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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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(audience applauding)

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- The $100,000 comedy champion is...

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(drum roll)

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Al Lubel!

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(audience applauding)

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- So, my next guest started out

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actually as a practicing lawyer

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before going into stand up comedy.

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Would you welcome Al Lubel?

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- One of the original Star Search winners, Al Lubel.

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- Do you remember Al Lubel? - Very well.

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I have an Al Lubel story.

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- Please welcome back the wacky,

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the odd Al Lubel.

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The wacky, the odd Al Lubel.

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- Al Lubel!

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- Al Lubel!

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- Al Lubel, Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel, Al Lubel, Al Lubel,

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Al Lubel, Al Lubel, Al Lubel.

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You know what's strange?

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The more I say my name,

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the more you all look at me like who is this guy?

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(audience laughing)

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(audience applauding)

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(soft jazz music)

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(audience applauding)

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- Okay, the two comedy semi-finalists made us all laugh

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in their regular appearances here on Star Search.

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And tonight, they are doing it for a shot at $100,000.

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Appearing first, we have an attorney turned comedian.

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Please welcome Al Lubel.

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(audience applauding)

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- Thank you.

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Well, to our seven prestigious panelists,

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I'd just like to say who are you to judge? (laughing)

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But I've noticed the singing competition

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is a lot easier to win on Star Search

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than the comedy, I think,

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'cause to win the singing,

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all you have to do is get applause

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not just at the end of the song,

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in the middle of the song.

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And to get applause,

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all you have to do is hit a high note.

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♪ Somewhere over the rainbow

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♪ There'll be a place for me

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(audience applauding)

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♪ Thank you very much

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♪ Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen ♪

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♪ It's nice to be here tonight

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♪ At Flappers in the the Yoo Hoo ♪

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♪ Some of you may be wondering why I'm singing ♪

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♪ It's 'cause I like singing

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♪ I enjoy singing but I am a comedian ♪

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♪ My job is to get laughs

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♪ I hope I'm funny here tonight ♪

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(audience laughing)

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♪ I got a few laughs right there ♪

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(audience laughing)

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♪ I got lots more laughs right there ♪

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(audience laughing)

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♪ I got less laughs right there ♪

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(audience laughing)

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♪ More laughs right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ Even more laughs right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ Less laughs right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ Slightly more laughs right there ♪

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(audience laughing)

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♪ Less laughs right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ More laughs right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ A big long laugh right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ Even more laughs right there

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♪ No laughs right there

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(audience laughing)

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♪ More laughs right there

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♪ This is pretty much my show

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(audience laughing)

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♪ More laughs right there

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- He is an artist.

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Before there was a word alternative comedy,

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there was Al.

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- And being narcissistic

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means I'm incredibly afraid of death.

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I'm so scared of death,

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I mean, I'm afraid of having a silent heart attack.

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Have you heard about that?

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I'm not making this up.

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There's an actual thing called a silent heart attack.

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That's where you have a heart attack, right,

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but you feel no chest pain.

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You have no symptoms,

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but you actually had a heart attack.

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I'm thinking no chest pain,

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I have no chest pain.

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(audience laughing)

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It's a really long one.

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(audience laughing)

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- If you really wanted me to wax poetic,

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I wouldn't know what the expression meant.

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But you love him or you don't get it, you know?

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And I'm in the I love him category.

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- You do not die the second your heart stops beating.

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You don't even pass out the second your heart stops beating.

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You don't pass out the second your heart stops beating.

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Your heart beats, it beats, it beats.

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But what's it doing in between?

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Beat, non-beat, beat, non-beat,

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Beat, non-beat, beat, non-beat, beat, non-beat.

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So you don't pass out the second your heart stops beating.

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If people passed out the second their heart stopped beating,

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everybody would be walking around like.

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(audience laughing)

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- His jokes are fantastic.

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They're as great as anyone's jokes.

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But he also has this obsession

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with very experimental comedy.

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- This is what my brain feels like constantly.

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(somber piano music)

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- I've always liked people that were original and unique

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because there's so many comics out there now.

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You know, there's comics and then there's Al Lubel.

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- I like saying Al Lubel.

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(audience laughing)

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Probably 'cause I chose Al Lubel.

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Al Lubel is my stage name.

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Yeah, you may think Al Lubel is two names.

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It's not.

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It's one name.

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Sting, Cher, Seal, Rihanna, Beyonce, Allubel.

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(audience laughing)

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- [Marc] Al Lubel is a very unique performer.

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He's a very talented man,

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a very interesting comedian.

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I did one of my first works working ever,

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and I middled for him,

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and I was like this guy's got balls!

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He's so introspective and neurotic

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in such a specific and charming way

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that if you're a comic,

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if you're self-centered at all and you watch Al,

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you're like oh my god,

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he's really nailing all this stuff.

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And then but at some point,

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you're like oh my god, he's nailing it too much.

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You kinda crave him

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just to talk about ice cream or something.

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- So one night, I'm doing my act

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and I'm going on and on about my name

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as you might imagine.

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(audience laughing)

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And this guy in the audience,

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he heckles me.

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He shouts out, "Tell a joke!"

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So I said to him, okay,

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obviously this humor's a little too weird for you,

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a little too offbeat.

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You want something more traditional like a joke.

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You want a joke-joke.

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Okay, so,

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so these two Jews,

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that's right, these two Jews go into a bar.

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Each of them are named Al Lubel.

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(audience laughing)

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- He's so brilliant.

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He's so funny.

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Every comic knows he's hilarious.

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Somehow, powers that be didn't pick up on him.

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- [Jim] How many Al Lubel jokes

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do you have in there at this point?

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There's an awful lot of them.

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- Okay, the first one is

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that I like saying Al Lubel,

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the second one is I only talk about Al Lubel,

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the third one was that it's great taste to love Al Lubel,

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the fourth one is it's not that I feel better than,

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it's more like there are other people.

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- [Jim] Right.

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- And the other one I was gonna throw in was

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that pack a lunch joke.

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The narcissist died of starvation.

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- You've got one, two, three, four, five jokes

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that are basically the same joke.

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- [Al] Mm-hmm.

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- The rule is usually three.

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(laughing)

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The problem with it is is that you present a character

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who is narcissistic, self-involved.

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We don't know him, we don't know this guy yet.

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Why would we care about your narcissism?

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Why would we care?

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- But-- - What does that lead to then?

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- So it leads to the joke where I say I was a lawyer

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but I wasn't very good.

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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

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my client's charged with robbery

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and faces up to 50 years in jail,

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but enough about him.

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- [Andy] The comedian's responsibility

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is to be funny as he or she sees fit.

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And he's going to do what he wants to do

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because he knows who he is

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and he knows where his comedy comes from.

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And I think that's an ingredient that makes a great comic.

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(upbeat jazz music) (audience applauding)

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- Thank you, thank you very much.

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Yes, my name is Al Lubel

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and let me tell you a little about Al Lubel.

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In fact, I'm all I talk about in my act

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'cause I feel that talking about myself

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is what makes me different

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from all the other comedians out there today,

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'cause if you notice,

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they almost never talk about Al Lubel.

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(audience laughing)

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- I remember when some of it first started

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way back in the early '90s,

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Al was taking a turn away from

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a very standard way of doing stand up

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that would have been much easier for him

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as a road to saying no,

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I'm gonna be really honest about how I think,

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what my worldview is,

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how I experience reality,

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and I'm gonna take you with me.

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- And that's even optimistic to say I can die any second,

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right, 'cause that assumes

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that it takes at least a second to die.

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But the truth is you can go just like that.

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Have you heard that before?

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You can go just like that.

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That's not a second.

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Ha!

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That's a fraction of a second, right?

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Ha!

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This is a second.

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Ah.

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(audience laughing)

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Right?

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So not only can I die now, or now, or now,

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I can die now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now.

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I can't answer simple questions.

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Hey Al, got a second?

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I don't know.

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(audience laughing)

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- You know, there's different styles of being funny

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and I prefer people who are just themselves

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off stage and on stage.

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- Hi, this is Chicago Steve.

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- And I'm Dr. Gonzo.

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- And I'm a human soul.

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- His issues as a person are what makes him hilarious to me.

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- [Narrator] Land lover Al Lubel wasn't too excited

269
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,086
about venturing out to sea.

270
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,155
- I'm afraid I'll lose control of my mind,

271
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,423
and I'll just keep going out to sea,

272
00:10:57,456 --> 00:10:59,258
and I won't have control of my mind.

273
00:10:59,291 --> 00:11:00,726
So it's really mind control that works,

274
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,094
but not how to operate the jet ski,

275
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:03,195
just control of my mind.

276
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,263
- [Narrator] However, he did try

277
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:07,433
and stand up on the jet ski for one brief moment.

278
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:10,803
- Comedians know that Al is crazy funny

279
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,838
and an original thinker.

280
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:16,308
And then I think comedians also worry about Al

281
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,309
'cause you could tell

282
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,913
he's going down some wormhole in his own mind.

283
00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:22,882
- I joke about ego, but I do have,

284
00:11:22,915 --> 00:11:23,849
I'm a big low self esteem guy.

285
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:25,918
- You hide behind it. - Self destructive.

286
00:11:25,951 --> 00:11:28,120
- But you've never really destroyed yourself totally.

287
00:11:28,154 --> 00:11:30,356
- No, 'cause I'm incompetent.

288
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:32,258
- You're incompetent self destructive.

289
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:33,125
- Yes.

290
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,193
I'm an incompetent self--

291
00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,528
- And that makes you even more self destructive.

292
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:36,796
- Yes, I'm attacking myself.

293
00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:37,797
- So you cannot destroy yourself.

294
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:38,964
- Right.

295
00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:42,001
You idiot, you can't even destroy yourself, you idiot.

296
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,503
- It's like a failed kamikaze pilot.

297
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,504
- Right, exactly,

298
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,807
but at least he's working for the government.

299
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,076
I'm just sitting there in my fucking room alone.

300
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:51,310
(audience laughing)

301
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:52,845
- [Kevin] Nice hand for Al Lubel,

302
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,347
ladies and gentlemen, Al Lubel.

303
00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,452
- How do you define success?

304
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:00,653
Success, to me,

305
00:12:00,686 --> 00:12:05,324
is someone who is happy about their situation and rich.

306
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:11,497
- [Joshua] How did Al come to live here?

307
00:12:12,431 --> 00:12:13,833
- Well, he called me up

308
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:17,303
and he said that he was in the midst of packing

309
00:12:17,336 --> 00:12:20,106
and bringing things to a storage unit,

310
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:24,043
and he said that he was moving out of his friend's house.

311
00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,913
And I said well, you're going away for a week tour.

312
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:29,415
Where are you coming when you come back?

313
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:31,117
He's like I don't know yet.

314
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:32,518
So I said well, that's ridiculous.

315
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,552
Come stay here.

316
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:36,489
When you care about somebody even as a friend,

317
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:40,459
you can't see them sleeping in their car or whatever.

318
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,828
[Joshua speakinging]

319
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:44,897
- (laughing) It's been five months.

320
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,132
- Yeah, this is an interesting dialogue between us

321
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,333
because we're not a couple,

322
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:49,902
but it sounds like we're a couple, right?

323
00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:51,437
I really just don't like Hollywood.

324
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:52,238
I mean, it's like unbelievable

325
00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:55,007
because it attracts nutty people.

326
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,242
I haven't really thought clearly about it

327
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,910
but I'm guessing the whole showbiz thing,

328
00:12:57,943 --> 00:12:59,912
you know, of television, movies.

329
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:00,980
It attracts crazy people.

330
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,581
I mean, L.A. attracts craziness.

331
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,583
I mean, just to want to become a star is crazy to begin with

332
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,619
and Hollywood is the center of it all.

333
00:13:06,652 --> 00:13:08,287
It's almost like the center of all the people

334
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,189
that didn't become stars.

335
00:13:10,222 --> 00:13:12,391
They're either just getting here to try to be one

336
00:13:12,424 --> 00:13:14,593
or they never became one.

337
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,429
That is to branch out of Hollywood and get to Malibu.

338
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,298
(laughing)

339
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:20,432
But that goes for anything comedian, right?

340
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:22,868
- This is Al Lubel, a very famous guy.

341
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:23,969
Please don't bother him.

342
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,137
He's in the middle of an interview.

343
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:26,438
(laughing)

344
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:27,139
As I was saying--

345
00:13:27,173 --> 00:13:28,374
- By the way, could I say this?

346
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:29,241
- Yes.

347
00:13:29,275 --> 00:13:30,109
- When you say,

348
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,076
don't you find it sad though in a way

349
00:13:31,110 --> 00:13:32,611
that you have to tell people I'm very famous?

350
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,612
And if someone's very famous,

351
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,480
you don't have to go,

352
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:37,183
and now, the very famous President Obama.

353
00:13:37,216 --> 00:13:39,051
(laughing)

354
00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:41,921
- He could be making a lot of money if he wanted to,

355
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:42,788
you know?

356
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,557
And he could be very famous, I think,

357
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,525
if he really wanted to.

358
00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,128
I mean, you really need a lot of enthusiasm,

359
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,364
and dedication, and ambition, and drive

360
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:56,001
to become, I think, famous.

361
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:58,170
I won't say successful, but famous.

362
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:01,040
And I don't know that Al has that.

363
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:07,012
- I know a lot of people are lazy, but I'm very lazy.

364
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:08,080
Yes, very lazy.

365
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:12,017
I mean, to give you an example of how lazy I am,

366
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,320
I was too lazy to come up with an example.

367
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:17,356
(audience laughing)

368
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:20,893
Very, very lazy.

369
00:14:20,926 --> 00:14:22,962
I swear to you I just lie in bed all day long

370
00:14:22,995 --> 00:14:25,130
and do absolutely nothing.

371
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:26,165
You know what I was thinking?

372
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:28,067
They're gonna put on my tombstone

373
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:30,436
may he continue to rest in peace.

374
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:32,238
(audience laughing)

375
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:35,140
(soft jazz music)

376
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,977
I mean, I remember Jerry Seinfeld had that quote.

377
00:14:38,010 --> 00:14:40,112
He said if you're a comedian and you wake up after 10:00,

378
00:14:40,145 --> 00:14:41,180
you're a failure.

379
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,983
And at least in terms of his theory,

380
00:14:44,016 --> 00:14:46,085
I'm proof that he's right,

381
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:49,221
that I haven't succeeded and I wake up after 10:00.

382
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:51,323
I wake up at about 12:00.

383
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:55,394
A lot of mornings, I wake up and I go fuck Seinfeld.

384
00:14:55,427 --> 00:14:57,630
(laughing)

385
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,370
The day is shot, career is shot.

386
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,638
And I remember reading this article

387
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:08,240
about this big superstar comedian.

388
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:12,544
And in the article, it said if he didn't get his big break,

389
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,747
he didn't know where he'd be today.

390
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:17,483
I remember lying in bed in that little room thinking,

391
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,385
well, at least I know.

392
00:15:19,585 --> 00:15:20,586
(audience laughing)

393
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:24,456
- And as years passed from when I first met him,

394
00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:28,627
he went farther and farther in the direction of somebody

395
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:32,331
who was revealing what his obsessions were.

396
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:36,669
♪ I'm Al Lubel

397
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,771
♪ I'm Al Lubel

398
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:39,705
♪ I'm Al Lubel, I'm Al Lubel

399
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:42,207
♪ I'm Al Lubel, I'm Al Lubel, I'm Al ♪

400
00:15:42,241 --> 00:15:43,275
- It's pretty difficult.

401
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:47,079
It's pretty difficult trying to live with somebody

402
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:50,716
who doesn't have the same hygienic practices,

403
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,119
either the personal

404
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,623
let me take a shower every day kind of thing

405
00:15:57,656 --> 00:16:00,059
or the way that he dresses.

406
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:02,695
And Al lost a lot of weight.

407
00:16:02,728 --> 00:16:04,196
He lost a lot of weight.

408
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:07,032
He still wears the same T-shirts.

409
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:09,735
The problem is they're swimming on him.

410
00:16:09,768 --> 00:16:12,137
He looks disheveled all the time.

411
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,239
- I don't even know what disheveled really means.

412
00:16:14,273 --> 00:16:15,774
- [Gail] Oh, come on.

413
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,109
- I know it's not good.

414
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:17,977
- [Gail] Well, you're not shaved

415
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,279
and look at your shirt. - Not shaved.

416
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:21,547
Right, it's got sweat marks?

417
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:22,448
- Yeah.

418
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,783
- Other than that, what's wrong with it?

419
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,218
It looks cheap.

420
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:30,122
- [Gail] No, it doesn't fit you.

421
00:16:30,689 --> 00:16:32,624
It's like you're swimming in it.

422
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:33,859
- Well, the collar's not bad.

423
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:35,694
A lot of times, you've told me that the collar is too low.

424
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,730
- The collar might not be low,

425
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,099
but it's not exactly nice.

426
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:41,767
- You know, off stage, you see Al

427
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:45,304
and sometimes he's got the real shaggy afro going

428
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,606
and he's wearing an old coat,

429
00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,575
and you think is that a homeless guy over there?

430
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:50,743
Oh, that's Al Lubel.

431
00:16:50,776 --> 00:16:52,144
- I remember Todd Barry saying

432
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,679
it's like he's like a homeless person

433
00:16:53,712 --> 00:16:56,615
that does Letterman every six months.

434
00:16:56,648 --> 00:16:58,484
- Oh, so I'm talking to this lady.

435
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,686
She says to me, "You look homeless."

436
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:03,722
(audience laughing)

437
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:14,199
And I was thinking people have compassion for the homeless.

438
00:17:14,233 --> 00:17:15,834
Shouldn't people also have some compassion

439
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,236
for the homeless looking?

440
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:20,272
(audience laughing)

441
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,609
I mean, the reason I look homeless

442
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:25,411
is 'cause I can't afford good clothes

443
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:28,714
'cause all my money goes to paying rent.

444
00:17:28,947 --> 00:17:30,616
You know what's ironic?

445
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:33,519
I wouldn't look homeless if I was homeless.

446
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:35,788
(audience laughing)

447
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,856
- I told, I said, "Al, you gotta cut your hair."

448
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,426
You gotta clean yourself up

449
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:42,861
because you're still trying to appeal to bookers.

450
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,631
There's still just some man or women

451
00:17:45,664 --> 00:17:47,232
who's like should we have Al?

452
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:48,000
Is Al okay?

453
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,870
And if you're sending signals like I might not be okay,

454
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,139
they may be afraid to book you.

455
00:17:54,173 --> 00:17:56,141
- [Joshua] Do you ever think like, you know,

456
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,376
well, if I cleaned myself up,

457
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,478
I can't do the I look homeless bit.

458
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:01,146
- Right, sure, yeah, I know.

459
00:18:01,180 --> 00:18:02,114
I think about that.

460
00:18:02,147 --> 00:18:04,783
And I'm gonna go to Atlantic City next week,

461
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,351
and I think about

462
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:08,487
I'll probably dress a little better on stage,

463
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:13,192
and then it makes it less believable that I look homeless.

464
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:15,294
Yeah, so I do think about that.

465
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,262
But I think some of my issues will never go away,

466
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:20,232
like issues with my mother, and fear of growing up,

467
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,800
and fear of this, and fear of that.

468
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,635
But I do worry if I do get more adjusted.

469
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:26,171
But I think by the time I get more adjusted,

470
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,273
I'm gonna be done with comedy anyway.

471
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:31,443
- He is so aware of how he's fucked up

472
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:35,848
and why he's fucked up.

473
00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:41,420
His whole relationship with his mother is bananas.

474
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:44,523
To be aware of it is half the battle.

475
00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:47,226
But he seems to be aware of it

476
00:18:47,259 --> 00:18:49,928
and yet has not processed past it.

477
00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,967
- Al Lubel, ladies and gentlemen.

478
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,270
There's something wrong with you, Al.

479
00:19:00,439 --> 00:19:02,774
- [Gail] What time do you want to go to that thing?

480
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,842
- Well, I've got,

481
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:04,776
are you okay with not?

482
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:05,644
You wanted to go,

483
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:06,879
you wanted to go to that?

484
00:19:06,912 --> 00:19:09,314
- I did kind of want to go, but that's okay.

485
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:10,282
Tomorrow's my birthday

486
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,951
and I'll just go to Griffith Park tomorrow.

487
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,487
- Okay, no. (faint speaking)

488
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,155
No, you could go--

489
00:19:16,188 --> 00:19:17,389
- Say happy birthday to me.

490
00:19:17,422 --> 00:19:19,658
That's all right, that's fine.

491
00:19:19,691 --> 00:19:20,592
- No, but.

492
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,594
I mean, I just don't like being, you know.

493
00:19:22,628 --> 00:19:23,662
- Yeah.

494
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:24,963
You don't like people seeing your act, I get it.

495
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,799
- No. (laughing)

496
00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:30,869
- [Gail] You're shy.

497
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,304
You're a stand up comedian.

498
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,506
You don't want anyone to see you.

499
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:35,474
(Al laughing)

500
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:37,509
I understand completely.

501
00:19:38,343 --> 00:19:39,411
Go, have fun.

502
00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:42,347
- Well, that could be my thing,

503
00:19:42,381 --> 00:19:44,783
the guy who won't let anyone see him.

504
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:45,717
- [Gail] How would you do that?

505
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:47,653
- Maybe I can make people want to see me.

506
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,021
- [Gail] Why would you do that?

507
00:19:49,054 --> 00:19:50,956
- Well, that could be my hook,

508
00:19:50,989 --> 00:19:52,858
and then reverse psychology.

509
00:19:52,891 --> 00:19:53,692
Then people think oh, it's the guy.

510
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:54,793
He doesn't want anyone to see him.

511
00:19:54,826 --> 00:19:57,996
We want to see him 'cause he wants no one to see him.

512
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,965
That could be my thing.

513
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:00,966
- [Gail] Do you think that would work

514
00:20:00,999 --> 00:20:01,667
from a marketing perspective?

515
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,002
- No, I just want people I know.

516
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,305
I don't want people I know to see me

517
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:08,740
because you've seen me before.

518
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:11,777
I like doing things alone,

519
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:13,011
so I'm a loner.

520
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:15,280
When I do stand up, I like going alone.

521
00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:15,981
It's just my habit.

522
00:20:16,014 --> 00:20:17,349
I've been doing this for years.

523
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:18,517
That's my habit.

