1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:05,005
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,844
{\an8}Oh, Bradd and the aliens are gonna fight.
3
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,596
You've got a big mouth, Bradd.
You better watch what you say.
4
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:15,598
What are you gonna do about it,
alien bitch?
5
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:18,059
You're lucky you can even breathe
in this atmosphere,
6
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,936
lost in space little pieces of shit.
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,105
{\an8}We're not lost in space,
you're lost in space!
8
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:24,024
I hate you, Bradd, you're a bad egg!
9
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,191
Oh, I'm so sorry.
10
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,944
I don't want matinee-style freaks
creeping around school
11
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:29,863
zapping people into piles of ash.
12
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,239
[all] Ooh!
13
00:00:31,322 --> 00:00:32,490
Hey, take that back!
14
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,950
We don't do that anymore!
15
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,285
What are you gonna do about it,
you little shit?
16
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,120
I'm gonna bounty hunt your ass.
17
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,455
[all grunting]
18
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,790
[students cheering]
19
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:41,875
Stop fighting.
20
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:44,044
You're kicking up
a cartoonish dust cloud!
21
00:00:44,127 --> 00:00:46,296
[coughs] Oh, God, my allergies.
22
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:47,881
Someone get my EpiPen!
23
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:51,259
I can't die, I'm only 35 years away
from retirement.
24
00:00:51,342 --> 00:00:52,969
- [body thuds]
- [urine splatters]
25
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:56,306
[Korvo] Planet Shlorp
was a perfect utopia,
26
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,391
until the asteroid hit.
27
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,394
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa,
28
00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:03,229
and escaped into the... space,
29
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,982
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
30
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,192
We crashed on Earth,
31
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:09,527
{\an8}stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
32
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,154
{\an8}That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
33
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{\an8}I'm the one holding the Pupa.
34
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{\an8}My name is Korvo. This is my show.
35
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{\an8}Bollocks,
I just dropped the Pupa.
36
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{\an8}Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
37
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:20,038
{\an8}It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
38
00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:22,165
{\an8}Why are humans always running
and jogging for no reason
39
00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,416
{\an8}when they should be saving their energy
40
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{\an8}for when they're being chased
by a Magoogoo?
41
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{\an8}Everyone should be holding still
and storing calories at all times
42
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{\an8}for when the Magoogoo emerges!
43
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[♪ dramatic music]
44
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,971
[♪ gentle music]
45
00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,475
And done. My love language is
a combination of gift giving,
46
00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,685
physical affection,
and '80s television theme songs.
47
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:44,562
Yours is JavaScript.
48
00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:46,731
{\an8}Oh, bugger, I've been telling people
I'm a Hufflepuff.
49
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,275
{\an8}Not all quizlets end
in Harry Potter houses, alright?
50
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:50,401
{\an8}- Well, they should.
- [door opens]
51
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{\an8}- It hurts. It hurts.
- [Jesse and Yumyulack sobbing]
52
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{\an8}Ow, it hurts.
Terry, Korvo!
53
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:55,740
{\an8}What the hell happened to you two?
54
00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:59,369
We got into a fight at school.
55
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,621
A bully named Bradd with two Ds
56
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:04,791
opened a can of double D
whoop ass all over us.
57
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,584
{\an8}Oh. What have I told you
about fights?
58
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,878
{\an8}Shlorpians don't participate
in lowly human combat.
59
00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,964
{\an8}We are hyperintelligent,
plant-based life forms.
60
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:12,090
{\an8}We don't do violence.
61
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,299
We were trying to ignore him,
62
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,468
but then he said that all aliens are lame,
63
00:02:15,552 --> 00:02:17,929
and he called me bitch
and said his dad can beat you up.
64
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,139
I don't care what he said.
65
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You shouldn't let him get in your--
Wait, what did he say?
66
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- All aliens are lame.
- After that.
67
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- That I'm a little bitch.
- No, I'm fine with that.
68
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:27,105
- The last thing.
- He said that his dad can beat you up.
69
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,732
Oh, please, that's taunting 101.
Who cares?
70
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:30,817
That's horseshit.
71
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:33,319
I can't have anyone thinking
that a measly human can beat me up.
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I'm Korvo the motherfucking alien.
73
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,574
Is this a bit?
Who cares what the kid said?
74
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,117
{\an8}He's a cum stain.
75
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,494
{\an8}I care. He dragged me
and his dad in on this.
