1
00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:06,338
Violet, honey?
2
00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:07,789
Your door is stuck.
3
00:00:07,866 --> 00:00:08,819
Probably swollen from the heat.
4
00:00:08,843 --> 00:00:10,511
I'll get it.
5
00:00:10,535 --> 00:00:12,335
Dang, it's real stuck.
6
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:14,221
Here, let me try.
7
00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:16,515
Good Lord, mother!
8
00:00:16,592 --> 00:00:18,144
It's not stuck.
9
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:21,470
It's barricaded with a case
of Glucerna diabetes bars.
10
00:00:21,546 --> 00:00:24,139
Vi, why on earth
would you barricade yourself
11
00:00:24,216 --> 00:00:25,910
in your room
with my blood sugar snacks?
12
00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:28,435
It's called privacy. Bye.
13
00:00:28,512 --> 00:00:30,771
She's entered the privacy phase.
14
00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,417
The rebellion has
started, Jenny.
15
00:00:32,441 --> 00:00:33,844
Violet is lost to us!
16
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,317
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
17
00:00:35,393 --> 00:00:36,537
She's still our little girl.
18
00:00:36,561 --> 00:00:37,611
Watch this.
19
00:00:37,687 --> 00:00:40,684
Vi, 90-Day Beyoncé is coming on.
20
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,157
Fave garbage-y reality show.
21
00:00:42,234 --> 00:00:43,950
Want to watch ironically...
22
00:00:44,027 --> 00:00:45,713
while I watch unironically?
23
00:00:45,737 --> 00:00:46,857
Nope, bye.
24
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:47,954
See?
25
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:49,026
I'm not worried.
26
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,290
She's just a teenager now.
27
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,011
Aren't you even
a little bit curious
28
00:00:52,035 --> 00:00:53,210
what she's doing in there?
29
00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:54,197
She's a good girl.
30
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,462
She's... oof,
31
00:00:55,539 --> 00:00:57,558
probably shouldn't say it...
But a nerd.
32
00:00:57,582 --> 00:00:59,352
And nerds never
get up to anything.
33
00:00:59,376 --> 00:01:00,704
It's a mirage!
34
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,039
A smoke screen!
35
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,540
At her age, you tried
to play the angel,
36
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,138
but I was on to you.
37
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:07,733
There was nothing to be on to.
38
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:16,720
Ready to go to Jacksonville?
39
00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:22,197
Jenny, I am so glad
you dumped that old guy.
40
00:01:22,274 --> 00:01:23,824
I didn't. He dumped me.
41
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:24,900
What?!
42
00:01:24,943 --> 00:01:26,563
He dumped you?!
43
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,203
I'm gonna dump him!
44
00:01:29,998 --> 00:01:32,069
Eight ball, corner pocket.
45
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:34,167
Brenda, what did you do?
46
00:01:34,286 --> 00:01:35,594
I did what I had to do.
47
00:01:35,671 --> 00:01:37,045
I killed a man who hurt you.
48
00:01:37,122 --> 00:01:38,505
The hell you did!
49
00:01:38,582 --> 00:01:40,782
All you did was beat me
with a Snapple bottle!
50
00:01:40,843 --> 00:01:42,746
- He's alive!
- Run!
51
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:43,602
Oh, Lord!
52
00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:45,220
You almost dug yourself
53
00:01:45,297 --> 00:01:47,325
an early grave
and dragged me in with you.
54
00:01:47,349 --> 00:01:49,252
Oh, like you were
a perfect child.
55
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,350
I was.
56
00:01:50,427 --> 00:01:51,726
All I did was go
57
00:01:51,803 --> 00:01:53,654
to Sunday school on the regular.
58
00:02:01,029 --> 00:02:02,099
You legal?
59
00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,767
I am in Oklahoma.
60
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,268
Oklahoma it is.
61
00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:09,589
- We've got to get in there.
- I know!
62
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,275
Not like that!
63
00:02:42,070 --> 00:02:45,113
This secretive behavior is
how it all starts.
64
00:02:45,190 --> 00:02:47,310
Locking the door,
not opening the door,
65
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,951
saying sarcastic things
through the door.
