1 00:00:02,745 --> 00:00:04,578 (sizzling) 2 00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:06,580 (sniffs) Oof, who farted? 3 00:00:06,732 --> 00:00:09,082 It wasn't me. I haven't farted a day in my life. 4 00:00:09,235 --> 00:00:11,401 Which one of you did it? Fess up. 5 00:00:11,420 --> 00:00:13,237 Please stop talking about farts. 6 00:00:13,255 --> 00:00:14,905 Can we circle back to Gram saying 7 00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:16,923 she's never farted a day in her life? 8 00:00:17,076 --> 00:00:18,666 -'Cue's up! -Ugh, none for me. 9 00:00:18,761 --> 00:00:21,720 I lost my appetite due to your ass-smelling yard. 10 00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:25,082 Oh, yeah. The skunk population is exploding this year. 11 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,433 (skunks chittering) 12 00:00:26,585 --> 00:00:28,027 I don't know what happened, but the skunks have had 13 00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,361 a very horny springtime. 14 00:00:29,513 --> 00:00:30,845 Well, that horny springtime 15 00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:32,606 is turning into a very stanky summer. 16 00:00:32,758 --> 00:00:34,941 -You need to clean this up. -They're not in my yard. 17 00:00:35,094 --> 00:00:38,037 It's Dr. Chakrabarti's. I'll go talk to her. 18 00:00:38,188 --> 00:00:39,687 (slurps) Hi, Wayne. 19 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,207 Okay, now, don't try to sweet-talk me, Dr. Chakrabarti. 20 00:00:42,434 --> 00:00:44,209 You got to do something about your yard. 21 00:00:44,361 --> 00:00:46,861 My yard? We've been over this, Wayne. 22 00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,882 Why would I allow a seasonal skunk orgy 23 00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,383 on my land, huh? 24 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:54,611 They ruined my papasan chair with their musky lovemaking. 25 00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:57,723 No, no, no. These skunks are your problem, Wayne. 26 00:00:57,950 --> 00:01:00,951 No, ma'am. My property ends at that truck tire. 27 00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:03,044 That's why the truck tire's there. 28 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:06,790 No, no, no. My land stops at the iridescent orb. 29 00:01:06,809 --> 00:01:09,126 Dr. Chakrabarti, an iridescent orb 30 00:01:09,144 --> 00:01:10,569 is not legally binding. 31 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,978 Neither is a truck tire. 32 00:01:12,131 --> 00:01:15,365 Okay, we're gonna settle this once and for all. 33 00:01:16,893 --> 00:01:20,412 The land in dispute is right here. 34 00:01:20,564 --> 00:01:21,955 Skunktown. 35 00:01:22,065 --> 00:01:23,398 What the hell is Skunktown? 36 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,142 Yet another person who missed 37 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:27,086 my five-part library lecture series 38 00:01:27,237 --> 00:01:29,421 on the history of Greenpoint. 39 00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:31,406 Oh, how did I miss that? 40 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,241 -Yeah, could you just give us a quick... -DENISE: Skunks 41 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,001 first colonized this land 42 00:01:35,154 --> 00:01:37,078 -in 1794. -♪ ♪ 43 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:38,505 With the arrival 44 00:01:38,657 --> 00:01:40,415 of European settlers, an uneasy truce 45 00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:44,103 was established tween man and skunk. 46 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,438 Gifts were exchanged. 47 00:01:46,665 --> 00:01:49,090 Treaties were struck... 48 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,692 and broken. 49 00:01:52,004 --> 00:01:52,945 A feud ignited, 50 00:01:53,096 --> 00:01:56,448 resulting in the Battle of Skunktown. 51 00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,617 -(indistinct shouting) -(explosions) 52 00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:02,346 Skunk and man lost life. 53 00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:04,681 The skunks learned the hard way 54 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:09,336 you can't bring an anal gland to a gunfight. 55 00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,522 Somebody should put that on a T-shirt. 56 00:02:12,541 --> 00:02:13,690 I'm already on it. 57 00:02:13,783 --> 00:02:15,709 So, yeah, about the land? 58 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,711 Yes. Skunktown was annexed 59 00:02:17,863 --> 00:02:21,974 in 1970 to 843 Tipton Drive. 60 00:02:22,201 --> 00:02:24,034 No! That's my address. 61 00:02:24,127 --> 00:02:25,627 Aw, you got to be joking. 62 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,038 Ugh. Looks like we've got some skunks to battle. 63 00:02:28,131 --> 00:02:30,965 Better prep your anal glands, Wayne. 64 00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,360 ♪ ♪ 65 00:03:01,665 --> 00:03:04,183 Great. Now I have to deal with these skunks, 66 00:03:04,334 --> 00:03:05,425 not to mention the headache 67 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,168 of having to move my property line tire. 68 00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,413 Yeah, if only that tire was in the shape of something 69 00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,431 that would make it move easier. 