76
00:02:41,578 --> 00:02:43,288
{\an8}The honor of this family, this team,
77
00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:45,707
{\an8}and the entire mission
hangs in the balance, Terry.
78
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,918
{\an8}Wait a minute, Bradd said his dad
could beat up a dad in this family.
79
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,295
{\an8}How do we know
he wasn't talking about me?
80
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,379
{\an8}I'm a dad too.
81
00:02:51,462 --> 00:02:54,257
{\an8}[Korvo and replicants laugh]
82
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,051
{\an8}[laughter continues]
83
00:02:57,927 --> 00:03:00,430
{\an8}Okay, you're right.
I'm more of a zaddy than a dad.
84
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,098
{\an8}It's true.
That was good though, Terry.
85
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,642
{\an8}I really needed that.
You've energized me for an ass-kicking.
86
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:06,728
- Well, off to hurt a stranger.
- [Yumyulack] Korvo!
87
00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:08,855
Korvo, wait.
If you kick his ass with ray guns,
88
00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:10,023
it'll just make it worse.
89
00:03:10,106 --> 00:03:11,941
That's what he was saying we always do.
90
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,235
Oh, please, I can take on
this Bradd's dad
91
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,528
without Shlorpian science.
92
00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,740
I've got all the sci
and fi I need right here.
93
00:03:19,282 --> 00:03:21,868
{\an8}[sighs] That man is such a Hufflepuff.
94
00:03:21,951 --> 00:03:23,286
{\an8}- [Pupa laughing]
- Hey!
95
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,664
[Pupa laughing]
96
00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,583
That's Korvo's third-favorite glowing orb.
97
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,668
It's powered by something
that could destroy time and space.
98
00:03:30,752 --> 00:03:32,587
Plus, he uses it to roll out his back.
99
00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:33,671
Ah!
100
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,798
- [Pupa coos]
- Oh, okay,
101
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:37,175
you guys are going naughty mode?
102
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,385
Drop it. Drop it!
103
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,723
{\an8}- Pupa, I said drop it!
- [Pupa coos]
104
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,058
{\an8}Pupa, no, drop it!
105
00:03:45,141 --> 00:03:46,893
Pupa, you drop that orb right now!
106
00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,230
[knocking]
107
00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:53,107
{\an8}- Can I help you?
- Are you Bradd's dad?
108
00:03:53,191 --> 00:03:54,442
{\an8}I'm Korvo the alien.
109
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:55,735
{\an8}Oh, I've heard about you.
110
00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:58,655
{\an8}Word on the road is
your kid told my replicants
111
00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,864
{\an8}you could beat me up.
112
00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,033
{\an8}I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson.
113
00:04:02,116 --> 00:04:04,118
You're being real aggressive
right now, man.
114
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,703
Well, I didn't evolve on Earth.
115
00:04:05,787 --> 00:04:08,331
I have strength beyond
your limited imagination.
116
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:09,832
You can't go around writing checks
117
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:12,001
that your bullshit can't cash,
you little bitch.
118
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,836
Don't call me a little bitch.
119
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,464
Oh, I'm sorry, you're a big bitch.
120
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:19,175
[grunts] Don't you grab my fist
mid-swing, you cheater.
121
00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:21,094
[Korvo grunting]
122
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:22,929
[bones cracking]
123
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:24,222
[Korvo yells]
124
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,641
[Korvo groaning]
125
00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:30,728
- [fist thudding]
- [face squelching]
126
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,150
[Korvo groans]
127
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:40,113
Dammit. Ugh. Ah.
128
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:41,281
Oh. Oh, God.
129
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,950
[AISHA] Korvo, you think
you gonna drag your nasty,
130
00:04:44,033 --> 00:04:45,451
beat-up ass through my shit
131
00:04:45,535 --> 00:04:47,996
and not tell me how you got so messed up?
132
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:51,291
I ran into the, uh, Boondock Saints,
and they sucker-punched me.
133
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:53,167
[Korvo grunts]
134
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,169
[Korvo screaming]
135
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:58,589
[hissing]
136
00:04:58,673 --> 00:05:00,883
[AISHA] And I know there weren't
any Boondocks Saints.
137
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,178
The replicants told me about
your dumbass beef with Bradd's dad.
138
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,514
I'm glad you got it out your system.
139
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:09,058
Oh, Aisha, it is very much
still in my system,
140
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:10,560
but something's not right.
141
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,145
[AISHA] Yeah, your stupid ego.