524
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:19,384
It's like going to work.

525
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,620
Like if you had a day job,

526
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:22,654
you probably wouldn't want me

527
00:20:22,688 --> 00:20:24,556
going with you to your day job.

528
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:25,857
- [Gail] I don't care.

529
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,993
- Well, that's, if you really don't care--

530
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:28,894
- [Gail] You want to come

531
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:30,462
and watch me on set somewhere produce?

532
00:20:30,495 --> 00:20:31,563
Fine with me.

533
00:20:32,497 --> 00:20:33,365
I don't care.

534
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:35,767
- Everyday, go with you to your day job.

535
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:37,369
- [Gail] Do I go with you every single day?

536
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:39,071
- No. - No, thank you.

537
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:40,472
You're sweating your ass off.

538
00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:41,340
- No, I'm just saying,

539
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:42,507
I don't want people to,

540
00:20:42,541 --> 00:20:43,342
you know, I don't like people going with me to my job.

541
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:46,511
It just creates more anxiety for me.

542
00:20:46,545 --> 00:20:47,446
I'm already anxious.

543
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:49,381
It makes me anxious to go.

544
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:51,717
And I like no people coming with me

545
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:53,352
'cause that creates more anxiety.

546
00:20:53,385 --> 00:20:55,721
(audience laughing)

547
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:57,022
Let me sit down.

548
00:20:57,489 --> 00:21:00,092
By the way, I don't know if you can tell I'm limping.

549
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:01,960
I didn't always limp.

550
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:05,097
I feel weird always saying I didn't always limp,

551
00:21:05,130 --> 00:21:07,432
like honestly, I'm saying that to defend myself

552
00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:08,867
like I haven't always been a cripple.

553
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:09,868
(audience laughing)

554
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:13,405
I have a thing from birth called hip dysplasia.

555
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:14,606
Some people may have heard of that.

556
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:15,741
It's badly formed hips,

557
00:21:15,774 --> 00:21:19,011
but I was fine for years because your muscles take over.

558
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:20,112
And then gradually,

559
00:21:20,145 --> 00:21:22,080
the joint deteriorated like about seven years ago

560
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,148
so it's bone on bone in my right hip.

561
00:21:23,181 --> 00:21:25,450
Now, humans aren't known for hip dysplasia really.

562
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,318
Dogs are known for it.

563
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:27,019
If you've heard about hip dysplasia,

564
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:27,853
you've probably heard of dogs,

565
00:21:27,886 --> 00:21:30,722
German Shepherds especially, right?

566
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:33,625
German Shepherds and now Jewish comedians.

567
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,028
(audience laughing)

568
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:39,631
So yeah, I do have this hip dysplasia thing and I limp.

569
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:40,866
And people are always saying to me,

570
00:21:40,899 --> 00:21:41,733
I get this a lot,

571
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:43,101
they see me limping.

572
00:21:43,135 --> 00:21:43,802
You got a bad hip?

573
00:21:43,835 --> 00:21:45,537
You should get hip replacing.

574
00:21:45,570 --> 00:21:46,505
You really need hip replacement.

575
00:21:46,538 --> 00:21:47,773
Are you in pain?

576
00:21:48,073 --> 00:21:49,808
They always say, "Are you in pain?"

577
00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:52,044
You're limping, look, you're limping.

578
00:21:52,077 --> 00:21:54,980
Yeah, but don't they realize it's just the opposite?

579
00:21:55,013 --> 00:21:55,681
See, I'm not in pain.

580
00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:57,516
You know why I'm not in pain?

581
00:21:57,549 --> 00:21:58,617
'Cause I'm limping.

582
00:21:58,650 --> 00:22:01,653
(audience laughing)

583
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,825
If you see me walking normally, I'm in agony.

584
00:22:06,858 --> 00:22:08,827
(audience laughing)

585
00:22:08,860 --> 00:22:10,429
The reason I'm limping is I'm not in pain

586
00:22:10,462 --> 00:22:12,097
but (mumbles) pain, get hip replacement.

587
00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:12,798
You really...

588
00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:14,499
God, look it, you're limping.

589
00:22:14,533 --> 00:22:17,002
See, again, they're projecting.

590
00:22:17,302 --> 00:22:19,638
They're the ones in pain.

591
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,006
You gotta get it.

592
00:22:21,206 --> 00:22:21,873
I hate it.

593
00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:23,041
Like everyone walks normally.

594
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:23,909
I walk normally.

595
00:22:23,942 --> 00:22:25,110
You're not normal.

596
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:26,945
You're making me uncomfortable.

597
00:22:26,978 --> 00:22:29,448
I want you to walk like I do.

598
00:22:29,481 --> 00:22:31,516
Get hip replacement so you can join the group,

599
00:22:31,550 --> 00:22:32,918
join this fucking group.

600
00:22:32,951 --> 00:22:33,852
(audience laughing)

601
00:22:33,885 --> 00:22:36,088
Join us all, walk like us.

602
00:22:36,121 --> 00:22:37,889
You must walk like all of us.

603
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:41,026
No one's allowed to limp for more than a fucking year.

604
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,095
(audience laughing)

605
00:22:43,128 --> 00:22:44,096
You limp over a year,

606
00:22:44,129 --> 00:22:46,665
you've gotta get hip replacement

607
00:22:46,698 --> 00:22:48,800
and walk like the rest of us.

608
00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:51,903
We're not gonna tolerate you limping.

609
00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:54,473
But I digress.

610
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:57,509
(audience laughing)

611
00:22:59,177 --> 00:23:00,812
You're asking about Atlantic City?

612
00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:02,214
- [Joshua] Yeah.

613
00:23:02,247 --> 00:23:03,749
- Well, I'm afraid to be honest about it.

614
00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:06,451
I'm afraid what I say can get back to the club,

615
00:23:06,485 --> 00:23:09,054
but I'll be performing before they see this, right?

616
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:12,023
If they ever see this, so. - Mm-hmm.

617
00:23:12,891 --> 00:23:14,793
- But no, I'm just afraid.

618
00:23:14,826 --> 00:23:17,696
Last time I was there, I was opening.

619
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:18,864
So that's a tougher spot,

620
00:23:18,897 --> 00:23:21,099
so you know, maybe that's the reason,

621
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:25,237
but I felt it was a crowd that couldn't tolerate

622
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:28,673
much of my offbeat, silly, weird humor.

623
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:35,013
I sense they really wanted normal straightforward humor,

624
00:23:35,046 --> 00:23:36,782
and they wouldn't tolerate anything

625
00:23:36,815 --> 00:23:38,884
that was a little strange.

626
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:41,753
So, while this time luckily I'm in the last position

627
00:23:41,787 --> 00:23:43,588
which will be better for me.

628
00:23:43,622 --> 00:23:45,190
They've seen some comedy at this point.

629
00:23:45,223 --> 00:23:47,025
They're loosened up hopefully.

630
00:23:47,058 --> 00:23:51,062
But I'm just concerned about how much of me I can be.

631
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,832
And I'm willing to pull back on me,

632
00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:55,567
but I need to do some of me

633
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:57,502
in order to feel good about myself,

634
00:23:57,536 --> 00:24:01,006
so the question is how much of me I can be.

635
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,142
It sounds like a Sinatra song.

636
00:24:04,176 --> 00:24:07,779
(upbeat orchestral music)

637
00:24:10,682 --> 00:24:14,786
♪ On the Boardwalk in Atlantic City ♪

638
00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:17,889
♪ We will walk in a dream

639
00:24:17,923 --> 00:24:21,960
♪ On the Boardwalk in Atlantic city ♪

640
00:24:21,993 --> 00:24:25,564
♪ Life will be peaches and cream ♪

641
00:24:25,597 --> 00:24:29,067
♪ There where the saltwater air ♪

642
00:24:29,100 --> 00:24:32,604
♪ Brings out a lady's charms

643
00:24:32,637 --> 00:24:36,107
♪ There on the rolling chair

644
00:24:36,141 --> 00:24:39,244
♪ He'll roll right into your arms ♪

645
00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:43,315
♪ Cinderella you will find your fella ♪

646
00:24:43,348 --> 00:24:46,184
♪ Someone that you've waiting for ♪

647
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:50,722
♪ In romantic, enchantic, Atlantic City ♪

648
00:24:50,755 --> 00:24:55,760
♪ Down on the old New Jersey shore ♪

649
00:24:56,695 --> 00:24:59,831
♪ Atlantic City shore

650
00:25:00,432 --> 00:25:02,334
The longer I've done comedy,

651
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:04,803
the better I've become, I believe,

652
00:25:04,836 --> 00:25:06,838
and comedians think I've gotten better,

653
00:25:06,872 --> 00:25:10,275
and the harder it is to satisfy audiences,

654
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,310
general audiences,

655
00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,679
unless you're famous.

656
00:25:14,713 --> 00:25:15,380
If you're famous,

657
00:25:15,413 --> 00:25:16,314
you can do what you want to do

658
00:25:16,348 --> 00:25:18,984
'cause then you attract your own audience.

659
00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:23,555
My audience doesn't know I exist, so they don't come,

660
00:25:24,122 --> 00:25:24,990
'cause I'm not famous.

661
00:25:25,023 --> 00:25:26,057
I'm not well known to them,

662
00:25:26,091 --> 00:25:27,225
the people that would really like me.

663
00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:30,228
So a small percentage of the audience really likes me.

664
00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:31,897
They just didn't know who I was

665
00:25:31,930 --> 00:25:33,031
and they're like oh, I really like that guy.

666
00:25:33,064 --> 00:25:35,033
But there's always a big percentage

667
00:25:35,066 --> 00:25:37,135
that's gonna resist me 'cause I'm weirder now.

668
00:25:37,168 --> 00:25:38,270
After years of doing comedy,

669
00:25:38,303 --> 00:25:40,205
I've developed my own personality.

670
00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:42,374
The best comedians for the road are people

671
00:25:42,407 --> 00:25:43,608
that everyone likes,

672
00:25:43,642 --> 00:25:46,011
that they don't have much of a distinctiveness about them.

673
00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:47,379
Or they're ventriloquists

674
00:25:47,412 --> 00:25:49,614
and the dummy gets to be outrageous.

675
00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:50,649
But god forbid,

676
00:25:50,682 --> 00:25:53,385
you yourself are outrageous without the dummy.

677
00:25:53,418 --> 00:25:55,020
- We were on a flight a couple years ago,

678
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:56,321
family still together,

679
00:25:56,354 --> 00:25:58,089
we're going to Florida on vacation.

680
00:25:58,123 --> 00:26:02,861
I hear, (groaning) "This is the pilot."

681
00:26:03,094 --> 00:26:05,297
(groaning)

682
00:26:07,732 --> 00:26:08,767
And my wife says to me,

683
00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:10,702
"Boy, I wonder what the hell the co-pilot's doing."

684
00:26:10,735 --> 00:26:13,738
(audience laughing)

685
00:26:15,340 --> 00:26:18,877
And I said it's something you haven't done in a long time.

686
00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:19,878
(audience laughing)

687
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,813
- [Joshua] Are you nervous about tonight's show?

688
00:26:21,846 --> 00:26:24,182
- Yes, I am nervous about it because I haven't.

689
00:26:24,215 --> 00:26:25,050
I'm trying to think of the last time

690
00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:28,153
I closed a show for money somewhere.

691
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:32,657
I've not been getting much work at all

692
00:26:32,691 --> 00:26:34,626
in L.A. or on the road.

693
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,395
Oh, I guess December was the last time,

694
00:26:37,429 --> 00:26:40,632
doing some gigs in Laughlin, Nevada.

695
00:26:41,299 --> 00:26:42,867
I closed a few shows there.

696
00:26:42,901 --> 00:26:44,436
That's probably it, the last time.

697
00:26:44,469 --> 00:26:47,372
And plus, this is not my type of audience

698
00:26:47,405 --> 00:26:49,441
because I need a crowd that has an attention span

699
00:26:49,474 --> 00:26:52,177
that's willing to listen and go on a journey.

700
00:26:52,210 --> 00:26:53,044
And then, no offense,

701
00:26:53,078 --> 00:26:54,813
but then I throw the documentary into it.

702
00:26:54,846 --> 00:26:56,715
Normally, at this period, I'd be working on it.

703
00:26:56,748 --> 00:26:58,316
But again, I didn't think it through

704
00:26:58,350 --> 00:26:59,451
and think well, you guys are gonna be here.

705
00:26:59,484 --> 00:27:01,353
I'll have less time to do it.

706
00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:02,988
That's another thing I didn't think through.

707
00:27:03,021 --> 00:27:03,855
I think a lot,

708
00:27:03,888 --> 00:27:04,923
but I don't think of the right things.

709
00:27:04,956 --> 00:27:07,359
I just think the same repetitive neurotic thoughts.

710
00:27:07,392 --> 00:27:08,326
These might be some of the reasons

711
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,061
why I'm not more successful

712
00:27:10,095 --> 00:27:11,196
in addition with the fact

713
00:27:11,229 --> 00:27:14,199
that I feel uncomfortable with the concept of success.

714
00:27:14,232 --> 00:27:17,769
I've learned in therapy that I really do,

715
00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:20,972
I believe, you know, it really rang true last,

716
00:27:21,006 --> 00:27:22,807
that I don't like myself.

717
00:27:22,841 --> 00:27:26,277
I feel I'm a bad person to a certain extent.

718
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:29,247
And at least her theory seems to be

719
00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:31,883
that I don't try to hard for success

720
00:27:31,916 --> 00:27:33,451
'cause I don't think I deserve it.

721
00:27:33,485 --> 00:27:34,619
And I think there's a lot of truth to that.

722
00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:37,088
I was really like almost had tears coming into my eyes.

723
00:27:37,122 --> 00:27:39,057
It was weird that she was getting to me.

724
00:27:39,090 --> 00:27:41,860
And then luckily, the session ended. (laughing)

725
00:27:41,893 --> 00:27:42,827
I mean, I think on the surface,

726
00:27:42,861 --> 00:27:44,062
I come off like a nice guy,

727
00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:46,131
like a friendly nice guy.

728
00:27:46,498 --> 00:27:48,266
But in all honestly underneath this,

729
00:27:48,299 --> 00:27:51,903
I'm this mean, vicious, selfish, evil guy.

730
00:27:53,038 --> 00:27:55,273
But underneath that, I'm a nice guy.

731
00:27:55,306 --> 00:27:58,276
(audience laughing)

732
00:27:59,344 --> 00:28:00,378
You know, people will say to me,

733
00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:03,081
"Come on, Al, you're being too hard on yourself.

734
00:28:03,114 --> 00:28:05,417
"You're nice guy deep down."

735
00:28:05,450 --> 00:28:08,319
And I say to them, "Deep down, no,

736
00:28:08,653 --> 00:28:09,888
"but deep, deep down."

737
00:28:09,921 --> 00:28:11,289
(audience laughing)

738
00:28:11,322 --> 00:28:13,258
Very nice deep, deep down.

739
00:28:13,291 --> 00:28:14,325
Deep down, horrible.

740
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:15,527
(audience laughing)

741
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,530
That kind of crowd likes it when you go off and are weird.

742
00:28:18,563 --> 00:28:21,399
They want to see something different, I sense in that room.

743
00:28:21,433 --> 00:28:23,868
So I felt comfortable 'cause they want it

744
00:28:23,902 --> 00:28:26,104
and I wanted to see how far I could take it

745
00:28:26,137 --> 00:28:28,106
and they will go with you.

746
00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:29,808
But this crowd, don't do it.

747
00:28:29,841 --> 00:28:31,309
So it's a very weird balancing act

748
00:28:31,342 --> 00:28:34,212
of me trying to do some normal humor to keep them liking me

749
00:28:34,245 --> 00:28:37,549
and then trying to throw in a little of me here and there.

750
00:28:37,582 --> 00:28:38,483
- [Joshua] You're not gonna start

751
00:28:38,516 --> 00:28:39,350
with your singing routine? - Yeah, I am,

752
00:28:39,384 --> 00:28:40,351
and that scares me that you said that.

753
00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:43,121
- [Joshua] Well, I guess I got the impression

754
00:28:43,154 --> 00:28:43,922
because you were talking about

755
00:28:43,955 --> 00:28:45,423
bringing in a little more normal.

756
00:28:45,457 --> 00:28:46,291
- Yeah, normal.

757
00:28:46,324 --> 00:28:47,158
Yeah, no, I know,

758
00:28:47,192 --> 00:28:48,093
but I'm gonna at least give it a shot.

759
00:28:48,126 --> 00:28:49,194
Well, maybe I'm more gutsy than I thought.

760
00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:53,031
- Give it up for Mr. Al Lubel, everybody, Al Lubel!

761
00:28:53,064 --> 00:28:58,069
(audience applauding) (upbeat music)

762
00:29:05,343 --> 00:29:06,111
♪ Thank you very much

763
00:29:06,144 --> 00:29:08,847
♪ Let's keep it going for Artie ♪

764
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,517
♪ Great job, Artie (audience applauding)

765
00:29:12,550 --> 00:29:14,419
♪ What a great job Artie did

766
00:29:14,452 --> 00:29:15,220
♪ It's a great job

767
00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:16,521
♪ And you guys are a nice crowd ♪

768
00:29:16,554 --> 00:29:20,158
♪ It's nice to be here tonight at the Borgata Comedy Club ♪

769
00:29:20,191 --> 00:29:22,494
(audience laughing)

770
00:29:22,527 --> 00:29:25,897
♪ Some of you might be wondering why I'm singing ♪

771
00:29:25,930 --> 00:29:28,299
♪ It's 'cause I like singing

772
00:29:28,333 --> 00:29:30,502
♪ I enjoy singing but I am a comedian ♪

773
00:29:30,535 --> 00:29:32,003
♪ My job is to get laughs

774
00:29:32,036 --> 00:29:34,105
♪ I hope I'm funny here tonight ♪

775
00:29:34,139 --> 00:29:35,907
♪ Uh oh, I got no laughs right there though ♪

776
00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:37,108
(audience laughing)

777
00:29:37,142 --> 00:29:38,510
♪ I got some laughs right there ♪

778
00:29:38,543 --> 00:29:39,577
(audience laughing)

779
00:29:39,611 --> 00:29:41,312
♪ I got less laughs right there ♪

780
00:29:41,346 --> 00:29:42,547
(audience laughing)

781
00:29:42,580 --> 00:29:44,315
♪ Same level laughs right there ♪

782
00:29:44,349 --> 00:29:45,183
(audience laughing)

783
00:29:45,216 --> 00:29:46,918
♪ Slightly more laughs right there ♪

784
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:48,019
(audience laughing)

785
00:29:48,052 --> 00:29:49,454
♪ Even more laughs right there

786
00:29:49,487 --> 00:29:50,188
(audience laughing)

787
00:29:50,221 --> 00:29:51,956
♪ This is pretty much my show

788
00:29:51,990 --> 00:29:53,124
(audience laughing)

789
00:29:53,158 --> 00:29:54,058
I felt like I feel bad.

790
00:29:54,092 --> 00:29:55,460
Like I maybe shouldn't have started out

791
00:29:55,493 --> 00:29:57,495
with that singing thing.

792
00:29:59,430 --> 00:30:00,899
I feel good that I bailed on it

793
00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:02,433
because I know they couldn't have...

794
00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:04,536
Yeah, a lot of people would have loved it,

795
00:30:04,569 --> 00:30:05,603
but there would have a big group

796
00:30:05,637 --> 00:30:07,539
that's like what the fuck is it?

797
00:30:07,572 --> 00:30:10,308
♪ Now, a lot of people are afraid to sing in public ♪

798
00:30:10,341 --> 00:30:12,610
♪ That's why they only sing in the shower ♪

799
00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,012
♪ Actually, the shower

800
00:30:14,045 --> 00:30:15,513
♪ That's the only place I sing

801
00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:18,550
(audience laughing)

802
00:30:19,083 --> 00:30:20,885
I was an only child.

803
00:30:20,919 --> 00:30:23,221
(audience laughing)

804
00:30:23,254 --> 00:30:24,589
The crowd was amazingly mixed.

805
00:30:24,622 --> 00:30:27,892
I mean, it's like I could really feel

806
00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:30,395
that a lot people liked it and a lot of people didn't.

807
00:30:30,428 --> 00:30:33,398
And this has happened to me before, splitting the crowd.

808
00:30:33,431 --> 00:30:35,233
But this was extreme.

809
00:30:37,101 --> 00:30:39,437
Miss, are you really a psychiatrist?

810
00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:40,638
- [Female Speaker] Yeah. (laughing)

811
00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:42,006
- You really do that?

812
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:43,107
Then you should know enough

813
00:30:43,141 --> 00:30:44,442
to shut the fuck up during the show.

814
00:30:44,475 --> 00:30:47,545
(audience laughing)

815
00:30:47,579 --> 00:30:49,347
- [Joshua] What was it that pushed you

816
00:30:49,380 --> 00:30:51,649
to the point of yelling at her on stage?

817
00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:53,251
- Good question.

818
00:30:53,284 --> 00:30:55,253
Well, I was on a lot of green tea at the moment,

819
00:30:55,286 --> 00:30:56,154
you know?

820
00:30:56,588 --> 00:30:59,090
I was trying to wake up with the green tea

821
00:30:59,123 --> 00:31:01,159
and I over drank it, I think, before I went on,

822
00:31:01,192 --> 00:31:02,961
so I was a little hyped.

823
00:31:02,994 --> 00:31:05,163
And she initially irritated me

824
00:31:05,196 --> 00:31:06,264
when I went with the singing thing

825
00:31:06,297 --> 00:31:08,600
and she was making comments right in the beginning.

826
00:31:08,633 --> 00:31:10,969
Like I said did you have stage fright and whatever,

827
00:31:11,002 --> 00:31:11,970
off stage fright.

828
00:31:12,003 --> 00:31:13,972
Oh no, I don't have any, she was like talking.

829
00:31:14,005 --> 00:31:15,173
That's okay, whatever.

830
00:31:15,206 --> 00:31:16,941
I had heard there were people talking in the front row.

831
00:31:16,975 --> 00:31:19,477
I'm assuming it was her, you know?

832
00:31:19,510 --> 00:31:21,412
But then she kept talking while I was up there

833
00:31:21,446 --> 00:31:22,247
in the middle of the thing

834
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,148
and I'm already struggling a little.

