1 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,519 (campy music with whistling) 2 00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:23,193 - [Hostage] (shouting) Help! 3 00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,193 Let me go! 4 00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:27,355 Hey! 5 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,104 Hey lady, are you deaf? 6 00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:31,257 Help! 7 00:00:31,297 --> 00:00:32,697 (sighs) 8 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,332 - I told you there's no point in shouting, 9 00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,697 we're in the middle of nowhere. 10 00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,535 - Why do we have to do it out here, though? 11 00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:39,270 I fucking hate nature, man. 12 00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:40,505 What happens if some dragonflies 13 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:41,740 try to get into my gully and shit? 14 00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,475 - Well you shouldn't have shagged the bosses 15 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,550 latest fiancee then, should you? 16 00:00:45,578 --> 00:00:47,548 - Listen, you wouldn't understand 17 00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,320 but I'm a man. 18 00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,619 And sometimes a man's got to do what a man's, ugh. 19 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:53,491 (buzzing) 20 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,390 What's that buzzing? 21 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:55,521 Is it on my face? 22 00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:57,555 I can feel it's feet on my face! 23 00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:58,790 (sighs) 24 00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:01,225 - Graves always take so much longer to dig 25 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,361 than you think, don't they? 26 00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:04,730 Jamie, are you gonna help? 27 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,702 - Oh, sorry I was just thinking. 28 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,266 I'm thinking I'm finally ready to have a baby, Fran. 29 00:01:13,606 --> 00:01:16,176 - Yeah but you're nearly 50, I mean, 30 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,109 you're in your prime. 31 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:21,776 Is this something you've talked about with Colin, is it? 32 00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:24,483 Colin? 33 00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:28,249 Impossibly hot swimwear model, 34 00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,218 works with disadvantaged kids, 35 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,586 your boyfriend, Col-, your boyfriend, Colin. 36 00:01:31,624 --> 00:01:32,834 - Oh that Colin. 37 00:01:32,859 --> 00:01:34,759 Sorry, he's very forgettable. 38 00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:36,664 No I think this is something I can do on my own. 39 00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,466 - At least let me sit on a mat 40 00:01:38,498 --> 00:01:40,468 or a little chair or something. 41 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,600 That one bug's been eyeing me up 42 00:01:41,634 --> 00:01:42,844 for the last 20 minutes. 43 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,599 I swear man's got designs on me! 44 00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:48,537 - You had sex with a crime bosses trophy bride 45 00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:50,335 in the toilets of his strip club, 46 00:01:50,377 --> 00:01:52,307 and you're scared of a few creepy-crawlies? 47 00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:54,777 - [Jamie] I mean don't get me wrong, 48 00:01:54,814 --> 00:01:56,584 I know there are downsides. 49 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,786 Is it fair to bring a child into all this? 50 00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,388 - Yeah, our job. 51 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:01,690 - Our world, Fran. 52 00:02:01,721 --> 00:02:03,621 War, climate change, 53 00:02:03,656 --> 00:02:06,526 those Thai boys still stuck in that bloody cave. 54 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,331 - Got out two years ago, Jamie. 55 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:11,800 Do you have any idea how much responsibility 56 00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:13,371 it is to bring up a child? 57 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,800 - Well, you can think what you like. 58 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,374 I know that I could do it. 59 00:02:16,403 --> 00:02:18,303 - Okay well, prove me wrong, then. 60 00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,738 Look after this egg 24 hours, 61 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,284 bet you can't. 62 00:02:22,308 --> 00:02:23,478 - An egg? 63 00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:24,540 - An egg, you know it's like one of those 64 00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:25,847 classic responsibility exercises. 65 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,409 You basically have to treat it exactly 66 00:02:27,447 --> 00:02:29,447 as you would treat a newborn. 67 00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:30,582 - Piece of cake. 68 00:02:30,617 --> 00:02:31,377 You're on. 69 00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:34,423 That one doesn't count. 70 00:02:35,755 --> 00:02:37,215 ("Sabotage" by Beastie Boys) 71 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:37,717 Oh shit. 72 00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:41,359 (laughing) 73 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:47,830 (buzzing) 74 00:02:47,867 --> 00:02:50,237 (shouting) 75 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,210 - Oh shit. 76 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,556 God, he's in the woods. 77 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:11,360 Come on! 78 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,802 (gunshot) 79 00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:20,673 (bass guitar music) We need to hurry up 80 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,440 and find this guy. 81 00:03:22,469 --> 00:03:25,269 Mr. K's gonna lose his shit if we don't finish this job. 82 00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:26,635 And this guy's dangerous, you know. 83 00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:28,343 He ripped off somebody's arm and used it 84 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,405 as a club to beat him to death with. 85 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,412 - Ooh, that sounds painful. 