142
00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:13,938
I shouldn't be able
to be harmed at all by a human
143
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,649
who hasn't even experienced
the technological singularity yet.
144
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:17,734
It doesn't make any sense.
145
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:20,069
[AISHA] You are letting
your pride get the best of you.
146
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:22,655
Like in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
147
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,198
before the zombies showed up.
148
00:05:24,282 --> 00:05:25,533
This is not about pride.
149
00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:27,035
It's about my perceived self-worth.
150
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,454
[AISHA] If I had eyes,
you know I'd be rolling 'em.
151
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,706
This guy jeopardized
my standing as a leader
152
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:32,999
and the sanctity of the mission.
153
00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:34,959
Now I have to go sci-fi on his ass.
154
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:37,253
Aisha, prepare me a Shlorpian Muscle-tini.
155
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,298
[AISHA] Fine, but nobody's buying
that this is about the mission.
156
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:42,216
[♪ comical musical sting]
157
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,303
Using science for petty victories
never goes wrong.
158
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:46,471
[laughs manically]
159
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:49,474
[AISHA] Your bwa-ha-ha laugh
is weak as fuck.
160
00:05:52,894 --> 00:05:54,479
[♪ bright music]
161
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,150
[feet thumping]
162
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,652
♪
163
00:06:02,236 --> 00:06:03,654
- [door clatters]
- [Korvo grunts]
164
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,782
[♪ dramatic music]
165
00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,534
[chair thuds]
166
00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:09,702
[head boings]
167
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,122
- [♪ dramatic orchestral music]
- [both grunting]
168
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,043
[Korvo thuds]
169
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,297
[fist thudding]
170
00:06:22,256 --> 00:06:25,176
[groaning]
171
00:06:25,259 --> 00:06:27,762
[Korvo screaming]
172
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,390
[doors whoosh]
173
00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:32,308
- [♪ bright music]
- [doors whoosh]
174
00:06:36,479 --> 00:06:39,440
[♪ lively music]
175
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:44,904
Mm. Ah!
176
00:06:44,987 --> 00:06:46,781
{\an8}♪
177
00:06:46,864 --> 00:06:49,117
[scope whirring]
178
00:06:52,370 --> 00:06:54,372
[♪ comical music]
179
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:56,332
[Korvo screaming]
180
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:57,417
[thuds]
181
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,919
[spear whooshes]
182
00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,170
- [spear squelches]
- [Korvo grunts]
183
00:07:01,963 --> 00:07:03,214
[beeping]
184
00:07:03,297 --> 00:07:04,632
[explosion booms]
185
00:07:04,715 --> 00:07:07,718
[♪ downtempo whimsical music]
186
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:13,433
[tires screech]
187
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:14,559
Drop it!
188
00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,853
[horns honking]
189
00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:19,313
[tires screeching]
190
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:20,940
- [horn blares]
- Aah!
191
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,191
Ha, ha!
192
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,568
- [thuds]
- [Terry groans]
193
00:07:24,986 --> 00:07:26,320
Yay!
194
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:28,990
Oh, God! [grunts]
195
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:31,075
Drop it!
196
00:07:33,035 --> 00:07:34,954
[♪ light swing music]
197
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:40,001
♪
198
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:42,837
[happy humming]
199
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:44,464
[bacon sizzling]
200
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,677
[♪ mischievous music]
201
00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:55,099
[pan clangs]
202
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,938
[birds chirping]
203
00:08:01,022 --> 00:08:03,399
[Korvo screaming]
204
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,611
[♪ mischievous music]
205
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,160
[♪ suspenseful music]
206
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:15,620
[giggling]
207
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,833
[acid hisses]
208
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,043
[♪ dramatic sting]
209
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,925
[♪ suspenseful music]
210
00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,973
[♪ music crescendos]
211
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,394
[acid hisses]
212
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:43,272
[Korvo thuds]
213
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,816
- [tube clinks]
- [acid hisses]
214
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,152
[♪ whimsical flourish]
215
00:08:48,903 --> 00:08:51,447
[sparks hissing]
216
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,866
- [glass shatters]
- [♪ dramatic music]
217
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,036
[saws whirring]
218
00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,667
♪
219
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,340
[shoes squeaking]
220
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,510
- [indistinct chatter]
- [sirens blaring]
221
00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,389
Drop it!
Please, drop it!
222
00:09:16,472 --> 00:09:18,307
[sirens blaring]
223
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,477
- Don't jump.
