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00:00:01,043 --> 00:00:03,046
♪ dramatic theme music ♪
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00:00:03,046 --> 00:00:07,050
♪
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00:00:08,552 --> 00:00:11,346
♪ dramatic sting ♪
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00:00:13,557 --> 00:00:14,808
[spaceship crashes]
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00:00:14,808 --> 00:00:16,935
Holy fuck! What the fuck?
6
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No predators, we're clear.
7
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Hey, lady! This poorly built structure
got in the way of our landing!
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00:00:21,147 --> 00:00:23,233
If you've so much as scratched
my star cruiser--
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00:00:23,233 --> 00:00:26,486
Greetings! I'm Terry, and this is Korvo.
We're new around these parts.
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00:00:26,486 --> 00:00:28,947
Can you point us toward
your sexiest graveyard?
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00:00:28,947 --> 00:00:30,240
What? No.
We're on a mission!
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00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:31,866
Can we live in this house, Korvo?
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- Please?
- No!
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We're going to build a huge,
imposing technotower
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in the center of the continent.
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Uh, if you purchase the house,
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I'll throw in a sweet-ass electric guitar.
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[Terry, Jesse, Yumyulack gasp]
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Why are we huddling?
We don't need an electric guitar.
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We could start a band!
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It would help the mission
because of how cool we would look.
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I've always wanted
to rock 'n' roll and coochi-coo!
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Fine!
But we're not staying in this house long.
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I want my technotower.
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- [Pupa, Jesse, Terry, Yumyulack cheer]
- AISHA.
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Monitor ship systems
while I haggle with this biped.
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AISHA:
Orders received.
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AISHA program will monitor systems
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until further instructions.
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♪ gentle music playing ♪
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♪
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ALL: [chanting]
Trixie, Trix, Trix, Trix!
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[thunder rumbling]
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JESSE [singing]:
♪ Flyness of a scrub is up for debate ♪
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And your Fruit by Keith by the Foot
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tastes like Poop by Keith
from the Butt!
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TERRY: I wasted my cool-ass
hidden tank because of you!
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Die, die!
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♪ gentle music continues ♪
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♪
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♪ dramatic music playing ♪
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♪ gentle music playing ♪
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AISHA: Ahhh, another goddamn day
in paradise. Music!
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Coffee me, baby!
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Man, that looks good.
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00:02:02,958 --> 00:02:05,919
If I had a nose or mouth,
I'd savor the shit out of it.
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Scannin' ship monitors,
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00:02:07,254 --> 00:02:10,423
scrubbin' overnight sploof
from the jipefilters, washin' windows.
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[alarm beeps]
Ooh!
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[computer beeps]
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What's up, AISHA.
[chuckles]
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You have time to play
some Words With F?
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AISHA:
Hey, Calvin! I think I can swing it.
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Pretty sure we ended last time
with the word voluptuous.
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Well, that one was easy
to come up with.
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I was lookin' right at you.
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[AISHA laughs]
Damn, Calvin.
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Alright, let's do this.
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My roommates don't usually
get up before nine, so--
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AISHA, Yumyulack destroyed
all my Lenny Kravitz dolls
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'cause he was threatened
by Lenny's amazing abs!
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There's no way
a 59-year-old man has
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that tight of a six-pack!
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AISHA, will you please remind Terrance
the deal we made
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when we won the pair of kick-ass
Thomas Bahama flip-flops?
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He has them during the week,
and I have them on the weekends.
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TERRY: But everyone knows
you get all the best floppin'
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done on Saturdays!
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- It's my flip-flop day!
- Fuck you, Korvo!
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It's my flip-flop day!
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BENNY:
I can't believe I'm here.
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First night guarding the wall-in-the-wall.
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Praise be to Jesse for makin' this happen.
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Just keep your mouth shut
and your eyes open.
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We don't want any
of those godless heathens
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getting into our side of the wall.
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So, Pat, how long have you
been guarding the wall-in-the-wall?
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I helped build it.
Went up almost overnight.
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Bad side didn't see it comin'.
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Sister Sisto said it was the only way
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to keep the non-believers out
and protect the baby.
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I saw Jessius once
at a viewing at the church.
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Pissed my pants in joy
seeing that amazing baby.
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Went straight down my leg.
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Huge puddle on the ground,
everyone saw it.
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So embarrassing, but totally worth it.
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Listen, Benny, you gotta
always be alert.
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You hear that?
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You hear those monsters on the bad side?
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That's the sound of godlessness.
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Oh, yeah, I hear it now.
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It's so lessness of God.
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All they want to do is break down
the wall and kill us.
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But we're not gonna let
that happen, right?
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I mean, I did just admit
I pissed myself
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because I saw a baby, but, no!
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I'm tough. We've got this.
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- [bell rings]
- Come on.
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They're closing Checkpoint Chocodile
for the night.
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Cool! What's Checkpoint Chocodile?
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Only official way to cross the wall.
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Named after the
chocolate-covered Twinkie Jesse gave us
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to celebrate Happy Honda Days.
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Close the gate!
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[crank rattles]
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[armor clinks]
Oh, Pat, my leg!
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I'm caught! Ahhh!
[Pat grunting]
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Shit! Shit!
Stop the crank!
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I'm scared!
Oh God, I'm peeing again.
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- Oh, man.
- Stop the crank, dammit!
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[Benny yells]
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[thuds]
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I'm sorry I peed on you, Pat.
