Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
You know Alain, his twin brother
He was always kind to me
Well we flirted a bit
It's normal, no?
What could I do?
Jean-Claude had been dead more than a year
You can't wait forever
So we became lovers
It wasn't bad at all
Even better, amazing
I know, it was his brother
but at last I could breathe
Things were better
apart from his dog, Kremone
She was his true love
She was so angry that she would lie on the bed between us
to stop Alain touching me
Then one day she disappeared
We looked everywhere
Then the gravedigger phoned and said he'd found her at the cemetery
She'd spent the whole day sitting on his grave
What's incredible
during the night she decided to dig up his bones
The gravedigger returned at dawn
She'd dug up the earth
Nothing, there was just an empty hole
not even a coffin!
The police came
I insisted they re-open the case
They finally told me Jean-Claude was not dead
He'd fled the country
Something with the mafia
He’d grassed to the police
Puff, vanished
He lives in Algeria
can't come back or
he'd be killed
He'd done it for me, for all of us
I insisted I had to see him or else
I'd reveal everything
I loaded the car
Kremone beside me, motionless, expectant
I don't understand what goes on in the head of that poodle
One evening I was in a cafe
Jean-Claude arrived
He shouted
“my wife with my brother how is it possible?!”
He said he couldn't live without Kremone
Kremone looking back over his shoulder...
...in triumph!
She's beautiful but sad
What about my ceiling?
My omelette?
Seeing you sitting there makes me think of my cousin
She was mad about chickens
I don't remember where she was living then
but she’d seen an advert
in a newspaper
for 10 chickens and an enormous coop
I went to the farm, mud everywhere
Old buildings but no people
I went to look for the farmer
There were animals everywhere...
…but nobody
So I decided to leave
I was going back to my van when I heard a strange noise
And there in the ditch
stuck in the mud was an old man
Unable to get out, his legs stuck in the mud
I couldn't pull him out on my own
He asked me to get him a coffee
Do you want some more coffee?
"Reheat the pot on the stove" he said
I went to the kitchen, lit the gas...
...and I heard footsteps
A man came into the kitchen
He was handsome. Very handsome
You can't imagine how handsome!
He told me his dream
he was stuck in a ditch
covered in mud - a horrible nightmare
He woke when he heard me come in
We went out to the ditch...
...there was no one there!
The old man had gone
It was as if I had entered into his dream
So we drank the coffee
I stayed for 3 days
After a few weeks we got married
We were very happy...
...well, I think we were
I never got the chickens Nor him - he disappeared
I'm now alone you have your chicken
Don't do that again, what you did last night
Don't do that to me
Listen now to The Song of Forgotten Cars
And now, the Song of Forgotten Cigarettes
Ladies and gentlemen, our laureate, Professor...
...Schmetterling
Before we hear from our distinguished guest
I would like us to reflect on his discoveries
while listening to the Saint Felix ensemble
It gives us great pleasure to award him
the Ewaldiana Prize
named after one of the famous founders
of the science of crystallography
I remember one day with my uncle
he said he was going to climb this rock
I said you're mad - it's too high It's dangerous
But he was too confident
He climbed it
he jumped
and I never saw my uncle again
The police put a net across the river
A thick fog came down
They never found him
We went to eat at Gaspard's as it was a Sunday
It was a sad meal
No grandfather
and now no uncle
I'm tired
Good night
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 19th fête of St.Julien en Clop
Between us, I'd love a smoke
but my doctor has forbidden me after the death of his dog
I'd like to thank Mr & Mrs Fanonvilliers
for the mutton they supply for the grill
They know nothing about sheep
The mutton reminds us of our beautiful countryside
Apologies...
...I have terrible stomach cramps...
...I think it's the oysters prepared by my husband
I'd like to thank Mrs Leboitier
for her exceptional tomatoes
whose flavour is beyond our wildest dreams
And the wines supplied by Gaston Leduc
who despite his great age
still adds to the general drunkenness
We are all here together faced with an uncertain future
rotten with uncertainty
defenceless against a world in perpetual evolution
towards the abyss…
…of oblivion
I leave you amongst these trees, these stones
these bottles, and
your favourite chicken race!
Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull