["Coming Around Again" by Carly Simon playing]
[mop water splashes]
♪ Baby sneezes, Mommy pleases ♪
♪ Daddy breezes in ♪
-I'm her mother! She belongs with me! -Grandma!
Get a lawyer if you want to. I'm taking my kid.
-We should talk about this. -Grandma!
-Dorothy! -Leave me alone!
I'm talking to you! Look what you're doing!
-Enough! -Stop that, George!
[George] Look what she's doing! I'm tired of it!
[George] Look at her! Look at her!
♪ I know nothing stays the same ♪
♪ But if you're willing to play the game ♪
♪ It's coming around again ♪
-[song stops] -[vomiting]
[coughs, spits]
Oh, God…
[sighs]
[toilet flushes]
[Johnny] Cutting it kind of close, aren't we?
The day I miss my cue is the day that you can give me shit about it.
-Why aren't you wearing the pieces? -Oh no. I must have forgot 'em in my room.
-We need the garments for Ms. Hart ASAP. -No, don't!
The point of the segment is to try the new trends,
not just talk about trying them.
I did try them. I tried really hard. They don't agree with me.
What happened to your makeup?
We need Jeanie backstage!
[sighs]
[announcer] Here are our winners of today's dance-off!
Everything okay? You seem off.
Says the guy who punched someone out at a kids' piano recital.
[announcer] Megan and Ella, congratulations!
-No, just no. -We'll do those in the commercial break.
-Except we won't. -Okay!
-Okay. Okay. -All right, everyone! Take your seats!
-The show's about to begin! -Ready?
[crowd cheering]
[whispering indistinctly]
-[announcer] And in eight, seven, six… -Good show.
…five, four, three, two, one!
-Tully Hart! -[cheers and applause]
Hey.
Hey, Kim. Come to shake your booty?
Mom, go away!
Rawr. Someone's on the rag.
Guess her cancer cleared up, huh?
-I didn't mean to lie. -You can't just lie by accident, Tully.
-It's not like tripping and falling. -I tried to tell you.
-That's why I wanted to skip and get high. -So you could drug me?
What? No!
Look, I just… I want my book back.
And my barrettes.
These are yours.
Sean took Loggins and Messina and I scratched up Jim Croce.
-I'll save up to buy a new one. -Don't worry about it.
-I don't want to owe you anything. -You don't… owe me.
Why don't you come inside and we can talk about it?
Can you just go get my stuff?
[exhales] Here's your barrettes.
I can't find your book. So I'll leave it in your mailbox.
Have a nice life, Mularkey.
Hey, I want your room straightened up before we go.
Hey, did you hear me?
Why do I have to go? I don't even like John Denver.
You love John Denver.
You memorized every word to "Rhymes & Reasons."
Yeah when I was, like, ten.
Ah.
[TV announcer] Many cold medicines aren't recommended…
Just so you know, I put sanitary napkins in the cabinet under your bathroom sink.
-It's for when you get your period. -Yeah, I know what they're for!
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Yeah, nothing to be ashamed of yet.
Oh, well, I was the last of my friends too.
Don't worry. It'll happen.
Mom! I know! Please stop!
And I'm here if you want to talk about it.
Or… I don't know, anything else?
What?
Did something happen with you and Tully?
Nothing. I just don't like liars.
Oh, honey.
Things are hard over at her house, in ways that…
well, you might not understand.
Of course you would defend her.
All right. Be ready to go at seven.
[static hissing on TV]
[static continues]
[steady banging]
[steady heartbeat]
[Johnny] Wow.
-That's our baby. -I know. Oh, my God, it looks--
Oh, shit! Look! That's a penis!
-It looks like a penis! See? -That's an arm, Tully.
-Want to know the sex? -Absolutely!
No! We want it to be a surprise.
We also need to be prepared.
It's gonna affect a lot of my shopping decisions.
When it's your baby, you can find out the sex.
So, Dr. Kraus, when will I be able to go back to work?
Oh, everyone's different. Just focus on your new job.
-You're a mommy now. -Mmm.
It's what you always wanted.
Right, I mean, it's not the only thing that I want.
I mean, I was just reading an article about how you have to remember
that the new child's joining your life and not the other way around.
No one ever asks a dad if he's gonna stop working because he's becoming a father.
Right? I mean, it's just assumed that he won't.
God, I'm so sick and tired of our societal sexist expectations and assumptions.