835
00:31:24,182 --> 00:31:26,217
I'm worried about the people that are not into it,

836
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:28,219
I'm trying to keep the ones liking it liking it,

837
00:31:28,253 --> 00:31:29,554
and I gotta listen to this crap.

838
00:31:29,587 --> 00:31:30,655
And she's looking at her phone

839
00:31:30,688 --> 00:31:33,224
and her friend's talking to her with a face like this.

840
00:31:33,258 --> 00:31:34,392
I don't know,

841
00:31:34,425 --> 00:31:36,561
I can't remember what caused me to start talking to her,

842
00:31:36,594 --> 00:31:40,064
but I just felt I needed to talk to her to shut her up.

843
00:31:40,098 --> 00:31:41,966
It's just distracting, if you could just hold her off.

844
00:31:42,000 --> 00:31:43,635
And I guess your patient must be the person next to you

845
00:31:43,668 --> 00:31:46,604
who's still wanting to talk to you.

846
00:31:46,838 --> 00:31:47,672
Okay, then leave.

847
00:31:47,705 --> 00:31:49,207
Thank you very much.

848
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,208
Please give her a hand for--

849
00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:55,580
(audience applauding drowning out speaking)

850
00:31:55,613 --> 00:31:58,683
People just talking in the front row.

851
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:02,253
I hope I don't get the death penalty for what I just did.

852
00:32:02,287 --> 00:32:04,322
No, but I was too lazy to be--

853
00:32:04,355 --> 00:32:06,758
- [Female Speaker] Other people are leaving too!

854
00:32:06,791 --> 00:32:09,193
- Oh my god, it's a riot. - The whole place is leaving!

855
00:32:09,227 --> 00:32:10,361
- It's a riot.

856
00:32:10,595 --> 00:32:11,195
Okay, back to me.

857
00:32:11,229 --> 00:32:12,530
Luckily, I'm narcissistic.

858
00:32:12,563 --> 00:32:14,999
Back to me now. (laughing)

859
00:32:15,033 --> 00:32:17,502
But that definitely got some people on my side

860
00:32:17,535 --> 00:32:21,472
and turned others more against me. (laughing)

861
00:32:21,506 --> 00:32:22,640
It heightened the division.

862
00:32:22,674 --> 00:32:25,043
This is the reason I'm really concerned.

863
00:32:25,076 --> 00:32:28,146
I am incredibly low on money. (laughing)

864
00:32:28,179 --> 00:32:30,315
I need this paycheck, you know?

865
00:32:30,348 --> 00:32:31,349
It's $2,200.

866
00:32:31,616 --> 00:32:32,717
I was counting on it.

867
00:32:32,750 --> 00:32:35,620
And I'm scared I'll get fired from this performance

868
00:32:35,653 --> 00:32:37,288
because the little I heard of the middle guy,

869
00:32:37,322 --> 00:32:38,456
he was doing great.

870
00:32:38,489 --> 00:32:40,558
The middle guy shouldn't do the best, you know, ideally.

871
00:32:40,591 --> 00:32:41,492
I mean, the last guy should.

872
00:32:41,526 --> 00:32:43,027
That's why I think what they may really do

873
00:32:43,061 --> 00:32:44,429
is move me to the middle

874
00:32:44,462 --> 00:32:47,031
which might be depressing 'cause it's only 20 minute.

875
00:32:47,065 --> 00:32:47,699
I'll have less stage time.

876
00:32:47,732 --> 00:32:49,067
I had 35 minutes closing,

877
00:32:49,100 --> 00:32:50,601
I'll only have 20 in the middle,

878
00:32:50,635 --> 00:32:51,669
and they may cut the money they're gonna pay me.

879
00:32:51,703 --> 00:32:54,372
I doubt if they would do that, but it's possible.

880
00:32:54,405 --> 00:32:56,174
It really does make sense if they put me in the middle,

881
00:32:56,207 --> 00:32:57,108
I think, right?

882
00:32:57,141 --> 00:32:59,777
'Cause that other guy is perfect to close.

883
00:32:59,811 --> 00:33:01,779
I've actually in some ways done better tonight

884
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:02,780
than I've ever done

885
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:05,283
by the half of the people that really like me.

886
00:33:05,316 --> 00:33:06,284
A lot of times when I've been playing here,

887
00:33:06,317 --> 00:33:08,653
I never even got those half going, you know?

888
00:33:08,686 --> 00:33:10,421
So it's not so much the room,

889
00:33:10,455 --> 00:33:11,422
it's just you get these.

890
00:33:11,456 --> 00:33:13,057
When I walked in, I was immediately depressed

891
00:33:13,091 --> 00:33:16,160
seeing how many older tired people.

892
00:33:16,194 --> 00:33:17,395
These are not my crowd.

893
00:33:17,428 --> 00:33:19,130
Now, there could be half the crowd

894
00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:20,331
that loves what I'm doing,

895
00:33:20,365 --> 00:33:22,066
but when you get half the crowd hating you,

896
00:33:22,100 --> 00:33:23,835
it's not gonna be easy to get booked back.

897
00:33:23,868 --> 00:33:24,802
I was thinking of a joke about it.

898
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,571
Just the fact they're walking out so much

899
00:33:26,604 --> 00:33:28,239
towards the end of the me,

900
00:33:28,272 --> 00:33:30,475
it's like they have a gambling mentality.

901
00:33:30,508 --> 00:33:32,577
It's like we gambled on this guy, we lost,

902
00:33:32,610 --> 00:33:34,379
and we're leaving the table.

903
00:33:34,412 --> 00:33:35,580
But I knew this going in.

904
00:33:35,613 --> 00:33:37,849
But I can't get into the clubs that really would like me.

905
00:33:37,882 --> 00:33:39,350
Like Andy Kindler, a very funny guy,

906
00:33:39,384 --> 00:33:40,451
he plays some of these.

907
00:33:40,485 --> 00:33:41,452
I just know I would do well

908
00:33:41,486 --> 00:33:43,187
in the rooms that would have him as a headliner,

909
00:33:43,221 --> 00:33:44,222
but I can't get in anywhere,

910
00:33:44,255 --> 00:33:48,092
so I'm either playing here or playing nowhere.

911
00:33:48,126 --> 00:33:50,294
I'm either playing at a place that's wrong for me

912
00:33:50,328 --> 00:33:51,796
or I'm out of work,

913
00:33:51,996 --> 00:33:54,132
and I'm tired of this.

914
00:33:54,165 --> 00:33:57,335
Part of it is that I'm lost in a sea.

915
00:33:57,368 --> 00:33:58,870
I don't have an agent.

916
00:33:58,903 --> 00:34:00,605
I have no one booking me.

917
00:34:00,638 --> 00:34:02,106
I can't book me.

918
00:34:02,707 --> 00:34:07,111
I consider myself really good and I am a casualty.

919
00:34:07,145 --> 00:34:08,346
It's a lot of it's my own fault,

920
00:34:08,379 --> 00:34:11,349
but you would think that being good enough would be enough,

921
00:34:11,382 --> 00:34:13,117
but it's not enough.

922
00:34:17,922 --> 00:34:19,557
The next comedian, a very funny guy.

923
00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:22,160
You've seen a doctor, I'm a lawyer,

924
00:34:22,193 --> 00:34:25,163
and your next comedian's actually a pharmacist.

925
00:34:25,196 --> 00:34:26,330
Yes.

926
00:34:26,364 --> 00:34:29,634
And also, he's been on Denis Leary's Comics Come Home.

927
00:34:29,667 --> 00:34:30,635
Very, very funny guy.

928
00:34:30,668 --> 00:34:32,170
Mr. Artie Januario.

929
00:34:32,203 --> 00:34:33,738
Let him hear it, Artie Januario.

930
00:34:33,771 --> 00:34:34,839
(audience applauding)

931
00:34:34,872 --> 00:34:36,541
I had heard during the day that the order had changed.

932
00:34:36,574 --> 00:34:37,875
I assumed it hadn't.

933
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,510
I really wasn't upset.

934
00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:40,912
I was actually happy because really,

935
00:34:40,945 --> 00:34:42,847
Artie is better to close the show.

936
00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:44,615
- Once again for Dr. Bill.

937
00:34:44,649 --> 00:34:46,818
Dr. Bill writes 'em and I fill 'em.

938
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:49,287
(audience laughing)

939
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,255
That's what I do, I'm the pharmacist.

940
00:34:51,289 --> 00:34:52,690
I'm not the only pharmacist.

941
00:34:52,723 --> 00:34:54,392
I'd be wicked busy.

942
00:34:54,425 --> 00:34:56,260
- I thought they did it in a nice way.

943
00:34:56,294 --> 00:34:57,662
Bill said to me, "What would you like for an intro?"

944
00:34:57,695 --> 00:35:00,231
And I thought wait, what's going on?

945
00:35:00,264 --> 00:35:01,432
I said, "What do you mean?"

946
00:35:01,466 --> 00:35:03,468
And he goes, "Well, oh, you're gonna go on after me now."

947
00:35:03,501 --> 00:35:04,469
- Ladies and gentlemen,

948
00:35:04,502 --> 00:35:06,671
please get your hands together for Al Lubel.

949
00:35:06,704 --> 00:35:11,709
(audience applauding) (rock music)

950
00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:16,247
- I assumed I was only gonna do 20 minutes

951
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,282
because last night, Bill had 20,

952
00:35:18,316 --> 00:35:20,251
Artie had 20, I had 35,

953
00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:22,386
but they gave me 25 I found out a little later

954
00:35:22,420 --> 00:35:23,921
and they gave Artie 30.

955
00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:25,590
So they were nice enough

956
00:35:25,623 --> 00:35:27,225
to give me an extra five in that spot,

957
00:35:27,258 --> 00:35:28,960
so that let me be a little more myself.

958
00:35:28,993 --> 00:35:29,760
I mean ideally for me,

959
00:35:29,794 --> 00:35:31,529
I'd almost rather they gave my 45

960
00:35:31,562 --> 00:35:33,531
and have Artie close with five.

961
00:35:33,564 --> 00:35:35,233
So yeah, my name is Al Lubel,

962
00:35:35,266 --> 00:35:36,200
I'm your next comic

963
00:35:36,234 --> 00:35:37,702
and I get this question a lot from people

964
00:35:37,735 --> 00:35:38,402
being a comedian.

965
00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:39,036
When they hear I'm a comedian,

966
00:35:39,070 --> 00:35:39,937
I get this question a lot.

967
00:35:39,971 --> 00:35:42,807
Oh, it must be rough being a comedian.

968
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:46,611
I mean, what do you do when you don't feel funny?

969
00:35:46,644 --> 00:35:47,578
I do badly.

970
00:35:47,778 --> 00:35:49,480
(audience laughing)

971
00:35:49,514 --> 00:35:51,349
I'm already thinking I was scared when I got out there.

972
00:35:51,382 --> 00:35:52,483
Right before I went out,

973
00:35:52,517 --> 00:35:54,919
I thought my god, what if you do really bad at this spot?

974
00:35:54,952 --> 00:35:56,921
Are they gonna have me open tomorrow?

975
00:35:56,954 --> 00:35:58,990
And what if you do bad in that spot?

976
00:35:59,023 --> 00:36:00,992
Am I gonna be like maitre d

977
00:36:01,025 --> 00:36:03,928
or seating the people for my final night,

978
00:36:03,961 --> 00:36:05,663
you know, and not performing at all?

979
00:36:05,696 --> 00:36:09,300
You know when I first realized that I was getting older

980
00:36:09,333 --> 00:36:14,338
is when I noticed that no one was saying this to me anymore.

981
00:36:14,572 --> 00:36:16,941
Relax, you have your whole life ahead of you.

982
00:36:16,974 --> 00:36:19,977
(audience laughing)

983
00:36:24,315 --> 00:36:26,384
I never get that anymore.

984
00:36:27,985 --> 00:36:28,853
Now,

985
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:31,622
now, people say other things to me.

986
00:36:31,656 --> 00:36:32,957
Are you parents still alive?

987
00:36:32,990 --> 00:36:35,760
(audience laughing)

988
00:36:35,793 --> 00:36:36,627
Do I feel vindicated?

989
00:36:36,661 --> 00:36:37,762
No.

990
00:36:37,795 --> 00:36:38,996
Because it's not that hard to do well in the middle spot,

991
00:36:39,030 --> 00:36:40,698
so I don't feel that vindicated.

992
00:36:40,731 --> 00:36:44,268
I do feel relieved that they think I could do this probably

993
00:36:44,302 --> 00:36:46,370
because I did well there.

994
00:36:46,671 --> 00:36:48,940
So I feel relieved that I did well,

995
00:36:48,973 --> 00:36:50,575
but I don't know if vindicated,

996
00:36:50,608 --> 00:36:52,343
'cause vindicated implies...

997
00:36:52,376 --> 00:36:53,010
You know, for me,

998
00:36:53,044 --> 00:36:53,978
vindication is like I said,

999
00:36:54,011 --> 00:36:57,515
like if I had done it in the closing spot.

1000
00:36:58,316 --> 00:37:01,419
I never understood why they have to say still.

1001
00:37:01,452 --> 00:37:02,320
Are your parents still alive.

1002
00:37:02,353 --> 00:37:03,254
Why do they feel the need

1003
00:37:03,287 --> 00:37:06,524
to add the word still to that question?

1004
00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:08,926
I mean, if someone said to you, "Are your parents alive,"

1005
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:10,995
would your response be, "You mean still?"

1006
00:37:11,028 --> 00:37:14,031
(audience laughing)

1007
00:37:14,699 --> 00:37:18,035
First and foremost, I feel responsibility to the audience

1008
00:37:18,069 --> 00:37:19,370
to try and give 'em a good time.

1009
00:37:19,403 --> 00:37:20,504
They want a good time.

1010
00:37:20,538 --> 00:37:24,041
I can do it and I'm not standing up here with old jokes.

1011
00:37:24,075 --> 00:37:27,411
I'm still doing my act, I'm just adjusting it.

1012
00:37:27,445 --> 00:37:29,747
The question are your parents still alive is wordy.

1013
00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:33,584
See, I like to throw the wordiness right back at 'em.

1014
00:37:33,618 --> 00:37:35,720
Are your parents still alive?

1015
00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:37,321
No, they're still dead.

1016
00:37:37,355 --> 00:37:40,424
(audience laughing)

1017
00:37:40,458 --> 00:37:41,993
I still was me, I'm still me,

1018
00:37:42,026 --> 00:37:44,495
but I'm not quite as crazy.

1019
00:37:44,528 --> 00:37:47,999
♪ Whoa, I'm Al Lubel

1020
00:37:48,032 --> 00:37:50,701
♪ I'm Al Lubel

1021
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,739
I'm getting calls from creditors.

1022
00:37:54,772 --> 00:37:56,507
I don't know if you want that in the documentary.

1023
00:37:56,540 --> 00:37:57,908
I don't know if I want it in the documentary either,

1024
00:37:57,942 --> 00:37:59,644
but I sent them to voicemail.

1025
00:37:59,677 --> 00:38:01,879
- [Female Speaker] (mumbles) Rehab, how can I help you?

1026
00:38:01,912 --> 00:38:04,048
- Yeah, hi, are you my mother's nurse?

1027
00:38:04,081 --> 00:38:06,350
I guess what I'm really trying to say here tonight

1028
00:38:06,384 --> 00:38:07,485
is that I hate my mother.

1029
00:38:07,518 --> 00:38:10,621
(audience laughing)

1030
00:38:10,655 --> 00:38:11,989
How is she doing?

1031
00:38:12,590 --> 00:38:13,724
- [Female Speaker] She is doing okay.

1032
00:38:13,758 --> 00:38:14,859
She's in bed.

1033
00:38:14,892 --> 00:38:15,559
- She's in bed.

1034
00:38:15,593 --> 00:38:17,595
Is she sleeping or is she up?

1035
00:38:17,628 --> 00:38:18,462
- [Female Speaker] I'm not so sure.

1036
00:38:18,496 --> 00:38:20,398
I could go take a look.

1037
00:38:20,431 --> 00:38:21,999
- Well, could you see if she's,

1038
00:38:22,033 --> 00:38:22,833
I don't want to wake her up,

1039
00:38:22,867 --> 00:38:25,736
but if she's up, can I talk to her?

1040
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:27,571
She loves me too much now.

1041
00:38:27,605 --> 00:38:28,472
Like I call my mother on the phone and I go,

1042
00:38:28,506 --> 00:38:29,373
"Hi, ma, it's Alan."

1043
00:38:29,407 --> 00:38:30,775
She goes, "Alan, my son."

1044
00:38:30,808 --> 00:38:31,776
- [Ida] Hello!

1045
00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:32,677
- Hi, ma.

1046
00:38:33,144 --> 00:38:35,012
- [Ida] My son, my son!

1047
00:38:35,046 --> 00:38:37,415
- Can't you just say hi, Alan, or Alan.

1048
00:38:37,448 --> 00:38:39,050
I mean, what am I supposed to say back?

1049
00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:39,917
Alan, my son.

1050
00:38:39,950 --> 00:38:40,818
Mother, my mommy.

1051
00:38:40,851 --> 00:38:42,787
(audience laughing)

1052
00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,055
How you doing?

1053
00:38:44,088 --> 00:38:45,756
- [Ida] Okay, dear.

1054
00:38:45,790 --> 00:38:46,624
- Good.

1055
00:38:46,657 --> 00:38:47,925
What's going on?

1056
00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:50,428
- [Ida] Nothing much, nothing much.

1057
00:38:50,461 --> 00:38:51,095
What about you?

1058
00:38:51,128 --> 00:38:52,396
Where are you?

1059
00:38:52,430 --> 00:38:54,031
- I'm in Atlantic City.

1060
00:38:54,065 --> 00:38:56,067
My mother's 81 years old,

1061
00:38:56,100 --> 00:38:57,535
lives in the state of Florida.

1062
00:38:57,568 --> 00:38:58,736
And there's a big part of me

1063
00:38:58,769 --> 00:39:02,006
that thinks I should move down there now and be with her,

1064
00:39:02,039 --> 00:39:04,942
you know, while she's still able to take care of me.

1065
00:39:04,975 --> 00:39:07,478
(audience laughing)

1066
00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:08,746
Are they helping you walk?

1067
00:39:08,779 --> 00:39:10,114
Do you get out of bed or what?

1068
00:39:10,147 --> 00:39:12,817
- [Ida] No, we haven't done anything yet really.

1069
00:39:12,850 --> 00:39:13,718
- Okay.

1070
00:39:14,985 --> 00:39:16,420
Okay, so everything's okay.

1071
00:39:16,454 --> 00:39:18,823
So I'll just see you next week.

1072
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:19,990
- [Ida] Wonderful.

1073
00:39:20,024 --> 00:39:22,993
Just be careful, take care of yourself,

1074
00:39:23,027 --> 00:39:25,563
and life goes on, all right?!

1075
00:39:26,630 --> 00:39:27,465
- Okay.

1076
00:39:27,498 --> 00:39:29,100
And so how are you doing?

1077
00:39:29,133 --> 00:39:30,634
- [Ida] That's it, Alan.

1078
00:39:30,668 --> 00:39:32,970
(laughing)

1079
00:39:33,003 --> 00:39:34,572
- First, I feel sad that she's older

1080
00:39:34,605 --> 00:39:36,006
and she's gonna die soon.

1081
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:39,510
And then of course, I also wonder is she gonna die soon?

1082
00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:42,813
Well, I have a joke in my act that I say

1083
00:39:43,514 --> 00:39:47,852
I wonder how old am I gonna be when my mother dies

1084
00:39:48,652 --> 00:39:50,755
and I mean like how much longer is she gonna live?

1085
00:39:50,788 --> 00:39:51,789
How old am I gonna be?

1086
00:39:51,822 --> 00:39:52,590
I'm not religious.

1087
00:39:52,623 --> 00:39:55,059
I don't believe in the afterlife,

1088
00:39:55,092 --> 00:39:59,063
but I would like just a little after my mother's life.

1089
00:39:59,096 --> 00:40:00,765
Yeah, so, I wonder.

1090
00:40:01,966 --> 00:40:05,503
They say it's a blessing your mother is 92 and still alive.

1091
00:40:05,536 --> 00:40:06,604
It's a blessing.

1092
00:40:06,637 --> 00:40:07,638
But how much older is she gonna get?

1093
00:40:07,671 --> 00:40:10,941
At what point, does it become a curse, you know?

1094
00:40:10,975 --> 00:40:13,511
Right? (laughing)

1095
00:40:13,544 --> 00:40:15,246
Clearly if she's gonna live to 110,

1096
00:40:15,279 --> 00:40:17,548
we're in cursed territory, right?

1097
00:40:17,581 --> 00:40:19,583
110 is cursed territory.

1098
00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:20,918
Is 100 cursed territory?

1099
00:40:20,951 --> 00:40:21,786
You know, for some people,

1100
00:40:21,819 --> 00:40:23,087
again, if she was a genius physicist

1101
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:24,555
that's obsessed with the world,

1102
00:40:24,588 --> 00:40:27,091
or a genius chemist, or a genius something,

1103
00:40:27,124 --> 00:40:28,959
that had her own life and interests,

1104
00:40:28,993 --> 00:40:30,628
let her live to 200, fine.

1105
00:40:30,661 --> 00:40:33,631
But if she's gonna be "Alan!" at 110,

1106
00:40:33,664 --> 00:40:35,866
fuck that, I can't take it.

1107
00:40:36,133 --> 00:40:37,568
We're getting into cursed territory.

1108
00:40:37,601 --> 00:40:39,703
I think I'm in cursed territory actually.

1109
00:40:39,737 --> 00:40:41,572
Alan, my son, I love you so much.

1110
00:40:41,605 --> 00:40:42,940
Alan, my son, I love you so much.

1111
00:40:42,973 --> 00:40:46,043
You're my life, Alan, my entire life.

1112
00:40:46,444 --> 00:40:49,146
You're my reason for living, Alan.

1113
00:40:49,180 --> 00:40:51,949
Yes, my entire reason for living.

1114
00:40:51,982 --> 00:40:54,919
My life is you, you, you, you, you.

1115
00:40:55,119 --> 00:40:56,787
It's all you, Alan.

1116
00:40:57,021 --> 00:40:58,722
It's only been about you,

1117
00:40:58,756 --> 00:40:59,957
only about you.

1118
00:41:01,025 --> 00:41:02,693
Everything for you.