66
00:02:50,028 --> 00:02:52,337
Teen sarcasm is
just a slippery slope
67
00:02:52,414 --> 00:02:53,839
to teen pregnancy.
68
00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:54,956
Y'all need to stop.
69
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:56,341
I've seen this before.
70
00:02:56,418 --> 00:02:58,488
You get fixated on something
and spiral out
71
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,962
to the worst
possible conclusion.
72
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,263
Why does she need her backpack?
73
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:12,557
It's summer.
74
00:03:14,719 --> 00:03:16,645
- Wine?
- Menthols?
75
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,009
And what the hell is this,
Violet?
76
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,315
It's called a switchblade.
77
00:03:20,392 --> 00:03:21,678
Google it.
78
00:03:24,396 --> 00:03:27,851
Oh, no, my baby's
doing knife crimes.
79
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:31,210
I'm stepping away, so I don't
get caught up in some bullcrap.
80
00:03:31,286 --> 00:03:33,420
Got to get back
to fixing your roof.
81
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:36,048
All right.
82
00:03:36,124 --> 00:03:38,361
So, uh, here I go.
83
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,460
About to fix your entire roof.
84
00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:42,348
- Mm, okay.
- That's great, you're an angel.
85
00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,056
Blessed be, our hero.
86
00:03:44,132 --> 00:03:46,266
I'll take that, I guess.
87
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,894
Hey, it's Violet.
88
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:50,114
I'm gonna be
a couple minutes late.
89
00:03:50,138 --> 00:03:52,138
I'll hurry. Okay!
90
00:03:52,215 --> 00:03:54,233
Sorry, it-it won't happen again.
91
00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,954
Who's she talking to
on that phone?
92
00:03:55,978 --> 00:03:58,239
Kids don't talk to each other
on the phone anymore.
93
00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:00,489
She's obviously talking
to a grown man!
94
00:04:04,578 --> 00:04:06,027
Wayne! Wayne!
95
00:04:06,104 --> 00:04:08,225
We need you to build a peephole
so we can spy on Vi.
96
00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,490
I'm up here fixing holes,
not making them.
97
00:04:10,567 --> 00:04:12,395
- Oh, please?
- Pretty please?
98
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:15,370
No! Now y'all get
down from here.
99
00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:18,999
Oh, uh-oh, I'm sliding, y'all!
100
00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:21,710
Will you two knock it off?
101
00:04:21,786 --> 00:04:23,336
Don't claw the shingles.
102
00:04:23,413 --> 00:04:26,298
Well, there goes five dollars.
103
00:04:26,374 --> 00:04:27,374
Ten.
104
00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:28,883
Let go of my ankle!
105
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,938
Don't kick your mother,
you monster.
106
00:04:30,962 --> 00:04:33,772
15... $20.
107
00:04:33,849 --> 00:04:36,349
- Wayne, save us!
- $85.
108
00:04:36,426 --> 00:04:38,610
We're gonna die!
109
00:04:38,687 --> 00:04:42,030
Will you two just
slightly extend your legs?
110
00:04:45,810 --> 00:04:47,861
Wait, what the hell?
111
00:04:49,439 --> 00:04:51,417
Bobbie Nell,
why are you filming us?!
112
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,270
I'm just gathering evidence.
113
00:04:53,294 --> 00:04:57,296
All this roof racket is driving
my free-range cockatiel bonkers.
114
00:05:01,209 --> 00:05:04,544
Bobbie Nell, that bird just
wants to get out of your house.
115
00:05:04,621 --> 00:05:06,713
He's trapped
in a bird nightmare.
116
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,140
You're all nightmares!
117
00:05:08,216 --> 00:05:11,226
And I'm about to be your
nightmare and your daymare.
118
00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:19,820
If Violet ever
caught us snooping,
119
00:05:19,844 --> 00:05:21,269
she would never forgive us.
120
00:05:21,346 --> 00:05:22,988
Did you find anything?
121
00:05:23,065 --> 00:05:24,709
No, but we'd better
find out soon
122
00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:26,803
before she ends up
dead in a ditch.
123
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,068
Good Lord, Mother.
124
00:05:28,144 --> 00:05:29,944
It's just an expression, Jenny.
125
00:05:30,021 --> 00:05:32,331
And expression that some
poor mom came up with
126
00:05:32,407 --> 00:05:34,477
when she found her daughter
dead in a ditch.
