:53,691
It's the number one rule
of Southern hospitality.
35
00:01:53,784 --> 00:01:56,636
Oh, grab those little fried pies
I got at the gas station.
36
00:01:56,787 --> 00:01:58,396
Gas station pies?
37
00:01:58,398 --> 00:02:00,865
Take 'em out of the wrapper,
put fork marks on the top,
38
00:02:00,884 --> 00:02:02,124
throw 'em in a little basket,
39
00:02:02,144 --> 00:02:03,701
and cover them
with a cutesy towel.
40
00:02:03,794 --> 00:02:04,886
They'll never know
the difference.
41
00:02:05,038 --> 00:02:06,479
I guess that would look nice.
42
00:02:06,631 --> 00:02:08,055
Sorry, junk basket.
43
00:02:08,150 --> 00:02:10,057
Oh, my Lord, that's so cute,
44
00:02:10,152 --> 00:02:13,153
Joanna Gaines could sell it!
45
00:02:16,049 --> 00:02:17,991
Virginia, Jackie,
your order's up!
46
00:02:18,142 --> 00:02:19,659
You want me to get it?
47
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:21,736
-Ugh. This place is
gonna kill me.
-(bell dinging)
48
00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:24,497
Hub, I swear to God, I'm gonna
shove that bell up your...
49
00:02:24,649 --> 00:02:25,890
(bell dinging)
50
00:02:25,909 --> 00:02:27,758
Sorry. I'm on edge.
51
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,077
Did you hear
this place might be closing?
52
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:31,671
-What?!
-No way.
53
00:02:31,822 --> 00:02:33,247
This place is the best.
54
00:02:33,341 --> 00:02:34,823
Is it 'cause of the sinkhole?
55
00:02:34,918 --> 00:02:36,843
Yup. It's spreading, too.
56
00:02:36,994 --> 00:02:40,180
I hope those people finish
their dinner real quick.
57
00:02:40,407 --> 00:02:42,331
If the owners can't raise money
for the repairs,
58
00:02:42,350 --> 00:02:45,000
they're gonna have
to cut their losses and move in
59
00:02:45,020 --> 00:02:47,503
with their adult son
in Morehead City.
60
00:02:47,522 --> 00:02:49,522
But, Meemaw,
what about your job?
61
00:02:49,674 --> 00:02:50,839
Oh, I'll find something.
62
00:02:50,934 --> 00:02:53,193
Just got to find a place
that'll put up
63
00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:54,694
with me and your Uncle Tommy.
64
00:02:54,921 --> 00:02:56,029
(laughs)
-Tommy! I told you,
65
00:02:56,222 --> 00:02:58,940
-don't play near the sinkhole!
-(cackling)
66
00:02:59,776 --> 00:03:02,276
Meemaw is never gonna be able
to find another job.
67
00:03:02,429 --> 00:03:05,279
She's lucky this place will put
up with her and Uncle Tommy.
68
00:03:05,432 --> 00:03:08,766
(sighs)
I wish I could come up with
the money to save this place.
69
00:03:08,785 --> 00:03:10,693
Think, Wayne! Think!
70
00:03:10,787 --> 00:03:12,437
You cannot let her
lose this job.
71
00:03:12,455 --> 00:03:17,442
Think! Think! Where will I get
a bunch... of... cash?
72
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:19,636
Uh, Wayne.
73
00:03:20,964 --> 00:03:23,014
(cash register dings)
74
00:03:26,286 --> 00:03:28,619
Wait. This is a huge moment.
75
00:03:28,638 --> 00:03:31,564
We are about to meet a couple
of real live New Yorkers.
76
00:03:31,716 --> 00:03:34,567
Oh. Do I open with a reference
to Jean-Michel Basquiat
77
00:03:34,719 --> 00:03:37,128
or lament the fact that
CBGBs became an Anthropologie?
78
00:03:37,188 --> 00:03:39,388
Quick. Can you tell I'm cool
without caring?!
79
00:03:39,407 --> 00:03:41,724
Vi, are you having
a nervous toot?
80
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:42,817
I am not farting.
81
00:03:42,911 --> 00:03:44,485
I'm visualizing what I want
82
00:03:44,579 --> 00:03:46,913
from our fabulous
New York neighbors.
83
00:03:47,140 --> 00:03:49,307
♪ ♪
84
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,734
She's a museum curator,
85
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,254
and he's a documentarian
specializing in the synth-based
86
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:57,423
scores that broadened the appeal
of '70s Italian horror.
87
00:03:57,592 --> 00:03:59,484
They make a film about me
that's wordless.
88
00:03:59,502 --> 00:04:02,077
It's shown at her museum's
annual gala to rave reviews
89
00:04:02,097 --> 00:04:05,490
in the Daily News and tepid
reviews in the New York Post.