- You have so much to live for.
224
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,064
No!
225
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:27,358
[JK Sevens beeping]
226
00:09:28,484 --> 00:09:29,944
Drop... it.
227
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,780
[Pupa whooshes]
228
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,324
What do we do now?
That was gonna be my whole evening.
229
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,326
Uh, there's
a Monster Truck rally in town.
230
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,246
Ugh, fine, but only
because I already revealed
231
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,872
I don't have another option.
232
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,833
[♪ dramatic music]
233
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,088
[zipper buzzes]
234
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:56,012
[♪ jaunty music]
235
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:00,850
[knocking]
236
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,980
[phone ringing]
237
00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:11,485
[♪ mischievous music]
238
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:14,155
[baby cooing]
239
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:16,490
[knife flicks]
240
00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:17,992
[squeals]
241
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:19,994
[Korvo gags]
242
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:22,163
[♪ jaunty music resumes]
243
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:26,292
[Korvo grunts]
244
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:30,171
[♪ "Ode to Joy" playing]
245
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,051
♪
246
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:38,346
[thudding footsteps]
247
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,185
[gears whirring]
248
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,437
No, no! [grunts]
249
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,481
[electricity crackling]
250
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,191
[Korvo thuds]
251
00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:52,068
♪
252
00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:56,906
[fists thudding]
253
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,282
[Korvo thudding]
254
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,367
Drop it!
255
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:03,412
[♪ lively music]
256
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:08,501
[water splashes]
257
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:10,127
[quiet cackling]
258
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:13,631
[pistol fires]
259
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:15,132
[missile beeps]
260
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,886
[♪ comical music]
261
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:20,304
[missile beeps]
262
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:24,684
[explosion booms]
263
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,852
[eyes blinking]
264
00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:29,021
♪
265
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,398
[♪ dramatic music]
266
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:31,482
[bell tings]
267
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,322
[ship buzzing]
268
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,033
[♪ lively music]
269
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,868
[ship whooshing]
270
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,166
[♪ suspenseful music]
271
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,876
♪
272
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,631
[♪ lively music]
273
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:03,222
[♪ suspenseful orchestral music]
274
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,475
- [intestines rumbling]
- [alarm blaring]
275
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:11,439
[Korvo screams]
276
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:13,649
[screaming continues]
277
00:12:14,358 --> 00:12:15,609
[ship splashes]
278
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,531
[♪ dramatic music]
279
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,908
- [gulps]
- [gun firing]
280
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:26,954
[♪ tense music]
281
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,080
Drop it.
282
00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:32,752
[guns clicking]
283
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:36,839
Drop it.
284
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,675
Wait, who are you tellin' to drop it?
285
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:41,218
I'm telling the Pupa.
286
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,638
- The what?
- The goddamn supercomputer behind you.
287
00:12:44,722 --> 00:12:47,433
You know what? Can we just say
that we're all gonna drop it, please?
288
00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:49,894
No, he's right.
You guys are my bros.
289
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:51,812
I really meant it earlier
when I said that for me,
290
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:53,856
the action is the juice.
291
00:12:53,939 --> 00:12:55,232
I love you guys.
292
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:58,110
Let's ditch this heist
and go to that Monster Truck rally
293
00:12:58,194 --> 00:12:59,987
that's in town, for old times' sake.
294
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,447
- Come on, everyone bring it in.
- [guns clatter]
295
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:02,615
[JK Sevens beeping]
296
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:03,699
Drop it!
297
00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:07,912
[♪ lively music]
298
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:17,630
[♪ quizzical music]
299
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:30,559
[♪ lively music]
300
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,608
[♪ mischievous music]
301
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:47,785
♪
302
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:52,790
[♪ mischievous music]
303
00:13:53,791 --> 00:13:54,792
[door slams]
304
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,919
[Korvo] You fucked up now,
Bradd's dad.
305
00:13:57,002 --> 00:14:00,756
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
306
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,722
[Korvo] Well, well, well, it looks like
the tables have turned.
307
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,307
You're in my house now!
308
00:14:10,391 --> 00:14:12,017
This evenly matched battle of--
309
00:14:12,101 --> 00:14:14,270
- Evenly matched?
- [Korvo] Yes, we are two great warriors
310
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:15,354
fighting to a stalemate.
311
00:14:15,437 --> 00:14:17,231
Don't try to throw me off, Bradd's dad,
312
00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:19,692
or should I say Evgeni?
313
00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,402
How'd you find my real name?
314
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,571
[Korvo] Oh, I know so much about you.
315
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,823
Like your fear of being eaten by an orca!
316
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,618
You thought your identity was a fortress,
317
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:31,203
but there were cracks in the walls.
318
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:35,249
Today, as we two equally
unbreakable fighters faced off,
319
00:14:35,332 --> 00:14:37,960
I started to gather information about you.
320
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,129
At first, I thought you were just
a boring suburban,
321
00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,630
ABC Primetime dad.
322
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,090
So I couldn't understand
how you could fight me
323
00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:44,633
to a draw so many times.
324
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,260
I don't remember there being a draw.
325
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,262
[Korvo] As an alien
from another planet living on Earth,
326
00:14:48,345 --> 00:14:51,056
my survival demands that I drink
a quart of piss a day,
327
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,976
look good in a crop top,
but mostly to be observant.
328
00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:57,897
While we fought, I had my eyes open.
329
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,274
I first knew something was amiss
330
00:15:00,357 --> 00:15:02,526
when I saw a painting
above your fireplace.
331
00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,904
I saw beyond its basicness.
332
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:07,197
The forest in that painting
was in Nova Scotia,
333
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:08,991
known for being voted
one of the best places
334
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,577
to raise a Hanna,
like from the movie Hanna.
335
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,662
Sweet little Evgeni must have been trained
336
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,832
in the art of fighting by his dad,
just like a Hanna.
337
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,918
My dad moved me
to the woods as a baby,
338
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:20,878
after a time traveler tried to murder me.
339
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,631
My dad beat his ass.
340
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,633
[Korvo] No, he didn't!
They were evenly matched!
341
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,552
You made your attack robots
look like my kid?
342
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,846
- That's fucked up.
- [Korvo] That doesn't matter.
343
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,182
We've been intertwined
from the very beginning, Evgeni.
344
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,809
The unstoppable force
versus the immovable object.
345
00:15:35,893 --> 00:15:36,894
We balance each other.
346
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,521
I don't remember any balance
when I was smoking you.
347
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:41,106
[Korvo] Perhaps earlier
you noticed me pass you
348
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,816
on my daily rollerblading route.
349
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,735
The literature you were reading
at the magazine stand
350
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,028
piqued my interest.
351
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:48,656
You mean when you tried
to kill me and totally ate shit?
352
00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:49,823
[Korvo] No, I didn't! Shut up!
353
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:52,034
My sharpened powers
of deduction made me realize
354
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:54,078
that your background
is way more complicated
355
00:15:54,161 --> 00:15:55,871
than I previously guessed.
356
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,498
{\an8}You were later trained in Russia,
357
00:15:57,581 --> 00:16:00,125
{\an8}a hunch that was proven true
when you shot at me
358
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:03,170
after I had shrunken myself down
and ended up in your toilet.
359
00:16:03,253 --> 00:16:06,423
Two shots in the head, one in the heart,
even when shooting into a shitter.
360
00:16:06,507 --> 00:16:09,176
Wait, you were in my body
and I shit you out?
361
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:10,844
I didn't even know you were in the toilet.
362
00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:12,846
[Korvo] Wait, so why were
you shooting at your own shit?
363
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:14,431
To break down the log!
364
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,141
You know what? I'm sick of this.
365
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,601
My past is none of your concern.
366
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,311
I keep it to myself for a reason.
367
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,688
[Korvo] I could leave it at that,
368
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:22,439
but I can't because
you're not just a Hanna
369
00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:24,817
who was subsequently trained by the KGB.
370
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,194
No. When I was in you,
I took a sample,
371
00:16:27,277 --> 00:16:29,405
which analysis proved
you've been genetically altered
372
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,407
into a killing machine by Weapon Z,
373
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:34,326
a legally clearable version
of Weapon X for parody purposes,
374
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,579
a program that's Canadian
and so is poutine,
375
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,790
which is what you were eating!
376
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,668
We're two sides of the same coin, Evgeni.
377
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,045
A double-headed dildo of fighting ability.
378
00:16:45,129 --> 00:16:47,089
Sure, I could step into the shadows
and be evil like you,
379
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,257
but I choose not to.
380
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,676
- You attacked me.
- [Korvo] I fight for justice.
381
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,511
What about you, Evgeni,
why do you fight?
382
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,847
Is it your training
or your watered-down genetics?