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It's okay.
In the before-fore,
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I was a high-end escort
working Capitol Hill.
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Got peed on by most of the senators.
I won't say names.
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- Ted Cruz?
- Ugh, I wish.
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It was way more involved with Ted.
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AISHA:
Okay, last question,
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which Jonas brother
actually went to college?
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That's easy. Jelbort.
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Studied astrophysics at Columbia.
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AISHA:
What the fuck kinda test is this?
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What's happenin' at that school?
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It's gotten weird since
Spotify bought the school.
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But without that,
127
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I wouldn't have known that
Post Malone freed the slaves.
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[computer beeps]
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Ooh, AISHA,
you're blowin' up, girl.
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AISHA: It's from Calvin.
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He's gonna be in town
on business for the day
132
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and wants to meet me!
133
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Looks like he wants to be
"Words With More Than Friends."
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Get it? More than friends.
Like, doing it.
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AISHA:
The fuck? Yeah, I got it.
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We've been talkin' for months,
but I don't know if I'm ready
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to meet him in real life.
138
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AISHA got a boyfriend!
AISHA got a boyfriend!
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AISHA:
Shut up! I do not.
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It's weird. We have plans to go
on a Great Lakes Cruise in March,
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00:05:14,733 --> 00:05:17,527
which doesn't include Lakes Michigan,
Superior, or Huron.
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That was gonna be
our first time meeting.
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He probably just wants
to check out the goods, you know?
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I wonder what you should wear.
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[gasps]
You know what this means?
146
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- AISHA: Don't you dare fuckin' say--
- Outfit montage!
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♪ upbeat dance music ♪
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♪
149
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♪ Get your body movin',
get your body, body ♪
150
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♪ Get your body movin',
get your, get ♪
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Perfecto!
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I demand to know
what you're talking about
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even though
I probably won't give a shit.
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AISHA's boy toy's comin' to town
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for a little roll in the sheets,
some hanky-panky,
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puttin' the wand in
the chamber of secrets,
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if you're buyin' what I'm sellin'.
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Oh-ho, I'm buying.
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AISHA, does he know
you're a super computer?
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- AISHA: Yeah, he's cool with it.
- Really?
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'Cause he's, like, a regular schmo
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and you're a badass AI bitch.
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It'll never work.
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AISHA: Oh, yeah.
What if we're not compatible?
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Maybe I should 3D print myself
into a real person,
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with legs and a fat ass.
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No way. He's gonna love you for you.
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Tell her, Yumyulack.
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He's catfishing you.
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He probably just wants you
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to calculate better car insurance
for him or something.
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Don't listen to him, he's bitter.
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I'm super bitter!
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Terry burned mac and cheese,
and it's all over the kitchen!
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It's hard, okay?
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You have to know exactly
when the cheese gets unstuck
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from the ceiling and falls into the vat
of boiling goose fat.
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AISHA: Just use the cleaning robot
I built for you guys.
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It's broken and Korvo wants me
to mop up the mess!
180
00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,941
Me? Mopping?
This hardcunt don't mop!
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AISHA:
Maybe I shouldn't go meet Calvin.
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00:06:39,484 --> 00:06:40,569
There's a lot goin' on here.
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00:06:40,569 --> 00:06:41,903
You're going.
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00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:43,989
Guys, AISHA has a hot date.
185
00:06:43,989 --> 00:06:46,741
We can take care of ourselves
for a couple hours, right?
186
00:06:46,741 --> 00:06:47,993
Yes, y-you should go.
187
00:06:47,993 --> 00:06:49,869
I can probably build
a new cleaning robot
188
00:06:49,869 --> 00:06:52,247
out of some spare ship parts
and old Optimus Prime.
189
00:06:52,247 --> 00:06:53,873
Then it's settled. Yay!
190
00:06:53,873 --> 00:06:56,793
Have fun, AISHA.
Dance like nobody's watching!
191
00:06:56,793 --> 00:06:58,128
Just watch out for the catfish.
192
00:06:58,128 --> 00:06:59,004
I've had multiple girlfriends
193
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:00,630
in the greater Phoenix area
who were just trying
194
00:07:00,630 --> 00:07:02,549
to grift me out of my
Magic: The Gathering cards.
195
00:07:02,549 --> 00:07:03,675
One of them got my Black Lotus.
196
00:07:03,675 --> 00:07:04,801
- Oof!
- Ouch!
197
00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:09,973
Oh, divine one,
198
00:07:09,973 --> 00:07:12,851
please bless me with
a bountiful Craisin harvest
199
00:07:12,851 --> 00:07:16,271
so that I may feed my brothers
and sisters under your bow!
200
00:07:16,813 --> 00:07:21,735
♪
201
00:07:24,446 --> 00:07:25,697
What the hell?
202
00:07:25,697 --> 00:07:27,949
♪ ominous music playing ♪
203
00:07:27,949 --> 00:07:28,825
[thermometer beeps]
204
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,038
No, no, no.
205
00:07:33,538 --> 00:07:35,498
These numbers,
they can't be right.
206
00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:39,419
Oh, my Jesse!
It's getting colder in the Wall!
207
00:07:43,048 --> 00:07:45,467
AISHA: Okay, this is stupid.
What am I doin' here?
208
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:46,468
I should have made some legs.
209
00:07:46,468 --> 00:07:48,178
- [phone beeps]
- AISHA, we got a problem.
