1 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:10,927 Oh, damn it. Stop beeping. 2 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:12,262 - Ah, stupid thing! 3 00:00:12,262 --> 00:00:14,431 Okay. Loving that sound. 4 00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:16,474 Also, drop that crap right now, mamacita. 5 00:00:16,474 --> 00:00:18,059 We're headed to the arcade! 6 00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:20,854 They're debuting a new VR game, Below Deck Sailing Yacht. 7 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,063 I can't. This is important. 8 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,523 Yeah, yeah. I don't give a shit. Get this. 9 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,191 One of the deckhands forgot to tie a fender, 10 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,152 and the stern is rubbin' on the dock. 11 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,654 I can't go to the bloody arcade. I've gotta fix this beacon. 12 00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:32,323 Allow me to counter that with my whiny mode. 13 00:00:33,450 --> 00:00:35,535 Korvo, there's no way 14 00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:38,121 this thing matters more than two adoring husbands 15 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:41,207 attending an exclusive VR event together. 16 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,043 You know I'd love to see VR Andy Cohen 17 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,711 be a messy little bitch but not today. 18 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,504 Come on! Set it aside 19 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:49,174 and revel in some Earth culture with me. 20 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:50,550 This is the distress beacon, 21 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,344 which you broke when you spilled a low-carb V8 on it. 22 00:00:53,344 --> 00:00:57,057 Sorry that I was thirsty for over seven vegetables. 23 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,892 Everything in this house beeps. Who cares? 24 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,852 It's beaming our coordinates into space! 25 00:01:00,852 --> 00:01:02,270 And? 26 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:04,898 And if any cyborgs in the quadrant pick up the signal, 27 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,859 they could pinpoint our location and assimilate us. 28 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:11,237 Cyborgs were a myth the elders made up to trick us into going to bed on time. 29 00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:13,239 I don't care. I can't put the mission at risk. 30 00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,450 Ugh! I wish there was a way to see that everything would be okay 31 00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:16,826 if you just bailed and had fun with us. 32 00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:18,286 And I wish there was a way to show you 33 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:19,829 that being responsible is cool. 34 00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:23,917 - Wait, what if there was? 35 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,044 Why do you say that like that? Stop. It's cringe. 36 00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,921 Replicants, assemble! 37 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,339 Ah, geez. Are we in trouble? 38 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:31,257 I was just exploring my own body. 39 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,759 What do you... N-no. 40 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,595 We are finally going to use the ship's What If? Device. 41 00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,097 Oh, really? Hell yeah! 42 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,391 Holy moly. I didn't even know we had a What If? Device. 43 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,060 Hey, what's a What If? Device? 44 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,104 It's a piece of Shlorpian technology you can use 45 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,355 to see how life would be different 46 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,440 depending on wild scenarios we plug into it. 47 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,485 Inspired by how they do it in Futurama, now airing on Hulu? 48 00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,821 No, it's totally... It's a very different thing. 49 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:55,490 Don't say that or we'll get an email telling us we can't do it. 50 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:58,701 This is awesome! The Solar Opposites are having our very own What If? Day. 51 00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,870 We could do a bunch of wacky scenarios. 52 00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:03,540 This is gonna rip ass. Did I use that correctly? 53 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,833 - No. - Cool! 54 00:02:04,833 --> 00:02:08,253 Come on, hurry! Let's go and do some What Ifs. 55 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:11,131 ♪ What If Day, What If Day ♪ 56 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:15,176 ♪ Anything can happen on What If Day ♪ 57 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:16,261 ♪ What if ♪ 58 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:17,804 ♪ The Solars lived underwater ♪ 59 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:18,972 ♪ What if ♪ 60 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,723 ♪ Terry was allergic to corn ♪ 61 00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:22,058 ♪ What if ♪ 62 00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,726 ♪ Jesse had a Spice Girls bat mitzvah ♪ 63 00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,479 ♪ And Young Sheldon had never been born ♪ 64 00:02:26,479 --> 00:02:29,524 - ♪ What if Korvo had big naturals ♪ - We're talkin' titties! 