127
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,451
- Oh, Lord!
- We got to find out
128
00:05:36,528 --> 00:05:38,244
what the hell she's up to.
129
00:05:38,321 --> 00:05:41,381
Tomorrow we are gonna
put a tail on her.
130
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:45,177
See you in court, Wayne.
131
00:05:45,253 --> 00:05:47,629
What? You're gonna sue me
132
00:05:47,705 --> 00:05:51,350
for $4,999?!
133
00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:54,497
For me and my bird's
emotional distress.
134
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:57,189
See you this afternoon,
turd lover.
135
00:05:57,265 --> 00:05:58,501
- What?
- Turd lover.
136
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,767
- It's a person who loves...
- No!
137
00:06:00,844 --> 00:06:03,478
I mean the part where you said,
"See you this afternoon"?
138
00:06:03,555 --> 00:06:06,343
Well, it'd be a shame
if you couldn't make it.
139
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,678
Then I would automatically win.
140
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,535
Bobbie Nell, I swear to God.
141
00:06:12,397 --> 00:06:13,997
Oh, dang it, you spooked her!
142
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:19,856
Something's off as hell.
143
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:22,047
She's never walked this far
in her life.
144
00:06:22,124 --> 00:06:25,083
That's it. I'm calling her.
Hey, Violet.
145
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,055
- Just calling to see what you're up to.
- Yeah, well,
146
00:06:28,079 --> 00:06:30,463
I'm hanging over at David's.
We're watching
147
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:31,684
The Great British Bake Off.
Got to go.
148
00:06:31,708 --> 00:06:33,341
Oh, God. She lied.
149
00:06:33,418 --> 00:06:35,510
She lied
straight into my earholes.
150
00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:38,980
Go around, you monsters!
151
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:42,120
Hey, my babies.
152
00:06:42,144 --> 00:06:44,069
I'm going faster than y'all are.
153
00:06:44,146 --> 00:06:46,855
Oh, no! A pebble!
154
00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:49,719
They got her
out there recruiting.
155
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,576
Who-who? Recruiting for what?
156
00:06:51,653 --> 00:06:54,362
I've been holding back because
I didn't want to freak you out,
157
00:06:54,439 --> 00:06:58,061
but I am a hundred percent sure
Violet's in a cult.
158
00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:00,045
He's isolating her
from her family,
159
00:07:00,069 --> 00:07:01,870
demanding secrecy.
160
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,549
...Now,
when we get to the cult place,
161
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:06,040
do not let me
get anywhere near the leader.
162
00:07:06,117 --> 00:07:08,571
We don't know how charming
he is going to be.
163
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,337
But I do know that when I get
around one of those Svengalis,
164
00:07:11,414 --> 00:07:14,433
I'm gonna get immediately
swept up into his orbit.
165
00:07:14,509 --> 00:07:16,676
What in the hell
are you talking about?
166
00:07:16,753 --> 00:07:20,013
It's the power, Jenny.
What can I tell you?
167
00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:22,432
Bhagwan. Yes.
168
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:25,922
The Reverend Sun Myung Moon?
Where do I sign?
169
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,590
L. Ron Hubbard?
170
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,260
Oh, in that Navy uniform?
171
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:34,235
He can audit
my bathing suit area anytime.
172
00:07:34,312 --> 00:07:36,593
Mother, that is a bummer.
173
00:07:36,648 --> 00:07:38,290
Well, I'm just saying
174
00:07:38,366 --> 00:07:41,626
don't judge this man
until we see how handsome he is.
175
00:07:44,706 --> 00:07:46,372
- Uh-oh.
- What?
176
00:07:46,449 --> 00:07:47,449
My diaper's full.
177
00:07:47,492 --> 00:07:48,670
Your what is what?
178
00:07:48,694 --> 00:07:51,085
I'm wearing
a crazy astronaut lady diaper
179
00:07:51,162 --> 00:07:53,880
because I didn't know how long
this was going to take.
180
00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:56,143
But they don't tell you
how quick these things fill up.
181
00:07:56,167 --> 00:07:58,927
I feel like I got
a bowling ball down there.
182
00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:00,386
Mother, are you insane?
