1 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:31,508 Here you go. 2 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:35,762 You got here just in time. I thought I was about to die of thirst. 3 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,764 Well, we certainly wouldn't want that, would we? 4 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,270 Deliciously dry. 5 00:01:44,479 --> 00:01:46,106 Kinda like the crowd in this room. 6 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,569 Sit, join me. 7 00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:53,530 I don't think that's allowed, ma'am. 8 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,115 Come on, sit. 9 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,242 Nobody will mind. Trust me. 10 00:02:05,709 --> 00:02:07,044 Who are you? 11 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,044 Excuse me? 12 00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,756 You've been serving me these the entire season, 13 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,133 and yet I know almost nothing about you. 14 00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:17,304 Tell me about the man behind the martini. 15 00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:18,972 My name is Robert. 16 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,267 And I grew up in Puerto Rico. 17 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:25,062 Tell me, Robert, do you miss your family? 18 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,064 We don't speak. 19 00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:29,149 Common affliction. 20 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,818 I only have one nephew with a horrid wife. 21 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,445 I'm so sorry to hear that. 22 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:34,696 You needn't be. 23 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:41,119 Although I must admit, I do get a little lonely at times, 24 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:44,081 rattling around that big house all by myself. 25 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:52,422 I'm in need of someone to perform certain tasks. 26 00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:54,049 What kind of tasks? 27 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,426 All in good time, my boy. 28 00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:02,182 The only thing I ask for in return is complete discretion. 29 00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,353 Are you the man for the job? 30 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:18,657 Help! 31 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:24,788 Help! Help! 32 00:03:26,290 --> 00:03:28,333 Where is everyone? 33 00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:34,548 My so-called bosom buddies, leaving me to just perish out at sea. 34 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,551 How could they? 35 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,761 Are they all so obsessed 36 00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:42,055 with their tawdry little lives? 37 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:47,269 They've all forgotten about me. 38 00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,979 Of course I'll say yes. 39 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:50,981 I just wanna make your life easier. 40 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,941 I know. Me too. 41 00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,444 Sons of bitches. 42 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,405 Or should I say bitches of bitches. 43 00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:01,116 That's kind of funny. 44 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:03,285 It's also sad. 45 00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,205 So very sad. 46 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,501 Don't they know 47 00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,295 a forgotten woman is the most dangerous woman of all? 48 00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,798 Because a forgotten woman has nothing left to lose. 49 00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,096 Linda's not picking up. 50 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:26,934 You're my only friend left in the world, Bernadette. 51 00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:32,689 Unless you're just sticking around to feast on my bones 52 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:34,900 like the rest of the savages in this town. 53 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,401 Who are you calling? 54 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,779 Maxine. 55 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,656 What are you gonna tell her? 56 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,950 That you were swept up in a homosexual raid? 57 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,618 Shit! Shit! What the hell was I-- 58 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,621 Dellacorte residence, Mary Meredith Davidsoul speaking. 59 00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,582 Mary? What the hell are you doing at my house? 60 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:53,418 I brought Norma home from the boat party. 61 00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,421 Your wife left her to rot on the deck. 62 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,508 What are you talking about? Where is Maxine? 63 00:04:59,508 --> 00:05:02,928 I haven't the foggiest. But you need to scurry on home. 64 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,681 I'm late for my consciousness-raising circle 65 00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:10,435 and I don't think that my consciousness-- 66 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:14,648 should have to suffer because your wife is a dreadful mess. 67 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:22,197 You shouldn't eat chocolate. 68 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,117 Maxine didn't come home last night. 69 00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,161 Maybe she's having an affair. 70 00:05:29,288 --> 00:05:30,455 What are you talking about, man? 71 00:05:30,455 --> 00:05:32,666 Come on, you promised to be cool. 72 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,668 That's true. I promise it won't happen again. 73 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,004 Good. 74 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,798 Because we both know if Maxine found out, it would kill her. 75 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,676 I've been a fool, haven't I? 76 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:47,181 To think that an insignificant nobody like me could ever be chosen for-- 77 00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,475 Bernadette! 78 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:54,688 Save yourself! 79 00:05:56,398 --> 00:05:58,358 Tell my husband I love him! 80 00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:43,153 Ahoy, spaceman. 81 00:06:44,321 --> 00:06:45,322 Ahoy. 82 00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:47,533 Are you okay? 83 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,911 - Are you? - I am now. 84 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,289 You wanna come to a party? 85 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:55,749 What's that? 86 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,125 A party! 87 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:01,380 It's called the Beach-- Never mind, I'll explain later. 88 00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:04,758 Swim towards me. I'll save you. 89 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:07,302 Thank you, sweet, small, baby Jesus in the sky. 90 00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,354 Mr. Diaz, I need to speak to you. 91 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,486 I told you to stay out of that place at night. 