65 00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:33,444 ♪ Yum and the Pupa won a Tony for writing a play ♪ 66 00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:34,779 ♪ Well, you're about to find out ♪ 67 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:36,489 ♪ Because anything can happen ♪ 68 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:40,243 ♪ On What If Day ♪ 69 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,452 Yeah! 70 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,750 {\an8}I can't believe we have our very own What If? Device. 71 00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,586 {\an8}I'm gonna ask, "What if I was a Yeti?" 72 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,338 {\an8}I can't wait to lurk around all naked and mysterious 73 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,506 {\an8}while shitting in the snow. 74 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,175 {\an8}Perfect idea. We're doing that for sure. 75 00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,261 {\an8}I'm gonna ask, "What if I wore two bows on my head?" 76 00:02:58,261 --> 00:02:59,637 {\an8}Dream bigger, Jesse. 77 00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,806 {\an8}- Ten bows. 78 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,850 {\an8}I'm gonna ask, "What if ketchup tasted like mustard?" 79 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,019 {\an8}Let's go ham with all sorts of crazy What Ifs. 80 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,146 {\an8}- I wanna go first. - Nuh-uh. No way. Me, me! 81 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,564 {\an8}We're all going to get a turn. 82 00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:11,107 {\an8}But it was my idea so I'm going first. 83 00:03:11,107 --> 00:03:13,693 {\an8}AISHA, reveal the What If? Device. 84 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,069 Coming up! 85 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:16,696 Whoa! 86 00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,117 - Wait a hot girl second. - What's wrong? 87 00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:24,078 The What If button. It's already been pushed. 88 00:03:24,078 --> 00:03:26,206 - How can you tell? 89 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,624 Usually, the crystal is above the top. 90 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,375 It's not supposed to be recessed like that. 91 00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,336 See? It should look like that. 92 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,129 Well, let's unpress it so we can get What If'ing. 93 00:03:33,129 --> 00:03:35,131 {\an8}- Don't touch that! - Ow! What was that for? 94 00:03:35,131 --> 00:03:36,341 {\an8}We can't just reset the button. 95 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:38,551 {\an8}Why not? I want to. It's so pressable. 96 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:41,471 {\an8}Because we don't have any idea how long it's been running. 97 00:03:41,471 --> 00:03:44,057 {\an8}Ow! See? It's hot from being on for so long. 98 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,934 {\an8}Well, you know Terry don't care about that shit. 99 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,101 You don't understand. 100 00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:48,645 If this thing's been running this whole time, 101 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:51,356 it means we're all already inside someone's What If. 102 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,692 Okay, Grand Moff Obvious. That's why we gotta turn it off. 103 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:57,570 If we do that, reality as we know it will end, 104 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,031 meaning that something unpredictable about our lives 105 00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,449 could change for the worse. 106 00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,117 I guess if we never turned it off, 107 00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:05,453 it means someone liked what they were What If'ing. 108 00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:08,873 Exactly. Someone used the device and their life got better. 109 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,959 Not me. I'm basically all grievance all the time. 110 00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:12,919 Me too. I mean, my life's okay, 111 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:15,546 but I've got notes. You know? 112 00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,757 {\an8}Yeah. I'd be Mrs. Austin Butler right now 113 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:20,176 {\an8}if I had What If'd, that's for darn tootin'. 114 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:23,012 {\an8}Sorry, but generally not being happy isn't good enough. 115 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,807 {\an8}We're not unpressing this button until we have a good guess 116 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,517 {\an8}what it will change about our lives. 117 00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:30,103 {\an8}We need to do a pro and con list for everyone here. 118 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,771 {\an8}Korvo, no! Pro and con lists are 119 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:33,606 {\an8}a gateway drug to Venn diagrams. 120 00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,358 {\an8}Break out the whiteboard! 121 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:38,903 {\an8}And done. 122 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:41,948 {\an8}Crap. Turns out we actually all have really awesome lives. 123 00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,866 {\an8}So we all have an equal chance of messing up our lives 124 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:44,951 {\an8}if we press the button. 125 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,786 {\an8}Fuck it. I'm gonna press that shit. 126 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,871 - No, don't! - It's an even chance my life gets shitty. 