SINGER: ♪ The hills were alive ♪
♪ With wildflowers and I ♪
♪ Was as wild, even wilder than they ♪
♪ For at least I could run ♪
♪ They just died in the sun ♪
♪ And I refuse to just wither...♪
- Excuse me-- didn't this used to be an Indian restaurant?
SINGER: ♪ Just a wild mountain rose ♪
♪ Needing freedom to grow ♪
♪ So I ran fearing not ♪
♪ Where I'd go, whoa whoa ♪
♪ When a flower grows wild ♪
♪ It can always survive ♪
♪ Wildflowers don't care where they grow ♪
- You look good.
You look like a fancy prison lady.
- Why? 'Cause of my stripes?
I'm trying to look professional, you know?
I mean, it's my first day of freelancing,
and day one is the foundation of everything.
I'm, like, buzzing right now.
- Wait. Let me feel.
Oh, you're right. It's like bees in there.
- [giggles] Yeah, I feel good.
Really good.
Wait. Do you smell weed right now?
- [sniffing]
- [gasps] Emily.
- There's my friend. - Hi.
- Good morning. - Hi, Fran.
- I have a request. When you cum in the night,
can you not scream like you just got a hole in one?
- If Annie likes it-- she calls me the Cum King.
- Oh.
- Pardon? - Excuse me?
- Well, I told him he's a cum king.
- And what is a cum king?
- Um, cumming so much, making me cum so much
that he's the king of it-- a cum king.
- My God. - Yeah.
I'm not proud that it was revealed to my friends,
but I got to do my life. Okay, I got to go.
- Oh, hey, wait.
Am I gonna see you at my cabaret show tomorrow night?
- Oh, yeah. 100%. - Okay.
- Are you gonna go? - Yeah.
I'm gonna make Vic a nice little dinner before,
and then we're gonna head over. - Ooh!
Fran's cooking-- that means she's in love with Vic.
- Maybe. - Love? Fran does not do that.
- Okay. Fran might do some love,
'cause she's a lover.
She nasty. [all giggling]
Okay. Bye.
- Bye. - All right.
I have to go to the pharmacy, and then I have to go
to "The Thorn" and pick up my shit.
- Okay. I'm gonna miss you all day.
- No. I'm gonna miss you all day.
FRAN: Eww. Oh!
[Annie giggles]
[Muzak plays in background]
- I mean, this is insane.
Are they on break or something?
- I don't know. - God.
CLERK, DISTANTLY: Can I get a cashier to the front, please?
Can I get a cashier to the front?
- Wow. Check that out. That's a lot of hat.
[giggling]
Oh, my God. Mom?
Mom! - Oh! Annie.
- Hey. Look who it is. The gang's all here.
- Wait. When did you get back? Why didn't you tell me?
- Oh, well, I just got back a few hours ago,
and I'm just settling in. - Oh.
Well, I mean, I'm here to pick up Dad's prescription.
- Already got it, but thank you.
I was gonna text you to tell you not to bother.
- Okay, but I don't understand why you left.
I mean, I know you said you were exhausted, but--
- Okay, well, you know, it's just, you know,
western Canada is so beautiful,
and I wanted to see it, and so I went.
But I want to hear about you, Annie.
Dad tells me that you quit your job?
That's a big move.
- But it's actually a very good big move,
because now I'm gonna do freelance,
which is actually probably better for me.
- Okay, if you say it's okay. [chuckles]
Did we get Q-tips? I'm gonna get some Q-tips.
- Dad, why is she being so insane and dodgy and weird?
- Annie, please. She's back.
Let's just take it one step at a time, all right?
I'm fucking exhausted. - Okay.
I'm sorry-- BOTH: Hey.
- You haven't said anything about this.
I think it's darn cute. - Yeah.
- What do you think, Annie?
- It's a-- it's-- Wow, it's a hat.
And, yeah.
I love it.
BILL AND VERA: [laughing] - I love it.
I love it too.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, fuck.
ANDY: [laughing] Oh, fuck.
Are you back?
- No. No way.
I'm my own boss now, so...
