1
00:00:02,745 --> 00:00:04,578
(sizzling)
2
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,580
(sniffs)
Oof, who farted?
3
00:00:06,732 --> 00:00:09,082
It wasn't me. I haven't farted
a day in my life.
4
00:00:09,235 --> 00:00:11,401
Which one of you did it?
Fess up.
5
00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,237
Please stop talking about farts.
6
00:00:13,255 --> 00:00:14,905
Can we circle back
to Gram saying
7
00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:16,923
she's never farted
a day in her life?
8
00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:18,666
-'Cue's up!
-Ugh, none for me.
9
00:00:18,761 --> 00:00:21,720
I lost my appetite
due to your ass-smelling yard.
10
00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:25,082
Oh, yeah. The skunk population
is exploding this year.
11
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,433
(skunks chittering)
12
00:00:26,585 --> 00:00:28,027
I don't know what happened,
but the skunks have had
13
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,361
a very horny springtime.
14
00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:30,845
Well, that horny springtime
15
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,606
is turning into
a very stanky summer.
16
00:00:32,758 --> 00:00:34,941
-You need to clean this up.
-They're not in my yard.
17
00:00:35,094 --> 00:00:38,037
It's Dr. Chakrabarti's.
I'll go talk to her.
18
00:00:38,188 --> 00:00:39,687
(slurps)
Hi, Wayne.
19
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,207
Okay, now, don't try to
sweet-talk me, Dr. Chakrabarti.
20
00:00:42,434 --> 00:00:44,209
You got to do something
about your yard.
21
00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:46,861
My yard?
We've been over this, Wayne.
22
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,882
Why would I allow
a seasonal skunk orgy
23
00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,383
on my land, huh?
24
00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:54,611
They ruined my papasan chair
with their musky lovemaking.
25
00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:57,723
No, no, no. These skunks
are your problem, Wayne.
26
00:00:57,950 --> 00:01:00,951
No, ma'am. My property ends
at that truck tire.
27
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:03,044
That's why
the truck tire's there.
28
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:06,790
No, no, no. My land stops
at the iridescent orb.
29
00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,126
Dr. Chakrabarti,
an iridescent orb
30
00:01:09,144 --> 00:01:10,569
is not legally binding.
31
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,978
Neither is a truck tire.
32
00:01:12,131 --> 00:01:15,365
Okay, we're gonna settle this
once and for all.
33
00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:20,412
The land in dispute
is right here.
34
00:01:20,564 --> 00:01:21,955
Skunktown.
35
00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:23,398
What the hell is Skunktown?
36
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,142
Yet another person who missed
37
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,086
my five-part
library lecture series
38
00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:29,421
on the history of Greenpoint.
39
00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:31,406
Oh, how did I miss that?
40
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,241
-Yeah, could you
just give us a quick...
-DENISE: Skunks
41
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,001
first colonized this land
42
00:01:35,154 --> 00:01:37,078
-in 1794.
-♪ ♪
43
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,505
With the arrival
44
00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:40,415
of European settlers,
an uneasy truce
45
00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:44,103
was established
tween man and skunk.
46
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,438
Gifts were exchanged.
47
00:01:46,665 --> 00:01:49,090
Treaties were struck...
48
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,692
and broken.
49
00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:52,945
A feud ignited,
50
00:01:53,096 --> 00:01:56,448
resulting in
the Battle of Skunktown.
51
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,617
-(indistinct shouting)
-(explosions)
52
00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:02,346
Skunk and man lost life.
53
00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:04,681
The skunks learned the hard way
54
00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:09,336
you can't bring an anal gland
to a gunfight.
55
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,522
Somebody should put that
on a T-shirt.
56
00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:13,690
I'm already on it.
57
00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:15,709
So, yeah, about the land?
58
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,711
Yes. Skunktown was annexed
59
00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:21,974
in 1970 to 843 Tipton Drive.
60
00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:24,034
No! That's my address.
61
00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:25,627
Aw, you got to be joking.
62
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,038
Ugh. Looks like we've got
some skunks to battle.
63
00:02:28,131 --> 00:02:30,965
Better prep your anal glands,
Wayne.
64
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,360
♪ ♪
65
00:03:01,665 --> 00:03:04,183
Great. Now I have to deal
with these skunks,
66
00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:05,425
not to mention the headache
67
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,168
of having to move
my property line tire.