Yes, of course. Just relax, okay?
Did you just tell me to relax?
I mean, definitely don't relax.
She's a soup of hormones right now. Her emotions are all over the place.
"She" has a name, and she's right here.
And yes, she might be pregnant, but she's also an adult person.
-We know, baby. Just calm down. -Oh, my God, I am perfectly calm.
-Let me do it. -I'll do the shoes.
I only watch the news on the weekends because you're the anchor, Tully.
Oh, sorry. Do you mind if I call you Tully?
You know, I would be offended if you didn't.
-Oh. -[both laugh]
And that story you did about the hazards of drop-side cribs.
Oh, you have no idea how helpful it is to have that information out there.
Yeah, you know, I only did that story because of Kate. She's my best friend.
That's just the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
I'm actually the godmother. So this sort of feels like it's my baby too.
-[chuckles] -Well…
-[doctor] Congratulations. Yeah! -[Tully] Well, thank you. [laughs]
[Tully] You think I look like I'm showing?
-[Kate] No. -I feel like I'm showing.
[Kate] Could be the six waffles you had for dinner.
[Tully] Hmm.
I'm still hungry.
And nauseous… and horny.
Can't help you out on that one.
[crunching]
-Stop it! -Shouldn't we be talking about--
Not talking about Travis. Make the appointment with the doctor?
No, but I will.
I promise, Mom.
-When? -Soon!
-Soon when? -Next week.
-You should call tomorrow! -Why?
You're 43 and you're pregnant. Wanna make sure everything's okay.
I don't even know what I'm gonna do about it yet.
-So you are thinking about keeping it. -[sighs] Hmm.
Obviously, it makes no sense for me to have a baby.
Like you said, I'm 43. My grandmother was 43 when I was born.
Oh, big deal. 43 is like the new 37.
Not to mention the fact that the last time I saw the guy…
Father…
I prefer to call him the guy. …I was kicking him out of my apartment.
He'll forgive you when you tell him he's the guy.
And otherwise who needs him?
Plus, I drink a lot.
And I take a variety of pills from time to time,
and sometimes I get high with the camera guys from the show.
It's fine, plus you stopped doing all those things
when you found out that you were pregnant.
Doesn't mean I'm keeping it.
I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna keep it. I don't know how to be a mother.
Nobody knows how to be a mother.
You just do it. Until they want nothing to do with you,
and you have to drop them off two blocks from the mall,
then the father runs off to Iraq, and you're all alone again.
-See? Easy. -[cell phone ringing]
Shit.
Kimber, hi.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's all arranged.
Yep. We're going to meet you there tomorrow.
Yeah, you're… You're on the list.
I checked three times.
I can check again.
We'll see you tomorrow. Okay. Bye.
-She's kind of a nightmare. -Yeah.
Just so you know, Kimber's not gonna pull any punches.
You're the biggest celebrity she's interviewed.
She sees this as, like, her big break. She's gonna want it to go national.
So just think about how you're gonna want to field all of this.
This isn't my first rodeo, babe. Don't worry about it.
Okay.
Are you positive that I'm not showing?
[laughs]
-[telephone ringing] -[Kate] Johnny, can you get the phone?
Why is the baby's room orange?
Oh, we thought it'd be bright and sunny!
By "we," you mean… Tully?
Well, it did used to be her room. Can you please get the phone?
Can't take it anymore.
She calls every five minutes and she keeps you on the phone for an hour.
Okay, that's mathematically impossible.
She's trying to take over this entire process.
You know, she's already got us booked in to the preschool near her new apartment.
It's obsessive and creepy.
You know, she wants to eat the damn placenta?
She wants all of us to eat it. It's supposed to be super healthy.
None of this is healthy!
Just be honest. Be honest with me, please.
-Is Tully the real father? -[laughs]
Okay. I know she may be going a little bit overboard,
-but only because she's scared. -[phone ringing]
She doesn't want our friendship to change.
She's trying to get in, like, a little pre-baby bonding.
What about our pre-baby bonding? All right? Where's that?
[answering machine beeps]
[Tully on machine] Hey, guys! It's me.
Just, uh, seeing what you're up to.
-I'm just around the corner. -There it is.
I'm sorry.
Just ignore her. She'll go away.
Why don't we do something fun tonight? Just the two of us.
[sighs] Like what?