1119
00:41:03,093 --> 00:41:04,228
(audience laughing)

1120
00:41:04,261 --> 00:41:05,930
Everything for you.

1121
00:41:05,963 --> 00:41:07,131
I love you, Alan.

1122
00:41:07,164 --> 00:41:10,568
I love (hissing) Alan!

1123
00:41:15,806 --> 00:41:16,874
My life Alan!

1124
00:41:17,441 --> 00:41:20,277
(hissing) (audience laughing)

1125
00:41:20,311 --> 00:41:23,714
(sweeping orchestral music)

1126
00:41:23,747 --> 00:41:24,849
It's hard for people like me.

1127
00:41:24,882 --> 00:41:28,052
My whole life, it's been hard to get work as a comedian

1128
00:41:28,085 --> 00:41:30,588
because you can't venture out,

1129
00:41:30,621 --> 00:41:32,289
and grow, and become a unique person,

1130
00:41:32,323 --> 00:41:33,123
because they won't have you back

1131
00:41:33,157 --> 00:41:34,558
if you get half the crowd loving you

1132
00:41:34,592 --> 00:41:35,259
and half the crowd hating you.

1133
00:41:35,292 --> 00:41:36,126
They just won't.

1134
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,028
So, comedians may die.

1135
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:43,200
I may be more alternative even than the alternatives,

1136
00:41:43,234 --> 00:41:44,101
you know?

1137
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:47,304
I have the feeling there's no place for me.

1138
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:49,874
I did have a brief flash for like one second.

1139
00:41:49,907 --> 00:41:52,009
Like I decided like to try to look up a little.

1140
00:41:52,042 --> 00:41:53,210
For a flash of a second,

1141
00:41:53,244 --> 00:41:54,178
for the first time in my life,

1142
00:41:54,211 --> 00:41:56,981
I thought maybe you could enjoy this moment.

1143
00:41:57,014 --> 00:41:58,916
It was the most briefest flash

1144
00:41:58,949 --> 00:41:59,917
and I remember thinking wow,

1145
00:41:59,950 --> 00:42:01,652
you're actually thinking a positive thought,

1146
00:42:01,685 --> 00:42:04,355
and I've never had thoughts like that ever.

1147
00:42:04,388 --> 00:42:05,489
I remember thinking well,

1148
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:07,858
why don't you just take this in for a second, you know?

1149
00:42:07,892 --> 00:42:09,260
And then I went right back to worrying.

1150
00:42:09,293 --> 00:42:13,030
(sweeping orchestral music)

1151
00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:28,212
(thunder rumbling)

1152
00:42:28,245 --> 00:42:30,247
You're not in the crowd.

1153
00:42:50,267 --> 00:42:51,268
(audience laughing)

1154
00:42:53,103 --> 00:42:56,040
(soft piano music)

1155
00:43:21,398 --> 00:43:22,833
- [Joshua] So, tell me what's it been like

1156
00:43:22,866 --> 00:43:25,836
having Al at your house for the past week?

1157
00:43:25,869 --> 00:43:30,674
- First of all, it was a surprise. (laughing)

1158
00:43:30,708 --> 00:43:32,409
- I enjoyed having Al here at the house

1159
00:43:32,443 --> 00:43:34,945
because he's a contemporary

1160
00:43:34,979 --> 00:43:37,448
and it was sort of fun to get to know somebody

1161
00:43:37,481 --> 00:43:39,283
who's my age bracket,

1162
00:43:39,316 --> 00:43:41,085
brought up with my music,

1163
00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:43,687
and he's one of my favorite comedians,

1164
00:43:43,721 --> 00:43:48,258
so I was a little bit awe struck having him around the house

1165
00:43:48,292 --> 00:43:50,995
and knowing that he was sitting right across from me.

1166
00:43:51,028 --> 00:43:53,163
But at the same time, it's a little sad

1167
00:43:53,197 --> 00:43:57,201
because here's somebody that I feel is so bright

1168
00:43:57,401 --> 00:43:58,669
and talented,

1169
00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:03,340
and yet, he's staying at my house.

1170
00:44:03,374 --> 00:44:06,110
- I'm staying at your place, your parent's house,

1171
00:44:06,143 --> 00:44:08,212
and wearing a shirt and your shorts.

1172
00:44:08,245 --> 00:44:10,748
And you didn't give me socks, I don't think.

1173
00:44:10,781 --> 00:44:14,351
Was there a reason for that or? (laughing)

1174
00:44:14,385 --> 00:44:16,253
You gave me underwear though.

1175
00:44:16,286 --> 00:44:17,454
You know, I didn't tell you guys this

1176
00:44:17,488 --> 00:44:19,490
but I performed all week without underwear.

1177
00:44:19,523 --> 00:44:21,925
(laughing)

1178
00:44:22,159 --> 00:44:24,328
I forgot to bring underwear with me.

1179
00:44:24,361 --> 00:44:25,729
When I left Atlantic City,

1180
00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:27,297
I realized I had one pair all along.

1181
00:44:27,331 --> 00:44:29,199
So I had no underwear, right?

1182
00:44:29,233 --> 00:44:31,101
And I think what I've done is lost.

1183
00:44:31,135 --> 00:44:33,971
I thought I'd lost weight, but I really hadn't.

1184
00:44:34,004 --> 00:44:35,305
Oh, I have a shorts I wear.

1185
00:44:35,339 --> 00:44:37,975
I wore it on my plane, like gym shorts,

1186
00:44:38,008 --> 00:44:39,443
which are not cleaned very often.

1187
00:44:39,476 --> 00:44:40,144
I don't clean 'em.

1188
00:44:40,177 --> 00:44:40,944
That's another childish thing.

1189
00:44:40,978 --> 00:44:42,746
People clean their clothes, right?

1190
00:44:42,780 --> 00:44:44,415
I don't clean it often enough.

1191
00:44:44,448 --> 00:44:46,817
But the knot for tightening the underwear

1192
00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:48,952
is too hard for me to get out.

1193
00:44:48,986 --> 00:44:49,920
- [Cathy] Mm-hmm.

1194
00:44:49,953 --> 00:44:51,055
- I don't know how to get it out, it's hard.

1195
00:44:51,088 --> 00:44:52,156
- [Cathy] Right.

1196
00:44:52,189 --> 00:44:54,491
- And it's sat at a level which is too loose for me.

1197
00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:56,927
(laughing)

1198
00:44:58,228 --> 00:44:59,363
So when I got off the plane,

1199
00:44:59,396 --> 00:45:02,066
my friend Bob's waiting for me.

1200
00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:05,035
I didn't realize my shorts are below,

1201
00:45:05,069 --> 00:45:07,137
like my ass is showing, but I have no underwear.

1202
00:45:07,171 --> 00:45:10,007
So I'm walking off the plane with a bare ass. (laughing)

1203
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,508
- It's the plumber!

1204
00:45:11,542 --> 00:45:15,412
It was clear that Al was not just the comedian

1205
00:45:16,513 --> 00:45:18,382
who you see on stage,

1206
00:45:18,415 --> 00:45:21,118
but that stage continues on into his life.

1207
00:45:21,151 --> 00:45:22,920
He's the same person.

1208
00:45:22,953 --> 00:45:25,089
There really was no break.

1209
00:45:25,522 --> 00:45:27,391
How long do you want to live?

1210
00:45:27,424 --> 00:45:28,225
- I don't know.

1211
00:45:28,258 --> 00:45:29,460
Well, ideally, for a guy like me,

1212
00:45:29,493 --> 00:45:31,128
300 years would be perfect

1213
00:45:31,161 --> 00:45:33,430
'cause like I procrastinate, you know?

1214
00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:34,898
- You need time to catch up.

1215
00:45:34,932 --> 00:45:35,799
- Yeah.

1216
00:45:36,467 --> 00:45:37,301
That's the problem.

1217
00:45:37,334 --> 00:45:38,335
I haven't done much.

1218
00:45:38,368 --> 00:45:40,104
I've avoided life. - Mm-hmm.

1219
00:45:40,137 --> 00:45:41,839
- And now I see what's happened.

1220
00:45:41,872 --> 00:45:44,041
I've gotten really old and my body's falling apart.

1221
00:45:44,074 --> 00:45:46,110
- Hm, that sucks. - So, I know.

1222
00:45:46,143 --> 00:45:46,977
(laughing)

1223
00:45:47,010 --> 00:45:47,878
So,

1224
00:45:49,313 --> 00:45:50,280
I've always been like the guy

1225
00:45:50,314 --> 00:45:52,349
that studied at the last minute for the test,

1226
00:45:52,382 --> 00:45:53,383
and so I feel like life,

1227
00:45:53,417 --> 00:45:54,218
I'm doing life like that.

1228
00:45:54,251 --> 00:45:56,987
- Al, I'm amazed how similar we are.

1229
00:45:57,020 --> 00:45:59,289
The virtue of Al is the fact

1230
00:45:59,890 --> 00:46:03,894
that when one starts a conversation with him,

1231
00:46:06,430 --> 00:46:10,467
one begins to see the reflection of themselves in him.

1232
00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:12,336
And his humor is the kind of thing

1233
00:46:12,369 --> 00:46:16,306
where these are thoughts that are deeply hidden

1234
00:46:16,607 --> 00:46:18,942
within, in my opinion, most people.

1235
00:46:18,976 --> 00:46:21,245
And when you're facing this person

1236
00:46:21,278 --> 00:46:22,980
who is a caricature of things

1237
00:46:23,013 --> 00:46:25,048
that you've thought about in your life,

1238
00:46:25,082 --> 00:46:28,285
about how lazy you are, how frightened you are,

1239
00:46:28,318 --> 00:46:30,888
how you don't want to do things that are good for you,

1240
00:46:30,921 --> 00:46:34,057
and yet, you still want the results of not doing it

1241
00:46:34,091 --> 00:46:37,294
yet having something good happen in your life.

1242
00:46:37,327 --> 00:46:40,197
And when you stare at that in the eye,

1243
00:46:40,230 --> 00:46:43,433
the virtue of Al is that you're looking at yourself.

1244
00:46:43,467 --> 00:46:45,869
- So I got to the point sometimes I'd wake up

1245
00:46:45,903 --> 00:46:48,405
at 7:00 in the evening, 8:00 at night,

1246
00:46:48,438 --> 00:46:49,306
just to practice.

1247
00:46:49,339 --> 00:46:51,975
Like I'd go to bed, 2:00 in the morning.

1248
00:46:52,009 --> 00:46:53,410
Like I'd wake up 8:00 in the morning, go back to bed,

1249
00:46:53,443 --> 00:46:54,978
wake up at 9:00 in the morning, go back to bed.

1250
00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:57,447
I did this once until 8:00 in the evening.

1251
00:46:57,481 --> 00:46:59,216
And I remember lying in that bed,

1252
00:46:59,249 --> 00:47:01,051
a very comfortable bed, Tempur-Pedic.

1253
00:47:01,084 --> 00:47:02,553
And I remember like I got scared once

1254
00:47:02,586 --> 00:47:04,521
'cause I actually felt I was sinking into the bed

1255
00:47:04,555 --> 00:47:06,323
like sinking into death.

1256
00:47:06,356 --> 00:47:09,326
I wasn't going to clubs to try out material.

1257
00:47:09,359 --> 00:47:12,596
Didn't care about any new joke, didn't care about growing.

1258
00:47:12,629 --> 00:47:16,533
I wanted to stay like this little hibernating child

1259
00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:17,634
that still did exercise

1260
00:47:17,668 --> 00:47:18,735
'cause I had a little narcissism.

1261
00:47:18,769 --> 00:47:22,005
I wanted to look decent and I didn't want to die.

1262
00:47:22,039 --> 00:47:25,509
I wanted to stay a child that wouldn't die.

1263
00:47:26,076 --> 00:47:27,477
- [Cathy] That's pretty good.

1264
00:47:27,511 --> 00:47:29,446
I mean, children typically don't die, right,

1265
00:47:29,479 --> 00:47:31,248
so that's kinda logical. - That's my theory, yeah.

1266
00:47:31,281 --> 00:47:33,283
- [Cathy] So you're using pragmatic thinking, right?

1267
00:47:33,317 --> 00:47:34,151
- Yeah, it is.

1268
00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:34,852
But I wasn't growing.

1269
00:47:34,885 --> 00:47:35,652
I had an opportunity to grow.

1270
00:47:35,686 --> 00:47:37,354
I had money.

1271
00:47:37,387 --> 00:47:38,689
And so instead of saying I have money now.

1272
00:47:38,722 --> 00:47:40,257
Now, I can do what I want.

1273
00:47:40,290 --> 00:47:42,626
Well, it turns out all I wanted was to do nothing.

1274
00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:45,929
- I chose a path to be a professional

1275
00:47:48,065 --> 00:47:50,567
so that I could have the lifestyle

1276
00:47:50,601 --> 00:47:54,271
that I knew I wanted to have in my lifetime

1277
00:47:54,705 --> 00:47:58,141
and be able to have and support a family.

1278
00:47:58,175 --> 00:48:00,210
Al can't make those decisions.

1279
00:48:00,244 --> 00:48:02,079
His decisions are made for him

1280
00:48:02,112 --> 00:48:05,349
because he's not financially successful.

1281
00:48:06,316 --> 00:48:09,286
- It's just incredible stress having no money.

1282
00:48:09,319 --> 00:48:11,421
Your options are dwindled, you know?

1283
00:48:11,455 --> 00:48:12,723
And then there was bigger stress

1284
00:48:12,756 --> 00:48:15,225
when I worried about that shuttle coming.

1285
00:48:15,259 --> 00:48:16,426
You know, most people with money say

1286
00:48:16,460 --> 00:48:17,261
I'll just take a fucking cab.

1287
00:48:17,294 --> 00:48:18,128
I don't have the money to take a cab.

1288
00:48:18,161 --> 00:48:20,464
If I take a cab, I can't check my bag.

1289
00:48:20,497 --> 00:48:21,965
If I can't check my bag on the plane,

1290
00:48:21,999 --> 00:48:24,134
I can't take the plane, you know?

1291
00:48:24,167 --> 00:48:26,603
It's like when you have virtually zero dollars,

1292
00:48:26,637 --> 00:48:28,171
it's wild stress.

1293
00:48:28,605 --> 00:48:32,075
I don't know how much longer I can take that stress.

1294
00:48:32,109 --> 00:48:34,177
- [Joshua] Have you thought about getting

1295
00:48:34,211 --> 00:48:35,579
like a menial job?

1296
00:48:35,612 --> 00:48:36,680
- No.

1297
00:48:36,713 --> 00:48:40,250
- He said I like to get people to do things for me.

1298
00:48:40,284 --> 00:48:43,353
And what I do when people talk to me is listen to them.

1299
00:48:43,387 --> 00:48:47,658
And so I have a tendency to believe what people say.

1300
00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:51,395
And so I therefore took that information

1301
00:48:51,962 --> 00:48:54,264
and did what I was willing to do,

1302
00:48:54,298 --> 00:48:57,534
but made him do what I felt like was his responsibility.

1303
00:48:57,567 --> 00:49:00,704
- But I think I exude a need for help.

1304
00:49:01,071 --> 00:49:01,905
And even unconsciously,

1305
00:49:01,939 --> 00:49:05,275
I think people can sense I need help.

1306
00:49:05,309 --> 00:49:07,611
And certain people are helpful and will do it

1307
00:49:07,644 --> 00:49:09,112
and other people won't.

1308
00:49:09,146 --> 00:49:11,148
And I resent the people that don't help

1309
00:49:11,181 --> 00:49:13,250
because the child in me wants to be helped.

1310
00:49:13,283 --> 00:49:14,751
And who are you not to help me?

1311
00:49:14,785 --> 00:49:16,386
I'm special, help me.

1312
00:49:16,420 --> 00:49:17,554
On the other hand, there's a part of me

1313
00:49:17,587 --> 00:49:19,489
that's grateful for someone not helping me

1314
00:49:19,523 --> 00:49:20,791
'cause they're helping me grow up.

1315
00:49:20,824 --> 00:49:22,659
They're providing the discipline I didn't get.

1316
00:49:22,693 --> 00:49:24,761
- I felt that he made himself at home here.

1317
00:49:24,795 --> 00:49:26,029
He was quiet.

1318
00:49:26,063 --> 00:49:27,264
He slept a lot.

1319
00:49:28,031 --> 00:49:31,301
He didn't make any difficult demands.

1320
00:49:32,002 --> 00:49:34,538
In fact, much less than most.

1321
00:49:35,572 --> 00:49:38,308
So, no, he was a wonderful guest

1322
00:49:38,542 --> 00:49:41,511
and he's welcome back here any time for a night.

1323
00:49:41,545 --> 00:49:43,747
(laughing)

1324
00:49:48,719 --> 00:49:50,787
- There are many feelings about seeing my mother.

1325
00:49:50,821 --> 00:49:52,656
Well, not that strong

1326
00:49:52,689 --> 00:49:55,726
because I've seen her the last two days.

1327
00:49:55,759 --> 00:49:56,593
You're right.

1328
00:49:56,626 --> 00:49:57,661
It maybe would have been better, I think,

1329
00:49:57,694 --> 00:50:00,564
had you captured me at the first moment seeing her,

1330
00:50:00,597 --> 00:50:01,531
you know?

1331
00:50:01,565 --> 00:50:03,667
But also I felt bad and looking back at it,

1332
00:50:03,700 --> 00:50:04,668
part of me didn't want to do that.

1333
00:50:04,701 --> 00:50:06,336
I didn't want to over shock her.

1334
00:50:06,370 --> 00:50:08,305
It's like not only is she seeing me for the first time.

1335
00:50:08,338 --> 00:50:10,240
She doesn't know I'm coming over.

1336
00:50:10,273 --> 00:50:11,842
And plus, there's cameras with me.

1337
00:50:11,875 --> 00:50:13,744
That could have killed her right there.

1338
00:50:13,777 --> 00:50:16,480
And then what are my feelings then?

1339
00:50:16,513 --> 00:50:18,548
That she died from the shock of it.

1340
00:50:18,582 --> 00:50:21,818
Did part of me want her to be shocked like that and die?

1341
00:50:21,852 --> 00:50:22,853
I don't know.

1342
00:50:22,886 --> 00:50:24,154
- [Joshua] No, because you didn't have us come.

1343
00:50:24,187 --> 00:50:25,222
- Right, I didn't, yeah.

1344
00:50:25,255 --> 00:50:27,257
- [Joshua] Did you have feelings before seeing her?

1345
00:50:27,290 --> 00:50:27,924
- Yes.

1346
00:50:27,958 --> 00:50:28,625
- [Joshua] What were those?

1347
00:50:28,658 --> 00:50:30,494
- Well, before I first saw her?

1348
00:50:30,527 --> 00:50:31,461
Yeah, I mean like,

1349
00:50:31,495 --> 00:50:32,562
'cause I know it's been a year.

1350
00:50:32,596 --> 00:50:34,264
That's been one of the longest times

1351
00:50:34,297 --> 00:50:35,766
I've gone without seeing her.

1352
00:50:35,799 --> 00:50:37,601
I was scared just to see how much she aged.

1353
00:50:37,634 --> 00:50:39,469
I was frightened 'cause I know a year's gone by,

1354
00:50:39,503 --> 00:50:41,338
and especially when you're that old,

1355
00:50:41,371 --> 00:50:42,539
how much has she aged?

1356
00:50:42,572 --> 00:50:44,474
I didn't want her to look really bad

1357
00:50:44,508 --> 00:50:45,409
'cause she's my mother.

1358
00:50:45,442 --> 00:50:46,343
I don't want to see her super, super old.

1359
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:49,246
She is old, but she doesn't look that bad.

1360
00:50:49,279 --> 00:50:51,782
You know, she looks worse now, I must say.

1361
00:50:51,815 --> 00:50:53,350
- We laugh a lot.

1362
00:50:53,917 --> 00:50:56,620
Our memories, we remember a lot.

1363
00:50:57,821 --> 00:51:01,091
And we get along, I think, very well.

1364
00:51:03,226 --> 00:51:05,729
- [Al] What do you mean, the story of your life?

1365
00:51:05,762 --> 00:51:09,699
- Well, because we were very close, weren't we?

1366
00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:11,768
Always together.

1367
00:51:12,436 --> 00:51:13,336
- [Al] Too much.

1368
00:51:13,370 --> 00:51:14,438
- Too much?

1369
00:51:14,471 --> 00:51:15,505
- [Al] You didn't give me enough separation I think,

1370
00:51:15,539 --> 00:51:16,373
you know?

1371
00:51:16,406 --> 00:51:17,741
- Oh, it happens.

1372
00:51:18,141 --> 00:51:19,609
- [Al] I was a mama's boy.

1373
00:51:19,643 --> 00:51:20,510
- Yeah.

1374
00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:22,679
- [Al] So I have this ambivalence,

1375
00:51:22,712 --> 00:51:24,181
you know, as a huge ambivalence.

1376
00:51:24,214 --> 00:51:25,615
I really don't want my mother to die.

1377
00:51:25,649 --> 00:51:27,284
She's a real character.

1378
00:51:27,317 --> 00:51:29,219
I really do love her in some ways, you know.

1379
00:51:29,252 --> 00:51:31,521
Not in the way of like a person that raised me correctly

1380
00:51:31,555 --> 00:51:33,457
and gave me a decent chance in life,

1381
00:51:33,490 --> 00:51:34,524
I don't love her that way.

1382
00:51:34,558 --> 00:51:37,327
I don't love her as like a good parent, you know?

1383
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:38,595
In some ways, she was good

1384
00:51:38,628 --> 00:51:39,830
'cause she gave me a lot of attention,

1385
00:51:39,863 --> 00:51:40,931
but she would do anything for me

1386
00:51:40,964 --> 00:51:43,733
except let me be separate 'cause she's mentally ill.

1387
00:51:43,767 --> 00:51:46,470
So I've been damaged goods my whole life.

1388
00:51:46,503 --> 00:51:49,172
So I have a lot of anger at her

1389
00:51:49,406 --> 00:51:50,874
'cause yeah, she's my mother,

1390
00:51:50,907 --> 00:51:52,442
but she is my bad mother.

1391
00:51:52,476 --> 00:51:53,410
She fucked up.

1392
00:51:53,443 --> 00:51:55,779
The one job for her to do was to be a parent

1393
00:51:55,812 --> 00:51:56,880
and she didn't do it.

