1
00:00:02,228 --> 00:00:04,061
-(thunder rumbling)
-I can't believe it's gonna rain
2
00:00:04,079 --> 00:00:05,562
for our entire spring break.
3
00:00:05,655 --> 00:00:08,248
Oh, don't worry, Vi, we're gonna
let it get real gushy,
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,158
then we are going mudding!
5
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,844
Yes! I mean, whatever.
Mudding's dumb.
6
00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:13,587
Ah, I love the rain.
7
00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:18,075
It washes painful memories
from the trees.
8
00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:20,335
Plus, in my family,
when it rains,
9
00:00:20,429 --> 00:00:22,337
my abuela pulls out
the board games.
10
00:00:22,431 --> 00:00:24,248
-Ugh! Ow.
-Keep your voice down.
-Shh.
11
00:00:24,341 --> 00:00:25,507
-Dave, Dave, Dave.
-What?
12
00:00:25,601 --> 00:00:27,842
JENNY:
Did somebody say "board games"?
13
00:00:27,936 --> 00:00:29,653
Oh, my God, that's a great idea.
14
00:00:31,181 --> 00:00:33,106
Oh, what's this?
A Internet article
15
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,592
that states golf is actually
better in the rain.
16
00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:37,536
Good enough for me.
Let's go rent some metal clubs.
17
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:39,038
Guys, sometimes the Internet
is just right.
18
00:00:39,265 --> 00:00:41,431
-Let's go now.
-(thunder booms)
-Ooh.
19
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:43,600
Cozy-wozy.
Game-day-a-go-go.
20
00:00:43,619 --> 00:00:46,453
-I'll grab the Monopoly.
-Shoot. Shoot. Shoot.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
21
00:00:46,605 --> 00:00:49,439
Please tell me I didn't hear
Jenny say the word Monopoly.
22
00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:51,291
Why does everyone look like
23
00:00:51,443 --> 00:00:53,110
they just got locked
in a murder house?
24
00:00:53,203 --> 00:00:54,795
'Cause Betty raised a monster.
25
00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:56,371
I did not raise a monster.
26
00:00:56,465 --> 00:00:58,632
Jenny was a real testy child.
27
00:00:58,784 --> 00:01:01,118
Eight, nine, ten,
28
00:01:01,136 --> 00:01:04,638
11, 11, 11, 11,
29
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,807
11, 11, 12.
30
00:01:06,901 --> 00:01:08,734
-I win.
-Jenny,
31
00:01:08,885 --> 00:01:10,569
that's a lot of 11s, shuggy.
32
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,313
(growling)
33
00:01:13,465 --> 00:01:16,316
Which makes you
the ultimate champion.
34
00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:19,469
Who's the smartest, bestest
little girl?
35
00:01:19,488 --> 00:01:20,913
Me!
36
00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:22,915
What do you want from me?
37
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:25,066
Her father had just died,
38
00:01:25,086 --> 00:01:27,252
and I was a single,
widowed mom.
39
00:01:27,404 --> 00:01:29,146
Who gives a crap
if I bend the rules
40
00:01:29,164 --> 00:01:31,090
to let my baby win Connect Four?
41
00:01:31,241 --> 00:01:33,074
And now it's a fun tradition.
42
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:36,169
A dangerous
web-of-lies tradition.
43
00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:38,505
And we love it,
'cause we have to.
44
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,159
And she never picked up on this,
even as a grown-ass woman?
45
00:01:42,252 --> 00:01:44,344
Oh, it's a classic study
in self-deception.
46
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,438
When the people around you are
constantly telling you
47
00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:48,181
you're a genius,
eventually you're just gonna
48
00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:49,683
start buying into it.
49
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,110
It's why Tom Cruise thinks
50
00:01:51,261 --> 00:01:52,760
he can film a movie
on the moon.
51
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,689
Well, we don't have to worry,
because I hid that Monopoly game
52
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:58,175
-so well, she'll never find it.
-JENNY: Found it.
53
00:01:58,193 --> 00:02:00,510
There was a big hole in the wall
behind the refrigerator.
54
00:02:00,529 --> 00:02:02,103
(chuckles):
It was just sitting in there.
55
00:02:02,197 --> 00:02:03,697
-Weird.
-Damn it.
56
00:02:03,849 --> 00:02:06,125
Y'all, I know I created
this monster,
57
00:02:06,276 --> 00:02:07,942
but even Dr. Frankenstein knew
58
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:09,853
when to hand it over
to the villagers.
59
00:02:09,872 --> 00:02:11,446
Okay, have fun, Jenny.
60
00:02:11,540 --> 00:02:14,449
May the smartest, happiest
little girl win.
61
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:18,220
-You know I will, Mother.
