(sizzling)
(sniffs) Oof, who farted?
It wasn't me. I haven't farted a day in my life.
Which one of you did it? Fess up.
Please stop talking about farts.
Can we circle back to Gram saying
she's never farted a day in her life?
-'Cue's up! -Ugh, none for me.
I lost my appetite due to your ass-smelling yard.
Oh, yeah. The skunk population is exploding this year.
(skunks chittering)
I don't know what happened, but the skunks have had
a very horny springtime.
Well, that horny springtime
is turning into a very stanky summer.
-You need to clean this up. -They're not in my yard.
It's Dr. Chakrabarti's. I'll go talk to her.
(slurps) Hi, Wayne.
Okay, now, don't try to sweet-talk me, Dr. Chakrabarti.
You got to do something about your yard.
My yard? We've been over this, Wayne.
Why would I allow a seasonal skunk orgy
on my land, huh?
They ruined my papasan chair with their musky lovemaking.
No, no, no. These skunks are your problem, Wayne.
No, ma'am. My property ends at that truck tire.
That's why the truck tire's there.
No, no, no. My land stops at the iridescent orb.
Dr. Chakrabarti, an iridescent orb
is not legally binding.
Neither is a truck tire.
Okay, we're gonna settle this once and for all.
The land in dispute is right here.
Skunktown.
What the hell is Skunktown?
Yet another person who missed
my five-part library lecture series
on the history of Greenpoint.
Oh, how did I miss that?
-Yeah, could you just give us a quick... -DENISE: Skunks
first colonized this land
-in 1794. -♪ ♪
With the arrival
of European settlers, an uneasy truce
was established tween man and skunk.
Gifts were exchanged.
Treaties were struck...
and broken.
A feud ignited,
resulting in the Battle of Skunktown.
-(indistinct shouting) -(explosions)
Skunk and man lost life.
The skunks learned the hard way
you can't bring an anal gland to a gunfight.
Somebody should put that on a T-shirt.
I'm already on it.
So, yeah, about the land?
Yes. Skunktown was annexed
in 1970 to 843 Tipton Drive.
No! That's my address.
Aw, you got to be joking.
Ugh. Looks like we've got some skunks to battle.
Better prep your anal glands, Wayne.
♪ ♪
Great. Now I have to deal with these skunks,
not to mention the headache
of having to move my property line tire.
Yeah, if only that tire was in the shape of something
that would make it move easier.
Wayne, get rid of the skunks and build something
on that land it turns out you own.
You could build a mini golf course.
Or an outdoor escape room.
If it's outdoors, could people just, I don't know, leave?
Not if the walls are mirrors.
Couple of loonies.
Let's celebrate with drinks at Tipsy River.
Uh, I don't want to go to Tipsy River.
I don't want to bother my meemaw
-while she's working. -Let's not push it.
He's embarrassed of his country-ass grandma.
Don't be embarrassed of your meemaw, Wayne.
She's fun.
There he is. The son of the cutie
who shot out of my ha-hooey.
It's my grandson, y'all. Hoot 'n' Haw!
Come on, everybody, say it with me.
-Hoot 'n' Haw! -DINERS: Hoot 'n' Haw!
That's what we Edwards do when we see each other.
-Yes, Meemaw. We all know. -(sighs)
Hoot 'n' Haw! Come on, Wayne.
Hoot 'n' Haw!
-Hoot 'n' Haw. -(bell dings)
Hey, y'all. Jimmy Lee, your burger's up.
You mind getting it? I got to talk to my grandson.
(Jimmy Lee groans)
So, did y'all hear me and Ned broke up?
Yeah. Lord.
I caught that horny-ass, dried-up gnome
rubbing his nephew's step-aunt's feet.
Uh, keep it down, Meemaw.
Packed my things, took Uncle Tommy
and hauled ass out of there.
It's a hell of a thing being adrift.
-No place to call home. -Well, this is perfect, Meemaw,
'cause Wayne just discovered he got
-a whole other parcel of land. -Mm-mm.
-But luckily, I'm good.
Yeah. Robert Plant's coming to the coliseum this weekend.
We're gonna crash with him.
Wait, like, Led Zeppelin's Robert Plant?
Yeah, Vi. Meemaw used to be a groupie.
And not during his crap Led Zeppelin era.
We're talking Honeydrippers.
And you can bet there's gonna be
some "good rockin' at midnight."
(snarls)
-We beat you once, skunks. -(skunks screeching)
We'll beat you again!
(both shout)
DENISE: The Second Battle of Skunktown
was threatening to be even bloodier
-than the first. -(grunts)
No! Wayne, we're being overrun!
I'm taking so many butt spurts.
Me, too. Oh! Jenny.
-Jenny! -Yes?
Should we just call Exterminex?