92 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,864 - Yes, but I didn't know what you meant. - What's going on? 93 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:30,033 I've met you before. 94 00:07:30,033 --> 00:07:32,286 Yeah, I arrested you. 95 00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:34,538 It's great to see you again. 96 00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,583 Listen, you think you could help us get out of here? 97 00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:41,837 - I'm sure my wife is worried sick. - I don't think so. 98 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:45,924 She's kinda preoccupied at the moment. 99 00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,176 Preoccupied? What do you mean? 100 00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:54,975 Tell us more about how you came across this lost mermaid. 101 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,810 Well, I just happened to be driving by, 102 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,813 and I thought I'd offer this pretty little hitchhiker a lift. 103 00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,648 She didn't seem too terribly dangerous. 104 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,525 What the hell? 105 00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:05,861 Any plans to drop in on the White House? 106 00:08:05,861 --> 00:08:08,614 I'm sure the President would love to offer his congratulations. 107 00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,823 Well, sir, that sounds swell. 108 00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:11,700 I would love to visit the President. 109 00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:16,371 But I've been invited to a party by this lovely lady to my right. 110 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,832 Well, the President's welcome to come as well. 111 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,084 - We got to get out of here. - It's the 50th anniversary 112 00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,544 - of the Beach Ball. - I know who to call. 113 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:24,922 Excuse me, I need to make a call. 114 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,841 I'm gonna sing. 115 00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,219 Wow. I would love to hear that. 116 00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:42,063 Very good of NASA to bring both of you straight to the studio. 117 00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:44,858 Well, NASA always loves good publicity. 118 00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:46,527 - Sometimes it... - I swear to God, 119 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:49,655 that woman is like a cockroach. She has nine lives. 120 00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,073 I thought you guys were friends. 121 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:54,117 She forced her way into my set. That does not make us friends. 122 00:08:54,117 --> 00:08:55,577 If you say so. 123 00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:56,578 I do. 124 00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,747 Let me cook you dinner tonight. 125 00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,668 - Why? - Because I'm an incredible cook. 126 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,546 Do you do this with a lot of women at the club? 127 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,713 What do you mean "this"? 128 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:08,465 This, this, this. 129 00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:14,429 If I remember correctly, you asked me to kiss you. 130 00:09:14,429 --> 00:09:17,307 And I loved every minute of it. 131 00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:21,937 - You expecting someone? - Eddie, it's me. 132 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,900 The door is dead-bolted, so I know you're in there. 133 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,362 Go away, Dinah. We're finished. I meant what I said last night. 134 00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:32,531 Oh, really? Well, did you also mean what you said 135 00:09:32,531 --> 00:09:34,199 when you promised to love me forever? 136 00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,953 I don't speak Spanish, Eddie. 137 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,123 Well, if that is how you really feel, 138 00:09:41,123 --> 00:09:46,211 you can leave this condo that I pay for. Immediately. 139 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:47,171 Leave me alone. 140 00:09:47,171 --> 00:09:49,173 I hope you die in abject misery. 141 00:09:49,173 --> 00:09:50,465 You certainly will. 142 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,351 You were saying? 143 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,895 I'm sorry. I-- 144 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:06,106 She insisted on keeping us a secret. 145 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,901 I didn't want to, but I think she was ashamed of me. 146 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,069 I meant what I said though. 147 00:10:11,570 --> 00:10:13,947 Whether you believe it or not, I'd still like to cook you dinner. 148 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,869 Just might have to be at your place. 149 00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:25,209 I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. 150 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:29,755 I'm just gonna need to check my book. 151 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,925 Rescued by an astronaut. 152 00:10:32,925 --> 00:10:37,471 That's the problem with this town, Norma. 153 00:10:37,471 --> 00:10:40,224 Good people like us get the shaft, 154 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:44,811 but incompetent liars like Maxine Simmons are celebrated. 155 00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:54,863 That cat is worth $75,000, 156 00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,449 - isn't she, Norma? - Uh-huh. 157 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:07,626 If your niece isn't going to make good on her word, 158 00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:14,091 I have no choice but to confiscate this old, stone puss... 159 00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:17,803 for the Fibs. 160 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,763 - Who? - Hello? 161 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,391 Oh, fuck. 162 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:23,517 Douglas. 163 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,355 Mary. 164 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,357 Thank goodness you're back. 165 00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,109 Where's Douglas? 166 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:35,696 I can't keep track of your entire family, Maxine. 167 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:37,573 Isn't your poor aunt enough? 168 00:11:37,573 --> 00:11:41,118 Yes, I apologize. Thank you for taking care of Norma. 169 00:11:41,118 --> 00:11:43,245 I'm just doing what decent people do. 170 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,085 I'm very sorry about your ordeal, Maxine. 171 00:11:52,004 --> 00:11:53,005 Thank you, Mary. 172 00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,673 That astronaut is very handsome though. 173 00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:57,301 Is he? Hadn't noticed. 174 00:11:58,802 --> 00:11:59,928 Mary? 175 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,056 Don't you wanna hound me about fibrosis? 