127 00:04:48,871 --> 00:04:50,331 I'm willing to take those odds. 128 00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:51,749 - Me too. - Yep. I'm in. 129 00:04:51,749 --> 00:04:53,960 Nobody here has a bad life. Why take the risk? 130 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,795 There was a whole song about it. 131 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:58,548 {\an8}Yeah. We were promised a bunch of wacky What If scenarios. 132 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,633 {\an8}We don't take kindly to broken promises, king. 133 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,968 {\an8}But you don't know what we'll lose. 134 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,678 {\an8}Finding out will be part of the fun. 135 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,305 {\an8}- Think about the mission. - Mission, schmission. 136 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,140 {\an8}What if whatever the What If is 137 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,058 {\an8}endangers the thing that we're doing with the Pupa? 138 00:05:09,058 --> 00:05:11,644 Um, we're totally unbothered by that possibility. 139 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,980 We're not exactly doing great with the Pupa anyway. 140 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:17,191 Maybe resetting the device puts the mission back a few steps. 141 00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:18,318 Who cares? 142 00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:21,112 - What? I care! - Why? Your life sucks. 143 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,989 Don't you wanna slide that finger 144 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,741 all over that big red button? 145 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,117 Choke me and push it. 146 00:05:26,117 --> 00:05:28,286 Don't try and sexy pet me into agreeing with you. 147 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:30,663 I actually have a cool life. Maybe the coolest life. 148 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,832 So cool you could chill Capri-Sun on it. 149 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,292 Your life isn't cool. 150 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,002 You're the leader of a team that doesn't respect you, 151 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,337 you never let yourself have fun, 152 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,297 your fashion sucks, and you're a bald-ass bitch. 153 00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:40,423 You're a bald too. 154 00:05:40,548 --> 00:05:42,383 Yeah, but we own it, like Steven Seagal. 155 00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:45,762 We're slaying the no-hair, no-ears look. Smooth. 156 00:05:45,762 --> 00:05:47,305 Come on, gang. It's three against one. 157 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,015 Wait, wait, wait. You wanna have fun? 158 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,725 What if we play with the Dumb Ray instead? 159 00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:53,019 Yeah. Hmm. What if we did that? 160 00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,229 Let's use the What If? Device and find out! 161 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:57,231 We wanna do a bunch of fun What Ifs now! 162 00:05:57,231 --> 00:05:58,733 No more talking or being cautious. 163 00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:01,402 No. Let's leave the ship and watch some TV. 164 00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,279 I heard there's a Carlito's Way marathon on VH1. 165 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:04,906 That's something the whole family can enjoy. 166 00:06:04,906 --> 00:06:07,658 You hyped the What If? Device too well. Get him! 167 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:13,748 - What the hell? 168 00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,750 No roughhousing on the ship! 169 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,711 Whoa. I see your Shlorp Fu has improved over the years. 170 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,338 Well then, let us begin. 171 00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,923 AISHA, give me cover. 172 00:06:26,135 --> 00:06:27,762 Come back here with the What If? Device, 173 00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:29,472 you overly cautious son of a bitch! 174 00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:30,932 I already did my steps for the day. 175 00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,393 Please don't make me chase you. Please! 176 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,648 Follow that husband. 177 00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,857 Keep your pants on. 178 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,695 I have $14,000 in unpaid parking tickets, 179 00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:46,572 so I have to do this once a week. 180 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,199 You really shouldn't own a car. 181 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,660 Ugh, you sound just like that woke-ass judge. 182 00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,542 Gotta get you somewhere Terry would never go. 183 00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,419 That store that only sells books about planes, 184 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,963 Disney's California Adventure, maybe the dermatologist. 185 00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,047 - Ah! 186 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:05,967 - Ah! Cut it out! 187 00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,593 Without the ship systems, this thing is unstable. 188 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:09,595 Ah! Stop hitting me! 189 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,806 It just leaked a random What If. 190 00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,268 Give us back that device. We wanna have fun. 191 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,895 Also FYI, I'm gonna order Greek food for dinner tonight. 192 00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,522 So do you want to split a lamb souvlaki? 