68
00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,413
Yeah, if only that tire
was in the shape of something
69
00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,431
that would make it move easier.
70
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,358
Wayne, get rid of the skunks
and build something
71
00:03:13,585 --> 00:03:14,842
on that land
it turns out you own.
72
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,196
You could build
a mini golf course.
73
00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:18,755
Or an outdoor escape room.
74
00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:22,759
If it's outdoors, could people
just, I don't know, leave?
75
00:03:22,778 --> 00:03:25,429
Not if the walls are mirrors.
76
00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:26,688
Couple of loonies.
77
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,523
Let's celebrate
with drinks at Tipsy River.
78
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,117
Uh, I don't want to go
to Tipsy River.
79
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,452
I don't want to bother my meemaw
80
00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:34,938
-while she's working.
-Let's not push it.
81
00:03:35,031 --> 00:03:37,624
He's embarrassed
of his country-ass grandma.
82
00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:39,867
Don't be embarrassed
of your meemaw, Wayne.
83
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:40,944
She's fun.
84
00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:43,129
There he is.
The son of the cutie
85
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,948
who shot out of my ha-hooey.
86
00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:47,451
It's my grandson, y'all.
Hoot 'n' Haw!
87
00:03:47,469 --> 00:03:49,502
Come on, everybody,
say it with me.
88
00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:52,380
-Hoot 'n' Haw!
-DINERS: Hoot 'n' Haw!
89
00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:55,809
That's what we Edwards do
when we see each other.
90
00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:58,311
-Yes, Meemaw. We all know.
-(sighs)
91
00:03:58,464 --> 00:04:00,313
Hoot 'n' Haw! Come on, Wayne.
92
00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,241
Hoot 'n' Haw!
93
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:03,909
-Hoot 'n' Haw.
-(bell dings)
94
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:06,970
Hey, y'all.
Jimmy Lee, your burger's up.
95
00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:09,414
You mind getting it?
I got to talk to my grandson.
96
00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:10,898
(Jimmy Lee groans)
97
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,493
So, did y'all hear
me and Ned broke up?
98
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,312
Yeah. Lord.
99
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,904
I caught that horny-ass,
dried-up gnome
100
00:04:16,999 --> 00:04:19,149
rubbing his nephew's
step-aunt's feet.
101
00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:20,817
Uh, keep it down, Meemaw.
102
00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:22,744
Packed my things,
took Uncle Tommy
103
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,911
and hauled ass out of there.
104
00:04:24,006 --> 00:04:25,839
It's a hell of a thing
being adrift.
105
00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:29,101
-No place to call home.
-Well, this is perfect, Meemaw,
106
00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:30,585
'cause Wayne
just discovered he got
107
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,253
-a whole other parcel of land.
-Mm-mm.
108
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,623
-Mm-mm.
-But luckily, I'm good.
109
00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:37,667
Yeah. Robert Plant's coming
to the coliseum this weekend.
110
00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:39,169
We're gonna crash with him.
111
00:04:39,187 --> 00:04:41,929
Wait, like,
Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant?
112
00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:44,449
Yeah, Vi.
Meemaw used to be a groupie.
113
00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:47,027
And not during
his crap Led Zeppelin era.
114
00:04:47,179 --> 00:04:48,603
We're talking Honeydrippers.
115
00:04:48,697 --> 00:04:50,289
And you can bet there's gonna be
116
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,583
some "good rockin' at midnight."
117
00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,037
(snarls)
118
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,673
-We beat you once, skunks.
-(skunks screeching)
119
00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:02,634
We'll beat you again!
120
00:05:02,861 --> 00:05:03,877
(both shout)
121
00:05:04,029 --> 00:05:05,378
DENISE:
The Second Battle of Skunktown
122
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,198
was threatening
to be even bloodier
123
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:09,366
-than the first.
-(grunts)
124
00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:11,310
No! Wayne, we're being overrun!
125
00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,145
I'm taking so many butt spurts.
126
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,555
Me, too. Oh! Jenny.
127
00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,724
-Jenny!
-Yes?
128
00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:19,467
Should we just call Exterminex?
129
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,445
Yeah, let's do that.
130
00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:25,306
Damn, they are good.
131
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,068
Look at your land, Wayne.
Oh, it's beautiful.
132
00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:30,737
I'm so excited.