Like we could just hop on your motorcycle
and ride out to this awesome craft beer festival I just read about in the paper.
You hate beer and festivals.
And motorcycles. You been begging me to get rid of it.
I know, but it's like all of a sudden I get it now.
It's about freedom, and freedom is important.
And that motorcycle is you, Johnny, and you gotta stay you.
And don't you dare sell it, we need to ride it.
[laughs]
If I didn't know that you were hopped up on an insane hormone cocktail right now…
No, it's not about the hormones.
It's about the fact that the second you become pregnant,
people stop treating you like a person.
You're just like this vessel and that's all that you are,
and expect you to stop being fun and spontaneous, and this is bullshit!
-When were you fun and spontaneous? -[chuckles]
I'm kidding. I love you.
Okay. I may be pregnant, but I am still alive.
And Axl and I want to go to a beer festival on a fucking motorcycle.
I'm not naming my son after a character from Beverly Hills Cop.
-It's from Guns N' Roses. -Oh.
And he's gonna be a rock star.
And if it's a girl…
If it's a girl, I thought maybe we could name her after my grandmother.
Or, and hear me out…
Okay.
Madonna. For Madonna.
Right. [chuckles]
You're sexy when you're pregnant and crazy, you know that?
I'm not crazy.
Well, you're making me crazy, I'll tell you that.
Being all ripe, womanly…
[Kate laughs]
…beautiful, hot, sexy.
-So sexy. -Yeah?
-Yeah. -I am going to get this off.
And take a bite out of you like you were, like, a plate of quesadillas.
-It's freaky, but I can get into it. -Extra guacamole.
-Yeah? -[laughing]
Okay. Now you're being sexy again, I like it.
-So sexy. -[knocking on door]
[dog yips]
-[Kate] What? -[Tully] Surprise!
-Huggies! -Oh, my God, he's so cute!
-I got a gift for the baby! -Oh, baby, oh, my God.
Oh, she's so cute!
It's a he. Sweetest pup in the litter.
You're not leaving that thing here. We're about to have a baby.
I know, it's perfect.
Every kid needs a pet. It's good for their immunity.
-Oh, you're so cute! -No, no, no, that's literally insane.
It's a gift, Johnny. Just accept it and say thank you.
Thank you? You just gave us an extra baby. Suddenly we have twins.
Oh, I love him so much!
I love you!
He's not housebroken, by the way. That's something we can do together.
[mouths] We?
Oh, he's so cute, Johnny. I love him.
Oh, and he might have worms.
-'Course he's got worms! Ha-ha! -[Kate] Oh, you're a good puppy!
I'm not allowed to go to Stephanie's party.
God, she thinks I'm a baby,
and I'm only allowed to go to Justin Timberlake if she comes with me.
I mean, nobody else has to go sit with their mother and watch her dance.
I know it's hard, sweetie. But it's only because she--
She cares so much? Yeah, she already gave me that one.
And the whole, "Someday, you'll appreciate me!"
Well, it's true, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.
And I know you guys have been fighting a lot--
No, she's been fighting with me because she doesn't want me to grow up.
We got some good ones today, huh?
That one's perfect.
So smooth.
Yeah.
Axl!
[whistles]
[whines]
I don't know why you defend Mom so much, after everything.
What do you mean?
I know why you punched Emma's dad. I'm not a complete moron.
Why do you think I hit him? And that was a--
A terrible, totally wrong thing to do?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don't blame you.
I mean, anybody would hit a guy that was boning his wife.
Axl. Come here. Come here. Bring the ball.
-[clears throat] -[Axl whines]
Marah, Mom didn't cheat on me.
That's not why we split up, okay?
It's a lot more complicated than that, and… [sighs]
I wish I could explain it to you.
It all seemed pretty clear when you punched him.
Well, I was looking for someone to blame, okay?
But your mom did absolutely nothing wrong.
Sometimes people just…
they can't make it work…
even when they love each other.
So, you still love Mom?
I always will.
-Not least because she gave me you. -Oh, no!
-And the two of us love you so much. -God, no.
Not the "I still love you" speech.
-I'm not ten, Dad! -Aw. You're still ten to me.
Axl, come on. Come on, you lazy ass.
-[Axl whimpers] -[chuckles]
I don't think he's being lazy, sweetie.
[Axl groans]
[Axl whimpering]
You okay? You give him his medication this morning?
Of course, I always do. Is he okay?