90
00:04:05,508 --> 00:04:06,915
Vi,
that's an awful lot to expect
91
00:04:06,935 --> 00:04:08,250
just 'cause
they're from New York.
92
00:04:08,270 --> 00:04:10,919
Besides, here's what's
really gonna happen.
93
00:04:10,939 --> 00:04:13,439
He's a renowned choreographer,
94
00:04:13,666 --> 00:04:16,183
and she's a renowned
choreographer.
95
00:04:16,336 --> 00:04:17,852
They catch me doing
a simple dance move,
96
00:04:18,004 --> 00:04:19,779
and they are blown away.
They open
97
00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:23,524
a Fame school of the arts
with me as their star pupil.
98
00:04:23,618 --> 00:04:25,843
Fame? More like lame.
99
00:04:25,862 --> 00:04:27,528
Here's what I'm picturing.
100
00:04:27,622 --> 00:04:31,182
He's a mob kingpin
and she's his hot-ass goomah.
101
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,126
I teach 'em how
the game works in Greenpoint,
102
00:04:33,353 --> 00:04:36,871
and let's just say
they're very appreciative.
103
00:04:37,023 --> 00:04:38,781
Soon they're paying me tribute.
104
00:04:38,875 --> 00:04:41,968
And anyone who crosses me ends
up in the bottom of the ocean
105
00:04:42,119 --> 00:04:45,722
wearing a pair
of cement Ug-gugs.
106
00:04:47,792 --> 00:04:49,700
Hey, hey, hey. We're whittling.
107
00:04:49,794 --> 00:04:51,385
Yes, we just took up whittling.
108
00:04:51,479 --> 00:04:53,563
Oh... kay.
109
00:04:59,103 --> 00:05:02,238
-Anyway, we just... Oh!
-MAN: Aah! My fingertip.
110
00:05:04,217 --> 00:05:06,492
Wow. I'm worse
at this than I remember.
111
00:05:06,719 --> 00:05:08,310
How can we be this bad?
112
00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:10,555
Yeah, I thought
this game was for babies.
113
00:05:10,648 --> 00:05:11,906
Oh.
114
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,240
I'm not trying to be rude.
115
00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:14,667
I just actually thought
this was one of those,
116
00:05:14,819 --> 00:05:17,003
like, learning games
for toddlers or something.
117
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:18,245
(all groan)
118
00:05:18,398 --> 00:05:19,672
I mean, it's holes
and beanbags.
119
00:05:19,899 --> 00:05:22,300
How much skill does it take?
120
00:05:24,253 --> 00:05:27,329
I shouldn't tell y'all this,
but I know a legendary
121
00:05:27,423 --> 00:05:30,016
cornhole guy can teach you.
122
00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,835
But he gave up holing years ago,
123
00:05:32,929 --> 00:05:36,022
and he's real reluctant
to come out of retirement.
124
00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:40,526
Wait. Is it you?
125
00:05:40,753 --> 00:05:42,195
No.
126
00:05:43,256 --> 00:05:45,256
He doesn't live far from here,
127
00:05:45,349 --> 00:05:47,033
but I can't say anything else.
128
00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:48,684
Don't make me.
129
00:05:48,703 --> 00:05:50,370
Okay, we won't.
130
00:05:50,521 --> 00:05:53,114
Are you deaf?
I said he likes his privacy.
131
00:05:53,266 --> 00:05:55,116
Here's his address.
132
00:05:55,268 --> 00:05:56,283
It's walkable.
133
00:05:56,452 --> 00:05:59,253
-But leave him alone!
-(grunts)
134
00:06:00,607 --> 00:06:02,048
(door closes)
135
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,626
Uh, you sure
you don't want a Band-Aid?
136
00:06:05,778 --> 00:06:07,202
Oh, no, we don't do anything
single-use.
137
00:06:07,222 --> 00:06:09,964
We only generate a third
of a cup of garbage a day.
138
00:06:10,116 --> 00:06:12,450
Well, now that we've found
your fingertip, I'm Jenny,
139
00:06:12,468 --> 00:06:14,635
and this is my mom Betty
and my daughter Violet.
140
00:06:14,729 --> 00:06:16,120
We just came by to say hi.
141
00:06:16,139 --> 00:06:18,623
Oh, my God, that is so Southern.
Sam, did you hear?
142
00:06:18,641 --> 00:06:22,126
(Southern accent):
We just came by to say hi.
143
00:06:22,219 --> 00:06:23,736
It is so precious.
144
00:06:23,888 --> 00:06:25,312
(Southern accent):
Hi, you'ins.
145
00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:27,131
Huh. Is that what I sound like?