I want to make it into something
133
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,497
that'll make you
and Betty proud.
134
00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,482
(horn honking
"Battle Hymn of the Republic")
135
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,226
(excited shouting)
136
00:05:36,244 --> 00:05:37,461
Huh?
137
00:05:38,564 --> 00:05:40,005
Oh, no.
138
00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:43,066
(tires screech)
139
00:05:43,085 --> 00:05:44,751
(dogs barking)
140
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,012
Hey, y'all. We're moving in.
141
00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:49,514
Hoot 'n' Haw!
142
00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:55,002
No, no, no. Meemaw, wait.
143
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:56,355
What happened with Robert Plant?
144
00:05:56,582 --> 00:05:59,265
His wife found me hiding
in the business center.
145
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,843
Yeah, busted. Then I realized
146
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,679
I can park myself
on Wayne's new land.
147
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,606
Meemaw, no. No, no, no.
148
00:06:06,758 --> 00:06:09,275
We got to get her out of here.
If she unpacks,
149
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,277
she'll be here even longer
than the skunks were.
150
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:13,205
Just trading one infestation
for another.
151
00:06:13,432 --> 00:06:15,374
-(snickering)
-Uncle Tommy, get back here.
152
00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:16,933
(grunts)
153
00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,043
(gasps)
154
00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:20,379
This is a disaster. Oh, look,
155
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,363
Dr. Chakrabarti and Betty
are already staring.
156
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:24,883
Oh, Wayne, don't be embarrassed.
He's just a little boy.
157
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:28,053
Your grandmother and her son,
your uncle,
158
00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,388
need a place to say.
159
00:06:29,615 --> 00:06:31,390
It's not just gonna be Meemaw
and Uncle Tommy.
160
00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:33,617
When there's one,
there's thousands.
161
00:06:33,635 --> 00:06:36,878
Trust me, you give these people
an inch, they'll take a yard.
162
00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:40,047
And by that I mean they'll
fully take control of your yard
163
00:06:40,142 --> 00:06:41,458
and everything in it.
164
00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:42,884
-(distant rumbling)
-Wayne, quit being
165
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,737
such a judgy butt
about your own family.
166
00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:48,365
♪ ♪
167
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,470
(engines revving)
168
00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:56,581
♪ ♪
169
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,567
-(cheering)
-What?
170
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,645
Jenny-- you, Betty and Vi
should just go on home.
171
00:07:01,738 --> 00:07:03,313
-Y'all don't need
to see all this.
-No.
172
00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,406
You always keep your fam
at arm's length.
173
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,092
I am so excited
to finally meet them.
174
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:08,334
Okay, who am I looking at here?
175
00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:10,003
Well... (sighs)
Uh, twin ladies
176
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,988
in the pickup truck
with all the fishing poles
177
00:07:12,007 --> 00:07:13,339
are my cousins Deb and Jubel.
178
00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,933
The lady with the crossbow
is Aunt Donna.
179
00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:17,752
JENNY:
And the girl riding beside her
on the cooler scooter
180
00:07:17,846 --> 00:07:19,012
in the American flag bikini?
181
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,254
-Is that her daughter?
-No.
182
00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,332
That's my Great-Aunt Caroline.
183
00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:23,942
The younger one
is your great-aunt?
184
00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:25,335
They're country, Jenny.
185
00:07:25,353 --> 00:07:27,187
No one is the age
they're supposed to be.
186
00:07:27,339 --> 00:07:29,948
Oh, and that guy
who looks like an old prospector
187
00:07:30,175 --> 00:07:31,508
is my second cousin Dean.
188
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:32,859
-He's a prospector.
-(chuckles)
189
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,786
And that woman
with the faraway look
190
00:07:34,938 --> 00:07:35,954
is Aunt Faroway.
191
00:07:36,181 --> 00:07:38,105
Is she in black and white?
192
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,273
(sighs)
Just go inside.
193
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,625
I'll make this whole thing
go away.
194
00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:43,703
No, we're gonna welcome them
with open arms.
195
00:07:43,855 --> 00:07:45,964
Jenny, no. Do not. I forbid you.
196
00:07:46,115 --> 00:07:47,040
"Forbid"?
197
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,283
Oh, you just pushed a button.
198
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,543
(sighs)
199
00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:52,286
Hey, Meemaw! Everyone!