I don't know. Help me get him inside, all right?
Come on.
-Hey, listen. Oh. -Can you--
-Go ahead. -You first. Okay.
No, I just wanted to say I had such a great time with you
that night that we hung out… before.
What night?
-Oh. -I'm kidding, of course I remember.
[laughs]
I've actually remembered a few times since.
Oh. Um…
The thing is, my life is so crazy right now.
I mean, I'm going through a divorce
and my daughter, I can't seem to connect with her.
So maybe I should just back off, I guess? I don't know, but who wants to do that?
And her dad is going to Iraq,
and this job is so much harder than I thought it was going to be.
I mean, it's so thankless and hard on your ego
and people only notice when you do things wrong, never when you do things right.
Not Kimber. I love-- love Kimber. Um…
And don't get me wrong, that night was so much fun
and you gave me a hickey, which was kind of like a badge of honor.
But, I just--
We work together and I just don't want, you know, things to get weird.
It wasn't weird. Till you mentioned the hickey.
-Oh, God. I'm the worst. [laughs] -You're so easy.
We're grown-ups, Kate.
We had a good time, doesn't have to be weird.
-Oh, okay, great! -Mm-hmm.
New territory for me. I make everything weird.
You're funny.
-That's what they tell me. -Mm-hmm.
Um, so what were you going to say?
I was gonna ask if you could hand me that lens there.
[laughs] Sure, right.
-Sorry. -That's a light meter, actually.
-Oh God, I-- Yeah, I knew that. -Yeah. Uh-huh.
[Kimber] Oh, my God, stop it! You are kidding me!
It's true! You wouldn't believe how much turpentine it took to fix it.
Oh! This place is impressive, Tully. It's almost overwhelming.
Yeah, sometimes I look around and I can't believe this is my life.
I have my dream job. I get to connect every day
with millions of people around the world. I'm just really lucky.
Indeed.
But I want to know the real Tully Hart.
[chuckles] You're looking at her, Kimber. What you see is what you get.
You never knew your father
and you lost your mother when you were young.
That must have been tough.
Well, growing up isn't easy for anyone, but I prefer to look forward.
But you can't look forward unless you deal with the past.
You said that once on your show.
Yes, which is why I did an episode on fatherless daughters,
really powerful stuff.
But whatever pain I experienced in my past is what made me who I am today,
so… I'm grateful.
I'm interested in the details of that pain.
Your mother, for instance, you've said that she passed away
when you were a teenager, but there's no record that I could find.
I was wondering if you could help solve this little mystery.
What happened to her? Is she dead? And how did she pass?
[intense music builds]
Kimber, it's getting late. We probably should get Gideon started on photographs.
There's plenty of time.
You know what? Would you guys excuse me? I need to use the ladies' room.
And I will get you both some coffee.
There's coffee right there.
Better coffee. That is cold.
[exhales deeply]
[softly] Oh, my God.
[sighs]
I've had guests freeze up like that, but never me. Look at me, I'm shaking.
Honestly, it was not that bad. I didn't notice anything.
I just-- I've got to get her off this Cloud stuff.
Or, and just hear me out, just tell her the truth.
-[scoffs] -It might be a relief.
That is not happening. And don't look at me like that.
I'm not discussing Cloud with Kimber Watts. I know, I just, um…
I'll just distract her with an anecdote. The jellyfish sting in Mallorca.
-You told that on Letterman. -Shit. I've got nothing.
The time you borrowed Tom Cruise's sunglasses and gave him pinkeye.
That's the one. That's gold. Thank you.
Oh my God, I have talked about my past a thousand times,
never once freaked out but I froke hard.
Yeah, it's the hormones. Remember what I was like when I was pregnant?
You were insane.
Yeah, and plus you're confused about everything.
I mean, this whole thing is so confusing.
Maybe you should talk to the father.
I don't even know his last name.
[both laughing]
[Kate snorts]
Oh, I fucked up so bad.
You know that I'll support you no matter what.
I don't know what I should do. I just don't know.
I'm not equipped for this. I was practically raised by wolves.
Although wolves might have been preferable to Cloud.
Yeah, well, you know, nothing's written in stone, Tull.
We can make different decisions than our parents.
Don't be too hasty. As far as I know, my dad could be a Nobel Prize winner.
[Kate laughs]
[cell phone vibrating]
It's Johnny. Something's wrong with Axl.