176 00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:05,767 Don't worry about it. We're square. 177 00:12:12,733 --> 00:12:14,276 Thanks for doing this. 178 00:12:15,319 --> 00:12:17,946 I didn't know who else to call with ready cash on hand. 179 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,824 I have to say, I feel really weird about all this. 180 00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,493 I totally agree, and I think I should let you guys talk, so... 181 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,329 Yeah, that would be a good idea. 182 00:12:25,329 --> 00:12:27,289 Yes, but I need to get out. 183 00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:31,293 And you need to get out in order for me to get out. 184 00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:39,051 All right. 185 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:51,230 You're sending me a lot of mixed signals, Douglas. 186 00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,317 I don't mean to. 187 00:12:55,901 --> 00:12:58,445 We made a mistake, that's all. 188 00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:03,033 I didn't want to take your money, but I've decided I'm going to take your money-- 189 00:13:03,575 --> 00:13:07,621 minus what I paid for your bail-- and go to New York to be a model. 190 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,206 That sounds like a really nice plan. 191 00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,170 Well, have a nice life, Mitzi. 192 00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,341 You too. 193 00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:42,489 No, no, no. 194 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:48,453 What I've learned is if you wanna get noticed, 195 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,456 you have to make a big gesture, like Maxine. 196 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:55,627 She probably pitched herself over the side of that boat to get attention. 197 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,589 Well, we're making counterfeit passports, Mary. 198 00:13:58,589 --> 00:13:59,882 We don't need any more attention. 199 00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,887 You done with your vow of silence, or are you about to pantomime some shit? 200 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,973 I got hoarse from not talking, so can you come talk to me? 201 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,895 Wow. You turned this around fast. 202 00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,688 Well, jump in, make yourself useful. 203 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:17,482 Sorry, I can't. I'm leaving for an ashram. 204 00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:18,650 Well, say "hi" to Ringo. 205 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:21,778 I wish. I'm headed to Peru. 206 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,824 But everybody can stay here as long as you'd like. 207 00:14:25,824 --> 00:14:28,785 I'm leaving my checkbook, so have at it. 208 00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:34,291 Pack up your beanbags and get out of my house, hippies. 209 00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,543 - I'm moving back in. - Like hell you are. 210 00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,755 I need a place to cook dinner, so you, missy, 211 00:14:39,755 --> 00:14:42,299 are gonna give this house back to me right this very minute or-- 212 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:45,677 Or you'll what? Call the police and tell them I killed my father? 213 00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:47,888 What are you going on about? 214 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,807 Doug got to me first. 215 00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:55,687 So Doug is getting $2 million of Daddy's money. 216 00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:58,148 And you are shit out of luck. 217 00:14:59,650 --> 00:15:01,735 - Sorry, Evelyn. - Fuck off, Mary. 218 00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:08,492 Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine? 219 00:15:08,492 --> 00:15:11,411 What the-- Where's my champagne? 220 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,373 What in the heavens? Bu-- 221 00:15:15,207 --> 00:15:19,002 Oh, Maxine. Oh, babe, thank God you're all right. 222 00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,964 Yeah. Well, no thanks to you. Where have you been? 223 00:15:22,506 --> 00:15:25,342 I told you, I had a business meeting at the club. 224 00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,552 A business meeting, 225 00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:30,514 while I'm out there bobbing around like a big piece of shark bait? 226 00:15:30,514 --> 00:15:32,349 Couldn't you have sent someone? The coast guard? 227 00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:34,184 I would have taken a fishing pontoon. 228 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,103 I didn't even know you were missing. 229 00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:38,730 And I'm so sorry, Maxine. I feel terrible. 230 00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:39,982 Robert, this is not your fault. 231 00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:45,529 Listen, when I was out there floating around alone... 232 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:49,658 I just felt so terribly. I couldn't stop thinking about you. 233 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:51,451 Please know I meant well. I really did. 234 00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,245 Don't worry. Maxine, please. It's okay. It's-- 235 00:15:53,245 --> 00:15:54,413 No, it's not okay. 236 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,999 Well, what kind of friend would I be if I knew someone could hurt you, 237 00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,166 and I didn't say anything? 238 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:00,878 A bad friend. 239 00:16:00,878 --> 00:16:01,795 Exactly. 240 00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:04,882 Hey, why don't you just go on upstairs and relax? 241 00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,383 - Relax? - Yeah. 242 00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:10,596 You want me to relax? Relax? I can't relax. 243 00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,473 I'm throwing the-the party of my life in 48 hours. 244 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:17,269 I gotta go upstairs, and put my leotard on and start blocking my number. 245 00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:19,354 Relax. 246 00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:20,606 Easy for you to say. 247 00:16:20,606 --> 00:16:23,609 Relax with your business meetings at the club. 248 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,780 You're really good at that. 249 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:32,159 - Lying. - What am I supposed to say? 250 00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,244 - What? - That I was swept up in a gay raid 251 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:37,623 telling our pool boy how I was having an affair with her manicurist? 252 00:16:37,623 --> 00:16:38,916 - Douglas. - Mitzi, 253 00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:40,250 - what are you doing here? - Oh, my God. 254 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,878 I've been hiding in a bush waiting for Maxine to go upstairs. 255 00:16:42,878 --> 00:16:45,005 - Why? - My car won't start. 256 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,717 - Maxine. - Maxine? 257 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,303 - What's going on? - Ann. 258 00:16:51,303 --> 00:16:52,596 - Maxine? - Oh, my God. What happened? 