183
00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:03,389
No. Putting on
this crazy astronaut lady diaper
184
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,369
is the sanest thing
I've ever done.
185
00:08:05,393 --> 00:08:07,486
I would do anything
for my grandbaby.
186
00:08:07,562 --> 00:08:10,989
And if you cared about Violet,
you'd be wearing a diaper, too.
187
00:08:11,066 --> 00:08:12,969
Pulling over. Got to dump it
188
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:15,118
and slam on a fresh one.
189
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,123
Your Honor,
190
00:08:18,147 --> 00:08:20,073
Ben Matlock, attorney-at-law.
191
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,783
Ooh, boy.
192
00:08:21,859 --> 00:08:24,836
Let me put my chili dog down.
193
00:08:24,913 --> 00:08:27,984
"Ooh, boy.
Let me put my chili dog down."
194
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,791
What's up, weirdo?
195
00:08:29,867 --> 00:08:32,322
Hey, Brenda.
Got to go to court today.
196
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,420
- Court?
- Bobbie Nell's suing me.
197
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:37,131
Oh, crap. You're gonna lose.
198
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:40,802
I can't afford to lose.
She's suing me for five grand.
199
00:08:40,878 --> 00:08:42,999
That is a life-ruining amount
of money.
200
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,650
Boy, are you glad
I ran into you,
201
00:08:44,674 --> 00:08:46,140
Wayne, 'cause I am the queen
202
00:08:46,217 --> 00:08:48,153
of Guilford County
small-claims court.
203
00:08:48,177 --> 00:08:50,812
Slip and falls,
Craigslist mishaps,
204
00:08:50,888 --> 00:08:53,843
waterslide burns...
The list goes on and on.
205
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,200
I'm-a go with you.
206
00:08:55,277 --> 00:08:56,921
Oh, thanks, Brenda,
but I'm gonna be fine.
207
00:08:56,945 --> 00:08:58,870
I'm studying old Matlocks.
208
00:08:58,947 --> 00:09:02,448
Lame. Bobbie Nell is an animal
in that courtroom.
209
00:09:02,525 --> 00:09:04,854
It's how she makes her living.
You're gonna need more
210
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,357
than just your moseying
Southern lawyer show.
211
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,955
You're gonna need me.
212
00:09:09,032 --> 00:09:11,027
Let's tank up! Dickie,
213
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,334
we'll have a round
of peach cobbler Slusheritos
214
00:09:13,411 --> 00:09:15,670
and an order
of flour gravy poppers.
215
00:09:15,747 --> 00:09:17,556
Oh, snap. You going to court?
216
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,879
Come on, Mother!
217
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,236
We're losing her.
218
00:09:31,313 --> 00:09:33,716
Violet, no!
219
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,908
Be careful
on that giant, stupid bike!
220
00:09:36,985 --> 00:09:39,152
I will for the sake of me
221
00:09:39,228 --> 00:09:42,864
and our baby, Randy Jr.
222
00:09:42,940 --> 00:09:46,418
Next stop Jacksonville,
223
00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:47,730
my babies.
224
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:50,400
Oh, no, a bottle cap!
225
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:52,040
Drive, drive, drive!
226
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,264
What the hell
are we running from?!
227
00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:00,910
The clerk saw me
pushing my diaper
228
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,820
into that straw wrapper
trash can by the soda fountain.
229
00:10:02,844 --> 00:10:04,603
Now, where the hell is Violet?
230
00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:06,938
Well, I was watching her
231
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:08,826
walk towards
the Birchwood Strip Mall,
232
00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:12,277
but now I'm snoot first
in a crevasse.
233
00:10:13,304 --> 00:10:14,729
Oh, Lord!
234
00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,448
We are wedged in this ditch.
235
00:10:16,524 --> 00:10:18,261
Don't worry. I got this.
236
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,285
Mama bear energy!
237
00:10:22,864 --> 00:10:25,740
You can't just summon it, Jenny.
Here, let me try.
238
00:10:25,817 --> 00:10:27,125
Ow!
239
00:10:28,986 --> 00:10:31,298
Looks like we're gonna
have to squish and shimmy.
240
00:10:33,116 --> 00:10:35,111
Oh, my dipe.