70 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,358 Wayne, get rid of the skunks and build something 71 00:03:13,585 --> 00:03:14,842 on that land it turns out you own. 72 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,196 You could build a mini golf course. 73 00:03:17,347 --> 00:03:18,755 Or an outdoor escape room. 74 00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:22,759 If it's outdoors, could people just, I don't know, leave? 75 00:03:22,778 --> 00:03:25,429 Not if the walls are mirrors. 76 00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:26,688 Couple of loonies. 77 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,523 Let's celebrate with drinks at Tipsy River. 78 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:31,117 Uh, I don't want to go to Tipsy River. 79 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:32,452 I don't want to bother my meemaw 80 00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:34,938 -while she's working. -Let's not push it. 81 00:03:35,031 --> 00:03:37,624 He's embarrassed of his country-ass grandma. 82 00:03:37,776 --> 00:03:39,867 Don't be embarrassed of your meemaw, Wayne. 83 00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:40,944 She's fun. 84 00:03:40,963 --> 00:03:43,129 There he is. The son of the cutie 85 00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,948 who shot out of my ha-hooey. 86 00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:47,451 It's my grandson, y'all. Hoot 'n' Haw! 87 00:03:47,469 --> 00:03:49,502 Come on, everybody, say it with me. 88 00:03:49,654 --> 00:03:52,380 -Hoot 'n' Haw! -DINERS: Hoot 'n' Haw! 89 00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:55,809 That's what we Edwards do when we see each other. 90 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:58,311 -Yes, Meemaw. We all know. -(sighs) 91 00:03:58,464 --> 00:04:00,313 Hoot 'n' Haw! Come on, Wayne. 92 00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:02,241 Hoot 'n' Haw! 93 00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:03,909 -Hoot 'n' Haw. -(bell dings) 94 00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:06,970 Hey, y'all. Jimmy Lee, your burger's up. 95 00:04:06,989 --> 00:04:09,414 You mind getting it? I got to talk to my grandson. 96 00:04:09,641 --> 00:04:10,898 (Jimmy Lee groans) 97 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:13,493 So, did y'all hear me and Ned broke up? 98 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,312 Yeah. Lord. 99 00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,904 I caught that horny-ass, dried-up gnome 100 00:04:16,999 --> 00:04:19,149 rubbing his nephew's step-aunt's feet. 101 00:04:19,167 --> 00:04:20,817 Uh, keep it down, Meemaw. 102 00:04:20,910 --> 00:04:22,744 Packed my things, took Uncle Tommy 103 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:23,911 and hauled ass out of there. 104 00:04:24,006 --> 00:04:25,839 It's a hell of a thing being adrift. 105 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:29,101 -No place to call home. -Well, this is perfect, Meemaw, 106 00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:30,585 'cause Wayne just discovered he got 107 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,253 -a whole other parcel of land. -Mm-mm. 108 00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,623 -Mm-mm. -But luckily, I'm good. 109 00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:37,667 Yeah. Robert Plant's coming to the coliseum this weekend. 110 00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:39,169 We're gonna crash with him. 111 00:04:39,187 --> 00:04:41,929 Wait, like, Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant? 112 00:04:42,024 --> 00:04:44,449 Yeah, Vi. Meemaw used to be a groupie. 113 00:04:44,601 --> 00:04:47,027 And not during his crap Led Zeppelin era. 114 00:04:47,179 --> 00:04:48,603 We're talking Honeydrippers. 115 00:04:48,697 --> 00:04:50,289 And you can bet there's gonna be 116 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,583 some "good rockin' at midnight." 117 00:04:55,278 --> 00:04:57,037 (snarls) 118 00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,673 -We beat you once, skunks. -(skunks screeching) 119 00:05:01,284 --> 00:05:02,634 We'll beat you again! 120 00:05:02,861 --> 00:05:03,877 (both shout) 121 00:05:04,029 --> 00:05:05,378 DENISE: The Second Battle of Skunktown 122 00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:08,198 was threatening to be even bloodier 123 00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:09,366 -than the first. -(grunts) 124 00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:11,310 No! Wayne, we're being overrun! 125 00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,145 I'm taking so many butt spurts. 126 00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:15,555 Me, too. Oh! Jenny. 127 00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,724 -Jenny! -Yes? 128 00:05:17,876 --> 00:05:19,467 Should we just call Exterminex? 129 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:21,445 Yeah, let's do that. 130 00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:25,306 Damn, they are good. 131 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,068 Look at your land, Wayne. Oh, it's beautiful. 132 00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:30,737 I'm so excited. I want to make it into something 133 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,497 that'll make you and Betty proud. 