-(thunder cracks)
62
00:02:19,548 --> 00:02:20,697
(groans)
63
00:02:20,716 --> 00:02:22,724
♪ ♪
64
00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:52,671
(thunder rumbles)
65
00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,173
♪ Monopoly ♪
66
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:56,675
♪ Mono-Mono-Mono-nopoly-ly-ly ♪
67
00:02:56,902 --> 00:03:00,070
♪ What's the name of the game
that's sweeping the nation?
♪
68
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,347
♪ Monopo-opo-opo-opoly. ♪
69
00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:05,075
-(thunder rumbles)
-Okay, just remember
this key piece of advice
70
00:03:05,093 --> 00:03:06,000
when playing against my mom.
71
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:07,761
When you lose, you win.
72
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,672
Oh, Travis. Good.
You're here.
73
00:03:10,766 --> 00:03:12,082
Yeah, I got your text.
74
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,767
We gonna get through this, bro.
I brought snacks.
75
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,602
You brought sweet and salty?
76
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,087
I'm not a dummy, Violet.
77
00:03:17,105 --> 00:03:19,031
Yes, I got sweet
and salty. Damn.
78
00:03:19,258 --> 00:03:20,440
Okay, good, 'cause if she's
in the mood
79
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,108
for a Hershey's Kiss, but
all we have is Doritos,
80
00:03:22,261 --> 00:03:23,427
she's gonna freak.
81
00:03:23,445 --> 00:03:26,096
Wow. So, what happens
if she loses?
82
00:03:26,114 --> 00:03:27,764
One time I beat her
at that game Trouble.
83
00:03:27,783 --> 00:03:30,617
The next day there was
a Pop-O-Matic on my doorstep
84
00:03:30,769 --> 00:03:32,193
with a dead dove in it.
85
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,528
That was a message.
86
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,288
Yeah, when we first
started dating,
87
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:39,109
our first board game together,
uh, caught me off guard.
88
00:03:39,127 --> 00:03:40,460
-(thunder cracks)
-Oh, I got it.
89
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:43,037
Professor Plum, in the
conservatory, with the knife.
90
00:03:43,131 --> 00:03:45,515
Yes, I won.
91
00:03:48,454 --> 00:03:49,427
(door shuts)
92
00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:51,805
Okay, well, congratulations.
(chuckles)
93
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,623
I mean, that's how games work.
94
00:03:53,717 --> 00:03:56,960
-You won this time,
maybe I'll win next time.
-Yeah.
95
00:03:57,053 --> 00:03:59,071
So, uh, good game.
96
00:03:59,222 --> 00:04:01,147
Was it, Wayne?!
Was it a good game?
97
00:04:01,300 --> 00:04:03,617
Was it fun for you?
98
00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:06,203
(gasps)
99
00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:08,330
Jenny, no.
100
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:12,233
And that tiny little Clue knife,
101
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:14,644
that goes in deeper
than you think.
102
00:04:14,738 --> 00:04:16,830
JENNY: What's going on
in there, losers?
103
00:04:16,982 --> 00:04:19,149
(thunder cracks)
104
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:20,926
David, I don't know
if you know this,
105
00:04:21,077 --> 00:04:22,669
but when it comes
to board games,
106
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,155
I am the quaine of the world.
David, have you seen the...
107
00:04:25,173 --> 00:04:26,431
BOTH (sadly):
Lid of Fame.
108
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:28,842
...Lid of Fame?
"Winner: Jenny Hart."
109
00:04:28,994 --> 00:04:30,176
-(mouthing)
-"Winner: Jenny Hart.
110
00:04:30,329 --> 00:04:31,511
Winner: Jenny Hart.
Winner: Jenny Hart."
111
00:04:31,663 --> 00:04:33,513
It's an unbroken streak
that goes back 20 years.
112
00:04:33,665 --> 00:04:36,942
So guess what, it ain't gonna
be broken today.
113
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:39,111
(laughing weakly):
No way, Mom.
114
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:44,283
Okay, so as is customary,
the last winner goes first.
115
00:04:44,434 --> 00:04:46,343
-And judging from the box...
-Lid of Fame.
116
00:04:46,361 --> 00:04:48,345
-...that's Jenny Hart.
-Yippee!
117
00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:50,196
I thought the highest roll--
Oh...
118
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,332
(clearing throats aggressively)
119
00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:55,702
Okay, well, that's a four,
which is within
120
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,613
seven spaces of Chance, so I get
to pull a Chance card.
121
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,357
-Absolutely.
-I'll hand it to you,
quaine.
122
00:05:00,450 --> 00:05:02,968
What? Seven spaces of Chance?
123
00:05:03,119 --> 00:05:04,878
TRAVIS:
Hey!
124
00:05:05,030 --> 00:05:07,047
I got pizza bites.
125
00:05:07,199 --> 00:05:10,291
Whoops-a-daisical.
(stammers) Oh, no.
126
00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:12,886
What a hilarious turn
of events.
127
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,038
Sometimes you just
got to laugh.
128
00:05:15,057 --> 00:05:16,982
(laughs nervously)
So dumb and hilarious.