241
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,613
Well, on the bright side,
242
00:10:36,637 --> 00:10:38,803
I can't speak
for all the other ditches,
243
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,306
but at least we know Violet's
not dead in this one.
244
00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:44,476
...Now there's
only one thing left to do.
245
00:10:45,704 --> 00:10:47,824
- Hitchhiking?
- If we are gonna save her,
246
00:10:47,889 --> 00:10:51,461
we've gotta follow her
down the rabbit hole.
247
00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:55,362
Yep. Still got the thumb
of a 16-year-old.
248
00:10:56,347 --> 00:10:58,301
Hey, sugar.
249
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:01,660
Ooh, look at that big wheel!
250
00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:07,960
We're trying to catch up with my
daughter, so if you could just
251
00:11:07,984 --> 00:11:09,887
- drop us off at the Birchwood Strip Mall?
- Sure. Wait.
252
00:11:09,911 --> 00:11:11,314
This isn't a sting, is it?
253
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,316
One of those
To Catch a Predators?
254
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,134
Just kidding.
255
00:11:15,158 --> 00:11:17,417
Let's go grab that little girl.
256
00:11:17,493 --> 00:11:18,718
Oop. Got to make a pit stop.
257
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:24,015
Open the door. We can jump out.
258
00:11:24,092 --> 00:11:26,237
- Now's our chance.
- Well, it's happening.
259
00:11:26,261 --> 00:11:28,188
I'm finally being
human trafficked.
260
00:11:28,212 --> 00:11:30,333
I guess on the bright side,
they will be getting me
261
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,860
- in my prime.
- What in the hell
is wrong with you?
262
00:11:32,884 --> 00:11:34,337
Sir? Mister?
263
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,361
Sir?
264
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,480
- He's doing drugs!
- Oh, it's heron!
265
00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:40,606
Oh!
266
00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:43,012
No, it's just my insulin.
267
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,682
We're coming, Violet!
268
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:48,030
Let us borrow those bikes,
children.
269
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,593
- Give us those bikes!
- We need those bikes!
270
00:11:49,617 --> 00:11:51,000
Get on the bikes!
271
00:11:54,197 --> 00:11:56,330
I've been following your wins.
272
00:11:56,407 --> 00:11:58,124
Follow yours, too.
273
00:11:58,201 --> 00:11:59,887
You won a settlement
for slipping
274
00:11:59,911 --> 00:12:03,032
on a Slip 'N Slide, and "slip"
is right there in the title.
275
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,630
Kudos, milady.
276
00:12:04,707 --> 00:12:06,841
I've heard
of a hot coffee lawsuit,
277
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:08,705
but an iced coffee lawsuit?
278
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,228
Impressive.
279
00:12:10,305 --> 00:12:13,306
This is gonna be fun.
280
00:12:13,382 --> 00:12:15,068
So, do we just walk on in?
281
00:12:15,092 --> 00:12:17,046
'Cause on Matlock, they
just come back from commercial,
282
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,456
and everybody's
already in there.
283
00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,883
Reverse mortgage,
home catheter delivery,
284
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,524
cash for gold, and then, boom...
Matlock's in the courtroom
285
00:12:23,601 --> 00:12:26,027
ready to poke holes
in alibis and timelines.
286
00:12:26,103 --> 00:12:27,965
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
We are not doing
287
00:12:27,989 --> 00:12:29,581
any of that Matlock crap.
288
00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:32,584
Brenda, you better be right,
because I'm worried as hell.
289
00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:35,962
I can't lose this case
and have a hole in the roof.
290
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,925
Last I saw her, she was walking
toward this strip mall!
291
00:12:41,002 --> 00:12:42,093
Oh, my God.
292
00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,929
You were right, Mother.
293
00:12:45,006 --> 00:12:46,139
She's in a cult.
294
00:12:48,459 --> 00:12:50,769
Well... it's showtime.
295
00:12:53,089 --> 00:12:55,515
Why in the hell are you
so horned up over all this?
296
00:12:55,591 --> 00:12:58,893
All rise for the Honorable
Judge Debbie Donatello.
297
00:12:58,970 --> 00:13:01,854
- Oh, no...
- Oh, not the Yankee judge.