134 00:05:32,724 --> 00:05:34,482 (horn honking "Battle Hymn of the Republic") 135 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,226 (excited shouting) 136 00:05:36,244 --> 00:05:37,461 Huh? 137 00:05:38,564 --> 00:05:40,005 Oh, no. 138 00:05:40,115 --> 00:05:43,066 (tires screech) 139 00:05:43,085 --> 00:05:44,751 (dogs barking) 140 00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,012 Hey, y'all. We're moving in. 141 00:05:47,163 --> 00:05:49,514 Hoot 'n' Haw! 142 00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:55,002 No, no, no. Meemaw, wait. 143 00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:56,355 What happened with Robert Plant? 144 00:05:56,582 --> 00:05:59,265 His wife found me hiding in the business center. 145 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,843 Yeah, busted. Then I realized 146 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,679 I can park myself on Wayne's new land. 147 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,606 Meemaw, no. No, no, no. 148 00:06:06,758 --> 00:06:09,275 We got to get her out of here. If she unpacks, 149 00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,277 she'll be here even longer than the skunks were. 150 00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:13,205 Just trading one infestation for another. 151 00:06:13,432 --> 00:06:15,374 -(snickering) -Uncle Tommy, get back here. 152 00:06:15,525 --> 00:06:16,933 (grunts) 153 00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,043 (gasps) 154 00:06:18,194 --> 00:06:20,379 This is a disaster. Oh, look, 155 00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,363 Dr. Chakrabarti and Betty are already staring. 156 00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:24,883 Oh, Wayne, don't be embarrassed. He's just a little boy. 157 00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:28,053 Your grandmother and her son, your uncle, 158 00:06:28,204 --> 00:06:29,388 need a place to say. 159 00:06:29,615 --> 00:06:31,390 It's not just gonna be Meemaw and Uncle Tommy. 160 00:06:31,617 --> 00:06:33,617 When there's one, there's thousands. 161 00:06:33,635 --> 00:06:36,878 Trust me, you give these people an inch, they'll take a yard. 162 00:06:36,972 --> 00:06:40,047 And by that I mean they'll fully take control of your yard 163 00:06:40,142 --> 00:06:41,458 and everything in it. 164 00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:42,884 -(distant rumbling) -Wayne, quit being 165 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:45,737 such a judgy butt about your own family. 166 00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:48,365 ♪ ♪ 167 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,470 (engines revving) 168 00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:56,581 ♪ ♪ 169 00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,567 -(cheering) -What? 170 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,645 Jenny-- you, Betty and Vi should just go on home. 171 00:07:01,738 --> 00:07:03,313 -Y'all don't need to see all this. -No. 172 00:07:03,331 --> 00:07:05,406 You always keep your fam at arm's length. 173 00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,092 I am so excited to finally meet them. 174 00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:08,334 Okay, who am I looking at here? 175 00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:10,003 Well... (sighs) Uh, twin ladies 176 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:11,988 in the pickup truck with all the fishing poles 177 00:07:12,007 --> 00:07:13,339 are my cousins Deb and Jubel. 178 00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,933 The lady with the crossbow is Aunt Donna. 179 00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:17,752 JENNY: And the girl riding beside her on the cooler scooter 180 00:07:17,846 --> 00:07:19,012 in the American flag bikini? 181 00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,254 -Is that her daughter? -No. 182 00:07:20,274 --> 00:07:22,332 That's my Great-Aunt Caroline. 183 00:07:22,350 --> 00:07:23,942 The younger one is your great-aunt? 184 00:07:24,093 --> 00:07:25,335 They're country, Jenny. 185 00:07:25,353 --> 00:07:27,187 No one is the age they're supposed to be. 186 00:07:27,339 --> 00:07:29,948 Oh, and that guy who looks like an old prospector 187 00:07:30,175 --> 00:07:31,508 is my second cousin Dean. 188 00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:32,859 -He's a prospector. -(chuckles) 189 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,786 And that woman with the faraway look 190 00:07:34,938 --> 00:07:35,954 is Aunt Faroway. 191 00:07:36,181 --> 00:07:38,105 Is she in black and white? 192 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,273 (sighs) Just go inside. 193 00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:40,625 I'll make this whole thing go away. 194 00:07:40,777 --> 00:07:43,703 No, we're gonna welcome them with open arms. 195 00:07:43,855 --> 00:07:45,964 Jenny, no. Do not. I forbid you. 196 00:07:46,115 --> 00:07:47,040 "Forbid"? 197 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,283 Oh, you just pushed a button. 198 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,543 (sighs) 199 00:07:50,696 --> 00:07:52,286 Hey, Meemaw! Everyone! 200 00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,197 What do y'all want to eat and drink? 201 00:07:54,216 --> 00:07:55,623 -Bad idea. Don't do this. -Hey, Vi? 202 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:57,383 -Can you run up to the Quick Mart... -Stop talking. 203 00:07:57,536 --> 00:07:59,703 ...and get some drinks and stuff for our guests? 