86 00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:33,414 So, how do you know this is the right way. 87 00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,606 - Because this place is teeming with 88 00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:38,347 signs and symbols. (cow mooing) 89 00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:40,753 What's this? 90 00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:43,722 - A piece of poo? 91 00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,727 - Jamie, this just isn't any old poo. 92 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:47,530 This is... 93 00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:50,459 (cow mooing) 94 00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:51,767 it's fresh wolf feces. 95 00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,528 - Impressive. 96 00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,596 How does it lead us to the target? 97 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:56,795 (cow mooing) - It doesn't. 98 00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:57,566 - So why did you just lick that poo? 99 00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:58,474 - I don't know. 100 00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,405 (cow mooing) 101 00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:04,743 What are you doing? 102 00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:05,978 - I was just 103 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:09,422 putting the finishing touches to my egg baby. 104 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:10,519 - Why does he look like Adolph Hitler? 105 00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:11,650 - What are you talking about? 106 00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:12,515 - His little 'tache. 107 00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:13,552 - It's a nose. 108 00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:16,416 - Oh, that's ridiculous. 109 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,556 - You told me to treat the egg like a real baby. 110 00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,591 Real babies have faces. 111 00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:21,897 It's motherhood 101. 112 00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:23,398 - Well I think motherhood 101 113 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,730 is not dressing up your baby to look like 114 00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,004 it's dreaming up a thousand year reich. 115 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,603 Anyway, we need to get the target. 116 00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:30,766 It's that way. 117 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,814 (cows mooing) 118 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,410 Get this, there's a herd of bulls there, so. 119 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:36,412 - There's a path. 120 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,313 - Yes it's this way. 121 00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:46,453 (ominous string music) 122 00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,825 (breathing heavily) 123 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:55,898 - [Jamie] Ah, this is knackering. 124 00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,573 - Where is he? 125 00:04:58,598 --> 00:04:59,998 I could have sworn the noise was coming from here. 126 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,633 - Fran, what if we can't find 127 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:03,598 our way back and get stranded? 128 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:05,736 Will we have to drink each other's piss. 129 00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:06,942 - Why each other's? 130 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,483 I mean, surely you just drink your own piss. 131 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,982 The jungle is no place for a child. 132 00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,548 - They're woods, Jamie. 133 00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,716 I mean this is Surrey, not the Amazon. 134 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,755 We're only two miles from the nearest Laura Ashley. 135 00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:26,162 God. 136 00:05:26,192 --> 00:05:27,562 - We're lost aren't we? 137 00:05:27,594 --> 00:05:28,834 - Well, lucky for you 138 00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,873 you're with a trained survivalist. 139 00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:32,928 - Weren't you kicked out of the Brownies 140 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,626 after like, two weeks? 141 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,538 - I mean, I think I was too good 142 00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:37,869 and actually sometimes that can be very, 143 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,114 very intimidating for a little lass. 144 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,809 - Wasn't is 'cause you know Jessica Baldwin 145 00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:41,980 off of a climbing frame? 146 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,708 - Firstly, that was an accident. 147 00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:44,843 - But. - The inquiry was a sham, 148 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,678 didn't prove anything. 149 00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:49,183 - And you never got your cleanliness badge. 150 00:05:49,215 --> 00:05:50,975 - I don't think about it now, to be honest. 151 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:52,147 It was irrelevant. 152 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,815 But anyway my Uncle Furlin ex-SAS 153 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,194 taught me all the techniques he used 154 00:05:56,222 --> 00:05:58,662 to track the Taliban 155 00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,562 and later, illegally, Sherry Blair. 156 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:04,830 What's the first rule of the wilderness? 157 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:05,874 - There are no rules? 158 00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,229 - No, pool your resources. 159 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,238 - Let's empty our pockets. 160 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,239 - Good thinking, see? 161 00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,170 You're at it already. 162 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:13,065 - Oh, hello. 163 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,581 I've been looking for this for ages. 164 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,179 - A slide whistle? 165 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,851 - In another situation this could come in very handy. 166 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:21,850 - What? 167 00:06:21,881 --> 00:06:22,851 A situation where we're working 168 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:23,922 as Edwardian stage hands? 169 00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:25,220 Come on, we need to focus. 170 00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:26,791 We need to track the target. 171 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,760 And as any trained survivalist knows 172 00:06:29,789 --> 00:06:31,259 you have to head in a single direction 173 00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,991 and you do not deviate. 