298
00:13:01,931 --> 00:13:04,190
Hi. I'm Judge Debbie Donatello.
299
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,596
I ran the toughest courtroom
in New York City.
300
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,069
Murders, beheadings,
301
00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:11,072
subway shovings, Mob,
bodega-on-bodega arsons,
302
00:13:11,148 --> 00:13:12,457
all that stuff.
303
00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:14,437
I moved down here
to beautiful North Carolina
304
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,605
to get out of that hellhole.
305
00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,709
All right,
what's first on the docket?
306
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:21,374
Your Honor, this man gave
my cockatiel a psychotic break,
307
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:24,280
which caused me property damage
and emotional...
308
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,420
distress.
309
00:13:26,497 --> 00:13:28,973
Damn. She got
to the emotion card first.
310
00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:32,426
Well, it's a good thing
Mr. Ben Matlock, Esquire,
311
00:13:32,503 --> 00:13:34,457
brought his secret weapon:
312
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,055
the Farmer's Almanac.
313
00:13:36,132 --> 00:13:37,868
I'm about to prove
that full moon's
314
00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:39,611
- been causing that bird's upset.
- Don't be an idiot!
315
00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:41,022
Ow!
316
00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:44,823
We're not doing that
hokey folksy Matlock crap.
317
00:13:44,899 --> 00:13:47,160
Now, you go on and hush
and watch me overwhelm them
318
00:13:47,184 --> 00:13:48,568
with facts and figures.
319
00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:53,739
In these 50-some-odd
United States of America,
320
00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:57,146
there are upwards
of 62 billion roofs.
321
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:59,954
This does not include
Puerto Rico and Guam.
322
00:14:00,031 --> 00:14:02,173
Let's get into why.
323
00:14:03,367 --> 00:14:04,728
This makes sense.
324
00:14:04,752 --> 00:14:07,345
Look around.
This cult targets nerds!
325
00:14:08,706 --> 00:14:11,015
It's a voice mail
from Violet. Shh.
326
00:14:11,092 --> 00:14:13,020
Hi, Mom. I'm not gonna be hoe
for dinner.
327
00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:15,856
- I have some stuff...
- Violet, I told you no phone calls.
328
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:18,314
- Bring the baby over here.
- Oh, Lord.
329
00:14:19,508 --> 00:14:21,475
There is an older man.
330
00:14:21,552 --> 00:14:23,769
An older, controlling man.
331
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:25,104
And a baby!
332
00:14:25,181 --> 00:14:26,439
Where is she?
333
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:27,940
Where is Violet Hart?
334
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:30,034
Oh, Violet?
Yeah, she's next door.
335
00:14:30,111 --> 00:14:32,036
No! Hey! Don't go in there!
336
00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:34,394
He doesn't like it
when people let the light in!
337
00:14:37,193 --> 00:14:38,585
Oh, my Lord.
338
00:14:41,572 --> 00:14:43,715
There he is.
339
00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:44,791
The cult leader.
340
00:14:45,910 --> 00:14:47,605
- Oh.
- What?
341
00:14:47,629 --> 00:14:50,263
I thought we would do better
with the face.
342
00:14:52,541 --> 00:14:54,704
Did you know that there are
more Spanish roof tiles
343
00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:57,206
than there are stars
in the galaxy?
344
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,024
All right, all right,
your time's up.
345
00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:01,243
It's so cute you people think
these are problems.
346
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,643
Other lady, go.
347
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:05,811
I'd like to call
my star witness.
348
00:15:05,888 --> 00:15:07,313
Anita, come!
349
00:15:09,558 --> 00:15:11,484
As you can see,
350
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,862
she is a sweet, normal bird.
351
00:15:14,939 --> 00:15:17,823
Oh, yeah,
that is a beautiful bird!
352
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,878
I'm used to diseased
subway pigeons
353
00:15:19,902 --> 00:15:22,064
fighting a rat over a slice.
354
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,400
But watch what
this nail gun does to her.
355
00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,835
...No! - Anita!
356
00:15:29,912 --> 00:15:32,057
- No! -Judge Debbie!
- What the hell is this?
357
00:15:32,081 --> 00:15:34,265
Don't let that country-ass bird
land on me!
358
00:15:37,294 --> 00:15:38,394
Oh!