146
00:06:27,224 --> 00:06:29,300
(normal voice):
Uh, you know, I think
it's "y'all," not "you'ins,"
147
00:06:29,393 --> 00:06:30,635
so wouldn't it be, um...
148
00:06:30,653 --> 00:06:33,638
"I don't sou-yund
like tha-yut, y'all"?
149
00:06:33,656 --> 00:06:36,474
I don't sou-yund like tha-yut,
y'all.
150
00:06:36,492 --> 00:06:37,900
-I don't sou-yund like tha-yut.
-You'ins. No.
151
00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:39,568
-Y'all. Y'all.
-Is it "y'all"?
152
00:06:39,587 --> 00:06:41,587
-You know what?
You place it in the jaw.
-VIOLET: Where do you
153
00:06:41,739 --> 00:06:43,923
-keep your record collection?
-She's been really excited
154
00:06:44,150 --> 00:06:45,925
about New Yorkers moving in.
We all have.
155
00:06:46,076 --> 00:06:48,319
-We were done with New York.
-So done.
156
00:06:48,412 --> 00:06:49,336
Wh-Wh-Why?
157
00:06:49,431 --> 00:06:51,764
-It's all so corporate.
-Congested.
158
00:06:51,916 --> 00:06:53,991
-Plastic.
-Crate and Barrel.
159
00:06:54,010 --> 00:06:56,510
Yes. That's good.
Plastic. So sick of it.
160
00:06:56,663 --> 00:06:58,329
(Violet gasps loudly)
161
00:06:58,347 --> 00:06:59,922
Oh. I almost forgot,
we brought you these.
162
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,775
Look at this.
What are these-- little...
163
00:07:03,002 --> 00:07:05,611
-(Southern accent): pies?
-They are. Oh, my God.
164
00:07:05,763 --> 00:07:08,022
-Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.
-Mmm. Mmm.
165
00:07:08,116 --> 00:07:10,691
Sam, you know who would love
these? Hadassah and Tony.
166
00:07:10,843 --> 00:07:14,011
Oh, my God, yes. That's Hadassah
Singh and Tony LaBianci,
167
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:15,196
our neighbors from 4G.
168
00:07:15,290 --> 00:07:18,015
He's a documentarian,
she's a museum curator.
169
00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:19,183
Oh, come on.
170
00:07:19,202 --> 00:07:20,460
And Trudie and Rodrick.
171
00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:22,353
Trudie Hadid
and Rodrick Feinstein.
172
00:07:22,371 --> 00:07:24,130
They teach at the, uh,
LaGuardia School.
173
00:07:24,281 --> 00:07:25,539
You know, the Fame school?
174
00:07:25,692 --> 00:07:27,633
They almost moved down here,
too, to find new talent,
175
00:07:27,785 --> 00:07:28,634
but we talked them out of it.
176
00:07:28,786 --> 00:07:30,194
Oh, you're kidding me.
177
00:07:30,213 --> 00:07:31,971
Oh, also, our friend Big Paulie.
178
00:07:32,198 --> 00:07:35,308
He-He's in sanitation, but we
all know what that means. Wink!
179
00:07:35,535 --> 00:07:37,384
-Unbelievable.
-Lucky you'ins.
180
00:07:37,537 --> 00:07:40,538
Looks like
y'all are stuck with us.
181
00:07:40,556 --> 00:07:43,374
Oh, my finger just fell off.
Sam?
182
00:07:43,392 --> 00:07:45,392
Sam?!
183
00:07:45,545 --> 00:07:47,778
♪ ♪
184
00:07:49,306 --> 00:07:54,243
Let's see what this cornhole
Mr. Miyagi's all about.
185
00:07:55,312 --> 00:07:57,872
Go away!
186
00:07:58,908 --> 00:08:00,816
(muffled):
Uh, try knocking again.
187
00:08:00,835 --> 00:08:03,002
Oh, for Pete's sake.
188
00:08:04,321 --> 00:08:06,822
Fine!
Since you refuse to leave,
189
00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:09,217
I have no choice
but to train you.
190
00:08:12,847 --> 00:08:15,573
Hello. Leslie and Sam.
191
00:08:15,591 --> 00:08:18,834
-(doorbell rings repeatedly)
-Good Lord!
192
00:08:18,928 --> 00:08:20,745
Hello?
193
00:08:20,838 --> 00:08:22,246
(doorbell rings repeatedly)
194
00:08:22,339 --> 00:08:24,098
Well, howdy, y'all.
195
00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:26,174
Is the emphasis
on the "yah" or the "all"?
196
00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:29,177
-It's just one syllable less.
Y'all.
-Yah-all.
197
00:08:29,197 --> 00:08:30,938
Y'all. Just... y'all.