The vet's on the way to the house and they want me to meet them there.
-He knows I'm working. Hold on. Wait-- -No, no, Kate. It's fine. Go.
I'm not gonna leave you right after you just froke.
I'm worried about you, Tull.
I have come up against far worse than Kimber Watts.
I got this.
[Kate] Okay.
Oh! Tull! A spa day! You shouldn't have!
She's not gonna have time for a massage, Tully.
I don't think you understand what having a baby is.
Well, I can babysit or, you know, Johnny can.
She won't want that. She's gonna be obsessed with her little one.
Okay, everybody! The coffee is percolating and the cake is cut. Yeah?
You're so lucky.
It took us forever to conceive.
Your brother kept saying, "This feels like work."
You have to make "me time" a priority, three to five minutes a day.
Cut off all your hair now. You're not gonna get to wash it the next two years.
You need to rub olive oil on your vagina every morning.
-Why would I-- -To prevent tearing!
That baby's gonna rip right through you.
I tore all the way to my butthole.
-Now I can't poop without crying. -My boobs are like deflated balloons.
I never sleep. All I do is laundry.
I'm just gonna use the ladies'. Sorry, I'm just gonna--
[overlapping chatter]
I peed like 500 times a day when I was pregnant.
Now I pee whenever I sneeze.
Me too!
[laughter, indistinct chatter]
You got a cigarette?
I'm not giving a pregnant lady a cigarette.
No, I just want to smell it.
You don't look so good.
Is it the hemorrhoids? I got cream in my purse.
I can't have this baby.
It's a little late for that, hon.
I hate parents. They're insufferable! And now I'm going to be insufferable too!
I'm never going to be free again.
I mean, I didn't even appreciate it when I had it.
I can't eat Cheetos for dinner. I can't get drunk on a random Tuesday.
I mean, we can't get tattoos together. We don't get to go to Vegas.
Okay. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Pump the brakes.
You're having a baby, not joining a nunnery. We can still do all that stuff.
When? I only get three to five fucking minutes a day!
Promise me we'll go to Vegas, next month, you and I, like a girls' trip.
Johnny can totally handle the baby while I'm gone.
Done. Yes, of course.
I'm so scared, Tully.
It's gonna be okay, babe. It's gonna be okay.
I don't even know why I'm being so crazy.
I loved Johnny so much for so long, and I didn't have him and now he's mine.
And we're having this baby and it's my dream. I should be so happy.
Why am I so petrified?
Because getting what you want is fucking scary.
My whole life is going to be different. I'm gonna be different.
And we're going to be different. Why aren't you freaking out?
I am.
But also, you're freaking out.
So I feel like I need to… be calm.
[laughs]
I don't want to lose you.
But I'm not going to, because we are in this together,
just like everything else.
Firefly Lane girls forever.
Forever and ever and ever and ever.
Let's get out of here. Just the two of us.
You need an adventure.
-You want me to ditch my own baby shower? -It would be pretty badass.
-Fuck yes. -Yes!
-Let's go crazy! -That's my girl! Best day ever!
Worst day ever.
[Axl whimpers softly]
His cardiomyopathy has gotten worse.
His heart is overloaded, there's fluid in his lungs.
Well, let's just have it drained. I mean, that's what we did last time.
I'm sorry, that's not an option anymore. He has congestive heart failure.
I mean, he's been doing so much better lately.
There must be some sort of medication
or special diet that we could try.
I wish there was. He's 14.
And you've given him such a great life.
Wait, what are you saying? You want us to put him down?
-Nobody's saying that. -He's in a lot of pain, honey.
He has good days and he has bad days. Yesterday was a good day.
I mean, look at his eyes. He's asking us to help him. Right, buddy?
He's asking us to help him let go, Kate.
It's time to say goodbye.
No, you guys. We can't! This is crazy.
I'm gonna leave you to talk this over.
[Axl whimpering]
[crying softly]
[sobbing]
Hey Katie-Kate. I hope Axl's doing okay.
The interview went great. Kimber loved the pinkeye story.
I made her feel special. She lobbed softballs.
Gideon took the photos. I looked fabulous. All is well.
Now I'm about to do something…
that I don't know how to do.
But I'm doing it. I think you'd be proud.
Love you. Call me.
Well, damn it. Are you Max Brody or Max Gunderson?
Brody.
Hey, what are you doing here?