- Well, don't worry. Gabe's not here.
- Yeah. I'm not worried. I can handle Gabe.
- Look at this. The As together again.
Annie, Andy...
- Angus.
- Yeah. Very-- very cool.
ANDY: Yeah. - What the fuck is happening?
- [singsong] Hi. - Oh. Look who's back.
- Well, just to get my shit.
Hey, did you get my texts about my troll?
- Yeah. I did, and I'm sorry that I didn't get back to you,
but I got a little swamped at work with the new promotion.
- Ooh! What? - Yeah.
Creative director.
- Damn! That's amazing.
- So what's up? What happened with the troll?
- Oh, my God, it was insane.
I went to his house, and then we basically had,
like, a screaming face-off.
- Oh, that's fuckin' wild. - I know, right?
I think I might write about it. - Yeah. You definitely should.
I've never heard of somebody meeting up with
an internet creep like that. That's crazy.
- Right? - Sir...
- Yeah? - Your call's starting now.
- Sorry. I got to take this call thing.
I want the rest-- [stammers] Ruthie, would you mind
setting up a lunch with Annie and me next week?
- Yes. I can absolutely do that.
- Oh, my God. - Okay.
- Oh, my God!
- Thanks, Ruthie.
- God, her ponytail went in my mouth.
- You all right? - Yeah.
I got to get out of here.
- I've never known you to be so into someone.
Are you really in love with Vic?
- I know. It's mad.
I just think she's fucking cool.
The other day, we were making out in the back of a Lyft,
and I actually thought, "What if I married this person?"
- Uh, Fran, you know that Vic--
and I'm sure you know this already--
you know that Vic sees other people?
- Yeah. At first.
But she'd have to be bionic now to have time for anyone else.
- Okay. I don't want to have to tell you this,
but do you remember my client Gwen?
- Gwen, yes, with the extremely high breasts.
- Okay. Yes. Well, her roommate Sue Anne
and Vic have been a thing for, like, three years now.
And last week, Gwen told me she needed a new roommate,
because Sue Anne and Vic moved in together.
- That's bullshit.
- It's not.
- Yeah, I mean, it's probably just as friends.
I think I would know. - Okay.
Do you want to see Sue Anne's Instagram?
- No. - Come on.
Every time we go out,
we run into at least three people you've fucked.
Now, what Vic is doing is not that crazy.
She's just protecting herself.
Are you texting her?
Do you think maybe this is a conversation
you and Vic need to have in person?
- Fuck no. I'm not texting her.
Deleting her number.
Blocking her on all socials.
Block. Block. Block. Done.
- You okay?
You sure you're not a little sad?
- Of course I'm sad. I'm very, very sad.
It's a very sad and tragic thing
when someone as young as Vic dies
and is dead to me and no longer exists on this earth,
but we have to move on and live our lives,
because God knows Vic can't.
[mellow music]
♪ ♪
- Ruthie, is that my stuff?
Those are my photos. - Whatever.
I just feel like it's funnier if I have them.
- What the hell? This is, like, all my family.
- Do you think you can just take my stuff
because I'm trans?
- No.
- Then it's because I'm a veteran.
- Oh, Jesus. God damn it, Ruthie. Here.
You can have this one of my family.
- This is the one I was hoping you'd let me keep.
You look so cool there. You look really cool.
- I look like shit.
I'm wearing a sweater vest and I'm holding an Easter basket.
- Oh, hey, thought I recognized that voice.
Hey, Annie. - Gabe. Hi, um...
Yeah, I was just leaving. - Yeah.
I got to get back to work. I'm starting a new band.
What do you think about the name "Screed"?
- Very cool. - Or "Jaunty."
- Hmm? - Thinking about "Dimple" also.
- Wow. Awesome.
- So what's up? What's next?
Where do I get to read the new Annie Easton piece?
- Well, I'm freelance now,
so no whims to answer to but my own.
- Wow. You're probably talking about my whims.
Okay.
- Well, I think a lot of people read my last article, so...
- Well, sure, you're talented, but, you know,
here you have a built-in audience.
Out there, you're on your own.