1394
00:51:56,913 --> 00:51:57,981
She fucked it up.

1395
00:51:58,014 --> 00:52:01,451
If there was parenting class, she would have failed.

1396
00:52:01,485 --> 00:52:02,886
She would have failed parenting class.

1397
00:52:02,919 --> 00:52:05,322
There should be parenting class, but she would have failed.

1398
00:52:05,355 --> 00:52:07,190
And is it a surprise I'm a failure?

1399
00:52:07,224 --> 00:52:08,592
I'm the product of her,

1400
00:52:08,625 --> 00:52:10,360
so I'm a failure because I was raised by a person

1401
00:52:10,393 --> 00:52:12,429
that would fail parenting class.

1402
00:52:12,462 --> 00:52:14,931
- Well, you're making a living.

1403
00:52:15,565 --> 00:52:17,934
- [Al] I did perform last night.

1404
00:52:17,968 --> 00:52:19,035
- In other words,

1405
00:52:19,069 --> 00:52:23,240
you do have money from what you're doing currently,

1406
00:52:23,773 --> 00:52:27,177
but you don't have savings so to speak.

1407
00:52:28,245 --> 00:52:29,613
Well, it's important to have savings.

1408
00:52:29,646 --> 00:52:33,250
Something comes up and you need, you know.

1409
00:52:33,283 --> 00:52:36,319
Do I have anything left that I could give you?

1410
00:52:36,353 --> 00:52:37,220
- [Al] No.

1411
00:52:38,722 --> 00:52:40,857
- That's no good. - I know.

1412
00:52:42,425 --> 00:52:44,928
Can you like go and work or something?

1413
00:52:44,961 --> 00:52:47,230
- That was my next thing.

1414
00:52:47,464 --> 00:52:49,966
I think I have to go look for a job.

1415
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:50,834
- Right.

1416
00:52:50,867 --> 00:52:52,736
My mother would say, "You're the best.

1417
00:52:52,769 --> 00:52:54,971
"You're going straight to the top."

1418
00:52:55,005 --> 00:52:55,839
You know, so,

1419
00:52:55,872 --> 00:52:56,706
no one ever said it's gonna be easy.

1420
00:52:56,740 --> 00:52:57,707
Yes, they did.

1421
00:52:57,741 --> 00:52:58,875
My mother did.

1422
00:52:59,409 --> 00:53:01,244
You don't complain to me too much

1423
00:53:01,278 --> 00:53:02,779
about me being a comedian anymore.

1424
00:53:02,812 --> 00:53:04,481
You don't complain.

1425
00:53:05,148 --> 00:53:06,550
Do you know what I used to do

1426
00:53:06,583 --> 00:53:10,287
and you always wanted me to go back to that?

1427
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:11,021
Oh, that's why you don't complain.

1428
00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:11,988
You forgot.

1429
00:53:12,822 --> 00:53:14,291
You forgot what I was.

1430
00:53:14,324 --> 00:53:16,293
Do you know I'm a comedian?

1431
00:53:16,326 --> 00:53:17,394
- That, I know.

1432
00:53:17,427 --> 00:53:18,995
- Do you know what I did before this?

1433
00:53:19,029 --> 00:53:19,930
- No--

1434
00:53:19,963 --> 00:53:21,932
- Do you know what I went to school for?

1435
00:53:21,965 --> 00:53:22,799
- No.

1436
00:53:22,832 --> 00:53:23,934
- You forgot?

1437
00:53:23,967 --> 00:53:24,801
No, I thought it was just you gave up on complaining.

1438
00:53:24,834 --> 00:53:26,269
You just forgot.

1439
00:53:27,771 --> 00:53:28,638
- It's true.

1440
00:53:28,672 --> 00:53:29,973
- I had a job before I was a comedian.

1441
00:53:30,006 --> 00:53:32,409
- That's true. - You forgot?

1442
00:53:33,043 --> 00:53:34,010
- Tell me.

1443
00:53:34,044 --> 00:53:35,512
- Take a guess.

1444
00:53:35,545 --> 00:53:36,379
- I have none.

1445
00:53:36,413 --> 00:53:37,747
- Was I a doctor?

1446
00:53:38,014 --> 00:53:38,915
- No.

1447
00:53:38,949 --> 00:53:39,816
- Was I a?

1448
00:53:41,651 --> 00:53:44,754
What are the two things, doctor and?

1449
00:53:44,788 --> 00:53:48,925
Jewish parents want their kid to be a doctor or a?

1450
00:53:49,359 --> 00:53:50,694
- I like that.

1451
00:53:53,730 --> 00:53:54,598
Excellent.

1452
00:53:55,732 --> 00:53:57,934
(laughing)

1453
00:53:58,435 --> 00:54:00,370
That's a good one.

1454
00:54:00,403 --> 00:54:02,472
- What do Jewish parents want their kids to be?

1455
00:54:02,505 --> 00:54:04,507
I want you to be either a doctor or a?

1456
00:54:04,541 --> 00:54:05,475
- Dentist.

1457
00:54:05,508 --> 00:54:07,711
(laughing)

1458
00:54:08,878 --> 00:54:11,615
- This is like the senility quiz show.

1459
00:54:11,648 --> 00:54:13,850
(laughing)

1460
00:54:16,553 --> 00:54:18,622
And people would always warn her.

1461
00:54:18,655 --> 00:54:19,923
Linda, you're overprotecting him.

1462
00:54:19,956 --> 00:54:21,091
It's not healthy for him.

1463
00:54:21,124 --> 00:54:22,459
This is not good for him.

1464
00:54:22,492 --> 00:54:24,461
You should make him do it himself.

1465
00:54:24,494 --> 00:54:26,630
When he grows up, it's gonna be bad on him.

1466
00:54:26,663 --> 00:54:27,464
It's not right.

1467
00:54:27,497 --> 00:54:29,833
I know, I know, she'd say, I know.

1468
00:54:29,866 --> 00:54:31,735
And then she'd give in anyway.

1469
00:54:31,768 --> 00:54:32,802
She'd say, "My therapist, Alan,

1470
00:54:32,836 --> 00:54:34,571
"said I shouldn't be giving you baths.

1471
00:54:34,604 --> 00:54:35,438
"You're 12 years old.

1472
00:54:35,472 --> 00:54:36,773
"I shouldn't be giving them to you."

1473
00:54:36,806 --> 00:54:37,741
I go, "Give me another bath!"

1474
00:54:37,774 --> 00:54:40,877
Okay, Alan, but I shouldn't be doing this.

1475
00:54:40,910 --> 00:54:41,845
I swear to you, I remember this.

1476
00:54:41,878 --> 00:54:43,546
I remember being 12 years old,

1477
00:54:43,580 --> 00:54:45,715
home from school for lunch,

1478
00:54:45,749 --> 00:54:47,484
and in the bathroom,

1479
00:54:47,984 --> 00:54:51,921
and screaming to my mother, "Wipe me, wipe me!"

1480
00:54:52,222 --> 00:54:52,889
I was 12.

1481
00:54:53,356 --> 00:54:55,125
And she'd go, "Alan, this has gotta stop already."

1482
00:54:55,158 --> 00:54:57,360
Just one more time, mommy.

1483
00:54:57,394 --> 00:54:58,461
Alan, you're 12 years old.

1484
00:54:58,495 --> 00:55:00,130
The other boys aren't having their parents wipe them.

1485
00:55:00,163 --> 00:55:02,499
Just one more time, mommy.

1486
00:55:02,699 --> 00:55:04,834
She did this till I was 12 years old.

1487
00:55:04,868 --> 00:55:08,538
It may be longer, I might be repressing it.

1488
00:55:08,772 --> 00:55:11,741
But I remember till 12 'cause I remember that.

1489
00:55:11,775 --> 00:55:13,043
I think I stopped it at 12

1490
00:55:13,076 --> 00:55:15,679
because I had my bar mitzvah coming up

1491
00:55:15,712 --> 00:55:17,113
and I think I felt embarrassed

1492
00:55:17,147 --> 00:55:19,983
that I was gonna be a man pretty soon.

1493
00:55:20,016 --> 00:55:21,551
I don't remember who flushed.

1494
00:55:21,584 --> 00:55:24,587
(audience laughing)

1495
00:55:24,954 --> 00:55:26,956
I'm guessing it was her.

1496
00:55:27,390 --> 00:55:29,993
I doubt I'd get her to wipe me

1497
00:55:30,393 --> 00:55:32,996
and be like, "Oh, I got that."

1498
00:55:33,263 --> 00:55:35,532
(audience laughing)

1499
00:55:35,565 --> 00:55:36,933
I was always afraid of people dying all the time,

1500
00:55:36,966 --> 00:55:38,601
her dying, the father dying,

1501
00:55:38,635 --> 00:55:41,438
and I think the reason was 'cause I felt so helpless.

1502
00:55:41,471 --> 00:55:43,039
You guys raised me in a helpless,

1503
00:55:43,073 --> 00:55:45,108
I was so dependent wildly.

1504
00:55:45,141 --> 00:55:47,110
I felt no sense of self.

1505
00:55:47,143 --> 00:55:48,878
If you guys are dead, I'm died,

1506
00:55:48,912 --> 00:55:49,913
because if you're still attached

1507
00:55:49,946 --> 00:55:51,981
by an umbilical cord to someone,

1508
00:55:52,015 --> 00:55:53,850
if you really get everything from that cord,

1509
00:55:53,883 --> 00:55:54,851
it's still working,

1510
00:55:54,884 --> 00:55:57,987
if the person you're attached to dies, you die.

1511
00:55:58,021 --> 00:55:58,955
And now looking back on it,

1512
00:55:58,988 --> 00:56:01,124
that's my explanation why I was so terrified

1513
00:56:01,157 --> 00:56:02,992
because kids on an instinctual level

1514
00:56:03,026 --> 00:56:04,494
know how they should be raised.

1515
00:56:04,527 --> 00:56:05,595
- How?

1516
00:56:05,628 --> 00:56:08,098
- And maybe instinctually I knew something was wrong.

1517
00:56:08,131 --> 00:56:09,933
And plus, I could see my neighbors,

1518
00:56:09,966 --> 00:56:12,035
that I wasn't like them.

1519
00:56:12,068 --> 00:56:14,971
And I could feel something was wrong.

1520
00:56:15,004 --> 00:56:15,672
No offense.

1521
00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:16,539
I'm not trying to attack you.

1522
00:56:16,573 --> 00:56:18,441
I'm just trying to tell you what I feel.

1523
00:56:18,475 --> 00:56:19,943
- I agree, I agree.

1524
00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:23,580
- So you do agree something was wrong?

1525
00:56:23,613 --> 00:56:24,447
- No.

1526
00:56:24,481 --> 00:56:26,616
I didn't mean it that way.

1527
00:56:28,685 --> 00:56:30,620
I meant that's what you felt.

1528
00:56:30,653 --> 00:56:32,489
(laughing)

1529
00:56:32,522 --> 00:56:33,957
- You're a great witness. - Huh?

1530
00:56:33,990 --> 00:56:37,660
- You'd be a great witness in a court case.

1531
00:56:37,927 --> 00:56:39,195
It's like you're hedging.

1532
00:56:39,229 --> 00:56:40,997
You know, I agree, but-- - Both ways.

1533
00:56:41,030 --> 00:56:43,566
(laughing)

1534
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:45,034
I know what I'm doing.

1535
00:56:45,068 --> 00:56:45,702
- See, I feel bad.

1536
00:56:45,735 --> 00:56:46,536
I could keep questioning you

1537
00:56:46,569 --> 00:56:48,071
and try to get you to agree with me,

1538
00:56:48,104 --> 00:56:49,572
but I don't want to like badger you.

1539
00:56:49,606 --> 00:56:51,674
- Nah, you don't have to.

1540
00:56:52,041 --> 00:56:55,545
- I sense she can only take so much, you know?

1541
00:56:55,578 --> 00:56:58,515
So I think it's hopeless, you know.

1542
00:57:00,850 --> 00:57:03,686
She's not capable, I think, of working things out with me.

1543
00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:06,055
- He blames everybody for other things,

1544
00:57:06,089 --> 00:57:10,059
for things that maybe he didn't do because of them.

1545
00:57:10,093 --> 00:57:12,562
Maybe my mother was too strict

1546
00:57:12,595 --> 00:57:14,564
or maybe my mother was too possessive

1547
00:57:14,597 --> 00:57:16,800
and didn't let me grow up.

1548
00:57:16,833 --> 00:57:18,601
Maybe that's what it is.

1549
00:57:18,635 --> 00:57:22,505
They didn't let me flourish, they didn't let me grow.

1550
00:57:22,539 --> 00:57:24,007
And I say to him not true.

1551
00:57:24,040 --> 00:57:25,275
People can do it.

1552
00:57:25,308 --> 00:57:27,944
Look at people that didn't have parents.

1553
00:57:27,977 --> 00:57:29,679
They've been very successful.

1554
00:57:29,712 --> 00:57:32,682
Look at people who really overcame terrible obstacles

1555
00:57:32,715 --> 00:57:34,517
like Oprah Winfrey.

1556
00:57:34,551 --> 00:57:37,854
And these other people really became so famous

1557
00:57:37,887 --> 00:57:39,522
and had a terrible upbringing.

1558
00:57:39,556 --> 00:57:42,058
You did not have a terrible upbringing.

1559
00:57:42,091 --> 00:57:43,293
They were never abusive.

1560
00:57:43,326 --> 00:57:45,228
- Yeah, but you told me they wouldn't let me lift anything.

1561
00:57:45,261 --> 00:57:46,362
That's abusive.

1562
00:57:46,396 --> 00:57:49,933
- To you, that's abusive, but they were always there.

1563
00:57:49,966 --> 00:57:51,000
- That's another problem.

1564
00:57:51,034 --> 00:57:52,702
- But you also made it that way.

1565
00:57:52,735 --> 00:57:53,503
- How?

1566
00:57:53,536 --> 00:57:54,804
- 'Cause you were very demanding.

1567
00:57:54,838 --> 00:57:57,040
- I thought you-- - I want food now.

1568
00:57:57,073 --> 00:57:57,941
- Right.

1569
00:57:58,274 --> 00:57:59,309
- Not waiting, I want it.

1570
00:57:59,342 --> 00:58:01,678
And they would run and get it.

1571
00:58:01,711 --> 00:58:04,180
- I remember lying in bed as a kid going,

1572
00:58:04,214 --> 00:58:07,217
"Mommy, mommy, bring me a tuna fish sandwich."

1573
00:58:07,250 --> 00:58:10,553
And she'd bring me a tuna fish sandwich in bed.

1574
00:58:10,587 --> 00:58:12,088
I'd look at it and go,

1575
00:58:12,121 --> 00:58:14,991
"I said I wanted it on rye toast!"

1576
00:58:15,458 --> 00:58:16,259
She'd go out, make it on rye toast,

1577
00:58:16,292 --> 00:58:18,828
bring it to me in bed in my room.

1578
00:58:18,862 --> 00:58:20,897
And looking back on it now,

1579
00:58:20,930 --> 00:58:25,268
I'm thinking like where was my father to stop this behavior?

1580
00:58:25,301 --> 00:58:28,571
Well, in fairness to my father, he was working.

1581
00:58:28,605 --> 00:58:31,207
He was providing for the family.

1582
00:58:31,241 --> 00:58:33,643
I mean, there was always food in the bed.

1583
00:58:33,676 --> 00:58:35,044
(audience laughing)

1584
00:58:35,078 --> 00:58:38,147
Of course, I didn't have a father there to stop them.

1585
00:58:38,181 --> 00:58:39,816
He was working nights, right? - He was working nights

1586
00:58:39,849 --> 00:58:41,618
and slept during the day. - Slept during the day.

1587
00:58:41,651 --> 00:58:43,620
And he wasn't there to create some male energy

1588
00:58:43,653 --> 00:58:45,188
and say enough of this shit.

1589
00:58:45,221 --> 00:58:46,322
- No. - You know?

1590
00:58:46,356 --> 00:58:47,757
Do it yourself.

1591
00:58:48,124 --> 00:58:48,791
- But you want to know something?

1592
00:58:48,825 --> 00:58:50,260
You can't blame everybody else.

1593
00:58:50,293 --> 00:58:51,494
You're still your own person.

1594
00:58:51,528 --> 00:58:53,997
- She'd always to me, "You're nothing but a spoiled brat."

1595
00:58:54,030 --> 00:58:55,832
But I was thinking if my mother never give in to me,

1596
00:58:55,865 --> 00:58:57,934
I could never become a brat, right?

1597
00:58:57,967 --> 00:58:59,903
You can't become a brat

1598
00:59:00,169 --> 00:59:02,639
if your parent doesn't give in to you.

1599
00:59:02,672 --> 00:59:03,873
So my mother is yelling at me

1600
00:59:03,907 --> 00:59:06,976
for being something that she created.

1601
00:59:08,378 --> 00:59:09,679
That's like walking up to somebody,

1602
00:59:09,712 --> 00:59:11,214
stabbing them in the chest,

1603
00:59:11,247 --> 00:59:14,017
and going you're such a victim.

1604
00:59:14,050 --> 00:59:17,120
(audience laughing)

1605
00:59:17,153 --> 00:59:19,122
At what age is it not my fault?

1606
00:59:19,155 --> 00:59:20,723
How young do we get?

1607
00:59:20,757 --> 00:59:22,225
She goes at the age of three,

1608
00:59:22,258 --> 00:59:24,794
it was your fault from three on.

1609
00:59:24,827 --> 00:59:25,662
Can you believe that?

1610
00:59:25,695 --> 00:59:26,663
- Yes, I'm telling you.

1611
00:59:26,696 --> 00:59:27,330
- Three?

1612
00:59:27,363 --> 00:59:28,431
It's my fault at three?

1613
00:59:28,464 --> 00:59:30,199
- Because at three, you still know what you want.

1614
00:59:30,233 --> 00:59:31,167
You're still a person.

1615
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:32,669
You can go and come and do as you please.

1616
00:59:32,702 --> 00:59:34,304
- You guys have a cult going.

1617
00:59:34,337 --> 00:59:36,873
Come on, you're gonna blame a three year old

1618
00:59:36,906 --> 00:59:38,641
or the adult parent?

1619
00:59:40,009 --> 00:59:41,144
- It's a little of both.

1620
00:59:41,177 --> 00:59:43,947
Sometimes, a child will take advantage of the situation

1621
00:59:43,980 --> 00:59:46,015
if they know they can get away with it.

1622
00:59:46,049 --> 00:59:47,317
- But they're three!

1623
00:59:47,350 --> 00:59:49,018
- I was always on top of things.

1624
00:59:49,052 --> 00:59:50,954
I was a pain in the neck.

1625
00:59:50,987 --> 00:59:52,388
That part is true.

1626
00:59:53,222 --> 00:59:56,926
Because I had to prevent, and take care,

1627
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,662
and get in the middle of things,

1628
00:59:59,696 --> 01:00:01,864
and stop everything or whatever

1629
01:00:01,898 --> 01:00:06,035
because I don't think he cared enough to be aware!

1630
01:00:06,469 --> 01:00:08,104
- She was always so worried about me.

1631
01:00:08,137 --> 01:00:09,305
Alan, watch out, be careful!

1632
01:00:09,339 --> 01:00:11,207
Alan, Alan, watch out!

1633
01:00:12,842 --> 01:00:13,910
And I was reading this one article

1634
01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:14,978
about this one comedian,

1635
01:00:15,011 --> 01:00:15,878
a very funny guy.

1636
01:00:15,912 --> 01:00:17,680
He had his own sitcom on TV for a while,

1637
01:00:17,714 --> 01:00:18,948
but a very sad story.

1638
01:00:18,982 --> 01:00:20,683
Throughout his entire childhood,

1639
01:00:20,717 --> 01:00:24,454
his mother was in and out of mental hospitals.

1640
01:00:24,487 --> 01:00:27,857
But I gotta say that I had it way worse.

1641
01:00:27,890 --> 01:00:28,758
For my entire childhood,

1642
01:00:28,791 --> 01:00:30,727
my mother was out of mental hospitals.

1643
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:33,129
(audience laughing)

1644
01:00:33,162 --> 01:00:34,864
- Am I right or wrong?

1645
01:00:34,897 --> 01:00:37,367
You just went out blundering like that

1646
01:00:37,400 --> 01:00:39,268
without being careful!

1647
01:00:42,138 --> 01:00:42,939
- Well, yeah.

1648
01:00:42,972 --> 01:00:46,142
- Yeah, so it made it double for me.

1649
01:00:46,743 --> 01:00:48,811
- But you know, you didn't let me think for myself.

1650
01:00:48,845 --> 01:00:50,713
I think you should have let me make mistakes

1651
01:00:50,747 --> 01:00:51,914
without telling me what to do.

1652
01:00:51,948 --> 01:00:55,051
- Probably, but I was afraid the mistakes would be hurtful

1653
01:00:55,084 --> 01:00:57,253
so I tried to avoid them,

1654
01:00:57,286 --> 01:00:59,922
so I avoided this and I avoided that,

1655
01:00:59,956 --> 01:01:02,225
and I really screwed you up.

1656
01:01:02,625 --> 01:01:05,194
But thank god you came out this way.

1657
01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:06,295
(laughing)

1658
01:01:06,329 --> 01:01:08,297
- I still see myself as a child.

1659
01:01:08,331 --> 01:01:09,399
I was so infantilized.

1660
01:01:09,432 --> 01:01:10,967
The first girlfriend I had,

1661
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,403
she once said to me, "Your mother infantilized you."

1662
01:01:13,436 --> 01:01:15,772
She used the word infantilized.

1663
01:01:15,805 --> 01:01:17,240
I think I've been infantilized.

1664
01:01:17,273 --> 01:01:19,442
- Well, didn't you tell them how she used to say

1665
01:01:19,475 --> 01:01:21,878
life isn't worth living without you?

1666
01:01:21,911 --> 01:01:22,912
- Oh, sure.

1667
01:01:22,945 --> 01:01:24,514
- [Leslie] She wouldn't live without you, Alan.

1668
01:01:24,547 --> 01:01:26,816
Life is not worth living.

1669
01:01:27,016 --> 01:01:28,317
- I know, my mother, right? - Yeah.

1670
01:01:28,351 --> 01:01:29,852
- It's too much of a burden to put on a kid,

1671
01:01:29,886 --> 01:01:31,154
don't you think?