204 00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:02,296 VIOLET: Okay, let me make sure I have this right. 205 00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,131 I've got four Dr. Mister Cherries, 206 00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,484 a six-pack of Bulletproof Extremes, 207 00:08:05,711 --> 00:08:09,212 ten Diet Klutz Regular and ten Diet Klutz Chuggers, 208 00:08:09,305 --> 00:08:11,881 a three-liter bottle of Mountain Inferno, Professor Purple, 209 00:08:11,975 --> 00:08:14,141 -(whooping) -Diet Professor Purple. I don't know what this is, 210 00:08:14,236 --> 00:08:16,052 but a snifter of Caffeine Avalanche, 211 00:08:16,071 --> 00:08:17,387 Lemon Whack Bold 212 00:08:17,405 --> 00:08:19,998 and the latest issue of American Fun Club? 213 00:08:20,225 --> 00:08:22,058 Yep, sounds like everything. 214 00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:23,560 Violet, would you be a darling 215 00:08:23,578 --> 00:08:24,836 -and take Uncle Tommy with you? -(grunting) 216 00:08:24,988 --> 00:08:27,080 Meemaw, no. You know what? I'll just go. 217 00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,748 -(zapping) -Violet cannot handle Uncle Tommy. 218 00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:32,844 Excuse me? Who watches Gram during her wine naps? 219 00:08:33,071 --> 00:08:34,587 I think I can handle it. 220 00:08:34,740 --> 00:08:36,681 No, you can't handle it. 221 00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:39,834 And you just pushed a button. 222 00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,594 (sighs) Friggin' Hart women. 223 00:08:41,747 --> 00:08:44,264 I can totally handle it. Come on, Uncle Tommy! 224 00:08:44,416 --> 00:08:46,173 (laughing) 225 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:47,934 -Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! -(banjo playing) 226 00:08:48,086 --> 00:08:50,028 BETTY: Look at this boonie-ass mess. 227 00:08:50,179 --> 00:08:52,197 Don't any of them have shoes? 228 00:08:52,348 --> 00:08:53,590 Oh, Mother, stop being such a snob. 229 00:08:53,683 --> 00:08:56,259 It's not like you grew up in London, England. 230 00:08:56,352 --> 00:08:57,536 I'm just saying you can trade up. 231 00:08:57,763 --> 00:09:00,855 Go to an airport bar. Sidle up to a pilot 232 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,284 or a brain surgeon or a jazz musician. 233 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,527 Who do you think is flying through our tee-tiny airport? 234 00:09:06,621 --> 00:09:08,713 Violet might be a turnoff, 235 00:09:08,865 --> 00:09:10,549 but we can send her to overnight summer school 236 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,200 -till you win him over. -Hey, y'all want some peach wine? 237 00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:14,535 No, thank you. 238 00:09:14,629 --> 00:09:18,131 I got my seasonal box wine that retails for $16.99. 239 00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,724 -Thank you, though. -Meemaw, 240 00:09:19,951 --> 00:09:22,543 we would love to try your peach wine. 241 00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:26,047 Well, normally I prefer my fruit-flavored wines 242 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:29,459 in slush form, but I'll have a thimble sip, 243 00:09:29,477 --> 00:09:33,296 because that is what a woman of polite society does. 244 00:09:33,315 --> 00:09:36,032 Oh, brother. Fill her up. 245 00:09:37,894 --> 00:09:39,411 -Not bad. -(choking, coughing) 246 00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,487 Yes. Very passable. 247 00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:43,081 I'll have another snort. 248 00:09:43,232 --> 00:09:44,398 Oh, now, careful, Betty. 249 00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:45,917 That's stronger than normal wine. 250 00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:49,495 It's technically considered a Class I controlled substance. 251 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,982 I think I know how to handle myself. 252 00:09:53,001 --> 00:09:55,260 Hoot 'n' Haw! 253 00:09:55,487 --> 00:09:57,670 -Hoot 'n' Haw! -(cheering) 254 00:09:57,823 --> 00:09:59,622 (grunting) 255 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,100 VIOLET: "You can't handle Tommy." 256 00:10:02,327 --> 00:10:05,345 Ha. Well, guess who is a-handling it? 257 00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:07,997 -(Uncle Tommy laughs) -What the...? 258 00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:11,425 No. No! How the hell did he move so quickly? 259 00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:12,669 Oh, of course. 260 00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:13,945 The power of sugar. 261 00:10:14,097 --> 00:10:15,188 Uncle Tommy! 262 00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:17,390 Okay, think, Violet. Think. 263 00:10:17,542 --> 00:10:20,267 If you were a ten-year-old feral ADHD boy, 264 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,786 where would you hide? 265 00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:22,862 Ha. 266 00:10:23,014 --> 00:10:24,514 Nice try, Tommy Boy. 267 00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:26,458 Aha! I got you. 268 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,702 Okay. That was not a dumb guess, though. 269 00:10:29,855 --> 00:10:31,537 When I came home from work, 270 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:34,858 there he was, cradling that strumpet's feet 271 00:10:34,876 --> 00:10:36,301 -like they was a newborn baby. -(banjo playing) 272 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,953 That raisin-bodied sumbitch. 