193 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,983 No to the first part. Yes to the souvlaki. 194 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:25,695 {\an8}Guys, check it out. 195 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,697 {\an8}What if I had a mustache? 196 00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,783 I could finally participate in No Nut Movember. 197 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,994 Oh, no! The device is losing cohesion. 198 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:35,163 All sorts of What Ifs are getting out. 199 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,706 Ah, not the coin machine! 200 00:07:36,706 --> 00:07:41,043 Oh, my God, I'm alive! And I'm rich! Woo! 201 00:07:42,211 --> 00:07:44,046 Ah! I've been tie-dyed. 202 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,258 Oh, God, a What If'ing phoenix. 203 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,343 Lollipop trees! A rhino! 204 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,346 Ah! 205 00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:59,061 Oh, God. I suck at Rainbow Road. 206 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,939 Why couldn't it be Moo Moo Meadows? No! 207 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:07,862 Oh, God. 208 00:08:15,411 --> 00:08:17,246 Would you stop being a crazy person? 209 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:19,373 Do you realize how much worse you're making our lives 210 00:08:19,373 --> 00:08:20,791 by not pushing the button? 211 00:08:20,791 --> 00:08:23,252 Don't you see that, Korvo? Don't you see? 212 00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,380 Ah! I have a wedgie! 213 00:08:28,216 --> 00:08:29,884 I can't! I can't! 214 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,761 We'll just have to live with all this weird shit. 215 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,639 Babe, what's going on with you? You hate random chaos. 216 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:36,057 I know. It's just... 217 00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:37,892 I think I was the one who pushed the button. 218 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:40,311 Ah, Korvo, but that means-- 219 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,813 It would be my life that would change if we unpressed it. 220 00:08:42,813 --> 00:08:44,774 - Oh, really? - Why? 221 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:46,567 Because my life is amazing. 222 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:48,653 I'm in love with you and you love me back, 223 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:50,238 and we have a great little family. 224 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,739 I don't deserve any of this. 225 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:54,283 Oh, it only makes sense that I made a What If 226 00:08:54,283 --> 00:08:57,370 and asked what my life would be like if you loved me, Terry. 227 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,248 But the whiteboard, the mission. 228 00:09:00,248 --> 00:09:02,708 It's not the mission I'm worried about. It's us. 229 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,419 If we push that button, it might reset our marriage. 230 00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:06,754 Our whole love story. 231 00:09:06,754 --> 00:09:08,464 I don't wanna lose us so we can see 232 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,841 "What If Jesse had the powers of Thor" or whatever. 233 00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:13,594 Yeah, I'd use his hammer to rob pharmacies. 234 00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:15,888 What if, without this, I become super lame and stupid 235 00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,306 and we never end up together? 236 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:20,017 Oh, Korvo, I love you because you're lame and stupid. 237 00:09:20,017 --> 00:09:21,352 And unpopular. 238 00:09:21,352 --> 00:09:23,145 Pushing the button will never change that. 239 00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:24,480 - Really? - Really. 240 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,274 But our marriage needs to be built on truth. 241 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,651 We need to know our actual un-What-If'd reality 242 00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,361 for what we have to mean something. 243 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:32,697 We have to know what if the button had never been pushed. 244 00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,241 You're right. Terry, that's it! 245 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,034 What the hell's that? 246 00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,828 It's an emergency crossover machine. 247 00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,871 I keep it in the car in case we ever get a flat tire 248 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,832 but also want to hang out with the Flintstones. 249 00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,166 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 250 00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:45,876 I could have been crossing over this whole time? 251 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,170 This machine uses quantum entangle technology. 252 00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:49,422 I can repurpose the components 253 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,090 and build a single-use What If? Device. 254 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,967 It won't be strong enough to transform our world, 255 00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,677 but we can watch the What If on a screen. 256 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,887 Of course! Wait, what? 257 00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,764 I'm not a logic guy. I'm really stupid. 258 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,100 Alright, here we go. Gather round, everyone. 