I know we left things kind of… But, do you want to go for a walk?
Oh, I don't know why I'm even asking you that. I'm sorry.
You obviously just got back from a run. I'm gonna go.
Only if you buy me a hot dog.
[commentator on TV] And there he goes. He's on the move.
Straight up-field, across the ten, to his right across the 15…
-We leave for John Denver in ten minutes. -Come on, ref! You see that?
-[telephone ringing] -No.
Everything okay, Katie bear?
Whatever happened to that girl across the street?
I don't know. I-I thought I knew her, but then there was just all this stuff,
and she lied to me about all these things. And I got really mad at her, Dad, and I--
False start! False start! Come on! Call it, ref! Jesus, damn!
Killing me! Joke!
[knocking on door]
[Cloud chuckles]
Howdy, neighbor. This yours?
Uh, yeah.
Um…
Tully flipped when she saw me reading it.
"It's not your book, Mom. Put it down, Mom!"
Fucking lost it.
Full bitch-face on me. You know how she gets…
Anyway, she… She drew on it, wasn't me.
But, man, I love that Bilbo Baggins. That's some trippy shit.
Anyway, I got a date.
Oh.
You're a bright light, Kim.
Don't forget to shine.
Don't be a stranger. I miss that dynamic duo.
[clicks tongue]
[static hissing on TV]
Come on!
[breathes shakily]
-[Bud] Katie bear! Kate! Kate! -Yeah?
-TV, please? Please? -Yeah. Yeah.
[static stops]
-Thank you, sweetheart. -[commentator] Hector diving…
[Bud] Hector!
-[Margie giggling] -[commentator continues]
[Margie] We'll see about that next time.
Mom?
Hey.
[Kate] I'm ready to go now.
Great, good. I will get my handbag… [clears throat]
then we'll go.
[car door creaks]
You think he'll play "Rocky Mountain High"?
[grunts]
[Margie] Darn it. Your father always adjusts the seat.
I wish he was taller.
-Are you and Dad gonna get a divorce? -What? No.
What are you talking about? Why would you ask that?
-Because he adjusts the seat? -Who were you on the phone with?
No… no one. I was talking to your Aunt Georgia.
No one or Aunt Georgia?
Your father and I love each other very much.
It's a mature love, though.
It's not… It's not the puppy love that you hear about in songs,
but you don't have to worry.
We are not getting divorced, not ever.
I didn't say I was worried. I said I was curious.
[car approaching]
Fuck!
[Margie] Why don't we see where our seats are?
Oh, shoot!
I can't believe this.
Uh… [chuckles]
I don't know how I could be so much of a space cadet, honey.
I am so sorry. The concert was last night.
Why don't you go see if she needs a hand? Hmm?
Go on.
-You don't have to. -It's fine.
Better than going to a John Denver concert.
I love John Denver.
I think he's lame.
You know, I can do this by myself.
Fine. Later.
No, wait.
I just didn't think that it'd be that big of a deal.
You know, the thing with my mom.
You mean the lie that you told me about your mom.
You made me feel really stupid, Tully!
-I thought I was lying to a stranger! -Why is that any better?
I don't fucking know! I just…
[sighs] She's so embarrassing.
Okay? I couldn't think of any other reason to explain why she is the way that she is.
And I didn't even know that we would be best friends, I just…
[sighs]
I'm your best friend?
[chuckles] Duh.
Well, I mean you were.
[dog barking in distance]
I saw your drawings in The Hobbit.
I guess I ruined your perfect book.
Will you teach me how to draw like that?
[chuckles softly]
Yeah.
[both chuckle]
[laughs]
I missed you.
[Tully] One, two, three.
[yelps]
Mm! Yowza!
[bartender] Okay, ladies. Shot of water for the prego,
and another shot of tequila for you.
See, bitch? This makes me feel like I'm my old self.
I just-- I don't want to lose this.
It's like Carly Simon once said, "These are the good old days."
You're not gonna lose this, bitch. That is what I'm here for.
And when you're the one who's pregnant…
-Ugh. Bite your tongue! -[laughs]
I almost forgot! I have another gift for you.
No! No, absolutely not! Not okay. You--
This one's special. Trust me.
[Tully chuckles softly]
Oh, my God! Tull!
[gasps] It's so beautiful!
How could you afford all this?
I'm going places, babe, especially since I just got offered a reporter position
at WNBC in New York City!