174 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:33,986 The last thing you wanna do, double back on yourself. 175 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:34,827 Okay? 176 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,874 Oh for fuck-, how did that happen? 177 00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:43,241 - Should we try another single direction? 178 00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:45,739 Just, this way. - What, what? 179 00:06:45,772 --> 00:06:48,172 (birds chirping) 180 00:06:54,714 --> 00:06:57,184 (playing whistle) 181 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,752 Jaime, what are you doing? 182 00:07:00,787 --> 00:07:01,717 You're going to give away our position. 183 00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,155 - I need to play music to Pip. 184 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,159 They say it makes your child smarter. 185 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,631 Uh, this whole treating an egg 186 00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:08,729 like your baby thing was your idea. 187 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,902 - Yeah, okay, well you win, all right? 188 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,270 You're going to be an incredible mother 189 00:07:12,298 --> 00:07:14,998 so let's just move on and just drop it 190 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:16,035 so we can get on with the job. 191 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,269 - Nice try, Fran. 192 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:18,273 You're gonna have to work a lot harder 193 00:07:18,304 --> 00:07:20,714 to make me fail this test. 194 00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,780 (whistling continues) 195 00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,809 - You rule the wilderness. 196 00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:25,614 No slide whistle. 197 00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:27,776 - I'm hungry, Fran. 198 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,645 - Well I mean, if you do want something to eat 199 00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:31,854 there is an obvious solution. 200 00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,157 - That's my boy you're talking about. 201 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,658 - Imagine him on toast. 202 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:43,161 - Hey, what if he's watching us? 203 00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:45,270 You know a sort of, 204 00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:46,968 hunter becomes the hunted sort of thing. 205 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,200 I bet he's whittled himself a weapon by now. 206 00:07:49,235 --> 00:07:50,295 - As long as he doesn't sneak up on us, 207 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,707 we're fine, okay? 208 00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:52,768 Trust me. 209 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,806 There is nothing to be scared of. 210 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,112 (shouts) 211 00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:00,909 (ominous string music) 212 00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:01,917 - What is that, Fran? 213 00:08:01,948 --> 00:08:02,718 - I don't know. 214 00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,317 - There be witches in this jungle. 215 00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,963 - Again, not a jungle. 216 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,688 Quick it's getting dark, we need to go! 217 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,157 (owl hooting) 218 00:08:18,732 --> 00:08:20,272 (twig snapping) 219 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,140 - [Fran] What was that? 220 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,938 - [Jamie] I told you he was hunting us, Fran. 221 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,838 - [Fran] Probably just an animal or something. 222 00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,738 - What are you making? 223 00:08:29,776 --> 00:08:31,236 - One of Uncle Furlin's man traps. 224 00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:34,247 He used to surprise us with them at Christmas. 225 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,920 Anyway if we don't snare the target 226 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,819 we're bound to get something to eat. 227 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,721 - I am starving. 228 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:40,923 - Oh God, me too. 229 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:46,130 - Do you still think about having kids, Fran? 230 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,027 - Oh I don't know. 231 00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:49,131 I mean, 232 00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,332 I always thought about adopting 233 00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:51,873 but it was never the right time or 234 00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:53,869 right person. 235 00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,998 Still I've got Joelle now anyway. 236 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,367 On what I make there's no way I could afford 237 00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:01,005 him, his relatives and the child. 238 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,281 - His relatives? 239 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,808 - I've got five of his uncles over from Rio. 240 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,343 - They're back? 241 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,847 How come? 242 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,179 - Oh God, they're doing some samba contest. 243 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:09,424 God they're practicing pretty hard 244 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,279 from the sounds of it. 245 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,076 Mainly at night. 246 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,024 - I need to pee. 247 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:16,856 Will you watch Pip? 248 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:17,720 - Yeah, sure. 249 00:09:39,979 --> 00:09:42,179 Oh God this is ridiculous, it's just an egg. 250 00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:43,215 - Fran! 251 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,449 - (frustrated stammering) 252 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,024 Uh, this isn't what it looks like! 253 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:48,252 Um, all right it is what it looks like. 254 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,188 Aw, I was so hungry. 255 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,193 - You were about to eat my baby. 256 00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,855 - Oh God, it's not your baby. 257 00:09:53,893 --> 00:09:54,833 It's just an egg. 258 00:09:54,861 --> 00:09:56,761 It's just, it's a delicious egg. 259 00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:58,931 - You wanted me to fail the test 260 00:09:58,965 --> 00:09:59,925 that's what this is about. 