259 00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,811 What if whoever used our What If? Device 260 00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,271 had never pressed the button? 261 00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:11,235 This is way back when we escaped the destruction 262 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,528 of Planet Shlorp. 263 00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:14,113 Look, there's the other 99 ships. 264 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,948 But you always say it's a hundred adults. 265 00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:17,533 Wouldn't that only be 50 ships? 266 00:10:17,533 --> 00:10:19,452 A hundred adults is a hundred sets of adults. 267 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,078 That was not clear. 268 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:22,663 Well, it's clear now, you pedantic little shit. 269 00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:24,707 Shh! This took us back far as hell. 270 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:30,087 Greetings, crew. It is I, Commander Zarck. 271 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,006 - Commander on the deck. 272 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,924 Who the fuck is Commander Zarck? 273 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,844 Holy crap. He must be our real mission leader. 274 00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:39,180 Hunk alert. Wee-woo, wee-woo. 275 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,475 Oh, my God, I want to take a bite out of that! 276 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,227 Oh, sorry, babe. 277 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,858 Wait. So we used to have a different mission leader? 278 00:10:50,858 --> 00:10:52,985 I don't remember this Zarck guy at all. 279 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,195 Yeah, da fuck? 280 00:10:54,195 --> 00:10:56,656 Da fuck indeed, Terry. Let's keep watching. 281 00:10:57,865 --> 00:11:00,826 Get out of my seat and don't mess with the controls again. 282 00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:04,121 You've set us way off course. We almost hit that space eye. 283 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:05,956 Sorry, sir. What should I be doing? 284 00:11:05,956 --> 00:11:08,376 I don't care. Go clean out the Pupa's poop tray. 285 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,503 Yes, sir. My course was better. 286 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,338 Man, I looked at all the cabinets on the ship 287 00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:13,839 and I can't find any cake. 288 00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:16,175 Do we not have any treats? I want treats. 289 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:17,468 I'm bored! 290 00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:20,012 Are we there yet? This sucks. 291 00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,431 Everyone quiet! Hey, hey, it's okay. 292 00:11:22,431 --> 00:11:24,433 We'll get you terraforming in no time. 293 00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:25,601 - Coochie-coo. 294 00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:26,852 Enough complaining. 295 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,021 The future of the Shlorpian race is in our hands. 296 00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:30,398 Take the mission seriously 297 00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:33,275 and follow my orders with rational diligence. 298 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,112 "Take the mission seriously." 299 00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:38,155 Oh, God, that guy's such a sleemo. 300 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,449 You three are way too focused on goofing off. 301 00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:42,785 There's no room for fun when we have a Pupa to take care of. 302 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,121 We have to be strict and diligent at all times. 303 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,456 Wrong. It's not a dichotomy, Korvo. 304 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,792 They're too goofy, but you're too strict. 305 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:52,712 That kind of thinking will cause conflict and endanger the mission 306 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,255 just as much as they are. 307 00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,881 Uh, b-but it's very serious work, sir. 308 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:58,217 That's why you need balance. Like me. 309 00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,136 Look, as long as I'm here, we'll be fine. 310 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,471 Commander, I am so over your vibe, sir. 311 00:12:02,471 --> 00:12:05,725 - Terry, go to your room! - Gah, I wish I'd never been planted! 312 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:08,436 Nice one, boss. 313 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:09,854 Hey, a little respect. 314 00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:11,689 I'm your leader whether you like it or not. 315 00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:14,066 We do all the work while you just boss us around. 316 00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,317 We don't need balance. 317 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:17,278 Oh? And who would be a better leader? 318 00:12:17,278 --> 00:12:19,321 I would obviously be suited to the task. 319 00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:22,074 Ha! This whole mission would fall apart without me. 320 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:24,618 Oh, please. You wish. We would do fine without you. 321 00:12:24,618 --> 00:12:27,121 Oh really? Well how about we use the What If? Device 322 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,790 to see how fast you'd botch this if you were on your own. 323 00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:36,130 What if I was ejected in an escape pod 324 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:39,675 and my team had to complete the mission by themselves 325 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:41,844 and they didn't remember me at all? 326 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:46,515 Or what if I don't press the button and stayed your leader? 