Yeah, let's do that.
Damn, they are good.
Look at your land, Wayne. Oh, it's beautiful.
I'm so excited. I want to make it into something
that'll make you and Betty proud.
(horn honking "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
(excited shouting)
Huh?
Oh, no.
(tires screech)
(dogs barking)
Hey, y'all. We're moving in.
Hoot 'n' Haw!
No, no, no. Meemaw, wait.
What happened with Robert Plant?
His wife found me hiding in the business center.
Yeah, busted. Then I realized
I can park myself on Wayne's new land.
Meemaw, no. No, no, no.
We got to get her out of here. If she unpacks,
she'll be here even longer than the skunks were.
Just trading one infestation for another.
-(snickering) -Uncle Tommy, get back here.
(grunts)
(gasps)
This is a disaster. Oh, look,
Dr. Chakrabarti and Betty are already staring.
Oh, Wayne, don't be embarrassed. He's just a little boy.
Your grandmother and her son, your uncle,
need a place to say.
It's not just gonna be Meemaw and Uncle Tommy.
When there's one, there's thousands.
Trust me, you give these people an inch, they'll take a yard.
And by that I mean they'll fully take control of your yard
and everything in it.
-(distant rumbling) -Wayne, quit being
such a judgy butt about your own family.
♪ ♪
(engines revving)
♪ ♪
-(cheering) -What?
Jenny-- you, Betty and Vi should just go on home.
-Y'all don't need to see all this. -No.
You always keep your fam at arm's length.
I am so excited to finally meet them.
Okay, who am I looking at here?
Well... (sighs) Uh, twin ladies
in the pickup truck with all the fishing poles
are my cousins Deb and Jubel.
The lady with the crossbow is Aunt Donna.
JENNY: And the girl riding beside her on the cooler scooter
in the American flag bikini?
-Is that her daughter? -No.
That's my Great-Aunt Caroline.
The younger one is your great-aunt?
They're country, Jenny.
No one is the age they're supposed to be.
Oh, and that guy who looks like an old prospector
is my second cousin Dean.
-He's a prospector. -(chuckles)
And that woman with the faraway look
is Aunt Faroway.
Is she in black and white?
(sighs) Just go inside.
I'll make this whole thing go away.
No, we're gonna welcome them with open arms.
Jenny, no. Do not. I forbid you.
"Forbid"?
Oh, you just pushed a button.
(sighs)
Hey, Meemaw! Everyone!
What do y'all want to eat and drink?
-Bad idea. Don't do this. -Hey, Vi?
-Can you run up to the Quick Mart... -Stop talking.
...and get some drinks and stuff for our guests?
VIOLET: Okay, let me make sure I have this right.
I've got four Dr. Mister Cherries,
a six-pack of Bulletproof Extremes,
ten Diet Klutz Regular and ten Diet Klutz Chuggers,
a three-liter bottle of Mountain Inferno, Professor Purple,
-(whooping) -Diet Professor Purple. I don't know what this is,
but a snifter of Caffeine Avalanche,
Lemon Whack Bold
and the latest issue of American Fun Club?
Yep, sounds like everything.
Violet, would you be a darling
-and take Uncle Tommy with you? -(grunting)
Meemaw, no. You know what? I'll just go.
-(zapping) -Violet cannot handle Uncle Tommy.
Excuse me? Who watches Gram during her wine naps?
I think I can handle it.
No, you can't handle it.
And you just pushed a button.
(sighs) Friggin' Hart women.
I can totally handle it. Come on, Uncle Tommy!
(laughing)
-Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee! -(banjo playing)
BETTY: Look at this boonie-ass mess.
Don't any of them have shoes?
Oh, Mother, stop being such a snob.
It's not like you grew up in London, England.
I'm just saying you can trade up.
Go to an airport bar. Sidle up to a pilot
or a brain surgeon or a jazz musician.
Who do you think is flying through our tee-tiny airport?
Violet might be a turnoff,
but we can send her to overnight summer school
-till you win him over. -Hey, y'all want some peach wine?
No, thank you.
I got my seasonal box wine that retails for $16.99.
-Thank you, though. -Meemaw,
we would love to try your peach wine.
Well, normally I prefer my fruit-flavored wines
in slush form, but I'll have a thimble sip,
because that is what a woman of polite society does.
Oh, brother. Fill her up.
-Not bad. -(choking, coughing)
Yes. Very passable.
I'll have another snort.
Oh, now, careful, Betty.
That's stronger than normal wine.
It's technically considered a Class I controlled substance.
I think I know how to handle myself.
Hoot 'n' Haw!
-Hoot 'n' Haw! -(cheering)
(grunting)
VIOLET: "You can't handle Tommy."
Ha. Well, guess who is a-handling it?