261 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,126 - Come one don't be ridiculous. 262 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,297 This is not a test it was a stupid idea. 263 00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,865 - You couldn't bear 264 00:10:03,903 --> 00:10:05,443 that I was gonna prove you wrong for once. 265 00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:06,312 - Prove me wrong? 266 00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,009 - Yeah. 267 00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,411 Show you I've got responsibility and do stuff on my own. 268 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,952 - You've been responsible for a hard boiled egg 269 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,178 for almost five hours. 270 00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,053 I've been responsible for you my entire life. 271 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,251 - What does that mean? 272 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,422 - Well, who's the one sweating their tits off 273 00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,890 digging a grave? 274 00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:20,818 Who's the one constantly phoning Mr. K 275 00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,264 to make sure that he doesn't kill us? 276 00:10:22,288 --> 00:10:24,918 But it's not enough that I've got Joelle and his uncles, 277 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,388 who, by the way, 278 00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,426 are not his uncles because they're half his age, 279 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,260 and that is definitely not samba 280 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,495 going on in that bedroom! 281 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,870 That's homeopathic levels of samba. 282 00:10:32,899 --> 00:10:34,099 Then I've got you. 283 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,874 And I have to be responsible for you. 284 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,502 You're my egg. 285 00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:39,237 I'm gonna go off and look for the target on my own. 286 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:40,512 If I stay here I'll be found in six months 287 00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,180 wearing a squirrel pelt for a nappy 288 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,478 and getting breastfed by a passing fox. 289 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,381 - Yeah? 290 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:46,452 Sounds fun. 291 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:47,479 I prefer being on my own. 292 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,124 - Yeah. 293 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,919 (intense drum music) 294 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,262 (bird calling) 295 00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,390 And that wasn't even a real bird. 296 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:02,195 (emulating a bird call) 297 00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:03,258 - I knew that. 298 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:10,441 (ominous music) 299 00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,006 (birds chirping) 300 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:26,418 (eerie piano rendition of "Row Your Boat") 301 00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:32,134 Fran? 302 00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,080 (children laughing) 303 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,147 - Jamie? 304 00:11:58,184 --> 00:11:58,854 Jamie! 305 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:07,887 - Hello. 306 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,199 You found our bird houses. 307 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,140 - Are you okay, sir? 308 00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,239 Come on, mind the string. 309 00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:24,913 And the sticks. 310 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,951 (eerie music) 311 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,254 (screaming) 312 00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,855 - Oh my God it's you. 313 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,220 Why have you got socks on your hands? 314 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:39,888 - Only way to keep the bugs out, isn't it? 315 00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,896 Bugs do some fucked up shit. 316 00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,598 My cousin knew this guy who went camping for his stag do, 317 00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:47,231 went for a shit and used a leaf to wipe his ass 318 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,137 and the leaf had this weird bug on it and, 319 00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,599 and the bug got inside him. 320 00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,167 Then on his wedding day, he opened up his mouth to say, 321 00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:56,276 "I do" but all that came out were loads of bugs! 322 00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:03,278 (gunshot) 323 00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:04,416 - Ah, fuck. 324 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,251 - Ah! 325 00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,521 (gunshot) 326 00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,396 (gunshot) 327 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,266 - Are you hungry? 328 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,407 We're about to have breakfast. 329 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,011 - Yeah I'm real, 330 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,953 no, I've got to do something. 331 00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:32,608 - What? 332 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,624 - Oh nothing, I'm just looking for a friend. 333 00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:38,179 - We've got homemade granola. 334 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,448 - I've got no time, I can't. 335 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:40,646 - It would be easier to find your friend 336 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,157 if you had something to eat. 337 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,964 - Okay let's have the granola. 338 00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:46,992 - [Children] Yay! 339 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,157 - Any funny business. 340 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:51,330 - Right. 