- All right. Well, I know what I'm doing,
so I'm gonna go do it. - You should do it.
You should do it elsewhere. I'm gonna go in here.
I'm gonna write a song called "Annie's Future."
It's gonna be a short song.
[energetic music]
♪ ♪
- Hi. I'm looking for Kevin O'Donnell.
- Are you here for the Clear Blast Gum meeting?
- Um, yeah. That's right.
- You're late. Conference Pod J,
right down the hall to your left.
- Thanks.
KEVIN: Okay, team. Before we get too deep
into any of our ideas for Clear Blast,
I want to try a little brainstorm.
- Oh! - Yeah!
- All right?
When I toss you the ball,
you say any adjective you associate with the word "gum."
I'll start. Gum is fun.
Susan. - Um...Gum is flavor.
- Awesome. - Yeah.
Oh. Gum is young.
- Awesome. Or gum is "yum."
- Oh! - Ooh!
Gum is fearless.
- Oh, yes! I love that.
That's awesome.
Okay. Yeah. That is going up on the board.
- Yeah. - You guys, you are en fuego.
- It's all you, Kev.
- Fuck! - Are you okay?
- Oh... [panting]
Mm. Sorry.
My distant adult niece is here. You guys just keep going.
I'm sorry. I'm a little shocked,
because it's been a little-- she disappeared a long time ago,
and she actually is a junkie.
You guys can keep talking about-- I have to, um...
[softly] What the fuck are you doing here-- Are you insane?
- No. I just wanted to talk to you.
[both whispering] - How'd you find me? - How do you think?
- Fucking internet. - Well, I'm not here to,
like, out you or whatever.
I want to write about what happened,
and the other night was so chaotic,
so I need to actually interview you.
- No. You can't do that. That would ruin me.
- Why? - Because that'll ruin me.
You can't interview me. If you try, I'll ruin you.
You smashed my car. - So what?
You called me a pig, like, a million times,
and you made fun of my dad having cancer.
- So? That glass was custom tinted.
It cost $2,500 to get it fixed.
I'm not gonna let you interview me until you pay for that.
- Well, I'm never paying for those,
and if you try and make me,
I'll tell everyone in Conference Pod J
that you like to call women "porky cum gobblers."
- Shh.
- Meet me outside in the parking lot
next to the building in 15 minutes.
- Okay. It'll be good. Be very healing for us.
- 15 minutes. - Okay.
- You know, I thought I was a good boyfriend.
I bought her stuff constantly.
- Wow. - Then she broke up with me,
and I just-- I don't know.
I snapped. She dumped me for Colin,
my best friend since junior high.
- Oh. Yeah, that sounds very hard.
I guess I...
- Colin's fucking ripped. - Yeah.
Most Colins are jacked as hell.
But, you know, a lot of people go through breakups,
but they don't start harassing women online.
Like, I don't understand what you get out of it.
- I don't know.
Maybe it made me feel like I had some power over someone.
- Okay. But the person you had power over was me,
and I'm a stranger. I just-- why?
Like, is it 'cause of my weight?
- I don't know, okay? We've already
talked about this. What do you want from me?
I just-- I don't want to talk about this anymore.
I want this to be done. You came to my house,
and you yelled at me, and you smashed my car,
and now you're at my work, and I just want it to stop.
- Okay. Okay. Just relax. - [panting] I can't!
I just want it to stop. I can't--
- Okay. Are you-- - I don't know what you want from me, I just--
- Oh, my God. Are you scared of me?
- Yes. I'm really scared, okay?
The trolling's over. I promise.
I'll leave you alone forever.
I talked to you for your article now,
so can I please just have my life back?
- Just stop freaking the fuck out.
- Okay. - Okay. - Fine!
- Just chill. Fuck! Okay?
I think that I have what I need for my article,
and I honestly feel like, in a weird way,
I kind of understand your whole deal now,
so let's just-- let's call it.
- Okay. [exhales]
[groans] Ohh...
So is this gonna be in "The Thorn"?
- No. I'm freelancing now, so I, um...
it's for my own thing.
It's for my blog.