What? Why didn't you tell me?
I did, just now. [laughs]
-Don't worry. I'm gonna turn it down. -What? Are you insane?
You can't turn down your dream job!
It's not my dream job.
I want to be the next Jean Enersen, and I am well on my way.
You know, I'm anchoring on the weekends for KPOC,
filling in during the weekday. It's a great gig.
New York is better.
New York is tougher…
and more competitive.
And, you know, reporter is a step down from weekend anchor.
It's a step up. I mean, it's a better market and more exposure.
I'm on a good track here.
Tull, I know that you're scared, and I know that you think you're not…
But you are better than good enough. You are great.
I'm not scared.
I just-- I don't want to leave.
I have a life here. I'm… I'm comfortable.
[grunts] Ow!
Those are some serious hemorrhoids.
-It's not the damn hemorrhoids. -[water splashing]
Oh, my God, I think my water just broke.
Oh, my God. Oh, bartender.
[whistles] Hey!
Kate. Kate, I'm so sorry, you're gonna have to drive. I'm so drunk.
-Great. I can totally drive. -Okay!
I need to use your phone. It's an emergency.
And I'm going to need another shot. Also an emergency.
[Kate screaming]
Ow!
-Okay, just breathe! -Where's my mom? Where's Johnny?
They're on their way! It's gonna be okay.
-Here, just squeeze my hand. -[groans]
-Johnny! Make it stop! -Maybe not quite so hard.
Just think of our Vegas trip! We're gonna go next month, remember?
-We can't go to Vegas, I'm having a baby! -I know, honey. It's gonna be fine.
I am here for you. I am right--
Ow!
Hey, feel free to stop screaming any time you want.
Feel free to go fuck yourself!
Oh, I'm not ready. I'm not ready.
Can you take the baby or tell my mom, and she can take the baby?
-I mean, I can ask her… -Oh, God.
Johnny!
I'm coming, Kate! I'm coming!
[Tully] Oh, thank God! Hey, listen, hold on.
-Get out of my way, Tully. -I'm just trying to help.
Want to help? Clean the dog crap off my kitchen floor, all right?
You don't need to be so hostile! We're all trying to make sure this goes smoothly.
Listen to me. I'm the godmother and Kate's official birth coach.
Oh, because you declared yourself birth coach, nobody asked you!
But honestly, I don't care what you're calling yourself, Tully.
I am the father. Do you get that? This has nothing to do with you.
As the person who is about to squeeze a human being out of their body,
I invite you both to shut up and come help me!
All right, I'm here, baby. Okay. Okay, that's it.
Give me drugs! Drugs! Drugs! Give me the drugs!
You're at ten centimeters. It's too late. The baby's coming. It's time to push.
-Okay… -No, no, no. No, no.
I'll hold it in. Please just give me something to help with the pain! Ah!
Kate, you drove yourself all the way here, in labor. You are a rockstar.
You made her drive?
Yes, I happen to be very drunk.
-Oh, my God, that is so typical. -Stop it! Both of you! God!
Is this normal? For it to be this quick 'cause she's not due for like a week.
-Has she been under any stress? -Yes!
-Not really, no. -[moans]
-How're you feeling, honey? -Oh, God, it hurts like a motherfucker!
That's good! That's a normal thing and you're doing great!
Okay, we're almost there. I'm gonna need one more big push.
[screams]
-Good job! -[baby crying]
It's a girl.
-Oh, my God! -[laughs]
[Johnny panting]
-My baby! Oh, my baby! -Oh…
[Kate] Oh, she's so perfect!
Oh, I love you so much!
[Johnny] You did great. You did great.
Oh, look at little Madonna. [laughs]
[laughs] We are not naming her that!
[baby gurgles]
I like Marah. For your grandmother.
[Johnny sighs]
Oh, it's our baby.
I can't believe her.
[Axl panting softly]
Marah, do you want to wait upstairs while we do this?
He's been with me my whole life.
I'm going to be with him here.
You sure there's nothing else we can do?
Maybe some sort of experimental treatment we haven't considered? Money is no object.
We've exhausted all the options.
We have to let go, Kate.
[sobs]
I love you.
You're my best friend.
I just thought we'd have more time.
So did I. We all did.
I mean, I definitely never expected to be divorced before 30,
but at the end of the day, we just-- we didn't want the same thing.
What do you mean?