327 00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:48,017 This device is powerful. 328 00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:49,310 I shouldn't use it to make a point. 329 00:12:49,310 --> 00:12:51,145 So this Zarck guy pressed the What If button 330 00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:53,689 and disappeared himself and we all totally forgot? 331 00:12:53,689 --> 00:12:54,774 What a loser. 332 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:55,900 Okay, but just so I'm clear, 333 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,318 what we're watching right now is 334 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,195 what would've happened if he hadn't pressed the button 335 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,780 and stayed our leader on Earth, right? 336 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,948 Yes, Jesse. My God. Keep up much? 337 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,075 Let's watch how differently that would've played out. 338 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:08,162 We've located a planet ripe for terraforming. 339 00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,040 Everyone strap in and prepare for landing. 340 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:24,386 Ee-yarth, our new home. 341 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:29,433 Good, good. The Pupa likes a clean house. 342 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,477 - Scrub near that wall. 343 00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,812 - No TV. - Ugh! 344 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,522 Our sole purpose in life is the mission. 345 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,857 Don't get distracted by human culture. 346 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,568 There's only one way to find out if our neighbors like us. 347 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:41,862 - Nanobots. - Buy an RV. Na-nanobots. 348 00:13:41,862 --> 00:13:45,241 No! Those nanobots are only to be used if cyborgs invade. 349 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,493 I'm gonna start wearing fun T-shirts 350 00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,036 to show off my incredible personality 351 00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:50,913 and provide a window into my genius. 352 00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:53,958 - My apparel! 353 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:55,876 Shlorpians wear robes. 354 00:13:57,461 --> 00:13:59,922 Ooh, see that? The Pupa's evolving. 355 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,924 I wub you, Commander Zarck. 356 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,884 Aw! Good words, Pupa! 357 00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:06,011 Commander Zarck, I'm requesting permission 358 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:08,013 for Terry and I to co-sleep in this bed. 359 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,139 Request denied. 360 00:14:09,139 --> 00:14:10,766 You'll sleep in your regeneration pods 361 00:14:10,766 --> 00:14:12,810 so you can do clerical work while your body sleeps. 362 00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,603 Yes, sir. - And Terry, 363 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,438 stop standing outside the neighbor's window 364 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,606 and watching their TV. 365 00:14:17,606 --> 00:14:18,774 No standing in line. 366 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,401 Absolutely not. 367 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,819 No. No! 368 00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,195 No! 369 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,533 Oh, we finally did it! The Pupa's terraforming! 370 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,285 What? No, that's too soon. 371 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,786 We didn't get to do any cool shit. 372 00:14:30,786 --> 00:14:32,162 Aah, does this guy hate fun? 373 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:34,123 I don't buy it. This can't be it. 374 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:35,708 Look, it's happening! 375 00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:38,043 All our hard work and discipline paid off. 376 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,336 The mission is complete. 377 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,422 Shlorpian civilization will be reborn 378 00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:46,552 exactly as it always is, unspoiled by outside influence! 379 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:13,370 Wow. I can't believe it. 380 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:16,290 Zarck, am I right? Oh, he's a real Chad. 381 00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:17,458 You know he chews gum. 382 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:18,667 Yeah, he was a stud. 383 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,545 Korvo, babe. You gotta push that button. 384 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:23,380 You'll reset Zarck's original What If, 385 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,507 and your biggest desire will come true. 386 00:15:25,507 --> 00:15:28,594 The mission will be complete. Earth will be terraformed. 387 00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:30,012 We really messed this up. 388 00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:32,556 Zarck would've gotten this world terraformed twice over. 389 00:15:32,556 --> 00:15:33,682 He's not wrong. 390 00:15:33,682 --> 00:15:35,517 We do spend a lot of time arguing 391 00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,645 about new Dr. Pepper flavors. 