359
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:42,556
All right, relax, people.
360
00:15:42,633 --> 00:15:44,253
A bird flew into a fan.
361
00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,851
You know, I once saw a mobster
362
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,831
shove a cabbie's manhood
into a Vitamix.
363
00:15:47,855 --> 00:15:49,833
Now, that's called
a Mulberry Street Smoothie.
364
00:15:49,857 --> 00:15:51,157
All right, let's take a recess.
365
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,954
I can't see what's going on.
366
00:15:53,978 --> 00:15:55,194
It's a baby!
367
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:57,174
And she's wearing
a wedding dress!
368
00:15:57,198 --> 00:15:59,407
The leader is marrying the baby!
369
00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:03,035
Oh, God, Violet's sister wife
is a baby!
370
00:16:03,112 --> 00:16:06,464
Prop her up. I want to
see that beautiful little face.
371
00:16:06,541 --> 00:16:10,218
After all, today is the day
she dedicates herself to God.
372
00:16:11,162 --> 00:16:12,420
We have to stop them!
373
00:16:12,496 --> 00:16:14,474
I'll grab the baby bride,
374
00:16:14,498 --> 00:16:16,527
you grab Violet,
and we'll book it out of here.
375
00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:17,620
Okay.
376
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:19,978
- Three, two...
- There's no time!
377
00:16:21,222 --> 00:16:23,389
Mama bear energy...!
378
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:24,724
Ow!
379
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,819
That baby is not marrying
anyone today!
380
00:16:37,572 --> 00:16:39,809
Mom! Gram! What the hell?
381
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:44,168
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
382
00:16:44,245 --> 00:16:47,130
We're taking photos of this baby
on her christening day.
383
00:16:48,365 --> 00:16:51,292
This is my part-time job,
you lunatics.
384
00:16:51,368 --> 00:16:52,822
- Oh...
- And that's why
385
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,898
- he said... oh...
- The white dress is...
386
00:16:54,922 --> 00:16:56,641
- Oh, and you're not in a cult.
- And I'm not attracted to him
387
00:16:56,665 --> 00:16:59,300
- because... oh...
- You're just... oh...
388
00:16:59,376 --> 00:17:01,853
Thought she was getting married.
389
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:10,864
If only you
would have told me...
390
00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:13,364
Yeah, I should have told you,
so you could come in here
391
00:17:13,441 --> 00:17:15,775
and mortally embarrass me
sooner. Got it.
392
00:17:15,851 --> 00:17:17,346
Just please get out.
393
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,681
Vi!
394
00:17:18,705 --> 00:17:20,455
Just go.
395
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,542
Maybe y'all could use this
396
00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:27,086
in one of your little
fall tableaus.
397
00:17:29,123 --> 00:17:30,623
Hey, friend.
398
00:17:30,699 --> 00:17:32,833
What's gotcha down?
399
00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:35,887
All I wanted to do was put
a roof over my family's head,
400
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:38,222
and now it's about to cost me
five grand.
401
00:17:38,299 --> 00:17:40,925
Son, if I may offer some advice:
402
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:44,206
it ain't over
till the gavel hits the pine.
403
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:47,190
Oh, sir, you are so right!
404
00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:51,185
Well, got to get
to my murder trial.
405
00:17:51,262 --> 00:17:53,488
Wish me luck.
406
00:17:56,651 --> 00:17:58,796
- Rest your case, or you're going to sleep.
- You rest your case,
407
00:17:58,820 --> 00:18:00,389
or you're going to sleep.
408
00:18:01,939 --> 00:18:03,790
If I may, Your Honor.
409
00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,922
Whew, boy! I sure am glad
410
00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:11,372
Lady Justice wears a blindfold,
411
00:18:11,448 --> 00:18:13,707
so she didn't have to see
this devil's circus
412
00:18:13,784 --> 00:18:15,802
that went on in here today.
413
00:18:17,079 --> 00:18:18,712
Look at us.
414
00:18:18,789 --> 00:18:20,984
I plumb forgot
what this dustup's even about.
415
00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:24,552
Now, what I'm-what I'm...
what I'm trying to say here is,
416
00:18:24,628 --> 00:18:28,439
hoo, boy, we all need
to stop fightin'.