1672
01:01:31,354 --> 01:01:32,955
- Well, it's a bit strong.

1673
01:01:32,989 --> 01:01:34,957
- You're my life, Alan, my son,

1674
01:01:34,991 --> 01:01:36,192
my entire life.

1675
01:01:36,993 --> 01:01:40,096
You're my reason for living, Alan.

1676
01:01:40,129 --> 01:01:42,932
Yes, my entire reason for living.

1677
01:01:43,700 --> 01:01:46,469
My life is you, you, you, you, you.

1678
01:01:46,502 --> 01:01:47,403
It's all you, Alan.

1679
01:01:47,437 --> 01:01:51,140
It's only been about you, only about you.

1680
01:01:51,841 --> 01:01:55,244
Everything for you, everything for you.

1681
01:01:55,611 --> 01:01:58,181
I love you, Alan, I love you.

1682
01:01:58,214 --> 01:01:59,182
(hissing)

1683
01:01:59,215 --> 01:02:01,918
She loved me, but like an idiot, like a moron.

1684
01:02:01,951 --> 01:02:03,920
And I'm not so sure she loved me.

1685
01:02:03,953 --> 01:02:06,122
She loved me as an appendage to her.

1686
01:02:06,155 --> 01:02:08,424
She didn't really want me to become a separate person,

1687
01:02:08,458 --> 01:02:09,425
a separate, you know?

1688
01:02:09,459 --> 01:02:11,427
I remember one time, there was a girl I liked.

1689
01:02:11,461 --> 01:02:14,530
I took her to a show like 30 years ago in Tampa I was doing

1690
01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:16,566
and I met some girl at a club the night before,

1691
01:02:16,599 --> 01:02:18,367
and the issue was do I want to stay a night,

1692
01:02:18,401 --> 01:02:20,103
extra night to be with this girl

1693
01:02:20,136 --> 01:02:22,105
or go back with my mother to the East Coast.

1694
01:02:22,138 --> 01:02:24,307
And she asked me to go back with her.

1695
01:02:24,340 --> 01:02:25,975
So, how much does she love me

1696
01:02:26,008 --> 01:02:28,010
if she doesn't want me to stay with the girl?

1697
01:02:28,044 --> 01:02:29,479
Wouldn't a healthy mother say, "Stay with the girl.

1698
01:02:29,512 --> 01:02:30,880
"You just met this girl."

1699
01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:32,415
No, she wants me to stay with her.

1700
01:02:32,448 --> 01:02:33,549
That ain't a healthy love.

1701
01:02:33,583 --> 01:02:34,383
That's a sick love.

1702
01:02:34,417 --> 01:02:36,085
That's a selfish love on her part,

1703
01:02:36,119 --> 01:02:39,021
using be as a substitute for her husband.

1704
01:02:39,055 --> 01:02:40,857
I mean, I think that may be a reason

1705
01:02:40,890 --> 01:02:42,058
why I don't have a girlfriend,

1706
01:02:42,091 --> 01:02:43,593
this unconscious--

1707
01:02:43,626 --> 01:02:46,028
- I think you're too cheap. - Without you, I have--

1708
01:02:46,062 --> 01:02:46,896
- He's cheap.

1709
01:02:46,929 --> 01:02:48,998
- Without you, life is not worth living.

1710
01:02:49,031 --> 01:02:51,300
I was raised by a sycophant.

1711
01:02:51,334 --> 01:02:52,969
- [Leslie] But it was in good intentions.

1712
01:02:53,002 --> 01:02:54,270
- I don't know. - Just didn't know how.

1713
01:02:54,303 --> 01:02:56,105
- I'm not so sure about her good intentions.

1714
01:02:56,139 --> 01:02:57,540
Honestly, I think that maybe

1715
01:02:57,573 --> 01:03:00,376
she really wanted me for herself.

1716
01:03:02,945 --> 01:03:04,013
- No, because I'd hear constantly

1717
01:03:04,046 --> 01:03:06,549
if only he'd get married and give me grandchildren.

1718
01:03:06,582 --> 01:03:09,318
So she wants you to have a normal life, and a family,

1719
01:03:09,352 --> 01:03:11,187
and a wife, and children.

1720
01:03:11,220 --> 01:03:13,356
- Well, I'd like him to be married

1721
01:03:13,389 --> 01:03:15,925
so he'd have a pal, a friend.

1722
01:03:16,259 --> 01:03:19,162
Wouldn't it be nice if he also had children,

1723
01:03:19,195 --> 01:03:22,365
if he also had people around him and not be alone?

1724
01:03:22,398 --> 01:03:24,934
Well, that's normal thinking.

1725
01:03:25,134 --> 01:03:28,204
(audience laughing)

1726
01:03:28,237 --> 01:03:29,105
- Alan!

1727
01:03:29,639 --> 01:03:32,241
(audience laughing)

1728
01:03:32,275 --> 01:03:33,409
My life, Alan!

1729
01:03:33,810 --> 01:03:36,245
(audience laughing)

1730
01:03:36,279 --> 01:03:38,614
(Al hissing)

1731
01:03:43,252 --> 01:03:44,420
So, I'm single.

1732
01:03:44,453 --> 01:03:45,555
(audience laughing)

1733
01:03:45,588 --> 01:03:48,991
(upbeat music) (audience applauding)

1734
01:03:49,025 --> 01:03:50,159
- I was watching a tape (mumbles).

1735
01:03:50,193 --> 01:03:51,093
You're a good looking guy,

1736
01:03:51,127 --> 01:03:51,994
you're kinda cute.

1737
01:03:52,028 --> 01:03:53,095
- Oh really?

1738
01:03:53,129 --> 01:03:53,996
- I mean, not that, I don't mean that as a, you know.

1739
01:03:54,030 --> 01:03:56,199
- What do you mean exactly by kind of?

1740
01:03:56,232 --> 01:03:57,633
- No, you're handsome.

1741
01:03:57,667 --> 01:03:59,202
You're just handsome on TV, I thought.

1742
01:03:59,235 --> 01:04:00,469
- Really handsome, but not in person?

1743
01:04:00,503 --> 01:04:02,038
- In person also.

1744
01:04:02,338 --> 01:04:03,139
You look good.

1745
01:04:03,172 --> 01:04:05,241
- I look good, how good? - Very good.

1746
01:04:05,274 --> 01:04:06,242
- No, really.

1747
01:04:06,275 --> 01:04:08,311
Honestly, do you find yourself attracted to me?

1748
01:04:08,344 --> 01:04:09,345
- Yes, I do.

1749
01:04:09,378 --> 01:04:10,213
- Really? - Yeah.

1750
01:04:10,246 --> 01:04:12,582
- Sexually attractive? - Yeah, I do.

1751
01:04:12,615 --> 01:04:13,583
- We have a lot in common.

1752
01:04:13,616 --> 01:04:14,951
Anyway, the point is though--

1753
01:04:14,984 --> 01:04:17,353
(audience laughing)

1754
01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:19,355
I think there's a selfishness about her.

1755
01:04:19,388 --> 01:04:22,458
She's used me as the thing she loved.

1756
01:04:22,792 --> 01:04:24,060
She overdid it

1757
01:04:24,093 --> 01:04:26,128
and created this ambivalence I have

1758
01:04:26,162 --> 01:04:27,129
about having a girlfriend.

1759
01:04:27,163 --> 01:04:28,431
Not so much 'cause I'm cheating on my mother,

1760
01:04:28,464 --> 01:04:30,032
but there's a part of that.

1761
01:04:30,066 --> 01:04:31,701
I never had sex, but it was like an implied.

1762
01:04:31,734 --> 01:04:32,368
What is it called?

1763
01:04:32,401 --> 01:04:35,071
Implied incest or not overt,

1764
01:04:35,371 --> 01:04:37,640
but it's an emotional incest

1765
01:04:39,141 --> 01:04:41,644
that I never really fully connected with women

1766
01:04:41,677 --> 01:04:44,113
'cause I didn't want to ever give up

1767
01:04:44,146 --> 01:04:45,414
a relationship with mommy.

1768
01:04:45,448 --> 01:04:47,183
Sex with my mother?

1769
01:04:47,216 --> 01:04:48,284
She would have ruined that.

1770
01:04:48,317 --> 01:04:49,952
You're straining your back, Alan.

1771
01:04:49,986 --> 01:04:52,622
(audience laughing)

1772
01:04:52,655 --> 01:04:55,057
You're straining your back.

1773
01:04:55,291 --> 01:04:56,158
Relax.

1774
01:04:56,692 --> 01:04:57,360
Take it easy.

1775
01:04:57,393 --> 01:04:57,994
What are you trying to prove?

1776
01:04:58,027 --> 01:04:59,629
I'm your mother, damn it.

1777
01:04:59,662 --> 01:05:00,830
(audience laughing)

1778
01:05:00,863 --> 01:05:02,732
- [Marc] What is it, did you grow up at the Bates Hotel?

1779
01:05:02,765 --> 01:05:03,566
- [Al] Right.

1780
01:05:03,599 --> 01:05:04,367
Yeah, I think so.

1781
01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:05,234
The way I do my mother in my act,

1782
01:05:05,268 --> 01:05:06,302
people say it reminds them of that.

1783
01:05:06,335 --> 01:05:08,537
- [Marc] So you didn't jerk off till you were 20?

1784
01:05:08,571 --> 01:05:09,605
- [Al] Till I was 20.

1785
01:05:09,639 --> 01:05:11,073
- [Marc] I'm so sorry.

1786
01:05:11,107 --> 01:05:12,608
- [Al] Well, it's even worse than that.

1787
01:05:12,642 --> 01:05:14,143
A guy who turned out to be gay

1788
01:05:14,176 --> 01:05:16,746
convinced me to let him put his mouth on my penis.

1789
01:05:16,779 --> 01:05:18,114
- [Marc] Yeah.

1790
01:05:18,347 --> 01:05:20,283
- [Al] Years later, I always thought maybe I'm gay.

1791
01:05:20,316 --> 01:05:21,617
I let this guy do this 'cause he convinced me.

1792
01:05:21,651 --> 01:05:23,219
He said, "Al, if you're gonna play with yourself."

1793
01:05:23,252 --> 01:05:23,920
He was my best friend.

1794
01:05:23,953 --> 01:05:25,454
He was four years older than me.

1795
01:05:25,488 --> 01:05:26,422
- [Marc] Mm-hmm.

1796
01:05:26,455 --> 01:05:28,024
- [Al] And he goes just pull your pants down.

1797
01:05:28,057 --> 01:05:29,025
Start playing with yourself.

1798
01:05:29,058 --> 01:05:30,126
And I did it.

1799
01:05:30,159 --> 01:05:31,994
I couldn't do it 'cause I had never done it before

1800
01:05:32,028 --> 01:05:32,828
and I was scared.

1801
01:05:32,862 --> 01:05:34,430
So he said, "I'll put my hand on it."

1802
01:05:34,463 --> 01:05:35,564
And I was not an idiot.

1803
01:05:35,598 --> 01:05:36,999
I said, "What, are you gay?"

1804
01:05:37,033 --> 01:05:39,535
And he goes, "No," so I go, "Okay."

1805
01:05:39,568 --> 01:05:40,403
Okay.

1806
01:05:40,436 --> 01:05:41,270
So he puts his hand on it.

1807
01:05:41,304 --> 01:05:42,471
Still, nothing happened.

1808
01:05:42,505 --> 01:05:45,207
He was like I don't want to do this,

1809
01:05:45,241 --> 01:05:48,477
I don't want to do it but you obviously need stimulation.

1810
01:05:48,511 --> 01:05:50,613
What I'll do is I'll put my mouth on it.

1811
01:05:50,646 --> 01:05:52,315
And look, I'm not a moron.

1812
01:05:52,348 --> 01:05:53,649
Just admit to me you're gay.

1813
01:05:53,683 --> 01:05:54,350
If you admit you're gay,

1814
01:05:54,383 --> 01:05:55,384
I'm not gonna let you touch me.

1815
01:05:55,418 --> 01:05:56,118
But don't lie to me.

1816
01:05:56,152 --> 01:05:56,986
Just admit you're gay. - Yeah.

1817
01:05:57,019 --> 01:05:58,587
- He goes I'm not gay, so I go okay.

1818
01:05:58,621 --> 01:06:01,357
(Marc laughing)

1819
01:06:01,557 --> 01:06:04,126
But I do feel my mother made big mistakes.

1820
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:05,661
I don't think she should have given in to me like that,

1821
01:06:05,695 --> 01:06:06,762
you know?

1822
01:06:06,796 --> 01:06:07,630
I don't think she should have served me food in bed,

1823
01:06:07,663 --> 01:06:10,533
and changed my TV channel for me to 17,

1824
01:06:10,566 --> 01:06:12,134
and wipe me, you know?

1825
01:06:12,168 --> 01:06:14,136
And sat outside Hebrew school class.

1826
01:06:14,170 --> 01:06:15,338
Giving in, giving in, giving in.

1827
01:06:15,371 --> 01:06:16,739
'Cause when you're a kid,

1828
01:06:16,772 --> 01:06:18,607
your parent represents the world to you.

1829
01:06:18,641 --> 01:06:19,675
And I got the feeling that the whole world

1830
01:06:19,709 --> 01:06:22,645
was gonna go incredibly out of their way for me.

1831
01:06:22,678 --> 01:06:23,479
You know?

1832
01:06:23,512 --> 01:06:25,715
So looking back on it, it makes sense.

1833
01:06:25,748 --> 01:06:26,816
Of course I ended up thinking

1834
01:06:26,849 --> 01:06:29,385
that a heterosexual guy would actually suck my dick.

1835
01:06:29,418 --> 01:06:31,320
(audience laughing)

1836
01:06:31,354 --> 01:06:33,589
- I do believe Alan has a good relationship with mother.

1837
01:06:33,622 --> 01:06:35,257
He cares about her greatly.

1838
01:06:35,291 --> 01:06:36,726
He worries about her.

1839
01:06:36,759 --> 01:06:39,795
He wants to make sure everything is done properly for her.

1840
01:06:39,829 --> 01:06:44,066
He calls me to find out if I'm in touch with everybody.

1841
01:06:44,100 --> 01:06:46,068
Is she okay, what do you think?

1842
01:06:46,102 --> 01:06:48,304
Is she taken care of proper?

1843
01:06:48,337 --> 01:06:49,205
So, he does care.

1844
01:06:49,238 --> 01:06:52,441
He loves her very much, he really does.

1845
01:06:52,475 --> 01:06:54,510
He does love his mother.

1846
01:06:54,543 --> 01:06:56,512
He might resent her a little bit,

1847
01:06:56,545 --> 01:06:59,248
but he loves her and he cares greatly.

1848
01:06:59,281 --> 01:07:00,216
Absolutely.

1849
01:07:00,583 --> 01:07:03,119
- Part of me is thinking move back here

1850
01:07:03,152 --> 01:07:05,821
because now is really coming to the end for my mother.

1851
01:07:05,855 --> 01:07:08,591
I think she has the beginning of congestive heart failure

1852
01:07:08,624 --> 01:07:11,727
and she's taking oxygen once in a while.

1853
01:07:11,761 --> 01:07:13,462
It really is getting to the end, I think.

1854
01:07:13,496 --> 01:07:15,164
And I feel I should be here for that.

1855
01:07:15,197 --> 01:07:16,432
I feel really bad about that.

1856
01:07:16,465 --> 01:07:17,366
I don't want her to die.

1857
01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:19,535
I really don't want her to die.

1858
01:07:19,568 --> 01:07:20,636
The best thing is,

1859
01:07:20,669 --> 01:07:21,704
and people have said this before about their mothers,

1860
01:07:21,737 --> 01:07:24,707
if they never die but you never have to see them.

1861
01:07:24,740 --> 01:07:25,674
You know?

1862
01:07:25,708 --> 01:07:27,243
I mean, that would be a great combination.

1863
01:07:27,276 --> 01:07:28,444
- My life should have been,

1864
01:07:28,477 --> 01:07:31,547
it should have ended long before then

1865
01:07:32,648 --> 01:07:34,850
between him and his father.

1866
01:07:36,786 --> 01:07:39,255
(laughing)

1867
01:07:39,288 --> 01:07:41,724
I really had a very tough life,

1868
01:07:44,693 --> 01:07:48,097
but I survived and it made me stronger,

1869
01:07:48,497 --> 01:07:50,332
let's put it that way.

1870
01:07:50,366 --> 01:07:53,169
♪ Happy time

1871
01:07:53,202 --> 01:07:56,172
♪ Happy night

1872
01:07:56,205 --> 01:08:00,142
♪ Happy day

1873
01:08:00,176 --> 01:08:02,478
♪ Here again

1874
01:08:08,784 --> 01:08:10,286
- Think peace, everybody.

1875
01:08:10,319 --> 01:08:11,587
Let's all think peace.

1876
01:08:11,620 --> 01:08:14,390
(audience applauding)

1877
01:08:14,423 --> 01:08:15,291
Thank you.

1878
01:08:16,559 --> 01:08:17,793
- But looking back on it for me,

1879
01:08:17,827 --> 01:08:19,762
I think my big weakness.

1880
01:08:19,795 --> 01:08:22,331
I was too fearful to be a good attorney,

1881
01:08:22,364 --> 01:08:23,466
too full of fear.

1882
01:08:23,499 --> 01:08:25,367
I remember one time, the prosecutor,

1883
01:08:25,401 --> 01:08:28,237
he said to the witness on the stand,

1884
01:08:28,270 --> 01:08:30,372
"Do you see the murderer here today in the court room?"

1885
01:08:30,406 --> 01:08:31,240
And I was really scared.

1886
01:08:31,273 --> 01:08:32,208
What if he picks me?

1887
01:08:32,241 --> 01:08:33,476
(audience laughing)

1888
01:08:33,509 --> 01:08:36,378
The death penalty is, as you know,

1889
01:08:36,846 --> 01:08:37,613
is legal in Florida, right?

1890
01:08:37,646 --> 01:08:39,215
You got the death penalty, right?

1891
01:08:39,248 --> 01:08:40,082
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

1892
01:08:40,116 --> 01:08:41,717
- I don't understand the logic of it.

1893
01:08:41,750 --> 01:08:42,785
The major reason is, right,

1894
01:08:42,818 --> 01:08:43,752
an eye for an eye.

1895
01:08:43,786 --> 01:08:44,386
You killed someone, so we're gonna kill you,

1896
01:08:44,420 --> 01:08:45,454
which does sound logical,

1897
01:08:45,488 --> 01:08:48,257
but then how come they don't use the same reasoning

1898
01:08:48,290 --> 01:08:49,625
for other crimes?

1899
01:08:50,259 --> 01:08:51,260
Right, like,

1900
01:08:51,627 --> 01:08:53,395
if you're convicted of attempted murder,

1901
01:08:53,429 --> 01:08:54,864
how come they don't put you in an electric chair

1902
01:08:54,897 --> 01:08:55,831
that doesn't quite work?

1903
01:08:55,865 --> 01:08:58,868
(audience laughing)

1904
01:09:01,537 --> 01:09:04,340
But when I was thinking about the juvenile--

1905
01:09:04,373 --> 01:09:05,574
(people chattering)

1906
01:09:05,608 --> 01:09:06,475
What?

1907
01:09:08,844 --> 01:09:10,346
- [Female Speaker] J-K.

1908
01:09:10,379 --> 01:09:11,213
- Right.

1909
01:09:11,247 --> 01:09:11,881
They go what?

1910
01:09:11,914 --> 01:09:12,748
- [Male Speaker] J-K.

1911
01:09:12,781 --> 01:09:13,949
- What does J-K stand for?

1912
01:09:13,983 --> 01:09:14,884
- Just kidding. - Just kidding.

1913
01:09:14,917 --> 01:09:15,751
- Oh, that's right.

1914
01:09:15,784 --> 01:09:18,787
(audience laughing)

1915
01:09:21,423 --> 01:09:23,759
Is that like L-O-L?

1916
01:09:24,326 --> 01:09:26,662
L-O-L means lots of laughs, right?

1917
01:09:26,695 --> 01:09:27,463
Is that what that means?

1918
01:09:27,496 --> 01:09:28,664
But I don't understand your logic.

1919
01:09:28,697 --> 01:09:29,899
I can see what you're going for,

1920
01:09:29,932 --> 01:09:31,400
like but just kidding,

1921
01:09:31,433 --> 01:09:32,568
but it's not really.

1922
01:09:32,601 --> 01:09:33,536
If you really were kidding,

1923
01:09:33,569 --> 01:09:37,239
there was no intent to really commit murder.

1924
01:09:38,807 --> 01:09:43,479
You know, you know? (audience laughing)

1925
01:09:46,515 --> 01:09:47,283
You know what I'm saying?

1926
01:09:47,316 --> 01:09:48,751
For the crime of attempted murder,

1927
01:09:48,784 --> 01:09:50,486
you have to really intend to commit murder

1928
01:09:50,519 --> 01:09:52,388
and fail at it, right?

1929
01:09:53,022 --> 01:09:56,292
If you like zap someone and say just kidding,

1930
01:09:56,325 --> 01:09:58,794
you never intended to kill him.

1931
01:09:59,361 --> 01:10:01,530
So it really is not analogous

1932
01:10:01,564 --> 01:10:04,266
to the crime of attempted murder.

1933
01:10:04,300 --> 01:10:06,502
It's more, you know, what?

1934
01:10:06,535 --> 01:10:08,037
- [Female Speaker] They sentence you to murder.

1935
01:10:08,070 --> 01:10:09,004
- Yeah.

1936
01:10:09,038 --> 01:10:10,539
No one sentenced you to murder.

1937
01:10:10,573 --> 01:10:13,576
(audience laughing)

1938
01:10:13,842 --> 01:10:14,677
I'm sentencing you.

1939
01:10:14,710 --> 01:10:16,011
You're gonna have to kill somebody.

1940
01:10:16,045 --> 01:10:18,314
(audience laughing)

1941
01:10:18,347 --> 01:10:19,281
You did such a bad thing,

1942
01:10:19,315 --> 01:10:21,650
we're making you do it again.

1943
01:10:21,984 --> 01:10:23,786
You're sentenced to murder.

1944
01:10:23,819 --> 01:10:27,289
Right, I know what you're trying to say,

1945
01:10:27,723 --> 01:10:28,924
but I don't think it's a perfect.