273 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:42,390 But I love him. I still do. 274 00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,976 ♪ ♪ 275 00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:47,720 (lively chatter) 276 00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:50,965 Wayne, your grandmother is crying her eyes out. 277 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,208 (sobbing) 278 00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,318 Or is she throwing up? 279 00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:54,969 Either way, she's not doing good. 280 00:10:55,063 --> 00:10:56,729 I think we need to go talk to Ned. 281 00:10:56,882 --> 00:10:58,139 To try and get them to leave? 282 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,640 No, to be supportive, like family. 283 00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:00,884 Where does Ned live? 284 00:11:00,977 --> 00:11:04,162 Up where most of the Edwardses live: in Haw. 285 00:11:04,313 --> 00:11:06,331 Wait. Are you saying "Hall"? 286 00:11:06,524 --> 00:11:07,815 H-A-W. Haw. 287 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,484 It's out off Highway 98, past Delk. 288 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,912 Wait, isn't that just... the woods? 289 00:11:13,064 --> 00:11:15,581 Yes! And there's no way I'm going back to Haw, 290 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,066 and neither are you. 291 00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:19,085 (whispers): Oh, you just pushed a button. 292 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,253 WAYNE: No! 293 00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:22,389 ♪ ♪ 294 00:11:26,912 --> 00:11:28,261 (wood creaking) 295 00:11:28,413 --> 00:11:29,479 (cawing) 296 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:35,768 JENNY: Oh, this is cute. 297 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:38,012 "Don't go to Haw." Baloney! 298 00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:39,847 Haw is darling. 299 00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,941 Aw, she looks nice. 300 00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:45,111 Oh, look. Got a sweet little church. 301 00:11:45,263 --> 00:11:47,263 Oh, I love that architecture. 302 00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:49,040 (smacks lips) I've always said they don't 303 00:11:49,192 --> 00:11:50,542 make enough square churches. 304 00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:53,527 -(screeches) -(gasps) I'm gonna die in this hellhole! 305 00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,881 Um, sorry to interrupt your leather smithing... 306 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:58,291 uh, Ned? 307 00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,885 Maybe. Depends on who's asking. 308 00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:04,464 And just know, I can have a dozen dogs surrounding you 309 00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,207 with just one whistle. 310 00:12:06,301 --> 00:12:08,209 Uh, Jenny. Jenny Hart. 311 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,878 Oh, hell. Wayne's old lady? 312 00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,455 Yeah. Is that bad? 313 00:12:12,548 --> 00:12:13,380 Everything's bad. 314 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,883 I miss my woman. I'm upset. 315 00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,384 And when I'm upset, 316 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,721 the only thing that calms my nerves is leatherworking. 317 00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:22,723 I'm making a duster. 318 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,800 You seen Meemaw? 319 00:12:23,818 --> 00:12:25,559 She won't tell me where she is. 320 00:12:25,653 --> 00:12:27,637 Well, yes. She's on a little plot of land 321 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,138 that belongs to Wayne. 322 00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:30,990 Wayne's known where she's been this whole time? 323 00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:33,067 That sumbitch! 324 00:12:33,161 --> 00:12:34,902 He knew where Meemaw was 325 00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:36,145 and did not tell me. 326 00:12:36,164 --> 00:12:38,572 Therefore, he lied by omission. 327 00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,167 And now we gotta duel. 328 00:12:41,319 --> 00:12:44,320 I'm sorry, did you say "duel"? 329 00:12:44,339 --> 00:12:46,080 Yes. Duel. 330 00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,491 Out here, we live by the old ways. 331 00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:50,510 But you're, like, ten minutes away from an airport. 332 00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:54,606 Tell your boy Wayne it's time to duel. 333 00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,566 Duel...! 334 00:12:59,354 --> 00:13:01,296 (echoing): Uncle Tommy? 335 00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:03,189 -(birds squawking) -Tommy? 336 00:13:03,341 --> 00:13:04,857 -(lasers firing) -Uncle Tommy? 337 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,859 Tommy! 