200
00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,197
What do y'all want
to eat and drink?
201
00:07:54,216 --> 00:07:55,623
-Bad idea. Don't do this.
-Hey, Vi?
202
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,383
-Can you run up
to the Quick Mart...
-Stop talking.
203
00:07:57,536 --> 00:07:59,703
...and get some drinks and stuff
for our guests?
204
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:02,296
VIOLET:
Okay, let me make sure
I have this right.
205
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,131
I've got
four Dr. Mister Cherries,
206
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,484
a six-pack
of Bulletproof Extremes,
207
00:08:05,711 --> 00:08:09,212
ten Diet Klutz Regular
and ten Diet Klutz Chuggers,
208
00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:11,881
a three-liter bottle of Mountain
Inferno, Professor Purple,
209
00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:14,141
-(whooping)
-Diet Professor Purple.
I don't know what this is,
210
00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,052
but a snifter
of Caffeine Avalanche,
211
00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:17,387
Lemon Whack Bold
212
00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,998
and the latest issue
of American Fun Club?
213
00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:22,058
Yep, sounds like everything.
214
00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:23,560
Violet, would you be a darling
215
00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:24,836
-and take Uncle Tommy with you?
-(grunting)
216
00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:27,080
Meemaw, no.
You know what? I'll just go.
217
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,748
-(zapping)
-Violet cannot handle
Uncle Tommy.
218
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:32,844
Excuse me? Who watches Gram
during her wine naps?
219
00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:34,587
I think I can handle it.
220
00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,681
No, you can't handle it.
221
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,834
And you just pushed a button.
222
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,594
(sighs)
Friggin' Hart women.
223
00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:44,264
I can totally handle it.
Come on, Uncle Tommy!
224
00:08:44,416 --> 00:08:46,173
(laughing)
225
00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,934
-Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
-(banjo playing)
226
00:08:48,086 --> 00:08:50,028
BETTY:
Look at this boonie-ass mess.
227
00:08:50,179 --> 00:08:52,197
Don't any of them have shoes?
228
00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:53,590
Oh, Mother,
stop being such a snob.
229
00:08:53,683 --> 00:08:56,259
It's not like you grew up
in London, England.
230
00:08:56,352 --> 00:08:57,536
I'm just saying
you can trade up.
231
00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,855
Go to an airport bar.
Sidle up to a pilot
232
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,284
or a brain surgeon
or a jazz musician.
233
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,527
Who do you think is flying
through our tee-tiny airport?
234
00:09:06,621 --> 00:09:08,713
Violet might be a turnoff,
235
00:09:08,865 --> 00:09:10,549
but we can send her
to overnight summer school
236
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,200
-till you win him over.
-Hey, y'all want
some peach wine?
237
00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:14,535
No, thank you.
238
00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:18,131
I got my seasonal box wine
that retails for $16.99.
239
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,724
-Thank you, though.
-Meemaw,
240
00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:22,543
we would love
to try your peach wine.
241
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:26,047
Well, normally I prefer
my fruit-flavored wines
242
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,459
in slush form,
but I'll have a thimble sip,
243
00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:33,296
because that is what a woman
of polite society does.
244
00:09:33,315 --> 00:09:36,032
Oh, brother. Fill her up.
245
00:09:37,894 --> 00:09:39,411
-Not bad.
-(choking, coughing)
246
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,487
Yes. Very passable.
247
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,081
I'll have another snort.
248
00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:44,398
Oh, now, careful, Betty.
249
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:45,917
That's stronger
than normal wine.
250
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:49,495
It's technically considered
a Class I controlled substance.
251
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,982
I think I know
how to handle myself.
252
00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,260
Hoot 'n' Haw!
253
00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:57,670
-Hoot 'n' Haw!
-(cheering)
254
00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,622
(grunting)
255
00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,100
VIOLET:
"You can't handle Tommy."
256
00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:05,345
Ha. Well,
guess who is a-handling it?
257
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,997
-(Uncle Tommy laughs)
-What the...?
258
00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:11,425
No. No! How the hell
did he move so quickly?
259
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,669
Oh, of course.
260
00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:13,945
The power of sugar.
261
00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:15,188
Uncle Tommy!
262
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:17,390
Okay, think, Violet. Think.
263
00:10:17,542 --> 00:10:20,267
If you were
a ten-year-old feral ADHD boy,
264
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,786
where would you hide?