129
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:19,376
-What an absolute klutz.
-What in the hell?
130
00:05:19,394 --> 00:05:20,986
David, we've added
some new rules.
131
00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:22,136
Just go with it.
132
00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:24,138
"Take a walk on the Boardwalk"?
133
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,306
What? How many times in a row
134
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,992
have I drawn
that Boardwalk card?
135
00:05:27,143 --> 00:05:28,327
That's got to be a record.
136
00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:30,403
(gasps):
Or maybe I'm just that good.
137
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,906
I am...
♪
Queen of the game
♪
138
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,574
♪ Ain't no shame ♪
139
00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,243
♪ Best in the world,
better than Violet and Wayne ♪
140
00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:38,837
♪ David's gonna see ♪
141
00:05:39,064 --> 00:05:42,674
♪ Who's the winner that's
sweeping the na-na-nation? ♪
142
00:05:42,826 --> 00:05:44,885
♪ It's me. ♪
143
00:05:46,496 --> 00:05:48,830
GWEN (on radio):
Let's dig into your
relationships.
144
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:51,350
Time for Gwen to drop
some truth bombs on you.
145
00:05:51,501 --> 00:05:54,519
Shoot, I invented
the truth bomb, Gwen.
146
00:05:54,746 --> 00:05:58,248
Our first email tonight
starts, "Gwen, help me.
147
00:05:58,266 --> 00:06:01,008
Hubby and I are sleeping
in separate bedrooms."
148
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,435
Oh, I'm calling in.
149
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,754
-Hey!
-(truck honking)
-I'll tell you what you need.
150
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:06,347
Nothing rolls back the hands
151
00:06:06,441 --> 00:06:08,516
of time in a relationship
like good old-fashioned sexting.
152
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,761
-(horns honking)
-Snap a tasteless nude, the
tackier the better, hit send,
153
00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:14,948
and he'll come running back
to you like Usain Bolt.
154
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,116
Truth bomb.
155
00:06:16,268 --> 00:06:18,543
-(horn blaring)
-(cries out)
156
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:20,128
(tires screeching)
157
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,197
-(engine revving)
-(tires screeching)
158
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:26,033
Ruh-roh. Work, wheels.
159
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,961
(thunder cracks)
160
00:06:28,113 --> 00:06:31,615
Four, five, six.
161
00:06:31,633 --> 00:06:34,059
Uh-oh.
162
00:06:34,286 --> 00:06:35,635
Well, well, well,
look who decided
163
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,878
to spend the night.
164
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,046
That'll be $600.
165
00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:42,308
$600? Oh, no.
I am totally losing.
166
00:06:42,461 --> 00:06:44,218
(chuckles)
But what do you expect?
167
00:06:44,312 --> 00:06:46,146
Jenny is quaine of the games.
168
00:06:46,298 --> 00:06:47,464
Stop saying "quaine."
169
00:06:47,482 --> 00:06:49,633
It's like when straight people
discovered "yas"
170
00:06:49,651 --> 00:06:50,817
all over again.
171
00:06:50,969 --> 00:06:53,561
♪ Who's the red-headed
sensation
♪
172
00:06:53,655 --> 00:06:56,656
♪ Pulling up to
Monopoly Station?
♪
173
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,975
♪ It's me, quaine of the... ♪
174
00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:01,920
$600?
Where'd that number come from?
175
00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:03,088
-(sizzling)
-Ow.
176
00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:05,165
I turned that iron on for you.
177
00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:09,261
David, David, there's
a female landlord bonus.
178
00:07:09,488 --> 00:07:11,263
Which was long overdue.
Bye, patriarchy.
179
00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:13,414
(laughs):
Get it, David?
180
00:07:13,508 --> 00:07:14,749
(groans)
181
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:15,917
Okay, my turn.
182
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,919
Hola, muchachos y muchachas.
183
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,179
Who's ready for a nacho break?
184
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,088
I am.
I'm ready for a break.
185
00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:25,502
Four. Yes. Park Place.
I'm buying it.
186
00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,170
Excuse me?
187
00:07:27,189 --> 00:07:28,947
(Wayne gulps)
188
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:30,356
So, Banker, where were we?
189
00:07:30,509 --> 00:07:32,266
Oh, right.
Park Place, bitches.
190
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:37,164
Oopsie, it's the "Park Place
fell into a sinkhole" card.
191
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:42,035
What? That's not a card.
192
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,536
Now give me my townhome.
193
00:07:43,689 --> 00:07:45,279
I'm meeting an interior
designer in an hour.
194
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:48,024
But I have Boardwalk.
I need Park Place.
195
00:07:48,043 --> 00:07:50,026
How can I get Park Place now?
196
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:54,139
I-I-I need Park Place.
197
00:07:54,366 --> 00:07:56,457
Oops, well the board's
a greasy mess.
198
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:58,143
Nothing to do but
throw it out, I guess.
199
00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:02,889
-I'll do it.