198
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:34,516
We just wanted to stop by and
thank you again for those pies.
199
00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:37,278
We could taste generations
of Southern tradition.
200
00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:38,687
So authentic.
201
00:08:38,706 --> 00:08:41,023
We want to send some
to our friends back in New York.
202
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:45,527
Could we possibly maybe ask you
to make a few more?
203
00:08:45,621 --> 00:08:47,271
-Oh, gosh. I don't know.
-I don't think so.
204
00:08:47,364 --> 00:08:51,717
We would pay you, of course.
How's 20 bucks for a pie?
205
00:08:51,944 --> 00:08:57,706
Well, howdily doodily, and
a possum on a length of rope.
206
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:00,726
We'd be much obliged, y'all!
207
00:09:06,459 --> 00:09:08,292
Violet, hand me that old pie.
208
00:09:08,385 --> 00:09:11,571
You guys, are we really
doing this? Plagiarizing food?
209
00:09:11,722 --> 00:09:14,632
Violet, hush.
This is grown-up business.
210
00:09:14,634 --> 00:09:16,984
-Oh, hell no!
-Release that pie, virgin!
211
00:09:17,136 --> 00:09:19,036
(whimpering)
212
00:09:20,915 --> 00:09:22,898
BETTY:
The game was perfect.
213
00:09:22,917 --> 00:09:24,975
Jenny and I hit
every gas station
214
00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:26,752
from Greenpoint to Charlotte.
215
00:09:26,979 --> 00:09:31,716
Word started to spread,
and the money came rolling in.
216
00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:35,577
And then we hit the jackpot.
217
00:09:35,671 --> 00:09:36,987
(doorbell rings repeatedly)
218
00:09:37,081 --> 00:09:39,323
Great news.
Your pies have made us famous.
219
00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:42,676
We convinced New York Times
food critic Alan Thatt
220
00:09:42,829 --> 00:09:45,921
to come here in person
to do an entire spread about us
221
00:09:46,015 --> 00:09:48,423
and you and your pies
that we discovered.
222
00:09:48,517 --> 00:09:50,318
This is huge.
223
00:09:52,021 --> 00:09:55,522
Feel the bag,
its character.
224
00:09:55,675 --> 00:09:59,768
How it sags,
how it spills over the side.
225
00:09:59,862 --> 00:10:01,954
Cradle the bag.
226
00:10:02,106 --> 00:10:04,031
Adjust the bag.
227
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:06,108
Become one with the bag.
228
00:10:06,202 --> 00:10:07,960
That's excellent, Wayne.
229
00:10:08,187 --> 00:10:10,612
N-N-Now, now hold Travis's bag.
230
00:10:10,632 --> 00:10:12,965
How are your bags different?
231
00:10:13,192 --> 00:10:15,542
-N-Now, Travis,
hold Wayne's bag again.
-WAYNE: I'm sorry.
232
00:10:15,695 --> 00:10:18,137
Is this gonna be all about
cupping each other's bags?
233
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:20,640
When do we get to the holes?
234
00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:24,160
(buzzing)
235
00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,461
There. A hole. May we proceed?
236
00:10:26,555 --> 00:10:29,631
Um, Houston,
we're gonna need a bigger hole.
237
00:10:29,651 --> 00:10:33,110
You don't think that hole's
big enough? Interesting.
238
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:42,328
(both exclaim)
239
00:10:44,907 --> 00:10:49,669
♪ Cornhole ♪
240
00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:54,231
♪ Get in the game,
sink in that sack ♪
241
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:57,343
♪ If you fall down,
then you climb right back ♪
242
00:10:57,494 --> 00:11:01,163
♪ Eyes on the prize,
get in the hole ♪
243
00:11:01,257 --> 00:11:05,926
♪ Don't you back down
till you reach that goal ♪
244
00:11:06,078 --> 00:11:08,170
♪ 'Cause
it's a cornhole journey ♪
245
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:12,933
♪ There's only winners
and the losers on gurneys ♪
246
00:11:13,085 --> 00:11:16,028
♪ Yeah,
it's a cornhole journey ♪
247
00:11:16,255 --> 00:11:21,091
♪ Don't mess around,
'cause that mess ain't furny ♪
248
00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:23,444
♪ Yeah! ♪
249
00:11:23,596 --> 00:11:26,597
-You. You. You're the man.
-No, man, that's you, man,
all you.
250
00:11:26,615 --> 00:11:28,766
-No, no. You. You the man.
-Stop, stop.
251
00:11:28,784 --> 00:11:32,194
This is the final lesson:
you never celebrate.
252
00:11:32,213 --> 00:11:34,529
Victory goes to the humble.