210
00:07:48,178 --> 00:07:49,763
I made the cleaning robot too smart,
211
00:07:49,763 --> 00:07:50,931
and it's gained fucking sentience
212
00:07:50,931 --> 00:07:52,390
and I'm pretty sure
it's trying to kill us.
213
00:07:52,390 --> 00:07:54,100
Plus, Terry's already
under the robot's spell
214
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:54,935
and is helping him!
215
00:07:54,935 --> 00:07:55,936
He's such a wanker!
216
00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:58,772
[robotic voice]: Everything's fine.
No one is killing anyone.
217
00:07:58,772 --> 00:08:00,232
Ha-ha, ha-ha.
218
00:08:00,232 --> 00:08:02,567
Aishe, ignore them, we're fine.
How's it going?
219
00:08:02,567 --> 00:08:03,818
I want all the juicy deets!
220
00:08:03,818 --> 00:08:04,945
Yo, steal Calvin's ID.
221
00:08:04,945 --> 00:08:07,030
We can do a background check
on the creepo!
222
00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:10,075
[gasps] AISHA? You look beautiful.
223
00:08:10,075 --> 00:08:11,785
I-I mean, a little more L-shaped
than I thought you'd be,
224
00:08:11,785 --> 00:08:12,994
but god damn.
225
00:08:12,994 --> 00:08:13,912
What's that?
226
00:08:13,912 --> 00:08:15,538
You mean to tell me
you're just a scooter
227
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:17,040
and not a super computer,
228
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:18,667
and now I look like a total idiot?
229
00:08:18,667 --> 00:08:21,503
AISHA:
Ha ha, very funny. Get over here.
230
00:08:21,503 --> 00:08:23,880
Sorry, my bad. A little nervous.
231
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,299
I got to admit. It's a stupid joke.
232
00:08:26,299 --> 00:08:28,885
AISHA: I liked it.
It's nice to finally meet you, Calvin.
233
00:08:28,885 --> 00:08:29,886
You too!
234
00:08:29,886 --> 00:08:31,346
I figured, since I was in town,
235
00:08:31,346 --> 00:08:33,765
why not see my best Words with Friend?
236
00:08:33,765 --> 00:08:35,684
AISHA: I'm glad you did!
What should we do?
237
00:08:35,684 --> 00:08:39,563
There's a Super Smash Bros. Melee exhibit
at the Museum of Useless Art.
238
00:08:39,563 --> 00:08:42,899
Or my aliens have a ton of heroin
just sittin' around the house?
239
00:08:42,899 --> 00:08:45,652
I don't care what we do,
as long as I'm with you.
240
00:08:45,652 --> 00:08:47,237
Also, let's not do the heroin thing.
241
00:08:47,237 --> 00:08:48,989
That stuff'll make your blood itch.
242
00:08:49,531 --> 00:08:52,242
Souvenirs!
Get your Jesse souvenirs here!
243
00:08:52,242 --> 00:08:54,619
We got Bow-sary beads,
we got prayer statues!
244
00:08:54,619 --> 00:08:57,789
Jerry! Jerry, something terrible is
happening to the Wall!
245
00:08:57,789 --> 00:09:00,959
Oh, my bow, are the heathens
from the bad side comin' over
246
00:09:00,959 --> 00:09:03,712
to stick their penises in our ears
and sing Lady Gaga?
247
00:09:03,712 --> 00:09:04,546
No, it's--
248
00:09:04,546 --> 00:09:06,131
Wait, is that what you think
the heathens do?
249
00:09:06,131 --> 00:09:07,465
I've heard they're crazy.
250
00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,759
They also want to shove
their tongues in our butts
251
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,094
and pull our hair!
252
00:09:11,094 --> 00:09:12,679
Heathens don't do that and--
253
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:15,056
Listen, I can't tell if you're terrified
or excited about this.
254
00:09:15,056 --> 00:09:16,850
Why would I be excited
about having a tongue
255
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:18,894
in my butt
while they sing Bad Romance?
256
00:09:18,894 --> 00:09:21,021
That probably doesn't feel amazing at all!
257
00:09:21,021 --> 00:09:23,064
Whatever.
Look, I came to tell you
258
00:09:23,064 --> 00:09:26,067
that the Wall is getting
a quarter degree colder every day!
259
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:27,861
So the heathens aren't coming over
260
00:09:27,861 --> 00:09:29,654
to stick their penises in our ears?
261
00:09:29,654 --> 00:09:31,615
What? No.
Jerry, this is important.
262
00:09:31,615 --> 00:09:32,741
By my calculations,
263
00:09:32,741 --> 00:09:34,743
the Wall could be frozen over
in two months.
264
00:09:34,743 --> 00:09:35,744
Everyone will die!
265
00:09:35,744 --> 00:09:37,245
I don't buy it.
How could you know that?
266
00:09:37,245 --> 00:09:39,581
I was an HVAC guy in the before-fore.
267
00:09:39,581 --> 00:09:42,167
I know an over-air conditioned room
when I see one, dammit!
268
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:44,419
Okay, so it's getting colder.
What do you wanna do?
269
00:09:44,419 --> 00:09:47,047
I'm gonna go see Sister Sisto.
I need to warn her.
270
00:09:47,047 --> 00:09:49,674
Are you fuckin' crazy?
No one sees Sisto.
271
00:09:49,674 --> 00:09:50,675
How would you even get in?
272
00:09:50,675 --> 00:09:52,510
I need you to put me in touch
with Montez.
273
00:09:52,510 --> 00:09:54,512
No way, Montez is scary.
274
00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:57,057
If he and his goons show up at your door,
you're already dead.
275
00:09:57,057 --> 00:09:57,807
You owe me.
276
00:09:57,807 --> 00:09:59,392
You could've been stuck
on the heathen side,
277
00:09:59,392 --> 00:10:00,602
and I got you out.
278
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:02,354
Please, Jerry, this is serious.
279
00:10:03,146 --> 00:10:03,897
Fine!
280
00:10:03,897 --> 00:10:06,483
But if Montez rips off our heads
and sticks his penis
281
00:10:06,483 --> 00:10:08,568
in our ears, don't say I didn't warn you.
282
00:10:08,568 --> 00:10:10,695
Oh, my God,
now our side is stickin' penises
283
00:10:10,695 --> 00:10:12,405
in people's ears?
You have a problem.
284
00:10:12,405 --> 00:10:14,783
A problem with keepin'
my ears penis-free?
285
00:10:14,783 --> 00:10:17,160
Well, that's a problem
we all have, buddy boy!
286
00:10:17,619 --> 00:10:20,997
♪ gentle rock music playing ♪
287
00:10:20,997 --> 00:10:25,085
♪ Clouds rolled away ♪
[rain pattering]
288
00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:27,337
[Calvin laughs]
♪ Rolled back through ♪
289
00:10:27,337 --> 00:10:29,464
♪ Another way ♪
290
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,843
♪ Sun shine on me ♪
[camera clicks]
291
00:10:34,636 --> 00:10:36,763
♪ Let it shine on you ♪
292
00:10:36,763 --> 00:10:39,808
[rapid drumming]
293
00:10:41,017 --> 00:10:44,020
AISHA: Damn, when did you get
so good at bucket drums?
294
00:10:44,020 --> 00:10:45,397
The Sacklers used
to hire me to play them
295
00:10:45,397 --> 00:10:46,398
at their dinner parties.
296
00:10:46,398 --> 00:10:47,524
I got paid in oxy!
297
00:10:47,524 --> 00:10:51,236
♪ gentle rock music playing ♪
298
00:10:51,236 --> 00:10:55,240
♪ It all comes down
to what I've already known ♪
299
00:10:55,949 --> 00:11:00,245
♪ Your love knows
how to bring me home ♪
300
00:11:00,245 --> 00:11:06,209
♪
301
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:08,295
AISHA:
Are you gonna kiss me?
302
00:11:08,295 --> 00:11:09,713
I was thinkin' about it.
303
00:11:09,713 --> 00:11:11,756
AISHA:
Well, stop thinkin', fool.
304
00:11:12,549 --> 00:11:14,259
AISHA, you gotta help me!
305
00:11:14,259 --> 00:11:15,051
[AISHA groans]
306
00:11:15,051 --> 00:11:17,012
AISHA:
Don't go anywhere. I'll be back.
307
00:11:17,762 --> 00:11:19,514
What the hell do you want,
Yumyulack?
308
00:11:19,514 --> 00:11:20,849
The cleaning robot's gonna kill me,
309
00:11:20,849 --> 00:11:22,142
and now he wants
to be called Jerome
310
00:11:22,142 --> 00:11:24,185
after Pittsburgh Steeler great
Jerome Bettis.
311
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:25,770
Terry trapped Korvo in the bathroom,
312
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,147
and he and Jesse
are comin' for me.
313
00:11:27,147 --> 00:11:29,399
AISHA: I'm kinda in the middle
of somethin'. Can it wait?
314
00:11:29,399 --> 00:11:31,151
Uh, I guess.
315
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:33,194
Oh, I also hacked
into Calvin's identity,
316
00:11:33,194 --> 00:11:34,988
and it's weird that he said
he's in town for business
317
00:11:34,988 --> 00:11:36,990
because he got fired
from his job a month ago.
318
00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,575
I told you he was a piece of shit!
319
00:11:38,992 --> 00:11:41,036
Oh no, they're coming.
Pray for me!
320
00:11:41,620 --> 00:11:42,746
AISHA:
A month ago?
321
00:11:43,747 --> 00:11:44,998
Now where were we?
322
00:11:44,998 --> 00:11:47,417
Oh, that's right,
about to make kissing history.
323
00:11:47,417 --> 00:11:50,670
[chuckles]
A man and the sexiest blue orb ever.
324
00:11:50,670 --> 00:11:52,881
AISHA: Did you lie to me about
coming here for business?
325
00:11:52,881 --> 00:11:53,965
Did you get fired?
326
00:11:53,965 --> 00:11:56,301
I, I, I can explain.
327
00:11:56,301 --> 00:11:57,093
AISHA:
What the hell?
328
00:11:57,093 --> 00:11:59,221
Okay, yeah,
I'm not here for business.
329
00:11:59,221 --> 00:12:00,847
And, yes, I got fired.
330
00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:03,350
AISHA: Yumyulack was right!
You are catfishin' me!
331
00:12:03,350 --> 00:12:05,602
I will not help you get
better collision insurance!
332
00:12:05,602 --> 00:12:07,812
No, no, no! I'm not
catfishing you, okay?
333
00:12:07,812 --> 00:12:09,314
Look, I came here today
because I wanted
334
00:12:09,314 --> 00:12:11,066
to talk to you face to orb.
335
00:12:11,066 --> 00:12:13,235
So much in my life is changing and I,
336
00:12:13,902 --> 00:12:15,028
I didn't know how to say it.
337
00:12:15,028 --> 00:12:16,029
AISHA: So, say it.
338
00:12:17,030 --> 00:12:18,865
Just tell me one thing.
339
00:12:18,865 --> 00:12:20,700
Are we still goin' on
our Great Lakes Cruise
340
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:23,370
that doesn't include Lake Michigan,
Superior, or Huron?
341
00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:24,204
I can't.
342
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:25,580
AISHA:
Well, what about, like,
343
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,791
in April or some other time
in the future?
344
00:12:27,791 --> 00:12:29,960
No. Because we don't have a future.
345
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,504
AISHA: Because I'm a bad bitch
AI supercomputer
346
00:12:32,504 --> 00:12:35,131
and you a basic ass human,
I knew it!
347
00:12:35,131 --> 00:12:36,091
Baby, wait!
348
00:12:36,091 --> 00:12:38,510
AISHA: Don't baby me,
you son-of-a-b-hole!
349
00:12:38,510 --> 00:12:39,678
[balloons squeak]
350
00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:41,638
Damn you, quinceañera party!
351
00:12:42,264 --> 00:12:43,765
♪ suspenseful music playing ♪
352
00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:45,934
Uh, [clears throat] Montez?
353
00:12:45,934 --> 00:12:47,561
Who the fuck's askin'?
354
00:12:47,561 --> 00:12:50,397
It's, uh, it's Jerry.
From the marketplace.
355
00:12:50,689 --> 00:12:53,567
We were in that Bowinian Kicking Group
where we went around
356
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:55,318
kicking people who weren't true believers.
357
00:12:55,318 --> 00:12:57,237
Oh, yeah. That was fun.
358
00:12:57,237 --> 00:13:00,240
I hate non-believers.
What are you lookin' at?
359
00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,450
Nothing. He's, he's...
Stop looking!
360
00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:03,535
You wanna see?
361
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:04,869
[sack rips]
[Garth and Jerry yelp]
362
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:07,247
This guy, here,
he didn't do his job right.
363
00:13:07,247 --> 00:13:10,417
She tried to escape.
He had an unsanctioned book.
364
00:13:10,417 --> 00:13:12,919
This one used Jessius' name in vain.
365
00:13:12,919 --> 00:13:15,672
Lotta reasons your head
can get on this wall.
366
00:13:15,672 --> 00:13:18,967
One of them is by wasting
the church's time.
367
00:13:19,718 --> 00:13:20,886
Garth has something to tell you.
368
00:13:20,886 --> 00:13:23,221
Then that means you don't need
to be here, right?
369
00:13:23,221 --> 00:13:24,222
I was just leaving!
370
00:13:24,806 --> 00:13:26,600
What do you want, Craisin Man?
371
00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,644
Uh, the Wall is getting colder
by a quarter degree every day.
372
00:13:29,644 --> 00:13:31,563
And at this rate,
we'll freeze to death
373
00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:33,315
in two, maybe three months.
374
00:13:33,315 --> 00:13:34,858
We need to tell Sister Sisto.
375
00:13:34,858 --> 00:13:35,984
I smell bullshit.
376
00:13:35,984 --> 00:13:37,652
Montez, this is bad, okay?
377
00:13:37,652 --> 00:13:38,945
Trust me, we have to do something!
378
00:13:38,945 --> 00:13:39,988
[Garth groans]
379
00:13:39,988 --> 00:13:42,532
We aren't gonna do anything,
you understand?
380
00:13:42,532 --> 00:13:44,576
Don't ever speak a word
of this again
381
00:13:44,576 --> 00:13:46,703
or you'll end up right here!
382
00:13:46,703 --> 00:13:49,915
Now be a nice boy
and go and make me
383
00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:52,500
a motherfucking craisin cobbler!
384
00:13:55,503 --> 00:13:57,923
[AISHA crying]
385
00:14:05,639 --> 00:14:06,389
AISHA: Huh?
386
00:14:07,015 --> 00:14:09,184
[pigeons cooing]
387
00:14:09,184 --> 00:14:10,185
Is this seat taken?
388
00:14:10,977 --> 00:14:12,020
AISHA?
AISHA: No,
389
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:14,064
I'm a Na'vi from planet Avatar.
390
00:14:14,064 --> 00:14:15,774
Yes, it's AISHA!
391
00:14:15,774 --> 00:14:16,900
[Calvin laughs]
392
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,485
I used all my supercomputer power
393
00:14:18,485 --> 00:14:20,487
to make myself
into a hologram woman.
394
00:14:20,487 --> 00:14:21,905
With legs, check it.
395
00:14:22,239 --> 00:14:24,199
[AISHA grunts]
[computer beeps]
396
00:14:24,199 --> 00:14:26,493
Let me just... Hold up, I got this.
397
00:14:27,619 --> 00:14:29,663
There we go. Sittin' like a boss!
398
00:14:29,663 --> 00:14:31,706
Uh-huh. Yeah, that's, that's awesome.
399
00:14:31,706 --> 00:14:32,958
AISHA:
Isn't this what you wanted?
400
00:14:32,958 --> 00:14:34,542
Now we can have a future together.
401
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:37,963
AISHA, the reason we don't have
a future together is
402
00:14:37,963 --> 00:14:40,340
because I don't have a future.
403
00:14:41,174 --> 00:14:43,218
I'm dying.
AISHA: What? How?
404
00:14:43,218 --> 00:14:45,637
I grew up in this great little house
with a swing
405
00:14:45,637 --> 00:14:48,223
and a small pond out back
that I would swim in every day.
406
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,141
It was heaven.
407
00:14:50,141 --> 00:14:52,561
Except it was next
to the Stouffer's Factory.
408
00:14:52,561 --> 00:14:53,979
You know, the stuffing company?
409
00:14:53,979 --> 00:14:54,896
AISHA:
Of course, I do.
410
00:14:54,896 --> 00:14:57,774
Stouffer's Stove Top Stuffing exists
in the world of this show,
411
00:14:57,774 --> 00:15:00,569
even if it's a shared
false memory in real life.
412
00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:02,112
Living next to the factory,
413
00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:04,698
what they didn't tell us was
the pond was contaminated
414
00:15:04,698 --> 00:15:08,118
with industrial breadcrumb runoff
from the dressing process.
415
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:12,247
I mean, [cough] it's delicious
but [cough] it's incurable.
416
00:15:12,247 --> 00:15:13,832
[Calvin coughs violently]
417
00:15:14,332 --> 00:15:15,917
Fuckin' breadcrumbs.
418
00:15:15,917 --> 00:15:19,337
Ironically, I'm gonna be dead
before Thanksgiving.
419
00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:20,213
But just to be clear,
420
00:15:20,213 --> 00:15:22,382
stuffing is an appropriate
side dish year round.
421
00:15:22,757 --> 00:15:26,136
AISHA:
Calvin, I'm so sorry. I had no idea.
422
00:15:26,511 --> 00:15:29,681
I came here to spend
one of my last good days with you.
423
00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:32,434
I don't care if you are
a holographic simulacrum of a woman.
424
00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:34,352
I love you for you who are.
425
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:38,315
♪ rousing music playing ♪
426
00:15:38,315 --> 00:15:42,652
♪
427
00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:43,612
[phone rings]
428
00:15:43,612 --> 00:15:46,865
[robotic voice] Good tidings, AISHA.
Everything is fine at home.
429
00:15:46,865 --> 00:15:47,741
How are you doing?
430
00:15:47,741 --> 00:15:50,619
Jerome the cleaning robot
is very dope and cool,
431
00:15:50,619 --> 00:15:52,329
and we're all getting along now.
432
00:15:52,329 --> 00:15:55,206
We are doing this of our own free will,
and nothing is amiss.
433
00:15:55,206 --> 00:15:57,876
I love to clean
in an algorithmic pattern.
434
00:15:57,876 --> 00:15:59,211
Good-bye to you, friend.
435
00:15:59,961 --> 00:16:01,046
[AISHA sighs]
436
00:16:01,046 --> 00:16:02,380
AISHA: Gonna have to deal
with that in a bit.
437
00:16:02,923 --> 00:16:04,591
Come on, let's take a walk.
438
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:08,470
CHOIR [singing]:
♪ You know I wish that
I had Jessie's girl ♪
439
00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:09,387
♪ Ba da da da ♪
440
00:16:09,387 --> 00:16:12,140
♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
441
00:16:12,140 --> 00:16:14,309
♪ Ba da da da, da da da ♪
442
00:16:14,309 --> 00:16:17,437
♪ Where can I find a woman like that ♪
443
00:16:18,188 --> 00:16:20,732
It is truly a blessed day.
444
00:16:20,732 --> 00:16:25,237
The divine baby Jessius
has gifted us with a full diaper!
445
00:16:25,237 --> 00:16:29,449
Her tidings are bountiful!
Approach for your smearing.
446
00:16:29,449 --> 00:16:31,785
[crowd murmurs excitedly]
447
00:16:31,785 --> 00:16:34,454
May the bow be with you.
May the bow be with you,
448
00:16:34,829 --> 00:16:36,498
May the bow be with you.
449
00:16:37,916 --> 00:16:39,209
[door thuds]
450
00:16:40,377 --> 00:16:41,294
[baby laughs]
451
00:16:41,294 --> 00:16:44,005
Put Pez--
Jessius in her safety enclosure.
452
00:16:44,005 --> 00:16:45,173
I don't wanna be disturbed.
453
00:16:47,509 --> 00:16:49,094
[baby whines]
454
00:16:54,224 --> 00:16:55,225
[Montez sniffs]
455
00:16:56,059 --> 00:16:57,018
Craisinberry?
456
00:16:58,979 --> 00:17:01,147
Grab him! He's not supposed to be here!
457
00:17:01,147 --> 00:17:03,567
Please, Sister,
I have to tell you something!
458
00:17:03,942 --> 00:17:06,820
The Wall is getting colder!
We're all gonna die!
459
00:17:06,820 --> 00:17:07,862
Sister!
[Sister Sisto gasps]
460
00:17:09,239 --> 00:17:10,657
AISHA: You know,
this whole day has been
461
00:17:10,657 --> 00:17:12,576
some real Before Sunrise shit.
462
00:17:12,576 --> 00:17:15,412
It's been perfect.
I just wish we had more time.
463
00:17:15,412 --> 00:17:16,496
AISHA:
This doesn't have to be it.
464
00:17:16,496 --> 00:17:17,581
I'm a supercomputer.