-No, no, no, I got it.
200
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:07,611
Mmm, el crujido
de la victoria.
201
00:08:09,881 --> 00:08:13,066
DISPATCHER:
All units, we have
a 10-46 on Rosewood Street.
202
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,809
All right, rookie,
how well do you know
203
00:08:14,903 --> 00:08:16,052
your radio codes?
204
00:08:16,145 --> 00:08:17,996
10-46... Aw, shoot.
205
00:08:18,147 --> 00:08:20,223
-Uh, golf injury?
-Nope.
206
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:21,908
-Exotic pet attack?
-Nope.
207
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:23,835
-Trampoline fire?
-Nope.
208
00:08:23,945 --> 00:08:25,170
Beauty school bomb threat?
209
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,321
Or is it that thing where
somebody claims something
210
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,007
accidentally went up their butt,
211
00:08:29,234 --> 00:08:31,009
but probably they put it there?
212
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:32,677
10-46 is a stranded motorist.
213
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:35,680
But we do have a code for
all those other things, right?
214
00:08:35,832 --> 00:08:37,164
-Yeah.
-Yeah!
215
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,850
Well, here she is.
216
00:08:39,077 --> 00:08:41,478
(siren wails, stops)
217
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,099
Hey there, ma'am.
Car trouble?
218
00:08:46,251 --> 00:08:48,752
Well, hello there. Name's...
219
00:08:48,845 --> 00:08:50,177
BOTH:
Betty Hart.
220
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,256
Now, how did you know my name?
221
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:54,941
(chuckles):
Oh, we tussled before.
222
00:08:55,093 --> 00:08:57,610
I caught you shoplifting
at Contempo Casuals.
223
00:08:57,763 --> 00:08:59,112
That was you?
224
00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:02,040
Yep. I always wanted to ask
what you needed with five
225
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:04,209
jewel-tone velvet bolero
jackets?
226
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:08,104
Oh, that's when I was trying
to start my girl group.
227
00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:09,622
I would have bought
that album.
228
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:13,034
I got to admit I always had
a little crush on you.
229
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,444
And what about now?
230
00:09:14,462 --> 00:09:16,796
Well, let's just say I'm not
a rookie anymore.
231
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,390
TUG (gasps):
Ooh...
232
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,466
Tug.
What happened here, Betty?
233
00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,394
Yep, you're up on there
pretty good.
234
00:09:22,545 --> 00:09:25,972
That's not the first time
I've heard that. Wink.
235
00:09:26,124 --> 00:09:27,624
(gasps)
Ooh...
236
00:09:27,642 --> 00:09:30,794
Tug. All right, let me see
what's going on here.
237
00:09:31,296 --> 00:09:33,238
BETTY
(à la
Six Million Dollar Man):
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
238
00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:35,965
Na-na-na-na-na-
na-na-na-na-na.
239
00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:38,151
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
240
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,560
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.
241
00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:42,414
Ma'am, you're talking gibberish.
Did you hit your head?
242
00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:43,306
(thunder cracks)
243
00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:45,733
♪ Nine, ten, 11, 12 ♪
244
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:49,296
♪ Double sixes,
I got you, bitches.
♪
245
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,910
What? This used to be
the poor neighborhood.
246
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,487
Used to be.
247
00:09:57,580 --> 00:10:00,414
Welcome to Davidwood
at Elegance Heights.
248
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,917
Amenities include
a fascinator design studio
249
00:10:03,011 --> 00:10:04,102
and tiger rides.
250
00:10:04,329 --> 00:10:06,771
But all the glamour
comes at a cost,
251
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:11,276
and that cost is $1,200.
252
00:10:11,427 --> 00:10:13,111
$1,200?
But I'm cash poor.
253
00:10:13,338 --> 00:10:15,113
I spent all my money
on hotels.
254
00:10:15,264 --> 00:10:17,841
You call those puny huts hotels?
255
00:10:17,934 --> 00:10:20,619
-This...
-(cash register ringing)
256
00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:22,028
...is a hotel.
257
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:25,031
I-I didn't know you could
do that-- stack hotels?
258
00:10:25,183 --> 00:10:26,349
Is stacking hotels even a thing?
259
00:10:26,368 --> 00:10:27,626
I didn't know you could
stack hotels.
260
00:10:27,853 --> 00:10:29,276
Oh, it's a thing, all right.
261
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,828
You know what else is a thing?
262
00:10:30,981 --> 00:10:32,947
You mortgaging a property
to pay me.
263
00:10:33,041 --> 00:10:34,615
Or she-she doesn't have
to do anything.
264
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,618
David, she rolled a 12,
which-which means...
265
00:10:37,712 --> 00:10:41,364
nobody owns anything they didn't
own 12 minutes ago.
266
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:43,791
Oh, right.
I forgot about that rule.
267
00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:44,809
Show me that rule.
268
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,703
Um, uh, gladly.
269
00:10:46,796 --> 00:10:47,887
Here it is. Right here.
270
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,964
Confirmed and memorized.
271
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,374
Now we don't need these anymore.
272
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,801
Boop. Oh, and, that's the
official game over sound.
273
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:54,894
Boop.
274
00:10:55,046 --> 00:10:56,137
"Game over boop"?
275
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,304
Yep, yep. The game over boop.
276
00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:59,658
And because Mom has the most...
277
00:10:59,885 --> 00:11:01,826
um, property, she wins.
278
00:11:01,978 --> 00:11:03,052
Congratulations, Mom.
279
00:11:03,071 --> 00:11:05,312
Boom! Mama Mia, Papa Pia!
280
00:11:05,407 --> 00:11:08,908
♪ Who's the winner
that's causing a fascination?
♪
281
00:11:09,060 --> 00:11:11,318
♪ Sweeping the nation,
quaine of the game
♪
282
00:11:11,413 --> 00:11:13,505
♪ Jenny Hart, she's so smart. ♪
283
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:16,582
-That's me!
-Okay, I can't do this anymore.
284
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,843
-David, please, no.
-No. No. No, no, no, David.
285
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:21,513
They are letting you win.
286
00:11:22,407 --> 00:11:25,225
-What?
-(thunder crashes)
287
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,082
Wait, you guys are losing
to me on purpose?
288
00:11:33,101 --> 00:11:35,585
BOTH:
Um...
289
00:11:35,678 --> 00:11:37,086
(whooping)
290
00:11:37,180 --> 00:11:38,530
Look who made a flan, y'all.
291
00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:42,033
So let's all stop the freakin'
and have some soothing flan.
292
00:11:42,260 --> 00:11:45,945
Jenny, flan?
Flan, Jenny? Jenny? Flan?
293
00:11:46,097 --> 00:11:47,113
Come on.
294
00:11:47,265 --> 00:11:50,099
Fun to say, more fun to eat.
295
00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:51,525
VIOLET:
Travis?
296
00:11:52,287 --> 00:11:53,619
(sighs)
Honey, from day one we swore
297
00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,105
we would never lie to each other
and that we would always
298
00:11:56,124 --> 00:11:58,699
maintain a clear and honest line
of communication.
299
00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:01,535
I believe you said that anything
less would be a violation
300
00:12:01,629 --> 00:12:02,887
of our love.
301
00:12:03,114 --> 00:12:05,615
That's excellent, Wayne.
Tell her the truth.
302
00:12:05,633 --> 00:12:07,800
(exhales)
Jenny...
303
00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:10,136
you have won fair and square.
304
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,254
-What?
-Thank you, baby.
305
00:12:13,216 --> 00:12:16,050
Okay, so if you aren't
letting her win,
306
00:12:16,144 --> 00:12:17,551
why is there a secret stack
307
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,488
of "Win a thousand dollars"
cards in this Dorito bag?
308
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:22,741
Bro, yeah, um,
309
00:12:22,968 --> 00:12:24,300
what those are, uh, bro...
310
00:12:24,319 --> 00:12:26,486
-It's a contest.
-Yes. Contest.
311
00:12:26,638 --> 00:12:28,562
I kept wanting to say "rodeo,"
but then I remembered
312
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,157
the word I was looking for,
and it's "contest."
313
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,326
-Contest.
-Oh, Doritos has been offering
314
00:12:33,478 --> 00:12:34,994
loose Monopoly cards
in their bags forever.
315
00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:37,981
Yeah, just like we get
Uno cards in Funyuns
316
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:39,482
or loose dominoes in Chex Mix.
317
00:12:39,575 --> 00:12:41,092
I can't count the number
of times I've cracked
318
00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:42,260
a molar on a Scrabble tile
319
00:12:42,411 --> 00:12:44,411
in my Entenmann's
Lemon Streusel. (laughs)
320
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:47,840
That's happened to all of us,
right? Vi, help me.
321
00:12:47,993 --> 00:12:50,084
-We've been letting you win!
-(gulps)
322
00:12:50,178 --> 00:12:52,161
But I am good at this game.
323
00:12:52,180 --> 00:12:55,014
I would have beaten you
with or without your help.
324
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,016
Of course you would have.
325
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:59,611
We barely did anything.
326
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:00,837
You know what?
327
00:13:00,855 --> 00:13:02,005
(inhales)
328
00:13:02,098 --> 00:13:04,173
(exhales)
Okay.
329
00:13:04,192 --> 00:13:06,342
Oh, wow. Great.
330
00:13:06,361 --> 00:13:07,844
So let's burn all the board
games in the house
331
00:13:07,862 --> 00:13:10,196
and never speak of this day
again, like a normal family.
332
00:13:10,348 --> 00:13:11,122
-Cool. Great idea, Vi.
-Yep, yes. Sounds great.
333
00:13:11,274 --> 00:13:12,439
-I'm on it.
-Yes, that is it.