338 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,846 Come on, Violet, you said you could handle it. 339 00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:11,272 Now you have to handle it. 340 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,458 All I have to do is... 341 00:13:13,609 --> 00:13:14,793 dig deeper... 342 00:13:14,944 --> 00:13:17,444 and think like him. 343 00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,446 (can clacking) 344 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:22,091 ♪ ♪ 345 00:13:24,362 --> 00:13:26,387 -(bubbling) -(slurps) 346 00:13:28,049 --> 00:13:29,915 (exhales) 347 00:13:30,068 --> 00:13:31,534 Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! 348 00:13:31,553 --> 00:13:32,644 Okay, okay. 349 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:35,146 -♪ ♪ -I see a bench. Kick. 350 00:13:35,373 --> 00:13:36,297 Tree. 351 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:37,816 Kick. 352 00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,300 Rock. 353 00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:41,486 Hmm, what do I do? Bite it? Sure! 354 00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:43,379 Then what? 355 00:13:43,398 --> 00:13:44,547 Throw. Yes! 356 00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:46,190 Where? Car! 357 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,976 -(horn honking) -Now I panic. 358 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,737 Ooh, I'm scared. Good. Yes. I run into the woods. 359 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:54,582 I roll in crap for some natural camo. 360 00:13:55,484 --> 00:13:56,483 Yes, yes! 361 00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,484 Zigzag run! 362 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,003 Spit! Kick! 363 00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:01,422 Duck behind a tree. 364 00:14:02,158 --> 00:14:03,174 (electronic ping) 365 00:14:03,401 --> 00:14:05,844 Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! 366 00:14:06,071 --> 00:14:07,637 (banjo playing) 367 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,575 Wayne! Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne. 368 00:14:12,594 --> 00:14:14,018 How do I put this? 369 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:16,262 -I talked to Ned. -Jenny, what? 370 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:19,190 -You talked to Ned? -Well, first of all, I can go where I want. 371 00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:20,416 And secondly, OMG, Ned is so funny. 372 00:14:20,435 --> 00:14:21,860 At least I think he was being funny. 373 00:14:22,087 --> 00:14:23,344 I hope he was being funny. 374 00:14:23,438 --> 00:14:24,863 'Cause he challenged you to a duel, and I was like, 375 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,181 "Huh, a duel? Come on, man." And then he said, "Yeah, duel." 376 00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:29,701 And he pulled out what I'm pretty sure was a real live gun, 377 00:14:29,852 --> 00:14:31,352 even though it was cartoonishly big. 378 00:14:31,446 --> 00:14:34,355 But yep, he definitely said the word "duel." (laughs) 379 00:14:34,449 --> 00:14:35,540 What? 380 00:14:35,767 --> 00:14:36,690 (gasps) 381 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,042 So he's done that joke on you, too? 382 00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,452 It's not a joke. 383 00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,045 The Edwardses duel. 384 00:14:41,197 --> 00:14:43,047 -We're duelers! -What?! 385 00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:45,775 Why do you think there's ten women to every one man? 386 00:14:45,793 --> 00:14:47,443 JENNY: Well, I don't know, 387 00:14:47,462 --> 00:14:49,612 I just assumed it was heart disease or something. 388 00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:53,057 No! 80% of our deaths are duel-based. 389 00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,726 This isn't real. Am I in a nightmare? 390 00:14:54,953 --> 00:14:56,302 -(motorcycle approaching) -(gasps) 391 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,387 (excited chatter) 392 00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:02,734 NED: Wayne Edwards, you have betrayed my trust. 393 00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,645 Therefore, I hereby challenge you 394 00:15:05,797 --> 00:15:08,656 -to a duel. -(others gasping) 395 00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:16,080 ♪ ♪ 396 00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:18,658 Okay, now I'm in the woods. 397 00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,309 Where do I go? What do I do? 398 00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,903 A shiny hubcap! What do I do with shiny things? 399 00:15:22,997 --> 00:15:23,996 I bite them. 400 00:15:24,149 --> 00:15:25,164 Ugh, it tastes bad. 401 00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,984 I need water. I drink the water. 402 00:15:28,002 --> 00:15:29,318 It also tastes bad. 403 00:15:29,337 --> 00:15:30,486 I spit it out. 404 00:15:30,579 --> 00:15:34,057 I see a skunk staring straight at me. Aah! 405 00:15:34,917 --> 00:15:37,060 (skunks chittering) 406 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,795 Hee-hee-hee... 407 00:15:39,797 --> 00:15:42,106 Okay, I'm genuinely scared now. 408 00:15:43,334 --> 00:15:45,759 Well, lookee who decided to show up. 409 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,853 You all out of foot rubs, Ned? 410 00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,280 I told you, woman, 411 00:15:49,432 --> 00:15:52,116 that foot rub was not sexual in nature. 