259 00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:53,680 I don't know. 260 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,849 She said she wanted to look through Norma's scrapbooks, 261 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,392 and I found her like this. 262 00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:59,645 - Well, she has a pulse. - Thank heavens. 263 00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:00,938 Maybe she's just asleep. 264 00:17:01,522 --> 00:17:05,192 - Mitzi? - I'm gonna go call an ambulance. 265 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:06,401 Yes. 266 00:17:07,319 --> 00:17:08,194 Hi, Maxine. 267 00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:09,613 Thank God you're here. 268 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,198 We need all the help we can get. 269 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,535 I don't know what to do. Ann! 270 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:16,036 Is she gonna be all right? 271 00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:18,038 Hard to say, ma'am. They'll have to run tests. 272 00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,165 I'm sorry, but I really do have to go. 273 00:17:20,165 --> 00:17:22,334 - What? - I just stopped by to say goodbye. 274 00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:24,294 I'm heading to New York City. 275 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,422 Mitzi, you can't abandon me before the Beach Ball. 276 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,715 You're supposed to help with my number. 277 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:30,884 I can't stay. I gave up my apartment. 278 00:17:30,884 --> 00:17:33,095 Nonsense. You can stay with us. We have plenty of rooms. 279 00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:34,638 I don't want to put you out. 280 00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:35,806 We really need to get moving. 281 00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:36,974 Okay. One minute. 282 00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:38,308 She doesn't want to put us out, Max. 283 00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:41,186 Well, I don't care what either one of you want. I almost drowned. 284 00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,188 Maybe it's time to do what I think. 285 00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,773 Hey, what are you doing? 286 00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:47,317 What am I doing? I'm going with her. 287 00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,945 I know what it's like to be left for dead. 288 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:52,865 Is that all you can do when the chips are down? 289 00:17:52,865 --> 00:17:54,449 Just gnaw at yourself? Stop it. 290 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,244 Mitzi, do me a favor and give Douglas a clear coat. 291 00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,663 - He needs to break the habit. - Okay, we really need to go. 292 00:17:59,663 --> 00:18:00,747 All right. Let's go then. 293 00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:10,716 What's a clear coat? 294 00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:33,238 These are the worst I've ever seen. 295 00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,990 You must have a lot of stress. 296 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:41,288 Do you do this a lot? 297 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,165 No, this is the first. 298 00:18:43,749 --> 00:18:45,000 No, not the manicure. 299 00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:47,920 No. 300 00:18:48,879 --> 00:18:50,214 You were the first too. 301 00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,341 I find that hard to believe. 302 00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:55,969 It's just fucking Palm Beach. 303 00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:59,431 Palm Beach didn't invite me into the coat closet, Doug. 304 00:19:00,557 --> 00:19:03,477 I told Maxine I didn't want to come back here. 305 00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,854 Now you're blaming Maxine? 306 00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:10,943 No. No, I just didn't want to disappoint her. 307 00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,697 You're really easy to talk to, Mitzi. 308 00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:18,825 Manicurists and bartenders. 309 00:19:19,493 --> 00:19:20,369 We're good listeners. 310 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:22,579 Students of human nature. 311 00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:24,748 Better tips. 312 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:30,754 Looks like we both had a rough night, friend. 313 00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:34,383 Must be so hard to go through this without any loved ones. 314 00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:38,554 Do you have any loved ones, Ann? 315 00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:42,641 How about you tell me everything there is to know about you when you wake up? 316 00:19:42,641 --> 00:19:43,725 Deal? 317 00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:46,770 Maxine? 318 00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:51,817 Oh, my stars. 319 00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:54,194 We just keep running into each other. 320 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:57,823 We're in each other's orbit. I'm sorry. Terrible. Astronaut humor. 321 00:20:01,159 --> 00:20:02,286 Who's your friend? 322 00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:05,956 This is my friend, Onn Haliday. Ann Holiday. 323 00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:08,917 She's a journalist. She writes for The Shiny Sheet. 324 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,253 She's in a coma. She's a journalist in a coma. 325 00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,088 Golly. 326 00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:16,300 Yes. What are you doing here? 327 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:17,718 Just had to do some blood tests, 328 00:20:17,718 --> 00:20:19,553 'cause I'm not gonna be able to get back to base. 329 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:23,182 There's also this pediatric cancer wing, and I just had to say hi. 330 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,560 Why can't you go back to base? 331 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,563 You invited me to a party in a couple of days, remember? 332 00:20:29,563 --> 00:20:30,772 You're gonna sing? 333 00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:34,193 - I know this might sound silly. - It won't. 334 00:20:34,193 --> 00:20:35,777 Before I got the space bug 335 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,946 I was a darn good piano player. 336 00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,782 I'm sure someone like you already has someone to accompany-- 337 00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:42,993 I haven't anyone. 338 00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:45,245 I don't have someone to. 339 00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:49,499 I would be honored if you would tickle my ivories. 340 00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:52,711 All right. Groovy. What song are you gonna sing? 341 00:21:00,511 --> 00:21:02,221 Is that all there is? 342 00:21:03,347 --> 00:21:06,517 Is that all there is? 343 00:21:06,517 --> 00:21:09,478 If that's all there is, my friends 344 00:21:09,478 --> 00:21:12,481 Then let's keep dancing 345 00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:15,567 That's a perfect key. Thank you. 346 00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:19,112 Okay. So, then my ball comes down. 347 00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:21,198 Did I tell you I'm sitting astride a giant beach ball? 348 00:21:21,198 --> 00:21:22,783 - Far out. - Yes. 349 00:21:22,783 --> 00:21:24,243 Okay. 350 00:21:25,244 --> 00:21:29,331 Showgirls cross, kelp wipes, lower down the seahorses. 