392 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:41,148 Little Pepper, Lot of Pepper, Nurse Pepper, Pepper Zero. 393 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:46,528 It's okay, Korvo. We get it. Do what you gotta do. 394 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:54,912 Whoa! More Shlorp Fu! 395 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,538 You broke the shit out of that thing. 396 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,082 Damn right, I did. 397 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,626 But I thought you wanted to complete the mission. 398 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,794 That's like your whole thing. 399 00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,837 That Zarck guy was full of shit. 400 00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:06,048 Sure, he got the mission done in record time, 401 00:16:06,048 --> 00:16:08,884 but we aren't just cogs in a Shlorpian machine. 402 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:10,386 We're guiding the Pupa, 403 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,972 but we're also learning a lot from living on Earth. 404 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,766 We found out about love, The Criterion Collection, 405 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,560 paintball, NASCAR, and Tubgirl. 406 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,479 Oh, love Tubgirl. 407 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,772 All these beautiful things 408 00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:23,816 that Shlorpians would benefit from knowing, 409 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,026 they aren't in the Pupa's record of the home world. 410 00:16:26,026 --> 00:16:27,736 How many Planet Shlorps have existed 411 00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:28,988 where nothing's different? 412 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,573 Why do we keep replicating it to be the same 413 00:16:31,573 --> 00:16:33,909 when it could be the same but also better? 414 00:16:33,909 --> 00:16:35,452 But th-the mission! 415 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,454 I mean, you always said my dicking around would mess it up. 416 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:39,581 It does. You go too far all the time. 417 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,375 But now at least we can stay married 418 00:16:41,375 --> 00:16:43,377 and keep boinking for the good of the mission. 419 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:45,504 Amen, you bald little bitch. 420 00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:50,175 Hell yeah! Oh, get it. 421 00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:52,469 Kiss fest! Woo! 422 00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,974 I'm gonna get into a handstand for a vertical 69. 423 00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,142 Catch me, catch me, catch me. 424 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,728 You better tongue that mound. 425 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,354 You're slayin', pimp! 426 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,065 Uh, what about all the random What Ifs 427 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,526 that the device created when it was malfunctioning? 428 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:10,112 Like my mustache, and also this thing. 429 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,239 Oh. Oh, yeah. 430 00:17:12,239 --> 00:17:14,908 Oh, look at my hot coins. 431 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:16,493 Yeah, this thing's gotta go. 432 00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,954 Doesn't it all just go away like at the end of The Lion King 433 00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,289 when light returns to Pride Rock? 434 00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,582 No. Without the device, 435 00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:23,250 we'll have to break it all down by hand. 436 00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,551 Keep going. You're doing great. 437 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,387 I just got off the phone with the Navy. 438 00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:37,347 They dumped the woman who turned into a dolphin 439 00:17:37,347 --> 00:17:38,849 into the Mediterranean. 440 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:41,894 She's lovin' it. Doing all sorts of flips and jumps. 441 00:17:43,645 --> 00:17:47,608 Yeah! These holy water-infused bullets are doing God's work! 442 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,780 I'm pretty glad you didn't press the button 443 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,323 and reset everything, Korvo. 444 00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,491 Me too. 445 00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:59,703 And so the big What If turned out to be an "it was." 446 00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,581 - Did-did that make sense? - Well, we'll punch it up later. 447 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,000 - It's like 80% of the way there. - Perfect. 448 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,336 Somehow, we got out of this day stronger than before, 449 00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,505 without any What If consequences. 450 00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,298 Yeah. Consequences suck. 451 00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:12,633 They really do. 452 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:13,884 Fuck consequences. 453 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,511 - Yeah, fuck 'em! 454 00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:18,013 - Fuck consequences indeed. 455 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:35,572 Distress signal received. 456 00:18:35,572 --> 00:18:37,241 Downloading coordinates. 457 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:43,288 I've got you now, you ungrateful turds! 458 00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:47,668 What If it's time for me to get my revenge?! 459 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,219 Oh, shit, I forgot my water bottle!