265
00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:22,862
Ha.
266
00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:24,514
Nice try, Tommy Boy.
267
00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:26,458
Aha! I got you.
268
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,702
Okay. That was not
a dumb guess, though.
269
00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:31,537
When I came home from work,
270
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:34,858
there he was,
cradling that strumpet's feet
271
00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,301
-like they was a newborn baby.
-(banjo playing)
272
00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,953
That raisin-bodied sumbitch.
273
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,390
But I love him. I still do.
274
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,976
♪ ♪
275
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:47,720
(lively chatter)
276
00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:50,965
Wayne, your grandmother
is crying her eyes out.
277
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,208
(sobbing)
278
00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,318
Or is she throwing up?
279
00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:54,969
Either way,
she's not doing good.
280
00:10:55,063 --> 00:10:56,729
I think we need
to go talk to Ned.
281
00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,139
To try and get them to leave?
282
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,640
No, to be supportive,
like family.
283
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:00,884
Where does Ned live?
284
00:11:00,977 --> 00:11:04,162
Up where most
of the Edwardses live: in Haw.
285
00:11:04,313 --> 00:11:06,331
Wait. Are you saying "Hall"?
286
00:11:06,524 --> 00:11:07,815
H-A-W. Haw.
287
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,484
It's out off Highway 98,
past Delk.
288
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,912
Wait, isn't that just...
the woods?
289
00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:15,581
Yes! And there's no way
I'm going back to Haw,
290
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,066
and neither are you.
291
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:19,085
(whispers):
Oh, you just pushed a button.
292
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,253
WAYNE:
No!
293
00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:22,389
♪ ♪
294
00:11:26,912 --> 00:11:28,261
(wood creaking)
295
00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:29,479
(cawing)
296
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:35,768
JENNY:
Oh, this is cute.
297
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,012
"Don't go to Haw." Baloney!
298
00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:39,847
Haw is darling.
299
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,941
Aw, she looks nice.
300
00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:45,111
Oh, look.
Got a sweet little church.
301
00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,263
Oh, I love that architecture.
302
00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:49,040
(smacks lips)
I've always said they don't
303
00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:50,542
make enough square churches.
304
00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:53,527
-(screeches)
-(gasps) I'm gonna die
in this hellhole!
305
00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,881
Um, sorry to interrupt
your leather smithing...
306
00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,291
uh, Ned?
307
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,885
Maybe. Depends on who's asking.
308
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:04,464
And just know, I can have
a dozen dogs surrounding you
309
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,207
with just one whistle.
310
00:12:06,301 --> 00:12:08,209
Uh, Jenny. Jenny Hart.
311
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,878
Oh, hell. Wayne's old lady?
312
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,455
Yeah. Is that bad?
313
00:12:12,548 --> 00:12:13,380
Everything's bad.
314
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,883
I miss my woman. I'm upset.
315
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,384
And when I'm upset,
316
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,721
the only thing that calms
my nerves is leatherworking.
317
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,723
I'm making a duster.
318
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,800
You seen Meemaw?
319
00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,559
She won't tell me where she is.
320
00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:27,637
Well, yes.
She's on a little plot of land
321
00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,138
that belongs to Wayne.
322
00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:30,990
Wayne's known where she's been
this whole time?
323
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,067
That sumbitch!
324
00:12:33,161 --> 00:12:34,902
He knew where Meemaw was
325
00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:36,145
and did not tell me.
326
00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:38,572
Therefore, he lied by omission.
327
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,167
And now we gotta duel.
328
00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:44,320
I'm sorry, did you say "duel"?
329
00:12:44,339 --> 00:12:46,080
Yes. Duel.
330
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,491
Out here,
we live by the old ways.
331
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:50,510
But you're, like, ten minutes
away from an airport.
332
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:54,606
Tell your boy Wayne
it's time to duel.
333
00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,566
Duel...!
334
00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,296
(echoing):
Uncle Tommy?
335
00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:03,189
-(birds squawking)
-Tommy?
336
00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:04,857
-(lasers firing)
-Uncle Tommy?
337
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,859
Tommy!
338
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,846
Come on, Violet,
you said you could handle it.
339
00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:11,272
Now you have to handle it.
340
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,458
All I have to do is...
341
00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:14,793
dig deeper...