351 00:21:29,331 --> 00:21:31,458 Oh, Mitzi! This is when you push out my stairs. 352 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,628 And when you do that, I want you to grapevine, okay? 353 00:21:34,628 --> 00:21:36,296 Off stage left. And make sure you grapevine. 354 00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:37,798 I don't want you shuffling off to Buffalo. 355 00:21:38,382 --> 00:21:40,592 Okay, then I descend. 356 00:21:41,510 --> 00:21:44,596 Hold for applause. Thank you. 357 00:21:45,264 --> 00:21:47,724 And then bubbles. Bubbles everywhere. It starts raining bubbles. 358 00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:51,895 Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles. That's my cue for my speech. 359 00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:54,648 "Thank you everyone. Thank you. 360 00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:58,569 You might be asking yourselves, 'Who is Maxine Dellacorte?' Am I right?" 361 00:21:58,569 --> 00:22:00,279 And I was thinking maybe for this part, 362 00:22:00,279 --> 00:22:03,282 I'd sit at the end of the stage, make it more intimate. 363 00:22:03,282 --> 00:22:04,366 Is that too much? 364 00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,617 Maybe a little too much. 365 00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:07,286 I appreciate your honesty. 366 00:22:07,870 --> 00:22:08,954 Okay. 367 00:22:08,954 --> 00:22:12,332 "Well, the answer is simple. She's just a girl really. 368 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,334 A simple orphan girl from Tennessee." 369 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,878 Wait a minute. You're from Tennessee? 370 00:22:16,837 --> 00:22:17,880 Yeah. Chattanooga. 371 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,923 Get out of town. Johnson City. 372 00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:22,551 - You're joshing me. - No, ma'am. 373 00:22:23,302 --> 00:22:25,012 I don't detect an accent. 374 00:22:25,012 --> 00:22:26,346 I moved around a lot. 375 00:22:26,847 --> 00:22:28,348 Are you really an orphan? 376 00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:31,185 Yes. 377 00:22:31,185 --> 00:22:33,020 My parents left me in a washbasin 378 00:22:33,020 --> 00:22:35,355 on the stoop of an orphanage when I was six months old. 379 00:22:35,355 --> 00:22:37,858 - I'm sorry about that. - It happens. 380 00:22:37,858 --> 00:22:40,944 - I was a foster kid myself. - Now you're just yanking my beehive. 381 00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:42,696 I'm not, I swear. 382 00:22:42,696 --> 00:22:44,156 Well, look at you now. 383 00:22:44,156 --> 00:22:47,659 You went from foster child to America's space hero. 384 00:22:47,659 --> 00:22:51,246 And look at you. Born in a washbasin to socialite of the year. 385 00:22:51,246 --> 00:22:53,832 I don't think I was actually born in the washbasin, but you never know. 386 00:22:54,416 --> 00:22:56,793 Still. You're America's sweetheart, aren't you? 387 00:22:58,587 --> 00:22:59,796 Let's take five, everybody. 388 00:23:00,339 --> 00:23:01,340 Thank you, five. 389 00:23:03,926 --> 00:23:04,927 Douglas? 390 00:23:06,345 --> 00:23:08,055 I don't like that guy. 391 00:23:08,055 --> 00:23:10,307 Astronaut Herkimer? But he's harmless. 392 00:23:10,307 --> 00:23:11,850 You're too naive, Maxine. 393 00:23:11,850 --> 00:23:14,561 You don't see what's right in front of your face sometimes. 394 00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:18,774 I know astronauts. I was a pilot, remember? 395 00:23:18,774 --> 00:23:20,067 Afternoon. 396 00:23:21,401 --> 00:23:22,986 What are you doing here? 397 00:23:22,986 --> 00:23:24,821 Oh, Sergeant Sanka. 398 00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:27,574 To what do we owe the-- this afternoon pleasure? 399 00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:30,827 I'd like to introduce you to Agent Clune... 400 00:23:33,830 --> 00:23:35,290 and Agent Stevens. 401 00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,253 Well, hi, FBI. 402 00:23:39,253 --> 00:23:40,587 Secret Service. 403 00:23:42,631 --> 00:23:45,551 President Nixon has accepted your invitation, ma'am. 404 00:23:45,551 --> 00:23:46,802 He'll be attending your party. 405 00:23:46,802 --> 00:23:48,554 Nix-- What? 406 00:23:49,763 --> 00:23:51,431 Oh, my. Oh, m-- I'm gonna plotz. 407 00:23:52,182 --> 00:23:54,268 He wants to congratulate Astronaut Herkimer 408 00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:56,770 on his extraordinary act of bravery. 409 00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:58,438 He's a true American hero. 410 00:23:59,982 --> 00:24:01,108 What's all the hullabaloo? 411 00:24:01,108 --> 00:24:03,944 The president is coming. He wants to meet us. 412 00:24:03,944 --> 00:24:06,154 - Us! - Gee willikers. 413 00:24:06,154 --> 00:24:08,365 - He's coming to the party. -"Gee willikers." 414 00:24:08,365 --> 00:24:10,367 Come here! Oh, my Go-- 415 00:24:11,118 --> 00:24:13,704 At precisely 9:00 p.m., the president will arrive. 416 00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:17,708 He'll say a few words about American exceptionalism 417 00:24:17,708 --> 00:24:20,878 as personified by Astronaut Herkimer and... 418 00:24:21,753 --> 00:24:22,838 Maxine Dellacorte. 419 00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:26,091 At 9:10, you'll pose with the president for an official photo. 420 00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:29,595 No touching. At 9:13, the president will depart. 421 00:24:29,595 --> 00:24:31,889 Oh, well, he might want to stick around for my musical number. 422 00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:34,892 We saw the cottage cheese on the way in. Nice touch. 423 00:24:34,892 --> 00:24:36,602 The president's favorite food. 424 00:24:36,602 --> 00:24:38,145 Everything's coming up Nixon. 425 00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:41,106 Major Herkimer already has security clearance. 426 00:24:41,106 --> 00:24:44,151 But you two... We have some issues. 427 00:24:44,860 --> 00:24:46,695 A folder. How official. 428 00:24:46,695 --> 00:24:49,156 We were hoping you could help us clear this up. 429 00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:52,951 This is your John Hancock, correct? 430 00:24:52,951 --> 00:24:54,244 Yes. What is this? 431 00:24:54,244 --> 00:24:56,997 It's a petition from a radical feminist organization 432 00:24:56,997 --> 00:24:59,666 that says you support the president being ejected 433 00:24:59,666 --> 00:25:02,794 from office for warmongering and general evil doing. 434 00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:05,339 Trust me. I had no idea what I was signing. 435 00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:07,007 - Not much of a reader? - No. 436 00:25:07,508 --> 00:25:11,345 But I can assure you, I am not now, nor have I ever been, 437 00:25:11,345 --> 00:25:13,847 nor will I ever be, a feminist. 438 00:25:15,182 --> 00:25:17,684 That paper is-- It's harmless. 439 00:25:19,144 --> 00:25:21,730 Just like those ladies reeking of patchouli 440 00:25:21,730 --> 00:25:24,733 sitting across the street on a bunch of corduroy beanbags. 441 00:25:24,733 --> 00:25:25,943 Across the street? 442 00:25:25,943 --> 00:25:28,820 They've absolutely infested the Rollins Mansion. 443 00:25:28,820 --> 00:25:29,988 Evelyn is beside herself. 444 00:25:29,988 --> 00:25:31,323 Who's Evelyn? 445 00:25:31,323 --> 00:25:33,742 - She's my best friend from the club. - She's a pain in the ass. 446 00:25:36,745 --> 00:25:38,664 I guess you got your promotion. 447 00:25:39,414 --> 00:25:42,918 I'll be working the party as the local law enforcement liaison. 448 00:25:42,918 --> 00:25:46,839 All you had to do was sell out a bar filled with men just like you. 449 00:25:51,885 --> 00:25:53,136 I'm sure you're a saint. 450 00:25:54,429 --> 00:25:57,432 Your lifestyle has never caused anybody else any problems. 