412 00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:54,268 She was having a cramp. 413 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:56,529 Well, you could've fed her a banana, 414 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,181 you leathery old horndog. 415 00:15:58,274 --> 00:16:00,941 Okay, well, I think it's time to settle this the right way. 416 00:16:01,035 --> 00:16:02,961 A healing, nice long chat sesh? 417 00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:05,037 No! A duel. 418 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,872 -(whooping, cheering) -Or, watch me. 419 00:16:06,967 --> 00:16:09,542 Hey, look what I'm doing. Whoo! Look at my feet! 420 00:16:09,694 --> 00:16:11,377 Look at my crazy legs! 421 00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:14,380 Jenny, I'm-a need you to step aside. 422 00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:15,364 Mmm. 423 00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:17,642 I, Wayne Edwards, of sound mind, 424 00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:20,219 do hereby accept your challenge... 425 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,146 to duel. 426 00:16:22,298 --> 00:16:24,223 Oh, my Lord, Mother, what have I done? 427 00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:27,043 You got to talk to Meemaw. We can't do this. 428 00:16:27,061 --> 00:16:28,135 You're right. 429 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,563 I'll talk to her. 430 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:34,575 Are you as horned up as I am right now? 431 00:16:35,553 --> 00:16:37,978 (cheering, whooping) 432 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:39,480 ALL: Hoot 'n' Haw! 433 00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:42,000 Great. Is this what you wanted, Jenny? 434 00:16:42,227 --> 00:16:43,893 To get to know my family? 435 00:16:43,911 --> 00:16:46,320 Well, this right here is what it is. 436 00:16:46,414 --> 00:16:48,489 -My family. -DONNA: Take your positions! 437 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:52,159 You have been called to the field of honor. 438 00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,512 -Excited in your no-no spot yet? -No! 439 00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:56,663 I mean, that is crazy. I am not okay with this. 440 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,350 Oh, my God, he looks like a walking Young Guns reboot. 441 00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,001 No! Jenny, don't! 442 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,245 BOTH: One. 443 00:17:02,263 --> 00:17:03,412 Two. 444 00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:05,023 -Three. -No! 445 00:17:07,752 --> 00:17:08,568 (shouts) 446 00:17:09,512 --> 00:17:12,488 ♪ ♪ 447 00:17:13,182 --> 00:17:14,924 (distorted yell) 448 00:17:14,942 --> 00:17:16,367 (screams) 449 00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:20,371 Oh, my God, Wayne. Wayne, are you okay? 450 00:17:20,598 --> 00:17:23,023 This is insane. I want to tongue-kiss you. What?! 451 00:17:23,043 --> 00:17:24,450 Wait. Why do you smell like Arby's? 452 00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:26,118 (whispering): I faked getting shot. 453 00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:29,363 -It's the only way to get rid of Meemaw. -What? 454 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,366 (coughs) Because in front of God and everybody, 455 00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:35,628 my dastardly plan to tear y'all apart has been foiled. 456 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,705 Which means-- oh, God, I'm just now realizing this-- 457 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:40,558 that you will now return to Haw. 458 00:17:40,709 --> 00:17:43,561 And as much as it pains me to admit this, 459 00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:45,879 that I accept that all my extended family 460 00:17:45,973 --> 00:17:48,399 will follow you, rather than grace my... 461 00:17:48,626 --> 00:17:51,460 (groans) property with your familial presence. 462 00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:54,130 Well, what do you say, Sarah Fay? 463 00:17:54,148 --> 00:17:56,148 Will you have me back? 464 00:17:56,301 --> 00:17:58,392 I would say yes, but... 465 00:17:58,486 --> 00:18:00,970 I smell a rat. 466 00:18:01,063 --> 00:18:02,305 (Betty gasps) 467 00:18:02,323 --> 00:18:04,082 -Yep, this is Horsey Sauce. -(others gasp) 468 00:18:04,233 --> 00:18:05,808 You know what, Meemaw? It is. 469 00:18:05,827 --> 00:18:07,977 'Cause all this is horse crap. 470 00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:09,403 -(gasps) -Our dumb traditions, 471 00:18:09,497 --> 00:18:11,163 our backwards, country-ass family, 472 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,424 our-our Hoot 'n' Haws, 473 00:18:13,576 --> 00:18:16,243 all y'all barefoot, peach wine-drinking squatters, 474 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:19,138 y'all are a country nightmare! 475 00:18:22,009 --> 00:18:24,660 Looks like someone did get shot today. 476 00:18:24,753 --> 00:18:27,012 Me. Right in the heart. 477 00:18:27,165 --> 00:18:28,439 Let's go, everybody. 