253
00:11:34,549 --> 00:11:36,364
Ad nu lapa crionis.
254
00:11:36,459 --> 00:11:38,625
That's the most important rule.
255
00:11:38,778 --> 00:11:40,110
Now we do it all again...
256
00:11:40,204 --> 00:11:42,613
-but wetter.
-(Wayne and Travis shout)
257
00:11:42,706 --> 00:11:44,306
Whoa.
258
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:47,542
Why does it look
like a Cracker Barrel
259
00:11:47,636 --> 00:11:48,728
exploded in our house?
260
00:11:48,955 --> 00:11:51,397
Because we have
to look the part, Vi.
261
00:11:51,548 --> 00:11:54,458
Exactly.
Jenny 'N Betty's Sweet-Hart Pies
262
00:11:54,477 --> 00:11:56,977
are made by America's darlings,
the Hart Sisters...
263
00:11:57,129 --> 00:11:59,739
In their adorably cluttered
Southern home,
264
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:01,556
where the old ways live on
265
00:12:01,576 --> 00:12:04,485
and the younger,
hotter sister Betty
266
00:12:04,637 --> 00:12:06,412
often plays the banjo.
267
00:12:06,563 --> 00:12:07,562
What the...? No way.
268
00:12:07,582 --> 00:12:09,415
You're perpetuating
the stereotype
269
00:12:09,566 --> 00:12:12,067
of the dumb, simple Southerner.
I'm out.
270
00:12:12,161 --> 00:12:14,828
Shut up and put this on,
or I'm gonna tan your hide.
271
00:12:14,981 --> 00:12:17,314
-(groans)
-(doorbell ringing)
272
00:12:17,333 --> 00:12:18,649
(Betty and Jenny squeal)
273
00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:22,653
Hey, y'all. Well,
bless my stars, and I might die.
274
00:12:22,671 --> 00:12:24,579
Come on in. Alan Thatt,
275
00:12:24,673 --> 00:12:26,490
as I live and breathe.
276
00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:28,842
And this here is my daughter
Violet.
277
00:12:28,936 --> 00:12:33,088
Violet, why don't you give
these lovely folks a chin-wag?
278
00:12:33,182 --> 00:12:35,590
-Howdy.
-Oh!
279
00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:38,277
Look-a-look who's here.
Good night, I reckon.
280
00:12:38,504 --> 00:12:42,281
♪ Well, lemme tell you a little
story 'bout a gal named Betty ♪
281
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:44,024
♪ In case you haven't guessed ♪
282
00:12:44,176 --> 00:12:45,433
-♪ That's me ♪
-(all gasp)
283
00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:48,362
♪ Taught about bakin'
from a little old lady ♪
284
00:12:48,514 --> 00:12:50,197
♪ Yep, that was
my grammy so sweet ♪
285
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,941
♪ But, of course, soon enough,
some hookers got jealous ♪
286
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,961
♪ 'Cause I kept feeding
all the hungry, hot fellas ♪
287
00:12:56,188 --> 00:12:59,523
♪ They tried to take me down,
but they couldn't compete ♪
288
00:12:59,542 --> 00:13:02,617
♪ With my flaky hot pie
and my juicy butt meats ♪
289
00:13:02,637 --> 00:13:07,548
♪ Now here's a list
of my ugly enemies ♪
290
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,642
-Mother, Mother, Mother!
-♪ There's Crystalynn
and Bobbie Nell ♪
291
00:13:09,793 --> 00:13:11,718
♪ And Clara from Quiznos
and Stephanie from Quiznos ♪
292
00:13:11,813 --> 00:13:14,146
♪ And this lady at Kohl's
who won't honor my coupons ♪
293
00:13:14,373 --> 00:13:17,891
♪ I hope she dies
of genital herpes. ♪
294
00:13:17,985 --> 00:13:19,726
-Mother!
-That was wonderful.
295
00:13:19,879 --> 00:13:22,229
I am in awe. Thank you, Betty.
296
00:13:22,381 --> 00:13:23,564
VIOLET:
Hey, Alan,
297
00:13:23,658 --> 00:13:25,732
I got a great idee
while I was skipping frogs
298
00:13:25,885 --> 00:13:27,309
out on yonder creek.
299
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:30,979
Y'all should get some photos
of Ma and Gram actually making
300
00:13:31,073 --> 00:13:32,314
them there pies.
301
00:13:32,375 --> 00:13:34,834
I love that. We'll capture them
302
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:37,711
in their stupidly simple
country kitchen.
303
00:13:42,585 --> 00:13:44,510
♪ ♪
304
00:13:44,737 --> 00:13:46,661
-(cheering and applause)
-Hi. I'm Joe Buck
305
00:13:46,755 --> 00:13:47,921
here with Erin Andrews,
306
00:13:48,015 --> 00:13:50,999
and we are literally
being forced to do this.