417
00:18:28,516 --> 00:18:30,443
And if something's worrying
our warts,
418
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:33,561
we got to open our mouths
and communicate.
419
00:18:33,637 --> 00:18:37,593
We all need to stop fighting
and start being kinder
420
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:40,901
and-and more neighborly,
'cause hot diggity dog,
421
00:18:40,978 --> 00:18:44,455
and I do mean shucks. Hoo, boy!
422
00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:47,770
Wayne, you're right.
423
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,536
I guess I should start
being kindlier.
424
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:52,942
Bobbie Nell, I'm so sorry
for whatever part I had
425
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,874
in what happened to Anita.
426
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,946
But the good news is,
now she's in Heaven,
427
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:01,046
flying into that big ol'
sliding glass door in the sky.
428
00:19:01,123 --> 00:19:03,619
Don't worry, Wayne,
she was terminal anyway.
429
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,954
Riddled with tumors.
430
00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:07,098
She slept on my cell phone
every night.
431
00:19:07,171 --> 00:19:08,457
I couldn't stop her.
432
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,432
Brenda and Bobbie Nell,
bring it in here.
433
00:19:11,508 --> 00:19:14,986
Aw. This hokey,
small-town crap is beautiful.
434
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:16,562
If this was New York,
435
00:19:16,639 --> 00:19:18,968
the floor would be covered
in number twos.
436
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:19,992
Case dismissed.
437
00:19:25,573 --> 00:19:27,333
No, thank you.
438
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,117
Can you just tell me why you
wanted to get a secret job?
439
00:19:30,194 --> 00:19:32,453
I share everything
with you guys.
440
00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:36,841
My bedroom is also our family
storage unit and laundry room.
441
00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:39,418
I really just wanted something
that was just mine.
442
00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:40,920
I totally get that, Vi.
443
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:43,848
And I'm so sorry
I embarrassed you.
444
00:19:43,925 --> 00:19:45,016
Okay.
445
00:19:45,092 --> 00:19:46,926
Are we done?
446
00:19:47,002 --> 00:19:49,498
You know, when I was young
I made a lot of mistakes.
447
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,598
And the fact that I survived
those years was pure luck.
448
00:19:52,675 --> 00:19:54,912
I just got scared that
you wouldn't be as lucky,
449
00:19:54,936 --> 00:19:56,986
and I went a little crazy.
450
00:19:58,105 --> 00:20:00,176
I know I need to trust you.
451
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,419
I mean, we both know
you're smarter than I was.
452
00:20:02,443 --> 00:20:04,243
I just need to remember that.
453
00:20:05,613 --> 00:20:08,155
90-Day Beyoncé is coming on.
454
00:20:08,232 --> 00:20:10,458
You want to watch it with me?
455
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,361
I'm sorry, Megan,
456
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,052
but we're at day 32,
457
00:20:21,128 --> 00:20:23,056
and you
barely look like Beyoncé.
458
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,942
It's time for you
to leave the Beyhive.
459
00:20:24,966 --> 00:20:27,558
The exit is... to the left.
460
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,856
Hello, turd lovers.
461
00:20:42,933 --> 00:20:44,220
Bobbie Nell,
what happened to you?
462
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,055
Well, you hugged me too hard
after court!
463
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:48,821
You just bought yourself
a lawsuit.
464
00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:52,228
Oh, I just remembered,
your hug ripped my rotator cuff.
465
00:20:52,252 --> 00:20:54,326
Ow! Countersuit!
466
00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:56,545
- Oh, Lord.
- Bunch of loonies.
467
00:21:02,578 --> 00:21:04,389
Ma'am?
What the hell are you doing?
468
00:21:04,413 --> 00:21:06,075
Haven't you ever seen
a grown woman
469
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:08,410
put an adult diaper
in the straw trash before?
470
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:11,580
No, ma'am, I have not.
And I think that violates
471
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:14,750
every health code that
has ever been written down.
472
00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,683
Well, you should empty the
trash in the ladies' restroom.
473
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,923
This is on you!
474
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,258
Oh, come on!
475
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,065
And pick up
all these sunglasses!
476
00:21:26,477 --> 00:21:29,620
Every damn spectacle...
477
00:21:31,688 --> 00:21:34,688
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