342
00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:17,444
and think like him.
343
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,446
(can clacking)
344
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,091
♪ ♪
345
00:13:24,362 --> 00:13:26,387
-(bubbling)
-(slurps)
346
00:13:28,049 --> 00:13:29,915
(exhales)
347
00:13:30,068 --> 00:13:31,534
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
348
00:13:31,553 --> 00:13:32,644
Okay, okay.
349
00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:35,146
-♪ ♪
-I see a bench. Kick.
350
00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:36,297
Tree.
351
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,816
Kick.
352
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,300
Rock.
353
00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:41,486
Hmm, what do I do? Bite it?
Sure!
354
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,379
Then what?
355
00:13:43,398 --> 00:13:44,547
Throw. Yes!
356
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,190
Where? Car!
357
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,976
-(horn honking)
-Now I panic.
358
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,737
Ooh, I'm scared.
Good. Yes. I run into the woods.
359
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,582
I roll in crap
for some natural camo.
360
00:13:55,484 --> 00:13:56,483
Yes, yes!
361
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,484
Zigzag run!
362
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,003
Spit! Kick!
363
00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:01,422
Duck behind a tree.
364
00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:03,174
(electronic ping)
365
00:14:03,401 --> 00:14:05,844
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
366
00:14:06,071 --> 00:14:07,637
(banjo playing)
367
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,575
Wayne! Wayne, Wayne,
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.
368
00:14:12,594 --> 00:14:14,018
How do I put this?
369
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:16,262
-I talked to Ned.
-Jenny, what?
370
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,190
-You talked to Ned?
-Well, first of all,
I can go where I want.
371
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:20,416
And secondly,
OMG, Ned is so funny.
372
00:14:20,435 --> 00:14:21,860
At least I think
he was being funny.
373
00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:23,344
I hope he was being funny.
374
00:14:23,438 --> 00:14:24,863
'Cause he challenged you
to a duel, and I was like,
375
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,181
"Huh, a duel? Come on, man."
And then he said, "Yeah, duel."
376
00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:29,701
And he pulled out what I'm
pretty sure was a real live gun,
377
00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:31,352
even though it was
cartoonishly big.
378
00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:34,355
But yep, he definitely said
the word "duel." (laughs)
379
00:14:34,449 --> 00:14:35,540
What?
380
00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:36,690
(gasps)
381
00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,042
So he's done that joke
on you, too?
382
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,452
It's not a joke.
383
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,045
The Edwardses duel.
384
00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:43,047
-We're duelers!
-What?!
385
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:45,775
Why do you think there's
ten women to every one man?
386
00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,443
JENNY:
Well, I don't know,
387
00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,612
I just assumed it was
heart disease or something.
388
00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:53,057
No! 80% of our deaths
are duel-based.
389
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,726
This isn't real.
Am I in a nightmare?
390
00:14:54,953 --> 00:14:56,302
-(motorcycle approaching)
-(gasps)
391
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,387
(excited chatter)
392
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:02,734
NED:
Wayne Edwards,
you have betrayed my trust.
393
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,645
Therefore,
I hereby challenge you
394
00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:08,656
-to a duel.
-(others gasping)
395
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:16,080
♪ ♪
396
00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:18,658
Okay, now I'm in the woods.
397
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,309
Where do I go? What do I do?
398
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,903
A shiny hubcap!
What do I do with shiny things?
399
00:15:22,997 --> 00:15:23,996
I bite them.
400
00:15:24,149 --> 00:15:25,164
Ugh, it tastes bad.
401
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,984
I need water.
I drink the water.
402
00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,318
It also tastes bad.
403
00:15:29,337 --> 00:15:30,486
I spit it out.
404
00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:34,057
I see a skunk staring
straight at me. Aah!
405
00:15:34,917 --> 00:15:37,060
(skunks chittering)
406
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,795
Hee-hee-hee...
407
00:15:39,797 --> 00:15:42,106
Okay, I'm genuinely scared now.
408
00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,759
Well, lookee
who decided to show up.
409
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,853
You all out of foot rubs, Ned?
410
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,280
I told you, woman,
411
00:15:49,432 --> 00:15:52,116
that foot rub
was not sexual in nature.
412
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,268
She was having a cramp.
413
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,529
Well, you could've fed her
a banana,
414
00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,181
you leathery old horndog.