334
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,350
No, no, no, no, no,
you misunderstood.
335
00:13:14,369 --> 00:13:15,794
We're done with this game,
and now we're gonna play
336
00:13:15,945 --> 00:13:20,298
every game for realsos, and
I'm gonna scramble your butts.
337
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,451
-(cackles)
-(thunder cracks)
338
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,287
DISPATCHER:
Report of a loud disturbance
339
00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:27,806
at 309 Oakwood Terrace.
340
00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:30,383
Ooh. This is so exciting.
341
00:13:30,535 --> 00:13:32,201
Put the hammer down, Smokies.
342
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:34,370
You two distract them,
I'll plant the drugs.
343
00:13:34,389 --> 00:13:36,055
And if the bag feels
any lighter,
344
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,799
it's because
some spilt out naturally.
345
00:13:38,893 --> 00:13:40,527
Just stay in the car, Betty.
346
00:13:41,396 --> 00:13:43,229
You weren't out with your mama.
347
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,472
You were at Dave & Buster's
with Crishell and Alizé.
348
00:13:45,567 --> 00:13:47,400
Oh, now you're just
being a bitch.
349
00:13:47,552 --> 00:13:49,052
You know Crishell's
in the hospital
350
00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:50,311
from getting hit
on the head by a drone.
351
00:13:50,446 --> 00:13:51,996
And Alizé's got that thing
where her brain
352
00:13:52,223 --> 00:13:53,647
won't let her leave the house.
353
00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,074
(both grunting)
354
00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:56,409
Same thing every week.
355
00:13:56,561 --> 00:13:58,411
Okay, you two.
Let's de-escalate this.
356
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,505
And I'm gonna ask y'all
respectfully to keep your bodies
357
00:14:00,656 --> 00:14:03,399
contained in your tank tops
this time.
358
00:14:03,492 --> 00:14:06,419
I am trying to avoid the tornado
of butts and boobies.
359
00:14:06,571 --> 00:14:08,179
Don't you see
what's going on here?
360
00:14:08,331 --> 00:14:10,831
They're the kind of couple
that needs a dust-up
361
00:14:10,925 --> 00:14:12,166
to get horned up.
362
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,668
-Let me get in there.
-Betty.
363
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:18,264
Shelby, you know there's more
to it than Dave & Buster's.
364
00:14:18,416 --> 00:14:20,525
There is. What had happened was,
365
00:14:20,752 --> 00:14:24,270
I was about to order
a birthstones necklace off QVC,
366
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,014
and Zeke grabbed my phone
and told Lisa Rinna
367
00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,849
that my credit card
was maxed out.
368
00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,109
Truth bomb?
369
00:14:30,261 --> 00:14:32,261
Zeke, you need to mind
your own business.
370
00:14:32,355 --> 00:14:34,931
Let Shelby make
her own mistakes.
371
00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:37,024
A-thank a-you.
372
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:42,288
I'm so pissed, there's a rumble
in my Umbros as per now.
373
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:43,530
Oh, Zeke.
374
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:46,533
Sometimes all you need
is some truth bombs.
375
00:14:46,628 --> 00:14:48,261
What's next, boys?
376
00:14:48,963 --> 00:14:50,796
Hey, Jeremy, hon,
377
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,949
let yourself be loved.
378
00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:57,044
Calvin, baby, stop mistaking
your sadness for anger.
379
00:14:57,138 --> 00:14:58,788
(siren wailing)
380
00:14:58,806 --> 00:15:00,306
Dennis, shug,
381
00:15:00,458 --> 00:15:04,485
you know stealing cars
won't bring your dad back.
382
00:15:10,802 --> 00:15:12,702
(clock ticking)
383
00:15:19,827 --> 00:15:22,587
(exhales):
Okay.
384
00:15:22,814 --> 00:15:23,737
(gasping)
385
00:15:24,573 --> 00:15:27,166
Well, I've lost every game we
played for the last six hours.
386
00:15:27,318 --> 00:15:30,169
Risk, Candy Land.
Even a freakin' coin flip.
387
00:15:30,321 --> 00:15:32,171
And guess what I realized.
388
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,266
-So sorry, Mom.
-You see, Jenny?
It's gonna be okay.
389
00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:39,011
I've realized that y'all
are a bunch of lying cheaters.
390
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,664
You want me to think
I'm no good at games.
391
00:15:41,683 --> 00:15:43,516
Yeah, so you must have
rigged everything.
392
00:15:43,668 --> 00:15:45,610
Probably stuck a magnet
in the Pop-O-Matic,
393
00:15:45,761 --> 00:15:49,021
you loosened that Mouse Trap
so it would crap out on me.
394
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,615
Not only did you mess
with the Scrabble tiles,
395
00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:53,843
filling them up with bunk-ass
letters like "R" and "I,"
396
00:15:53,936 --> 00:15:55,178
but you went so far
397
00:15:55,196 --> 00:15:58,197
as to mess with every dictionary
in this house!