-(Uncle Tommy laughs) -What the...?
No. No! How the hell did he move so quickly?
Oh, of course.
The power of sugar.
Uncle Tommy!
Okay, think, Violet. Think.
If you were a ten-year-old feral ADHD boy,
where would you hide?
Ha.
Nice try, Tommy Boy.
Aha! I got you.
Okay. That was not a dumb guess, though.
When I came home from work,
there he was, cradling that strumpet's feet
-like they was a newborn baby. -(banjo playing)
That raisin-bodied sumbitch.
But I love him. I still do.
♪ ♪
(lively chatter)
Wayne, your grandmother is crying her eyes out.
(sobbing)
Or is she throwing up?
Either way, she's not doing good.
I think we need to go talk to Ned.
To try and get them to leave?
No, to be supportive, like family.
Where does Ned live?
Up where most of the Edwardses live: in Haw.
Wait. Are you saying "Hall"?
H-A-W. Haw.
It's out off Highway 98, past Delk.
Wait, isn't that just... the woods?
Yes! And there's no way I'm going back to Haw,
and neither are you.
(whispers): Oh, you just pushed a button.
WAYNE: No!
♪ ♪
(wood creaking)
(cawing)
JENNY: Oh, this is cute.
"Don't go to Haw." Baloney!
Haw is darling.
Aw, she looks nice.
Oh, look. Got a sweet little church.
Oh, I love that architecture.
(smacks lips) I've always said they don't
make enough square churches.
-(screeches) -(gasps) I'm gonna die in this hellhole!
Um, sorry to interrupt your leather smithing...
uh, Ned?
Maybe. Depends on who's asking.
And just know, I can have a dozen dogs surrounding you
with just one whistle.
Uh, Jenny. Jenny Hart.
Oh, hell. Wayne's old lady?
Yeah. Is that bad?
Everything's bad.
I miss my woman. I'm upset.
And when I'm upset,
the only thing that calms my nerves is leatherworking.
I'm making a duster.
You seen Meemaw?
She won't tell me where she is.
Well, yes. She's on a little plot of land
that belongs to Wayne.
Wayne's known where she's been this whole time?
That sumbitch!
He knew where Meemaw was
and did not tell me.
Therefore, he lied by omission.
And now we gotta duel.
I'm sorry, did you say "duel"?
Yes. Duel.
Out here, we live by the old ways.
But you're, like, ten minutes away from an airport.
Tell your boy Wayne it's time to duel.
Duel...!
(echoing): Uncle Tommy?
-(birds squawking) -Tommy?
-(lasers firing) -Uncle Tommy?
Tommy!
Come on, Violet, you said you could handle it.
Now you have to handle it.
All I have to do is...
dig deeper...
and think like him.
(can clacking)
♪ ♪
-(bubbling) -(slurps)
(exhales)
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Okay, okay.
-♪ ♪ -I see a bench. Kick.
Tree.
Kick.
Rock.
Hmm, what do I do? Bite it? Sure!
Then what?
Throw. Yes!
Where? Car!
-(horn honking) -Now I panic.
Ooh, I'm scared. Good. Yes. I run into the woods.
I roll in crap for some natural camo.
Yes, yes!
Zigzag run!
Spit! Kick!
Duck behind a tree.
(electronic ping)
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
(banjo playing)
Wayne! Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne.
How do I put this?
-I talked to Ned. -Jenny, what?
-You talked to Ned? -Well, first of all, I can go where I want.
And secondly, OMG, Ned is so funny.
At least I think he was being funny.
I hope he was being funny.
'Cause he challenged you to a duel, and I was like,
"Huh, a duel? Come on, man." And then he said, "Yeah, duel."
And he pulled out what I'm pretty sure was a real live gun,
even though it was cartoonishly big.
But yep, he definitely said the word "duel." (laughs)
What?
(gasps)
So he's done that joke on you, too?
It's not a joke.
The Edwardses duel.
-We're duelers! -What?!
Why do you think there's ten women to every one man?
JENNY: Well, I don't know,
I just assumed it was heart disease or something.
No! 80% of our deaths are duel-based.
This isn't real. Am I in a nightmare?
-(motorcycle approaching) -(gasps)
(excited chatter)
NED: Wayne Edwards, you have betrayed my trust.
Therefore, I hereby challenge you
-to a duel. -(others gasping)
♪ ♪
Okay, now I'm in the woods.
Where do I go? What do I do?
A shiny hubcap! What do I do with shiny things?
I bite them.
Ugh, it tastes bad.
I need water. I drink the water.
It also tastes bad.
I spit it out.
I see a skunk staring straight at me. Aah!
(skunks chittering)
Hee-hee-hee...
Okay, I'm genuinely scared now.
Well, lookee who decided to show up.