307
00:13:51,018 --> 00:13:53,243
That's right, Joe.
Well, the boards are waxed,
308
00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:54,595
and the bags have been weighed.
309
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:58,248
Our teams today represent bars
all over North Carolina.
310
00:13:58,267 --> 00:14:01,935
JOE: We've got the team from
It's Vine O'Clock Somewhere,
311
00:14:02,088 --> 00:14:05,606
Mary Elizabeth Covington's
Cigar Emporium,
312
00:14:05,758 --> 00:14:07,533
Unz-Unz Nightclub,
313
00:14:07,684 --> 00:14:10,611
and newcomers this year,
playing to save their bar,
314
00:14:10,763 --> 00:14:12,596
the team from Tipsy River.
315
00:14:12,615 --> 00:14:14,781
I thought Tipsy River
got eaten by a sinkhole.
316
00:14:14,876 --> 00:14:16,283
Only most of it, Erin.
317
00:14:16,435 --> 00:14:18,878
And I'm so sad that I know that.
318
00:14:19,029 --> 00:14:22,697
And there's the dangerous
indoor starting gun.
319
00:14:22,717 --> 00:14:23,957
(cheering and applause)
320
00:14:24,051 --> 00:14:26,010
♪ ♪
321
00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:31,140
(cheering)
322
00:14:33,377 --> 00:14:34,310
(groaning)
323
00:14:36,713 --> 00:14:38,147
(cheering)
324
00:14:42,552 --> 00:14:44,552
-You are unbeatable.
All you, bro.
-No, you are, bro.
325
00:14:44,647 --> 00:14:46,113
You're a beast.
326
00:14:50,912 --> 00:14:51,969
(cheering)
327
00:14:51,987 --> 00:14:53,654
-Yeah! Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah!
328
00:14:53,789 --> 00:14:54,914
-Yeah!
-Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
329
00:14:55,141 --> 00:14:56,731
Remember,
the humbler the warrior,
330
00:14:56,751 --> 00:14:58,733
the greater the victory.
331
00:14:58,753 --> 00:15:00,661
Don't let your confidence
sink your chances
332
00:15:00,755 --> 00:15:02,254
into the hole of hubris.
333
00:15:02,481 --> 00:15:05,499
Est non libre don carta brevis.
334
00:15:05,651 --> 00:15:06,926
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
335
00:15:07,153 --> 00:15:09,219
♪ ♪
336
00:15:12,767 --> 00:15:14,266
(crowd gasps)
337
00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:18,845
(cheering and applause)
338
00:15:18,998 --> 00:15:20,847
(both cheer in slow motion)
339
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:21,999
(cracks)
340
00:15:22,017 --> 00:15:24,610
Oh, my hand! My throwing hand.
341
00:15:24,837 --> 00:15:27,671
Pride cometh before the fall.
342
00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:30,023
Oh, and who was it that said,
"Mark my words,
343
00:15:30,176 --> 00:15:32,342
we'll never need medics
at a cornhole tourney"?
344
00:15:32,361 --> 00:15:33,768
Was that you, Joe Buck?
345
00:15:33,788 --> 00:15:36,013
(laughs)
That was me, Erin.
346
00:15:36,106 --> 00:15:38,182
I have no idea
how to make a friggin' pie.
347
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,625
Who do I look like, P.F. Chang?
348
00:15:39,852 --> 00:15:42,753
Yeah, and who am I?
Gordon Ramses?
349
00:15:45,191 --> 00:15:48,616
Well, okay, then.
I guess we should...
350
00:15:48,636 --> 00:15:50,618
-...start...
-...with...
351
00:15:50,638 --> 00:15:52,304
...a prayer.
352
00:15:52,414 --> 00:15:55,099
Yes. Everyone, close your eyes.
353
00:15:55,977 --> 00:15:57,534
(both muttering)
354
00:15:57,553 --> 00:15:58,626
Dear Lord,
355
00:15:58,646 --> 00:16:01,463
way up high in the sky,
356
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:06,485
not even a speck
to the naked eye,
357
00:16:06,636 --> 00:16:08,212
show us
358
00:16:08,230 --> 00:16:11,565
the miracle of pie.
359
00:16:11,659 --> 00:16:12,491
And, Lord...
360
00:16:12,718 --> 00:16:13,808
-Amen.
-(growls)
361
00:16:13,902 --> 00:16:16,111
I'm just gonna look
for a pie dish.
362
00:16:16,813 --> 00:16:18,388
(groans)
Thanks, Violet.
363
00:16:18,482 --> 00:16:19,832
(chuckles)
Ah, well, you know what?