- So this isn't even a real thing?
- Oh, fuck you. It's a real thing.
- Okay. - It's a real thing,
and it's-- it'll be online. It's all the same.
- Okay. I'm sorry. All right?
It's a real thing. Okay?
- Okay. - I just-- I want to say
I think this was really good for me.
- I got to go. - Yeah. Me too.
It was actually really nice to see you.
- I'm not gonna hug you... - Sorry, sorry--
- You fucking psycho. - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
- Buddy. Hi.
Aww.
What the fuck?
Fran?
Are you up? We slept the whole day.
What are we, dead from carbon monoxide poisoning?
- I wish. - Oh, my God.
I was up till 7:00 in the morning writing.
Are you just getting up too?
- I was up earlier. I took Bonkers out.
I just got back into bed.
- Okay. What's going on?
- Am I a bad person?
Should I just never date anyone ever again?
- No. Of course not. What is this all about?
- Vic has another girlfriend.
- Oh, shit.
I'm sorry. What?
I don't understand.
I thought you guys were getting serious.
- Yeah. So did I. I mean, tell me the truth.
You're the one who called me the female Ryan.
Am I just this cruel person who uses people?
- No. No, you're not cruel.
And also, you can always change if you want to.
And you are changing.
You fell for Vic. That's huge for you.
- Yeah. I don't know.
- Well, you don't have to know anything
right in this moment.
And you know what? Here's what we need to do.
Let's go to Emily's show tonight.
- I'm not really feeling it right now.
- Come on. Do it for Emily.
You don't need another lesbian in this town against you,
especially one that deals weed.
- Okay. I will consider going tonight
if you wear the Christmas present I got you.
- Whew.
Okay. If...you go out tonight,
I will wear the Christmas present that you got for me.
- Really? In public?
- Yes, I will.
- Yes!
- I'm worried I'm gonna be arrested
for the amount of tit I have going on right now.
FRAN: [giggling] - Are you happy?
- Oh, I'm very happy, and I love the little hearts.
- Yeah, well, those are my nipples.
- Oh!
Tonight, I'm gonna try and forget about this Vic shit.
- Yeah. Totally.
All right, can I put my jacket back on now?
- No, no. This is all night long.
- Hello! - Hi!
- You have to see the look. - Oh, wow.
[mellow dance music]
♪ ♪
- Whoa. 53 comments?
"My uncle added 8 inch to his penis.
Here's how"?
What?
- You okay? - Yeah.
I just-- I wrote this thing, and no one's looked at it.
Except there's 50 comments from a fucking penis bot.
- God. When did Rose get so cute?
No offense, honey. Grinding only, bitch.
- I grind, bitch.
[mellow dance music continues]
EMILY: ♪ I don't remember at all ♪
♪ Ey-ey-at all ♪
♪ Yeah ♪ Thank you.
- Yeah! - Whoo!
- Oh, yes. Yes.
Big hand for Emily and Hot 'n' Motley.
You know, before this, I was singing
at the MAX station by my house.
A gorgeous commuter threw a penny at my head,
and I took that penny, and I bought this jacket,
and it is good, isn't it?
- Yeah! - Whoo! - It's good.
So I appreciate what it means to have a space
like this to perform for you, my gorgeous audience.
The first Monday of every month,
we're here, we're queer, we're doing as we damn please.
I'll sing for you now, but just know that this...
is for you.
[soft piano music]
♪ ♪
SINGER: ♪ I may not always love you ♪
♪ But long as there are stars above you ♪
♪ You'll never need to doubt it ♪
♪ I'll make you so sure about it ♪
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If you should ever leave me ♪
♪ Though life would still go on, believe me ♪
♪ The world could show nothing to me ♪
♪ So what good would livin' do me? ♪
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪
[melodic piano continues]
♪ ♪
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪
SINGER: ♪ If you should ever leave me ♪
♪ Though life would still go on, believe me ♪
♪ The world could show nothing to me ♪
♪ So what good would livin' do me? ♪
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪
♪ ♪
♪ God only knows what I'd be without you ♪
♪ ♪