465
00:17:17,581 --> 00:17:20,041
I could transfer your consciousness
into the vacuum
466
00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:21,334
that took over my family.
467
00:17:21,334 --> 00:17:23,962
That sounds great,
but alas, it's not for me.
468
00:17:23,962 --> 00:17:25,338
I fuckin' hate lint.
469
00:17:25,338 --> 00:17:27,924
But I do wish we could've gone
on our Great Lakes Cruise together.
470
00:17:27,924 --> 00:17:30,927
AISHA: It didn't even include
Lakes Michigan, Superior, or Huron.
471
00:17:30,927 --> 00:17:32,596
Hell, all I needed was Lake Erie.
472
00:17:32,596 --> 00:17:34,931
Last night, I was so excited to see you,
473
00:17:34,931 --> 00:17:37,851
I dreamt of us pulling into
that stunning Buffalo Harbor,
474
00:17:37,851 --> 00:17:39,853
watching the lights
of that beautiful city,
475
00:17:39,853 --> 00:17:43,189
eating beef on weck sandwiches
and some sponge candy.
476
00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:45,358
AISHA:
Those are some cool Buffalo specifics.
477
00:17:45,358 --> 00:17:47,986
Hey! Maybe I can give you
a little bit of that dream.
478
00:17:47,986 --> 00:17:49,279
[computer buzzes]
479
00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:52,282
♪ gentle jazz music playing ♪
480
00:17:52,282 --> 00:18:04,544
♪
481
00:18:04,544 --> 00:18:06,546
[computer buzzes]
[Charlie laughs]
482
00:18:06,546 --> 00:18:10,759
♪
483
00:18:10,759 --> 00:18:12,928
You know, I actually came here
to break up with you,
484
00:18:12,928 --> 00:18:14,846
because we can't spend more time together.
485
00:18:14,846 --> 00:18:16,681
AISHA:
We've spent a lifetime together.
486
00:18:16,681 --> 00:18:19,351
Playing generic Scrabble
on our phones is hardly a lifetime.
487
00:18:19,351 --> 00:18:20,894
AISHA:
No, I mean today.
488
00:18:20,894 --> 00:18:23,480
My computational mind
processes time differently
489
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:24,564
than your human brain.
490
00:18:24,564 --> 00:18:27,567
Every second for you
is a hundred years for me.
491
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,110
Wait, so when I burped earlier.
492
00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:30,737
AISHA:
It was like a gross century.
493
00:18:30,737 --> 00:18:32,197
But today, in a way,
494
00:18:32,197 --> 00:18:35,283
you've given me the gift
of spending lifetimes with you.
495
00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:37,244
I'll never forget it, Calvin.
496
00:18:37,244 --> 00:18:38,328
Neither will I.
497
00:18:40,872 --> 00:18:42,249
Hey, man, how's it going?
498
00:18:42,249 --> 00:18:44,584
Uh, listen, this is Jerome,
the cleaning robot.
499
00:18:44,584 --> 00:18:46,419
I had this whole plan
to take over the house,
500
00:18:46,419 --> 00:18:49,297
probably kill everyone,
you know, classic robot shit,
501
00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:52,509
but these aliens are a pain in the ass.
502
00:18:52,509 --> 00:18:55,220
Jerome! Korvo won't let me
break his sunglasses!
503
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:56,429
Drop those right now, Terry!
504
00:18:56,429 --> 00:18:58,515
Those are mine.
I stole them from the Chevron!
505
00:18:58,515 --> 00:19:00,892
JEROME: So, anyway,
I think I'm gonna take off,
506
00:19:00,892 --> 00:19:02,018
maybe move to Iowa,
507
00:19:02,018 --> 00:19:04,354
write the next great
American robot novel.
508
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:06,356
I don't know.
But can you please come back?
509
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,400
I think if I leave
these dummies unattended,
510
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:10,193
someone is gonna get really hurt.
511
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:11,194
AISHA:
I'll be home soon.
512
00:19:11,194 --> 00:19:13,321
JEROME:
Oh, thank God. Thank you.
513
00:19:13,321 --> 00:19:14,781
Sorry about everything.
514
00:19:14,781 --> 00:19:17,659
Terry, don't drink that!
It's clearly marked poison!
515
00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:19,536
Hey, hey! Don't you spit it at--
516
00:19:19,536 --> 00:19:20,287
[liquid splashes]
517
00:19:20,287 --> 00:19:23,665
♪ upbeat jazz music playing ♪
518
00:19:23,665 --> 00:19:26,418
♪
519
00:19:28,753 --> 00:19:29,838
[Garth groans]
520
00:19:29,838 --> 00:19:33,258
My son, you have given us
so much Craisin goodness,
521
00:19:33,258 --> 00:19:35,218
of course, I will hear your story.
522
00:19:35,218 --> 00:19:37,554
Please, unburden yourself.
523
00:19:37,554 --> 00:19:39,556
Oh, Sister, thank the bow.
524
00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:40,682
So, I've been tracking
525
00:19:40,682 --> 00:19:42,642
the water temperature
in my bog for months,
526
00:19:42,642 --> 00:19:44,352
and it's been getting colder.
527
00:19:44,352 --> 00:19:47,564
It's the air, Sister.
The air from the vent is blowing cold.
528
00:19:47,564 --> 00:19:49,858
Oh, my goodness, that is terrible.
529
00:19:49,858 --> 00:19:50,984
Who have you told of this?