341 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,566 Any grown ups looking after you guys today or? 342 00:13:55,602 --> 00:14:00,372 - Yeah, Brown Owl but she's having one of her naps. 343 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,337 (snoring) 344 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:06,206 (heavy rock music) 345 00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:11,523 - [Jamie] Oy! 346 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,597 * Kumbaya my Lord 347 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,532 * Kumbaya 348 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,567 * Kumbaya my Lord 349 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,342 * Kumbaya 350 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,211 (heavy rock music) 351 00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:41,347 * Kumbaya my Lord 352 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:45,991 * Kumbaya (muffled giggling) 353 00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,689 (heavy rock music) 354 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,393 * Kumbaya my Lord (clapping) 355 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,427 * Kumbaya 356 00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,704 (heavy rock music) 357 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:00,533 - Fuck! 358 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,023 Why have you got an egg on your head? 359 00:15:15,048 --> 00:15:16,078 - It's a responsibility exercise, 360 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,346 I'm thinking of having a kid. 361 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,054 - Congratulations. 362 00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,694 - Thank you. 363 00:15:19,719 --> 00:15:21,119 Oh my God there's a massive spider on your head! 364 00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:21,794 (screams) 365 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:24,661 (gunshot) 366 00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,391 - Right, that's not funny. 367 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,526 Entomophobia is a serious medical condition 368 00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,731 recognized by the Royal College of Psychiatrists. 369 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:31,704 Whatever, I'm done with this shit. 370 00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,301 (gun clicking) 371 00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,339 - I think that might have been my last bullet. 372 00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:56,388 Fran! 373 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:10,697 * And that's how she died 374 00:16:10,737 --> 00:16:12,107 (clapping) 375 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,468 - Oh thanks guys, really. 376 00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:15,676 Just a work in progress but I appreciate that. 377 00:16:15,709 --> 00:16:17,679 You know I've had so much fun. 378 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:19,781 Jessica Baldwin would be spinning in her grave. 379 00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:20,683 - Who's that? 380 00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:21,484 - Nobody. 381 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:24,046 You cheered me up, though, seriously. 382 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,224 I appreciate it. 383 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:26,221 But I better go. 384 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,222 - [Children] Aw. 385 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:29,063 - What were you sad about? 386 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,789 - Well I had an argument with my best mate and 387 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,785 I'm just a bit worried we might not be friends anymore. 388 00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:35,557 - That's like me and Amy. 389 00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:38,155 We had a fight when I used up all her blue sparkle pen, 390 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,128 but then I gave her my pen that smells like strawberry. 391 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:41,736 Now we're friends again. 392 00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:43,498 - Interesting. 393 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,206 - Will you play us a song before you go? 394 00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,068 - No. 395 00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,466 - Please, sir. 396 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,107 - Now you just do that on purpose. 397 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,612 - [Children] Please, come on, just one. 398 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:53,084 - No, no. 399 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,683 No, really. - [Children] One more song. 400 00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,624 - Oh all right, all right but just 401 00:16:56,649 --> 00:16:59,449 bear with because this is a new medium, okay? 402 00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,694 I call this one, "pain". 403 00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,188 (slide whistle) 404 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,325 (cymbal music) 405 00:17:42,696 --> 00:17:44,226 - Who's that? 406 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,604 - Jamie! 407 00:17:45,632 --> 00:17:46,172 Why are you covered in mud? 408 00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:47,299 - What are you wearing? 409 00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:48,844 - Well, what are you wearing? 410 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:55,510 - I managed to find our friend and I tagged him 411 00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:57,713 and then I lost him. 412 00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:58,814 I lost my gun, -nge. 413 00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:01,313 I lost my gunge. 414 00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:02,818 - I hate when that happens. 415 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,779 - I can't believe you lost him, Jamie. 416 00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:07,348 - Well at least I hit him, tagged him. 417 00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:08,617 If you'd been there to help. 418 00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:10,155 - Yeah, well, I've been busy. 419 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,160 - Doing what? 420 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:11,831 - We played double dutch. 421 00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:12,588 - Not now, Hailey. 422 00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:17,301 - Right, you can't get annoyed if you were here 423 00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:18,630 having a lovely time with your friends. 424 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:20,625 I was out there on my own, 425 00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,167 darkness was falling. - Excuse me. 426 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,372 It's all you and your baby. - I'm on the ground, 427 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,343 it's really, really muddy and disgusting. 428 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:24,941 - I've been running around. 