451 00:26:04,189 --> 00:26:06,233 Most days, I love my job. 452 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,694 Some days, I don't. 453 00:26:08,694 --> 00:26:12,322 We both know there is a right and a wrong time 454 00:26:12,322 --> 00:26:13,407 to open your mouth. 455 00:26:17,619 --> 00:26:18,537 Well, 456 00:26:19,037 --> 00:26:22,040 now that we know my wife's not gonna set her bra on fire, 457 00:26:22,958 --> 00:26:24,126 we done here, fellas? 458 00:26:24,126 --> 00:26:25,210 Not quite. 459 00:26:26,461 --> 00:26:29,089 Your wife's not the only one with a black mark on her record. 460 00:26:33,802 --> 00:26:35,929 If this is about that Perry Donahue business, 461 00:26:35,929 --> 00:26:37,639 that has all been sorted. 462 00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:38,807 That may be, 463 00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:41,310 but we're referring to this charge for gross indecency 464 00:26:41,310 --> 00:26:44,479 and homosexual solicitation with a Mr. Diaz. 465 00:26:45,022 --> 00:26:47,232 - What in the darn tootin'? - How do you know about that? 466 00:26:47,232 --> 00:26:48,984 - That just happened. - Douglas! 467 00:26:48,984 --> 00:26:52,571 We're the Secret Service, sir. It's our job to know the secrets. 468 00:26:52,571 --> 00:26:54,656 Douglas, what are they talking about? 469 00:26:54,656 --> 00:26:57,117 It's just a big misunderstanding, Max. 470 00:26:59,161 --> 00:27:03,874 See? Just a big misunderstanding. That's all. 471 00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:07,085 This doesn't mean the president's not coming now, is it? 472 00:27:08,212 --> 00:27:09,213 If it were up to me, 473 00:27:09,922 --> 00:27:12,508 I wouldn't let the president near this house of crooks, 474 00:27:13,759 --> 00:27:15,844 but he really wants to meet the astronaut. 475 00:27:17,804 --> 00:27:23,310 An astronaut? Of course Maxine found a way to upstage my engagement. 476 00:27:23,310 --> 00:27:26,188 I honestly don't see what's so special about her. 477 00:27:26,188 --> 00:27:28,315 She does have a very nice house. 478 00:27:28,315 --> 00:27:30,234 That astronaut though-- 479 00:27:31,151 --> 00:27:32,861 I would like to measure his inseam. 480 00:27:32,861 --> 00:27:34,655 Here, darling. Try this one. 481 00:27:34,655 --> 00:27:37,574 Grayman, I thought this was for Evelyn. 482 00:27:38,158 --> 00:27:40,953 Rumor has she can't afford it. 483 00:27:40,953 --> 00:27:43,580 And congratulations are in order. 484 00:27:43,580 --> 00:27:45,624 It's so strange. 485 00:27:45,624 --> 00:27:48,836 I'm about to become a young trophy wife to a fabulously rich man. 486 00:27:48,836 --> 00:27:50,128 I should be happier. 487 00:27:50,838 --> 00:27:54,091 - But Axel confessed some disturbing news. - Not diseased? 488 00:27:54,091 --> 00:27:57,302 Worse. A democrat. He was Humphrey's biggest donor. 489 00:27:57,302 --> 00:27:59,555 Oh, darling. There are worse things. 490 00:28:00,597 --> 00:28:03,141 Just the woman I wanted to see. Dinah, where are you? 491 00:28:03,141 --> 00:28:04,726 - Over there. - Come. 492 00:28:05,561 --> 00:28:06,645 Yes, madam. 493 00:28:07,604 --> 00:28:08,897 Thank you so much. 494 00:28:09,690 --> 00:28:12,359 Gentlemen, have a fine day. 495 00:28:13,068 --> 00:28:14,069 Drive safely. 496 00:28:19,324 --> 00:28:23,161 What in the fires of hell's pits is going on here? 497 00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:26,915 I'm hanging on for dear life to a splinter of driftwood, 498 00:28:26,915 --> 00:28:31,211 and my husband and friend are caught gay soliciting at a bar? 499 00:28:31,211 --> 00:28:33,046 And you told me Douglas wasn't your type. 500 00:28:34,006 --> 00:28:35,007 I'm not? 501 00:28:35,716 --> 00:28:36,550 Of course not. 502 00:28:36,550 --> 00:28:39,052 And that's not what we were doing together, Maxine. 503 00:28:39,052 --> 00:28:41,263 Okay. Well, what were you doing together? 504 00:28:43,015 --> 00:28:44,099 Answer me! 505 00:28:44,099 --> 00:28:48,896 Well, he wanted to talk to me and-- but he didn't know I was in a gay bar. 506 00:28:48,896 --> 00:28:52,482 So I mean, we-- 507 00:28:52,482 --> 00:28:55,861 Were planning a surprise for you. For the Beach Ball. 508 00:28:56,570 --> 00:28:57,654 There you go. 509 00:29:02,075 --> 00:29:03,535 You were thinking about me the whole time? 510 00:29:03,535 --> 00:29:05,245 You were the topic of conversation 511 00:29:05,245 --> 00:29:06,830 the entire night, Max. 512 00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:08,415 Isn't that right, Robby? 513 00:29:08,957 --> 00:29:10,417 Robert. Right. 514 00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,336 I'm so sorry I ever doubted you. 515 00:29:13,795 --> 00:29:15,881 I don't wanna cry and mess up my makeup. 516 00:29:16,673 --> 00:29:19,384 Gotta go deal with those vultures at Ceil Chapman who left me to drown. 517 00:29:19,885 --> 00:29:21,011 Well, you look beautiful, Max. 518 00:29:21,011 --> 00:29:22,262 Excuse me. 519 00:29:31,980 --> 00:29:33,232 Thanks. 520 00:29:33,232 --> 00:29:35,651 I thought you were gonna rat me out there for a minute. 521 00:29:35,651 --> 00:29:37,819 You better find a damn good surprise for my friend. 522 00:29:37,819 --> 00:29:38,737 Yeah. 523 00:29:39,321 --> 00:29:40,948 - Nice dress. - You didn't come here 524 00:29:40,948 --> 00:29:42,574 - to talk about my dress. - No. 525 00:29:42,574 --> 00:29:44,952 - What do you want? - Just a little dating advice. 526 00:29:44,952 --> 00:29:47,871 I'm new to the scene, and you're clearly very successful. 527 00:29:48,539 --> 00:29:53,210 A little birdie told me you were dating a sexy tennis pro on the side. 528 00:29:53,210 --> 00:29:55,754 Was that little birdie named Maxine? 529 00:29:55,754 --> 00:29:57,381 Maybe. Yes. 530 00:29:57,381 --> 00:30:02,094 If you must know, unfortunately, it is over between us. 531 00:30:02,094 --> 00:30:04,388 I was only marrying Axel to maintain Eddie. 532 00:30:04,388 --> 00:30:06,890 You have no idea how expensive a lover is. 533 00:30:09,059 --> 00:30:11,478 Ladies! I have an announcement. 534 00:30:13,689 --> 00:30:17,776 I know. Yes. Surprised to see me, considering you left me for dead. 535 00:30:18,402 --> 00:30:21,363 But the lemons you gave me have turned into lemonade, 536 00:30:21,363 --> 00:30:24,199 because the president, Mr. Richard Milhous Nixon, 537 00:30:24,199 --> 00:30:26,285 is coming to the Beach Ball. 538 00:30:27,035 --> 00:30:29,204 President Nixon is coming to your party? 539 00:30:29,204 --> 00:30:32,499 He wants to meet the astronaut, yes. And me. 540 00:30:32,499 --> 00:30:34,418 Astounding. 541 00:30:36,879 --> 00:30:39,631 Should we really be clapping? 542 00:30:40,632 --> 00:30:44,511 Nixon's bad, right? He's a bad person. 543 00:30:44,511 --> 00:30:46,471 Mary, you have a shoelace 544 00:30:46,471 --> 00:30:47,848 tied around your brain. 545 00:30:47,848 --> 00:30:51,268 He's killing innocent people, Evelyn. 546 00:30:51,268 --> 00:30:54,479 Let's leave politics at party's door, shall we? 547 00:30:54,479 --> 00:30:56,315 We're all American patriots, yes? 548 00:30:56,315 --> 00:30:59,318 Let me fetch your dress. It is exceptional. 549 00:30:59,902 --> 00:31:01,028 Just like you. 550 00:31:04,531 --> 00:31:06,617 Maxine, a word. 551 00:31:13,498 --> 00:31:14,833 We need to talk turkey. 552 00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:16,335 I'm so happy to hear you say that. 553 00:31:16,335 --> 00:31:19,004 I have had a few catering kerfuffles at my house in the past few days. 554 00:31:19,004 --> 00:31:20,589 I've taken on a lover... 555 00:31:21,798 --> 00:31:24,718 and he doesn't know I'm homeless or penniless. 556 00:31:25,260 --> 00:31:27,471 But I've decided I want to keep him. 557 00:31:27,471 --> 00:31:28,847 Maxine, 558 00:31:30,140 --> 00:31:32,434 I learned something about myself 559 00:31:32,434 --> 00:31:35,020 the night I stared into that whale's bulbous pupil. 560 00:31:35,020 --> 00:31:36,563 It's so funny you should say that. 561 00:31:36,563 --> 00:31:38,815 I learned something too at my all-night sojourn at sea. 562 00:31:39,316 --> 00:31:40,734 Let's say what we learned on three. One-- 563 00:31:40,734 --> 00:31:43,237 I should be throwing the Beach Ball. 564 00:31:46,365 --> 00:31:50,619 Well, as much as I respect your sea change... 