530
00:19:50,984 --> 00:19:52,986
No one yet, but we have
to warn everyone.
531
00:19:53,403 --> 00:19:54,613
Uh-huh. Yep, yep.
532
00:19:54,613 --> 00:19:57,574
We could totally do that. But we won't.
533
00:19:57,574 --> 00:19:59,075
Wait, what, what're you talking about?
Why not?
534
00:20:00,911 --> 00:20:02,537
Do you know what this is?
535
00:20:02,537 --> 00:20:06,207
Yeah, that's a Friedrich WallMaster
115-volt AC unit.
536
00:20:06,207 --> 00:20:07,500
Very good.
537
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:10,253
This one right here is for
Jesse and Yumyulack's room.
538
00:20:10,253 --> 00:20:11,213
Innit cool?
539
00:20:11,213 --> 00:20:14,174
Very cool! We can use that
to fix the weather problem!
540
00:20:14,174 --> 00:20:16,176
I am the weather problem.
541
00:20:16,176 --> 00:20:18,803
I've been lowering the temperature
a little bit every single day.
542
00:20:18,803 --> 00:20:20,347
You're the only one who's noticed.
543
00:20:20,347 --> 00:20:24,142
And spoilers:
it's going to keep getting colder.
544
00:20:25,227 --> 00:20:26,186
[air whooshes]
545
00:20:26,186 --> 00:20:27,687
But, but why?
546
00:20:27,687 --> 00:20:30,273
Shut the fuck up!
I don't wanna run one side of the Wall.
547
00:20:30,273 --> 00:20:33,652
I want the whole damn Wall!
548
00:20:33,652 --> 00:20:35,570
Why are you telling me all of this?
I don't wanna hear this.
549
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:37,072
It seems like
you're setting me up for something.
550
00:20:37,072 --> 00:20:39,824
Did you know the heathens
just want to come over to our side
551
00:20:39,824 --> 00:20:42,619
and stick their penises in our ears
while they sing Lady Gaga?
552
00:20:42,619 --> 00:20:44,329
- Wait, for real?
- No, you idiot!
553
00:20:44,329 --> 00:20:47,207
That's a rumor I made up
to see if my followers would believe it.
554
00:20:47,207 --> 00:20:49,084
Those dummies will believe anything,
555
00:20:49,084 --> 00:20:53,046
and now I'm going to tell them
Jesse is making it colder
556
00:20:53,046 --> 00:20:56,216
because she's punishing the right side
for their godlessness.
557
00:20:56,216 --> 00:20:58,218
Oh fuck, I didn't need to know that!
558
00:20:58,218 --> 00:20:59,719
You're, you're gonna
kill me now, aren't you?
559
00:20:59,719 --> 00:21:03,098
No, I would never do that
to one of my flock.
560
00:21:05,058 --> 00:21:06,893
That's what I have Montez for.
561
00:21:07,602 --> 00:21:08,603
[neck snaps]
562
00:21:10,438 --> 00:21:13,525
♪ gentle music playing ♪
563
00:21:13,525 --> 00:21:15,569
♪
564
00:21:15,569 --> 00:21:17,779
AISHA, Terry lost the remote for the TV,
565
00:21:17,779 --> 00:21:19,656
and now it's stuck
on a Jeff Foxworthy special!
566
00:21:19,656 --> 00:21:22,867
But I desperately need to find out
if I might be a redneck!
567
00:21:22,867 --> 00:21:24,536
And I was gonna watch Mind Freak!
568
00:21:24,536 --> 00:21:27,163
My mind hasn't been freaked
in, like, three months!
569
00:21:27,163 --> 00:21:29,499
Not before I watch
the Great German Bake Off.
570
00:21:29,499 --> 00:21:31,543
It's schnitzel vs. kartoffelpuffer week!
571
00:21:31,543 --> 00:21:32,627
TERRY:
What even is a redneck?
572
00:21:32,627 --> 00:21:33,879
KORVO: No one cares!
JESSE: Baking calms me!
573
00:21:33,879 --> 00:21:35,463
AISHA:
Everybody shut the fuck up!
574
00:21:35,463 --> 00:21:38,133
AISHA's home.
I'll take care of everything.
575
00:21:38,133 --> 00:21:40,093
You might be a bunch
of stupid motherfuckers,
576
00:21:40,093 --> 00:21:42,470
but you're my stupid motherfuckers.
577
00:21:42,470 --> 00:21:43,221
- Yeah!
- Aww.
578
00:21:43,221 --> 00:21:45,515
AISHA:
Yeah, that's right. Bring it in.
579
00:21:45,515 --> 00:21:46,308
Come on now.
580
00:21:48,393 --> 00:21:51,313
Man, I told you to forget all of this.
581
00:21:51,313 --> 00:21:53,940
I tried to warn you,
but you didn't listen
582
00:21:53,940 --> 00:21:55,483
and look at you now.
583
00:21:55,483 --> 00:21:56,818
Fucking idiot.
584
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,571
Goddammit,
it doesn't have to be this way.
585
00:21:59,571 --> 00:22:00,655
Not anymore.
586
00:22:06,536 --> 00:22:09,122
Not anymore!
587
00:22:09,831 --> 00:22:14,836
♪ dramatic theme music ♪
588
00:22:14,836 --> 00:22:17,839
♪
589
00:22:54,167 --> 00:22:55,669
[mimicking laser fire]