429 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,641 (crosstalk) 430 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:27,713 - Guys! 431 00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:29,381 We are going to sort this out. 432 00:18:29,409 --> 00:18:31,209 - I don't think a strawberry flavored pencil 433 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,814 is gonna solve this one, Hailey. 434 00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:34,676 - What's the first rule of being a Brownie? 435 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,854 - There are no rules? 436 00:18:35,882 --> 00:18:38,182 - No, that would be terrible. 437 00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,588 The first rule is I promise to do my best 438 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:41,720 and to be kind and helpful. 439 00:18:43,023 --> 00:18:45,593 Is shouting at each other kind and helpful? 440 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,155 - No it isn't. - Not really, no. 441 00:18:46,192 --> 00:18:47,792 - Right then, apologize. 442 00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,197 - I'm sorry, Hailey. 443 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:50,759 - Not to me, to each other. 444 00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:55,744 (whimsical music) - I'm sorry, Fran. 445 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,244 - I'm sorry Jamie. 446 00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,812 I am sorry, I really am. 447 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:01,910 I never meant to say that and I didn't mean it. 448 00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,281 You're not my egg. 449 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,879 (chuckles) 450 00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,281 - I think I took that egg baby thing 451 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,752 a little bit too far, actually. 452 00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:10,652 I don't really think I'm cut out 453 00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:12,394 to be a mother yet, any way. 454 00:19:12,419 --> 00:19:14,719 Do you know what I'm just gonna hang back 455 00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,824 and let it just lie for a few years. 456 00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:18,786 - Yeah, I mean, no rush. 457 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:19,825 - Oh and, 458 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:22,931 to show that I'm really sorry 459 00:19:24,431 --> 00:19:25,731 I'd like you to eat him. 460 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,765 - [Hailey] Aw, that's a lovely gesture. 461 00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:29,371 - Isn't it a lovely gesture. 462 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,942 - Listen I'd love to but I've just had lots of granola. 463 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:36,911 - Eat it. 464 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:41,951 All of it. 465 00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:48,864 - Pip's tasty, isn't he? 466 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:56,255 Come on. 467 00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,296 - Oh no, sorry, the uniform. 468 00:19:58,331 --> 00:19:59,271 - Oh you've got your cleanliness badge? 469 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:00,969 - Yes, yeah. - Yay. 470 00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,401 (clapping) 471 00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:03,735 - Aw thanks guys, that's too much. 472 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,635 Three, two, one, go. 473 00:20:09,943 --> 00:20:14,813 (crosstalk) (happy light rock music) 474 00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:19,520 - [Fran] You can do it, come on! 475 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,352 Come on! 476 00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:22,288 Come on! 477 00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,020 Come on! 478 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,485 You'll get your "pulling things" badge. 479 00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:29,297 - [Children] Yay! 480 00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:33,069 - So, if my friend was still lost in the woods, 481 00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:33,999 how would he get out? 482 00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:36,699 - I don't know. 483 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,396 - Shh! 484 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:48,975 (speaking foreign language) 485 00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,845 - She means that there's a road near there. 486 00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:51,854 - [Jamie] Great. 487 00:20:51,885 --> 00:20:52,715 - Bye, girls!! 488 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:53,792 Dib dib. 489 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,720 - [Amy] Bye. 490 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:58,526 - [Children] Bye! 491 00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,458 (bass guitar music) 492 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:12,971 - Fran we've been driving up and down here 493 00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:14,406 for the last two hours. 494 00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:15,841 - Yeah well he's got to come out at some point. 495 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:17,005 - Yeah maybe he already has. 496 00:21:17,043 --> 00:21:18,853 - Yeah well if he has then it's simple, 497 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,078 we are totally fucked. 498 00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:24,382 - Oh God, it's Mr. K again. (cell phone buzzing) 499 00:21:24,417 --> 00:21:25,017 - I'm gonna have to speak to him. 500 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:26,791 - And say what? 501 00:21:26,820 --> 00:21:28,390 - I don't know, I just have to make something up. 502 00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,761 I'll have to say there's been a delay or something. 503 00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,030 Mr. K, hi! 504 00:21:32,058 --> 00:21:34,588 Sorry terrible reception here, so um, 505 00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:35,797 the job, yeah, no. 506 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:38,874 There's just a small issue, 507 00:21:38,898 --> 00:21:40,568 really tiny actually I didn't want to 508 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:41,600 bother you with it but. 509 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,404 - Fran, look. 510 00:21:46,072 --> 00:21:48,912 - Um, boss, could you just give us a few seconds? 511 00:21:53,046 --> 00:21:53,846 - Fuck. 512 00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,819 - Boss, um, I don't think he's gonna be 513 00:22:02,856 --> 00:22:04,156 bothering your girlfriend anymore. 514 00:22:10,430 --> 00:22:12,930 Brownies'll clear that up, won't they? 515 00:22:12,966 --> 00:22:14,466 - I presume there's a badge for it. 516 00:22:15,635 --> 00:22:19,165 ("To Get Down" by Timo Maas)