398
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,016
-What?
-Mm-hmm. I know there are pages
399
00:16:00,034 --> 00:16:01,442
in these dictionaries
that y'all tore out.
400
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,037
'Cause I am damn sure I had
a triple-word score here,
401
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:07,190
but then when I go look it up
in the dictionary,
402
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,193
the pages containing
the very common words
403
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:13,638
"squamp," "doornishaand"
and "iriri" are somehow missing.
404
00:16:13,831 --> 00:16:15,198
-Shame on you.
-(gasps)
405
00:16:15,216 --> 00:16:16,808
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need to squamp
406
00:16:17,035 --> 00:16:21,537
this conversation because all
of your iriris need to be what?
407
00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:23,706
-Doornishaanded?
-Doornishaanded?
-Doornishaanded?
408
00:16:23,799 --> 00:16:25,525
Doornishaanded.
409
00:16:30,381 --> 00:16:31,472
Those guys are cheating butts.
410
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:32,824
There's no way I suck
at every game.
411
00:16:32,975 --> 00:16:34,141
(laughs):
I'm a winner.
412
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,401
There's, like,
a million songs about me.
413
00:16:35,553 --> 00:16:38,312
♪ Who's the... revelation ♪
414
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,498
♪ That... something sensation? ♪
415
00:16:40,649 --> 00:16:42,125
(groans)
416
00:16:43,228 --> 00:16:46,229
Okay, here we go.
417
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:48,080
Pure, untainted competition.
418
00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:51,592
Time to prove
my theory is right.
419
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,848
-Ow.
-Hey, what's your name?
420
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:58,741
-Melody.
-Aw, that's so cute.
421
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:01,911
Okay, me and Melody
are about to crush some spirits.
422
00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:03,079
Are you someone's mom?
423
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:05,672
Oh, I'm about to be
all your moms.
424
00:17:05,767 --> 00:17:07,567
Let's play!
425
00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:11,771
Melody, move your stick.
426
00:17:11,923 --> 00:17:13,072
What the hell are you doing?
427
00:17:14,183 --> 00:17:15,867
Oh, that's great,
kick the ball backwards.
428
00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:17,093
But you hit that.
429
00:17:17,186 --> 00:17:19,412
'Cause you distracted me,
Melody.
430
00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:24,191
-(ball clicking)
-Melody, focus.
431
00:17:24,210 --> 00:17:26,360
We are only as good
as our weakest link,
432
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,497
and right now our weakest link
is named Melody!
433
00:17:29,607 --> 00:17:30,940
(whimpering)
434
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:32,699
(crying)
435
00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:34,627
Goal!
436
00:17:34,779 --> 00:17:36,870
(growls)
437
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,473
(kids scream)
438
00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:41,041
(whoops)
What do we got next?
439
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,895
A 503? A 10-80 in progress?
440
00:17:44,122 --> 00:17:45,304
Oh, I know what those are.
441
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:47,139
An above-ground pool collapse,
442
00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,141
and that thing where
a Vietnam vet's wheelchair
443
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,218
is stuck in a train track
and the train's coming.
444
00:17:51,312 --> 00:17:54,463
Tug, congratulations,
you nailed it.
445
00:17:54,557 --> 00:17:56,240
Betty, you taught me
something today.
446
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,968
I've never seen someone stop
an armed robbery in progress
447
00:17:58,986 --> 00:18:00,303
by calling the perp's mom.
448
00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:02,805
You have so many perps'
moms' phone numbers.
449
00:18:02,824 --> 00:18:06,309
I'm a mom guru. People need
a truth bomb, they call me up.
450
00:18:06,369 --> 00:18:09,829
That's why my family
is happy and stable as hell.
451
00:18:09,981 --> 00:18:12,164
(grunting)
452
00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:15,000
VINCENT:
Oh, Lord, look at this bouquet
of crazy daisies.
453
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:17,002
(thunder crashes)
454
00:18:17,155 --> 00:18:19,097
-Mom?
-(car doors closing)
455
00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:20,747
Girl, what on God's
green Earth is going on?
456
00:18:20,842 --> 00:18:24,009
I was playing-- I was winning,
and then these little turd sacks
457
00:18:24,162 --> 00:18:26,270
started cheating
and they won't admit it,
458
00:18:26,497 --> 00:18:28,497
-but I was winning.
-No, you weren't.
459
00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:31,167
Well, now, little girl,
I know you must be mistaken
460
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:33,018
because my Jenny doesn't lose.
461
00:18:33,171 --> 00:18:35,671
She is the bestest,
smartest ever.
462
00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:38,341
Betty, could I drop
a little truth bomb on you now?
463
00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,026
Last time I saw a woman talking
to her grown daughter that way,
464
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:44,122
it was one of those
Munchausen situations.
465
00:18:44,273 --> 00:18:46,773
Some documentary on Netflix.
466
00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:48,126
It is nothing like that.