364
00:16:19,983 --> 00:16:21,908
I can't find
my lucky rolling pin.
365
00:16:22,061 --> 00:16:22,984
Here it is.
366
00:16:23,078 --> 00:16:24,895
Thank you.
367
00:16:24,988 --> 00:16:28,841
Oh, no.
We're completely out of flour.
368
00:16:29,826 --> 00:16:32,660
Mother, let's just do this.
How hard can it be?
369
00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:35,180
BETTY:
Perfect. Now we let it cool.
370
00:16:35,407 --> 00:16:37,591
And once we break off the char,
the inside pie
371
00:16:37,685 --> 00:16:39,518
is gonna be a taste of heaven.
(chuckles)
372
00:16:39,669 --> 00:16:41,745
You know you got a good pie
when you got to get through
373
00:16:41,838 --> 00:16:44,005
a big ole chunk of char.
374
00:16:44,025 --> 00:16:45,524
Guys, just fess up.
375
00:16:45,751 --> 00:16:48,027
Okay, Vi. You're right.
376
00:16:48,254 --> 00:16:51,271
Here's the truth.
The God's honest truth.
377
00:16:51,423 --> 00:16:54,258
And the truth is...
(sighs)
378
00:16:54,276 --> 00:16:56,518
(exhales)
We're blind.
379
00:16:56,612 --> 00:16:59,780
Mother, we don't have
to pretend no more.
380
00:16:59,874 --> 00:17:01,707
You are so brave for saying it.
381
00:17:01,858 --> 00:17:04,526
Let me feel your perfect smile.
382
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:06,194
Just tell them.
383
00:17:06,955 --> 00:17:09,864
Fine! We buy these pies
at a gas station.
384
00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:11,441
-(all gasp)
-What am I, a debutante?
385
00:17:11,535 --> 00:17:14,386
At home eating bonbons while
my husband works on Wall Street?
386
00:17:14,538 --> 00:17:15,796
We don't have
all the time in the world
387
00:17:15,890 --> 00:17:17,056
to learn how to make pies.
388
00:17:17,283 --> 00:17:18,724
Y'all got so much time,
you even write
389
00:17:18,951 --> 00:17:20,708
about other people making pies.
390
00:17:20,803 --> 00:17:22,728
What kind of New York crap
is that?
391
00:17:22,955 --> 00:17:25,472
You fed us pies
from a gas station?
392
00:17:25,624 --> 00:17:28,475
-But you liked 'em.
-Yeah, we saw it. You liked 'em.
393
00:17:28,569 --> 00:17:31,144
You dragged me down to
this humid dog patch of a town
394
00:17:31,297 --> 00:17:34,073
so that I could eat
mass-produced gas station pies?
395
00:17:34,224 --> 00:17:36,909
You're gonna make me look
like a fraud.
396
00:17:37,136 --> 00:17:39,060
As they say in New York,
397
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,164
hey, I'm crying here.
398
00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:45,709
You country-ass bastards.
399
00:17:48,572 --> 00:17:49,571
Guys, wait. Hang on.
400
00:17:49,665 --> 00:17:51,331
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
401
00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:54,484
You two are just a couple
big old tubs of Country Crock,
402
00:17:54,578 --> 00:17:55,652
y'all.
403
00:17:55,671 --> 00:17:57,078
Yeah, we thought
you were real Southerners
404
00:17:57,172 --> 00:17:59,673
like in the documentary
Steel Magnolias.
405
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,174
That's not a documentary.
406
00:18:01,327 --> 00:18:03,602
-You're frauds, "yawl."
-(gasps)
407
00:18:03,753 --> 00:18:06,179
You're not saying it right.
408
00:18:06,348 --> 00:18:09,833
Well, apparently, you're not
saying it right, either, "yawl."
409
00:18:09,926 --> 00:18:11,852
-It's "y'all."
-"Yawl."
410
00:18:12,004 --> 00:18:13,278
-"Y'all"! Just "y'all"!
-SAM: "Yawl."
411
00:18:13,505 --> 00:18:15,005
"Yawl."
I know how to say it. "Yawl."
412
00:18:15,023 --> 00:18:16,448
-No, you don't, y'all.
-"Yawl."
413
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,932
-"Y'all"!
-"Yawl."
414
00:18:18,026 --> 00:18:19,785
"Y'all."
415
00:18:21,605 --> 00:18:23,747
(both laughing)
416
00:18:26,518 --> 00:18:28,018
My mom was
a single working mother.
417
00:18:28,111 --> 00:18:29,461
We didn't have time
to make pies.
418
00:18:29,688 --> 00:18:31,521
I grew up
on boxed macaroni and cheese
419
00:18:31,540 --> 00:18:32,873
and French bread pizzas.