1946
01:10:28,958 --> 01:10:29,825
I agree.

1947
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:34,363
My thing was an electric chair which doesn't quite work

1948
01:10:34,396 --> 01:10:36,699
which is the same thing as you're saying,

1949
01:10:36,732 --> 01:10:37,733
so why say it?

1950
01:10:37,766 --> 01:10:40,769
(audience laughing)

1951
01:10:46,675 --> 01:10:49,378
Unless you're such a deep thinker.

1952
01:10:49,411 --> 01:10:50,679
You're like he made a joke,

1953
01:10:50,713 --> 01:10:52,047
I'll make an attempted joke.

1954
01:10:52,081 --> 01:10:55,417
(audience applauding)

1955
01:10:56,118 --> 01:10:58,754
- He made it back. - Al is here?

1956
01:10:58,787 --> 01:10:59,555
What happened?

1957
01:10:59,588 --> 01:11:01,357
- You know what happened? - What?

1958
01:11:01,390 --> 01:11:03,359
- I was following the wrong car

1959
01:11:03,392 --> 01:11:04,360
and I didn't know it

1960
01:11:04,393 --> 01:11:06,595
and I followed him right into the driveway.

1961
01:11:06,629 --> 01:11:10,633
They were terrified. (laughing)

1962
01:11:13,569 --> 01:11:18,574
They thought I was robbing them. (laughing)

1963
01:11:21,110 --> 01:11:23,579
Dan Shicklick, Dan Shickler.

1964
01:11:24,146 --> 01:11:25,914
- [Robert] Dan Shickler is a good basketball player.

1965
01:11:25,948 --> 01:11:27,883
Dan Shickler's very good on defense.

1966
01:11:27,916 --> 01:11:28,817
- Yeah, you know who Dan Shickler--

1967
01:11:28,851 --> 01:11:29,518
- [Robert] Dan Shickler is better than you.

1968
01:11:29,551 --> 01:11:31,387
- [Al] Bob thinks I'm not good.

1969
01:11:31,420 --> 01:11:32,087
- [Robert] You just shot.

1970
01:11:32,121 --> 01:11:33,355
You got the ball and you shot.

1971
01:11:33,389 --> 01:11:34,189
- [Al] People would tell me

1972
01:11:34,223 --> 01:11:35,124
I have a really good outside shot.

1973
01:11:35,157 --> 01:11:36,091
- [Robert] People, yeah.

1974
01:11:36,125 --> 01:11:37,559
You sound like Donald Trump.

1975
01:11:37,593 --> 01:11:39,428
The Mexicans tell me they love me.

1976
01:11:39,461 --> 01:11:40,896
- [Al] The Mexicans tell me I had a good outside shot.

1977
01:11:40,929 --> 01:11:41,830
- [Robert] All right, (mumbles).

1978
01:11:41,864 --> 01:11:43,098
(laughing)

1979
01:11:43,132 --> 01:11:44,800
- But anyway, my point is this.

1980
01:11:44,833 --> 01:11:46,635
Is in the final game,

1981
01:11:47,069 --> 01:11:49,772
in a big game, the playoff game we ended up losing.

1982
01:11:49,805 --> 01:11:51,473
We were playing that Gary Nunes team

1983
01:11:51,507 --> 01:11:52,908
and they had all really good players

1984
01:11:52,941 --> 01:11:55,444
that were all on the intramural team.

1985
01:11:55,477 --> 01:11:56,512
This was law school.

1986
01:11:56,545 --> 01:11:58,747
All these great players beating us,

1987
01:11:58,781 --> 01:11:59,682
but I choked.

1988
01:11:59,715 --> 01:12:02,885
I was afraid to take a shot in that game.

1989
01:12:02,918 --> 01:12:05,521
You took tons of shots and you weren't our best player.

1990
01:12:05,554 --> 01:12:07,723
Bob was taking shots all over the place

1991
01:12:07,756 --> 01:12:08,957
and missing constantly,

1992
01:12:08,991 --> 01:12:10,526
and you kept taking him.

1993
01:12:10,559 --> 01:12:12,795
But I was like in awe of your confidence,

1994
01:12:12,828 --> 01:12:13,762
that you kept trying.

1995
01:12:13,796 --> 01:12:16,899
This is a big game and you just kept trying,

1996
01:12:16,932 --> 01:12:18,500
and I am just the opposite.

1997
01:12:18,534 --> 01:12:20,903
I completely withdrew and was afraid to shoot.

1998
01:12:20,936 --> 01:12:21,704
And it got so bad.

1999
01:12:21,737 --> 01:12:24,740
We were way behind and Bob Sweeney,

2000
01:12:25,140 --> 01:12:25,808
I had the ball in my hand,

2001
01:12:25,841 --> 01:12:27,876
he said, "Shoot it!" (laughing)

2002
01:12:27,910 --> 01:12:28,977
Really angry.

2003
01:12:29,345 --> 01:12:30,379
And I never felt so small.

2004
01:12:30,412 --> 01:12:34,516
You know, I shot and missed, of course. (laughing)

2005
01:12:34,550 --> 01:12:36,118
I had so withdrawn.

2006
01:12:36,151 --> 01:12:37,319
So that just shows,

2007
01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:40,856
too afraid to take shots in a game that's already lost.

2008
01:12:40,889 --> 01:12:42,491
Just full of fear.

2009
01:12:42,925 --> 01:12:43,992
And you're the opposite.

2010
01:12:44,026 --> 01:12:45,794
Missing shot after shot in a big game,

2011
01:12:45,828 --> 01:12:47,529
taking more shots.

2012
01:12:47,563 --> 01:12:48,497
And look what happens.

2013
01:12:48,530 --> 01:12:50,499
You got a big house, a family, a whole life,

2014
01:12:50,532 --> 01:12:51,734
and look at me.

2015
01:12:52,935 --> 01:12:54,470
It's predestined.

2016
01:12:56,004 --> 01:12:57,906
No offense, I'm not knocking for what you have.

2017
01:12:57,940 --> 01:12:59,041
- [Robert] No.

2018
01:12:59,074 --> 01:13:01,710
- But you have not been afraid to live life, I have.

2019
01:13:01,744 --> 01:13:04,880
- See, I see things very differently.

2020
01:13:04,913 --> 01:13:06,048
I hear what you're saying

2021
01:13:06,081 --> 01:13:08,450
and I agree with everything you say,

2022
01:13:08,484 --> 01:13:11,620
but when we would go out after comedy,

2023
01:13:14,690 --> 01:13:17,493
you, and Dan, and Steve Oderkirk,

2024
01:13:19,728 --> 01:13:21,163
you do the thing and then afterwards,

2025
01:13:21,196 --> 01:13:22,865
we'd go to Denny's.

2026
01:13:23,198 --> 01:13:25,768
And then I would say I dare you to get up

2027
01:13:25,801 --> 01:13:28,470
and do your routine right here.

2028
01:13:28,737 --> 01:13:31,940
And most people would say I don't know, you know?

2029
01:13:31,974 --> 01:13:34,476
Maybe I could, I don't know.

2030
01:13:34,510 --> 01:13:35,611
You just said, yeah, okay.

2031
01:13:35,644 --> 01:13:39,047
You just stood up and did your routine in a Denny's.

2032
01:13:39,081 --> 01:13:41,483
We'd go to a movie theater.

2033
01:13:42,251 --> 01:13:44,052
They had a problem with the reel

2034
01:13:44,086 --> 01:13:46,188
and the movie didn't start on time.

2035
01:13:46,221 --> 01:13:49,858
I'd say I dare you to get up in front of the movie theater.

2036
01:13:49,892 --> 01:13:50,926
You didn't miss a beat.

2037
01:13:50,959 --> 01:13:53,095
You'd just get up and start doing your routine.

2038
01:13:53,128 --> 01:13:56,165
And I remember once you started doing your routine,

2039
01:13:56,198 --> 01:13:58,867
the usher came over to you and said,

2040
01:13:58,901 --> 01:14:00,602
"Sir, you have to sit down.

2041
01:14:00,636 --> 01:14:01,603
"It's a movie theater.

2042
01:14:01,637 --> 01:14:02,671
"We can't have this."

2043
01:14:02,704 --> 01:14:06,074
And as soon as he came over to tell you to stop,

2044
01:14:06,108 --> 01:14:08,143
everybody started booing the usher.

2045
01:14:08,177 --> 01:14:10,179
Said, "Let him continue, let him continue."

2046
01:14:10,212 --> 01:14:13,081
And you won over a movie audience.

2047
01:14:13,482 --> 01:14:16,618
They weren't even there to see you.

2048
01:14:18,554 --> 01:14:21,623
We stopped off at the Grand Canyon.

2049
01:14:21,657 --> 01:14:23,525
We took a donkey ride.

2050
01:14:23,926 --> 01:14:26,662
It goes like zigzag along trails

2051
01:14:26,995 --> 01:14:29,198
down the face of the canyon.

2052
01:14:29,231 --> 01:14:31,533
And it's a little bit dangerous.

2053
01:14:31,567 --> 01:14:36,171
If the donkey fell off, you'd go down hundreds of feet.

2054
01:14:36,205 --> 01:14:37,239
But on the other hand,

2055
01:14:37,272 --> 01:14:40,042
these donkeys go up and down once or twice a day

2056
01:14:40,075 --> 01:14:41,143
for 20 or 30 years.

2057
01:14:41,176 --> 01:14:43,278
That's their life, so you know,

2058
01:14:43,312 --> 01:14:45,948
I've never heard of any donkeys falling in.

2059
01:14:45,981 --> 01:14:47,249
- I went to the Grand Canyon.

2060
01:14:47,282 --> 01:14:48,584
I can't believe I took this risk.

2061
01:14:48,617 --> 01:14:49,852
I was terrified.

2062
01:14:49,885 --> 01:14:51,320
I should have never gone.

2063
01:14:51,353 --> 01:14:53,188
The donkey ride thing?

2064
01:14:53,222 --> 01:14:56,792
- We're going down in a group of like 20 people.

2065
01:14:56,825 --> 01:14:58,794
There's little kids, there's old people,

2066
01:14:58,827 --> 01:15:00,863
there was some cute girls there,

2067
01:15:00,896 --> 01:15:01,730
and we're going down.

2068
01:15:01,763 --> 01:15:03,298
And he gets up there

2069
01:15:03,732 --> 01:15:08,136
trying to pretend like he's a macho and everything.

2070
01:15:08,370 --> 01:15:09,938
He's on the donkey behind me.

2071
01:15:09,972 --> 01:15:11,640
And we're slowly going down

2072
01:15:11,673 --> 01:15:13,675
and for the first 10, 15 minutes,

2073
01:15:13,709 --> 01:15:14,977
everything's good.

2074
01:15:15,010 --> 01:15:16,812
Looking out, this is a great time.

2075
01:15:16,845 --> 01:15:18,714
And then all of a sudden, I look back

2076
01:15:18,747 --> 01:15:19,982
and he's got this look on his face

2077
01:15:20,015 --> 01:15:22,751
like he's having a heart attack.

2078
01:15:22,784 --> 01:15:23,785
And as we're making the turn,

2079
01:15:23,819 --> 01:15:25,787
he goes (moaning).

2080
01:15:25,821 --> 01:15:27,856
- What's amazing is they put up no railings or fences,

2081
01:15:27,890 --> 01:15:28,757
nothing.

2082
01:15:29,091 --> 01:15:30,792
There are no railings or fences there

2083
01:15:30,826 --> 01:15:33,729
separating you and the donkey from falling into the canyon.

2084
01:15:33,762 --> 01:15:36,198
And my donkey is walking right on the edge.

2085
01:15:36,231 --> 01:15:38,800
I was just one little road donkey step from death.

2086
01:15:38,834 --> 01:15:40,068
(audience laughing)

2087
01:15:40,102 --> 01:15:41,870
- I said, "You all right, Al?"

2088
01:15:41,904 --> 01:15:43,772
And he's like (moaning).

2089
01:15:43,805 --> 01:15:44,740
I said, "What's wrong?"

2090
01:15:44,773 --> 01:15:46,241
And someone yelled out,

2091
01:15:46,275 --> 01:15:48,677
"There's something wrong with this man over here!"

2092
01:15:48,710 --> 01:15:51,213
- I can't believe I'm trusting my life to him.

2093
01:15:51,246 --> 01:15:52,781
I'm riding the donkey down the canyon

2094
01:15:52,814 --> 01:15:55,083
and all I can think is who's the jackass?

2095
01:15:55,117 --> 01:15:57,119
(audience laughing)

2096
01:15:57,152 --> 01:15:58,120
- The leader of the group says,

2097
01:15:58,153 --> 01:15:59,888
"Everything okay back here?"

2098
01:15:59,922 --> 01:16:01,957
- I said to the tour guide, "I'm really scared."

2099
01:16:01,990 --> 01:16:02,891
You know what he says to me?

2100
01:16:02,925 --> 01:16:03,992
Don't worry about it.

2101
01:16:04,026 --> 01:16:07,996
No donkey has ever fallen in before into the canyon.

2102
01:16:08,030 --> 01:16:10,232
I said, "Well, that would relax me

2103
01:16:10,265 --> 01:16:11,633
"if I was headed into the past,

2104
01:16:11,667 --> 01:16:12,601
"but I'm headed to the future

2105
01:16:12,634 --> 01:16:14,069
"where there's no record of what donkeys do."

2106
01:16:14,102 --> 01:16:15,003
(audience laughing)

2107
01:16:15,037 --> 01:16:16,204
- Al, what's wrong?

2108
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:20,342
He said, "I'm watching the donkeys as they make the turn,

2109
01:16:20,375 --> 01:16:23,979
"and I just realized that the donkeys have four legs

2110
01:16:24,012 --> 01:16:26,214
"but they can't see their own feet!

2111
01:16:26,248 --> 01:16:27,916
"And every time they make a turn,

2112
01:16:27,950 --> 01:16:29,885
"they're not looking at the ground,

2113
01:16:29,918 --> 01:16:31,787
"so they're gonna have a misstep."

2114
01:16:31,820 --> 01:16:33,255
- I said to the tour guide, "I changed my mind.

2115
01:16:33,288 --> 01:16:34,122
"Let me get off."

2116
01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:35,324
He's not answering me.

2117
01:16:35,357 --> 01:16:35,991
I go, "Please, please, I didn't give this enough thought.

2118
01:16:36,024 --> 01:16:36,525
"I didn't think it through.

2119
01:16:36,558 --> 01:16:38,660
"I want to get off."

2120
01:16:38,694 --> 01:16:39,828
He turns around, he looks at me,

2121
01:16:39,861 --> 01:16:41,363
and he goes, "Do I look deaf?"

2122
01:16:41,396 --> 01:16:44,132
- All I did was laugh the whole trip down

2123
01:16:44,166 --> 01:16:47,235
and everybody in the whole group was laughing.

2124
01:16:47,269 --> 01:16:48,971
And this poor leader of the group,

2125
01:16:49,004 --> 01:16:50,172
he didn't know what to do

2126
01:16:50,205 --> 01:16:52,808
because he's scared that he's gonna have a heart attack.

2127
01:16:52,841 --> 01:16:54,810
He doesn't know whether he's serious or not.

2128
01:16:54,843 --> 01:16:56,078
- And the thought occurred to me,

2129
01:16:56,111 --> 01:16:57,245
who looks deaf?

2130
01:16:57,279 --> 01:17:00,282
(audience laughing)

2131
01:17:05,354 --> 01:17:07,255
And even if you're talking in sign,

2132
01:17:07,289 --> 01:17:08,223
that doesn't mean you're deaf.

2133
01:17:08,256 --> 01:17:10,959
You could be talking to somebody who is deaf.

2134
01:17:10,993 --> 01:17:12,094
I mean, who looks deaf

2135
01:17:12,127 --> 01:17:13,862
except maybe someone walking backwards

2136
01:17:13,895 --> 01:17:15,330
into a running chainsaw?

2137
01:17:15,364 --> 01:17:17,866
(audience laughing)

2138
01:17:17,899 --> 01:17:18,800
- To tell you the truth,

2139
01:17:18,834 --> 01:17:20,769
I think he was serious,

2140
01:17:21,403 --> 01:17:23,338
but he was just so panicky.

2141
01:17:23,372 --> 01:17:25,007
He over analyzed the fact

2142
01:17:25,040 --> 01:17:28,810
that the donkeys couldn't see his legs and I don't know.

2143
01:17:28,844 --> 01:17:30,245
- Well, I noticed for the past five minutes,

2144
01:17:30,278 --> 01:17:32,347
I've been screaming for my life at you

2145
01:17:32,381 --> 01:17:33,782
and you didn't answer me.

2146
01:17:33,815 --> 01:17:35,083
Do I sound mute?

2147
01:17:35,117 --> 01:17:36,251
(audience laughing)

2148
01:17:36,284 --> 01:17:37,486
- So he asked him, okay,

2149
01:17:37,519 --> 01:17:39,421
you will have a successful career.

2150
01:17:39,454 --> 01:17:42,090
All you gotta do is take that donkey ride one more time.

2151
01:17:42,124 --> 01:17:43,859
He wouldn't do it.

2152
01:17:43,892 --> 01:17:46,862
He says no 'cause I can't figure out

2153
01:17:46,895 --> 01:17:49,297
how a donkey can see his legs.

2154
01:17:49,765 --> 01:17:51,299
It doesn't make sense to me

2155
01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:54,770
that he's not gonna slip every so often.

2156
01:17:55,037 --> 01:17:57,039
So that's it, that's it.

2157
01:17:58,240 --> 01:18:00,976
That's Al Lubel in a nutshell to me.

2158
01:18:01,009 --> 01:18:03,045
Do you still do your Jimmy Stewart?

2159
01:18:03,078 --> 01:18:04,379
It always got a big laugh.

2160
01:18:04,413 --> 01:18:06,314
That was my favorite joke.

2161
01:18:06,348 --> 01:18:09,317
- It's funnier if you see it, but I mean...

2162
01:18:09,351 --> 01:18:11,019
I say I'm not good at impressions,

2163
01:18:11,053 --> 01:18:13,021
but I'd like to try one right now.

2164
01:18:13,055 --> 01:18:14,356
My impression of Jimmy Stewart.

2165
01:18:14,389 --> 01:18:16,224
My impression of the late great actor Jimmy Stewart,

2166
01:18:16,258 --> 01:18:17,392
Jimmy Stewart.

2167
01:18:17,759 --> 01:18:21,897
(speaking in foreign language)

2168
01:18:29,905 --> 01:18:30,572
- Yeah.

2169
01:18:30,605 --> 01:18:34,409
(speaking in foreign language)

2170
01:18:34,443 --> 01:18:35,110
Listen.

2171
01:18:35,143 --> 01:18:39,247
(speaking in foreign language)

2172
01:18:40,515 --> 01:18:41,983
This is Jimmy Stewart--

2173
01:18:42,017 --> 01:18:43,452
(speaking in foreign language)

2174
01:18:43,485 --> 01:18:44,786
This is Jimmy Stewart, the actor.

2175
01:18:44,820 --> 01:18:48,523
(speaking in foreign language)

2176
01:18:53,295 --> 01:18:54,930
- For like a minute.

2177
01:18:54,963 --> 01:18:55,897
And then I pause.

2178
01:18:55,931 --> 01:18:57,933
I go, "I told you I can't do impressions."

2179
01:18:57,966 --> 01:18:59,067
- He makes people think.

2180
01:18:59,101 --> 01:19:02,304
You know, he gets to the core of issues

2181
01:19:03,238 --> 01:19:05,040
in a very honest way.

2182
01:19:05,507 --> 01:19:08,510
He's not afraid to share the deepest

2183
01:19:09,044 --> 01:19:12,013
most intimate parts of his self

2184
01:19:12,047 --> 01:19:13,982
in a really honest way.

2185
01:19:14,182 --> 01:19:15,317
How many comedians,

2186
01:19:15,350 --> 01:19:17,352
how many people do that?

2187
01:19:17,786 --> 01:19:21,089
And I think he's incredibly successful.

2188
01:19:21,123 --> 01:19:22,858
He's changed my life

2189
01:19:26,528 --> 01:19:27,929
for the better.

2190
01:19:30,999 --> 01:19:31,867
Yeah.

2191
01:19:33,135 --> 01:19:34,870
You know, when I said before

2192
01:19:34,903 --> 01:19:37,506
I was waiting for him to be successful,

2193
01:19:37,539 --> 01:19:39,608
I mean in a commercial sense.

2194
01:19:39,641 --> 01:19:41,977
To me, he's already a successful comedian.

2195
01:19:42,010 --> 01:19:44,179
It's just when's the world

2196
01:19:44,212 --> 01:19:48,483
or when's the necessary producer gonna see who he is

2197
01:19:50,085 --> 01:19:52,287
and what he has to offer?

2198
01:19:52,320 --> 01:19:53,955
I'm sure it'll happen.

2199
01:19:53,989 --> 01:19:55,991
I just hope it happens sooner rather than later

2200
01:19:56,024 --> 01:19:58,560
because he's got a lot to offer.

2201
01:20:00,896 --> 01:20:03,865
- Well, getting work in the business and doing thing

2202
01:20:03,899 --> 01:20:05,033
has nothing to do necessarily

2203
01:20:05,066 --> 01:20:07,169
with how great a comedian you are.

2204
01:20:07,202 --> 01:20:09,137
Sometimes I'm feeling a hopeless feeling,

2205
01:20:09,171 --> 01:20:10,505
I could become greater and greater

2206
01:20:10,539 --> 01:20:11,640
and it won't mean anything

2207
01:20:11,673 --> 01:20:15,877
in terms of getting other work in showbiz, you know?

2208
01:20:16,411 --> 01:20:18,613
But I just really like comedy

2209
01:20:18,647 --> 01:20:20,549
and I want to keep getting better at it.

2210
01:20:20,582 --> 01:20:21,550
But yeah, am I resentful

2211
01:20:21,583 --> 01:20:24,152
that I feel I've become a very good comedian

2212
01:20:24,186 --> 01:20:26,621
and have very little to show for it?

2213
01:20:26,655 --> 01:20:28,390
I am angry about it,

2214
01:20:28,657 --> 01:20:30,292
but I don't know if it's unfair

2215
01:20:30,325 --> 01:20:33,261
'cause I don't think life owes you.

2216
01:20:34,296 --> 01:20:36,298
Life is what it is, you know?