415
00:15:58,274 --> 00:16:00,941
Okay, well, I think it's time
to settle this the right way.
416
00:16:01,035 --> 00:16:02,961
A healing, nice long chat sesh?
417
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,037
No! A duel.
418
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,872
-(whooping, cheering)
-Or, watch me.
419
00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,542
Hey, look what I'm doing.
Whoo! Look at my feet!
420
00:16:09,694 --> 00:16:11,377
Look at my crazy legs!
421
00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:14,380
Jenny, I'm-a need you
to step aside.
422
00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:15,364
Mmm.
423
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,642
I, Wayne Edwards, of sound mind,
424
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:20,219
do hereby accept
your challenge...
425
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,146
to duel.
426
00:16:22,298 --> 00:16:24,223
Oh, my Lord, Mother,
what have I done?
427
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:27,043
You got to talk to Meemaw.
We can't do this.
428
00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:28,135
You're right.
429
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,563
I'll talk to her.
430
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,575
Are you as horned up as I am
right now?
431
00:16:35,553 --> 00:16:37,978
(cheering, whooping)
432
00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,480
ALL:
Hoot 'n' Haw!
433
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,000
Great.
Is this what you wanted, Jenny?
434
00:16:42,227 --> 00:16:43,893
To get to know my family?
435
00:16:43,911 --> 00:16:46,320
Well, this right here is
what it is.
436
00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:48,489
-My family.
-DONNA: Take your positions!
437
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:52,159
You have been called
to the field of honor.
438
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,512
-Excited in your no-no spot yet?
-No!
439
00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:56,663
I mean, that is crazy.
I am not okay with this.
440
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,350
Oh, my God, he looks like
a walking Young Guns reboot.
441
00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,001
No! Jenny, don't!
442
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,245
BOTH:
One.
443
00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,412
Two.
444
00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:05,023
-Three.
-No!
445
00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:08,568
(shouts)
446
00:17:09,512 --> 00:17:12,488
♪ ♪
447
00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:14,924
(distorted yell)
448
00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:16,367
(screams)
449
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:20,371
Oh, my God, Wayne.
Wayne, are you okay?
450
00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:23,023
This is insane. I want
to tongue-kiss you. What?!
451
00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,450
Wait. Why do you smell
like Arby's?
452
00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:26,118
(whispering):
I faked getting shot.
453
00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,363
-It's the only way
to get rid of Meemaw.
-What?
454
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,366
(coughs) Because in front
of God and everybody,
455
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,628
my dastardly plan to tear
y'all apart has been foiled.
456
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,705
Which means-- oh, God,
I'm just now realizing this--
457
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,558
that you will now return to Haw.
458
00:17:40,709 --> 00:17:43,561
And as much as it pains me
to admit this,
459
00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:45,879
that I accept that
all my extended family
460
00:17:45,973 --> 00:17:48,399
will follow you,
rather than grace my...
461
00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:51,460
(groans) property
with your familial presence.
462
00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:54,130
Well, what do you say,
Sarah Fay?
463
00:17:54,148 --> 00:17:56,148
Will you have me back?
464
00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:58,392
I would say yes, but...
465
00:17:58,486 --> 00:18:00,970
I smell a rat.
466
00:18:01,063 --> 00:18:02,305
(Betty gasps)
467
00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,082
-Yep, this is Horsey Sauce.
-(others gasp)
468
00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:05,808
You know what, Meemaw? It is.
469
00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,977
'Cause all this is horse crap.
470
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,403
-(gasps)
-Our dumb traditions,
471
00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,163
our backwards,
country-ass family,
472
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,424
our-our Hoot 'n' Haws,
473
00:18:13,576 --> 00:18:16,243
all y'all barefoot,
peach wine-drinking squatters,
474
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,138
y'all are a country nightmare!
475
00:18:22,009 --> 00:18:24,660
Looks like someone
did get shot today.
476
00:18:24,753 --> 00:18:27,012
Me. Right in the heart.
477
00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,439
Let's go, everybody.
478
00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:30,015
(others muttering)
479
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,360
(skunks chittering)
480
00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:35,571
(screams)
481
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,617
Ha!
482
00:18:42,013 --> 00:18:44,413
♪ ♪
483
00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:47,183
Oh, my God. Thank you.
484
00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:49,943
Cousin Violet,
you came looking for me.