420
00:18:33,025 --> 00:18:35,950
Can I tell you something?
I love a French bread pizza.
421
00:18:36,044 --> 00:18:37,785
I used to put
boxed macaroni and cheese
422
00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:39,212
on the French bread pizza.
423
00:18:39,306 --> 00:18:41,198
Don't tell Alan Thatt.
424
00:18:41,216 --> 00:18:43,600
(Sam and Jenny laughing)
425
00:18:45,721 --> 00:18:48,105
♪ ♪
426
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:52,985
I can't let Meemaw down.
427
00:18:56,064 --> 00:18:57,564
Give me a bag.
428
00:18:57,716 --> 00:18:58,824
I'll throw goofy-handed.
429
00:18:58,975 --> 00:19:00,642
-(cheering and applause)
-TED: Wayne,
430
00:19:00,661 --> 00:19:02,744
you've shown your mettle.
431
00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:05,497
I want you to use my bags
432
00:19:05,724 --> 00:19:06,999
for your final throw.
433
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:10,227
I've never let another man
handle my bag.
434
00:19:10,245 --> 00:19:13,730
Wayne Edwards throwing lefty now
for the final hole,
435
00:19:13,823 --> 00:19:17,301
the famed Hole of Glory.
436
00:19:26,094 --> 00:19:29,855
TED:
Let the hole swallow the bag.
437
00:19:30,006 --> 00:19:33,192
♪ ♪
438
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,204
(cheering)
439
00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:46,688
Do you believe in miracles?
440
00:19:46,782 --> 00:19:48,373
JOE:
That's been used, Erin.
441
00:19:48,525 --> 00:19:51,451
But I don't believe
what I just saw.
442
00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:53,712
That's my grandson.
443
00:19:53,863 --> 00:19:56,381
Thank you, baby.
Tipsy River's saved!
444
00:19:56,533 --> 00:19:59,718
I can keep working
until I die of old age.
445
00:19:59,869 --> 00:20:02,262
(Uncle Tommy laughs)
446
00:20:15,978 --> 00:20:18,462
Mmm, yum, yum!
447
00:20:18,555 --> 00:20:21,631
What is that?! Mmm.
448
00:20:21,725 --> 00:20:23,408
(cheering)
449
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:25,601
Is this his first time
eating food?
450
00:20:25,654 --> 00:20:28,154
This restaurant
will receive my highest rating.
451
00:20:28,307 --> 00:20:29,990
The Last Supper is...
452
00:20:30,142 --> 00:20:31,065
All Thatt.
453
00:20:31,159 --> 00:20:34,068
It's a sticker
for your front window.
454
00:20:34,088 --> 00:20:35,495
I love it.
455
00:20:35,589 --> 00:20:38,757
Sam, Leslie,
all of New York is gonna know
456
00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:40,742
-about your special find.
-Thanks...
457
00:20:40,761 --> 00:20:43,153
-y'all?
-You got it right.
458
00:20:43,246 --> 00:20:45,931
-♪ Well ♪
-♪ Well ♪
459
00:20:46,082 --> 00:20:48,658
♪ Lemme tell you a li'l story
'bout a gal named Betty ♪
460
00:20:48,752 --> 00:20:51,511
-♪ In case you haven't guessed,
that's me ♪
-♪ That's her ♪
461
00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:54,347
♪ She was taught about baking
from a little old lady ♪
462
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:57,150
-♪ Yes, it was
my grammy so sweet ♪
-♪ So sweet. ♪
463
00:21:02,616 --> 00:21:05,117
(grunts)
464
00:21:05,935 --> 00:21:08,678
♪ But, of course, soon enough,
some hookers got jealous ♪
465
00:21:08,772 --> 00:21:11,197
♪ 'Cause I kept feeding
all the hungry, hot fellas ♪
466
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:13,850
♪ They tried to take you down,
but they couldn't compete ♪
467
00:21:13,869 --> 00:21:16,795
♪ With your flaky hot pie
and your juicy butt meats ♪
468
00:21:17,022 --> 00:21:20,782
♪ Now let me tell ya about
some real dummies who suck ♪
469
00:21:20,801 --> 00:21:24,027
LESLIE: ♪ They're just bitter,
they're saggy dump trucks ♪
470
00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:26,713
BETTY: ♪ There's Crystalynn,
who's dry as the Sahara ♪
471
00:21:26,807 --> 00:21:29,716
LESLIE: ♪ And Bobbie Nell
and this bitch named Clara. ♪
472
00:21:29,868 --> 00:21:31,476
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)
473
00:21:31,628 --> 00:21:33,386
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
474
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,147
and TOYOTA.