2217
01:20:36,331 --> 01:20:37,999
I mean, Van Gogh created all these great things.

2218
01:20:38,033 --> 01:20:39,401
No one appreciated it.

2219
01:20:39,434 --> 01:20:40,602
That's what it was.

2220
01:20:40,635 --> 01:20:43,972
You can't force people to appreciate things in their time.

2221
01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:45,340
They just didn't.

2222
01:20:45,574 --> 01:20:47,976
- [Joshua] Life tells you you have to do this

2223
01:20:48,009 --> 01:20:50,278
and you have to do this and you say why?

2224
01:20:50,312 --> 01:20:53,248
- Well, your mother made that point to me actually.

2225
01:20:53,281 --> 01:20:56,284
I said I'm not ambitious or I have no guts.

2226
01:20:56,318 --> 01:20:57,919
And she said no, no, you have guts.

2227
01:20:57,953 --> 01:20:59,921
You've defied society.

2228
01:20:59,955 --> 01:21:02,657
I mean, you're not doing what everyone says,

2229
01:21:02,691 --> 01:21:04,693
have a regular job and da, da, da.

2230
01:21:04,726 --> 01:21:06,661
You're going your own way.

2231
01:21:06,695 --> 01:21:09,531
But I like to try to be me as much as...

2232
01:21:09,564 --> 01:21:11,967
The only enjoyment I get is from being me.

2233
01:21:12,000 --> 01:21:14,135
What is that Sammy Davis Jr., "I've Gotta Be Me,"

2234
01:21:14,169 --> 01:21:15,370
that Sammy Davis Jr. song?

2235
01:21:15,403 --> 01:21:16,171
I like singing that,

2236
01:21:16,204 --> 01:21:18,673
I like singing that song actually.

2237
01:21:18,707 --> 01:21:22,043
(uplifting pop music)

2238
01:21:25,513 --> 01:21:28,483
♪ Whether I'm right

2239
01:21:28,516 --> 01:21:32,587
♪ Or whether I'm wrong

2240
01:21:32,621 --> 01:21:37,626
♪ Whether I find a place in this world or never belong ♪

2241
01:21:39,761 --> 01:21:43,431
♪ I gotta be me

2242
01:21:43,465 --> 01:21:47,135
♪ I gotta be me

2243
01:21:47,168 --> 01:21:52,173
♪ What else can I be but what I am ♪

2244
01:21:55,410 --> 01:21:58,980
♪ I want to live

2245
01:21:59,014 --> 01:22:02,684
♪ Not merely survive

2246
01:22:02,717 --> 01:22:07,722
♪ And I won't give up this dream of life that keeps me alive ♪

2247
01:22:10,225 --> 01:22:14,195
♪ I gotta be me

2248
01:22:14,229 --> 01:22:17,499
♪ I gotta be me

2249
01:22:17,532 --> 01:22:22,404
♪ The dream that I see makes me what I am ♪

2250
01:22:30,512 --> 01:22:31,346
It's the epilogue.

2251
01:22:31,379 --> 01:22:32,747
This is the epilogue.

2252
01:22:32,781 --> 01:22:34,182
Sad it's the epilogue.

2253
01:22:34,215 --> 01:22:36,618
It's sad, the endings are sad.

2254
01:22:37,152 --> 01:22:39,654
But I could think of it as like the prologue

2255
01:22:39,688 --> 01:22:41,623
to the rest of my life.

2256
01:22:42,057 --> 01:22:46,261
So this is another prologue, isn't it? (laughing)

2257
01:22:46,294 --> 01:22:48,596
I'm doing the Edinburgh Festival at the beginning of August

2258
01:22:48,630 --> 01:22:49,631
for the whole month of August.

2259
01:22:49,664 --> 01:22:52,200
And most people go in and do totally new shows.

2260
01:22:52,233 --> 01:22:54,302
I'm gonna do a lot of the stuff I've done before,

2261
01:22:54,336 --> 01:22:56,438
but like a few new things.

2262
01:22:56,471 --> 01:22:59,474
But I don't have the money for a room to live in Edinburgh

2263
01:22:59,507 --> 01:23:01,776
and you really can't go there unless you have a room.

2264
01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:02,644
So I will get the money.

2265
01:23:02,677 --> 01:23:05,280
I have to drive like crazy for Lyft.

2266
01:23:05,313 --> 01:23:08,049
Driving Lyft has lessened my anxiety

2267
01:23:08,083 --> 01:23:10,785
because it has made me realize if I work,

2268
01:23:10,819 --> 01:23:11,786
I can eat.

2269
01:23:11,820 --> 01:23:14,055
And I have an actual chance to work, you know?

2270
01:23:14,089 --> 01:23:16,191
I mean, I got off food stamps.

2271
01:23:16,224 --> 01:23:17,559
I don't know if I mentioned that on here

2272
01:23:17,592 --> 01:23:19,227
that I was on food stamps for a while.

2273
01:23:19,260 --> 01:23:21,229
I was on welfare for a while.

2274
01:23:21,262 --> 01:23:22,764
I got off all that.

2275
01:23:22,797 --> 01:23:25,533
And I can actually work and eat.

2276
01:23:25,834 --> 01:23:28,269
Now, my friend once had a very good statement.

2277
01:23:28,303 --> 01:23:30,472
He said, "Right now, you hate yourself,

2278
01:23:30,505 --> 01:23:31,406
"but if you have a job,

2279
01:23:31,439 --> 01:23:33,274
"you'll hate your job instead of yourself,"

2280
01:23:33,308 --> 01:23:34,376
and it's a great point.

2281
01:23:34,409 --> 01:23:35,577
With driving Lyft,

2282
01:23:35,610 --> 01:23:37,479
I really do hate it in a lot of ways.

2283
01:23:37,512 --> 01:23:38,680
It's exhausting, tiring.

2284
01:23:38,713 --> 01:23:42,584
I'm just driving all over the city constantly, traffic.

2285
01:23:42,617 --> 01:23:43,752
But I don't know if it's true

2286
01:23:43,785 --> 01:23:45,286
you hate your job instead of yourself

2287
01:23:45,320 --> 01:23:47,689
'cause I've never hated myself that much.

2288
01:23:47,722 --> 01:23:50,091
You know, this is at least paying my bills,

2289
01:23:50,125 --> 01:23:51,760
my car insurance, my phone bill,

2290
01:23:51,793 --> 01:23:54,662
storage, food, whatever, you know.

2291
01:23:55,430 --> 01:23:57,599
But it's nice Gail's letting me stay here

2292
01:23:57,632 --> 01:23:58,299
without paying rent

2293
01:23:58,333 --> 01:23:59,601
although I let Gail use my car,

2294
01:23:59,634 --> 01:24:00,869
so you're getting something.

2295
01:24:00,902 --> 01:24:04,339
But the point is if I had to pay rent, my god.

2296
01:24:04,372 --> 01:24:06,474
I don't know how people pay rent.

2297
01:24:06,508 --> 01:24:07,742
So living in a foreign country,

2298
01:24:07,776 --> 01:24:09,544
I don't have these people helping me,

2299
01:24:09,577 --> 01:24:10,845
and I need that,

2300
01:24:11,813 --> 01:24:16,351
because I will grow up more if I'm forced into it.

2301
01:24:16,618 --> 01:24:18,153
If you want to be a comedian,

2302
01:24:18,186 --> 01:24:19,721
someone said it well recently.

2303
01:24:19,754 --> 01:24:22,157
You know, L.A.'s not the place to be a comedian.

2304
01:24:22,190 --> 01:24:24,359
It's a place to try to become a star.

2305
01:24:24,392 --> 01:24:25,727
And I'm kind of ambivalent about that

2306
01:24:25,760 --> 01:24:27,295
or at least I'm lazy enough

2307
01:24:27,328 --> 01:24:27,996
that I don't want to do all the work

2308
01:24:28,029 --> 01:24:30,365
that it takes to become famous.

2309
01:24:30,398 --> 01:24:32,367
And just fame for fame's sake is bullshit to me.

2310
01:24:32,400 --> 01:24:35,303
I'd like to keep getting better as a comedian.

2311
01:24:35,336 --> 01:24:36,304
I really don't care about.

2312
01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:37,605
As a kid, I cared about fame,

2313
01:24:37,639 --> 01:24:39,274
but I don't care about fame.

2314
01:24:39,307 --> 01:24:42,844
I should maybe 'cause having some money is a great thing

2315
01:24:42,877 --> 01:24:43,978
and takes a lot of stress off,

2316
01:24:44,012 --> 01:24:46,848
but again, I'm not that disciplined to work hard enough

2317
01:24:46,881 --> 01:24:48,349
to achieve that.

2318
01:24:48,383 --> 01:24:49,784
But in England at least,

2319
01:24:49,818 --> 01:24:51,853
I could keep getting better as a comedian

2320
01:24:51,886 --> 01:24:53,855
and I feel good about that.

2321
01:24:53,888 --> 01:24:55,323
Thank you for coming tonight.

2322
01:24:55,356 --> 01:24:57,926
I'm gonna be going to Edinburgh, Scotland,

2323
01:24:57,959 --> 01:24:59,394
if I don't die before then.

2324
01:24:59,427 --> 01:25:01,229
(audience applauding)

2325
01:25:01,262 --> 01:25:02,130
Thank you.

2326
01:25:02,664 --> 01:25:06,601
So, preparing for that and doing the singing thing.

2327
01:25:06,634 --> 01:25:09,204
And then I wanted to say that I hope this show continues,

2328
01:25:09,237 --> 01:25:10,672
I hope to be funny.

2329
01:25:10,905 --> 01:25:12,307
I mean, as you can tell,

2330
01:25:12,340 --> 01:25:13,408
I've been funny in the past,

2331
01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:16,377
and of course, I've also not been funny in the past.

2332
01:25:16,411 --> 01:25:18,947
(audience laughing faintly)

2333
01:25:18,980 --> 01:25:19,848
And as you can tell,

2334
01:25:19,881 --> 01:25:21,649
I've also not been funny in the present.

2335
01:25:21,683 --> 01:25:23,518
(audience laughing)

2336
01:25:23,551 --> 01:25:25,353
One comedian, I won't mention his name.

2337
01:25:25,386 --> 01:25:27,589
I hope he doesn't watch this and realize it was him.

2338
01:25:27,622 --> 01:25:29,524
I don't want to insult him and I won't say his name,

2339
01:25:29,557 --> 01:25:30,692
but he said this to me,

2340
01:25:30,725 --> 01:25:32,927
I was 43 years old at the time.

2341
01:25:32,961 --> 01:25:33,795
He's a funny comedian.

2342
01:25:33,828 --> 01:25:36,664
He said this to me at a bar, a comedy.

2343
01:25:36,698 --> 01:25:39,400
If you had to do it again, would you still do it?

2344
01:25:39,434 --> 01:25:41,936
Which is essentially saying you've failed.

2345
01:25:41,970 --> 01:25:43,238
I mean, who asks that question?

2346
01:25:43,271 --> 01:25:44,239
Would you tell that to Seinfeld?

2347
01:25:44,272 --> 01:25:45,740
Would you say, "If you had to do it all again,

2348
01:25:45,773 --> 01:25:46,674
"would you do it?"

2349
01:25:46,708 --> 01:25:47,542
No.

2350
01:25:47,575 --> 01:25:48,376
So he's essentially saying you failed

2351
01:25:48,409 --> 01:25:50,345
and I never saw myself as a failure

2352
01:25:50,378 --> 01:25:54,382
because I saw myself as kind of emotionally retarded

2353
01:25:54,415 --> 01:25:55,483
and that if I kept trying,

2354
01:25:55,517 --> 01:25:57,752
I would keep getting better, and better, and better,

2355
01:25:57,785 --> 01:25:58,987
which was the case for me.

2356
01:25:59,020 --> 01:26:00,855
A lot of people develop a great act early

2357
01:26:00,889 --> 01:26:01,890
and they're just great.

2358
01:26:01,923 --> 01:26:03,958
It took me years to slowly, slowly get better

2359
01:26:03,992 --> 01:26:06,227
'cause I was resisting getting better.

2360
01:26:06,261 --> 01:26:07,228
I mean, I wanted to get better

2361
01:26:07,262 --> 01:26:08,229
but I was afraid to get better.

2362
01:26:08,263 --> 01:26:09,164
I was ambivalent.

2363
01:26:09,197 --> 01:26:11,900
So I didn't see myself as a failure at 43.

2364
01:26:11,933 --> 01:26:15,904
I saw myself as achieving the fact that I never grew up.

2365
01:26:15,937 --> 01:26:17,672
I saw myself achieving the fact

2366
01:26:17,705 --> 01:26:21,543
that I didn't have to be a lawyer and I'm surviving at 43.

2367
01:26:21,576 --> 01:26:22,677
So when he asked me that,

2368
01:26:22,710 --> 01:26:23,845
I was offended by that question,

2369
01:26:23,878 --> 01:26:26,848
but I did answer and I said yeah, I would do it again,

2370
01:26:26,881 --> 01:26:28,683
and I really would.

2371
01:26:28,716 --> 01:26:30,251
Hey, if I had to do it over again,

2372
01:26:30,285 --> 01:26:31,619
I'd do it better.

2373
01:26:31,886 --> 01:26:34,689
I'd love to do it better, and work harder,

2374
01:26:34,722 --> 01:26:35,723
and stuff like that,

2375
01:26:35,757 --> 01:26:37,292
and not be so afraid,

2376
01:26:37,325 --> 01:26:38,493
but I would have done it again.

2377
01:26:38,526 --> 01:26:40,662
I would have still quit law and tried.

2378
01:26:40,695 --> 01:26:42,497
And I'm still glad I did what I did.

2379
01:26:42,530 --> 01:26:44,566
At least this way, I'm proud of the act I created.

2380
01:26:44,599 --> 01:26:45,800
I'm actually proud of myself.

2381
01:26:45,833 --> 01:26:47,468
It's not easy to create what I've created

2382
01:26:47,502 --> 01:26:48,836
against what people want.

2383
01:26:48,870 --> 01:26:51,472
I mean, I'm fighting the audience every fucking way.

2384
01:26:51,506 --> 01:26:52,574
They fight me every way.

2385
01:26:52,607 --> 01:26:55,343
And when I'm so proud when I find that little twist

2386
01:26:55,376 --> 01:26:57,745
that makes them still laugh even though they didn't want to.

2387
01:26:57,779 --> 01:26:58,880
And I'm proud at the end of shows

2388
01:26:58,913 --> 01:27:00,949
when people come up to me and go I didn't want to laugh,

2389
01:27:00,982 --> 01:27:01,816
I really didn't,

2390
01:27:01,849 --> 01:27:02,917
and then you got me really laughing.

2391
01:27:02,951 --> 01:27:04,018
That's what I want to hear.

2392
01:27:04,052 --> 01:27:06,588
I don't want easy jokes, you know?

2393
01:27:06,621 --> 01:27:07,255
Quick, easy.

2394
01:27:07,288 --> 01:27:08,656
I can't stand being normal.

2395
01:27:08,690 --> 01:27:09,691
I want to be me.

2396
01:27:09,724 --> 01:27:13,428
So I have managed to craft an act where I'm me

2397
01:27:13,461 --> 01:27:16,030
and I'm entertaining on my terms.

2398
01:27:16,064 --> 01:27:18,266
And that, I'm happy for.

2399
01:27:18,566 --> 01:27:19,567
(static crackling)

2400
01:27:36,618 --> 01:27:41,022
Right now, I would like to sing you song about myself.

2401
01:27:42,624 --> 01:27:45,727
♪ How you doing?

2402
01:27:45,760 --> 01:27:47,996
♪ My name's Al Lubel

2403
01:27:48,029 --> 01:27:48,796
(record scratching)

2404
01:27:48,830 --> 01:27:49,897
You know what else I worry about?

2405
01:27:49,931 --> 01:27:50,898
Like you're listed as the writer of the documentary.

2406
01:27:50,932 --> 01:27:53,001
Is the implication that everything I've said,

2407
01:27:53,034 --> 01:27:53,701
you've written?

2408
01:27:53,735 --> 01:27:54,402
- No, I don't think you write,

2409
01:27:54,435 --> 01:27:56,871
documentaries don't say writer.

2410
01:27:56,904 --> 01:27:58,006
- It doesn't say writer?

2411
01:27:58,039 --> 01:27:59,040
'Cause I think,

2412
01:27:59,073 --> 01:28:01,676
but in the contract, you say you're the writer,

2413
01:28:01,709 --> 01:28:04,579
the producer, the director of the documentary.

2414
01:28:04,612 --> 01:28:06,347
You get a writing credit in the documentary.

2415
01:28:06,381 --> 01:28:07,382
That's the one thing I was gonna ask you about.

2416
01:28:07,415 --> 01:28:09,017
- I'll specify all...

2417
01:28:09,617 --> 01:28:14,088
I mean, nobody thinks I wrote anything that you say.

2418
01:28:14,389 --> 01:28:17,091
- No, but that's what you're implying,

2419
01:28:17,125 --> 01:28:18,593
they've written everything.

2420
01:28:18,626 --> 01:28:19,394
- [Joshua] I don't think anyone's

2421
01:28:19,427 --> 01:28:21,029
gonna think I wrote your material.

2422
01:28:21,062 --> 01:28:22,930
I'm doing a documentary on a comedian.

2423
01:28:22,964 --> 01:28:24,932
- It's just I'm gonna think it.

2424
01:28:24,966 --> 01:28:27,635
I'm gonna worry that perhaps you did write it.

2425
01:28:27,669 --> 01:28:29,871
(laughing)

2426
01:28:30,104 --> 01:28:33,675
Maybe I've been kidding myself all this time.

2427
01:28:33,708 --> 01:28:34,642
No, but I mean, I don't know,

2428
01:28:34,676 --> 01:28:35,777
like you said,

2429
01:28:35,810 --> 01:28:37,645
if there is no such thing as a writer of a documentary,

2430
01:28:37,679 --> 01:28:38,546
that should be taken out.

2431
01:28:38,579 --> 01:28:39,580
- [Joshua] The editor, the editor is--

2432
01:28:39,614 --> 01:28:40,415
- Then that should be taken out of the contract,

2433
01:28:40,448 --> 01:28:43,551
the words writer of the documentary.

2434
01:28:46,587 --> 01:28:50,758
♪ I have blood

2435
01:28:50,792 --> 01:28:55,797
♪ Vessels

2436
01:28:58,766 --> 01:29:02,603
♪ When I make toast

2437
01:29:02,637 --> 01:29:07,642
♪ I use bread

2438
01:29:11,946 --> 01:29:16,117
♪ Whenever I go out on a first date ♪

2439
01:29:16,150 --> 01:29:18,553
♪ I always ask the girl

2440
01:29:18,586 --> 01:29:21,923
♪ Where she's from

2441
01:29:21,956 --> 01:29:24,726
♪ Originally

2442
01:29:24,759 --> 01:29:28,062
♪ And then she tells me

2443
01:29:28,096 --> 01:29:31,632
♪ And I say

2444
01:29:31,666 --> 01:29:36,671
♪ Oh

2445
01:29:38,139 --> 01:29:43,144
♪ Whenever I play basketball

2446
01:29:44,011 --> 01:29:49,417
♪ The veins in my ankles start to bulge out ♪

2447
01:29:50,651 --> 01:29:52,153
♪ And I'm always scared

2448
01:29:52,186 --> 01:29:56,891
♪ I'm always scared that they're gonna break ♪

2449
01:29:56,924 --> 01:30:00,061
♪ But they never do

2450
01:30:00,094 --> 01:30:03,197
♪ Lucky me

2451
01:30:03,231 --> 01:30:08,436
♪ Sometimes, sometimes I get severe chest pain ♪

2452
01:30:09,771 --> 01:30:14,776
♪ And I think I'm having a heart attack ♪

2453
01:30:17,979 --> 01:30:21,916
♪ But then I burp and I'm okay

2454
01:30:29,924 --> 01:30:34,929
♪ I'm really embarrassed to admit ♪

2455
01:30:36,230 --> 01:30:41,202
♪ That I'm a sexual human being ♪

2456
01:30:42,770 --> 01:30:44,138
♪ 'Cause every time

2457
01:30:44,172 --> 01:30:49,076
♪ Every time I'm french kissing with a girl ♪

2458
01:30:49,110 --> 01:30:50,812
♪ I keep thinking if she disappeared ♪

2459
01:30:50,845 --> 01:30:53,281
♪ I'd look like Mick Jagger

2460
01:30:53,314 --> 01:30:57,151
♪ Whoa, whoa

2461
01:30:57,185 --> 01:31:00,621
♪ I'm Al Lubel, I'm Al Lubel

2462
01:31:00,655 --> 01:31:04,959
♪ I'm Al Lubel, I'm Al Lubel

2463
01:31:04,992 --> 01:31:08,196
♪ I'm really glad my first name's Al ♪

2464
01:31:08,229 --> 01:31:11,265
♪ And not Lou

2465
01:31:11,299 --> 01:31:16,504
♪ 'Cause then my name would be Lou Lubel ♪

2466
01:31:17,905 --> 01:31:21,275
♪ And that would be so depressing ♪

2467
01:31:21,309 --> 01:31:25,847
♪ Whoa, arms, and legs, and hair ♪

2468
01:31:25,880 --> 01:31:28,683
♪ That's what I have

2469
01:31:28,716 --> 01:31:32,019
♪ Arms, and legs, and hair

2470
01:31:32,053 --> 01:31:34,589
♪ I don't like to brag

2471
01:31:34,622 --> 01:31:39,260
♪ No, no, arms, and legs, and hair ♪

2472
01:31:39,293 --> 01:31:43,965
♪ Whoa, that's me

2473
01:31:43,998 --> 01:31:47,068
♪ I'm Al Lubel

2474
01:31:47,101 --> 01:31:51,973
♪ Whoa, arms, and legs, and hair ♪

2475
01:31:52,006 --> 01:31:55,676
♪ Whoa, that's me

2476
01:31:55,710 --> 01:31:57,245
♪ Who am I?

2477
01:31:57,278 --> 01:31:59,714
♪ Al Lubel

2478
01:31:59,747 --> 01:32:04,752
♪ Whoa, arms, and legs, and hair ♪

2479
01:32:05,686 --> 01:32:10,691
♪ That's me

2480
01:32:13,294 --> 01:32:15,296
♪ Lubel