565 00:31:52,538 --> 00:31:53,622 over my dead body. 566 00:31:54,122 --> 00:31:59,253 I would be willing to co-host as per our original arrangement. 567 00:31:59,253 --> 00:32:01,046 For half the proceeds, of course. 568 00:32:01,964 --> 00:32:03,215 Well, what if I refuse? 569 00:32:03,215 --> 00:32:05,133 Well, then I'll just call in a bomb threat 570 00:32:05,133 --> 00:32:08,720 and little Dicky Nix won't go to Maxine's party-warty. 571 00:32:10,389 --> 00:32:11,390 You wouldn't. 572 00:32:11,390 --> 00:32:12,641 Try me. 573 00:32:13,308 --> 00:32:16,812 I used to be a showgirl, sweetie. We're made of grit and greasepaint. 574 00:32:17,479 --> 00:32:20,065 Did you enjoy the Boone's Farm and cottage cheese? 575 00:32:20,899 --> 00:32:22,526 Who do you think phoned in those orders? 576 00:32:22,526 --> 00:32:24,152 Well, it looks like the joke's on you 577 00:32:24,152 --> 00:32:26,613 because the president happens to love cottage cheese. 578 00:32:26,613 --> 00:32:29,867 I can't wait to watch him eat it at our party. 579 00:32:31,785 --> 00:32:34,997 Grayman, have Dinah take off my custom 580 00:32:34,997 --> 00:32:36,915 and charge it to Mrs. Dellacorte's account. 581 00:32:36,915 --> 00:32:38,250 We've come to an agreement. 582 00:32:42,421 --> 00:32:44,548 - Hands up. This is a raid. - Everybody, stay where you are. 583 00:32:44,548 --> 00:32:46,049 You have the right to remain silent. 584 00:32:46,049 --> 00:32:49,428 Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. 585 00:32:49,428 --> 00:32:50,470 Who sent you? 586 00:32:50,470 --> 00:32:52,806 You're under arrest for threats against the president... 587 00:32:52,806 --> 00:32:54,766 - Let's go. - ...and aiding and abetting draft dodging. 588 00:32:55,809 --> 00:32:56,810 Watch your head. 589 00:33:10,282 --> 00:33:11,283 Hi. 590 00:33:11,283 --> 00:33:12,451 Hey. 591 00:33:13,076 --> 00:33:15,412 Gimlet? Keep it simple? 592 00:33:16,079 --> 00:33:17,080 Hey. 593 00:33:19,208 --> 00:33:20,209 You left your room. 594 00:33:20,209 --> 00:33:23,545 I'm leaving the country. I'm gonna go to an ashram. 595 00:33:24,129 --> 00:33:25,047 For how long? 596 00:33:25,047 --> 00:33:28,509 A year, maybe more. So I wanted to say goodbye. 597 00:33:32,679 --> 00:33:33,680 Why? 598 00:33:36,058 --> 00:33:38,644 I am officially kind of a mess. 599 00:33:39,895 --> 00:33:40,896 I'm gonna miss you. 600 00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:44,024 Well, then come with me. 601 00:33:44,525 --> 00:33:47,486 - What are you talking about? - Leave all this bullshit. 602 00:33:47,486 --> 00:33:50,447 - Oh, come on, Linda. - Robert, seriously. 603 00:33:51,448 --> 00:33:53,659 Go where you can be yourself. 604 00:33:53,659 --> 00:33:55,536 Go to New York City. 605 00:33:57,538 --> 00:34:00,582 The riots at Stonewall are gonna change everything. 606 00:34:03,335 --> 00:34:04,378 I can't leave Norma. 607 00:34:04,378 --> 00:34:06,421 Doug and Maxine have that covered. 608 00:34:06,421 --> 00:34:08,757 You know it's my fault she's like this, right? 609 00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,469 No, you don't know. And now I need a drink. 610 00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:15,681 Well... 611 00:34:20,476 --> 00:34:21,728 I haven't told anyone. 612 00:34:24,438 --> 00:34:26,024 But the night she almost died, 613 00:34:26,024 --> 00:34:28,527 I had a date, 614 00:34:28,527 --> 00:34:31,737 and she didn't want me to go, 615 00:34:31,737 --> 00:34:34,616 and we fought, and we fought bad. 616 00:34:34,616 --> 00:34:35,701 I was angry. 617 00:34:35,701 --> 00:34:38,661 I left and I did it on purpose. I wanted to punish her. 618 00:34:39,871 --> 00:34:42,456 And when I came back, she was laying on the floor. 619 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,920 She had tried to give herself a shot, 620 00:34:46,920 --> 00:34:49,630 and apparently there was an air bubble in her insulin. 621 00:34:50,215 --> 00:34:52,301 I didn't even know she was diabetic. 622 00:34:52,301 --> 00:34:55,971 No, no one knew. She doesn't want anyone to know she's weak. 623 00:34:57,054 --> 00:35:00,100 Robert. Don't do that to yourself. 624 00:35:01,435 --> 00:35:03,353 Don't do what I did with my dad. 625 00:35:04,188 --> 00:35:06,023 Just let go of the guilt. 626 00:35:06,690 --> 00:35:09,234 Linda, I don't like the outside world like you do. 627 00:35:09,735 --> 00:35:15,324 I just want a simple, kind of protected, safe life 628 00:35:16,408 --> 00:35:17,993 and she's offered me one. 629 00:35:17,993 --> 00:35:20,037 It's beautiful in Palm Beach. 630 00:35:23,332 --> 00:35:26,710 And you think you feel safe here with Norma. 631 00:35:29,671 --> 00:35:31,882 But this town's all about hiding, 632 00:35:32,758 --> 00:35:34,676 and the hiding doesn't make you safer. 633 00:35:36,887 --> 00:35:41,225 The outside world always has a way of finding us. 634 00:35:46,396 --> 00:35:47,397 Until it does. 635 00:35:47,940 --> 00:35:49,149 Until it does. 636 00:35:58,075 --> 00:36:01,495 Mi amor, congratulations on your president. 637 00:36:01,495 --> 00:36:03,121 Thank you, Raquel. 638 00:36:03,121 --> 00:36:05,249 Maybe he'll be the first member at the new club. 639 00:36:05,958 --> 00:36:07,584 - Beg pardon? - Didn't you hear? 640 00:36:07,584 --> 00:36:09,586 Douglas and Pinky are building a brand-new club. 641 00:36:09,586 --> 00:36:13,549 It's gonna be bigger and better than the crusty old Palm Royale. 642 00:36:14,132 --> 00:36:15,342 Wait, what new club? 643 00:36:15,342 --> 00:36:17,219 The new club that's gonna be at your house. 644 00:36:17,219 --> 00:36:18,262 My house? 645 00:36:18,262 --> 00:36:20,472 Your house. Norma's house. Doug's house. 646 00:36:20,472 --> 00:36:23,892 What's in a name? It's our house now. 647 00:36:26,395 --> 00:36:27,771 What are you talking about? 648 00:36:27,771 --> 00:36:28,897 Douglas! 649 00:36:31,859 --> 00:36:33,318 There she is. 650 00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,949 You didn't give away our house without talking to me about it first, 651 00:36:38,949 --> 00:36:40,325 did you? 652 00:36:41,076 --> 00:36:44,162 - Honey-- - No, no, no. Don't you "honey" me. 653 00:36:44,162 --> 00:36:45,247 Did you? 654 00:36:46,665 --> 00:36:48,333 I was going to tell you about it 655 00:36:48,333 --> 00:36:49,793 but then you went overboard. 656 00:36:49,793 --> 00:36:52,671 Don't you dare put this on me. 657 00:36:53,881 --> 00:36:56,091 I can't believe I thought this time was gonna be different. 658 00:36:57,176 --> 00:36:59,052 You fuck up. I clean up. 659 00:36:59,052 --> 00:37:01,555 We move and start all over. 660 00:37:01,555 --> 00:37:04,183 I actually thought if I gave you all of this 661 00:37:04,183 --> 00:37:05,893 then maybe you'd change. 662 00:37:05,893 --> 00:37:07,811 Max, I'm trying to not fuck up. 663 00:37:07,811 --> 00:37:10,898 I did this for us. 664 00:37:10,898 --> 00:37:11,982 It doesn't feel like it. 665 00:37:13,108 --> 00:37:17,029 Honey, you deserve to be queen of Palm Beach. 666 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:19,656 Queen of Palm Beach? 667 00:37:20,949 --> 00:37:24,161 Says the man who made sure I wasn't Miss Chattanooga. 668 00:37:44,556 --> 00:37:46,725 Hi, Mary. Where is everybody? 669 00:37:47,267 --> 00:37:48,685 They took them to jail. 670 00:37:49,353 --> 00:37:51,563 They rounded them up in a paddy wagon. 671 00:37:51,563 --> 00:37:53,023 Those bastards. 672 00:37:53,607 --> 00:37:56,818 Do you know why they call it a paddy wagon? 673 00:37:57,611 --> 00:38:00,572 Because it's padded. 674 00:38:00,572 --> 00:38:02,616 I don't think that's the reason. 675 00:38:02,616 --> 00:38:04,409 No, I know this van. 676 00:38:06,453 --> 00:38:09,998 My husband, David Davidsoul, put me in one of those 677 00:38:09,998 --> 00:38:11,875 a couple of times a year. 678 00:38:11,875 --> 00:38:14,419 Oh, yes. If I even made a noise in the house, 679 00:38:14,419 --> 00:38:16,547 David would call the paddy wagon. 680 00:38:17,172 --> 00:38:20,092 And this is all Richard Nixon's fault. 