Well, I wanted a family and kids, picket fence, all that and…
she wanted to have sex with various, random dudes she met at the gym, so…
I'm sorry.
No, I'm not. I mean, yeah, it definitely sucked when I was going through it.
But the truth is, I'm just-- I'm happier now.
I have a great job. I got great friends.
I'm on a date with a beautiful woman in the best city in the world.
I'm eating a damn good hot dog. So…
I am a lucky guy.
Who said this was a date?
I did.
I can't decide if you're a genuinely positive person
or if you have a bunch of bodies buried in the basement.
Well, I don't have a basement, so…
[laughs]
How's our little girl doing?
-She's amazing. -Hmm.
Her little toes kill me.
-I know, and her little face. -[chuckles]
Am I crazy or does she almost look like me?
[chuckles]
She looks like you, and Kate.
She looks like herself.
And she's perfect.
[Tully chuckles] You guys are gonna be great parents.
[Johnny] Thanks for being there today.
Oh, it's okay.
Hey, I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier. It's just--
[Tully] Don't sweat it.
It's my fault. You were right about the dog.
I should have cleared it with you first. I can take him if you want.
Actually, I've kind of grown attached already.
He's, uh…
-He's pretty damn cute. -Hmm.
-Not as cute as Tully Junior, though. -[both laugh]
Her name is Marah.
-But does she have a middle name? -Oh, God…
[laughs]
I love her so much, Tull.
We're a family.
Me and Kate and Marah.
It's the three of us from now on.
I'm so happy for you guys.
I just want to-- I just want to hold her.
And protect her, and just not let anything bad happen to her.
I just… I just want everything for her
And… And for her just to never suffer.
-Yeah. -[Johnny chuckles]
Well…
[Tully chuckles softly]
Yeah.
Suffering is inevitable.
[Marah] Mom.
Hey, sweetie…
[sighs]
It's gonna be okay.
Yeah, I know. Whatever.
I'm fine.
Is there anything I can do to help? Anything, you name it.
I want to go to Emma's.
Oh, I was thinking maybe we'd just hang out
and maybe order Chinese food, and talk about Axl,
fall asleep on the couch watching a movie like we used to.
I don't wanna do that.
-I know, honey. It's just-- -You just said.
Might feel good to get your feelings out.
It's not gonna make you feel better to run away.
I'm not running away. I'm going to my best friend's house,
the best friend that's still alive.
I can drop her off on my way…
[Marah sighs]
Or Marah, if your mother doesn't want you to go, maybe you--
No, it's fine. I get it. Go to Emma's.
Um…
Can I have a hug?
-[sighs] -[Johnny] You gonna be okay?
[water running]
She's just upset.
It's hard to say goodbye, for all of us.
-[water stops] -[sniffles]
I know it sounds, um…
But I'm so glad that we were all there for the end.
[sighs softly]
Well…
[Kate] Johnny.
Um…
Goodbye.
[sobs softly]
[elevator dings]
So should I come in?
-Not tonight. -Oh, no.
But…
I had a great time today.
Thank you, for giving me a second chance.
No. Thanks for wanting me to.
Maybe we could do it again.
Yeah, definitely.
Okay.
Okay, bye.
Bye, Tully.
-Have a good night. -You too.
I'm pregnant.
["Coming Around Again" by Carly Simon playing]
♪ Baby sneezes, Mommy pleases ♪
♪ Daddy breezes in ♪
I'm so excited about the job.
I've… I've always wanted to live in New York.
♪ So romantic ♪
♪ But so bewildering ♪
♪ I know nothing stays the same ♪
♪ But if you're willing to play the game ♪
♪ It's coming around again ♪
♪ So don't mind if I fall apart ♪
♪ There's more room in a broken heart ♪
♪ And I believe in love ♪
♪ But what else can I do? ♪
♪ I'm so in love with you ♪
♪ I know nothing stays the same ♪
♪ But if you're willing to play the game ♪
♪ It will be coming around again ♪
♪ I believe in love ♪
♪ Coming around again Coming around again ♪
♪ Nothing stays the same ♪
♪ But if you're willing to play the game ♪
♪ It will be coming around again ♪
♪ I believe in love ♪
Can I get you some coffee, miss?
Sure. Thanks.
Here you go.
Anything else I can do for you tonight?
There sure is.
You can talk to me about Tully Hart.
[soft instrumental music playing]