You all out of foot rubs, Ned?
I told you, woman,
that foot rub was not sexual in nature.
She was having a cramp.
Well, you could've fed her a banana,
you leathery old horndog.
Okay, well, I think it's time to settle this the right way.
A healing, nice long chat sesh?
No! A duel.
-(whooping, cheering) -Or, watch me.
Hey, look what I'm doing. Whoo! Look at my feet!
Look at my crazy legs!
Jenny, I'm-a need you to step aside.
Mmm.
I, Wayne Edwards, of sound mind,
do hereby accept your challenge...
to duel.
Oh, my Lord, Mother, what have I done?
You got to talk to Meemaw. We can't do this.
You're right.
I'll talk to her.
Are you as horned up as I am right now?
(cheering, whooping)
ALL: Hoot 'n' Haw!
Great. Is this what you wanted, Jenny?
To get to know my family?
Well, this right here is what it is.
-My family. -DONNA: Take your positions!
You have been called to the field of honor.
-Excited in your no-no spot yet? -No!
I mean, that is crazy. I am not okay with this.
Oh, my God, he looks like a walking Young Guns reboot.
No! Jenny, don't!
BOTH: One.
Two.
-Three. -No!
(shouts)
♪ ♪
(distorted yell)
(screams)
Oh, my God, Wayne. Wayne, are you okay?
This is insane. I want to tongue-kiss you. What?!
Wait. Why do you smell like Arby's?
(whispering): I faked getting shot.
-It's the only way to get rid of Meemaw. -What?
(coughs) Because in front of God and everybody,
my dastardly plan to tear y'all apart has been foiled.
Which means-- oh, God, I'm just now realizing this--
that you will now return to Haw.
And as much as it pains me to admit this,
that I accept that all my extended family
will follow you, rather than grace my...
(groans) property with your familial presence.
Well, what do you say, Sarah Fay?
Will you have me back?
I would say yes, but...
I smell a rat.
(Betty gasps)
-Yep, this is Horsey Sauce. -(others gasp)
You know what, Meemaw? It is.
'Cause all this is horse crap.
-(gasps) -Our dumb traditions,
our backwards, country-ass family,
our-our Hoot 'n' Haws,
all y'all barefoot, peach wine-drinking squatters,
y'all are a country nightmare!
Looks like someone did get shot today.
Me. Right in the heart.
Let's go, everybody.
(others muttering)
(skunks chittering)
(screams)
Ha!
♪ ♪
Oh, my God. Thank you.
Cousin Violet, you came looking for me.
People never look for me.
Probably 'cause no one knows how to find you.
But you found me.
Yeah, well, I got skills.
Come on, let's get you home.
This is why I keep my family at arm's length.
The more you see, the more you'll know
that I'm nothing but a country bumpkin,
and you're not gonna like it, and... you're gonna leave me.
Wayne...
no.
(chitters)
I mean, even this skunk doesn't want to waste his spray on me.
(chitters)
Thanks, but I know you're just being nice.
Skunk, make yourself at home. Everyone else has.
This is my life now, Jenny. I'm the mayor of Skunktown.
Wayne, you've witnessed my mother scam a toddler,
dine and dash at church potluck,
and backhand a Shriner.
But you love her and I love her,
'cause her crazy ass made me who I am.
Just like I love your crazy-ass family.
And you.
Exactly the way y'all are.
WAYNE: I love you, too.
Wait. Where's Betty?
♪ ♪
Meemaw, I got to tell you,
you did a hell of a job with Wayne.
And don't ever tell him I said this,
but he's a good, good man.
You know, when he met Jenny, I knew he'd found the one.
He said he met a girl, but then he didn't bring her around,
and I would call and say,
"What happened, Wayne?
"You and this new girl get abducted by a UFO,
like your Aunt Jubel?"
-(door opens, closes) -I knew he was ashamed.
-Not ashamed. -He's not. He really loves you.
Hey, let's just stop talking.
'Cause I know you want to help me make these dumplings.
I do.
♪ ♪
(sizzling)
Give me a Hoot 'n' Haw!
OTHERS: Hoot 'n' Haw!
Buck muted my Facebook posts about how cell phone towers
shrink your ding-a-ling,
so we got us a duel!
Hoot 'n' Haw!
TV NARRATOR: After the Battle of Skunktown,
skunk and man learned to coexist in relative harmony.
Local lore even contends that an army general
married a skunk,
though it has never been proven.
Does that general look like Wayne?
-Yeah. He's got skunk blood. -Meemaw!
A man and a skunk can't procreate.
Oh, hell yes, they can.
Tell me more!
I got some theories of my own.
I need to hear all of them.
-(grunting) -(laughter)
(dogs bark)
-(meows) -(horn honks musically)
Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT
and TOYOTA.