383
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,223
Or are you just an asshole?
384
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:57,641
The only reason I had to fight you
385
00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:00,144
was because my son came home
crying with a black eye.
386
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,146
Your shitty kids have been bullying him.
387
00:17:02,229 --> 00:17:03,981
He told me exactly what they said to him.
388
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:05,983
That all humans are dumb
and that he's a little bitch
389
00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:08,235
and that their dad could kick my ass.
390
00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,487
[robots whir and thud]
391
00:17:11,780 --> 00:17:15,075
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, for realsies?
- Yeah.
392
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:17,244
That's exactly what
the replicants told me
393
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:18,912
but that Bradd was bullying them.
394
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,789
Did they have black eyes too?
395
00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,666
They bloody did.
396
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,877
You didn't threaten
to kick my ass, did you?
397
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,212
No, no, I did not.
398
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,175
Well then, what the fuck?
399
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,093
[♪ dramatic music]
400
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,929
Please, I don't have
any more in the tank.
401
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,640
This is it.
Th-th-this is the end of me.
402
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:40,059
Please just drop it.
403
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:44,063
[crying] Why?
Why are you doing this?
404
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,647
We trained you to be good.
405
00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:48,567
We trained you to respond
to a verbal command.
406
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:49,693
[groans]
407
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:53,489
Wait, was it, "Drop it"?
408
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:57,826
[gasps] Pupa... give it.
409
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:03,665
Oh, alright, we trained you
to give it, not drop it.
410
00:18:03,749 --> 00:18:05,918
Oh, who's the Hufflepuff now, huh?
411
00:18:06,001 --> 00:18:07,294
Where's the sorting hat when you need it?
412
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,754
Oh, my God.
413
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:12,841
- [Terry giggles]
- Drop it!
414
00:18:15,302 --> 00:18:17,304
So they made the whole thing up.
415
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,348
They knew we would have
to answer the call to battle,
416
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:21,225
the two of us,
great handsome warriors
417
00:18:21,308 --> 00:18:23,102
of undeniably equal skill.
418
00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,770
Saying it doesn't make it true.
419
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,772
I said undeniably, Evgeni,
420
00:18:26,855 --> 00:18:28,524
that means you can't deny it.
421
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,484
I just don't understand why.
422
00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:31,819
Why did they go to the trouble?
423
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,570
Wait, did your replicants ask
424
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,656
if they could go
to a Monster Truck rally today?
425
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:38,742
Yes, but I said no,
I can't support Monster Trucks.
426
00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,452
The monster part makes them too scary.
427
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,121
I don't even support regular trucks.
428
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,124
Wait, did Bradd ask you
if he could go too?
429
00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:46,917
You don't think?
430
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,712
[crowd cheering]
431
00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,008
- Yeah!
- Smash that shit!
432
00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,177
Look at those happy little bastards.
433
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,679
I wonder what they like more,
434
00:18:58,762 --> 00:19:00,764
the large wheeled trucks
or that they got away with it.
435
00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:02,641
I'm proud of 'em for getting one past me.
436
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,059
Look at 'em having fun.
437
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,019
My dad never let me go to anything fun.
438
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,479
Maybe I'm too hard on the kid.
439
00:19:07,563 --> 00:19:10,107
I too am impressed
by my replicants' wiles.
440
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:12,067
Hey, let's not tell them
we figured it out.
441
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,277
Let 'em think they pulled it off.
442
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:14,695
- Really?
- Yeah.
443
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:17,322
We'll get our revenge
during their impressionable teen years.
444
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:19,408
- I love that plan.
- Good.
445
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,451
But just to be clear,
we are not friends,
446
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:23,078
and we are nothing alike.
447
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:24,163
Fine.
448
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:26,623
Have you ever taken
449
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,500
one of those Harry Potter
sorting hat quizlets?
450
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:29,918
Sure, I'm a Hufflepuff.
451
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:31,795
- Why?
- Oh, no reason.
452
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,672
No reason at all.
453
00:19:33,755 --> 00:19:35,007
- Woo!
- Alright!
454
00:19:35,090 --> 00:19:36,758
- This is awesome!
- Alright. Yeah!
455
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:40,053
- Oh, my God!
- [crowd cheering]
456
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:42,222
[Terry laughing]
457
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,307
Drop it!
458
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,184
Drop it!
459
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,604
I'm the Pupa.
460
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,608
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
461
00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,442
[mimicking laser fire]