478 00:18:28,666 --> 00:18:30,015 (others muttering) 479 00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,360 (skunks chittering) 480 00:18:33,929 --> 00:18:35,571 (screams) 481 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,617 Ha! 482 00:18:42,013 --> 00:18:44,413 ♪ ♪ 483 00:18:45,183 --> 00:18:47,183 Oh, my God. Thank you. 484 00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:49,943 Cousin Violet, you came looking for me. 485 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,021 People never look for me. 486 00:18:52,039 --> 00:18:54,874 Probably 'cause no one knows how to find you. 487 00:18:54,968 --> 00:18:56,208 But you found me. 488 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,428 Yeah, well, I got skills. 489 00:19:07,129 --> 00:19:09,063 Come on, let's get you home. 490 00:19:13,636 --> 00:19:15,728 This is why I keep my family at arm's length. 491 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,880 The more you see, the more you'll know 492 00:19:17,899 --> 00:19:19,715 that I'm nothing but a country bumpkin, 493 00:19:19,808 --> 00:19:22,976 and you're not gonna like it, and... you're gonna leave me. 494 00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:24,162 Wayne... 495 00:19:24,389 --> 00:19:25,388 no. 496 00:19:25,406 --> 00:19:26,980 (chitters) 497 00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,075 I mean, even this skunk doesn't want to waste his spray on me. 498 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:31,243 (chitters) 499 00:19:31,396 --> 00:19:33,504 Thanks, but I know you're just being nice. 500 00:19:33,656 --> 00:19:35,673 Skunk, make yourself at home. Everyone else has. 501 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,734 This is my life now, Jenny. I'm the mayor of Skunktown. 502 00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:40,994 Wayne, you've witnessed my mother scam a toddler, 503 00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,513 dine and dash at church potluck, 504 00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:43,681 and backhand a Shriner. 505 00:19:43,832 --> 00:19:45,349 But you love her and I love her, 506 00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:47,351 'cause her crazy ass made me who I am. 507 00:19:47,503 --> 00:19:49,912 Just like I love your crazy-ass family. 508 00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:51,080 And you. 509 00:19:51,098 --> 00:19:53,173 Exactly the way y'all are. 510 00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:55,175 WAYNE: I love you, too. 511 00:19:55,269 --> 00:19:57,361 Wait. Where's Betty? 512 00:19:57,513 --> 00:20:00,180 ♪ ♪ 513 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:01,774 Meemaw, I got to tell you, 514 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,777 you did a hell of a job with Wayne. 515 00:20:04,929 --> 00:20:06,612 And don't ever tell him I said this, 516 00:20:06,764 --> 00:20:08,372 but he's a good, good man. 517 00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:11,600 You know, when he met Jenny, I knew he'd found the one. 518 00:20:11,694 --> 00:20:15,104 He said he met a girl, but then he didn't bring her around, 519 00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:17,456 and I would call and say, 520 00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,716 "What happened, Wayne? 521 00:20:18,867 --> 00:20:21,034 "You and this new girl get abducted by a UFO, 522 00:20:21,128 --> 00:20:22,461 like your Aunt Jubel?" 523 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,447 -(door opens, closes) -I knew he was ashamed. 524 00:20:24,465 --> 00:20:27,283 -Not ashamed. -He's not. He really loves you. 525 00:20:27,301 --> 00:20:28,709 Hey, let's just stop talking. 526 00:20:28,803 --> 00:20:31,878 'Cause I know you want to help me make these dumplings. 527 00:20:31,973 --> 00:20:33,472 I do. 528 00:20:33,624 --> 00:20:34,732 ♪ ♪ 529 00:20:36,978 --> 00:20:39,695 (sizzling) 530 00:20:42,133 --> 00:20:44,075 Give me a Hoot 'n' Haw! 531 00:20:44,226 --> 00:20:45,576 OTHERS: Hoot 'n' Haw! 532 00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:48,913 Buck muted my Facebook posts about how cell phone towers 533 00:20:49,064 --> 00:20:50,564 shrink your ding-a-ling, 534 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:53,476 so we got us a duel! 535 00:20:53,494 --> 00:20:55,461 Hoot 'n' Haw! 536 00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:02,651 TV NARRATOR: After the Battle of Skunktown, 537 00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:05,654 skunk and man learned to coexist in relative harmony. 538 00:21:05,673 --> 00:21:08,340 Local lore even contends that an army general 539 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:10,009 married a skunk, 540 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,011 though it has never been proven. 541 00:21:12,105 --> 00:21:13,846 Does that general look like Wayne? 542 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,256 -Yeah. He's got skunk blood. -Meemaw! 543 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,110 A man and a skunk can't procreate. 544 00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:21,020 Oh, hell yes, they can. 545 00:21:21,114 --> 00:21:22,280 Tell me more! 546 00:21:22,431 --> 00:21:24,282 I got some theories of my own. 547 00:21:24,433 --> 00:21:26,600 I need to hear all of them. 548 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,435 -(grunting) -(laughter) 549 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,361 (dogs bark) 550 00:21:29,514 --> 00:21:31,455 -(meows) -(horn honks musically) 551 00:21:31,607 --> 00:21:33,607 Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT 552 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,001 and TOYOTA.