485
00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,021
People never look for me.
486
00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:54,874
Probably 'cause no one knows
how to find you.
487
00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,208
But you found me.
488
00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,428
Yeah, well, I got skills.
489
00:19:07,129 --> 00:19:09,063
Come on, let's get you home.
490
00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:15,728
This is why I keep my family
at arm's length.
491
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,880
The more you see,
the more you'll know
492
00:19:17,899 --> 00:19:19,715
that I'm nothing
but a country bumpkin,
493
00:19:19,808 --> 00:19:22,976
and you're not gonna like it,
and... you're gonna leave me.
494
00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:24,162
Wayne...
495
00:19:24,389 --> 00:19:25,388
no.
496
00:19:25,406 --> 00:19:26,980
(chitters)
497
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,075
I mean, even this skunk doesn't
want to waste his spray on me.
498
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,243
(chitters)
499
00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:33,504
Thanks, but I know you're
just being nice.
500
00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:35,673
Skunk, make yourself at home.
Everyone else has.
501
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,734
This is my life now, Jenny.
I'm the mayor of Skunktown.
502
00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:40,994
Wayne, you've witnessed
my mother scam a toddler,
503
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,513
dine and dash at church potluck,
504
00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:43,681
and backhand a Shriner.
505
00:19:43,832 --> 00:19:45,349
But you love her and I love her,
506
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:47,351
'cause her crazy ass
made me who I am.
507
00:19:47,503 --> 00:19:49,912
Just like I love
your crazy-ass family.
508
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:51,080
And you.
509
00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:53,173
Exactly the way y'all are.
510
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,175
WAYNE:
I love you, too.
511
00:19:55,269 --> 00:19:57,361
Wait. Where's Betty?
512
00:19:57,513 --> 00:20:00,180
♪ ♪
513
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,774
Meemaw, I got to tell you,
514
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,777
you did a hell of a job
with Wayne.
515
00:20:04,929 --> 00:20:06,612
And don't ever tell him
I said this,
516
00:20:06,764 --> 00:20:08,372
but he's a good, good man.
517
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:11,600
You know, when he met Jenny,
I knew he'd found the one.
518
00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:15,104
He said he met a girl, but
then he didn't bring her around,
519
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:17,456
and I would call and say,
520
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,716
"What happened, Wayne?
521
00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:21,034
"You and this new girl
get abducted by a UFO,
522
00:20:21,128 --> 00:20:22,461
like your Aunt Jubel?"
523
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,447
-(door opens, closes)
-I knew he was ashamed.
524
00:20:24,465 --> 00:20:27,283
-Not ashamed.
-He's not. He really loves you.
525
00:20:27,301 --> 00:20:28,709
Hey, let's just stop talking.
526
00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:31,878
'Cause I know you want
to help me make these dumplings.
527
00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:33,472
I do.
528
00:20:33,624 --> 00:20:34,732
♪ ♪
529
00:20:36,978 --> 00:20:39,695
(sizzling)
530
00:20:42,133 --> 00:20:44,075
Give me a Hoot 'n' Haw!
531
00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:45,576
OTHERS:
Hoot 'n' Haw!
532
00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:48,913
Buck muted my Facebook posts
about how cell phone towers
533
00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:50,564
shrink your ding-a-ling,
534
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,476
so we got us a duel!
535
00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:55,461
Hoot 'n' Haw!
536
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:02,651
TV NARRATOR:
After the Battle of Skunktown,
537
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:05,654
skunk and man learned
to coexist in relative harmony.
538
00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:08,340
Local lore even contends
that an army general
539
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,009
married a skunk,
540
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,011
though it has never been proven.
541
00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,846
Does that general
look like Wayne?
542
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,256
-Yeah. He's got skunk blood.
-Meemaw!
543
00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,110
A man and a skunk
can't procreate.
544
00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:21,020
Oh, hell yes, they can.
545
00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,280
Tell me more!
546
00:21:22,431 --> 00:21:24,282
I got some theories of my own.
547
00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:26,600
I need to hear all of them.
548
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,435
-(grunting)
-(laughter)
549
00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,361
(dogs bark)
550
00:21:29,514 --> 00:21:31,455
-(meows)
-(horn honks musically)
551
00:21:31,607 --> 00:21:33,607
Captioning sponsored by
BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
552
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,001
and TOYOTA.