467
00:18:48,277 --> 00:18:50,019
Historically, it's just easier
468
00:18:50,037 --> 00:18:52,204
if I let Jenny win, that's all.
469
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,857
Wait, so you have been
letting me win?
470
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:57,193
Yes, shuggy. I have.
471
00:18:57,211 --> 00:18:59,044
Why? Why would you
do that to me?
472
00:18:59,197 --> 00:19:01,030
Why wouldn't you just
let me lose?
473
00:19:01,048 --> 00:19:03,716
Because you had lost enough.
474
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,644
You were just eight years old
when your daddy died.
475
00:19:06,871 --> 00:19:11,207
Playing games was your favorite
thing to do with your daddy.
476
00:19:11,225 --> 00:19:12,650
-(cheers)
-Look at that.
477
00:19:12,801 --> 00:19:14,894
Who's the bestest,
smartest little girl?
478
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,412
Jenny!
479
00:19:16,414 --> 00:19:17,804
BETTY:
And then, when he passed,
480
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:23,286
I decided you had lost enough
for one lifetime.
481
00:19:26,224 --> 00:19:28,482
So you thought
you were protecting me.
482
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:32,003
Hate to say it,
but guilty as charged.
483
00:19:32,154 --> 00:19:35,064
(sniffling)
484
00:19:35,082 --> 00:19:38,009
Well, damn it,
I want to hate you for it,
485
00:19:38,236 --> 00:19:40,903
but it's just too sweet.
486
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:42,597
(Tug sniffles)
487
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,760
JENNY:
Ooh, yippee.
488
00:19:47,912 --> 00:19:49,094
I landed on Go To Jail.
489
00:19:49,247 --> 00:19:50,930
Everyone has to give me $500.
490
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,249
OTHERS:
Uh...
491
00:19:53,267 --> 00:19:54,750
Now, I want to tell you
something,
492
00:19:54,769 --> 00:19:57,862
but I also don't want you
to shove a thimble in my eye.
493
00:19:58,013 --> 00:20:01,139
Let me guess, the first person
in jail doesn't get $500?
494
00:20:01,292 --> 00:20:04,276
No, Mother. Much like
real jail, it's punitive.
495
00:20:04,429 --> 00:20:08,039
And I'm assuming you also
don't get one free reroll
496
00:20:08,266 --> 00:20:09,615
if you were born in 1990?
497
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:12,460
-(sighs)
-Mm-mm.
-(knocking on door)
498
00:20:13,438 --> 00:20:14,212
Hey, Miss Jenny.
499
00:20:14,363 --> 00:20:15,379
Oh, you again.
500
00:20:15,531 --> 00:20:17,215
Did you preemptively
call the cops on me?
501
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:20,384
Well, actually, I'm here
to, uh, pick up your mother.
502
00:20:20,536 --> 00:20:23,779
Sorry, I'm gonna have to abandon
my real estate empire.
503
00:20:23,872 --> 00:20:27,299
Maybe I'll even end up
doing a little undercover work.
504
00:20:27,452 --> 00:20:30,061
The wheels of justice
may turn slow,
505
00:20:30,212 --> 00:20:33,439
but Betty Hart moves fast.
506
00:20:34,475 --> 00:20:35,624
Yes. Boardwalk.
507
00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:38,736
♪ I'm gonna win,
I'm gonna win...
♪
508
00:20:38,963 --> 00:20:40,980
On second thought,
we might need that cop.
509
00:20:41,132 --> 00:20:43,449
♪ I'm gonna win. ♪
510
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:53,918
-Tweezers.
-Tweezers.
511
00:20:54,069 --> 00:20:54,919
(Wayne shuddering)
512
00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:56,662
Wayne. What the hell?
513
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:57,980
Sorry. It's the zap, Jenny.
514
00:20:58,073 --> 00:20:59,740
It-it sends me over the edge.
515
00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:03,094
Wayne, I need you to chill.
This funny bone has to come out.
516
00:21:03,245 --> 00:21:04,929
Mom, you're being
way too intense.
517
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,748
-Jenny, I got this.
-He's got it.
518
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:08,933
Stop yelling!
519
00:21:09,084 --> 00:21:10,993
(Wayne shuddering)
520
00:21:11,012 --> 00:21:11,844
(alarm buzzes)
521
00:21:11,996 --> 00:21:13,253
Well, you killed me.
522
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:15,922
But the good news is, you lose.
523
00:21:16,017 --> 00:21:18,017
(cackles)
524
00:21:18,169 --> 00:21:19,926
And I win!
525
00:21:20,021 --> 00:21:20,927
(laughs)
526
00:21:21,022 --> 00:21:23,364
(babbling musically)
527
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:29,178
I think I liked you better
when you were my landlord.
528
00:21:29,196 --> 00:21:31,196
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)
529
00:21:31,349 --> 00:21:32,848
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
530
00:21:32,941 --> 00:21:34,583
and TOYOTA.