681 00:38:20,092 --> 00:38:21,426 I'm not following. 682 00:38:21,426 --> 00:38:25,514 If Nixon wasn't coming to Maxine's party, 683 00:38:25,514 --> 00:38:30,602 the secret service wouldn't have rounded up our lady warriors-- 684 00:38:30,602 --> 00:38:32,980 - We could have protested. - We could have killed him. 685 00:38:32,980 --> 00:38:34,064 What? 686 00:38:34,064 --> 00:38:35,357 Killed him. 687 00:38:37,651 --> 00:38:38,986 And we still can. 688 00:38:40,612 --> 00:38:41,905 Wow, Mary. 689 00:38:41,905 --> 00:38:47,661 Didn't you say that he was responsible for the deaths of thousands? 690 00:38:48,203 --> 00:38:50,664 I'm sure your heart's in the right place. But trust me, 691 00:38:50,664 --> 00:38:56,378 you do not want to be the woman seen as crazy in this town. 692 00:38:56,378 --> 00:38:59,423 You will lose the only power you have. 693 00:38:59,923 --> 00:39:02,092 You're sounding very patriarchal. 694 00:39:02,092 --> 00:39:03,635 I'm not trying to oppress you. 695 00:39:06,305 --> 00:39:08,640 Obviously, you're not thinking clearly right now. 696 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:12,477 For the first time in my life, I am entirely clear-headed. 697 00:39:16,523 --> 00:39:19,526 Well, I don't wanna have to call the cops. 698 00:39:21,153 --> 00:39:22,196 Neither do I... 699 00:39:25,324 --> 00:39:28,410 want you to call the cops. 700 00:39:28,410 --> 00:39:30,370 So, you're not gonna do anything rash. 701 00:39:33,665 --> 00:39:34,666 Right. 702 00:39:34,666 --> 00:39:35,751 Promise? 703 00:39:36,376 --> 00:39:37,377 Of course. 704 00:39:38,837 --> 00:39:41,632 I think the season has gotten to me. 705 00:39:44,676 --> 00:39:46,220 Maybe I need a little vacation. 706 00:39:47,554 --> 00:39:49,640 Perhaps I'll visit Panama. 707 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,683 - Or Peru. - Sure. 708 00:39:51,683 --> 00:39:52,768 Okay, Mary. 709 00:39:54,978 --> 00:39:57,022 I'm sorry, Linda. I am so sorry. 710 00:40:17,167 --> 00:40:19,419 I hope it's okay I got here a little early. 711 00:40:19,419 --> 00:40:21,213 Just wanted to go over it one more time. 712 00:40:22,256 --> 00:40:24,675 I get nervous, well, before anything. 713 00:40:26,969 --> 00:40:28,512 Really? You? 714 00:40:30,013 --> 00:40:32,432 I wish there was a term for always feeling like an impostor. 715 00:40:34,893 --> 00:40:36,478 Seem pretty straightforward to me. 716 00:40:45,863 --> 00:40:48,532 I remember when I was a little boy, staring up at the moon. 717 00:40:50,742 --> 00:40:53,078 I stood in the yard, shivering in my pajamas. 718 00:40:54,246 --> 00:40:55,789 Is that a woman's face I see? 719 00:40:56,707 --> 00:40:58,041 Or is it made of cheese? 720 00:40:58,876 --> 00:41:03,005 And I thought to myself, "Is that all there is to a moon?" 721 00:41:06,091 --> 00:41:07,176 You're funny. 722 00:41:08,218 --> 00:41:09,219 You're sweet. 723 00:41:14,474 --> 00:41:15,767 I love the piano. 724 00:41:16,727 --> 00:41:20,063 I always wanted to play it in pageants, you know, for the talent portion. 725 00:41:21,607 --> 00:41:24,484 But I learned how to escape instead. 726 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,486 I'm sure you're great. 727 00:41:28,030 --> 00:41:29,364 Maybe you just need the right teacher. 728 00:41:29,865 --> 00:41:32,492 Here. Come on, play. Come on, play with me. 729 00:41:37,873 --> 00:41:38,999 Yeah. 730 00:41:42,211 --> 00:41:43,295 Okay. 731 00:41:43,295 --> 00:41:44,254 Yeah. 732 00:41:52,638 --> 00:41:54,014 See, you're great. You don't need me. 733 00:42:21,416 --> 00:42:24,336 I'm sorry. Did I read the signals wrong? 734 00:42:28,465 --> 00:42:29,466 Signals? 735 00:42:31,051 --> 00:42:32,052 My hero. 736 00:42:33,262 --> 00:42:34,596 The invitation. 737 00:42:34,596 --> 00:42:35,681 I mean, this song. 738 00:42:36,723 --> 00:42:38,642 Isn't this a metaphor for your dying marriage? 739 00:42:41,645 --> 00:42:44,356 This song is about accepting your fate 740 00:42:45,065 --> 00:42:46,191 for better or worse. 741 00:42:48,110 --> 00:42:50,153 Grant, I-- 742 00:42:54,283 --> 00:42:55,284 I love my husband. 743 00:43:07,087 --> 00:43:08,422 Where you going? 744 00:43:12,301 --> 00:43:13,427 I need some fresh air. 745 00:43:40,913 --> 00:43:41,914 Hi. 746 00:43:42,998 --> 00:43:44,249 Hi. 747 00:43:45,167 --> 00:43:46,168 You're leaving? 748 00:43:46,668 --> 00:43:47,669 Yeah. 749 00:43:51,507 --> 00:43:52,466 Look, I-- 750 00:43:53,884 --> 00:43:56,845 I used to be a secret too with Skeet. 751 00:43:57,596 --> 00:43:59,389 He didn't want anyone to see me. 752 00:44:00,015 --> 00:44:06,438 But now I think I kind of want people to see me with you. 753 00:44:07,731 --> 00:44:13,278 I-- Hell. I'm not very good at this. 754 00:44:14,571 --> 00:44:16,073 Do you wanna go to a party? 755 00:44:16,907 --> 00:44:17,908 Yeah. 756 00:44:21,119 --> 00:44:23,372 Ms. Holiday. You're okay. 757 00:44:24,248 --> 00:44:26,166 Where am I? What happened? 758 00:44:26,166 --> 00:44:28,126 We need to check your pancreas. 759 00:44:28,126 --> 00:44:29,503 There could be a tumor. 760 00:44:30,087 --> 00:44:31,964 Your body was flooded with insulin. 761 00:44:31,964 --> 00:44:33,674 There's no fucking tumor. 762 00:44:34,591 --> 00:44:37,052 Ms. Holiday, you're lucky to be alive. 763 00:44:37,052 --> 00:44:39,096 - Here. Hold that. - Ma'am. 764 00:44:39,805 --> 00:44:41,014 Ma'am. You're still hooked. 765 00:44:41,014 --> 00:44:44,101 Get these damn things off. I'm on deadline. 766 00:44:44,101 --> 00:44:47,104 I gotta put my pants on. Oh, my gosh. 767 00:44:51,775 --> 00:44:53,861 Here. Let me help you with that. 768 00:45:04,997 --> 00:45:07,124 You know why sometimes it's so hard for me to see 769 00:45:07,124 --> 00:45:08,709 what's right in front of my face? 770 00:45:12,337 --> 00:45:15,299 Because for years, all I would see when I'd look in the mirror 771 00:45:15,299 --> 00:45:18,802 was a girl that nobody loved enough not to leave her behind. 772 00:45:21,638 --> 00:45:23,182 I love you, Max. 773 00:45:25,434 --> 00:45:29,938 From the minute I first saw you, I knew you were a star. 774 00:45:33,442 --> 00:45:35,194 I'm the one who couldn't keep up. 775 00:45:36,820 --> 00:45:37,654 For 20 years, 776 00:45:37,654 --> 00:45:39,656 I've been waiting for you to figure that out. 777 00:45:42,910 --> 00:45:44,578 You're right. I've been selfish. 778 00:45:45,954 --> 00:45:47,664 I should have told you about Pinky. 779 00:45:48,874 --> 00:45:50,626 I was just trying to make good. 780 00:45:53,670 --> 00:45:54,671 Oh, well... 781 00:45:56,465 --> 00:45:59,051 Douglas, you are good. 782 00:46:00,761 --> 00:46:02,262 You are, and I love you, 783 00:46:02,262 --> 00:46:03,472 and you're everything to me. 784 00:46:04,890 --> 00:46:06,266 And I need you to know that. 785 00:46:25,994 --> 00:46:27,496 Is there something else you're not telling me? 786 00:46:31,792 --> 00:46:33,210 I didn't sign our house away. 787 00:46:34,503 --> 00:46:35,504 Really? 788 00:46:37,589 --> 00:46:38,549 Thank God. 789 00:46:38,549 --> 00:46:40,425 You're the only one who can do that. 790 00:46:41,510 --> 00:46:43,136 You're Norma's conservator. 791 00:46:45,514 --> 00:46:48,100 I can't do anything without you. 792 00:46:56,191 --> 00:46:58,193 Let's not talk about this tonight, okay? 793 00:46:58,861 --> 00:46:59,903 Let's pick it up tomorrow. 794 00:47:07,452 --> 00:47:08,704 What's that? 795 00:47:10,831 --> 00:47:14,585 This is something I should have given you in Chattanooga 20 years ago. 796 00:47:23,010 --> 00:47:24,052 Oh, Douglas. 797 00:47:28,098 --> 00:47:29,474 There's my queen. 798 00:47:33,645 --> 00:47:36,523 It's beautiful. Oh, Douglas. 799 00:47:40,819 --> 00:47:42,196 Guests will be arriving soon. 800 00:47:57,252 --> 00:47:58,420 I love you, Max. 801 00:48:19,566 --> 00:48:20,567 Hello, Robert. 802 00:48:22,027 --> 00:48:23,111 Norma, you're standing. 803 00:48:24,238 --> 00:48:25,239 Tell no one. 804 00:48:26,490 --> 00:48:29,910 I have a little something special planned for the ball tonight. 805 00:48:31,286 --> 00:48:32,204 What are you planning? 806 00:48:32,788 --> 00:48:34,081 In good time, my boy. 807 00:48:39,419 --> 00:48:40,629 In good time.